Who is the GOP’s capo di tutti frutti?

It is rumored that angry insiders in the Bush administration are planning a new, well-toned flank in their continuing pre-emptive war on threats to the presidential image. Despite a promise to bring character to the White House, some unnamed and unseen parties plan to crush a prominent critic of the Preznit using a messy-sounding gay smear. Wonkette dishes further:

Am I insinuating the administration might have a double standard because they seem to trust another high-level national security officer who is also gay? Yes.

Mary, clutch the pearls! It’s a historical given that Rethugs are entitled to more closet space than us ordinary schmucks in the peasantry. It’s one of the perks Republican God gave the RNC for the good work they do thumping their bibles on the dispossessed to bruise them good. But has our culture finally become so rotten that even the leaders of the Republican Faith are expected to live by the morality they go on and on (and on) about?

Can someone as powerful Condi Rice be threatened with exposure as a big gay lez? Nothing arches an eyebrow more perfectly than an unmarried middle-aged woman with no apparent interest in men except to boss them in a martial setting like a wartime cabinet or as Commissioner of the NFL. I’d always assumed that, as a Rethug, Condi was untouchable by the media (or just plain untouchable.) Bwuh? Oh, Wonkette has more …

And we were going to try to be all subtle about it, but since it seems to be an open secret around D.C. . . . the other gay in the White House is George Bush.

I knew it. I mean, how terrible of Wonkette to take it upon herself to out him as the GOP’s Capo di Tutti Frutti. Now all of Punditstan will be running this up the pole repeatedly, using a firm but gentle grip until it goes off in someone’s face. No doubt they’ll fixate on frivolous little details of the Capo’s life(style), adding them to an ever-growing circumstantial case until it makes big gay sense.

Stuff like noted fagologist Betty Bowers’ study of Bush’s well known predilection for saying fabulous, planting in people’s minds the unsettling notion that a complicit media, at the direction of the RNC, scrubbed the public record of times he’s slipped and said “faboo“.

Or the time Preznit Butch cornered visiting Canadian aide Scott Reid like Oscar Wilde in prison and got all De Profundis on the pert, twinkish squire’s face by telling him he was darn purdy. Astonished Canadians had to nuance their view of the big Homo No-Sapiens as a run-of-the-mill moron with the added information that he might be gay too. Possibly the whispering campaign will gain steam as people notice HRH frequently relaxing his implausible regular guy pose into way-gay moments such as these. (Captions are from a fictitious gossip magazine):

(Left) Who can keep up a straightish appearance around special huggy-bear friends like Hosni Mubharek? (Middle) The crown jewel of the UK trip was escorting soigne? Tony Blair to his favorite gay Irish pub, Sodom and Begorrah. (Right) Strapping on a slutty push-up boy-bra and parading the First Ween down the deck of the SS Lincoln like a prize showdog was seen by some as a gayish moment.

But wouldn’t it be just like enemies of the ambiguously gay Bush/Dick duo to hurt them with a pre-emptive whispering campaign? Anonymous chatterers can slime without getting any on themselves. Well I, for one, am against such tactics and hope prominent Rethugs like Texas Governor Rick Perry and congressman Mark Foley (R-FLAboo) make strong public statements defending the Preznit’s alleged heterosexuality before the mainstream media heads full bore down that dark alley.

With a Log Cabin brigade still simmering about being thrown over the side of the SS Bushtanic to placate the country’s homophobic region, the Ugly Vinyl Belt, this purge could rival the post DOMA outings for drama. That one flung open the doors of Washington closets and yanked out the innies, kicking and screaming all the way. Let’s make sure that the first victim in this gauche campaign for administration transparency isn’t the First Victim.

Part 2 of Sadly No’s expos? of the campaign to out the Prancer in Chief will dispute a particularly compelling aspect of the circumstantial case that he’s a Nancy boy: how he seeks the counsel and protection of a lot of eerily masculine women.

(A) Karen Hughes, potential stump contestant for the popular online game, Lesbian or German Lady? (Lez play!); (B) Condi “Lezmati” Rice; (C) Victoria “Worst Drag Ever” Clarke; (D) Rotten lesbo prose writer Lynne “Dutch” Cheney

Part 3 will attempt to explain anomalies from Lost Boy’s spotty ‘72-’73 record, such as, how the hell did he get a reputation for slipping it to the ladies when by his own admission he was, as the Dead Kennedys put it, Too Drunk to Fuck? Some say he was the “lady” being slipped.

Parts 4 through 853 will address circumstances as they arise in context with developing news.

If I can dispute this ugly White House whispering campaign before it strips our Glorious Leader down to nothing but a dollar-bill stuffed codpiece and assless chaps, then it’s a small step towards repaying the big gay homos I know for plying me with really good food and drink. (It’s always the good stuff too, never the scuzzy bottle I bring for the host, which s/he reserves for disinfecting wounds and unclogging drains.)

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FBI identifies radio voice as that of evildoer al Franqen

Gentlethings, start your VCRs/TIVOs:

Tuesday (03/30/04) on the Daily Show, truth Jedi Richard Clarke, who has been pilloried by the Bush attack machine for writing and flogging a book drops by to wreak more havoc.

Wednesday, Jon Stewart meets imperial chin-wiper Karen Hughes, there to flog her new book before returning to her old role at court, checking the First Closet for gay monsters before the Emperor goes sleepy-boo and removing stray spinach from the First Teeth at photo-ops.

Air America kicks off at noon tomorrow (03/31/04) with an inaugural program lineup that promises a breathable alternative to the oppressive odor of hypocrisy streaming from the vents of hatewing radio. Lizz Winstead, the co-creator of the Daily Show, is on the network’s creative team and will co-host the morning show with rapper Chuck D, ex-Public Enemy. Evildoer al Franqen goes up against Big PharmBoy Limbaugh in drivetime and Garofalo has the evening slot. Air America will be coming to you live, on satellite and on the web (bookmark it!)

• New York: WLIB 1190 AM
• Los Angeles: KBLA 1580 AM
• Chicago: WNTD 950 AM
• Portland OR: KPOJ 620 AM
• Island Empire CA: KCAA 1050AM
• San Francisco: Coming Soon
• XM Satellite Radio: Channel 167 (national)

In the meantime, you can check out MSNBC’s article on al Franqen and hear an audio interview with the evildoer and Java-Jump to audio links for the O’Franken Factor and Air America from there tomorrow. Grandma Times also profiled al Franqen recently.

Apparently, he was a collegiate wrestler (like fellow lefty terrier Howard Dean.) This explains their successful strategy in taking down big hulking lummoxes from the powerful hatewing of the right. Sure, a warrior of destiny like the Jedi Dick Clarke can train in secret for thirty years before taking one shot at the jugular and his aim be pure and true, but if you’re a fireplug without a high end light saber, you gotta go for the nutlock, even with — perhaps especially with — the likes of stAnn Coulter. Then stand back and watch goony blubber like a big girl’s blouse.

Update: A reader posts that Atrios will be a guest on Garofalo’s opener, definitely a harbinger of change from the unremitting crapfest that’s the Worst Administration Ever. I’m wonder who the vaunted Grey Turtleneck of Justice takes down first. (Thanks, Aaron!)

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A TownHall Sampler

Todays theme: “We are a NeoCon-Christian nation which believes that criticizing President Bush in wartime is treason. We also believe that women should be rich and stay home with the kids, and that everybody has a right to sell their kidneys. We also hold this truth to be self-evident: that everybody at U.C. Wilmington but Mike Adams is a stupid, liberal poopiehead.”

Dennis Prager

America is a Judeo-Christian country, meaning that the founders were Christians who liked Jewishness.

Vast numbers of Americans took Hebrew names — like Benjamin Franklin and Cotton Mather (kattan in Hebrew means “little one” or “younger”).

And just as the Jews believe they are the Chosen People, America thinks it’s the Chosen Country — that’s why we don’t think we need any stinkin’ U.N permission to blow up whoever the hell we want. And that’s why the Iraqi war is a just war — because God says so.

That is why those who most affirm Judeo-Christian values believe that war, while always tragic, is on more than a few occasions a moral duty. Nothing “Judeo” ever sanctioned pacifism.

