Sep
17

Thank God The Tongs Were In The House




Posted at 20:43 by Gavin M.

Shorter Confederate Yankee, August 29th, 2007:

Rebuilding New Orleans: A Continuing Mistake

  • Rebuilding New Orleans is a folly that America should not have to pay for, because whose stupid idea was it to put a so-called major city in such a stupid place where a hurricane could get it?

cyankee6.jpg
Above: Hard-eyed realist


Shorter Confederate Yankee, September 14th, 2007:

Weather Woes

  • Hayulp! Hurry-cane Humberto done knocked ovah mah charcoal grill! Ever’body gimme sum munnah!

1386340593_1ff7451f56_m.jpg
Above: Tragedy on an epic scale


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

[Largely stolen from D. at Lawyers, Guns, and Money.]

UPDATE by Clif:

Well, it seems I’ve found the original picture of Confederate Yankee’s fallen grill that he claims is now rendered useless for grilling pig’s feet, pork butt, and other staples of CY’s diet. And that does not look like the house of someone who needs to beg for money to have the tornado-induced chip repaired. Or maybe that’s not his house. Or his grill.

Real Picture of Fallen Grill
Above: The grill, shortly after it was knocked over by, allegedly, a vicious tornado.

Gavin adds:

yankeefema.jpg

146 Comments »

  1. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 17, 2007 at 20:49

    I call bullshit. Look how green the grass is on the bottom of the picture and how yellow it is on the top.

  2. Gavin M. said,

    September 17, 2007 at 20:51

    Yes, clearly a forgery.

  3. t4toby said,

    September 17, 2007 at 20:54

    We’d better send someone out here to get fairly close to the alleged scene in order to (bunk or de-bunk) the shrieking MSM!!!1!

  4. t4toby said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:01

    I’m just getting word from my sources…Yes, it appears that the grill in question was not completely destroyed, merely rendered unfit for steak…Yes, I’m getting more…yes, ah ha! Now we are getting reports that the person reporting the ‘destroyed’ grill, a certain Riley D Hoakem is not an actual ‘person’ at all, but merely a rip-off Simpson’s character!

    We’ll keep on top of this huge story as it develops.

  5. caliph garrett said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:02

    It’s not completely destroyed, it’s only badly damaged. Three other grills in the area only sustained light damage to their exteriors, and are still standing.

    So the credibility of every barbecue grill story relying on Confed al-Yanqi remains dubious.

    Check the kerning on teh grill!!11!111!!one

  6. Legalize said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:04

    Hmm, I am also skeptical. Ace claims that “[n]ot a lot of damage in my neighborhood, but there was in the older neighborhood nearby where there were far more mature trees, a lot of which lost branches, and several large oaks that were totally ripped apart.”

    I’d be interested to see if those trees were actually “totally ripped apart,” instead of merely “mostly” ripped apart, or even totally “torn” apart. And another thing, how much “older” is that neighborhood next to Ace’s, that the alleged trees would be allegedly “far more mature”? I mean, perhaps these trees are “substantially” more mature, or “slightly” more mature.

    This just doesn’t add up. And since my opinion that Ace is covering something up, is presumptively correct until conclusively proved otherwise, it seems pretty clear that Ace has a lot of explaining to do.

    UPDATE: Ace still refuses to answer my question as to whether or not his alleged grill had been properly cleaned prior to its alleged tossing into his neighbor’s yard, and whether or not he arranges his coals in a log cabin manner or in a tee-pee arrangement.

  7. RCP said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:11

    I live in Virginia, and it’s been beautiful out for the past few days. Nothing but clear blue skies all weekend. You’d think that if a storm of that size passed through North Carolina, I would get at least a little rain.

    I seriously doubt there was a hurricane at all, let alone a damaged grill.

  8. caliph garrett said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:13

    UPDATE: the smoke damage reported in the interior of the “completely destroyed” grill was the result of an overcooked Johnsonville Brat on July 4, and NOT “due” “to” “teh” “alleged” “hurricane”.

  9. kuvasz said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:18

    true and those damned new yorkers ought to have known erecting building hundreds of feet in the air would have caused planes to fly into them.

  10. Cangrejero said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:20

    Here in Durham, NC I went for a pleasant walk to the market without incident. Amazing the lengths the enn double-u ess will go to sell a story.

  11. Nylund said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:20

    I am presently conducting an infalliable scientific expirment with a minature trainset prop charcoal grill and a 3 speed oscillating fan, and from my highly precise mathematical skills, I have concluded that Hurricane Jamil Hussein Beauchamp did not destroy charcoal grill in the mosque when he hit the dog with the humvee.

    As such, there is simply no way the Confedorate Yankee’s story can be true. Its mathematically impossible. The AP obviously made him up by the MS&M and the photo is obviously a forgery. I know since I once photoshopped my cat’s head onto my dog’s body when I worked in advertising for the Bonobo Gazette in Hiatville, West Virgina with Jimbo and Ace of Spades.

  12. Legalize said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:28

    I’m starting to think that “Ace” isn’t a real person at all, but merely a made up character utilized by the MSM to push its anti-hurricane agenda. I just don’t understand why the MSM and its Soros-funded minions hate hurricanes so much to the extent that they would obviously fabricate grill destruction. Such vile propoganda only serves to undermine the brave heros working to establish Freedom for Hurricanes.

    Traitors.

