Sadly, No!

“Uh oh. Fart.”

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Not since George Allen’s macaca moment has any aspiring presidential candidate so thoroughly and completely dashed his chances for the White House in two sentences or less as Mitt Romney did yesterday in a WaPo op-ed. In the WaPo piece, Mitt, hoping to prove his own foreign policy chops, criticized the New START, which he called Obama’s “worst foreign policy mistake yet.”

Unlike past treaty restrictions, ICBMs are not prohibited from bombers. This means that Russia is free to mount a nearly unlimited number of ICBMs on bombers — including MIRVs (multiple independently targetable reentry vehicles) or multiple warheads — without tripping the treaty’s limits.

Yes, he actually said that. This is the man who wants to be the Commander-in-Chief, the leader of the free world, and the guy who takes the 3 a.m. phone calls in the White House and yet he thinks that you mount ICBMs on bombers. And even though Mitt apparently can’t tell the difference between an ICBM and a lawn dart, he still has the nerve to criticize Obama’s foreign policy.

I guess Romney thinks that missiles are like Irish Setters and you can just strap ’em to the roof.

Over at Slate, Fred Kaplan points out the rest of the dumb-assery (and there’s plenty of it) in Romney’s op-ed.

ABOVE: Kevin D. Williamson (really)

Shorter Kevin D. Williamson, America’s Shittiest Website™
The Cost of the BP Cleanup, in Corn

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

A guilty pleasure for many true connoisseurs of wingnuttery is feasting their eyes on the headline artistry of Jim “Gateway Dumtwit” Hoft, who has hunt and pecked out on his encrusted keyboard such classics as Baby Survives 3 Days With Shot in Chest After Parents Commit Global Warming Suicide, Obama’s Most Frequent White House Visitor Is Radical Socialist (Video), and Dems Continue “Listening Tour”– Fists, Boots, Bullhorns, Stomping Heads, Smashing Faces, Assaults Included.

But I think that this post title may turn out to be my personal favorite.

HuffPo Crops AP Photo to Give Netanyahu Devil Horns

You’ve got to admit that this title, which brilliantly melds wingnut conspiracy theory with the elementary school prank of sticking up your fingers behind someone’s head, is breathtaking from a purely formal and aesthetic viewpoint. And the post that is adorned by this masterpiece doesn’t fail to deliver.

Of course, here at Sadly, No! we know a little bit about altering photographs to make them better.

Was this an accident?

ABOVE (left to right): St. Ronnie, Patron Saint of The Good Gays, and Bruce Carroll, The Gay Patriot

Who is going to stand up for beleaguered straight people if the gay Republicans don’t? Over at the “Gay Patriot,” Bruce Carroll predictably is outraged at yet another example of how the gay traitors have their big old pink patent leather boots firmly planted on the throats of the long-suffering straights:

Discrimination Against Straight People At Google?

Sure seems that way. (h/t – GP Reader Peter Hughes)

Starting Thursday, Google will adjust paychecks for its gay and lesbian employees who opt for domestic partner benefits to cover for a tax those employees have to pay, the New York Times reports. …

Please note that Google employees are now getting paid on TAX LAW and PERCEIVED TAX bias; not getting paid according to his/her abilities.

Oh, dear, the dreaded tax gross-up, that enemy of the free market and straight rights, rears its ugly head yet again. I looked in vain all over the Gay Patriot site to see if Bruce ever complained about tax gross-ups for (predominantly straight) business executives. Not a peep (or anything else) from the Gay Patriot on any other gross-up. And if he ever gets relocation benefits — although the mind boggles that anyone would want to pay to relocate Bruce — I expect him to put his hand on his pocket Constitution and forswear any gross-up on those payments.

Sign me up as completely opposed to this.  Shall I get paid more because I have three dogs to support?

I’m afraid Bruce has just veered off into box turtle territory by comparing domestic partners to pets. What next? Will Bruce argue that gay marriage is a bad thing because it’s like people marrying their dogs? Or their favorite cashmere scarf? OR THEIR SEX TOYS??????

Where does this madness end?

