I’m so Cynical, I Don’t even Believe this Post

In the words of Ani Difranco, I have earned my disillusionment.

Jonah Loadpants, National Grue:
The Most Cynical Generation

Right-wingers have a very complicated relationship with “the kids these days”.

On one hand, they hate them. I mean, that’s been true of every conservative movement of every age. Demonizing and despising the youth and blaming them for everything wrong in society largely because the march of social evolution means the youth by and large are less willing to support the dominant bigotry of the times, whether that be against black people, women, queers, the poor, or so on. The youth are a convenient scapegoat for the simple fact that one cannot stop time in place until one is fully interred with the rot of worms.

On the other hand, they fucking hate them. Whoever is the youth represents more than a more liberal generation or a group whose strange pop tastes in music and clothing baffle and confuse them. They are also often a symbol. Unfortunately in our society, there is often a presumption that once one has “grown up” and “become an adult”, they are done learning and growing.

As such, for bitter conservatives, the youth represent missed chances. Because they believe that things like exploratory sex, experimentation with drugs, or enjoyment of life are only reserved for the young and they must live a squalid joyless existence because that is what it means to be an “adult”.

Now this is clearly bullshit and it’s especially bullshit when one notes that the only reason that bitter conservatives think the young get to enjoy themselves and they don’t is because when they were young, they entombed themselves in the same self-crafted misery and self-denial that “robbed” them of the chance to explore themselves and figure out what they really wanted. And it also ignores that anyone at any age can try whatever they like or learn whatever they like assuming they have the financial means to do so.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Yo kids! The beatings will continue until morale improves.

But at the same time, conservatives are growing painfully aware that the long-worn strategy of selling ancient bigotries and terrible policies to white men who want to feel special is starting to fail. They could fix it by abandoning a form of bigotry, making genuine appeals on behalf of a minority community and earnestly campaigning for their rights. But since that would involve A) admitting fault and B) treating the filthy refuse like actual people, that’s right out.

So instead they are reduced to circling around white young men, hoping they can convince them to get on board with their “racial duties” by ranting at them about how much they are filthy morons who deserve death, but somehow should also vote for them.

And as clearly effective as this strategy would normally be, it has hit the unfortunate snag of the small, tiny fact that conservatives have spent a huge amount of effort demonizing young millennials and trying to do everything they can to block them from participating in the economy, separate them from the gears of government, and otherwise just learn to hate everything associated with America and capitalism.

All of which adds up to-

In case you hadn’t heard, young people these days — a.k.a “the Millennials” — are the most cynical and distrusting generation ever recorded.

Yeah, that.

It turns out you try and scam a generation from birth and then reveal the system to be a machine uncaring for their plight and unresponsive to their suffering and overuse terms like marriage, duty, America, family, etc… then those same people who have been repeatedly fucked will grow to distrust those who abandoned or swindled them on the “American dream”.

It’s part of what comes from obviously, cynically lying to a generation and then giving them access to a whole world’s worth of information. From buying out all sources of information and using them only to sell bullshit and training a generation to distrust all those in authority.

Hell, it’s pretty much the same thing that happened with that much vaunted “Boomer Generation”, who managed some impressive cynicism. Or hell, most disenfranchised youth movements for the last 50 years (origin of metal, punk, rap, etc… anyone?).

But okay, let’s buy this shit sandwich. Young people are cynically refusing to buy your bullshit like they’re supposed to. What’s the skinny?

Only 19 percent think most people can be trusted. According to a big study from the Pew Research Center, they are less attached to marriage, religion, and political institutions than Gen Xers,

Gosh, I am definitely sure this has nothing to do with conservatives trying to sell bigotry as the same thing as those words, thus leading people who rejected the bigotry to reject the institutions those words represented as well.

I mean, there’s only so many polemics on how marriage means stifling gender roles, religion means anti-gay and anti-women bigotry, capitalism as the brutal exploitation of the poor, and so on, before you just go “to hell with all of it” rather than trying to twist yourself into knots on behalf of a word that has never meant anything else in the public debate.

But hey, that doesn’t count because being conservative means never having to accept consequences for your successes. So what else have you got for me?

