A Very Special Pantload

This week on What’s Your Problem?, a.k.a. ‘The Boringest 10 Minutes On Teh Intertubes’, we learn once again that watching the video file download is infinitely more entertaining then witnessing the Jonah and Peter Show itself.

storygoldberg.jpgIn Thursday’s episode, Doughbob and the Gap-Toothed One hold forth on the state of political comedy, which is sort of like having Ace O’ Spades and Ben Shapiro share their thoughts on the collection of a pap smear. Unsurprisingly, the Pantload plays the role of the one-eyed man in this gathering of the comedically blind. After all, he has shown some small awareness of humor’s ‘Rule of Three’, where the third item is invariably ‘the French’.
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And so, after inexplicably declaring that “humor right now, still is, in many respects, the way we live our social lives, more of an asset for conservatives,” Jonah trumpets his own prowess at teh funny, going so far as to offer this word of caution to struggling comedy D-lister Jon Stewart:

“I think Stewart can get into trouble, and I’ve seen little bits of this already, where he tries too hard to make the leftwing bloggers happy. Because once it seems like he’s got a political agenda rather than a humor agenda, he’s going to lose a lot of the sort of sympathetic audience that disagrees with him on politics but just thinks he’s, you know, equal opportunity about things.”

To which Beinart retorts, quite effectively: “But isn’t his audience overwhelmingly liberal?”

That shuts Jonah up for three seconds, during which time he tries to process the concept of demographics. And with the load completely taken out of his enormous pants, he’s forced to begin squeezing out a brand new doughy concoction.jonahgoldberg22i.jpg

But all this happens well past the halfway mark of Jonah and Peter’s project to suck all that is funny out of life, so let’s look at an earlier proclamation by the man who has been by far the most consistent subject of ridicule by lefty bloggers over the past five years:

“I think some of the funniest humor blogs are on the right. I don’t know, maybe there are a lot of funny humor blogs on the left, I just don’t know about them. … Like Iowa Hawk is very funny, and there’s a blog called I.M.A.O., which is short for ‘In My Asinine Opinion’, and James Lileks, I think is hilarious …”

Well, that just hurts. He doesn’t even know we exist! [Gavin adds: Oh, I think he just ‘can’t hear’ us, what with the fingers in the ears and the feckless braying of Yellow Submarine, and so forth.] And God knows what Tbogg and Roy Edroso must be thinking … not to mention The Editors, Norbizness, World O’ Crap and Jesus’ General. Pinko Punko is on suicide watch.

[Comic pic heisted from Malkin(s)watch]]

 

Comments: 75

 
 
 

“humor right now, still is, in many respects, the way we live our social lives, more of an asset for conservatives,”

He didn’t actually say that, did he? Oh good god. Let’s pretend that what he said was right, it doesn’t excuse the vicious, violent rape of the virginal English language.

All this “the left-wing bloggers!!!!11!sixteen” talk reminds me of that quote, “If they’re shooting at you, you know you’re doing something right.”
Keep running, boys. We smell your fear.

Conservative humor opinion is like listening to a Scotsman talk about fine cuisine.

 
 

But what about poor Mr. Jon Swift????

Oh wait, he’s a reasonable conservative… Never mind.

 
 

Wait. The go-to guy for liberal mocking is saying that liberals aren’t as funny as Rush Limbaugh?

I think ya’ll need to post that animated tesseract .gif for that one.

 
 

What? Jonah shows no love for Julia Gorin?

 
 

SUICIDE BY PORK SNORKEL!!!!!!!!!!

 
 

SUICIDE BY PORK SNORKEL!!!!!!!!!!

Are you kidding me? You know how long us Jews will have to spend in Gehenna to get the taste of that out of our mouths?

 
 

Is that Sub-Mariner?

 
 

I hope Jon Stewart contemplates Jonah’s wisdom and considers a different career path…

 
 

Doughbob and the Gap-Toothed One hold forth on the state of political comedy, which is sort of like having Ace O’ Spades and Ben Shapiro share their thoughts on the collection of a pap smear.

Holy merciful heavens, did you really write that?

Excuse me while I simultaneously vomit and laugh hysterically. Yes, I mean it that way.

 
 

You know what’s really funny? Mallard Fillmore! Man, the liberals that write that sure make those conservatives look stoopid.

It’s kinda mean, I guess. An example of the death of civility, I spose.

 
 

Let’s not forget Marmaduke…

 
 

Don’t forget the “Oops, I forgot to tell a joke!” line that was funnier than anything from an actual Mallard Fillmore strip.

Not to mention how Bruce Tinsley retaliated by drawing Jon Stewart with a hook-nose caricature. Take that, liberal media!

 
 

Nadly, So!,

Marmaduke?!

