If Only There Were A Way To Make Him Talk
George Bush’s top lawyer vague over torture
[…]
After failing to clearly answer a question about waterboarding during his confirmation hearings two weeks ago, Mr Mukasey, a New York judge, delivered a written response to senators yesterday, saying that the practice was “repugnant to me”.
But in his written response to the 10 Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee, which decides whether to send Mr Mukasey’s nomination to the floor of the Senate for a full vote, he again refused to describe waterboarding as torture.
He said he had not been briefed on the classified techniques of waterboarding and therefore could not say if it was torture.
This seems like one of those opportunities for achieving synergy that people so often talk about.
Mukasey: "Blaghpftt! It’s torture! It’s torture!"
Interrogator: "Nice try, bub. How do we know you’re not just saying that to make us stop?"
Clif adds:
He said he had not been briefed on the classified techniques of waterboarding and therefore could not say if it was torture.
That’s because one of the classified techniques of waterboarding might be to give the person being waterboarded a secret signal that he can give to make the waterboarding stop.
Gavin adds:
“Mr. Mukasey, the secret signal is not, repeat not, “Don’t forget the gravy.”
“Classified techniques.” That’s a good one. I certainly have no idea what it is.
Izzit like surfboarding? That’s fun! I don’t think that would be torture. Water’s good for you too. Can’t be a bad thing.
No. 2.
I said “No. 2.” Huh huh huh.
OK, I’m leaving now.
Bouffant I need those comments in triplicate before I…oh here they are.
“If only there were a way to make him talk.”
I love you guys.
The sad part is waterboarding is probably among the less extreme of their methods.
The Marquis de Sade did not write fiction, not really. *shudder*
Guys and gals, anybody in Cali, work over Feinstein’s switchboard. If he gets out of committee he’s in like Flynn.
“Classified techniques”? Shit, I know the government has been blowing our money on the Iraq thing and not infrastructure or updated computer systems for law enforcement, but are we really to believe that Mukasey can’t figure out how to use Google?
*sigh* this is all getting very depressing. Mix this with Bush’s threat to hold his breath until he turns purple unless Congress appoints his nominee for AG, plus how completely useless our last few AG’s have been, and I’m thinking… you know? I bet we could go a year and half without this post filled, and be just fine. Would you miss it? Would you miss it?
As a committed progressive, I know it would be wrong to waterboard the Honorable Judge Mukasey.(“We could do it, but it would be wrong, that’s for sure.” Why do the Bushistas insist on giving me Watergate flashbacks?… )
As a committed cynic, I suggest that if the Judiciary Committee were to offer Mukasey a pass after he underwent waterboarding, preferably on live television, so as to be fully equipped to offer his best judicial opinion… either we’d find out exactly how badly he really wants the job, or we’d have one of the highest-rated Youtube clips *evah!1!!!*
Speaking of flashbacks…
‘Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn’t, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn’t have to; but if he didn’t want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.’
“That’s some catch, that Catch-22,” he observed.
“It’s the best there is,” Doc Daneeka agreed.
The fact is our soldiers volunteer for waterboarding, thus it is not torture.
The fact is, drowning is not that bad, a peaceful way to die in fact.
http://tinyurl.com/yv7b7g
The fact is Glen Greenwald was trolled by a funny guy who just happens to be defending our freedoms in Iraq and Korea unlike you gaye brazilian sockpuppets who is hide out and gay sockpuppet in Brazil.
The fact is liberals don’t understand facts.
If it is definitively decided tht waterboarding is “not torture,” then I say we waterboard Cheney and make him tell us who was in those energy meetings in the runup to the Iraq invasion.
a different brad said,
November 2, 2007 at 8:08
The sad part is waterboarding is probably among the less extreme of their methods.
The fact is, water is less harmful than bamboo skewers shoved under the fingernails or truck batteries clamped to testicals or being closed into an iron coffin of nails. The fact is waterboarding can’t even compare to the tower of power or the entrails hauled out for all to see in broad daylight.
The fact is waterboarding is slightly scary but doesn’t leave a mark.
Let us not forget the fact that many terrorist attacks on our homeland soil have been averted by waterboarding.
joanne murphy said,
November 2, 2007 at 9:00
If it is definitively decided tht waterboarding is “not torture,” then I say we waterboard Cheney and make him tell us who was in those energy meetings in the runup to the Iraq invasion.