Baby Boomers, and the other demographic flavors journalists love to use.


Hold up one second. Are you actually trying to argue that generations are a liberal media conspiracy? That’s just… wow.

I was expecting many forms of stupidity in this rant about millennials, but I’ll admit I wasn’t actually expecting you to start trying to argue against the existence of generations themselves in order to try and sell your argument that all “proper” white people should sign up with the bigot brigade or be considered race traitors.

They like their friends, their digital “social networks,” and their toys, and that’s about it.


It’s just cute when older conservatives try and express just why they hate those damn youngsters.

I mean, just look at that first one. Ooh, how dare millennials have friends instead of a pool of like-minded individuals that are used as tools to exploit. Grr, real human interactions with people they love is the worst!

And the last one seems to be the bizarre temporal jealousy that often crops its head during rants against poor people. Ooh, how dare you have access to a technology that was considered luxury or non-existent when I was young, but has now become ubiquitous and which I have a much fancier version than you have access to. Clearly you are living in luxury and I am somehow hard done by you. I mean, you have so called “computers” when in my day you couldn’t fit a computer in a house. LUCKY BITCH!

And the middle one… I mean, how else are we supposed to interpret that other than a bitter whine about how these kids today understand the bleeping and blooping of this confounded internet, which would be sad even if it wasn’t stated on a long running website of which Jonah Goldberg is considered the “head”.

Talk about disproving meritocracy in four words.

Not even a majority will call themselves “patriotic.”

Gosh, I suspect none of that has to do with tying “patriotic” with a host of horrifying civil rights abuses against people foreign and domestic during a lot of our formative years. Nor how it was used by conservatives to mean supporting endless wars, endless wars where friends of ours went off to die and become traumatized for nothing more than our vice president’s enrichment and our president’s daddy issues and worries about not being “manly” enough.

Oh wait, I’m sorry, I broke wingnut rules nos. 1 and 2: Never talk about the Bush Administration.

Probably more dismaying for liberals: Of any living generation, they are the least likely to call themselves environmentalists.

I’m sure pretending that all young people are just like the libertarians that make up the totality of your “Young Republican Brigades” is the only thing that helps you sleep at night after grappling with the night terror over shackling your life to a literally dying pyramid scam, but…

Sadly, No!

Now, I should say that I often find generational stereotyping pretty annoying.

Oh do you now? Well, that’s pretty surprising seeing as how you-

Oh what’s that, you’re actually just bummed because you were born a Gen Xer instead of the time-traveling Silent Generationer you always wanted to be? Well, that makes a lot more sense.

For instance, there was no “greatest generation.” Sure, there were a bunch of great Americans who stormed the beaches of Normandy. But is some guy who was in jail in 1943 for petty larceny deserving of special respect because he was born around the same time as a guy who won the Medal of Honor during WWII?

Well, yeah. No one fits the generationial stereotypes perfectly. That’s sort of the thing about stereotypes. Reducing the complexity of human experience into an expected series of behaviors resists the reality of our wonderful diversity and just leads to bigoted understands of complex people.

But of course, seeing as how you are Jonah “Liberal Fascism” Goldberg, I doubt this is setting up a polemic against stereotypes as it is trying desperately to summon conservatives out of the murky depths of the millennials so as to keep the scam running a little longer.

Honor, glory, and respect are earned individually, not collectively.

Oh and also wanting to lower the regard fellow conservatives automatically give to older spokesmen and those who’ve been to war in order to try and boost your name in that circle before the money runs out.

Because lacking those “friends” that have so cruelly been hoarded by those bastard kids, trying to angle oneself up the hierarchy is the only entertainment one can find.

Also, heh, at the notion that honor, glory, and respect could ever be genuinely earned by the likes of Nepotism Poster Child Jonah.

Politicians pander to young people,

Since when?

I mean, maybe I have been in a Phillip K. Dick-esque altered state for the last 20+ years of my life, but I seem to have completely missed the part where elected officials have given a single fuck about the way the system affects the young instead of endlessly debating whether or not the insane fears of senile goat-fuckers will be coddled enough while we die and suffer in silence.

