Thank God The Tongs Were In The House

Shorter Confederate Yankee, August 29th, 2007:

Rebuilding New Orleans: A Continuing Mistake

  • Rebuilding New Orleans is a folly that America should not have to pay for, because whose stupid idea was it to put a so-called major city in such a stupid place where a hurricane could get it?

Above: Hard-eyed realist

Shorter Confederate Yankee, September 14th, 2007:

Weather Woes

  • Hayulp! Hurry-cane Humberto done knocked ovah mah charcoal grill! Ever’body gimme sum munnah!

Above: Tragedy on an epic scale

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

[Largely stolen from D. at Lawyers, Guns, and Money.]

UPDATE by Clif:

Well, it seems I’ve found the original picture of Confederate Yankee’s fallen grill that he claims is now rendered useless for grilling pig’s feet, pork butt, and other staples of CY’s diet. And that does not look like the house of someone who needs to beg for money to have the tornado-induced chip repaired. Or maybe that’s not his house. Or his grill.

Real Picture of Fallen Grill
Above: The grill, shortly after it was knocked over by, allegedly, a vicious tornado.

Gavin adds:



Comments: 146


I call bullshit. Look how green the grass is on the bottom of the picture and how yellow it is on the top.


Yes, clearly a forgery.


We’d better send someone out here to get fairly close to the alleged scene in order to (bunk or de-bunk) the shrieking MSM!!!1!


I’m just getting word from my sources…Yes, it appears that the grill in question was not completely destroyed, merely rendered unfit for steak…Yes, I’m getting more…yes, ah ha! Now we are getting reports that the person reporting the ‘destroyed’ grill, a certain Riley D Hoakem is not an actual ‘person’ at all, but merely a rip-off Simpson’s character!

We’ll keep on top of this huge story as it develops.


It’s not completely destroyed, it’s only badly damaged. Three other grills in the area only sustained light damage to their exteriors, and are still standing.

So the credibility of every barbecue grill story relying on Confed al-Yanqi remains dubious.

Check the kerning on teh grill!!11!111!!one


Hmm, I am also skeptical. Ace claims that “[n]ot a lot of damage in my neighborhood, but there was in the older neighborhood nearby where there were far more mature trees, a lot of which lost branches, and several large oaks that were totally ripped apart.”

I’d be interested to see if those trees were actually “totally ripped apart,” instead of merely “mostly” ripped apart, or even totally “torn” apart. And another thing, how much “older” is that neighborhood next to Ace’s, that the alleged trees would be allegedly “far more mature”? I mean, perhaps these trees are “substantially” more mature, or “slightly” more mature.

This just doesn’t add up. And since my opinion that Ace is covering something up, is presumptively correct until conclusively proved otherwise, it seems pretty clear that Ace has a lot of explaining to do.

UPDATE: Ace still refuses to answer my question as to whether or not his alleged grill had been properly cleaned prior to its alleged tossing into his neighbor’s yard, and whether or not he arranges his coals in a log cabin manner or in a tee-pee arrangement.


I live in Virginia, and it’s been beautiful out for the past few days. Nothing but clear blue skies all weekend. You’d think that if a storm of that size passed through North Carolina, I would get at least a little rain.

I seriously doubt there was a hurricane at all, let alone a damaged grill.


UPDATE: the smoke damage reported in the interior of the “completely destroyed” grill was the result of an overcooked Johnsonville Brat on July 4, and NOT “due” “to” “teh” “alleged” “hurricane”.


true and those damned new yorkers ought to have known erecting building hundreds of feet in the air would have caused planes to fly into them.


Here in Durham, NC I went for a pleasant walk to the market without incident. Amazing the lengths the enn double-u ess will go to sell a story.


I am presently conducting an infalliable scientific expirment with a minature trainset prop charcoal grill and a 3 speed oscillating fan, and from my highly precise mathematical skills, I have concluded that Hurricane Jamil Hussein Beauchamp did not destroy charcoal grill in the mosque when he hit the dog with the humvee.

