Mar
17
17
Shorter David Brooks
- I can’t wait until this financial crisis is over so we can all go back to being greedy, short-sighted pricks again.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Till said,
March 17, 2009 at 15:41
Speaking of Republican response to the financial crisis. Sen. Grassley seems to have followed Darth Kristol’s suggestion of populism, except it’s hilariously creepy.
Stephen said,
March 17, 2009 at 15:46
Fixed that for you, Brooks.
MzNicky said,
March 17, 2009 at 15:48
Yesss! Because if anything says “American entrepreneurship,” it’s an itinerant Baptist preacher screaming at people that Jeezus wants them to be rich.
comsympinko said,
March 17, 2009 at 15:54
Bobo Brooks, Ladeez and Genlemenz.
Proud recipient of the Douglas Feith Annual “Stupidest Fucking Person On The Planet This Year Award.”
J Neo Marvin said,
March 17, 2009 at 15:55
“I say that the opportunity to get rich, to attain unto great wealth, is here now within the reach of almost every man and woman who hears me speak tonight!”
What’s with this random insertion of the word “unto” in a sentence? Is this supposed to somehow render your words more powerful and holy?
J Neo Marvin said,
March 17, 2009 at 15:58
“I suggest, you know, obviously, maybe they ought to be removed,” [AIG executives, that is] Grassley said. “But I would suggest the first thing that would make me feel a little bit better toward them if they’d follow the Japanese example and come before the American people and take that deep bow and say, I’m sorry, and then either do one of two things: resign or go commit suicide.”
Hmmm, works for me.
Brad said,
March 17, 2009 at 15:59
Hmmm, works for me.
Yeah, I can’t say I disagree. Would like to see more Democrats take this fire-breathing attitude.
Who Creates the Jobs? said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:00
How many people here have ever been given a job by a poor person?
Johnny Coelacanth said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:03
“it’s hilariously creepy.”
No, actually it’s a good idea. If the bankers had any honor, or were capable of feeling shame, they would resign and commit ritual suicide.
“How many people here have ever been given a job by a poor person?”
Your mom.
Butt Yes said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:03
David Brooks poses with a tiny little butt stuck to his tongue. Well, I guess it’s a step toward honesty. A lick and a promise, so to speak.
kiki said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:04
Does that include hand/blow? When I first met my girlfriend, she’d just been made redundant.
J Neo Marvin said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:04
Oh dear, we’re so helpless without our aristocracy! PLEASE don’t commit suicide, dear oligarchs!
El Cid said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:05
“At times like this I like dressing up like Ben Franklin and pretending I’m running a thrifty colonial business!”
Who Creates the Jobs? said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:08
Again, who creates the jobs?
I’ve never been offered employment by a bum or welfare parasite, but only by the investor class.
Stephen said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:08
How many people here have ever been given a job by a poor person?
My manager literally makes less than ten dollars an hour, so I’m going to say yes.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:09
I’ve never been offered employment by a bum or welfare parasite, but only by the investor class.
Class warfare! W00T W00T W00T!1!
MzNicky said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:09
What’s with this random insertion of the word “unto” in a sentence?
J. Leo Marvin: It’s classic Baptist preacherese. You ain’t had much churchin’, have ya boy?
Also, Grassley’s handlers immediately rushed out a “heh heh heh, he didn’t really mean that thing he said about wishing those AIG guys would commit suicide.”
J Neo Marvin said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:11
Oh, I had me plenty of churchin’ when I was a tad. Never understood the “unto” reflex though.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:12
WTF is it with all the Europe bashing?
Apparently Socialism = Europe. The birthplace of Industrialization – the elemental opposite of a place “born as a commercial republic”.
But I guess it only makes sense – David Brooks has it in his cultural DNA to be a self-righteous ultra-smug ignorant-as-fuck moralizing gassy wind-bag. I suppose that “eventually Bobo’s spirit of always being as wrong as possible would prevail”.
Who Creates the Jobs? said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:14
Europe is a dying continent economically, demographically, and culturallly.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:14
I think anybody who refers to their fellow citizens as ‘parasites’ is a drain on the nation, and would also be fine candidates for ritual suicide.
kiki said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:14
What’s with this random insertion of the word “unto” in a sentence?
“Christ Jesus” always rings the alarm bells for me.
Who Creates the Jobs? said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:16
By which I mean there’s a lot of darkies there.