Basically it ends, Bruce, when you set yourself on fire. (Only someone who is French, gay or both, like myself, is allowed to make a veiled flaming reference about the Gay Patriot.)

Note to Fred Hiatt: I wouldn’t work for you anyway.

ABOVE: Tim Slagle (not photoshopped)

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Tim Slagle, who apparently claims to be a libertarian comedian² — or more accurately a libertarian who claims to be a comedian — is over at Big Andy’s Hollywood Squares bringing down the house. Here’s a paraphrase:

“Hey, did you hear the one about Sheryl Crow and her advice that you can save the environment by only using on square of toilet paper? Well, now her roadies use rubber gloves when they have to touch her guitars! At home she rips pages out of books to wipe her butt. God, I’m funny. I just crack myself up! Seriously.”

But what’s really got Slagle going is this: an article in Elle with pictures of Sheryl Crow’s loft. It would be inappropriate not to speculate that Slagle was perusing Elle looking for good drag outfits for his next goat-blowing encounter. But, where was I? Oh, yes:

In the summer of 2007, Sheryl and alleged home-wrecker, Laurie David put together their Stop Global Warming Tour, consisting of a bus, several semi trucks and a private jet; caravanning across the nation, to tell college students to stop wasting energy. Of course, Crow and David weren’t hypocrites because the bus was fueled with leftover french-fry grease.

In the official press release they promised to encourage college students to “Simply Switch” to CFL light-bulbs. But what kind of bulbs does Sheryl use? Well this was a mystery, until she recently opened her apartment to Elle Magazine. Apparently Sheryy likes her apartment brighter than she is, and CFLs just don’t seem to do the trick.

Let’s start with the press release. Did Sheryl encourage every student to change all their lights to CFL, thereby making her a hypo-demolesbo-crit when she didn’t do the same herself? Sadly, No!

Philips has partnered with the Stop Global Warming Tour to support this national call-to-action. As part of the Philips “Simply Switch and Save” campaign, the company will offer every student who attends the tour a free compact fluorescent light (CFL) bulb, in an effort to motivate them to switch to more energy-efficient lighting options.“Sustainability is an integral part of Philips activities and we believe in adopting environmentally-friendly practices such as the Stop Global Warming College Tour,” says Paul Simonetti, Director, Brand Communications, Philips.

“By asking consumers to simply switch at least one traditional light bulb with a more energy-efficient one, together we can make a difference in the overall reduction of harmful greenhouse gas emissions and help make the world a more sustainable place to live.”

This, of course, should make it hard for Slagle’s claim of hypocrisy to stick unless the Elle spread shows every single light bulb in Crow’s loft and not one is a CFL. Undeterred Slagle slogs on:

In her “gallery-like hallway” there is a row of halogen bulbs alongside the right wall to illuminate her cultural appreciation.

Oddly, Slagle makes no about what might or might not be in the round light fixtures. Maybe because if they were CFLs that would make him look foolish or, at least, more foolish than usual.

In one photo, you can clearly see that the light bulb over her head has been photoshopped out, as if to say that she is out of ideas. It seems someone might have noticed the ideologically contradicting bulb after the photo shoot was completed.

Why did she let photographers take pictures of her light-bulbs in the first place? Either she was to dumb to realize the light bulbs would show, or she was too overwhelmed with vanity to care, when she was approached by Elle with the layout pitch. (Apparently vanity is more than just a bathroom fixture.)

Hmmm, I see a lightbulb, don’t you? Let’s see what this would look like with the light bulb photoshopped out:

Query: if the evil liberals at Elle were using their mad Photoshop skillz to protect Crow, why not just photoshop in a CFL? It’s not like that would be so hard.

In the photo of her bathroom, you can clearly see an incandescent light over her sink … .

Slagle, who’s been too busy talking about Crowe wiping her butt with book pages, hasn’t done enough research to discover that there are plenty of globe-shaped CFLs. So you can’t really say for sure that this fixture has an incandescent bulb or a CFL but, were I to guess, the thicker base makes it look like a CFL to me.

