Free the Speeches!

There the dykes go, stripping some dude of his freedom of speech again!

Michael Kinsley, Even the Liberal New Republic:
LGBT PC: Being against marriage equality doesn’t make you a monster

Ah, the trusty old Even the Liberal New Republic. If the stars burn out in the skies, they will still be right here, trying to gift-wrap conservative arguments in ostensibly liberal wrapping paper so as to give the mutated lizard people of the time something to point to in their arguments that their hatred of the filthy liberal mutated squirrel people is hardly hateful.

When last we saw them, they were attempting to spray-paint hardcore gun fetishism as harmless fun for the whole family, so what’s today’s 5-star wanted level reduction?

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Wah! Gays are the real bullies and bigots for speaking out and protesting against the people who seek to publicly dehumanize and demonize them. FREE SPEECH!

Oh conservative and disingenuous moderates’ ideas of “free speech”. We’ve encountered it a million times before. The idea that “free speech” at least for “proper people” is the right of freedom from disagreement. That if one is a conservative bigot, that they should have the right to speak about anything to any captive audience of their choosing without subsequent commentary, protest, rival viewpoint, or even silent disagreement. That anything less than adoring praise for their poorly-reasoned ramblings might as well be stormtroopers ripping the microphones from their hands before locking them in a political dungeon for a million years.

And as liberals who support social justice. And especially as liberals who are the minority groups affected by those social justice struggles, there are few conservative bastardizations that are more annoying and vomit-inducing.

And not just because it’s one of those insulting attempts by conservatives to co-opt a long and hard fought for liberal right and make it about some authoritarian value or because it leads to bizarrely insulting boogeymen like “PC police” or “feminazis” in order to make “being called an asshole” into some brave sacrifice for basic human rights.

But more because as minority group members, we often begin any human rights campaign having our mere existence, our right to appear in public, fought against and attacked, often violently in terms of murder, harassment, beatings, discrimination, and/or public hatred and demands to be “presentable”. This simply for being visible, much less for speaking out on the issues that affect us. For this unthinkable crime, the punishments and feelings of justification for said punishment are often overwhelming. The hoses and dogs sicced on those who spoke out on segregation. The way women who spoke out, and frankly, those who speak out today were often subjected to rape threats, ongoing harassment campaigns, literal demonization, and sometimes murder. The way queers who spoke out have been murdered, beaten, disowned, been subjected to discrimination, incarceration, and abusive “therapies” and so on.

By the point that a minority group has progressed enough in begging the dominant group to take them seriously and stop killing us for speaking on behalf of our rights, we’ve often shed inordinate amounts of blood, tears, and sweat, simply for the right to speak unmolested, only to have those who would rather we were silent claim to be the real “silenced party” because their targets of harassment refuse to be quiet and shouted over and have some small power to respond to bigotry and put the focus on that instead of endless cycling over whether or not minorities should be treated like human beings.

Like for instance, we have here in the example today, the issue of gay marriage and more importantly, about the unwillingness of people of conscience to allow hateful anti-gay bigotry (the type which has delayed important civil rights, led to the disowning, discrimination, and death of queer people, and has overall reduced the happiness allowed to queer individuals just trying to live their lives) go without some small commentary and reaction. Instead of bigotry being met with a chorus of cheers, sometimes bigots get protested at future events they attend. Sometimes, they are called out on their bigotry in public venues. Sometimes, when the arc of public opinion bends away from bigotry as a majority opinion, it is even looked down upon as a backwards and antiquated belief that is “distasteful” to the majority of listeners.

And while such experiences may be uncommon to over-privileged dominant group douchecannons used to blowing their various unfounded and unconsidered hatreds everywhere without fear of censure or even polite commentary, it’s hardly equivalent to a genuine loss of free speech, or anything even close to what the targets of their hatred suffer every time they stand up to exercise their free speech.

And it’s even worse when some “Middle Ground!” dickweed tries to step up and play-act like “oh, I used to support minority group when they had zero political power and were batted around like an old tin can, but now that they can speak on their own behalf, they are the real bigots, shutting out the people trying to silence, demonize, discriminate against, and harass them, just because they are complete assholes with nothing productive to add to the conversation” is not the tired belch of the status-quo trying to further delay a long-blocked civil right.

And further more-

Ahem, Cerberus:

  • The post, if you would be so kind?

Sorry, I have a tendency to ramble when I’m avoiding having to read disingenuous smug horseshit masquerading as “reasoned centrist liberal intercourse”.

One reason the idea of gay marriage, or “marriage equality,” spread so fast is that it seems obvious once you think about it.

Yes… That’s kinda how all minority rights’ struggles play out. Lots and lots of noise and fury and “impassioned arguments” for why letting the fluberts skinny dip will ruin our nation, turn our children into screaming space goats, and incinerate Canada’s bacon supply, a long and overly protracted struggle, and then suddenly everyone walking up in post-flubert-nudity-in-swimming-hole America wondering what the big fuss was and how anyone could have given a flying fuck.

In fact, it occurs with such universal consistency, that you’d think one of these cycles might actually begin with people going “oh wait, we’ve pulled this game the last hundred times and turned out wrong, maybe we should just consider this ‘strange new thing’ a full human being from the get go”, but le sigh, it never is to be.

And yeah, you’re little “one reason” weasel wording didn’t go by unnoticed. Yeah, it sure is easy to be “amazed” at the “speed” of an idea if you work to erase the long hard work of queer people humanization that was occurring at the same time, the brutally difficult activism that went into trying to get every queer person who acknowledged their own existence to help promote activism in support of every other queer person through coming out, pride, and support of queer rights issues, the bodies left behind during the Plague Years, or the fact that “gay marriage” is also one at its heart, a more conservative rights battle that was always going to play well to scared middle America.

It was a genuinely new idea when it first appeared in this publication in 1989. As was not the case with civil rights for African Americans, feminism, or for that matter gay rights themselves, there was no long history of opposition to be overcome. The challenge was simply getting people to think about it a bit.

…!

The fuck you say, kemosabe? I don’t even know where to begin with this self-serving horseshit.

Okay, first up:

NO!

No, the hell fucking no, were you the leading voice on gay rights, nor were you even close to being the first publication to talk about the possibility of gay marriage in 198fucking9! Even if we limit our discussion to the USA, discussions about gay marriage (link goes to a pdf, most critical section being page 7 of it) in queer literature and legal rights sectors began in earnest from at least Stonewall when the idea of gay people coming out became more and more a thing in American society, including in various publications. And honestly, before then, the issue was still brought up and discussed even though the idea of legal equality was dismissed as a fantasy in much the way as legally-recognized triad marriages are dismissed today.

Moving outside America, in 1989, Denmark made state-level-marriages between same-sex couples legal (in Denmark, civil marriages are called civil unions). That couldn’t have happened without some serious debates back and forth on the practice and long tired activism on the part of queer Danes. And moving even further, it is worth noting that gay marriages fucking existed even long before that, even though they weren’t always civilly recognized. Gay clubs in 18th century England often had Chapel rooms wherein gay couples would marry in the Eyes of the Lord if not the eyes of the Law. Well, that’s not fully accurate. An amazing book I own called Passions Between Women (no really, it may very well be one of the best take-downs of the argument that queer people or queer characters are a “new phenomenon” out there, despite its narrow focus) notes some entries on a marriage register (p. 65) from Taxal, Cheshire documenting the marriage of several women to other women, in a way apparently recognized by the city government of the time. And that’s before we get into ancient, native, or tribal marriage customs and laws and those who later commented on them.

But that just leads us to the second half of that half-digested biscuit wherein gay rights in 1989 hadn’t faced “a long history of opposition”.

Oh wait, he tries to weasel-word by arguing that it’s just the public discussion of gay marriage. See, at the arbitrary “beginning” point of the rise of arguing for gay marriage, ignoring all previous arguments for marriage or gay rights in general, there wasn’t a long history of opposition…

Which, even if it was true and that really was the beginning of the fight for gay marriage (and only gay marriage) and if we could somehow separate this particular fight from all other queer rights’ issues, how would that statement fucking matter? By their “definition” the struggle was supposedly in its infancy, so how could it have a “long history” of anything. Indeed, in the years hence (I know, just roll with it), we’ve seen that long history develop and materialize just it did for every other attempt by a minority to get serious about a specific overdue right denied them.

And no, no, I’m sorry, but fuck this neutered attempt to try and surgically detach the gay marriage struggle from the rest of the battles for queer human rights and their arbitrary “we were supportive first” bullshit. Gay marriage wasn’t some rights movement born in a lab, it was a natural evolution of a lot of other queer rights struggles and the long attempt of the QUILTBAG rainbow to become full humans in the eyes of the law and society.

It’s a tiny piece of a struggle that’s included the Compton’s Cafeteria riot, the horrifying “Plague Years”, organizations like ACT-UP or the Lavender Menace, accidental leaders like Harvey Milk or Del Martin or Phyllis Lyon, and lots of blood, death, courage, and pain and will continue on long after gay marriages are an afterthought in support of intersex, transgender, asexual, and genderqueer struggles.

And honestly, I think that’s what terrifies the bigots the most. That this “gay marriage” thing isn’t some abominable one-off allowance, but part of a larger struggle of humanization of all queer individuals so that every person under the rainbow can stand up fully as a person deserving a complete chance at life.

It’s almost not even worth continuing for the rest of the article. I could easily stop here and I’dve said everything truly needing to be said about this disingenuous pile of crap.

But fuck if I’m going to let such a blatant attempt to rewrite history get off THAT easy.

So in short, dig in y’all, this is going to be a long one. And note that I’m saying that. Those who want to bail now… I won’t blame you. In fact, I’ll give you a nice stopping point.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. The total length of this post is apparently over 10,000 words. It may very well be the longest thing I have ever written for this site. So consider that your warning. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


Not everyone was immediately persuaded.

Qua? What was that? I thought you said that the hop, skip, and a jump down the yellow-brick road of marriage equality was some meaningless formality, simply a matter of “getting people to think about it a bit” to quote you fucking directly. Now you’re saying that some people didn’t actually go, “my word, you fine young well-groomed people, have all the rights in the world”, but actually reacted like spoiled children not wanting to share their toys?!?

Why, my monocle has clear popped off in the strain of that sudden and unexpected shock!

In March, Ben Carson appeared on Fox News’ “Hannity” show to talk about gay marriage.

A mere chat if you will, on the vagaries of the weather and the incurable apathy of the mongoloid and other meaningless party patter as such! Hardly worth noting to fine upstanding gentlemen such as we, what ho!

Carson is the latest Great Black Hope for the Republican Party, which is quickly running out of African American conservatives to make famous.

Ah ha ha, Muffy, how droll!

But no, seriously, they really are running out of tokens to throw out beneath the stage lights and do a little minstrel dance to make the prolonged tantrum the Republican Party has thrown in response to the existence of a black president look anything other than the KKK revival party it has been.

If they really think a “new black model” will somehow disguise the fact that their party has proudly been the modern incarnation of “Segregation Now, Segregation Forever”, then they are frankly a dumber form of life than pure-bred canines.

But Carson’s appearance was not a success.

Oh do go on, in a way that will surely not minimize the hatefulness of his words and comparisons nor seek an attempt at apology for the not-pologies he issued after he got caught feeding red-meat to the base.

He should have left bestiality out of it. And any reference to NAMBLA—the “North American Man / Boy Love Association”—is pretty good evidence that we have left the realm of rational discussion and entered radio talk-show territory. This alleged organization exists—if indeed it exists at all—for the sole purpose of being attacked by Republicans and conservatives on talk radio and television.

Well, we all get our kicks in different ways, and if yours is watching someone being verbally flogged by Sean Hannity, I’m cool with that.

Oh, dear, my monocle has lodged itself in the unprotected vitreous humor of one of my serving wenches once again. I shall be forced to purchase a new one after I order her disposable corpse ground into meat for the serving staff’s many uncultured children.

I simply was not made for such constant and unyielding shocks. Who could ever have predicted that disingenuous hacks in this day and age would defend even tired bigoted statements equating gay people with bestiality and child molestation in complete ignorance to the concept of CONSENT as if it was some meaningless afterthought. Okay, sure, he sought to continue the discrimination and misinformation against living and breathing people who suffer real pain due to these hateful beliefs, but it’s not like he did it with malice in his heart.

Oh wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. First we need to do the thing where we note that X bigot’s real mistake was departing the lands of conservative group-think to try and defend his beliefs in the real world with that all vaunted FREE SPEECH of his.

Unwisely, though, Carson went on Andrea Mitchell’s msnbc show three days later. There, he tried to clarify his position. He said: “If you ask me for an apple, and I give you an orange, you would say, ‘That’s not an orange.’ And then I say, ‘That’s a banana.’ And that’s not an apple, either. Or there’s a peach, that’s not an apple, either. But it doesn’t mean that I’m equating the banana and the orange and the peach.”

Even in context that doesn’t fucking make any goddamn sense.

And bullshit on the “accidental” nature of the bigotry. In a world where bananas are brutalized because they are seen as equatable to oranges and peaches in a world of right-proper God-fearing apples and that if they no longer want to be crushed and destroyed, they need to become apples or at least hide their banana-ness, then that might almost be innocent, if we then also forgot that the group analogy isn’t fucking stupid on its own as we see here.

And of course, being the Even the Liberal New Republic, of course the sympathy is more on poor Ben Carson looking like a complete fool having absolutely zero argument for why just-so bigoted arguments against gay marriage are in any way different than just-so bigoted arguments against marriages between races or marriages based in love.

And not to spoil things for my monocle-bearing alter-ego, but it’s going to turn out that this is going to be central to future arguments that Ben Carson’s “free speech” is being blocked. Because having no fucking argument to defend in the harsh light of day and not being willing to stand behind one’s hateful beliefs and accept that those you harm and those who care about who you harm will think less of you for it is the exact same as not being allowed to speak on one’s behalf and shit. Spare me.

Carson may qualify as a homophobe by today’s standards.

Who’s a little dismissive euphemism? You are!

Oh deary me, I want to unpack this load of dinosaur dung and leave it spread out all over Michael Kinsley’s dining room table for his whole family to see.

Yes, Carson’s attempt to ignore consent to equate child molester boogeymen and animal rapists with people who are born romantically and/or sexually attracted to same-sex people may be considered homophobic… no, far too strident. May qualify as a homophobe, you know, as if it was qualifying for lower rates on car insurance or for consideration as a member of the human race in a way queer people are currently denied and oh my, too strident again, let’s back it up. This “thing” not worth really noting as bigotry because again, so strident, is of course only by the fashions of the day, much like that strange mohawk thing the kids were wearing for awhile. Something of the moment that will quietly fade away and arising so suddenly and arbitrarily that surely none could ever fault the poor bewildered “old” caught flat-footed by the sudden change. I mean, it was “homophobia is a-okay” one moment and then “you’re a bigoted asshole” the next. Who can possibly keep track of the fickle winds of fashion when one has reached the ripe old age of 61?

We’ll just leave it to those gosh darned kids and pat them on their little heads about how much they seem to care about such silly things like the basic humanity of a marginalized group of people who have gone far too long without that which the dominant group has long since taken for granted.

And you fuckers wonder why we so often have to shout at you for our basic humanity.

But then they don’t make homophobes like they used to.

HURR HURR, go fuck yourself.

Yeah, the struggle for basic humanity is a long and painful slog wherein each part of our humanity and what we are allowed to do in public at the largesse of our abusive “masters” is put together piece-by-piece like the most frustrating puzzle ever. And a lot of those earlier stages involve bigotry that becomes simply inconceivable in later days. Where it becomes strange that being gay once carried with it death sentences and mandatory jail time when other cultures bring it back into the news. Where the old arguments against homosexual teachers (bigotry against non-gender-conforming teachers still continues to this day) seem quaint and a million miles away and where the cheers over the dead ravaged by the AIDS crisis seem like the monstrous actions of something that couldn’t possibly be alive today.

But in a world where those people still exist and where these modern euphemisms still echo the arguments those “older” bigots made in demanding horrific consequences to queers for the “crime” of being out as themselves in public and refusing to remain silent about their life experiences and where the modern bigots are no more “kindly” for having a culture that’s been hard-moved to one that is more supportive of queer basic humanity, it’s a sickness to use those vile human beings of the past to try and legitimize the monsters of the present.

It is not a neutral statement of chance to argue that gay people are equatable to rapists of children and animals and that they carry no meaningful humanity that merits consideration next to the meaningless “suffering” of mere words that have suffered far more dramatic “changes” than this. And it is thanks to the hard work of a thousand queer activists suffering, dying, bleeding, and smashing their faces against the rock wall of ignorance that that is finally starting to be recognized by the majority of society.

That is not the “vicissitudes of the day” nor some modern notion laughable in the context of past sins. That is progress paved on the backs of those queers who had to suffer and die to make the world as it is, by speaking out on the hurt and death those statements create in the form of legitimized and rationalized bigotry.

And frankly, if anything, this dismissal just makes me more determined to smash my face into the rock wall over even smaller things lest my silence on a “minor” action of bigotry in service to calling out a larger one be taken as the former being somehow “not bigoted”, because the latter is so much cartoonishly worse.

Carson denies hating gay people, while your classic homophobe revels in it.

Uh huh, yeah, that’s what happens when a hated minority gains some measure of ability to speak on a meaningful stage and when more neutrals become more willing to stand with them because the arc of history has trundled forth into justice being the “normal” (due to tireless individual activism).

Cause, see, the coward’s pose of “no no, I don’t really hate X, I’m just saying that they are inhuman scum who deserve to die” is what bigots retreat to when they ARE LOSING. When public opinion turns against them and what they fought so bleeding hard to deny becomes almost a certainty, arguments based in “X are monsters who aren’t fully human and thus deserve nothing but malign contempt” are quickly abandoned because bigotry is based in fear and conformity, in sticking to what is now in abstract fear of having to accept something seemingly new. When hard brutal work of showing your humanity pays off in a public realizing that your minority group doesn’t really have horns and a proclivity for little girls, then your enemies retreat to arguing that they don’t hate you, they just don’t think you should have X right. And once you get X right, they start trying to argue that they were always behind you having X right, but now you’ve gone too far in demanding Y. And with Y, Z, and everything passed, they start pretending that no one hated you at all, ever, and you’ve always been a proud member of dominant group and surely will support dominant group’s hatred of some other minority group.

That’s how it works.

So trying to argue that, whoops, no, he couldn’t hate queer people, because he’s unwilling to stand behind the meaning of his words and acknowledge the antipathy behind them, is either the most horse-ignorant pile of shit ever written about minority rights ever written or the most transparent attempt at shrouding one’s own reflexive antipathy ever written.

So, what’ll it be Mike? Dumbest motherfucker alive or most cowardly bigot alive? You can be both, but you can never be neither.

He has apologized publicly “if I offended anyone.”

I mean, fuck you angry about faggots? He delivered the classic “not-pology”, you know the one that tries to huffily insinuates the blame is one the offended party for “reading things into it that weren’t there”, but not in a direct way because the bigot doesn’t have the vulva to stand behind their bullshit and accept the consequences thereof. (Which, let’s bring that up here for a second. How many times has a bigot who can’t even stand up against mild criticism when their bullshit is called on tried to act like a big tough mother fucker, when the group they are hating on has had to use their face as a tunneling instrument just to get to a world where they can call out an asshole without suffering real violent consequences is treated as whiners for taking that consistently brave stand. But hey, I guess if we didn’t handicap the “manly” spectrum for over-privileged cowards then how could they function in the harsh glow of reality, right?) What else do you want?

He supports civil unions that would include all or almost all of the legal rights of marriage.

Well, la de da, let’s just back up the Pride Parade and make him our Queen.