  13. Clem said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:29

    Straight-line winds so ferocious that the grill’s cover was ripped off and flung 2cm away.

    A charcoal grill has many delicate moving parts, making it susceptible to storm damage. It is advisable to wait at least 24 hours before attempting to retrieve a charcoal grill from your neighbor’s yard, especially if your neighbor has threatened to shoot you.

  14. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:33

    On what planet do downed grills vomit green plastic?

  15. bemused said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:36

    Since the bitch deleted my comment, here’s a reenactment, complete with itchy wool trousers from the Civil War era:

    living over 130 miles from the ocean. I’m not what would typically be considered any more of a “hurricane area” than is San Antonio, Texas.

    Here’s another difference between CY and New Orleans: he’s white. And we all know that white people get whatever they want. And by God, CY wants a new grill. Can you imagine if he has to broil his meat? Oh, dear God, the horror.

    In fact, forget the private donations. Let’s get the gummint to pay for CY’s new grill.

    And I love his efforts to talk about charity. As if anyone is going to see this fuckwit racist moron as some kind of philanthropist.

  16. Teh photographer in question said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:38

    Look, all I did was enhance the shadows a little, all right?

  17. Lesley said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:42

    Hmmm which Red Cross item should I check off in my donation plan today…

    Lessee: a basement soldier big on a messy war that he won’t fight (too old, trick knee, broken pony, etc.) just lost his barbecue to a strong wind. (Not his fault! Forgot to bring barbecue in from the rain, trick knee acting up, pony’s saddle in laundry hamper, and so on.)

    Victims of Katrina who lost everything they owned, including barbecues, to ocean water because levees weren’t maintained, are still waiting on housing.

    This is a no brainer, really.

  18. Clif said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:42

    Sheez, don’t you guys know that hurricanes and tornadoes are completely different. Hurricanes are entirely predictable but tornadoes are not. Also hurricane’s are God’s judgment and tornadoes are just temporary peturbations in the atmosphere. That’s why its okay for tornado victims to beg for money and totally wrong and inappropriate for hurricane victims to do the same thing.

  19. Humor Me said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:44

    Double Update! BREAKING !!
    confed responds; libruls are stupid,proves point with math.
    DEVELOPING!

  20. MCH said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:44

    You would think that a large, heavy grill, if truly knocked over by hurricane-force winds, would have produced some sort of mark upon the softened, rain-sodden ground.

    Something doesn’t add up. I think the body was moved.

  21. Svlad Jelly said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:46

    New Rule! New Rule! No building anything in the following places: on coastlines susceptible to hurricanes or tsunamis; in tornado alley; on or near mountains prone to landslides; within 500 miles of a volcano or faultline; near rivers, streams, creeks, lakes, ponds, or anywhere it rains or snows; and anywhere trees grow. We must now ask the entire population of the United States to relocate to the Mojave Desert, please — but stay away from the rocks, those things can be dangerous.

  22. digamma said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:48

    Gold.

  23. rachel said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:49

    What’s wrong with the barbecue that standing it back up and moving it back onto his own property won’t fix?

  24. g said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:51

    What kind of dork begs other people to give him money to replace a household appliance that gets blown around by a storm?

    I’ll retrieve it tomorrow, but my guess is that it’s toast.

    He doesn’t even know whether it’s broken yet, and he’s asking strangers for money for it.

    It’s not even something necessary or urgent – like his roof has a hole in it, or his car with a tree on it; it’s a self-indulgent luxury toy that could just as easily be replaced with a $40 Weber charcoal kettle.

    Now there’s a boy with a sense of entitlement.

  25. g said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:55

    Looks like he’s turned off comments to the barbecue grill post. But his donate button is still on.

  26. Legalize said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:58

    “What’s wrong with the barbecue that standing it back up and moving it back onto his own property won’t fix?”

    Top 5 reasons:

    5. Bad knees.

    4. Other priorities.

    3. Too many UPDATES! about MoveOn ad coming in to stop blogging.

    2. ?

    1. 9/11 changed EVERYTHING.

  27. Jeff Fecke said,

    September 17, 2007 at 21:58

    I have URGENT BREAKING NEWS, a source inside the Raleigh Police Department is telling us that he has never seen a grill on TIDOS Yankee’s property. Given that the only thing we have to go on is an obviously forged photo, I think it’s clear that THIS GRILL DOES NOT EXIST.

    WHAT is the secret nefarious reason for making up a grill? And doesn’t it call into question ALL OF THE OTHER REPORTING ABOUT THIS WEATHER EVENT !111!!!!@@23R44W9

    I’ve submitted these questions to George W. Bush, but he refuses to answer.

  28. a different brad said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:00

    Look, let’s stop beating around the bush here.
    CY is a white man!!!!!!
    Most of the affected residents of New Orleans were not. CY isn’t being harsh on all Katrina victims, just those born into an old, established city who happen to be black.
    As he says, he absolutely helped his church put together a care package for a town in Mississippi.

    You can tell he knows he got caught by how pissed off his response is. Jebus racist Christ.

  29. GNU-STRUMPET said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:01

    Reminded of this pic I took last year in New Orleans:

    http://romyb.com/gallery/personal/Katrina_Five

    Although the grill in this shot has clearly sustained damage, it miraculously remained upright and may be repairable. Never mind contributing funds for THAT little project, since we’re more concerned about fixing all the other stuff in the photo.

