May
3
3
Rocket Launchers, Aisle Four!
Wonder what’s brewing with ol’ Confederate Yankee these days.
As many of you know, I work part-time at a sporting goods store behind the gun counter.
Why does this not come as a surprise?
Above: The Southern militiaman’s gatekeeper to tacticul fah-rarms
Animation: Righteous Bubba
tbogg said,
May 3, 2007 at 19:10
Hence: Gun Counter Gomer
steve_e said,
May 3, 2007 at 19:19
What’s his full-time job?
Kathleen said,
May 3, 2007 at 19:23
gavin pwned by tbogg.
Redleg said,
May 3, 2007 at 19:25
His full-time occupation is listed as “Presidential Fluffer” in the dictionary of occupational titles.
Righteous Bubba said,
May 3, 2007 at 19:28
gavin pwned by tbogg.
How will The Left force everyone to perform homosexual acts if we can’t stop this bitter in-fighting?
mikey said,
May 3, 2007 at 19:35
Nice ani, RB, but how could you possibly do that and somehow avoid adding an orange whistle?
mikey
Candy said,
May 3, 2007 at 19:35
It’s funny (well, not really, but…) that the very people who jones to be around guns the most are often the very people who shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near them.
agum said,
May 3, 2007 at 19:39
Yup, owned by warehouse watchman tbogg. ;-)
NobodySpecial said,
May 3, 2007 at 20:09
Either they pay pretty good or he lives at home with mom.
eris said,
May 3, 2007 at 20:16
I don’t know how an orange whistle is going to protect you from yellow death from above.
J— said,
May 3, 2007 at 20:18
From the Decatur Daily article (my emphasis).
JR said,
May 3, 2007 at 20:22
Whistlers, however you cut it, are sheep… and self-important, arrogant sheep at that.
My world is turned upside-down.
AkaDad said,
May 3, 2007 at 20:23
My first thought upon viewing that pic . Chick Magnetâ„¢
cameltruth said,
May 3, 2007 at 20:28
he left off the last of the conversation.
frail women: Were should I conceal this firearm.
GCG: in your pur…
cameltruth said,
May 3, 2007 at 20:29
Where no were!
g said,
May 3, 2007 at 20:31
Mousetraps? Moustraps are “possible explosives components”?
Who knew?
I love it that the guy’s name is Bobo.
Name jokes are the lowest form of humor, but I can’t help indulging once.
steve_e said,
May 3, 2007 at 20:39
Gun Counter Gomer would probably swallow the whistle and shoot himself in the foot with his gun if someone attacked him. At that point, the mugger with the Mac-10 would feel sorry for the guy and walk away.
Duros62 said,
May 3, 2007 at 20:46
Okay, from a customer service standpoint alone, he’s just a dick. I can see why he only works part-time if he can’t even close a sale on a fucking whistle!
Northern Observer said,
May 3, 2007 at 20:54
Those sunken eyes, the short cropped hear, the resemblence to a ferret.
Better not get too close to Giuliani Gun Counter Gomer
WeikuBoy said,
May 3, 2007 at 20:57
As many of you know, I work part-time at a sporting goods store behind the gun counter.
One time, a couple from out a state ask me for fishing rod. So I says, ya mean like where y’all wait for the fish to come to you? I stare fo while, hope they take my meaning. Finally I nod at a box of hand grenades; but they gimme a look of horror, and exit the store. I bet they’s pobally from New York City.
MCH said,
May 3, 2007 at 21:01
I tried to click through (why, I don’t know… I need more info on this whistle thing I guess) and the firewall popped up—”Blocked: Weapons.”
Brando said,
May 3, 2007 at 21:03
I wish we had a picture of him wearing his referee work uniform.
Did anyone actually go over there and read the comments? Check the one from “David” about how he and his buddies faux-mugged some girls to show that a “rape whistle” would be ineffective. It’s charming.
We’re talking serious Baby Ruths floating in the gene pool.
J— said,
May 3, 2007 at 21:11
Sure, the names jokes are low, g, but this reads like a satirical screenplay. The dude hates the government, hates Mexicans, wants to kill Mexicans, lives at home with his parents, and his name is Bobo.
I would not be surprised if at some point in the future law enforcement were to start calling on wingnut watchers for their profiling expertise.
Candy said,
May 3, 2007 at 21:11
Brando, I just read that comment. Holy shit! Our bud Lawnguylander issued a nifty smackdown.
whack said,
May 3, 2007 at 21:24
His other part-time job? Keeping his mom’s basement clean.
