Gavin, Don’t Eat It!

From comments this evening:

Rightwingsnarkle said,
November 5, 2007 at 7:33

Snark fails me at times like these.

I’ll get it back, but I just don’t have any right now.

Bring on teh Cheetos.

Indeed, but how did he know?

We had decided that in order to beat the execrable PJ, we would need to make his powers our own. I volunteered to become as thoughtless, as single-minded as he, as lacking in self-reflection and personal honor, as feckless and as immune to shame. I would howl mindlessly, fungally in the frigid vastness of space, chanting noisome hymns to my mad, deaf idiot-king, and gibbering streams of imprecations unto the planet called Earth.

I volunteered to eat of their lotus and become a wingnut.

I could not have foreseen the soul-twisting horrors that inhabited neither the up nor down, neither the left nor right, but the spaces in-between of the right-blogosphere. But the first problem was a procedural one. Which kind do they use?

Above: The old-school-inspired, yet perhaps not totally authentic Cheez-Doodley kind

Above: What I imagined to be the ‘original’ crunchy kind.

To this end, I procured one of each.



‘Don’t Eat It’ concept created by Steven at The Sneeze.


Comments: 148
Secret video feeds obtain by hidden cameras in Gavin’s basement and sent back to us from the future.

There IS no other kind of Cheeto except original Crunchy.


Canadians eat Cheezies.


I’d recommend asking the Pantload. He probably even knows the best vintage Cheetos. Or which type goes with which diet soda.


I just want to pop back in and say that “Steve, Don’t Eat It” is the goddamn funniest and most disgusting thing I’ve read in weeks.

*goes to find tree brains….*


Growing up in West Texas – original CRUNCHY Cheetos + Big Red. REVOLTING.


In UK brand-name English, whatcha got there is a choice between Nik-Naks (crunchy) and Wotsits (puffs).

Nik-Naks are better.


I believe noisome means stinky *licks fingers*


In Australia we eat Twisties. Isn’t international cultural exchange wonderful!

Now I think I’ve broadened my mind so much it’s going to explode so I’m going to have a Bex and a good lie down (socially sanctioned drug-abuse).


PJ is in the midst of a full blown Freeper Meltdown.

It’s getting really ugly.

I never thought the Weblog Awards could provide any entertainment at all….much less a masterpiece like this. Thanks Wizbang! Your wingnut pals really know how to pull out all the stops!


Something’s going on at the Weblog Awards site, too.

Slow. As. Shit. (The constipated kind.)

My guess is that it’s either getting DoS’d or someone tried to run some automated voting.


I haven’t checked the old thread, because frankly I don’t wanna, so this may have been discussed, possibly even ad nauseum…

…but Gavin’s ominous foreshadowing of all this was being used as evidence that the left blogosphere was readying some underhanded, despicable, possibly even dangerous tactics in order to win this award. A clearer case of projection one would be hard pressed to imagine.


Has anyone noticed that he sometimes refers to his site as DUFUs?

“Dufus”. Hee hee. Only 66.6% accurate, however, as the definition is “incompetent and stupid, though well-meaning”.

Qetesh the Abyssinian

tds, I clicked your link. Now I feel dirty. And being a cat, I’m going to have to wash with my tongue. Eeeeuurrccchhhhhh.


You might need to make some wardrobe changes, Gavin.


In Financial News, Fink to get top job at Merrill.

Stuff like that makes me laugh.


See, it’s shit like that that makes me think anyone who tries to put a human face on capitalism should probably be killed.


In UK brand-name English, whatcha got there is a choice between Nik-Naks (crunchy) and Wotsits (puffs).

Nik-Naks are better.

outside, now, how dare you even compare the two…..

and don’t get me started on M&S cheese balls……


Hey now, although I’m a Nik-Naks sort of a fella, I don’t mean to deride the processed, maize-based goodness of Wotsits. I’m just pointing out that, judging from the packaging shown above, they would appear to be the exact UK equivalents of the “crunchy” and “puffed” varieties of everyone’s favourite wingnut grunthole-filler.

When they trim the trees on my street every year, they look exactly like giant Nik-Naks. It’s very surreal.


