A person has to get their lulz somehow.

Numa, numa.

I am already aware of all Internet traditions.

No “Shorter …”?

Shall we start calling you Dork Media Brad?

For serious, that was very fine. Now I have to step up my game and get something in Consumer Reports.

As one of the most liberal members of this blog, I have forgotten more internet traditions than most others have ever even learned. In fact, never before have internet traditions been analyzed in such detail or with such care.

I don’t get it.

Fart.

Now I’m famous.

Seems like every time I start feeling like I am aware of MOST internet traditions, along comes something well beyond my understanding. So I either race over to wikipedia, only to discover that it was something silly I really didn’t care about anyway, or I just skim over it and slowly, over the following days or months, become aware by osmosis.

I think I’ll stick to being a spectator.

Oh. And is photoshopping someone with a sammich an internet tradition yet? ‘Cause that would be cool…

mikey

Oh, man, no badger song? Or peanut-butter jelly time? Banana phone? And the grandfather of the RickRoll, goatse? Ah well, I guess they couldn’t let you use ALL the server space… ;-p

tigrismus said,

July 8, 2008 at 17:10

And the grandfather of the RickRoll, goatse?

Seriously. Even “Two girls and a cup” was before RickRoll.

We need a federal agency to promote total internet tradition awareness among the citizenry.

Seems like every time I start feeling like I am aware of MOST internet traditions, along comes something well beyond my understanding. So I either race over to wikipedia, only to discover that it was something silly I really didn’t care about anyway,

Encyclopedia Dramatica is much better for raising tradition awareness, than Wikipedia.

You still need to be careful with your use of the newfound knowledge, however, as proper usage of the traditions in context is what separates the ED-n00bs from the, ah, oldtimers.

I was always rather fond of this one, too.

Seriously. S,N! has an ED page but no TOW page.

Advantage: ED.

You almost got me to click on that last link. Almost.

Thanks for leaving those girls and their cup of goatse.cx off the list.

Whups, tigrismus and Blue Buddha already got those.

Well, I for one learned something new today. Thank you, Brad. You’re a fine young man.

Indeed, this is central to my point.

Dear Brad:

Woot!

Sincerely, Rufus

I’d tell you the next ten songs on my randomized playlist so that you could figure out which Decepticon I am, but I can’t figure out seven more people to tag it with, other than that Nigerian prince.

My videos live on in You Tube. Now that is an internet tradition worth being aware of!

Can I haz INTERNETS TRADI-SHUUN?!

WTFinterrobang

O HAI!!

/A winner is me!

The whistles go WOOOO!

I’d forgotten about the dancing fetus thing. Now I’m craving a traditional aborto-smoothie.

The fact is, you’re all bad men. The Heartland doesn’t trust bad men like you. All of you- off to the cornfield.

I miss the ninjas. They were awesome and would totally chop your head off.

I never get tired of traditions like:

http://kscakes.com/LolCats/Uploads/Saved/god-iz-ded-lol.jpg

one of my favorites is the bel-air. A “Bel-Air” is a 4chan /b/ copypasta meme where someone will start off with a story about some provocative subject (usually incest with your little sister), and right around the climax of said story, will smith happens all over your face.

example of a perfectly executed bel-air:

I have a confession to make

My sister Kelly’s 16, Yesterday my sister left for a friend’s house and my parents were at work. I was walking past my sister’s room and I noticed she left a pair of her panties on the floor by the door. It was a cute little thong, like the tiny ones, and it was just lying there, like she didn’t care. I guess she changed before she left. I don’t know why but I just kind of wanted to have a look. I’ve never kissed any girls, and, well, you know. So I picked them up and I was really nervous, like checking the window all the time in case anyone came back. Well, after a while, my libido just got the best of me, and thinking about this little piece of cloth up her ass and everything… I ended up sniffering her panties, and jacking off with them over my face. The smell and everything just got me so hard, I came like really hard, streams over her carpet and everything. Then I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said “Fresh” and had a dice in the mirror If anything I could say this cab was rare but I thought now forget it, yo home to Bel-Air I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby “Yo, home smell you later” Looked at my kingdom I was finally there To settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

lesbian or german lady was the first one that really got me. now that was a stupid meme if ever there was one. and there was: it was called engrish.

also, i enjoy on the slideshow the battle between cisco and microsoft for supremacy in work phone voice dailing. i strongly urge the huddled masses to scroll over the cisco add–that guy is vying himself for meme-supremacy.

Re: MSNBC Chris Matthews: “Can Obama now win over the regular folks, white folks…?”

To: hardball@msnbc.com, phil.griffin@nbc.com, steve.capus@nbc.com, letters@msnbc.com

********

Dear Chris Matthews,

I believe you owe your viewers an explanation as exactly what you meant by equating ‘white folks’ with ‘regular folks’.

Would you care to enlighten us? With particular attention to explaining exactly what makes non-white folks so non-regular?

Yours truly,

Name
City

White Male:
Not to mention, who does he consider among the “already won over”? The various non-regular folks?

Why has this person not been fired about 100 times?