Collected bigots and bigot apologists, you fucking well had your chance to support civil unions and to grant them equal footing with civil marriages. You had that chance when gay activists scarcely dreamed to ask for more and when they cautiously begged for just a taste of full equality while you laughed at them and pissed in their faces.

Now? When full marriage equality is supported by the majority of Americans, is fully legally recognized in 13 states with no reports of the sky falling and full USA marriage equality being just a matter of time?

Fuck you and your loser’s deal last-minute attempted hobbling bullshit.

YOU. LOST.

That battle you were so proud of? The one in which you mocked our even daring to dream that such rights could be granted to those seeking legal protections for our same-sex romantic pairings? The one in which you denied us equality simply because you could, simply because it was in your power and it made you feel good to be “special” simply because of an accident of birth? And where you built fortunes on the abuse and suffering of those couples who simply wanted to protect the families they made? Where you supported those who literally tried to shatter families because of petty hatred and fear of difference?

YOU. LOST. IT.

And now, marriage equality for homo-romantic pairs are proceeding on and will occur, though you continue to THIS VERY DAY to delay it again out of nothing more noble than an addiction to hate and petty bigotry. And you still DARE, you fucking dare to wheddle and bargain on long-lost battles as if you even remotely had a position of strength to bargain from?

Fuck you. Fuck your disingenuous oh so noble pose. Fuck the horse you rode in on. Fuck the dickweasels you are paid to cover for. Fuck you.

And if you find that “incivil”, get used to it. It’s only going to get worse as more battles continue on their predictable course thanks to the blood and sweat of those whose lives you fight to make more miserable.

In other words, he has views on gay rights somewhat more progressive than those of the average Democratic senator ten years ago.

Times change and so should you.
But I guess, you’d rather crucify than learn.

But as a devout Seventh Day Adventist, he just won’t give up the word “marriage.”

You know what?

I’m fucking sick and tired of entertaining this coward’s retreat. The bigots fucking know they don’t fucking care about the so-called “sanctity” of a fucking word. It’s a fucking word. No one fucking cares about how it’s “injured” or “stolen away”, because it’s a fucking word. It has no fucking feelings, no history, no opinions, no loyalties. It is a whore for wordsmiths to use and abuse, for poets to make love to and leave spent drippings upon the page over. It is nothing and asking real born living people to suffer quietly and contentedly so that the word won’t be woken up from its little nappy time and undergo the same “change” that it undergoes every time some bigoted group tries and claim unwarranted ownership of it because it won’t trick the way they want it to, is a sickness unworthy of the attention it has received.

And as an added note, marriage was never yours. You tried to cage it up in your dungeon, get it addicted to your smack and attempted to lay claim to its exclusive use for your little religious bigot club when you needed a convenient excuse once “but they’re faggots” stopped working. But it was never yours.

So if its reunification with people who will actually love and support it causes you to undergo the pain and sorrow that all abusive lovers feel when their prey eludes and escapes them?

GOOD.

And he has some kind of weird thing going on about fruit.

Yes, it’s called half-assed attempts to normalize bigotry.

Given this article, you’d think you’d be well familiar with that.

But then, no one ever said you were a smart man.

But none of this matters. All you need to know is that Carson opposes same-sex marriage. Case closed.

You know, being emphatic about your attempts to dismiss the context of people’s actions doesn’t at all do anything to erase them from reality. The context still exists and your attempt to dismiss that as if poor widdle Ben Carson was just some innocent little grandpa who would never speak a word of hatred ever but just so happens to oppose a basic human right for a marginalized class… er, I mean, something that makes him seem the innocent victim of vile queer harpies, is just… poof. Flatulence in the wind, carrying no more weight or impact for having been squeezed out harder and with a grimace on your face.

Carson was supposed to be the graduation speaker at Johns Hopkins Medical School. There was a fuss, and Carson decided to withdraw as speaker.

Translation?

Under the literally slightest amount of push-back, he punked the fuck out. No, really. Queer students hadn’t even gotten to the point of protesting the inclusion of a speaker on a day supposed to be about them that dismisses and hates those like them before Carson went out like a coward. They were just on the “passing around a petition to have him removed” phase which in terms of consequences for idiocy ranks up there with “person you’re speaking to rolls their eyes”.

Basically, he couldn’t even take mild publicity of his abhorrent beliefs and so went into full victim crouch instead and pathetic apologists like the Even the Liberal New Republic couldn’t wait to stroke his crotch and tell him how brave Sir Ben was to run away from the mean real world.

Speaking as someone who has lost the love of my parents, have been discriminated out of at least one job, and have suffered all manner of petty and transparent hatreds simply for not running and hiding in a closet, I find myself without an abundance of fucks to give for this self-made martyr’s story.

The obviously relieved dean nevertheless criticized Carson for being “hurtful.” His analysis of the situation was that “the fundamental principle of freedom of expression has been placed in conflict with our core values of diversity, inclusion and respect.” My analysis is that, at a crucial moment, the dean failed to defend a real core value of the university: tolerance.

Cause, tolerance should only ever be shown for bigots, tolerating their petty hatreds as if they no more affected the world than a Maroon 5 lyric. No tolerance should ever be had for marginalized groups and their petty desire to not have to sit and silently be the captive audience to a man who considers them inhuman rapists who should never be granted basic human rights.

No, that’s not an exaggeration, that’s his direct line of thinking. The Dean’s letter on the issue wasn’t particularly hard to find and instead of being a story of a brave man standing strong in the face of unprecedented hatred for their hatred, it was the story of a man who was being praised by the Dean, but the Dean wanted to listen to all perspectives on the issue now that their commencement speaker revealed themselves to be a petty ignorant bigot on the national stage and pissed off all the students.

And even if there had been real consequences in terms of people protesting his inclusion or John Hopkins being the ones to rescind his invitation, well, yeah, that’s part of free speech.

Free speech doesn’t actually mean freedom from consequences.

It doesn’t mean that baby is swaddled in his blankie and protected from the big bad world out there and all the people who also have the Freedom of Speech and the Freedom of Assembly and who just politely suffered through you using your Freedom of Speech to demean and diminish their basic humanity and overall spout tired hackneyed hatreds you don’t even have the ovaries to stand behind.

It means when you say something, you gotta accept that others will not agree. Even if it is something “obvious” like “As a trans* person, I’m a human being who deserves rights” or “The sky is blue”, you have to accept that there may be a horde of ignorant or hateful people who will scream and yell at you for it. It’s part of sharing the world with other people. And us marginalized groups have accepted that a lot of innocuous statements out of our mouths will be treated to some colossal consequences that you and your ilk will never EVER suffer.

So when you use that right of free speech to bully or engender hatred against a group of living breathing people, then that group of people and the people who love, support, or simply recognize the humanity of will call you on your shit. They will use their Freedom of Speech to point out that you are wrong or that you are a bigot or that you are a coward without the conviction to stand behind your hateful words when others show the damage and righteous anger they cause. And being the side on the right, they will do so without the bullying or violence or harassment that your side loves to engage in. They instead will use their Freedom to Assemble to protest your words and remind audiences of your history of hate. They will use their Freedom of Speech to petition their leaders and ask to be heard as well in the consideration of your inclusion to positions of prominence.

And you want the right of your bigots to speak unopposed, on positions they cannot defend in light of day. So I’m sorry if it sounds harsh, but go fuck yourself on a pile of needles.

The university’s response was wrong for a variety of reasons. First, Carson isn’t just another gasbag. He is director of pediatric neurosurgery at Hopkins. Pediatric neurosurgery! He fixes children’s brains. How terrible can a person be who does that for a living?

Apparently this terrible.

But then, he’s hardly the first person who is otherwise all right, but turns out to be a vile hateful bigot with regards to some marginalized group of people.

Maybe if less churches preached hate, less bigots spoke unopposed about the inhumanity of said marginalized groups, and we all learned to accept that the world includes those marginalized groups and we’ll have to deal with that as adults…

Nah, sounds far too difficult. Much easier to just point and say “hey, he’s halfway decent in other ways, so let’s give him a free pass on the hatred, dehumanization, and efforts to deny real human rights on a group of people we hate anyways.”

Yes, I know the flaw in this thinking: There is no necessary connection.

Oh really?!? You caught the tiny little bug in that logic fail all by yourself?

Well, let me just back up the cookie truck so I can give you all the fucking Kudos on that monumental task!

As a character says in Mel Brooks’s movie The Producers: “der Führer vas a terrific dancer.” But Carson didn’t murder millions of people.

Hey, Philosophy majors, what’s the name of the fallacy where you try and dismiss a valid point by pointing to a ludicrous exaggerated example and then going “but hey, he wasn’t the guy in my analogy so therefore act as if my earlier fallacy is A-OK”?

All he did was say on television that he opposes same-sex marriage—an idea that even its biggest current supporters had never even heard of a couple of decades ago. Does that automatically make you a homophobe and cast you into the outer darkness? It shouldn’t. But in some American subcultures—Hollywood, academia, Democratic politics—it apparently does. You may favor raising taxes on the rich, increasing support for the poor, nurturing the planet, and repealing Section 14(b) of the Taft-Hartley Act, but if you don’t support gay marriage, you’re out of the club.

Oh noes! He’s “thrown out into the outer darkness”! Cast outside the world, into the dark spaces inbetween, the shaded lands between existing and not existing where the forgotten beasts of forgotten worlds yet roam seeking once again the light of day.

Weep for this exile, ill-earned, but for a slip of the tongue and a mild opinion with no bearing on the physical rights of born individuals. For his suffering is unearned and too cruel and surely unprecedented in this modern day and age. If he was of a subculture where bigotries cast negative light on you (instead of being a proud toolbag of the GOP), he could be poorly thought of and considered a not-true ally simply because he denies the basic humanity of born people for ill-thought out reasons.

Is there any greater injustice in this world? How could one man be brought so low by something so small…

It is to laugh.

Actual born queer people simply saying to their parents “Mom? Dad? I’m gay” suffer more consequences than this clown. They often lose the love of their parents, often expect to lose the love, support, and protection of their parents and other family members, to say goodbye and literally start again from scratch because the narrative of full and unconditional support is so FUCKING rare. And this has real consequences, not “cast out of the light” consequences but measurable increases in poverty, depression, teen suicide rates, abuse, drug addiction, homelessness, etc… For something that doesn’t hurt, doesn’t wound, doesn’t cause a parent to abandon their child. Something deserving nothing of consequence.

So someone publicly standing for unpopular bigotry being called out on the bullshit they can’t even bother to proudly stand behind? I can’t be bothered to weep for that. I can’t pretend that that is some unprecedented atrocity, a betrayal of free speech intended to silence and demonize people simply for speaking their minds.

Because I’m not an ignorant shitheel who only thinks the live of over-privileged assholes are the only ones that matter and that protecting someone from the consequences of their hurtful hateful ignorance is a worthy endeavor.

If he is called a cowardly dickwaffle, he brought that upon himself. That 14-year-old boy who is going to hang himself in the garage because his father religiously watches the Fox News that constantly brings on guests who spew hate and thus reacted with hate and fear when he caught his boy masturbating to pictures of guys, didn’t bring that upon himself. He had it thrust upon him by a bigoted society that is long overdue for change.

Hopkins, as a private institution, may not have been constitutionally required to let Carson speak.

But it was wrong for the university, once the invitation had been extended, to make Carson feel unwanted to the point of withdrawing. (In fact, it was wrong of Carson to let Hopkins off the hook in this way.)

Oh boo fucking hoo.

He punked the fuck out. You can chide him for not giving you a martyr story and whine about how no one is allowed to change their minds in lieu of new information and facts, but that’s not how the world works and not what he did.

He decided to make a public ass of himself on a national stage to show his conservative bonafides and earned himself the righteous ire of those his hate-speech targeted. And then he buckled under even the slightest pushback.

You can try and argue that he was “made to feel unwanted”, but frankly, considering that I’ve seen first-hand what “being made to feel unwelcome” in a gig really feels like? And have further seen people like Anita Sarkeesian, Adria Richards, Rebecca Watson, or Sandra Fluke continue to speak up as the swift and brutal hammer of harassment, rape threats, death threats, continued abuse, and multi-year-long hate campaigns fixated on destroying them came down?

I just can’t muster up a single damn to throw Ben Carson’s way. He wasn’t “made to feel unwelcome”, he tried to make gay people feel unwelcome in life, tried to contribute to the culture that urges them to hide or kill themselves rather than be themselves and got called an asshole for it. If I and other minority group members suffered such “pain” we’d be a fuck-ton more happy than we actually are.

Behind the First Amendment is the notion that good ideas have a natural buoyancy that bad ideas do not.

Uh… no. No, that really isn’t it.

Good ideas don’t have a “natural buoyancy” that we must handicap and hobble so that bad ideas can “have a fair shake”. Good ideas are simply good ideas, things that are true and so have a greater chance to resonate once mixed with the actual reality of a situation.

They can be drowned out just as easily as bad ideas in the noise and clutter and when we privilege bad ideas by chiding good ideas and demanding that they shut the fuck up for “balance”, they have just as good a chance to proliferate and dominate the culture that we inherit as we are born and grow up in this world.

Bigotry is carefully taught. By thousands of bad ideas riding on the benefit of them bullying and shouting over those good ideas, by harassing and abusing good ideas and making sure those who trade in them suffer.

The only way good ideas rise up is by constant activism. And more importantly, more and more of those who acknowledge reality being willing to stand up and tell those bad ideas that they are bad. That those bad ideas should come up with something new or shut the fuck up about the tired arguments we’ve heard 9000 times before. That those who trade in those bad ideas are not “misunderstood and oppressed good people” but idiots, charlatans, and bigots whose ideas are not worthy of equal treatment with good ideas. By noting that there is no substance to bad ideas, no accuracy, no worth, beyond the suffering of those who carry good ideas and continuing to babysit those bad ideas does no one any favors.

But hey, I guess, if we imagine a world where activists and “PC warriors” don’t exist, where good ideas simply “rise” as a formality due to their rightness without human intervention, it makes it easy to support the taking of those good ideas and drowning them in the bathtub of FREEZE PEACH!

In fact, the very short (as these things go) debate about marriage equality demonstrates this. Denying Carson the right to speak was not just unprincipled. It was unnecessary. The proponents of marriage equality have not just won. They have routed the opposition. It’s a moment to be gracious, not vindictive.

Oh, the whine one can make from this heap of fail. A vintage to be unrivaled, I am sure.

WAH! We already lost, you don’t have to rub it in by like continuing to advance your human rights and speak on behalf of your humanity! A *sniff* gracious opponent would just stop in the middle of the game and walk off the field so that we could catch back up and continue to oppress you.

Especially if they haven’t actually caught up to our humanity yet, but we’re just really worried that the unfair 100 point advantage we were handed at the beginning of the game is at threat due to our complete incompetence.

Gracious… yeah, when queer people begged for their humanity from a position of nothing. When gay people were dying in inordinate number in the AIDS crisis, when they were arrested throughout the early part of the century, when Harvey Milk was shot and killed, the homophobes cackled in glee and pushed in the boot. Still to this day they cling and scrape to hold on to unfair advantages and petty hatreds long after it has made sense to and blocked all attempts to reform that they could, often yanking those human rights out of gay people’s hands through money, lies, and fraud.

And now that the game is rumbled and the long delayed human rights are barely beginning to be won, they want to lecture us on gracious.

And the sad thing is that minority groups are always gracious when they earn rights. They never press on and reduce those who oppressed them to their level. When struggling, they nearly always speak out on their members who turn to reflexive hatred of the dominant group. And they often err on the side of being overforgiving to those who meant them harm, allowing them to live their lives unmolested for having done so much to fuck over them.

And still they whine and scream and moan about “graciousness” because we are unwilling to roll over and die for them like proper serfs.

There are those who would have you think that gays and liberals are conducting some sort of jihad against organized Christianity and that gay marriage is one of the battlefields. That is a tremendous exaggeration. But it’s not a complete fantasy.

I want this statement tattooed on Michael Kinsley’s face so in 20 years when opposition to gay marriage is looked back on like opposition to segregation and he tries to reinvent himself as “the man who first supported gay marriage back in 1989” or some such bullshit, this petty ante bigotry can continue to haunt him and bite him in his tight fucking ass.

And for every mouth that opens, a dozen stay clamped shut.

The irony is that this still yet remains the real lived experiences of queer individuals. Because of bigotry and hate, for every person who comes out, a dozen remain in the closet. For every person who defends a gay person against bigotry, a dozen are intimidated into staying quiet and parroting the hate line so as not to put in the line of fire themselves. For every person who is out at work about their life partner, another dozen pretend to love opposite-sexed genitals because it’s just not worth being genuine.

But of course, Pumpnuts McGee here doesn’t mean that.

In the state of Washington, a florist refused to do the wedding of a long-time customer “because of my relationship with Jesus Christ.” Note that “long-time customer.” This woman had been happily selling flowers to the groom. She just didn’t want to be associated with the wedding. Now she is being sued by the state attorney general. DC Comics dropped writer Orson Scott Card’s planned Superman book when thousands signed a petition demanding it because of his many homophobic remarks.

He means the tired handful of “martyr” examples that every Christianist bigot trots out whenever they want to seem the victims of the Big Nasty Gays. A tiny handful of examples that a) have nothing to do with real discrimination but rather the violation of either non-discrimination laws or bans of using public spaces or services to practice narrow bigotries and b) are just… cute, in light of what real oppression looks like. Real discrimination.

He could not even guess what it really feels like to have your quality and your willingness to work be as nothing, no matter your input, because of some bigot’s idea of who you are because of something you were simply born with or simply are.

Not something you did, not something you said, simply WHO you are.

It is something on so many levels removed from this tired smattering of “sorrows” and something that is so common that there is no oft-repeated list of “martyrs” to trade around for years on end. It happens so frequently that it simply is. The expectation one carries around and haunts every single member of the community. You have a story of discrimination? So what? Every other member of your community does too. And not a damn one of them did something so stupid as tell their customers that they were discriminating against them in violation of well-publicized state laws.

Thought experiment: If you were up for tenure at a top university, or up for a starring role in a big movie, or running for office in large swaths of the country, would it hurt your chances more to announce that you are gay or to announce that you’ve become head of an anti-gay organization? The answer seems obvious. So the good guys have won. Why do they now want to become the bad guys?

Yeah, it is. Being gay, hands down. Discrimination may be illegal, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen, continuously, especially in sectors where the older, whiter, more bigoted members have more sway. If you are up for tenure and you are gay, you are very likely to have a harder road, more questions raised about your competences, more suspicions cast on your student reviews, more “issues” regarding your qualifications connected to nothing actually solid.

And also, let’s just take a moment to appreciate the starkness of the contrast painted here. Being gay. Being born a thing. Something not chosen, but given at birth. Whose membership was not a choice, not a decision, but something inherent and immutable. Whose “political nature” was simply who they were, are, and always will be, regardless of what the rest of the world thinks. Something that doesn’t affect anyone in any real or meaningful way, but which plenty of people have opinions of and want to limit the human rights of nonetheless.

Compared to being the leader of a bigoted organization. Something one chose. Continues to choose at every single point to remain a member and leader of. Something that one must ignore the evidence, reality, and humanity of another group of people to support. Something that has nothing to do with one’s own self, but everything to do with making other people suffer for a petty rush of power. With making the lives of other people who simply… are, visibly, painfully worse out of nothing but cold malice and the opportunity afforded to you by your relative power. That one could at any minute abandon with no impact on their self in any meaningful way other than a “oops, yeah, that was assholic of me”.

These are equated directly. And our sympathy is begged to be given to the person who chose to hate and destroy the other and devote their life to that hatred.

