Sadly, No!

submitted without comment*.

Reality Checker said,

Sorry I am having a bad day.

*Never apologize when empathy takes the breath away.
…

Not even a quarter past ten and I have the pleasure of choosing to make a noise at the local greasy spoon or to walk away and write the following.

It is unfortunate that one does not always possess the energy to launch into battle especially when one seeks only breakfast. Whilst having to endure the badinage of a couple of Whitemaninstanians™ about their perceived privations endured during the reign of BlackHitler I felt that discretion was warranted and kept my tongue.

For a bit,

When my suggestion that Obama was simultaneously the source of all malevolence in this world and a blithering idiot was met with un-ironic assent I bit down on my tongue.

In response to the graybeard who suggested that Obama was gonna put a white woman in every bed of a black man I was forced to say something and I told both the greybeard and the idiot he was speaking with that they were both fools as I made my way to the register.

And yet an hour later I feel like a coward.

In the words of Ani Difranco, I have earned my disillusionment.

Jonah Loadpants, National Grue:
The Most Cynical Generation

Right-wingers have a very complicated relationship with “the kids these days”.

On one hand, they hate them. I mean, that’s been true of every conservative movement of every age. Demonizing and despising the youth and blaming them for everything wrong in society largely because the march of social evolution means the youth by and large are less willing to support the dominant bigotry of the times, whether that be against black people, women, queers, the poor, or so on. The youth are a convenient scapegoat for the simple fact that one cannot stop time in place until one is fully interred with the rot of worms.

On the other hand, they fucking hate them. Whoever is the youth represents more than a more liberal generation or a group whose strange pop tastes in music and clothing baffle and confuse them. They are also often a symbol. Unfortunately in our society, there is often a presumption that once one has “grown up” and “become an adult”, they are done learning and growing.
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Do you even understand what a surrender would mean? #learnhowtometaphor

Ross Douchehat, The Motherfucking New York Times™:
The Terms of Our Surrender

Getting older is often presented as a universally terrible thing by society. And there’s certainly arguments to be made in that direction. The cold march of entropy, the loss of faculties one has grown accustomed to, the weakening of muscles and immune systems.

But there’s also a number of benefits as well. A greater and greater awareness of one’s own self, a lifetime of meaningful connections and knowledge, a personal connection to historical context.

But superior to them all must be the moment when a bit of activism you have been fighting for years for finally pays off. The moment when that mad crusade of filthy hippie commie liberalism becomes that thing that everyone agrees is sensibly moderate and all the mushy centrists so scared to support human rights cough and shuffle over to the right side of history.

My Bob, no one ever told me it would feel so utterly amazing.

You see, me and my partner have been in the trenches of the gay marriage battle for years. So many years that when we first started phone banking and pounding the pavement, we had no awareness that we would ever personally benefit from the institution.
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I wonder if conservatives ever refuse to poop lest they notice that their shit is not white?

Michael Bargo Jr, American Feudalism:
Why Eric Holder needs Felons to Vote

Holy fucking squirrel balls do conservatives despise democracy.

Well, not the reputation of democracy. Much like with academic scholarship or science, wingnuts absolutely love exploiting the goodwill and regard given to democracy because of the battles won by liberals. They love pointing to freedoms of religious pluralism, the equality of representation, or the ability of the people to redress wrongs when they want to feel smugly superior to brown muslimy people living in some country we’ve actively destroyed for decades.

But actual democracy? It might as well be rocket anus for how quickly they’ll dodge out of the way and shield themselves.

At every point of our nation’s history, conservatives have fought tooth and nail against the notion that “certain” people count, whether as voters or people and those marginalized groups have had to get bloody and battered to simply access the very first stage of having a voice in this country.

And the reason for it is very simple. Conservatives are repulsed by the central ideology of democracy. That their voice as rich white men in society should be treated as equivalent as a black trans* lesbian. That their concerns should be treated as equally important as those who are considered the least in our society is something that makes them physically ill and it’s why voting rights and meaningful representation is something conservatives have tried to undermine at every turn for huge swaths of the population.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

• Niggers and spics having the right to vote is the worst form of voter fraud.

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The cool kids at the Botany table call it fertilizing the soil.

Jeremy Egerer, American We is Smart People, Us Swear:
Eskimos and the New Genders

Heh heh heh. I was wondering when the creatures of the white lagoon were going to notice the whole new Facebook genders thing.

For those who are blissfully unaware of everything having to do with the Book of Faces, Facebook recently changed their “male or female” gender options to also include a “custom” option, which if you click it, you can type a number of different transgender options including genderqueer, gender-fluid, and trans*. Coolest part of the whole affair is that you can set your preferred pronouns to neutral pronouns for those who do not identify within the binary.

