From Case File: No, Wait For It

No no, wait for it:

Obama’s campaign manager offers 3 million dollars to API in connection with Michelle Obama tape to be aired by Fox News Network

Six hours after the release of information by API on the planned broadcast by Fox News Network of the Michelle Obama tape, in accordance with an agreement that has been reached between API and Fox News Network, API was contacted by Obama’s Campaign Manager.

Those who are close to the democratic presidential candidate must be desperate to win the elections no matter what, otherwise they would not have taken such bold step to contact API with an offer of a bribe in order to stop the airing of the tape.

Obama’s campaign manager contacted API by telephone and email offering 3 million US dollars followed with a request to API to cancel the deal with Fox News Network.

No no, wait for it:

Ten days ago API received the first request to accept 2 million US dollars by Mr Ed Hale, President of Plains Radio, Texas – USA, in an effort to suppress the information from reaching the public before the coming US Presidential elections.

API has now taken a decision to contact the American Embassy in Oslo, Norway as soon as possible in order to report the matter and hand over the evidence for investigative purposes.

API’s Canadian lawyer is expected to fly to Oslo shortly in order to assist in the legal matters that arise from the bribery attempt.

API’s Chief editor is expected to travel to New York, together with the Canadian lawyer, where he will appear live in one of the shows that will air the Michelle Obama tape.

I know, I know. The punchline? There are still, even now, right-wing bloggers falling for this tragical piece of shark-jumpery:

Michelle Obama Tape to Be Released – Finally?****UPDATE: TODAY? Report of Obama Campaign Bribe?

**UPDATE: Hearing that this might show today. Via the API site, the Obama Campaign is trying to buy off the release:

[long quote elided]

I’ve contacted Fox News and asked them if they in fact had been contacted, they will not comment.

****End of Update*****

This won’t seem to die, but here we go. Remember that African news site that stated Michelle Obama called them to cry “racism” in reference to the detractors of Obama? Well they say now the agreement with Fox News has been reached and the tapes will play any day now.

[gigantically long quote elided]

Ok, so on with the show already! Let me suggest that they preempt the messiah’s hourly variety show, what a hoot that would be eh?

We’ve contacted Fox News and asked them if that in fact is a hoot, they will not comment.

 

Comments: 210

 
 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

I’m waiting, but I can’t imagine what possible file heading would be appropriate to describe this kind of batshit nuttery.

 
 

I have it on good information that Obama secretly rented out the ultra-secret HAARP facility in order to send out a specifically targeted atmospheric pulse to erase just that one API Michelle Obama tape where she beheads that baby.

 
 

Give a hoot, read a book!

 
 

i wonder if this alleged tape will ever come out.

also, this saddens me, because i don’t see how this type of issue is important when it comes to making the lives of americans any better.

 
 

What’s best about this is that every time “Chief Editor Korir” comes up with some half-assed excuse about why he can’t release the tape right now, the true believers over there see it as proof that the tapes are real, and proof that the evil machinations of the Obama camp are the only thing delaying its release. Every time I venture over there to laugh, I find myself wondering if I sounded similarly desperate in 2004. By the way, the story has recently been updated. Cheif Editor Korir was planning to hop a plane to NYC today to be here for the Fox roll-out of the tape, but he says he’s been threatened by the Obama campaign manager, desperate that his $3 million bribe hasn’t worked. So it seems as if there will be another little delay while the Chief goes into hiding as the Norwegian police try to get to the bottom of things.

 
 

Seriously? A Canadian lawyer? They couldn’t afford a New York Lawyer?

 
Turbine Yukon Palin
 

Hence the need for $3million?

 
 

What’s best about this is that every time “Chief Editor Korir” comes up with some half-assed excuse about why he can’t release the tape right now, the true believers over there see it as proof that the tapes are real, and proof that the evil machinations of the Obama camp are the only thing delaying its release.

Yeah, what suckers.

 
 

Run for your lives!

Zombie News Agency!!!!

 
 

They really are coming apart at the seams, grasping at any lunatic idiocy that even comes within shouting distance of actual reality.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
 

I love the email from “Ed Hale”, whom back on October 21, they took to be a hoakster but now appears to be “legit”…

From: Ed Hale
To: African Press International (API)
Sent: Tuesday, October 21, 2008 9:48 AM
Subject: Nice try guys
After you trash me on your web site with lies, I did some research and found some interesting thing about your organization. I contacted a friend of mine who is high official in the Obama campaign. He confirm what I had learned. Your organization is fund by a Obama “527? group our of Chicago. Your web site was set up on Jan 14, 2007. Also what was interesting was your claim that a CIA agent called on you. Well I have another friend at the CIA HQ who I called, no he is not a secret agent type. He told me that no CIA agent in a foreign country would ever reveal himself to anyone. He said that they would be dead in a matter of hours if they did. Still want to stick your CIA story. You have severed your purpose for Obama and now go away and let us America’s get on with electing john McCain our next president. I should sue you but this is too funny. I was warned that this was a hoax from the beginning, but I fell for it. Also you really need to get someone to answer the phone with African accent, not a Middle east accent. lmao. Ed Hale

This guy sounds like HE’S running the Nigerian email scam!

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

This whole tape incident is getting dragged out way way way too long. It’s getting to be like a fucking marathon, and the irony is that Sammy Korir is famous for finishing marathins quickly.

 
 

I have decided that the API is really Gavin, in an elaborate scheme to humiliate these poor bastards.

 
 

Better check the kerning on that tape, folks!

 
 

Seriously? A Canadian lawyer? They couldn’t afford a New York Lawyer?

I was more taken that the finest legal mind they could afford in Norway and Norwegian law was from Canada…

 
 

Well, I certainly wish the API folks continued success on this bit of diversification, which must make a nice change from their usual projects; the letter from the despot’s widow about his hundreds of millions in a bank account that she’d like to hand over to the reader because he is a Christian and loves Jesus, if he will just show his trustworthiness by sending several thousand dollars first to pay the necessary fees and clear the paperwork. They must feel like they have hit the credulous cretin mother lode.

 
 

[gigantically long quote elided]

There’s a story called Logopandocy in which Alasdair Gray avoids a great deal of exposition with (from memory) “Here a great portion of the manuscript has been eaten by mice.”

 
 

I’m sorry, RB, but while the picture of the crazed bomber certainly appears real, I cannot believe your link is authentic wingnuttery since it’s not titled “Obama Will Loose.”

 
 

Is there a way to track the website and who owns it? If it’s a wordpress site, there probably isn’t, right?

 
 

So I’m ready to release the tape but I have this international check made out for $4,500 so if you could cash it for me then we can proceed to have my contact deliver the tape for you.

 
 

Is there a way to track the website and who owns it?

I have done so and the owner is here.

 
 

I was more taken that the finest legal mind they could afford in Norway and Norwegian law was from Canada…

I keep wondering why they say they’ll go to the US embassy instead of, you know, the local cops. Are embassy staff like Interpol on steroids or something?