This is exactly how terrible a person Michael Kinsley is.

And if this was a just world, this sort of thing will be rubbed in his face once our society catches up with reality and queer individuals are treated like the full human beings they have always been.

The decision of gay leaders to concentrate on the right to marry was brilliant. This wasn’t an inevitable choice. They might have chosen some other strategy, such as getting sexual preference under the protection of the civil rights laws, along with race, gender, and so on. Choosing marriage totally undercut the argument of opponents that gay men and women were demanding “special” rights.

Yeah, that “decision” sure did stop the bitching about “special” rights that bigots did. Mmmhmm.

All they wanted, supporters could say truthfully, was a right (to marry someone you love) that every other American already enjoys.

You’re bitter about this. You are actually legitimately bitter over this.

You are mad that gay people’s arguments for a basic human right are that it’s a basic human right and you’ve got nothing meaningful to argue on behalf of your learned hatreds.

And you want us to continue you are anything other than the most base and wretched of bigots?!?

But the focus of gay rights on marriage is a historical accident, and to make support for marriage equality the test of right thinking on gay issues is absurd. In fact, the very idea of a “test of right thinking on gay issues” or any other kind of issues, is absurd. Gays, who know a thing or two about repression, ought to be the last people to want to destroy someone’s career because they disagree. In their moment of triumph, why can’t they laugh off nutty comments like Carson’s, rather than sending in the drones to take him out?

…!

I… can’t even… begin…

Fuck it. Those three of you who could manage to read this far. I give this mango to you. I trust you will savage it so as to properly leave this pile of tiger droppings and splooge as napalmed as it deserves to be.

The first known mention of gay marriage is an article (“Here Comes the Groom” by Andrew Sullivan) commissioned by me and published in this magazine in 1989.

BULLSHIT!

There are references to gay marriages that stretch back to before recorded history. Your johnny-come-lately “Why can’t gays be given rights but no one else” libertarian sludge-merchant has never been first to anything in his goddamn life and your attempts to suggest otherwise to “alleviate” your transparent support for “Homophobia Forever” in the preceding paragraphs is the true apex of cowardice in bigotry.

And I would bet that there is no one born before 1989, gay or straight, who didn’t, when he or she first heard the idea, go, whaaa?

I would accept that bet. I would make you guarantee a large amount of money with a binding contract first. And then I would win. Handily. Needing to go no further to demonstrate it than my own damn self.

But hey, given the epic scope of this takedown, it was worth seeing a nice shoutout to IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION.

Many on reflection got used to the idea, and a majority of Americans now support it. The day will come, probably next Tuesday at the rate things are going, when previous opposition to the idea of same-sex marriage will seem bizarre and require explaining, like membership in the Ku Klux Klan in the youths of some old Southerners—are there any left?—on Capitol Hill.

Yes, it will. And in those final days, you chose to side with the waning KKKers whining about how people are looking at them like they are villains simply because they string up black people and try and terrorize those who would support them out of their homes.

I can only hope that that choice will cause you on some future night to wake up in a cold sweat in the grim acknowledgment of your foul deeds.

But we’re not quite there yet. At the moment, simply opposing gay marriage doesn’t make you a homophobe, any more than opposing affirmative action makes you a racist

Um… no, it does. Sorry. Being against basic human rights of another group of people makes you a bigot against said people.

Always.

Forever.

or opposition to settlements on the West Bank makes you an anti-Semite.

But nice attempt at a save by listing something that has nothing to do with basic human rights but rather the violation of another group’s basic human rights.

The dean calls Carson’s remarks “hurtful.” They weren’t hurtful to him, unless he’s hopelessly oversensitive.

He’s hopelessly oversensitive. But more importantly YOU are hopelessly oversensitive and far more the fulfillment of the stereotype of the “oversensitive liberal looking for a reason to be offended” than any liberal to ever walk the Earth.

Because as much as you try and make people standing up for their basic humanity appear like the “pathetic whining” of disingenuous crybabies looking for a reason to bitch, it doesn’t change the fact that marginalized groups eat a lot of shit with little reaction or fuss. We accept the hate and fear and dehumanization and only speak up when we can’t take any more because well, we gotta survive in this world best we can.

While you cry like a wounded beast at its last when you receive even the slightest amount of pushback for your petty hatred and bigotry.

And yet you want to claim the mantle of the big bad and brave man against an army of whiny little bitches who couldn’t hold your candle. Because IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION is as much about pumping up your pathetic fantasies about yourself as it is about dismissing the actual lived experiences of those whose lives you seek to demolish and ruin.

The dean was just making a move in the great game of umbrage that has clogged American politics, where points are awarded for taking offense at something the other guy said. No one, when confronted with some opponent’s faux pas, or some stray remark that can be misrepresented as a faux pas, ever reacts anymore with: “Who cares?” Instead, it’s: “I am deeply, deeply offended by this person’s remarks. She should drop out of the race immediately, or quit her job, and move into a nunnery to contemplate her sins. And we certainly can’t let her speak at commencement because …”

Because what?

Because bigotry is not neutral. Is not an accident. Is not some innocent thing that others are “cruel” for calling notice to.

It is an attempt to dehumanize, bully, harass, oppress. To make their lives worse, to make them feel like nothing, and contribute to a society that brutally oppresses them, denies them rights, treats them as less than, and often kills them whether by murder, suicide, or poverty.

It has real life consequences. The suicide rates for a number of marginalized groups is obscene. The murder rates, the health and hapiness rates? If we compared the life experiences of a black trans lesbian with a rich white man, it is literally the difference between a third world life experience and a first world one. Even if it occurs in the same country or the same city.

And it is propped up with these petty hatreds, the way bigotries breed and feed and shout down any attempt of the abused party to speak up on behalf of their humanity and refuse to tolerate the passive hatred anymore. Refuse to reward those who seek them wrong anymore. The way that their bigots will disguise themselves as moderates, whining about how unfair it is that the oppressors should suffer the humanity of the abused and marginalized, those who lack real rights and have harder lives for no true good reason. For something that they will pretend they never stood for in a handful of decades.

For something that will be as a given. And where those bigotries will be looked upon as the obvious horrors that no one today could be bigoted in comparison to.

People will have died and bled and been harassed and denied something tiny before it stopped mattering for that nothing, that bigotry that could have been countered and fought against when it could have saved someone some unnecessary pain.

Because free speech is not freedom from speech. Is not the protection of bad ideas from the “tyranny” of good ideas being spoken. Of marginalized voices participating in the conversation. Of bigotry being countered.

Because even if it takes over 10,000 words, sometimes it is worth using one’s own speech to communicate just how hateful, destructive, and vile certain ideas are when they contribute to the continued oppression of people simply for the way they be, and will always be.

Because, as you say, the reaction to free speech is more speech. Criticizing and reminding the bigots what their words do. What price they have in human lives and human suffering.

And for what exact point?

Is it for FREE SPEECH? FREEZE PEACH? Or any half dozen other refuges of the scoundrel? Or is it for a batch of scared bigots who no longer find the strength of crowds giving power to their petty power displays?

I think you know as well as I the answer to that one.

And I hope one day it comes back to bite you on your smug disingenuous ass at least half as hard as life today bites those whose oppression you are not-so-covertly supporting.

And that goes for all the other “I’m not a bigot, but” sonuvabitches out there too.

 

Comments: 536

 
 
 

Frist Center for the Visual Arts!
.

 
 

Pediatric neurosurgery! He fixes children’s brains.
Baby ducks!!!

FREEZE PEACH?
I asked for an apple. Or was it a banana?

 
 

You perform a great service by demolishing so thoroughly this kind of bullshit, which is so prevalent and so extremely exasperating that I think most sensible people, when confronted with it, just give up and walk away. A great thing to read today. Many thanks.

 
 

Carson denies hating gay people, while your classic homophobe revels in it.

Yes, every time he goes on Fox to speak to millions of people it’s totally involuntary, and with such a heavy heart.

 
 

Carson denies hating gay people, while your classic homophobe revels in it.

Or they do the passive-aggressive “hate the sin but love the sinner” thing.

 
 

For what it’s worth, your rant is inspiring:

http://fiddlerbill.blogspot.com/2013/05/justifyin.html

I’d a sent this to you in an email if you had one I could find–I’m not aiming to get readers, just send you cudos.

 
Got Courtly Love?
 

I used to take Michael Kinsley seriously, like when he debunked the “ties” Obama had to some people in Chicago in 2008, but he clearly is no more a librul thinker, he’s someone who is the heir-apparent of High Broderism nowadays.

 
 

*whew*!

I thought it was just me, thinking The New Republic seemed like a load of Love Me, I’m A Liberal booshwah. That maybe, just maybe, reading Z and Dissent and ISR had skewed my viewpoint too far left.

Nope, evidently not.

 
 

Nah, TNR has been “The Neocon Republican” ever since Marty Peretz bought it.

Related.
~

 
 

The wingnut does have one tiny valid point: The gays did cut the line. And we womens rights folks won’t forget it. Apparently abortion rights don’t include electronic music and blowjobs, so we have to work harder to protect them.

 
 

The dean was just making a move in the great game of umbrage that has clogged American politics, where points are awarded for taking offense at something the other guy said. No one, when confronted with some opponent’s faux pas, or some stray remark that can be misrepresented as a faux pas, ever reacts anymore with: “Who cares?” Instead, it’s: “I am deeply, deeply offended by this person’s remarks. She should drop out of the race immediately, or quit her job, and move into a nunnery to contemplate her sins. And we certainly can’t let her speak at commencement because …”[blah blah straw man]

Because what?

How about because [b]ehind the First Amendment is the notion that good ideas have a natural buoyancy that bad ideas do not? Bad ideas are submerged by the responses to them, and that includes well-earned umbrage. And Christ Almighty, saying people should be systematically treated unjustly is not a faux pas to be politely ignored.

 
 

Jesus fuck, you goddamn trolls just can’t stop, can you?

 
 

I mean, couldn’t you just go wank off on Red State or Hot Air or someplace like that and just leave us human beings alone for one goddamn fucking nano-nanosecond to discuss shit like mature adults (or the cash equivalent)?

 
 

Actually Major Kong, given the number of closet cases amongst homophobes, it’s more like “love the sin and hate the sinner”

 
Got Courtly Love?
 

Hi, Tom. How’s your lovely wife Kristen?

 
 

Name stealing has resulted in banning in the past.

 
Got Courtly Love?
 

Dennis, why are you envious of me? Why isn’t your life good enough without you being an asshole here?

 
 

Name stealing has resulted in banning in the past.

And sometimes a banananing of the tailpipe.
.

 
 

Apparently abortion rights don’t include electronic music and blowjobs, so we have to work harder to protect them.

More blowjobs= fewer abortions. Duh.

Seriously, don’t let’s get caught up in this zero sum crap. Don’t get confused about who the enemy is.

 
Got Courtly Love?
 

Nobody will ever praise Dennis for a clever nym, that’s part of his butthurt.

 
 

Why is it every time a bigot lets the mask slip, we’re expected (NAY OBLIGATED!) to call it “misspeaking” or a “faux pas” or “just a joke” or some such?

 
 

“The wingnut does have one tiny valid point: The gays did cut the line. And we womens rights folks won’t forget it. Apparently abortion rights don’t include electronic music and blowjobs, so we have to work harder to protect them.”

Bullshit. Compulsory white supremacist heterosexual patriarchy is compulsive white supremacist heterosexual patriarchy. All victims of white supremacist patriarchy deserve equal rights, acknowledgement, and respect. Feminism needs to be an ally and needs allies, not special victim status.

 
 

I’m calling it now — it’s only a matter of time before Kinsley comes out as 100% pro-bigot — not just anti-gay marriage, not just anti-gay, but anti-everyone-who-isn’t-a-straight-white-male. His whole article had the stench of a guy getting wound up to make the jump from supposed good guy to full-bore hatemonger.

I figure in five years, maybe less, he’ll be a regular at the Daily Caller, or whatever wingnut-welfare site springs up from those ashes…

 
Origami Isopod
 

**standing ovation for Cerb**

Mr. McGravitas — Belatedly:

They tried to make him go to rehab,
he said “No, no, no”
Caught him smoking crack
and when he got back
he won’t go, go, go
He ain’t got the time
and his brother said he’s fiiiine
They tried to make him go to rehab
he said “No, no, no”

 
 

Yep. Just like you weren’t racist for thinking African-Americans are inferior. Or sexist for thinking women were inferior. Or anti-Semitic for …

I wonder how different history would be if these fucknuggets started from the victim stance rather than only assuming it after brute force was no longer permissible. Truly a case of crying because you hurt your hand when you knocked out someone’s teeth.

 
 

Carson denies hating gay people, while your classic homophobe revels in it.

I don’t need to read anything more.

 
 

Hopkins, as a private institution, may not have been constitutionally required to let Carson speak. But it was wrong for the university, once the invitation had been extended, to make Carson feel unwanted to the point of withdrawing. (In fact, it was wrong of Carson to let Hopkins off the hook in this way.) Behind the First Amendment is the notion that good ideas have a natural buoyancy that bad ideas do not. In fact, the very short (as these things go) debate about marriage equality demonstrates this. Denying Carson the right to speak was not just unprincipled. It was unnecessary. The proponents of marriage equality have not just won. They have routed the opposition. It’s a moment to be gracious, not vindictive.

i know cerbs touched on this already, but this is as far as i got before becoming highly annoyed…number 1, it is misleading as fuck…the ‘university’ did not ‘make’ carson feel unwanted, the students protested as is their right, first amendment, etc., etc., and even before kinsley trots this mango out, he implies that the dean of hopkins was being vindictive even after carson backed out…again, very misleading in that the dean only referred to carson’s hurtful comments when speaking about it…but mostly this pisses me off because they DID NOT DENY CARSON TO SPEAK…he punked out as cerbs noted…fucking a, what is it about freedom of speech and democracy that wingnuts just don’t get?*

*and before you answer, i know that those concepts only apply to them not the stoopid evil liebruls…

 
 

DC Comics dropped writer Orson Scott Card’s planned Superman book when thousands signed a petition demanding it because of his many homophobic remarks.

That’s pretty funny.

A company (DC Comics) makes money by selling a product (books). One of their product lines (Orson Scott Card) is unpopular with many customers. The customers inform the management of that fact. The management, responding to the Invisible Hand of the Market and freely exercising its authority over human resources, discontinues the product line (fires the unpopular asshole).

And for this classic exercise in market economics, they’re now screaming persecution.

Now that’s rich.

Kinsley, if Orson Scott Card were waiting tables on minimum wage and his restaurant fired him because too many clients complained about his attitude, we wouldn’t be having this discussion and you know it. The Market has spoken. Accept Its righteous judgment, shut the fuck up and go home.

 
 

The Market has spoken. Accept Its righteous judgment, shut the fuck up and go home.

Hee hee. Guess the invisible hand slapping your ass still leaves a mark.

 
 

France has Teabaggers.

WARNING: DO NOT GO FOR THE MANGOES ON THAT ARTICLE.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Carson may qualify as a homophobe by today’s standards.

Well, he’s alive today, so he’s a homophobe. The real question is, was Mark Twain a racist by the standards of his era?

Carson denies hating gay people, while your classic homophobe revels in it.

This sort of condescension is even worse… “We’re only saying this because we have their interests at heart…” “More in sorrow than in anger…” Damn, just keep your mouths shut and let people live their lives as they see fit as long as they are consenting adults.

 
 

This sort of condescension is even worse… “We’re only saying this because we have their interests at heart…” “More in sorrow than in anger…” Damn, just keep your mouths shut and let people live their lives as they see fit as long as they are consenting adults.

I just love the fact that it leaves it all in the hands of the person – “I’m not a homophobe unless I say so.” Wow, gee, I oughta try that in court someday. Because, you know, no one has ever lied about how they felt for the sake of social approval.

(And as if “how they felt in their hearts” was what mattered out in the real world. Fucking idiots).

 
Grassy Know-It-All
 

Because even if it takes over 10,000 words

When a couple hundred will do…

 
 

Someone wrote this with a straight face:

a grass roots campaign strongly backed by the Roman Catholic Church […] Several bishops joined previous marches, but distanced themselves as protests became more openly political.

Because it was instigated by theocrats and then amplified by neo-fascists, the campaign is spontaneous & grass-roots. It takes years of training at Journamalism School to achieve this absence of insight or self-awareness.

You or I would struggle with reconciling the obligatory claim of “deepening political polarization” in the lede with the admission further down that “The violence was less severe than at the end of previous demonstrations” — but this writer is a professional.

 
 

Carson denies hating gay people, while your classic homophobe revels in it.

So, I guess that would make him a neo-classic homophobe.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

a grass roots campaign strongly backed by the Roman Catholic Church

I wonder how many Wahabist imams joined in the fun…

 
 

Card wasn’t even fired from the Superman book. The artist dropped out because he didn’t want to be further associated with him. Being such an asshole that you can’t get anyone to work with you is not the same thing as having your free speech taken away from you.

As an aside, Orson Scott Card rewrote Hamlet to make it about how being molested as a child makes you gay. Seriously. Class-act, that guy.

 
 

Long time reader. First time commenter. As an apple I fully support the bananas and the peaches. And even the pineapples and the kumquats. Keep it up cerb!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

George Takei needs to update this for Carson- BEST PSA EVER!!!

 
Dennis Gene Butthurt Schlacter
 

Guys, now that Rebecca installed the new lock on her bedroom, I’ve had to resort to sodomizing seedless watermelons. Any suggestions as how I can get her to let me back in our marital bed?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

As an aside, Orson Scott Card rewrote Hamlet to make it about how being molested as a child makes you gay.

“Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Sexy”

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

May 27, 2013 at 2:04

Christ, you’re as bad as Dennis. What is the reason for your devotion to him? Ignore him, or start a joint blog where you can snipe at each other.

Shit gets tedious.

 
 

France has Teabaggers.

They’ve got their right-wing wackos just like we do. They just don’t put them in charge of the country.

 
Daughter Schlacter
 

Daaddddddddddddddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyy, you’re embarrassing me again!

 
 

They’ve got their right-wing wackos just like we do. They just don’t put them in charge of the country.

For now. Sarkozy campaigning in both 2007 and 2012 by saying that he was trying to “win back voters from the [fascist] FN” was fairly disquieting to me, given the Nixonian/Southern Strategy vibe of that. Also, when it comes to the specific issue of gay marriage, the [center right] UMP is just as fucked up as the nuts to its right.

 
 

And cleaned up.

 
 

I feel like a durian myself most days.

 
 

Ay carambola!

 
 

Epic post: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED = FINAL BIG BOSS FISK!

Get those fingers some finger-towels!

 
Daughter Schlacter
 

If you say so, Tom.

 
 

Bye.

 
 

Gays, who know a thing or two about repression, ought to be the last people to want to destroy someone’s career because they disagree.

This one caused me to choke on my baguette (fnar fnar fnar). Really?!? Whose career was destroyed? As far as I could see, some students started a petition because they didn’t want their commencement speech given by a bigot, and said bigot then crawled away because he couldn’t stand being criticised.

I didn’t see where they demanded he be fired, sent him hate-filled and violent emails, threatened his heath/life/family/pets, rode him out of town on a rail, whipped him good, and nailed him to anything.

Or did I just miss that part?

BTW, I love you Cerb, you’re my hero.

 
 

If Kinsley wasn’t so useful to the Right at his perch atop TNR, he would have done the full (Bernard) Goldman by now.

 
Enraged Bull Limpet
 

“Lesbian Seagull” currently has far too few views on Youtube:

 
 

People can be dicks – some people revel in it.