This being the Book of Faces, I’m sure there is some nefarious advertising reason behind the top-level decision about this, but hey, if companies think trans* people are a big enough market share to be worth exploiting, that’s a compliment in and of itself.

Especially when you consider the shit storm they’ve ignited in the sub-rock populations.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

• Being an edumacated mans, I can says with absolute certainimititude that the existification of trans* people freaks me the fuck out and makes me worried about my masculinitiness.

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He had a video that was even worse, but it turns out when I went to watch it, my self-preservation instinct kicked in and stopped me. I didn’t even know I had one of those.

James “I wish my last name was Tarantino” LEAFS SUCK Taranto, Wall Street Fellatio Purveyors:
Best of the Web Today: Drunkeness and Double Standards

Man, it is fucking educational to see the Wall Street Journal’s race to the motherfucking bottom. I mean, yeah, they’ve always been scum-sucking bastards. That’s just what you expect from a newspaper whose only raison d’être has been treating the rigged casino game sucking on our nation’s intestines like the world’s biggest tapeworm as if the dancing lines were somehow critical to life, the universe, and everything.

I mean, regular level suck, doucheastrophysics conservatism, a belief that the parasites are the poor suckers just trying to survive and not the people stealing millions of manhours of productivity in order to build a new fleet of luxury yachts? That’s the shit we’re used to.

But ever since the Journal was absorbed into Rupert Murdoch’s sweaty taint as part of his NewsCorp bid to make all English-speaking countries worse for his existence, it has continually amazed in the utter speed and enthusiasm to which it has plummeted into the wet mossy heart of the swamp where even the likes of American Thinker fears to tread.

I mean, today’s post is bad. Of course, it’s bad. It wouldn’t be on this site if it wasn’t bad. But I think it’s the fact that it’s labeled the “Best of the Web” that just adds that extra sheen of what the everloving fuck.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

• Hey, if she didn’t want the D, she shouldn’t have passed out. Am I right fellas? Holla! Also, what’s with this epidemic of false rape accusations. I mean, I could, I mean, poor men who aren’t me can be accused of raping someone just because we use our target’s inebriation as an excuse for raping someone. It’s totally unfair and feminism’s fault.

Best of the Web, ladies, gentlemen, genderqueers, and fluberts.

And the rest of the posts and links rounded up aren’t much better, mostly consisting with bizarre attempts to neg the New York Times as if that rotting bag of corpses was a)still relevant, and b)actually gave a shit what the likes of James Taranto thought about anything.

Which I get that it’s just the name of Taranto’s shitty little failed stand-up routine turned article, but the fact that those words are the first thing one encounters before a tired little flatulent bubble from the rapist’s lobby, just adds that extra little bit of fuck you to help start your morning.

The headline in the New York Times’s Education Life section reads “Stepping Up to Stop Sexual Assault.” The story, by reporter Michael Winerip, is more balanced than that.

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I was Just at the Scottish Clown across the street and ran across a spare USA Today and discovered that The Brooklyn Nets had signed Jason Collins to a 10 day contract. After tossing a fist in the air and shoveling the rest of the fries and burger into my maw and despite the fact that I did not hit the rack after nearly 24 hours I figured that I needed return home immediately, grab the lappie, cross the street to the Sbucks across the way and get on the freaking KeyBoard.

This space does not break news and it has become a much more personal space since Cerberus and I have become the primaries. I don’t think that movement in focus represents a distraction of the mission of Sadly,No! Simply a reflection of the changes in the paradigm, addressed in other fashions. We tend to share many more personal elements of our lives. Which gives me a reason to relate that the primary reason I was up for nearly 25 hours involved an invitation to hang in a hot tub which involved myself and a couple of astonishingly beautiful ladies.

Apparently my money at the sbucks across the way is not worth anything as in generally speaking I get what I order and they wave me away, now generally speaking whether or not I have to pay I do tip generously, and was informed that it is not unusual for them to act in this fashion with people they like.