J Neo Marvin said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:16
There is either the investor class or welfare parasites in this country. The working poor do not exist. It’s just a hoax by the liberal media.
Stephen said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:17
“Christ Jesus” always rings the alarm bells for me.
For me it’s the people who use “thee” and “thou” and “thy” while praying publicly. They probably really believe that Early Modern English is God’s native language.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:17
Europe is a dying continent economically, demographically, and culturallly.
All because of those dirty black and brown people who insist on not abandoning all traces of their culture and heritage, and who won’t start wearing bowler hats and talking all like “‘ow’s yer wife, Guv’nor?”
Tragic, I know.
Destitutionalized said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:18
I know that all of your posts come from your home address (no matter what time of day), but there are nicer ways to ask if anyone’s hiring.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:18
I think anybody who refers to their fellow citizens as ‘parasites’ is a drain on the nation, and would also be fine candidates for ritual suicide.
I move that we feed such people to the poor and hungry.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:19
And not just wrong – but as EPICALLY FAIL as he can possibly be:
What?!?! The?!?! FUCK?!?! I mean WOW. That type of stupid takes some serious hard work.
He has got to be the only person* to have watched Cramer v Stewart and thought that Jim Cramer really kicked Jon Stewart’s ass.
* As a bleeding heart liberal, I like to assume the best in others. Here I use the word “person” despite all evidence to the contrary.
Professor Fate said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:20
“Europe is a dying continent economically, demographically, and culturallly”
And yet there is the show Top Gear.
this guy make Rorshach seem well rounded.
kiki said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:23
I move that we feed such people to the poor and hungry.
I move that we infest them with, y’know, actual parasites. There’s this worm that sets up house in your brainstem…
MzNicky said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:43
I move that we infest them with, y’know, actual parasites.
And then make them eat each other.
El Cid said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:44
I’ve never been hired by a poor man; but I’ve never had a poor man cheat me out of salary, either.
kiki said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:50
And then make them eat each other.
We’d better stop before we end up with a new version of the ‘Aristocrats’ joke.
BlackBloc said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:50
I am still fascinated how this is supposed to be an actual argument.
The need for work exists independant of anyone. It just is. What does ‘create a job’ mean? It just means fencing up that work that needs to be done so as to stop other people from doing it, and then extorting most of the value of the work from the poor wage slaves you gave the privilege of hiring.
You act like some dumb peasant in feudal times saying “Well if it wasn’t for the baron, who’d give us any land to cultivate? Huh?”
Who Creates the Jobs? said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:53
I’ve never been hired by a broke person… and never will.
Lots of young, idealistic kids think it’s a great idea to take and spend other people’s money in the interest of “doing good”. Then they grow up, get a job, and work hard for years just to still be barely getting by and realize that it is THEIR money funding all these causes and maybe it isn’t such a great idea after all.
SomeNYGuy said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:56
I’ve never been laid off (along with many of my co-workers) except under Republican administrations: 1985, 2008.
kiki said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:56
I’ve never been hired by a broke person…
I dunno… McDonald’s isn’t looking too fiscally healthy right now.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:57
I’ve never been hired by a broke person… and never will.
So good of you to argue for a return to traditional values and the reimposition of the monarchy.
And people say that conservatism isn’t forward-looking.
Destitutionalized said,
March 17, 2009 at 16:59
Remember, troll, if you EVER stop posting, the liberals win.
But you knew that. Right?
MzNicky said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:01
“I’ve never been hired by
a broke personanyone… and never will [be].”Fizzled, with gratuitous grammatical correction. Don’t mention it.
El Cid said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:02
By the way, that original “Acres of Diamonds” sermon, had other interesting bits:
This was, alternately, a very personal exhortation to do all you can with what you already have, or a a stupid, simplistic lecture pretending that in America of the late 19th century, people made it big because they showed Horatio Alger spirit.
Conservatives always prefer the latter.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:04
I don’t even understand the point of “who creates the jobs?” I mean who fucking cares?
The economy runs on people blowing their paychecks on cell phone bills, fritos and malt liquor. The metric is consumer confidence, not investor confidence. So to answer your stupid, pig-ignorant question – everybody creates the jobs.
El Cid said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:19
It is clear that there would never be any eggs without chickens. I have never seen an egg produced without chickens. I therefore logically conclude that the really important part of that equation is the chicken part, and surely if worst came to worst chickens could continue to survive and prosper without eggs.