As such, there is simply no way the Confedorate Yankee’s story can be true. Its mathematically impossible. The AP obviously made him up by the MS&M and the photo is obviously a forgery. I know since I once photoshopped my cat’s head onto my dog’s body when I worked in advertising for the Bonobo Gazette in Hiatville, West Virgina with Jimbo and Ace of Spades.


I’m starting to think that “Ace” isn’t a real person at all, but merely a made up character utilized by the MSM to push its anti-hurricane agenda. I just don’t understand why the MSM and its Soros-funded minions hate hurricanes so much to the extent that they would obviously fabricate grill destruction. Such vile propoganda only serves to undermine the brave heros working to establish Freedom for Hurricanes.



Straight-line winds so ferocious that the grill’s cover was ripped off and flung 2cm away.

A charcoal grill has many delicate moving parts, making it susceptible to storm damage. It is advisable to wait at least 24 hours before attempting to retrieve a charcoal grill from your neighbor’s yard, especially if your neighbor has threatened to shoot you.


On what planet do downed grills vomit green plastic?


Since the bitch deleted my comment, here’s a reenactment, complete with itchy wool trousers from the Civil War era:

living over 130 miles from the ocean. I’m not what would typically be considered any more of a “hurricane area” than is San Antonio, Texas.

Here’s another difference between CY and New Orleans: he’s white. And we all know that white people get whatever they want. And by God, CY wants a new grill. Can you imagine if he has to broil his meat? Oh, dear God, the horror.

In fact, forget the private donations. Let’s get the gummint to pay for CY’s new grill.

And I love his efforts to talk about charity. As if anyone is going to see this fuckwit racist moron as some kind of philanthropist.


Look, all I did was enhance the shadows a little, all right?


Hmmm which Red Cross item should I check off in my donation plan today…

Lessee: a basement soldier big on a messy war that he won’t fight (too old, trick knee, broken pony, etc.) just lost his barbecue to a strong wind. (Not his fault! Forgot to bring barbecue in from the rain, trick knee acting up, pony’s saddle in laundry hamper, and so on.)

Victims of Katrina who lost everything they owned, including barbecues, to ocean water because levees weren’t maintained, are still waiting on housing.

This is a no brainer, really.


Sheez, don’t you guys know that hurricanes and tornadoes are completely different. Hurricanes are entirely predictable but tornadoes are not. Also hurricane’s are God’s judgment and tornadoes are just temporary peturbations in the atmosphere. That’s why its okay for tornado victims to beg for money and totally wrong and inappropriate for hurricane victims to do the same thing.


Double Update! BREAKING !!
confed responds; libruls are stupid,proves point with math.


You would think that a large, heavy grill, if truly knocked over by hurricane-force winds, would have produced some sort of mark upon the softened, rain-sodden ground.

Something doesn’t add up. I think the body was moved.


New Rule! New Rule! No building anything in the following places: on coastlines susceptible to hurricanes or tsunamis; in tornado alley; on or near mountains prone to landslides; within 500 miles of a volcano or faultline; near rivers, streams, creeks, lakes, ponds, or anywhere it rains or snows; and anywhere trees grow. We must now ask the entire population of the United States to relocate to the Mojave Desert, please — but stay away from the rocks, those things can be dangerous.


What’s wrong with the barbecue that standing it back up and moving it back onto his own property won’t fix?


What kind of dork begs other people to give him money to replace a household appliance that gets blown around by a storm?

I’ll retrieve it tomorrow, but my guess is that it’s toast.

He doesn’t even know whether it’s broken yet, and he’s asking strangers for money for it.

It’s not even something necessary or urgent – like his roof has a hole in it, or his car with a tree on it; it’s a self-indulgent luxury toy that could just as easily be replaced with a $40 Weber charcoal kettle.

Now there’s a boy with a sense of entitlement.


Looks like he’s turned off comments to the barbecue grill post. But his donate button is still on.


“What’s wrong with the barbecue that standing it back up and moving it back onto his own property won’t fix?”

Top 5 reasons:

5. Bad knees.

4. Other priorities.

3. Too many UPDATES! about MoveOn ad coming in to stop blogging.

2. ?

1. 9/11 changed EVERYTHING.


