Wingnut All-Star: Jeff Goldstein (Part I)
Wingnut: Jeff Goldstein
Team: Macho Men
League: Chickenhawk
AKA: Pasty, Count Blogula, Purblind Jism, Manshake, Mark Discordia
Affinities/Attributes: Psychosis, Bullying, Paste-Eating, Dissembling, Lit Theory
Managed By: Pajamas Media Affiliate
He Shall Overcome
(Since Jeff Goldstein’s anti-fans have been clumsily psychoanalysed by Ace of Debased — an effort since punctured by Brad, Roy and TBOGG — consider this my reply in kind, and well worth the effort since Goldstein and his commenters have recently started outing anonymous liberals.)
Jeff Goldstein is a real piece of work, a posterchild for the inferiority complex and resultant over-compensation issues delineated in Adlerian psychology. As is so often the case, the inferiorities he feels are both real and, simply, perceived. There’s nothing wrong with being a Mr. Mom or failed academic, yet Goldstein’s behavior indicates he feels differently — he’s so very touchy about it. On the other hand, there is something wrong with being a chickenhawk coward, a paste-eating cretin, and a talentless hack. Hence his overcompensation in the form of obnoxious aggression (often to the point of violent threats), pseudo-intellectual windbaggery, atrociously banal “short-fictions”.
To the casual observer, Goldstein might seem to be a garden-variety internet wingnut, a suburban douchebag whose sad and petty hatreds, frustrations over stagnated ambitions and innate cowardice lead him to adopt a sort of Walter-Mitty-As-Rambo-As-Whackjob-Blogger schtick, whereby all his fantasies of action and genocidal crusade and manly-man aggression are sated through internet jackassery. Of course if Goldstein really wanted some adventure, he could go to the recruiting office, but — hahahahaha — everyone knows that ain’t gonna happen. And yeah, all of this is common enough on the WingNet, although Goldstein has a curiously ambitious drive to be the biggest jerk of them all, and he very nearly succeeds. Added to this drive and his deep, abiding fear that he might be a weenie is his status as “Literature Wingnut” and the unique salad of sex and violence issues which reside in his otherwise empty brainpan; Goldstein’s a hell of a case study.
His sex and violence issues I’ll deal with first; if by the end you’re not also convinced that Goldstein is certifably crazy and that, therefore, he ought to be straitjacketed and shot-up with elephant tranquilizers, then you should be drubbed to death with a giant dildo.
A Little Penis Fixation
Jeff Goldstein has without a doubt the biggest macho complex at least since George Thorogood’s. Which is why the “chickenhawk” epithet is so injurious to him. (Goldstein is so discombobulated by the Chickenhawk label that he, like Jonah Goldberg, has to rely on Christopher Hitchens’s argument against it; both are too stupid or dishonest to acknowledge that Hitchens was revising himself; and of course none of this prevents Goldstein from turning right around and applying a derivative of the term to Rod Dreher.) Like all the rest of the 82nd Chairborne Brigade, his affected stance is broadly swaggering, hypermasculine, chock-full of bravado and chest-thumping — all of which is not only self-serving, but also a distended reaction inspired by how Goldstein sees the Left: as a collection of wimps. The irony of course is that if Goldstein were really so tough and so confident of his pro-war righteousness as all his rhetoric insists, he’d be in Iraq. But then he, like all chickenhawks, regards such moral logic as unreasonable and impossible. Actually, the very idea of 101st Keyboarders putting, so to speak, their money where their mouth is, is liable to make them terrified to the point of incontinence. And though I’m fairly sure that Goldstein’s barcalounger has more than its share of urine stains, the Left’s perception that Goldstein isn’t heroic material inspires in him a great deal more than that. Goldstein the Chickenhawk is reduced to violently asserting that he too is a macho man!Reduced to soiling himself not in fear but in anger! To asserting that he is more manly than any lefty, to be sure, (despite what his adenoidal, wimpy voice sounds like, which he is always quick to say is the fault of technology, not lack of testosterone!) and it is with monomaniacal fixation on his genitals and those of others that he means to demonstrate his ultimate masculinity. Thus Goldstein-Chickenhawk becomes Goldstein-Cockvulture and his garden-variety wingnut resentment becomes a thematic demonstration of his unique insanity.
After calling a fellow wingnut (who allowed that John Murtha might be onto something) a “Chickenlittlehawk” and then being reminded that he is one of the biggest Chickenhawks around, Goldstein replied:
All those using the chickenhawk argument are on the wrong board. Here you go.And here’s the contributor’s page for Kevin.
I added him to my AIM buddy list: catcomguy.
I’m going to see if we can set up a meeting. He seems so tough in his picture—cigarette, beer, hat turned backwards, Malcolm X glasses.
Wonder if he’d like to feel my dick slapping him across his face.
WTF, huh? Well, here he explains his “authorial intent”:
It means what it means, you wannabe-tough baby pussy. Specifically, that if you want to call me a chickenhawk to my face, I’ve added you to my AIM (you haven’t reciprocated) so that I can get your personal info, or give you mine, and we can arrange a meet up.At which point, after I beat you like a bitch, I will hold you down and smack you across the face repeatedly with my cock.
Pretty simple.
Let’s get started on this.
And:
Pancakes? Bisquick and water.Now about spanking Kevin’s across his face with my cock…
To a Jewish emailer who asks him to quit giving his fellow Jews a bad name, the first thing Goldstein can think of in response is:
howsabout you just glue on a bit of the foreskin you snip off the next transient you blow, then try to blend.
He thinks John Cole’s lefty commenters are:
[a] band of dickless fucktards
Meanwhile, the Liberal Avenger is in Goldstein’s estimation:
a world class cock.
And TBOGG’s commenters are denounced as:
fucking turnip-headed dickslurpers who hang out at this pseudo-intellectual dump fellating each other over their own supposed “reality-based” genius to piss on the reputations of strangers while posting under such clever screen names. How fucking brave.But no worries. Rather than trying to engage, instead we get funny pictures of clowns and regurgitated memes from Poorman & Atrios (Jeff is stupid) and Glenn Greenwald (Jeff is a Bush cultist). But hey, whatever keeps your traffic flowing and the self-congratulatory jism pumping “Tbogg.”
On encountering a genuine anti-semite on a fellow wingnut’s blog (imagine!), which gave him license to reply in whatever fashion, Goldstein’s cock-fixation again showed itself to be dominant:
Wow, what a release of pent-up incoherence, Cedarford. So happy to have a forum for your anti-Jew material that you shot your load too soon, eh? Couldn’t even onjure up a nice Jew bash fantasy before cuming all over the comments section?
Wingnuts in 2004 said a lot of choice things about Dan Rather, but it’s doubtful many of them immediately saw fit to comment about his man-junk. But then Goldstein is unique:
I think I just heard one of Dan Rather’s testicles climb up into his abdomen.
But even within the context of his monomania, sometimes he frets about things closer to home, as it were. Of a dietary supplement, he asks:
…So. Nothing is going to, you know…shrivel, is it –?
The supplement’s giggles were not recorded.
Not that all his cock-fixation program activities are about threats and insults; some involve fantasies and even compliments. And lame attempts at humor, like his “interview” with Jeff Gannon’s “COCK” (a word that Goldstein, Master of Projection, always renders in all-caps, by which he means to underline the object of the Left’s supposed fixation). And naturally, wingnuts, already taking seriously their claim to general idiocy, hasten to prove their atrocious aesthetic judgement by lauding Goldstein’s efforts.
Even friends make Goldstein think of cock. Of his pal Patrick Bateman Vodkapundit, Goldstein blurbs:
Steve Green is to blogging what John Holmes was to enormous penises.
On finding Tucker Carlson’s replies to Jon Stewart (who had called Carlson a dick; yet unlike Goldstein, Stewart is not known to exhibit a pattern of cockomania; he meant the term as being synonymous with “jerk”) apparently too feeble, Goldstein, presumably since the very word was mentioned and therefore drawn like moth to flame (cockotropism?), couldn’t resist providing Carlson with ammo:
“It’s genetic, the big dick thing. My father was hung like a horse.�
[…]
“Any truth to the rumor you and Lewis Black like to toss each others’ salads?
So. Very. Funny. The penis, apparently, is the soul of wit — and fantasy! The penises of enemies are too fodder for Goldstein’s ordinarily shrivelled and tiny imagination which becomes, suddenly, vivid:
Atrios awakens—simultaneously aroused and a bit ashamed—to find his stumpy Duncan jr. still semi-tumescent, his sheets puddled and tacky from a longing that, alas, millions of slackjawed Rethuglican voters refuse to let come to pass…
And:
We’ll be treated to a post about my hypocrisy that misses the point, obfuscates the identity of the speakers, muddles the context, and is replete with trademark Roy “smarts� that are then dutitfully parrotted and cheered by his robotic reaadership who, like the proverbial emperor’s sycophantic minions, will pretend that he’s not marching around in his cyber bedroom with his little prick bobbing about like a poorly-functioning metronome.
And:
Which assessment, I might add, is quite different from the one he had of me back when he was still going by Andrew Northrup and not trying to pick traffic crumbs out of the pudendas of Atrios and Kos like some lowly genital crab.
And (with ample projection):
Riiiight. Like I’m going to answer that and let you finish getting yourself off.Sorry. You’re going to have to insert some other guy’s cockswallowing into your masturbatory fantasies.
And:
Tell me, Bart? Do you masturbate to mental images of yourself standing astride the world, being noble?Tell me, Bart, were you whacking off to thoughts of yourself fightin’ the good fight as you typed out that comment?—slapping your half-hard joint against your thigh to the mental strains of Country Joe and the Fish? Did you squirt all over that pic of Joe Wilson looking all Bond-like in Vanity Fair right as you wrote “little bitch�?
And not to forget his characterization of a certain feminist’s prom date:
I mean, what guy in his right mind would want to spend the wee hours of the morning having some bitter, long-suffering ideologue read Gertrude Stein to him while his rented-tux tucked erection (already dubious, given the company) is folding up tent and trying to make a run for his own asshole?
In other words: “take that, dyke!” But then for Macho Man Goldstein, since all that’s manly is good (Harvey Mansfield says so!) all that’s feminine must be bad. Goldstein’s first inclination is to impugn the masculinity of his perceived enemies; who better for him to trash than those who to him are nothing but wannabe-men? Thus his (typically unfunny) stance to the effect that outspoken women are intolerable freaks, who are bitter, shrill and seething of penis-envy. Yet even when sneering against feminists, Goldstein’s cockomania takes over, like for instance in this tedious attempt at an anti-feminist gotcha, where he was driven to distraction yet again by cock:
What bothers me most about this story—aside from all the penises in the room […]
But then there’s something about lefty women that brings Goldstein’s bitterness to boil:
But hey, keep the love coming. Anonymous pricks like you only pretend to stand for things like true gender equality—until you have the opportunity to take your shots, at which point you just can’t help showing your true colors.
I mean, who can blame you for not be willing to put your name to this stuff? Once the feminists find out what a secret misogynistic poseur you are, they’ll stop giving you handjobs after the latest Title IX march.
Then, inevitably, the humiliation fantasies:
But that wasn’t really the point of my bringing up “Majikthise’s� post. Which was this: Lindsay “majikthise� Beyerstein: hot or not?
Me, I kind of like the ironic / blase sneer and the angst pirate affectation.
Or maybe she’s just sitting on cucumber.
Either way, the fact that she’s an analytical philosopher is just so damn sexy. And even if she turns out to be a total bitch (which, how likely is that), I could just close my eyes and imagine myself getting a dirty sanchez from Wittgenstein.
Does all of this macho violent cockomania and misogyny seem a little bit “Theban Sacred Band” and a whole lot “John Derbyshire” to you? Was Gary Farber onto something when he wrote this little jest? I wonder…
Hmm:
I’m uncomfortable seeing gay men kiss. Which is odd, because I don’t think I’d have a problem should I happen to stumble upon them going at it like a couple of rutting bull elks.
Hmmm:
Who cares?—so long as I get to see gay cowboys going at it all tender and dignified and chapless.
These are nervous jokes, while this is a primer for homophobic hysteria laid much too thickly, and this — this is something else altogether, apparently about an ex-roommate:
5. Tony something or other, who lived with me on 5th Street in Ocean City, MD, in the late 1980s.Remember that time you were all coked up and were putting holes in the bedroom walls with your fists, Tony? Remember being buck naked with an erection while doing so? Remember my trying to stop you, and your wigging out and throwing punches at me? Remember me having to parry not only your wild roundhouse rights, but your angry, springy penis?
You’re lucky I didn’t kill you in your sleep, man.
And I have no idea what to make of this, but Christ is it sick.
But in other ways, too, Goldstein’s mask slips:
What, you think moronic, limp-wristed, defeatist, wanna-be intellectual ironist progressives are in short supply or something? The coffee shops are CRAWLING with them.
Busted on that “limp-wristed” remark, Goldstein dissembled:
Limpwristed means effete. Why you make the jump to guys playing Brokeback Mountain is your own hangup, “prick.�
Huh. Maybe so? Ahh, sadly, no! Here is one of Goldstein’s dread “funny” pieces in which he applies human characteristics to an armadillo. Its author “makes the jump”, too:
…turns out he’d been surprised the week before in the restroom of the Olney Dairy Queen by an employee while he was buried hip deep inside an effete Black-tailed Jackrabbit (Lepus californicus)—and down in Texas, that kind of Brokeback Mountain thing is frowned upon, especially where there’s species mixing going on.Ultimately, I guess he figured it was better to get drunk and throw himself under a pickup truck than, y’know…get snatched up by the local roughnecks and dragged behind one, chained to the bumper.
Poor little mixed up queer.
Now a note for those susceptible to Goldstein’s “authorial intent” bullshit. The playfulness and irony in this story, such that it is, lies in its anthropomorphism, and why it works to the extent that it does is precisely because it is also narrated in a “straight” (no pun) voice. Not to get ahead of myself here, but these little nuggets of talentless puerility serve the function of allowing Goldstein to have his bigotry and eat it too (note also the reference to being chained behind a truck and dragged to death in Texas — Goldstein is refering in a hahafunnyfunny way to the awful hate-murder of James Byrd).
Anyway, it is plain what he means by “limp-wristed” and “effete”; and we’ve all read of this sort of thing before, in a blessedly funnier context: “Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?”
Enough was enough, and aware of some of this I hurriedly posted to Goldstein in my first and last comment to his blog:
“limp-wristedâ€?? “effete fucktardâ€? this after you threatened (three times, so delighted you were with your own puerility) to smack kevin with your cock.your “im so much more butch than you, but can i see your penis first just to make sure?â€? schtick has just gotta stop.look, goldstein, it’s real simple. you need to pull out of john derbyshire, and the both of you kick open the closet door already.
it’s all right. it really is. the only thing that makes it ugly is the self-loathing.
And as if compelled to prove my point, he replied immediately:
What’s the matter—can’t use the shift key with you [sic] cock in your fist?Fuck off. If I was interested in your opinion I’d visit your site. And if Kevin doesn’t want his ears boxed by my dick, he shouldn’t come to my site and call me a coward.
But I was wrong about his affliction. Mere sexual self-loathing can’t account for all the pathological things he’s written. He’s nasty and unstable to his core. Witness this bit of incoherent, raging insanity:
Today’s subject: tristero, who (let’s face it) has the intellect of a gibbon, though he clearly fancies himself a brilliant debunker of lockstep winguttery. In fact, his post (as seen on Digbysblog) —Loven stole HIS idea about the strawmans, we’re told / and Atrios was exactly right that I’m an idiot who doesn’t realize my own idiocy (a pronouncement, incidentally, that can only be made by one who assumes he is far more intelligent than the object of his scorn, which position essentially deconstructs the study in the Atrios post tristero fellates, or else proves it to his detriment, I’m not sure which)—is par for the course with these bandwidth sucking cocklords. You allow them to stay and say their piece, and they interpret that as a “right� that you now owe them, and they then take that as an invitation to start helping themselves to things in the fridge, or slipping a finger up your dog’s asshole, etc.Well, sorry, but that ain’t my thang. These fucktards want to take shots at me on their own sites, they can have at it. But from now on, they can keep it there, or they can bitch about me on sites I don’t give a shit about anyway.
What they can’t do is take pot shots at me on other sites, then slather some peanut butter on their joints and show up here hoping to help themselves to a quick hummer from my dog.
The degradation of one’s enemies via bestality references is common enough among wingnuts but in Goldstein’s rant it reaches its apotheosis:
Disgusting, I thought. Who would even imagine something like that?A few minutes later, I sat down to read the Los Angeles Times article on the Army dog handler who was just found guilty of using his unmuzzled dog to terrorize prisoners, and came across this:
:”Smith also was found guilty of an indecent act for using his dog to lick peanut butter off a male soldier’s genitals and a female soldier’s breasts while another soldier videotaped the act.”
Once again, the warriors live out the armchair warriors fantasies.
And that is exactly what Goldstein’s issues stem from: a seething, sociopathic hatred, the same that fueled Abu Ghraib abuses. Thus, his grotesque humiliation fantasies in which he threatens to sexually degrade people who’ve made fun of him, who’ve reminded him that he’s a chickenhawk, a hack, a paste-eating moron.
“Civility”, Hypocrisy & The Ragin’ Contagion
Despite all the evidence above, Goldstein often puts up the civility front. He affects the stance that he – so brave, so manly, so decent – and his side are the victims of the incivility of the Left. No, really. And some people are stupid enough to buy it. Pasty says:
Atrios doesn’t have “readers” so much as he does run a clubhouse for lefty cranks who fancy themselves intellectual attack dogs.
Which goes without saying, because:
Congrats on the Atrios hit!Man, I live for approval from one of the vilest leftists on the net!
Posted by: Jeff G at December 15, 2005 04:04 PM
How cruel they are to poor persecuted Pasty! And to others, too! Why, look what The Left did to Michelle Malkin (context here and here)! Why, it’s enough for Pasty to sign an Online Integrity pledge! (A pledge created by a hypocrite who is, not coincidentally, one of hypocrite Goldstein’s most hypocritical defenders.) Which, in turn, presumably enables him to clutch his pearls and address someone who’d called him a “failed academic” thusly:
These rhetorical tactics are tawdry and, frankly, beneath contempt. Northrup should stick to kitten jokes. Because when he opens his mouth in an attempt to be serious, he is inveterately incapable of disguising the bile that pours out.