The fact is you have no authority to question Mr Cheney.
How does that make you feel, peon?
Like the insignificant little bitch you are?
Maybe you should skip off to Brazil or Germany or France like all the other sockpuppets and gilbert sheltons.
The fact is Hillery Clinton is gaye.
If it is definitively decided tht waterboarding is “not torture,” then I say we waterboard Cheney and make him tell us who was in those energy meetings in the runup to the Iraq invasion.
Didn’t Debbie Does Dishes make a big fuss about some Dems refusing to tell who’d been in meetings about something or other? I wonder if she also made a big fuss about Cheney and his Sooper Sekret Energie Commish meetings.
Oh, and this fake Gary is just pathetic. We need a fake Gary with some pizzazz!
I’m with Anne Laurie: tell Mr Mucus he gets a pass only after he’s done a thorough, in-person, actual on-the-board investigation. I mean, he says he doesn’t know what it means, so how better to learn?
And the youtube suggestion is just so perfectly 21st century. Ahhh, civilisation has advanced so far.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
November 2, 2007 at 9:11
Oh, and this fake Gary is just pathetic. We need a fake Gary with some pizzazz!
The fact is I am already drunk, what’s your excuse?
Sorry you can’ t make your house payments?
Maybe you should get a kid to front for you, you could get SCPH payments.
The fact is reall americans can afford something nice with 16 bathrooms-
nice
Qetesh,
Even if Mr. Mucas concludes from an actual pre-appointment investigation that waterboarding is torture, he will be restrained from giving his opinion on the matter as Atty Gen. because it would then be classified as a matter of national security. He wouldn’t be able to discuss methods, as it emboldens the enemy. Catch-22.
I call Fake Gary Poopert. The third one. Definitely Fake.
leo durocher said,
November 2, 2007 at 8:44
Speaking of flashbacks…
‘Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn’t, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn’t have to; but if he didn’t want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.’
“That’s some catch, that Catch-22,” he observed.
“It’s the best there is,” Doc Daneeka agreed.
The fact is Heller never wrote anything worth reading after that and Alan Arkin sucked in the movie version. Even Eliot Gould was better in the Hooker/Altman ripoff version.
Hoosier X said,
November 2, 2007 at 9:42
I call Fake Gary Poopert. The third one. Definitely Fake.
Dude, put down the crackpipe and smell the newdawnarising.
Huckabee in 2008!
Awww, fake fake Gary is just made cause his boyfriend hasn’t called to be picked up from the club yet.
I love the smell of a newdawnarising.
Smells like… wetsuits.
*Just mad. He’s mad. And starting to get insecure, paranoid, and suspicious.
Some Guy said,
November 2, 2007 at 9:56
Awww, fake fake Gary is just made cause his boyfriend hasn’t called to be picked up from the club yet.
The fact is some guys suck at snappy drunken retorts.
The fact is some guy could have said something like “Aww fake fake Gary is just made of wetsuit SAMMICHES”, which would be really buttdumb lame, but maybe half funny in a drunken kinda way.
Anyway, if you need any further help with the drunken jokewriting, just let me know, I’ll be here all night, try the veal tip your waitresses.
leo durocher said,
November 2, 2007 at 9:56
I love the smell of a newdawnarising.
Smells like… wetsuits.
Some Guy said,
November 2, 2007 at 9:58
*Just mad. He’s mad. And starting to get insecure, paranoid, and suspicious.
The fact is you libtards need to get jobs an stop stealing my jokes.
The fact is Heller never wrote anything worth reading after that and Alan Arkin sucked in the movie version. Even Eliot Gould was better in the Hooker/Altman ripoff version.
Of course you hate Heller. And don’t even get you started on that goddamned queer Vonnegut. If only more WW2 writers were more like that patriotic hero Celine.
“Call Feinstein” and all that.
Don’t you guys understand?
We can’t stop his appointment unless we have a solid 60 votes to stop a filibuster! Not to mention 67 to override a veto!!
Where were you when the Constitutions were handed out? Not in a Demo Senate caucus, that’s for sure.
(True Confession: I never thought much of Harry Reid, but all the positive press he got after ’06, when he was about to be Leader, made me wonder. And he was working with Nancy Pelosi! This was gonna be good.
Yes, I’m pouring ashes on my head right now. But hey, you know, I didn’t vote for the war. Nor did I vote a foul Bush judicial appointee out of committee, like that Feinstein person we’re supposed to be lobbying.)