By the way, an argument has been made as to why, if homosexuals don’t reproduce, they appear in human society over and over. As society members who do not have children of their own to support, they can support the children of their non-homosexual relatives, thus insuring that some of their genes DO get passed on. It has further been suggested that these societies are more successful and robust than societies without homosexual members. At least FAR less FAAAAbulous!

 
Daughter Schlacter
 

Daddddddddy, you’re embarrassing me again.

 
 

Cerb: Now? When full marriage equality is supported by the majority of Americans, is fully legally recognized in 13 states…

Kinsley: In their moment of triumph, why can’t they laugh off nutty comments like Carson’s, rather than sending in the drones to take him out?

So assuming that first quote is up-to-date, it is currently illegal for gay people to marry one another in 37 states. Doesn’t sound like “the moment of triumph” to me. Sounds like the moment of the Battle of Aachen to me. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

 
 

Uh, wasn’t it not about the opposition to gay marriage per se, but more about the whole bestiality and child molesting thing? I mean, let’s use Kinsley’s example, sure opposing the West Bank settlements does not necessarily make you an anti-Semite, but if the reason you oppose them is because you believe Jews eat babies plus they’re ruining the world with their Sekrit Cabal of Elders of Zion – well,,,

Anyways, what is Kinsley proposing instead? When people start reading the talking points off of literature published by recognized hate groups, we’re supposed to do what? Treat them with respect and take them seriously?

That Dr. Ben Carson is such a pillar of society (zomg Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at John Hopkins!!!) makes it much much worse. It’s legitimizing the arguments of gay bashers – from a respected member of the “Good People” as well as having the same sort of vague, we can pretend there’s some science to it thing that the hate speech uses.

Here’s a non-pology that Ben Carson could have made (without actually admitting intentional wrong-doing) that would have patched things up a lot more than “I’m sorry you were offended”.

It has been brought to my attention that the examples I cited involving bestiality and pedophilia are examples that have been used to oppress gay people. These are the same examples used by hateful groups of evil bigoted ignoramuses. I was honestly trying to make an abstract comparison of unrelated things and it was unfortunate that I stumbled upon the same demonizing stereotype of gays that has been used to perpetrate all sorts of crime and violence to an oppressed minority.

Let me be clear – while I may agree with anti-gay hate groups in the opposition to same-sex marriage, that is where any comparison ends. Anti-gay hate groups are a pestilential scourge on society. I am deeply ashamed that I have said or done anything to give them anything remotely resembling credibility. Having seen how odious and detrimental to society these groups are, I fully appreciate why I was denounced so strongly. It makes me ill to know that I am being lumped in with them – so I appreciate how others might wish to distance themselves from me. I only hope that I can one day, I can earn your forgiveness.

 
 

Uh, wasn’t it not about the opposition to gay marriage per se, but more about the whole bestiality and child molesting thing?

What is with these people and bestiality anyways? I can’t say I’ve wasted many brain cells even thinking about it.

I’ve never found myself looking at the neighbor’s dog and thought “Man, I sure wish bestiality was legal. That is one hot little beagle-mama!”

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Josh Marshall has been following the saga of the crackhead mayor, now there’s murder involved as well:

Up until now every day seems to bring a new revelation of Toronto’s fun-loving politics and drug underworld family, the Fords. Yesterday, after calling the Toronto media a “bunch of maggots”, Mayor Rob Ford denied the very existence of the purported video at the center of the evolving scandal. But today, the Globe and Mail reports the story is moving to a whole new and potentially terrifying level – much more serious but no less bizarre.

 
 

“they are frankly a dumber form of life than pure-bred canines.”

No wonder I keep beating that stupid pedigreed Lab at chess.

 
 

“I’ve never found myself looking at the neighbor’s dog and thought “Man, I sure wish bestiality was legal. That is one hot little beagle-mama!””

Yes, but you’ve never met Dora! She’s not much at chess, but oh, you kid! I defy you to spend 15 minutes with her and not fall deeply in love.
I’ve seen strong, silent, Empire-building men reduced to baby-talk (Who’s daddy’s silly girl? Give daddy a kiss! Oh stop it, silly! etc, etc, ad neaseum)) in half that time.

 
 

but if the reason you oppose them is because you believe Jews eat babies plus they’re ruining the world with their Sekrit Cabal of Elders of Zion – well,,,”

I beg you, sir, from the bottom of my heart, to please make careful distinction between the things that Jews do, and the things that Zionists do.
Zionists are forbidden nothing in defense of their state, whereas Jews are bound by many ethical considerations. But still, as far as I know, Zionists just shoot children, not eat them.

 
 

But, of course, Zionism is probably too controversial a subject to discuss here, so I apologise, and I’ll never do it again.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Ho hum.

 
 

Crackstarter closing in on $193K.
Mayor Ford arrived at City Hall less than half an hour ago.
His Press Secretary has just quit.

In other news, Ford voters are more dependable than Ford staffers.

 
 

I am having, as usual, a bagel mit cream cheese.

 
 

“Cuban” sammiches. Mix ground cumin and pureed garlic into mayo. Spread liberally on sliced ciabatta (which I made this morning). Sliced ham – I confess I did not cure it myself – and roasted pork, swiss cheese and sourpickles. My little Bosch waffle iron and griddle makes a decent panini press. Also the clam chowder I made this morning. And the crackers I made. Mmmmmm buttery crackers!

 
 

Losing three staffers (there were two people doing communications for the Office of the Mayor) in two business days is pretty bad, but keep in mind that Rob has always run a minimal staff ship. “To keep expenses down”. Those three people represent a 20% staff turnover. And yes, Rob Ford is running the Office of the Mayor of a city of 2.6 million people with 15 folks. Uh, I mean 12 people and 1 new hire.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

We had Farmer John’s pork spareribs with a marinade of Chinese oyster sauce, along with ginger, garlic and onions. Wrapped them in foil, cooked them over the charcoal, and they came out great.

Sliced ham – I confess I did not cure it myself

So it got well on its’ own?

 
 

That “cuban” sandwhich sounds very good, and contains lots more flavor than my bagel mit which is pretty bland. But for me, dyspepsia is always lurking, ready to pounce.

 
 

“So it got well on its’ own?”

I sure wish I could get well this morning, but nothin’ doin’. I’m not badly broken, but I could use some fixing. Oh well, one soldiers on, inspite of it.

 
 

But, of course, Zionism is probably too controversial a subject to discuss here, so I apologise, and I’ll never do it again.

Nah, it comes up now and again, with no real flame wars. Also, it’s not anti-semitic to call out the Talmudiban.

 
 

Oh, I’m not so bad off. I can’t get what I want, but I can get what I need, anyway.

 
 

My little Bosch waffle iron and griddle makes a decent panini press. Also the clam chowder I made this morning

Clam chowder makes a decent panini press?

**DUCKS**

 
 

“Also, it’s not anti-semitic to call out the Talmudiban.”

Wait a minute, how can it not be anti-Semetic to criticize those Orthodox? I thought they were the Jewest of all Jews, the only ones who keep it real. Next to them, why, us Reform guys are just about, about, well, goyim .

 
 

And if that little girl (or her parents) don’t want to be called “whore” for going to school, why do they live in Israel? Don’t they know it’s a “Jewish State”?

Nah, who am I kidding, having your seven-year-old daughter called a “whore” by your co-religionists is still much better than growing up with people who, who well…aren’t Jews. That can really screw a girl up, and she may end up marrying one.
Being called a “whore” might do her some good, compared to that.

 
 

Who the hell brought up Israel and Zionism? Now I do need a fix!

Oh wait, it was me, wasn’t it? Funny how that works…. anyway, I better go see about that fix.

 
 

Surprise! Theocracy sucks!

 
 

Wait a minute, how can it not be anti-Semetic to criticize those Orthodox? I thought they were the Jewest of all Jews, the only ones who keep it real. Next to them, why, us Reform guys are just about, about, well, goyim .

They’re much more anti-semitic than I am. I’ve never called 8 year old girls, Jewish or otherwise, whores. Nor have I ever chucked a rock at a Jewish person for driving on the Sabbath.

 
 

You can’t get real Cuban bread in your neck of the woods Pup?

I can’t either but I know how to make it.

 
 

Portland is a well-known dump without good restaurants.

 
 

Mooser: I can’t get what I want, but I can get what I need, anyway.

Whoa, you got methadone?

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

When the Haredi rebuild the Temple a third time, then I’ll believe they’re the Jewiest of our fellow Jews. Because given that at least 1/3 to 1/2 of our laws are related to one’s relationship to the Temple and proper behavior there, in its absence, they’re just as fucked as those of us who decided most of the dietary laws were crap after refrigeration.

Until then, most of them are just Eastern European transplants with a lot of insular-culture and personality-cult issues. Most at the same time.

 
 


Clam chowder makes a decent panini press?

**DUCKS**

Pressed duck! Brilliant idea!

 
 

I too know how to make Cuban bread. I didn’t want Cuban bread. I wanted ciabatta. Did you not notice the “s around ‘Cuban’?

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Here you go, Pupienus.

 
 

And Crackstarter is over $200K. Either the dealers reappear now that they know there’s a big bag of money waiting for them and we get the tape – or the money goes to a charity to fight against drug addiction. I keep hearing CAMH as the potential beneficiary, but that has not been confirmed.

 
 

It’s a good thing Ford is experienced at making people leave his office. Sunny Petrujkic begins his second stint as Acting Press Secretary.

And while the job of Rob Ford’s Press Secretary is going to be a pretty busy one, Mr. Petrujkic will have plenty of time to do it since his other positions on staff are now irrelevant. He’s also Ford’s Senior Policy Advisor and Director of Council Relations.

 
 

I didn’t want Cuban bread. I wanted ciabatta.

Of course. You’re probably saving the Cuban bread for making panini.

 
 

Pressed duck! Brilliant idea!

I can’t get the little bastards to stay in the album no matter how hard I stick ’em to the page.

 
 

Tomorrow is His Worship’s 44th birthday. In Chinese culture the number 4 is considered unlucky.

 
 

No good restaurants but we have a good brewpub.

 
 

Tomorrow is His Worship’s 44th birthday. In Chinese culture the number 4 is considered unlucky.

Don’t play the lottery, chum!

 
Leroy Jethro Gibbs
 

He assured us his beak was sealed, but once he was pressed he sang like a bird.

 
 

Get Chutney Love said,

May 27, 2013 at 22:01 (kill)

Here you go, Pupienus.

Thanks but I ALREADY MADE CIABATTA THIS MORNING!

Of course. You’re probably saving the Cuban bread for making panini.

I MADE “CUBAN” PANINI SAMMICHES WITH CIABATTA WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE’S READING COMPREHENSION?!?!?!

Sheesh already.

 
 

Portland Art Museum is teaming up with World Naked Bike Ride this year.

And so it is on June 8, cyclists in various stages of undress will meet at the museum. They’ll get a special deal to see “Cyclepedia” from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m., when the ride begins: The price of admission to the show is $1 per item of clothing. That means no clothes — no charge.

http://www.oregonlive.com/cycling/index.ssf/2013/05/world_naked_bike_ride_and_port.html

See you at the museum!

 
 

.“They’re much more anti-semitic than I am. I’ve never called 8 year old girls, Jewish or otherwise, whores. Nor have I ever chucked a rock at a Jewish person for driving on the Sabbath.”

Antherwords, you are against the self-determination of the Jewish people, and letting Jews run their very own Jewish State in the very Jewishest way they wish? All that whore-calling and rock-chucking is simply a “vibrant Jewish democracy”. Would you deny us our own special Jewish democracy? There’s an ugly name for that, podner!

 
 

All that whore-calling and rock-chucking is simply a “vibrant Jewish democracy”. Would you deny us our own special Jewish democracy? There’s an ugly name for that, podner!

Shondacracy!

 
Get Chutney Love
 

I thought you were joking, Pup. What you said you did is the culinary equivalent of crossing the streams. It’s a wonder you’re alive, let alone able to blog about the experience.

 
 

What you said you did is the culinary equivalent of crossing the streams.

That’s why it’s called “fusion”.

 
 

My cat, Zinzi, likes to sleep under the covers on these winter nights. Why is a purring, warm furball against my chest so not welcome? Because she is a nipple-tromper. Ow.
One would have thought that a naked bicyclist (if bepenised) would have a similar problem re testicles–thumping. No ?

 
 

I was holding my cat the other day to show her to the neighbor. She decided that she really didn’t want to be held right about then.

Dug all four claws in and clawed her way up over my shoulder and down my back. This is a 13-pound cat, mind you.

Much blood was shed – all mine.

 
 

Whilst bicycling is rough on the “crotchtal region” it is unlikely to relocate the testicles to the chest area.

 
 

Suezboo, you should train her to sleep by your feet- maybe rubbing them with catnip would work.

I was holding my cat the other day to show her to the neighbor. She decided that she really didn’t want to be held right about then.

She’s not ready for prime-time. I’m lucky that none of mah preshus kittehs are scratchers.

 
 

I was holding my cat the other day to show her to the neighbor

I figure that when Mrs Spat wants to be seen by the neighbours she will go around there by herself and smash their door down.

 
 

And once again we have a tragedy in the careless use of a cat. Had it been locked in a safe under the bed this tragedy could have been avoided.

 
 

The only thing which can stop a bad guy with a cat is a good guy with a cat… or a ball of string.

 
 

“as those of us who decided most of the dietary laws were crap after refrigeration.”

in my case, I was once saved from starvation by Angels on Horseback. After that, it seemed sort of petty to keep up the boycott, you know?

 
 

Dennis, it’s called being sociable and friendly. I’m not surprised it’s a strange process to you.
Why is every goddam word out of your little cupid’s-bow mouth a complaint, a vintage whine, or some kind of lame accusation of insufficient Internet ethics, or something?
Are you really this tiresome?
And is there any reason why it matters, and should interfere with the feast of reason, flow of soul, and purloined recipes which normally constitute the Sadly, No! comment section?
The only possible excuse is that you haven’t got a big enough pot in your kitchen to boil your head. I suggest a commercial kitchen firm or restaurant supply house.

 
 

“You’re like a pledge in a fraternity, hoping to get in to the hot tub club.”

For some people 8mm or even Super8 isn’t enough, That’s why Dennis uses Panavision, and color by DeLuxe.

 
 

Are you really this tiresome?

Have you not been paying attention?

 
 

The only possible excuse is that you haven’t got a big enough pot in your kitchen to boil your head. I suggest a commercial kitchen firm or restaurant supply house.

Nice.

 
 

It’s your own fault Cerberus, this is what you get when you free the speeches.

 
 

in my case, I was once saved from starvation by Angels on Horseback. After that, it seemed sort of petty to keep up the boycott, you know?

Because horsemeat is non-kosher?

 
Dzhokhar Avenger
 

Dennis, I’m glad to know that when I try to be helpful to someone around here, you’re lurking here like a hagfish under a rock, ready to make it seem like an initiation rite into Omega Theta Pi.

 
 

My cat, Zinzi, likes to sleep under the covers on these winter nights. Why is a purring, warm furball against my chest so not welcome? Because she is a nipple-tromper. Ow.

Hey, snap, Suezboo – Luschka, the aged Burmese, also does that, despite my constant injunctions to “stay off the soft parts!”

And I see we have another troll infestation – oh, those trolls, how we do love ’em. It must be their charming wit…

 
 

And hey, Dzhokar Avenger just mentioned one of my favourite beasties! Simple critters with one simple defence mechanism that let them survive since before the dinosaurs.

Maybe I should suggest the same defence to the NRA? Works a treat against sharks, after all, and you can just see the hero in a Western growling “Go for your hagfish!”.

 
 

Trolls? No, it’s just the same sad guy with the same sad obsessions who has been stalking various members of this forum for years now.

It must be pleasant to be so thoroughly devoid of real problems.

 
 

Trolls? No, it’s just the same sad guy with the same sad obsessions who has been stalking various members of this forum for years now.

All one guy?

 
 

Speaking of bad news sometime magazine editors…the Jo Bonner bar is pretty low but still Quin Hillyer, Republican operative, at best is running for Congress:
http://blog.al.com/wire/2013/05/conservative_writer_quin_hilly.html

 
 

stalking various members of this forum for years now.

Since we’re all the same person it all evens out in the end.

 
Dzhokhar Avenger
 

That’s a real laugh, coming from you, Dennis.

 
 

Yup, same sad guy. Same sad obsessions. Same old shit for brains.

 
 

Since we’re all the same person it all evens out in the end.

We ARE?

Cripes.

Explains a lot, actually.

I think.

 
 

Having realized that you can only use one of those Cialis free trial cards a year, and needing something to keep his gherkin workin’, John McCain snuck into Syria to see if he could help lead us into a shiny new war.

 
 

Leaders of the Free Syrian Army told McCain that they are running out of ammunition and need more advanced weapons to counter Assad, according to the report. They also said there is a growing number of Russian military advisers, as well as increased amounts of Iranian and Iraqi troops, on the ground in Syria.

Translation: Leaders of the FSA play McCodger like Ma plays his favorite cello.

 
 

a growing number of Russian military advisers, as well as increased amounts of Iranian and Iraqi troops, on the ground in Syria.

Further translation: You were looking for Curveball II, yes? You found him!

Plus, note how aimless the phrase “on the ground” is. Any bets on whether FAUX and the war pigs will blow that up into “Iranian troops in Damascus” or similar shit?

 
 

No bet.

By the end of the week Daily Caller will have grainy pictures of Iranian troops carrying suitcase nukes, Iraqi troops toting all of those WMDs we never found and an interview with several Syrian prostitutes who claim they’ve been serving a bunch of guys named Boris of late.

I do think the FSA overplayed its hand mentioning Russian advisers, though. At least they didn’t throw the VietCong in there.

 
Provider_UNE™AndPlayersToBeHatedLater
 

At least they didn’t throw the VietCong in there.

They’re saving that for the endgame.

 
Dzhokhar Avenger
 

Oddly enough, I met a composer-cellist yesterday.

 
 

“Trolls? No, it’s just the same sad guy with the same sad obsessions who has been stalking various members of this forum for years now.”

Ouch! Thanks for the warning.

“Angels on horseback” are bacon-wrapped shrimp. Or was it shrimp-wrapped bacon? Anyway, one bite and it’s hello, Columbus, and goodbye Leviticus.

 
 

“Oddly enough, I met a composer-cellist yesterday.”

No doubt, the meeting descended into acrimony, and you told him to go fugue himself.

 
 

I bet you told him: “You should go home now, I hear your rostropovich calling you.”

 
 

Tweet of the Day, and it’s not yet noon:

Yawn. Another quiet day off. Too rainy to go to the movies. Can anyone recommend a good video?

 
 

Cellists aren’t so bad. Ut’s not a bad thing to recognize that there are lots of objective differences among cells.

 
Dzhokhar Avenger
 

Actually, we had a very pleasant conversation. I was listening to Alkan on the Youtubes, and it turned out that he’d never heard of him before(most people haven’t, unless they’re into French Romantic music of the 19th Century.

 
 

Cellists aren’t so bad. Ut’s not a bad thing to recognize that there are lots of objective differences among cells

But we were talking about composer-cellists. As if decomposer cells weren’t vital to a healthy system. I bet that composer-cellist kept going on about “moochers”.

 
 

Where do cellists go on vacation?

The Islets of Langerhans!

viz.

 
Dzhokhar Avenger
 

I did get to see Rostropovitch in concert one fine evening in St. Louis, some 3.3 decades ago.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

and goodbye Leviticus.

Once you leave Leviticus behind, there’s no end to the fun you can have. Bacon wrapped shrimp, cotton-poly blends, football, hot gay sex if you’re into that… etc.

 
 

I love coming in after Cerb has detrolled the comments. The disjointed comments responding to nothing remind me of my favorite Pinter plays.

