Who is the GOP’s capo di tutti frutti?

It is rumored that angry insiders in the Bush administration are planning a new, well-toned flank in their continuing pre-emptive war on threats to the presidential image. Despite a promise to bring character to the White House, some unnamed and unseen parties plan to crush a prominent critic of the Preznit using a messy-sounding gay smear. Wonkette dishes further:

Am I insinuating the administration might have a double standard because they seem to trust another high-level national security officer who is also gay? Yes.

Mary, clutch the pearls! It’s a historical given that Rethugs are entitled to more closet space than us ordinary schmucks in the peasantry. It’s one of the perks Republican God gave the RNC for the good work they do thumping their bibles on the dispossessed to bruise them good. But has our culture finally become so rotten that even the leaders of the Republican Faith are expected to live by the morality they go on and on (and on) about?

Can someone as powerful Condi Rice be threatened with exposure as a big gay lez? Nothing arches an eyebrow more perfectly than an unmarried middle-aged woman with no apparent interest in men except to boss them in a martial setting like a wartime cabinet or as Commissioner of the NFL. I’d always assumed that, as a Rethug, Condi was untouchable by the media (or just plain untouchable.) Bwuh? Oh, Wonkette has more …

And we were going to try to be all subtle about it, but since it seems to be an open secret around D.C. . . . the other gay in the White House is George Bush.

I knew it. I mean, how terrible of Wonkette to take it upon herself to out him as the GOP’s Capo di Tutti Frutti. Now all of Punditstan will be running this up the pole repeatedly, using a firm but gentle grip until it goes off in someone’s face. No doubt they’ll fixate on frivolous little details of the Capo’s life(style), adding them to an ever-growing circumstantial case until it makes big gay sense.

Stuff like noted fagologist Betty Bowers’ study of Bush’s well known predilection for saying fabulous, planting in people’s minds the unsettling notion that a complicit media, at the direction of the RNC, scrubbed the public record of times he’s slipped and said “faboo“.

Or the time Preznit Butch cornered visiting Canadian aide Scott Reid like Oscar Wilde in prison and got all De Profundis on the pert, twinkish squire’s face by telling him he was darn purdy. Astonished Canadians had to nuance their view of the big Homo No-Sapiens as a run-of-the-mill moron with the added information that he might be gay too. Possibly the whispering campaign will gain steam as people notice HRH frequently relaxing his implausible regular guy pose into way-gay moments such as these. (Captions are from a fictitious gossip magazine):

(Left) Who can keep up a straightish appearance around special huggy-bear friends like Hosni Mubharek? (Middle) The crown jewel of the UK trip was escorting soigne? Tony Blair to his favorite gay Irish pub, Sodom and Begorrah. (Right) Strapping on a slutty push-up boy-bra and parading the First Ween down the deck of the SS Lincoln like a prize showdog was seen by some as a gayish moment.

But wouldn’t it be just like enemies of the ambiguously gay Bush/Dick duo to hurt them with a pre-emptive whispering campaign? Anonymous chatterers can slime without getting any on themselves. Well I, for one, am against such tactics and hope prominent Rethugs like Texas Governor Rick Perry and congressman Mark Foley (R-FLAboo) make strong public statements defending the Preznit’s alleged heterosexuality before the mainstream media heads full bore down that dark alley.

With a Log Cabin brigade still simmering about being thrown over the side of the SS Bushtanic to placate the country’s homophobic region, the Ugly Vinyl Belt, this purge could rival the post DOMA outings for drama. That one flung open the doors of Washington closets and yanked out the innies, kicking and screaming all the way. Let’s make sure that the first victim in this gauche campaign for administration transparency isn’t the First Victim.

Part 2 of Sadly No’s expos? of the campaign to out the Prancer in Chief will dispute a particularly compelling aspect of the circumstantial case that he’s a Nancy boy: how he seeks the counsel and protection of a lot of eerily masculine women.

(A) Karen Hughes, potential stump contestant for the popular online game, Lesbian or German Lady? (Lez play!); (B) Condi “Lezmati” Rice; (C) Victoria “Worst Drag Ever” Clarke; (D) Rotten lesbo prose writer Lynne “Dutch” Cheney

Part 3 will attempt to explain anomalies from Lost Boy’s spotty ’72-’73 record, such as, how the hell did he get a reputation for slipping it to the ladies when by his own admission he was, as the Dead Kennedys put it, Too Drunk to Fuck? Some say he was the “lady” being slipped.

Parts 4 through 853 will address circumstances as they arise in context with developing news.

If I can dispute this ugly White House whispering campaign before it strips our Glorious Leader down to nothing but a dollar-bill stuffed codpiece and assless chaps, then it’s a small step towards repaying the big gay homos I know for plying me with really good food and drink. (It’s always the good stuff too, never the scuzzy bottle I bring for the host, which s/he reserves for disinfecting wounds and unclogging drains.)


Comments: 11

Satan luvvs Repugs

You really need to tie this in with dubya’s well-known history as a cheerleader in his schooldays, and the dark secret rituals of the Skull and Bones society at Yale (satanic or just perverted? You be the judge)


Vapors…I’m having vapors…please…a couch…a fan…


Don’t forget Dubya’s macho steed on his ranch in Texas: a golf cart.

Yessirree, a real macho man, indeed! Talk about “All hat, no cattle”!


“The vapors” is actually a euphamism for gas, y’know.
Which makes the “fan” idea a good one.


You play ‘german or lesbian’ too? Keen ^^


Back in the Gubernatorial days there were a few guys who said that a younger less sober GWB grabbed their asses while hanging out at bars, and that he had asked them back to his place with clear romantic intent. I don’t know what ever came of those stories, but I wouldn’t be surprised if GWB swung both ways in his party days.


now that administration misteps are coming to light (like previous concern of plane attacks), when does the media grab the thing about high ranking administration officials being told not to fly commercial flights? just asking.


My favorite:

Bush and Blair sing “Gay Bar” by Electric Six.


One of these days, it’s going to come out that all the right wingers are gay. They will be very sad. “Just think of all the fun we could have been having.” Rumsfeld will say.

I guess homosexual is the more appropriate term. I mean, J Edgar Hoover may have been a homosexual, but I just can’t call him gay.


Christophe Renaudot

Is Paul Bremer gay ?-I WANNA KNOW !!!!!


(comments are closed)