Nov
6

Confederate Yankee: “YER BLACK HELICOPTERS AIN’T A-GITTIN’ ME, OBAMEE!”




Posted at 21:09 by Brad

I can’t decide what part of this post-election period I enjoy more: the crazed ideological purges or the descent into survivalist paranoia. Heck, why do I have to choose?

Good News: Obama’s Election Spurs New Appreciation For Constitution

[...]

Barack Obama is a gun-banner at heart, and there is every reason for Americans to doubt his campaign’s more moderate rhetoric when compared to his actual record.

Buy guns, America. It’s good for the economy, good for the development of our nation’s moral character, and our last bulwark against tyranny.

While you’re at it, consider hitting the Paypal link in the sidebar to the right as a belated blogoversary present. What you think that SLR 106FR is going to buy itself?

So after begging his readers into buying him a brand-spankin’ new grill in the aftermath of Hurricane Humberto last year, Confederate Yankee is now using the impeding tyranny of the Obama administration to beg his readers to send him cash so he can buy more guns. Talk about self reliance!

Part of me thinks Confederate Yankee is just a very clever liberal guy who stokes conservatives’ fear and paranoia to get free stuff. If that is the case, then he’s twenty gajillion times smarter than I’ll ever be.

134 Comments »

  1. tigrismus said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:12

    While you’re at it, consider hitting the Paypal link in the sidebar to the right as a belated blogoversary present. What you think that SLR 106FR is going to buy itself?

    How much of Galt’s Gulch will be funded by PayPal remittances?

  2. Scott said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:12

    A liberal in disguise would better at this thinkin’ stuff than Cornfed…

  3. Righteous Bubba said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:15

    I believe he deserves a reward because of this prediction:

    Polls show a tightening race as we enter the last days of the campaign, and I’m becoming ever more convinced that the American people are going to dodge a bullet and elect John McCain as President of the United States.

    That’s some quality forecasting.

  4. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:15

    What you think that SLR 106FR is going to buy itself?

    We get message!

    What you say!

    Somebody set up us the Obama!

  5. Pere Ubu said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:16

    What you think that SLR 106FR is going to buy itself?(sic, very sic)

    What, he can’t afford it on his good big boodle of spondulix from workin’ at Wal-Mart?

  6. Michael G. said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:18

    Bwahahahaha! You’re a little late to the “caring about the constitution party”. After all, it’s “not a suicide pact” and “just a piece of paper”.

    If your opinion on the constitution changes depending who is in power, you don’t believe in constitutional government. If you don’t believe in constitutional government, you’re anti-American.

  7. El Cid said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:20

    When’s his radio show telling listeners how to properly stock a hideout shelter and advertising colloidal silver to cure all ailments?

  8. NobodySpecial said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:20

    I’m surprised he didn’t just go straight to demanding the Cadillac.

  9. mikey said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:23

    If only these idiots could understand that there’s more than two amendments, and they’re ALL worth defending, well, maybe I could take them a little more seriously.

    But not likely…

    mikey

  10. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:24

    Buy guns, America. It’s good for the economy,,,

    Umm, I’m no gun-nut, so maybe someone might want to check this out. Teh SLR106FR is an AK-47 variant – i.e. it’s a Soviet design. Additionally, it’s made by Arsenal Inc. – a Bulgarian company.

  11. Pere Ubu said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:24

    we iz in yr malls bein mallninjaz

  12. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:26

    If only these idiots could understand that there’s more than two amendments…

    The only reason they acknowledge two of them is that the only one they give a shit about is called the second – so there must be a first one somewhere.

  13. Pere Ubu said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:27

    Teh SLR106FR is an AK-47 variant – i.e. it’s a Soviet design.

    ARRR grumph groumph well you know those ex-SovBloc guys really know how to make a gun so it’s okay, milspec milspec blurp blurp SecDef MilOps yadda yadda

  14. alec said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:29

    Buy guns, America. It’s good for the economy, good for the development of our nation’s moral character, and our last bulwark against tyranny.

    Funny thing about developing moral character: it’s not the terms you conventionally talk about buying Chinese-manufactured, Soviet-designed assault weapons with.

    But, you know, I guess maybe the entire “socialist” attack line was because Obama is a Trotskyite revisionist.

  15. Thrillhouse said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:29

    If only these idiots could understand that there’s more than two amendments, and they’re ALL worth defending, well, maybe I could take them a little more seriously.

    But not likely…

    mikey

    What’s the other one that they’re aware of? It doesn’t seem to be the first amendment.

  16. alec said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:32

    And you know what? If you don’t fucking own an assault rifle, don’t fucking whine about the vague possibility of someone banning them. You don’t know how to shoot ‘em, you don’t give a shit about learning to or ever using it for anything, it’s just the form of conspicuous consumption most likely to murder your neighbors’ children.

  17. Brady's bum knee said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:33

    That’s not a bad idea. It’s kind of like those “Christian heavy metal” dudes. Maybe we should all start putting out right-wing blogs and live off of PayPal.

  18. mikey said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:34

    Sure they are. Haven’t you heard them whining that making fun of them, or even asking their VP nominee questions takes away their rights to free speech?

    See, they know it’s there, they just don’t actually UNDERSTAND it…

    mikey

  19. Jess Sayn said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:34

    Cornfed Wanker is spending a lot of time at the pwnshop these days.

