23
Noel, Noel, Dan Riehl’s Name Has…
Oh wait, it does have an ‘L.’ Let’s see what Dan’s thinking about, this Christmas season.
If one more idiot smiles, shakes my hand and says “Happy Holidays” today, I think I’m going to grab them by the throat and squeeze.
Actually, it’s funny watching their expressions when I smile back and say “Have a Merry effin’ Christmas … you politically correct SOB!” Okay, I leave the “effin’” and also the last part out, in keeping with the Holiday spirit and all.
But this nonsense that Merry Christmas has somehow been replaced by Happy Holidays works my last nerve. I do say Happy Holiday to Jewish friends when I’m aware of their beliefs. Everyone else can deal with Merry Christmas, or shove a candy cane up their azz.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Merry Christmas, Dan. We chipped in and got you something.
PS: In case he doesn’t know what to get us this year, we could totally use a better Dan Riehl source image.
D. Aristophanes adds: Clearly, ‘Merry Christmas’ is the new ‘Fuck you.’
maryc said,
December 23, 2006 at 3:05
Frist! Oh, wrong blog.
Anyway…
Everyone else can deal with Merry Christmas, or shove a candy cane up their azz.
Wow. It’s like a reverse Scrooge. It’s exactly how I imagine Scrooge would actually keep Christmas, once he was “saved”. It’s the photo negative of the “stake of holly through their heart”. Asshole.
And I just BET the faces of those he wishes “Merry Christmas” are oh so stricken. They’re not. He’s such a friggin unChristian liar it’s not even funny.
His Grace said,
December 23, 2006 at 3:12
Maryc, perhaps I have an explanation:
Consider this reenactment of the event
What Dan Reihl is thinking:
What Dan Reihl thinks he is saying:
What Dan Reihl is actually saying to the poor bored minimum wage earning clerk
Anne Laurie said,
December 23, 2006 at 3:15
I think Mr. Riehl, along with most of his Reichtard mates sucking the Wingnut Wurlitzer welfare teat, needs the same quick fix recommended by 99% of veterinarians for dangerous dogs. A quick outpatient operation, and within six weeks they’ll be ready for re-training as good housepets — I mean, companion animals. Sure, the (male) proprietors of this fine blogspot may think castrating all professional Reichtards seems “cruel”, but ask yourself: Even if these unhappy specimens could somehow find mates they didn’t have to pay by the hour, do you really want to risk the dissemination of the genes for bad combovers, piggy little eyes, and a general facial resemblance to a prolapsed anus? In the long run, won’t we all be happier once their unmeetable urges are reduced to a point where they are no longer a public nuisance, even a public danger?…
(Proceeding snark brought to you with the assistance of a grant from Bob Barker.)
steve_e said,
December 23, 2006 at 3:20
Holidays = Holy days
Christmas is the holy day being referenced.
That was easy. Oh, you mean Riehl doesn’t know that? These folks spend so much time getting angry at phantasmagorical Important Social Issues. They should go join the army or something.
mikey said,
December 23, 2006 at 3:20
These people just crack me up. Everything in the world is a reflection of their world, their life. Other people’s concerns are simply not THEIR concerns.
Dan. Dood. Lemme ’splain it to you. See, it’s called polite. I’m sure your mother mentioned it to you when you wiped your mouth on your sleeve in that nice restaurant that time? It’s about respect for your fellow man. It’s about caring enough to be inclusive rather than exclusive. It’s about finding our way through a society built on diversity, not on homogeneity. It’s about having concern for someone other than you.
But you come down in a loud, rude, unpleasant camp with your pals O’Reilly and the rest. That’s fine. Live in that world. But the rest of the world has passed you by, and we’re the ones who are going to make the twenty-first century, without you and your fellow bigots, and you won’t be missed.
