Poppy offense

A comment left by a Sadly, No! reader in response to one of Peanut‘s recent and typically fabulous posts:

I think I speak for many SN regulars in saying that s.-‘World O’Crap’-z. and Peanut have stolen our hearts away with their recent work, resulting in general approbation, kudos, and several proposals of marriage…

But as for your contributions, Blair… um, “underachiever” or, dare I say it, “slacker”, might be words that spring to mind….

So it’s about time to stop sandbagging and pull out your “A” game, fella, because the little ladies are putting you right in the shade…

‘Nuff said.

Angry reactions have already begun to pour in from Blair supporters and senior members of the Blair entourage, including Blair’s father, Blair, Sr.

From an earlier wire service report:

Emotional Elder Blair Attacks Son’s Critics

Sat Apr 03, 2004 05:20 AM ET

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (Wire service) – An emotional former guest blogger Blair, Sr. on Saturday defended his son’s guest blogging and lashed out at his critics.

It is “deeply offensive and contemptible” to hear “elites and intellectuals in the blog world” dismiss progress at Sadly, No! since last month’s overthrow of Sadly, No! leader Seb, the elder Blair said in a speech to the National Petrochemical and Refiners Association annual convention.

“There is something ignorant in the way they dismiss the overthrow of a brutal dictator and the sowing of the seeds of basic human freedom and comedy in that troubled part of the web,” he said.

The former guest blogger appeared to fight back tears as he complained about readers’ coverage of the younger Blair that he called “something short of fair and balanced.”

“It hurts an awful lot more when it’s your son that is being criticized than when they used to get all over my case,” said Blair, who has often complained about readers’ coverage of both Blair guest blogging reigns.

And, when asked for comments about the other Sadly, No! guest bloggers, Blair’s mother, Barb, offered these remarks:

“I can’t say it, but it rhymes with rich,” adding “so far, they are a pretty sorry group if you want to know my opinion.”


Comments: 11


In response, I just wish to offer the following actual, unedited paragraph from a real news story:

“Before long, Blair had cut so many corners, he had reshaped the very notion of journalism into a pattern of pure fantasy. He described scenes he had never seen, invented quotes from people he had never spoken to, assured his editors he was in several different states at different times when he almost never left his flat in Brooklyn.”

I bet you didn’t even know that he HAD a flat in Brooklyn, which shows just what kind of blogger he is.

So, in conclusion, nice first effort, Blair. We’ll expect one a day from now on.


I’d just like you to hear you answer two simple questions, Blair:

What did you blog? And when did you blog it?


I am looking forward to the VH1 behind the blog special. “In the Spring of 2004 Blair had it all. Then began the nightmare descent into booze and drugs that almost ended in tragedy.”


In related news, Blair supporters have been working overtime to discredit whistleblower Glenstonecottage. Although Cottage has served as a regular commenter through several previous posters, current Blair supporters are trying to paint him as a renegade partisan looking for a guest-level posting job in a new World O’Crap administration.

“Why would Cottage, uh, say this now…so far into this year’s posting cycle?” asked one unnamed and well-placed Blair official. “It just doesn’t add up.”

Calls to Cottage went unreturned.


I can’t believe people would be this jealous just cause Blair didn’t invite them to his ranch. I got to watch him demonstrate how to clear fake brush today. He looked very rugged in the denim stuff he wears for the press. Once the reporters left, he put me to work on real chores like repairing the fence while he left to blog for the American People. Fence repair is fun once you get past the back pain and scorpion bites, but it’s getting dark and I can’t see three feet in front of me. My cel battery’s dead. If you hear from Blair could you tell him to come look for me? I’m not sure where I am but it’s about fifty yards from a pack of howling coyotes, if that helps. Could you also—


Like father like son,
one post and you’re done.



These Blair allegations have really been bothering me (after all, he is our appointed leader) so I decided to do a little digging and see what I could find out about our friend Mr. Cottage (if that even is his real name). I got out the old phone book and found a Glen Stone Cottage up in Napa. Here?s an exact transcript of the conversation I had with him:

?Hello. Glenstone Cottage.?
?Hi, Glen! It?s Pete M. from Sadly, No!?
?Hi. Uh…Sadly what??
?You know, Sadly, No? Pete M.??
?Well, anyway, I just wanted to clear up some of these allegations flying around.?
?Yeah, Glen. Playing dumb isn?t going to help. So why did you attack Blair at this late juncture? Is it true you?re working for S.Z.??
?Huh? Attack Blair? I think maybe you have the wrong number.?
?This IS Glen Stone Cottage of Napa, is it not??
?Well, yes, but…?
?Fine, then just answer the question, Glen.?
?Look, if you want a room…?
?Ah, so that?s how it is, eh, pal? Trying to seduce me? I kinda figured you were a little light under the keys.?
?See here, sir! This is a respectable bed and bre…?
?Always trying to get people into bed, aren?t you, Glen? I should have figured. You?d probably even try to charge me for the opportunity!?
?Well, our rates ARE quite competitive and…?
?That?s just disgusting, Glen. I?m hanging up now. Your vile attempts to seduce me into silence tell me everything I need to know. Goodbye!?

I seriously think this guy is a menace and a prevert, Blair, so don?t you worry about his accusations. I?m going STRAIGHT over to my local Homeland Security Office to see if I can?t get him arrested under the Patriot Act. Of course while I?m over there, maybe you could start working on some new posts. I mean let’s face it…S.Z. and Peanut are really putting you to shame…


This posting is from Guantanamo, where my military-appointed ‘lawyer’ says I only get one posting and I have to make it J F—-ing Kerry QUICK… so no time for clever bon mots and apercus, I guess this is it!

For my last words, I just want to say: damn you, Pete M. and you too, ‘Bliar’!

This is a set up! I’ve been framed! Help! HELP!



In Gitmo, no one can hear you scream…


Ah, it now looks as though you’re “unavailable for comment,” Mr Cottage.

[a thunderclap is heard, lightning briefly bathes the scene]

Forever! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!


You are invited to check the pages dedicated to- Tons of interesdting stuff!!!


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