Thomas Sowell

If Thomas were running for President, this would be his platform:

1. There will be only two Cabinet-level departments: Defense and State (”with the latter purged of the weak-kneed internationalist crowd who have dominated it for so long”).
2. No more goverment money for anyone making over $100,000 a year.
3. We will use the savings to pay members of Congress a salary of a million a year. Or $10 million a year — whatever it takes to get politicans who can run a goverment with only two departments.
4. Free kidneys for everyone!

With all the money saved by ending vast numbers of subsidies, the government could afford to pay the kinds of salaries that would attract highly qualified people from the private sector. For example, if every member of Congress were paid a million dollars a year, that would cost less than one percent of what it costs to run the Department of Agriculture.

Jack Kemp

Why is Richard Clarke saying mean things about the Bush administration’s handling of terrorism, when even he admits that Bush didn’t crash those airplanes into those buildings?

Some people have suggested he is motivated by “sour grapes” at best or greed at worst. Other people suggest that he is motivated by vengeance for having been demoted by the Bush administration and kept from the inner circles of power in which he had become accustomed to moving.

And some people, like Kemp, suggest that Clarke is a vengeful closet queen by titling their column, “Hell Hath No Fury.”

But Kemp says that he actually belives that Clarke thinks that invading Iraq was “such an enormous mistake” that he’s trying to bring down the President. And in a time of war, that’s basically treason.

I am profoundly concerned. Clarke’s accusations that the Bush administration did not take terrorism as a serious enough threat prior to 9-11 could undermine the president’s ability to carry on the war on terrorism if sufficient doubt is cast in the mind of the American public.

Mike Adams

Mike is being oppressed by U.C. Wilmington. It seems that he was called into the principal’s office and told that he had made a colleague uncomfortable by discussing his weekly columns in the workplace. Of course, all of Mike’s weekly columns are about how everybody else at U.C. Wilmington is a loony/lesbo/Commie/fascist/weenie, so one can see how a colleague might get sick of Mike’s whining, and file a harassment complaint about him. But since Mike has a First Ammendment right to be a big jerk, he got even with them all by making a list of all the times they made HIM feel uncomfortable — it’s not only the perfect revenge, it makes scintillating reading for everybody else in the country.

Then there are all the times that the name Jesus Christ has been used as a form of profanity in the office. That makes me feel uncomfortable. By the way, I am especially offended by the phrase ?Jesus F***ing Christ!? I mean, no one ever says ?Mo-F***ing-Hammed!? or ?F***ing Buddha!,? do they?

Suzanne Fields

Being an upper-middle-class stay-at-home mother is the trendy, new thing to do this year! All the smart, hip women are quitting work so they can spend their days having coffee with their friends while they discuss art, literature, and politics; they make this sacrifice for the good of their babies. Being infertile or having to work in order to support your kids is soooo last year.

We even have new words to describe old, once-familiar things. “Cocooning,” the making of cozy nests presided over by wives determined to protect their husbands and their children from chill winds blowing in from the cold outside, has given way to “hiving.” Hiving is turning the home into a beehive, a busy place of domestic industry presided over by a queen bee ready to deliver a nasty sting to anyone who attempts to disturb the peace and serenity of her hive.

It’s Revenge of the BeeGirls 2004, starring Michelle Malkin, Danielle Crittenden, and Meghan Cox Gurdon! And fortunately, since being a wealthy houswife is now all the rage, the Wall Street Journal and Madison Avenue are helping to make these brave women’s lives easier.

The Wall Street Journal surveys the new housewares that make life inside the hive more fun, or at least less inconvenient to the queen bee: Toastit Toaster Bags, to make grilled-cheese sandwiches without leaving “muss” in the toaster; Snap-Saver No-Brainer Containers, with lids that snap to the bottom of the plastic cups to help a forgetful mom to remember where she put them; and the disposable Scrub ‘N Flush brush to keep the toilet squeaky clean.

Of course, the biggest convenience for these Queen Bees are nannies, the worker bees of the hive.

David Limbaugh

Just because Bush dressed up in a flight suit and was a passenger in a jet which landed on a battleship where a “Mission Accomplished” banner was flying, the Democrats accused Bush of politicizing the war. And they also complained of “politicizing” when he used his successful record as Commander in Chief (as shown by that ad with the body of the 9/11 victim) as part of his re-election campaign.

But it’s really the DEMOCRATS who are politicizing the war, by criticizing the President’s handling of it. Which is treason, in that it “undermines our cause.” And anyway, they’re just jealous.

The Democrats have presidential military leadership envy. They just can’t stand that President Bush has so masterfully taken the war to the terrorists.

And that concludes our TownHall Tribute for today. But if you have criticized the President’s handling of the war on terrorism or read Richard Clarke’s book, please turn yourself in to the FBI for treason. And if you want Thomas Sowell to be President so you can snag one of those $10 million a year congressional jobs, you’ll have to convince your conservative friends to vote for Sowell instead of Bush come November.

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Bush Burning over Kerry heresy

Speaking on behalf of the Sacred Head of the National Faith, Bush disciples have attacked Candidate Kerry for the heresy of quoting scripture in church without the prior consent of the Bush/Lord 04 campaign. (Slogan: Vote for us or go to Hell.)

After revealing that he wasn’t elected but placed in the White House by God (a longtime Republican) Bush’s disciples have determined that God, faith, morality, patriotism, democracy, freedom and compassion are sole properties of the Republican Faith. Use of any of these terms explicitly or in casual reference is expressly forbidden to parties outside the Republican faith, what with preachifying being a considerable part of their current campaign.

It is unclear what punishment Bush and his disciples plan to hand down to the infidel Kerry but it promises to be eternal, or at least feel that way.

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Lies under oaf

Last week Condi Rice showed herself willing to lie riotously for the cameras, but shy as a woodland faun when invited to spew the same egregious crap under oath. The administration is selecting and distorting statements made by Richard Clarke under oath (that are unavailable for public scrutiny) and threatening Clarke with all sorts of punishment. I wonder if their panicky avoidance of taking an oath themselves is being amplified by awareness of how deeply wrong it is to be doing what they’re doing right now.

[RICHARD] CLARKE: This is the president of the United States’ writing. And when they’re engaged in character assassination of me, let’s just remember that on January 31, 2003 [he wrote]: “Dear Dick, you will be missed. You served our nation with distinction and honor. You have left a positive mark on our government.” This is not the normal typewritten letter that everybody gets. This is the president’s handwriting.

He thinks I served with distinction and honor. The rest of his staff is out there trying to destroy my professional life, trying to destroy my reputation, because I had the temerity to suggest that a policy issue should be discussed. What is the role of the war on terror vis-a-vis the war in Iraq? Did the war in Iraq really hurt the war on terror? Because I suggest we should have a debate on that, I am now being the victim of a taxpayer-paid — because all these people work for the government — character assassination campaign. (03/28/04, Meet the Press)

First the Bush administration said that Condi wasn’t allowed to testify under oath because tradition prevented National Security Advisor(s) from appearing before a Congressional body. When it was proven that tradition has, indeed, given such permission in the past, BushCo looked elsewhere to pass this particular buck.

Then BushCo claimed that Condi wasn’t allowed to testify under oath because presidential advisors had to be assured of confidentiality. Yet even while making that wobbly case, they were exposing advisor Richard Clarke’s identity as an unnamed source in a background briefing on behalf of the White House, said exposure for nothing more urgent than bolstering the administration’s intent to smear him as inconsistent. (The hypocrisy of trying to smear him with a past briefing given on their orders to make their case apparently continues to elude most media.)

If this sacred confidentiality can be dispensed for nothing more urgent than a drive-by administration smear, surely it can be dispensed for their testimony before the 911 commission.

The Bush administration then said that Condi couldn’t testify because White House counsel Alberto Gonzalez advised against it. September 11th has long been the President’s excuse for flouting civility, ethics, tradition, good taste, decades of foreign policy and of course, law:

“International law? I better call my lawyer; he didn’t bring that up to me.” – George W. Bush, responding sarcastically [12/21/03] to a question about U.S. policy in Iraq violating international law (12/22/03 Newsweek)

Suddenly, he is paralyzed with respect for the law and reveals Alberto Gonzalez to be the most powerful person in the world? Please.