 
 

Huh.
So, Obscure News Angency no one’s every heard of claims Massive Huge Groundbreaking Story.
Wingnuts report excitedly.
ONA claims they have proof, but don’t want to release it juuuust yet,
Wingnuts report excitedly.
ONA claims that target of Massive Huge Groundbreaking Story tries to bribe them.
Wingnuts report excitedly.
ONA claims that they’ve sold Story to Wingnut Propoganda Machine. Faux News says nothing about it. ONA says they don’t want to release it juuuuust yet.
Wingnuts report excitedly.

These people are to being stupid and easily strung along, as Dr. House is to medicine. My prediction is that ONA’s next move is to pretend to throw the ball, and watch the wingnuts blindingly charge off after it, the look confused when they can’t find it.

 
 

The fact is, I can’t wait to see America’s face when this is aired tonight on FOX and the Masked Muslim is Unmasked for the Hater he is. Liberal media bias will be laid bare and the People of the Heartland will never believe the eleite coastal media again. Time for the truth, but libs can’t handel it.

 
 

The delays in the tape’s release are due to difficulty in finding a convincing Michelle Obama impersonator. All the republicans are too fat to fit into a sleeveless dress.

 
 

For further proof that all comedy from the late 60s-early 70s was in fact predictive documentary evidence, I present the transcripts of the wingnut bloggers and API

API: Yes. It’s…ah…a bit runny.
Wingnuts Oh, I like it runny.
API: Well,.. It’s very runny, actually, sir.
Wingnuts: No matter. Fetch hither the tape de la Belle Oslo! Mmmwah!
API: I…think it’s a bit runnier than you’ll like it, sir.
Wingnuts: I don’t care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
API: Oooooooooohhh……..! (pause)
Wingnuts: What now?
API: The cat’s eaten it.
Wingnuts: (pause) Has he.
API: She, sir.

 
 

Also wondering why Korir is afraid for his life when his website goes untouched? Obama thugs defenestrate the comptroller but forget to disappear the files? The man’s from CHICAGO for God’s sake.

 
 

Time for the truth, but libs can’t handel it.

Going for baroque, eh?

 
 

Liberals, so pathetic. Your lie is unwinding before your eyes and the Messiah is going down, liar and cheat, he is and biased too.

 
 

I am on the case: Obama will lose.

Au contraire, my Righteous friend. It is my firm understanding that ‘Obama will loose’.

Please stop spreading your misinformation.

 
 

Fearing for his life from Lib reprisals, Gary Ruppert has gone into Haydn.

 
 

“Your lie is unwinding before your eyes and the Messiah is going down, liar and cheat, he is and biased too.”

When will Congress pass a law requiring all trolls to use English as their primary language?

 
 

If this isn’t a hoax set up by the S,N! editors, it should have been.

 
 

Gah! R. Porrofatto has beaten me to the punch! But who is R. Porrofatto, my friends?

 
 

Q: What’s the difference between Gary Ruppert and The Truth?
A: His Bach is worse than his byte.

 
 

I also immediately thought “Nigerian email scam” when hearing these latest developments. Originally I thought this was just a case of API being scammed by some Obama impersonator. Now I think it is API that is trying to scam the right wing who are searching desperately for a magic bullet.

 
 

USA will see tonight that everything Obama Hussein stands for is a LIE. THIS PROOF will show them, they will no longer beleieve liberal media and the bias, which we see through anyway, the brainwashed hords will see how bad his character is and he is unfit to lead, he is CROOKED, DIRTY and full of it. LIES.

 
 

I’ll be Bach

terminator gary ruppert from the future

 
 

they will no longer beleieve liberal media

A vowel accusation.

 
 

I see people are asking you to do things… if you are under legal council only HE should be giving you advice on what to do. Please do NOT post any evidence here, remember the Obama campaign is located in Chicago, the MOST CORRUPT CITY in the US. They are working hard to get Obama elected using the same dirty politics they use in Chicago. I am more convinced than ever that Barack Obama is not the person he portrays himself to be on TV and to voters. He hs another side and so many people have been fooled. Mr. Korir, here in the US we had a young man named Joe in Ohio who stood up to Mr. Obama by asking him a question and it was caught on tape. The man Joe was smeared by the media and mocked by both Obama and his running mate. That just goes to show that Mr. Obama and his staff will try to stop those who expose him.

You know Mr. Korir I’m not trying to scare you. You need not be frightened, take strength and but be very wise!

 
 

I’m waiting, but I can’t imagine what possible file heading would be appropriate to describe this kind of batshit nuttery.

I think John Cole’s “clown shoes” tag is the closest match we’ve got.

 
 

You can Telemann the truth, but can he Handel it?

 
Rugged in Montana
 

I have extended an offer for this tape to API, consisting of the transfer of 3 million dollars (or more) of Civil Defense Saltines (value documented in 1964), said transfer to take place in my basement lair (on the outskirts of Butte, Montana, USA of America, The Heartland). All transportation costs, transfer taxes and fees are the responsibility of the 2nd party (API) and this offer automatically terminates on November 5th, 2008.

As a wealthy cow rancher, I have been blessed by G*d insomuch as I have the resources (which I found, fair and square, as they were being dumped at the Butte refuse depository) with which to donate to this patriotic cause. I am willing to make this sacrifice in order to spare our country the agony of having a LIEbral Commander-in-Chief and a first Lady that hates the Aryan race and seeks to imprison us in slave labor camps with nothing but white babies to eat.

 
 

Believe it or not, even the worst of tyrants, even the most sadistic and debased of acolytes to the Lenins and Hitlers and Maos and so forth of this world, has NEVER been able to completely exterminate Resistance, Truth, Samizdat (which is what they used to call what we do in the days before computers) and above all THE MEMORY OF VICTIMS OF ALL FORMS OF TOTALITARIAN INJUSTICE.

In 1989, there were maybe 200 million people alive in the USSR, and maybe three billion living on earth, who could not imagine that a relatively small band of people writing, speaking, meeting and SPREADING THE TRUTH could bring down “the Evil Empire…”

With a little help from GOD…

AND YET IT HAPPENED.

Sure, decent Americans played a part.

People who prayed for an end to godless Communism and the dictatorship of Deception certainly helped — in a huge way.

But the biggest job was done by the people under the yoke themselves: the Martyrs (and there were literally scores of millions of them, throughout the enslaved Communist zone) — and the Witnesses.

As we are all Witnesses today, we THE TRUTH-TELLERS.

THE TRUTH — THE WHOLE TRUTH — AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, SHALL MAKE YOU FREE. ALL OF YOU. ALL OF US!

God save the United States of America from those who have woven a wicked web of deceit using so many willing assistants who literally ‘know not what they do’ — BUT AS SOON AS THEY FIGURE OUT WHAT THEY ARE DOING, we all know the Decent Ones will stop!

 
 

Korir is a wingnut hero who needs protection from leftists because he may or may not release damaging audio tapes of Michelle Obama that may or may not exist any minute or any day now or later or never.

 
 

But it’s a totally entertaining way to kill the work day…so many little voices, so desperate for some morsel of delusional hope, so easily played.