I mean, maybe I just dreamed the way that youth-based protests of the 2000s and late 90s were dismissed as “sad copycats of clearly superior Boomer protests” or the way that youth-based movements were deliberately ignored by the media, or the way that things like the impact of the Depression on youth or spiraling student loans were focused on, instead of assuming that if the stock market and its effect on 401Ks was fixed, we were all good.

Maybe I was in a drug-fueled psycho-coma when I saw my generation dismissed from the conversation about torture, declining civil rights, queer rights, feminism, and so on based on perceptions of our age while we had “serious” conversations about whether there were secret muslims in the government, “death panels”, or whether or not the middle class tax cut for being a parent or a homeowner would be enough.

Oh wait, this is a conservative land. They lost a public debate or two, so clearly the filthy youngsters and the queers must have stolen all of their rights and left them penniless and alone on the steppes of Outer Syberia.

and lots of young people fall for it. And that speaks well of neither. Politicians pander to “youth” because it’s a time-saving way to trawl for votes and volunteer door-knockers wholesale. It’s the difference between using a gill net and a fishing pole. “You’re great because you were born more recently than other people” is the lamest form of flattery I can think of.

More (ableist term for sucky) than saying that people are great because they were born a long time ago or because they happened to be born male or white or heterosexual or cissexual or to rich parents who can connect you to powerful high-paying positions while possessing zero motivation or ability to succeed at anything.

I mean, if we’re just measuring direct negative impact on the world and society, then what you imagine is happening to young people would be levels upon levels upon levels behind the raw damage that comes from centering our entire society on coddling the children of privilege and swaddling them in fictions about how they’ve “earned” their positions of extreme wealth by having the “talent” to have a large number of rich relatives and friends willing to cover your ass and support you every time you fuck up.

When politicians invoke generational stereotypes, what they are really doing is saying, “Act your age.”

Of course, they are… Yeah, by invoking generational stereotypes and shitting on the young, they are just telling their citizens to act their proper ages and be proper citizens…

Of course, that might be slightly true in the form of societal pressure to conform to self-destructive and embittering behaviors for the sake of fulfilling “social conventions” that will lead to an unsatisfying life wasted on the altar of consumptive capitalism.

All the calls for “generational stereotypes” in the form of yelling at our white young for failing to live up to the expectations of self-destruction in a way that ignores that they simply can’t access the orgy of houses, cars, random household gadgets, and keeping up with the Joneses that previous generations could, are all about trying to keep a vicious circle of distraction going long after the well has run dry and the squirming masses no longer have the funds to do so.

It burns you that you can no longer socially pressure others to buy bigger and bigger houses, supporting spiraling bubbles you could use to pretend that the economy was actually doing well. That the old scams have been rendered useless by your own successes and that the young seem to be straight up rejecting the suburban fantasy and its paranoid sprint to the grave in favor of just trying to survive in the towering urban cities, surrounded by multiculturalism and what meager entertainment they can afford.

That, in fact, conspicuous consumption, buying things for the sake of showing one is richer than others has become a cruelty in most circles owing to the way that poverty has become commonplace for our generation.

That the capitalism scam may have run its course and there is only a scant few decades before the voices who recall the Cold War with horror are no longer loud enough to drown out the many who want something humane and survivable.

What’s pathetic is when young people unwittingly follow that advice.

Wait, did you invent that bizarre “telling young people they suck is just saying ‘act your age'” story just to set up this tired joke about how young people be all young and ignorant?

Sigh, well played, you vegan*.

For example, Barack Obama won the youth vote by huge margins in 2008 (66 percent among under-30s) and 2012 (60 percent). He did this in no small part by pandering to the vanity of young people. Sure, he addressed “youth issues” like student loans. Yes, he also mirrored their views on some social issues (though not gay marriage in ’08).

Heh. You know, I kinda love reading these Jonah droppings, because no one, bar no one, is as good as he is at accidental self-refutation mid-whine.

I mean, here he is trying to dismiss the pettiness and shallowness of the entitled and stupid youth.

So what does he choose to use as an example?

