Sadly, No!

Gross.

[h/t Don “Jim Bob” Surber]

The latest hullabaloo over in Fucktardville is that Obama, cleverly remonikered by the perpetually scintillating Dan Riehl as O-Bow-Now (harharharhar, you’re killing us, Dan!), bowed to the Emperor of Japan. Apparently, the appropriate wingnut protocol in this instance would have been spitting in the Emperor’s face, then kicking him in the rubber parts before shouting “This, Mr. Slanty-Eyes, is for Pearl Harbor, Hello Kitty, and Toyota!”

Of course, not a peep was heard from any of these perpetually-outraged, self-pissing, nose-picking, Funyun-munching, mouth-breathing, middle-school dropout bloggers over any of this:

ABOVE: James Percival Hoft, Fourth Earl of
Grosconnard and First Pundit of Gateway

---

I think one of the reasons that conservatives thought that Terry Schiavo was still sentient was that they were reading Jim Hoft, the “Gateway Pundit,” and thought that if this guy, who clearly is missing most of his brain, can write a blog, well, then, it must be completely possible that Terry Schiavo might jump up from her bed and announce that she had just discovered a five-line proof of Fermat’s Last Theorem.

You may think I exaggerate about Hoft’s severely diminished mental capacity, but consider this:

Now that the whole world knows that Fort Hood killer Nidal Hasan is an Islamist terrorist and nobody’s buying that he’s a victim, the state-run media’s moved on to a new tactic and are calling this Islamic radical a “conservative.”

In case you’re wondering, the “state-run media” is CNN and the statement in question is this:

DREW GRIFFIN: Hasan made no attempt to hide his religion or his conservative Muslim ideology.

No, really. That’s what has Hoft in a spittle-flecked seizure of stuttering outrage.

By the way Hasan was known to frequent strip clubs. … This hardly sounds like your typical American conservative.

Words. Fail.

Via John Cole, here’s a Red State Action Alert:

Today Barack Obama is going to announce that the terrorist mastermind of September 11th, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, will be sent to New York City for a criminal trial in a civilian court.

In that trial, the terrorist will get all the rights afforded an American citizen in a criminal trial, including the right to a fair trial, the right to a taxpayer funded attorney, the right to review all the evidence against him, potentially including classified intelligence matters, the right to exclude evidence against him including, potentially, any confession obtained through enhanced interrogation techniques, etc.

So yes, the basic gist is that they’re outraged that we won’t be allowed to use evidence obtained through torture at Mohammed’s trial. This is standard wingnut fare. But wait! We’ve got more:

At best, this will be a show trial fit not for the American Republic, but a third world kleptocratic totalitarian regime.

Soooooo… wait. You guys are opposed to having unfair trials with predetermined outcomes? Then why were you just ranting at Obama for being a wimp and not using evidence obtained through torture? Have you suddenly come out in favor of the rule of law where anyone can get a…

At worse, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed will gain access to classified material he can then leak to other terrorists while New York yet again becomes a target for terrorists. We have already had occasions in this country where terrorists’ sympathetic lawyers have conveyed information, orders, and plans to other terrorists.

Oh, never mind. You don’t want him to even have access to lawyers.

So what is an acceptable outcome here, friends? If he gets a fair trial, you’re pissed. If he gets a show trial, you’re pissed. I understand you disapprove of everything Obama does, but this game of “heads-I-win, tails-you-go-fuck-yourself” gets awfully tiresome.

I can’t believe I ate the entire bowl!

Open Thread.

Over at RenewMyVows, Kristia Cavere has got it going on:

The list of industries which have failed is alarming: textiles, automobile, production, agricultural, energy, healthcare, banking, education. This is the logical outcome of the ever-growing Democratic control of American industry, which has, during the course of the past fifty years, accomplished their ideal form of socialism. The government now controls the innovation of business, and while commerce is floundering Washington is giving taxpayer-funded subsidies to their comrades.

Let us concede, right from the start, that we don’t care about the production industry. We don’t even know why anyone would even want to go into the producting industry. As for the rest Kristia is totally right: if there is one reason why the textiles industry has failed (alarming us in the process), it’s the government. It’s not competition from low-wage countries coupled with free trade agreements. No, no, no: instead the Democrats have achieved their goal of socialism which is to take control of an industry in order to ensure that it fails. (Or is the ideal form of socialism the goal of American industry? It’s hard to tell.)

And we do miss the energy industry — indeed, we’re glad we live in Germany and, unlike our US-based readers, can access Sadly, No! on electricity-powered computers rather than those that rely scurrying hamsters.

In 1993, Congress passed the Budget Reconciliation Act (now Section 162(m) of the Internal Revenue Code) due to their belief that financial executives weren’t taking enough risks. Instead of allowing salary to reward the performance of directors Congress favored stock options as executive compensation, which they believed would increase risk and which they allowed to qualify for limitless corporate tax deductions. Now Congress is blaming the very risk taking that they forced on the financial industry, as the reason for the current economic crisis.

Because in the old days, (short-term) performance-based compensation didn’t encourage risks, whereas stock options do, because the evolution of a company’s shares is totally unrelated to its performance. And when something is tax-deductible, it means that the ideal of socialism has been achieved. Along with the production industry. Also, management is typically made up of liberals:

The Democrats destroyed our industries, and those that were most controlled by the Democrats are the industries which are the most damaged through unions and left-leaning management.

Yet no introduction of a new wingnut would be complete without an Amazing Wingnut Fact:

It is a façade that Republicans control Wall Street and big business. Most of those who contributed to Obama’s campaign were from large businesses in the financial industry.

Well, we’d like to close with something innovative here but seeing as how the government controls the innovation business, to which we belong, we’ll offer this: Kristia has come here to chew bubblegum and make a total ass of herself. And she’s all out of bubblegum.

Shorter Dann Popp, DependsAmerica
Get a job

• There would be no unemployment were it not for unemployment insurance.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

There was once a love letter by one William Ward to Silvio Berlusconi published in Newsweek:

It’s not just for his showmanship; Italians also appreciate his hard work as a retail politician and electoral strategist. Berlusconi has not only made his business-friendly, antibureaucracy agenda commendably clear in a country where party manifestoes do not exist, but has also cobbled together an effective coalition of disparate, sometimes hostile, elements on the center-right. No other conservative politician has had the patience, the guile, or the charisma to do the same. And this ability to hold a coalition together has paid off. Berlusconi is the only postwar Italian premier to have served a full five-year term. That’s not just a record; it has also contributed to Italy’s stability and coherence.

Which prompted this letter to the editor:

Both Panorama and Il Foglio, for which William Ward is the London correspondent, are owned by the Berlusconi family. You should have disclosed that the author of “Berlusconi the Bold,” “a defense of Italy’s prime minister,” is, in fact, one of Silvio Berlusconi’s employees.
Pietro Slavich, Paris, France

Yeah, should have.

“Portrait of Rear Admiral Timothy Gramajeure Bottom”
by George Romney (1778)(oil on bed linen)

Shorter Tim Graham, News Buttsters
WaPo’s Milbank Decries ‘Hateful and Gruesome’ Hill Protest, Thrown by ‘Party of No Taste’

• Reporters should only report on the nice signs carried by teabaggers. Oh, and another thing, Mr. Dana Smartypants Milbank, if pictures of fetuses are so gruesome, how come you are such an abortion lover?

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™