Nevermind that five paragraphs above that remark, Goldstein called the same person a “genital crab”!
Naturally, many wingnuts find Goldstein’s cuckoo nest quite homey. As Pasty is crazy and violent, so too are his fellow travellers. You’ll not find a nastier bunch of commenter-regulars this side of LGF or Anti-Idiotarian Rotweiller — an association not lost on even Goldstein’s friends (though the qualitative judgement is all mine). PW commenters are a bunch of paranoid, resentful, demented and servile fascists.
When Dennis the Peasant merely observed that Pajamas Media was being unprofessional and self-destructive in allowing Goldstein, among others, “to pick as many fights with as many bloggers, commenters, and/or readers as is humanly possible,” one of Pasty’s goons was inspired to compare Dennis to serial-rapist Peter Braunstein. But then what do you expect them to do when Goldstein himself responds to criticism of its mediocrity by telling the critic that he molested his sister? (Any criticism, from Left or Right, of Pajamas Media is enough to send Goldstein off his rocker: see here andhere — which are tame compared to Goldstein’s responses I’ll quote in part two.)
Protein Wisdom commenters recommend that liberals be interned like the Nisei. Naturally, PW wingnuts find the WWII theme irresistible: here’s one who couldn’t resist comparing Peter Jennings, when the newscaster’s death was announced, to Lord Haw Haw and Tokyo Rose.
Here Goldstein publishes a snarky email — nothing vulgar, just a sneer. His commenters then put the emailer through the wringer, looking up her personal info and calling her stuff like “cunt”. But why wouldn’t they when Goldstein himself says of someone like Cindy Sheehan that “[she should be] cuff[ed].. to a space heater…”?
Here‘s what they think of Eugene McCarthy. Here’s what Goldstein says of and to other bloggers:
If you were anybody of importance, I’d rip you to shreds. But since nobody reads your shitty thoughts anyway, this will have to suffice.Jesus, are you ever a pussy.
[not to worry, though: by Macho Man Goldstein’s bullshit calculus, the Founding Fathers were pussies, too.]
So naturally his commenters will follow suit, even against fellow wingnuts:
John Cole is a whore. He’s just sucking up to all the limousine liberals who visit his site to vent their anti-Bush rage and then click through to buy overprice Kona coffee from his scummy liberal BlogAd advertisers. George Bush knows what’s best, whether the wibwuls and their RINO bend-over buddies like John “Juan� Cole know it or not. Questioning the presidet’s policy can only help the terrorists. Don’t ask questions and nobody gets hurt.
Eventually, even this sort of thing isn’t enough for Goldstein and his goons. They escalate the rhetoric. First, Goldstein:
I never served in the armed forces. But I did once beat the piss out of a “gang� of 4 anti-war protesters with nothing more than a paper mache puppet head and one of their belt made of daisies.Kind of a Crouching Tiger, Frightened Anonymous Pussy Clan Who Really Didn’t Think I’d Go Through With That First Roundhouse Kick To The Windpipe moment. I wish I had filmed it in slow motion, ala Billy Jack.
Not sure if that means I’m now permitted to write on the failures of pacifism, but what the hell. Put on a puppet head and a daisy belt and come try to stop me, anonymous punk.
And:
Give me your home address, Jesse, and I’ll come over and give you the spanking your parents should have given your bitch ass long ago, before you turned into a smug little 125-pound pre-cancerous mole on the body politic.Fuck you, you whiny pussy.
Now this is one thing, and it’s bad enough but for those of us who’ve been on the internet for years, losing one’s temper and offering to kick someone’s ass is something that might happen once or twice. Maybe. In many many years of net surfing. But we’re talking about Jeff Goldstein here, a person who is not normal, a person who gives even violently crazy people a bad name. He’s violently crazy politically (he wants the U.N. nuked and relishes talk about nuking Mecca), and violently crazy personally. Here is the armadillo again, and again he functions as Goldstein’s surrogate, allowing him to say what he otherwise couldn’t:
When the trolls arrived in force earlier this week, the little fella gathered up a few of his firearms, built a blind in the front yard, strapped on his Kevlar and night vision scope, and began lying in wait for any suspicious looking interlopers.[…]
Which is all just a roundabout way of saying that if you’re planning on popping over later unannounced, you might want to make sure you’re wearing an orange safety vest. And carrying a big placard with Dick Cheney’s face on it.
Or a Lynyrd Skynyrd poster, at the very least.
Because while the little armored bastard may be drunk, fatigued, and stinking of digested beef tube—he’s also a damn fine shot who, god bless him, can recognize the friendlies at 200 yards.
Reverie? Murderous frustration sublimated in the Goldstein-as-armadillo-as-Charles Whitman construct? Maybe the paranoid delusions just inevitably become violent:
I just usually delete the death threats in the comments and save the ones that I’ve received from real email addresses.Off topic, but here in Colorado we have the “make my day� law.
Death threats, my ass. The only threats of violence I’ve ever seen at PW came from Goldstein and his commenters. I’ve already covered Pasty’s so let’s deal with those of his thugs. When YearlyKos @ Vegas was announced, PW wingnuts considered it a perfect occasion to indulge in some exterminationist fantasies:
Jeff, I have 2 words for you:Field Trip
tw: ever, as in best idea…
Picture a couple dozen of us, with axe handles in tow, dropping by to say hello. It would be like an Alaskan seal hunt.
It’s a damn shame I won’t be there until the July.
And what do they imagine doing to liberal PW commenters? Well,
IP address, Jeff. Send me $20 in gas money and problem is solved (I have a Honda). smirk
No, really:
It will be love at first sight, actus. We will take windy walks on the beach. You can dress up in a hot-red mini and tape back the package, and wear those naughty, naughty pumps. I will seranade you with 2 Live Crew and Ludakris. I will be like: My name is ANtonio Banderas. You are a very beautiful woman. Come, you shall be with me tonight. And then I can show you where they buried Jimmah Hoffa.
Hint hint. But that’s only after he gets the gang rape/forced bukkake treatment:
Then we could all get in a great big circle, like you are used to princess, and put you on your knees and then paddle you like you were an initiate to a German Fraternity. Oh, Einz! Oh, Zwei! Oh, Drei! Oh,…Einz, again! Ja, ja, I am a bad little Fraulein! And then we can get really nasty. But that’s why you come here isn’t it?
And in this thread a few of them advise Goldstein to take guns to EschaConII — hahahahaha SO FUNNY!!
Even Charles Johnson’s troglodytes don’t type this kind of shit (not even about Muslims). Neither does Charles Johnson edit “comments and replace them with his own words.” But then Goldstein thinks his allowing comments at all is a supreme act of charity. Nor does Charles Johnson, or any other wingnut, solicit donations by insulting those of whom he begs. Ahh, but I told ya Goldstein was unique (not to mention tactless and ungrateful)!
I also don’t know of any other wingnut who has such a (stupid) contempt for anonymity/pseudonymity as Goldstein; he really does think it’s worse than plagiarism. It’s no great surprise, then, that Goldstien and his commenters outted a couple of anonymous liberal bloggers, any notion of “Online Integrity” be damned. Nor is it any great surprise to learn that it was probably one of Goldstein’s commenters who wrote about the outed bloggers’ one-year-old child that she “had cocksucking lips.” Goldstein has affected shock that anyone could assume such behavior comes from his commenters! But really, Pasty. C’mon. Even paste-eating imbeciles are not entirely unaware; Goldstein knows his own crowd. It’s obvious that the two lefties were outted and their kid pervertedly and threateningly characterized so that they’d be intimidated and quit making fun of poor beleaguered heroic Jeff Goldstein’s silly rants. After all, no one wants to be clubbed like a baby seal, much less gangbanged and then (ahem ahem) shown where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. But noooo, says Goldstein, what a slur it is to he and his commenters good name to assume that they’d be so depraved! Besides, the liberals made him do it! They didn’t sign the integrity pledge! They deserved what they got! And now Goldstein’s attitude to the two liberals’ private info being in the hands of some wingnuts is very much like Asquith’s to Roger Casement’s diary being in the hands of the thugs of their day: “Excellent. And you need not be particular about keeping it to yourself.”
Is all this violent insanity what Goldstein means to excuse by saying so clumsily, “The price we have to play [sic] is a certain coarsening of the discourse, but people will be better informed in the long run”? I know some particularly hackulent Goldstein apologists will argue that it’s all just irreverant South Park humor. Sorry, not true; unless they mean that Goldstein resembles the sociopathically vengeful Cartman in the “Scott Tenorman Must Die” episode. Really, he’s that insane. I mean it.
It all came out after Goldstein characterized Jane Hamsher as a drunk, which was yet another instance of projection. Jane, as is her wont, turned the other fist, righteously; sort of like Adlai Stevenson to Richard Nixon: “If you’ll stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.” Goldstein takes tranquilizers. Which is not a bad thing. What is unfortunate, for everyone, is that he’s either not prescribed enough of them or not given them in high enough dosage. He’s been on them for a while now and.. well look at all the batshit insanity I’ve documented. He’s so thin-skinned he’s probably as transparent as that Mr. Body dork who used to be on Captain Kangaroo. His sex and violence issues plainly call for a more strenous and regimented type of therapy (I’m thinking of a padded cells here). The 2mg klonopin just isn’t doing any good; I mean, look at what happens when someone merely speculates that the rightwing Jerusalem Post’s blog contest might be too heavily loaded with Pajamas Media hacks:
BEHOLD THE POWER OF THE COLLECTIVIST JOOOOS!Two months now, man. Aren’t you embarrassed yet? I mean, for all your criticism about the paucity of decent material in the blogosphere, do you not find it even a bit ironic that all you do is post lard-heavy biscuit recipes and embarrassingly personal attacks on Roger Simon, et al?
How angry can one man be, for Chrissakes?Me, I’m recently on Klonopin. Relaxed now, I find it easier to dismiss, on a visceral level, the garbage you’ve been posting day after day after day for the last two plus months. But from that objective zone so blissfully provided me thanks to a decent 2mg dose of benzodiazepine, I can honestly note that you are making a fucking fool of yourself.
Right. Anyway, there’s gotta be a bright side to studying all this nastiness, right? Well, in conclusion, let me quote this opinion of Goldstein, perhaps the most hilariously moronic thing the speaker ever uttered, surely worthy of the paste-eater himself:
And Dave Price emails: “If not Bill Quick, why not Jeff Goldstein [to replace Ben Domenech at the Washington Post]? The Left has already been about as abusive to him as they can be.” Yep. And it rolls right off. Plus, who could read Goldstein’s stuff and even imagine that it had been previously published?
Who said this? Was this quote taken from one of The Onion‘s “Ask A Faulknerian Idiot-Man Child” columns? No, but it might as well have been; it’s from Glenn Reynolds.
Instayokel’s laff-riot does in a way help me think my post here might have been worth the effort. It may just help to prevent Jeff Goldstein from ever getting a political-writing gig in non-wingnut media; after all, does the Washington Post really want to hire a psychopath to replace a fraud? Goldstein might start emailing lurid questions to Bob Woodward about the size of Deep Throat’s cock or something. So if this post makes someone think twice about hiring Goldstein (who is so on the make), well, then considering how Pasty’s treated people, that possibility makes me smile.
(For Thers & clan.)
Here’s what it’s like to be a winger: Every problem is a hole, and you solve it by fucking it. It follows that the guy with the biggest johnson is the best problem-solver. If the problem does not immediately respond to fucking, well….fuck it harder. Iraq is the obvious example of this.
They are encouraged in this worldview by the occasional success. I mean, look at the American electoral system. They’ve been fucking it since the mid-70’s, and it’s finally their bitch!
Sweet Zombie Jesus-
And that’s just PART 1.
Oy. Well, that was certainly worth the wait. Well done, sir.
Except, some other problems, which are more like flagpoles. Those you eat.
Wow. Thanks for the research, SN. I need never give that Jeff G. a click ever again.
I just don’t know what to say. Goldstein is a tool. Less a tool, really, and more of a …cock?
Nah, he’s just a homoerotic wannabee.
With a wannbee dick.
Mighty fine review of Goldstein’s neuroses. It’s hard to imagine that one man could somehow possess all the sputtering rage, sense of entitlement, deep-seated homophobia and full-on penis envy of an all-boys prep school, but there it is.
I like the Onion reference, but he’s always reminded me of the Kids in the Hall sketch where everyone knows Scott Thompson is gay except him. “Where’s yor dad, kids?” “He’s upstairs watching gay porn. Again.“
That made my dick……. hey, wait a minute, that didn’t do anything to my dick.
I’m not thinking about slapping any guy across the face with my dick.
What’s wrong with me?
Must.. copy.. Jeff’s…extremely.. manly.. stance
Okay, I had to stop reading that post about half way through. I just glanced at the rest, looking away periodically to prevent my corneas from suffering permanent damage. And then I realized this is only Part 1.
6000 years and scarcely have I come across anyone so obsessed with expressing fantasies about the male genitalia as Jeff Goldstein. I’m not kidding: most people through history didn’t have this much time, or sufficiently wide access to those outside their own communities.
Hell, courier services wouldn’t deliver messages but for a high price until the introduction of a penny post in the 18th Century. Mass mailings? Nyu uh – and particularly not for this kind of drivel. Goldstein is a kind of modern penis pioneer, boldly pushing the barriers of banality until he has reached the very limit of limitation itself.
Once he passes through that, Jeff will be…immortal.
Wow. That’s amazing. It’s kind of “inside baseball” to me, I don’t really read much of Right Blogistan, but it consistently fascinates me how crazy they are over there. I wondered here the other day what kind of depraved, heartless political hack would be required to continue to approve of and defend the bush/chemey cabal, and this is my answer. These are some sad, ugly, sick folks.
On the other hand, my dad (a bit of a bastard himself, but a great barehands brawler) once told me “you don’t ever have to worry about the guy who tells you how tough he is, how he’s going to kick your ass. That guy’s got no fight in him. You have to worry about the guy that doesn’t say a word, just watches. Him you gotta drop first”. Advice, I must admit, served me well a few decades ago, before I got sane myself.
mikey
Wow. I don’t read Goldstein or any other wingnut so I’m always grateful when someone does it for me but his goes way beyond reading Goldstein so I don’t have to. I had no idea he was this far gone. What did you have to do to scrub your brain after spending so much time with his hateful insanity?
There’s a scene in Erin Brockovich when Marg Helgenberger’s character’s kids are swimming in a pool filled with the contaminated water. I spent the last minute or so of it telling the character to get the kids out of the pool. I felt like doing that for you halfway through the post. Get out of the pool!! It’s dangerous.
OMG. I’m floored. Nothin’ but applause for the Retardo.
Goldstein is a kind of modern penis pioneer, boldly pushing the barriers of banality until he has reached the very limit of limitation itself.
At the risk of being obscure: Shouldn’t that word really be something like “balanality”?
After this, all that remains of Goldstein is just a smoking crater.
One of the most devastating takedowns in Blogtopia (see Skippy) history.
If anything was deserving of a google bomb, I believe this was. Every mention of Jeff Goldstein should be brought to this post till the end of time. What a psycho.
God damn, Retardo, this is some fine work. I salute you.
Wow. I mean… wow. That boy doesn’t have issues, he has subscriptions.
So what we have here is a guy who sees himself as an armadillo who makes the world a better place by whacking people he doesn’t like with his enormous penis. Have I missed anything?
Oh big whoop, the Pasty card, I have a bazillion of those and I can tell you they ain’t worth nothing. Practically every pack contains one of those. I am still waiting for my very rare Glenn Reynods takes “instruction” from Karl Rove card.
And to think that the wingnutsphere jumped to Goldstein’s defense when he was mocked for having clinical psychoses and severe psychiatric problems. The guy makes them manifest every day.
[…] Retardo Montalban (who has the best screenname ever, EVER) smacks it right on out of the ballpark over at Sadly, No! with an amazing book-length post documenting in near-molecular detail the emutacular audiocobagitronic wingbot that is Jeff Goldstein: To the casual observer, Goldstein might seem to be a garden-variety internet wingnut, a suburban douchebag whose sad and petty hatreds, frustrations over stagnated ambitions and innate cowardice lead him to adopt a sort of Walter-Mitty-As-Rambo-As-Whackjob-Blogger schtick, whereby all his fantasies of action and genocidal crusade and manly-man aggression are sated through internet jackassery. Of course if Goldstein really wanted some adventure, he could go to the recruiting office, but — hahahahaha — everyone knows that ain’t gonna happen. And yeah, all of this is common enough on the WingNet, although Goldstein has a curiously ambitious drive to be the biggest jerk of them all, and he very nearly succeeds. Added to this drive and his deep, abiding fear that he might be a weenie is his status as “Literature Wingnutâ€? and the unique salad of sex and violence issues which reside in his otherwise empty brainpan; Goldstein’s a hell of a case study. […]
I’d just like to echo the “wow” from other readers. I mean, fucking, wow.
What the fuck happened to him to create that much impotent rage? Damn. And you know, however big he talks, if you cut the line in front of him at the supermarket, he’d just silently fume till he got out to his car to safely threaten you with death.
Jeez.
God bless you and the fine work you’re doing.
I could have sent you a much more flattering picture, if only you’d asked.
Really. How I love to share!
I don’t use the word “hero” very often.
But the fact is that Jeff Goldstein is the greatest hero in American history.
It’ll be no time before Jeff sends his flying monkeys (commenters) over to this blog to set you moonbats straight.
Excellently well said.
Sláinte.
I know it’s reinforcing his stereotype of lefties as weak-kneed pansies, but I’m feeling faint. That was brutal.
I’m also experiencing this curious sensation of actually feeling sorry for the poor guy.
RETARDO, he’s dead…he’s dead..step away from the body, and relish your triumph!
Nice ANALogies, Res and md.
Wow. I wanted to chime in with a scathing insult to the prick (hey-hey, I said prick) but… I can’t think of any you missed.
Concerning sex with Majikthise:
I could just close my eyes and imagine myself getting a dirty sanchez from Wittgenstein.