I have URGENT BREAKING NEWS, a source inside the Raleigh Police Department is telling us that he has never seen a grill on TIDOS Yankee’s property. Given that the only thing we have to go on is an obviously forged photo, I think it’s clear that THIS GRILL DOES NOT EXIST.

WHAT is the secret nefarious reason for making up a grill? And doesn’t it call into question ALL OF THE OTHER REPORTING ABOUT THIS WEATHER EVENT !111!!!!@@23R44W9

I’ve submitted these questions to George W. Bush, but he refuses to answer.


Look, let’s stop beating around the bush here.
CY is a white man!!!!!!
Most of the affected residents of New Orleans were not. CY isn’t being harsh on all Katrina victims, just those born into an old, established city who happen to be black.
As he says, he absolutely helped his church put together a care package for a town in Mississippi.

You can tell he knows he got caught by how pissed off his response is. Jebus racist Christ.


Reminded of this pic I took last year in New Orleans:

Although the grill in this shot has clearly sustained damage, it miraculously remained upright and may be repairable. Never mind contributing funds for THAT little project, since we’re more concerned about fixing all the other stuff in the photo.


You would think that a large, heavy grill, if truly knocked over by hurricane-force winds, would have produced some sort of mark upon the softened, rain-sodden ground.

Something doesn’t add up. I think the body was moved.

You’re definitely correct. Didn’t he say that the thing actually flew through the air and landed in his neighbor’s yard? And no divots were dug out of the ground?

Total bullshit.


From Confederate Yankee’s update:

Liberal Logic: New Orleans = Bobs’ Grill.

How many Confederate Yankees are there?

I doubt Apostrophe Abuse accepts submissions taken from web logs. They’d be overloaded.


Seriously, what’s with the old personal responsibility thing? Damn thing is on wheels, for jeebus’ sake.


Charcoal grills have hundreds of fragile moving parts, if you count the briquettes.

Nigel: Don’t touch it.
Marty: Well uh I wasn’t, I wasn’t gonna touch it. I was just pointing at it…I….
Nigel: Well don’t point, even.
Marty: Don’t even point?
Nigel: No. It can’t be played…never…
Marty: Can I look at it?
Nigel: No….no.


They say that a conservative is liberal that’s been mugged and now that I am deprived of my grill I know exactly what the residents of the gulf coast felt. I will be using my considerable standing as a blogger to lobby FEMA for enough money to replace my grill with a weber genesis to allow the healing to begin.


Another question- is that where the grill cover would really be?
Logic tells us it would either have been blown off and flung many dozens of yards away from the grill, or remained on the grill. Over to the right like that simply doesn’t make any sense.
I’ll email him and ask for an explanation.
*Update* I haven’t sent the email yet, and he still hasn’t replied!
What is he hiding?


CY is a white man!!!!!!

I wouldn’t be so sure. Given his blatant photoshopping of the allegedly hurricane damaged cooking implement, and his status as Super-Duper Image Manipudentificator Extraordinare, is it not possible, nay, probable, that Confederate Yankee photoshopped his own picture to make himself less dusky?

I sense perfidy on an unprecedented scale.


No, Confederate Yankee, our logic is New Orleans > Your stupid dumbass grill.


Hey I’m not an expert on this or anything but can anyone tell me if he got some sort of employee discount on the grill when he bought it and whether he is asking for full price in donations to replace it?


What sort of dipshit moron leaves his grill out in a hurricane?


CY is a pussy, on May 3rd I lost a roof, everything in my back yard ,and people died…

He can pay for his own fucking BBQ. Goddamn conservative pussies asking for handouts, what a piece of shit.


I scraped up a little cash to send to ol’ TIDOS.

I guess you could even say I “bummed” the money.


There are just too many unanswered questions here to stop digging for the truth. We need volunteers to archive the thread and man it with liveblogging as details emerge. We need weather experts, specialists on tornadoes, hurricanes, and grills. Forensic photo analysis, seal off the area, wake everybody up…


[…] This is quite possibly Sadly, No!’s finest hour. Tell The World: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. […]


CY’s grill would have come through the tornado unharmed if Jimmy Carter hadn’t given away the Panama Canal in the 1970s and thus bringing down God’s punishment on our country.