Definitely go with the Crunchy. Uncrunchy Cheetos are like sucking air. Don’t touch you clothing or everyone will know what you’ve been doing.


Yay, international cultural exchange!
In Slovakia, we eat chrumky.

Despondant Cantabridgian

Chrumky looks like it might have some sort of nutritional value, which is cheating. If there is a single ingredient that has not been bleached, colored, chemically modified, artificially replicated, of hydrogenated, it is unsuitable for wingnut consumption.


I worked at a convenience store when I was an undergrad in red-state Raleigh, NC. My coworker and I conducted a survey of the area’s Cheeto preference. The results of this absudly unscientific poll from a decade ago suggest that red-state residents prefer the puffs.

Innocent Bystander

“To: darkwing104
Is there any DOUBT that right now the DUmmie FUnnies have become the PREMIER conservative Humor Blog? What other one in that category is even CLOSE in terms of notoriety?

BTW, I wrote “Humor” since there are a ton of great Conservative blogs such as NewsBusters and Michelle Malkin’s blog.
17 posted on 11/05/2007 5:41:05 AM PST by PJ-Comix ( Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies ]”

Premier conservative Humor Blog? In the vast rhetorical desert of RW Blogistan, the oasis of humor has run out of water.


Oh, come, now.

Have you seen the kind of stuff Steve shouldn’t eat (but does anyway)?

Cheetos? Pfaugh, don’t make me laugh. Go eat some Saltidos and I’ll get back to you.

besides, there’s no way Cheetos could make you conservative. Here, I’ll try some.

*nom nom nom*




conservative Humor Blog

A contradiction in terms.


I prefer the crunchy kind. However, I’ve weaned myself from a Cheetos addiction that occurred when I used to pack my kid’s lunch and bought the large boxes of assorted bagged snacks – kid didn’t like Cheetos, so I ate them.

It’s been probably 7 years since a Cheeto has passed my lips.

a different mikey

Steve don’t Eat It almost finished me off. I laughed. I cried. I almost hurled. Now that’s a humor blog, DUFUs should take notice.

Aside: I’ve eaten four of those things he describes. Huitlacoche can be great. Pickled pig skin can not.


I prefer the crunchy kind. However, I’ve weaned myself from a Cheetos addiction that occurred when I used to pack my kid’s lunch and bought the large boxes of assorted bagged snacks – kid didn’t like Cheetos, so I ate them.

It’s been probably 7 years since a Cheeto has passed my lips.

My father-in-law used to eat Cheetos every day at work – almost a bag a day. He went on vacation for two weeks and didn’t eat any Cheetos the entire time. He lost 10 pounds in two weeks.


Yay! Linky love for the Sneeze, one of my longtime faves.

Steve also turned me on to Cloud Cult.

I particularly loved the Prison Wine segment of Steve Don’t Eat It!


Noooooo! Put the Cheetos down before it’s too late! Don’t go into that dark, dark void!


Sparkle’s right, Gavin. Nobody comes back from the Dark Side.

If we can’t defeat the Evil without becoming evil ourselves, it’s not worth winning.

….which explains why the democrats lose so damn often, I guess.


Premier conservative Humor Blog?

I’m sure DUFU is the premier conservative Humor Blog in the way that Mallard Fillmore is the conservative Doonesbury and (something else really lame that’s conservative) is the conservative (something else really good that isn’t conserative).

Remember. They talk in code.”Far left” is anyone who can see through their delusions. “Unhinged” is anyone who says anything about how delusional they are. “Shrill is a synonym for “unhinged.” “Activist judge” is any judge who makes a decision they disagree with. Democrat, socialist, anarchist, fascist, radical, communist, Muslim, homosexual, illegal imigrant, Mexican, activist, and pacifist are all synonyms.

It is a terrible way to live. So far, medical science has been unable to find a cure. But scientists are working hard to find an antidote to this horrible condition. And brave law enforcement officers are valiantly on guard, trying to stop the trafficking in stupid pills that turn an honest, decent, rational human being into a conservative.