  20. syl said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:34

    I clicked through becasue I couldn’t believe the headline actually was “Good News: Obama’s Election Spurs New Appreciation For Constitution.” I guess accidental self-awareness is better than no self-awareness…right?

  21. Dr. Squid said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:35

    In the interest of accuracy, Dafydd ab Fatboy should be holding a 5-foot sandwich, not a rifle.

    That Is All.

  22. alec said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:35

    Cornfed Wanker is spending a lot of time at the pwnshop these days.

    He’s looking for Judeo-Christian allies in the coming race war, obviously. Sure, the guy who owns his local pawn shop may be Korean, but the Hebrews are a crafty folk.

  23. Marco said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:38

    Shouldn’t he be putting donations toward his blog? Why should his readers pay for his Schlitz can-shooting excursions and Red Dawn reenactment weekends? Is he going to beg for gift cards from his followers to re-gift
    to his family this Xmas?

  24. Legalize said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:39

    “The only reason they acknowledge two of them is that the only one they give a shit about is called the second – so there must be a first one somewhere.”

    Correct. The first one, as we all know, defines “free speech” as not being allowed to make fun of or criticize wingers when they behave like spoiled, evil, little children.

  25. Pere Ubu said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:40

    Dafydd ab Fatboy should be holding a 5-foot sandwich, not a rifle

    That’s “a 5-foot milspec tactical deployment multiingredient hand-held battle ration”, maggot! Now drop and give me fifty!

  26. Michael G. said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:40

    I think someone should create a chatbot that gets its seed text from certain right-wing blogs. The talking points are uniform and the phrases are preset. Better, the prose is really choppy, so the usual “bot doesn’t talk like a human’ piece is easier to get around.

    Then you set one up so it makes a post a day and add a paypal link. Better: make another bot or two to post comments on threads. That’ll seed your community for the chumps.

  27. JK47 said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:46

    For those of you looking for some lulz, Michelle Malkin has set up a page where folks can send a thank-you note to Sarah Palin.

    Here’s a choice excerpt from a Palin supporter:

    My special gift is to recognize intelligence. I have worked with gifted children and with their advocates for most of my life. I have authored four books. I am quite certain that you are a highly intelligent woman who is also gifted. The definition of gifted is when you have a high I.Q. PLUS a facility with abstract concept and seeing patterns and approaching problems with creativity. You have my support. I’d bet money that your I.Q. test would trump “theirs” any day. You ought to challenge them!

    I guess “I can see Alaska from my house” and “Africa is a country” are perfect demonstrations of Palin’s “facility with abstract concept.” Palin’s thinking is so abstract, she’s like a regular Wasilla Kandinsky.

    So get in on the laugh riot and tell Sarah how much you appreciate her! It looks like a few Obama supporters are already over there pissing in the corn flakes.

  28. i did it all for the dookie said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:47

    Remember when CY was confident McCain would win?

    Good times.

  29. Pere Ubu said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:52

    Palin’s thinking is so abstract, she’s like a regular Wasilla Kandinsky.

    oooooh, I like that. :)

  30. FlipYrWhig said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:53

    Wasilla Kandinsky.

    Awe. Some.

  31. Smut Clyde said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:53

    the crazed ideological purges or the descent into survivalist paranoia.
    Two great flavours that go together well.

  32. D.N. Nation said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:55

    Ahh, a Bumblin’ Bob thread. Before The Truth shows up to stick up for his best bud in the whole wide world (like he always does on Wankee threads) and the convo diverges down that path…

    BAHAHAHAHAHA, nice predictin’, Bob! Yep, you knew it right down in your gut that McMentum would rule the day, cuz homina homina Ayers! homina Wright! homina boogity boogity boo! Awesome call, there. And I dig the oh-so-expected response to his boy’s complete failure…pseudo-”graciousness” in defeat cuz you liberals dun got mad back in twenty-oh-four!

    Right before begging people for money so he can buy hisself a gun.

    A performance art piece, indeed, this “Bob Owens.”

  33. RIP RAPPIN' BOB OWENZ YALLLLLL said,

    November 6, 2008 at 21:59

    Yo yo yo wazzup its all Confeezy Yankeezy all up in yo greeeeeeeyull if ya feelz me be sendin da bens up in my bizzarnyard so i can be hot poppin mah guns if ya know what im sayyyunnnn all yeaaaah

  34. Tom65 said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:01

    We all know that the Constitution is just a framework for the Second Amendment; the other stuff is all optional.

  35. T. Hussein. said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:07

    Doesn’t he work at a gun shop?

    Can’t he just steal one?

  36. comsympinko said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:07

    With apologies to Avenue Q…

    SADLYNAUT NATION:
    Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy

    TIDOS YANKEE:
    I’ll say.

    SADLYNAUT NATION:
    And when I see how sad you are
    It sort of makes me…
    Happy!

    TIDOS YANKEE:
    Happy?!

    SADLYNAUT NATION:
    Sorry, Yankee, human nature-
    Nothing I can do!
    It’s…
    Schadenfreude!
    Making me feel glad that I’m not you.

    TIDOS YANKEE:
    Well that’s not very nice, Nation!

