Crazy Howard Dean’s official endorsement of John F. Kerry kicked off with some fist pumping and a lusty yell, but it was nearly overshadowed by several exciting endorsements for the ?ber-straight Bush/Dick ticket. The SCLM, which dubbed Dean a screaming lunatic after he raised his voice to be heard over a chanting crowd and for saying the capture of Saddam Hussein didn’t make us safer, hasn’t yet weighed in on the new Bush/Dick endorsements, so apologies if I can’t provide a more comprehensive overview of this important development.

The KoolAid Kids are recovering from the kind of hangovers that would come from drinking enough hooch to find humor in Commander Codpiece’s schtick about not finding the WMDs — whoopsie — that in his view necessitated causing tens of thousands of deaths, maimings, irreparable environmental harm and as yet incalculable damage from DU and unexploded ordnance. For future reference, here’s a short list of White House correspondents[see Update] to query for explanations of this hip new war/maiming/apocalyptic destruction humor. Some total buzzkill didn’t like the routine. Maybe grumblepuss should have stuck around for the President Shecky’s bit mimicking various horrific symptoms frail seniors have when they don’t take various unaffordable meds.

The official Bush/Dick campaign site informs us that the important Sports Mascot endorsement has begun pouring in. Rather, one has: the University of Louisville Cardinal, pictured here showing off “support on campus for President Bush!” The official media event with another plush endorsement, the Crawford Chickenhawk, had to be cancelled when the latter failed to show up as scheduled. A mascot search party later found the Chickenhawk lying in a pool of its own filth, its piss-soaked pants around its ankles and its beak buried in a lavish mound of blow (est. street value $250K). The Chickenhawk came to long enough to say he didn’t remember his 72-hour bender, but he was sure his predecessor was responsible.

The Bush/Dick 04 campaign has also received the coveted formal endorsement of the terrorist group, the Abu Hafs al-Masri Brigades, which claimed responsibility for the Madrid bombings:

The statement said it supported President Bush in his reelection campaign, and would prefer him to win in November rather than the Democratic candidate John Kerry, as it was not possible to find a leader “more foolish than you (Bush), who deals with matters by force rather than with wisdom.”

In comments addressed to Bush, the group said: “Kerry will kill our nation while it sleeps because he and the Democrats have the cunning to embellish blasphemy and present it to the Arab and Muslim nation as civilization.”

“Because of this we desire you (Bush) to be elected.” (Reuters 03/17/04)

And why not? BushCo’s approach to foreign policy is a recruiting bonanza and fund-raising goldmine for terrorists.

Does the US appear any more lame as an honest defender of democracy and freedom than when continuing to berate longtime allies for being right about WMDs, but excusing Pakistan’s nuclear lawn sale — potentially to terrorist groups — in exchange for an election campaign boost from the al Zawahiri hunt?

I don’t have the same twist-tie reclosable bag of plastic soldiers Commander Codpiece uses in formulating his military strategies so I may be out of line in suggesting that maybe … just maybe … announcing the Spring Osama/al Zwahiri hunt last year to build the hype for the Iraq invasion anniversary might, just might, be why the guy got away. Just throwing shit out here …

Meanwhile, in other whackjob endorsement news …

The Bush-Cheney campaign unveiled a new weapon Wednesday in its re-election campaign … [Sen. Zell] Miller who is retiring from the Senate this year, will make the case that Kerry’s policies are inconsistent with some of history’s most popular Democratic presidents.

Miller, a Georgian who is the lone Democratic senator publicly to back Bush’s re-election bid, made the attack against Kerry in a speech announcing his leadership of a national “Democrats for Bush” effort. He was joined by a handful of lesser-known Democrats. The Bush-Cheney campaign said it would release a more comprehensive list in the coming weeks, but on Wednesday released a list of 99 Democrats from 27 states and the District of Colombia as the group’s charter members. (Faux 03/25/04)

Bush still hasn’t released a complete list of that mysterious coalition of the willing who are contributing so much to the occupation of Iraq, but when this Dem-support list does surface, you can bet it will be in terms of combined raw population, GDP and burger flipping manufacturing jobs.

Should Bush/Dick be successful in its reelection bid, sports mascots, terrorists and tranny Dems will replace vanished fiscal Republicans and Log Cabin voters as the desperation chum the ’04 administration chucks over the side first when there’s any sign of poll trouble in the happy years to come.

Update: (I’ve been trying to find a comprehensive list of Radio and Television Correspondents, with email addresses, to add to the KoolAid Kids list above. If anyone has a link or a list, do tell.)