2+2=Flabberjabber
Wingnut logic, it has been said, is a most peculiar sort of animal. It frequently wears its insides on the outside, which is disgusting. It barks most loudly at the absence of a threat.
And it breeds like fucking rabbits.
So in recent days, Gavin has been documenting the Dixie Doodle Dandy’s bizarre campaign to convince us that the Associated Press secretly wants the United States to give up in Iraq. But oddly, by Triple D’s meticulous reasoning, the AP is systematically downplaying the improving situation in Iraq by … wait for it … suppressing news about marauding bands of al Qaeda terrorists killing off entire Iraqi villages.*
It’s hard to argue with logic like that. It’s much simpler to just watch it shambling down the sidewalk, muttering under its breath and picking its beard for invisible spiders. And it’s downright easy-as-pie to walk right across the road and let somebody else deal with the wild gesticulations and flecks of spit.
Nobody ever accused us of taking the easy way out.
No, we’ll keep seeking out the dementia, pointing, and in most cases, laughing. But it’s worth exploring the meta-narrative of all this, before we move on to muck out the next stall in the Augean stables of horse’s ass that is the Wingnutosphere.
To wit: Doesn’t it seem like just yesterday when wingnut complaints about MSM perfidy re: The!War!On!Evil! actually had some kind of internal consistency? Back then, as now, it was a given that the MSM wanted the terrorists to win. So, the argument went, they didn’t report all the school raisings and pony rides breaking out across the Iraqi countryside.
At least that made some sense, in a total-fucking-lie kind of way.
Well, we’ve come full circle. Now it appears that things are humming along so swimmingly in Iraq that the treasonous libtard media don’t want you to know about all the bloody massacres and bombings and firefights that are really happening and that just proves that the Dhimmicrats hate George Bush more than they love the country and everybody but me and Bill Kristol wants the terrorists to win and … look out! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! IT’S JAMIL MUTHAFUKKIN HUSSEIN!!!
Clearly, it will be astonishing if we do not hear about al Qaeda rape rooms within the next Freidman Unit.
The question then, is what was the tipping point? When exactly did the go-to wingnut complaint morph from “the media’s not reporting enough on all the new schools”** to “the media’s not reporting enough on all the descending into an ever-widening spiral of horrific violence”? Personally, I think the specific moment-in-time we are looking for is this one. Because when a citizen journalist of Michelle Malkin’s stature cackles about her victory over the Associated Press (and Jamil Hussein) after actually witnessing with her own eyes and filming the giant fucking hole in the roof of the mosque whose destruction she then claims to debunk … well that just opens the floodgates.
No amount of insanity is off limits after that. Quite simply, the race is on to declare the Earth flat … flatter … flatterest!
And so we come to Ace of Spades, who cannot wrap his mind around the idea that things are getting worse in Iraq. By way of Jules Crittendon, ol’ Ace gets mighty het up over an editorial in the New York Times:
The NYT says that an American withdrawal could make Iraq “bloodier” and “more chaotic” and invite “power grabs” by Iran. And yet, despite this statement that a withdrawal will make Iraq worse off, they then assert:
… But Americans must be equally honest about the fact that keeping troops in Iraq will only make things worse.
Ah. So if we leave, Iraq will become worse, but we must be “honest” about the fact that keeping our troops there will also “make things worse.”
It seems Ace cannot comprehend that conditions in Iraq are getting worse, and serious observers predict it will just keep getting worse, no matter what we do, because such is the utter fucking catastrophe we have unleashed on that country.
So let’s make it easier for him: See, Ace, if a vagina mostly resembles Play-Doh, it’s totally gross. But here’s the catch — even if it mostly seems like bacon … it’s still really, really icky.
Counter-intuitive, I know. But true.
*Interestingly, Peckerwood Q. Carpetbagger and his pals never question one rather suspicious portion of Michael Yon’s “Bless the Beasts and Children” account. Which is the bit where it all starts off with U.S. and Iraqi military bombing a small village — “The firefight progressed. American missiles were fired.” — and reaches its climax with the discovery the next day by Yon and the troops of a dozen or so bodies in shallow graves, and everyone else having disappeared. Not saying those two events are necessarily related, but … well, it might be useful to recall how some other people in small villages have historically reacted when American bombs have rained down death and fire upon them.
**And why has no wingnut thought to counter the embarrassing absence of all those new schools with a syrupy tribute to the Iraqi commitment to homeschooling? Because they have no fucking imagination, that’s why. Assrocket, I’m looking at you … that bit of flim-flam would be right up your alley.
They’re STILL on this? How much longer until it blows up in their faces like every other “can’t lose!” chance to humiliate the MSM and liberals and Clinton and vindicate Bush and show that we are actually WINNING and so on? I don’t give it more than another week.
So all this violence is due to the homeschooled rioting over soccer or synchronized swimming? Why doesn’t someone introduce football or hockey? Democracy is just a sham if a country doesn’t have football or hockey.
From the descripton of some of the bodies it sounds like they were digging up bodies in a cemetary.