    SADLYNAUT NATION:
    I didn’t say it was nice! But everybody does it!

    D’ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?

    TIDOS YANKEE:
    Yeah…

    SADLYNAUT NATION:
    And ain’t it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?

    TIDOS YANKEE:
    Sure!

    SADLYNAUT NATION:
    And don’tcha feel all warm and cozy,
    Watching people out in the rain!

    TIDOS YANKEE:
    You bet!

    SADLYNAUT NATION:
    That’s…

    SADLYNAUT NATION AND TIDOS YANKEE:
    Schadenfreude!

    SADLYNAUT NATION:
    People taking pleasure in your pain!

    TIDOS YANKEE:
    Oh, Schadenfreude, huh?
    What’s that, some kinda Nazi word?

    SADLYNAUT NATION:
    Yup! It’s German for “happiness at the misfortune of others!”

    TIDOS YANKEE:
    “Happiness at the misfortune of others.” That is German!

    SADLYNAUT NATION AND TIDOS YANKEE:
    Schadenfreude!
    Schadenfreude!
    Schadenfreude!
    Schadenfreude!

    TIDOS YANKEE:
    Schadenfreude!
    Making the world a better place…
    Making the world a better place…
    Making the world a better place…
    To be!

    SADLYNAUT NATION AND TIDOS YANKEE:
    S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!

  37. Righteous Bubba said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:09

    With apologies to Avenue Q…

    Is that any good? It seems like the sort of thing that would piss me off if it wasn’t terrific.

  38. Legalize said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:09

    “Palin’s thinking is so abstract, she’s like a regular Wasilla Kandinsky.”

    Win.

  39. RUGGED IN MONTANA said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:18

    The race wars have already started. Kenyan Special Forces troops have invaded Montana and are hunting down Heartland Patriots in a brutal, bloodthirsty fashion. They have somehow developed the ability (witchcraft??) to assemble the largest flocks of rabid pelicans that the world has ever scene and they are using them as their zombie slaves to hunt down Whitey.

    You may think “Hey, what do I care/ Montana is miles from here”, but eventually, when they’ve finished slaughtering the pale folk of my state, they’ll get hungry enough to come looking for YOUR white meat! WAKE UP AMERICA, Maoist Black Panthers are plotting the overthrow of the USA of America and the world, so says their leader, Ernst Stavro Blofeld , head of the Maoist Black Panthers of Amerikkka.

  40. Righteous Bubba said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:19

    they are using them as their zombie slaves to hunt down Whitey.

    I like the white meat.

  41. comsympinko said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:20

    “Is that any good? It seems like the sort of thing that would piss me off if it wasn’t terrific.”

    It was better than your average musical and had its funny moments, but I don’t think I’d call it terrific.

    Not a bad way to spend a rainy afternoon in NYC after getting the half-price tickets, but there are some really good productions going right now and if you’re a theater geek there are better options.

  42. dan b said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:23

    The race wars have already started. Kenyan Special Forces troops have invaded Montana and are hunting down Heartland Patriots in a brutal, bloodthirsty fashion.

    Does Korir have the tape where Obama’s Granny admits this to Michelle? I will pay any and all amounts necessary to broadcast this on American channel Fox News.

  43. noen said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:33

    I have mixed feelings about the right-wing purges. Let’s not forget who is really in charge of the GOP, the rich. They took one look at Sarah and said no, no way, no how. The GOP only exists to serve their interests, not the interests of racist crackers like Confederate Yankee or the theocratic dreams of Sarah Palin. The people that we laugh at here at dupes, they are nothing more than a means to an end.

    If the Southern Strategy stops working they will switch to something that does and jettison the likes of Sarah and Bob in the time it takes to check their portfolio.

  44. actor212 said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:35

    Good News: Obama’s Election Spurs New Appreciation For Constitution

    Some of us never stopped appreciating it, you dick.

  45. Matt T. said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:35

    What you think that SLR 106FR is going to buy itself?

    Get a job, leech. Or, if you got a job and can’t afford your penis replacement, how about not living above your means. Hey, speaking of which, did that Goldstein jagoff ever get a job or is he still begging liberals to help him pay for his house?

  46. goober said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:36

    “I want my money today! It’s my money. I want it right now!” yelled one former campaign worker.

    http://www.wthr.com/global/story.asp?s=9299280

    Barry’s not sharin’. Shaaaaaame.

  47. Jay B. said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:38

    Brad X,

    There’s so much to like. I know there’s probably a whole bunch of progressives here who are all like “Rahm Emmanuel? NOOOOOO!!!11!! See? Obama’s a sell-out!” Fine, because everyone knows that the Chief of Staff is the real president.

    Me, I like it because it because of this quote from AP:

    House GOP leader John Boehner of Ohio called Emanuel “an ironic choice for a president-elect who has promised to change Washington, make politics more civil, and govern from the center.”

    Suck it GOP. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

  48. actor212 said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:38

    Sure, the guy who owns his local pawn shop may be Korean, but the Hebrews are a crafty folk.

    Ah, the Hahnstein Pawn Shop on La Cienega!

  49. goober said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:38

    Good news: Obama’s election sends my stock portfolio into orbit.

