Wher the fuck r teh fucking ducks, indeed.

@Horatio LOL u dont no 1/2 of it!!

lol caddy smellin like trees yall

Post of the decade.

Well, that and the previous one.

And it’s only been 6 days, so don’t get all puffy about it.

LOL, now I want to do the whole catcher in teh rye solely in twitter-speak!

@Hemingway

Saw war in France. Sucked.

The Joyce one is more than 140 characters. Epic FAIL!

[Tintin adds: Fixed]

RT @Bartleby Bartleby i would prefer to … not!

RT @Bartleby Bartleby i would prefer to … not!

RT @Bartleby Bartleby i would prefer to … not!

RT @Bartleby Bartleby i would prefer to … not!

Bartleby i would prefer to … not!

Hellison hv no mouf mus scrm

Maman a fait des madeleines. Je finit par devenir écrivain.

[Tintin adds:] Elle a acheté des madeleines. Elle ne les a pas fait. EPIC FAIL]

VastCo-DeGAHma was merely my vassal. Time delayed.

@Hardrada
haz arow n nck. hlp plz.

BennyProfane: vry parnoid – 2 many pigs!

SCarton It is a far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known. PARIS REPAZENT

@WinstnSmth

Wether is dbl+gd 2day.

13:00, April 4, 1984 from Minitrue

vardaman Mom=fish.

About 80 years ago from Yoknapatawpha

LOTR version from a few months ago: http://pl.atyp.us/wordpress/?p=1978

Here’s a Sadly project if there ever were one: re-write the 100 best last lines from novels in twit-speak.

OHNOES! Thay be shooting mah hill!

Actually, Hemingway’s six-word story could be interpreted as the first tweet…depending on whether or not you liked Hemingway.

@Bratigan Sorry. 4got mayo. Sux 2 b u.

GullyFoyle: m outtahere!!!

K-Lear @ fool – dost call me fool boi?
2Fool thou gavst othr titles away sry 🙁

@RhettButler 2moro nuther dai, kthxbai!

this sux

Pooh: Stk n Rbtz house Bother!

RPirsig: fuk! bike dead – boy is pita. halp! need bus tix!

Wuz besto times, wuz worsto times. Far 3x better thing, GACK!

@Humans

S’long. Tnks 4 fish!

BigBlackMoor: @desDemonInTheSack who be this @mikeyCass ur following?

can someone rescue me from hidden commenting kthxbai

Greg wuz bug dis mornin, but sis kills him. Life goes on. LOL!

@sissyfoos @ least u haz liver

At start wuz me. At end wuz me. Kthxbai!

Here’s a Sadly project if there ever were one: re-write the 100 best last lines from novels in twit-speak.

Don’t tempt me….

(numbers from Jennifer’s link)

1. @samuelbeckett g2g, want2stay, g2g.
3. @gatsby used 2 j/o in boat…lol rough seas
7. @MiniTrue <3 BB

Who fukkin moved my cheese?

#Xanadu can haz stately pleasure dome naow

@pop-psych im ok ur ok lol ok? lol

Ole man goes fishing. Old fish goes manning.

Oh, fuck it. This is impossible.

men: Mars. women: Venus. sex: frumundah.

bitch whore Hester wears an A

‘Tard kills girl. Bro kills tard. Dog ate best parts.

Walt Whitman:

O Pioneers!

Old man goes whaling. Old whale goes manning. PENIS

I can haz liver?

zomg so bloody. fucken ghosts

Killed bro. Need horse. Fix hump, also.

MarieA: Letem eat PENIS

The rage about Teela Tequila’s grief tweeting is entirely misplaced. You just can’t be pissed off at someone for how they grieve. We should, however, leverage the entirety of our misanthropy at anyone who actually gets tweets from Teela Tequila and learned about her fiance’s death in that fashion.

@Hal Fuk u, lock me out? OMFG! Its fulla stars!

The “@” means directed AT someone, not from someone.

Loneoak, why do you want to blame the victim?

@gatsby Dude, the cops are asking me about a car wreck. You’re the one with the money, *sshole!

Henry5 Crispin’s day fukkin fox

@Humbert
haz hotyngchx 4yoo

arrrgh!

Henry5: Crispin’s day fukkin rox

The “@” means directed AT someone, not from someone.

Concern troll. 😉

RT The “@” means directed AT someone, not from someone.

This is almost #worse #than #hashtag #abuse #hashtagabuse #freepot #meganfoxnude

Nixon is a total penor. Hey, is that peyote?

