Ladiez and gentz, I give you Exotic Adrian Street, polymath and genius (ya rly!), who writes his own songs, applies his own make-up, and totally kicks ass. In later years his schtick was copied by less talented people, but he was the original article, the Bruno of wrestling, the one heel guaranteed to inspire wazzit-omg-BLARG-AIIIIEEE paroxysms in whatever venue, but especially in the South where he long ruled.
Ab-fabsolutely. I mean wait, no, OH MY GOD. This is worse than Alexander the Gay, I mean Grape. I mean Alexander the Great — worse than him in there rubbing down his buceph-‘phallus,’ heh-heh, like the horse,2 get it? Oh, whatever. Never mind.
Dear Gavin M.,
Gays showering with straights? Absolutely.
No wait, OH MY GOD, I thought it said ‘show ring,’ as in dressage, but it actually says ‘showering,’ like when you wear bathing suits and wait, what? OH MY GOD.
Dear Gavin M.,
Gays showering with straights? Absolutely.
OMG OMG NAKED OMG SOAPY WIENERS OMG OMG BUTTS
Oh, oh, it’s like every single time my high school used to play the football team from the gay high school across town, where they bused all the gay students who would ordinarily have been mixed in among us, like, unbeknownst.3
Long story short, after every game a drill bit would come whizzing through the shower tile, and our players would be forced to screech and cover their private parts with helmets and towels as laughter and wolf whistles echoed in the opposite stall. And then if you did it back to them, they’d just make these naked vogueing poses or pretend to be humping with comedy woo! and heh-heh! faces. I mean no, fine, not gays showering with straights exactly, but one time the tip of a penis came poking through the hole, and everybody stared at it like aaah! as it pushed through, and everyone was like ohshit! as it kept thrusting through the wall, and then it fell right out onto the floor and bounced rubberishly as the opposite stall cracked up laughing, and pardon me, but that was gaying it with some estimable gayness, right there.
Imagine if they’re in the same stall as you. We’re talking synchronized soap-dropping and breakout choruses of ‘Wash That Man Right Out of My Hair,’ and just imagine.
If President Obama, congressional Democrats, and homosexual activists get their wish, your son or daughter may be forced to share military showers and barracks with active and open homosexuals who may very well view them with sexual interest.
Unless your son or daughter is a fug muffin.
Talk about creating a hostile work environment for people who practice normative sexuality!
Sure, everybody talks about creating a hostile work environment for people who practice normative sexuality, but at last someone is doing something about it.
As former General Colin Powell observed in 1993 (before bowing to pressures of political correctness),
“…it would be prejudicial to good order and discipline to try to integrate gays and lesbians in the current military structure.”
He compellingly argued against the completely bogus comparison between race and sexual preference: “Skin color is a benign, nonbehavioral characteristic. Sexual orientation is perhaps the most profound of human behavioral characteristics. Comparison of the two is a convenient but invalid argument.”
It’s almost as invalid an argument as the completely bogus comparison of existence and nonexistence, a total-opposite argument of comparing in which the HEY, STOP THAT.
To recap: When we left our Action Alert, Colin Powell had compared skin color and sexual orientation and declared that it was invalid to compare the two. This was introduced with the phrase, “He compellingly argued.”
Here are some important facts:
There seems to be a pattern here.
* Both the American Legion and the Veterans of Foreign Wars (which includes four million vets) have come out strongly against overturning the ban, with the VFW calling it a “new social-engineering project.”
If the American Family Association can social-engineer an extra 2.4 million members into the Veterans of Foreign Wars (which includes 1.6 million vets), then it’s time to debut my new Social Engine Earring, and to settle this question once and for all.
* More than 1,160 retired admirals and generals strongly oppose the change, saying that overturning the ban would “undermine recruiting and retention, impact leadership at all levels, have adverse effects on the willingness of parents who lend their sons and daughter to military service, and eventually break the All-Volunteer Force.”
Above: Aha, but have more than 1,160 retired admirals and generals seen this?
* Richard H. Black, the former chief of the U.S. Army’s criminal law division, citing numerous “criminal reports document[ing] serious offenses being committed frequently by homosexual GIs,” calls the ban “an essential element of military discipline” which “must be retained.”
I leaned back in my chair and lit a fresh Newport. The phone rang once, then stopped. “Must not be the postman,” I said, as a dame poured through the door with a bow-chicka-wow and a sex scene commenced. The name’s Dick Black, African-American private investigator.
* Overturning the ban will likely preclude advancement and promotions for officers and chaplains who do not publicly affirm homosexual behavior, essentially ending their military careers.
