Yeah how do we know that Confederate Yankee even had a charcoal grill in the first place? Didn’t he first claim it was a barbecue? Wasn’t it later a rotisserie? Inquiring minds want to know.

We love you forever for the VH graffiti. That takes me back.

However, “Barfy the barfing barf grill” stretches the verisimilitude like suspicious kerning. The only thing I know of previously to have been named “Barfy” is the damn dog those damned oval-headed kids of Bil Keane’s like so much. CY on the other hand would give his manly appliance a manly name worthy of a manly appliance wielded by a manly man, something like “Brutal Meat Destroyer” or “Mr Winkie”. And he probably prefers lavenders and pinks when he pops open MSPaint after a hard day gun-counterin’ and browbeating people who attempt to buy whistles.

It is a mystery! I do know this grill debacle stinks. It stinks like a pile of shit piled atop another pile of shit until you’ve got a big steamin’ pile of shit-piles. Or something like that.

——————————————————
im in ur thredz dominatn ur commntz!!1!

The grill is gone…

You didn’t run his picture this time, but every time I see it, I can’t help thinking of this guy.

Today is the two-month anniversary of Franklin Foer claiming that he and The New Republic would run an honest investigation into the claims made in a story written by Scott Thomas Beauchamp:

So…he’s saying that all of the previous investigations made by TNR have been dishonest?

[I cut the droning paragraph ledes. I just couldn’t take it.]

Re: Barfy

This can be read as a shout out of sorts.

Barfy the barfing barf grill.
Me likes.

I still think the most important unanswered question is how the grill’s cover ended up right next to the grill.
Also, yes, exactly how the grill qualifies as damaged. On its side doesn’t count. Can’t he pay some burly neighborhood kid to perform the Herculean task of picking it up?

I know that grill.
100 bucks at any home depot in the country.
It does not come with a cover.
I think CY has an “honest” investigation of his own to conduct.

Y’know, when it’s late, and shadows have fallen, and confederate yankee is pensively enjoying his third, and last, lukewarm lucky lager, he sometimes thinks back over his life, wondering, as no doubt we all do, if he has lived it fully, and well.

And sometimes, on good days, he reaches down inside his boxer shorts and begins to enjoy that special intimacy a hillbilly can only know with his sister or himself, and over and over in his head, faster and faster as his arousal builds he hears the name Scott Beauchamp, Scott Beauchamp, Scott Beauchamp until it is nothing less than a choir of angels chanting the name of his greatest vanquished foe, and, with a sheen of sweat on his upper lip, he collapses in the moist, satisfied sleep of the completed…

mikey

Man, that scribbling shit is too funny.

“Yo, man, Don’t get up in my grill!”

Comedy Gold, Jerry. Comedy Gold.

Ewww, mikey. Just. Ewww. I didn’t need that image thankyouverymuch. The “his sister or himself” line made me larf tho.

Don’t grill me, bro!

Can someone explain why some commenters are calling him TIDOS Yankee?

I’ve Googled, Wiki’d, and Urban Dictionaried this acronym to no avail.

Treason in defense of slavery… Yankee.

Confederate = Treason In Defense Of Slavery

mikey

Hey diffbrad. How’s life on your coast? I’m still in the office. But I’m fast losing all my motivation…

mikey

Totally, utterly, childish.

LMAO.

Motivation lost.

Didn’t he first claim it was a barbecue?

This is because of his ontological confusion. Proper southerners say “grill.” Northerners say “barbecue,” even though this is incredibly stupid, since we all know “barbecue” is pulled pork slow-roasted in some delicious sauce.* Since he don’t know which ‘n he is…

*Not getting into the proper components of said sauce. That’s another argument entirely, internal to the old Confederacy.

And look at dry the grass is…if there’d been a hurricane wouldn’t the ground be wet, soggy, and green?

Did he go over to his neghbor’s yard to take that picture of his fallen-over grill? If so, why didn’t he just take the damn thing home with him then? Many questions remain unanswered, indeed.
CY should retract all posts about his alleged grill, apologize profusely to everyone everywhere for deceiving them for more than six days, and resign. It remains to be seen if he retains that much integrity.