  30. Doc Washboard said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:02

    You would think that a large, heavy grill, if truly knocked over by hurricane-force winds, would have produced some sort of mark upon the softened, rain-sodden ground.

    Something doesn’t add up. I think the body was moved.

    You’re definitely correct. Didn’t he say that the thing actually flew through the air and landed in his neighbor’s yard? And no divots were dug out of the ground?

    Total bullshit.

  31. J— said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:08

    From Confederate Yankee’s update:

    Liberal Logic: New Orleans = Bobs’ Grill.

    How many Confederate Yankees are there?

    I doubt Apostrophe Abuse accepts submissions taken from web logs. They’d be overloaded.

  32. paul said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:09

    Seriously, what’s with the old personal responsibility thing? Damn thing is on wheels, for jeebus’ sake.

  33. ManOnBlog said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:09

    Charcoal grills have hundreds of fragile moving parts, if you count the briquettes.


    Nigel: Don’t touch it.
    Marty: Well uh I wasn’t, I wasn’t gonna touch it. I was just pointing at it…I….
    Nigel: Well don’t point, even.
    Marty: Don’t even point?
    Nigel: No. It can’t be played…never…
    Marty: Can I look at it?
    Nigel: No….no.

  34. confederate yankee said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:10

    They say that a conservative is liberal that’s been mugged and now that I am deprived of my grill I know exactly what the residents of the gulf coast felt. I will be using my considerable standing as a blogger to lobby FEMA for enough money to replace my grill with a weber genesis to allow the healing to begin.

  35. a different brad said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:10

    Another question- is that where the grill cover would really be?
    Logic tells us it would either have been blown off and flung many dozens of yards away from the grill, or remained on the grill. Over to the right like that simply doesn’t make any sense.
    I’ll email him and ask for an explanation.
    *Update* I haven’t sent the email yet, and he still hasn’t replied!
    What is he hiding?

  36. RCP said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:12

    CY is a white man!!!!!!

    I wouldn’t be so sure. Given his blatant photoshopping of the allegedly hurricane damaged cooking implement, and his status as Super-Duper Image Manipudentificator Extraordinare, is it not possible, nay, probable, that Confederate Yankee photoshopped his own picture to make himself less dusky?

    I sense perfidy on an unprecedented scale.

  37. Hysterical Woman said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:13

    No, Confederate Yankee, our logic is New Orleans > Your stupid dumbass grill.

  38. confederate yankee said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:15

    Hey I’m not an expert on this or anything but can anyone tell me if he got some sort of employee discount on the grill when he bought it and whether he is asking for full price in donations to replace it?

  39. Some Guy said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:19

    What sort of dipshit moron leaves his grill out in a hurricane?

  40. A Bucket of Water said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:20

    CY is a pussy, on May 3rd I lost a roof, everything in my back yard ,and people died…

    He can pay for his own fucking BBQ. Goddamn conservative pussies asking for handouts, what a piece of shit.

  41. William F. Buckley said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:24

    I scraped up a little cash to send to ol’ TIDOS.

    I guess you could even say I “bummed” the money.

  42. Humor Me said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:27

    There are just too many unanswered questions here to stop digging for the truth. We need volunteers to archive the thread and man it with liveblogging as details emerge. We need weather experts, specialists on tornadoes, hurricanes, and grills. Forensic photo analysis, seal off the area, wake everybody up…

  43. Mightygodking.com » Blog Archive » ROFL and also WAFFLES said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:28

    [...] This is quite possibly Sadly, No!’s finest hour. Tell The World: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. [...]

  44. fardels bear said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:43

    CY’s grill would have come through the tornado unharmed if Jimmy Carter hadn’t given away the Panama Canal in the 1970s and thus bringing down God’s punishment on our country.

  45. Clem said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:44

    Seriously, what’s with the old personal responsibility thing? Damn thing is on wheels, for jeebus’ sake.

    Paul, rolling a heavy steel grill over waterlogged ground is an invitation to disaster. Factor in the gun-toting neighbor who’s tired of CY’s peeping, and it’s the Eastern Front, April 1942 all over again.

  46. Kathleen said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:46

    UPDATE: The questions about the “destruction” of Confederate Yankees’ grill are multiplying. See here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here.

    FURTHER UPDATE: CY refuses to respond to email asking for evidence that New Orleans does not equal “Bobs’ Grill.”

  47. Snowwy said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:47

    I don’t normally click through to winger sites, but the promise of pwnage was just too great to pass up and I was not disappointed. Pretty much EVERYONE in the comments kicked his ass. Teehee!

  48. Kevin said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:50

    White slips!

  49. Humor Me said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:51

    Why do bad things happen to good people? It seems like God should have been able to miss that barbecue.
    Makes you think.

  50. stryx said,

    September 17, 2007 at 22:51

    His argument about New Orleans is just weird. He basically admits that human activity (pumping water, cutting up the coastal wetlands, not building the levees properly, etc.) caused the flooding there, but then places the blame on the implacable forces of nature.

    So I guess equating having your Weber tossed around is just the same as having the ACOE build levees out of sand. Or something.

    NSF/Berkeley pdf

  51. Suspect Device: The Blog » How long before the CY says he was joking all along? said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:00

    [...] hits! BTW: Humberto knocked over my grill so I need a new one CONTRIBUTE EARLY AND OFTEN KTHX. I give it two-three hours, max. digg_url = ‘http://suspect-device.com/blog’; digg_bgcolor = ‘cbcab6′; digg_skin = [...]

