Smoove B Mencken
Enchantress, my sweetest morsel of heavenly goodness. Let me romance you.
Marie Jon’: with Smoove B’, on the edge of freakstasy’
It is about time we call the rose by its rightful name when discussing the War against Terror. The problem the free world faces is that it is erroneously preoccupied with a belief system that has us fighting other faiths from its own perspective. Radical Islamists do not want to get along with or respect other’s choices in religion. It is time to stop pretending. We are fighting religious zealots of the Islamic faith.
All you need is to say its rightful name, and the rose will be yours. I will personally remove, with religious zeal, all its thorns just as I can remove, with secular skill, a fine lady’s clothing. The rose will be yours. You will admire my dexterity and taste. I know this to be true.
Terrorism is not spawned from Christianity or Judaism….They embrace the Lord’s Ten Commandments while living their lives in peace and uplifting God Almighty.
I know that you need pampering. Please ignore my presumption a moment ago: I did not mean that “secular” stuff. It is religion you need to embrace so that you may condemn a different faith. So, I will caress your ears with a hushed and silky baritone in agreement as I condemn several groups of terroristic Islamic zealots. Am I not the thoughtful lover? Oh, yes.
A recent Pew Research Institute Poll revealed a shocking find amongst young American Muslims. Pew reported that there is a substantial number of them who could cause chaos in our own country because of their religious beliefs.
Do not be shocked, baby. Those Muslim extremists who create such chaos in our public forums will be arrested like they deserve, just as I will compliment you on the lustre of your hair and the smoothness of your skin — as you deserve.
The Immaculate Smoove B Mencken
It stands to reason that our government best start questioning what is going on within Islam in this country. Our nation can’t afford to take in people who want to practice Sharia law here in the USA….When faced with a crisis of the “religious freedom” of those who would practice Sharia law here, clearly we’re going to have to make exceptions. We can’t stand on legalism and let them light the bonfires of our destruction with our own Constitution.
The United Kingdom has long accepted massive numbers émigrés to their nation. In return for the generosity afforded them, too many are biting the hands that welcomed them into their beautiful country to live work and raise their families. Extremist Muslim beliefs within the U. K. are on the verge of causing anarchic uprising. It appears that radical Islam has spread its tentacles into the United Kingdom’s heath care system. A number of doctors who should uphold the Hippocratic Oath have been unmasked as Judaists.
While I’m not sure what you mean by “Judaist,” rest assured, baby, that I would only kiss your welcoming hand. Also, Smoove B Mencken does not wear masks, as he wants his lady to see his full expression of passion and desire — except of course when this is not possible, like when she faces away from him as he hits her doggy-style they pray together.
The United Kingdom is our looking glass for things to come if we do not make the correct decisions. Because of terrorism, we must become much more discriminating and cautious.
I agree: discriminating and cautious, like when I shop for you on Cafe Press, baby, knowing that you deserve only the finest skin lotions, perfumes, and Renew America.com thong panties.
The Statue of Liberty stands in the New York Harbor. It is an inspiration to millions of immigrants because it represents a universal symbol of freedom and democracy. Let us choose those who want to become Americans, not turn America into another Londonistan.
The lady you speak of is French. She is not Smoove’s kind of lady. She has no curvy apostrophes for Smoove B Mencken to roll his tongue over attempting to pronounce. She’ll have anybody of any religion. I want someone extremely selective.
That’s you, Marie Jon’. You have the kind of punctuation I need. And attempt to pronounce it I will. You have the correct religion for me. I will convert to it. For Love.
So, let Mencken rock your world, girl.
Let me show you how much I mean it:
In respect of your opposition to alcohol and drugs, I will purchase for you the finest sparkling non-alcoholic beverages and candies. Nothing is too good for you, baby, or too wholesome. I will provide a cd of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, the music from which will inspire us both to give glory to God. We will read together from a congregation-approved Jack Chick tract. We will then recline in chaste and wholesome repose and, after saying our prayers, retire for the night so that we may awake to the dawn fresh and new and looking for new ways to serve our Lord, baby.
Damn.
Be careful, Smoove, hide goeth before a fall.
So, what she’s saying is, “the Statue of Liberty stands in the New York Harbor. It is an inspiration to millions of immigrants because it represents a universal symbol of freedom and democracy… we should nip that one in the bud.”
So when do we see boobies?
WTF is it about wingnuts that seems to encourage them to write in this prissily ornate, syntactically tortured style? Do they actually think it sounds smart? Or do they secretly know how crass and hysterical this sort of “We gotta kill us some Muslims or they’ll kill us first!” stuff would sound if stated directly, so they dress it up in this stilted crypto-Rotogravure language in the hope that makes it more palatable?