Kathleen said,
May 3, 2007 at 21:25
Can I ask a question? Where is this woman going to carry her gun, except for in her purse? Seriously. Dude makes no sense.
JR said,
May 3, 2007 at 21:38
Did anyone actually go over there and read the comments? Check the one from “David� about how he and his buddies faux-mugged some girls to show that a “rape whistle� would be ineffective. It’s charming.
Would they have preferred if the girl had shot them?
Can I ask a question? Where is this woman going to carry her gun, except for in her purse?
God made every woman a natural, built-in “purse”. That’s not there for nothing, you know.
g said,
May 3, 2007 at 21:45
I’m wondering about the notion of a “frail 50-year old.” Are these guys like 12 or something?
I remember when I was in the second grade those fifth graders seemed awfully big.
I just looked at them for a few seconds, hoping they’d make the connection…I offered, trying to point out their obviously flawed logic…. and then I took the conversation where they didn’t want to go….I almost never have to time to take these customers down the logical path..”
Something tells me Bubba ain’t going to get the Customer Service Award this year.
cokane said,
May 3, 2007 at 21:48
the man approvingly quoted Carlos Mencia. Does anything more need to be said about CY? what a loser
J— said,
May 3, 2007 at 21:54
Can I ask a question? Where is this woman going to carry her gun, except for in her purse?
In her pants!
D. Sidhe said,
May 3, 2007 at 21:56
That’s not there for nothing, you know.
Well, *I* can think of a few other things, but it wouldn’t especially surprise me if that lot couldn’t. Faux-mugged? Jesus H. Christ. Try that on me and you’ll get faux-castrated…
mantis said,
May 3, 2007 at 22:04
I almost never have to time to take these customers down the logical path, as they typically eject themselves from the conversation once their illusion is challenged.
Hmm, I wonder why the customers hurry away from Mr. Owens when after asking where to locate some sporting goods item (orange whistle, shoelaces, basketball, etc) he gets all sweaty and starts yelling “You need to buy a gun!!!”
It must be because they’re pussified sheep.
Lawnguylander said,
May 3, 2007 at 22:06
Thanks, Candy. Glad you liked it. I’d wager that event never took place outside of the sick fuck’s maturbatory fantasies though. I’m sure when he spins the wheel at night it always stops on some scenario wherein some girl who has previously refused to acknowledge his existence suffers violence at his hands but that very violence is just the wake up call she needs and then,,,,,, well I’m not going to go any further down this twisted road but I’m sure it ends with one more deluxe autographed Michelle Malkin picture needing to be replaced.
kingubu said,
May 3, 2007 at 22:08
Where is this woman going to carry her gun, except for in her purse?
En utero, right next to the sammich.
MCH said,
May 3, 2007 at 22:50
And, of course, shooting in self-defense worked out so well for that 92-year-old lady there on the wrong end of an erroneous no-knock. It definitely saved her from prosecution for the planted pot.
g said,
May 3, 2007 at 23:08
Well, I guess you’re damned if you do damned if you don’t.
Brando said,
May 3, 2007 at 23:18
Clearly there’s a market for a .50 caliber Wonder Bra.
Principal Blackman said,
May 3, 2007 at 23:21
“OK, you primitive screwheads, listen up! You see this? This…is my boomstick! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That’s right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That’s right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?”
(I’m in no way comparing the idiocy of Cenfederate Yankee with the awesomeness of Bruce Campbell. I just thought the quote was apropos.)
Pere Ubu said,
May 3, 2007 at 23:23
He’s like a walking humanoid stereotype, isn’t he?
Christ. I bet he has a pickup truck as well with a Stars-N-Bars on the bumper and a glovebox full of Skynrd and Charlie Daniels tapes.
Tell me methamphetamines weren’t involved in making that manly countenance, as well.
billy pilgrim said,
May 3, 2007 at 23:26
If women don’t have any place to carry a gun, where are men supposed to carry theirs?
I admit I’m confused about this.
Righteous Bubba said,
May 3, 2007 at 23:31
If women don’t have any place to carry a gun, where are men supposed to carry theirs?
I believe the solution to this problem lies in the near future.
Candy said,
May 3, 2007 at 23:44
Ain’t much of a bunch of fighters over at Confedrut Wankee. All his commenters have deserted and he’s barely defending himself.
