The secret to future conservative success
Oh deary. It seems that Michelle Malkin is (shock) outraged again because some nasty people have been saying that right-wing bloggers produce nothing but crazy-assed bullshit. When pressed for counterexamples, she gives us this:
Who says conservative bloggers don’t do reporting?
[…]
Bob Owens at Confederate Yankee/Pajamas Media published several original reports and scoops — including the op-ed the NYTimes refused to run and an interview with FBI informant/Weather Underground insider Larry Grathwohl, and early in the year, the results of a massive FOIA request related to the Beauchamp controversy.
Robert Stacy McCain, a two-decade newspaper reporter/editor-turned-blogger, provided campaign reporting on the road from Hillary in Harrisburg, Pa., and in Shepherdstown, W.Va., to the Libertarian convention in Denver, to John McCain in Pennsylvania, back to Denver for the DNC, and in Ohio and Pennsylvania for Sarah Palin.
Internet journalist/blogger and Little Green Footballs regular Zombie (not “conservative” per se, but rather anti-sharia/anti-jihad/anti-anti-American/anti-extremist Left) did extraordinary work digging up documents related to Barack Obama and left-wing terrorist Bill Ayer’s relationship — most notably, unearthing the Weather Underground manifesto Prairie Fire and Obama’s review of Ayer’s book on the juvenile court system.
See, yeah.
The insane, paranoid rantings of the Gun–Counter Gomer, racist ex-Moonie Times reporters, and some anonymous dude at LGF do not constitute “reporting” in the sense that we’ve typically come to define the term. No, I don’t care how many times you’ve kerned Obama’s birth certificate to prove that he’s Chuck D’s love child, or whether you’ve written a 50,000-word manifesto analyzing the linguistic similarities between Obama’s DNC speech and NWA’s “Straight Outta Compton.” Everything you guys write is tainted by the simple fact that you’re crazy assholes. If you’d like your work to be taken seriously by anyone who isn’t on your own personal LISTSERVs and Twitter accounts, the first step is to stop being crazy assholes. If you enjoy being crazy assholes and don’t want to give up the habit, that’s cool, but don’t expect to earn much respect from normal people. Make sense?
That’s really unfair, Brad. You completely overlook Michelle Malkin’s own in-depth reporting from the trash can of 12-year-old Graeme Frost and family.
not “conservative” per se, but rather anti-sharia/anti-jihad/anti-anti-American/anti-extremist Left
A distinction with a difference? Bedam if I know what it is.
You completely overlook Michelle Malkin’s own in-depth reporting from the trash can of 12-year-old Graeme Frost and family.
O, how could I forget that daring expose?
Hey, Bolton and Yu are both crazy assholes and they got published in the NYT! Of course it was in the ‘Opinions of Crazy Assholes’ section, not the ‘serious’ news.
O, how could I forget that daring expose?
I kind of envy your ability to do so.
But I guess it was reporting – muckraking with real muck!
That picture of Malkin and the caption beneath it (“Author of “‘Unhinged'”!) just says it all, doesn’t it? When it comes to a word like “unhinged”, L’il Lulu certainly knows whereof she speaks, eh?
I hesitate to defend the NYT – or any major daily – when they turn down some wingnut’s latest mental excreta. They obviously have no problem giving long-term paying gigs to gormless twats like Buchanan, Novakula & Kristol, so they’ve already proven that their overall level of lucidity isn’t all that much better than the likes of Owens or Atlas.
Calling the memetic effluent pumped out by LGF or Confederate Yankee “journalism” is sort of like calling a tweaked-out meth-whore a “diva” … there’s poetic license, & then there’s Who The Fuck Are You Kidding, Lady.
That is a mighty impressive list. Let’s imagine you’re the chief editor of The Wingnut Herald, and this list is the 2008 accomplishments list from your ace reporter, Ms. X Tranutty, and her crack team. I would not only fire this reporter, I would fire whomever hired her in the first place.
Still, in the interest of blog vs. print/TV, I’m curious: what stories were broken by the liberal half of the web this year?