Supporting “political candidates” who “share their viewpoints” and “care about whether they live or die” as if overabusing the scare-quotes will make basic self-interest and not voting against one’s principles were cruel betrayals of the fundamental order because of the Constitutional rights of conservatives to get all the money and votes of everyone because they say so, so there.

But hey, acting like you are entitled to the money and support of those you hate and have trained to hate you has been the primary strategy of conservatives for years now, so why stop now just because it’s making you increasingly irrelevant and quaint?

Obama’s ambivalence toward seemingly clichéd patriotic gestures (remember the endless controversy about whether he would wear a flag pin?) sent an important signal to young voters raised on the snark of The Daily Show and weary of talk of “freedom fries.”

Ha! Him ignoring our obvious and desperate smear tactic based on bizarre rules suddenly invented because he was black and a Democrat was only because he was sending secret mind-control signals to the youth vote that he really was the secret commie muslin we thought he was.

… sigh. Apparently by “acting one’s age” he means, acting like a 4-year-old trying to win an argument.

But the overall gestalt was more about fostering a sense of inclusion in a “movement” of some kind; “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for” and all of that nonsense.

You know, if you read pretty much any of these screeds about the evils of the millennials, most of it is devoted to our supposed shallowness. A disconnected, mobile-device-addicted squadron of disaffected hipsters shrugging through life with no concern about the world around us.

And every time to illustrate this, they inevitably circle back to some demonstration of caring about the greater world, about seeking to be part of a movement, of giving back, of trying to do something to improve things as if this somehow was the same thing.

And the reason is simple. The type of aggressive asshole who needs to beat up on kids without social power in order to feel like a big man who hasn’t wasted one’s life chasing a toxic fantasy of “how they were supposed to be” have been soaked in a constant roux of “anti-hippie” propaganda about how evil it is to do anything to improve our society in any way or belong to any organization except one’s church.

And as such, the notion that people could care and fight even though they are under attack (for reals), is so alien it might as well be from the Sirius star system.

They refuse to believe that it isn’t about cynicism and exploitation because that’s the world they inhabit and cannot escape from.

Which makes this whole “ooh, isn’t it terrible about how cynical young people are about our cynical sales tactics” an abominable form of victim-blaming IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION designed to ease the consciences of those who view the likes of Jonah to be too young to be trusted.

Which is another one of those “Be thankful you aren’t winning the culture war you are fighting for” things.

Obama promised that government could be the vehicle that would carry us to the sunny uplands of history.

Ha! Silly Obama being an optimist who is aware of the last 100 years of history. Having hope is for losers. Burp, fart, aren’t Millennials so damn cynical?!?

He took the aesthetic of a Pepsi marketing rollout and pasted it onto a presidential campaign.

But, as Mario Cuomo once said, politicians campaign in poetry but govern in prose. And the prose of the Obama years has been an incoherent and disillusioning run-on sentence. His signature achievement, Obamacare, was designed from the outset to screw young people, overcharging them for products they don’t need in order to subsidize older Americans.

And here we get the real reason why Jonah is jumping mad about the “cynicism” and disbelief of filthy millennials.

The bitterness he has that he designed this totally cool bullshit reason why young people should abandon Obama and join his cool new conservative revivalism and no one is fucking buying it. I mean, he put in all this effort into writing like… almost a dozen stories selling the same fiction and trying to will it to be true and then young people betrayed him by not being fucking idiots willing to fuck themselves over to benefit the fantasies of right-wing idiots.

And that’s unfair. Because he actually tried at something, for once, and the world didn’t fawn itself over him and twist into the shape he wanted like his years of privilege have trained him was supposed to happen.

And that’s just… WAH! ALL THE WAH!

Young people loved it when Obama called George W. Bush’s deficits “unpatriotic” because they saddled Millennials with debt. That was $7 trillion borrowed dollars ago.

Uh huh. Yeah, that was what they were talking about and not noting the outright theft of the nation, illegal expansions of state power into torture while hiding behind the flag, accusing all dissent of being “treason” and acting accordingly, and pointing out that all the “deficit” bullshit that wingnuts pull out everytime a Democratic candidate is elected is just an obvious smokescreen they don’t really care about.