Joe Max said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:20
I work for a public university. I guess the people of California hired me. Yes, including all those “poor people” who pay sales taxes.
The guy who approved my job application makes a tad more than I do and lives in the same neighborhood as me.
No wait, I’m just a “moocher” at the “public trough”. I don’t have a “real” job. Silly me.
Who Creates the Jobs? said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:23
“No wait, I’m just a “moocher” at the “public trough”. I don’t have a “real” job. Silly me.”
Heh, you said something correct!
Joe Max said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:23
Never had a poor man cost me a job either. Indeed, wasn’t it the filthy rich who perpetrated the economic meltdown that LOST jobs for millions of people?
Who Creates the Jobs? said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:27
“Never had a poor man cost me a job either. Indeed, wasn’t it the filthy rich who perpetrated the economic meltdown that LOST jobs for millions of people?”
That was the CRA passed under Jimmy Carter, Barney Frank, and Chris Dodd forcing banks (and Freddie and Fannie) to give loans to parasites who could never pay them back.
Joe Max said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:30
That’s right! No more public universities or community colleges! Who needs trained engineers, technicians and clerical workers, or people to teach them and maintain the infrastructures! Mooches, all of them!
A society of uneducated wage slaves and filthy rich land barons is the only proper way to run a modern society. Yay, feudalism!
lobbey said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:31
In short, the United States will never be Europe.
Get out of here. What the hell is it about these fuckers obsession about Europe as some socialist hellhole. Perhaps the US should be looking to Europe for some ideas, rather than blithering on like a retarded duck.
Who Creates the Jobs? said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:32
I think public university employees should compete in a real job market environment rather than being insulated inside an ossified Soviet-style beaurocracy, protected with tenure.
Let’s separate the men from the boys through competition and market-based ideas in education.
Joe Max said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:33
Yes, the poor investment bankers were forced – FORCED, I tells ya – to trade overleveraged stock derivatives to each other by darkies from Oakland and the Bronx at gunpoint. Why aren’t the police out looking for those guys???
El Cid said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:34
No, it wasn’t.
If that were the case, we’d have a mortgage crisis.
We don’t.
We have a derivatives-dependent financial system collapse.
Black people didn’t steal $600 trillion worth of fairy money — no, that was predominately rich white people, led by anti-regulation fanatic and humongous anti-American traitor Phil Gramm.
Joe Max said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:36
Hey, numbnuts, what makes you think I’m a teacher with tenure? I’m an electronic engineer. I work for a living. About 10% of university employees are tenured positions.
Wait, why am I arguing with an idiot?
Joe Max said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:38
Yeah, men and boys! The women can get their pretty little faces back in the kitchen and rattle them pots and pans!
Who Creates the Jobs? said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:38
Yes, you have work, but not a job.
Government can only create work, but not real jobs.
Why weren’t you able to get a job in the real world of the private sector?
actor212 said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:42
Government can only create work, but not real jobs.
Wow. So the Coulee Dam built itself, huh? Those wires that lead to your house down there in Bugfuck Tennessee…I’m sure back in the 1930s, the private contractors were just *itching* to run miles of wires to a guy who might spend a nickel a month!
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:43
That was the CRA passed under Jimmy Carter, Barney Frank, and Chris Dodd forcing banks (and Freddie and Fannie) to give loans to parasites who could never pay them back.
Okay, now I know I’m dealing with Fuckwitticus of Borg. You do not have any idea what you’re talking about.
I’m done with this troll; can we have another one now, please?
les said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:43
Revelation, better late than never.
Joe Max said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:44
Been there, done that, monkey boy. Made a tad more money then, but got tired of working for idiots who thought they knew my job better than I did, or could fire me if they were hung over one morning and didn’t like the cut of my jib.
whichwayisup said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:45
Defending the rich is getting harder and harder. Andrew Sorkin wrote that we basically have to pay off these folks at AIG otherwise they will turn against us. I guess it’s an argument, but really that’s the best you can do? Pay them off, because they can screw this up further and will!
Dan D said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:47
Reposting this.
The Republican Party said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:52
Even though we held the White House for 20 of 28 years, and held the trifecta from 2002-2006, we couldn’t stop those poor black people from wrecking the world. THEY’RE JUST TOO DAMN POWERFUL!!
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 17, 2009 at 17:55
Andrew Sorkin wrote that we basically have to pay off these folks at AIG otherwise they will turn against us.