It would soften even the blackest of hearts 🙂

 
 

Security Mom is some kind of fiction writing student assignment, right?

 
 

“Ok, I want to clear my conscience a little. Hopefully you could make a blog post to help some fellow Cliton supporters out. I work for a campaignand can’t wait for it to be over. I was doing it for a job. I was not a fan of any candidate, but over time grew to love HRC. Yhe internal campaign idea is to twist, distort, humilate and finally dispute you. We pay people to go to all the online sites and play the part of a clinton or McCain supporter who just switched our support for Obama. We do this to stiffle your motivation and to destroy your confidence. We did this the whole primary and it worked. Sprinkle in mass vote confussion and it becomes bewildering. Most people lose patenice and just give up on their support of a canidate and decide to just block out tv, news, and websites, ect. This surprisinly has had a huge suppressing movement and vote turnout issues. Next, we infilterate all the blogs and youtube viedos and overwhelm the voting, the comments, etc. All to continue this apperance of overwhelming world support. People make posts to the effect that the world has gone mad. That’s the intention. To make you feel stressed and crazy and feel like the world is ending. We have also had quite a hand in skewing many, many polls, some we could’nt control as much as we would have liked. But many we have spoiled over just enough to make Real Clear Politics look scary to a McCain supporter. It’s worked although the goal was to appear 13-15 points ahead. See, the results are working. People tend to support a winner, go with the flow, become the sheeple. The people are roughly 3-5 points in favor of Barack. That’s due to our inflation of the polls and pulling of the sheeple. Our doners, are the same people who finance the MSM. Their intrests are tied. Barack, then tends to come across as teflon. Nothing seems to stick. And trust me, there are meetings with Fox News. The goal was to blunt them as much as possible. Watch Bill O’Reilly he has become more diplomatic and fair and balanced and soft. It’s because he wants to retain the #1 spot on cable news and to do that he has to have access to the Obama campaign and we workrd hard to string him along and keeping him soft for an interview swap. It worked and now he’s anticipating more access, so he’s still playing soft. This is why nothing sticks. the operation is massive, the goal is to paint a picture that is a winner regargless of the results. There is no true inauguration draft or grant park construction going on. There will be a party, but we are boasting beyond the truth to make it seem like the election is wrapped up. Our goal is to continue to make you lose your moral. We worked hard at persuation and paying off, and playing the right political numbers to get key Republican endorsements to make it seem even more like it was all over and the world was coming to an end for you all. There is a huge staff of people working around the clock watching every site, blog, etc. We flood these sites. we have a goal to overwhelm. The truth here, I mcould go on and on but you get the picture. I’m saying this because i know HRC was better for the country, and now I relize this. I was too late by the time I connected to her. To me Barack was just a cool young dude that seemed like a star. I didn’t know him or his policies, but I understand morew than I care to and relize his intrests are more for himself and the DNC and all the working puppets with Dean. I always thought that a President wanted the better good for the country. The end result I see is everyone dependant on the government, this means more and more people voting for the DNC. This means the future is forever altered. I don’t see this as America, so I am voting for John McCain. Sarah Palin is a huge threat and our campaign has feared her like you can’t imagine. If it seems unfair how she has been treated, well it’s because she has had a team working around the clock to make her look like a fool. This is a big CONSPIRACY and I am shocked that it’s not relized. We released a little blurb the other day that the obama campaign was already working on reelection and now putting our efforts toward 2012. This was to make it seem like it was above us to continue caring about 2008. Trust me, it’s a lie. David is very smart, but it is a sticky ugly not very truthful kind of intelligence. It’s not over yet, but I think the machine is working and it is a hill to climb. I will be quitting my post on Nov. 5th and my vote will be for john Mccain. Fortunatly, my position has been a marketing position and i don’t feel any part of anything i would feel guilty for. But I look forward to getting out of this as the negativity and environment upsets me.

 
 

Obama is known to consort with Palestrina activists.

 
 

yawn

The only thing more tedious than genuine trolls are parody trolls.

 
 

Marco said,

October 29, 2008 at 22:14

Security Mom is some kind of fiction writing student assignment, right?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sadly (or hilariously, depending on your POV), she’s just a C&P of posts on the API site

 
 

Come Mr Telemann, Telemann Obama…
Need more coffee.

 
 

Neal Boortz can find dirty fucking commies just about anywhere.

To wit:

“The students are seated, the bell rings. As fast as you can say the Pledge of Allegiance without the “under God” part, the indoctrination begins. The government teacher steps in front of her virtual hostages and promptly delivers the first raw lesson in the power of government. The students are instructed to bring all of their precious school supplies – their property – to the front of the classroom and put them into a huge box. They are told that the supplies belong to all of the class now, and the teacher will assume the responsibility of distributing the supplies as they are needed.”

Yup. The first step in the New American Krazny Oktyabr Revolution For Worker Paradise, Atheism And Tractor Production will be precious school supply redistribution

B. Hussein Marx Hegel Lenin Stalin Malenkov Khruschev Brezhnev Andropov Chernenko Gorbachev Malcolm X is going to take your kid’s pencil box.

Dear. Sweet. Jeebus.

 
 

Fuck mocked. If Obama was a playa, that Joe’d get his bitch ass glocked, yo.

 
 

The fact is, I can’t wait to see America’s face when this is aired tonight on FOX and the Masked Muslim is Unmasked for the Hater he is.

Who was that Masked Muslim?

 
 

The fact is, I can’t wait to see America’s face when this is aired tonight on FOX and the Masked Muslim is Unmasked for the Hater he is.

Damn. I was so hoping he was going to join D-Generation X…

 
 

For what it’s worth, World Net Daily (which happens to be more of a wingnut daily) is reporting that a Fox News official “said there simply were no negotiations with API over any tapes or any other issue.”

http://worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=78763

 
 

#

SecurityMom said,

“October 29, 2008 at 22:07

USA will see tonight that everything Obama Hussein stands for is a LIE. THIS PROOF will show them, they will no longer beleieve liberal media and the bias, which we see through anyway, the brainwashed hords will see how bad his character is and he is unfit to lead, he is CROOKED, DIRTY and full of it. LIES.”

Security Mom,
When this tape is not released tonight, please let us know tomorrow that everything Obama Hussein stands for is THE TRUTH. THIS PROOF will show them, they will no longer beleieve CONSERVATIVE media and the bias, which we see through anyway, the brainwashed hordes will see how bad McCAIN’s character is and he is unfit to lead, he is CROOKED, DIRTY and full of it. LIES.

P.S. Judging from yesterday’s news, Chicago is not the most corrupt city in America. That would be Anchorage.

 
 

Liberals, so pathetic. Your lie is unwinding before your eyes and the Messiah is going down, liar and cheat, he is and biased too.

Why do you hate Christians so?

 
 

ice weasel said,
October 29, 2008 at 22:07 (kill)

I’ll be Bach

terminator gary ruppert from the future

Sorry ice weasel, worst comment in a month.

 
 

Fearing for his life from Lib reprisals, Gary Ruppert has gone into Haydn.

