Sadly, No!

Shorter Marie Jon
Renew America
“It was another Sunday morning before Easter”

• Sure, natural disasters kill millions, but that’s not God’s fault. Good Christians get smeared by comparisons to the Hutaree group, and that is the fault of the liberal media, which is a tool of the marxist Obama administration and satanic pastors like Jeremiah Wright and Jim Wallis. Won’t you join me in pledging to rid America of such filth by doing all we can to return our country to its purely theocratic origins?

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Sorry, Marie. You know I love you, but I’m not persuaded.

Um, whazzat?

OMG, I thought those glargy-gargle sounds coming from the revival tent were just the standard glossolalia! I guess this means Marie is really serious about her pledge drive.

Walter E. Williams, John M. Olin Distinguished Professor of Economics, George Mason University, The Confederate State of Virginia, as featured in Clown Hall
Minimum Wage Cruelty

• Because black labor is never worth anything near the minimum wage, laws guaranteeing payment of a minimum wage are a plot by liberals — the real racists — to assure that whites are employed and blacks are not. As proof, let me point out something that happened in the United States in 1909 and something else that happened in South Africa.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Via Texas Roy, we learn that the Anchoress is in a tizzy over this photo of Obama and Stephen Harper:

When people wag a finger in my face, I reach out and cover their hand and say some variation of “don’t say another word to me until you put that finger away.” The variations are not always courtly, but they get the point across.

Uncourtly variations from the Anchoress? One can only imagine the effect on finger-wagging offenders that her mixing-and-matching of ‘fiddlesticks’ with ‘adulterer’ brings about. But Our Lady of Perpetual Concern also has a request:

The look on Harper’s face, I can’t read. He’s either cowed or repressing his own anger. He appears to be looking directly at Obama’s finger. He is making a fist. Anyone want to supply a caption?

Why, certainly! Here ya go:

Look, Mr. Prime Minister, I feel you should know that the cascading torrent of Rev. Wright-inspired hate that infuses my every molecule is now being channeled into the single finger that I am pointing at you, to your obvious chagrin … this finger, you see is a weapon to me, a psychic wand, if you will, that I am using here to focus all of the enormous jealousy and contempt for competent leadership and principled morality I possess at the nearest representative of same in the person of you, Stephen Harper.

I also think I am not succumbing to hyperbole when I predict that future generations of Americans will point to this one photo and say, ‘This is where it all went wrong … this is the moment that America fell.’

(Edited for brevity)

Tintin adds:

ABOVE:Bernardo Strozzi (attr.), Man in Full, Portrait of
Jonassandro del Oroburro (17th cent.)

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Shh! Listen! Do you hear that distinctive crackling sound that a package of Ding Dongs make when being unwrapped? You know what that means, don’t you? The Doughy Pantload is in the house. Talkin’ about nukes. Readin’ Obama’s mind. Makin’ things up.

Jonah’s latest on the nuclear summit — which you know before reading even one word promises more hilarity than a teabagger spelling bee or a National Review triathalon — starts with Jonah disagreeing with Dr. Charles Kraphammer and John Bolton, two legendary luminaries on nuclear policy. But before you get excited that Ye Ole LoadPants is pulling a David Frum and might soon be excommunicated from the Second National Review Church of Jesus, the Pope and the Bomb, LoadPants is disagreeing with them because he thinks that nuclear treaties are beside the point when the U.S. is ruled by a President who wouldn’t use nuclear weapons even if Rev. Wright, Bill Ayers, and the ghost of Karl Marx got down on their knees and begged him to just drop a teensy-weensy nuke on Osama Bin Laden.

Ultimately, when and how a country uses its nuclear weapons does not depend on treaties. It depends on the Commander-in-Chief. Sure, worries about violating a treaty might — probably would — make using nukes more “costly” in a president’s cost-benefit analysis. But at the end of the day, using nukes is such a huge deal that I think most presidents, most human beings, would make the decision based on their core values and instincts. And, suffice it to say, I don’t think Barack Obama would ever use nuclear weapons under almost any remotely plausible circumstances

It really is easy to collect the wingnut welfare check when you are entitled to cite as facts things learned through psychic readings, tarot decks, the casting of racoon entrails, ouija boards and Vulcan mind-melding. These are, really, the only conceivable sources for LoadPants’s convictions on what Obama would (or wouldn’t) do if one of our enemies unleashed Armageddon upon us.