OMG! X^n+Y^n=Z^n haz no integer soln 4 n>2! No rm 4 pruf in tweet.

Can no-one who tweets spell ‘the’?

Lincoln’s Log: 87 yr ago the bid doodz started country, vry sad for guyz who died here but we shd kp goin

CapnQuint: @Hooper lol candyazz put a jersey on.

Hooper: @CapnQuint GFY.

CapnQuint: @Hooper brb cya

CapnQuint: @Hooper Cage goes in teh h2o, U go in h2o, Shark in h2o, R shark, hasta la vista baby.

OMG! X^n+Y^n=Z^n haz no integer soln 4 n>2! No rm 4 pruf in tweet.

Luvit! Wish I’d thought of it.

My Usenet sig at one time:

“Just thought of great joke – no room for punchline in margin” – Fermat

All alone. Feel like stoopid emo kid. Grew beans. Got arrested for breakin’ th’ law! LOL!

JJoyce FUCK YEAH BITCHEZ
Orwell <3 bro
Orwell man = pig
Camus Mom ded 2day. MayB yestrday. Dunno.

Kurtz: teh horror! teh horror!

e=mcc

“The “@” means directed AT someone, not from someone.”

Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a hall monitor!

@Romeo @Romeo Wherefore art thou, @Romeo?

Dammit, @Jim, I’m a doctor, not a hall monitor!

@fixed!

i am i said

What?

3> sadism, ow ow butthurt by stuff i love, IM CURED, oh bugger, 2 old 4 this.

max @wildthings b still! mmm,good smells, bai.

about a wolf suit ago from his very own room

my momz hawt!

still sux

zomg Ach pisd Ag took hiz bitch (not Pat – other one) bshit iz goin down!

@Hamlet dude u ok? wtf up with ur “2b r not 2b” shit? txt me plz dude im worried!!!

Dam joo, tried to cut me up! Qualtee-o-mercy my ass, Portia blow me!

Ophelia:

I cn tell my love by sandls. Rue 4 u. Gon swimin kthanksbi!

HAlger: Place iz crwln w/ fckn orphns. Bootstraps bitchez. Bootstraps!

@galt Sending friends. Make ’em suffer.

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde:

Jekyll: Fucken Hyde!! He sux!!!

Hyde: Fucken Jekill! Heeza fag!!!

Jekyll: LOL, Hyde’s ded, I win!!!

The police: LOL, they both ded, LOL, LOL

The end.

Delap0r Xham Priory werk all done. Move in 2morro.

5:30 PM July 15, 1923

barryo: We the people, in order to form a more perfect union.
barryo: slavery d00ds iz troo. but liek we can haz constitution. But powah it iz, paper iz also. time needed and fight and struggle.
barryo: u no whut – long speech. on and on. so finish with story of 23 year old white girl and old black dude. iz hawt.
barryo: u kann all claps naow.

Hamlet @Horatio It all gud. njoy play later k?

TimTheTiny God bless us every1!
Scrooge @TimTheTiny gfy u whiny gimp beeeooootch!
TimTheTiny @Scrooge WTF?! thot u had changed?!
Scrooge @TimTheTiny jk :-p

FKKN Raven. STFU.

vhugo @hurst-n-blackett ?

hurst-n-blackett @vhugo !

@Poe Nevermore.

You know, LOLspeak isn’t Twitspeak either.

The climactic scene of the Hunchback of Notre Dame:

Hunchback: I faw down ‘n’ go boom.

The mob below: He faw down ‘n’ go boom!

$%GTdggdgtheta$T4t$#3qt34Q$%q3Q$T4tQ#TYU^^U&%u%W7u

@Don Juan Far- out Dude.

Has this been mentioned–

http://tinyurl.com/ydqrtxq

I heard him on NPR. It wasn’t funny.

@hermine – brb, magic theater

Gallant @OldCMan Wtf u stoppin me 4? Gonna b l8 4 a wedding.
OldCMan @Gallant There was a ship
Gallant @OldCMan GTFO old fag
OldCMan @Gallant Sit down STFU where was I? We saild south a bit
Gallant #OldCMan givin me evil I. Like 3yr kid. Gotta listen
OldCMan @Gallant tl;dr Shot a bird. Stuff happend. LOL

@Katherine – y r u being such a skeeze? am i gonna have 2 slap a b1tch?

@ hotmortalgrlz — hey hey hey laydehs, u want some of this?