Well, if it ain’t baroque, don’t fix it.

 
 

I spent the better part of the morning pestering the asshats on several FoxNews forums. This “story” definitely got them moist.

 
 

“You can Telemann the truth, but can he Handel it?”

I’ll get Bach to you on that.

 
 

You have severed your purpose

Owch! I bet that stung.

 
 

Please do NOT post any evidence here, remember the Obama campaign is located in Chicago, the MOST CORRUPT CITY in the US.

Hundreds of Congresscritters are taking up torches and marching on your house, Mom…

 
 

I strongly encourage SecurityMom to use more capslock and un-paragraphed text walls. They’re the hallmarks of well thought-out ideas and quality writing.

“The government teacher steps in front of her virtual hostages…”

Because of course only women are teachers. Nurrr. Between teaching, shopping, and crying, that’s all women can do.

 
 

I posted this on the other thread:

API keeps the laughs coming:

http://africanpress.wordpress.com/2008/10/30/the-intended-release-of-michelle-obama-tapes-stirs-trouble-in-many-circles/

“Now that the situation has become so dangerous because some people are afraid to let the American people know the truth about Michelle Obama’s stand exhibited by her in the tape, API will thread carefully and will classify details on what is going on, especially details on when the API representative will fly to New York, which flight and where he will be housed while in the US. This will be done to avoid exposing him to any danger while on US soil”

 
 

As a wealthy cow rancher, I have been blessed by G*d insomuch as I have the resources (which I found, fair and square, as they were being dumped at the Butte refuse depository) with which to donate to this patriotic cause.

Uhhhhhhhh, cow rancher?

I thought you ranched cattle but if you owned cows, you were a dairy farmer?

 
 

Neil Boortz is dumber than a bucket of shit. Seriously, he almost matches Hannity for not just decietfullness, not just willfull ignorance, not just hypocracy, but out-and-out stupidity. Used to have a drinking buddy that’d use Boortz’s show as a source of info and seriously thought “Well, Boortz says (whatever stupid shit he says)” was an end-all rejoinder. Frankly, I’m amazed the knucklehead’s still allowed on the air and then I remember, oh yeah, wingnut welfare solves all.

 
 

Come Mr Telemann, Telemann Obama…

Daylight come and me wanna Korir…

 
 

Thanks SoCal Jason and agreed, Dreamweasel.

I hope the Sadly kids or some other site is compiling a Wingnut Greatest Hits compilation for release after Boortz, Malkin and API fans take to their bomb shelters after Nov 4th fearing a black planet. With less than a week left, the meltdowns are getting meltier and the crazy is thick enough to make the Brian Wilson of yore seem perfectly sane.

 
 

API will thread carefully

Well, that’s pretty well sewn up…

 
 

I think this musical pun thing has gone too Faure. Now Ives done it…

 
 

With less than a week left, the meltdowns are getting meltier and the crazy is thick enough to make the Brian Wilson of yore seem perfectly sane.

That’s gonna sting a bit.

 
 

Tigrismus…simply priceless! Cheers!

 
 

plz dont giv trolz fud plz thx!!1!1!!

 
Rugger in Montana
 

Uhhhhhhhh, cow rancher?

I thought you ranched cattle but if you owned cows, you were a dairy farmer?

Nah, my cow’s too old to give milk.

 
 

I think this musical pun thing has gone too Faure. Now Ives done it…

We wouldn’t want you to strain your voice, so you can use Listerine Rimsky, Korsakoff works wonders for loosening things up too…

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Classical. Obama’s hiding the tape and all you guys can do is compose puns. A concerted effort to change the subject wil be stopped by a fugue-ood men.

 
 

As fast as you can say the Pledge of Allegiance without the “under God” part, the indoctrination begins.
First the Pledge of Allegiance — then the indoctrination.

 
 

“You can Telemann the truth, but can he Handel it?” …. I’ll get Bach to you on that.

He can indeed; he’ll eat it up like a sammich Vivaldi trimmings.

 
 

Anti Christian? Me?

HOW DARE YOU!

You leftists are the ones who want to replace Christianity with Islam! You are the ones who want to outlaw Bibles and guns! You are the ones who want to coddle terrorists and put MY FAMILY in danger.

You are aslo the IDIOTS who belieiieve everything you hear on the Liberal media. While, I won’t.

I AM JOE THE PLUMMER!

 
 

Classical. Obama’s hiding the tape and all you guys can do is compose puns. A concerted effort to change the subject wil be stopped by a fugue-ood men.

Score!

 
 

You won’t alute the FLAG. You won’t respect and support our TROOPS! You want higher taxes and to punish folks who work hard. YOU ARE NOT AMERICAN, GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY!

 
 

He can indeed; he’ll eat it up like a sammich Vivaldi trimmings.

Kin I get the haricort Verdi?

 
 

“First the Pledge of Allegiance — then the indoctrination.”

Yeah, I thought that was kind of funny, too.

Because to a cretin like Neal Boortz, good indoctrination=good, bad indoctrination=bad.

Or something.

 
 

YOU ARE NOT AMERICAN, GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY!

Cuba?

 
 

I AM CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER!

 
 

From WND:

In a statement to WND after Fox’s denial, API said, “We cannot force anyone to believe us. We have put the notice out there, and we do not put out things we do not know to be true, and if you need to know more talk to our attorney in the U.S.”

The attorney, Philip J. Berg, who is coincidentally pursuing a court challenge over Barack Obama’s birthplace, has not responded to WND e-mails and telephone messages.

Wait, Berg is Korir’s lawyer?! For reals? Oh sweet Jebus, this is a thing of pure beauty! I just love how they say Berg is “coincidentally” the lawyer pushing that other wingnugget obsession.

 
 

Wait, Berg is Korir’s lawyer?! For reals? Oh sweet Jebus, this is a thing of pure beauty! I just love how they say Berg is “coincidentally” the lawyer pushing that other wingnugget obsession.

Yup.

And fellow PUMA Ed Hale is the one who first tried to buy the tape from API.

It’s like flypaper for the stupid, this story.

 
Tom's Cousin Blader in Nigeria
 

ACTUALLY, I, NOT MY COUSIN TOM ABOVE, POSSESS THE TAPE, WHICH IS ACTUALLY IN A DIGITAL MEDIA AND LOCKED BY A COMPLEX SECRET PASSWORD. I AM HOLDING THE TAPE BUT NOT ITS PASSWORD, AS THE REPRESENTATIVE OF AN INDIVIDUAL IN KINSASHA, CURRENTLY UNDER HOUSE ARREST AND WHO IS THE ONLY INDIVIDUAL WHO KNOWS THIS PASSWORD. GIVEN THE TENUOUS POLITICAL ENVIRONMENT IN OUR CAPITAL, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS, HE MUST REMAIN ANONYMOUS.

MY OWN CREDENTIALS ARE EASILY VERIFIED, SINCE I AM A CIVIL SERVANT WORKING FOR THE NIGERIAN FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IN A CAPACITY MANY IN THE WEST WOULD RECOGNIZE AS SIMILAR TO THAT OF A BANKING AUDITOR.