I believe Family Circus is the epitome of conservative humor.

That, and Beetle Bailey.

 
 

Do I get points for knowing those comic panels are from the origin of the Mole Man in Fantastic Four #1 in 1961?

 
 

I like the insightful political cartoons where Osama bin Laden is wearing a (insert Democrat here) button.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

 
 

 Is that Sub-Mariner?

Nah, it’s the origin story of the Mole-Man of course.

This place is beginnning to need footnotes.

 
 

Allow me to second the nomination of Roy as an unrecognised comical wonderkid – it’s a shame such talent has to languish in bloggery rather than receiving the payment it deserves.

 
 

And just what is it with airline food, anyway?

(proving to be a useful line for me tonite ;^)

 
 

Let’s not forget Marmaduke…

Actually, let’s.

Oh, and, note to Pantload: There’s no PJ O’Roarke on the Left because we didn’t need a second-rate Hunter Thompson knock-off; we already had the original.

 
 

Good comedy is always about the truth.

Conservatism is entirely based on lies.

Square peg, meet round hole.

 
 

Jonah Goldberg is so right.

Just wanted to see what that would look like on its own.

 
 

Look, I’m sorry but the epitome of conservative humour is here.

 
 

This post raises an important question for me. When speaking the word “boringest”, just how hard should one hit the “g”?

Is it “boring-est”

or “boring-guest”?

I need to know. If it’s a regional thang, never mind…

mikey

 
 

mikey

I pick “boring-est.”

How do you pronounce “puma”?

 
 

I say boring-est.

How do you pronounce “puma”?
I say mountain lion.

 
 

Conservative humor is always funny when it involves violence against Liberals…

 
 

I say, “The most boring”, and a puma is a coo-gar.

 
 

I say cyoo-gar

 
 

Jonah Goldberg is so right.

The prognosis is not good, Righteous.

 
 

Is it “boring-est”

or “boring-guest”?

Look, as with every neologism in the English language, there is a drunk pronunciation and a sober one.

Sober: Boring-est

Drunk: Boring-guest. (with optional additional syllables)

Easy as pie.

 
 

This may help with the mystery that is Marmaduke:

marmaduke explained

 
 

Lileks?!?!? I have no words.

 
 

Jonah’s one person(more or less) who’s never been worried about losing “the sort of sympathetic audience that disagrees with him on politics but just thinks he’s, you know, equal opportunity about things.”

And Mallard Fillmore was pretty funny today, if you remembered Tinsley’s been busted for DUI.

 
 

I believe Family Circus is the epitome of conservative humor.

Are you kidding? How can you ignore the scintillating brilliance of Chris Muir?

Cretins. (Or is it Cretans? croutons? whatever)

 
 

Mallard Fillmore was pretty funny today, if you remembered Tinsley’s been busted for DUI.

Weird. I was thinking the same thing.

 
 

“Day by Day” is truly terrible. I can feel only pity for those poor souls who find it funny.

“Kantian nihilism’? At the New York Times?

WTF?

 
 

“Mallard Fillmore was pretty funny today.”

Link plz.

 
 

Oh yeah, that there Categorical Imperative is like totally nihilistic and shit.

Muir is such a shitheel.

 
 

linky

Hoosier X, I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only one!

 
 

I’ll be damned. It’s true.

This is the same sense in which Jonah Goldberg can be said to be funny.

 
 

Thankz Tigrismus,

That is to larf!

 
 

He doesn’t even know we exist!

Oh, Jonah knows about this place. Trust me, he knows.

 
 

Marco,
I dunno. Maybe Muir is a shitheel, but it seems to me to be just another case of someone not knowing what the flying fuck they’re talking about. Not an uncommon occurrance on the right, I’ll grant you, but it’s not what’d make Muir a shitheel. What makes him probably a shitheel is he’ll never own up to not knowing what the fuck he’s talking about.

Apparently, the vast bulk of the idea that Kant was responsible for nihilism comes from Ayn Rand, who once bragged she’d never read any other philosopher than Aristotle. I find that funny to no end, y’all.

 
 

how hard should one hit the “g”

Hey, wait a minute!

 
 

Muir a Randian?

That would explain A LOT.

 
 

That may well be one of the funniest damn things in the universe, Seitz.

 
 

Hoosier X,
I dunno if he is. The funny thing is, if I remember right, nihilism was more or less introduced into philosophy by a guy named Jacobi to attack “philosophy as criticism” (rationalism) and Kant’s Categorical Imperative. Jacobi made a reductio ad absurdum argument, saying essentially that rationalism reduces to nihilism, and thus should be avoided and replaced with something like faith and revelation. This was all wrapped up in an overall criticism of the Enlightenment and the loss of religious authority. Again, I’m going from memory on this, so forgive me if the details are fuzzy.