Anyhoo, before we get to the nub of the biscuit, I just ran into a dude wearing a letter jacket from my High School alma mater, and out of the corner of my eye, I thought I recognized a familiar symbol…Sure enough he was a Cross Country Letterman. After a short chat following the introduction, I returned to this space worked on the last graph and then decided to plant a seed…and what this has to do with the first openly Gay professional Athlete in the NBA will have to wait, because after I finished the previous graph I felt the need to lay down a gauntlet. I approached my brother and explained that I had broken 5 minutes in the mile on every indoor track in town including a 4:59 on a 22 laps per mile track without a bank (believe me, not an easy task, which was why it was the last one attempted.) Anyway I asked that he make a similar attempt so the we could start a club, plus sent along greetings to my old coach, etc…

Which brings us to the following awesomeness:

LOS ANGELES — Jason Collins became the first openly gay athlete to play in North America’s four major professional team sports Sunday when he played 11 minutes in the Brooklyn Nets’ 108-102 win over the Los Angeles Lakers at Staples Center.

I cannot tell you how much joy I feel that this barrier has finally been broken. While I am a black, cis, heteronormative male and former athlete of modest repute, which might suggest that I have not a dog in this revelation, I have gay, bi, and trans friends that I love dearly.

And while I know that it is only a 10 day contract, a ceiling has been transcended and that, in and of itself, gives me a glimmer of hope for humanity.

I hope to lay my broke ass hands on a #26 Nets Jersey, something I will wear with pride.
…

Sometimes you just want to carve a fucker up.

Woody Allen, The Motherfucking New York Times ™:
Woody Allen Speaks Out*

I honestly don’t fully know how to process this last week.

There’s been some colossal bad. My girlfriend’s disability discriminating employment saga ended with the seeming happy note just being an excuse to try and obscure the obvious fact that they were discriminating against someone they had heralded as exactly what they needed and the most qualified person they’ve seen in a while because she was disabled, leaving her without job. I’ve been struggling with the emotional fallout and depression of everything I went through last year finally starting to smash home. And my partner and girlfriend both got to see what a day in my life often looks like in the form of sitting through possibly one of the most belittling and unsubtle restaurant dick moves I’ve dealt with in a while**.

And there’s been some massive rays of light. Chief among them being that my Obamacare has come through and paying off. I had my first check-up at a super trans* and queer aware clinic and it was better than I ever hoped to dream it would be*** and I’m going to get hooked up with a number of resources that I’ve probably been needing for awhile****. I also had two fantastic Valentine’s Day celebrations, one with my partner and another with my girlfriend.

So with all that happening at once, it’s been hard to sort out how to feel. Elated? Miserable? Both at the same time?

So fuck it, time to delve into the sweaty underbelly of humanity where I know exactly how I feel about certain people.

And by sweaty underbelly, I mean Hollywood.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

• My ex-wife is an evil sorceress who has the power to create all the long-term effects and multiple angles of evidence one would expect if I was a child molester. Also apparently, she has used this power to convince her daughter I’m an asshole instead of using this magical power to rule the world.

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The following stood out to me in Roy’s most recent piece at the Voice

Obama’s policies “may be archetypically liberal,” snarled FrontPageMag’s Daniel Greenfield, “but Obama carries his own reality with him, his own mathematics, his own history, his own dictionary and his own moral code which he adapts to the moment.”

Having never been previously acquainted with Greenfield and only vaguely with FPM, I decided to take a dive off of the boat. Inspired by the Octoplexiplese link to a hot air article titled “Study: Democrats more likely to think astrology is scientific, less likely to know Earth revolves around the sun.” Which when all is said and done is yet another example of “I am rubber, you are glue…” “It only took us 40 years to bolt 40 IMAX theatres together” levels of projection. Anyhoo let us take a look at the loon, and out of the gate comes:

“My first thought was, he lied in every word.” So began Browning’s famous poem and so began Bill O’Reilly’s interview of Obama.

Blink,,blink,,blink. Can there be enough drugs or alcohol on the planet to convince me that I do not exist in a temporal realm filled to the gills with assholes at the top end of the spectrum that actually pay a vastly more numerous batch of simpering shitheads to write such…I have no…Words escape.

I am not a big fan of poetry so I might be a liability on a quizbowl team on that account, but I presume he is referring to Elizabeth Barrett, [ed: and I would be wrong, it was actually Robert Browning] but what that has to do with “and so began…” other than to cop a veneer of sophistication and “erudition”, I can’t be bothered to cypher.

When Obama doesn’t like a question, he rephrases it. Challenged by Bill O’Reilly on the 72 percent out of wedlock birth rate among black women, he rephrased it as a question about the importance of men paying child support and taking responsibility for their children.

But he avoided the M word: marriage.

First of all, Obama should have countered by asking O’MutherFuckingTeaReilly on the out of wedlock birthrate in Whitemanistan. Fuck this asshole and the horses he rode in on. but one last point, while Obama avoided the “M word…” I guess there really is no bottom to the RacistShitHeelBarrel™