Just to be clear, I am able to produce piles of op-eds that the NYT will refuse to publish. Why, I’ll bet I can produce five or six today! Does that mean I’m qualified for Wingnut Welfare too?
Shorter Stalkin’ Malkin: Waaah! We are too relevant!
Brad, isn’t this like asking the leopard to change his spots into a burqa?
Unlike the other 5,000,000 American bloggers who have their op-eds published by the NYT every day. It’s a god damned conspiracy, I tell ya!
I say we start up a group, some kind of organization, some kind of oh, what’s the word I’m looking for? Strike Force, if you will… and we all refuse to have our op-eds published by the NYT until Bob Owens is published. Who’s with me?
Beefarino!!!WOLVERINES!!!I’m curious: what stories were broken by the liberal half of the web this year?
Are there any? I’m not saying there aren’t, but I can’t think of any off the top. Most bloggers don’t claim to be doing reporting, and even fewer than claim it actually are. IIRC only TPM does much in the way of reporting, sometimes FDL does, and maybe some Kossacks (I haven’t read the GOS much in recent years, so I dunno).
what stories were broken by the liberal half of the web this year?
Amy Alkon’s shitmoat.
most notably, unearthing the Weather Underground manifesto Prairie Fire
Heavens! I thought that was secret forbidden lore like the Necronomicon! How on Earth did this brave Zombie discover Prairie Fire? Primary interviews while jetting between Pyongyang and Tehran? Secret meetings at the Eiffel Tower between two men, with only one walking away alive? The deathbed confession of the Himalayan monk charged with protection of our entire reality?
Seriously, about the only blogger who broke a story on the left was Spocko getting Melanie Morgan fired.
Wow, a blog posting some dude’s opinions the NYT didn’t publish, reporting on candidates as they campaigned publicly, and covering the story of a guy who published his story in 1976; thank God for the right blogosphere!
Liberal blogs broke the Gannon/Guckert story, not that it gained any traction in the MSM. (I wonder why…)
Seriously, about the only blogger who broke a story on the left was Spocko getting Melanie Morgan fired.
If you read the whole Malkin article the standards for “broke” are pretty much broke, and in applying them you can say that, for instance, a variety of left-wing bloggers broke the news that Erick Erickson’s a complete tool.
Such a wonderful group of investigative journalists. Man, they are so thorough and tenacious. Especially when it comes to made-up stories, hassling regular folk, including kids, and lying outright.
I can think of two pieces of investigative journalism about Michelle’s kooky family that appeared here… [pokes hornet’s nest]
So, to name the wingnutosphere’s huge 2008 accomplishments, Malkin brings up righties freaking out over Bill Ayers, demonstratively proven to be a complete fucking non-issue. And the super sleuth work that Cornfed Wankee did on Ayers was to post a non-published column saying how Ayers is bad. This is strong, important stuff.
But you left out the best one:
A wingnut doing an exclusive on Sean Hannity. Truly this will be the death of Old Media.
And BTW, I love the “lamer” response Malkin cites, because it includes ZomieTime’s hilarious shaggy dog fail from December. Make sure you devote enough time to reading the whole thing, elsewise the dud of a punchline isn’t as awesome.
::::::::::::BREAKING:::::::::::::::::::::::
MUST CREDIT SADLY,NO!
After months of in-depth undercover reporting, it has now been confirmed that Conservative Blogress Michelle Malkin is hopelessly addicted to SNOTCHOS.
“She gets them everywhere….”
Shoot, I just have to quote from that ZombieTime piece:
This, of course, got heavy traction from the Ole Perf, LGF, and others when it was spewed forth.
Hey, Bolton and Yu are both crazy assholes
– Who you callin’ a crazy asshole?
– Yu.
– Yeah? Well screw you!
– I agree! Screw that guy!
– What guy?
– Yu!
– Why I oughtta…
etc etc.
Again.
Sorry.
Bob Owens
And with the very first two words, her column is over before it even starts.
What’s a Goamer?
Is it a misspelling of Gomer, or does it have some other meaning I’m not aware of?
Make sense?
See, that is just expecting waaaayyyy too much from her, Brad.