We’re getting the last taste of summer today and for the next few days. Really nice day, which I need to get out into soon. I’ve been busy picking on McArdle instead of being productive. School’s back, which is good but means I have to actually write my thesis. Long writing has been a lot harder since I gave up nicotine again over the winter
What do you do, mikey? If it’s been established I missed it.

Treason in Defense of Wankery.

Haha! I just read my last sentence. It doesn’t remain to be seen at all, because of course he doesn’t retain anything but fluid.

I think Gavin should email CY demanding full accounting of the incident. With lots of pictures and diagrams. And answers to all the very important questions raised in these various threads. If CY fails to do so he should resign his American citizenship and move to Cuba.

I create interactive marketing collateral. With the right video, effective messaging and subtle use of animation, I could make you switch toothpaste brands. 9 out of 10 dentists surveyed say so, anyway…

mikey

I don’t know about that, mikey. I tend to be ad resistant, in that I don’t watch them. Fast forward on dvr is a wonderful thing.

This investigation is far from closed for me. I’m wondering if CY, between sessions of scratching mama with teh scratchin’ stick (read: a broken yard stick), has actually wandered over to his neighbor’s yard to fetch his injured grill yet. If so, what is the physical state of said grill? If not, has the grill suffered any rusting as a result of being left out in the elements? Why has he not posted pictoral updates detailing this very pertinent information?

How do we know that CY, himself didn’t injure the grill from his own negligence, or even intentionally? All signs point to this being a fraud of the most massive scale, possibly implicating a tattered welcome mat, a melted spatula, and/or a deflated basketball.

If he can not provide substantive responses to these inquiries, the only honorable thing for CY to do is to publicly apologize for his vicious mistreatment of the grill, and the gut-wrenching 6 days he has inflicted on the rest of us.

UPDATE: CY has still not responded to any of my 195 email inquiries into this matter. What does he have to hide?

“I create interactive marketing collateral.”

Ah. Pleased to meet you, Satan.

The grill is mine.

I wonder how long it was before his neighbor called him to say, “Dude, wtf?!? Are you coming to get your grill or what?” Maybe CY had to wait for the insurance adjuster to come out and inspect the damage.

Confederate Yankee just took idiotic, self-referential, and self-aggrandizing blogging to the Next Level. In a few weeks, he can do another part in his Two-Month Anniversary Series: A post commemorating the Two-Month Anniversary of His Sending an Email to Scott Horton and Horton’s Ignoring Him.

This is because of his ontological confusion. Proper southerners say “grill.” Northerners say “barbecue,” even though this is incredibly stupid, since we all know “barbecue” is pulled pork slow-roasted in some delicious sauce.* Since he don’t know which ‘n he is…

As a natch-el born suthanuh, I couldn’t help pick a nit there. Far as I can tell, the only thing Suth-un’ about CY is the fact that he leave’s his shit out in the yard to rust. Bonus Suth-un points for leaving it in his neighbor’s yard.

eh? should have inserted smoked at low heat and then covered.. after the strike out. I’m just getting used to mah push-button phone y’all.

Straight-line winds ain’t nothing to fuck with
Straight-line winds ain’t nothing to fuck with

If you don’t treat her right, my friend,
You’re gonna find her gone,
(You’re gonna find her gone)
’cause I will treat her right, and then
You’ll be the lonely one.
(You’re not the only one)

You’re gonna lose that grill.
(Yes, Yes, You’re gonna lose that grill)

Grills just wanna have fun.

Grill, you’ll be a warmin’ soon.

CY’s grill is tipping in the dark
All the sweet, green tarp barfing out
Someone left the grill out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
‘Cause it took so long to get it from the neighbors yard
And I’ll never have that model again
Oh, no!

Grill, you’ll be a woman,… soon.

Ok, time to kick my ass outside.

She’s the kind of grill to hit the ground
When winds are high, ya dumb fool
When you think she’s in yer yard
She flies off to the neighbor’s
Yer a tool ool oool, ooo
Grill, grill
(inhaling of pot sound)
grill, grill.

Sorry.

Well I’d rather see you dead, little grill, than to be with another man besides Confederate Yankee.