Next up: Slagle will claim that Crow is a hypocrite because she exhales carbon dioxide when she sings and that she has some clothes that were made with electrically powered sewing machines.

Gorilla our dreams

Andrew Breitbart, Big Journalism:
Hypocrisy, Thy Name is Andrew Sullivan

• While I would never divulge a person’s sexual gayness, Andrew Sullivan dementedly waves his purse for the leftist email conspiracy in all its MSM murder lust — and yet it was Sullivan himself who savaged Sarah Palin with the very carrion-eating leftist shriek-monsters I humbly bring to light, when it was the left itself that attacked Sullivan for gaying around like a big gay.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

* The key line in Sullivan’s brief post, ‘Politics as Total War,’ reads, “This is what the right now is: no solutions, just anger, paranoia, insecurity and partisan hatred.”

** Regarding the title lyric, this line is sung by the long-armed and ook-ooking, indeed the hoo-hoo-haa-haaing and excrement-flinging Mr. Breitbart, while the response line is sung by the gentlemen wearing the pecs, and does in fact go, “Gaylight come an’ me wanna go homo.”

† Regarding the caption, the fact that this is from the Magilla Gorilla theme has not prevented an incidence of Bram Tchaikovsky:

Read the rest of this entry »

The bell again, always that bell. A capsule through the pneumatic tube. How now, what’s this?

Glenn Reynolds, Instapundit:
MORE ON ANDREW BREITBART’S OFFER OF $100,000

MORE ON ANDREW BREITBART’S OFFER OF $100,000 for the JournoList archives. My thoughts:

(1) If, as Jonathan Chait says, there’s nothing there, why not relieve Breitbart of his bucks?

That’s what Col. Möller said as he poured apple brandy from a crystal decanter into my snifter, handing it to me, then poured some of the pale gold liquor into his own snifter in turn, rolling it around the bottom of the glass expertly with his hook hand as he replaced the decanter on the teak tea cart. Möller stared looking glum for a moment before straightening and addressing me with a level Prussian gaze.

“If you have nothing to hide, von Em,” he asked, not unpleasantly. “Then what is your obsession with privacy?”

His tone bore only a hint of impatience, but I knew that I could not give the answer he needed — the names, the intercepts — and knew that the tone would rise much higher before the evening was long into night, knowing also the grievous distance through which a night can compel one to travel, when the path is made hard toward morning.

“You are not having your brandy?” asked Möller.

“Oh no, I am,” I said, gulping it.

I realized too late that I could have asked for a light first, then not swallowed the brandy, and then blown fire at Möller when he would not have been expecting this, as is mostly the case with people.

I gestured with my snifter. “May I have a light and another brandy?”

“Foosh” replied Möller, blowing fire at me.

(2) If you’re worried about your own stuff being released, you don’t really safeguard it by not selling out to Breitbart — you just ensure that if one of the 400 other members does, you won’t get the $100K.

We think The Joker tried this with two boats wired to explode.

(3) Here’s your chance to be Deep Throat — and maybe to settle some scores along the way…

Glenn’s moral skeleton went bendy a long time ago, but it’s still a shock to see this gelatinous being squidging past on his way to or from some petty errand of incitement, and to think that he was once a leader of our group.

“Who ate all the ham?”

Eerie Von Erickson,¹ RedState:
Chuck Efstration: A Personal Favor

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

* Title cf.

¹ Cf.

There’s that bell again. Always some hubbub around here, we do declare. What’s this, now?

Jeff Poor,¹ (The MRC‘s) Business and Media Institute:
Kudlow, Forbes Debunk Krugman’s ‘Third Depression’ Call

It’s hard to imagine an economist being provocative, but Paul Krugman, a Nobel Prize winner, has managed to do so.

Above: Larry Kudlow

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Paul Krugman has managed to imagine an economist being provocative? I’m reading the rest of this story, and I’m reading the rest right away of it!

In his June 28 New York Times op-ed, Krugman argued that since governments around the world aren’t willing to double-down on Keynesian policies meant to stimulate the global economy, the United States and the rest of the world are facing a third depression. But on CNBC’s June 28 “The Kudlow Report,” host Larry Kudlow asked if Krugman’s premise were true…

Why, this is Krug-mania, with the arguing.