  52. Dorothy said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:00

    It seems like God should have been able to miss that barbecue.

    If CY were a GOOD, DECENT, GODFEARING Christian, this never would have have happened! Clearly, God removed his protection from the barbecue grill and allowed the hurricane to smite it.

    The question is WHY?

    Has the grill been hanging out in airport restrooms, tapping its wheels? Does it have unnatural urges to roll on top of George Foreman Grills while they sleep?

    Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible NOT TO!

  53. apostropher said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:04

    The question is WHY?

    Leviticus 11:7-8. He is a hateful and pleasure-denying Gos.

  54. apostropher said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:04

    Or God, even.

  55. cleek said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:07

    I live near Raleigh too. That storm scared my cats something awful, and they ran under the table and cowered, for like five whole minutes. We used up many Feline Greenies trying to get them to relax enough to where they’d start biting each other again.

    So, if anyone wants to donate to help us replenish our Feline Greenie supply, it would be greatly appreciated.

  56. Humor Me said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:09

    Well Dorothy, that’s the two-ton elephant in the room. Nobody wants to take these questions where they naturally lead, namely, how did CY offend the Lord? What abomination did CY cause that grill to perform? I just hope someone has the courage to get to the bottom of this..

  57. Humor Me said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:16

    oh, and I was going to say that in my experience, if you screw up even one comma on those stupid forms, you’re totally fucked. I mean, you can kind of scratch them out, but you always end up having to just scribble over it, or frigging white out, that never works and covers the line, but I see you got it worked out.
    So, cool.

  58. Alex Debat, Phd said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:18

    Breaking:

    Confederate Yankee’s grill has been hit by Iranian agents working in the Raleigh-Durham area. The US, through proxies such as Jundallah (arabic for “people who replace grills for rednecks”) is working to stop the infiltration and allow good old fashioned pig grilling to return to CY’s house.

  59. Kathy said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:20

    My guess is the BBQ was broken *before* the storm came. He left it out on purpose so he could claim the storm destroyed it, and ask for donations. Maybe he even heaved it into his neighbor’s yard himself.

  60. lawnguylander said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:23

    Look at the hinges on the back of the grill. The area they’re bolted onto looks brand new. Wouldn’t one expect to see signs of stress like cracked paint iff’n the thing had just taken a unscheduled flight through the neighborhood? Why, the top of the grill would be flapping open and shut wildly all through its journey causing all manner of damage to the hingeified area.

  61. the crapture said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:26

    He’s against rebuilding and restoring New Orleans because it is “built on sand” but yet he’s for pouring a hundred times the money and a thousand times the lives attempting to rebuild AN ENTIRE FUCKING COUNTRY BUILT ON FUCKING SAND.

    Just like the vagrants on the downtown shuttle seem immune to their own stink, Gun-Counter Gomer seems impervious to his own bullshit.

  62. Cangrejero said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:34

    That application form is conspicuously free of cheeto stains…

  63. t4toby said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:34

    I think we should all donate $.01 each.

    Really, folks, don’t you think he’s earned it by now?

    Just think of the pile of one cent checks…

  64. Joba Chamberlain said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:39

    Upon further investigation of the grill, CLEARLY the kerning on the “Weber” logo on the grill is fraudulent because they NEVER used that font for a Weber grill. It is clear that someone used Photoshop and used the type tool to write “Weber” in the place of “Walmart”. Given these facts, it is pretty clear that CY has no credibility and was duped by what was advertised as a hurricane but actually the figment of his vivid bbq-deprieved imagination.

  65. Joba Chamberlain said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:40

    t4toby, a brilliant idea. Using paypal, that .01 donation will cost him about .30 in fees to accept. But, as CY will tell you “deficits don’t matter” so donate away!

  66. Galactic Dustbin said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:42

    the $9.11 per pound sale on Flank Steak changed everything.

  67. scott said,

    September 17, 2007 at 23:47

    What you’ve really got to admire about Confederate Yankee is that he says in his post that he has no intention of retrieving his grill – which is now by his admission nothing but trash – from his neighbors yard until “maybe” tomorrow. Thats indicative of a profound laziness coupled with either a breathtaking sense of entitlement or, more probably, that with all the cars up on cinder blocks and old doorless Kelvinators used as flower planters in his neck of the woods the neighbors probably wouldn’t ever notice one more piece of garbage in their yard.

  68. Ted said,

    September 18, 2007 at 0:17

    I think what this needs is a lengthy debate about whether the grill was actually just destroyed, or merely had a giant fucking hole blown in the lid by a three story tall Transforming Glenn Reynolds.

  69. Jay B. said,

    September 18, 2007 at 0:23

    You guys are cold.

    I heard reports tornadocane that hit was so powerful, not only was his grill thrown almost 100 feet or something but Bob’s mind was blown in the process. Rumors that his neighbor looted the grill in a post-tornadocane Mad Max- like environment have so far proven unfounded — but sources say that Anderson Cooper and Geraldo Rivera will have a duel to see who will get to cover the Owens situation from the ground.

    And yes, he’s crapping himself in the yard. But some close to Owens say that’s only because his cardboard outhouse tipped over in the storm.