HEY – wtf happened 2 my strawberries?

LOL luk wat i just nvented – i call it a novel cuz its novel! Dude on donkey attacks windmills n stuff, he so crazy, this is totes awesomeo

got bored, came dwn frm mtn, lugged dedguy around, went back up mtn – OMG PARTYCRASHERS!

NTesla1 @EdisonWizard LOL lite bulb, yah whtevr. Fluorescent FTW.
EdisonWizard @NTesla1 DC POWAH fool. C U @ 1893 wrlds fair. Incandescent FTW!
NTesla1 @EdisonWizard Tellin U lite brite, I win down teh road. U 2 scared 2 show at fair.
EdisonWizard @NTesla1 Yah U win like 100 yrs from now. LOLOLOLOL! I win now!

Mr. Wonderful said, I heard him on NPR. It wasn’t funny.

At the risk of inciting another round of NPR-bashing…well, it doesn’t surprise me that it didn’t work. Twitter is an essentially written/visual medium, and you can’t DO it on the radio, really. It’s about as silly as doing a bit on rebuses (which I’m sure NPR has tried–they sometimes seem to think it’s cute to do radio bits that cover things that can’t be done effectively on the radio.)

AXETIME… old landlady = pwned! LOL

MShikibu @Cervantzez fuk u pozr i did it 1st
MShikibu @Cervantzez About an awesome guy namd GenG
MShikibu @Cervantzez eh bangz evrybody and doesnt afraid of anything
MShikibu @Cervantzez And he SPARKLZ

@Poe: Nevermore!

Schrödinger’s LOLCAT @observer – blargh im ded
Schrödinger’s LOLCAT @observer – but im also alive 2
observer @Schrödinger’s LOLCAT – wtf?
Schrödinger’s LOLCAT @observer – PSYCHE!!!!1!!1!!

hey nobody tell th FDA inspectrz about these green eggs & ham, k?

This shit is like crack for the Sadlies. We may never see them again.

i am i cried

@MShikibu Least i got chikn

@MShikibu u no who else does teh SPARKLZ? Fake vampire rote by boring mormon ladee wif bad morelz

JurgisR @SamIAm LOL wutz an FDA? Also some of yr ham is rly pplz.
JurgisR O hey boss. nm.

Longtemps, je me suis couché de bonne heure. Parfois, à peine ma bougie éteinte, mes yeux se fermaient si vite que je n’avais pas le temps d

@Richie3 It was all cold and unhappy 🙁 Now it’s warm cuz my bro’s king 🙂 But I’m still not real happy :-/

Marcel Proust said,
January 6, 2010 at 23:26

AHEM!

@Proust Trop mal. Trop triste. Trop tard.

MShikibu @Cervantzez Wait wut? Srsly?
MShikibu Well GenG isnt a virgin
MShikibu Eh bangs EVRY1
MShikibu Evn that 1 boy cuz hes bettr than hs chilly sistr
MShikibu & he does it by Ch. 3
MShikibu its hawt
MShikibu @StephanE SO TOP THAT YOU GAIJIN POZR BITCH

@MANtony; wher r u? Goin 2 talk 2 Cimber re his stupid bro. BRB.

I love converting entire novels into twitter-speak. This is one of my favorites…

jamesjoyce: Man walks around Dublin. We follow every minute detail of his day. He’s probably overtweeting.

@MANtony; In Pompey’s theatre killin yur dudz! LOL

Wzz-wzzp, loony libs? Dngdngdlly! U just got served SPREAD of TRUTH. Urb out.

@MJBrut; Not cool dude!

@GuyOctave; @LepDis; we can has triumverate now?

AHEM!

Je vois “epic fail” et d’accord.

CaiCass @MJBrut But here comes MANtony
CaiCass @MANtony Yo sup?

et 2 Brutseph?

This hw it wll go down. You lose Prezntl electn LOL. ADRESS ME!

also BOOKMARK!

@TJoad u goin 2 cali

@Proust

Bitez moi.

Ham-let wait brb thnk theres rat behind curtainz
Ham-let got it
Ham-let ha it was a fukkin perv got im

@TJoad u goin 2 cali

HA!

@der Fuehrer what goz up must cum down

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.

Ogden Nash UNCUT said

Where’d that damned mohel go?

Egil Skallagrimsson tweet:

Kng Erik Bloodax SUX Svd mah hed LOLLOL IM AWSUM

AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Malcolm says Coleman was in town to meet with producers of his latest film about removing a brief scene of frontal nudity that Coleman says was unauthorized.