Like when the ban on Hinduism was lifted, and all the chaplains were forced to publicly affirm Hinduism.
If we do not insist that the ban on homosexual military service be retained, our military will no longer be the place America’s families want to send their best and brightest young men and women.
Thank God for the ban on gays in college.
Take Action
Above: Yeah, maybe that’ll make (huh) a man out of you.
Email your representative and senators urging them to oppose the repeal of the ban on homosexuals in the military.
Additional resource: AFA has established a dedicated webpage with extensive resources to help you understand and debate this issue.
1 Original bronze statues by Kritios, 476 B.C.E., now lost as usual. The ones pictured are, as usual, Roman marble copies, but through the magic of Photoshop, they have been freed from the structural crap that the Roman copyists generally piled up next to the legs to keep the stone from cracking, and somewhat re-bronzified in the style of the contemporary gay couple and the spray tan. Harmodius and Aristogeiton, the Liberators, are the same-sex parents of Athenian democracy, and therefore American democracy, right up to its fatal self-maiming in a drunken fireworks accident.
2 This is really not worth it as a pun, even an opportunistic Greek one, but Bucephalus was Alexander’s horse.
3 It was in several cases widely knownst, although once the rumors lost their freshness, and once the standard epithets had been volleyballed around and duly retorted, nobody cared much except the angry, closeted kids. One of these was an athletic type named Peter Wack. As an appropriate name encountered in real life, this is now in the Number Three position, under a kid named Damien Omentu. The one recently added at the top of the list has been doubted, so I am pleased to see that the Internet now confirms the existence of Dr. Wasim Attar.
In my perfect tomorrow, there will be a university named after him.
If the mullahs’ regime stays, a military strike by America or Israel is inevitable within two years. President Obama might as well hit them now. Love those Iranian people, by the way.
One of the worst effects of the mid-Atlantic Snowmaggedon was not the icy roads or the empty grocery shelves but was instead the instant transformation of every Tom, Dick and Wingnut into an expert climatologist. Most contented themselves with jumping up and down, waving their hands wildly and screaming “Look, it’s snowing! Bite me Al Gore!” But NewsBlusterer Mark Finkelstein, an unemployed lawyer turned restaurant critic1 for the Ithaca Times, takes it to the next step by actually trying to do some science-y stuff with, of course, predictably hilarious results:
By now, we’re all familiar with the global warmists’ attempt to explain away the record-breaking mid-Atlantic blizzards. Take this, for example, from the New York Times [emphasis added]:
“government and academic studies had consistently predicted an increasing frequency of just these kinds of record-setting storms, because warmer air carries more moisture.”
So more snow fell from Philly to DC because the temperatures were warmer than normal during the blizzards?
That last sentence is a quintessential Wile E. Coyote moment where the coyote is setting the trap that the viewers know is going to backfire with tragic results.
DC has been hit by three major snowstorms this winter: 16.4 inches on December 18–19, 18.0 inches on February 5–6, and about 12 inches on February 10. Let’s compare DC’s actual temps with normal temps for those days.
Bottom line: the temperature was colder than average on every one of the snow days. On average the snow days were about eight degrees colder than average. To spin these facts as proof that the blizzards are evidence of global warming because “warm air holds more moisture” is bunk.
I guess Finkelstein, when getting his PhD in climatology, skipped the lecture where they explained that snowstorms occur when moisture-laden atmosphere from warmer areas come into contact with colder air in another area. So one wouldn’t expect the temperature in DC to be warmer during heavy snowfalls. Duh. For an excellent discussion of the connection between warmer weather in one place and heavier snowfalls in another place, read this post by Dr. Jeff Masters at his Weather Underground blog.
Will the MSM note this little analysis?
The only thing accurate in Finkelstein’s post is his suggestion that the MSM won’t note his “little analysis,” but not for the reasons he supposes.
1Restaurant critic may be stretching it since Mark is, apparently, engaged in trading favorable reviews for free food, as indicated in the legend at the bottom of one of his, er, reviews:
Restaurant stories in the Ithaca Times are generally done with the full knowledge of the establishment’s owners. The writer interviews staff members and is presented with a meal for two as a courtesy of the restaurant.
It’s nice to see another NewBlusterer upholding the ideals of journalistic integrity.
Barack Obama, a Democrat who promised sweeping reform, was elected president because the American people were fed up with partisan Democrats and didn’t want any reform. Now that the people have noticed he’s acting like a Democrat and pushing reforms, he’s lost them; therefore, he should cave to everything Republicans demand, and so regain the public’s confidence.