 
Dzhokhar Avenger
 

Once you go treif, you never look back.

 
 

Yes I know it doesn’t rhyme give me a break.

 
 

Maybe I should open a Kosher French restaurant called “Le Viticus”.

 
 

“I did get to see Rostropovitch in concert one fine evening in St. Louis, some 3.3 decades ago.”

I bet you went home early because Yo Ma-Ma was calling you!

(Thanks, Google!)

 
 

They also said there is a growing number of Russian military advisers, as well as increased amounts of Iranian and Iraqi troops, on the ground in Syria.

Meanwhile, Mahmood Ahmedinejad is whooping it up in Paris with a leggy brunette charmer, trying to subvert the French Navy to his cause.

 
 

Maybe I should open a Kosher French restaurant called “Le Viticus”.

Dunno if it’s still there, but there was a Kosher Chinese place in the Flatlands of Brooklyn called “Shang Chai”.

 
 

I saw Anner Bylsma play the Smithsonian’s Servais Stradivarius at one of the free National Gallery concerts. Yowza.

 
 

I saw Anner Bylsma play the Smithsonian’s Servais Stradivarius at one of the free National Gallery concerts. Yowza.

I would be terrified of dropping it, or somehow breaking it. Thank you, I’ll stick to my sorcerous Erich Zann weaponized violin.

 
 

On “To The Point” just now, discussing the acceptance of gay Scouts, the subject of “various Boy Scout polls…”

I am eternally 12; I snerk’d aloud at the thought.

 
 

…”various Boy Sout polls…” was mentioned by one of the interviewees*

 
 

Here mon Pere

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islets_of_Langerhans

Yes, um, I know that.

Just thought the Uncyclopedia’s entry was more amusing.

 
 

I would be terrified of dropping it, or somehow breaking it.

I would be terrified of playing it with my teeth and setting it on fire.

 
 

I’d be terrified of selling it and becoming a laughable wastrel. Oh, wait.

 
 

Playing a Stradivarius? Wouldn’t that be like letting me take the Spirit of St. Louis out for a few touch-and-goes?

 
 

Who can af-Ford drugs, anywho?
~

 
 

Playing a Stradivarius? Wouldn’t that be like letting me take the Spirit of St. Louis out for a few touch-and-goes?

How many chickens do you think you could get in that bird?

 
 

It would be hilarious
If I played your Stradivarius
Whilst tightrope-walking over a busy street
You’d smile at what a wit I was
While I juggled your precious old Ming vase
With shotputs while I danced tap to “Happy Feet”
I’ll flick through your Gutenberg Bible
While eating peanut butter and jam
And roll your Fabrege egg around
And you’ll say “You’re such a ham!”
Oh, it would be hilarious
If I played your Stradivarius
Whilst tightrope-walking over a busy street

 
 

Just thought the Uncyclopedia’s entry was more amusing.

It probably would have been if my computer did not gack up links sometimes.

I feel like such a [pancre]ass!

 
 

Gosh darn those typos.

 
 

Substance’s verse. Bravo ! McG. Bravo !

 
 

Well I wouldn’t play a Strad. I’d hate to be accused of fiddling while my city’s mayor’s crack pipe burns.

 
 

So, if the mayor’s office knew the location of the video…how well-liked is he by the police union?

 
 

I feel like such a [pancre]ass!

You’re a saint.

 
 

>I feel like such a [pancre]ass!

You’re a saint, he said, completely without bile.

 
 

I’ve seen <a href = "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYWCTlBUGZo"these guys twice.

 
 

I’m having some trouble sorting out the facts about TPS and the video. And I have no idea what the cops would do if they did have it. The police union and Ford are on odd terms – Rob’s always been a law-and-order guy and supports the cops as much as possible, except at budget time. I actually have to give our mayor kudos for holding TPS budget as much as he has.

 
 

I have had no desire to go to Seattle again. Until now. http://kotaku.com/i-took-this-amazing-tour-inside-the-space-shuttle-so-s-509735702

 
 

Ten musicians who should be blacklisted by conservatives:*

Psy
Sheryl Crow
The Dixie Chicks
Bruce Springsteen
Moby
Madonna
Bette Midler
Barbra Streisand
Tom-Morello-from-Rage-Against-The-Machine-after-Paul-Ryan-said-he-was-a-fan-of-their-band
Kanye West

*Dixie Chicks: ALL ONE GAL.

 
 

The police union and Ford are on odd terms – Rob’s always been a law-and-order guy and supports the cops as much as possible, except at budget time.

Why do all the law-and-order guys turn out to be crooks? It’s like the anti-gay preachers hiring rent boys to “lug their luggage”.

 
 

Damn, when’s the last time Barbra Streisand released a single? Without their grudges, what would the righties have?

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Why do all the law-and-order guys turn out to be crooks? It’s like the anti-gay preachers hiring rent boys to “lug their luggage”.

I think it’s because well funded police departments are reluctant to bite the hand that feeds them.

 
 

Must be tough only being allowed to listen to Ted Nugent, Lee Greenwood and Charlie Daniels.

 
 

my sorcerous Erich Zann weaponized violin.
I assume it kills demons.

 
 

I would be terrified of playing it with my teeth and setting it on fire.
Obligatory.

I’d be terrified of selling it and becoming a laughable wastrel. Oh, wait.
You could play it as part of a Talking Heads reunion, to disguise the absence of the lead singer, who is off somewhere else touring around on his bicycle.
People would accuse you of fiddling while Byrne roams.

 
 

Dixie Chicks: ALL ONE GAL.

Really it’s only Natalie they have a hate-on for.

 
 

The Dixie Chicks
I thought they were blacklisted a decade ago. Something stronger is needed this time around. A fuligin list.

 
 

The Dixie Chicks
I thought they were blacklisted a decade ago. Something stronger is needed this time around. A fuligin list.

and yes, this makes me quite irritable because of PROJECTION!!! in regards to it’s okay for conservatives to call for boycotts and petition radio stations and for stations themselves to choose not to play the dixie chicks music because PATRIOTS!, but if some other group criticizes or petitions or othewise uses the same tactics towards something deemed conservative, immense oppression has been practiced…

Must be tough only being allowed to listen to Ted Nugent, Lee Greenwood and Charlie Daniels.

that is a world in which i could not live…eardrums, meet sharp poking object…

 
 

immense oppression has been practiced…

To be fair to Hawkins, he is not complaining of oppression, and would presumably be happy with university students boycotting an address from Carson.
He is convinced, however, that liberals only recently invented the political weapon of only supporting artists who share their politics, and that he is the first conservative writer to suggest that conservatives do the same thing; and he is all BWAH-HAH-HAHing and rubbing his hands in evil-genius glee at the thought of how the liberals will rue the day, once the sleeping behemoth of Streisand-buying conservatives wakens to awareness of the power that lies in its grasp.

 
 

OH YENTL YOU ARE SO ENTICING YET WRONG.

 
 

Yestistry is theft, Mr McGravitas!

 
 

Feck. “Yentistry”. I blame auto-correct.

 
 

Of COURSE I don’t bring you flowers, moocher.

 
 

“I have had no desire to go to Seattle again. Until now.”

Now there’s a cry for help if I ever heard one.

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

I just enjoyed penetrative sex with a boy scout. THAT will show them!

Are boy scouts typically 50-60 years old?

 
Spengler Dampniche
 

Also, too, just purchased a copy of that book on 18th century lesbians. Ties in with a novel I’m writing. And besides, PHOAAAAARGH!

 
 

“Are boy scouts typically 50-60 years old?”

Probably an Eagle scout by that age, and everybody knows eagles are easy.

 
 

“I actually have to give our mayor kudos for holding TPS budget as much as he has.”

Unsurprisingly, I have a far less generous view of Ford’s approach to the police budget, Dragon…

You’ve no doubt heard the old expression, “Only Nixon could go to China?” As several people have pointed out over the years – the late Gore Vidal and Alexander Cockburn among them – Nixon made damn well sure he could pull off such a coup by relentlessly red-baiting anyone else who might even have hinted at being willing to approach the communist world with anything like an open mind. And, y’know, you can’t really play the Elder Statesman card by taking advantage of a situation that you’re directly responsible for.

Or, rather, you can…but it makes you quite the shameless, hypocritical pile of shit in the process.

As with Nixon and the commies, so with Ford and the cops. I suspect that if anyone even remotely to the left of his Fatship – and I’m including moderate conservatives trying to be fiscally responsible here – had attempted to reign in the police budget to more reasonable levels, then Ford and his far right allies in the government and media wouldn’t have lost a second in screaming said person was “anti-police,” “pro-criminal,” against Law & Order, etc. etc. etc. The usual bullshit.

I daresay that even a dim witted, pig-ignorant, piece-of-shit hustler like Ford has enough of a sense of self-preservation to understand he has to step carefully when dealing with the police union. It’s politically risky, no? Otherwise, he’d treat them the same as he did the striking garbagemen.

 
 

I just enjoyed penetrative sex with a boy scout.

The merit badge for that is pretty interesting.

 
 

What you have, there, Mr. Dampniche, is a Bald Eagle Scout.

 
 

Okay, I concede that Ford’s success with the police budget was founded on the fact that no one could attack him from the right without looking like a crack smoking idiot. Also that the actual taming of the police budget wasn’t a big cut to the cops especially considering the savaging other city services received. That said, he still managed to “control” the TPS budget. As you say, anyone else would have caved to the type of scaremongering that politicians like Rob Ford would have unleashed.

 
 

I just enjoyed penetrative sex with a boy scout. THAT will show them!

Are boy scouts typically 50-60 years old?

It’s amazing that his uniform still fit … A perpetual twink who’s well-versed in woodcraft sounds like quite a find. Me, I’m holding out for an elf.

 
Dzhokhar Avenger
 

Eagles are easy, hawks are hard.

 
 

well-versed in woodcraft
Harumph.

 
 

Trainee Pictish bards are well-woaded in verse-craft.

 
 

Completely off topic, but my wife and I were watching local political coverage. Did you know Anthony Weiner is running for mayor? ( / snark ). Anyway, they showed a clip of Lhota kissing a baby (I didn’t know politicians still did that): I know I’ve mentioned it before, but it seems like it’s just not catching on — Joe Lhota is a combo of Franklin Delano Romanowski and George Costanza. Am I the only one who feels this way?

 
 

That said, he still managed to “control” the TPS budget.

These police?

 
 

my bands live radio show is here for those who might be interested:

http://wfhb.org/music/local-live-trailside-killers

enjoy.

 
 

Just some fractured ribs. Remember G20 in LEAFS SUCK? The first criminal charges against the police have finally come to trial. Obviously Officer Weddell was only trying to help that protestor stand up. Broken upper arm bones happen frequently to those being assisted (by Toronto Police).

 
 

Smut, Smut, shameless pun slut.

 
 

I just enjoyed penetrative sex with a boy scout.

Does your ass still hurt?

 
 

It’s amazing that his uniform still fit … A perpetual twink who’s well-versed in woodcraft sounds like quite a find. Me, I’m holding out for an elf.

Go to Iceland!

 
 

Joe Lhota is a combo of Franklin Delano Romanowski and George Costanza. Am I the only one who feels this way?

I think he’s just trying to cadge some money off of well-heeled, not-too-bright GOPers. I don’t know if Catsimatidis’ run is just a pipe dream, but I can’t see any Republican in serious contention.

 
 

Cerberus, this is my first comment here, and I just want to express my awe at how fucking awesome and strong-minded and driven you are. This post and the one from 15th are just plain kickass and cut to the bone.
My heart goes out to you; hope you’ll endure through all that shit you’ve been getting in life. Keep giving em hell!

 
 

Go to Iceland! [I have done a bit of editing:]

Anyways, while on leave from the base my Mom and her friend decided to take a road up to Akureyri. Don’t ask me how but she also said she had some marijuana, remember this was 1973 or ’74 and she was an American…
Well, here it is … along the way they stoped to camp by some river or glacier, I don’t remember which, and that night met some … elfs. I know what your saying Ohhh, Bullshit , American Johnny! I’m sorry it gets much worse! Not only were they elves but they were guy elves and they smoke and drank and … you guessed it! … had sex in some flimsy U.S. Airforce tent with my Mom and her friend, this is so fucking gross!

Dear Penthouse Letters … seriously this is an evocative story. Not much detail, but speaking for myself I can extrapolate.

In spite of my last comment, I am damnably straight, but I’ve had thoughts about elves for sure. Not Keebler elves, more Tolkienesque, though they’re probably too thin on average for my tastes. Maybe it’s the setting. A light feast, firefly lighting, fey music, …

“Ohhh, Bullshit, American Johnny!”

 
 

I really do not understand why rightwingers do not understand the 1st Amendment. Free speech is supposed to be protected from undue GOVERNMENTAL restrictions, not from your fellow citizens calling you a bigoted asshole and even making every effort to rally as many other citizens as possible to tell you to shut the hell up.

 
 

http://wfhb.org/music/local-live-trailside-killers

That was a nice set, I enjoyed it, good job!

 
 

Smut, Smut, shameless pun slut.
Inconceivable.

 
 

Does this make any sense?

CNN headline: Pizza guy butt-dials racist song

Story:
“”I guess that’s the only requirement for being a (n-word) in Sanford,” the driver told a colleague. “… Yeah, they give me five bucks there — fine outstanding African-American gentleman of the community.”
The driver’s colleague can be heard laughing.”

Confusing. CNN, please relax.

 
 

Now, there’s a headline you don’t see every day.

Beaver Kills Man in Belarus

Having seen the Olympics, if it was going to happen anywhere, it was going to be in that part of the world…

 
 


It was the latest in a series of beaver attacks on humans in the country, as the rodents, who have razor-sharp teeth, have turned increasingly aggressive after wandering near homes, shops and schools.

holy feck! and that’s not even the scariest part of that story…

 
 

I really do not understand why rightwingers do not understand the 1st Amendment. Free speech is supposed to be protected from undue GOVERNMENTAL restrictions, not from your fellow citizens calling you a bigoted asshole and even making every effort to rally as many other citizens as possible to tell you to shut the hell up.

while this is a bit too long for a needlework pillow, i do believe paul avery has a bright future in condensing the constitution so that even wingiest of nuts could comprehend it…

 
 

It’s all good fun until someone gets killed by a beaver.

 
 

Apparently the ‘victim’ was trying to handle the beaver without consent.

 
Dzhokhar Avenger
 

In other news, Michele Bachmann(R-Crazy Eyes) has announced that this is her last term in the U.S. Congress. We tried to get a comment from her husband, Marcus(R-Closeted Barbarian), but the door of the mens’ room at the Thousand Lakes Rest Stop was jammed shut, where he was last seen offering ‘counseling’ to Conan and King Kull in a rare joint session.

 
 

Ten musicians who should be blacklisted by conservatives:

They forgot the obligatory listing for Sleater-Kinney, regardless of the fact that they’d never listen to them anyway and don’t even know who they are.

 
 

Apparently the ‘victim’ was trying to handle the beaver without consent.

while his buddies took pics…that’s not cool nor the way to a beaver’s heart…

 
 

What Paul Avery said…

These are people whose conception of “free speech” is bullying people without anybody pointing out that they are bullying people… Why that’s RUDE, dontcha know? like R & R crying about Krugmans “incivility” in pointing out that their work is basically fraudulent.

 
 

Hmm … that beaver story is similar to something that happened recently in America, but I can’t remember the critter. Guy bled to death in front of his friend after trying to take pictures with the little guy. Severed artery, again.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Severed artery, again.

Severed arteries are a beaver’s way of telling you to back off.

 
Dzhokhar Avenger
 

What you really need to look out for are the rabid beavers:

Last year a crazed beaver attacked two girls as they swam in a lake at a popular beauty spot leaving them with serious injuries.

Also in 2012 a Boy Scout leader of a New York-based troop was savagely attacked by a rabid beaver at the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area in Pennsylvania.

Normand Brousseau, 51, of Pine Plains, New York, was swimming in the river with a floating device known as a ‘noodle’ when the beaver latched onto his chest.

After being bitten and clawed at several times, Mr Brousseau was finally pulled to shore by Nick Hedges, 16, who joined his three fellow Scouts in pelting the deranged creature with stones until it died.

In late April 2011, a rabid beaver attacked a fisherman in the White Clay Creek area of Chester County, Pennsylvania. In that case, the victim was able to drown the animal.

 
 

Playing a Stradivarius? Wouldn’t that be like letting me take the Spirit of St. Louis out for a few touch-and-goes?

I’ve heard string instruments’ sound quality suffers if they’re not played. Probably less true with old aircraft, but rosin up your bow and let’s see.

 
 

Actually the worst thing for an aircraft is to sit.

When I was in SAC you didn’t want to fly a plane that had spent the last month or so sitting on the alert pad. It was bound to give you all sorts of trouble.

 
 

Now I remember the type of critter. It was a beaver.

 
 

You’ve no doubt heard the old expression, “Only Nixon could go to China?” As several people have pointed out over the years – the late Gore Vidal and Alexander Cockburn among them – Nixon made damn well sure he could pull off such a coup by relentlessly red-baiting anyone else who might even have hinted at being willing to approach the communist world with anything like an open mind. And, y’know, you can’t really play the Elder Statesman card by taking advantage of a situation that you’re directly responsible for.

As much as I’ve come to despise Vidal, I have to say, yes. This. It made me crazy to see Nixon lionized as some kind of great statesman for partially undoing the damage he’d done so much to create during his red-baiting, Joe McCarthy-enabling early career.

Soon after Nixon resigned, he took another trip to China, apparently because he was craving the adulation and respect he knew he’d never find at home again. Barry Goldwater remarked, “If he wants to do America a favor, he should stay over there.” I had even less use for Goldwater than for Nixon, but I liked him for that crack.

 
 

I think most reality shows could be improved by merging them with “When Animals Attack”

For example –

When Animals Attack the Real Housewives of Orange County

 
 

‘Tis my understanding that anything with an engine in it should not be allowed to sit idle for more than a week or so. At least if you don’t want it to give you some sort of grief when you do start it up again.

Perhaps I tend to own cars that are fussy beotches.

 
 

Severed arteries are a beaver’s way of telling you to back off.

how neat is that?

 
 

Normand Brousseau, 51, of Pine Plains, New York, was swimming in the river with a floating device known as a ‘noodle’ when the beaver latched onto his chest.

After being bitten and clawed at several times, Mr Brousseau was finally pulled to shore by Nick Hedges, 16, who joined his three fellow Scouts in pelting the deranged creature with stones until it died

thanks for the resulting nightmares…

 
 

When Animals Attack Honey Boo Boo

 
 

That a Scoutmaster allowed himself to be attacked by a beaver confirms my opinion of Scoutmasters.

 
 

Gay Scouts and Scout leaders would never get involved in altercations with beavers.

 
 

That a Scoutmaster allowed himself to be attacked by a beaver confirms my opinion of Scoutmasters.

Do they have demerit badges?

 
 

I think he’s just trying to cadge some money off of well-heeled, not-too-bright GOPers. I don’t know if Catsimatidis’ run is just a pipe dream, but I can’t see any Republican in serious contention. – BBBB

In conversations with my shul’s small, ragtag but dedicated collection of GOoPers, the mayoral race has not yet come up, so I don’t know what your typical NYC-GOoPer thinks of Lhota or Catsimatidis.

Lhota, I would imagine, will get a bunch of votes simply because he’s positioned himself as Rudy’s successor in beyond a loathsome, rude asshole.