Oh, but wait! There’s another reliable source Jonah used for divining Obama’s innermost attitudes to the use of nuclear weapons: the movies, which are even a better source of evidence about the real world than that show on the Fox TeeVee network about Jack Bauer.

He’s even less likely to use nukes than the president in Independence Day, and that Bill Pullman character first needed to mind-meld with one of the aliens to be extra-super-sure that they were evil conquerors. The fact that most of America’s — and the world’s leading cities — had been obliterated wasn’t enough. After all, it could have been a misunderstanding.

Just like Jonah has been mind-melding with Obama to be extra-special-super-duper sure that Obama was more likely to have a masculine baseball pitch than to ever use nukes.

But the absolutely bestest thing about being on wingnut welfare is that Jonah is free to simply make shit up without any chance that someone will finally say, “Jonah, because you are making stuff up, we are taking away your allowance and shutting off the tsunami of Ding Dongs and Ho-Hos that heretofore have been careering down the food trough directly into your gullet.” Otherwise, Jonah might have thought twice before saying this:

Anyway, Obama has long had hang-ups with nuclear weapons. If memory serves, he was in effect a SANE Freeze guy at Columbia (or he wrote an article placing himself in that camp).

“If memory serves,” which is shorthand for “if I weren’t too lazy to get off my fat butt and waddle over to the Google Search engine and find out,” is your first clue that Jonah’s memory is serving all right: it’s serving up a heaping helping of made-up bullshit rather than even the tiniest little plateful of reality. Jonah is referring to this, which is a student newspaper piece by Obama when he was at Columbia in which he quotes a guy named Don Kent who says he, Don Kent, belonged to a group that once did some things with SANE. By that yardstick, Jonah could claim that I’m a blogger for America’s Shittiest Website™ because I’m on a group blog that has posts by someone else that quotes ASW™. Better yet, I can quote someone quoting Jonah quoting Karl Marx and become a Marxist — no, the head Marxist guy in all of DC! Yippee!!

John Hinderaker, Power Line:
Here’s An Idea: Let’s Politicize Medicine!

Here’s an idea: Let’s post the now-classic picture of Hinderaker live-blogging an atomic wedgie.

Above: “…bunching in the mid-line that…”

If you have government-controlled medicine, as the Democrats want to institute here, then every health care decision becomes political. Is that really what you want?

Hmm, probably not. Life seemed to get noticeably harder when the government started controlling the public roads, and we had to start thinking politically about whether to make a right or left turn. If we let the government control the military, every tactical decision would end in partisan deadlock. No, probably not, that’s a good one, yes.

The Telegraph reports on what inevitably will happen.

Headline: Minneapolis Blogger Makes Fool of Self. No, but this would be an even better occasion for the now-classic etc., because here:

The Telegraph reports on what inevitably will happen.

Above: “Ho ho, very funny, guys. Now let me off this telegraph before I wet my….”

The government uses its health care database to try to retain power:

Labour has been accused of using a Government database to target cancer victims with party political messages.

Personalised cards were sent to 250,000 women saying that the Tories would scrap a Labour guarantee that all suspected breast cancer patients would be seen by a specialist within two weeks of GP referral. …

If the Republicans had cards like, “Dear suspected breast cancer girl, or lady, Republicans rock the planet. P.S. We have arranged for a free visit to a specialist within two weeks of G.P. referral,” there wouldn’t be quite the same need to make a U-turn into the opposite lane and then cut hard Democrat into the 7-11 parking lot, instead of making a simple Republican-hand turn.

The cards ask specifically: “Are the Tories a change you can afford?” …

They are part of a strategy which has so far seen 600,000 cards sent out. Some are aimed at parents whose children attend Sure Start centres.

In all Labour is hoping to distribute 4.5 million of the cards during the election campaign.

Once your medical history is in a government database…

Hello, and welcome to an all-new episode of That’s Different.

…and you are dependent on the government for any health care you receive, why would you think that the government wouldn’t manipulate the information it has about you to try to influence your vote?

Well, hmm, say, once you are dependent on a private health insurer for any health care you receive, why would you think that the private insurer wouldn’t manipulate the information it has about you to try to influence its profits?

[buzz! ding-ding-ding] That’s different!

This has been That’s Different. We now return to our Classic Movie of the Week, The Princess Bride, already in progress.

It is frankly inconceivable to me…

I do not think that word means what you think it means.