    Oh, wait…

  50. goober said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:42

    http://www.belch.com/blog/2008/11/06/reason-142-to-homeschool-obama-teachers-wont-bully-kids-who-support-mccain/

    Ha ha. Stupid kid got what she deserved, letting her Dad go to Iraq and all.

  51. Simba B said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:45

    goober reminds me of a “friend” I had in grade school, who inexplicably contacted me out of the blue last night. He has not changed one bit…still a dim-bulb, angry, reactionary dittohead just like his father. He was like this at 13 years old, too.

    You start to feel bad for people like this who never had a fighting chance, and then you actually have to tolerate them…then not so much.

    Die in a fire, goober.

  52. goober said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:45

    http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/207897/

    Check it.

  53. Matt T. said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:45

    This is the only gun TIDOS Dickhead needs. Talk about a guy who seriously needs to get over the hump.

  54. MzNicky said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:48

    Cornfed Wanker is spending a lot of time at the pwnshop these days.

    heh.

  55. goober said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:48

    Simba,

    Au contraire, I’m not angry one bit. It’s gonna be a fun four years.

    Die in a fire, goober.

    And you’re calling ME angry? What a sore winner, lol.

  56. Simba B said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:48

    btw, whoever posted the theory that goober came here via Ace is spot-on, the more I think about it. A scared little pansy who lashes out at the world through a thin veil of malicious fratboy humor. Perfect fit for the playdoh-n-bacon crowd.

    It was not lost on me as I tried to get this friend to go away last night that in a month I will be celebrating two years with my partner and he’s probably been through half-a-dozen girlfriends in that time.

  57. actor212 said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:48

    Good news: Obama’s election sends my stock portfolio into orbit.

    Oh, wait…

    Yea, damn. He can’t fix problems BEFORE he’s President!

  58. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:49

    More proof that the US is a center-right nation – I just heard that, even if Missouri goes to Obama, my EV prediction of 375-163 might still be off.
    Nebraska may be going partly blue. Fucking Omaha, where they passed a school segregation plan in 2006 has quite possibly voted Negro for President.

    Best. Election. EVAR.

  59. Simba B said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:50

    You’re angry because you have no control over your life, and the world scares you. I’m angry at you for being such an incredible dick.

    There’s a difference, and the fact that you fail to recognize it just shows what a dimwitted moron you are.

  60. tigrismus said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:50

    My special gift is to recognize intelligence

    Mine is discernment of the gifts of others, so no.

    I’m so jealous of Wasilla Kandinsky I insist JK47 Bergeron must wear a mask, and ear buzzer, and weights from now on.

  61. actor212 said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:50

    I like the white meat.

    Shhhhh, dude, Obama’s been elected. We have to like them both equally now.

  62. tigrismus said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:50

    and–>an

  63. Olexicon said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:52

    Pre-Emptively Scapegoating teh balck guy for teh Drunken Fratboys failures

    Sounds like the plot of “To Kill a Mockingbird”

  64. goober said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:57

    You’re angry because you have no control over your life, and the world scares you. I’m angry at you for being such an incredible dick.

    *pulls out Stradivarius, plays “My Heart Bleeds For You”*

  65. Smut Clyde said,

    November 6, 2008 at 22:59

    My special gift is to recognize intelligence
    I got a rock.

  66. stevek said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:01

    Buy guns, America. It’s good for the economy, good for the development of our nation’s moral character, and our last bulwark against tyranny.

    I wonder if this applies to his african-american and latino readers — oh, wait…never mind.

  67. chocolatepie said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:03

    Paranoid wingnuts
    Quivering madly with fear
    Oops, he shot himself.

  68. goober's stock "portfolio" aka pantry said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:07

    Hey goober , speaking of stock , you’re just about out of Cheetos , better yell up to mom and tell her to go “stock” up.

  69. actor212 said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:08

    I’m angry at you for being such an incredible dick.

    He’s wrong, Goobs. You’re not an incredible dick. In fact, you’re not even adequate as a dick.

    YOu might want to think about some Enzyte, or Vasomine. I’d suggest Viagra, but I’m not sure welfare pays for that.

  70. Legalize said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:11

    I don’t know about anyone else, but after making fun of the wingers at Dan Riehl’s site yesterday, I don’t even really care about making fun of irrelevant online wingers any more. I’m much more interested in watching the GOP wind up looking like the last scene of Reservoir Dogs.

  71. Sarcastro said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:17

    I wonder if it really chafes their asses that the very finest mass produced assault rifle on Earth… is French.

  72. Duros Hussein 62 said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:17

    That’s not a bad idea. It’s kind of like those “Christian heavy metal” dudes. Maybe we should all start putting out right-wing blogs and live off of PayPal.

    Looks like Joe the scab tax-evading Plumbe is all over that business model.

    “We will keep a check on both the Republicans and the Democrats for not only living up to their promises, but also not let them dictate to people how to live and spend their hard-earned fortunes,” he said.

    He added that he also planned to launch http://www.secureourdream.org, which he said will be a charity branch of the watchdog site to raise money “for all sorts of charities and causes for fellow Americans.”

    Praising his countrymen for being very generous to various charities, he said he hoped people would donate at this Web site. He said his Web site would be run in a very transparent way so everyone will know how much money is raised and distributed.