Go ahead. Live in your isolated little christian society. The world is changing, and like pope dickface, you can rail against the light and the reason, but you can’t stop it….
mikey
Mr. Mordant said,
December 23, 2006 at 3:21
That was an older brother of mine, John. He’s dead and, yes, he was Gay. You want to know how he died? He died alone, probably of aids for all I know and probably in a San Francisco flop house living on the government’s dime. I say probably because it was the last address I ever had for him from letters exchanged, not having seen the boy/man since I was about 15.
Gee whiz, I can’t believe the softie who said that would have a problem with a banal greeting.
Hey, Riehl, fuck off and die yourself. How’s that? Or does “Happy Holidays” sound a little better now?
maryc said,
December 23, 2006 at 3:21
You know what? I actually agree with him on one point: it IS nonsense that “Happy Holidays” has replaced “Merry Christmas”. It hasn’t, except in the embittered minds of those so called “Christians”. I mean the very IDEA that you are somehow OWED a “Merry Christmas” is just infantile in my mind. It’s like thinking that Christmas is all about GETTING presents and not GIVING.
To all those “Oh! There’s a War On Christmas because no one wishes me a Merry Christmas” I have this to say: Grow UP you SPOILED little brats! And you need to realize that Christmas isn’t made or broken by a word or a phrase–it’s made or broken by our own actions, and your whining about not hearing clerks telling you a “Merry Christmas” is DEFINITELY breaking the true meaning of the Holiday.
When someone wishes you a “Happy Holiday” accept it in the spirit it is given and wish them a “Merry Christmas” if you so choose, but do so not as a CURSE or a way to embarrass them, but because you mean it in the spirit it was truly intended to be.
KEERIST, you whiny rightwing babies have got to grow the fuck up. Christmas is NOT about you, and it never was.
Phil said,
December 23, 2006 at 3:46
“Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” = 6 words
“Happy Holidays” = 2 words
Watching a numbnuts like Riehl choke on his own anger = priceless
RobW said,
December 23, 2006 at 3:47
Even if these unhappy specimens could somehow find mates they didn’t have to pay by the hour,
Well, Anne, if you had to pay for a full hour of a service that you can’t use for more than 30 seconds at a time, you’d be damned angry and bitter all the time too.
Ripley said,
December 23, 2006 at 3:48
Umm, I think the song has been around longer than Dan Riehl (who, in my opinion, is one of the dumbest mofo’s with keyboard privileges I’ve ever had the displeasure to read.)
Happy holidays
Happy holidays
Why the merry bell keeps ringing
And Dan Riehl is crying himself to sleep in a lonley, pathetic heap next to the dogfood bowl and crying for the voices to stop calling him Damned Riehl and constantly picking at the nonexistent bugs that nibble at his toes while his hair ties itself in knots and his now-flagging manhood leaves a tell-tale streak and glues itself to the freshly mopped vinyl
Happy holidays toooooooo you
mikey said,
December 23, 2006 at 3:58
That was cool…
mikey
g said,
December 23, 2006 at 4:02
If one more idiot smiles, shakes my hand and says “Happy Holidays� today, I think I’m going to grab them by the throat and squeeze.
Yes, it’s always nice to respond to well wishers by strangling them because they wish you well with words other than the precise ones you prefer.
g said,
December 23, 2006 at 4:06
It is pretty amazing. These idiots have taken their “outrage” over what they perceive as a corporate policy and expanded it to include ordinary individuals who happen to wish them well with the “wrong” words.
I am sure that whoever Dan greeted with the teeth-clenched muttering of “Merry Christmas” wondered what the fuck was wrong with him, and went on their way pitying the poor sap.
Jillian said,
December 23, 2006 at 4:09
Why oh why will no one wish me a Happy Saturnalia? Why must I be oppressed so? sob!
Anne Laurie said,
December 23, 2006 at 4:11
Well, Anne, if you had to pay for a full hour of a service that you can’t use for more than 30 seconds at a time, you’d be damned angry and bitter all the time too.