The latest excuse is that they don’t want to reveal intelligence methods and sources, as it might compromise national security. Fair enough, even with the reek of insincerity that comes from this being their latest rather than first excuse. (What, tradition is their marquee center and national security, the last scrub on the bench?) There’s still a considerable public record of events that need ’splainin, though. They don’t necessarily have to go into spook territory to answer, What the fuck were you thinking???? Here are a few of examples of WTF situations:

Prior to Sept. 11, 2001, The Manchester Guardian calculated that Mr. Bush, in his first seven months of office spent 42 percent of his time on holiday, “a whopping 54 days at his Texas ranch, 38 days at the presidential retreat at Camp David and four more at his parents’ place in Kennebunkport, Maine.”

That changed when the job became fundamentally more serious after the terrorist attacks. But Mr. Bush still rests, although his month-long retreat of August 2001 – the longest presidential vacation in 32 years – is no longer politically prudent while the war on terrorism is being waged. (03/18/04 CBS/Kuhn)

Even when not on leisure time, the public record already shows several instances of inaction and neglect of the issue of terrorism:

[RICHARD] CLARKE: [A]fter Tenet had been briefing [Bush] day after day after day after day about an al-Qaeda threat, the president said, in May, “Well, let’s, you know, get a strategy.” That’s the only thing I ever heard that he got involved in personally. And when he said that, Dr. Rice called me and said, “The president wants a strategy.” And I said, “Well, you know the strategy was what I sent you on January 25, and it’s been stuck in these low-level committees.” And she said, “Fine. I’ll deal with that.” Well, she didn’t deal with it until September.

And, interestingly enough, the president never said after that May conversation, “Where’s the strategy?” And, again, if you go back to what the president himself says to Bob Woodward, he said, “I knew there was a strategy in the works. But I didn’t know how mature the plan was.” He’s saying this on September 11. He didn’t know where the strategy was. The strategy that he had asked for in May? He’d never come back and asked where it was. You know, basically, it wasn’t an urgent issue for them before September 11. … They held interim meetings, but they never actually decided anything before September 11. (03/28/04, Meet the Press)

Clarke is apparently referring to Bush (on May 8, 2001) entrusting Cheney to head the Office of National Preparedness section of FEMA to coordinate federal programs for responding to domestic attacks.(NYT 07/08/02, reg) Apparently this task force never met or if it did, it’s one of the secrets in Cheney’s bulging vault.

Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D) and Sen. Jon Kyl (R) sent a copy of draft legislation on counterterrorism and national defense to Vice President Cheney?s office on July 20. On September 10, 2001, they were told by Cheney?s top aide “that it might be another six months before he would be able to review the material.” CNN Interactive Timeline

So as of September, 2001, the strategy supposedly set in action in May (and the loop Cheney claims didn’t include Clarke) still wasn’t active. The commission already has a record of appalling examples of inaction in 2001, as they’ve already been documented in the public record. BushCo’s attempt to avoid public testimony under oath follows their cheesy history of dodging accountability — only this time they’d face indictments if they try to lie about it.

The Center for American Progress has a sourced rap sheet exposing the Condi-Lies.

Update: Apologies if anyone experienced stalling or problems with the links. I boneheadedly uploaded a draft rather than my rewrite and tried to fix stuff online. I am willing to testify about it under oath.

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Bulldog Clarke stares down BushCo pack attack

Further to the Sunday Dogfight Schedule, appearing on NPR’s All Things Considered Saturday, Richard Clarke made the White House look like even bigger scumbags by urging them to declassify the documents they claim show Clarke is a liar — but which they won’t let the public see just yet.

In case you missed the latest mudslinging from the character-ridden GOP, here’s the recap: On Friday, Bush Fedayeen leaders in congress came forward to continue the attacks on Richard Clarke and give Condi Rice some time to hyperventilate into a brown paper bag while Washington’s finest put out the five alarm blaze roaring through all of her pants.

On the Senate floor, Bill Frist essentially accused Clarke of perjury by threatening to investigate him for any perjury that could be found in past congressional testimony under oath, such perjurious morsels the White House would then helpfully declassify, with advance copies going to Fox. (This is what’s known as the Preznit being above the fray.) Ludicrously, while accusing Clarke of inconsistency, Frist couldn’t keep his own story straight. (See Atrios, TPM and Corrente for a comprehensive overview. Also, check out Kevin Drum’s ongoing roll of how many times the Bush administration has used selective declassification for smearing critics, a vital aspect of the War on Terra and Stuff.)

Here’s an excerpt from Clarke’s appearance on All Things Considered:

{Intro: … Republican congressional leaders said they wanted the WH to declassify past congressional testimony by Clarke, hoping the documents would show he lied. Clarke spoke to NPR’s Libby Lewis about the documents in question …}

…

CLARKE: I’d love to have not only my testimony but all the materials and documents related to this investigation declassified, and that’s both my testimony before the joint commission, the joint committee of the House and Senate, and also the document that the 9/11 commission referred to in its interim report, the document I sent to Condi Rice early in the administration in January.

Now they say, the White House says, the document doesn’t exist. Obviously it does because the commission staff has seen it and reported on it publicly. I think that document ought to be released too.

I’d like to be able to have the public compare what I gave her in January and what she then approved and the other principles approved on September 4th, because they’re virtually identical. So if we’re going to start declassifying materials, let’s not do it selectively. Let’s declassify my entire testimony, all 196 pages of it, or whatever it is, and let’s also declassify those two key documents

…

CLARKE: The truth is a powerful force. If I can get people to look at the facts, if I can get people to put aside the personal attacks and innuendo and whatnot, and focus on the policy issues — Is the United States safer or not? Did going into Iraq help or hurt the war on terrorism? — if we can get it back to that level of debate than I think it’ll be worth it.

What a bastard!

I transcribed the short interview and archived here. Download the text file or link to the HTML document.

(Note: It will be interesting to compare what emerges from Clarke’s appearance on Press the Meat against Condi’s appearance later on 60 Minutes. Condi’s interview was taped yesterday, so perhaps a lie counter or drinking game might be in order. I’ll be filching mass quantities of Seb’s Jagermeister as I can no longer understand this administration sober.)

Update: I corrected my use of principles in the transcripts to principals (thanks, Frederick!). Also, I’ve read conflicting information about whether Condi Rice’s interview on 60 Minutes was pre-taped, or will be broadcast live tonight. I’d find it enthralling regardless, but if it’s live it would be riveting in a white Ford Bronco making a run for it kind of way.

Update: Rice interview is being taped, but after Clarke’s journey through Punditstan, giving Condi the benefit of rebuttal with crib notes.

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The Babylonian Shampoo Secrets of Success

It’s time for another wacky adventure on “Everybody Loves Doug Giles.” Today we find Doug advising the Beav on how to succeed in the hipster coffee house we call life. It involves a little something called the Bible, Daddy-O.

The times in which we?re living are darker than Rob Zombie listening to the Insane Clown Posse in Jimmy Page?s dungeon? or something like that.

And we start out with one of those meta-culture based metaphors for which Doug is deservedly famous. But even he is getting unsure about what they mean.

The fact that our current cruddy culture is doing things that make demons blush takes no great insight for the honest person to perceive.

Our culture is really rotten, and that’s why we should make numerous references to it in each of our sermons — to show the kids that we’re down with their “acid rock” and “Richard Grieco,” and thus prove we are cool, so they will believe us when we say how rotten our current culture really is.

The thing that confronts us, the subject about which I get several hundred e-mails every week is: ?What can the young, God and country loving American do, to help turn this nation around before it slams solidly into a brick wall.?

Doug gets several hundred emails a week? And they all ask him about brick walls? Is he being major-spammed or what? (It would be fun to send him several hundred emails asking, “What can the young, God-and-country loving Wile E. Coyote do to catch the Roadrunner before slamming solidly into a brick wall?” but it would probably cause us to get in trouble with our Internet provider.)

My advice is to go back to a time in history when things sucked worse than a vacuum cleaner powered by a GE jet engine, look to see who/what remedied that particularly dilapidated situation and repeat their principles of change.

2600 hundred years ago four Hebrew lads, namely, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego were taken captive into Babylon.

Hey, that’s not history, that’s the Old Testament! And they didn’t have vacuum cleaners then! And Daniel and the Chan Clan didn’t keep Babylon from slamming into a brick wall, since it fell over 2500 years ago — numerous times.