I believe Nietzsche picked up on it and, from there, Rand comes into it, calling Kant the “philosopher of death”. The Randiods have pumped out screeds on this thought, including one that tied Kant with the wild, drug-fueld sex orgies held in the mud at Woodstock.

Now. If you wanna believe Chris “Doesn’t Even Draw The Damn Strips” Muir spends his time studying cranky German psuedo-philosophers of the 19th century, go right ahead, son.

 
 

no shout out to rude pundit in there? How impolite!

 
 

Oh, Jonah knows about this place. Trust me, he knows.

Awesome. You definitely win the Link o’ the Nite award with that one.

 
 

if the people who relish torture and salivate over cold-blooded murder put a knife to my throat I could muster a few fake chuckles to save myself.

 
 

You have to admit that when Poppy Bush was on CNN crying over Jeb’s political death, it was pretty goddamned funny.
I actually laughed my ass off.

 
 

“…when Poppy Bush was on CNN crying over Jeb’s political death, it was pretty goddamned funny.”

Speaking of humor and members of the Bush criminal enterprise, that old lady with the white hair is a real card, huh?

“…we have a lot of Christian wild people too, and a lot of Jewish wild people and a lot of Muslim wild people. The Mormon religion takes care of its own, they don’t have people on welfare.”

But are the Mormons funny, white haired old lady? Do they make us laugh?

 
 

“The Mormon religion takes care of its own, they don’t have people on welfare.”

Yes they do, and I know that for a fact.

No mention of “B.C.”? Ahahahaha that’s so funny!

That “Mallard Fillmore” strip is just plain f-ing stupid. But at least the caveman is riding a mammoth and not a dinosaur.

 
 

They do have people on Welfare, that is.

 
Worst. President. Ever.
 

Speaking of brilliant conservative humour, you younguns weren’t even around to get a load of comic strip artist Al Capp, creator of the “L’il Abner” comic strip.

Capp lampooned anti-Vietnam war activist Joan Baez as “Joanie Phoney”… I forget exactly how he caricatured John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s Bed-In for peace, but Lennon responded by calling him “Al Crap”.

This link will show you Capp’s reaction to anthropologist Margaret Mead’s call for the legalization of marijuana:

http://www.loc.gov/exhibits/mead/images/mm0319bs.jpg

 
Incontinentia Buttocks
 

They do have people on Welfare, that is.

See Jon Krakauer’s excellent Under the Banner of Heaven for some interesting reflections on the history of Mormon (by which I mean not just LDS, but the many breakaway Mormon “Fundamentalist” groups as well) attitudes toward public assistance.

Executive summary: they don’t believe in public assistance in principle, but they believe that God calls them to take full (or more than full) advantage of it in practice.

 
 

Speaking of Marmaduke, the awesome dog…

(you can’t rag on that site btw because one of those contributions is mine =o

 
 

No mention of “B.C.”? Ahahahaha that’s so funny!

The late Johnny Hart made a good living for decades producing something that was never ever even remotely faintly slightly vaguely amusing. Never. But then there’s a lot of cartoonists like that.

That “Mallard Fillmore” strip is just plain f-ing stupid. But at least the caveman is riding a mammoth and not a dinosaur.

They’re talking about the strip from July 28 (rather than July 29), bearing in mind that Tinsley has been popped for drunk driving.

Speaking of brilliant conservative humour, you younguns weren’t even around to get a load of comic strip artist Al Capp, creator of the “L’il Abner” comic strip.

Capp was a sad case, a guy with real talent who declined with age. His transformation into a bitter right-wing prick was a symptom of the deterioration.

 
 

And God knows what… Roy Edroso must be thinking…

Actually I was thinking, “Peter Beinart actually refuted Jonah Goldberg? He must be great changed. When did they invent ball-grafts?”

 
 

My position is clear. I read all the funnies. Merc News has two full pages. Hell, I even read Rex Morgan. I read ’em every day, and if that makes me late for work, well, so be it, my priorities are clear. But I will NOT read that fucking duck…

mikey

 
 

Yeah, Al Capp’s decline was a tragedy.

Earlier, he made fun of Prohibition with Fearless Fosdick, a Dick Tracyesque creation. That was some funny shit.

But Joanie Phoney? WTF? Is this where Mallard Fillmore gets his inspiration?

 
 

I have to read the duck. I work at a conservative newspaper as a copy editor, where they run Mallard Fillmore on the Opinion page. The opinion editor is not really that good (Most of the section editors have their jobs because they have the right politics, not because they possess any great competence.) and occasionally he runs the wrong Mallard Fillmore. The copy desk works extra hard to correct far too numerous fuckups on the part of the section editors.