You left out the twenty-minute rant on the Wingnut Wurlitzer Outrage O’the Day. That’s why all the ladies in Dan’s neighborhood have added a “with listening” line to their rate cards.
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
December 23, 2006 at 4:22
A Christmas Carol for Dan.
DS said,
December 23, 2006 at 5:05
This really is next level shit.
Most wingnuts are harmless idiots. Some are simply misguided. Some just aren’t that smart.
Dan Riehl is an authentically bad human being. A profoundly bad human being. I’m actually disturbed reading that stuff about his brother.
Eric B. said,
December 23, 2006 at 5:16
Hi-larious.
I didn’t even know we’d declared war again this year.
Reinhard Heydrich said,
December 23, 2006 at 5:29
Wow, this guy really creeps me out. He has far too much pent up anger. And I’m not, well, a really mellow guy.
Regards,
SS Obergruppenfuhrer Reinhard Heydrich
dgbellak said,
December 23, 2006 at 5:39
Dan continues his heartfelt holiday cheer in the comments:
What a bunch of scrooges. Someone should kill you all…
Truly, this is the proper Christian response to hate-filled liberalism.
Smiling Mortician said,
December 23, 2006 at 5:40
OK so here’s what I’m confused about. If this appalling “happy holidays” thing is a brand-spanking-new invention of those keerazy PC lefties who hate hate hate Christmas and destroyed it just in the past couple of years, why do I have very clear memories of my devoutly Christian and even more devoutly Republican parents sending “Happy Holidays!” cards to everyone they knew back in the ’60s?
Whatever. Happy Saturnalia, Jillian!
Vic said,
December 23, 2006 at 5:50
One wonders about what a world without “political correctness” would be like; Oi, what a world that would be.
For instance, my uncle is a conservative who thinks putting a black person in a Nextel commercial is “PC”. Would we have to adhere to his rubric as well, or would conservatives have to reach a general concensus of what is forbidden?
Eric B. said,
December 23, 2006 at 5:50
By the way, folks. Great news! We bagged that fat bastard Santa earlier today. Teh War on X-Mas is as good as won!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/christmas2006/story/0,,1977823,00.html
funkyb0ss said,
December 23, 2006 at 6:16
“Dan Riehl is an unmitigated asshole”
–John Cole
btw: John, if you read this, which I’m sure you won’t, but still…good luck to the West F***ing Virginia Mountaineers in the Gator Bowl
Some Guy said,
December 23, 2006 at 6:27
Heh. Now, while he may SEEM to be very non-Christian in his manerisms; I would direct you the original text of the Last Supper (before the lefty PC revisionists got to it) when Jesus clear says,
“Look, bitches; This is my effing blood, and it’s spilled for you SOBs. Drink it, remember me, and shove some bread up your azz, lol”
Then he pimp-slaps Mary and goes out to heal some sick prostitutes until 3 in the morning.
owlbear1 said,
December 23, 2006 at 6:33
But this nonsense that Merry Christmas has somehow been replaced by Happy Holidays works my last nerve. I do say Happy Holiday to Jewish friends when I’m aware of their beliefs. Everyone else can deal with Merry Christmas, or shove a candy cane up their azz.
===============================
Danny, here come see the TRUE source of all you anger:
http://www.mexicancorona.co.uk/images/mexican/418 Large Mirror.jpg
And a new word for you too:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference
Happy Solstice Danny!
Pinko Punko said,
December 23, 2006 at 8:16
The way of the Almond Joy:
“I wanna skull f**k your gobbing brainhole, liberal choadmunch!”
but then:
“Get a sense of humor, liberal douche!”
Uh, OK!
tb said,
December 23, 2006 at 10:43
Jesus. It’s like pardon-fuckin’-me for saying something nice, asshole.
celticgirl said,
December 23, 2006 at 11:15
Shorter Dan Riehl: “Elp, ‘elp I’m being repressed!”