Muslims “on the verge of causing anarchic uprising” in the UK? Well, I suppose it coming sometime.
Bravo, Mr. Mencken, but just how can you top Marie Jon’?
Things are going along just fine until right here: the mashup of Marie Jon’/thong panties (mmm; thong panties) with Renew America. Now all I can picture is Kaye Grogan.
In thong panties.
Now you, too, must suffer as I have suffered.
Terrorism is not spawned from…Judaism…..
Paging Baruch Goldstein on the Clue Phone.
That was beautiful, man.
Bravo, Mr. Mencken, but just how can you top Marie Jon’?
If he doesn’t manage it after this heroic effort, the woman’s got no heart.
how can you top Marie Jon’?
Tup?
Tip! He meant tip! Like the leper said to Allen afterwards.
Oh, tip! Like going out in a pasture at night and nudging all the Mar’ie ‘Jon*s and drunkenly giggling as they wobble, founder and succumb to gravity. I see it now.
“I know that you need pampered.”
Raises hand timidly…”Is this a hidden reference to Sen. Vitter?”
Oh, tip!
Tap?
I’m sorry. She’s quite attractive but she writes like a goat. Or like a goat would write if it only could. Every sentence has something wrong with it. Every sentence proclaims, “I’m quite attractive but I write like a goat.”
I see the Preview is back. Don’t toy with us.
Smoove,
Cold Duck.
Hash Brownies
Barry White.
If Marie ain’t knocking on your door already bro, go buy a big screen TV.
Top? Tip? Schtup? Aha, I think I’ve got it.
Terrorism is not spawned from Christianity or Judaism….They embrace the Lord’s Ten Commandments while living their lives in peace and uplifting God Almighty.
Pack it up, Sadlys. None of you will ever be able to write something funnier than that.
Bravo, Mr. Mencken, but just how can you top Marie Jon’?
I got a few ideas. Fur-lined handcuffs spring immediately to mind.
Shorter generic wingnut: I have too many freedoms. Too many liberties. I hate living in a place without concentration camps. I hate that people I hate can get out of prison before they die. I hate that there are laws protecting people against discrimination. That’s just silly. There’s no discrimination! I’ve never been discriminated against. If only we could elect someone like Saddam or Milosevich. Yeah, that’d be great…
Ok. So it’s not really short. But it IS shorter…
mikey
I’m thinking that a ball gag is would make a good start.
I’m thinking a.) Damn you, Duros62! and b.) more coffee ‘is would’ be a good idea.
A masterpiece – so damn funny.
Terrorism is not spawned from…Judaism…..
Paging Baruch Goldstein on the Clue Phone
Plus, don’t forget Ze’ev Jabotinsky, Yitzkhak Shamir, Menachem Begin et al. King David Hotel, anyone? Deir Yassin, ring a bell?
Ever heard of the Stern Gang? No?
What is this preview of which you speak? Ohhh….lookee, lovely indeed.
Smoove, my bro, I must up you one ante, to say that I will most happily bite,not merely kiss, Miss Marie’s offering hand, along with anything else she might wish to have orally or otherwise visited upon her secure personagificationizationismistimationism.
Is the apostrophe at the end perhaps a sloppy accent aigu?
Misplaced and meaningless perhaps, but I think the Frenchified MAH-REE ZHAWN is tres sexy.
Illiterate and dumb, but tres sexy.
Like Marie herself.
I’m thinking a.) Damn you, Duros62! and b.) more coffee ‘is would’ be a good idea.
No, no, that works too.
Marie Jon’ and her fellow religious zealots are making a bonfire of our Constitution. That’s not cool, dammitall…
She’s got nothing on Avril Lavigne, or her evil twin sista who just released this to add fuel to the fire of Avril’s plagariasm controversy:
I Wanna Rip Your Song Off
Avryl Latrene and the Extremes
(new lyrics and new musical arrangement by Dr BLT (adapted from Avril Lavine’s Girlfriend)
hear the song at this link:
http://www.drblt.net/music/SongOff.mp3
RUN SMOOVE! ITS A TRAP!! GET OUT OF THERE NOW!!!
“Because of terrorism, we must become much more discriminating and cautious.”
Do you remember when the nuns and/or old spinsters back in grammar school would make you draw a diagram to analyze the grammatical components of a sentence? You know, start with a straight horizontal line, divide it in half, and place the noun (subject) on one side and the verb (action) on the other.
After that, it starts getting crazy, with angles and subangles and perpendicular do-hickeys heading off in all directions, depending on the structure and complexity of the sentence.