Please give generously to fight this debilitating disease known as Conservative Brain Shutdown Syndrome. Some day, with your help, conservatives will be smart enough to mingle in normal society without being laughed at.


God help me, those Cheetos are starting to sound kind of good. So orange. So… so cheezy. Is this what it’s like, becoming a wingnut?


and (something else really lame that’s conservative) is the conservative (something else really good that isn’t conserative).

Conservapedia / Wikipedia?

GodTube / Youtube?

I can’t wait to see what they come up with as a conservative Hollywood.

So far, medical science has been unable to find a cure.

The whole trend of conservative self-segregation does remind me of going into the aisle at the grocery store where they keep the diabetic-friendly stuff.


Real rightwingtards go to the A&P and

buy Americas Choice Cheese Puffs.





God help me, those Cheetos are starting to sound kind of good. So orange. So… so cheezy.

I got a bag for some festive event a while ago. After the event was over I had to chuck the remainder because they were not actually good or satisfying yet they were irresistible.


not actually good or satisfying yet … irresistible.

They should print that on the bag in jaggedy script. Make it the company slogan.


Cheetos are the healthy alternative to turtle dung fried in pig fat. I encourage you all to eat more of the former than the latter.


I just voted for Ace of Spades as the best conservative blog just to give Michelle Malkin a proverbial kick in the ****.

I urge everyone to do the same. A win for Ace could be a beautiful thing.

(There is no serious conservative alternative. )

Does anyone outside the wankosphere even care about the Weblog Awards?


(There is no serious conservative alternative. )

Balloon Juice had been nominated in the Best Conservative Blog category, but then they figured out they were only able to do 10 blogs in their polls, so he got booted to the “Best of the top 250” category. Crying shame, really. Balloon Juice winning that award would have been like the best thing ever.


“I can’t wait to see what they come up with as a conservative Hollywood.”

What, you want to return to the 1950s? Pre-McCarthy’s-flameout movies? Thanks, but once a lifetime is enough.



I condemn (condemn!) the rampant snack-food-ism that has reared its ugly head on this blog.

*crunch crunch crunch*


PJ says we love allah here (well, we do but not enough to capitalize the name…). The man is impervious to logic. Clues bounce off him like nerf darts.


Conservative Hollywood?

You can see it for yourself here, in five parts:

part one
part two
part three
part four
and the heartwarming conclusion.


How about voting for PZ Myers and Pharyngula?

Junk Science global warming deniers may get wingnut welfare from the likes of Exxon, but they aren’t science.

P.S. Over at PZ’s house: Funniest blog: I vote for Sadly, No. (There’s some awful humorless right-wing slug in second place, so this one is an even easier decision).


okay, this is even better. I can’t believe I’ve never seen this one before! It’s apparently by the illegitimate lovechild of Joe McCarthy and Jeff Foxworthy:


Just who are these assholes who are voting for DUFU?


They use the kind their moms buy them – duh.


The man is impervious to logic. Clues bounce off him like nerf darts.

El Oh El


Just who are these assholes who are voting for DUFU?

I think you answered your own question there, but given the begging for votes he’s been doing over at Free Republic, I’m guessing mostly freepers. Also possibly receptionists in random office buildings who have clicked the button when he accosted them, out of fear that he was armed.


How did duMMY fuNNYS even get nominated? It’s less funny than contemplating cleaning a really foul toilet in a public restroom.


How did duMMY fuNNYS even get nominated?

He’s been trying to be a finalist for a few years, apparently. If you look at the forums over at the weblog awards, he’s been inquiring about the opening of nominations since the spring. So I guess the answer is: shameless begging.


And let’s not forget, the rest of the world gets Cheetos in various flavors. Chili & lime in Mexico. Masala balls in India. Hot dog flavored cheetos in Peru. And cheese & bacon in Australia. There’s a whole cheetos universe for us keyboardists to explore.


Meijer makes some white cheetos. Not white cheddar exactly just white. And the flavor! It’s that kind of delicious flavor that doesn’t show its true petroleum distillate underpinnings until after half the bag is gone. By then it’s too late.