Do what? I’m serious, do fucking what? That sentence is just wrong on so many counts. Man, that single sentence just puts everything this ying-yang has said into a whole new perspective. And y’all say this guy has spawned?
How did I know that Goldstein himself would show? Well, I knew because Every single post I have ever read about Goldstein or anything he has posted has featured an almost immediate comment by Jeff himself. It’s usually some self-effacing “ha-ha” good-sport type of shit, as it is here.
But Gary Ruppert takes the fucking cake, man. Gary, please explain how you stretched and pulled and twisted any reasonable definition of “hero” to include Jeff Goldstein? What about Goldstein is “heroic”? His dedication to typing words on his blog, despite the volleys of deadly lefty comments? Please explain this.
Also, somebody please call the SPCA. I’m worried about Jeff’s dog…
I know it’s reinforcing his stereotype of lefties as weak-kneed pansies, but I’m feeling faint. That was brutal.
I’m also experiencing this curious sensation of actually feeling sorry for the poor guy.
Yeah, “haha I can take a joke” response when totally cornered on his BDSM response impulses is fairly pathetic. He really wants to make a a dog fucking comment
Oh and Jeff? Italics are so not funny.
(See what I did there?)
Yasonyacky, it wasa joke. It’s a famous line by attorney Lionel Hutz.
Not joking, I would anticipate an invasion of this site by fascist creeps making vague threats and trying to dig up personal information on the Web. However, I’m confident of the ability of the Sadly, No! hosts and commenters to kick the asses of those clowns with comedy.
But the fact is that Jeff Goldstein is the greatest hero in American history.
Hmm. “Hero.”
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
How did I know that Goldstein himself would show? Well, I knew because Every single post I have ever read about Goldstein or anything he has posted has featured an almost immediate comment by Jeff himself. It’s usually some self-effacing “ha-ha� good-sport type of shit, as it is here.
That totally was Jeff Goldstein hisself commenting. What a card. But in his tiny brain he’s plotting his HIDEOUS REVENGE against Sadly, No! for definitively exposing him for the sad little poseur he is.
I can only echo the ‘fucking wow’ from an earlier commenter. Although it is true that he would do nothing until he was back in his car and had secured his groceries with seatbelts – what he then might do from the safety of his pale green Dodge van is a pretty scary thing to contemplate.
That’s astonishing, really. I had no idea.
Hey, Insty…INSTY!….Can we get a “Heh, Indeed” here? What’s that?…“Croak?” What’s “croak?” I don’t want “croak.” I want a lusty, full-throated, exuberantly infectious “Heh, in-fucking-deed!” Don’t worry. I’ll wait…
Retardo, if you want to keep up this “Wingnut All-Star” series you’re going to need help. Call me. It’ll be like “The Professor and the Madman,” only with AGP graphics.
Pasty = pwn3d
I always wondered why he bristled at the suggestion–after his, “I have to find a new house,” mental breakdown–of joining the Army and living in a tent for months on end, talking baths in a canteen cup, and enjoying the smell of burning shit and diesel fuel first thing every morning. Then again we in the military are always told, “don’t ask, don’t tell.”
Aargh. . . I clicked through to the ‘cooking with you know what’ page and I swear that as long as I live I shall never eat waffles again.
Nice job, RM. Goldstein deserves it (and more) for what he did to Thersites.
I wonder if Jeff will respond to this. What are the odds that he challenges Retardo to a fight?
What a beatdown.
Another wow. That was some really, really impressive soul-crushing. Keep up the great work.
Wow. I missed his response in my first read-through. Of course someone as self-absorbed as Pasty would be all over this. Hilarious.
Oh, and can we ensure that this is Google’s top link for Jeff Goldstein? Please?
Well done sir!
I knew Pasty was a nutter, but I’d never seen all his insanity in one place. Bizarre and, well, a little frightening.
I’ve got what Jeff wants RIGHT HERE!
Weird Al, I believe, has written the theme song of the blogosphere
This is an amazing compilation … thank you thank you thank you.
Shorter Josh Trevino: The quaint fiction of online anonymity is for scoundrals, except for when (as in my case) it isn’t. Respecting such anonymity is important as long as they are the right kind of people. Otherwise, fuck ’em.
Shorter Josh Trevino: The quaint fiction of online anonymity is for scoundrals, except for when (as in my case) it isn’t. Respecting such anonymity is important as long as they are the right kind of people. Otherwise, screw ’em.
Yasonyacky, it wasa joke. It’s a famous line by attorney Lionel Hutz.
Not joking, I would anticipate an invasion of this site by fascist creeps making vague threats and trying to dig up personal information on the Web. However, I’m confident of the ability of the Sadly, No! hosts and commenters to kick the asses of those clowns with comedy.
Um, Gary Ruppert, is that… you?
Or is this a different (somehow better) Gary Ruppert? I’m so confused.
I admit, that was my favorite bit.
I pictured you pouring part of a 40 of MGD on your keyboard as your wrote that.
It was so…street, you know? Almost brought a tear to my eye, homey.
DAMN, but that’s fine, Retardo! And where Pasty posts ‘witty’ comment, can Pablo be far behind? Because they both seem to spend all day Googling Pasty’s name. Let the flyingmonkeyswarm begin!
I admit, that was my favorite bit.
I pictured you pouring part of a 40 of MGD on your keyboard as your wrote that.
It was so…street, you know? Almost brought a tear to my eye, homey.
God, Jeffie, as well-read as you pretend to be, you’d think a simple dedication like “for xxxxx” wouldn’t solely evoke a hip-hop record. Look at the very front of most books, Jeffie-poo, and you’ll see a page with the words “For xxxxxxxx” or sometimes “For xxxxxxxx, my xxxxxx and xxxxxx xxxxxx” or some shit like that.
Homie.
I blame his mother.
and Retardo FTW!
Cock-Holster Hearts Cock-Vulture:
Hinderaker just named Protein Wisdom PowerLine’s “Blog of the Week.”
http://powerlineblog.com/archives/014397.php
jeff goldstein said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:41 · Edit
(For Thers & clan.)
I admit, that was my favorite bit.
I pictured you pouring part of a 40 of MGD on your keyboard as your wrote that.
It was so…street, you know? Almost brought a tear to my eye, homey.
Steel Reserve, nigga.
Nicely done, sir… I had no idea that Goldstein was such a one man freak show. Sweet Jeebus, he’s like an angry Cliff Claven on acid, writing Tarantino/Wes Craven fan-fiction for ‘Boys R Us’ magazine..
As far as I know, he never did respond to Goldstein: Just another prick in the hall but a capo from his drooling hordes left a comment that didn’t actually address any issues in the post. Odd, that…
a 40 of MGD?! seems like someone needs to watch his John Singleton collection again. and pay attention instead of imagining himself as the hardcore gangster.
Congratulations on living up to your name, Retardo. I stand in awe of such an epic waste of time and bandwidth, a true testament to worthlessness.
Aw, I was kinda hoping Jeff would at least threaten to come over to your house and beat you up. Maybe someday when he’s rich and famous he’ll be able to claim to have FOX security on the way over to do it for him.
But seriously, you should take Pasty up on his offer to send you some of his (wink wink, nudge nudge) “flattering” pictures he has of himself. It always helps to have a variety of camera angles and lighting conditions for proper photoshoppery. And I’m sure you can edit out his enormous Johnson.
Man, I knew from reading passages here and there that the dude had some serious intellectual deficiencies, and I knew he was crazier than a shithouse rat from the whole Thers & NYMary episode, but I never knew what he looked like.
Ross from Friends.
Make that an angry Ross from Friends. No, on second thought, make that a really gay, angry Ross from Friends. And one that won’t ever be banging Jennifer Aniston in anyone’s make-believe, even his own, because he’s too busy obsessing on – what else? – COCK.
#
CK Dexter Haven said,
June 14, 2006 at 23:25
Wow. I wanted to chime in with a scathing insult to the prick (hey-hey, I said prick) but… I can’t think of any you missed.
I think I liked JEFF GOLDSTEIN IS A FAILED ACADEMIC best – because it seems so desperately important to him that he not be.
Still – facts are facts, eh Jeff? People who manage to turn their coursework into a terminal degree – however politely your little college may have put it to you – have to face the truth at some stage. When the community decides you’re not good enough, it’s pretty final. Not quite the same thing as just not finishing that pesky language requirement….
Congratulations on living up to your name, Retardo. I stand in awe of such an epic waste of time and bandwidth, a true testament to worthlessness.
In come the freaks.
B Moe, you will be relieved to know that Sadly, No!’s crack team of accountants has computed the cost ofbandwidth down to the billionth part of a penny. Your post cost only the billionth part of .00000000000001 of a penny.
Three words: Dish. Served. Cold.
Ceviche?
Heh, the author sure enjoys the chickenhawk argument. Dead giveaway he’s unserious — and I bet he can explain why the military is overwhelmingly Republican. And I’m sure he woud never call the police, since asking them to perform a dangerous task he hasn’t chosen to perform himself would make him a chickencop. Ditto firefighters, construction workers, doctors, etc: he’s a man of principle, asking no one do anything he himself would not do, I’m sure of it. Kudos to your self-reliance, sir! Hillary says it takes a village, but you and Ted Kaczinski are the proof this is not so.
I do have to admit some minor pride in the fact that I also play a minor role in this post. While today I’m merely a footnote to someone’s obessive hatred of Jeff, I hope to someday be as widely and deeply reviled as he is. Thank you for helping me take the first small step along that path.
Don’t worry, TallDave. I’m sure that someone, somewhere thinks you’re special. You just need to find that person.
Doc,
I think I just did.
Q: What is happiness?
Retardo: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women.
TallDave: lament, lament.
I’m pretty sure I was ceebrating, rather than lamenting.
Oh, and crushing. Mustn’t leave out my crushing.
Reading those Goldstein comments it looks like one could assume he used a pen name to put slurs on another blog’s site when the controversy of the blogger’s outing occurred.
Same kind of sexual flavored attack, personalized.
Jeff Goldstein, serial profile of a sociopath.
Bra-vo.
(And CK Dexter Haven, you have an awesome screen name.)
I took the liberty of translating TallDave’s post into Russian. It makes just as much sense:
Heh, автор уверенный наÑ?лаждаетÑ?Ñ? аргументом chickenhawk. Мертвое giveaway он unserious – и Ñ? держу пари он может объÑ?Ñ?нить почему воиÑ?као будет overwhelmingly реÑ?публиканцем. И Ñ? уверен он woud звонок никогда полиции, Ñ? Ñ?прашивать, что они выполнили опаÑ?ную задачу, котор он не выбирал выполнить Ñ?делало им chickencop. Ditto firefighters, работники конÑ?трукции, доктора, etc: он будет человеком принципа, не Ñ?прашиваÑ? no one делает что-нибыдь, котор он Ñ?ебÑ? не Ñ?делал бы, Ñ? уверен его. Kudos к вашей Ñ?амонадеÑ?нноÑ?ти, гоÑ?подин! Hillary говорит оно принимает Ñ?ело, но вы и Ted Kaczinski будете доказательÑ?твом, котор Ñ?то не так. Я должен впуÑ?тить некоторую небольшую гордоÑ?Ñ‚ÑŒ в факте что Ñ? также играю небольшую роль в Ñ?том Ñ?толбе. Пока Ñ?егоднÑ? Ñ? буду проÑ?то Ñ?ноÑ?кой к кто-то obessive ненавиÑ?Ñ‚ÑŒ Jeff, Ñ? надеюÑ?ÑŒ someday быть как широко и глубоки reviled по мере того как он. Ð’Ñ‹ длÑ? помогать мне предпринÑ?Ñ‚ÑŒ первый малый вдоль того курÑ?а.
Heh, the author sure enjoys the chickenhawk argument. Dead giveaway he’s unserious
Dood, you read Retarado’s post and are prepared to take the position he’s “unserious”?? Are you serious? Go back and read it again, I’ll wait. Ok, back now? Good. I can think of about a billion things you could say if you disagreed with Retardo (although it’s got to be god’s own unpleasant task, defending that sick little bastard), but the one you came up with is UNSERIOUS?? Umm, Sadly, No. That post was, as we like to say out west, as serious as a heart attack. Go back five spaces, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00 and try again, asshat….
mikey
do,
That’s certainly a sound refutation of my arguments. Why would anything make less sense in another language?
Actually, on second thought, that’s rather apt: if one were ignorant of Prussian, it would not make sense. Similar ignorance regarding English, or perhaps logic, would lead to a similar result in the original version. I believe I have discovered the problem…
TallDave, yopu didn’t have anything to do with this piece of idiocy, did you?
http://www.deanesmay.com/posts/1136873102.shtml
I mean, that shit is practically as stupid as Jeff Goldstein and his dick-swinging fantasies.
Dood, you read Retarado’s post and are prepared to take the position he’s “unserious�??
Yes, he makes very weak and silly arguments, well-befitting his name. However irreverent his tone, he clearly believes those arguments, and in that sense is attempting to be serious by advocating them. The result is amusing, but not intentionally so.
dew,
Sorry, I can’t take credit for that. But I did find it moderately amusing.
“Arguments”? You think you have an argument? Here’s a counter argument, TallDave: the firefighter / cop / construction worker / doctor analogy doesn’t hold, since Iraq was an elective war and not an accident. The proper analogy would be chickenhawks cheerleading the arsonist, and then calling on the firefighters, who, when they ask for help, are told by the chickenhawks, “hey, you’re the experts, put out the fire!”
TallDave, you’re even more boring than (the real) Gary Ruppert. Congratulations, you’ve killed this thread. I’m going to go watch public television now. Thanks a whole fucking lot, man.
TallDave–
Reading your work, it’s hard to believe you have the intellectual capability to judge the seriousness of an argument. However, on the off-chance that you’re smarter than you sound, you might consider,say, refuting some of what Retardo had to say, rather than merely commenting on his having the handle “Retardo”.
That isn’t exactly the work of a serious person. It resembles preschool disagreements a bit more.
TallDave: Yes, he makes very weak and silly arguments, well-befitting his name.
Conan: stop lamenting, and give us some examples of the weak and silly arguments you claim to be able to find.
Uh, TallDave? do’s translation was Russian, not Prussian. You obviously barely read English, but still. Dewd, I believe you are a moron. Please be sure to reply, and prove me right, won’t you? Ta ever so!
Now TallDave, maybe Retardo just really like scouring the internet for instances of cock. I’m told among a certain segment, this is a fairly popular endeavor. Also, you really have to give it to him for the way he has so neatly captured the ways in which Jeff has obviously wounded him, sort of like Rainman’s big book of personal injuries. 4/15/05 – Threatened me with cock; 4/16 – ignored my blog; and the like.
Maybe he just needs a hug and a shoulder to cry on?
Here’s a counter argument, TallDave: the firefighter / cop / construction worker / doctor analogy doesn’t hold, since Iraq was an elective war and not an accident.
Calling police is optional. So is surgery, living in a building, etc. So is war (after all, worst case you can always surrender). Hey, guess what — this is a democracy. We elect a government that decides whether to have police, go to war, etc. Advocating a policy doesn’t require one take a direct hand in its implementation.
The rest was sort of silly. Well, at least you’re trying.
Excellent research.
Three words: Dish. Served. Cold.
Why yes!
———
ps. do not feed the trolls.
TallDave–
Surgery is “optional”? Your boob job aside, most of the surgeries I prep kids for in our hospital are life-and-death matters.
You’ve established that you know nothing about medicine. You’ve established thatyou know nothing about foreign languages. You’re well on the way to delineating the many areas in which you lack any knowledge or insight. Please continue; it’s hilarious.
Advocating a policy doesn’t require one take a direct hand in its implementation.
A “policy”? Is that what Iraq is for you, a “policy”? And who is this “one”? What you mean is: “I can cheerlead an elective war that kills thousands of my fellow citizens, and wounds tens of thousands more, because I know someone else will do the dirty work for me.”
Now TallDave, maybe Retardo just really like scouring the internet for instances of cock.
Hey, I’m not one to judge.
Maybe he just needs a hug and a shoulder to cry on?
Don’t we all. Of course, if neither is available, there’s always blogging I suppose. Actually, I would prefer people do more of the latter because of the entertainment benefit to myself.
ah “unserious” – dead giveaway that you have nothing to actually contribute.
Hee hee, geoduck2, this is Sadly, No! We ADORE trolls, the stupider they are, the better we like them! TallDave is shaping up beautifully. He’s no Gary Ruppert, but he’s still amusing 😉
Yes, he makes very weak and silly arguments, well-befitting his name.
Hmmm, I suppose. But mostly what I saw when I read that post was JG’s own words. And they were silly. And offensive. And, well, creepy…
mikey
Wow. I come home, flip on the Sox, and find out that ‘Tahdo has finally dropped the Goldstein bomb. It’s created quite an impact (and was well worth the wait).
I didn’t realize we were supposed to contribute. Thanks for the heads up Kathleen.
Cock
COCK
COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK
COCK
Cock
Don’t ever say I don’t earn my own way.
Tall Dave — I’m not one to judge on that either, merely a keen observer of the human condition.
A “policy�? Is that what Iraq is for you, a “policy�?
Um, yes, that’s what we call it when government offcials take positions on doing things.
i>“I can cheerlead an elective war that kills thousands of my fellow citizens, and wounds tens of thousands more, because I know someone else will do the dirty work for me
You can (electively) call the police and live in buildings even though you know people die enforcing laws and contructing buildings? You callous monster!
What’s really a tribute to the excellence of this post is that the Protein Wisdom readers are on their best behavior. Instead of swarming over here to act like a bunch of redneck assholes, they don’t want to come within 200 feet of a massive, reeking pile of Jeff Goldstein’s craziest Internet statements, meticulously documented by Retardo with a hatred and care not seen since John Dean torpedoed Richard Nixon. Of course they’re probably also a little chastened by all the bad press their recent thuggery at Thersites’ site got.
So instead of serious wingnuts, what we get is a loser like TallDave, a stringer at a C-grade wingnut site, doing some kind of Pat-Boone-in-a-sweater number (chuckling mildly at the crazy liberals/kids dancing to the rock & roll music). Get off the stage, clown, you’re stinking up the joint!