Oh geez. Sorry JC.
*gone*

I saw her warming down the street he jumped down,
He knocked her off her feet and then I knew it was the end of her

He’s gonna kill that grill He’s gonna kill that grill
He’s gonna kill that grill tonight

I think Malkin should make a trip to CY’s yard to see whether or not the grill was actually damaged.

Apologies if someone has made this joke already.

He’s got pork ribs on a sunny day
When the hurricane comes,
It blows his grill away.
To the neighbors
(Shh! They might be traitors…)
My grill, my grill
(my grill)
Talkin’ ’bout my grill.
My grill.

Where can I find a model like that?

mikey, I’m out of toothpaste, can you get me some free samples?

I think CY is perpetrating fraud on a massive scale here. He didn’t even bother to inspect his grill before he claimed it was destroyed and started asking for money to replace it.

And, uh, just to satisfy my curiousity – in the Real World of Facts, what ever became of the Scott Thomas Beauchamp matter?

If I recollect, the Right Wing blogosphere wrote some outraged emails to the highest general in the Pentagon, who immediately dropped everything and instructed our Multi National Forces in Iraq to abandon all other priorities and launch an investigation where they managed to interview some 300 soldiers in the course of 48 hours, compare their findings, write a report, vet it throught the appropriate channels in the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and finish some 5 days later with a definitive finding that no one ever heard anybody making fun of a disabled person in the cafeteria and no one ever saw anybody run over any dogs on purpose or wear pieces of dead bodies on their heads.

And then Scott Thomas Beauchamp was hanged, drawn and quartered for high treason.

Am I about right? Or did it go another way?

Anyone know?

Oh, my, really, it’s too easy and, sadly, a waste of talent to take on CY. Check out the comments on that finely garbled nonsense post about TNR: Zero comments. Yup, zero. This Sadly, No! post, however, is pushing 50 comments. The poor guy; he’s still torn up over his grill and just not able to put together a readable post. His logic is so bad, it’s not even worth arguing over. (His bit about Coffey, the Bradly spokesperson wouldn’t make it though my fifth grader’s English class. Argh. It’s all, as Coffey says, “Hard to believe.)

Why bother? The guy is down. He’s used up all his health packs and it’s going to be awhile before he powers up again.

Why not head out to, say, Betsy’s Page (a particularly dumb blog that could use a the glare of Sadly, No! LED flashlights once in a while) or just throw a dart at the PJ media list. But, please, take on someone worthy. I’m starting to feel sorry for CY and that’s bad. God, I felt bad for TNR and that’s even worsr. Maybe just stop here for a while and hand out some free samples or something.

Young grill, get out of my yard,
That gale-force wind is blowin’ too hard,
Better run, grill,
Or you’ll be done, grill.

That grill think’s she’s the queen of the neighborhood
Lyin’ on the neighbor’s lawn
That grill held her cover so high
Now she’s a sod and Yank’s a pawn

Rebel Grill Rebel Grill
Rebel Grill you were Yankee’s world
Rebel Grill Rebel Grill
Why won’t he take you home?
Rather get one new from me and you!

Wow, weird gadget gadget thingee quoted my post.What does that mean. Is it a bat-signal to call all the winged monkeys here to post Bowchamp analysis and speculation? Will we be overwhelmed with kerning experts?

Today is the two-month anniversary
Hang about, isn’t that as daft as saying “Today is the six-year centennial”? We need a new word. “Today is the bi-mensual of…”
Yeah, that sounds better.

From my daughter:

“The grills are back in stock, oh the grills are back in stock…”

See? Even ten year olds know that CY should be mocked.

Michael Jackson said,

The grill is mine.

No no no, it’s mine–
I said the doggone grill is mine.

CY on the other hand would give his manly appliance a manly name worthy of a manly appliance wielded by a manly man, something like “Brutal Meat Destroyer” or “Mr Winkie”.

…Or “Bob’s Big Boy?”

still think the most important unanswered question is how the grill’s cover ended up right next to the grill. Also, yes, exactly how the grill qualifies as damaged.

Well, to be fair, it IS a few wheels short of a Weber.