Actually, his appointment can be stopped in committee.
I think you think you’re joking, Porlock. I assure you you are not; I’ve heard the veto-override thing mentioned a lot by Dems on the helplessness of the Congress before Bush.
You know, because the Executive appoints its agents by divine fiat.
I’m sure he’ll call soon, fake fake Gary. He’s probably just looking for a payphone, right? He’s not swept up in the arms of a younger, stronger, better-looking man, right? Right?
alec said,
November 2, 2007 at 10:20
Of course you hate Heller. And don’t even get you started on that goddamned queer Vonnegut. If only more WW2 writers were more like that patriotic hero Celine.
Vonnegut was a goddamn queer? The fact is i did not know that. Its true tho, he did sport a mustache not unlike that dude in womens underwear in Washington.
And here I always thought he was nothing more than a b-list sci-fi author that everyone liked in highschool.
Don’t know what you have against Celine. Even tho she is canadian she is a fine singer.
Some Guy said,
November 2, 2007 at 10:33
I’m sure he’ll call soon, fake fake Gary. He’s probably just looking for a payphone, right? He’s not swept up in the arms of a younger, stronger, better-looking man, right? Right?
Dude. Calm down.
The fact is I’m not gonna fuck you.
And neither is he.
Hey, I’m not the one with the wayward boyfriend, dude.
Of course you hate Heller. And don’t even get you started on that goddamned queer Vonnegut. If only more WW2 writers were more like that patriotic hero Celine.
Are we talking Hagbard Celine?
“sockpuppets and gilbert sheltons?”
Say what?
Whoa….
Hagbard designed a supercomputer called FUCKUP (First Universal Cybernetic Kynetic Ultramicro-Programmer). Among other things, he used FUCKUP to calculate the chances of World War III starting, which it does by throwing virtual I Ching sticks.
So that’s how Cheney has been spending his time in the bunker?
M. Bouffant said,
November 2, 2007 at 11:07
“sockpuppets and gilbert sheltons?”
Say what?
Try’n keep up okay?
“…skip off to Brazil or Germany or France like all the other sockpuppets and gilbert sheltons”
Think about it, maybe it will come to you. If not, if you need it explained in sad shortbus detail, ask again.
“who is hide out and gay sockpuppet in Brazil.”
Actually, best fake Gary EV-AR.
And cut some slack for Celine. She’s Canadian, alright?
What’s that? Oh, the poet. Well, Charles Bukowski thought pretty highly of his writing, and that’s good enough for me.
New drinking-game rules — every time you people make an Illuminatus! reference, I pour myself another akvavit.
Could end up rat-arsed and insensible.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
November 2, 2007 at 11:59
“who is hide out and gay sockpuppet in Brazil.”
Actually, best fake Gary EV-AR.
The fact is, like most libtards. you selectively misquote. But at least you didn’t go all homo like some guys.
And cut some slack for Celine. She’s Canadian, alright?
What’s that? Oh, the poet. Well, Charles Bukowski thought pretty highly of his writing, and that’s good enough for me.
The fact is Bukowski was a Nazi .
Celine
Poopart, dude, Wonder Wart Hog is a satire. Once you made him your role model, you were just setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointments. Let it go — the wound will never heal if you keep picking at it like that.
OK People! Go here and vote for Sadly, No!!!1! You can’t let someone who writes a blog making failed attempts at making fun of the commentariat at DU win for funniest blog, and they’re currently, inexplicably, in the lead.
Their voting system is kind of wonked though. Immediately after you vote it looks like the blog you voted for has waaay more votes than they actually do.
Didn’t S,N! win the Weblog Award for funniest blog already? If so, I suggest voting for Jon Swift.
“Pinnaple!”
“The Bronte Sisters!”
“100m Sprint”
“I forget the fucking safe word, stop it, STOP,arrrrrrhhhhhhh!!”
Selective quotes or not, Mr. Spinart, ““who is hide out and gay sockpuppet in Brazil”” is the funniest goddamn thing you or any Gary has ever said. Bukowski a Nazi? Well, he thought maybe it was a good idea in the 1930s, but then so did a lot of people.
Thanks for the Youtube link. That’s always the first place I go when I want to investigate the political leanings of dead French novelists. Then it’s off to Myspace!