They were stripped of everything that was sacred to them. They were tempted more sorely than a 15 year old Baptist boy at a Beyonce concert, and they were force fed an anti-theistic culture.

So Kyle Williams has been sending Doug emails, complaining about how the harlot Beyonce has been tempting him to touch himself on his tingly places.

Oh, and I believe Babylon gave us many important advances is agriculture, art, architecture, astronomy, law, etc. Which proves that maybe “anti-theistic” cultures can be a GOOD thing.

What follows is a very brief and crude exposition of five of the seven habits of these highly effective Jewish 20-somethings, as recorded in Daniel chapter one of the Bible. Daniel?s experience serves as an example of how the young, traditional God-fearing American can begin to position himself for positive influence in our increasingly secular society. If you want a fully fleshed out version, check out my latest book RULING IN BABYLON.

But if you want all the insider secrets on how to achieve mega-sucess in a society that’s playing Chinese fire drill in Sid Vicious’ jockstrap while Janis Joplin fixes gyros, then you should attend Daniel and Meshach’s Personal Growth 3000 Seminar! (Sadly, the group broke up over a Japanese woman, and now Abed-nego won’t speak to any of the others. And Shadrach died in a mysterious auto accident two years ago. So, it’s just a fab twosome now. But of course, Daniel was always the big draw, being the front man, so it’s not like the two missing group members have hurt ticket sales.)

Anyway, here’s an edited version of Doug’s “Rocking to the oldies” success plan:

1. Get a life. Daniel and his buddies were not passive blame-shifting slack-jawed dweebs who prolonged their infancy by living prodigally within an extended therapeutic womb. [snip] We must get out of bed, turn off MTV, change our underwear and move out of mummy?s house. Let?s buy an alarm clock, set it and begin to make things happen.

Daniel and his friends were brought into King’s household under an “EEO internship for Hebrews plan,” so, they didn’t “get a life” all on their own. But they did presumably turn off MTV and change their underwear from time to time.

2. Look good. Unless you?re a rock star, custom chopper builder, or a barista at Starbuck?s, you might want to think twice about tattooing your shaved skull.

Will do, Doug. But I hear there’s good money in being a Starbuck’s barista. And some of those custom chopper builders make over $100K a year. And reportedly “rock star” is one of America’s best-paying professions. It does indeed make me think twice about that tattoo/shaved skull thing.

3. Get smart. The greatest commandment in the scripture is to love God with all your heart, soul, MIND and strength. Those who purport to be connected to the God of the Bible should not have an IQ lower than Beavis and Butthead. Anti-intellectualism is a scandal and a sin. For the traditional conservative American it is not only a sin because it is a refusal to treat with gravity the great commandment; it is also a scandal because it keeps the community from taking one seriously.

You know, like how everyone takes Doug “Crack Night in the Ferret Cage” Giles seriously.

4. Understand worldviews. Unless young conservatives are intellectually equipped to understand and defend a traditional biblical worldview against the secular humanism, Marxism and Islamic weltanschauung fired at them on a 24/7/365 basis in the college classroom and via the media elite?s excretions ? we?re Spam.

Wow, young conservatives get German secular/humanistic/Islamic world views thrown at them every hour of every day? When do the poor dears sleep?

I guess they don’t — they stay up all night emailing Doug about brick walls. Which explains the mention of Spam.

5. Serve somebody. Another way to adjust our secularly altered states is by serving somebody.

It may be the devil, or it may be the Lord, but you have to serve somebody. (But if it’s the devil, don’t tell Doug about it, ’cause he’d freak.)

As much as I am a wholehearted proponent of debate ? sometimes ? no, a lot of the time ? we should shut up and lend a practical hand. The more we help an ?at risk kid? with his homework, a needy single mom get a roof over her head, a teenager dying of leukemia in his last days at a children?s hospital or playing black jack with some great granddads at a retirement home, the more we balance our rhetoric with reality.

Okay, that part is actually good advice. Doug, I commend you for getting off the drugs long enough to write something that made sense.

My ClashPoint is this: The grand ascent of Daniel and his compadres was as a result of giving God their utmost for His highest. Along with their deep spirituality, they became young leaders who were physically fit and well versed in all manner of knowledge. They were brilliant servants who were 10 times greater than all the resident slugs in Babylon.

And they got thrown into a furnace, while the slugs just got salted.

My advice to the young traditional conservative American is: follow the simple instructions on your shampoo bottle: lather, rinse and repeat. Lather, rinse and repeat Daniel?s actions, and watch how you will rise to a place of authority in our Babylonian culture.

Yes, lather up with Daniel and his friends, and you will go far, young conservative! Hey, you could even become President of Babylon — or at least get a Halliburton contract to rebuild it after we invade it this summer.

And that, my young conservative buddies, is a big mene, mene, tekel, upsharsin.

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Sunday Dogfight Schedule

On deck:

Richard Clarke (Press the Meat)
Condi Rice (60 Minutes)

I’m looking forward to seeing so-called bulldog Tim Russert get mauled by a real one. I’m also taping 60 Minutes to see if Condi spontaneously combusts when she gets asked a real journalistic question, eg, “Are you on crack or what?”

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The Prez of Comedy

“I would say anybody in the world who has not ordered troops into battle based on getting rid of someone?s nonexistent weapons of mass destruction can joke about weapons of mass destruction.” (Al Franken, 03/26/04)

“I keep sort of a running tab on the number of public officials or corporate officials who are forced to apologize on a regular basis for awkward attempts at humor. It?s an instrument that is best handled by professionals, much like scalpels and other sharp tools.” (Harry Shearer, 03/26/04)

I’d be more inclined to write off the Prez of Comedy’s WMD bit as simple bad taste if his remarks didn’t signify a world leader’s dissociation from appalling situations that he created, and worsening by the day. What Bush’s enablers conveniently forget is that the amount of destruction he unleashed didn’t create the shiny-penny democracy they keep saying exists. Instead, he’s put Iraq on the brink of civil war or becoming a hardline theocracy.

And no, Saddam wouldn’t still be in power otherwise. Had the UN inspectors been allowed to complete their work, the lifting of sanctions would have occurred with world military and civilian support behind UN-supervised elections planned for the Fall of 2003. Instead, we have this:

Iraq’s top Shi’ite cleric may issue a religious edict declaring the June U.S. transfer of power to Iraqis illegal if an interim constitution article is not amended, a close aide said in remarks published on Saturday.

“If article 61 of the interim constitution is not changed, Imam (Ayatollah Ali) al-Sistani may issue a fatwa declaring illegitimate all those (Iraqis) to whom power is transferred in June,” said Ayatollah Mohammad Baqer al-Mohri.

Sistani “may also order the Iraqi people to protest or carry out major popular demonstrations and sit-ins in all Iraqi cities,” added Mohri. [...]

Washington has been pushing for progress on the constitution and the make-up of a new government in order to meet a June 30 deadline to hand over sovereignty.

Mohri also urged the United Nations and the U.S.-run Coalition Provisional Authority running Iraq not to disagree with Sistani, “or else there will be pandemonium in Iraq, and protests and chaos will be widespread.” (03/27/04 Reuters)

The Al-Jazeera report adds the detail:

Sistani had complained that veto guarantees enshrined in the constitution could constrain the power of the Shia. He also says a proposed three-person presidential council, comprised of a Shia, a Sunni and a Kurd, is a recipe for religious and ethnic squabbling.

What’s particularly alarming is that the handy N/S geographical divisions of the parties increases the likelihood of civil conflict drawing in Turkey from the north, and/or Iran from the south. (Bush: Ain’t I a stinker?)

Despite a big buildup that drew a mob of world press to the region with promises of kickass footage and a sensational capture or two, the administration’s Spring Product announced late last year is another disaster. Pakistan’s hunt for bin Laden has mobilized hardline sentiment in the country and dismayed Musharef’s moderate opposition.

[Pakistan's military spokesman Shaukat] Sultan said the operation in Pakistan’s semiautonomous tribal areas had been successful. … But observers critical of the massive military sweep called it a political failure, citing the high number of troop casualties and officials’ failure to capture any so-called “high-value targets.”