Tall Dave – you are a moron. Your analogy is sub-par, even for you. The option is not to call the police, but to be a police officer. Soldiers can’t leave. It is called AWOL. Seriously, dude, if you are going to live up to the high standard for trolls we set around here, you are going to have to try a lot harder.
when government offcials take positions on doing things
Fascinating euphemisms. Go ahead, TallDave, say it: “war.”
Your cop / construction worker analogy doesn’t hold. But if you keep repeating it often enough, maybe you’ll believe it.
Oooooooooh! Looky! TallDave brought his special friend! Hi, DG-keen-observer-of-the-human-condition! Are you one of Pasty’s flying monkeys, too? I was really sorta hoping for Pablo; he’s almost as psycho as Pasty, but you’ll do for now. I expect he’ll be along in a little while, though. OK, now you’re here…amuse us.
Gentlewoman,
Hey! How’s the beautiful cat?
It’s just such a beautiful post…
What Walter Benjamin said. (Hmmm)
What a thread! This place is starting to look like Firedoglake, but with ashtrays.
Tall Dave – you are a moron. Your analogy is sub-par, even for you. The option is not to call the police, but to be a police officer.
Apparently you didn’t understand my very simple argument, which makes your moron comment amusingly ironic. Seeing, joining the police is like joining the army. Calling the police (or, more generally, advocating they fight crime) is like advocating war. If you say it’s wrong to advocate the armed forces fight a war (a dangerous job) while not joining the army, it must also be wrong to advocate police fight crime (also a dangerous job) while not joining the police.
Soldiers can’t leave. It is called AWOL.
LOL It’s called “volunteer army.” Police aren’t supposed to quit in the middle of a shift because someone is shooting at them either.
Anyone of you genius’ care to explain this:
http://www.local6.com/news/9283805/detail.html
Hmmmmmmmm?
Yes, he’s vile and yes, he’s a sociopath but most of all, he’s a genuinely sad man. He’s quite bright (IQ hovering around 128, I’d say) but that not a big enough number for this type, he want’s “his boys” to think that he’s carrying 148! It’s like that in so many little fragmented internal areas, like a guy who has a perfectly normal dick, but he’s convinced it’s laughably small, so he overcompensates and pretends to himself that he’s got a boa constrictor in his shorts (it’s awful what this dick size-phobia does to the wiring of some poor saps, no?). You can tell just by reading the pace and structure of his language that he practices “come-back” lines, literally saying them out loud to practice his delivery to (he’s reading this right now and saying “No I don’t!!” out loud…then, realizing what he’s done, mouths it silently to himself, again and again).
Most of you probably don’t realize how difficult every day is for a manically repressed homosexual. I’ve seen a couple of good friends go through years of self hatred before finally dealing with the hazard. It’s way ugly. There’s only so much you can beat yourself up until it exhausts you, so you lash out at everyone else. It’s not uncommon to to see the “distraction game” going on repeatedly, you know, how he picks someone out of a crowd and screams “Faggot!!” at the guy, a total stranger, anything to get the spotlight off himself. Then he has to make another comment pointed in another direction, lest anyone catch on to what he’s doing, and then another, frantically juggling all of this in deep desperation. As irritating as it is to us, it must be agony for him.
It’s easy to discount his physical threats as bogus (as so many wingnut threats are) but I get the feeling he’d actually like someone to take him up on his invitations. Mind you, I think he’s the very personification of a paper tiger (in a way that is too icky and hyper-pathetic to dwell on) but….I’m thinking he wants to be *punished* for his self imagined flaws (thus, the strutting “Go on! Hit me…please?”). And don’t be surprised if he actually flips out and puts a bullet in someone one of these days. You know those sadistic-seeming fantasies of his? They are so clearly contrived that they are likely really masochistic in origin, with him describing in slow, erotic detail, all that he want done to him. He’s internally damaged enough that he could end up seeing some senseless crime as his “gateway” to his atonement, a prison world where he is recognized as the bitch that he sees himself as, a place where he’s continually punished for the crime of his “weakness”, a holy-space of truth and representing a very alien sort of “peace”. This is his secret paradise and he would likely fill spiral notebook after spiral notebook with lunatic curses for any “liberal” judge that would put him in a mental hospital instead.
Like I said, he’s a genuinely sad man.
ah “unseriousâ€? – dead giveaway that you have nothing to actually contribute.
The word is regularly featured in Protein Wisdom’s “It Pays to Enrich Your Word Power” section.
Hi geoduck! Wasn’t sure if you’d remember me 😉 Ganesh is fine, thanks for asking. How are things with you? Yes, Walter is absolutely right, this not first-string trolling. And bless Retardo for wading through all that dreck, I don’t know how these guys do it. Two-Minute Townhall is good today, too! Hooray for Sadly, No!
when government offcials take positions on doing things
Fascinating euphemisms. Go ahead, TallDave, say it: “war.�
LOL “Policy” is a “euphemism?” Next you’ll assault my use of the word “the.” Yes, war can be a policy, too.
I tell you, this kind of entertainment can’t be bought. Priceless. I must thank you all again.
“For instance, reached for comment, firegodlake’s Jane Hamsher called the editorial “bullshittiness of the highest fucking bullshit order,â€? then, after burning her Ben Bradlee doll with a cigarette, downed a half bottle of Stoli Vanilla and coughed up her spleen.”
This is Jeff er I’m sorry Pasty is it over here? Anyway, this is Pasty calling Jane Hamsher a drunk? What are you fucking retarded? Why didn’t you castigate him for falsely claiming that Jane Hamsher spits out organs when she drinks?
As far as this obsession of yours with Pasty’s penis. Kind of weird dude, just sayin’.
(for pasty and the PW krew)
I gotta dip but it’s been real (fo’ shizzle).
You know, TallDave should work up a post similar to Retardo’s about Retardo as a counterargument.
Wait, that would interfere with the twice-hourly feed bag of Cheetos. Nemmind.
TallDave, you really are thick, aren’t you? Or are you just doing your best to avoid giving us examples of Retardo’s “weak” arguments? Anyway, last time: calling the police because someone else is committing a crime is not an analogy for cheerleading an elective war. The analogy would be to commit a crime (or more precisely, advocating that someone commit a crime) and then, when the police ask you to perform your civic duty and help them, decline by saying they’re the experts. So, now that your analogy has been shown not to hold (for the second time), let’s return to the post: give us an example of one of Retardo’s “weak” arguments.
Ya know, it’s funny. The pro-PW trolls really aren’t trying in any way shape or form deny the main argument of Retardo’s post. That is, Goldstein is an unhinged looney and shouldn’t be taken seriously by any human being and most canines. How about that. Instead, ya get the third-rate trollympics that are usually found at the tail end of an Eschaton thread.
TallDave is just the warmup comic, we don’t really expect all that much from him. Let’s all have a beer or something while we’re waiting. I’ve got Double Diamond, and will share. However, you touch my smokes, you die.
No, TallDave, saying “doing things” instead of “war” is a euphemism.
(for pasty and the PW krew)
I gotta dip but it’s been real (fo’ shizzle).
Must. Stop. Laughing.
You know, TallDave should work up a post similar to Retardo’s about Retardo as a counterargument
Well, first I would have to find a real argument to counter, other than “Jeff likes dick jokes” which Jeff doesn’t even deny. What else is available I’ve pretty much already addressed here.
Well, it’s been fun. Best to you all.
Yes, he makes very weak and silly arguments, well-befitting his name.
The irony: that someone could read Retardo’s post, carefully dredge through the vile stuff that he cites as evidence, and having doen so, say, “Well, yes, JG probably did say all those things, but I’m not convinced that he really has repressed homosexual or bestial urges.”
Talk about missing the forest for the trees.
Now, about those “weak” arguments of Retardo. Example one is …. ?
you are so right TallDave. A single shift for a policeman IS EXACTLY LIKE a nine month tour in Iraq. and then another nine month tour three months later.
you clearly have served in the Army, with your keen understanding. So why do you get so upset by the chickenhawk insult, I wonder?
And TallDave goes slinking off into the night…
I’m gonna go sit with Gentlewoman. We’re going to represent the, er, more mature denizens of Sadly, No. And I’ll have a double Laphroaig. We’ll just chat ’til somebody with a brain (Scarecrow? Beuler? Crickets Chirping) comes along to explain just exactly what part Retardo got wrong.
mikey
Hee hee, mikey. The flying monkeys don’t have anyone like that. Pasty is no doubt sulking in his tent, waiting for Patrocles, er, Pablo, to show up to do his fighting for him 😉
Bet you blew both nuts and half your cock writing that. How bout I cockslap a little cocksense into you cockface. Then I’ll cock yer cock fulla cock jism cock . . . cock . . . cock.
True confession, y’all. Couple years ago I had sex with Goldstein. It was terrible. He just wanted me to hog-tie him and break raw eggs over his naked body cos that’s what Matt Drudge used to do to him back in the day.
He’s a total bottom. And hung like an aphid.
You know, I believe that poor Goldstain person is lost: http://www.proteinwisdom.com is what you’re looking for, dearie. Buh bye!
TRex, you bad boy! I LOL’d 😉 Funny post on FDL today, dewd, you rock!
Part 1 of a how many part series? Geez. This is gonna get ugly.
Goldstain’s comment reminds me of the restaurant opening episode from Curb Your Enthusiasm in which Jeff Greene follows Larry David’s profane lead by screaming:
“COCK! COCK! JISM! GRANDMA! COCK!” And concludes his outburst with a shrug.
“Must. Stop. Laughing.”
OMG is that like “That’s so funny I forgot to laugh”?
You nailed me. It wasn’t funny when I mocked Retardo’s overwraught virtual shoutout to the poor aggrieved Thersites and his super endangered family in peril.
At least when you compare it to photoshopping Pasty’s face on a gay porn photo (again Retardo, kinda weird, just sayin’) or calling Jeff Pasty for that matter.
I have a lot to learn about humour from you pompous duechebags, I surely do.
(for Dick Cheney and posse, keep on keepin on)
(for Dick Cheney and posse, keep on keepin on)
WTF?? Are ALL of Pasty’s flying monkeys 13 years old??
I’m gonna go sit with Gentlewoman.
Hey, back off buddy – she asked me to amuse her, since I’m here and all.
So, Gentlewoman, if you can part with $25 or so, I’m fairly certain I could convince T Rex to take a dump on mickey’s chest for your amusement. Unless that isn’t your thing of course, in which case, apologies for my being so familiar.
If Pasty likes dick jokes, as TD avers, why doesn’t he makes some?
Obsessively verbalizing about his fantasy of rubbing his cock in another man’s face is not funny.
It’s teh gay.
Oh DG, do feel free to share more of your no doubt fascinating (to your fellow fucktards) fantasy life with the Sadly, No! community. However, are you amusing (or even shocking) me? Sadly, No!
It’s teh gay.
It’s teh weird, is what it is. Most of the gay dudes I know aren’t into such violent imagery when it comes to placing penis near face. Goldstein’s not so much a closet case as an out-in-the-open loon. And did he ever get a job to help pay for his housing problem or what?
” Wait, that would interfere with the twice-hourly feed bag of Cheetos. Nemmind.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!1!!!!!!!111
CAUSE, SEE, HE SIT IN HIS MOM BASEMENT AND ETS CHEETOZ AND WANKS OF!!!!1111!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!111!!!!!!
Hey, be careful, GW. These are some big scary MEN here. They might make us afraid of them…
mikey
B Moe: You forgot to add the obligatory (here at S,N), ‘COBAGZ!!!11ELEVEN!11!!”
Ya cock . . . COCK! Dickie dick dick dicka dicka mohammad jihad COCK! Oh cock. Ya.
mikey, darling, I’m positively shivering with terror. *pours another Double Diamond, lights cigarette* More whisky?
At least when you compare it to photoshopping Pasty’s face on a gay porn photo
You get off on Napoleon? Well, chacun a son goüt.
From a post by Big E. over at Protein Wisdom:
When you think about it it fits a pattern. Liberals are generally self loathing and slaves to their wanton desires. Clearly Sadly No is trying to piss you off bad enough so that you will find him, give him a good beating and then finish him off with a good cock slapping. For all we know he’s just trying to save a little money, from what I hear that kind of thing cost’s about $300/hr if you use a professional. Liberals: Always trying to get somebody else to pay for their play.
Baby, if you want a good cock-slapping, I’m your boy. I’ll leave you bruised with pleasure. Can’t you just feel my manmeat against your face? I know you can. Same goes for your man Jeff G, too. Just say the word, honey.
However, are you amusing (or even shocking) me? Sadly, No!
Well then, perhaps you could be more specific about what it is you want. You know, from me and my fucktards.
BTW – is that like slang for posse (fucktards) ? I’m not so much down with the whole hip hop culture thing, but I am willing to learn.
I find dick jokes generally amusing and not at all empirical evidence that someone is a “sociopath” or a “repressed homosexual.” And the PW gay jokes are typically set up in parody of a homophobic person, as this post half-heartedly admits.
Bottom line: if jokes of a similar temperment (though probably less well-written) were authored on a left-wing blog, say, oh, I dunno, TBogg or any of the other legion that use every post to analyze “fucking fuckity fuck fuckwits (fuck!)” all day, you’d be falling all over yourselves to slap the author on the back and declare him “the ROXXOR!,” rather than abusing the DSM IV by terribly misusing the word sociopath (hint: sociopaths do the OPPOSITE of use highly charged language and humor to express themselves; mild autism is a risk group for sociopathy). If you guys are keen on mental dx’s however, the length of the above post, complete with hours and hours of relentless trolling through the Protein Wisdom archives, smacks of “OCD.”
Not that I would stoop to mocking the author for his illness.
Though I would let him know that he’s almost two years late on the theme for his lead graphic:
http://www.indcjournal.com/archives/000794.php
“Ya know, it’s funny. The pro-PW trolls really aren’t trying in any way shape or form deny the main argument of Retardo’s post.”
The argument being what? If you take a bunch of his absurdism and venting out of context, you can make him look a bit unhinged? Wow, what a major accomplishment.
Seriously, though, since I know shit like this if bound to set off a rash of wannabe-Retardos, (excuse me while I compose myself) I would suggest warming up on some Hunter S. Thompson. Some of the older stuff is border line wingnuttery, and you can probably find some copies laying around your older siblings rooms.
If you take a bunch of his absurdism and venting out of context, you can make him look a bit unhinged?
now that is funny.
Ah, so pasty is not serious.. it’s all a pose.
It’s so hard to tell klonipin-mediated homicidal rage from graceful irony, isn’t it.
I would suggest warming up on some Hunter S. Thompson. Some of the older stuff is border line wingnuttery
B Moe. I knew Hunter Thompson. I hung with Hunter Thompson. Hunter Thompson was a friend of mine. And B Moe, you are NO Hunter Thompson…
mikey
Dude, this awesome!!111!1. Some middle-aged redneck who reads Protein Wisdom and gives enough of a shit about Jeff Goldstein to come and troll over here is lecturing about Hunter Thompson:
Seriously, though, since I know shit like this if bound to set off a rash of wannabe-Retardos, (excuse me while I compose myself) I would suggest warming up on some Hunter S. Thompson. Some of the older stuff is border line wingnuttery, and you can probably find some copies laying around your older siblings rooms.
Man, that was so good I just came in my pants. Big E, your next dick-slapping is FREE, hombre (and can you introduce me to your cute friend Jeff?)
“WTF?? Are ALL of Pasty’s flying monkeys 13 years old?? ”
Wow, you really hit the nail on the head. I’m totally immature. That really smarts when someone just nails you like that. I don’t even know what to say.
I guess I could try to grow up and be super sophisticated like Retardo and spend hours cataloging the penis jokes on some guy I don’t like’s website. Or I could drop comments about drinking Double Diamond beer in a vain effort to sound “cultured” while simultaneously waving my old dried out genitals at a bunch of shut ins.
You are so right, I really need to grow up.
(To Annie C…don’t let the man get you down)
Hey Gentlewoman. Your effort to sound “cultured” was deemed to have been in vain. What’cha gonna do now?
mikey
Man, you’ve never read much Hunter Thompson, have you. The Good Doctor did have an absurdist/violent streak and, admittedly, flirted with Objectivism in his youth, but to claim a self-declared anarchist and someone who had “problems” with authority as “borderline wingut” is just goofy. Here’s a hint: being a gun fanatic doesn’t equal full-goose wingnuttism. That’s some of that bass-ackwards “reinterpritation of authorial intent” nonsense Majikthise (she of the Wittgensteinian Dirty Sanchez, apparently) took Goldstein to task for, innit? I take it you never read HST’s stuff on Nixon, Reagan, Bush The Elder or Bush The Lesser. Or his screeds against the police or the military. Jeez.
Calling for violent attacks on ideological opponents – or anyone who strays from the company line – is “abusrdism” and quoting folks by linking directly to the quotes in question so folks can double-check the lunacy on their own is “out of context”. Right.
you’d be falling all over yourselves to slap the author on the back and declare him “the ROXXOR!”
teh ROXXOR??? Are you serious?
So, um, does anybody know whose turn it is to be teh ROXXOR! this week? I think it was TBogg last week, so I’m gonna go with Digby.
mikey,
So what is it like to hang with a brilliant author and be too functionally illiterate to understand a word he writes? Must suck.
Does somewhat explain why you would hang out here, now.
I think it’s refreshing that heterosexual patriots are raising the penis to its rightful place in the
foreskinforefront of political intercourse.I will never understand how you can spend so much time reading and considering the desperate rantings of Pasty (and his ilk). If it was up to me to do this job, I would probably choose too put my own eyes out, or attempt a self-lobotomy, or end up drinking heavily, silently asking the heavens how such hatred and stupidity can exist in any of us humans.
I’d also be worried that the crazy is infectious.
Good work, Retardo, but make sure your shots are up to date. Can’t be too careful.
Well, mikey, I tried earlier with the line about Pasty sulking in his tent until Patrocles er Pablo showed up to do his fighting for him. Nada. No response. I even checked the spelling, and it is absolutely correct.
So, I made a conscious decision to go with the beer. Geez, this whole ‘cultured’ thing, it just continues to elude me, ya know? And it sorta sucks. But don’t worry! I’ll keep trying! Because it’s just SO FUCKING HARD to come up with something that will make me sound smarter than these PW guys.