    When asked about how much money he would take from the site, he said: “Yes, I would make money to some degree from this charity Web site, but not a whole lot because a majority of the portion collected through this Web site would go to help fellow Americans get a decent living.”

  73. mikey said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:21

    Sarcastro, true to your nym, you’re kidding right?

    Because, dude, that’s a Bullpup design.

    Have you ever had to use one? Crap. Capital C Crap.

    mikey

  74. Matt T. said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:24

    Jesus Haploid Christ, why won’t Joe The Plumber go away? Almost from the moment his name was mentioned by McCain in the last debate, this goomer was exposed as little more than a wingnut fraud and yet I’m still having to hear about him. Have some dignity, dude; at least the yutz that got rolled by that hooker at the GOP convention’s had the good sense not to start a friggin’ website over his 13 minutes of fame.

  75. mikey said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:26

    The finest Assault Rifle in the world wouldn’t be ANYTHING chambered in 5.56. My vote would go to the Barrett M468 in 6.8 Rem SPC.

    Although, that said, I’m going to bitterly cling to my G3 in .308…

    mikey

  76. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:34

    Palin’s thinking is so abstract, she’s like a regular Wasilla Kandinsky.

    [Groan.]

    [Applause.]

    Sadly, my mother in law sincerely believes that Palin is, and I quote, “smart as a whip.” As in genuinely intelligent, not having the same IQ as a coiled piece of leather.

    She also believe Nixon was a great president, just misunderstood. Finally, a few years into Gee Dumbya’s reign, I did concede to her that if Nixon ran against Dumbya in ’04, I’d vote for him.

    The mother in law is a very nice and generous person, but damn. I never ever talk politics in her house if it can possibly be avoided.

  77. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:36

    The only important characteristic in assault rifles that I look for is that they are not pointing at me. That said, I’ve heard nice things about Fabrique Nationale.

  78. D.N. Nation said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:37

    Booger-

    Scoreboard.

    Now go back to AOSHQ. The fart contests/Palin pity parties aren’t fun without you.

  79. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:40

    > he’s probably been through half-a-dozen girlfriends in that time.

    Wingnuts have more than two hands?

  80. D.N. Nation said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:40

    But I gotta address this head on:

    Good news: Obama’s election sends my stock portfolio into orbit.

    Oh, wait…

    1) Obama isn’t president yet.
    2) Bush is.
    3) We also had huge gains on Election Day, when everyone with a clue knew Obama was going to win. Wha’ happened?
    4) Obama isn’t president yet.
    5) Anyone attributing stock movements to individual factors is lost at sea.
    6) Obama isn’t president yet.
    7) How do you explain the more than a handful’s worth of days with triple-digit drops lately?
    8) Obama isn’t president yet.

  81. Orange Tom said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:41

    Although, that said, I’m going to bitterly cling to my G3 in .308…

    An I to my FAL FN.

  82. Pere Ubu said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:43

    I’m not taking anything that calls itself “booger” seriously.

    Neverthless it should probably be reinforcing the walls of its survival pod with another layer of tinfoil to keep from being hypnotized by Obama’s neuromatomic language rather than posting here.

  83. Matt T. said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:45

    The mother in law is a very nice and generous person, but damn. I never ever talk politics in her house if it can possibly be avoided.

    See, this is why I’ll probably be single for the rest of my life. I do not have the ability to hold my tongue when someone says something as demonstrably silly as “That Sarah Palin, she’s smart as a whip.” Mother-in-law or no, I would not be able to stop myself. Hell, my own mother said she admired Palin’s obvious rapport with her own children and I said “Momma, you don’t get extra points for doing what you’re supposed to do.” She thought that was kinda rude and she loves me.

  84. noen said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:47

    GOP Lawyer Dispatched To Alaska To Retrieve Some Of Palin’s Clothes

    What I wouldn’t give to see that.

  85. Rich Lowry said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:52

    Sarah Palin… whips… mmmm
    Sorry, what was I saying?

  86. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:53

    > He added that he also planned to launch http://www.secureourdream.org

    He’s got the smirk down.

    Maybe “Joe” is just Cheney after some plastic surgery to evade justice.

  87. Pere Ubu said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:54

    Sarah Palin… whips… mmmm

    Eeeew. Just… eeeeeeewwwww.

  88. Smut Clyde said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:54

    Noen, that LA Times article you linked to.
    Couldn’t they find a scene of Republican staff members who were not using a paper-shredder?

  89. Righteous Bubba said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:58

    GOP Lawyer Dispatched To Alaska To Retrieve Some Of Palin’s Clothes

    This election is as satisfying to me as, uh, coming is, you know? As, ah, having sex with a woman and coming. And so can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like, uh, getting the feeling of coming in an election, I’m getting the feeling of coming on TV, I’m getting the feeling of coming on the radio, when I post on a blog in front of 50,000 people, I get the same feeling, so I am coming day and night. I mean, it’s terrific. Right? So you know, I am in heaven.

  90. tigrismus said,

    November 6, 2008 at 23:58

    Wingnuts have more than two hands?

    He’s always having one-night stands with “The Stranger”.

  91. noen said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:03

    I can just imagine that scene, all those designer clothes will come flying out of Palin’s front door before the lawyers even hit the steps. There must be a scene from some movie that fits but I’m too giddy right now to think.