The deployment has drawn criticism from Islamic hard-liners and opposition politicians, who have capitalized on widespread anti-U.S. sentiment. …

Musharraf, speaking on Pakistan Television, defended the operation Saturday, insisting that the militants in the tribal areas are a threat to the nation. (03/27/04 AP/Pennington)

Look, everyone’s entitled to test their chops at open mic night. I just don’t think Bush should be doing WMD bits when terrorists are closer than ever to acquiring them, not in Iraq, where they never were, but in Pakistan, where illicit availability has improved (as it has with many other shady new best friends of the Preznit’s.) In case he’s still not giving a shit, al Zawahiri just released a tape urging Muslims to overthrow the Musharef government that’s even less funny than the Preznit’s WMD bit or the Jerky Boys.

I’m wondering when the SCLM will get around to asking why his self-proclaimed mission to spread democracy seems to be turning two secular states into theocracies — one of them with nukes. (Three if you include Shit Midas’ domestic influence.) Not even a peep about it.

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Bush/Dick campaign secures fuzzy annihilating whackjob endorsement

Crazy Howard Dean’s official endorsement of John F. Kerry kicked off with some fist pumping and a lusty yell, but it was nearly overshadowed by several exciting endorsements for the ?ber-straight Bush/Dick ticket. The SCLM, which dubbed Dean a screaming lunatic after he raised his voice to be heard over a chanting crowd and for saying the capture of Saddam Hussein didn’t make us safer, hasn’t yet weighed in on the new Bush/Dick endorsements, so apologies if I can’t provide a more comprehensive overview of this important development.

The KoolAid Kids are recovering from the kind of hangovers that would come from drinking enough hooch to find humor in Commander Codpiece’s schtick about not finding the WMDs — whoopsie — that in his view necessitated causing tens of thousands of deaths, maimings, irreparable environmental harm and as yet incalculable damage from DU and unexploded ordnance. For future reference, here’s a short list of White House correspondents[see Update] to query for explanations of this hip new war/maiming/apocalyptic destruction humor. Some total buzzkill didn’t like the routine. Maybe grumblepuss should have stuck around for the President Shecky’s bit mimicking various horrific symptoms frail seniors have when they don’t take various unaffordable meds.

The official Bush/Dick campaign site informs us that the important Sports Mascot endorsement has begun pouring in. Rather, one has: the University of Louisville Cardinal, pictured here showing off “support on campus for President Bush!” The official media event with another plush endorsement, the Crawford Chickenhawk, had to be cancelled when the latter failed to show up as scheduled. A mascot search party later found the Chickenhawk lying in a pool of its own filth, its piss-soaked pants around its ankles and its beak buried in a lavish mound of blow (est. street value $250K). The Chickenhawk came to long enough to say he didn’t remember his 72-hour bender, but he was sure his predecessor was responsible.

The Bush/Dick 04 campaign has also received the coveted formal endorsement of the terrorist group, the Abu Hafs al-Masri Brigades, which claimed responsibility for the Madrid bombings:

The statement said it supported President Bush in his reelection campaign, and would prefer him to win in November rather than the Democratic candidate John Kerry, as it was not possible to find a leader “more foolish than you (Bush), who deals with matters by force rather than with wisdom.”

In comments addressed to Bush, the group said: “Kerry will kill our nation while it sleeps because he and the Democrats have the cunning to embellish blasphemy and present it to the Arab and Muslim nation as civilization.”

“Because of this we desire you (Bush) to be elected.” (Reuters 03/17/04)

And why not? BushCo’s approach to foreign policy is a recruiting bonanza and fund-raising goldmine for terrorists.

Does the US appear any more lame as an honest defender of democracy and freedom than when continuing to berate longtime allies for being right about WMDs, but excusing Pakistan’s nuclear lawn sale — potentially to terrorist groups — in exchange for an election campaign boost from the al Zawahiri hunt?

I don’t have the same twist-tie reclosable bag of plastic soldiers Commander Codpiece uses in formulating his military strategies so I may be out of line in suggesting that maybe … just maybe … announcing the Spring Osama/al Zwahiri hunt last year to build the hype for the Iraq invasion anniversary might, just might, be why the guy got away. Just throwing shit out here …

Meanwhile, in other whackjob endorsement news …

The Bush-Cheney campaign unveiled a new weapon Wednesday in its re-election campaign … [Sen. Zell] Miller who is retiring from the Senate this year, will make the case that Kerry’s policies are inconsistent with some of history’s most popular Democratic presidents.

Miller, a Georgian who is the lone Democratic senator publicly to back Bush’s re-election bid, made the attack against Kerry in a speech announcing his leadership of a national “Democrats for Bush” effort. He was joined by a handful of lesser-known Democrats. The Bush-Cheney campaign said it would release a more comprehensive list in the coming weeks, but on Wednesday released a list of 99 Democrats from 27 states and the District of Colombia as the group’s charter members. (Faux 03/25/04)

Bush still hasn’t released a complete list of that mysterious coalition of the willing who are contributing so much to the occupation of Iraq, but when this Dem-support list does surface, you can bet it will be in terms of combined raw population, GDP and burger flipping manufacturing jobs.

Should Bush/Dick be successful in its reelection bid, sports mascots, terrorists and tranny Dems will replace vanished fiscal Republicans and Log Cabin voters as the desperation chum the ‘04 administration chucks over the side first when there’s any sign of poll trouble in the happy years to come.

Update: (I’ve been trying to find a comprehensive list of Radio and Television Correspondents, with email addresses, to add to the KoolAid Kids list above. If anyone has a link or a list, do tell.)

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The Social Consequences of Same-Sex Marriage

You are probably tired of antigay marriage diatribes, because they all say pretty much the same thing. And yes, this one does recover a lot of the same, tired, wackiness. But the author, one Mary Mostert (whose bio says she is a “a nationally-respected political writer” who does research for Michael Reagan’s newsletter) brings her own unique vision to the subject, and I think her column is worth a brief study.

So, just what are the social consequences of same-sex marriage?

1. We will need new dictionaries:

Every dictionary and encyclopedia in my library, and there are a number of them published from 1848 to the present, defines marriage as “the act of legally uniting a man and woman in wedlock.” What is called “same sex marriage” or “anal sex” today is called sodomy in my dictionaries and is defined as “unnatural” sex or “anal copulation with a human or an animal.” , So just where in the world did the “right” Rep. Frank claims exist come from for two men, two women, or perhaps a man and a dog at some future time in some future court, to claim the “right” for society’s approval of their unnatural sexual behavior?

Of course, we don’t normally let dictionaries make our laws, define our social policies, and determine our Constitutional rights — but if we did, what would would that form of goverment be called? A dictionaryacracy, maybe?

And I don’t believe that the dictionary defines a homosexual as “one who engages in anal sex” — if it does, aren’t there some heterosexuals whose marriages will now have to be voided? And aren’t there gays who will wake up to find they’ve been kicked out of the brotherhood, so to speak. Oh, and how do lesbians manage it?

2. We’d have to allow polygamy, and that would cause our nation to turn into a Sultanate or wacko cult.

What WOULD be the reaction of those who support same-sex marriage should a group of Muslims with several wives or polygamists such as the David Koresh, leader of the Branch Davidians of Waco, Texas a decade ago, demand an equal right to marry according to their religion and their love? What WOULD the “social condition of the people” be like in a nation that adopts the notion of legalizing and socially approving of sodomy with same-sex marriage?

I’m not sure I understand that last question, but in answer to the first, I would say, “Hey, you can only have the legal benefits of marriage with one other person, but if you want to be in a ‘marriage’ with more than one consenting adult, and your religion says it’s okay, then it’s not going to cause me to lose any sleep at night.”

3. People will become gay and die young, and homosexuals will reject reject heterosexual marriages:

The “social condition of the people” among those who practice sodomy includes a shortened life-span, increased incidences of violent death and suicides and an increased rejection of normal heterosexual marriage, according to statistics gathers in countries approving of same-sex marriage. The median age at death of homosexuals who die of AIDS is 39. The median age at death of homosexual men who die of causes other than AIDS is 42.

42? I call no way!