DESPITE MY GOVERNMENT SERVICE, I CAN LEGALLY ACT AS THE AGENT OF ANOTHER, BUT BECAUSE OF POSITION, I AM UNABLE TO PERSONALLY ACCEPT TRANSACTIONAL FUNDS FOR SUCH INDIVIDUALS.

I THEREFORE NEED SUCH AN INDIVIDUAL TO ACT AS AN INTERMEDIARY BETWEEN THE POSSESSOR OF THE TAPE IN QUESTION, AND THE FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY. THE LATTER IS CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO PAY MY CLIENT THE SUM OF $21,000,000 USD UPON COMPLETION OF THIS TRANSACTION. MY CLIENT WILL CONSEQUENTLY PAY ME $4,400,000 FOR THE CUSTOMARY PRIMARY MEDIATION FEE. I, IN TURN, WILL PAY YOU $2,200,000 WHICH IS THE CUSTOMARY FEE PAID TO ALL SECONDARY MEDIATORS IN THIS TRANSACTION.

BEFORE I CAN SEND YOU THE TAPE AND ITS ACCESS PASSWORD, KINDLY TRANSFER TO MY BANK ACCOUNT $22,000 US, REPRESENTING THE CUSTOMARY NIGERIAN TRANSACTIONAL TAX., ALONG WITH A BANK ACCOUNT AND ROUTING NUMBERS TO WHICH I CAN DEPOSIT YOUR FEES.

AS THIS MATTER IS RELATED TO A DELICATE POLITICAL NATURE, I MUST INSIST THAT BY ACCEPTING THIS CONSULTING FEE, THAT YOU KEEP THIS TRANSACTION IN THE STRICTEST CONFIDENCE, BOTH BEFORE AND AFTER COMPLETION OF OUR BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP. SIMILARLY, I WILL NOT ADVISE YOUR TAXING AUTHORITIES OF THIS GAIN, AND WILL LEAVE THAT TO YOUR BEST JUDGMENT.

 
 

The fact is, going for the Socialist Vote was not the smartest move Barry Hussien made. Most Americans are not socialists, especially Here In The Heartland where we work hard and take care of our own, unlike on the coasts where the muslims, the gays, the minorities, the lazy have there hand out for charity from us. We are going on strike like John Galt if you try to fix the election for your Messiah to win.

 
 

I AM JOE STRUMMER!

 
 

I AM JOE THE PLUMMER!

Considering the horrible things you do to commas, I’m starting to think you’re Kaye Grogan.

 
 

We are going on strike like John Galt if you try to fix the election for your Messiah to win.

“As a result of the victory of Senator Barack Obama, the Heartland went on strike.

In a related story, US productivity skyrocketed.”

 
 

The fact is, the MSM is in the tank for Obama so they have not reported on anything bad, or have used there powers to blackball anyone who asks questions (like Barbara West), we should all boycott the Media until they start telling the truth, and it is not to late before the election to get it out.

 
 

Ummm…lessee here…music pun…gotta be classical…nothing really works with Mussorgsky…

Wingtards like Boortz better be careful if they don’t want to wind up on the Central Committee’s Lizst?

Terrible. Just terrible.

 
 

I’m just wondering how dumb they think the evil Obamanauts are. They’re supposedly crafty enough to have fooled the majority of the voting public, but they’re dumb enough to allow the Ivy League-educated attorney Michelle Obama to call an unknown news outlet and rant and rave at them without establishing any background rules. Then Obama’s campaign manager (Axelrod or Plouff?) is allegedly dumb enough to call, identify himself, and try to bribe Chief Editor Korir, and then follow up the offer with e-mailed threats that can be traced back to him.

 
 

have used there powers to blackball anyone who asks questions (like Barbara West)

Blackball???

RACIST!

 
 

Also: “Joe The Plumber” sounds like a guy you’d call up when you want someone whacked, while the actual guy (who’s neither a plumber nor called “Joe”) looks like the guy who played The Thing in the horrible Fantastic Four movies. He also played John Belushi in the horrible bio-pic based on Bob Woodward’s horrible biography.

 
 

Wingtards like Boortz better be careful if they don’t want to wind up on the Central Committee’s Lizst?

Terrible. Just terrible.

More likely, they’d just take him Offenbach for a spanking.

 
 

I AM JOHN FRUM!

More likely, they’d just take him Offenbach for a spanking.
He’d be fuckin’ Glucky to get away with that.

 
 

Also, also: I early voted today. I was gonna wait until Tuesday because I sorta like the whole “taking part in the democratic process” thing, but I decided to go ahead and knock it out. LOTS of folks, but it was swingin’ right along and took maybe half-hour. The nice lady herding us all through the area said she’d never seen anything like it, and them that know these things say Georgia’s having one of if not the largest voter’s turnout. Old folks, college kids, folks with kids, the odd townie, people on break, people getting off work, people on their way to work, black, white, latino… it was sorta neat.

 
Rugged in Montana
 

Now Obama is causing the McCain campaign to eject McCain supporters from GOP rallies! Is there no limit to the Black Messiah’s power???

http://www.iowastatedaily.com/articles/2008/10/28/news/local_news/doc49068f6ccce49245010961.txt

 
 

More likely, they’d just take him Offenbach for a spanking.
He’d be fuckin’ Glucky to get away with that.

It’s Godenov for me! (OK, it’s a stretch…)

 
 

YOU GODLESS LIBERALS ARE TO BURN IN HELL!

Don’t you understand what is at stake here?

If that man gets elected, all of the racist women in America will one by one realize that they are having sex dreams about a black man, AND WE CAN’T HAVE THAT!

 
 

Classical. Obama’s hiding the tape and all you guys can do is compose puns. A concerted effort to change the subject wil be stopped by a fugue-ood men.

I know, what a Messiaen, but what else can be Dun? I can’t Berg it, but I can’t call it Orff, either.

 
You Can't Put Lipstick On A Repig
 

The API chatboard is the gift that just keeps giving. Here’s a good one:

“Morons? What’s YOU’RE IQ? How much of a moron are YOU to support Obama?”

It is the Bizarro World version of S,N!

 
 

Vivaldi vingnutz vere as stuppit as dese, dere vud be no reason to vurry.

 
 

YOU GODLESS LIBERALS ARE TO BURN IN HELL!

I’m sorry, that playdate won’t fit in my schedule…can you pencil me in for a massage and maybe a cup of tea on the 20th of November?

 
 

I thought you went Chopin, Mz Nicky?

 
 

I know y’all frown on hate speech ’round here, but it seems the appropriate time for this.

 
 

I AM IRON MAN!

(DUH-DEH-DUH-DEH-DEH-DEE-DOO-DEE-DOO-DEE-DUH-DUH-DEH-DEH!)

 
 

I thought you went Chopin, Mz Nicky?

At the Mahler?

 
 

I thought you went Chopin, Mz Nicky?

At the Mahler?

I heard there was a sale at the Schumann.