I believe Catsimatidis has some labor-relations issues in his store, has a funny sounding last name and also does a lot of good work with the DOE fund — all of which will be reasons for GOoPers to support Catsimatidis (“he’ll stick it to the union fat cats”, “I’m not racist — I’m voting for the swarthy dude with the funny name” and “Catsimatidis knows that government doesn’t need to provide programs for the disabled as he’s shown that private charity can do that”). On the other hand Catsimatidis’ positions sound pretty reasonable, which will hurt him with the GOP. Catsimatidis also has Patacki’s support (*), which won’t help him. I’m not sure how it’ll play out that Catsimatidis’ lawyer, et al., are deeply involved in the corruption and power struggles of the Queens GOP.

FWIW, none of the Democratic candidates are pretty exciting either (I think Mrs. DAS supports DiBlasio because the DiBlasio family looks like the DAS family). Well, Weiner is exciting (see what I did there?). Thanks to his name and history of scandal, pretty much every remark about his campaign will get a Beavis and Butthead style laugh from me and people of my mindset: (actual things heard on radio) “Weiner inches up in the polls”, “Weiner is looking for young interns”, “only [I forgot percentage] percent of women like Weiner”, etc.

* pace Catsimatidis’ commercials trumpeting this endorsement, nobody likes Patacki, as far as I know. Well, I’m sure Tom Friedman and Bobo Brooks like Patacki because “anybody who is hated by both sides must be a rational centrist”

 
 

That a Scoutmaster allowed himself to be attacked by a beaver confirms my opinion of Scoutmasters. – El Manquecito

When I was in boy scouts, my scoutmaster never would have allowed HERSELF to be attacked by beavers. I’m also pretty sure that at various points in the history of my troop, there were gay scouts.

 
 

Do they have demerit badges?

or demerit badgers…?

 
 

When Animals Keep Up with the Kardashians

 
 

FWIW, none of the Democratic candidates are pretty exciting either (I think Mrs. DAS supports DiBlasio because the DiBlasio family looks like the DAS family). Well, Weiner is exciting (see what I did there?).

Being a Yonkers boy, I can’t vote in the election, but I have a dog in the fight (Yonkers is one of those “sixth borough” towns). I like John Liu, but his campaign finance kerfuffle is worriesome.

 
 

When Animals Attack The Jersey Shore (Gov. Christie Eats Them).

 
 

beavers behaving badly

 
 

when animals attack the next iron chef they get chopped

 
 

I’m also pretty sure that at various points in the history of my troop, there were gay scouts.

It’s pretty much a given.

 
 

I’m also pretty sure that at various points in the history of my troop, there were gay scouts.

It’s pretty much a given.

my sister and i were cub scout den mothers…their most vivid memories of our leadership was reading ‘cosmo’ magazines…i am surprised none of them are gay…

 
 

Do they have demerit badges?

There’s this place, but many of the badges are just oddball (like “Vegetarian”, or “Vegan”, or the pet-category ones).

 
 

Forgot to add: they have recently added a “Gay Scout” badge.

 
For Whom the Mary Bell Tolls
 

Do not ask for whom it tolls.

I think you know why.

 
 

Those outdoor demerit badges are awesome and would be excellent for some groups I’m in.

I am disappointed by the dearth of cat badges. Clearly those people have never owned (or been pwned by) a cat.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

I think most reality shows could be improved by merging them with “When Animals Attack”

Let’s try! “When Animals Attack the McNeil Lehrer News Hour”. Yes. I can confirm this would be an awesome show that I would buy a TV to be able to watch.

Bonus: “When Animals Attack the [Meet the] Press” Again, a can’t miss hour of quality TV.

 
Dzhokhar Avenger
 

Really?

 
 

Fantastic youths uncovered
Party mathematicians mud wrestling with blacksmiths
Moldy cataclysms uncovered
When caresses go important
Variable audience uncovered
World’s most enduring chipmunks
So you think you can reclaim?
So you think you can renew?
Insipid longfins who date monstrous smugglers
When thrilling hat makers go private
World’s most almighty shrieks
Penitent captains and the benign glassblowers they love
World’s silverest swamis
World’s most cannibalistic priests
Authentic commotion uncovered
So you think you can quarantine?
Mysterious presence uncovered
When frightened breaths go parasitic
World’s most incredible conformities
Nature’s pleasantest bluefin tunas
Dangerous neck uncovered
World’s most blue-eyed entities
Ignorant home economist make-overs
Enduring southern flounders who live with pliable proofreaders
Offensive ecologists and the willing social workers they love to hate
Noxious typist make-overs
World’s most loving clarifications
World’s most irresistible webs of meaning
When Christian corks go fatalistic
Important duckbills who live with extroverted jailors
Fierce winters uncovered
World’s most quiet prosecutors
Simple installer make-overs
When delicate falsifications go clairvoyant
When yaks go adult
When respectable actualities go pure
Courteous locksmiths and the gorgeous metalworkers they love to hate
World’s most spread babes
So you think you can victimize?
World’s most permissive false morays
Silly filmmakers and the biased power engineers who love them
World’s most crimson stockbrokers
Black philosophers uncovered
So you think you can decode?
World’s drunkenest wildfowls

 
 

My cat has earned many rodent merit badges but is still working for his beaver badge.

 
 

I only have two memories of the Boy Scouts. Short stint … at the first meeting, the Scoutmaster asked me my address, and I didn’t know it, on account of my familiy’s chronic itineracy … I felt embarrassed and different. Second memory is the sort of visual you don’t forget: we were playing a game in the desert, when a kid tripped and faceplanted on a sizeable cactus. (Bad site choice for running?) Poor little guy was too shocked to do more than whimper thoughout an interminable session of needle-plucking on the part of the Scoutmaster; amazingly, though, none hit his eyes.

 
 

My cub-scout troop got arrested across the border in Point Roberts for smashing things.

Nothing but good memories there.

 
 

I,,,uh,,,wait. What? zomg.

But “not statistically significant” is not the same as “unlikely to be true”.

 
 

And now for something completely different. New food cart – Georgian! http://imgur.com/Trp9OLd

 
 

And now for something completely different. New food cart – Georgian!

And here I was expecting grits and chicken-fried steak.

 
 

My first outing in the Boy Scouts an orienteering exercise went wrong, Sprouts scattered all through the woods, I walked 8 miles through trackless forest. Three days later one of the leaders groped a boy and the Troop was disbanded.

Also Georgian food is great but they will drink an ungodly amount.

 
 

And now for something completely different. New food cart – Georgian!

anything that is described as a ‘bundle of joy’ i am DOWN for! around here we have what’s called a ‘ziggy burger’…i describe them as ‘heaven on a bun’…oh georgian food, i think i love you 🙂

 
 

My cat has earned many rodent merit badges but is still working for his beaver badge.

word association: cat…beaver…

 
 

It were interesting. http://imgur.com/nem46Vw

 
 

Those outdoor demerit badges are awesome
Only liberals are eligible.

 
 

Scouting memories. Oh the battles we had over who would bunk with whom in the two man tents at summer camp. Then, all night long the woods were filled with the sounds of … small animals yeah that’s it small animals rustling through the leaves. Jack was an animal I tell ya, a fucking animal.

 
 

Smut, isn’t that the Viagra Badge.

 
 

Smut, isn’t that the Viagra Badge.

cialis…and don’t ask me how i know…

 
 

You’re a soCIALISt.

 
 

Isn’t that a BONER PILL badge?

Sheesh.

 
 

Isn’t that a BONER PILL badge?

Sheesh.

hahaha…just because i am easily amused i think this bears repeating: cialis’ generic name is tadalafil…must be pronounced with dramatic emPHASis on teh first syllAhble…

 
 

Wouldn’t it be better to have it on the 2d?

Ta-Dah!

 
 

You’re a soCIALISt.

i see what you did there…and it’s true…hubbkf built what we refer to as the taj mahwall alongside our house that includes some footpaths and a adorable little patio area…where we have two chairs on either side of a small table…a friend came by to look at hubbk’s handiwork and immediately said, ‘oh, look! you have cialis chairs!’

 
 

Wouldn’t it be better to have it on the 2d?

Ta-Dah!

indeed it would…would that also be some sort of up on the backstroke sort of thing?

it’s fun to say, though innit?

 
 

or some sort, also too, such as?

 
 

Who else am I going to tell?
I was robbed today. A young man ran into the shop where I was on the computer with my back to the door. He held a knife to the back of my neck and demanded all the money in the house. I gave it to him (about R500 which is not so big an amount but it was all I had) from under the counter and from my purse in the sitting-room. He shoved me in the sitting-room and took off.
I am unhurt, praise the Goddess, but I was so shit scared. I shook solidly for about an hour. The Police were very good and thorough but I doubt they’ll get him. You just never think you will feel a knife against your throat in the middle of a normal day – it was about 1 pm. So, here I am – another SA crime statistic.
Jeebus, I live alone and I am so not feeling safe in my house right now – after midnight.
Thanks for listening guys – I had to tell someone.

 
 

I was robbed today.

Eeek!

 
 

oh suez…

 
 

OMG JFK WAS TEH NAZI

First sentence pretty much invalidates the whole piece:

Here’s a story you probably haven’t heard, unless you read Drudge or Breitbart.

Does anyone think for a moment that any of Bozells readership does not mainline Drudge, Breitbart or Fox, on the hour, every hour of the day?

The Independent in the U.K. has published a story (from which I pull freely), as have a couple of Jewish outlets. That’s all I can find. You tell me if it qualifies as “news” that the “news ” media should be covering.

It involves a young man who would someday become one of the best-known and most powerful men in the world. A new book is out. It explores recently uncovered diaries kept by this young man. The journal entries document his fascination with Adolf Hitler and Nazism.

When Bozo decides to harvest umbrage regarding the actions of a Senator named Prescott Bush I might find myself inclined to have a conversation, until then, may a chain gang composed of rusty chainsaws, searching for solace in a little 3 and 1, have their way with him.

 
 

Jeebus, I live alone and I am so not feeling safe in my house right now – after midnight.

Damn, honey. I have never experienced such a violation of my person or property. I hope you have informed your neighbors, and have friends on the speed dial.

The chances are likely that you will not be targeted again anytime soon, though I suspect that you will find no solace in that.

I wish I could be there for you in more than spirit. Take care sweet bean. I’ll be thinking of you.

 
 

I’m a little broke-up… Jack Vance passed away on the 26th at the age of 96.

 
 

Thanks for the support, y’all. I’m still a bit in shock, I think.
Provider, the neighbours came over to find out what was happening when the cops arrived, so the whole neighbourhood knows – I have nosy neighbours.
The cops were incredulous when I told them I don’t own a cellphone. Mine was stolen about a year ago and I haven’t bothered to replace it. I have to have a landline to send faxes for people so I make do with that.
Thanks for being here, mates.

 
 

Oh, Suezboo, that is horrible. Thank goodness you weren’t hurt.

 
 

The fact is, liberals are nothing but dung to be scraped off the streets and burned.

 
 

zomg! What a horrible thing to happen – glad you weren’t injured.

 
 

The fact is, if more freedom loving real Americans knew what liberals are all about, they would invade there homes and kill them. They would get away with it too because liberals do not have guns and real Americans are duty bound to route out traiters.

 
 

I’m with Paul Avery and bbkf – free speech means freedom from gubmint repression, not freedom from being told you’re a knobhead.

Suez, hope you get over it soon and the tossbag gets caught.

And Gary, you’re a knobhead. Truly. Whether you’re a real Gary or a fake Gary, please fuck off and never darken this blog again.

 
 

Suezboo, I’ll chime in and add my well wishes too. Hope you slept well (or at all) and meet a better day today.

 
 

Sigh. I’m not sure what I was thinking but I let myself get elected to the condominium board of directors.

Did Stalin or Genghis write any books on leadership? Something like How to win friends and crush your enemies?

 
 

Did Stalin or Genghis write any books on leadership? Something like How to win friends and crush your enemies?

The Bhaghavad Gita may be tailor made for your needs, it details how to destroy your enemies with a loving heart.

 
 

All you need is The Art of War.

And a flame thrower.

 
 

Sigh. I’m not sure what I was thinking but I let myself get elected to the condominium board of directors.

/chuckling to myself…

I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now you will likely get to tilt at windmills with conservative authoritarian asshats, which will unfortunately put a dent into some of your Sadly time.

At least now you get to engage them face to face in real time…

 
 

Sigh. I’m not sure what I was thinking but I let myself get elected to the condominium board of directors.

oooh, tough break there…since you appear to have a life, aren’t a power-grabber and remain composed during crisis, i’m guessing you were nominated to be the voice of reason…if a condominium board is anything like any other board i’ve been involved with, may some sort of god have mercy on you…

 
 

Sigh. I’m not sure what I was thinking but I let myself get elected to the condominium board of directors.

I hope you have a good management company. I’m the president of my condo building, and 90% of my duties consist of fielding calls from owners about this or that going wrong, and telling them to call the management company.

 
 

I know most of the current board members. They’re a decent bunch for the most part.

 
 

Shit, and I thought I had a bad day yesterday.

Stay safe, Suezboo.

Meanwhile, in other news, someone evidently senty a ricin letter to Mayor Bloomberg, but it can’t be a wingnut because shut up that’s why.

 
Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli
 

Shoot me a PM, Major.

 
 

Wassup looney libz?

I’m back from my hiatus and looking for a bitch to cut.

 
Dzhokhar Avenger
 

Yes.

 
 

Wassup looney libz?

I’m back from my hiatus and looking for a bitch to cut.

srsly? there’s been plenty here to keep you occupied for a while…and no, i will not condense the 85 posts you’ve missed while you were gone…suffice it to say there were POOP, PENIS and trollz…

 
Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli
 

SNERK.

 
 

*sigh*

 
 

tsam!

How’s the band? How’s the girl? How’s Spokane?

Where the hell you been? You don’t call, you don’t write…

 
 

Wow. One post and Pennis comes rolling out. How ya been, toolshed?

 
 

Suezboo, I’m sorry that happened. I’m glad you were physically unharmed, and hope you heal quickly and well from the effects of being attacked. I’d say more but it all comes out even more awkward.

Major, best wishes from another condo board member. Watch out! I got elected Prez after a few months, after the old Prez quit in a fit of pique (he’d developed the habit of calling everything an emergency so he could make unilateral decisions, and I called him on it). I second the “hope you have a good management company.” We have a pretty reasonable group of owners, though the 80-20 rule (90-10?) definitely applies. Most of our energy lately has been spent dealing with the side effects of the State making laws, and the effects of a past board thinking they were doing A Good Thing in not raising maintenance for 8 years. Plus occasional outbursts from pastPrez demonstrating IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION. Fun times.

 
 

@ WC;

Band is hopping–getting some good shows now, thing with girlfriend is going very well, Spokane is still Western Idaho.

How are you?

 
 

and no, i will not condense the 85 posts you’ve missed while you were gone

Hmmpf. Fine then.

 
 

When I was a Girl Scout, the Boy Scouts decided they would officialky change their name from “Boy Scouts” to “Scouts,” as they were the only scouting organization in existence, and besides, they were first, so shaddap. I have never forgiven the little shits for that.

 
 

How nice to come into the house here and find someone busily crapping on the floor and trying to defend said BM action. Nice. Stay classy, there, Jake.

Anyway, also too: the first Crooked Timber link re: Jack Vance (RIP) is a fuching trainwreck, at least that I saw. I’m not always comfortable with the politics and sociology in his stories, but then again I recall that Marx said one of his favorite writers was the reactionary Honore Balzac, so there you go.

 
 

Sorry Suezboo, have some strawberries.

 
 

Fake Gary is a regular commenter under another nym. Yes, I’m looking at you __, that’s no BS. It’s really stale and entirely unamusing. Knock it off already.

Given the rapidity of an appearance from Pennis I wonder if it is another regular trying to be provocative or something. Maybe the same person. Even. If so, cut that shit out. You’re as pathetic as the real thing.

 
 

Honore Balzac

Teabagger!

 
Francis Raymond Cuffman, really
 

So, Dennis, have anything to say about the troll using my real name, or are you going take the opportunity to unfavorably compare me to Aqualung and people who stalk children on their Facebook page?

I just thought I’d save you some typing, I know it can be hard on an iPad.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Curry, please!

 
Thomas Dufner the troll
 

Please pay lots of attention to me!

 
I am not Dennis.
 

Whatta have to do to get your throat cut around here, anyway?

 
The Dark Avenger
 

I’m sorry that tsam threatened to cut your throat, Dennis, do you want me to call the cops?

 
 

Don’t call us, we’ll call you.

 
 

I didn’t unfavorably compare you to Aqualung and people who stalk children on Facebook, DA, I said you were just like Aqualung and you in fact do stalk children on Facebook. To be fair, I’m not comparing you as being any less favorable than them.

It’s confirmed now, with at least ten liberals on liberal blogs telling you how weird and disgusting you are, that you are the living embodiment of Tull’s Aqualung character.

Yep, Dennis, you’re right. You just compared me with him exactly.

I’m sorry my mistake got you so enraged today. Take a few breaths, calm down, and remember that you have only 3 hours before the end of the day.

From what little I know of you at least. Except now that I think of it, I’ve never read about Facebook stalkers of children also being exceptionally cruel to kids with Down Syndrome.

Yes, comparing you to someone with Down’s Syndrome is rather cruel and heartless, the first case being an immutable tragedy of genetics, whereas you’re just an asshole with an internet connection.

 
The Dark Avenger
 

But thanks for playing troll today, Dennis, I’m glad a MOTU like you still has time for the little librul monsters who comment on this blog.

 
 

can we get a cleanup in aisle three please?

 
 

Just get a warehouse already, please?

 
 

tsam,

Still playin’ with the band, still married in spite of myself. I even have a job. Nothing but first world problems here.

A friend is selling me his gen-yoo-wine Fender MIM P-bass for a very good price, so there’s that.

 
 

That’s cold, Sub. Cold.

Nothing but first world problems here.

Sounds familiar… Nice score on the Fender. I’m eyeballing a new Epiphone Explorer that has active EMGs in it. All black. SLAYER, DUDE.

 
 

SCOWTZ4LIFE Y’ALL!

 
The Dark Avenger
 

Tsam, will you please apologize to Dennis for threatening to cut his throat, so that he can get on with his life?

 
The Dark Avenger
 

Have a good life, cowboi.

 
The Dark Avenger
 

I do, I love shitty cars. I’ve been driving shitty cars my hole life. Why are you against shitty cars, BS?

 
 

Thanks for sticking up for us, Got Courtly Love?

 
 

I love you, Tom.

 
 

LEAFS SUCK Mayor’s Office down two more staffers. In the span of one week, a third of his staff has left.

 
 

LEAFS SUCK Mayor’s Office down two more staffers. In the span of one week, a third of his staff has left.

So, the Mayor’s Office will soon be so highly efficient there will be no one left to do the actual work, then? My sympathies to the people of Toronto, especially to the ones who didn’t vote for this clown.

 
 

Well, he’s done some infill. Doug’s CoS is now Rob’s new Press Secretary. A little bit before Towhey got canned, Rob hired one of his Don Bosco assistant football coaches.

 
 

Oh, also – David Price is also kind of new. As in, started work shortly after the two kids in the infamous photo got shot.

 
 

Mayor to make statement at 4:30. Apparently he needs to wish the two former staffers the best of luck in their future endeavours and that the city truly appreciates the hard work they’ve done.

The over/under on questions from the press is negative six.

 
 

Okay, let’s check the template.

Effective immediately, Kia Nejatian and Brian Johnston are no longer working in the Office of the Mayor.

The mayor thanks both Kia and Brian for their valuable contributions and wishes them the best in their future endeavours.

[Whomever drew the short straw] will act as Interim Executive Assistant to the Mayor until further notice.

 
 

Obviously the mayor is a little stingy in handing out the crack.

 
 

Tsam, will you please apologize to Dennis for threatening to cut his throat, so that he can get on with his life?