He may have guns, but he’s sure not armed with brains or snark.
J— said,
May 3, 2007 at 23:58
Clearly there’s a market for a .50 caliber Wonder Bra.
From the BBC, 4/26/01.
g said,
May 4, 2007 at 0:32
I would think it would be a problem with a tight sweater. It would really detract from one’s sleek silhouette.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
May 4, 2007 at 1:16
An American inventor has designed the world’s first — and so far only — combined brassiere and gun holster.
Anyone want to hear my idea for a re-make of Gunfight at the O.K. Corral?
Thers said,
May 4, 2007 at 1:20
I would make a “Shop Smart! Shop S-MART!” joke, but “smart” seems inappropriate here, somehow.
mikey said,
May 4, 2007 at 1:32
Offered for your consideration.
Perhaps Dexter has met the Yank-Job in the past?
It would be irresponsible not to speculate…
mikey
Dr Zen said,
May 4, 2007 at 2:17
You know, that Ace is one fucking great salesboy. I went out to buy a whistle and came back with this here RPG. No goshdarn Jeehaddy is going to snatch my fucking purse.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
May 4, 2007 at 2:22
But where are you going to carry that RPG? A fat lotta good it’ll do you if it was in that purse what has just been snatched.
mantis said,
May 4, 2007 at 2:28
An American inventor has designed the world’s first — and so far only — combined brassiere and RPG/bazooka-holder/jetski/bandolier/desk-organizer/tank. It also has room for a pepper spray.
mikey said,
May 4, 2007 at 2:43
Y’know, having struggled with all those small-of-the-back pancake holsters, hi rise hip holsters, cross draw inside-the-pants holsters, all manner of shoulder rigs and the alternatives such as the fanny pack holsters, the man purse holsters and the briefcase rigs, I got excited by this whole bra holster thing. But I’m trying to put it on, and it’s got all these straps and adjustments and it really doesn’t seem to fit right and my .38 snubby keeps falling out and they don’t have online help and, aw shit, lookit this now. ARRGGHH….
mikey
billy pilgrim said,
May 4, 2007 at 3:31
I think C-Yank should just rely on the old fashoned way of keeping it in his pants pocket.
I’m sure he won’t have any problems with discharge in his pants if you know what I mean and I think you do.
RubDMC said,
May 4, 2007 at 4:04
“I got excited by this whole bra holster thing…”
That’s a bro holster thing, Mikey.
mikey said,
May 4, 2007 at 4:30
Wha’d I say?
mikey
Smiling Mortician said,
May 4, 2007 at 5:11
I think mikey’s talking about the manziere, bro.
AkaDad said,
May 4, 2007 at 5:58
Just because I’m a minion of Satan, it doesn’t make me a bad guy….
Marq said,
May 4, 2007 at 6:03
Let’s not get too carried away mocking CY’s admittedly lacking appearance, shall we? I just got an updated driver’s license today, and, as usual, my glowering demeanor gives me a resemblance to your stereotypical serial killer. Sadly, if I smile, the similarity only gets worse.
AkaDad said,
May 4, 2007 at 6:12
Just because I’m a minion of Satan, it doesn’t make me a bad guy….
Satan made me post that in the wrong thread…
Righteous Bubba said,
May 4, 2007 at 6:32
So you’re a fooléd minion?
Okay, I don’t expect anybody to stretch that far.
Dan Someone said,
May 4, 2007 at 18:00
ATF agent Larry Alt testified that investigators who searched Bobo’s home found two rooms loaded with guns and possible explosives components, including fireworks, ball bearings, primers, mouse traps, light bulbs and fertilizer.
Someone get Debbie Anschlussel on this… The name “Michael Wayne Bobo” may very well be a Muslim name!
J— said,
May 4, 2007 at 19:27
There is a town in NE Alabama called Arab.
Duros62 said,
May 4, 2007 at 21:24
Where is this woman going to carry her gun, except for in her purse?
En utero, right next to the sammich.
Careful. you don’t want to get any bacon or play-do in the barrel.
Kip W said,
May 13, 2007 at 23:51
There was a comment from someone who said he thought life was more important than stuff, and he wouldn’t kill somebody who tried to rob him.
Response: 9/11 changed everything. They used to feel that way about hijackers before they flew the planes into buildings.
So. You need to shoot a mugger. Otherwise, he’ll climb on your back and make you run into a building, killing thousands.