Shouldn’t that read, “breeding like abstinence-only educated rabbits”?
Wingnut logic’s vagina is a clown car. A Play-Do-and-bacon clown car.
Let me put it in terms Ace’ll understand: our soldiers are Ace’s tongue, and the civil war they’re stuck refereeing is Ace’s girlfriend’s bacon/Play-Doh/vagina/onion ring type thing.
Of course, for that analogy to work, “Ace’s girlfriend” would have to be someone NOT named “Rosie Palm.”
Wingnut logic’s vagina is a clown car. A Play-Do-and-bacon clown car.
Animal skull in desert. Think of the flower as a painted school.
Well I think it was closer to November 7th. Before that day EVERYTHING was going wonderfully and in just another six months everyone would be coming home. So just listen to Dubya and Clap Louder.
THEN
Democrats took the Congress and now Iraq is filling up with Al Qaida and Is on the BRINK, BRINK, BRINK of disaster!
Wingnuts consistently squeal for what Dubya needs them to squeal.
Clearly, it will be astonishing if we do not hear about al Qaeda rape rooms within the next Freidman Unit.
al Qaida says “When eating a baked child, try a Petite Syrah“. Now, before you roll your eyes, it’s from Michael Yon so you know it’s on the straight and narrow. And he got it from an AMERICAN. Ok, so the American got it from an Iraqi, who is granted anonymity, but I digress.
There is much rejoicing in the usual circles.
As I commented on Yon’s site: it’s not actually very surprising that his story was ignored. He counted 10-14 civilian bodies. That’s nothing. In June, an average of forty Iraqi civilians were dying every day. In May, closer to seventy. This massacre? Lost in the noise.
the AP is systematically downplaying the improving situation in Iraq by suppressing news about marauding bands of al Qaeda terrorists killing off entire Iraqi villages
The fact that it makes no sense on the surface just shows how diabolical a plan it is!!!!!!!
Slightly off topic, what exactly is there about the Confederacy for a yankee to admire, short of the whole slavery bruhaha?
The reason the US should leave is because right now the only reason to stay is out of a guess – a guess that the region will become worse without coalition troops. There is no tipping point, and with progress in one region there is a detrimental direction in another. As such, the coalition is only there in order to act as some sort of static border between a hypothetical slope to the ninth circle of hell and the eight circle the country finds itself in now.
I do not believe Syria and Iran (unlike Turkey) has any legitimate business in Iraq, and I distinctly feel that the coalition has a better, more humane Iraq in mind than said autocrat countries, but any martial measures so far are insufficient and have external effects that make Iraqis apathetic and fearful, all progress outside of the martial scene is either fabricated, promised (on the condition that a little more time and resources are spent) or offset by worsening situations elsewhere and the fearmongering is already old.
The NYT could have been clearer and more detailed – but I wholly agree that the coalition should remove the troops and then make all other countries that have diplomatical power feel the moral obligation and honor in preventing those blooddrenched power-seekers surrounding Iraq from creating a theocracy or ethnical profile in the country.
The thread at the Yon post is simply insane. Amid all the slathering of holy oil on Yon for posting the big story of 14 bodies discovered that the evil MSM will not, there is much gnashing of teeth at the horrors inflicted by “al Queda” and screeches of “this is what it’s all about!” and what we’re fighting for and why we must stay, etc., plus the usual death wishes for libtards, Michael Moore, and Pelosi. Now I know this report about 150+ killed in a truck-bomb attack by Sunni insurgents (and other bombings in Northern Iraq) is in the NY Times so it must be untrue, but there does seem to be a leedle cognitive dissonance here, yes? Is not a child blown apart by a Sunni bomb every bit as awful as a child supposedly beheaded by al Queda?
The wingerloons are getting more bizarre by the minute, and I didn’t think that was possible.
And here I was thinking Iraq was no more violent than your average American inner city.
State’s rights, man!
Oh, and thanks for the vitrol, D.!
The idea is that the horrors committed by Al-Q will grow without the coalition, but the thing is that ever since the coalition entered and fucked up (Paint! On Schools! Rand was right about those honorable entrepreneurs!!!) deaths have been growing all over the place, and nothing seems to change the direction, no matter how surgy and full of faith the martial measures or the American population is…
Conservatives talk a high game about sovereignty and authority of those living in a subject area, but the fact that a majority of Iraqis see coalition forces as a net cause of bloodshed has sailed over their heads.
But what do I know, I’m an Eurabian.
The baked child story sounds like an urban myth, and seems conflated with the story of Al Q recruiting young boys – why recruit them, train them, pay them and then kill them to horrify their families? One assumes that if the family’s child is already an Al Q recruit they are already “converted to their way of thinking” or at least, would not require such a difficult and wasteful method of conversion.
Yon writes of converations and rumors and third person accounts. His writing seems honest to a point – he always describes these tales as just that, tales.
But the problem is less, I think with Yon than with his readers – they consider these tales as truth, when there is no way of knowing whether they are or not from his story.
