A Very Wingnut Christmas

Sick of the seculofascist assault on the Baby Jesus? Looking for some wholesome Judeo-Christian activities for you and your kin to enjoy this Season of the Christ? Look no further, Crusaders! Here’s your guide for putting the ‘No!’ back in ‘Noël!’

Christmas Eve

 † Hit the streets and make sure to spit out ‘Merry effin’ Christmas’ at everybody you meet. Synagogues, mosques and Buddhist temples are great locations to spread Baby Jesus cheer! Remember to tell the town Jew that the blood of Christ is on his head!

 † Be creative! Mix up your holiday greetings with the occasional ‘Repent!’, ‘He died for you, sinner!’ or ‘God hates fags!’

Above: Send Christmas cards to friends and friends-to-be!

 † Stand outside your parish church during Midnight Mass with a bullhorn, reciting the service in Latin and creeping out young children. TIP: If you’re not Catholic, just yell at people about the Antichrist being born of Rome.

 † Before bedtime, teach your children about the real meaning of Christmas. After re-enacting Herod’s slaughter of the infants of Bethlehem, kick them out into the winter night to find their own shelter from the cold.

Christmas Day

 † Invite the neighborhood kids over for what you tell them is a gift-exchange party … but really all you give them is Chick tracts and a beating to whip the gay out of ’em. Later, you can all marvel at how ‘Santa’ is really ‘Satan’ with some letters switched around. Also, Rudolph is a fag.

 † Order deliveries of sweet-and-sour pork, falafel and chicken tikka. Pretend that the brown heathens who bring the food are the Three Wise Men. Give them each a beatdown and send them on their way.

Gavin adds: This is extra-deluxe funny if you order one of the meals from Balthazar.

 † Round up some buddies and go down to the local soup kitchen, where you can knock over tables and spit in the bums’ Christmas dinners to help them understand in some small way the suffering Our Savior endured for us.


 † Sneak into a children’s burn ward and leave a flaming bag of dogshit.

 † At dinner, ask the Lord to bless America and to grant us the ruthlessness to do what is necessary to win the War on Terror.

 † When the day is winding down, and Christmas has been saved, call up your favorite male prostitute and go on a meth-and-sex binge through New Year’s and beyond … you’ve earned it!

Merry Christmas and God Bless us…every one!


Comments: 16


Tidings of chocolate and toys to you guys, too! And if you’re really looking to get rid of the Jews in your neighborhood, a passion play is an awesome thing to stage…..just ask Mel Gibson!

What are you looking at, sugar tits?


Balthazar is behind the piece of shit that is Schiller’s liquor bar?
I didn’t want to know that.
Schiller’s liquor bar made me realize it was time to move out of the LES. Not actually that bad a place, but fuck, the people that go to it…..
I miss the days when they kept to the upper east side or midtown.


Stop giving these freaks attention, please.
They’re so fringe they make Mormonism look mainstream.
You’re just moving the meter. Stop. Ignore. Look away.


Enjoy the season.
Merry Christmass.
Happy holidays.


I dunno, those GHF peeps don’t seem the type who are doing it for the attention.
Fortunatly, last I heard about them, there was a group of vets/bikers who were following them around and making sure that they don’t to close to the funerals and families of the soldiers.
I’d say “tazer them and take their wallets”, but I’m not in charge of anything.


I dunno, those GHF peeps don’t seem the type who are doing it for the attention.

The previous commenter didn’t say they were doing it for the attention, they just said not to give them attention.  They’re doing it because they’re crazy assholes.

Personally, I’m all about ridiculing them loudly and making sure people on both sides of the political fence know about any local events they’re planning — ever since they’ve started maligning the military as well as gays, acting against them is just about the only counterprotest that right- and leftwingers can agree on.


anyone read this yet? jesus tapdancing christ

“on the virtues of killing children”.

the whole piece flows from the strawman that all our enemies are just simply trying to kill our children for fun. what else could possibly motivate them? its not like we’re, you know, there, bombing them, or having our friends do it. but dont worry yourself with that, this dude sure doesn’t. o yes and do read the comments on this piece, if you felt like punching someone in the next 15 minutes. word.

o yes, and i demand a rematch for Operation Name That Operation

Operation Reach-Around
Operation My Little Pony
Operation Carebear


“on the virtues of killing children�.

this blogpost and the following comments just make me sick…

how can people be so… disgusting? away from reality? so… selfish? 🙁

this is just sad.. so sad 🙁

Smiling Mortician

I dunno, DA. Good post, but I’m not sure it was such a good idea to channel Kevin Longthread, the Photoshop Braggart. You don’t want a guy like that in your head for too long . . .