In fact, I call no way so much that I did a quick Google check and found that this figure comes from The Medical Consequences of What Homosexuals Do, an old favorite of gay bashers. But I love it for it’s fresh scent and blatant dishonesty! It was written by”Dr. Paul Cameron,” who is not, despite the title of his pamphlet, a medical doctor. No, he holds a Ph.D. in psychology. And there are reports that he was expelled from the American Psychological Association due shoddy scholarship, but I don’t know if they have been verified.

My favorite bit from “Medical Consequences” is Dr. Paul’s citation of Cecil Anderson as a “scientific authority” on the unhygienic stuff (to include gerbils) that gay men put where the sun don’t shine. Of course, when you look it up, you find that what Anderson actually said was that heterosexuals also put things where they don’t belong, and the gerbil story is just an urban legend. That’s the only citation I personally checked, but just that one gives you an idea of Dr. Paul’s committment to truth and fairness.

Anyway, this is the methodology for the 1993 study cited by Dr. Paul, and which Ms. Mastert apparently used to get that “death at 42″ “fact”:

Obituaries numbering 6,516 from 16 U.S. homosexual journals over the past 12 years were compared to a large sample of obituaries from regular newspapers. If AIDS was the cause of death, the median age was 39. For the 829 gays who died of something other than AIDS, the median age of death was 42, and 9% died old.

Okay, 1981-1993 was the height of the AIDS epidemic; and obviously, not every obituary is going to give AIDS as the cause of death. So, the study results seem flawed from from the start. I’m sure somebody knowledgeable in scientific methodology could find numerous other flaws, like maybe how the sample group isn’t representative of all homosexuals, but I’m going to posit that this study is not the definitive one on gay life expectancies.

One interesting point, though: the study also showed that married people lived longer than the unattached. So, if it has any validity at all (which I doubt), I think it’s saying that we should allow gays to marry, so they can live longer.

4. Smokers will claim they’re being unfairly picked on.

Frankly, it puzzles me that liberals believe the social consequences of smoking, which shortens a person’s life by about 8 years is reason enough to enact laws and levy taxes to discourage it, yet APPROVE of same-sex “marriages” or “unions” which shortens a person’s life span by over 20 to 40 years.

You know, I think Ms. Mastert has hit on something here: maybe if we tax gay marriage like we do cigarettes, the gays will stop being homosexual. I think it’s worth a try.

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The helm is right here

Early Tuesday morning I was having some fun searching for the most hilariously, over-the-top comments Bush partisans were making in the media to discredit Richard Clarke.

Obviously, one of my first stops was Fox News, and I wasn’t disappointed. There, I found an article titled “White House Rebuts Former Adviser’s 9/11 Claims” in which Alexander “As of now, I am in control here” Haig portrayed Clarke as “trying to suck around for another job.” So, like any respectable Sadly, No! reader (and guest blogger), I filed away the link for future reference.

Imagine my dismay later in the day when, upon deciding that presidential-primary-loser Haig’s quote was indeed the most hilarious and over-the-top claim I had read, I discovered that Fox News had actually edited the story and replaced Haig with someone else saying something less droll (but, of course, almost as equally outrageous).

All I can say is thank goodness for the folks over at Joefish’s Freshwater Blog! After some fruitless hours spent Googling, up popped the original Fox News story and quote in one of Joefish’s posts:

“He probably thinks that the Democrats have a chance this time and so he’s trying to suck around for another job,” Alexander Haig, former secretary of state under President Reagan, told Fox News on Monday.

“This is an outrage to claim President Bush is responsible for nine years of total incompetence in confronting international terrorism that he [Clarke] was a part of,” especially when “the Clinton administration did nothing but warn, warn, warn and throw a few rockets” at terrorists.

Bush, however, “has a firm grasp on the global threat that is confronting the United States, the free world and nations that believe in the rule of law,” Haig continued.

While I laughed uproariously at the irony of Alexander Haig – a man whose most recent, brief role in a presidential administration lasted one and one-half years almost a quarter of a century ago, and for which he will likely be solely remembered for his shocking lack of knowledge of the U.S. Constitution – accusing Richard Clarke of toadying for a White House job, Joefish’s Freshwater Blog provided this more helpful, incisive analysis:

As usual, Alexander Haig is brutally honest and has a firm grasp on the situation.

Speaking of missing, snarky Clarke quotes, where in the White House transcript is Scott McClellan’s “”Dick Clarke’s American Grandstand” remark from Monday’s press briefing? According to CBS News, it happened right about here:

“It’s important to keep in context we’re in the heat of a presidential campaign and all of a sudden he comes out with a book that he is seeking to promote … and he is making charges that simply did not happen,” McClellan said.

“This is Dick Clarke’s American grandstand. He just keeps changing the tune,” McClellan added.

Now, I may be mistaken, but I am almost 100% certain that I originally read that comment in the White House transcript the following day because CNN International (I share the same time zone with our currently bedridden Sadly, No! management) had cut away from live coverage of the briefing the day before and I was trying to catch up on what I had missed.

So what happened to McClellan’s cute little sound bite?

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The Week in Sutures…

Good news, everybody! (Pretend I didn’t sound like Professor Farnsworth when I said that.)

Anyway, the good news is that we have a dispatch from Seb, our embedded reporter in the German hospital. He brings word that the schools are now open, and they have electricity and Halliburton-built police stations. And hospitals!

No, actually his report follows. It’s like “The Week In Numbers,” but from a hospital perspective. And the really good new is that not only does it sound like Seb doing okay, but he’s still funny!

Here’s “The Week in Sutures”:

*****

14 days, 42 hospital meals, 56 unwanted medical procedures, 68 telephone conversations with our wife and 117 blue pills (and yet, no sponge bath — oh, the cruelty!) later, it’s time for a hospital roundup:

Crooners and Stooges of the Crusade

Knights of the Round Table

We’re Knights of the Round Table,
We dance when ere we’re able,
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot,
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.

We’re Knights of the Round Table,
Our shows are formidable,
But many times, we’re given rhymes
That are quite unsingable.
We’re Opera mad in Camelot,
We sing from the diaphragm
a looooooot.

In war we’re tough and able,
Quite indefatigable,
Between our quests we sequin vests,
And impersonate Clark Gable.
It’s a busy life in Camelot,
I have to push the pram a lot.

The Quest to crush the Infidel Richard Clarke

Quotes/Dephraselated

Total Dick Cheney: “I wasn’t directly involved in that [hiring] decision … [he] moved out of the counterterrorism business over to the cybersecurity side of things … well, he wasn’t in the loop, frankly, on a lot of this stuff … I didn’t notice that [the Clinton administration] had any great success dealing with the terrorist threat. He was some nerdlinger in cyber-something. Fuck, I don’t know. I can’t be expected to remember everyone I pantsed, beat up and set on fire freshman year. He’s from the loser Clinton frat. At least, I think he is. Fuck, I don’t know. It’s pissin’ me off you’re asking. I can’t factually dispute the bastard. Oh, man, that little puke is so dead.

Condi “Flop Sweat” Rice: He gave me ” a list of five ideas, most of which had been around since 1998.” … “You know, I wasn’t born yesterday when Clarke briefed me.” [Yes. We know.] … Cheney and Rice said that Clarke is motivated by sour grapes because Rice declined to back him for a post he sought. He’s so ‘98. He needs me bad for cred and yet I stand before you all day incapable of factually refuting anything he’s said.

Other Scotty: [Mr. McClellan's quotes exceed the maximum allowable amount of ridiculousness for satire. The management apologizes and directs you to Mr. McClellan's original material in the extension]

Andy “Wotta” Card: [If he knew 9-11] was going to come and didn’t say anything about it, he was irresponsible and he did not live up to his oath of office. He’s a little bit of a character … He’s lying traitor, yet I can’t manage to factually dispute anything he’s said. He’s a lunatic, which makes my inability to dispute him odder still.

Pickles: My husband “swore to protect and defend the Constitution and the people of the United States, he took that very, very seriously … and for someone to imply that he doesn’t is just wrong.” What he said about my boyfriend is a lie because he’s not my boyfriend. Clearly I can’t factually dispute him, and not just because I’m an idiot.