To defeat the wingnuts, we must develop the Ultimate Weapon. It is not an engine of destruction, but of distraction: an item so irresistibly seductive to their sensibilities that it will consume all their time, leaving them unable to type.

But can we live with ourselves after releasing it upon the world?


[Credit for that photoshop goes to a blogger named Quipp]


Typical former hippie- I vote for the Pirate’s Booty.

Spoken like a true Pastafarian!


Dude, whose been chanting noisome hymns up in here? You should light a match.

My research facility, Anecdotal Labs, has done some preliminary research which shows that the extreme MSG content of the cheese-dusted corn treat can bring on a terrible mood, something like road rage in a Mad Max movie. Also, a huge headache, if not a migraine. We may have located a vital clue into the psyche of the screed-writing conservative. Be very careful, Gavin!


I really like that Steve guy. That shit is too funny. Plus, it adds another attribution line that is sure to slightly annoy someone.

Good times, good times…


Call me old school, but if I was looking for a gastronomic entree to the wingnut world, I’d go with a pack of Nabs (peanut butter variety) and a bottle of Orange Crush.

Alas, peanut butter Nabs are long gone, but you can approximate the effect by putting a bit of super-cheap peanut butter (heavy on the hydrogenated oils) between two Cheez-Its. Ya gotta make up about 20 of the little fuckers.

Orange Crush is still widely available, though as any old fart will tell you, “It just ain’t the same.”

As for teh Cheetos, I think Gavin’s snacking is like the greasing up by Al Swearingen’s Dan – just teh prelude to his confrontation with the Captain – evil meets worse evil, and prevails.


Sadly, No is “German based” ?? (I picked this up during a drive-by reading of some Freeper comments)

teh Germans are this funny ? who knew ?

that Steve Sneeze site is gold !


SN has to win for PJ’s sake. If he wins, he’s through. People might actually read his blahhhg and find out there’s nothing of substance. If he loses, then he doesn’t even have to post anymore. People will go to the site solely to stand up for the latest victim of the evil left. Instead of trying to comprehend the concept of “funny”, he can stick with “If you don’t like my blog, you’re a commie”.


So, you can be in more than one category for the Weblog awards?

I note that Malkin and Captain’s Quarters are listed in ‘best blog’ AND ‘best conservative blog’.

You guys should have been listed in best blog and funniest blog.



I hope you know the reason you are winning the is. The Democratic Underground . The site the DUmmie FUnnies is about. They are voting in spite . Now that’s FUnnie ;-)))


It is my fervent hope that Wizbang will find this whole mess to godawful that they will just drop the whole stupid awards idea next year.


Thanks to Dhalgren I am now completely craving curry cheetos. as I sit here in california. THANKS A LOT.


since you’re a DFH, the choice is clearly Cheetos Natural White Cheddar Puffs 😉


You know, I might have been too hard on Dan Riehl over the years.
PJ, as anon, and some friend of his are all over me for calling their behavior inhuman in the same sentence I said they demonize people.
Apparently, that makes me a hypocrite. I feel like I’m 15, and babysitting a sleep-over for 7 years olds.
How do people this dumb manage to breathe?


Gavin, I beseech you, listen to MrSparkle.

If you have to, if you must partake of cheese-y corn product, why not SmartFood? It’s made from corn, it is in fact cheese-y.
It was created in a blue state! Marlborough, MA, if you must know, or at least that’s what it says in Wiki-pedia.

“Unlike the cheese popcorn already on the market, ours was made with real cheese and it didn’t glow in the dark…”

And the inventors are the same people who presently make Annie’s mac and cheese and other sensible foods!



The only way to fully enter wingnutistan is to partake of the nector of teh wingnuts. Smart Food shall not suffice. Hell, the name of the product is a dead give away! Moreover, while Annie’s mac and cheese is delicious and healthy, a true wingnut would not be caught dead in the same room with it. Cheetos simply are the only way to go. Dangerous? Very. Essential? Unfortunately.


Try Dennison’s Extra Hot & Chunky Chili (aka “What is it really?”) and mix in a generous helping of VIVA Italian (aka gasoline & 10/40 oil w/garlic). Ummm. Too bad my doctor won’t let me eat it any more.