A premise? That comes before a mise. Some mises are the comprehensive kind, or ‘compromise,’ and the overall kind as opposed to the underall, i.e. ‘surmise’¹ as opposed to ‘sous-.’ A miser fashions these through heat or snow. Some other mises are Ludwig von Mises. So Krugman’s premise, as we now see, is that governments around the world aren’t willing to double-down on Keynesian policies meant to stimulate the global economy. But, says Larry Kudlow, if that were true…

…how come none of the measures being applied, which Krugman advocates more of, have failed to have any effect on the current economy.

Yeah, uh, if governments aren’t willing to double down on the policies, then how come none of [the measures that Krugman advocates] have failed? Answer: because opposite?

But maybe he got the notion of ‘premise’ wrong, and meant Krugman’s conclusion. Hmm.

‘If the United States and the rest of the world are facing a third depression, then how come none of [the measures that Krugman advocates] have failed?’

No, that’s not it. Hmm.

Read more: http://newsbusters.org/blogs/jeff-poor/2010/06/29/kudlow-forbes-debunk-krugmans-third-depression-call#ixzz0sFlYoGCv

Yeah, I don’t think that’s the solution either. This is like that firefight in the mud next to the bombed-out airfield where Kowalski bought it, with the mortar rounds through the treetops. I wonder if Kowalski ever fixed up that airfield? Oh heck, there are harp glissandi and a kaleidoscope pattern and I’m having a flashback.

Larry Kudlow, National Review Online (July 31, 2009):
It’s a New Bull Market

Let’s call this what it is: A new bull market in stocks has emerged from the ashes of the financial meltdown and the deep recession that followed. And it’s signaling the onset of economic recovery. Free-market capitalism is more durable, resilient, and self-correcting than its detractors would have us believe.

[…]

Consequently, I want to change the agenda. This is much grander than what most commentators are describing. This is a new bull.

[…]

My guess is the economy will grow by 3 percent annually or slightly more in the second half of 2009 and the first part of 2010.

Oh, right. It doesn’t make sense and they’re all stupid. How did that ‘new bull’ work out, Larry?

Larry Kudlow, National Review Online (March 10, 2010):
Another Bull-Market Year?

The key question facing investors right now — on the anniversary of a record-breaking stock surge, the best in 75 years — is whether we’re headed for a second bull-market year.

Unfinished joke: Something about Kudlow winning the New-Bull Prize, perhaps in Ecchonomics.

Low, wry, der

Wes Vernon, RenewAmerica:
Kagan: another “ruling class” slap in the face to the American majority

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

* Title cf.

† This ‘ruling class’ critique of the left has been around since Tom Wolfe’s New York magazine article, ‘Radical Chic: That Party at Lenny’s,’ and as Wes notes, it is currently being plied by Angelo Codevilla, a writer and thinker who differs broadly from Tom Wolfe in sucking at writing, and particularly from the early Wolfe in sucking at thinking. Viz:

[B]y what means can we consider anyone’s claim of intellectual superiority?

Conventional wisdom about Barack Obama’s and Sarah Palin’s intellects illustrates the question. I have not heard Obama’s opponents describe his intellect as anything other than “high” and him as “smart” or “very smart.” Nor have I heard Sarah Palin’s supporters describe her as bright. What can be the basis for judgments so widespread and stark? Keep in mind that none of those who pronounce themselves on Obama’s and Palin’s intellects have the slightest knowledge of what they may be relative to one another, never mind in absolute terms.

If you’re simply gaping at that paragraph, perhaps still pouring lemonade from a pitcher into your overflowing glass with a record skipping on the turntable, perhaps as two guys in masks carry your TV out the door unnoticed behind you, then that’s what I’m doing too, with an unnoticed string of drool running out the corner of my mouth, and crows and magpies taking all my shiny things as the wastebasket blazes away unnoticed. “Wow,” I think without realizing it, “that’s freaking dum, spelled d-u-m-n,” gaping as a marching band blares through the room and out the other door.