A wingnut doing an exclusive on Sean Hannity. Truly this will be the death of Old Media.
How hard is it to fill two pages with “pocka pocka pocka pocka pocka pocka pocka pocka pocka- slurp slurp slurp” ?
Michelle is hilarious: she cherry-picks two phrases which she uses to fabricate her straw-man, then gets miffed at lefties cherry-picking some of her more ridiculous examples to mock.
Oh, and don’t forget API, which is “excelling high as the year 2009 opens tomorrow and will focus on delivering proof on the Michelle Obama tape saga and the Imam-Obama document in the next few days”!!!! Headline and URL!
The problem is that the right wing blogger community doesn’t yet have a manly military-style crest / arm patch which will show the damn librul medja they mean business.
I was excelling high all of New Years’ Eve and most of New Years’ Day as well.
Michelle Malkin… Michelle Malkin… The name’s vaguely familiar. Wasn’t she one of the contestants that got about 1% of the votes on the all-important Gay Patriot Blog-Ogress Poll?
Bob Owens
And with the very first two words, her column is over before it even starts.
Actually, the first two words you see on the page, and which have that exact same effect, are the big caps at the top that say MICHELLE MALKIN.
Some real investigation would be to find out how her husband went from being a Rhodes scholar to a dude chained up in the basement in his underwear, ghostwriting the column while Malkin holds key parties upstairs.
Speculation, yes, but it would be irresponsible et cetera.
I can’t believe nobody mentioned the most earth-shattering news story of 2008: Rachel Ray’s scarf.
You jive turkeys forget about me?
How hard is it to fill two pages with “pocka pocka pocka pocka pocka pocka pocka pocka pocka- slurp slurp slurp” ?
Well, when you’re typing with one hand…
Please, call me Keffiyah.
Here’s a goody from Michelle’s list of great wingnut accomplishments:
“Pro-life blogger Jill Stanek published numerous investigative reports on Obama’s abortion extremism in the Illinois legislature…”
Yes! Here in Chicago we used to call him Babort Oborto.
I tried. Oh how I tried. But the stupid, it burnsess!!!!
I do love his conclusion though. It’s Goldberg-ian in its wrongness but with twice the word count. Awesome.
See, guys, you’re not journalists. To be a journalist, you have to blindly reprint any dross from government sources (under painstaking anonymity) in spite of that dross repeatedly turning out to be the product of personal and ideological vendettas. Then maybe you’d have achieved what Owens did when, during the last gasp of wingnut supremacy at the Pentagon, he dutifully played the peanut gallery – later arising to the illustrious rank of Chief Spud – in shrieking for the blood of designated target journalists and journalistic figures in Iraq, the most persistent of whom – a police officer whose ability to keep a low profile and fairly common name made him a key journalistic source – turned out to be a mutual enemy of the beady-eyed Internet reactionaries and beady-eyes Twelver reactionaries that co-rule Iraq.
They call it “speaking truth to power”, guys – and two out of four ain’t bad.
Please, call me Keffiyah.
They call the wind Keffiyah o/~
later arising to the illustrious rank of Chief Spud
He still never got his grill, tho.
I came upon a former right-wing aquaintance of mine. He was a mess.
Asked him “What happened?”
He said: “I looked down!”
Don’t look down Michelle. Keep flailing, and remember, Never Look Down!
No, conservatism won’t fail you, but if you look down, you might fail conservatism.
Yo yo yo wuzzup wuzzup aight it’s confeezy yankeezy in yo greeeeeeyull thunderin down on the socializin terrorizin obamaman like he were a charcoal greeeeeeeeeyull if ya feels me say yaaaaaayuhh
I especially admire the use of the phrase ‘Strike Force’ on the Red State badge, which implies power and aggression. It’s much more manly than ‘Flaccid Cheesedicks’ or ‘Feeble Dwebes’ or ‘Squealing Wussies’ would have been.
It was Jill Stanek who was responsible for what is perhaps the all-time weirdest wingnut post I’ve ever read.
While I will not relate the circumstances which led to this particular sartorial oddity, out of respect for my family, suffice it to say that during my childhood I wore, on many occasions, a Keffiyah, topped off with a yamulke.