My boyfriend and I hope to be gay married by the Mullah at the Atlantic Ave. mosque soon. Then we feel we can ululate with allah’s blessing. It’s what most liberals would want.


That’s why I’m a Booty afficianato.

But I must agree with L. To go wingnut, you have to eat the real deal. Crunchy Cheetos.

Kinda like you gotta wear the suit to go Republican.


In New Zealand I had some “Lamb ‘n’ Mint” flavored potato chips. They were not to my taste.


Gunpowder Plot exposed!!! Guy Fawkes (extraordinarily) rendered into quarters. Thought to be islamic plot.


Cheetos are the crunchy kind. The other things are Cheese Puffs.


It’s not the Cheetos, per se. It’s the dust. The sticky, salty dust that coats each cheeto. Without the dust, the cheeto is no more than a simple curl of styrofoam. With the dust, the cheeto becomes the very body of Reagan.

As in Dune, the cheeto dust is the melange … the spice that comes from the great Shai-hulud found in, um, seedy public toilets. There is a mysterious relationship between the cheeto dust and the throbbing tumescent worm.

Johnny Coelacanth

“With the dust, the cheeto becomes the very body of Reagan.”

Wingnut Transubstantiation! It is to LOL. Thanks, zsa.


This is coming to remind me of one of the very first S,N! threads I commented on, where Bradrocket was threatening to drink several Miller High Lifes for some reason that had something to do with the Malkin thing.
I’ll say what I said then, it ain’t worth it.
Some portion of those Cheetohs will be cells in your body for somewhere around a decade.
Is that really what you want, Gavin?



Somehow the image of Republican wang as spiceworm doesn’t work for me. It’s…it’s like comparing a bathtub toy to a battleship.

the spice that comes from the great teeny-tiny Shai-hulud found in, um, seedy public toilets.

There. That’s better.


The dust reduces life. The dust restricts consciousness.

As for those whose lips are stained with it… well, what’s the opposite of a mentat? A “mentard”, perhaps.


Miller High Life? The Champagne of Beers?

What are you, some kind of pot-addled beer snob?

Don’t answer that, a.d.b, I know the answer.


Hey, I remember that diffbrad, that’s about where I came in here too.

I have to go with Rightwingsnarkle ( so you’re old school, join the club ) but its all about the Nabs. Transubstantiation indeed, maybe of Barry Goldwater himself.

Maybe if you huff the dust of the Cheetos you’ll feel some sort of modern age freeper rush but not like the good old crew-cut righteousness of the Nabs.


Markos just entered the fray:

Help out Sadly, No!, even if this sort of thing is silly, it’s always fun to stick it to a wingnut site.

The Great Orange Satan has awakened. Take that, DU FU!


Oh, man. This is becoming quite the little proxy war.
Why hasn’t Atrios joined the fray yet?


The lead is up to 2400.
I love the smell of Cheetohs dust in the (early evening).
Smells like… victory.


Did Gavin eat it? I really still can’t tell, I’m anxious, and my work is suffering from it.

Johnny Coelacanth

“The lead is up to 2400.”

But, but how could this be? PJ is marshaling the power of Freerepublic AND LGF to his side. He’s calling in the heavy artillery. He couldn’t possible lose. Unless the dirty treasonocommunistliberals were CHEATING!!11!!


I actually voted twice today: once from my heliport in midtown Manhattan, and again at my Southampton gay Mansion. Hope that’s OK.


Don’t forget- The Kosheads will do anything their demon master commands them to. PJ is toast, and we have the homoislamofeministofascists to thank.


BTW- I think someone else said this, but why do the Wingnut websites look, smell, and taste like ass? (Well, at least ‘look’ and ‘smell’. I’m not even going near ‘taste’).

I thought I got some kind of crossed connection when I went to the free republic site. You know, when the site doesn’t load right and you just get a screwed up, amatuerish looking pile of dung.

I experienced a similar feeling when I went to Drudge.

Two words: Esthetically Retarded.


This thread is about to hit 100 comments! Everyone look!