I made up a couple of internet traditions, but now they’re out of style.

You damn kids get off my lawn!!

Why has this person not been fired about 100 times?

Because we just roll our eyes at his latest outrage instead of raising hell.

Please, just copy and paste my letter into a quick e-mail and let’s see if we can get this racist asshole fired.

We like the moon …

Oh, God. Somebody stop the Pantload before he finds another keyboard.

Oh Please unload in the lastest Pantload screed:

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-goldberg8-2008jul08,0,368008.column

Volunteerism = Forced Servitude

“There’s a weird irony at work when Sen. Barack Obama, the black presidential candidate who will allegedly scrub the stain of racism from the nation, vows to run afoul of the constitutional amendment that abolished slavery.

For those who don’t remember, the 13th Amendment says: “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime … shall exist within the United States.”

fucking pelicans

Didn’t some other wingnut pundit recently bash Obama’s call for increasing public service as “serfdom”?

This from JG is pretty crazy:

No, national service isn’t slavery. But it contributes to a slave mentality, at odds with American tradition.

Young people are weird.

Righteous Bubba said,

July 8, 2008 at 19:35

This from JG is pretty crazy:

No, national service isn’t slavery. But it contributes to a slave mentality, at odds with American tradition.

Well, it does fit in with his “liberal fascism” screed in that FDR called for national service to get us out of a depression.

But to say national/public service isn’t an American tradition is sooooo laughable. I can think of a gazillion and one instances of volunteerism throughout American history:

— Um, the Minutemen and pretty much all militia. What does JG recommend wrecking that all sacred 2nd Amendment?

— Volunteer firemen and citizen patrols.

— FDR’s New Deal

— War Bonds, metal/rubber drives, food/gas rations, Victory Gardens, Rosie the Riveter and other such things that helped us win WWII.

— “Faith based initiatives”. Sure, a lot of it has a hidden religious agenda, but those churches are still volunteering to help to communities.

It’s hardly surprising that the Pantload would be using everything in his mighty arsenal of Stupid to fight against the idea of work. He KNOWS people, after all. Why should he have to work? That’s slavery and the (Black) Man is just keeping him down, as always.

Volunteer Slavery, the title of his next book?

Brad,

Your article doesn’t contain information about all internet traditions. You missed some out. Please fix it.

The Peace Corps: the Waffen-SS of Liberal Fascism!

When they came for Enron, I did not protest, for I owned no Enron stock …
When they came for Fannie Mae, I did not protest, for I had no assets invested in Fannie Mae …
When they came for Bear-Stearnes, I did not protest, for I had no Bear-Stearnes certificates either …
No, actually, I was quite pleased, all 3 times … until I read about the size & source of their bailouts.

In b4 “series of tubes” …

PENIS

No, national service isn’t slavery. But it contributes to a slave mentality…

Um, no. No it doesn’t. Then again, I’m not a pudgy halfwit who is assured via wingnut welfare of never having to create anything worthwhile for the rest of his life.

There are times when I can see where Jonah is going. Sure, it’s whiny, intellectually lazy pap, but the man does have the ability to form semi-coherent arguments.

And then there’s nonsense like this. Dude, Jonah, you’re just being silly. Which is sorta the point- whenever this guy gets backed into a corner, he can always throw up the LULZ JUST KIDDIN! front. Tee hee, national service is like slavery, and Obama’s black! How oh-so-amusing! Except, see, it’s just…fucking boring.

And also torpedoes his cause whenever he’s trying to be serious, like here.

The South is a complicated place. Racism was certainly its central shortcoming, but it was hardly its only feature. That so many people can only see the racism, even as its half-life accelerates, says more about their myopia than it does about the region it casts its gaze on.

Okay, sure, Jonah. Being an actual southerner, I’m with you here.

But when it comes from the pen of the same dork who preens around calling liberals fascists!!!, well…

Last week Goldberg cited approvingly a blog post that called Obama’s service proposal serfdom. Today in the LA Times he intimates it may be involuntary servitude. Which one is it? This is an important debate.

nice job, you couldn’t hit every stupid time wasting thing the intertoobz has spawned.

But I would think Rule 34 deserves a mention.

Well, here’s a link to what Obama’s actually proposing.

But instead of talking about the all-slave army, I’d like to ask whether or not Jonah thinks people who volunteer at their local churches are slaves.

You see, Jonah’s point is that by use of tax moneys, Obama would make subsidize educational entities that required service. This is totally different from tax breaks provided to religious institutions that get free labor from parishoners – only, no it isn’t, since those religious institutions are designated non-profit charitable organizations.

and a pony

Whoooo, that last sentence is a doozy. I gotta stop trying to write like Grabar, shining in the sun with a stream of urine consciousness run-on blathering that goes nowhere and nowhere.

Frist!

I thought public service was supposed to replace government assistance? Or does the Faith-Based Initiative encourage the slave mentality?

You know he doesn’t believe half this crap because he has to hem and haw around the rancid stupidity of his remarks.I say we sell Jonah into prostitution in Thailand. He’s already a whore, might as well make an honest man out of him.