…that anyone could believe that reliance on the government for one’s health care could possibly be a good idea.

That’s why many people around the world want to dismantle their countries’ nationalized health care systems. Unfortunately, in each country there’s a big bully stopping them made of most people.

Governments encourage this bully, pampering him with health care. So now you see the racket exposed.

UPDATE: Here is another down-side to politicizing medicine–political correctness rapidly replaces sound medical practice:

Muslim

Ah, say no more.

…Okay, fine: let’s hear what they’ve done this time, these lims of the Meuse, these micro- or µ-slims. What is this latest failing of our Man of the Mussel, our reader of Ish Mail?

Muslim doctors and nurses are to be allowed to opt out of strict hygiene rules introduced by the NHS to restrict the spread of hospital superbugs.

Female staff who follow the Islamic faith will be allowed to cover their arms to preserve their modesty despite earlier guidance that all staff should be “bare below the elbow”. …

The article doesn’t mention the hospital Christmas parties, already uncomfortable for Muslims, where instead of mistletoe, they hung an elbow.

The Mail on Sunday reported the change had been made after female Muslims objected to being required to expose their arm below the elbow under guidance introduced by Alan Johnson when he was health secretary in 2007.

The rules were drawn up to reduce the number of patients who were falling ill, and even dying, from superbugs such as MRSA and Clostridium difficile.

C. facile isn’t much of a challenge, admittedly.

Revised guidance which relaxed the requirements for some religions was published last month.

“Revised guidance which relaxed the requirements for some religions…” That says it all.

Oh no, it leaves out the part about The Muslim. And news stories need to have a verb in them somewhere, otherwise they’re just news, uh, phrases or clauses. This isn’t the German language, after all, where a newspaper or book can just have an appendix in the back with all the verbs in it.

Hello, and welcome to an all-new episode of Snappy Conclusion.

In any government medicine system, your health is the lowest priority.

Except not below…the elbow.

Jean-David Ruisseaux, Self Portrait with Pretty Hat
(c. 1776) (crayola on white drywall)

David Brooks, The New York Times
Redefining What It Means to Work Hard

• Yay Duke! It’s nice to see the rich win for a change. Poor people are just a bunch of losers. And they’re poor because they’re just a bunch of lazy sumbitches that don’t work as hard as the rich, who slave away 60 hours per week or more in their executive suites. The rich even work on the way home by making phone calls in their cars and thinking about corporate strategy and stuff. The poor, however, work only 40 hours per week (or less) at such cushy jobs as shelling crabs, collecting garbage, loading delivery trucks, etc., etc.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Hello Internet, whatcha knowing? We’ve come to watch Con Yankee D’oh!ing.

Confederate Yankee, Confederate Yankee:
Obama Questions Palin’s Nuclear Wisdom

He simply doesn’t know when to shut up:

We used to know somebody like that, but then he shut oh no he’s back.

Adam Yoshida, AdamYoshida.com:
The Moral Case for Supervillainy

(The following is an extended excerpt from something I’m working on – kind of a Galt speech for a character. Basic concept – a real life sort of “Bond Villain” who runs an ‘evil’ corporation that tries to overthrown foreign governments and the like for profit and that is building a SuperWeapon on its island. What I think of this really depends on my mood).

Yoshida is so right-wing, Galt is going him.

I see that Mr. Aristophanes has already dealt with this particular Confederate Yankee jaunt, with the Obama and the Palin and the so forth. But there’s an interesting story in how this post began with one thing and led to another and so on, and someday perhaps it will be known.

One thing, though, is that it’s been a while since Constant Reader² has seen the fireplug-looking ping on the radar that denotes an attempt toward relevance by Mark Levin. So when the following piece turned up someplace a couple days ago, it was like 2008 all over again — which is to say, I got all into it before noticing that the piece actually was from 2008. I mean, but hey.

Mark Levin, The Corner:
The Obama Temptation

I’ve been thinking this for a while so I might as well air it here.

Ew, Mark! Woo. Holy God, I’m gonna go crack a window.³

I honestly never thought we’d see such a thing in our country – not yet anyway – but I sense what’s occurring in this election is a recklessness and abandonment of rationality that has preceded the voluntary surrender of liberty and security in other places. I can’t help but observe that even some conservatives are caught in the moment as their attempts at explaining their support for Barack Obama are unpersuasive and even illogical.