  92. Matt T. said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:04

    GOP Lawyer Dispatched To Alaska To Retrieve Some Of Palin’s Clothes

    Apparently, she spent way more than the 150 grand on clothes once reported, including 20 to 40 large on The First Dude. Ho-lee shit. Forty grand on a guy? Sweet Marinated Jesus, I don’t think I’ve owned $40,000 worth of clothes in my entire 33 years. And these were supposed to be “jes plain folk”? Yow.

  93. stryx said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:07

    Although, that said, I’m going to bitterly cling to my G3….

    Dude, let it go.

    They were just designed to be a bridge from OS9 to OSX. They came in some cool colors, but really. The ones running on Intel chips are pretty sweet.

    President Obama.

    (and a big ol’ FYWP to software that still thinks Obama is typo.)

  94. Mooser said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:07

    I love Sadly, No! Have I said that before? There, as the song says “I’ve Said it Again”

    I wish we were married and there were lots of little Sadly,No!s scurrying around the house. Watching them grow up would be very gratifying.
    Oh, spurn me if you like, I’ll wait.

  95. noen said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:09

    She even forced some of her staff to pay for some of her clothes using their credit cards. She stiffed them and now they are going to the GOP looking to be reimbursed. Gook luck suckers.

  96. Mooser said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:11

    Look to the clothing budget, and Palin’s makeup tech for the source of Ashley Todd’s “bruises” and epidermal calligraphy. If you get my drift.
    Don’t wanna be one of those irresponsible non-speculators. I can’t stand people like that.

  97. actor212 said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:18

    They were just designed to be a bridge from OS9 to OSX.

    Ah yes, the Arthur chipset…

  98. actor212 said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:19

    This election is as satisfying to me as, uh, coming is, you know?

    I dunno. I didn’t smoke after they called Ohio.

  99. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:20

    GOP Lawyer Dispatched To Alaska To Retrieve Some Of Palin’s Clothes

    You know, I might just go by the thrift store – there’s a consignment store in one of the ritzy neighborhoods here that has some once-worn, rich-women kind of clothing in – and find something that looks like something Palin wore during the campaign.

    Then I’ll fake up some sort of Certificate of Authenticity for it, claim it still has Wasilla Kandinsky’s actual sweat in it, go on eBay and sell it for a big hunk of change from some hard-up wingnut with way more money than sense.

    Then donate the proceeds to the ACLU or AIDS research or Planned Parenthood.

  100. Teaflax said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:21

    What you think that SLR 106FR is going to buy itself?

    What I think… What? That’s not even close to being a parsable sentence. It kind of reads like written by someone with French as their native tongue

  101. Matt T. said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:23

    She even forced some of her staff to pay for some of her clothes using their credit cards. She stiffed them and now they are going to the GOP looking to be reimbursed. Gook luck suckers.

    I saw that. I know Caribou Barbie doesn’t have Moneybags McCain’s scratch, but still, I imagine a governor gets paid better and has better credit than a campaign worker. Fucking astounding, and what really kills me is the campaign workers apparently went “Sure, Mother Palin, put that incredibly expensive dress that does absolutely nothing a, say, $300 dress doesn’t do on my credit card. Anything you want!”

    Now, I’ve joked about wingnuts being, at their very core, born bootlickers and worshippers of capital-p Power since I first read my Zinn, but to have it put on such garish display and for such a petty thing is, well…unsettling. Maybe they ought to do spine checks, I’m not sure I want such gutless people that close to The Powers That Be.

  102. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:24

    And these were supposed to be “jes plain folk”? Yow.

    Actually, that rings kind of true. Some jes’ plain folk who lived down the street from my wife, back when she was my fiancee, inherited just over a million dollars from some rich uncle or somebody.

    These were people to whom a million dollars sounded like an infinite amount of money, so they bought a boat, two new cars, etc. etc. – and blew through the million bucks and rolled up a fat lump of debt, all within seven months.

    A lot of jes’ plain folk have no idea how to handle money; I betcha that Bible Spice didn’t get the best value she might have for the First Dude’s new duds.

  103. You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:33

    > I saw that. I know Caribou Barbie doesn’t have Moneybags McCain’s scratch, but still, I imagine a governor gets paid better and has better credit than a campaign worker. Fucking astounding, and what really kills me is the campaign workers apparently went “Sure, Mother Palin, put that incredibly expensive dress that does absolutely nothing a, say, $300 dress doesn’t do on my credit card. Anything you want!”

    The nutjob wingnut sheep were probably happy to do it to get points on their card.

    Plus they would probably bronze their card statement when it came in the mail as a souvenir.

  104. Pere Ubu said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:38

    When asked about how much money he would take from the site, he said: “Yes, I would make money to some degree from this charity Web site, but not a whole lot because a majority of the portion collected through this Web site would go to help fellow Americans get a decent living.”

    Or, hey, we might actually require employers to pay their workers a living wage so they wouldn’t have to rely on crumbs thrown from the table by a bunch of fat-assed Republican sociopaths.

    Man, I know Obama did well with white working class Americans, but so many WWCAs are teh stoooooooopid. “Return to the bad old days of feudalism? Why, coitanly! Where’s my pitchfork and scratch plow?”

  105. Smut Clyde said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:44

    Barack Obama is a gun-banner at heart
    When I think about gun-banners, the first one that comes to mind is the confederate flag.