LOL the leftards with all their crazed hate just made this the best comment thread ever in SN! history with 100 comments! Way to go, commies! LOL this is so great wait till I tell the secretary at the office across the street!


t4toby, only gay aborted Mexican Muslims care what their websites look like. In fact, only gay aborted Mexican Muslims care what any websites look like. You have just outed yourself, sucker.

Smiling Mortician

once from my heliport in midtown Manhattan, and again at my Southampton gay Mansion

What, no voting from the mexilesbortion clinic machine in the front office? The great orange overlord will be gravely disappointed in you, jeff.


Wifi wasn’t working at the mexilesbortion clinic at lunch, but Ellen was hilariously good company today. Just like it is every abortionday.


Ok, I need an explanation.

How do you tell your mansion’s gay? Does it hit on other large buildings?

Is it a homodomicile?



Smiling Mortician

How do you tell your mansion’s gay?

Well, if you have to ask . . .


“what’s the opposite of a mentat? A “mentard”, perhaps.”

Mentard, that is greatness. Must be elevated into the common vernacular.


I generally tend to prefer the terms smacktard or fucktard.

Innocent Bystander


Please be on the lookout for one ‘pjcomix’ reputed PREMIER conservative blogger-humorist. His last public communication was spent lamely trying to defend himself at 10:08PM here:

Subject was last seen at his local 7-11, purchasing a jumbo bag of Crunchy Cheetos and a six pack of Red Bull. Please contact his parents if you have any leads on Mr. comix’s current whereabouts.



the very body of Reagan

I’m still laughing about this fifty comments later. Bravo, sir.

the dust restricts consciousness

Ahahahah! I love you!


How do you tell your mansion’s gay?

It wears a suit, loves Bush and his Iraqle, and supports traditional family values. Other clues include meth and visits by male hookers.


Hey Innocent Bystander: I really don’t want to get an account over there to post one thing. I don’t suppose you (or anyone else who comments there) would go to this post: Sadly, No! winning through cheating and point out that he’s quoting something from last spring (which had two comments, both of which called the practice unethical) rather than something current. And that, I dunno, the huge rise in vote totals might actually be from the front page Kos link, since we all follow along with whatever Kos says.

It’s just currently going a bit unchallenged, and that makes me sad, or annoyed, or one of those other frowny emotions.


The best part is that now he’s supposedly laughing his ass off about getting his ass handed to him. Funny how even when he loses, he wins.


Yay!!!! Innocent Bystander (and srr18) is (are) full of win!

Smiling Mortician

Innocent Bystander got there before me, Marita, but I added. Turn that frown upside down!


You all are the best. Ponies for everyone!!!


I don’t visit DU often, but did click through to find this.

The Karen Hughes bit was fine.

DU: Good.
DUFUs: Bad.


Teh Mentard Mantra:

It is by ignorance alone I set my mouth in motion. It is by the Dust of Cheeto that blogs accrue screeds, the keys acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by ignorance alone I set my mouth in motion.

Oh, and, it only seems fitting that when S,N! inevitably wins that silly award that they dedicate the victory to Andy Stephenson.


Hey Dufu trolls!!!!! Keep posting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are just giving us more attention!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We just copy and paste what you said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


One of our cats was a Cheetos lover. Gunther was a plump, pear-shaped, self-pitying fella whose dark-grey-and-white coloring wasn’t “tuxedo” so much as “torn tank top, dirty work gloves, and sweat socks with a hole in the heel.” His happiest moments were when we’d give him a half-full snack-sized Cheetos sack of his very own; he’d slouch on his spine in the corner of the couch, his tail sticking out from between his slack thighs, the bag balanced on his belly, and purr blissfully as he supported himself on one elbow and dug for the precious curls with the other paw. Since we’d acquired him along with a swivel-hipped, sultry-eyed, husky-voiced Maine Coon occasionally known as Elvis, Gunther inevitably was nicknamed The Roadie.


From way upthread:

Just who are these assholes who are voting for DUFU?

Urbane sophisticates with a refined sense of humor.


That’s the Thers Effect throught the Atrios Megaphone.