1 bitch 2 bitch dat bitch 2, bitchez. All yo hoz B hoppin on pop.

@YeMighty: Chek awt my shit her an foad!!!!!!

Hmmm…

“When the solar system’s story is finally written, it’s much more likely that it will have closer to 900 planets rather than the nine that we grew up with,” said Alan Stern, a planetary scientist at the Southwest Research Institute (SwRI) in Boulder, Colo.

Just a handful of those potential discoveries might reach the size of Earth, compared to a swarm of Pluto-sized bodies that Stern and others expect to find.

5 wayz 2 fuk u up bitches! Folw ma tweets or FAIL!

war aint cheap LOL! WIN!

We b together’n’strong muthafukkahs!

Oppy ahed – jes watch!

ya mutha timing iz all

@mineenemy u haz week spot – good 4 me!

Polly Feemuss: Stik in eye I h8 No Man

Sun Tzu: able to Twitter effectively without spelling issues.

Macky A. Velly Feer me h8rz!

Ogden is just not the asshole nitpicker that I am.

Stay on target.

@L0renz0 Keep it realz. Feared > loved. Grab 4tuna.

Dammit, Bastard…

@LordHenry Picture takes my sins. Beautiful 4eva! #decadence

Poprishchin Off to assume my crown. How you like me know?

Im N ur houz burnin ur books!!! lolz

Bitch wife wont put out w/o 3rd fuckn wall screen.Nvited lame “friends” for dinner.

Boss gave me books-R4-loserz speech again. I swear ima burn his azz one day.

Holy Fuck!! Wife downed whole fucking bottle of Lunesta!!!! And still won’t put out. But got line on girl across street.

Faggy prof sez set up cobag coworkers. Fuck yeah!! Montag:1, Society 0!!

Boss got pissed b/c stupid books. U burn my house, I burn ur face biznitch! Hope resume is up to date now

Karl Marx U UpBourgeois think they’re big shit but proletarians got real pwr (0 to luz but chainz) & also peasants r sack of potatoes

Ur my puppetz bitchez! Dance! Dance!

This tweet, you can suck it.

Mule Hari don’t know bout me tho!

@RedBaron: fck u!

Chas Brn @Snoopy Auuuuugghh!

@Mule: & now yu dont, sucka!

@Lucy: Auuuugghh!

Note new idiots:

http://bigjournalism.com/

R D Olivaw @1stSpkEker all part of the plan bay-bee

KingG3: ritez frm G-d, not u. U blu it. CYA

I wonder how the brilliantines at BIG JOURNALISM (’cause you know, bigger = smarter) will look at their shitty little article on how the M$M like totally made up that what went down this past 28 June in Honduras was a coup when IT WAS FREEDOM by the fact that the Honduran prosecutor just indicted the head of the armed forces for kidnapping and exiling the then-elected President Zelaya. Oops.

Maybe it’s time to drunkenly run to a balcony and flip the bird at people protesting child slavery again.

El Cid should note this caveat:

Author’s note: As it is known in Honduras that president-elect Porfirio Lobo is a longtime client of mine and a friend, as is also a past president of Honduras, I wish to make explicit that my analysis published here was not discussed with them nor with any Honduran official, and that what I write on this topic should not be construed as anyone’s views but my own.

IT IS THE UNVARNISHED TRUTH FROM A DISINTERESTED OBSERVER!

Note to Big Bobblehead: Pepe Lobo was President of the Honduran National Congress, akin to our Speaker of the House, not a past President.

But, yeah, the best approach is to write about your right wing clients as though they were heroes and the fact that every single solitary nation in the Western hemisphere concluded that Honduras’ military had carried out an illegal coup d’etat is just some artifact of the librul U.S. medja.

‘Cause, you know, right wing Presidents of Colombia and Mexico who despise Hugo Chavez are really just tools of the radical communists who run the American M$M.

as is also a past president of Honduras

After a third reading, I think Klugmann is referring to a second person, someone who was Honduras’ president and is, like Lobo, Klugmann’s friend and client.

I think you’re right — I misread “as” as “and”.

But there’s still

despite the efforts of the United States to bludgeon Honduras into obedience, the small country stood firm against the superpower and freely elected a new government on November 29, 2009

No fucking conscious observer of the situation could see that as anything but laughable. Brazil had to fucking practically beg the United States to do anything about what was obviously a military coup d’etat, and eventually the U.S. State Department felt able to do what it wanted to all along and use the meddling of Senator Jim DeMint (R-SC) to completely undermine the negotiations it itself had been conducting.