Seriously, what’s with the old personal responsibility thing? Damn thing is on wheels, for jeebus’ sake.

Paul, rolling a heavy steel grill over waterlogged ground is an invitation to disaster. Factor in the gun-toting neighbor who’s tired of CY’s peeping, and it’s the Eastern Front, April 1942 all over again.


UPDATE: The questions about the “destruction” of Confederate Yankees’ grill are multiplying. See here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here.

FURTHER UPDATE: CY refuses to respond to email asking for evidence that New Orleans does not equal “Bobs’ Grill.”


I don’t normally click through to winger sites, but the promise of pwnage was just too great to pass up and I was not disappointed. Pretty much EVERYONE in the comments kicked his ass. Teehee!


Why do bad things happen to good people? It seems like God should have been able to miss that barbecue.
Makes you think.


His argument about New Orleans is just weird. He basically admits that human activity (pumping water, cutting up the coastal wetlands, not building the levees properly, etc.) caused the flooding there, but then places the blame on the implacable forces of nature.

So I guess equating having your Weber tossed around is just the same as having the ACOE build levees out of sand. Or something.

NSF/Berkeley pdf


[…] hits! BTW: Humberto knocked over my grill so I need a new one CONTRIBUTE EARLY AND OFTEN KTHX. I give it two-three hours, max. digg_url = ‘’; digg_bgcolor = ‘cbcab6’; digg_skin = […]


It seems like God should have been able to miss that barbecue.

If CY were a GOOD, DECENT, GODFEARING Christian, this never would have have happened! Clearly, God removed his protection from the barbecue grill and allowed the hurricane to smite it.

The question is WHY?

Has the grill been hanging out in airport restrooms, tapping its wheels? Does it have unnatural urges to roll on top of George Foreman Grills while they sleep?

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible NOT TO!


The question is WHY?

Leviticus 11:7-8. He is a hateful and pleasure-denying Gos.


I live near Raleigh too. That storm scared my cats something awful, and they ran under the table and cowered, for like five whole minutes. We used up many Feline Greenies trying to get them to relax enough to where they’d start biting each other again.

So, if anyone wants to donate to help us replenish our Feline Greenie supply, it would be greatly appreciated.


Well Dorothy, that’s the two-ton elephant in the room. Nobody wants to take these questions where they naturally lead, namely, how did CY offend the Lord? What abomination did CY cause that grill to perform? I just hope someone has the courage to get to the bottom of this..


oh, and I was going to say that in my experience, if you screw up even one comma on those stupid forms, you’re totally fucked. I mean, you can kind of scratch them out, but you always end up having to just scribble over it, or frigging white out, that never works and covers the line, but I see you got it worked out.
So, cool.



Confederate Yankee’s grill has been hit by Iranian agents working in the Raleigh-Durham area. The US, through proxies such as Jundallah (arabic for “people who replace grills for rednecks”) is working to stop the infiltration and allow good old fashioned pig grilling to return to CY’s house.


My guess is the BBQ was broken *before* the storm came. He left it out on purpose so he could claim the storm destroyed it, and ask for donations. Maybe he even heaved it into his neighbor’s yard himself.


Look at the hinges on the back of the grill. The area they’re bolted onto looks brand new. Wouldn’t one expect to see signs of stress like cracked paint iff’n the thing had just taken a unscheduled flight through the neighborhood? Why, the top of the grill would be flapping open and shut wildly all through its journey causing all manner of damage to the hingeified area.


He’s against rebuilding and restoring New Orleans because it is “built on sand” but yet he’s for pouring a hundred times the money and a thousand times the lives attempting to rebuild AN ENTIRE FUCKING COUNTRY BUILT ON FUCKING SAND.

Just like the vagrants on the downtown shuttle seem immune to their own stink, Gun-Counter Gomer seems impervious to his own bullshit.


That application form is conspicuously free of cheeto stains…


I think we should all donate $.01 each.

Really, folks, don’t you think he’s earned it by now?