Oh, Jon Swift won last year. He used us mercilessly and then cast us aside like an empty sack of barbecue pork rinds:
http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/4599.html
Oh Dear Jeebus I made the mistake of following that link to DUmmie FUnnies. Check out the “humor” on display:
I am a 30,000 year old reincarnated being from the 5th dimension. Once every 6000 years I materialize in your dimension in a Las Vegas hotel suite where I chant my holiest of mantras: “RAMA DAMA, I WANNA HOT MAMMA!!!”
Wow. That fuckface has 124 votes?
The ‘rama dama’ line gets me every time …
Wow. That fuckface has 124 votes?
Yeah, if you look at sitemeter on that unintelligible mess, he has nearly more votes than he has readers. Hmmm…
Mobilize, Sadlynauts?
Voted!
Now, where do I pick up my lollipop?
Me too!
Izzit like surfboarding? That’s fun! I don’t think that would be torture. Water’s good for you too. Can’t be a bad thing.
For some of us, surfing is indistinguishable from being waterboarded.
Yowza, a Wonder Wart Hog memory–I thought I was the only DFH with a memory that long. Ah, that Philbert Desenex–eat your heart out, Clark Kent.
Actually Alan Arkin was pretty good as Yossarian. It’s just that to make a decent movie of that book, it would need to be about eight hours long. I mean they completely left Dunbar out, fer Chrissakes. I think it should be a Masterpiece Theater production.
Little Green Footballs is up for Best Online Community.
Oh swell, and it’s currently winning as well.
A quick google search shows that Dummie Funnies has been lobbying for votes (with a ping list, even) over at Free Republic. Should tell you everything you need to know.
C’mon, kids, go over and vote! Tell your friends!
[virtual lollipops for Candy and g]
Voted! Can I drink this shot of vodka now? C’mon, it’s after 11. It’s ok to drink hard liquor after 11, right? I mean, it’s Friday and everything. Right?
Ah, screw it. Bottoms up!
For some of us, surfing is indistinguishable from being waterboarded.
I once experienced the tender mercies of Mother Nature by water-skiing, falling on my ass and getting sodomized by a lake.
RB: For water-skiing ladies, that experience is known as getting a “lake-water douche.” Eww.
Personally I prefer my Photoshop hack job.
Those big slides in water parks are pretty surprising, too, when you go on one for the first time.
Enhanced Irrigation Technique = wiping out in salt water.
Enhanced Irrigation Technique = wiping out in salt water.
Sand head plants via ocean water waves (while body surfing, the only kind I do), are good clean fun. They’ll take all your troubles off your mind!
You want real torture? Try farting while floating in the Dead Sea. On second thought, don’t.
I’ve been surfing for years. Of course, surfing in northern CA (not counting Mavericks) is kind of surfing with training wheels. On the other hand, surfing on the big island, where the “beaches” are nothing but jagged lava floes is horrendously painful.
On the other hand, is “Poopart” similar to Pop Art?
mikey
Oh, no, don’t make that image in my mind, mikey!
What, no Maverick’s?
Q.: What happens if you mix Wonder Warthog with Australian surf culture?
A.: You get Captain Goodvibes, Pig of Steel!
Though large amounts of acid are another, crucial part of the recipe.
Life lesson #73 in a series:
“Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn” was not a good choice as a safe-word.
You try saying it through a ball-gag.
“This time, we didn’t forget the gravy.”
ROTFLMAO.
Warthog… Beach… Why am I thinking The Silent Cartographer?
The Pig Of Steel! Whoo-hoo!
Who says Australians ain’t got kulcha?
ha ha! What SAP said.
[…] refused to say that waterboarding is torture. Or not. It seems he wasn’t sure. Me, and several others, thought this a profound opportunity to make sure for […]
Vonnegut was a goddamn queer? The fact is i did not know that.
I’m sorry, how insensitive of me. Queer is English for fag, as in God hates ___.
That Gavin, is what’s known as “hitting the sweet spot” beautiful, congrates
Queer is English for fag, as in God hates ___.
Cigarettes?
Why do Californians keep electing Feinstein? She only seems to take he lips off of Bush’s cock long enough to vote “yes” on everything he wants.
[…] To Be Waterboarded Posted by John O under Political Maybe that will clear things up for them just a little. Personally, I think they should have to draw straws for the one that get the real version, i.e., […]