Pay ‘em in stock. And then offer them a chance to avoid possible future prosecution if they come forward, tell what they know, explain how it worked and sign a consent agreement accepting the stock as payment in full for the (allegedly) obligatory bonus.
Otherwise, tell ‘em to quit if they want and to expect a special visit from a process server in the near future.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:00
Pay ‘em in stock
I said it earlier. Fuck ‘em. Fuck ‘em sideways with a soldering iron.
Use their fucking contracts against ‘em. Pre-certify a class-action suit for them, and let the fuckers sign-up. Etch the names of those greedy fucking shitbags onto the roll – and then bring each and everyone one of those assholes in front of Congress to explain why they still deserve their fucking bonuses.
MzNicky said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:05
Is tintin the only one with access to the Disemvoweller?
N__B said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:09
Joe –
A) You could design, build, and maintain your campus’s entire IT network and power supply by yourself and numbnut wingers will never admit you were anything but a leech because of who your employer is.
B) Some of us are eating lunch and don’t want to hear about how your jib has been cut.
MzNicky said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:11
I’m done with this troll; can we have another one now, please?
See, this is the problem. Trolls are like stray cats; feed ‘em and they never leave. I say that as a notorious stray-cat- and occasional troll- feeder.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:17
See, this is the problem. Trolls are like stray cats; feed ‘em and they never leave. I say that as a notorious stray-cat- and occasional troll- feeder.
A troll who can present a facade of reasonableness and politeness is more likely to draw me in for feeding time. Stupid ones I just slap around. And the ones who spout right-wing bumper-sticker slogans aren’t worth my time at all.
Simba B said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:18
As a cat lover, I can tell you that trolls have none of the charm of our feline friends, and cats, as a rule, are not racist sacks of shit.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:21
trolls have none of the charm of our feline friends
At least a cat knows to crap in its own litterbox. Trolls, not so much.
kiki said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:22
It is clear that there would never be any eggs without chickens. I have never seen an egg produced without chickens. I therefore logically conclude that the really important part of that equation is the chicken part, and surely if worst came to worst chickens could continue to survive and prosper without eggs.
I’m afraid I have to disagree. I have never seen a chicken that did not come from an egg, therefore eggs are the essential factor. It doesn’t matter if we get rid of all the chickens, as long as we still have eggs.
MzNicky said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:25
[shoving one of my three indoor cats aside so I can reach the keyboard] I meant that comparison only in terms of feeding. Although I did have this one trollish cat one time — ugly little spud, tenacious and hateful as hell and not real bright.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:27
ugly little spud, tenacious and hateful as hell and not real bright.
Did he usually post on FreeRepublic?
Simba B said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:29
My experience is that the more urgent your work, the more likely a cat is to sit on it. Paperwork, keyboard…doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter if your life depends on having things done in an hour, the cat is more important and furthermore (s)he wants to know WHY AREN’T YOU PETTING ME NOW??
MzNicky said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:33
Did he usually post on FreeRepublic?
He did indeed. He was the one who occasionally almost made sense.
Smiling Mortician said,
March 17, 2009 at 18:42
And in that same vein . . .
Gotta give him credit for tipping his hand.
tigrismus said,
March 17, 2009 at 19:55
“Christ Jesus” always rings the alarm bells for me.
Hell, that’s one of my favorite blasphemies.
Andrew Sorkin wrote that we basically have to pay off these folks at AIG otherwise they will turn against us.
Oh my stars and garters, imagine the damage these people could do were they not working for us!
Loneoak said,
March 17, 2009 at 20:23
[shoving one of my three indoor cats aside so I can reach the keyboard]
Do you watch House? A cat sitting on a keyboard was the clue that solved the medical mystery last night.
Simba B said,
March 17, 2009 at 20:24
Gregory House, M.D. is my god.
Loneoak said,
March 17, 2009 at 20:25
I really miss Lonny Martello and Josh St. Lawrence.
Simba B said,
March 17, 2009 at 20:30
Lonny Martello was the best troll this place has ever seen. He was posting at a couple of other places too, going on and on about the iPhone and Steve Jobs’ plans to take over the world. It was obviously a performance but it was hilarious.
jim said,
March 17, 2009 at 20:45
Poor folks create jobs aplenty.