    Still for someone determined to live in the tornadocane belt (and who didn’t have the sense to leave when the storm seemed imminent), they have to understand that such things are inevitable. My suggestion is for them to start building homes out of brick instead of twigs and mud and get areodynamic.

  70. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 18, 2007 at 0:33

    Thanks to Clif and Gavin for the follow-up detective work. Let’s see what the Confederate Yankee says about that! I wonder if he has the guts to reply to the 237 e-mails I sent him. You can’t ignore ComicSans MS.

  71. ahem said,

    September 18, 2007 at 0:42

    So, if anyone wants to donate to help us replenish our Feline Greenie supply, it would be greatly appreciated.

    If you can get your cats to pose in a way that invokes the pathetic fallacy as much as Bob’s Done Gone Grill, it’s a deal.

    Also, S,N!ers: please to be posing other garden stuff (lawnmower, plantpot, garden hose) in similarly pathos-inducing poses, just to show how sad a fucker TIDOS Y is.

  72. Progressive Gold » Blog Archive » Laugh Till You Choke said,

    September 18, 2007 at 0:47

    [...] Best Sadly, No Comment Thread, EVAR [...]

  73. islmfaoscist said,

    September 18, 2007 at 0:51

    Ace deleted my helpful comment as well.

    It has wheels on it for a reason, chucklehead.

  74. LA Confidential Pantload said,

    September 18, 2007 at 0:53

    Goober can stuff it. If the government wouldn’t buy the Clintons a replacement Vince Foster, it damn sure shouldn’t buy Goober a new George Foreman.

  75. Snorghagen said,

    September 18, 2007 at 1:09

    Nobody wants to take these questions where they naturally lead, namely, how did CY offend the Lord? What abomination did CY cause that grill to perform? I just hope someone has the courage to get to the bottom of this..

    Maybe God thinks CY’s barbecue tastes like moose turd pie.

  76. DEMIZE! said,

    September 18, 2007 at 1:21

    This is RE.another post we were talking about.I am SO PISSED! http://www.democracynow.org/

  77. Lesley said,

    September 18, 2007 at 1:22

    Bahaha, love the update. Pray tell, shouldn’t there be a clothesline with some white bedsheets drying in the foreground?

  78. DEMIZE! said,

    September 18, 2007 at 1:24

    #

    DEMIZE! said,

    September 18, 2007 at 1:11

    I know this is an old post but I am PISSED!It turns out Hector Arrendando who’s son was KIA.in Iraq was attacked by some of these pricks.He has been carrying a casket with his son’s picture on it since as a protest.He set himself on fire along with USMC.van on the day he was told of his son’s death.Some pro war scumbags tried to take his son’s photo off the coffin and when he resisted he was wolf packed.

  79. DEMIZE! said,

    September 18, 2007 at 1:29

    Hector is The father here’s another link.This is what we are up against. http://drugaddict.livejournal.com/2895717.html

  80. Lesley said,

    September 18, 2007 at 1:33

    t4toby said,
    I think we should all donate $.01 each. Really, folks, don’t you think he’s earned it by now? Just think of the pile of one cent checks…

    Be sure to make that cheque a toilet seat. A cheque can be written on anything.

  81. Lesley said,

    September 18, 2007 at 1:42

    Neil Young’s heard of CY’s plight and to assist he’s rewriting Southern Man for a live aid show.

    Southern man better keep your head
    Don’t forget what the weatherman said
    Global change gonna come at last
    Now your barbecues are burning fast
    Southern man

    Lilly Belle* your eye is golden brown,
    Why’d you go and knock my barbie down!
    Swear by God I’m gonna cut you down
    I heard screamin’ and burgers flying
    Southern Man

    *In the south, all hurricanes named Hector are renamed Lilly Belle

  82. Mo's Bike Shop said,

    September 18, 2007 at 1:45

    It probably is the neighor’s grill. He wants one like it.

  83. Lesley said,

    September 18, 2007 at 1:46

    or whatever the hell that hurricane was called. Humberto, Hector.. hah!

  84. objectivelypro said,

    September 18, 2007 at 1:57

    All kidding aside; the lord doesn’t mind a little good-natured joshing, but I’m sure everybody wants to do the right thing here.

    I’ve chartered a bus and I’ll be heading to NC tomorrow collecting volunteers along the way. With enough energy and good will we should be able to put Bob’s grill and life upright again, God willing.

    An undertaking like this can be a logistical nightmare so I’m hoping I can find people with expertise in communications, emergency medicine, welding, lawn care, outdoor cuisine, grief counselling. From the photo it looks like there should be enough room on the lawn to set up a command center and a tent city.

    And please, Bob’s been traumatized; try to refrain from chiding him for continuing to live in a hurrinado zone.

    You can contact me at mervis@operationinfiniteporkdrippings.com

  85. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:04

    If someone could photoshop that toppled barbecue into Christina’s World, I for one would be a happy chap.

  86. FlipYrWhig said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:08

    pose in a way that invokes the pathetic fallacy as much as Bob’s Done Gone Grill

    And on the pedestal, these words appear:
    My name is Bob Owens, Nut of Wings,
    Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
    Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
    Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
    The lone and level lawns stretch far away.

  87. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:10

    Barbara Bush extends a warm welcome to Ace, should he decide to visit Texas. As long as he doesn’t like it TOO much.

  88. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:12

    I would like to second the good Herr Doktor’s suggestion at 2:04.