Nope, that makes you sound bad, so instead make it like young liberals were calling deficits unpatriotic before their “chosen candidate” did it because it still counts as hypocrisy if you have to tie yourself in a pretzel and ignore everything that was actually said.

You know, just in case you needed any more proof that this shit log was from the writer of “Liberal Fascism”.

“Idealistic” Democrats have spent the Obama years circling the wagons around parasitic teachers’ unions at the expense of poor minority kids (rich people have school choice already).

Man, I wonder why wingnuts are having so much difficulty making inroads with everyone and are so unpopular when they are so good at making friends with various constituencies and not actively demonizing any group that vaguely gets in their chosen fascists’ ways.

It’s a mystery!

The shovel-ready jobs were a fraudulent talking point used to justify pouring money into constituencies that already have jobs.

Which had nothing to do with Republicans deliberately resisting any attempt to create any make-work program in a cynical attempt to win the 2012 election and MOMMY, THEY ARE TRYING TO MAKE ME ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS, MOMMY!

Obama is hell-bent on raising the minimum wage, which will help people with jobs — particularly well-paying union jobs that tie compensation to multiples of the minimum wage. But it won’t help young people get their first jobs, which are harder to find these days than legal weed.

Dig at “young people smoking weed” as if the last 50 years haven’t proven that nearly everyone in this country has smoked weed at one point or another? Check. Rant about something that directly affects a disproportionate number of young people because it’s tied with the specter of poverty? Check. Random dig at unions as if the death of unions wasn’t largely responsible for the way workers are routinely mistreated these days? Check.

Ignoring the entire “we need to free job creators to create more jobs” tactic whenever you have to acknowledge the reality of joblessness and record profits? Check. Blaming young people for it and trying to act like increasing the minimum wage wouldn’t serve to let young people quit some of their jobs thus freeing them for others if jobs worked the way right-wingers want to pretend they do? Check check check.

Also, wanted to note here that pretty much nobody I know works a job, anymore. They either work no jobs because they have been rendered unemployed and are scrambling for whatever work they can piece together before they go homeless. Or they work several jobs because one job doesn’t even begin to pay the bills. I’m working something upwards of 10 jobs at the moment. And I barely pay the bills.

This is not uncommon in the economy Reaganism built.

Senate Democrats just held an utterly bogus pseudo-filibuster on global warming against a legislative body they control. They proposed no legislation, preferring instead to put on a kabuki show for rich donors justifiably wondering what Obama’s “Year of Action” actually means.

It’s true, Millennials remain more liberal and look more favorably toward big government than other age groups. But people grow up. They may well learn that their cynicism towards marriage and God — time-honored sources of happiness — was misplaced as the single life gets old and they find the one or the One they were waiting for.

Okay, sure, you are more liberal and are less willing to die yourself into knots to fit our bullshit system, but you’ll become secretly conservative as you get older. You’ll see! We don’t need to change anything, you’ll come to us if we’re patient enough.


Talk about misinterpreting the march of social history. Yes, it’s likely that those who were once considered liberal for almost supporting gay rights and kinda sorta understanding that women work for a living will be considered backwards in future days when trans* rights and poly visibility and anti-ace-discrimination laws are the talk of the land.

But that doesn’t mean the clock will wind backwards and suddenly make segregation, anti-gay-marriage, and religious dominism the hot shit again.

You will have to evolve or die to the motion of history. Same as everyone else.

Similarly, the hot embers of their ardor for big government may cool as they realize the poetry rarely gets translated into prose. And for that, Barack Obama will deserve a fair share of the credit. For nothing breeds disillusionment and cynicism more than the failure to deliver.

Which would be the crowning centerpiece of all of this, wouldn’t it?

The fact that conservative’s first, last, and only mode of response to the floodgates being opened wide and the first timid steps towards progress has been to snap up the hand-brake and slam on the brakes, trying to make sure nothing ever happens so everyone is so disillusioned that only deliberately delusional old farts with nothing better to do than to vote their fear that aliens are working with muslims to steal their teeth.