I read that paragraph three times, and then just a moment ago I stopped typing and read it again, and I think Levin is saying that Obama is going to Anschluss America like Hitler ange… um, like he ist or rather hat ein…uh, or probably einer Anschluss gehaben, uh, mit Austria. Only Obama is going to… Wait. Does one anschlussen something or schlussen it an?

I’m just going to bust in here for a moment. When people say we’d all be speaking German today if not for some wartime tactical mishap, some weather event or Allied codebreaking triumph, I think I probably wouldn’t. I think I’d be pointing at things and going “arrr!” a lot, barring some pedagogical miracle of the nature of von Braun’s breakthroughs in rocketry.

I also think there are probably tons of people in Germany and surrounding nests of the German language — places where the ‘we’d be speaking German today’ threat was imperfectly averted — who do just that, struggling under the stigma of mental disability when the only thing wrong is that one day they began a sentence such as “Wenn er aber auf der Strasse der in Sammt und Seide gehüllten jetzt sehr ungenirt nach der neusten Mode gekleideten Regierungsräthin…” and the verb never came.⁴

There is a cult-like atmosphere around Barack Obama, which his campaign has carefully and successfully fabricated, which concerns me. The messiah complex. Fainting audience members at rallies. Special Obama flags and an Obama presidential seal.

Levin is like one of those people, except instead of pointing and going “arrr!” he’s best imagined as perpetually spinning in his chair with stubby legs out and sock feet wafting, braying like Danny DeVito in Batman Returns. And instead of a verb never arriving it was vindication.

A graphic with the portrayal of the globe and Obama’s name on it, which adorns everything from Obama’s plane to his street literature. Young school children singing songs praising Obama. Teenagers wearing camouflage outfits and marching in military order chanting Obama’s name and the professions he is going to open to them.

That’s scary, because you’d see these disembodied teenager heads floating by with swinging disembodied hands, and you’d be like “OH MY GOD! What happened to their…” then you’d be like, “Oh right, camouflage.” But that first few seconds would be super-scary, especially if they were singing some scary song for teenagers to be marching around singing, like for instance “O-ba-ma-ma-ma, me-be-a-trial-law-yah, O-ba-ma-ma-ma hey-ey-ey-ey-ah. Oh yes, the country version. No, because it’s like those low rider cars with the custom hydraulics that bounce up and down at stoplights. It’s funny at first, but then you realize: If someone will do that, then what the hell else are they capable of?

An Obama world tour, culminating in a speech in Berlin where Obama proclaims we are all citizens of the world. I dare say, this is ominous stuff.

Three things I’ve learned as an adult: Nuff never said half those things, sometimes Will says fire at you, and Say has amply proven himself. Let’s rejoin Confederate Yankee, and with rejoinders withal:

He simply doesn’t know when to shut up:

We used to know someone like that, but one day the bell said “ding-dong,” and on the doorstep was a +8 Cheetah Skin of Knowing, alas.

President Barack Obama on Thursday made clear he was not going to take advice from Republican Sarah Palin when it comes to decisions about the U.S. nuclear arsenal.

Palin, the former vice presidential candidate, has not been shy about criticizing Obama’s policies and this week weighed in on his revamped nuclear strategy, saying it was like a child in a playground who says ‘punch me in the face, I’m not going to retaliate.’

“I really have no response to that. The last I checked, Sarah Palin is not much of an expert on nuclear issues,” Obama said in an interview with ABC News.

Palin’s view of nuclear weapons was shaped by her stint as the commander in chief of the Alaskan National Guard, our first line of defense against Soviet nuclear weapons. Obama has held his same views since he was a stoner college student and has showed no signs of maturing.

Which of the two would you trust?

Well, I’d have to say that I… Wait a second here, the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991.

Update: I stand corrected. Palin does not have any experience with the AANG. The 49th Missile Defense Battalion AANG, Fort Greely is (literally) the first line of defense against Soviet nukes with 25-30 anti-ICBMs, but they do not report to the governor.

Uh-huh, and the second line of defense against Soviet nukes is the not-existing of any of them. Wait a second here, the Alaska Air National Guard has 25-30 anti-ICBM whats, exactly?

Prediction: Being wrong doesn’t make Our Mr. Yankee any less right.

Obama? Still utterly untrustworthy, and getting more so every day.

Update: And she zings Dear Leader… again:

Ach, too predictable. Let’s try another.

