No wait, bad analogy, in Two-Face’s character, one of the choices is actually good.
Ross Douchehat, The Motherfucking Scumsucking Bottomfeeding New York Times:
Obama’s Impeachment Game
Man, fuck the borked site, some things need to be waded after as if they were piranha-proof bikini bottoms. And in this particular carcass of our once proud vessel, it is the simple fact that the Republicans have completely lost the goddamn plot.
I know, hardly news, but the Republicans have managed to outdo themselves in their fervor to repeat Brazil’s performance against Germany in incompetence by flipping out over the fact that it’s been 5 and a half years and the blackity black man is still in high office and no one seems to be scared of them even though they’ve done their damnedest to legalize murder of the untermenschen in their little fiefdoms. As such, they’ve soiled their little nappies over calls for impeachment, figuring it worked well enough delegitimizing the last Democratic president, but apparently forgetting that one is supposed to have like, a cause, before banging the table about how being black and in power is against the law.
As such, the Republican House has managed to bring shame to that benighted and plagued palace of ineptitude and intentional ignorance by raising the call and saying that they will get that darn wasscally pwesident if it’s the last thing they do, you know, as soon as they find some lame excuse to semi-justify it. The current course led by John Semi-Erect Penis is to mumble something about how Obama isn’t doing enough to enforce the Health Care Law that Republicans have been blocking the enforcement on, because apparently conservatives never graduated from the school of playground arguments and think “stop hitting yourself” is legally binding.
Granted, it’s not like they’ve bothered to even pretend they care about the rule of law these days what with the Supreme Court giving a big middle finger to the Establishment Clause and well… pretty much every Republican action since Nixon first started his band of thieving scoundrels, but it’s one of those things that is so blatant that even Joe Nosepicker is forced to cock their head in genuine query.
Which has led to a fascinating round of kabuki as our Bought-and-Sold Media once again flash the dollar-signs printed on their solid diamond go-go shorts to try and deflect the damage of this hilarious own-goal and argue that Democrats are the real embarrassment for daring to notice and comment on this tragedy of errors. Because Democrats being alive is apparently too much to keep pretending that it’s at all an even choice between the Shit Party and the Cabal of Cannibals who Plan to Eat us in Our Sleep.
And for those “Intelligent” conservatives and “moderates” employed by likes of the motherfucking New York Times, the cover up is more hilarious than the fail itself. Roll our first clip.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- What this broken window I’m standing next to with a baseball bat? Um, I didn’t do it. It was the black guy who lives here. Yeah, he caused this broken window, which doesn’t even exist. And we should be very ashamed that he’s taking valuable time from fixing this not at all broken window to ask questions like “who broke this window” and “what the fuck are you racist fucks doing?” Very, very ashamed. Bad Obama. We should impeac- I mean, ha ha what broken window?