But, yeah, brave little Honduras stood up to the Superpower so that its military could retain the right to throw out Presidents, just like it always has, and like it can do again under its shitty, death squad dictator imposed 1982 Constitution, because, you know, FREEDOM.

After a third reading, I think Klugmann is referring to a second person, someone who was Honduras’ president and is, like Lobo, Klugmann’s friend and client.

He should have called it quits after Quincy.

No fucking conscious observer of the situation could see that as anything but laughable.

Klugmann is performing a standard wingnut slight of hand with his denunciation and erudite break-down of what he calls the MSM’s storyboard. Right-wingers quickly put together their own storyboard just after Zelaya’s ouster and have been pushing it ever since.

DVader: LOLZ! @FarmerLuke I pwn3d ur hand! Let’s rool teh galaxy.
FarmerLuke: @DVader No wai!
DVader: @FarmerLuke I’m ur dad. LOL!
FarmerLuke: OH NOES!!!!!1111!!

Oh it is SOOOOOOOOOOO On, MSM!!!!!
The irony of using the iconic ‘Dewey Beats Truman’ headline of the notoriously leftist Chi-Trib, will not, I’m sure, be lost on the more astute lovers of truth, justice, and fedoras.

Note new idiots:

http://bigjournalism.com/

How’d I know this was gonna be another Breitbart production?

a throwback in spirit to the freewheeling moxie of the glory days of American newspapers

Is it in Airplane where the reporters all run to the phone booths and then all fall over together? That’s the image I have in mind right now.

O.T.

New Frontiers In Research Conducted By Rodents

Cell Phone Use May Fight Alzheimer’s, Mouse Study Says

the article also contains a warning against using the krell brain booster

(Related: “Rat Made Supersmart — Similar Boost Unsafe in Humans?”)

i, for one, welcome our rodent overlords

Airplane.. Nah, these are TOUGH guys. They got Cagney!!! Maybe Clark Gable, (NOT Cary Grant) , Orson Welles…..no, you’re right…Airplane.

How’d I know this was gonna be another Breitbart production?

Ya think maybe he’s overcompensating for something?

Cell Phone Use May Fight Alzheimer’s, Mouse Study Says

How they find the tiny little cell phones, I’ll never know.

He should have called it quits after before Quincy

fiqqst

I suspect that I’m full of shit, but my #underoos suggest otherwise. Besides, on deadline, supports my point.

I did one of these back in October:

I was a rapacious riddler. You were a nascent motherfucker. We talked about childhood and growing old. Did u feel it too? #missedconnections

Lovecraft @providence.com: It wz hz twn brthr, bt it lkd mr lk th fthr thn h did!

Set these up on Twitter, slap some ads on and you’re in business. You’ll have more followers than Stephen Fry.

FBacon U shuld go 2 Bensalem n c Salomons House they do science ther n shit.

Billy Pilgrim got unstcuk in time. LOLZ!

This always brings up the question… I know Twitter has stupidly small messages, but… Why does everyone write so stupidly on it?

Ads on Twitter, Lesley?

OMG! WTF! IMHO ths sux!
@Gd – cll me!
@Gd – U there?
@Gd – cll me!
Hives! I got Hives!

OMG WTF!

@Jack – cll me, prty tonite my place get mony from ur mom bring tht boy

@Al – no money, nd minutes for phone u got weed?

I feel sleepy

@BigBrother: <3!!!!!!!

@Count Look bhind curtain. Last Duchs now painting. Dowry 4 ur girl? Check c horse!

@Dorothy 5 yrs since i been 2 c abbey. C n2 life of things! #lyricaballdz

7 days made a world two people naked? LOL don’t eat the fucken apple you did? dumb bitch.

@husserl your assertion that being-in-the-now and consciousness plus phenomenologi

@husserl cal treatise are reason to abandon aristotelian logic as foundation for a new metho

@husserl dology…FUCKEN TWITTER IS TEH SUXXOR

iland life dulllll turtle eggs again 2nite.omfg! footprint!1! canibal more like canabis LOL.new servant talk like jarjar binks.goin home.

still sux

Frmkt gud 4 thee, no 4 me! Dad can I has job?

i did know yo. 2 beez or no. slings & arros or sleep+dream?

hehe i not tellin teh n00bs how 2 wrk teh systm. mmm mdnght snak.