Please, just copy and paste my letter into a quick e-mail and let’s see if we can get this racist asshole

Well sure, okay, and good luck with that, cuz all the emails in the world couldn’t dislodge his stupid sexist ass.

And Pantload’s reference for charities/volunteerism/etc.? Arthur C. Brooks from the AEI. Here’s an article talking about Brooks.

Outside professional circles, he’s best known for his regular op-ed columns in The Wall Street Journal (13 over the past 18 months) on topics that stray a bit from his philanthropy expertise.

and

Brooks says he started the book as an academic treatise, then tightened the documentation and punched up the prose when his colleagues and editor convinced him it would sell better and generate more discussion if he did.

To make his point forcefully, Brooks admits he cut out a lot of qualifying information.

So, yeah – real strong reference there Jonah.

Reading Jonah’s op-ed’s gives us a glimmer as to why he thought that his book was a very serious, thoughtful, argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care.

What on god’s green earth would Doughload know about “volunteerism” or “service”? Or “work,” for that matter?

rickroll MES??!?

A tradition as old as the intertrons itself Duke Nukem Forever.

Good work, but it seems you left out about 75 of the Traditions.

Yeah, I’m glad that goatse.cx and tubgirl and 2girsl1cup got left off the list.

OTOH, “series of tubes”, “internets“, and of course “Shorter…” should have been on the list. Along with a reference to “Star Wars: Backslash of the West”. (source of DO NOT WANT!)

I got an awesome African savings account email recently, where the hook was that the woman was a converted Christian and she didn’t want her heathen relatives to inherit her dead husband’s cash, so she needed a good church goer – like me! – to get the cash to America.

It was awesome. It really made me wonder who it would hook.

I have stapled all your internet traditions

nobody expects the spanish inquisition

did they mention that

Brad forgot bunny, and made him cry.

You know you keep talking about it like that and the Internet is gonna break.

Just watch…

Data is. Why aren’t you?

I don’t know if there even _is_ an Internet culture anymore. It’s just a part of mainstream life. alt.swedish.chef.bork.bork.bork–_that_ is an Internet tradition! So is the Jargon File…and costing the net hundred (if not thousands!) of dollars to post every message…but who even gives a damn about that stuff anymore?

I just learned who Ellen Feiss is.

Every day my knowledge grows.

Your traditions killed my FF session.

Damn Slide #2 links…

teh Google killed my favorite internets tradition – the most relevant page for “miserable failure”

George,

At least santorum is still at the top of the charts.

Craig,

Oh for the days when alt.adjective.noun.verb.verb.verb wasn’t just a spamhole.

We still have the shrieking harpy, as well.

I got an awesome African savings account email recently…

It really made me wonder who it would hook.

Back in 2000 I was working at a coffee shop in the whitey white suburbs outside of Pittsburgh. Several of my regular customers were Christian Ladies (read: Republican housewives) who spent the day sipping lattes and working on their “correspondence” (read: didn’t have shit to do.)

But all was not well in paradise. Christian militia groups carried out massacres in Sulawesi that year, cutting off our supply of that variety of coffee. Worse, that was the very favorite coffee of several of the Christian Ladies, who openly wondered if they could drink anything else. When I explained the situation, they determined to raise money in their churches to help the Christians in Sulawesi and restore peace.

“But… the Christians are the ones carrying out the massacres.” I gently repeated. “Oh, don’t trust what they tell you in the liberal media,” they rejoined, mustering their checkbooks for the spiritual battle ahead. If I only had their addresses, I’m sure they would be very interested in that email.

I can haz walrus, pls?

Oh for the days when alt.adjective.noun.verb.verb.verb wasn’t just a spamhole.

I haven’t looked at Usenet since the 20th century. Is there anything on there anymore – especially in the alt hierarchy – other than spam?

Hey! How about that serious little hamster on that boat that turned around and gave off a significant look while dramatic music played? Remember, remember that? That was awesome.

What ever happened to sparkle sweater lady? Or the frog blender? Or the gasping panda? VH1 should do a “Where are they Now?” series for old internet traditions because that would be… just the saddest thing ever.

This was helpful. Thank you.

I say we sell Jonah into prostitution in Thailand.

You really think anybody’s desperate enough to pay for sex with JONAH?

A haxxor is ROFL because he pwn3d you with a Rick Roll

So all it takes to qualify as a hacker these days is getting someone to click on a stupid YouTube link? How the mighty have fallen.

So all it takes to qualify as a hacker these days is getting someone to click on a stupid YouTube link?

He gained access to your machine and now ALL LINKS ARE RICKROLLS!.

Period!.

Was this inspired by the 4chan article in the WSJ?

Anyway, ‘a cat is fine too’ is one of the best.

If the internet was as widespread in 1984 as it is today, we’d still be saying “where’s the beef”. Lemme know when this “idiot manchild” phase of comedy ends.

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t get stoned!

I meant: People who live in glass houses shouldn’t be stoned!

I’m sorry…Philip Johnson is entitled to do whatever he wants.

Shorter Haiku

Be aware of all
internet traditions
understand “shorter”