  106. Matt T. said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:46

    Xecky,

    A lot of jes’ plain folk have no idea how to handle money

    Ya know, as a huge Elvis fan, that should’ve occurred to me. Still, it wasn’t that the Palins thought they were “jes plain folk” yet spent money like drunken debutants. It’s that they were painted “jes plain folk” by wingnuttia even after the shopping spree was discovered and the best the goobers could come up with was “Well, should the VP nominate shop at Wal-Mart then, huh huh?” and none of ‘em apparently stopped and asked themselves if that was money well-spent. Maybe I just have an over-inflated opinion of my own grasp of logic and reason, but it troubles me deeply that there are people in this day-and-age who are that willing to be told what to do.

    These were people to whom a million dollars sounded like an infinite amount of money, so they bought a boat, two new cars, etc. etc. – and blew through the million bucks and rolled up a fat lump of debt, all within seven months.

    Sounds like you knew my first cousin and his new bride in their first year of marriage. Funny thing is, once they got that straightened out, they did a total 180, lifestyle-wise. She’s a nurse who goes from job-to-job, and he does the same thing as an electrician. Both of ‘em work like hell for 3 months and fuck off the rest of the year. Always knew he was the smart one in the family.

  107. Matt T. said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:51

    Barack Obama is a gun-banner at heart

    As a matter of curiosity, is there any basis in that? Which, of course, means I’m asking thus: has Obama proposed/voted for/supported your basic, light and above all mainstream gun regisration/regulation type things, which the gun-strokers always interpret as “liberals want to take my guns away, period” because they’re stupid?

    For what it’s worth, one of the guys I get my herbal medication from is a gun guy and borderline gun stroker (he really, really likes his gun, but he knows how silly it is and only owns the one gun) was up until this election a single-issue voter, and that issue was “Damn liberals won’t take my guns away so I’m voting for the Bible-thumping, gay-bashing loons”.

    He voted for Obama and vociforously opposed the McCain-Palin abomination. So, congrats, wingnuts, ya lost another.

  108. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:55

    Maybe I just have an over-inflated opinion of my own grasp of logic and reason, but it troubles me deeply that there are people in this day-and-age who are that willing to be told what to do.

    I, for one, think you’re dead on. It’s very saddening indeed.

  109. cur said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:59

    Fuck that shit. I think he should be going for a M79 40mm Grenade Launcher instead of an AK. Think about it. Say you and your family are at home minding your own business and all of a sudden a Japanese foreign exchange student knocks on you door looking for the costume party next door. You think a couple triple fire bursts are going to lay him out on your front lawn? Brother, ain’t even going to phase him. Grenade launcher, make the first round count.

  110. Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:59

    Why does the discourse of your average gun nut inevitably devolve into alphanumeric nonsense? They’re worse than music gearheads. And those guys bore the living shit out of me.

  111. tigrismus said,

    November 7, 2008 at 1:00

    Actually, the Palin spend-a-thon makes me realize I’ve been merely low-to-medium-maintenance. Maybe I need to add a paypal button to my comments so I can get me a new grill.

  112. Ken Lowery said,

    November 7, 2008 at 1:01

    Good news: Obama’s election sends my stock portfolio into orbit.

    A Repub friend of mine said something similar to me a few days ago. About how I would be “shocked” if I thought anyone making more than $15k a year would benefit from Obama’s tax plans.

    I told her that if she thinks I voted purely out of self interest, she is sorely mistaken. I hope the difference in psychology (voting for the NATION, not voting for my own bank account) is instructive, but I have my doubts.

  113. tontocal said,

    November 7, 2008 at 1:14

    I personally hope that the new leader of the Fatherland litters everyone of his public pronouncement with veiled and cryptic second amendment references. Just think of what an electoral college boon it would be for our side if all the yokels corral themselves up in Idaho somewhere! (in “cold, dead hand” and “freedom isn’t free” zones) And of course, leave Ms. Malkin and Ms. Jean Lopez stateside to continue to throw molotov cocktails at the ‘establishment’ wing of their party. I haven’t enjoyed a meltdown like this since the Reichstag fire in 1933!

  114. StringonaStick said,

    November 7, 2008 at 1:17

    Yeah, making your campaign staff buy your high-priced duds on their personal cards because why, your own card no longer works? Is that it Sarah? Though I do recall you telling the press that these are hard times and you and the First Dude were struggling to make ends meet.

    Classy, classy, classy.

  115. Pere Ubu said,

    November 7, 2008 at 1:24

    Just think of what an electoral college boon it would be for our side if all the yokels corral themselves up in Idaho somewhere! (in “cold, dead hand” and “freedom isn’t free” zones)

    I was thinking more an island somewhere, like in “Brave New World”.

    Just ship all the wingnuts off there and let them play their free-market games where they’re the only ones who have to suffer.

  116. Smut Clyde said,

    November 7, 2008 at 1:33

    By now the “Lord of the Flies” comparison is becoming hackneyed.

  117. alec said,

    November 7, 2008 at 1:43

    When asked about how much money he would take from the site, he said: “Yes, I would make money to some degree from this charity Web site, but not a whole lot because a majority of the portion collected through this Web site would go to help fellow Americans get a decent living.”

