Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld arrived in the Iraqi capital Thursday on an unannounced visit aimed at calming the storm over prisoner abuse and lifting the spirits of U.S. troops. He was accompanied by Air Force Gen. Richard Myers, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and some of the Pentagon’s most senior lawyers. (05/13/04 AP/Burns)

[Rumsfeld told troops] “We need all of you to make this thing work for our country.” Rumsfeld also held out hope to his war-weary audience that international troops may soon arrive to augment their ranks. He said U.S. officials were engaged in talks with nations “that have capabilities to bring forces in,” and those discussions were going well. “I’m encouraged. I think we’ll find that we will get additional forces,” Rumsfeld said. He did not specify which or how many countries are involved, saying only “we’re probably talking to a couple of handfuls, maybe three handfuls of nations.” (05/14/04 AP/Jelinek)

NATO: Blow me. Where are those WMDs?
UN Staff: As if!
European Union: We’re busy that night. Saturday too.
Australia: Sorry, mates.
Dominican Republic: Two words: buh bye.
France: Non.
Honduras: And tell Negroponte to eat shit.
India: Sh’yeah right.
Italy: HELP, our leader thinks he’s Il Duce!
Pakistan: HAHAHA!
Phillipines: Er, we gotta be someplace.
Poland: Don’t push it, bub.
Russia: Yeah, good luck with that.
Spain: Hold onto that massive dick with your own two hands, big guy.
Ukraine: We need to talk.
Venezuela: Don’t. Even. Think it.