It is dishearteningly possible to believe that people who are capable of torturing other human beings with electric drills are capable of baking 11 year old boys. But on the other hand, it just seems too much like folklore.
States’ rights…to own slaves.
“Confederate Yankee,” “Nazi Zionist,” “Stalinist Trotskyite,” whatever– why are we surprised he’s giving a paradoxical account of the MSM’s conspiracy against the war? He contains mul(le)titudes.
There were Yankee supporters of the Confederacy.
They were known as “Copperheads”.
It’s a catchier name than “traitors”, I suppose.
But 6 months ago teh winngers told me that it was safer to walk down the streets of Iraq than it was to stroll about the South Bronx.
Another interesting tidbit from the Michael Yon report … they discovered some donkeys on the road by the abandoned village that had been shot. But the previous day’s firefight hand nothing to do with that … obviously, al Qaeda had killed the villagers livestock to spite them.
Because flying bullets never hit unintentional targets.
*sigh*
If a guy jumps from an airplane and flaps his arms, he will fall to the ground. If, instead of flapping his arms, he deploys a parachute, he will also fall.
Flap, Ace, flap hard!
Only women bleed.
Speaking of Wignut Logic, the Little Green Snotballs are trying to tell everyone that because Cat Stevens said something stupid in 1989, Al Gore isn’t fit to be president and global warming isn’t real.
Heh.
It’d all be really funny if the total lack of acuity on their part was not so malleable.
When I’m defending my home and family from the mobs of Brown Shirts, will it matter if I’m intellectually superior? I hope so…
The important thing to remember when baking 11 year-olds is that, like baking a particularly juicy Russet, they will build up a trememdous amount of internal steam and will burst all over the inside of your oven if you don’t perforate them sufficiently before baking. I understand that al Quaeda has developed a specialized bayonet with tines like a fork. Then it’s just a quick drizzle with olive oil, a shake of salt and into the oven!
Personally, I think baking’s the wrong way to go here. A slow braise with root vegetables is going to yield better results…
mikey
And here I was thinking Iraq was no more violent than your average American inner city.
Well, in my city, it’s decapitate or be decapitated. Law of the concrete jungle and all that. Everybody aspires to be the Lopper (aka Denogginizer, aka Son of Dad) around here. So yeah, it looks exactly like Iraq. And it’s all Al Qaeda’s fault.
“R. Porrofatto said,
July 9, 2007 at 12:23
The thread at the Yon post is simply insane. Amid all the slathering of holy oil on Yon for posting the big story of 14 bodies discovered that the evil MSM will not, there is much gnashing of teeth at the horrors inflicted by “al Queda” and screeches of “this is what it’s all about!” and what we’re fighting for and why we must stay, etc., plus the usual death wishes for libtards, Michael Moore, and Pelosi…”
They’re getting desperate. They know that this war is a disaster, and they know whose fault it is. They can’t take that, so they grasp at any straw that will let them believe otherwise.
How does someone named David Wallach in the U.S. military get to be a “native Arabic speaker”?
Did Jonathan Swift put a recipe for baked child in his modest proposal?
No, but he was in agreement with mikey that braising (or a ragout) is the way to go. He did allude to an American acquaintance who was quite fond of the taste of child, and indicated that such expert testimony was certainly worth considering.
Another interesting tidbit from the Michael Yon report … they discovered some donkeys on the road by the abandoned village that had been shot. But the previous day’s firefight hand nothing to do with that … obviously, al Qaeda had killed the villagers livestock to spite them.
Of course the livestock were slaughtered, as ConYank will tell ya. Instead of packing .38s, the dumb cows were relying on rape whistles.
The Al-Q story is horrifying if true. But people are dying all over the place, whether because of Al-Q or blunt coalition tactics. Argument by anecdote is still an oxymoron. Do we have to spank these people while teaching them this?!?!
I’ve heard rumors about people who use airplanes to drop explosives, laden with shrapnel, on people! But that can’t be true! Who would deliver death in a manner so cowardly and indiscriminate?
Wingnut logic, it has been said, is a most peculiar sort of animal.
You haven’t really caught the war supporters in such a contradiction here. If viewed thru your frame of whether or not the traitorous MSM reports good/bad news, I see what you’re getting at.
But it’s the wrong frame.
To the war supporters, the MSM does under-reports the good deeds of its enemies (i.e. the US military building schools). It also under-reports the bad deeds of its de facto allies (i.e. atrocities of terrorists). Such a view is almost certainly wrong, but, it is internally consistent.
Commissar – perhaps. But the fucked-up syllogism that I think is operative here is:
PREMISE: The surge is succeeding and Iraq is becoming more secure.
PREMISE: The MSM does not want you to know that Iraq is becoming more secure.
CONCLUSION: Therefore, the MSM does not want you to know that Iraq is actually becoming less secure.
I mean, that makes no sense at all.
[…] It’s just the AP. Jamil Hussein probably told them that. Anyway, we already knew al Qaeda was taking over Iraq. Baking children, actually. So yadda, yadda, […]