But I sort of sympathize with the opinion editor. After all, Mallard is so awful, so lazily written, so indifferently scribbled, so repetitious, that it is, indeed, not hard to run a strip that has run before. One time, I was walking by the desk and I saw the op-ed page over my colleague’s shoulder as it was being proofed and I noted that the very bad celebrity caricature looked familiar. I thought, “Is he still bagging on Dennis Hopper for something he said two months ago? Or is he just using the Dennis Hopper template over again because he’s such an orful caricaturist that he didn’t see any reason to put any effort into a NEW caricature since they don’t look like anybody anyway. The Dennis Hopper caricature could have been Owen WIlson or Woody Harrelson or Bono or Cindy Sheehan.

It was Dennis Hopper. It was a strip that had run exactly a month earlier. We covered for the opinion editor.

Mallard Fillmore write so far ahead, often about the most meaningless of topics, things that nobody cares about except the most wingnuttiest of the wingnuts, and even THEY don’t care by the time it gets to print. I love the way he uses Al Sharpton as some kind of yardstick for liberal thought, but by the time the strip appears weeks later, even Mallard Fillmore has forgotten the relevance of “Rev. Sharpton Says.”

It would be like Doonesbury picking on Fred Phelps on a regular basis.

If you like at him like the Ed Wood of the comics page, Mallard FIllmore can be pretty funny.

 
 

You should just let the paper run the old strips. Nobody would notice, and THAT would actually be funny.

 
 

The LOLberg pic at the top is teh funnier than anything Highball Tinsley will ever write, even if he workshopped with the Day by Day idiot and had Lileks proof it.

Lileks. LOLberg thinks Lileks is funny. That’s fuckin’ funny.

 
 

If you like at him like the Ed Wood of the comics page, Mallard FIllmore can be pretty funny.

Well, since I regard LOLberg as pretty much the Ed Wood of the legacy pundit set (especially when he wears tha angora sweaters), that makes a lot of sense. Maybe he can re-title his upcoming stocking stuffer Liberal Fascism: Plan Nine from Straight Outta My Doughy Ass.

 
shane's dentist's attorney's bookie
 

I also recognized the origin panels of MoleMan. An interesting villain, teamed up with the rest of Earth against Kang’s invasion. Taking my nerd-ball home now.

 
 

[…] daily by I.M.A.O., that pitiless hussy of a blog which stole Jonah’s heart from us, the ‘Fred Thompson Facts’ have become a classic, runaway meme, helping a ‘Hey! […]

 
 

Roy wins! Ball-grafts….that one hurt (when I fell off my chair and hit the floor).

 
 

“and James Lileks, I think is hilarious …”

Oy gevalt. Say no more. Is this the same Lileks who writes about his trips to Target to get paper towels, and the latest cutest thing his little “Gnat” does?

You know whats really going to be funny? When she’s 14 and is on her knees behind the Middle School gym servicing the boy’s basketball team on a daily basis to show “dadd-ee” how fucked up he made her by writing about her every move for the first 8 years of her innocent life.

 
 

My local bird cage liner, the Los Angeles Times, re-did their comics pages about six months ago. They dropped some things I liked, but the fact that they got rid of that pitiful duck *and* kicked that racist scumbag cartoonist Michael Ramirez to the curb on the editorial pages made up for it.

 
 

I laugh at Jonah all the time, so he must be funny. Beinart, I just throw up.

 
 

I’m so old, I can remember when Jonny Hart was actually funny, in a vaguely libertarian way. Hey, I loved the Fat Broad. Also, Spouse and I still use “Clams got legs!” “Now we’ll have to kill him.” as a tagline whenever a newspersonality is astonished to stumble over an actual fact, such as the “news” that Dubya is a moron and Cheney is a violent psychopath.

On the other hand, I’m young enough to remember Gilbert Shelton’s parody of Fearless Fosdick parodying Dick Tracy… Tricky Prickears, the Blind, Deaf Detective. I think Tricky Prickears has moved from his old position as the mascot for FEMA to a more lucrative berth as the mascot for the Department of Justice, though.

 
Fishbone McGonigle
 

I believe Family Circus is the epitome of conservative humor.

That, and Beetle Bailey.

Actually, if you read Beetle Bailey carefully, you will see that there is a clear and barely-concealed homosexual subtext to it.

Also, I can’t decide which of those Goldberg photoshops is funnier. Funyuns, indeed.

 
 

For my money, the funniest political site on the internets is http://buffalobeast.com

And yeah, they’re hella liberal. Cons can’t be funny because they hold too many subjects to be sacred, and fear the truth. Comedy has no friends.

 
 

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