Global warming is just a lie spread by Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barack Hussein Obama as a pretext for passing a law requiring all women to be sterilized. This will, of course, bring about the utter destruction of the United States.
“The time has come,” the clammy man said, “To talk of many things: Of shoes, and ships, and my blue Sta-Prest poly knit pants that smell of b.o. and urine; of cabbages and kings.”
Rich people and free trade are imperiled. While Obama’s distracted by healthcare daydreams, cynical congressional Democrats are threatening rich executives at AIG with bills of attainder, ex post facto laws, outright murder, and (worst of all) breach of contract by withholding the bonuses that such salt of the earth types deserve. Any populist objection to executive bonuses is a cynical ploy; ergo, this is a naked powergrab by socialist demagogues which, if successful, will destroy the world economy conclusively and forever.
Jay Nordlinger writes a little column over at America’s Shittiest Website™ called “Impromptus” in which he writes about all the things that annoy him, which happen to be quite a lot of things. Think Andy Rooney, but much much longer and way less funny.
Jay no doubt thinks of his little musings as witty aperçus or trenchant pensées. I like to think of them, however, as wingnuggets, and today’s “Impromptus” column from Jay is just chock full of ’em. Of course, they’re much tastier and less filling after they’ve been, well, shortened a bit.
Another reason I hate Obama is I saw somebody selling Obama rubbers on the street. You never would have seen a W condom, that’s for sure.
I think it’s about time we go back to calling people with Down Syndrome “retards.”
If I were gay (and I most certainly am not) there’s still not enough Viagra and blow in the world to make me able to get it on with Justice Souter
I don’t read The New Yorker any longer because its film critic once said that right-wingers don’t have colored friends. Well, I bet I have more colored friends than that reviewer. There’s the lady in the mail room, and Ramesh, and K-Lo. She’s Hispanic. That counts as colored too, right?
Well, it’s not quite true I don’t read The New Yorker anymore. I do look at it when I think there are things in it that might upset me. Take the current issue. They have pictures of Rush Limbaugh on the cover as a bawling baby. I hate it when people like Rush get ganged up on. (Except of course when people gang up on Obama it’s okay because he’s a socialist who gives shitty presents and sounds like a moron when his teleprompter goes on the fritz.)
People who are on Facebook or Twitter have no right to complain when their phones get tapped without a warrant.
Negroes have funny names. What’s wrong with Trevor or Biff?
Although I have not one shred of evidence that there is a double super mega-secret listserv which liberal journalists use to communicate their socialist plots with one another, the fact that liberal journalists deny that they are on such a listserv is proof that the listserv exists and that they are on it.
Gavin adds: Wow, if Ezra Klein’s email list is a hotbed of socialist plotting, I’d hate to see the Stalinist hellmouth that a Matt Yglesias or a Steve Benen might scourge up.
I’m not saying that a fanciful what-if scenario that I built atop a flimsy anecdote refutes all the actual data, but to let the actual data run around unchecked is ridiculous.
TPM points us to Larry Kudlow crowing about a potential bank stocks rally due to upcoming accounting rule changes. Kudlow says that these changes will lift the “jackboot” of the Securities and Exchange Commission “off of the market”:
For those of you at home who don’t follow financial news as obsessively as I do, Kudlow is talking about this:
The Financial Accounting Standards Board, pressured by lawmakers to change the fair-value rule blamed for worsening the financial crisis, proposed permitting companies to use “significant judgment” in valuing assets.
[…]
Fair-value, also known as mark-to-market accounting, requires companies to set values on most securities every quarter based on market prices. Wells Fargo & Co. and other companies argue the rule doesn’t make sense when trading has dried up because it forces banks to write down assets to fire- sale prices.
What this boils down to is that the government will allow banks to pretend that their worthless assets are worth significantly more than what the market will pay for them. In other words, banks will rescue themselves from insolvency by using the magical power of bullshit.
The fact that Larry “The Housing Bears Are Wrong Again” Kudlow supports such a move should be surprising to no one. After all, Larry has long written about the virtues of a bullshit-based economy:
Homebuilders led the stock parade this week with a fantastic 11 percent gain. This is a group that hedge funds and bubbleheads love to hate. All the bond bears have been dead wrong in predicting sky-high mortgage rates. So have all the bubbleheads who expect housing-price crashes in Las Vegas or Naples, Florida, to bring down the consumer, the rest of the economy, and the entire stock market.
See, here’s the problem.
For too long in this country we’ve had an economy based on bullshit. And while it’s produced temporary booms for Pets.com shareholders and for home flippers, it has inevitably led us to the realization that we’ve invested a ton of resources into stupid crap that nobody actually wants. And since we don’t make things such as electronics or textiles anymore (and we soon won’t be making cars either), I really have to wonder just what we will base our economy on once all of our bullshit options are exhausted.
Then again, it may well be that we’ll never run out of bullshit options. For as David Brooks’ column today demonstrates, the desire to get rich by investing in bullshit is as American as apple pie. Let the great POG Boom of ’09 commence!
I’d rather shower our precious rich people with hundreds of millions of our taxpayer dollars than help some hicks in Utah stop bugs from eating their crops.