  89. Lesley said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:20

    Some of you are confusing Ace and Confederate Yankee. Please don’t send Ace money. He and his barbecue are fine (although I hear he may be suffering from PTSD from almost encountering Sadlynosians at a bar in Boston the other night).

  90. Geraldo Rivera said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:29

    I’ve…I’ve just seen the wreckage here. They say, in war, you weep the first time you hear a child cry, well, I’ve been to war. I’ve seen children broken upon the rubble war makes. I’ve heard their cries. And let me tell you…never, in all the wars I’ve ever witnessed, have I heard the cries of children that moved me as much as this. It’s almost…almost too terrible to contemplate.

    And we ask: Where is our government? What has become of humanity? We ask in our darkest moments whether or not there is a God. What we need to ask here is why has he foresaken us? For every grill that now burns propane, or charcoal, or hickory chips, we must forever remember the grill that has been so gruesomely and wantonly silenced.

    We tremble as Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God. And the only thing that burns here is the bitter stench of brimstone and the musky aroma man’s woe.

  91. Snorghagen said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:33

    With enough energy and good will we should be able to put Bob’s grill and life upright again, God willing.

    That’s a good start, but properly done grill removal and reinforcement is a man-sized undertaking. First, you’ll need a crane to get that sucker back up on its feet. Some preliminary blasting may be called for. You’ll also need something to haul it back to his yard. A couple of these babies ought to do the trick. Then a few tons of reinforced concrete for a tornado-proof barbecue bunker and you’re ready to burn some burgers.

    Sure, it’ll make his backyard look like the Lower Ninth Ward, but I’m sure he won’t mind.

  92. mikey said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:34

    If someone could photoshop that toppled barbecue into Christina’s World

    Hey, Dok, at the risk of exposing yet again my cultural ignorance, is that Banksy?

    mikey

  93. Lesley said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:37

    Christina’s World was painted by Andrew Wyeth.

  94. John O said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:44

    The fact that he had to shut off comments, largely from his own peeps, no doubt, is indirect comic genius.

    Sadly, he won’t get it!

    Kudos to all the funny comments out here. Wading in the wingnut psyche is too much for me. But this sure is a classic case of not understanding the whole “greater good” thing as I’ve seen.

    Is a Democrat a Republican hit by Big Wind now?

    Irony is so, so, incredibly very dead.

  95. objectivelypro said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:45

    Herr Doktor,

    How’s this?

    Just click on the image. This website wouldn’t allow me to link directly to the larger image. Or maybe I’m just a dumbass…

  96. El Cid said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:50

    What a friggin’ wussy. He doesn’t have the g** d*** balls to go down to Home Depot or Lowe’s and replace any broken parts himself?

  97. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:55

    objectivelypro said,
    How’s this?

    Thank you. Now I can die content stop work and have lunch.

  98. mikey said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:56

    You do see the similarity, though, right?

    mikey

  99. John O said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:02

    A wanker of extreme proportions, El C.

    It doesn’t even look that bad to me, and I’ve repaired my share of home crap.

    Man, I went out there to post a comment to his post, which he’s hilariously defended by drawing the comparison between “mandatory” relief of an entire city of desperate people to his own personal plea for grill-replacement money. Truly disappointing that I was shut out. I had some things I needed to say.

    Never has so much wankitude been asked to do so little for their country. The REALLY funny thing is he’ll likely get his grill replaced by his drooling audience. I mean, what’s a few hundred bucks among morons?

    One could reasonably say that he already regrets this one by denying comments. Thus, he’s not only mechanically or motivationally challenged, he’s just plain drunk and missing his meat, as it were.

  100. objectivelypro said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:05

    Hmmm…

    That Bansky is quite the tender, bucolic scene.

  101. Gary Ruppert said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:09

    The fact is, however, nobody is coercing the grill repair money, it is being donated by conservatives of their own free will. The repair to NOLA, however, was coerced and wasteful, considering the city is a swamp. The same people who wanted us to build everyone in NOLA a free house for being stupid enough to own one there are the same people wanting us to leave Iraq, cut off funding for our troops, and stop spreading freedom. They are liberal idiots.

  102. mikey said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:11

    Wouldn’t you LOVE to get Gary’s honest definition of “a swamp”? I have a feeling it has much less to do with the presence of water and much more to do with the kind of people who live there…

    mikey

  103. Pere Ubu said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:16

    You… you… LIBERALS!

    See? You made CY CRY!

    After all, he was just asking for VOLUNTARY contributions to replace his devestated (though not “destroyed” in a Jamillian sense) grill, and YOU BIG MEANIES had the gall, GALL I SAY, to compare that to rebuilding a major American city with tax dollars stolen out of the mouths of hard-working Red Staters by jackbooted government thugs! if you had any sense of decency WHICH BEING LIBERALS YOU DO NOT ahahaha! you would do, um, somthing or other very decent or something.

    Aw, fuck it, he was a dumbass to put his grill in a place where a hurricane might knock it over. He was askin’ for it.

  104. John O said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:17

    Nah, they’re not “coercing” the grill money, Gary. No doubt about that.

    You know, my cable bill sucks eggs. Can someone please help? Also, I’m sick and tired of the War on Drugs money-sinkhole. Could we just please let these people die? Including the alcoholics and prescription drug-abusers, dammit! Why do I have to pay for this shit?