Confederate Yankee, ConfederateYankee.com:
So Who Really is More Dangerous for America?

A fraudulent showman who twists people’s emotions with falsehoods in order to get rich as Bob Cesca alleges, or a radicalized neophyte ideologue with his own extensive record of fraudulent and deceptive statements and a residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?

Well, this is more of a challenge. Is one of them Obama?

Obama makes the common fallacious appeal to authority here, while throwing in some ad hominem and the appeal to ridicule:

“I really have no response to that. The last I checked, Sarah Palin is not much of an expert on nuclear issues,” Obama said in an interview with ABC News.

Logical fallacies much, Mr. POTUS?

What’s more, this little outburst is the pot calling the kettle black.

And really, who’s the real expert here?

Palin’s view of nuclear weapons was shaped by her stint as the commander in chief of the Alaskan National Guard, our first line of defense against Soviet nuclear weapons. Obama has held his same views since he was a stoner college student and has showed no signs of maturing.

Amen, Br’er Owens. I’ve always said that when it comes to knowing nukes, two-and-a-half years as commander in chief of the Alaskan National Guard trumps one-year-and-change as commander in chief of an actual nuclear arsenal. Because 1) it’s longer and 2) don’t bogart that joint, fella!

UPDATE: While Bob Owens is busy composing his ode to Sarah Palin’s stalwart defense of Cochinchina in the face of Red Tonkinese aggression, not to mention her leadership role in mediating talks with the Ottomans, we pause to alert you that our uppity POTUS has ‘sassed’ the esteemed former part-time Alaska governor.

ABOVE: Debbie Schlussel, White American Patriot.

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Not being one to let an airplane incident with a Muslim go to waste, not-so-little Debbie Scheißell has convinced herself, and her gullible readers judging from her comments section, that the smoking incident on United Flight 663 from Washington National to Denver was a “dry run.” A “dry run” is the wingnut version of Hamburger Helper and can be stirred into any Muslim flight itinerary, no matter how innocuous, to turn it instantly into a delicious, one-skillet meal for the “Silly Muslim, Planes Are For White People” crowd.

No way I believe for a second that this guy was just trying to sneak a smoke. … Yup, a diplomat from the nation that funds and is home to Al-Jazeera. I’m sure he took a smoke sneak and joked about putting it out on his shoe, by accident. Because that’s sooooo funny. Ah, the Muslim humor.

Apparently this was a dry run to see if telling bad jokes could cause air marshals to knock themselves out by hitting the heel of their own hands on their foreheads after hearing the bad joke. This would then allow the terrorist to detonate his bomb.

Of course, the government of Balack Hussein Osama is all in favor of dry runs and will be personally delivering a stimulus check to the Qatari diplomat to apologize that the air marshals weren’t rendered helpless by the bad joke as planned but instead handcuffed the diplomat and handed him over to federal authorities.

In a matter of days, they’ll have the Federal Air Marshals on leave and our State Department will be kissing ass, er . . . apologizing over caviar and falafel.

If this had been an African diplomat, Debbie, the comedian’s comedian and the ultimate arbiter of good versus bad humor, would have had us rolling in the aisles with a reference to apologizing over champagne, fried chicken and watermelon.

The U.S. government is, naturally, totally in the bag for the terrorists, and it is now sending Hillary Clinton to Qatar to provide advice as to how Qatari diplomats should conduct their next dry runs on flights out of Washington National Airport. The only thing true-blooded all-American Judeo-Christian passengers can do now to prevent being inconvenienced by future “dry runs” is to take matters into their own hands.

Like I said, if passengers continue to allow these delays and traumas by “joking” Muslims and Arabs, they will continue to experience them. It’s time for them to take action and start costing these people, start embarrassing them through lawsuits. Period. I don’t get why Americans are willing to sue airlines that keep them on the plane unnecessarily, but they won’t do the same to “joking about shoe bombs” Muslims. Why not?

If only someone had sued Mohamed Atta and the Government of Egypt over flight delays caused by Atta’s dry runs, well, the World Trade Towers would still be standing and Debbie would be spending all her time complaining about African-Americans instead of Muslims.

My buddy’s third cousin recently died in Granada, Spain. Read the obit … you will be amazed at the life of Richard Mischke. My friend only met him a few times. He was soft-spoken about his accomplishments, which included flying combat missions in three wars.

Just an incredible life. He was on another adventure when he departed it.