I always liked that exercise, because “diagramming a sentence” (as it was called) made the whole process more visual for me – and I’m a visual kind of learner, if you know what I mean.
Well, I tried diagramming the above example from Sweet Marie Jon’, and ended up with something that looked an awful lot like those little stick figures pleasuring each other with their tongues over at FreakRings.com.
So, it looks like our lady has been speaking in code all along. To really understand what she’s saying, and what she needs, we must diagram her sentences.
It’s so simple, so obvious. We’re sorry it took us so long, Marie Jon’ – but we’re coming now.
Muslims don’t actually believe in freedom of religion, so no one’s right will be trampled when we infringe on their right to practice Islam. So-called mainstream Islamic mosques are said to have books and tapes from countries where radical islamics brainwash youths into suicide bombers. Sure, constitutional protections make this country free, but is every freedom worth dying for? Protecting the right of your neighbor to buy an assault rifle, of course. But protecting his right to worship freely at a mosque? I ain’t dying for that.
Muslims don’t actually believe in freedom of religion
Neither do I.
Red Snark, over the line again.
I wonder if Kevin the lawn mower man is a parody troll. He cuts grass and cuts down trees to make us libruls suffer…
Not only has Marie Jon’ sipped from the Kool-Aid, it appears she’s filled her fake boob implants with it too. Imagine what toxins are leaching into her blood as we speak!
And how cool is it that her surname ends in an apostrophe.
So I’ve decided to change my surname from Scheck to $©he¢k
Hoo-ha!
She is a sexy little vixen, sans doute, but I somehow don’t think she’d be into the really nasty positions I’d like to try with her.
I wonder if Marie Jon’ bleaches her anus?
Actually, I just realized we were two days overdue for an anus-bleaching reference…
No sweat. I’m here to help…
mikey
Is the apostrophe at the end perhaps a sloppy accent aigu? Misplaced and meaningless perhaps….
That’s the problem. There’s not a vowel nearby that could take a French accent aigu. You’d have to tack an E on the end (giving you “zhawn-AAAAY”), and that’s less sexy.
I also considered the possibility that it’s a glottal stop. You’d effectively end her name with what sounds like a short silence (English doesn’t really have glottal stops–the closest we come is the sound, or absence of sound, between the “uh” and the “oh” in “uh-oh”). Come to think of it, that’d actually be sort of cool. Compare:
“Marie Jon always looks hot but sounds crazy [no glottal stop]” If you read it aloud, you’ll notice that the N of Jon slides easily into the A of always.
“Marie Jon’….always looks hot but sounds crazy.” The glottal stop adds a nice pause that allows her name to sink in.
To really understand what she’s saying, and what she needs, we must diagram her sentences.
I was just thinking that, oddly enough. Unfortunately, the process breaks down when it’s applied to sentences like “The problem the free world faces is that it is erroneously preoccupied with a belief system that has us fighting other faiths from its own perspective.”
Try to identify the antecedent of “its” that allows the sentence to make sense. This little exercise nicely illustrates the twofold problem of wingnut writing: The underlying message is so wacky and incoherent that you can’t simply guess your way through the convoluted sentence structure.
She’s quite attractive but she writes like a goat.
She writes as though she forgets the beginning of her sentences by the time she gets to the middle:
“There are reports that many of these impressive mosques carry reading materials in their bookstores that come from countries that, like Saudi Arabia, embrace Wahhabism.”
That…that…that…she just keeps tacking on phrase after phrase.
I liked this:
“It appears that radical Islam has spread its tentacles into the United Kingdom’s heath care system. A number of doctors who should uphold the Hippocratic Oath have been unmasked as Judaists.”
heh heh heh. Oopsie. Freudian slip, Marie? Anti-Semitism was the *last* great prejudice of the Christian right. You’re supposed to have embraced Jews as your brethren and turned your sights on Islam.
Terrorism is not spawned from Christianity….
Three words, MJ’:
Irish.
Republican.
Army.
its=the free world?
Do I win a prize?
its=the free world?
I think so, but it’s still a rather incoherent idea, in part because I’m not sure what she sees as the difference between “belief system” and “perspective.”
Borin’. That’s all I can say about Mrs Jon’. She’s just so…generic a wingnut. Just the same stuff we’ve heard plenty of times before about terrorism and Mooslams, not even delivered in a distinctive way. Just…borin’.
Terrorism is not spawned from…Judaism…..
Paging Baruch Goldstein on the Clue Phone
Plus, don’t forget Ze’ev Jabotinsky, Yitzkhak Shamir, Menachem Begin et al. King David Hotel, anyone? Deir Yassin, ring a bell?