Kinda busy reveling in the slightly creepy, yet flattering attention. I make one appearance in months and the guy just falls right out of the sky.

Sowwy, Denny. I didn’t mean to scare you and make you pee your little britches.

 
 

I’m about to ask a question that all foreigners have probably pondered at one time or another after having seen Americans discussing American politics in internet comments…

…is your country really like this?

Because wow.

 
 

tsam, no one gives a shit about your shitty car and guitar

You’re a fucking liar. I give all kinds of shit about my guitar and car, though I don’t remember mentioning a car, but whatever, bro.

 
 

…is your country really like this?

Some of us are. Most of us, however, know better than to take random, anonymous website comments seriously. So the answer is no, our country really isn’t like this. We also have lots of Starbucks coffee shops and dubstep.

 
 

How bad does a troll infestation have to get to make Rob Ford news look good?

 
I'm a lumberjack
 

OTOH, I can understand why Dennis would feel targeted each and every time he comes across the noun ‘bitch’.

 
 

…is your country really like this?

I will tell you that a whole bunch of Americans see a screaming fundamentalist moron like Bin Laden on TV and say “Is the whole Middle East like that? Because WOW”.

Some of us have a big fat sad when people say that sort of stuff.

 
 

…is your country really like this?

In our country rainbow ponies shit rainbows, and everyone gets a free pony to shit rainbows for them.

Or something like that.

 
 

Ooooh, he’s been interviewing candidates all week. New staff announce coming sometime soon.

He fielded questions too.
“Mayor, about the vid,,,”
“Anything else?”
“The photograph of you and,,,”
“Anything else?”
“A second suspect in the Anthony Sm,,,,”
“Anything else?”

 
 

Doug.

Everything’s fine. Business as usual. The Premier has some nerve criticizing Rob, pffft as if municipal governance was under provincial jurisdiction or something (it is).

 
 

In my (half of my) state, rainbow unicorns shit ice cream cones. It was passed by the legislature and signed into law just last year!

 
 

Suezboo,

Hopefully everything is well with you. I can imagine such an experience would be very traumatic.

Being a good liberal, according to the right-wing media, I politicize everything. So, would having a concealed weapon have actually helped you?

 
 

You can’t fool me. Rainbow unicorns don’t shit, they poospire.

 
 

So, would having a concealed weapon have actually helped you?

i’m betting that if she would have even just yelled, ‘i have a gun!’ would have made wussie knife guy run…

 
 

Another guitar note.

My Gibson ES-330T arrived. It’s like the linked auction, only 1959, and was cheaper. Coupla dings. Sounds real nice. Not much of an acoustic guitar, honestly, but that’s OK. The old P-90 single-coil pickup is interesting. Doesn’t sound like a Strat pickup.

Plays beautifully, very light weight. Sounds great through a tube amp.

 
 

I’m sorry about what happened, Suezboo. I’m glad you weren’t hurt … Maybe I’d rather have a gun pointed at me than a knife at my neck. Sounds scary.

 
I'm a lumberjack
 

I’m a Neo-Niewertian, I believe Neo in The Matrix was a terrorist.

 
 

SA and USA are very different places, separated by more than U.
This guy just wouldn’t have believed me, bbkf. The farmers around would have the big hunting guns and shotguns etc. but ordinary citizens being armed is not very common. Also, I was sitting working. Would my gun really be on my person and available?
Handguns are certainly available to the organised gangs in the city, but not to your average local hoodlum. This was probably a teenager looking for drug money. Also, this is a poverty-stricken rural community and guns are bloody expensive, I believe. I am sure our local drugs-and-gangs kingpin (who is a client of mine) has some at his disposal but not your average up-and-coming baddie. Knives are the weapon of choice.

 
 

Welcome back, tsam. Too bad you got a troll infestation rather than a fatted calf.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

I for one want to welcome our latest Niewertian Overlord.

 
The late lamented Norman Cohn
 

Eliminationist in the Niewertian sense

I think you will find that Niewert credits me for the concept of “eliminationism in the Cohnian sense”.

 
 

Suezboo, I really admire the manner in which you’ve been handling this crime. You are truly wise and compassionate.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Glenn Beck believing in insane conspiracies? Get out of here!

 
 

Glenn Beck believing in insane conspiracies?
Come now, there is no call to speak of the Book of Mormon in such disrespectful terms.

 
Packers the Easygoing Governor
 

Suezboo,…my heart goes out to you. I know this feeling. Your story hit especially hard this week as I’m visiting in the old stomping grounds known as “The Murder Capital of The U.S.A.”.

…and boring trolls are boring.

 
 

Gosh, what was the word from the GOP circa 1997… “words have consequences” or some such?

Though pffft, certainly not in the case of encouraging others to commit mayhem against the federal government, because if incitement to riot is illegal, incitement to violent revolution obviously couldn’t be, because shut up that’s why.

 
 

Dennis’ shtick is shopworn.

 
 

Stupid troll is stupid. And boring.

 
 

Fuck, Pennis, get the fuck over yourself already.

 
 

Suez – make sure you mention your experience to the local kingpin next time your paths cross. He may offer to do you a favor. Those drug and gang folks are odd that way.

 
 

Foraging news:
1. Boletus edulis (porcini), growing under the pine trees on the nearby golf course.
2. Calvatia craniiformis puffballs. All sauteed with butter and garlic.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Shorter DA regarding conspiracies: “I have questions.”

The Book of Mormon isn’t a conspiracy theory, it’s a con job. I thought you could tell the difference Dennis. Aren’t you the one with questions all the time?

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Dennis, because someone uses the word bitch, they’re not talking about you.

I believe you now owe tsam an apology for refusing to let him cut your throat.

 
 

Pups, I intend to do that. He returned my stolen car for me once. I did not ask how he got hold of it. I should perhaps mention that we never discuss his illegal business, just his front, legal business.

 
 

Those boletes are fine of course but the reason they’re so ungodly expensive is they dry so well. I’ve tried drying puffs but w/o success. Superb when fresh they make good stock, which, frozen, is a great way to store the flavor.

 
 

1. Boletus edulis (porcini), growing under the pine trees on the nearby golf course.

So there’s another thing, besides your mighty beard, that makes me insanely jealous of you

2. Calvatia craniiformis puffballs. All sauteed with butter and garlic.

We sometimes get ones as big as yer head in these parts.

So far, for me, it’s been nettles, nettles, nettles, plus some knotweed, wood sorrel, dandelion, redbud, and wisteria blossoms (don’t eat any other part of the plant). I have a ton of lambs quarters in front of the house and the mulberries are coming in.

 
 

This morning my daughter helpfully explained that “crica de Jesus” means “cunt of Jesus”.

I remember when she could barely say “shit” in Japanese. They grow up so fast.

 
 

Suezboo, you should move your computer so that you sit facing the door, so nobody can get the drop on you. Back in my 20’s, I literally had the message “don’t ever turn your back on an opponent” knocked into me by a size 16 foot belonging to a guy who’d have made a perfect “heavy” in a “James Bond” movie.

 
El Manquécito
 

An ex of mine modeling some giant puffballs.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Dennis, I haven’t interacted with suzebo before, why don’t you be truthful with her and tell her how much her experience doesn’t mean anything to you, instead?

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Why do you always have hot tubs on the brain, Dennis?

I can understand your envy, even a brain-dead zombie would have enough of a functioning nervous system to avoid sharing one with you if they had the choice.

 
 

One can understand all the fungus in here with all this moldering compost.

 
 

One can understand all the fungus in here with all this moldering compost.

They sure as hell aren’t fun guys.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

What’s the difference between Dennis and moldering compost?

One is a stinky pile of waste nobody in their right mind would interact with.

The other is a mindless heap that can help improve garden soil under the right conditions.

 
 

From two puffball seasons back:
http://eusa-riddled.blogspot.co.nz/2011/05/crafts-corner.html

the reason they’re so ungodly expensive is they dry so well
The Frau Doktorin has repeatedly informed me that she “does not wish to see my large mushroom”. I can give some away to other mycophiles down at the pub but there is still too much to eat, so “drying” and “making soup” loom large as possibilities.
Foteaux now up.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

You hadn’t interacted much with Cerb, either, DA, when you expressed your fake concern for her travails…

You didn’t show much empathy for her problems either, Dennis. I’m sorry that it upset you so much when I did so.

 
 

The other is a mindless heap that can help improve garden soil under the right conditions.

True of most people.

 
 

B4 : Actually, I should just not be so stupid as to leave the security gate on the front door unlocked. But I hear you.
I am trying only to interact here with people I know and trust.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

this just a few weeks after you made fun of a couple transgendered women for telling you how much guys like you make their lives harder for being jerks to them and scoffing at them

That’s funny, Dennis, you’ve never shown a concern for transgendered people before, and you keep thinking that anyone gives a damn for your fake concern in my case of interacting with a couple of people a while back that wasn’t perfect by your standards.

Get some sleep, Dennis, you want to be fresh and rested tomorrow @ 6:00 AM to bitch and whine about this blog and how I was mean, MEAN, I REALLY MEAN MEAN to a couple of people a while back.

Have a good night, cowboi, if you can.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

It’s not that you’re mean, it’s that you’re a phony liberal. You’re concern is all predicated on strategy. Minorities are nothing but props for you.

Gee, Dennis, paranoid much? Can’t bring yourself to show concern for someone robbed at knifepoint because that’s part of your strategy to show concern that others aren’t concerned about Suzeboo?

We’re all just props in your search for libruls who make conservatives like you cry.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Get some sleep, Dennis, you’re obviously demonstrating the beginnings of an emotional breakdown, beginning with your belief that you know what others are thinking, as in my case.

 
 

Anyway, it’s 4.10 am and I think I’ll try for some sleeping time. Thanks again to all of you good people for your support. Night.

 
 

Mycellia and the intarducts; both a system of tubes.

 
 

You guys have no idea how shallow and fake you are.

Laughable. The fakest thing in this thread by far* is the notion that you feel threatened by tsam.

*Wait, I posted some shit about wanting to fuck elves … But no, you’re faking more than I am. The eliminationist-calling bullshit on your part makes a cruel mockery of the dead and persecuted. Continue your fake outrage; everybody knows you won’t miss a wink tonight worrying that Sadlynaughts will find you and kill you.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Dennis doesn’t sympathize or empathize with anyone, therefore anyone else doing so is merely a hypocrite of one sort or another serving some mysterious librul agenda involving minorities.

 
 

I sign off noting this feeling I never get after provoking formidable humans. It’s like I might be attacked, but nothing will come of it, except possibly another opportunity for me to twist the blade … oh, I’m sorry Dennis, did that sound eliminationist? Rest easy, it was just a metaphor.

 
 

The wireless network at the hotel seems to be on the ” blacklisted IP” list.
What do I need to do? I’m posting this from my phone.

 
The Mayor of Upper Astroboffin
 

Fuckin’ stinks in here, and it ain’t the fungi. I gotta go find the Vick’s.

 
 

Snagged some morels recently but that’s about it. The truffles have been elusive this year.

Had a couple tini’s at the dog park (neighborhood private park) so Teh Ho will have to be satisfied with chicken paprikash and spaetzle and a salad. Cause I can whip that shit up even three sheets to the wind.

 
 

Major, you’re fucked. Use ur fone iz all.

 
 

B4 : Actually, I should just not be so stupid as to leave the security gate on the front door unlocked. But I hear you.
I am trying only to interact here with people I know and trust.

You’re a compassionate person, not a cynical bone in your body.

I learned my cynicism working in one of the roughest neighborhoods in the ‘States. First day on the job, I sat on a client’s roof trying to pinpoint the location of a jerk who was taking potshots at staff with a pellet gun during the 11PM shift change. I was also doing field work- investigating questionable insurance claims in the five boros of NYC.

 
 

Had a couple tini’s at the dog park (neighborhood private park) so Teh Ho will have to be satisfied with chicken paprikash and spaetzle and a salad.

Does the Georgian food truck serve chicken tabaka?

 
 

How to write good:

“Want to jack off together some time?” our friend August said to my husband, Jeff, one night over the phone. He invited Jeff to masturbate with him as casually as he might ask him to lunch. “It’s not a gay thing. It’s an Indian blood brothers thing,” he added.

Jeff was speechless. August was married to Dana, also a friend (their names have been changed, of course). Did she know what her husband was doing behind her back?

After gently declining the invitation and hanging up, Jeff told me about their conversation. “August made me promise not to tell you, but I didn’t think it was right to keep it from you,” he said.

I wanted to close my eyes and pretend this was not happening.

[…]

Besides, Jeff and I were running out of friends. As a childless, married couple in our mid-30’s, it was hard to find other DINKS (double income, no kids) to spend time with.

[…]

Marilyn Friedman is the founder of Writing Pad, a creative writing school in Los Angeles.

 
 

I apologize, I didn’t mean it, I’m not a complete dumbass who cannot comprehend what internet comments are like… I was just posting while completely shit-faced and it felt somehow witty and meaningful at the time. Slap me for my inanity, pls.

 
 

How to write good:

Sounds like Jeff missed out on some consensual hetero awesomeness.

 
 

Tabaco’s dirty snatch smells like a Mexican Pizza. Frank the Tank is a half shanty eye and half Afro. Classic libtard jerkoff

 
 

You guys a re a bunch of DOUCHEBAGS. I love you Dennis

 
 

Did she know what her husband was doing behind her back?
I imagine that she will find out come the money-shot, but you would have thought that the noises would have been a giveaway prior to that.

 
 

What is it they say about tugging on Superman’s cape?

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Those were just surveyor marks, Dennis.

It’s just like when Bill O’Reilly didn’t really mean to call Dr. Tiller a baby killer, or use eliminationist language, he was just engaging his viewers using a colorful metaphor to make his point.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

You mean O’Reilly didn’t say Dr Tiller the baby killer, Dennis? He didn’t say he was a murderer.

Metaphors all, Sleep Apnea DA. They’re always metaphors when said by liberals

Tell us who was under menace from those remarks, Dennis Did you seriously think that you(or bronies) was under some sort of real threat at any time?

Thanks for getting up before 6:00 AM Eastern, Dennis, we all learned what an obsessed jackass you can be when you don’t get your eliminationist way.

 
 

You posted before 5:00 your time, DA, sleep apnea/Aqualung freak. You get out of bed because you lie awake wondering if and what I might post.

BOR called hims murderer, yeah. He didn’t say he was going to skit his throat, or tell anyone else to go out and slit his throat. Unlike the metaphorical illiterati here.

 
 

Christ, how do I get the badger-script to work with Chrome?

It’s getting a little monotonous having to scroll past the pitiful bleatings of bloviating twatwaffles.

 
 

DA, now the liberals you suck up to are calling you a bleating, bloviating teat waffle.

And that will only strengthen your resolve to keep sucking.

That’s a double heh.

 
 

Snagged some morels recently but that’s about it.

we haz a sadz because it’s the second year in row without any morels…although there is a teeny one growing right next to the house…weird how they just randomly pop up sometimes…

speaking of things randomly popping up, ewww…do not like marilyn friedman…i think the reason she and jeff have problems finding friends is directly related to her being a pompous bitch…

 
 

aaaaaand the twatwaffle minsunderstands. Quelle surprise.

 
 

hey suezboo…glad you will be able to avail your client’s help in this…although i was only joking about you yelling that you had a gun, because rilly? does that work ever? it was interesting to read about how different your gun culture is to our insane one…although if you could have pulled a shotgun out of your bra and surprised him, that would have been teh awesome…

 
 

Did someone say morels??

The season was OK here in Mid-Atlantic Elitist land. It was very late because it stayed cold, but the rain fell at the right time so we found several nice batches over the course of three weekends.

Sorry. I am not gloating. Just relieved because we didn’t know how the late cold weather would affect them.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Poor Dennis, forced to get up before 6:00 AM to respond to us hateful libruls.

So I did or didn’t quote O’Reilly correctly, Dennis?

Thanks for demonstrating why John Stuart Mill was, and is still correct:

I never meant to say that the Conservatives are generally stupid. I meant to say that stupid people are generally Conservative. I believe that is so obviously and universally admitted a principle that I hardly think any gentleman will deny it.

 
 

No misunderstanding that the ‘s’ at the end of ‘twatwaffles’ means more than one, Pere.

 
 

Sorry. I am not gloating. Just relieved because we didn’t know how the late cold weather would affect them.

ooooh…this gives hope…i have wondered if our late cold weather coupled with the long bout of cool, cloudy, rainy conditions would perhaps spark the little buggers…i dunno…if my foggy memory is right, we usually have two barren years after a few good ones…

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Still sticks in your craw that Pere Ubu liked “Get Chutney Love”, doesn’t it, Dennis?

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

You know, it occurs to me that talking about slitting the throat of a troll on an ‘influential’ blog that might be read by a hundred different people on a good day is totally the same as broadcasting hate to millions of underinformed violent mouthbreathers day after day.

Clearly one party of this country has risen to prominence solely on the basis of its vilification of those who troll forums that identify the intellectual and moral shortcomings of the conservative political landscape. Obviously the left continues to rile up it’s most reactionary and dangerous supporters with never-ending tirades on radio TV and print calling for the persecution and elimination of internet forum trolls.

It’s easy to draw the comparison when billionaires support an anti internet forum troll industry to push their devious agenda, by lobbying in all fifty states and on capital hill, sending out flyers to everyone on their carefully constructed mailing lists and holding conferences on how the basement dwellers can be defeated or destroyed, and even organizing protests around any basement apartments that have internet connections and a suspiciously large pile of Cheetos bags and used tissue papers on the floor.

How hard it must be to suffer the contempt of twenty or thirty people who will never see you or meet you. How they must suffer never knowing if that knock at the door is the pizza guy or a savage unhinged knife wielding leftist with a grudge, provoked to insane violence by the propaganda of the anti internet forum troll industry. Because savage knife wielding leftists are a plague on the population of forum trolls and a deadly menace to society at large. Yep, if an internet forum troll were to actually encounter a savage knife wielding leftist, that troll would almost certainly be another sad statistic, another casualty of the lefts war on internet forum trolls that has already claimed so many.

One can only imagine the hardship if not knowing if the next baseless accusation, lie or libel could be one’s last, truly it is chilling to contemplate. It will be a terrible world when only the bravest forum trolls can virtually stand up in front of the hypothetical knives of the left and unload another barrage of casual racism or draw false equivalences between the contempt of some commenters at forum and the organized vilification and the tacit acceptance of violence up to and including murder of for example… abortion providers, racial minorities, Muslims, or anyone identifying as LBGTQ.

 
 

So I did or didn’t quote O’Reilly correctly, Dennis?

Whether you did or didn’t doesn’t matter. What you failed to do was make any kind of case that what he said had anything to do with Tiller’s death. That’s why you have to now ask questions. Along with pretending you’re smart because you call yourself a liberal, quoting Mill over and over and over without ever even once providing empirical evidence to support it, since to you and your poetic license claim, ‘generally’ could mean just about anything you wanted it to mean.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Whether you did or didn’t doesn’t matter. What you failed to do was make any kind of case that what he said had anything to do with Tiller’s death.

You really suck at reading comprehension, Dennis, didn’t you learn how to do that when you went to St. Louis University?

Technically you’re correct.

I failed to make any kind of case because I didn’t, I just noted that he used eliminationist language.

That’s why you have to now ask questions.

Nope, I’ve got it now, calling Dr. Tiller wasn’t eliminationist language, it was just a colorful metaphor.

Along with pretending you’re smart because you call yourself a liberal

Sorry, Dennis, you’re an idiot not because you’re conservative, you’re just an idiot who happens to be conservative.

quoting Mill over and over and over without ever even once providing empirical evidence to support it, since to you and your poetic license claim, ‘generally’ could mean just about anything you wanted it to mean.