 
 

Part of me hopes API is actually a parody site under deep, deep cover.

 
 

Uh — excusez-moi besides, but: Isn’t the worst alleged thing that “Michelle Obama” “says” on this “tape” something along the lines of “people in America who don’t vote for Barack are racist”? Isn’t that the $3 million bribable scary earthshattering life-threatening election-throwing bombshell quote? Or am I missing something, even if it really “exists”?

 
 

“can you pencil me in for a massage and maybe a cup of tea on the 20th of November?”

Duh! You idiot! You’re forgetting your Boortz!

The NEA Stormtroopers will already have confiscated all the pencils and other writing implements by the 20th of November!

She’ll have to bleed you in…

 
The Frito Pundito
 

“Is there no limit to the Black Messiah’s power???”

Yes. The Black Messiah cannot make soggy French fries crisp again. Sadly.

Sorry, I guess I need more punctuation.

Sadly!!!

 
 

Clearly the McCain campaign has thrown AIP and Korir under Debussy.

 
 

The NEA Stormtroopers will already have confiscated all the pencils and other writing implements by the 20th of November!

Well, I figured she might be one of the Wolverines, Eberhard Faber division…

 
 

Yes. Yes, that was a hoot.

 
 

Clearly the McCain campaign has thrown AIP and Korir under Debussy.

I think they’re trying to Lully us into a false sense of security.

 
 

I am the Eggman!

 
 

Hmm. Let’s see now …

The API is leading the wingnuts up Baroque-Bach Mountain?
API are a nothing but a bunch of ani-lizst-o-maniacs?
Wingnuts are just Sittin’ On The Dock Of The Beethoven?
Korir is playing Haydn-Seek with the tape?

Nope. Nothing. Damn!

 
 

Assisted Living centers across the country should be bracing for the riots that will surely ensue if Obama wins. A walker, when combined with Ensure Plus® fueled rage, can be a dangerous weapon.

 
 

I can’t handle the Strauss of waiting for these tapes! I’ll be Franck, my nerves are like Glass… my mind will surely unRavel! Maybe I’d better get Bizet with something else. Or even just rest on the Satie for a while.

 
 

I sorta like the whole “taking part in the democratic process” thing

Um … Sounds like you did.

Just kidding. I know what you mean.

 
 

Even those who arrange and design plumes are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.

 
 

Plumer? Is that like being a shrubber?

 
 

I wonder what ol’ Knock-Kneed-Neal thinks about this particular commie:

“A few weeks before she was nominated for Vice-President, Palin told a visiting journalist—Philip Gourevitch, of this magazine—that “we’re set up, unlike other states in the union, where it’s collectively Alaskans own the resources. So we share in the wealth when the development of these resources occurs.”

Turns out Sarah Birch Scaife Koch Navasky McCarthy Truman Palin is in fact in favor of collective ownership and top-down wealth redistribution.

Alert the wingtards! They’ll want to excise this cancer from the party ASAP…

 
 

Plumer? Is that like being a shrubber?
Yes, plumes are my trade. I am a plumerer. My name is Joe the Plumer. I arrange, design, and sell plumes.

 
 

Needs more Kuhlau.

 
 

Assuming they actually had a tape, couldn’t they just, you know, convert it to a digital file and put it up on the internet? I’m guessing something like this would do well on YouTube. From there it would be sure to attract the attention of more traditional media outlets. Yeah, I know the tape doesn’t really exist, but the point is that with all of the technology and communication outlets that we now have easy access to, it should be a lot harder to pull off something like this. If it turns out this is all legit and there really is a tape, I’ll be shocked. I’ll also wonder why they didn’t just make good use of new media.

I’m sure you could go to the API chat board and try to Telemann that this whole story doesn’t make sense, but he probably wouldn’t listen. Darn you all for forcing me to look up composers and make a bad pun.

 
 

See, the results are working.

Great moments in trollery.

Can’t you see? The results are WORKING.

 
 

I really really hope that whoever is behind this comes out from behind the curtain and takes a bow after the election.

 
 

I’m sure you could go to the API chat board and try to Telemann that this whole story doesn’t make sense, but he probably wouldn’t listen. Darn you all for forcing me to look up composers and make a bad pun.

At least it kept you Bizet.

 
 

Great moments in trollery #73: Nielsen’s 5th Symphony.

the first movement invents what is still one of all music’s most astounding devices, a snare drummer who repeatedly interrupts and is finally instructed to “improvise as if at all costs he wants to stop the progress of the orchestra.”

 
 

Assuming they actually had a tape, couldn’t they just, you know, convert it to a digital file and put it up on the internet?

NO.

 
 

NO.

Oh, well in that case we’ll just have to wait and hope.

 
 

#

Andre said,

October 29, 2008 at 22:59

Part of me hopes API is actually a parody site under deep, deep cover.

See, my hope is that they’re running a confidence scam – they tell the wingnuts they’ve got a tape of Michelle Obama being a racist, they say Obama’s trying to bribe them to destroy it, and they start raising money to have it secured safely.

There’s something cosmically appropriate about some African guys making bank on the dogmatic bigotry of unreasonably wealthy American wingnuts.

I sorta like the whole “taking part in the democratic process” thing

Um … Sounds like you did.

Just kidding. I know what you mean.

My parents, my fiancee, and I voted together in 2006 and we’re taking my brother along this time – he turned 18 in ’07 and he’s what would have been a libertarian before they became a cult for rich, authoritarian honkies. My family was more enthusiastic about Clinton, but they’re still really happy about what’s going on right now and we’re all voting for BHO together on the 4th.

It’s looking like Nevada might go blue this time around. Good luck out there in the South & here’s to hoping the black-the-vote jackasses don’t pull anything in your precinct.

 
 

BREAKING NEWS:

I have the transcript of the contact made by the Obama campaign manager:

I am Mr.Emory Barr, Accounts campaign Manager, of Abbey National PLC
Bromley Rd Branch
B. Hussein Obama. I have an important business proposition for you.

On October 12th, 2008, a German contractor with the British Pertroleum co-orporation, United Kingdom ,Mr. Olaf Partetzke made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$ 3,000,000.00 in my branch.
Upon maturity,I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the British Pertroleum co-orporation that Mr.Olaf Partetzke died from an Automobile accident further investigation,
I found out that he died without making a WILL,and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless.

I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Olaf Partetzke did not declare any kin or relations in
all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$ 3,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it. According to inheritance Laws of the United Kingdom, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Local Government Authorities here in Wales, United Kingdom, if nobody applies to claim the fund.

Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Olaf Partetzke (IF YOU FORGET ALL ABOUT THE MICHELLE OBAMA TAPE)
so that the fruits of this old man’s labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials.This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin. We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me and 35% for you and 5% for Expenses Incurred in the course of the transaction .

There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and with my position as the Manager with my bank will guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately to my private email
box : emory400@xasamail.com

Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. You should observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.

Awaiting your urgent reply.

Thanks and regards.

Emory Barr (Obama Campaign Manager)

 
 

I’m sorry for being so naive, but why would it be necessary to pay “API” 3M dollars, when you could just have the site shut down because it violates wordpress’ term of use.