Is there anybody going to listen to his story
All about the grill that blew away?
It’s the kind of grill you love so much it makes you sorry
Still the neighbors wait for six whole days.

Oh, grill-ill
Grill, grill.

Yes, I will save the grill of Cletus, FOR SCIENCE!!

grill+disaster = A noise sweeps under our powder! The street laughs below the shot. How will grill sound my corrupting infrastructure? Grill carpets the governing treat. Grill suggests the concerto within a burst. How will a buffer indulge within disaster?

Hah. You guys are still whining about how the Confederate Yankee showed Foer to be a poor or non fact checker and Beauchamp to be a liar? Even HISTORY shows that TNR stinks at that. It’s a pain in the butt to disprove things people make up sometimes, but CY does it for us. You should thank him.

No doubt you won’t though. It doesn’t support your argument that liberals are good people :).

Some of those at galeforces are the same that burn charcoal
Some of those at galeforces are the same that burn charcoal
Some of those at galeforces are the same that burn charcoal
Some of those at galeforces are the same that burn charcoal!!!11!

Grillin’ in the name of
Grillin’ in the name of

We’ll try again next week.

Wind of Change. From Hall of the Mountain Grill.

You are wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.

MCH, Bil Keane’s kids’ heads are not “ovals”. They are “ellipses.”

South Town grills still get blown away, but you know that they’ll stay.

I was taken to a place, the back of the neighbor’s yard.
I stood high upon a porch top, naked to the world,
In front of every kind of grill…
There was long ones, tall ones, short ones,
Brown ones, black ones, round ones, big ones, crazy ones…
Out of the middle, came my neighbor,
He whispered in my ear something crazy,
He said…

Spill the beer and take that grill
Spill the beer and take that grill
Spill the beer and take that grill
Spill the beer and take that grill

Im gonna try for a brand-new grill
Can’t stand grilling in this straight wind world
As long as anyone with pay-pal can
Send me the money to go shopping, man
Give what you can

And when I prove that
TNR has lie-ie-ied
But it don’t matter cuz
I’ve made up my mi-i-ind

69 comments…hehe…huh..hehe…..
oh..

That dumbass claims to have tried enlisting in a specific company (which is impossible) but has a bad knee. hahaha
Fuck, I hate chickenhawks and war profiteers with a white hot passion

Two grills for every boy….

Let me stand next to your fire!

Uh, I don’t think anybody’s yet pointed out that the alleged “grill” is actually a crematorium for small, dead pets.

Gerbils and small birds (parakeets) – 20 minutes
Hamsters and large birds (cockatiels) – 45 minutes
Cats 10 pounds but

Crap, I had a long funny (I thought) post thast got eaten because of my use of “less than” and “greater than” symbols.

But it isn’t funny if you have to post again, explain, etc.

Stupid blog software.

Tall and tan and young and lovely
The grill from Ipanema goes walking
And when she passes, each one she passes goes – ah

When she walks, she’s like a samba
That swings so cool and sways so gentle
That when she passes, each one she passes goes – ah

Oh, but I watch her so sadly
How can I tell her I love her?
Yes I would give my heart gladly
But each day, when she walks to the sea
She looks straight ahead, not at me

Tall, and tan, and young, and lovely
The grill from Ipanema goes walking
And when she passes, I smile – but she doesn’t see
She just doesn’t see, she never sees me…

Grill, friend?
How you you let Bob cook me so bad?
Uh, uh oh-oo-oh, uh?

I don’t like your grill, friend.
I think you need a new one.

Well, east coast grills are hip
I really dig the meat they sear
And the southern grills with the way they burn
They knock me out as I sip beer

The midwest farmers grills, they really cook the meat all right
And the northern grills with their propane gas
They keep my meat quite warm all night

I wish they all could be TIDOS Yankee
I wish they all could be TIDOS Yankee
I wish they all could be TIDOS Yankee grills

if you’ve got time
and you’re ever to change our minds
you’ll need more than a lame blog post
it’s not that kind of grill

you’ll never win
’cause we’ll leave when you think you’re in
doesn’t care if it’s her or him
it’s not that kind of grill