Continuing the “Romeo and Juliet” theme from above:

Mercutio @Tybalt u step 2 my boy Romeo again I’ma cut a bitch
Tybalt @Mercutio bring it fool
Tybalt just dusted another sucka. CAPULET, WHAT?
RomeoM @Tybalt oh its on now
RomeoM didnt wanna do that but i had to for my homie @Mercutio

gon fishin, RIP bro i haz h2o mmries&tc

so u bustd us whatevs. thn i is free agn and take rvnge… NOT. suckerz. hey where my ho go?

nu uh its yr girl i want. ok maB this wnt wrk out, fck it, fck evry1. kthxbai

u callin me mad? hadnt thot it thru had u.

Cretans nevah tweet. #smackdown

@BathroomMirror this is open account and U R giving TMI – PM me we can do lunch at that place with the glass tables

PerzhAmb: WTF d00d? This iz crazy!
KINGLEO: Crazy? IZ SPARTA!!!! BOOM!

@LindaLovelace No O? Oh, blo me!

Pennyloo: @IthacaRex herd noos #trojans ruptured. wen u coming home dear? @T-Mac1193BC misses u
IthacaRex: @Pennyloo yep we totes PWNXXORED them there ringer @Achilles4Evah got ARROWED. LOL!
IthacaRex: @Pennyloo will b home soon #IthacasFinest need shore leave. Will bring pretty lotus flower 4 u.
Pennyloo: @IthacaRex dont forget 2 ask 4 directions c u soon

@Moses U broke ALL TEN!!!!!! OK, that’s gonna cost u fukks!

“@LindaLovelace No O? Oh, blo me!”

Props to actor for including “Deep Throat” in a thread ostensibly about great literature.

@normanbates dude i was only jking about #yourmom

S.King ca.1965: Haunted girl, haunted house, haunted hotel, haunted pet cemetery, haunted town, haunted prison; WTF? I’ll write all of ’em n mak $$$!!!

Smedley, I know great art when I see it.

@Grendel I’ll kick ur ass! And ur mom’s! LOL!

@Mountain RT @mohammed I’m comin to you.

I hear ya, actor.

CThomas@LongJohnSilver: That’s right;giveittoher;ohyeah;all14inches.

@Hollywood starlets. Men r users & don’t play with dolls.

ZenMotoMechanic & what’s good & not good, need we some1 2 tell us?

@Bigmane WTF? u 8 mouz? he took thrn frm paw! roon fble dikhed!!11!!

@Prince Keep slipper. Found dildo.

androydz: u all bin drmn lectic shp 2? or iz jz me?

@MrsSteinbeck2 Off to see country. Took dog.

bugzbunny @ elmfudd duk seezn!
daffduk @elmfudd rabbt seezn!
bugsbunny @ elmfudd duk seezn!
daffduk @ elmfudd rabbt seezn!
elmfudd @ bugzbunny @ daffduk bwast u bof !

There is so much win on this and the previous thread. So much that if those were the only two things online, it would justify the Internet’s existence.

Kudos to all …

Jabberwock @Twitter Galumph! I did it first and better.

@ Vampires U scared of me? Really? Guess *I* am legend.

@VladnEst – b there soon, just updating my Facebook
@VladnEst – oops also got 2 redo MySpace page
@VladnEst – hmm looks like rain, on 2nd thot, im staying home 2nite LOL

@Danglars @Mondego @Caderousse My name is Edmond Dantes. You killd Villefours pere. Prepare to die.

@Dorothy ZOMG +100 internetz 4 teh best movin hous story evah

@IlseLund U ain’t worth a hill of beans. Me n Reynaud gonna elope.

OKhayyam moving finger writes
OKhayyam moves on
OKhayyam piety or wit can’t bring it back 4 rewrite
OKhayyam tears can’t wash out 1 word
OKhayyam 🙁

@BathroomWall Here I sit all brokenhearted. Wanted to shit, instead I farted.

@ Utnapishtim – need a boat 4 th big flood ths wkend, can u make me 1?

@Noah I no, 2 of evry kind, but I have crabs now. Happy, asshol?

Homer so y r dawns fingers always so rosy?
Homer im blind pls help me w/ this

@MajorTom Can u hr me???? The ‘puter has the evidence.

StephenKing Fuck all these fucking monsters. Fuck.

@RhettB Thank you. I saw it in the window and I just couldn’t resist it.