Just think of the pile of one cent checks…


Upon further investigation of the grill, CLEARLY the kerning on the “Weber” logo on the grill is fraudulent because they NEVER used that font for a Weber grill. It is clear that someone used Photoshop and used the type tool to write “Weber” in the place of “Walmart”. Given these facts, it is pretty clear that CY has no credibility and was duped by what was advertised as a hurricane but actually the figment of his vivid bbq-deprieved imagination.


t4toby, a brilliant idea. Using paypal, that .01 donation will cost him about .30 in fees to accept. But, as CY will tell you “deficits don’t matter” so donate away!


the $9.11 per pound sale on Flank Steak changed everything.


What you’ve really got to admire about Confederate Yankee is that he says in his post that he has no intention of retrieving his grill – which is now by his admission nothing but trash – from his neighbors yard until “maybe” tomorrow. Thats indicative of a profound laziness coupled with either a breathtaking sense of entitlement or, more probably, that with all the cars up on cinder blocks and old doorless Kelvinators used as flower planters in his neck of the woods the neighbors probably wouldn’t ever notice one more piece of garbage in their yard.


I think what this needs is a lengthy debate about whether the grill was actually just destroyed, or merely had a giant fucking hole blown in the lid by a three story tall Transforming Glenn Reynolds.


You guys are cold.

I heard reports tornadocane that hit was so powerful, not only was his grill thrown almost 100 feet or something but Bob’s mind was blown in the process. Rumors that his neighbor looted the grill in a post-tornadocane Mad Max- like environment have so far proven unfounded — but sources say that Anderson Cooper and Geraldo Rivera will have a duel to see who will get to cover the Owens situation from the ground.

And yes, he’s crapping himself in the yard. But some close to Owens say that’s only because his cardboard outhouse tipped over in the storm.

Still for someone determined to live in the tornadocane belt (and who didn’t have the sense to leave when the storm seemed imminent), they have to understand that such things are inevitable. My suggestion is for them to start building homes out of brick instead of twigs and mud and get areodynamic.


Thanks to Clif and Gavin for the follow-up detective work. Let’s see what the Confederate Yankee says about that! I wonder if he has the guts to reply to the 237 e-mails I sent him. You can’t ignore ComicSans MS.


So, if anyone wants to donate to help us replenish our Feline Greenie supply, it would be greatly appreciated.

If you can get your cats to pose in a way that invokes the pathetic fallacy as much as Bob’s Done Gone Grill, it’s a deal.

Also, S,N!ers: please to be posing other garden stuff (lawnmower, plantpot, garden hose) in similarly pathos-inducing poses, just to show how sad a fucker TIDOS Y is.


Ace deleted my helpful comment as well.

It has wheels on it for a reason, chucklehead.

LA Confidential Pantload

Goober can stuff it. If the government wouldn’t buy the Clintons a replacement Vince Foster, it damn sure shouldn’t buy Goober a new George Foreman.


Nobody wants to take these questions where they naturally lead, namely, how did CY offend the Lord? What abomination did CY cause that grill to perform? I just hope someone has the courage to get to the bottom of this..

Maybe God thinks CY’s barbecue tastes like moose turd pie.


This is RE.another post we were talking about.I am SO PISSED!


Bahaha, love the update. Pray tell, shouldn’t there be a clothesline with some white bedsheets drying in the foreground?



DEMIZE! said,

September 18, 2007 at 1:11

I know this is an old post but I am PISSED!It turns out Hector Arrendando who’s son was Iraq was attacked by some of these pricks.He has been carrying a casket with his son’s picture on it since as a protest.He set himself on fire along with USMC.van on the day he was told of his son’s death.Some pro war scumbags tried to take his son’s photo off the coffin and when he resisted he was wolf packed.


Hector is The father here’s another link.This is what we are up against.


t4toby said,
I think we should all donate $.01 each. Really, folks, don’t you think he’s earned it by now? Just think of the pile of one cent checks…

Be sure to make that cheque a toilet seat. A cheque can be written on anything.


Neil Young’s heard of CY’s plight and to assist he’s rewriting Southern Man for a live aid show.