More quotes in the extension.
Read the rest of this entry »

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GWB: 9-11 changed everything … except weenie excuses

9-11 changed everything. (GWB 09/12/01 and nearly every day since, particularly at all his fundraisers)

But apparently it didn’t change this arcane, cobwebby but unbreakable “rule” that supports his decision to keep his skittish National Security Advisor from having to lie testify under oath and on camera:

John King reports the White House position on why Condi won’t testify publicly:

“It is long a tradition that presidential staffers, senior staffers, and presidents themselves do not testify before congressional bodies. This commission is a creature of Congress, created by the Congress. [Tenet, Rumsfeld, Powell] are all subject to Senate confirmation so the tradition is, they DO testify before such panels. Tradition is, the National Security Advisor does not. The White House says it will stick to that. … The White House said it will not put her out in public.” (CNN 03/24/04)

(BTW, Carter admin and Clinton admin National Security advisors have testified for congressional bodies, publicly, in front of God and everything. Ben-Veniste mentioned it while thanking Berger for appearing.)

And isn’t it just plain shitty to flip flop on the “9/11 changed everything” excuse he’s used for everything from tax cuts to WH dirty tricks … to duck public scrutiny of his, Cheney’s and Condi’s testimony for the 9-11 Commission?

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Testifying today before the 9-11 Commission

On deck:

George Tenet (9:00 am)
Sandy Berger
Richard Clarke
Richard Armitage (late addition)

Thanks, everyone, for these links to tune in via the web:

NPR is audio streaming it live.
KPFK.org’s front page links to Pacifica’s live audio
C-Span has live streaming video and audio.
CNN has it on CNN Radio (see the right hand column)

Check also the the official site of the commission for archived video and transcripts of the proceedings (and copies of the reports.)

Update: Deputy Sec’y State Richard “Fester” Armitage was added, presumably to have the administration’s rebuttal to Richard Clarke televised (since Condi won’t do it publicly, under oath.)

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National Party for the President Day!

Yes, keep your calendars open, because April 29th is National Party for the President Day (he’s partied so much for us, it’s only fair we return the favor).

Here’s the text of an email which I received from Ken Mehlman, the campaign manager for Bush-Cheney 2004:

Will you make a difference for our President on Thursday, April 29th? That’s the day 2004 Parties for the President will be held in a nationwide show of support for President Bush. Across the country, supporters of President Bush will gather in homes, restaurants and community centers to stand up for our President. Will you stand with President Bush and Vice-President Cheney on April 29th?

While they don’t say so, I think this party is actually like a Tupperware or MaryKay party, in that they lure you in with the promise of a free food, and then try to sell you overpriced junk (in this case, George Bush and Dick Cheney). You’d be better off with the Lettuce Keeper and the Day-Glow foundation.

But you have some questions, I’m sure. Like why am I asking you to keep the day open. Well, that’s because I’m supposed to host one of the events, and you’re all invited! (If I can get five guests to attend, I earn a free spatula or phone call from a party official.) But here, Ken will answer all the rest of your questions:

WHAT: National “Party for the President” Day
Hosting a party is easy and it doesn’t cost a thing. Click to learn more: http://www.GeorgeWBush.com/Party

WHERE: Your home, the coffee shop, local diner, etc.
A Party for the President can be as easy as inviting your neighbors for a cup of coffee, BBQ or casual conversation.

Wow, a party where we have a cup of coffee at the diner and casually talk about George Bush. Now doesn’t that sound fun!

WHEN: Thursday, April 29th at 8:00pm EST
For parties with 5 or more guests who RSVP at GeorgeWBush.com, National “Party for the President” Day will include a conference call with a senior campaign leader. This special guest will answer questions and deliver a political briefing on the progress of the campaign.

WHY: A Party for the President is a simple, volunteer event that brings together local friends and neighbors who support the President.
Plus, all party hosts receive a special package from the campaign with an exclusive Bush-Cheney ‘04 video, bumper stickers, other campaign materials and a letter from President Bush.

Woo hoo! Free bumper stickers and a letter from President Bush! It’s like a dream come true.

These fun, informal events will help grow the President’s strong base of support in local communities throughout the country and bring the President one step closer to victory in November. We have a hard fight in the days ahead and the President needs your help. Will you help by hosting a Party for the President on April 29th?

Sincerely,

Ken Mehlman
Campaign Manager

So, I went to the site and read more about National Party for the President Day (which is a national holiday, I believe, so you can take the day off work).

One thing I found interesting was the information requested on the registration form. For instance, you are asked to check which of couple of dozen “Topics of Interest” you found, um, interesting. These are mine:

Compassion
Crime
Dick Cheney
Economy
Laura Bush
Polling Analysis

I want to see Ken design a platform around them!

The form also asks which “Coalition Groups” you are part of. Personally, I am a member of the following:

Arab Americans, Farmers and Ranchers, Firefighters, First Responders, Home Schoolers, Jewish, Labor, Law Enforcement, Pro-Life, Religious Conservatives, Seniors, Sportsmen, Veterans, and W Stands for Women. (Hey, I have a full life, and belong to many groups which the President should pander to).

I did note that while the group “small business owners” is mentioned, the “big business owners” are ignored. Well, now that I think of it, I guess at their National Party for the President, they get more than a lousy phone call from the local Republican ward boss.

Oh, I believe “W Stands for Women” is an update of the classic “Dial M For Murder.” I don’t know exactly who George W. plans to murder, but I hope Scotland Yard is on the case.

Anyway, before leaving the Party Down With George site, I checked the fine print:

Parties for the President are informal, grassroots “parties” attended by supporters of President Bush with virtually no cost to the host or those in attendance and are not official Bush-Cheney ‘04 events. To comply with federal law, Parties for the President hosted at a person’s home must be paid for by the person hosting the event and the cost cannot exceed $1,000. The person hosting the event cannot share the cost with others or ask others to help pay. A Party for the President hosted at a public location such as a restaurant requires that each person in attendance pay for the food or drink they consume to comply with federal law.

So, when I hold my “party” at the diner, you have to buy your own cup of coffee. It’s federal law. And if we are caught or captured, the Bush-Cheney campaign will disavow all knowledge of our activities.

This sounds funner by the minute. See you on April 29th!

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The Summer of George

George: Frolf, frisbee golf Jerry. Golf with a frisbee. This is gonna be my time. Time to taste the fruits and let the juices drip down my chin. I proclaim this: The Summer of George! – George Costanza

How did the White House respond to the intelligence they received in the summer of 2001 of increased “chatter” and the possibility of terrorist attacks?

HADLEY: [T]he President put us on battle stations.

STAHL: Now he[Clarke]’s the top terrorism official in this administration at that point. He’s saying you didn’t go to battle stations.

HADLEY: Well I think that’s just wrong (60 Minutes, March 21, 2004)

On July 1, 2001, Sens Dianne Feinstein and Richard Shelby of the Senate Intelligence Committee appear on Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer and warn of potential attacks by Osama bin Laden. Feinstein: “One of the things that has begun to concern me [is] whether we really have our house in order. Intelligence staff have told me that there is a major probability of a terrorist incident within the next three months.” (CNN interactive)

He loves the [White House] perks like the theater and the bowling alley. He escapes as often as he can to Camp David and his Texas ranch and makes no apologies for starting his weekends by 3 p.m. or so on Fridays. (July 12, 2001, USA Today)

[Remember, at this point, the (p)Resident had been in office barely six months. The following information was culled from a CNN interactive timeline and the excellently detailed and sourced 9/11 timeline. Most of the text is intact, but some has been redacted or slighty altered to avoid redundancy or confusion. The CNN timeline is a javascript, not linked on the front, but can be found by a site search.]