    Yeah, I like how Joe the Plumber decides and is openly encouraged by the GOP in the delusion that being a campaign prop entitles him to massive cash prizes, and yet it’s the (always unverifiable) Scary Reparations-Wanting Negroes we should be ashamed of.

    You think if Joe Biden spent $300,000 on dresses the media would have let it go?

  118. mikey said,

    November 7, 2008 at 1:48

    #

    Rusty Shackleford (not that one) said,

    November 7, 2008 at 0:59

    Why does the discourse of your average gun nut inevitably devolve into alphanumeric nonsense? They’re worse than music gearheads. And those guys bore the living shit out of me.

    Here’s a tip. REAL gun guys don’t talk much about guns. We talk about bullets. Loads. Ballistic performance. Real gun guys talking about guns would be like real airplane guys talking about airports.

    Ultimately, the “launching pad” isn’t as interesting as the rocket…

    mikey

  119. Teaflax said,

    November 7, 2008 at 1:52

    Wasilla Kandinsky

    Arty snark comment of the year. Brilliant.

  120. tigrismus said,

    November 7, 2008 at 1:52

    You think if Joe Biden spent $300,000 on dresses the media would have let it go?

    Oh please, people would talk about it forever because he does NOT have the legs for it.

  121. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    November 7, 2008 at 2:04

    I was thinking more an island somewhere, like in “Brave New World”.

    Just ship all the wingnuts off there and let them play their free-market games where they’re the only ones who have to suffer.

    I prefer building a huge arcology somewhere, in which they could live their Randian fantasy. Just think of the massive jobs program that could be put into place for the construction. I could totally picture a cyborg Dick Cheney hunting lesser wingnuts through the maze-like corridors of this Brave New Randistan.

    Even better, how about a “generational starship”? Just remember to leave phone sanitizers off of the passenger manifest.

  122. ahem said,

    November 7, 2008 at 2:12

    What you think that SLR 106FR is going to buy itself?

    I’ll donate for a bullet, TIDOS, as long as it’s put to good use.

  123. alec said,

    November 7, 2008 at 2:41

    I could totally picture a cyborg Dick Cheney hunting lesser wingnuts through the maze-like corridors of this Brave New Randistan.

    Technically, Fontane was more of a splicer than a cyborg.

  124. Mentis Fugit said,

    November 7, 2008 at 3:01

    Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    I prefer building a huge arcology somewhere

    Underwater?

  125. Anonymous said,

    November 7, 2008 at 3:02

    Dibs on the term “( R )-cology”.

  126. Jemand von Niemand said,

    November 7, 2008 at 3:19

    I’m holding out for the Crazed Ideological Purges — and that could dovetail neatly with a new, proto-’Survivor’ series: Watch as they plot, ally and cheat against each other!

    Perle vs. Feith! Wolfowitz vs. Rummy!! Brooks vs. Kristol!! Goodling vs. Schlozmann!! Cox vs. Greenspan!! Podhoretz vs. Ledeen!! And everybody against Chalabi!

    I’d pay money to see that.

  127. Xecklothxayyquou Hussein Gilchrist said,

    November 7, 2008 at 3:34

    Even better, how about a “generational starship”?

    Ben Elton wrote a similar sort of story about how the Randian superfolk completely fuck up the Earth and then abandon it in big spaceships. Extremely dark comedy entitled Stark, appropriately enough.

  128. Xecklothxayyquou Hussein Gilchrist said,

    November 7, 2008 at 3:35

    I’d pay money to see that.

    As would I. We could advertise it as the Konservative Kumite.

  129. annejumps said,

    November 7, 2008 at 6:20

    They keep running local nightly news promotions here at every commercial break that go “Sales of guns shooting up around the country! Find out why at 11!” with a gun store owner going “If you want one of these, get it now.”

    Gosh, why might paranoid cracker-ass crackers be buying guns?! I’m at a fucking loss.

  130. Major Kong said,

    November 7, 2008 at 16:28

    Buy guns, America. It’s good for the economy, good for the development of our nation’s moral character, and our last bulwark against tyranny.

    It’s nice to see the wingnuts are all about being against tyranny now.

    Of course, the government has M1 tanks and cruise missiles. Confederate Yankee’s little pissant SLR 106FR isn’t going to scare them much.

  131. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 7, 2008 at 17:56

    This election is as satisfying to me as, uh, coming is, you know?

    If RB moved to California to run for Govenor, I would move to California to vote for him.

  132. Marc with a C said,

    November 7, 2008 at 18:39

    Ironic really, because if all he wants is an AK-style rifle, he could get a Saiga in .223 for about a third of the cost of the SLR-106.

    Just saying.

  133. actor212 said,

    November 7, 2008 at 19:03

    Why does the discourse of your average gun nut inevitably devolve into alphanumeric nonsense?

    Idiot savant syndrome. “246! One for bad two for good!”

  134. actor212 said,

    November 7, 2008 at 19:04

    I prefer building a huge arcology somewhere, in which they could live their Randian fantasy.

    The Biosphere’s available. Maybe we can restore it to its truly closed environment and watch them choke to death on their own carbon emissions.

Leave a Comment

  • Things of Interest

  • Meta Goodness

  • Clunkers

  • httpbl_stats()