Feliz Navidad!

Now get back to the slaughterhouse. There’s money to be made.


I did read that pro-babykilling post. The saddest thing is that this guy isn’t a godbag. It’s a milblog.

It basically makes the same point that Col. Kurtz made in Acopolypse Now about the will to do greater evil than the other side. It isn’t actually saying we should kill children but that we have to be willing to do so, and the other side must know it.

It’s warmed-over Conrad. Another idiot who read a dark depressing cautionary tale and thought it was a manual.

Its basic fallacy is, once again, the assumption of a universal evil on “their” side and universal good on “ours” and the assumption that THEY are targeting children and WE are not, and that THEY are going to destroy us all if WE don’t destroy all of them first, so any innocents that we happen to kill along the way is perfectly ok. It’s logic is sensible, IF you accept the premises of his argument. But the premises are false, so the argument is cogent, but still untrue.

It’s actually a good argument to make, IF you’re arguing against war in the first place. I think it’s a pretty good anti-recruiting essay, since most young guys aren’t actually willing to slaughter children and probably don’t want to be the sort who can, even if they “must.”

The comments, on the other hand…

At first, it’s one big long bravo to the whole idea of kill, kill, kill. Quite a few get into the “hooray for genocide” mode, the “kill ’em all” blather.

And naturally it takes all of about 10 comments to get to the “enemy within” meme… Nice, huh? As soon as you start down the path of the ends justifying the means, and specifically justifying the killing of innocents, it does NOT take long at all to get around to killing your own people for the sin of disagreement.

But if you scroll down the comments, the bloodlust subsides as rational people come in and take the author to task for being amoral as well as illogical. In a short time, the critics seem to outnumber the supporters.

The author replies to some of his critics and clarifies his position- he isn’t saying we SHOULD do such things, but that we should be WILLING to do such things, and that those who do are going to need to beg forgiveness from whatever god they have. A lame cop-out, in other words. He never once repudiates the genocidal commenters who praise his essay, as far as I could tell. I read about half of the comments before just turning off the computer in disgust.

Also, I made the mistake of reading the thing last night just before bed and I couldn’t sleep for hours. It’s some seriously ugly shit.

At least with the Westboro Baptists, you know they’re way out on the fringe, a tiny group who are vastly outnumbered and universally despised. This asshole, who calls himself Grim, is apparently pretty middle-of-the-road in the war-porn world, even won some kind of blog award for best military blog. That’s the kind of thought that cancels sleep.

IF this really represents mainstream military thinking, then I hereby withdraw all my support for the military as an institution and renounce my own past service. When I served, not that long ago, this sort of thing was far-out fringe thinking and would just as likely get one booted out on a psych discharge if publicly expressed. I am saving the essay to send to the next flag-waving yellow-ribbon-magnet who asks why I oppose the war. Not because I agree at with what he’s saying, but simply as an example of the depth of evil, disguised as reason, that war brings out in people.

You know, if the rightwing doesn’t like being called fascist or Nazi, then why do they keep paraphrasing Hitler?

Godwin’s Law is hereby null and void. Grim may not be a Nazi or a fascist, but an awful lot of his readers are, judging from his commenters.


I read the kill kids post… oh, my.

Perhaps the most horrific thing is that they just don’t get why it’s wrong. They really, really don’t.

The rebuttals were excellent, though.


Watching wingnuts try and construct logical arguments is usually a lot funnier than that kill kids post.
It’s like Iran only wants to kill our children. Those of us above the age of, say, 12, are therefore safe. So, y’know, maybe Iran means to help. There are a lot of stupid kids in the US, and we’ve made everything so child safe there’s no natural selection anymore……
Iran just wants to save our gene pool.

Just as logical an argument as Grim’s, more or less.


I’d say “tazer them and take their wallets�, but I’m not in charge of anything.

I’d add “…douse them in gasoline and light them as solstice candles”, except that would make Us no better than Them. And the fact that you & I can distinguish between our angry impulses and rational moral action is why we are, no kidding, better than them.


Um, the Westboro Baptist Church might want to consider moving to a new zip code…


[…] Sadly, No! » A Very Wingnut Christmas I am saving the essay to send to the next flag-waving yellow-ribbon-magnet who asks why I oppose the war. Not because I agree at with what he's saying, but simply as an example of the depth of evil, disguised as reason, that war brings . […]


(comments are closed)