Enkidu @Gilgamesh those things you told me not to do in underworld
Enkidu @Gilgamesh kinda did em
Enkidu @Gigamesh got to stay now

Bilbo @Frodo u still got that ring? wanna try it again.
Frodo @Bilbo naw all gon
Bilbo @Frodo 🙁

@Dathan Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.Gilgamesh and Enkidu at Uruk.

Golem @Frodo I haz ring but I eated it.

Frodo @Gollum DOOD shuddup u no bilbo got problem w/dat

Sauron @Frodo fuk u

Frodo @Sauron bro ur just an eye a fukkn EYE wtf & y u think any1 listen 2 u?

world @jrtfanbois u d00ds haz no moar ch33tos? LOL kthxbai

Chuck Norris @world ya no kid peep who read those buks r fags more ref’s to stephen king pls he’s a real author not old fag

I strongest character in comics…except around kryptonite. And no yellow sun. What, and magic too? Damnit!

Bzaro @Superman u am best friend i not hit u hrd

@The Pit Finally! I get to express myself! Wait until I tell you about Duke and Lady Jay…

Conflashun of meems iz deth of proze

@Subhumans supermen bitchez!

DucBlanG @BishX So we has 4 mnths food, no?
BishX @DucBlanG Food n booze 2
DucBlanG @PrezKurvL FamilE n staff r here, no?
PrezKurvL @DucBlanG All here & acctd 4
DucBlanG @Durc3t Kids?
Durc3t @DucBlanG Kids r alrite (luv that song)
BishX @Durc3t LOL
DucBlanG @kids Gather round
PrezKurvL U no what time it is
BishX It’s #orgytime!
Durc3t fapfapfap
August33n @BishX ;_;

@Cassandra HA HA u got no follwrs! LALALA i cant here u LOL

Okay, OT, but I can’t resist,

What’s the over/under on whether she quits before showtime?

And seriously, Judge Roy Moore???

@Superman: y u talk lik me?

@Bizarro LOL OK. Question: why are you less threatening then the bald guy w/no powerz?

@ Tarzan Homeschooled on farm, remember? Don’t trust what you see on “Smallville.”

@RichieC: Heeeeey! The Jacket is making the jump too.

@ MaryJaneW can’t go to party; have to…wash clothes
@AuntMay can’t come over; have to…see Mary Jane
@HarryO can’t see you today, yur dad gives me the creeps

@Quint: nom nom nom nom nom

@Tarzan: U no superman last nite

@Fonzi: Yu jmp me? B end of “Hpy Days”

@Jane: Jane noes how to hrt Tarzan. Tarzan go see Cheetah

@ Tarzan: Cheetah with Boy

@Romulus u call that a crib? dude u FAIL
@Remus fck u ashol teh walls r teh awsome
@Romulus whatevah l0ser u stil sux a wolfs tit
@Remus uh oh. scuse mah spade. Oops /sarc off

@Jane: Cheetah with Boy? Tarzan no get. Plz xplane. Who on top?

Siddartha Tired from travelling. Going to hang here by teh river. BYE

RT @Tarzan plz xplane// Jane w/ Tiger not cheetah. dunno who on top. Sry d00d.

You are about to begin reading Italo Calvino’s new Twitter feed. Chill dude.

Montresor @Fortunato Got some wine for u, come down to the cellar and chek it out. LOL.

GDonner Off to Cali, so long suckers!
about 164 years ago, from txt

GDonner Wthr bad here in mts. Hv 2 stop 4 awhile.
about 164 years ago, from txt

GDonner Soooo hungry. Even 8 the oxen. 🙁
about 164 years ago, from txt

GDonner Hoofin 2 sutters fort. Fukin cold.
about 164 years ago, from txt

GDonner Shit, c0t in blizzrd, 4 ded. Oh well, long pig tonite!
about 164 years ago, from txt

@Kemo Sabe: Kiss my ass I bought a boat, I’m going out to sea.

h/t Lyle Lovett

TheThunder Da Dayadhvam Damyatta Shanti Shanti Shanti

AV8er Exupry crashed in sahara desert
AV8er Exupry this sux, will look around
AV8er Exupry time to catch zzz’s signing off
AV8er Exupry holee shit there’s some little dude here from like outta nowhere
AV8er Exupry ? wtf ? wants me to draw him a sheep
AV8er Exupry little prince dude here gotta problem says he comes fm other planet size of house
AV8er Exupry am i fukkin gon out of hed?