Try it sometime! It combines the best features of both headgears.
Mooser,
So you grew up Unitarian too?
I’d heard of the other fellows before, but I was intrigued (and by intrigued, I mean that I had a severe case of the giggles) by MichMalk’s namecheck of “Zombie”. Her site lists his footwork:
Sheesh! Can three trustafarians get together for coffee anywhere in the Bay Area without this dude showing up with his trusty camera? Also, he very unilaterally declared Victory In Iraq Day, aka Let’s Declare Victory And Go Home–a virtual ticker-tape parade. Srsly.
“the Weather Underground manifesto Prairie Fire”, along with the rest of WU missives and rants are available in a book that I bought about a year ago. Apparently “unearthing” means $12.95 at a good independent book store.
Fun fact: the guy she cites him interviewing taught the WU everything it knew about bombs, actively incited them towards violence, and actually managed to get their case thrown out by being a paranoid, self-aggrandizing lunatic on the stand. It’s pretty much a textbook case of incitement and entrapment.
The right really swung for the fences on their version of the story, but the swinging was largely a wasted effort, and it’s going to blow up in their faces come 2012 when this guy is being sought out for interviews by the real media. Any non-casual coverage of Ayers’s past by anyone outside of the right is going to be pretty violent for the provocateur’s version.
He’s a creepy voyeur who gets off on people (pretty girls, largely) being naughty extremist unsensible radicals, and listening to him and his fanboys is like listening to guys who set up cameras to watch people piss — only he doesn’t have the excuse of openly getting off on it.
The part I liked best about Malkin’s piece was that the gold standard of credibility was variously “rejected by the NYTimes,” “mentioned by the NYTimes,” and “NYTimes refused to credit.”
When Greater Wingnuttia drives the Grey Lady to extinction with the mad reporting skillz, what will they compare themselves to?
what stories were broken by the liberal half of the web this year?
On kos, several, of the top of my head I remember the health industry murder by spreadsheet stuff by nyceve and the Jena Six. Whitehouse emails on public servers was also broken by bloggers. There are just way too many to remember.
shorter zombietime: “my friends, we’ve got him right where we want him.”
HotAir is currently winning hte “Best Blog” poll contest voting thingie.
http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-blog/
This must not stand.
So they did what anyone could do, they got a library card and dug up some tangentially related but irrelevant documents from the public record?
How does that balance out the rest of the wingnuttia?
And who could forget the 2007 list of those <a href=”http://glenngreenwald.blogspot.com/2007/01/credibility-of-right-wing-blogosphere.html”other stories that the right wingers broked
real link
wow thanks WP
real link
How does that balance out the rest of the wingnuttia?
They could sign their names so they could GET liberry cards! HAH!
Everything you guys write is tainted by the simple fact that you’re crazy assholes.
That was a laugh out loud. Not a “LOL” interweb slang-style, but a genuine, certified out loud laugh. Many thanks …
HotAir is currently winning hte “Best Blog” poll contest voting thingie
The Volokh Conspiracy is winning the law blog category by a huge margin. This could use some ratfucking as well.
I can’t get into the whole blog award thing. Its just too.. self aggrandizing. Its too much like the MSM patting themselves on the back.
I add to tip jars, click through on ads, and read. Isn’t that enough of a reward.
I’ll bring flowers next time, I promise.
not “conservative” per se, but rather anti-sharia/anti-jihad/anti-anti-American/anti-extremist Left
I always get these confused, too.
Splitters !!!
Jim,
I’m warning you now: I’m stealing this quote (“sort of like calling a tweaked-out meth-whore a “diva” “)next chance I get to say it in conversation. Priceless.
Any requests for royalties should go to my attorney and be 500 words or less.
I have a question Mr.
So, can you be a crazy asshole and still make people like you? Can you raise an army of zombies? If so, would you have some kind of mind control or would they be wild with insatiable hunger for man flesh? Thanks!
Michelle Malkin… Michelle Malkin… The name’s vaguely familiar.
You may know her better by her maiden name, Manananggal.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manananggal
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