I’ve personally witnessed three cop-cars, an ambulance, & TWO fire-engines, all “servicing” the threat to society &/or himself posed by the menace of a single prone rubby. Repeatedly. Not to mention the liquor-store staff, janitors, life-skills trainers, health-care providers, detox staff & others who owe their paychecks to said rubby & his legions of smelly brethren.
Ergo, blow me.
MzNicky said,
March 17, 2009 at 21:11
You know who I miss? Rugged in Montana. Really. That guy cracked me up.
Ephen Stephen said,
March 17, 2009 at 22:43
Reaganomics guts the manufacturing base of this country and Grammonomics guts the protections over the financial sector but it’s all that fucking Carter’s fault. And government never creates jobs.
Man, trolls are dumb. Plus, poop.
Just Alison said,
March 18, 2009 at 0:25
Europe is a dying continent economically, demographically, and culturallly
Apropos of this, I once had a brief conversation online with a wanker of this same ilk. On a movie discussion forum, believe it or not: he contended that a character speaking English in a Hong Kong movie spoke with a “Europeanish” accent.
When pressed as to whether he meant German, Spanish, Finnish, Italian, Spanish, etc, all of which sound completely different, even to an ear attached to a brain that speaketh not these languages, his considered response was “I don’t know shit about that, just Europeanish, okay?”
So he was making a blanket (and comdemnatory) statement based on fuck-all. Not unlike a certain troll.
Christ Jesus” always rings the alarm bells for me.
Hell, that’s one of my favorite blasphemies.
Mine is “Jesus Fucking Christ on a stick”. For what it’s worth.
Cats on keyboards? Oh yeah. One of mine likes to sit on my arms as I type. Impedes the flow somewhat. The other prefers books – either sitting upon, or raking with claws and teeth. Presumably in a brave effort to safeguard the world from the horrors of rampaging paperbacks.
MzNicky said,
March 18, 2009 at 0:59
One of my cats likes to jump up on the desk and then just stand in front of the monitor. Another one insists on sitting in my lap. The third one prefers to sit next to the monitor staring and occasionally swiping a paw as the cursor moves. All this time the insane dog is circling the desk looking for a way to terrorize a cat, any cat. Buncha fuckers. Why do we have to have all these damn animals anyway?! I occasionally wonder out loud, but no one answers.
Mehitabel the Abyssinian said,
March 18, 2009 at 1:12
Why do we have to have all these damn animals anyway?!
To feed them and entertain them.
Short answers to house-ape questions.
J Neo Marvin said,
March 18, 2009 at 2:01
Pay ‘em in stock.
Best idea yet.
Tehanu said,
March 18, 2009 at 2:24
so we can all go back to being greedy, short-sighted pricks again
Go back? In Brooksie’s case, not necessary to go back.
purvis ames said,
March 18, 2009 at 5:06
Brooks is to be commended for his fervent call for the resurrection of the spirit of Dale Carnegie, Emile Coue, and the whole “Jesus Was A Salesman!” crowd, but, in case he hasn’t noticed, the teachings of the king of them all, y’all, Charles Ponzi, are already back in force..
Smut Clyde said,
March 18, 2009 at 9:39
Because if anything says
“American entrepreneurship,”Vanuatu Cargo-cult, it’s an itinerantBaptistpreacher screaming at people that Jeezus wants them to be rich.I just can’t help fixing things.
Dr. Psycho said,
March 21, 2009 at 1:20
“There is either the investor class or welfare parasites in this country. The working poor do not exist. It’s just a hoax by the liberal media.”
Also, Marvin, no small businesses, which is a shame since in countries where they exist, they create most of the jobs, not the “investor class”.
Maybe that is why the “dying” nation of France has greater upward mobility than the U.S.
Dr. Psycho said,
March 21, 2009 at 1:21
MzNicky, I miss Rugose in R’Lyeh, too.
Kip W said,
March 22, 2009 at 16:47
…and surely if worst came to worst chickens could continue to survive and prosper without eggs.
We could outsource the egg-laying to more productive types, like cowbirds. Or turtles.
Kip W said,
March 22, 2009 at 16:49
Christ Jesus
A silly mistake. Everyone knows his name is Mr. The Christ, Jesus by name. Probably somebody misunderstood when the gorgeous redhead at the roulette table asked his name, and he said “Christ. Jesus Christ.”
tellybelly said,
March 22, 2009 at 23:00
Funny how the right can use ‘Europe’ as a scare quote word and appeal to the ignorance and prejudices of many, many people who can trace their lineage back to Europe.
Funny, that, eh?