That this cynical tactic of deliberate wrecking of society if they are no longer allowed to dominate it and if those deemed lesser try and have their voice heard is the central thing of all of this.

All of the demonizing teachers, cynically cashing in on white male resentment of non-white, non-men gaining rights, ranting about the evils of young people are all part of a tactic to be elected for the sake of winning as if this thing that was so important to ourselves as a nation and our planet was just a sports competition winding down to its last minutes.

And now while we narrow the gap and try to repair the massive damage you have caused in your myopic quest to “win”, you want to whine about the fact that you are out of nasty tricks and ways to steal the game.

And I’m sorry, but no. Evolve or die, assholes. Either accept the meritocracy you so claim to fight for and its judgement of your skills or accept that there are some things you can’t fight for and bite the bullet and actually become something positive.

Either way, I’m sure the shock will kill you.

And the saddest thing of all is that no one will bother to notice.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Number one of things loved by millennials? Having an overpaid nepotism-benefiting incompetent sneering at you because him and his ilk have trashed the global economy and refuse to step out of the way of those trying to fix it. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

*Glancing at a series of vegan cookbooks one day, I discovered that no one, bar none, loves terrible jokes and especially terrible puns more than vegans. In fact, punning may be the truest form of veganism, even above eschewing meat and dairy.


Comments: 35


Sure, [Obama] addressed “youth issues” like student loans.

Yes… so what did your party have to offer them on student loans?

***crickets ***


So instead they are reduced to circling around white young men, hoping they can convince them to get on board with their “racial duties” by ranting at them about how much they are filthy morons who deserve death, but somehow should also vote for them.

At any rate, they think they are filthy morons who deserve debt.


FIRST! ^^^ You lot don’t count.


But that doesn’t mean the clock will wind backwards and suddenly make segregation, anti-gay-marriage, and religious dominism the hot shit again.

But they have been remarkably successful at winding the clock back for women, so they have some reason to expect success in those other areas, too. Just this morning, an 84-year-old friend of mine and I were talking about the lack of access to legal abortions, and my friend was telling me about how she, at 18, suddenly found herself helping a friend (also 18) get an abortion, and supporting her in the aftermath while realizing just how little she knew.The friend survived the experience, btw.

Also, anyone telling you that politicians catered to Boomers when Boomers were young is lying – as in “get out of lightning bolt range” lying. Conservatives have always hated the young, for the reasons you give in your opening.


Number one of things loved by millennials? Having an overpaid nepotism-benefiting incompetent sneering at you because him and his ilk have trashed the global economy and refuse to step out of the way of those trying to fix it.

Cerb, in the mortal words of Doug Walker*, “YOU’RE TOO FUCKING NICE!” Pantload should be enshrined in Paris as the platinum-iridium example of both nepotism and anticompetence. Except that it’s more important to put him in a very deep hole, far away from where innocent children might accidentally find him and put him in their mouths.

* On Roger Ebert’s, of honored memory, review of Rob Reiner’s North. You know, the one that gave the title to Ebert’s book I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie.


Pantload should be enshrined in Paris as the platinum-iridium example of both nepotism and anticompetence.

The crazy thing, though, is that Bloody Bill Kristol is an even more glaring example of the type.


Probably more dismaying for liberals: Of any living generation, they are the least likely to call themselves environmentalists.

I’m not a millennial, and I won’t pretend to know why they’d poll this way, but I know why *I* would: calling myself an environmentalist clearly doesn’t mean shit. The more I learn about what it could mean, the less likely I am to adopt the mantle lightly.

Most sensible people agree with the basic environmentalist premises now, or could be brought around. We’re fucked because what people like me are apparently willing to do is utterly insufficient, and we don’t deserve to call ourselves environmentalists.


I doubt that many millennials are climate-change denialists, or even in the neighborhood thereof. They’re faring poorly and they’re being pushed from multiple directions. Whatever their failings or politics, I think they’re well-informed about the environment and as a consequence, unlikely to think that their atomic lifestyle choices are a remedy … and yet, they may have little-to-no reason to believe that collective action is a timely option.