Despairingly,
GW
“Baby, if you want a good cock-slapping, I’m your boy. I’ll leave you bruised with pleasure. Can’t you just feel my manmeat against your face? I know you can. Same goes for your man Jeff G, too. Just say the word, honey.”
Not my thing big boy but thanks for the offer. To be honest if I wanted that kind of action I could just heat up a jelly bean in the microwave a and rub it on my face.
That aside Big F I gotta hand it to you, you could probably be a salesman. Not many people have the ability to ask for what they want while making it look like they are doing someone a favor. You could have a big future in used car sales.
(To Ronnie Raygun, RIP)
So what is it like to hang with a brilliant author and be too functionally illiterate to understand a word he writes? Must suck.
DING! DING! DING! We have a winner. In the most perfect ad hominim ever constructed category? It’s B Moe!!! I’d love to see the logic process that led him to the determination that I was, not wrong, mind you, but *ahem* functionally illiterate. Man, you just can’t draw them up on the chalkboard like that…
mikey
That was a post worth waiting for.
Well done, Mr. Retardo, sir.
So what is it like to hang with a brilliant author and be too functionally illiterate to understand a word he writes? Must suck.
Does somewhat explain why you would hang out here, now.
Protein Wisdom readers on the ropes, pretending to have brains….They’re down for the count.
I have a lot to learn about humour from you pompous duechebags, I surely do.
And apparently a thing or two about spelling.
It’s “douchebag”, douchebag.
Calling for violent attacks on ideological opponents
Since you seem to the man with the knowledge, maybe you can tell me what it is you are refering to here. Also, you do realize that Hunter was quite out of his mind right? I mean, staying that high for that long can leave a lasting psychological impact, and he wasn’t sober right up until the end.
Man, you’ve never read much Hunter Thompson, have you. The Good Doctor did have an absurdist/violent streak and, admittedly, flirted with Objectivism in his youth, but to claim a self-declared anarchist and someone who had “problems� with authority as “borderline wingut� is just goofy. Here’s a hint: being a gun fanatic doesn’t equal full-goose wingnuttism. That’s some of that bass-ackwards “reinterpritation of authorial intent� nonsense Majikthise (she of the Wittgensteinian Dirty Sanchez, apparently) took Goldstein to task for, innit? I take it you never read HST’s stuff on Nixon, Reagan, Bush The Elder or Bush The Lesser. Or his screeds against the police or the military. Jeez.
I have read everything he ever wrote. Several times. Including collections of essays from the National Enquirer days which were a helluva lot more conservative/rugged-individualism oriented than liberal-progressivism. I wasn’t trying to compare myself to HST, or pigeon-hole him politically, I feel he was far too complex to put any political label on.
The point I was trying to make was anyone with the time or inclination could go through his stuff and selectively quote him into any kind of raving lunatic they desired. It accomplishes nothing, although this has been amusing.
Could somebody tell me what a “duechebag” is? Is it, like, one less than a “trechebag,” or what?
Since you seem to the man with the knowledge, maybe you can tell me what it is you are refering to here. Also, you do realize that Hunter was quite out of his mind right? I mean, staying that high for that long can leave a lasting psychological impact, and he wasn’t sober right up until the end.
Oh, good try at hijacking the thread to HST! *golf clap*
Sadly, No!
This thread is about your man, Pasty. We haven’t forgotten, even if you have the attention span of a house fly.
GW nyekulturny
B Moe’s defense of JG sounds a little … practiced, doesn’t it? like he has said it to the mirror, or perhaps a concerned wife, a few too many times.
Oh, good try at hijacking the thread to HST! *golf clap*
Thanks for the reply, hun, but if the reference to a call to violence was about Jeff, then it would remain right on target. Maybe you should lay off the whiskey for a while, you seem to be having a hard time keeping up.
And my offer still stands, with that $25 we could make it happen.
B Moe,
This article by Thompson on Bush’s 2004 campaign, maybe the last he published, should set you straight on how he felt about the Asshole-in-Thief:
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/6562575/fear_and_loathing_campaign_2004/
You’re welcome, duechebag.
I’m not drinking whisky, mikey is. Thanks for the offer, scroll up and see my reply, peaches 😉 Try to keep up.
I’d love to see the logic process that led him to the determination that I was, not wrong, mind you, but *ahem* functionally illiterate.
Can do, little buddy, you see I posted this:
I would suggest warming up on some Hunter S. Thompson. Some of the older stuff is border line wingnuttery
Which is a very simple recommendation that they read some HST. No big words or long sentences at all.
And you responded with this:
B Moe. I knew Hunter Thompson. I hung with Hunter Thompson. Hunter Thompson was a friend of mine. And B Moe, you are NO Hunter Thompson…
Which seems to me to imply that I somehow was comparing myself to HST. Which naturally led me to believe you couldn’t comprehend what I was writing.
You understand now? Or was my initial assess… oops, sorry, or was I right the first time?
I wouldn’t call “rugged individualism” as equal to “conservatism” by any stretch of the immagination, especially not in today’s world of government saves for big corporations (a la the airline industry) or the almost pathological desire one hears from the wingnut brigade to have the govenment intrude on private affairs from gay marriage to date mining. Plus, HST did champion the idea tha government – be it state, local or national – work for the people, rather than just the fatcats. Brush up on the stuff he did inre: “The Battle Of Aspen”. It’s in The Great Shark Hunt, but I can look up the page number if you like.
You could parse Thompson’s stuff and take away he was a raving lunatic, and…well, you’d be right. He was, he admitted as much on a number of occasions. But remember, the only people he threatened were the people that represented authority. Goldstein’s spews not at the halls of power (Republican power, anyway), but anyone who questions authority.
“I have a lot to learn about humour from you pompous duechebags, I surely do.
And apparently a thing or two about spelling.
It’s “douchebagâ€?, douchebag. ”
Ouch, you got me. Now I’ll never achieve my goal of winning a spelling bee.
I’ll tell you what though, if all you guys are gonna do is proofread my work, make fun of my handle and offer me sexual favors this is getting to be too much like high school so I’m going to have to go home.
(To Karl Rove, I got those naked pictures of Fitzgerald, what do you want me to do with them?)
B Moe’s defense of JG sounds a little … practiced, doesn’t it?
I confess, I do practice reading for comprehension and rational thought process on a fairly regular basis.
Man, we are just not getting quality trolls in here.
Look, B Moe, I realize you’re doing your best, but it’s just not very good. Just drink your warm milk, beat your kids for the night, and fuck off.
What I’m trying to say is, you’re a boring old hick. Now, if we could get that HOTTTT Jeff Goldstein in here, that would be a different story…
You ask:
Thanks for the reply, hun, but if the reference to a call to violence was about Jeff, then it would remain right on target. Maybe you should lay off the whiskey for a while, you seem to be having a hard time keeping up.
And from a little less than halfway down the page:
Give me your home address, Jesse, and I’ll come over and give you the spanking your parents should have given your bitch ass long ago, before you turned into a smug little 125-pound pre-cancerous mole on the body politic.Fuck you, you whiny pussy.
Did you read the post in question, or does threatening to club someone like a baby seal not seem a wee bit violent to you? Granted, when called, Goldstein backpeddled like Trentt Lott, but I say if he’s got the sack to say it, he should have the sack to stand up for it.
All this obsession with Jeff Goldstein? Jeff…you’re my boy! I FUCKING LOVE you!
Matt T,
Congratulations on being the first person here to comprehend and respond to anything I have said. But the idea that us paste-eaters don’t question authority tells me you haven’t really checked out the site.
Although it is hard to find much authority on the left these days to question, I must admit.
All this obsession with Jeff Goldstein? Jeff…you’re my boy! I FUCKING LOVE you!
Feel the power of my COCK against your face…
God I feel like I’m in an argument with a nine-year-old. It’s just, I dunno, kinda weird. But what the hell.
B Moe. I knew Hunter Thompson. I hung with Hunter Thompson. Hunter Thompson was a friend of mine. And B Moe, you are NO Hunter Thompson…
Which seems to me to imply that I somehow was comparing myself to HST. Which naturally led me to believe you couldn’t comprehend what I was writing.
Ok, B? 2 things. First, you said something to the effect that Hunter could be a wingnut. You are a Wingnut (you know that, right?). Just as I am a Moonbat. I actually thought it was kinda fun that you were embracing your identity on this site, just as I would identify myself as an unhinged godless moonbat at your home site. So, you see, I did see you identifying Hunter, if not with you, with your tribe.
But second? Here at Sadly, No, we like to practice teh funny. So we say shit that cracks us up, and shit that we think might crack up other people here. See, my post was a play on a famous political moment when–ahh, never mind. I fuckin give up…
mikey
Big F
You know if you get the right color ink you can make a mark down the right side of those and fool your parents into thinking they are A’s.
I got shit to do now, sorry, it has been a hoot.
Great Caesar’s Ghost!!!iiionethousand!i!lone!!ihundredi!lIelevenil!andelevenl!i!!hundredthsi!lI
And here I thought we only had FAUXTrollâ„¢ Gary Ruppert for a troll. All because someone pointed out that Jeff Goldstein is a very small chickenhawk with a big mouth?
SadlyNo! roxx!
Yeah. Why do all the wingers suck such shit?
I really feel sorry for Goldstein he is definately suffering from some serious mental problems. That didn’t stop me from laughing out loud at your post however. Can’t wait for Part Deux.
B Moe,
I freely admit I don’t read Goldstein’s site and haven’t since the first dick-slapping threat popped up. Why should I? It’s quite obvious he has no use for someone like me, has no interest in hearing my ideas, and would probably get off on seeing me get stomped by a horde of raving Hell’s Angels on a dangerous cocktail of PCP, crystal meth and toilet cleaner. At best, he’s a angry little dingbat with nothing serious to add to the convorsation and a writing style that’s the blogging equivalent of a “Bum Fights” video. At worst, he’s a seriously troubled individual who should be kept away from children. Personally, I favor the latter, but in any event, there’s only so many hours in the day. If I want defense of the status quo, there’s always the mainstream media and it’s not like Goldstein’s ever going to write anything that I’d find politically enlightening. Be fair.
Apart from that, though, what is a fine example of you “paste eaters” questioning authority? Now, we probably should define what we mean by “questioning authority”. I’m talking about calling out the powers that be, the folks that actually run things, when they’re actions can be construed as a serious threat to the status of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I’m not talking about yacking off to whatever dumbshit “Hitlery” said this week about violent video games. In other words, is your “quesion of authority” just another way of saying “partisan dickery”, or are you really willing to take the fight to The Man?
I’m keenly interested, so do tell.
Is there a first-aid tent at Sadly, No! to which we can direct the well-meaning but over-earnest newcomers who’ve gotten the vapours over the…er…savaging? Oh, and TallDave was effectively dispatched by Walter Benjamin on June 15th, 2006, 2:21 European Summer Time. Nicely done, Walter.
I believe B Moe, like TallDave and whatever the other trolls were called, has runned away. Trolls today, no stamina. Discuss.
The score so far:
Sadly, No! — 1
Pathetic Trolls from Protein Wisdom — 0
Let’s keep up the good work, people!
Upon further reflection, I think I need to specify. What’s the most telling example of a Protein Wisdom wingnut (hey, as long as they’re ownin’ up to it) blatantly questioning a policy or position held by those who hold the most political power and authority in this country (which would be the GOP right now). Note: no points for railing against a political appointee for “not being conservative enough”, either before they’re nominated or after they’ve called out the Bush Administration on whatever goofball policy they’re calling out.
Matt T.: This is one of those trick questions, isn’t it? I’m never any good at those, but I’m gonna go with ‘there are no such examples, telling or otherwise.’ Just a guess…
And how does a true conservative “question authority”, anyway? Isn’t the whole idea behind “conservatism” the stroke that things ain’t broke, so don’t you dare even think about trying to fix ’em? Isn’t it the idea that laws are made to be followed and never questioned, because they’re for our own good? Isn’t it the idea that the times, they don’t need a-changin’, and you’re a dangerous subversive who hates God if you dare say otherwise (or, indeed, point out otherwise)?
Just so I’ve said it…I have in fact felt quite a bit of sympathy for Jeff Goldstein at many points in the time I’ve been following this and I’m going to say one thing…those of you who profess to be his supporters (Josh Trevino, Ben Domenech, Glenn Reynolds, all his commenters…whoever); it’s up to you to show real real friendship if JG needs help.
Gentlewoman,
Nope. I ain’t that kind of cat. I am a seeker of knowledge, and I ask questions to learn. I work to make myself assured in my positions, but if there was a conservative argument out that could put forth a good reason to abandon my progressive ideals (civil liberties, responsible and open government, social and economic justice, etc.), it would make me think and reconsider my opinions. Hasn’t happened yet, but as a wise man said, it’s the journey, not arrival.
Man oh man. What a piece of work is JG. And is he married? With a child? Good lord, the horror. The Horror.
Retardo wins the internets.
[…] Holy crap. Remind me not to get on Retardo’s bad side […]
Oy. I just (oh weeping gods) wandered over to Pasty’s site to find that he has just re-posted the actual names of individuals in his comments section. I believe douchebaggery deserves real-world consequences.
“What’s the most telling example of a Protein Wisdom wingnut (hey, as long as they’re ownin’ up to it) blatantly questioning a policy or position held by those who hold the most political power and authority in this country (which would be the GOP right now). Note: no points for railing against a political appointee for “not being conservative enoughâ€?, either before they’re nominated or after they’ve called out the Bush Administration on whatever goofball policy they’re calling out.”
I can only speak for myself, but I disagree with most of the religious wing of the Republican Party on about everything, I think the current Administrations failure to curb pork-barrel spending is appalling. I think they got a raw deal on the immediate Katrina affair, and unfortunately the hyperbolic caterwauling by the left and media then has blinded most people to the true disgraces that have followed. I disagree with the gay marraige ban. I disagree with most of the right’s multitude of opinions on immigration. The honest truth is I disagree with them about damn near everything but their mid-east foreign policy. But since that is the only thing the fucking Democrats can do right now, is be contrarians about terrorism, I am not accepted by them anymore either. One of the lovely ironies of the current mess is I am a life long Democrat, campaigned for Carter and never voted for a Republican president, but have been completely ostrasized by the party for questioning their authority on middle-east foreign policy. It isn’t only happening to Leiberman you know.
You see I question all authority, whether they are in power or not, because frankly authority out of power is much more likely to lie to you to get back in.
This is the first of two parts. This piece was about Goldstein the psychopath; the next will be more about Goldstein the “writer,” Goldstein the hackulent wingnut, Goldstein the purveyor of dolchstosslegende.
Moe gets bonus points for the Stupidest Goldstein Defense Ever: the idea that his threats of sexual assault are mere “absurdism” and “venting” is ..well, almost as insane as Goldstein himself. Even more hilariously crazy is the argument that suck-up-to-power Goldstein can be compared favorably to HST.
TallDave: “doing things.”
B Moe: “mid-east foreign policy”
Ordinary, honest person: “elective war.”
B Moe,
Thanks for your answer. If I am acurate in assuming you currently support the Bush Administration because of their stance on terror, you’re telling me you’re basically tossing all that over the side – thus allowing the growth of authority in the hard-right yay-hoos who do feverently support such things – because of one issue that, frankly, neither party is doing anything serious about. I’d rather not get into a debate on the relative merits of of how the war on terror is pursued by both major parties – frankly because I’ve come to the decision neither is coming close to actually doing anything beyond winning the odd jingoistic/ideological vote and filling the pockets of the military-industrial complex – because, actually, I doubt we’ll get anywhere with each other.
Don’t you feel that by supporting the Bush Administration’s policies on terrorism at the expense of all other views (if I’m understanding you properly), doesn’t that mean you tacitly support those other policies, such as gay marriage, the Katrina kerfluffle, religious fundamentalists in governmental control, etc.? I mean, it seems like the modern GOP sells the whole Bush Package as an all-or-nothing deal – particularly given the not-at-all subtle implication that to disagree with, say, No Child Left Behind is the exact same thing as flying a jet into an office building – how do you argue the seperation? I have heard this argument before, especially in the run-up to the 2004 elections when I kept asking Bush supporters why I should support a candidate that runs against everything I believe in and all my progressive ideals.*
I’m with you about the Democratic Party, on a national level anyway, but probably for different reasons. They don’t want to hear progressive dissenters, either.I feel abandoned by their hard-move to the right (though, and a nod back to HST, the Democratic machine abandoning the “little guy” for the money men isn’t anything new, as Chicago ’68 taught us). Weak and ineffectual when it comes to complete non-issues like abortion or the idiotic pledge “debate” or foolishness like ID, when all it would take is saying “Hey…this isn’t important. Jobs are, and here’s what we got working…” And hell, they really don’t have that, not on a national level, anyway. As for the WoT, I fail to see much dissent from the DNC types as a whole, except when it was safe politically to do so. The Greens managed to make themselves completely goofy in fairly short order, and the Libertarians…well, if we can’t say anything good about anyone, and so forth.
And so much for that, for it is neither here nor there. I can respect your stances, though I obviously can’t agree with the WoT issue, and I cannot wrap my brain around the disconnect in having such views and still support an administration that has done very little apart from consolidate it’s unquestionable authority in all matters. I know this probably sounds a bit judgemental, and I apologize for that, but I honestly cannot make that thought process fit.
* It seems like it basically boiled down to little more than “the Islamofacists WILL KILL YOU if you don’t vote for Bush,” which frankly doesn’t float.
[…] In a sane world, that headline would be true. But we live in an absurd world, so conservative bloggers will still be linking to Goldstein, even after he’s been exposed by the folks at Sadly, No! This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 14th, 2006 at 7:39 pm and is filed under Lunacy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Home» […]
Congratulations on being the first person here to comprehend and respond to anything I have said. But the idea that us paste-eaters don’t question authority tells me you haven’t really checked out the site.
Although it is hard to find much authority on the left these days to question, I must admit.
Ding ding ding! We have a winner! “We DO question authority – if it’s from the LEFT! Eat that, cobagz!!!!11!!1!!1!!!”
Monsieur Montalban, I will defer to you on the Goldstein part deux smackdown!iii!!lllllonehundi!red!il!eleven!i1
But as to Katrina and moe:
“I think they got a raw deal on the immediate Katrina affair, and unfortunately the hyperbolic caterwauling by the left and media then has blinded most people to the true disgraces that have followed.”