Southern man better keep your head
Don’t forget what the weatherman said
Global change gonna come at last
Now your barbecues are burning fast
Southern man

Lilly Belle* your eye is golden brown,
Why’d you go and knock my barbie down!
Swear by God I’m gonna cut you down
I heard screamin’ and burgers flying
Southern Man

*In the south, all hurricanes named Hector are renamed Lilly Belle


It probably is the neighor’s grill. He wants one like it.


or whatever the hell that hurricane was called. Humberto, Hector.. hah!


All kidding aside; the lord doesn’t mind a little good-natured joshing, but I’m sure everybody wants to do the right thing here.

I’ve chartered a bus and I’ll be heading to NC tomorrow collecting volunteers along the way. With enough energy and good will we should be able to put Bob’s grill and life upright again, God willing.

An undertaking like this can be a logistical nightmare so I’m hoping I can find people with expertise in communications, emergency medicine, welding, lawn care, outdoor cuisine, grief counselling. From the photo it looks like there should be enough room on the lawn to set up a command center and a tent city.

And please, Bob’s been traumatized; try to refrain from chiding him for continuing to live in a hurrinado zone.

You can contact me at

Herr Doktor Bimler

If someone could photoshop that toppled barbecue into Christina’s World, I for one would be a happy chap.


pose in a way that invokes the pathetic fallacy as much as Bob’s Done Gone Grill

And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Bob Owens, Nut of Wings,
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level lawns stretch far away.


Barbara Bush extends a warm welcome to Ace, should he decide to visit Texas. As long as he doesn’t like it TOO much.


I would like to second the good Herr Doktor’s suggestion at 2:04.


Some of you are confusing Ace and Confederate Yankee. Please don’t send Ace money. He and his barbecue are fine (although I hear he may be suffering from PTSD from almost encountering Sadlynosians at a bar in Boston the other night).


I’ve…I’ve just seen the wreckage here. They say, in war, you weep the first time you hear a child cry, well, I’ve been to war. I’ve seen children broken upon the rubble war makes. I’ve heard their cries. And let me tell you…never, in all the wars I’ve ever witnessed, have I heard the cries of children that moved me as much as this. It’s almost…almost too terrible to contemplate.

And we ask: Where is our government? What has become of humanity? We ask in our darkest moments whether or not there is a God. What we need to ask here is why has he foresaken us? For every grill that now burns propane, or charcoal, or hickory chips, we must forever remember the grill that has been so gruesomely and wantonly silenced.

We tremble as Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God. And the only thing that burns here is the bitter stench of brimstone and the musky aroma man’s woe.


With enough energy and good will we should be able to put Bob’s grill and life upright again, God willing.

That’s a good start, but properly done grill removal and reinforcement is a man-sized undertaking. First, you’ll need a crane to get that sucker back up on its feet. Some preliminary blasting may be called for. You’ll also need something to haul it back to his yard. A couple of these babies ought to do the trick. Then a few tons of reinforced concrete for a tornado-proof barbecue bunker and you’re ready to burn some burgers.

Sure, it’ll make his backyard look like the Lower Ninth Ward, but I’m sure he won’t mind.


If someone could photoshop that toppled barbecue into Christina’s World

Hey, Dok, at the risk of exposing yet again my cultural ignorance, is that Banksy?



Christina’s World was painted by Andrew Wyeth.


The fact that he had to shut off comments, largely from his own peeps, no doubt, is indirect comic genius.

Sadly, he won’t get it!

Kudos to all the funny comments out here. Wading in the wingnut psyche is too much for me. But this sure is a classic case of not understanding the whole “greater good” thing as I’ve seen.

Is a Democrat a Republican hit by Big Wind now?

Irony is so, so, incredibly very dead.


Herr Doktor,

How’s this?

Just click on the image. This website wouldn’t allow me to link directly to the larger image. Or maybe I’m just a dumbass…


What a friggin’ wussy. He doesn’t have the g** d*** balls to go down to Home Depot or Lowe’s and replace any broken parts himself?

Herr Doktor Bimler

objectivelypro said,
How’s this?

Thank you. Now I can die content stop work and have lunch.


You do see the similarity, though, right?



A wanker of extreme proportions, El C.

It doesn’t even look that bad to me, and I’ve repaired my share of home crap.