They can try to maintain their standard of living, or become radicals, but certainly not both. Only a climate-change denialist could see a win in all this.


they may have little-to-no reason to believe that collective action is a timely option.

A great deal of effort has gone into convincing them – and everyone else, for that matter – that collective action is useless. Look at the “focus groups” opposing the Iraq War, or, more recently, the opposition to Scott Walker’s policies. Between the utter uselessness of the corporate media and the fact that the bastards in power have most of the pieces and are working to get the rest, it’s an act of faith to be anything other than completely despairing.

I entered the full-time work biz at about the time that real income for everyone but the wealthy began to lag slightly behind the cost of living. I was able to get beyond the “ramen every night” stage, but not by as much as my education and abilities should have made it – and I’m not into conspicuous consumption – my big splurges have been books and travel (thanks to my parent’s divorce, at least one of them was at least 1,000 miles away since I was 3). And I had no student debt. I blame the unreasonable increase in college costs* for a lot of the misery the younger folk are going through. That, and the rules being jiggered to ensure it’ll hang around your neck forever, unlike other debts.

*I went to a very good state university as a state resident, and between the savings bonds my dad had been buying for the purpose since my birth, and my summer jobs, it was completely paid for. That would be impossible today. College costs have skyrocketed, I suspect to make a few fatcats even fatter. And if it keeps the plebes in their place, so much the better. I blame Reagan.


I was just about to write: “Well at least he didn’t tell us we should negotiate on abortion again. You know, once again telling us once again that if we went to 20 weeks, maybe…” Then it occurred to me that this is not “chuncky Reese Witherspoon” Douthat, but rather it’s, “my mom’s an asshole” Jonah Goldberg.

I can’t even keep them straight anymore.

Time for a really long break. Maybe until I’m dead.


Hey that’s me Helen above. Dunno why I came through as anon.


I can’t even keep them straight anymore.

They have remarkably similar job descriptions and do resemble each other physically, right? Both are kinda pudgy white guys with some facial adornment vaguely resembling a beard, and are somewhere in their 30s, give or take (I’m terrible at guessing ages), so your confusion seems reasonable to me.


Hm. Checking, I see “my mom’s an asshole” is 44, while “chunky Reese Witherspoon” is 34. My mental range of 10 years for my guess at their ages was pretty good.


But, as Mario Cuomo once said, politicians campaign in poetry but govern in prose.

One day Joberg will use the namedropping construction “As $X once said”, and it will turn out that $X did actually say the phrase in question. Rest assured that this is not that day. The various primary sources wingnuts and moonbats repeating the same attribution to Cuomo cannot even agree whether he was NY Mayor or NJ Governor at the time, let alone cite a specific speech or essay.

But a character in a West Wing episode attributed Cuomo, so it is a fact of popular culture now, which is good enough for post-modernist purposes. It is almost as if Joberg has found a journalistic niche where he soothes his audience with repetitions of half-remembered fictions they think they already know.

Frighteningly, he has competition for his record of fact-checking-averseness: Bloggers at Forbes ascribe the saying to Winston Churchill. Attributing everything to Churchill is the house style there, or a running joke (if not a tradition, or an old charter or something).


Ah, here we go — Cuomo’s actual phrasing from 1985: “You campaign in poetry. You govern in prose.”


My Eschaton buds are so sweet. One of the locals has pledged a truck/trailer to get me moved to the ass-end of Robertson County, and many have offered PayPal to defray expenses. I swear, when I hit Powerballs, I’m setting up a huge fund.

And we’ll have a big party. All of you are invited.


I smell troll farts!


While completely naked, Pennis spouted the following:

Every liberal here complaining about nepotism will vote for Hillary Clinton and think nothing of it.

Probably because Hillary has shown that she would’ve had a career with or without any connection to Bill, whereas the Doughy Pantload has repeatedly demonstrated that, without his family connections, he’d be underqualified for a job licking squirrel anuses on Pauly Shore’s lawn.


We liebrals have to vote for Hillary because nepotism is a family value.


As beloved Irish-American Handsome Joe Biden would say, “This is a big fucking deal.”