The shrub administration’s lies and crimes during and immediately after Katrina are being followed up by further lies and crimes to this day. Some things, it’s just not so easy to make into a joke. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Matt T
Don’t fear the COCK. I mean, if you’re not gay then it can’t hurt you. Right?
BTW – I think you understanding of conservatism and on individuals vs. groups is really enlightened. Fight the power baby!
Matt T: especially when supporting doing things mid-east foreign policy the elective war in Iraq was the worst thing you could do if you really were serious about the GWOT. Tora Bora, anyone?
Hey, what happened to my strikethrougs on “doing things” and “mid-east foreign policy”?
DG,
Umm, okay. I don’t have my dingaling-to-English translator handy, but sure.
TallDave, for those of you who have not yet figured it out, is a pathetic piece of shit.
Did someone say photoshop opportunity?
Goodness. That is some seriously concentrated wingnuttiness… No wonder it took so long to distill.
I personally can’t stand the way Goldstein writes. He’s not interesting, he’s not appealing, and worst of all, he’s not funny. He also refuses to answer straightforward questions about his choice of “insult”; see in particular the last few comments here.
B Moe: I confess, I do practice reading for comprehension and rational thought process on a fairly regular basis.
Keep on practicing, lad, and some day maybe you’ll succeed.
Just a question…isn’t every war “elective”? I mean, every war ever waged could have been advoided if one side just surrendered instead. By choosing to fight, they “elected” to go to war.
Oh well, I guess some people do love their semantic games.
“the idea that his threats of sexual assault are mere “absurdismâ€? and “ventingâ€? is ..well, almost as insane as Goldstein himself. Even more hilariously crazy is the argument that suck-up-to-power Goldstein can be compared favorably to HST.”
Or it could just be a reflection of different opinions and tastes than your own, that is what we would have considered back when the left truly was more open-minded.
You people’s stridency and utter lack of self-awareness is nearing incomprehensible. I haven’t chosen any political party, that is the point I am trying to make. Because I support one aspect of the current Republican Administration, and refuse to march in lockstep with either, I am a neo-con sympathizer and refuse to question authority and speak truth to power. Are you really so fucking dim you don’t see the contradictions and irony, here? Fuck it, I’m going to bed, you are know just starting to depress me.
Fuck it, I’m going to bed, you are know just starting to depress me.
B Moe, thank you. Because we woudn’t want to depress you or anything.
P.S. Fuck you and your support for the Iraq war.
Damn! I was just going to prove that Moe = Ruppert.
HaXXcess0R suppl!ed!iliI!
B Moe: “I support one aspect of the current Republican Administration”
Honest person: “I support an elective war”
Lee: “hey, aren’t all wars elective?”
Smart person: “go to bed, Lee. Your brain is getting tired.”
“go to bed”
Is that the standard answer around here when you don’t want to answer a question?
I know, I know, go to bed.
good lord, any male who spends that much time thinking about and talking about cock, is GAY.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Come out of the closet Jeff, and stop hating yourself for loving Teh Penis so much.
….and just to add to the all-too-obvious homoeroticism… he calls his blog ‘Protein Wisdom’.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the world’s most self-loathing closeted homosexual this side of Mary Cheney….. Jeff Goldstein.
Can we get Pablo the swingers’ club connoiseur to come over? These garden-variety pasticules are really dull.
And Retardo? I know that you’d have to devote more than a single part to Jeff Goldstein the hypocrite, but do please try.
Sheesh, I never thought I’d feel this way, but the comments to this post make me miss BLT, RealGary AND Annieangel. Each one seems so… competent by comparison.
Shorter TallDave:
“I will respond to a voluminous posting as being unserious. Someone will call me an idiot or moron. I will then accuse them of not addressing my argument. I will then pick something else to argue about. Also, Jeff Goldstein is ironic.”
Now I get it. Jeff Goldstein is ironic.
orthobob, close your tags!
I would love for anniea to just unload on TallDave. He wouldn’t know what hit him. Alas, he already doesn’t know what happened to his life and why it seems so ridiculous and unlikable. Sorry for the banal internet insults, but look in the mirror, it is how you and everyone else communicates. You are never going to be a reasonable person. You exist as a true reactionary. I know how you will think based on how I think.
Holy crap. He makes Duncan Black, of the Wanker of the Day and the famed Whiny-Ass Titty-Baby Award, look downright cordial and gentlemanly. I always figured Goldstein got far more than his share of flak in the liberal blogs, but…damn. I guess not. That’s just stunning.
All I can say is I hope the loveless, closeted, self-hating Jeff Goldstein – whose diatribes and insults remind me of the repressed rage of the hotel desk clerk in Hitchcock’s Psycho – reads every word of this brilliant post. This guy needs psychiatric help.
Wow, it must be hell to be so far in the closet and a homophobe and a misogynist. No wonder he’s on tranqs. This guy isn’t getting laid by anyone!
hope this helps.
sorry i can’t post more, i’m bent over laughing
# jeff goldstein said,
June 15, 2006 at 0:41
(For Thers & clan.)
I admit, that was my favorite bit.
I pictured you pouring part of a 40 of MGD on your keyboard as your wrote that.
It was so…street, you know? Almost brought a tear to my eye, homey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What’s even more pitiful about Jeff is he’s flattered – or pretending to be – by the attention. I mean you’re crucifying the guy here, crushing his psychoness to smithereens, and he’s actually kinda happy about it – if these slap-on-the-back-chuckle comments of his reflect his true state of mind. Or maybe the meds have mellowed him out this evening.
Sadly he wants you and us to believe you haven’t hurt his feelings, but there’s no way his feelings aren’t hurt by this post.
Brilliant piece. You zero’d in on Jeff’s weak spots like a true Steven Segal action hero.
I posted a casual comment (http://tinyurl.com/rwcuh) at his spunkshack of facializees a while back and the swallowers went nuts. My site was literally swamped with hits out of PW from corporate IPs providing for-profit care for the old and terminally ill (I sh*t u not – I saved my logs).
We ended up shooting bow shots for a few days but when I mentioned that he should spend more time with his neglected wife instead of devoting so much time to his 5th tier strategy of blog publishing to ward off perishability less he risk losing his wife to his handyman brother – well, he went all Fahrenheit 451 on me and redacted most if not all of my logged comments while also implementing some automatic redirect function of what he guessed was my originating IP. But man, the mention of his cachetic libido really blew his home-soldered fuse. And your post…well it just laid waste to him in a manner that I will have him anguishing for months to come. That much I have come to discern of the fella.
Somewhere, Jeff Goldstein is sitting in his basement, fuming over Retardo’s takedown. “Just wait ’til I show them my COCK! Then they’ll be sorry.” Meanwhile, his lawn goes unmowed, his children unfed and his 15,000 word article on the foundational hermenuetics of Scenes from a Mall, unwritten.
when I mentioned that he should spend more time with his neglected wife instead of devoting so much time to his 5th tier strategy of blog publishing to ward off perishability less he risk losing his wife to his handyman brother
Oh, that’s cruel. To his wife.
WhoIsPablo sez:
Why don’t you just go ahead and step on you dick now, friend? You know you’re an enormous blunder just waiting to make yourself happen, so get the fuck on with it already! BECAUSE OF THE TOLERANCE AND DIVERSITY!!!!
I hear that upstate New York is nice this time of year. We could have lunch in Rochester with just a couple of hours driving each, huh? Bring your sister. Assumming she meets my previously mentioned conditions, that is.
Toodles!
Does this commenting system have basic functionality? Sadly, no!
So, that quote was “Can we get Pablo the swingers’ club connoiseur to come over? These garden-variety pasticules are really dull.”
Bring it, beeyatch. 🙂
After a brutal night fighting the right wing oppressors, Retardo finally logged off and trudged down from her room to see her Daddy, CheChe had never seen his daughter so depressed….
Does this commenting system have basic functionality?
And yet everyone else in this 200+ comment thread manages to use it, Mr Swingtown, MD. Funny, that.
fabulos post Retardo
I just have one word for Pasty: Arsehole
Apparently not everyone is amused: http://www.hogonice.com/2006/06/this_is_why_people_start_blogs.html
Thanks Moonbootica. By linking to your blog I’ve just learned that my Unitarian Jihad name is: ‘Sister Inspired Whip of Fervent Kindness’. I like it!
To JG, can I just say this: You.Are.A.Total.Wanker. To the “krew” from PW: why don’t you crawl back under your rocks now, m’kay?
Seriously, the troll quality of this blog has been slipping of late…
P.S. Retardo, I salute you. This post is teh bomb! (I dunno, personally I think Pasty’s psychosis comes from being raised by bonobos).
Hee hee. He hates Keith Olberman so much he had to use me as proxy straw man!
And even though Goldstein smeared this guy as an anti-semite and then basically admitted to him that he was as nutty as a fruitcake, somehow I’m the bad guy for using that as evidence to prove that Goldstein is ..nutty as a fruitcake.
Basically, he’s pissed that his own comments section was used as ammo to annihilate a psycho nazi wingnut. Plus, Olberman blargh #^&&&@!!!!
Ahh, wingnuts.
“beeyatch”
Seriously? I mean…REALLY?
An elderly white actress in a sitcom called from 1994. She wants her incongrupus punchline back.
From now on, let’s just call him “Dirty Sanchez from Right Bloggerreich”.
From Spalpeen Hammer’s link:
I could probably make a list of twenty bloggers I would wish dead or at least incontinent at this moment, but I can’t imagine hating them enough to do a major research project.
See, that’s the thing. The worst I’d wish on my enemies, such that they are, is a fully-developed sense of embarrassment.
I visited Hogonice and submitted the link to this story in the comments. Let’s see if they post it. Bet they won’t.
Hog on Ice’s ultimate putdown is basically the same as Pasty’s crew’s: Retardo must be the crazy person for researching all that aha!
They’ve certainly gone heavy with the paste in their Cheerios this morning: the hard work in this post was arranging it; the research itself was easy. After Goldstein threatened Kevin with cock-violence (which is “humor”! and can’t you moonbats take a joke?!?!), I merely googled slang words for penis with “protein wisdom” or “jeff goldstein” and was rewarded with a cache of insanity. The only obsessions related to any of this are Goldstein’s for cock and violence, which I’ve demonstrated.
“He hates Keith Olberman so much he had to use me as proxy straw man!”
As opposed to a real straw man? Once again, kudo’s on a perfect handle, dude, I have never seen anybody as capable at missing the point. Truth in advertising indeed.
Maybe I should loan it to you.
Tell me WTF do I have to do with Olberman? Nothing, but apparently he watched Olberman last night and GOT REALLY PISSED OFF and he’s also pissed at me for reasons I’ve already explained, and so tied me to his anti-Olberman diatribe by some spidery connection regarding similar “styles”.
Put in a way that even a paste-eater might understand, his Olberman is a strawman, but he had to go the extra step of using a charicature of me to attack his exaggerated Olberman. Hence, “proxy strawman”.
You should really consider using a clothespin on your nose when hanging out at Goldstein’s all the time; the paste fumes are giving you dainbramage.
“As opposed to a real straw man?”
No, Shortbus. As opposed to the straw-Olberman he’d like to attack much more. See, he had an imagined Olberman against whom he’d like to rail, but due to some extenuating or mitigating factors he engaged Retardo’s post as a proxy for that straw man for which he (thought he) actually brought ammo.
WHEEEEEE I M N Intarnetz semantician beeyatch!!1!one!1
So what is making all these Pasties so crazy? I don’t meet like this in real life at all. Not that impenetrably stupid, in any case.
Is it their jobs? Their meaningless suburban existence? Lack of fresh air and exercise? Booze, pills….trans-fats? Someone explain it to me!!!
…*sob*
God bless you, Retardo. John Cole’s blind defense of this asshat’s lunacy is what drove me away from his blog. I’m glad someone finally took the time to biography this sad, sad clown.
Retardo, very nice work.
I just want to add that I never called Goldstein a “coward” or a “chickenhawk” on his site prior to my dick-slap inducing post at Catch as he’s claimed repeatedly. It is true, however, that I called him an “insufferable twat” at alicublog. Because he is.
Thank you.
Oh sure, Kevin can muster a post over here.
/neglected Fat Jerry
As I said, at 10 AM I visited Hogonice and submitted the link to this story in the comments. Several hours and several comments later, mine doesn’t appear. Though not.
Meant “thought not”
Sorry about the blank post, I was just trying to close a tag that’s fucking up your comments.
Retardo, check this out:
i·ro·ny P Pronunciation Key (r-n, r-)
n. pl. i·ro·nies
1. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning.
2. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning.
3. A literary style employing such contrasts for humorous or rhetorical effect. See Synonyms at wit1.
See, all you did here was do a Google site search on PW for the word “cock” and then decorated it with a bunch of sticks and stones. Like so much from the left these days, that’s all this post is: a bunch of sticks and stones for their own sake. That’s why Protein Wisdom is often very funny and… well, you’re not.
At the dictionary site they’ve got a quote by Jonathan Swift:
“Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody’s face but their own”
Thanks for the demo.
yours/
peter.
By the way, I heard George Washington was looking for you.
damn, you just nuked jeff goldstein’s chances of getting a job with any employer who does a google search on him.
PJ sez: “That’s why Protein Wisdom is often very funny and… well, you’re not.”
De gustibus and all that crap, but Captain Klonopin is -so- not funny. Dennis the Peasant; there’s a funny conservative. Jeff’s lame, pseudo-intellectual ‘jokes’ are flatter than yesterday’s club soda.
Is it their jobs? Their meaningless suburban existence? Lack of fresh air and exercise? Booze, pills….trans-fats?
Nope, Mal, that can’t be it. You have effectively described my life, and, while it would not be new to question my sanity or stability, I’m pretty sure I am not like these assclowns….
mikey
“Put in a way that even a paste-eater might understand, his Olberman is a strawman, but he had to go the extra step of using a charicature of me to attack his exaggerated Olberman. Hence, “proxy strawmanâ€?.
You should really consider using a clothespin on your nose when hanging out at Goldstein’s all the time; the paste fumes are giving you dainbramage. “
He is not using you, charicature or otherwise, to attack Olberman you illiterate fool, he is comparing you to Olberman in a direct critique of both of you. There is no straw man or proxy anywhere in the article.
Don’t you get it, Retardo? Hogonice means what Moe says it means, and NOT what YOU think it means. Geez, you’re so illiterate, you illiterate not-literate fool.
i·ro·ny P Pronunciation Key (r-n, r-)
n. pl. i·ro·nies
1. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning.
2. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning.
3. A literary style employing such contrasts for humorous or rhetorical effect. See Synonyms at wit1.
4. An excuse that is employed to defend something that was, in actuality, written with total sincerity. See examples in post above.
i·ro·ny P Pronunciation Key (r-n, r-)
n. pl. i·ro·nies
1. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning.
2. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning.
3. A literary style employing such contrasts for humorous or rhetorical effect. See Synonyms at wit1.
4. An excuse that is employed to defend something that was, in actuality, written with total sincerity. See examples in post above.
damn, you just nuked jeff goldstein’s chances of getting a job with any employer who does a google search on him.
Uhh, I think Jeffy already did/is doing that to his own self with his blog. And doing a mighty fine job of it, too…
The rest of the world has moved on.
B Moe remains here, debating the flavor of the paste.
Truly, the minions of Goldstein are…special.
“Don’t you get it, Retardo? Hogonice means what Moe says it means, and NOT what YOU think it means. Geez, you’re so illiterate, you illiterate not-literate fool.”
What a serendipidous bit of irony, this leading into Retardo’s anxiously awaited critique of Pastys theories of intentionalism. You just can’t make this shit up.
Hog on Ice means what he fucking says, it is not a complicated piece, there is nothing to interpret. If you think he is pitting Retardo and Olberman against each other as straw men, you don’t know what the fuck you are reading. Period.
And you can be unamazed doc, I am moving on too. It is frustrating trying to make fun of people and then have them out do me in their own responses. Kind of embarassing.
It’s not the flavor of the paste he’s debating, if you know what I mean….
it must be frustrating to try and make fun of people so badly. keep trying though! you’ll get it someday.
isn’t it funny RM how at first you are “obsessed” for “spending all this time researching” and who is “crazy” enough to do that, and now “all you did was a Google search” so why is everyone impressed??! (waaah)
Question:
What was the longest thread a Sadly, No! piece ever generated?
What about all the other poor Jeff Goldsteins? I mean, not all of ’em are into assault with a dongly weapon.
Spare a tear for the collateral dumbage.
Pablo said,
June 15, 2006 at 10:59
WhoIsPablo sez:
Why don’t you just go ahead and step on you dick now, friend? You know you’re an enormous blunder just waiting to make yourself happen, so get the fuck on with it already! BECAUSE OF THE TOLERANCE AND DIVERSITY!!!!
I hear that upstate New York is nice this time of year. We could have lunch in Rochester with just a couple of hours driving each, huh? Bring your sister. Assumming she meets my previously mentioned conditions, that is.
Toodles!
How cute. The wingnut thinks it can divine the absolute true secrets of internet identity.
The most amazing part of what Goldstein has written is this gem:
“The trolling—particularly the meanspiritedness of some of the ad hominems—takes its toll, and when you have a young son who may one day read your site and the things being said about you, you become a bit more quick on the draw than you might otherwise be.”
So…he’s so concerned that his young son might one day read mean things about Dad in the comments to years-old posts that he removes them, but he seems fine with that same son reading Dad’s cock-slapping and man-on-dog fantasies?
That’s the real evidence of serious mental illness.
Question:
What was the longest thread a Sadly, No! piece ever generated?
I’m sure it has to be this thread, and I’m sure it will remain this thread for a long, long time.
isn’t it funny RM how at first you are “obsessed� for “spending all this time researching� and who is “crazy� enough to do that, and now “all you did was a Google search� so why is everyone impressed??! (waaah)
Kathleen, sweet possum, the only thing impressive about this post is the amount of time it must have taken retardo to do all of the copying and pasting. You see, Jeff gets a leftie stalker trying to spooge on his shoe to drum up their hitcount every week. This is one of the more boring attempts, although the Napoleon photoshop is pretty good. Other than that, there’s just not a whole lot here other than a bunch of people trying to figure out clever ways to call Jeff a fag, which, as a libertarian supporter of gay rights, I find kind of offensive.
yours/
peter.