I haven’t applied for my poetic license yet, Dennis.

So?

 
 

bbfk – We now feel 99% confident that it is soil temp that triggers them to come up. The wetter it is when the magic temp happens, the better.

(Yes, we do get really nerdy about the morels.)

P.S. Puppy update?

 
 

You know, it occurs to me that talking about slitting the throat of a troll on an ‘influential’ blog that might be read by a hundred different people on a good day is totally the same as broadcasting hate to millions of underinformed violent mouthbreathers day after day.

You excuse your Eliminationist language on the grounds that your just small-time, penny ante violators, Helmut. That’s very common among liberals. It’s weak.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

We now feel 99% confident that it is soil temp that triggers them to come up

That wouldn’t be surprising, fungi don’t have chlorophyll or another way to detect the increasing amount of light as spring goes into summer, so temperature and humidity are probably the determining factors for when they pop up out of the ground.

In western North America, the capricious association between black and grey morels and fire habitat results in a wild morel picking industry that is typically localized, ephemeral, and highly transitory.

That’s from an article about developing morels as a commercial product in British Columbia. Very interesting, IMHO.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

You excuse your Eliminationist language on the grounds that your just small-time, penny ante violators, Helmut. That’s very common among liberals. It’s weak.

You excuse O’Reilly’s Eliminationist language about the late, murdered Dr. Tiller because why, Dennis?

 
 

And hey, Djur’s filtered RSS still works:

http://djur.desperance.net/sadlyno/rss/feed?bad_users=|Fenwick|actor212|Dennis|St.+Jesus*|Conserva*|jurass*|Get+Chut*|

 
 

Ah the domesticated morel. The Philosopher’s Stone of the mushroom growing industry. From what I’ve learned, they are fractious, even for mushrooms and the growing kits are more of a scam than X-Ray specs.

I remember about a decade ago there was a huge forest fire in Alaska (??) and much talk about the economic opportunities that would come with a potential morel boom. Don’t know how that panned out.

I think that when we hunt we find what there is to be found, fortunately forest fires aren’t needed out here. We’ve tried selling them to restaurants in really good years but they have suppliers, mainly in the mid-west I take it.

 
 

Is there a killfile for eliminating Eliminationist language, Sub? Even the small potato/petit larceny stuff Helmut describes it as.

 
 

Well, here goes… I love you, love you, love you all, more than life, more than li-ife, more than anybody else…
Extrmentalism is a thing of the past, at last, at last…
Let my people go…
Love is a first/ he hath that owns it deserves/ love is a curse?/how could you blurt that love is a curse/ love is a first/ dark riding horses deserve…
Have a nice day!
Pray, pray…
Accept Jesus into your heart this very day!

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Here’s a handy guide to growing morels at home, note that this doesn’t involve a kit that you order online or in the mail………..

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Get off the iPad and get back to production, Dwight.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Sub, thanks for the link to the filtered RSS, that works very well.

 
 

http://djur.desperance.net/sadlyno/rss/feed?bad_users=|Fenwick|actor212|Dennis|St.+Jesus*|Conserva*|jurass*|Get+Chut*|

Hahaha. They want all traces of your existence gone, DA. You know this, so you scramble frantically copying and pasting every last morsel you can about…..fucking morels.

Never in my life have I witnessed such pathetic groveling on the Internet.

 
 

It’s imperfect but satisfying, and sad that it’s necessary.

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Never in my life have I witnessed such pathetic groveling on the Internet.

I have an interest in morels, Dennis, stemming from when I took Mycology back in college.

As for pathetic groveling, I think Rebecca has probably seen more pathetic groveling than any of the commentators here.

She’ll remove that deadbolt from the bedroom door when she’s ready, and not before.

 
 

Never in my life have I witnessed such pathetic groveling on the Internet.

Never read your own posts, huh?

Admit it, Dennis. We fascinate you. You can’t live without us. You have some sort of bizarre obsession with us. It would be flattering if it weren’t so sick.

 
Rebecca Asshurt Schlacter
 

He’s right, Dennis.

 
Daughter Schlacter
 

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, you’re embarrassing me again!

 
 

Now, the thing about the filtered RSS feed is that it requires people to stick to a name, which Dennis mostly has the ability to do: he has at least one dedicated reader who will always respond. If Get Chutney Love would stick to a name (or at least stick to the first part) then it would be a kind favour.

 
 

Seriously, I might need to go back to Firefox if this shit keeps up.

Chrome seems to feel they need to dictate which extensions I can and can’t run, and Sadly, No! scripts apparently don’t meet their high standards.

 
 

bbfk – We now feel 99% confident that it is soil temp that triggers them to come up. The wetter it is when the magic temp happens, the better.

(Yes, we do get really nerdy about the morels.)

P.S. Puppy update?sweet! let’s hope we hit that magic temp/wetness ratio…i found a recipe last year for a morel dish and i really, really want to use it…interesting too about fire and morels…one of our hotspots is in an area that is regularly burned by the feds…i will alert hubbkf…

maeve is growing like the proverbial weed…never tires of playing with leaves and is still cuter than anything i’ve ever seen…i will have to see if hubbkf has some recent pics of her that i can post…

 
Get Chutney Love
 

Have a good life, cowboi Dennis.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

OK, I downloaded greasemonkey and the SN Total Commenter Death user script. I’m embarrassed that I hadn’t done it earlier, but it was easy and works well. Highly recommended.

 
 

I have an interest in morels, Dennis, stemming from when I took Mycology back in college.

Hahahahaha.

DA performing Grovelingus on the hot tub kids.

 
I am Dennis' Wee wee-wee
 

Yes, Dennis, because adding to a conversation is exactly the same as groveling.

 
Dennis' Wee wee-wee
 

You don’t want to see me in a hot tub, btw, and you won’t unless you have an atomic force scanning microscope.

 
Dennis Gene Butthurt Schlacter
 

Hi

 
 

You don’t want to see me in a hot tub, btw,

You were never invited in to this one, DA. Now they’re running kill files to make sure they don’t even have to bother to skip over your groveling to let you in.

Hahaha. Even with your mycology degree.

 
 

DA, you are a fucking twisted, perverted sick disgusting human. You have serious mental issues. Must be your shanty eyes combined with the Afro that turn you into a bitter scumbag. You are an ASSHOLE.

Helmuthead. No one gives a shit what you think. You and all your fellow libtards are dumb, stupid, illiterate jackasses. Enough said

 
 

How about writing about something new, something of interest. Why not consider writing on the fact that our President doesn’t know how to tell the TRUTH! Four (4) Americans “slaughtered” in a foreign country on his watch and he feigns ignorance of the issue. Now there’s a topic I believe would generate reader interest.

I also believe if you, the liberal jackasses along with the liberal media really dig-in and expose the truth behind the Benghazi massacre, Hillary Clinton will be brought to trial, charged, and convicted of treason, sent to jail, JUSTICE will be served! Whatever happened to the expectation that we Americans elect individuals who profess to support the Constitution, take an OATH to always tell the Truth, display character and integrity while serving us.

 
 

Must be your shanty eyes…

Are those like shack, shed, lean-to or cabin eyes?

 
 

I heartily agree that there is way too much eliminationist posting on Sadly, No! By my calculations 1 out of every 32 post is about POOP!

 
 

Maybe if we all post as Dennis it will get confused and go away?

 
 

Yep, 1l2ns dem challenger has dropped out which, for me, confirms my thinking the crazy bitch was forced out by the party.

 
 

Blart! BLART BLART BLART blart blaRT blart.

 
 

Blart.

 
Dennis Gene the Scary Machine
 

I got my BA in Biology, Dennis, you don’t earn undergraduate degrees in Mycology unless you go to MOTU College or Ball State University.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

No chicken tabaka at that place. Too hard to roll and keep lit, I think. I posted a pic of the menu, dinni?

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Also blart.

 
Got Courtly Love?
 

You can’t hide your shanty eyes
And that Afro that you can’t disguise
I thought by now, you’d realize
There ain’t no where to hide
Your shanty eyes.

 
 

“Want to jack off together some time?” our friend August said to my husband, Jeff, one night over the phone. He invited Jeff to masturbate with him as casually as he might ask him to lunch. “It’s not a gay thing. It’s an Indian blood brothers thing,” he added.

Gotta love how he dragged Native Americans into the mix. It’s like Orientalism. Not a dirty ol’ gay thing, but an exotic, faintly sacred vacation.

 
 

OK, I downloaded greasemonkey and the SN Total Commenter Death user script. I’m embarrassed that I hadn’t done it earlier, but it was easy and works well. Highly recommended.

Total Commenter Death? That’s eliminationist!!!

 
 

I got my BA in Biology, Dennis, you don’t earn undergraduate degrees in Mycology unless you go to MOTU College or Ball State University.

With your biology degree and interest in mycology, why wouldn’t you take a job at Midstate or Sutton’s Iris Garden watering flowers, DA? Wouldn’t you enjoy that a lot more than sitting at home day after sucking up to folks who write kill files to eliminate all traces of your existence?

 
 

Yep, 1l2ns dem challenger has dropped out which, for me, confirms my thinking the crazy bitch was forced out by the party.

indeedly…which makes me sad cuz i would have liked to see graves get into that district which is notoriously hard-core conservative…but, hey…win some, lose some…

 
Got Courtly Love?
 

The Native Americans never practiced “blood brotherhood”, AFAIK that’s a Hollywood invention to link the two concepts together, like walking the plank was invented for pirate movies.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Total Commenter Death? That’s eliminationist!!!

Well, if the shoe fits… As that was the second time I have been accused of being and eliminationist in one morning, I must now accept the fact that I’m probably the most eliminating eliminationist since King Eliminator of Eliminationvania won the double elimination eliminating tournament of dickity six.

 
Dennis Gene Butthurt Schlacter
 

th your biology degree and interest in mycology, why wouldn’t you take a job at Midstate or Sutton’s Iris Garden watering flowers, DA?

Sutton’s Iris Gardens moved to Idaho, Dennis. Why do you want me to move to Idaho?

Wouldn’t you enjoy that a lot more than sitting at home day after sucking up to folks who write kill files to eliminate all traces of your existence?

Why do you enjoy sitting at the office day after day, writing insults to folks who write kill files so they don’t have to deal with your shit, Dennis?

 
Got Courtly Love?
 

I’m sorry to hear that about Rebecca, Dennis. Will you be able to take her home after the 72-hour hold expires?

 
 

I finally read Cerb’s whole post. So long. Worth the time, though.

We should get t-shirts. “I read Cerberus’s fisking and all I got was this lousy t-shirt,” or something. That’s no good, but there are possibilities.

 
 

“tsam, no one gives a shit about your shitty car and guitar”

Because the men from Mars have stopped eating cars and guitars, and now they’re only eating bars.

 
 

Dance, badgers, dance!

 
 

Blart. Blart blart.

 
tsam who talks tough but truthfully really digs "The Notebook" and puppies
 

YOU GUYS–I WAS JUST INFORMED THAT WORKING WOMEN ARE VIOLATING NATURAL LAWS AND CONTRIBUTE HEAVILY TO THE DECAY OF OUR MORAL FIBER.

We’re all fucking DEAD!

 
 

Maybe if we all post as Dennis it will get confused and go away?

I think we actually tried that before AT A SNARK BLOG OF ALL THINGS!!!!!

 
 

Snark blogs should always be taken seriously. DO IT OR I’LL KILL YOU.

 
Dennis Chowder
 

tsam, tell your correspondent to try carrots, raw spinach or in extremis, Metamucil for his fiber issues.

Alternatively, he could try a big bag of dicks.

And yes, I’m sure it’s a “him.”

 
 

Sutton’s Iris Gardens moved to Idaho, Dennis. Why do you want me to move to Idaho?

Uhh, so you can get a job and move out if that shithole house, neighborhood and town, DA. Good lord, you live right next to a freaking cemetery. Fuck.

 
 

tsam, tell your correspondent to try carrots, raw spinach or in extremis, Metamucil for his fiber issues

The guy is a regular comedian.

 
Dennis of the Corridors
 

Good lord, you live right next to a freaking cemetery.

Is there a downside to this?

 
 

Good lord, you live right next to a freaking cemetery.

Is there a downside to this?

people are just dying to get in there…

 
 

If I lived next to a cemetery I could finally finish that monster project I shelved a few years back to raise ferrets.

 
Dennis Chowder
 

The guy is a regular comedian.

I’m just responding with the POOPular remedies to common problems, is all.

 
 

BLART! BLART BLART BLART BLART BLART BLART BLART BLART BLART BLART BLART BLART BLART BLART BLART BLART

 
 

In the heavy rain season, DA has to worry about dogs walking down the street carrying femurs in their mouths.

“Ol Sport got him a good un, that one ought a last him a while.”

 
Dennis of the Corridors
 

If I lived next to a cemetery I could finally finish that monster project I shelved a few years back to raise ferrets.

Where’s the synergy here? Ghoulish ferrets feastin’ on freshly-interred friends & family?

Or — You shelved a monster project in favor of ferret-raising? What would that say about a man.

 
 

I also believe if you, the liberal jackasses along with the liberal media really dig-in and expose the truth behind the Benghazi massacre, Hillary Clinton will be brought to trial, charged, and convicted of treason, sent to jail, JUSTICE will be served

SNERK.

 
Dennis of the Corridors
 

In the heavy rain season, DA has to worry about dogs walking down the street carrying femurs in their mouths.

Worry? And: is there a downside to this?

 
 

I go out to run some errands and I come back to find the badgers are DANCING!

 
Dennis of the Corridors
 

Oh, Dennis. I have no time to blog; I barely comment. My plate is full: the job, the commute, the wife, games, music, drinking, and the fortnightly faux-aboriginal circle-jerks that give our lives meaning.

 
 

Too hard to roll and keep lit, I think.
That’s why I just make brownies.

Good lord, you live right next to a freaking cemetery. Fuck.
My brother lives next to a cemetary, he’s never had a lick of trouble from the neighbors. They’re also very quiet.

 
 

Thanks, Dennis, I’m gonna take your encouragement at face value.

 
Meine Gott is Courtney Love
 

Dennis, only a superstitious/weak mind would be icked out at the prospect of living next to a cemetery. We have people who were born in the 18th Century buried there, along with a fair number of American veterans from the Civil War to the 2nd Gulf War. I dunno why that should be bothersome unless someone suffers from the same limited mentality that you display around here.

Why do you hate dead veterans? Why do you think it’s funny to imagine my dogs carrying their femurs? Are you some sort of Communist, someone whose stomach twists at the thought of The Flag, Mom and Apple Pie?

And I’m sorry that you’re not up to date on things around here in Porterville, but then you’re probably as diligent in your production as you are accurate with your research into how things are in southeastern Tulare County.

 
 

Good lord, you live right next to a freaking cemetery. Fuck.
My brother lives next to a cemetary, he’s never had a lick of trouble from the neighbors. They’re also very quiet.

Living next to a cemetery would be awesome- you have a large tract of green space with, as you say, quiet neighbors. There’s little traffic, most of it in the early afternoon. I live not too far from Woodlawn Cemetery, in a neighborhood which straddles the Bronx-Yonkers border, and the quality of life is greatly improved by the vast amount of greenspace provided by the cemetery and Van Cortlandt Park.

 
Meine Gott is Courtney Love
 

Yes, in the oldest part of the cemetery here, the afternoons are cool in the shade of many trees along with the wind we have this time of year.

 
Dzhokhar Avenger
 

Dennis, I would get a lawyer to deal with the criminal issues. You don’t know what the doctors are going to say Monday morning even if she does get out.

 
 

I live next to a HUGE cemetery.

In the event of a zombie holocaust, I am SO fucked.

 
 

The nearly perfectly named JOSM has released the results of a study on BDSM folk.

The conclusion – BDSM doesn’t belong in the DSM.

(OK, so there’s already a lot of reporting on this study that is not accurate and it is going to get worse. I doubt any reporter is going to pay for a full view of the report, much less understand it. However, I thought it was interesting on its face because sex and that it counters stereotypes of BDSM folk being mentally disturbed.)

 
 

A dreaded sunny day, so I meet you by the cemetery gates…

 
 

So we go inside and gravely read the stones

 
 

The grave’s a fine and private place,
but none, I fear, do there embrace.

 
The late lamented Norman Cohn
 

some sort of Niewertian eliminationism

I remain disappoint by Dennis’ inability, not only to understand the concept of ‘eliminationism’, but to cite the original source.

 
 

Ghoulish ferrets feastin’ on freshly-interred friends & family?
TEH FUCHING FERRETS!!

 
Got Courtly Love?
 

remain disappoint by Dennis’ inability

Join the club.

 
 

Ford only loses one staffer today. But his week of interviews have yielded three new hires, none of whom are willing to be named publicly. Possibly three more to announce on Monday!

 
Peter S. Beagle
 

A. Marvell said,
May 31, 2013 at 22:13

The grave’s a fine and private place,
but none, I fear, do there embrace.

Indubitably.

 
 

“Everything happened very quickly,” said Dean Hordal. “After I thought about what I done, it’s not something I would probably do again.”

I am totally different from Dean Hordal.

 
 

“He actually dropped the dog and the cat continued up the tree and I continued down the tree.”

 
 

He said in the three weeks since the encounter Mikah [the dog] is doing well. His stitches have been removed and the only symptom remaining from the incident is Mikah’s high-pitched “strangled bark.”

I need to know whether Mikah’s new bark is still loud and annoying, or quieter than before.

 
 

Wildlife experts attribute the upsurge in attacks partly to spring bringing about more aggressive behaviour in young beavers that are sent away to stake out their own territory. Largely nocturnal, beavers can also become disoriented during the daytime and attack out of fear, according to Viktor Kozlovsky, a wildlife expert.

 
 

I mean, say what you like about the basic tenets of Neiwertian Liberal Philosophy, Dude, at least it’s an ethos

 
 

Dennis, you’re just getting tiresome blathering about “Niewert Eliminationalism” without even stating what the term means.

You’ve yet to explicate why O’Reilly’s “Tiller the Baby Killer” is acceptable dialog in this day and age.

You’ve yet to explain references to abstract bitches getting their throats cut by commentators on a librul blog get you into a pearl-clutching mode when you didn’t even comment on the thread yet.

I hope Rebecca and your daughters never find out how pathetic you are, like this guy had happen to him in Idaho.

It is rare indeed to find a middle-aged, respected CPA who is also a Hitler-worshiping Holocaust denier intent on building an all-white Aryan homeland. Yet that is exactly what Timothy Stephen Folke, an accountant whose firm in Payette, Idaho, audits many of Idaho’s public schools and other government entities, appears to be. In secret. And with the personal advice of Hitler.

http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/intelligence-report/browse-all-issues/2013/summer/the-aryan-accountant#.Uak6W1NdxRz

To be fair, he’s not exactly like you, AFAIK, you’ve never heard voices in your head nor engage in any kind of farming activity, or ever published any fiction.

A cautionary tale, Dennis, to those with ears to hear, and wit to stop before they run off a cliff.

 
Dennis Chowder
 

Grab the cougar by the tail.

Last time I tried that, I got slapped. I guess it’s all in the timing.

 
 

Meaning, “after midnight.”

 
 

Whee, I haz badgers.

Of course, beavers dancing would be more topical.

 
 

Geez, the script’s pretty editable and I got plenty of images…

 
God with a heart
 

Per seriamente questa volta, questo è l’ultimo giorno per il male. Ma molto di più strivier è molto più jivier. Cosa faresti per un bar Klondike?
Cordiali saluti, Dio
(with a heart)

 
 

(comments are closed)