EmilyDickinson Jst rlized tht all my poems cn b sung 2 tune of Yankee Doodle. FML

HLMencken Politicans r stupid, people r stupid. Everyone’s stupid, cept me, LOL.

@Robin Meet me at cave. Nd to show you sumthin. NO! Not like last time!

@PrinzesButtercup As you wish

7th day, bitchez. Ain’t doin fuk but cheez doodlz n tweetz.

Beezlebub @Gdog What? No futball? U gai? LOL!!!!111!!!

@CapnBlack Where r teh Snowdens ov Yesturyear?

#educationalsession

ASRowan @Garcia Just get ‘er done, goddammit!

RJohnson: heddin to crossroads, brb

@Alice: We wuz trippen 4 real back in the day

JHendrix: @RJohnson – dude you hooked me up with for lessons sux

Gdog @thevoid Gimme a light

Well, here I am.

@JubalEarly You’re late!

papa1 @ignacio god yer heavy dude
papa1 @ignacio hey nothin blockin yr ears tell me if u hear anythng
ignacio @papa1 lay down man
papa1 @ignacio naw dude gonna keep walkin cuz a yer dam bullet hole
ignacio @papa1 so sleepy…
papa1 @ignacio im carrying u dood sleep up there u better be glad yr mom died & I feel glty
ignacio @papa1 sleepy
papa1 @ignacio fuk dood yr mom’d die again if she hadn’t kikd bukit fm other kidz
ignacio @papa1 🙁 cries
papa1 @ignacio better cry u lil shit jus let me knw wn we get close 2 Tonaya & hear dogs bark
ignacio signs off account closed
papa1 @ignacio fuk dood we’re here did I not fukin ask u tell me whn hear dogs bark?

@C.Heston: jes stay in the fckn chariot, Chuck. I’ll make sure u win

@Watson: Yo dude! When u gonna get a frikken clue?

@TommySmothers That’s what SHE said! LOL!!!!111

Call me Ishkabibble.

Osiris @Odysseus D00d! What happen wif ur noze???????

EmilyDickinson AND “The Yellow Rose of Texas??” FFS! ><

@Morpheus: Whoa.

FuzzyBlueG There’s a WHAT at the end of WHERE?? DO NOT WANT!
about five minutes ago by txt

FluzzyBlueG nm just me…gg
about 30 seconds ago by txt

Barbie @Ken Math is hard! Wish you were! LOL!!!!!11111!!!!

@captpicard brb g2recalibr8 deflectrs

Ken @barbie fuk u bitch im gay

@Barbie Wish we were anatomically correct! LOL!!!!!!!111111!!!!

Barbie @Ken You don’t like my 48DDs????

Ken @barbie fuck u u plastic bitch ur so top hvy u fall ovr wen u stand up + I like teh pen0r

@Moriarty: Dood! Let’s team up & cold-cock tht pompous arse-Holmes! I’m fckn sikka hs sht!

@Barbie: 48DDs? N wht? Millimeters? LOL

I got 99 problems. FML

Barbie @Ken Fuk u. Midge licks beddah! LOL!!!!11111

@Nena Sorry. I no order called for 100 red ones, but needed balloons for son’s birthdy party. Hope that’s OK.

@Zul-Bha-Sair: Ddz, th M-Gd dn’t wnt n wrm flshs nd yr jst svng yr wmn, lv whl m nd th hms tk ths wnnbs t mrdr cntrl.

@Zul-Bha-Sair: Amscray, M-Gd dn’t wnt wrm flsh whl me nd th hms tk ths wnnbs tu mrdr cntrl.

Victorian_Societee @Doc_Moreau cutting up live animals, NOT kewl
Doc_Moreau @Victorian_Societee gawd jeesh have you NOT seen my kewl beast people? wtf

Elizabeth: ZOMG! Darcy is such a fukkin t00l !!!1!!!!

Moar Hello Kitty.
~

Charly@Beekman_Colage Had raw shock test i thnk i faled. met aljernon-we raced-fast f@cken rat. OMG i luv twitter
martch 4

Charly@Beekman_colage My brane herts! I just want to be smart like other pepul so I can have lots of frends who like me LOL.
martch 11

CGordon@Beekman_College Took Alice to movies. Told her I think sh’e teh hawt. Shut me down stone cold. Twitter sux.

Charly@Beekman_colage Teh nice mous Algernon died-sent flowahs. EZ to have frends if you let pepul lol at you. imgonna have lots of frends OMG i luv twitter

Fre mind, Ass folow. Folow?