Ever heard of the Stern Gang? No?
I think the ghost of Yitzhak Rabin wants to have a word with her as well.
I have a feeling by Judaist she means “people who act Judas; traitors” but I can’t help but feel she’s being anti-semitic.
I have a feeling by Judaist she means “people who act Judas; traitors”
That’s an interesting possibility. I just thought she meant “jihadist” but got the wrong word.
Don’t be fooled by her jpg.
In bed her skin will be eely and have the vinegary odor of George W. Bush.
…her skin will be eely…
Now this right here? This is a GREAT new game. Take an animal, turn him into an adjective and use it to describe an attribute of someone.
Lessee…
“You know, dear, you’re looking a tad batish tonight”.
“She sounds kind of seagully to me”.
“Yeah, maybe, but he’s just a little too spidery for me”.
“I’m going to stay home tonight. I feel a little doggy”.
mikey
hey……..shadup…I liked the sound of it. eeeeeeeely eeeeeeeeely.
Waddya know… eely is an adjective.
Lookit MJ’s webpage (& it is one page) “Drawing Close.” Here’s the © line: “©2005 All Rights Reserved. Any Duplication is Prohibitive by Law. Site Powered by Fiveshock Design”
Apparently hasn’t updated it for a couple of years. Perhaps the cost is “prohibitive.”
And on Renew America there’s an ad for Mark Fuhrman’s book about Terri Schiavo. Yep, the bozo who’s as responsible as anyone for letting O. J. off (well, besides the entire SoCal justice system, police & sheriff’s dep’ts., etc. that effed w/ black people for so long no juror could believe them, but Fuhrman’s bullshit personified it) seems to have written a book about the Terri Schiavo case. Can’t wait to read that one.
I just wish they offered comments, so we could spend days correcting MJ’s grammar. (Not to mention everything else that needs correction there.) And, MJ claims to be a nurse. Licensed Practical? Maybe. Licensed Vocational? Not too likely. Registered? No way.
OK, Just a bit more from her bio:
“Marie is an practicing Christian, a nurse, a student, and a patriot. Many of Marie’s articles are a reflection of her great admiration for those serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.”
She’s an practicing christian, but a patriot. (Hope she gets the xtian thing right soon, how long has she been practicing?) And if she’s a fucking nurse why doesn’t she join up & really help our glorious, legs & arms shot-off losers on the other side of the world? Might help pay off some of those student loans.
Last: My guess? She’s a home health care worker, not really a nurse. The agency has her on call for wretched 90-yr. old crackers who just absolutely will not have a “Nigra” or “Meskin” wiping their asses for them, anti-discrimination laws be damned.
Why is that poor woman being attacked by an enormous spermatozoon? Though in going for her head, it has targeted her least utilized and most superfluous appendage.
Damn, all these comments and not one Dwyck shoutout.
…I drop jewels like paraphernalia
I mean, you just have to know Marie J gets freaky to the Gangstarr.
“Marie is an practicing Christian”
You’d think after all that practice she’s have gotten it right. But she can’t seem to figure out that bit about “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is no other Commandment greater than this.” In fariness, that trips up a lot of conservatives.
Tig(ger): I think Mr. Sacred Sperm is trying to get away from her, judging from its tail. Probably doesn’t want any of its genetic material to mix w/ any of hers.
I know she’s a wingnut, y’all, but she’s also a really sweet person. I know, I know — I never allow for this with other wingnuts, and rightly so, I think. So I’m being inconsistent here. Ok. You figure it out. I’m just saying, considering how often we at S,N! have teased her, she takes it really well.
“…she takes it really well”
In which orifice?
Marie is. . . a nurse
Mmmmmm, nurse outfit. “Sponge bath, Mr. P.A.T.?”
The problem with that quote is that, deep down in places they don’t talk about at parties, many fundie wingnuts don’t love themselves all that much.
“Terrorism is not spawned from Christianity…. ”
Three words, MJ’: Irish. Republican. Army.
Marie may be “an practicing Christian” from one of the offshoots that don’t consider Catholics part of their club. On the other hand, Reverend Paisley’s Ulster Defence Force boyos have impeccable Xtian credentials (i.e., they hate every sensual thing, from sex to dancing to I think chocolates & garlic, as well as every other Xtian less humorless, I mean rigorous, than themselves).
“We will read together from a congregation-approved Jack Chick tract. ” Hilarious! But why not watch the film? Check out http://www.316now.com for a series of short films based on actual Jack Chick tracts. That way you don’t have to turn on the lights and ruin the mood!
She makes a couple of valid points, but she writes badly.
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