After receiving an Aug 1, 2001 message from the FBI reiterating a July 2 warning about terrorist activity and the upcoming third anniversary of the bombing of U.S. embassies in Africa [CNN interactive],Bush leaves for a vacation that nearly sets a record for the longest presidential vacation. He spends most of August 2001 (Aug 4-30) at his Crawford, Texas. While it is billed a “working vacation,” ABC reports Bush is doing “ nothing much ” aside from his regular daily intelligence briefings. [via the 9/11 timeline ]

Aug 6, 2001 – President Bush receives classified intelligence briefings at his Crawford, Texas ranch indicating that bin Laden might be planning to hijack commercial airliners. The memo read to him is titled “ Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US “, and the entire memo focuses on the possibility of terrorist attacks inside the US. National Security Advisor Rice later claims the memo was “fuzzy and thin” and only 1 and a half pages long (his normal daily security briefings run two or three pages) but other accounts state it was 11 pages long. [Newsweek, 5/27/02, New York Times, 5/15/02, Die Zeit, 10/1/02] [via the 9/11 timeline ]

The contents have never been made public. However, a Congressional report later describes what is likely this memo (they call it “a closely held intelligence report for senior government officials” presented in early August 2001): it mentions “that members of al-Qaeda, including some US citizens, had resided in or traveled to the US for years and that the group apparently maintained a support structure here. [Senate Intelligence Committee, 9/18/02] via the 9/11 timeline

The report cited uncorroborated information obtained in 1998 that Osama bin Laden wanted to hijack airplanes to gain the release of US-held extremists; FBI judgments about patterns of activity consistent with preparations for hijackings or other types of attacks and the number of bin Laden-related investigations underway; as well as information acquired in May 2001 that indicated a group of bin Laden supporters was planning attacks in the US with explosives.” [Senate Intelligence Committee, 9/18/02] via the 9/11 timeline

Incredibly, the New York Times later reports that Bush “ broke off from work early and spent most of the day fishing ” (see also August 4-30, 2001). [New York Times, 5/25/02] via the 9/11 timeline

Information about the Aug 6, 2001 memo surfaced in May, 2002. Read the jaw-dropping White House dissembling about it in the extension, but one particularly disgusting bit of thuggery comes from Total Dick Cheney.

May 16, 2002 – Vice President Cheney states: “my Democratic friends in Congress … need to be very cautious not to seek political advantage by making incendiary suggestions, as were made by some today, that the White House had advance information that would have prevented the tragic attacks of 9/11.” He calls such criticism “thoroughly irresponsible … in time of war” and states that any serious probe of 9/11 foreknowledge would be tantamount to giving “aid and comfort” to the enemy.

[Yeah, that guy doesn't have anything to hide.]

“On September 10, 2001, a CIA plan to strike at al Qaeda in Afghanistan, including support for the anti-Taliban Northern Alliance, is given to the White House. Sen. Dianne Feinstein asks for a meeting with Vice President Dick Cheney. The California Democrat is told that Cheney’s staff would need six months to prepare for a meeting.” (CNN interactive)

Public testimony, under oath, hooked to a polygraph, televised, me standing behind him holding a large sock filled with horse manure.

(Update: Quiddity has a graphic up illustrating how BushCo reduced counterterrorism pre-9/11. Also, I corrected the May 2002 date above.)
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And hook them up to a polygraph

Op-ad from 911citizenswatch.org’s campaign on DC metro trains to raise awareness of the current stonewalling, opacity and and conflicts of interest on Chairman Kean’s commission investingating 9/11.

Based on information that surfaced this weekend from Richard Clarke, the 9-11 Family Steering Committee and 9-11 Citizens Watch are demanding the resignation of of Philip Zelikow from the commission.

As a member of Bush’s transition team, Zelikow was included in the al Qaeda briefings Richard Clarke held with Condi Rice and Stephen Hadley. Zelikow is in a position of possible culpability. 9-11 citizens groups want Zelikow to resign rather than recuse himself. Al Felzenberg, a spokesman for the commission, said. “I don’t see a single charge that has been made that would cause the commission to change its view.”

Scheduled to testify this morning are ex- and current Sec’ies of State, Madeleine Albright and Colin Powell, followed by ex- and current Sec’ies of Defense William Cohen and Chemical Don Rumsfeld.

Get the campaign details and a high-res version of the ad, and check out the list of questions the 9-11 groups want to be sure the investigation asks.

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Well, They Sure Told Us!

A couple of short things.

First, here’s FrontPageMagazine’s David Yeagley with “WE are Jesus, and YOU are the Pharisees”:

Amazingly, liberals have established an implied association with Christianity. Christian leftists like to think Jesus was a young radical socialist, and that the Pharisees were the old vanguard of tradition and conservatism. Jesus was the hero of social change, and ?progressive? ideology, and the Pharisees were like crusty old Republicans who cherished the tradition of the fathers.

But the Pharisees weren?t conservatives at all. The Pharisees were liberals. Jesus was the conservative.

See, the pharisees were rude and obnoxious, just like liberals are (sure, they’re supposed to nice and kind to everybody, but they wouldn’t even let Ralph Reed win a debate on “Scarborough Country”). And the Pharisees railed at Christ for healing on the Sabbath and shooting the guy who was trying to break into his house, just like how the liberals do.

That?s the righteousness of Liberals. They?re not like Jesus. They?re like Pharisees.

David teaches humanities at the University of Oklahoma, so he must be right about this.

But now let’s hear from Young Conservative (and Ann Coutler wanabee) Amy Gordon, who wishes to make it clear that the President is not an idiot, he just plays one on TV:

Our president is an idiot, or haven?t you heard?

Well, now that you mention it . . .

That?s right, folks. The Left?s lack of good arguments has never been as apparent as when they?re caught screaming about the President and concocting absurd rumors to besmirch his reputation. There are now dozens of books and hundreds of articles filled with vitriol and accusations. And despite their inflamed rhetoric, they are lacking a single substantiated argument.

Well, that argument, backed up by evidence, about him and his Administration not telling the truth about a bunch of stuff is pretty substantial. But that’s apparently not what Amy is talking about — she’s just talking about all the absurd rumors and unsubstantiated arguments, like that Bush was a fighter pilot who flew right up until he left the Guard.

Or how about the oodles of books and calendars and websites devoted to the President?s verbal slip-ups. Could we get a grip? If the biggest thing they can find to actually hold against the President is his oratory, he sounds like a pretty good President to me.

Well, a pretty good inarticulate, unintellectual, shallow President who can’t think on his feet (or anywhere else, as far as we know). But of course, the “Bushisms” aren’t the biggest thing “they” can find to hold against him, young Amy — they are just the stuff of book and calendar. But Ann would be proud of your ability to build a flimsy and unconvincing strawmen, and then tear it down with snippy prose.

So to distract from the fact that he can?t make up his mind on PATRIOT, NAFTA, and Iraq, Kerry has let loose his ballyhoo boys (Or should I say, completely independent and unbiased journalists) to hype up the newest myth that GW was somehow ?AWOL? from Guard duty. OK. Maybe I?m completely wrong here, but I kinda thought it was the policy of the Guard not to pay, and certainly not to honorably discharge ?a deserter,? as Terry McAuliffe would put it. Can we get a grip here?

Amy, Amy, Amy — McAuliffe isn’t a journalist, he’s the chairman of the DNC. And it was Michael Moore who called Bush a “deserter,” not Terry. And Moore (whom nobody has called an unbiased journalist) had nothing to do with the Kerry campaign — he was supporting Clark. Ann can screw up stuff like this, but you’re not in her league yet, so you have to get at least half of your facts straight. And we still haven’t seen any proof to disprove the “myth” that Bush didn’t perform any Guard duties for months at a time — no matter what Guard policy towards the scions of rich, politically-connected families might have been at the time.

So having been stripped of the entire premise of these and other appallingly absurd arguments, the entire left is mobilizing behind that well-reasoned scream of ?Bush is an idiot.? I think that ranks right up there with ?Butthead? as the lamest insult of all time. Honestly, who let these people out of first grade? What?s up next, a chorus of ?Nyah-na, Nyah-na, boo, boo?? Or how about, ?Red Rover, Red Rover, let Estradas come over??

Another strawman Ann would have been proud of (WHO is saying that Bush is an idiot, Any?), and some childish taunting worthy of M. Coulter itself.

In between subverting the Constitution, setting up a judicial oligarchy and a socialist state, murdering babies and persecuting the Bot Scouts, waging war on our culture and supporting NAMBLA, the Democrats have found time to smear the President all over their media, just by using their favorite buzzwords??AWOL,? ?Halliburton!? and ?no WMD.? None of these are arguments, mind you, they?re just pathetic attempts to associate an honest administration with corruption in the minds of the American electorate simply by repeating these catchphrases ad nauseum in conjunction with some mention of the President or his advisers. I?m sorry, but I just don?t buy their nonsense. And neither should you.

But persecuting the Bot Scouts sound so fun! But since you asked so nicely, when I’m not marching for NAMBLA or killing babies, I will make it priority not to malign people.

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