Man, I went out there to post a comment to his post, which he’s hilariously defended by drawing the comparison between “mandatory” relief of an entire city of desperate people to his own personal plea for grill-replacement money. Truly disappointing that I was shut out. I had some things I needed to say.

Never has so much wankitude been asked to do so little for their country. The REALLY funny thing is he’ll likely get his grill replaced by his drooling audience. I mean, what’s a few hundred bucks among morons?

One could reasonably say that he already regrets this one by denying comments. Thus, he’s not only mechanically or motivationally challenged, he’s just plain drunk and missing his meat, as it were.



That Bansky is quite the tender, bucolic scene.


The fact is, however, nobody is coercing the grill repair money, it is being donated by conservatives of their own free will. The repair to NOLA, however, was coerced and wasteful, considering the city is a swamp. The same people who wanted us to build everyone in NOLA a free house for being stupid enough to own one there are the same people wanting us to leave Iraq, cut off funding for our troops, and stop spreading freedom. They are liberal idiots.


Wouldn’t you LOVE to get Gary’s honest definition of “a swamp”? I have a feeling it has much less to do with the presence of water and much more to do with the kind of people who live there…



You… you… LIBERALS!

See? You made CY CRY!

After all, he was just asking for VOLUNTARY contributions to replace his devestated (though not “destroyed” in a Jamillian sense) grill, and YOU BIG MEANIES had the gall, GALL I SAY, to compare that to rebuilding a major American city with tax dollars stolen out of the mouths of hard-working Red Staters by jackbooted government thugs! if you had any sense of decency WHICH BEING LIBERALS YOU DO NOT ahahaha! you would do, um, somthing or other very decent or something.

Aw, fuck it, he was a dumbass to put his grill in a place where a hurricane might knock it over. He was askin’ for it.


Nah, they’re not “coercing” the grill money, Gary. No doubt about that.

You know, my cable bill sucks eggs. Can someone please help? Also, I’m sick and tired of the War on Drugs money-sinkhole. Could we just please let these people die? Including the alcoholics and prescription drug-abusers, dammit! Why do I have to pay for this shit?

And you know what? I’ve slowly come to believe that the $8,000,000,000 we spend per month in Iraq is a waste, too! Let the troops blog for cash! Now THAT’S democracy!

What we should do, GR., is abandon all Federal assitance for anything “common” and go to an entirely beg-for-help economy. That way deserving people like CY would be taken care of.

Because nothing bad could ever happen to you courtesty Mother Nature. You might not only lose your grill, but your yard-decorations, like your flamingos and your Nativity scene.


Dang it.

My car breaks down, and then I miss all the fun.


And you know what? I’ve slowly come to believe that the $8,000,000,000 we spend per month in Iraq is a waste, too! Let the troops blog for cash! Now THAT’S democracy!

THERE you go -. no more tax money for Iraq – people who REALLY FEEL IT’S IMPORTANT can, you know, voluntarily give money to liberate the poor oppressed peoples of the world. Set up a “donate” button. Hold a telethon. Sell cookies or something. Why should I be forced by your statist ideology to hand my hard-earned dollars over to the Pentagon when I could be so much more innovative in spreading freedom worldwide, like expressing my contempt for Islamofascism by buying a subscription to Hustler’s Busty Beauties?



My car breaks down, and then I miss all the fun.

Au contraire! Think of the possibilities! You could still post a picture of your broke-down car, and then ask for money. If you could get the grille to produce smoke the way Mr. TIDOSY got his grill to spew tarp, it would be particularly photogenic. Any chance your ride was smoking, or emitting bright green antifreeze? That stuff looks great on film (so to speak).

This might work better if you had first ranted on about how greedy the poor people tend to be in this degenerate Leftocracy, or something.

Give it a try!


Grillie, you’re doing a heck of a job.



You greedy poor schmucks should all give me money so that I can get the starter on my car replaced! If you don’t, it just means you support the nanny welfare state, and area all Gay Communists to boot! Feckin’ poor fecks!

How’s that?


objectivelypro said,
September 18, 2007 at 2:45

Herr Doktor,
How’s this?