Thers has some yuks at the expense of his latest troll (not Clap Hanson, the thing below that):


Mikey, Homodomicile was great! I picture an igloo like structure with a very phallic chimney in the middle of it.


there are jalapenos flavored ones now


When are we going to get to the Part II fireworks factory?!!!


Annie Laurie, sounds like you’ve got most excellent cat karma; keep up the good work. I’ve got my new used cat in my lap at this very moment.



I know the prevailing wisdom is that Cheetos are the wingnuts muse, however my clandestine operatives have informed me that the thing that drives wingnuttery is in fact Planters Cheese Balls. Balls, balls, balls, balls…sure a dildo shaped Cheeto Puff will do in a pinch and if your sphincter is sore a crunchy Cheeto is welcomed in Wingnutland. However…Balls. Don’t let them fool you about Planters Cheese Balls being discontinued. They have a cadre of minions that enjoy the cheesy dust of a corporate bed of whoredom. The keys to the Wingdom include Relax. Go Balls! and Planters is the word for (good) Balls.

Good luck.


OK, I admit it, I haven’ tread the whole thread, but damn Gavin, what about XXAsteroids Hot Cheetos? As a liebealgayabortionmexicanoislamicfacisticommunisticmalkinhating(whiledesiringheranchorbabytightwellyouknowwhatImean)patriotrunningupthescoreundefeatedthomasmoseradmiringsot why haven’t you tried the XX cheetos? I think you could belt them into XXX. Just saying.


S,N! now has more than double the votes of DUFU.
It is to laugh.
Yay for Kossacks and Atriots.


Gavin, before you continue in your current course of action, you should be aware that your suspicious language has brought forth an earnest allegation of “flim-flammery” against you:
The DUmmie who posted that thread the other day hinted strongly in his opening comments that he was going to perpetrate some kind of flim-flammery on the vote.


Freeper tagline:

(Global warming is to science what Islam is to religion)


“It is by ignorance alone I set my mouth in motion. It is by the Dust of Cheeto that blogs accrue screeds, the keys acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by ignorance alone I set my mouth in motion.”

Perfect. I was going to do the same thing but couldn’t remember the proper mantra, and the ideas I had weren’t as good.

“…set my mouth in motion”… “the keys acquire stains”… genius.


That’s the Thers Effect throught the Atrios Megaphone.

I was forced to link to this at gubpoint.

The note clearly said “gub.”

Herr Doktor Bimler

You know those balls you can get for dispensing dog biscuits? The ones that you fill with the kibble, and only a few at a time fall out through the hole on one side, so the dog has to keep rolling it across the floor and gets some exercise as well as not eating the whole meal on one sitting? Just wondering whether they sell them for dispensing cheesy snacks as well.

Herr Doktor Bimler

I particularly loved the Prison Wine segment of Steve Don’t Eat It!
Went to a beer tasting the other week. Nine different IPAs and APAs, happy happy. Last beer of the night was Burton Bridge Old Empire IPA.
“Ah,” I sez, “the delicate bouquet of prison wine!” Other people started edging away. Don’t know why.


OMG, this is just too funny.

I’m just waiting for the Freepers to start howling about butterfly ballots and dimpled chads.


[…] the first installment, we explained why we had to risk this […]


“Mentard” … roflcopter

The basement dwellers in their wetsuits use the Cheeto dust as a sacrament.

It has the effect of turning their underpants yellow.


Of course, the mentat analogy is flawed as it was not the spice that gave the mentats their cognitive powers (as here we are saying that the mystical Cheeto dust endows the mentard with his superhuman ability to deny reality, whine about people doing the exact same thing he did first, and generally be an asshole). The actual mantra mentions the “juice of sapho”, which sounds, um, hot.

Perhaps it should be “It is by the Dew of Mountain that the lips acquire stains”.


actually, you are right, sad to say that you can get Satay flavoured ones in Singapore, which weren’t half bad, but still nothing on M&S cheese balls.


Satay flavoured Chettoes that is, damn you preview button!!!!!


mmmMMMmmm…people flavor!


[…] eagle. Perhaps we should petition for an iconography refresh? My submissions: Republicans, bag of Cheetos; Democrats, “Check here and win $1,000,000!” […]


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