Africanpress.com or .net, I can’t remember, is a registered (if not used) domain name, and it has not been registered by “API”, and article 2 of wordpress tos states that: “your blog is not named in a manner that misleads your readers into thinking that you are another person or company”.

I would guess that the obama campaign could deal with that, should they want to, without throwing 3M dolls away.

 
 

#

Andre said,

October 29, 2008 at 22:59

Part of me hopes API is actually a parody site under deep, deep cover.

“Part of you” “hopes”???

Hokay. Well, I think you’ll be pleased.

Sssshhh. Don’t tell anybody, but yes, somebody is continuing to fuck with gullible wingnuts.

Dammit. I SO wish I had thought of it…

mikey

 
 

I would guess that the obama campaign could deal with that, should they want to, without throwing 3M dolls away.

Heh heh heh.

 
Till Eulenspiegel
 

Part of me hopes API is actually a parody site under deep, deep cover.

Well, they clearly don’t actually have a tape, so there are only a few potential explanations. The most attractive one is that they are the Best Troll Evar, a fantastically-executed baiting of the right-wing blogs so we can all mock them. After seeing them pounce on the “whitey” tape and Obama birth certificate nonsense, it would be fairly obvious that they couldn’t resist something like this.

I suppose the other likely option is that it’s just some guy who likes the attention. Not as much fun, but of course still amusing in its surprising effectiveness. It’s a free blog page masquerading as some kind of international press agency, for fuck’s sake.

 
 

It can’t be Gavin, it is way too esthetically messy…unless he purposefully made it look hokey in order to throw us off his scent.

C’mon, guys, which one of youse is it?

I haven’t seen D.N. around here in awhile…

 
 

Ewww! some of her security dripped on me!

 
 

Till Eulenspiegel said

say, YOU’RE known for pranks…

 
 

If the “API” was a parody, I’d be disappointed. I’d hope that if any of you sadlynaughts were to devise such a thing, it’d be a bit more elaborate and credible. As it is, you have to be very gullible or dumb or crazy, to fall for it (it’s not event on par with the nigerian princess scam).

 
 

But bludule, isn’t that the point?

They are THAT STUPID!

Is you throat scratchy, RB, or is there something you want to say?

Because the implications iof that siomple “ahem” could be far reaching.

Heh, indeed.

 
Till Eulenspiegel
 

Nah, I’m with bladule. If I had the time and motivation to cook up something like this, I’d at least register a domain. And find some photos that don’t look like they were randomly pulled from Google Images. Or better yet, just not claim to be some major organization.

It’s really sad that such a blatant hoax is actually working.

 
 

T4Hussein is right.

It’s way funnier that they went for it when it was an OBVIOUS hoax.

If it had the appearance of credibility then their being taken in by it would be a product of the quality of the hoax, not of their stupidity and desperation.

Nope, whoever they are, I’d buy them a bottle of scotch and one of those BIG stinky cigars…

mikey

 
 

I’ll repeat myself, brother.

THEY ARE THAT FUCKING STUPID!!!1!!!!!111!!!√121!!

 
 

That ‘ahem’ may have directed at an earlier commenter who forgot to change nyms after name-jacking a shitmoat.

 
 

Ok, then, I’m a bit smug, but I’d be more impressed with a good hoax than I am with one that more aptly shows the stupidity of some wingnuts (in other words, I prefer aesthetics over efficiency).

 
 

Is you throat scratchy, RB, or is there something you want to say?

You are a bad bad person. Are you doing Coach Urban Meyer? Because I love that and the SuperKnicksFan echoes.

 
Shit Moat Salesman, Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc.
 

Did somebody say “Shit Moat?”

We’ve got some great specials running now as well as new products in the, uh, “pipeline…”

 
 

Did I hear the sweet refrain of me humble moniker?

Wait till you see what I have coming over your transom this time, ye scurvy dogs!

 
 

Six hours after the release of information by Smut Clyde on the promised unveiling to the Frau Doktorin of the cleaned kitchen floor, in accordance with an agreement that has been reached between Smut Clyde and the Frau Doktorin, SC was contacted by Obama’s Campaign Manager.

Those who are close to the democratic presidential candidate must be desperate keep the kitchen dirty no matter what, otherwise they would not have taken such bold step to contact SC with an offer of a bribe in order to stop the cleaning of the floor.

Obama’s campaign manager contacted SC by telephone and email offering 3 million US dollars followed with a request to SC to cancel the deal with the Frau Doktorin.

 
Shit Moat Salesman, Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc.
 

Gonna have to stop you right there, Craptain Shitmoat.

I’m quite sure you are aware that Craptain Shitmoat is a registered trademark with Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc. as the name of our mascot and corporate logo.

We immediately demand that you cease and desist all use of this registered trademark or the appropriate legal action WILL be taken.

Dewey, Cheatham & Howe
Corporate Counsel
Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc,

 
Shit Moat Salesman, Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc.
 

Guess again, smart guy!

 
 

Arrgh, I meant that to be one comment previous.

And as for you, you tiny barnacle on the starboard stern of a port bound whale, I am not scared of ye cowardly lawyers. I eat pieces of shit like you with me morning digestive biscuits!

 
 

You eat shit with you breakfast?

 
 

I think the good Craptain was referring to the Smutster on that comment.

 
Shit Moat Salesman, Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc.
 

Now you’ve really done it.

By appropriating the dialect and style of the voice of Craptain Shitmoat AND insulting us by calling us a barn(i)cle on a whale’s ass, you have brought down the fires of hell upon your head, sah!

Prepare for the wrath of an entire law firm, ye mutinous dog!

Dewey, Cheatham & Howe
Corporate Counsel
Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc.

 
 

Now wait a minute there, you tiny little dwarf!

If anyone can lay claim to the idea of the shitmoat it is me.

MEEEE I TELL YOU, MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!1

 
 

The blog you were looking for, t4oby.wordpress.com doesn’t exist but you can create it now!

 
 

OK, spill, Bubba. I can’t Copeland with the waiting…

 
 

OK, spill, Bubba. I can’t Copeland with the waiting…

Spill what?

 
 

Is this the tape where Michelle Obama says “whitey”?

The one that, even if it is real, shouldn’t mean a thing to consistent conservatives who – generally – have nothing but disdain for “political correctness”? (Until it suits them, of course.)

But then, when have conservatives ever shown any consistency? Imagine how they would describe Reagan’s decision to pull out of Lebanon if Jimmy Carter had done it. Imagine if it had been John Kerry who had made propaganda films for the North Vietnamese instead of John McCain. Imagine if Michelle Obama had stoled drugs to support her habit instead of Cindy McCain. Imagine if Michelle Obama had killed someone in a car crash instead of Laura Bush. Imagine if Barack Obama had shot someone in the face instead of Dick Cheney. Imagine if one of the Obama girls was a little older and had gotten pregnant out of wedlock instead of one of the Palin girls. Imagine if Barack Obama had a drunken driving arrest instead of George W. Bush.