I bow down before you. I think that was a photoshop gauntlet thrown in Gavin’s direction!


Guys, just leave him alone. Maybe CY can’t walk outside to get the grill because of his wide stance, or some other orthropedic condition.


The 1/3 droolers are a sight to behold, no?

The intellectual consistency of pancake mix is the art form in which they work.


If someone could photoshop that toppled barbecue into Christina’s World…

Oh wow. Can I post that?


Oh wow. Can I post that?

By all means, Gavin.



Shall I email you the file? I don’t know if you can extract it from that website.


Seriously? He can walk over to his neighbours yard, take a picture of his grill, post the picture on his website and blog about it, but he can’t take the grill back to his own house? The thing is on wheels for crissakes.

Maybe he is waiting for CSI to come and draw a chalk outline around the frigging thing.


You know, a chalk outline would really punch up that Wyeth..


Seriously? He can walk over to his neighbours yard, take a picture of his grill, post the picture on his website and blog about it, but he can’t take the grill back to his own house? The thing is on wheels for crissakes.

I’m sure he has his reasons. The grill could be surrounded by an invisible Islamic force-field. Hippies could have copulated with it and infested it with crabs. Homosexual midgets could be hiding inside it. Maoists could have booby-trapped it with a Marxist mind control device. Or he could be a lazy schmuck.

Herr Doktor Bimler

It is a great honour for me to unveil the Clare Quilty Memorial Grill, and dedicate it to all the victims of Hurricane Humbert.


You know when I first saw this story, I thought CY had got busted in the mouth and now he need money to fix his orthodonture.

But again, sadly, no.


CY may want us to forget he ever mentioned losing his barbecue to a hurricane, but what would that make us? Callous shitheads who don’t care about hurricane victims and we don’t want to turn into one of those people.

September 17th (or whatever day it happened to him, yesterday?) shall be marked for commemoration. Flags will droop appropriately at half mast, the national anthem will be sung, and veggie dogs will be grilled from north to south, east to west…


You know when I first saw this story, I thought CY had got busted in the mouth and now he need money to fix his orthodonture.

But alas, sadly, no.


“Project: It’s knocked over (hurricane)”

This is on par with Atrios’ “preznit give me turkee”. But sublimer.

Thank you.


My ass hurts. Won’t somebody–no, won’t everybody–give me some money so I can go to Duane Reade and buy a jar of Noxema?


I haven’t read through all the comments, so this is probably the sixtieth time or so this thought has been expressed:

Is that the definition of McMansion or what?


K, I have been drinking. Phony hay instead of a lawn, and such, on closer examinaton I guess that’s the definition of a beautiful parody of the term McMansion.

I was taken in.

God, I hope so.


I’m Sorry, CY, but do you happen to have several hundred acres adjacent to the Big Easy that you’re totally willing to give to the poor, displaced peoples?

Oh, wait, no? That would be taking from people who are already there!

Such a big hippocrite.

No, I meant to spell it that way.


TIDSY says: living over 130 miles from the ocean. I’m not what would typically be considered any more of a “hurricane area” than is San Antonio, Texas.

Three words: Hurricane Hugo, bitch!


Re: the updates and so on. He’s incredibly good at getting the point, isn’t he?


You know, I keep reading that CY post over and over, thinking, surely he didn’t really ask people to donate money to him because his grill got knocked over by the wind. But sure enough.


Why doesn’t that boy go to an organization that’s dedicated to helping out folks like him, but which doesn’t suckle at the government teat?

The Grill Scouts!


Simply put, New Orleans is a sinking hole in a swamp surrounded on three sides by hungry waters: rebuilding the city with an anemic patchwork of small levee improvements is a colossal exercise in stupidity, when relocating the population is a much more intelligent and more viable long-term option. It may also ultimately lead to a far greater loss of life the next time the city is inundated.–CY

And the Outer Banks are strips of sand that are only a few hundred yards wide in some areas, which have been decimated because assholes from New York insist on building houses on the dune ridge smack up against the high tide mark. Perhaps we should just level the houses of CY and his buddies to avert further loss of BBQs and human life in the future.


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