    And you know what? I’ve slowly come to believe that the $8,000,000,000 we spend per month in Iraq is a waste, too! Let the troops blog for cash! Now THAT’S democracy!

    What we should do, GR., is abandon all Federal assitance for anything “common” and go to an entirely beg-for-help economy. That way deserving people like CY would be taken care of.

    Because nothing bad could ever happen to you courtesty Mother Nature. You might not only lose your grill, but your yard-decorations, like your flamingos and your Nativity scene.

  105. Jillian said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:30

    Dang it.

    My car breaks down, and then I miss all the fun.

  106. Pere Ubu said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:33

    And you know what? I’ve slowly come to believe that the $8,000,000,000 we spend per month in Iraq is a waste, too! Let the troops blog for cash! Now THAT’S democracy!

    THERE you go -. no more tax money for Iraq – people who REALLY FEEL IT’S IMPORTANT can, you know, voluntarily give money to liberate the poor oppressed peoples of the world. Set up a “donate” button. Hold a telethon. Sell cookies or something. Why should I be forced by your statist ideology to hand my hard-earned dollars over to the Pentagon when I could be so much more innovative in spreading freedom worldwide, like expressing my contempt for Islamofascism by buying a subscription to Hustler’s Busty Beauties?

  107. stickler said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:38

    Jillian:

    My car breaks down, and then I miss all the fun.

    Au contraire! Think of the possibilities! You could still post a picture of your broke-down car, and then ask for money. If you could get the grille to produce smoke the way Mr. TIDOSY got his grill to spew tarp, it would be particularly photogenic. Any chance your ride was smoking, or emitting bright green antifreeze? That stuff looks great on film (so to speak).

    This might work better if you had first ranted on about how greedy the poor people tend to be in this degenerate Leftocracy, or something.

    Give it a try!

  108. Notorious P.A.T. said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:40

    Grillie, you’re doing a heck of a job.

  109. Jillian said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:40

    Hmmmm……lessee:

    You greedy poor schmucks should all give me money so that I can get the starter on my car replaced! If you don’t, it just means you support the nanny welfare state, and area all Gay Communists to boot! Feckin’ poor fecks!

    How’s that?

  110. Kathleen said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:42

    objectivelypro said,
    September 18, 2007 at 2:45

    Herr Doktor,
    How’s this?

    I bow down before you. I think that was a photoshop gauntlet thrown in Gavin’s direction!

  111.   said,

    September 18, 2007 at 3:56

    Guys, just leave him alone. Maybe CY can’t walk outside to get the grill because of his wide stance, or some other orthropedic condition.

  112. John O said,

    September 18, 2007 at 4:02

    The 1/3 droolers are a sight to behold, no?

    The intellectual consistency of pancake mix is the art form in which they work.

  113. Gavin M. said,

    September 18, 2007 at 4:14

    If someone could photoshop that toppled barbecue into Christina’s World…

    Oh wow. Can I post that?

  114. objectivelypro said,

    September 18, 2007 at 4:16

    Oh wow. Can I post that?

    By all means, Gavin.

  115. objectivelypro said,

    September 18, 2007 at 4:17

    Oh…

    Shall I email you the file? I don’t know if you can extract it from that website.

  116. Dillon said,

    September 18, 2007 at 4:56

    Seriously? He can walk over to his neighbours yard, take a picture of his grill, post the picture on his website and blog about it, but he can’t take the grill back to his own house? The thing is on wheels for crissakes.

    Maybe he is waiting for CSI to come and draw a chalk outline around the frigging thing.

  117. Humor Me said,

    September 18, 2007 at 4:59

    You know, a chalk outline would really punch up that Wyeth..

  118. Snorghagen said,

    September 18, 2007 at 5:12

    Seriously? He can walk over to his neighbours yard, take a picture of his grill, post the picture on his website and blog about it, but he can’t take the grill back to his own house? The thing is on wheels for crissakes.

    I’m sure he has his reasons. The grill could be surrounded by an invisible Islamic force-field. Hippies could have copulated with it and infested it with crabs. Homosexual midgets could be hiding inside it. Maoists could have booby-trapped it with a Marxist mind control device. Or he could be a lazy schmuck.

  119. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    September 18, 2007 at 5:43

    It is a great honour for me to unveil the Clare Quilty Memorial Grill, and dedicate it to all the victims of Hurricane Humbert.

  120. stryx said,

    September 18, 2007 at 5:48

    You know when I first saw this story, I thought CY had got busted in the mouth and now he need money to fix his orthodonture.

    But again, sadly, no.

  121. Lesley said,

    September 18, 2007 at 5:52

    CY may want us to forget he ever mentioned losing his barbecue to a hurricane, but what would that make us? Callous shitheads who don’t care about hurricane victims and we don’t want to turn into one of those people.

    September 17th (or whatever day it happened to him, yesterday?) shall be marked for commemoration. Flags will droop appropriately at half mast, the national anthem will be sung, and veggie dogs will be grilled from north to south, east to west…

  122. stryx said,

    September 18, 2007 at 5:53

    You know when I first saw this story, I thought CY had got busted in the mouth and now he need money to fix his orthodonture.

    But alas, sadly, no.

  123. Derek Henderson said,

    September 18, 2007 at 6:11

    “Project: It’s knocked over (hurricane)”

    This is on par with Atrios’ “preznit give me turkee”. But sublimer.

    Thank you.