I’m sure it has to be this thread, and I’m sure it will remain this thread for a long, long time.
Um, no. That would be the infamous ‘long thread’ — known to many but hidden from the profane.
Has one of the pasties made an actual argument yet, or has it all been assertion and humourless condescension?
peter jackson,
Heh. You said “libertarian.”
Has one of the pasties made an actual argument yet, or has it all been assertion and humourless condescension?
I haven’t read the entire thread, but it seems like it’d be quite a task to lay out a rational argument in favor of threatened cock-slapping…
Bas-O-Matic sez
“How cute. The wingnut thinks it can divine the absolute true secrets of internet identity.”
You shouldn’t talk that way about your dimwitted friend, especially not before you’ve seen his “goods”.
Let’s have it, WhoIsPablo. Who is Pablo? 🙂
a duechebag?
You forgot “beeyatch, smiley” up there, Paul.
Jammin’ on the one, holmes! Don’t take no jive from no turkeys, soul brother. Additionally, 23-skiddo and a hot cha cha to you, sir.
Pablo is one mark-ass beeyatch, yo. Word.
it seems like it’d be quite a task to lay out a rational argument in favor of threatened cock-slapping
You mean apart from the sexual gratification Goldstein gets from thinking about it?
[…] Sadly, No! » Wingnut All-Star: Jeff Goldstein (Part I) […]
Here’s what Kevin wrote on Catch.com:
So, Kevin can suggest I’m a breastfeeding coward (“I never said he was a coward — just that he was hiding under his kid’s crib and needs to go enlist NOW, or at least, as soon as he’s done giving the boy his breast milk”), but when I offer to meet up with him so he can repeat this to my face, I’m out of line?
Must be that old cycle of violence thing. I started it by having no fucking idea who Kevin was, Kevin posts some personal shit about me, and I respond by offering to slap him across the face with my dick. In between breast feedings. Where, you know, milk comes out of my nipples and goes into my son’s throat.
But yeah, I’m the one with issues.
Anyway, because Kevin is acting all wounded here, I thought I’d provide the context. Not that it matters. Revisiting some of these comments even without the context makes me smile. Man, I do love the COCK!
how ironic then, that you would come over here to drive up the hit counts. and seriously dude, just chill with the whole “libertarian supporter of gay rights, so I am offended”. it doesn’t pass the clown test. Just make up a Fake Gary comment – it will be much more entertaining for everyone.
But yeah, I’m the one with issues.
quoted for truth
Kevin posts some personal shit about me…
Personal…and a laff-riot!
It’s figurative, Pasty. I thought all your studies in semiotics or heuristics or whatever it is that thing you go on about all the time would have clued you in to that.
Hey, we mockingly threatened physical harm on someone once, and I’m sure never going to do that again. I was practically hiding under the bed for a week, obsessed with what a bad person I’d become.
Jeff, man, life’s too short. There’s snarky invective and there’s real life, and the two don’t mix well.
The amazing (and somewhat annoying) thing is that this nutjob wingnut has MINIONS!! How the infernal HELL does somebody this messed up end up with minions?? Now sure, his men are all asshats too, so that explains why they’re JG’s toadies, but why are they anybody’s? I picture him and his men riding up to the ranch and JG saying “can you put my men up in the bunkhouse for the night?” and of course the rancher would say “sure thing, fellah. Of course YOU’RE gonna have to stay out behind the barn ’cause you just totally creep me out.”
I have no minions. Nobody would rush to my defense if I was assaulted on some wingnut site. Sick little bastard that he is, that’s GOTTA count for something, right?
mikey
Hey, we’re your minions, Mikey.
How the infernal HELL does somebody this messed up end up with minions?
The same way a horse ends up with a bunch of horseflies buzzing around its ass.
But yeah, I’m the one with issues.
Correct.
LostSailor:
The most amazing part of what Goldstein has written is this gem:
“The trolling—particularly the meanspiritedness of some of the ad hominems—takes its toll
That’s particularly funny considering it was preceded by this: Once again: Tristero wasn’t banned for anything he wrote here. He was banned for sucking Atrios’ dick
I think threatening to slap another man in the face with your penis is sort of setting the gold standard for repressed gayness. It sounds like something from a really bad episode of “Queer Duck.”
The amazing (and somewhat annoying) thing is that this nutjob wingnut has MINIONS!!
Well, speaking only for myself, I’m more of a sycophant. Although it’s early in the season yet, and I am working my way up in the rankings.
Because of the COCK, you see.
This thread ain’t even in the top 10 longest. Unless TallDave comments count x10, which of course they don’t. They each count as -50. So this thread is in the negatives.
Well, speaking only for myself, I’m more of a sycophant. Although it’s early in the season yet, and I am working my way up in the rankings.
Just keep taking my cock-whippings and soon you will rise to the status of a true sycophant. Why Pablo used to cry like a little bitch when I came on his face, but now he’s Protein Wisdom Sycophant NUMBAH ONE!!!111!! and a big Internet tough guy to boot.
The sad thing is, I really can’t tell if that’s a fake JG or not.
That doesn’t sound like Jeff. For one thing he never threatens US with his cock, and for another the worst task I’ve ever had to do is to hose down the homosexuals changed in the basement. You know, so the smell doesn’t frighten the children.
I think your an imposter Jeff. A Jeff wanna-be.
DG, to the DISCIPLINE ROOM immediately. Your status is revoked from Sycopant Class C to Sycophant Class F. Pablo, get in here, we have a situation . . .
At the end of the day, this collection JG’s wit wisdom is going to be nestled on net for some time to come. Hence it will continue to provide dividends to the intrepid googler in search of the historical JG. I doubt that the heart felt, if simpleminded, defenses raised by his apostles will weigh much in the balance against JG’s own collected works.
As I believe Anatole France once said:
” When all is said and done,
we have the Maxim gun
and they have not.”
[…] I heard about this lengthy Sadly, No! diatribe against Jeff Goldstein, and clicked over, fully prepared to fly into a righteous outrage at the shabby treatment of my pal. […]
Wow. I just read through this thing for the first time, and it turns out I really AM gay.
Nevertheless (oops, pardon me. Withal) you might tell the person using my name on this thread that s/he’s weakening your point by creating quotes that appear attributable to me but that are, in fact, fakes. Which could put your entire project into jeopardy. Because you are providing me with plausible deniability for my dastardly, sociopathic rejoinders to comments that you conveniently bracketed while writing your little story.
Remember: your greatest strength, ye progressive stalwarts, is that you act together as a hive mind. Such sloppiness as is being evinced here — providing me with an out — is frowned upon by the bigger bloggers you desperately want to take notice of you.
(For thers and clan)
I am totally feeling the love. You little freaks are simply the cutest things! Even with the cock prints all over your faces. It’s just darling!
Feh. This thread has just over 1/3 of the posts that the Long Threadâ„¢ has, and the whiny bitchiness of the COCK crowd is just tiresome rather than teh funny. Plus, there were about 4 threads during the annieangel period that went well over 300 postings. So, feh. And, speaking of tiresome whining, could somebody with authorial privileges please shut off the damned link tag? It’s left on in one of ortho bob’s posts, um, somewhere upthread.
It’s like Pinky and the Brain: when Pasty comes along, look who’s sure to follow?
You’d be forgiven for thinking that Dirty Sanchez was in fact Jeffy-lube hisself, creating a bit of plausible deniability for the small subset of things he’s not prepared to say in propria persona.
[…] Then again the lag may be attributed, not to something as simple as “battle fatigue” a la the 82nd Chairborne Brigade (cite), but to a barrage of fire coming from the Left-O-Sphere’s own A-List nasties. (We’ll know for sure if some not-so-glorifying emails find their way to the front page of MM.com later today.) […]
LMAO. So much effort culminating in resultant self-flagellation on your part. Goldstein owns you, moron!
Better start a petition against this kind of thing, Jeff. For Michelle and clan.
Can’t we get some civility up in this piece? Fo rillz, beeyatch.
/clutching pearls
Progressives have a “hive mind”?
Is today Opposite Day? Or were those not right-wingers from PW who came buzzing in in a swarm?
That’s,,,,,,comedy gold!!!!1!!!1
P.S. Retardo, I salute you. This post is teh bomb! (I dunno, personally I think Pasty’s psychosis comes from being raised by bonobos).
Hey. Bonobos are very loving creatures who rarely fight. And I do mean very loving. When they do fight, they usually make up with some loving. And then some more. I think you meant chimpanzees.
Wow. I just read through this thing for the first time, and it turns out I really AM gay.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that, DJ Jizzy Jeff, but it’s painfully obvious that you are seriously fucked up in the head. Don’t worry, amongst the crowd you travel (Michelle Malkin, Charles Johnson), that’s considered de rigueur.
Man Gravy!
Because you are providing me with plausible deniability for my dastardly, sociopathic rejoinders to comments that you conveniently bracketed while writing your little story.
*assuming this is the real JG…*
Plausible deniability for what? For when you appear before the ICC to answer for your war-time atrocities? Or for challenging the eventuality that you’ll never be able to eat lunch in this town again?
Yeesh. If ego-centrism and self-agrandisement were criminal, your minions would be forming a posse to break you out of prison right now (…just as soon as they finished tossing each other off, that is)
I love the counter arguments from intention. Everything that is ever done on the internets is because there is some blog-career ladder that everyone simply MUST be climbing. Why of course! That is how you think when it is your job/ticket out of wherever/wannabe career.
Or it could just be an entertainment. Except when TallDave shows up. Then you have to take your ball and go home, because you hate yourself for even thinking about something so stupid.
[…] Via The Commissar, we get turned on to an insane diatribe against my favorite paste-eating Hebe, commonly known in the ’sphere as Goldstein. […]
I do enjoy that at the top of the page this looks like it might be a subset of Kitten Kombat ‘06: Round the Second.
Mal de Mer– exactly. As if “bracketing” or “irony” makes what he wrote somehow less loathsome. No, this post almost makes me feel sorry for the self-important little prig.
Speaking of which, Jeff you ought to tell your diwitted, would-be comrades that they shouldn’t link to this post. There’s no coming out of this one on top, ese. The more people who see it, the worse it’s gonna go for you. I mean, when Jeffy Jr. goes to school you might want to get a job at Kinko’s or something and you don’t want these quotes coming up on a google search. I don’t imagine pajamas media will be getting a second round of funding, you know?
You’re obviously aware since you don’t link to it on your own blog. Spread the word. Think of the children.
I’m starting to doubt the whole existence of Baby Goldstein. I know at this point, I’d be thinking of my kid’s future with his father’s bad behaviour immortalised all over the internet far more than my carefully-crafted blog persona.
The trolling—particularly the meanspiritedness of some of the ad hominems—takes its toll, and when you have a young son who may one day read your site and the things being said about you, you become a bit more quick on the draw than you might otherwise be.
Moe-
Because I support one aspect of the current Republican Administration, and refuse to march in lockstep with either, I am a neo-con sympathizer and refuse to question authority and speak truth to power. Are you really so fucking dim you don’t see the contradictions and irony, here? Fuck it, I’m going to bed, you are know just starting to depress me.
Because so far, your claims to liberal positions are just that- claims. You’re here in support of a freakish wingnut who has homoerotic and S&M fantasies about liberals & who seemingly cannot swallow enough BS from the administration.
If you were here in defense of Tyler Cowan or Eugene Volokh or someone not-fucking-insane, I would be willing to cut you slack. But you’re not…
So I don’t feel the need to cut you any slack, or even fucking believe you when you claim to be a hardcore democrat whose only disagreement with dems is about the war (except for dems like Hillary, who support the war… I guess you’re a big Hillary fan, since all of your other positions are so amazingly liberal, and she’s such a big supporter of the “no-timetable” wing of the dems).
Or maybe, *just maybe*, being a big ole Goldstein fan, you’re merely full of shit. Not Goldstein-frustrated-homemaker-diaper-full-of-shit, either; Im talking septic-tank-full-of-shit.
(the first rule of having a reasonable debate on the net is not making unverifiable claims like this. if your argument is worth shit, then defend it on the merits, don’t go bleating about how you’re being pigeonholed, particularly when you’re acting like such a fucking pigeon- it’s like going on the board at FreeRepublic defending NAMBLA and then getting offended if someone assumes that you’re a homosexual, rather than a gun-totin’ Xtian right-winger who just happens to think NAMBLA’s Ok).
Wu
TallDave-
LOL It’s called “volunteer army.� Police aren’t supposed to quit in the middle of a shift because someone is shooting at them either.
So you’re saying that you can’t tell the different between “aren’t supposed to” and “illegal”? No wonder you’re having problems comprehending what’s being said to you.
Oh, and LOL, idiot.
If you say it’s wrong to advocate the armed forces fight a war (a dangerous job) while not joining the army, it must also be wrong to advocate police fight crime (also a dangerous job) while not joining the police.
This analogy would hold if the police *created* crime in the process of fighting it. There isn’t a fucking *war* unless the soldiers are sent over there to fight it, you see. Since it was clearly a matter of choice to invade Iraq (ie they weren’t invading us, even if you argue that Iraq presented some danger), you’re not just advocating that someone do a dangerous job that already exists & needs doing.
As a good citizen, Id be willing to run into my neighbor’s house if it were on fire to try to rescue them. That doesn’t mean I have to become a fireman- Im confortable with my level of contribution to my society, and specialization dictates that we all cannot be policemen, firemen, doctors, etc.
IMO, defending one’s country is not like that- in war, everyone ought to do their part. That is, if you truly feel that the war is worth fighting, you ought to pick up a rifle and join the rest of the former shopkeepers/salesmen/mechanics/etc on the line. Or STFU. One cannot complain about crime without being willing to do one’s part (be it reporting criminals, or even intervening when necessary). Likewise, one cannot advocate for military action without being willing to do one’s part. In this case, IMO, that means picking up the rifle, not the keyboard.
Now, perhaps fear prevents you from serving- in which case, you’re merely a coward. Or perhaps it’s family obligations (ie not wanting to leave young children behind)- in which case, you’re a worthless hypocrite, since many of the soldiers are making the same choice- but chosing to defend the country & you & yours. A freeloader, benefiting from the actions of those more patriotic than yourself.
If I believed that the country was in danger and needed to be defended, I would stand up and serve. You do not. That is a difference between us.
It’s like that fire in a neighbor’s house I mentioned before- you’re standing in front of it, bemoaning the children trapped inside. But you won’t go in yourself to save them- instead you’re calling on the fire department, your neighbors, anyone but you to head in. Me, I know enough to know that the kids aren’t acutally in there- but that doesn’t make you any less chickenshit.
So, you’re a coward, or an unpatriotic hypocrite. Or a liar- if you don’t actually believe that the war was necessary, it would make sense that you wouldn’t want to go fight it. A liar and a murdering sack of shit, that is.
Take your pick.
#DocAmazing said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:46
Don’t worry, TallDave. I’m sure that someone, somewhere thinks you’re special. You just need to find that person.
#
TallDave said,
June 15, 2006 at 1:49
Doc,
I think I just did.
Using your left hand just makes it *feel* like it’s someone else.
Jeff’s talent is using humor in such a way as to incisively pick apart the political opposition. In the process he shows that the Left, by its responses to him, is utterly humorless. You’d each do yourself and your party a favor by being less angry and laughing at yourself on occasion. By picking on Jeff, you’re projecting your humorlessness and insecurity about your beliefs. Not a good strategy for success.
thanks for caring so much about the success of the Democratic Party Brian!!!! that is super!!!!!!
Brian: You’d each do yourself and your party a favor by being less angry and laughing at yourself on occasion.
But it’s so much more fun laughing at you!
Snow was right. Bonobos are slutty whores.
Portnoy’s (and Jeff is certainly that) role model for humour must be Andrew Dice Clay. Does anyone beyond the age of ten and male find this poopoo peepee humour entertaining? No, which is why Clay is a has-been, a loser.
Jeff’s talent is using humor in such a way as to incisively pick apart the political opposition.
Oh, okay then. It just hadn’t been properly explained.
“talldave,” what I find most amusing about you is your use of “tall” as a prefix to your name. Like all the neocons, you’ve just gotta let the world know you’ve got inches going for you. Pathetic!
As my boyfriend says, men who constantly boast and swagger ain’t gettin any. And they ain’t no good in the sack. Period. I can’t imagine any woman in her right mind admiring, never mind marrying Jeff Goldstein.
“In the process he shows that the Left, by its responses to him, is utterly humorless.”
Ah, the Humorless left. That’s why I get my larfs from rightwing jokemeisters like ThePoorman.net, Tbogg, Alicublog, WorldOCrap, Sadly, No!, Fafblog, (not the evil) RogerAiles, RudePundit and Bartcop, to name but a few. Such a dearth of humor in Left Blogistan.
Wounded? Me? Happily, no. You’ve falsely claimed in the past that I was trolling your site calling you a “chickenhawk” and a “coward” prior to my Catch post, providing, I guess, further justification for your dick/cock-slappery. Now, by your own admission, I’m some guy you’d never heard of before. I’m glad we’ve cleared that up.
Well, first, let me say, “Yuck.” And now let me go on record that in my post you were breast-feeding Pablo. Sorry for the confusion. I’m letting you know that because I care.
I have to admit that I agree with Lo Ping Wong: Fafblog is very funny. But, it’s the only source of humor I can find from my political opposition.
That said, the comment Jeff is quoted on about John Cole’s commenters being “a band of dickless fucktards” is pretty much right on target.
I have been a visitor to Jeff’s site for a couple years now, and have never seen the comments you have picked for this post. (Well, maybe a couple I’ve seen.) But in the agregate, Jeff’s comments must number in the hundreds if not the thousands. I could go to any blog, snip comments from the blogger, and edit them into a negative theme as was done here. It may take a lot of time (and this one must have taken hours), but it’s just some creative editing to structure a theme that shows the blogger in a certain negative light. But the fact to any regular visitor of PW is that Jeff is a very sharp cat, with a style of writing that cuts to your bone in a way no bloggers can. And you know it. It’s THIS that pisses you off so much.