IOKIYAAR.

 
 

“If anyone can lay claim to the idea of the shitmoat it is me.

MEEEE I TELL YOU, MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!1”

I thought it was your friend with the huge dog and stolen yard signs.

In the grownup world we call that “plagiarism.”

 
 

Nice catch, wordpress.

That T4oby guy is a piker. A complete splitter.

 
Harry Whittington
 

“Imagine if Barack Obama had shot someone in the face instead of Dick Cheney.”

In all fairness to The Big Dick, I was like totally in his way, all I got was like “peppered” with birdshot, and I was like totally wrong for getting shot like that.

Let’s not forget who apologized to whom, here.

 
 

It seems like Consolidated is hauling out the legal guns again. Folks, this is what you can expect from a big corporation dealing on a daily basis with the liberal media. You want no-spin, extra-bullshit real Heartland shit moats, you call us at 403-SHT-MOAT. We’re a small business and we know what the big city wants out of the average Joe. Keep your property safe with Fecamotte, the name you can trust.

 
 

Do your shitmoats come in Extra-Small?

 
 

Oh, wait, it’s Conglomerated today. It’s a beast with many heads, folks – like the Elders of Zion – but with much less shit.

We’re so full of shit we make the Baldwin Brothers look classy. You want a French poodle latrine, go to Conglomerated. You want a real American* shit moat that’ll give a factory pig farmer rickets**, you come to us.

* ‘American’ may not include the continental United States.
** We are required by civil suit to acknowledge that Freemasonry has never been conclusively linked to rickets.

 
Shit Moat Salesman, Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc.
 

Fecamotte Ltd–

That’s Conglomerated, you fool.

And go ahead, just try and match us on price or pungency.

We’ve dealt with the likes of you before.

Poopcullis LLC, Ramfarts LP and Craptacular Shitmoats PC have all come and gone and still we grow ever stronger.

They all went down crying like someone who’s just fallen into a genuine Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc. fecal vandalism deterrent barrier.

There simply is no alternative to the quality of Conglomerated Shit Moat Sales, Inc. Stop by one of our many showrooms across this great country.

Just Follow Your Nose.

 
Tinfoil Hat Salesman, Consolidated Tinfoil Hat Sales, Inc.
 

I think you might have us confused with someone else…

 
 

Yes, it is I, Jo Jo the plumer. I raise plums. In the off season I do off-broadway in Raisins in the Sun . I’m just a regular guy.

 
 

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The “A:Contact us” page almost reaches Sadly, No heights of sublime irony and litotes.

 
 

How many wingnut bloggers do you think have given these guys money for “legal fees”?

 
 

Best tantric payoff since The Drake.

 
 

I half expect that if they ever do play a tape on Faux News it will have Thandie Newton’s voice imitating Sarah Palin having an affair with her husband’s business partner.

 
 

This seems too good to be true. I wonder if API is working with Obama and leading us on a wild goose chase. I hope not and hope to see the tapes released tomorrow.

 
 

Amidst the gathering storm of the islamocommie fascist wave that sweep the good and noble scribblers at The Corner into the sea AND wades through rivers of their blood, what do they do but obsess on tapes from Africa. For it is from the dark Continent that the deepest magic, the most fierce wizardry will come. For years stories have circulated of a race of warrior poets fair of skin and blond of hair who roam the upper lowlands of Kenya making and distributing tapes of exquisite beauty whose siren song confers upon the listener the stamina of the buffalo, the heart of the lion and the penis of the elephant (male of course).
Now the waiting multitude can hardly contain their excitement, and their bladders, as the days of waiting are almost over. Has it not been foretold by Confederate Bob, Stanley Kurtz and Jerome Corsi, he of the eagle eye and baboons bottom?
Soon my beauties, the time of ass chewing embarrassment will arrive

 
 

You have severed your purpose for Obama

Am I the only one getting a Heaven’s Gate vibe here?

 
 

This is seriously driving me crazy. I’m going blind looking at the API comments. My eyes are bleeding. But I keep waiting for… something! What’s going to happen? How did so many weirdos find their way over there? What is that strange debased tone of voice and stilted awestruck diction they’ve all taken on? Have the wingnuts finally found their own magic negro? What the hell is going on over there?

I swear, API isn’t trying to figure out how they’re going to dig themselves out of this hole; they are trying to figure out how to mine these nutters, who, being nutters, will only invest themselves completely in the game in order to prove that they haven’t been played.

I wish I could quit you, API.

 
 

Johnny Pez said, “Am I the only one getting a Heaven’s Gate vibe here?”

No, Johnny, I almost said that, but I forgot the name.

 
 

For years stories have circulated of a race of warrior poets fair of skin and blond of hair who roam the upper lowlands of Kenya making and distributing tapes of exquisite beauty whose siren song confers upon the listener the stamina of the buffalo, the heart of the lion and the penis of the elephant (male of course).

Another kiwi is right. The whole saga was presaged by that Charles Williams novel, “Shadows of Ecstasy”.

 
 

It’s a weird and wonderful place over there.

Larry Sinclair must be crying into his Diet Pepsi and getting all whiney at the traffic they are getting…

 
 

Charles Williams? Herr Clyde, you are indeed a man of many dimensions.

 
 

Is a dickensheets anything like a bag o’ dicks?

 
 

RB, not that anybody is actually reading this anymore…

OK, spill, Bubba. I can’t Copeland with the waiting…

Spill what?

Your virtual throat-clearing in the context of the API speculation suggested you might have some, er, insight into the origin of that site. Perhaps I was mistaken.

If I was wrong, I Begley your pardon.

 
 

Perhaps I was mistaken.

As is my wont I point you to Smut.

 
 

We all just really want this to be perpetrated by a Sadlynaught.

 
 

Fine, break my heart. It would have been The Most Awesomest Trick Evar Performed by a SadlyNaught.

Now I will have to console myself with the prospect of an actual leader as President.

Hey, I feel better already!

 
 

Fine, break my heart. It would have been The Most Awesomest Trick Evar Performed by a SadlyNaught.

It would also require Ambition and Originality, two products in short supply around here. For God’s sake I require computer assistance to make jokes. I am a transhumanist humorist.

 
 

It would also require Ambition and Originality, two products in short supply around here.

“Around here” meaning “at my place”. Sorry all. Boo hoo.

 
 

“Also: Is Greta illiterate?”
Ms Susteren appears to have been unhinged into writing what she actually thinks. Thus the fair and balanced barriers to self expression, that we might call “spelling’ and “coherence’ have been overridden.
Ah hah Smut Clyde has seen through the plan about destroying Western Civilisation by being whiny arse right wing bloggers.

 
 

Call me paranoid, but the more I look at it, the more I think that API website may not be entirely on the level.

No, no — wait. Hear me out. Like, for instance, the fact that it’s supposedly a news website? But aside from this Obama tape thing, there aren’t any actual … you know. News stories on it?

I just can’t help thinking that’s a little odd.

 
Sebastian Dangerfield
 

I really wish Larry Johnson would get another hobby.

 
 

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