Lá fhéile Pádraig sona daoibh, people.


Last I checked, Jonah Goldbergh wasn’t responsible for any fuck-ups at any US embassies that left four Americans dead and declared “What difference does it make?” when asked how this catastrophe and cover-up happened.

Last time I checked, all those lies about Bengazhi were demolished here.

Other preposterous claims about the Sept. 11, 2012, attack, in which U.S. Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens and three other Americans were killed, are also debunked in the Senate report. Most spurious is the claim that the administration failed to launch a rescue attempt that might have saved lives.

“The committee has reviewed the allegations that U.S. personnel … prevented the mounting of any military relief effort during the attacks, but the committee has not found any of these allegations to be substantiated,” the report states.


As a Gen-Xer I’m very disappointed in my generation. Did Kurt Cobain die so that we can be out-cynicalled by a bunch of Bieber fans?
No I say, no! This shall not stand! We are the generation of Challenger and Chernobyl, of Nirvana, of Public Enemy, of “holy shit, we spend all that money worrying about a government that fell apart in 15 minutes!” We are the true font of cynicism! Who’s with me?!
(Yeah, I know what’s the fucking point?)


Four Americans dead. Straining at gnats, swallowing camels.


Nepotism is a fact of life. I still wouldn’t vote for Hilary. I’m still mad about her standing on the TV with Joe Weaselmann, talking about how Serious and Important the Iraq War was, and then trying to weasel out of it by saying she was from New York because 9/11 and what the fuck else was she supposed to do?

Millennials: You’re fine unless you’re one of those male fuckwits who think Ron Paul is smart or anything other than a sleazeball with no real values besides making white guys rich.


Pasty Doughboy never once gave it away
Everybody had to pay and pay
A hustle here and a hustle there
New York City’s the place where they said, Hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
I said, Hey Jonah,
Take a walk on the wild side


New one, Sorry Cerb.

Pupienus Maximus

Happy Liberalia everyone! Also, PENIS


Troll farts are bad enough, but troll shit is really rank!

Cleanup in aisle five!


Unfortunately in our society, there is often a presumption that once one has “grown up” and “become an adult”, they are done learning and growing.

Quote of the week, my friend.

Xecky Gilchrist

Quote of the week, my friend.


maybe I just dreamed the way that youth-based protests of the 2000s and late 90s were dismissed as “sad copycats of clearly superior Boomer protests”

But this is right up there.

Reality Checker

it’s an act of faith to be anything other than completely despairing.

That’s one act of faith I have had a hell of a time with lately.

I mean really. I grew up in a house where we knew personally a lot of the people involved in many struggles for social justice. But I have never felt worse about the prospects for having grandchildren at all.

We have a whole class of people that is hell bent on not only taking everything and re-instating slavery, but committing species suicide as well. I feel that at least the ancient Greeks understood how to live in a world like this: make sacrifices to the capricious, sociopathic gods and hope they didn’t decide to kill you this morning.

I don’t even know who to sacrifice to.

And then I see people like Goldberg. And I just wonder why I ever bothered to even try. I spent all those years trying to improve myself, to do my bit to make the world better. What the hell was I thinking? Moral courage? Shit, that was pretty stupid of me, evidently, and completely futile, since the conservatards are bent on making any future for humanity a moot point.

Sorry I am having a bad day.


@Reality Checker So the conservatives are terrible. Don’t let it get you down. The world turns and if we all die tomorrow at least you can die secure in the knowledge that you tried to make it better instead of worse. Nihilism is boring. Make the world better because it’s fun. If it isn’t, stop.


Who the hell does Goldberg talk to? I see my daughter’s peer group and some of the kids in my class as almost completely lacking in the cynicism that was the hallmark of my generation, raised on cocaine and hairspray.

Maybe it’s just that young people are cynical about Jonah and his ilk. That could be. But about the world? No.


Baby Boomers, and the other demographic flavors journalists love to use.


Hold up one second. Are you actually trying to argue that generations are a liberal media conspiracy?

My own belief is more along the lines of “meaningless bullshit categories invented to sell magazines, but…


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