As millions of normal Americans prepare for Sunday’s romantic holiday, hundreds of wingnutsspentthenightbeforelaststocking up on vaseline and checking for leaks in their Ann Coulter blow-up dolls in anticipation of the Iranian government’s celebration of its thirty-first anniversary. A Tiananmen-style massacre, which is what they hoped for at the very least, would serve the wingnuts’ need to a)yell tough-guy epithets at the computer or tv screens, thus building their self-esteem, b)”show” that Obama is a pussy for not already bombing the Iranians back to the Pre-Achaemenid Era, and c)give them the violent imagery they need like so much Viagra so they can consummate their relationship with the nearest tubesock. But the occasion concluded not with a bang but with a whimper; it was as if Mom knocked on the door at just the wrong time. Sure, there was a communications blackout, many wrongful arrests, and the Basij beat people like all riot police thugs are wont to do, but protesters were not run over by tanks nor set on fire en masse nor did any mullah tear the living heart out of a righteous Christian or Jew and drop the body into a lava pit as a sacrifice to Kali-Muhammed bin Zoroaster. Oh noes! Sekshuall frustrashun!
But the Iranian government did brag on a nuclear capability it almost certainly doesn’thave, which was enough to inspire this shut-in von Clausewitz at Fucker Bowtie’s dump, who must have lately caught Goldeneye on TBS or whatever, to gleefully type eleventy-billion words of blargh the conclusion of which is:
The world knows the U.S. military can destroy any target in the world without using nuclear weapons. But what about Israel? That country, with a population less than that of New York City, has developed a “triad”—the capability to launch a nuclear strike from aircraft, missile silos, and submarines. Besides Israel, only the US, Russia, and China have that deterrent power. But would Israel use nuclear weapons in a pre-emptive strike on Iran? I suggest that is unlikely because, as we will see below, it is unnecessary in the usual sense. As for a non-nuclear pre-emptive strike, Israel cannot successfully attack Iran with conventional weapons or aircraft. The distance is great, the defenses formidable, and the casualties would be very high. Instead, I believe Israel will use an electromagnetic pulse (EMP) weapon…
…If Israel used one of its Jericho III missiles to detonate 400 kilometers above north central Iran there would be no blast or radiation effects on the ground. In fact, if the strike was at noon on a sunny day the people below would not know it happened except their lights would go out, cars stop, fridges die, power line transformers short out, refineries shut down, and yes, those uranium enrichment centrifuges in caverns stop spinning. This bloodless annihilation, coupled with a selective cyber attack, would freeze Iran for decades…. Iranian “Green” opposition forces would have an opportunity to take to the darkened streets of Tehran and rid themselves of the corrupt clerical regime.
After which they will presumably thank Israel for ruining their infrastructure and putting them in the Stone Age. And surely their attitude to America would be all like, “Thank you so much! Please build military bases here; you can have our oil for free cuz we luvz u!” Sure. This idiot goes by the name of “Chet Nagle”. I suggest something more catchy; how about “Steven den Worst”?
Stupidity is repeating the same action but expecting different results each time. All these wingnuts who are for bombing Iran with whatever weapon still believe that “we will be greeted as liberators” — which was a fucking retarded assumption to begin with but after Iraq so utterly clueless I ..well, my mind is boggled by it; I can think of nothing to compare them to.
The best thing to do to help liberalize Iran is to leave it the hell alone.
Now there’s a headline made for Memeorandum. The point though, is that this should be the mission of our government. And I offer it for free as a slogan to any aspiring politician who will commit to actually getting shit done (another slogan you can have for free). Thus:
Mary Jones, Democrat for Senate
‘It’s Time To Stop Fucking Around’
Bob Smith for Congress
‘Let’s Get Shit Done, Greater Tucson’
Etc., etc. … and maybe a combo for all the marbles:
Stan Mann for Governer
‘Let’s Stop Fucking Around And Start Fucking The Fucking Shit Out Of Getting Shit Done’
Sarah Palin has hit a low point in polling, The Washington Post reports in its latest survey, but the Post also brings some good news for the Tea Party movement as it heads into the 2010 elections: it’s perhaps not as far outside mainstream opinion as it’s made out to be.
Palin’s favorability is at its lowest point since the 2008 campaign, according to the Post/ABC’s numbers: 37% view her favorably, while 55% view her unfavorably (in November the Post put her at 43% favorable, 52% unfavorable), and only 26% of respondents said she was qualified to be president (a drop of 12 percentage points since November), vs. 71% who said she’s not.
In other words, Sarah Palin is neither lucky nor savvy. She’s as unpopular as she’s ever been.
But reality means nothing to the Village. They’ve all decided this week that it would be exciting to have Ayatollah Starbursts as our next president and they have to make the narrative stick.