  124. Cornfed Yanqui said,

    September 18, 2007 at 6:22

    My ass hurts. Won’t somebody–no, won’t everybody–give me some money so I can go to Duane Reade and buy a jar of Noxema?

  125. fourmorewars said,

    September 18, 2007 at 8:13

    I haven’t read through all the comments, so this is probably the sixtieth time or so this thought has been expressed:

    Is that the definition of McMansion or what?

  126. fourmorewars said,

    September 18, 2007 at 8:27

    K, I have been drinking. Phony hay instead of a lawn, and such, on closer examinaton I guess that’s the definition of a beautiful parody of the term McMansion.

    I was taken in.

    God, I hope so.

  127. Crissa said,

    September 18, 2007 at 10:00

    I’m Sorry, CY, but do you happen to have several hundred acres adjacent to the Big Easy that you’re totally willing to give to the poor, displaced peoples?

    Oh, wait, no? That would be taking from people who are already there!

    Such a big hippocrite.

    No, I meant to spell it that way.

  128. kc said,

    September 18, 2007 at 16:25

    TIDSY says: living over 130 miles from the ocean. I’m not what would typically be considered any more of a “hurricane area” than is San Antonio, Texas.

    Three words: Hurricane Hugo, bitch!

  129. Nimrod Gently said,

    September 18, 2007 at 17:13

    Re: the updates and so on. He’s incredibly good at getting the point, isn’t he?

  130. Leonard Pierce said,

    September 19, 2007 at 4:13

    You know, I keep reading that CY post over and over, thinking, surely he didn’t really ask people to donate money to him because his grill got knocked over by the wind. But sure enough.

  131. Kip W said,

    September 19, 2007 at 4:38

    Why doesn’t that boy go to an organization that’s dedicated to helping out folks like him, but which doesn’t suckle at the government teat?

    The Grill Scouts!

  132. Ruthie said,

    September 20, 2007 at 11:39

    Simply put, New Orleans is a sinking hole in a swamp surrounded on three sides by hungry waters: rebuilding the city with an anemic patchwork of small levee improvements is a colossal exercise in stupidity, when relocating the population is a much more intelligent and more viable long-term option. It may also ultimately lead to a far greater loss of life the next time the city is inundated.–CY

    And the Outer Banks are strips of sand that are only a few hundred yards wide in some areas, which have been decimated because assholes from New York insist on building houses on the dune ridge smack up against the high tide mark. Perhaps we should just level the houses of CY and his buddies to avert further loss of BBQs and human life in the future.

  133. Sadly, No! » CPAC Of Lies said,

    December 11, 2007 at 15:12

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    July 15, 2008 at 4:31

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  135. Sadly, No! » Yokel, 1; Global Warmin’ Perfessers, 0 said,

    August 7, 2008 at 14:08

    [...] *Cf. [...]

  136. Sadly, No! » Our Nefarious Fascist Plot To Silence “Amy” Alkon Revealed! said,

    August 19, 2008 at 5:31

    [...] Her schtick has been that since Gavin, D. Aristophanes, and I have posted silly photoshops and ridiculed her for thinking that it’s not racist to talk about groups of black siblings as “litters” we are trying to “silence” her. Silly blogger. The last thing we want to do is silence her — she’s unalloyed comedy gold and we’ve had more fun documenting her meltdown than when we blogged on Bob Owens’s chah-cole greeyuhl fundraiser. [...]

  137. Sadly, No! » To Boldly Go Where No Stupid Has Gone Before said,

    September 23, 2008 at 5:30

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  138. Sadly, No! » The Big Sophistry Of Low Expectations said,

    October 1, 2008 at 16:12

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  139. TBogg » I was sad because I had no spit fork rotisserie attachment… said,

    October 11, 2009 at 23:09

    [...] last burden I remember Gomer bearing was on 9/14, a day that will live in infamy, when a Islamohurricane,  named after a Mexican no less, launched a pre-dawn attack on his [...]

  140. TBogg » Fort Apache The Couch said,

    October 11, 2009 at 23:42

    [...] white guilt-tripped liberals will begin roaming the countryside looting, plundering, socialisming, tipping over barbeques and kidnapping nubile young white females between the ages of 18 and 24 to be handed over to their [...]

  141. TBogg » Does anyone know where the love of blog goes When the words turn the minutes to hours said,

    October 12, 2009 at 0:11

    [...] Gun Counter Gomer,  Ol’ Sparky the BBQ is going to have to hang on for one more summer of grilling okra and squirrel ribs. And that [...]

  142. Balloon Juice » Blog Archive » The Party Of Personal Responsibility said,

    March 24, 2010 at 19:55

    [...] Use our ActBlue link here to give Tom Perreillo some extra scratch to help his brother get a new barbecue grill. Bob Owens would approve. [...]

  143. Balloon Juice » But Do You Remember THIS Disaster? said,

    August 24, 2011 at 1:47

    [...] Which reminded me of this classic Sadly, No! post. [...]

  144. Balloon Juice » Blog Archive » I’d Have Gone For the Tactical Nuke said,

    October 27, 2012 at 0:11

    [...] Obligatory link. Posted in Clown Shoes, Gun nuts This entry was posted on Friday, October 26th, 2012 at 6:03 pm and is filed under Clown Shoes, Gun nuts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('div-gpt-ad-1332710247110-1'); }); ▲ [...]

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