True dat, Brian. A true devotee you are.
“But, it’s the only source of humor I can find from my political opposition.”
Then please, read WorldOCrap.com/blog.
“Jeff is a very sharp cat, with a style of writing that cuts to your bone in a way no bloggers can.”
Jeff -can- be funny, but he’s also a little… je ne se quois. His writing’s a little turgid for my taste, I guess, but it comes down to taste. He hardly has the stylish writing market cornered. Speaking as a once and future professional writer/editor, Roy at Alicublog can turn a mean phrase, and reading Wolcott makes me wish I could write like that. YMMV.
We feel bad for that Northrup fellow. Goldstein really seems to have it in for him.
Good thing we’re pseudonomous.
That said, the comment Jeff is quoted on about John Cole’s commenters being “a band of dickless fucktards� is pretty much right on target.
Wow! Way to incisively pick apart the political opposition! Who could compete with that?
Jeff’s talent is using humor in such a way as to incisively pick apart the political opposition.
First, you write like you’d like to sound about 5 times smarter than you actually are (which would appear to not be a difficult task). What’s wrong with “using humor to”? How does adding “in such as way as” add anything, other than teenage awkwardness?
Second, Im not sure what part of pathetically challenging people to fights from the safety of the internets qualifies as humor OR incisive political commentary. Likewise the cock-slapping bit. etc. Jeff’s talents appear to lie in the way of being a potty-mouth & sounding brave when he doesn’t have to back it up.
Of course, I can see why that makes him a role model for you, since you think “band of witless fucktards” is such a cleverly incisive political comment that you bother to quote it as a shining example of combining wit & truthiness. Really, *that’s* the example you use to as a counterweight to the post’s examples of sexual repression and cowardice? *That’s* the best bit you could come up with from The Mouth Of Jeff?
But the fact to any regular visitor of PW is that Jeff is a very sharp cat, with a style of writing that cuts to your bone in a way no bloggers can. And you know it. It’s THIS that pisses you off so much.
Yeah, that’s why Sadly is getting ready to do it’s montage-takedown of Randy Barnett- because smart conseratives just ‘cut to our bone’ (wtf, you’ve apparently learned at The Jeff’s knee(?) how to get a dick reference in there- the expression is “the bone” not “your bone”, fool). At least, that was the plan, until Sadly discovered that RB isn’t a penis-obsessed moron with a penchant for violent sexual bondage fantasies, so there was no material to work with. RB’s just a bright conservative guy with interesting (although frequently wrongheaded) ideas- so they’ve elected to do a part II of Jeff instead.
I’m quite certain that this is the most disturbing post I have ever read.
it’s just some creative editing to structure a theme that shows the blogger in a certain negative light.
It’d be better if you could support this claim by demonstrating how Goldstein’s comments have been edited to be misleading in this instance. The fact that you think his dick jokes “cut to the bone” doesn’t really mean much – lots of people just have bad taste.
Carleton The Doorman said,
“such a cleverly incisive political comment that you bother to quote it as a shining example of combining wit & truthiness”
The incisive political comment that can be found on Jeff’s site come from posts and comments other than what have been compiled here. “Band of witless fucktards” is all the critique that Cole’s commentariat cesspool deserves, but it’s hardly representative of what’s said by Jeff or most of his commenters. You’re particularly stuck on “cock slapping”, and I can only guess that this is so because you’re observations of PW are confined to this single post. If you possessed 20% of my intelligence, you’d take the time to do your homework; but I get what I expect from you: junior high-level sewer-speak, wrapped with equally juvenile writing criticism. Softball insults, a tendency to dwell on the perverse, and a stunning ability to miss the entire point of discussion.
“Wow! Way to incisively pick apart the political opposition! Who could compete with that?
See my comment above at 5:55, where I state that YOU DON’T GET IT. And, come to think of it, if the style of the guy pisses you off so much, why go to such trouble to generate this post? In doing so, tons of material was ignored in order to create a perverse theme that you revel in, yet also display your insincere disgust at. Who are the ones needing professional help in this equation?
Good point, Brian. Why doesn’t anyone care about all the times when Goldstein and co. haven’t acted like psychotic creeps? Similarly, why doesn’t anyone talk about all the planes that don’t crash, hurricanes that never make landfall, and volcanoes that don’t erupt? What about them, huh?
Brian, I think I see what you’re getting at. It’s not that Goldstein is a petty, mean-spirited bully with a penchant for cock jokes. It’s just that he’s misunderstood. Poor, poor Jeff Goldstein, his genius is just too great for our feeble minds! If we were as intelligent as you, I bet we’d see a whole new level of meaning in his comments!
Sarcasm aside, I’ve noticed that truly intelligent people don’t go around bragging about their intelligence. Saying “If you possessed 20% of my intelligence…” is sure to make you look like an idiot. Try another tactic and you might actually get your point across.
If I possessed 20% of the intelligence of an average Protein Wisdom reader…
My God, I would be completely retarded. Please kill me NOW.
Still stuck in your circle jerk here, I see. As you wish.
Fiver, I got my point across. You missed it. People like you always miss it.
And Big Worm, back into the ground with you. Your comments, like the one over at Patterico’s site about Darleen, accomplish nothing. I recommend that you remain on the sidelines if you’re going to stay in the blogosphere.
According to Brian, Jeff Goldstein should use the old Irish joke as a defense: “Wow, you
fuck a goat oncethreaten repeatedly to cock-slap people and they never forget.”Ah, the definitive post describing someone who almost makes me ashamed to have the same first name; keep up the good work…
Oh, and Brian re Darleen:
Dishonest? Maybe not. Shrill, angry, and as unstable as plutonium? Most likely…If Darleen were a droid from Star Wars, she’d be called “Artoo Metoo.”
I have been a visitor to Jeff’s site for a couple years now, and have never seen the comments you have picked for this post. (Well, maybe a couple I’ve seen.) But in the agregate, Jeff’s comments must number in the hundreds if not the thousands.
Quantity of comments: Edge goes to PW…
Quality of comments: Edge goes to SN…
And, when all’s said and done, it’s quality that matters most…
“to incisively pick ”
“display your insincere disgust at.”
To ignorantly split an infinitive or to end a sentence with a preposition is the question I am wondering at. Grammar challenged punk-ass beeyatch, yo.
I guess I’ve got at least 120% of your intellect, Bri-dawg. Boo-ya and shiznit, homie!
/Pablo smiley. Word to ya mutha!
But Bri-dawg and Pablo might have a few percentage points of tag-closing skillz on me. Fuhrilldoe.
I cleans up after myself in much the same way a post-Dirty Sanchez Jeff doesn’t.
Since nobody pointed it out, I will: TallDave’s assertion that the military is “overwhelmingly Republican” is patently false (but exactly the kind of bullshit that these wingnuts love to believe despite evidence.)
My comment did accomplish nothing, alas. But that was because you chose not to substantiate your assertion. It’s not really my fault that you won’t back up your bullshit. Be a Goldstein fanboy all you want, big guy, but don’t pretend it’s based on anything more than a love of rightist politics with a side order of cock jokes.
And, come to think of it, if the style of the guy pisses you off so much, why go to such trouble to generate this post?
Brian Brian Brian…it’s not him, it’s YOU. You’re trying to make an argument that your idol is smart and funny while your blowhard comments are almost perversely dull and poorly argued. If JG needs an advocate, you ain’t it, and there’s much comedy value there that YOU DON’T GET (har har har).
Let’s bring up that sentence that caught my eye: Jeff’s talent is using humor in such a way as to incisively pick apart the political opposition.
With or without the name “Jeff” in it, that’s the funny right there, like an accountant at a writer’s meeting. It’s a defense of Colonel Klink by Sergeant Schulz.
Outstanding! The best takedown of a psychotic wingnut I’ve ever read!
For the ages…
did this post rock? Happily, YES!
[…] Sincerely, Jeff Goldstein […]
[…] Although Kos hasn’t given me the OK to do this (and btw, Kos, my PayPal account is feeling mighty damn lonely right now… if you don’t send some dinero pronto, I’ll totally spill the beans about that little tryst you had with Jeff Goldstein’s dog), I am now going use the power of this blog to encourage ALL of you to buy this fine book. C’mon, what else are you gonna spend $18.95 on- a subscription to The New Republic? […]
[…] So sure, you have Glenn Beck. Well, we have Adam Yoshida. You have “Libertarian” Neal Boortz. Ahh, but we have self-described “classical liberal” Jeff Goldstein (And does Boortz threaten to slap people with his cock? Disadvantage, Media Matters!) You have Laura Ingraham? We have Marie Jon’, who’s ten times hotter and at least three times as goofy.* […]
[…] The definitive takedown of Goldstein can be found here. […]
[…] See also Jeralyn at TalkLeft writes and Retardo at Sadly, No. […]
“Hence his overcompensation in the form of obnoxious aggression”
Project much?
[…] Man, that’s really out of line. If she…oh wait; that was Goldstein. Let me try this again. […]
[…] So Michelle Malkin is in a hissy fit because some deranged woman said a bunch of obnoxious things about Jeff Goldstein’s kid. Some excerpts: […]
[…] Ooops, wait. It seems that Jeff Goldstein said that. And there’s lots more where that came from. […]
A.J. Jacobs talks about a practice called “mushrooming” in his book, The Know-It-All. Apparently a friend came back from Iraq and told him about how if you want to wake up a fellow soldier in a “creative way”, you dip your cock in ketchup and slap him on the face with it while he is sleeping, leaving a mushroom-shaped imprint in red.
So, Jeff might finally have something in common with an actual soldier.
(btw, the story is on page 235 of the paperback and comes via someone named Trent, who was embedded in Iraq for Newsweek Magazine in 2003).
You Lefties have raised obscenity and insult to the level of an art form. But when you get through sloshing through the obscene muck, there’s not much substance.
I am a rightwing conservative and I can read through your comments and not even feel annoyed or angry. It’s like reading graffitti on the walls of a public restroom: disgusting, to be sure, but irrelevant.
[…] Wingnut All-Star: Jeff Goldstein (Part I) […]
[…] Jeff Goldstein, obviously too busy pondering the glory of his penis to bother reading for context, writes the following: […]
It’s like reading graffitti on the walls of a public restroom: disgusting, to be sure, but irrelevant.
You’re a rightwing conservative who hangs out in public restrooms to read the grafitti?
Interesting.
It’s funny, ’cause all of you feel SOOO much better about yourselves! Good for you! And God help the Republic.
[…] First, I haven’t done a search at Goldstein’s crappy site since writing this post almost a month ago. Paranoia will destroy ya, Pasty. […]
[…] You can’t even sit at a computer and read about the issues of the day without various cults of personalities slapping you in the face. Or eexpressing some overt evil toward the young ones. […]
[…] I've been quietly stewing over my compassionate-gone-wrong missive to Jeff Goldstein the other day, when I caught up with Sadly, No's character assassination of aforementioned blogger. The sheer volume of quoted bile was overwhelming, and this is only Part 1. And I apologized to this wretch? It's the gesture that counts, I tell myself. It's not like I ever read Jeff's blog. […]
A few queeries:
1. There are three pictures of Mr. Goldstein on this post. I am not sure which were created by him and which were created by others.
2. The count writes:
I started it by having no fucking idea who Kevin was, Kevin posts some personal shit about me, and I respond by offering to slap him across the face with my dick. In between breast feedings. Where, you know, milk comes out of my nipples and goes into my son’s throat.
Why do so many social interactions at protein wisdom end so badly, with references to Jeff and Satchel’s cocks?
3. Why didn’t anyone tell the rightwingnuts blackfive incited that this was not the first time a troll wound up talking about “cock” and Jeff’s two year old in the same sentence?
http://proteinwisdom.com/index.php/weblog/entry/20595/
4. How come the link provided in 3 comes up as if you’d stopped typing after proteinwisdom.com?
5. Has Satchel’s mother googled him lately and wondered how young Mr. Goldstein is going to feel when his kindergarden class learns to google?
[…] Actually, a number of prominent right wing bloggers had heard of her before, as she’s been a career troll for years now. I’ll take Glenn’s word that she never commented on his site, but question the logic of “I’ve never heard of X, therefore, no one has ever heard of X.” left some vile comments on Jeff Goldstein’s blog, a venue which itself is devoted to some of the most vile, deranged and psychosexually disturbed commentary that can be found on the Internet. […]
[…] So the ever-unhinged Michelle Malkin has taken to cold-cocking the Washington Post over a story on illegal immigration. She shows a photo of one of the deportees with gangland tattoos, and smugly declares "OMG, th3y’r3 4ll t3h fscking 3vil MS-13!!!!!!!!!1111!!!1!1!!!!!!!11!1!" […]
[…] Pattycake Pattycake, Pasty’s flack; Axe-handles, cock-slapping, Thers’s kid — ack! – You’re now and always Pasty’s man; But Greenwald cites “Retardo”– ‘proof’ he’s a sham! […]
[…] Now begins the cocko cult ritual! It is to funny! […]
[…] I think someone has been getting slapped with Jeff Goldstein's cock and eating his paste. […]
hey hey,ho ho
cockula has got to go!
Wonderful to see that Debbie’s found her blog soulmate. The two of you will find you have a great deal in common, no doubt.
[…] “Mr. Montalban” adds: Federalist Papers, Schmederalist Papers! Remember that Pattycake’s mentor, Pastycake, thinks anonymity/pseudonymity is worse than plagiarism. So Patty’s latest is all of a wingnutty piece. […]
[…] PS — Message for Pasty: I’m still mocking you! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! Bawk! […]
Wow. Jeff is hysterical. Those quotes have me crying. Yet, the obsessiveness of their chronicaling is what is truly precious.
[…] On his THIGHS?! Jesus Saint Mary Mother of Joseph! Assuming this account is true (and, knowing Goldstein, that’s a pretty generous assumption), wha’d he do next, slap the guy’s face with his monster schlong? Touch his sister in her secret places – lots? Luckily, what did prove useful, given the circumstances, were my New Balance cross trainers and a parking spot close to the mall exit—both of which allowed me to lose the two paunchy security guards who chased me down the escalator and huffed after me into the parking garage. […]
[…] See, hardee-har, Jeff Goldstein is so funny with his imaginative powers — not to mention his subtlety, what with the italicized emphases just so his audience of clay-eating yokels know exactly how “anti-semitic” those progressive really are. […]
[…] There. I’m outed. Now Jeff Goldstein’s commenters can beat me with axe-handles and “show [me] where Jimmy Hoffa is buried.” […]
so the question is……how gentle should I be with Monsieur Goldstein after our legal skirmish is resolved? Should I go easy on him…….or not?
Advice welcome.
A pseudo-trackback:
What Borat tells us about Jeff Goldstein:
Goldstein is a conservative who enjoys recounting violent homosexual fantasies he has about his left-wing opponents. Apparently I’m a humorless leftie who failed to appreciate his wit until I saw Borat. The nude wrestling scene is probably the model of Goldstein’s fantasy. Understanding that’s what Goldstein is about makes him less creepy, maybe all of one percent less.
at
http://backseatdriving.blogspot.com/2006/11/what-borat-tells-us-about-jeff.html
[…] I read somewhere today DNC ‘08 will be in Denver. Hmm, when someone is arrested for trying to carry in axehandles or concealed handguns, or is found harrassing conventioners’ toddlers by commenting about their cocksucking lips, or is hogtied and shot-up with Thorazine for trying to slap strangers with his cock, we’ll know whose mugshot to look for. […]
[…] Here is an agreement proposed on November 28 by Paul F. Lewis, Esquire, a migrant patent shyster, formerly an associate at Moye/White of Denver and currently an associate at Sherman/Howard in Colorado Springs. For some reason (they buy their meth at the same bathtub?), Mr. Lewis has provided pro boner services to my adversary, filing one frivolous and fraudulent motion (August 3) and one ludicrous one (October 31). […]
[…] Jeff Goldstein, Jeff Goldstein, Jeff Goldstein is trying his best to make me famous. I’m touched: Rather than send ‘Pablo’ and ‘Vercingetorix’ to beat me with axe-handles or threaten my toddler or ’show me where Jimmy Hoffa is buried,’ instead he sent them on a frantic net search so thorough that it gives child-abducting, serial-killing stalkers (or Tacitus, for that matter) a bad name. And geez, just because I googled ‘cock’ and its synonyms with ‘Jeff Goldstein!’ […]
[…] It’s not the first time the paste eater has slapped his own phallus against his own face. (If you’ve ever read him you know his rhetorical style is quite limber). Nor is it difficult to see where Misha is in that particular “pecker slapping” pecking order. As Leftist Jesus meant: Let him who is without sin engage in the first cock slapping, otherwise let him forever withhold his piece, or he might end up being someone’s bitch. Malkin’s Allahpundit: Catholic-hater […]
[…] my sex, sexual orientation and political orientation. Mr. Goldstein was furious when I continued to make fun of him after our widely publicized […]
I keep going back to this post. This is one of the best damn posts ever. It is a complete takedown of one of the Cheetos eaters. A model for other take-downs.
[…] “Count Cockula” Goldstein = 1970s singer-songwriter Cat […]
[…] interested in the history and evolution of the Bush Cult of Contrived Masculinity. Here’s some vintage journalism from Alexander Cockburn on one of the cult’s Ur-tracts, […]
I had only heard of Goldstein in passing until today. All I can say is WTF is wrong with this guy?
Heading for the shower.
[…] [Previous entry in wingnut profile series.] […]
OK. I don’t read Goldstein or any other wingnut so I’m always grateful when someone does it for me but his goes way beyond reading Goldstein so I don’t have to. I had no idea he was this far gone.
Sorry.
and now he’s gone.
Or is he???
[…] had Cockslapgate (which they thought was funny) , the Deb Frisch Affair (which nobody thought was funny), Dan […]
Durga Metal Profiles is Manufacturers and suppliers of Drum Scrubber, Vibro Feeder and Log washer in India.
[…] at the time of their unfolding. Behold! Cecchine has since recruited a dubious political hack and internet bully to manage a spin campaign to try to resuscitate Cecchine’s tarnished brand. So far, it has […]
we’ll know whose mugshot to look for.
now he’s gone.
Or is he???
??
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