I have a nice year-round greeting especially for Mr. Riehl: “Fuck you – and the horse you rode in on!”
Kinda catchy, isn’t it?
RobW said,
December 23, 2006 at 11:23
Let’s put the Saturn back in Saturnalia!
funkyb0ss said,
December 23, 2006 at 11:43
right on, celticgirl
If one more idiot smiles, shakes my hand and says “Happy Holidays� today, I think I’m going to grab them by the throat and squeeze.
“Come see the violence inherent in the system!!”
mmm...lemonheads said,
December 23, 2006 at 11:52
Merry….something?
Jillian said,
December 23, 2006 at 16:52
Ooh, hey………can we start an email writing campaign?
Let’s all email Dan Riehl and wish him the happiest of happy holidays ever!
Maybe if enough people do it, his head will explode.
LA Confidential Pantload said,
December 23, 2006 at 16:52
Gavin, your liberal friends are wrong. They have been affected by the political correctness of a politically correct age…..Yes, Gavin, there is a Dan Riehl. He exists as certainly as wingnuttery and wankery and idiotic bullshit exist, and you know that they abound and give to Sadly, No! the bestest stuff to mock….Not believe in Dan Riehl! You might as well not believe that the Doughy Pantload wished he could serve in Iraq…
Otto Man said,
December 23, 2006 at 18:09
Only a deutschbag like Dan Riehl could turn the celebration of the birth of Baby Jesus into a cause for anger. What a colossal assclown.
Is there conservative fund we can contribute to that’ll get him more and more airtime on the news networks? Because every second he’s up there is driving the last sane remnants from the Republican ranks.
Happy Kwanzaa, Dan.
Sniper said,
December 23, 2006 at 18:44
“If one more idiot smiles, shakes my hand and says “Happy Holidaysâ€? today, I think I’m going to grab them by the throat and squeeze.”
Oh, come now, Dan. You’re not going to convince anyone that a surfeit of human contact is one of your problems.
Marq said,
December 23, 2006 at 19:03
I, for one, would almost pay to see the look on the cop’s face when Danni-boi responds to the question, “And you did this why, exactly?”
bob3 said,
December 23, 2006 at 19:07
You know what has happened – is that I feel out of sorts saying “Merry Christmas” because people might think I’m some kind of anger driven intolertant wack job like Dan here. Thanks Dan. Thanks a lot. I mean that. Oh and Happy Holidays.
Woodrowfan said,
December 23, 2006 at 20:11
Can I wish him a Merry Eid??
Kyso K said,
December 23, 2006 at 21:09
This guy needs to go live where my boyfriend’s family lives. Nothing but Merry Christmas from everyone; the waitress at Bob Evans, the clerk at Kmart, everyone. Really, after all that brave standing up to the politically correct leftist thought police, the giant nativity in the public square (ok, just outside the community center, not quite city hall, but right on a main road) is just icing on the cake.
TC said,
December 23, 2006 at 21:22
If Dan Riehl doesn’t wish me a Happy Birthday in the EXACT words I want him to (and no, I’m not going to tell him what those are in advance) then I will hunt him down, tear off his arms and beat him with the wet ends.
This is gonna be the Happiest Holiday Season EVAH!
Gentlewoman said,
December 23, 2006 at 21:43
Jillian, I’m in on the email thing. Having never visited this moron’s hateful site, is there an email button over there to click?
I will be more than happy to wish this deranged loony Happy Holidays!
And if he attempts to throttle me, he will deal with the wrath of Chloe, The Giant Poodle and Ganesh Bengal Cat, Remover of Obstacles.
I pity the fool, etc.
Gentlewoman said,
December 23, 2006 at 21:46
is there an email button over there to click?
Silly me. There is, and I did.
Happy Saturnalia, Jillian, and Happy Birthday!
Dorothy said,
December 24, 2006 at 0:38
Dan Riehl needs to learn a little something about his own fucking religion. “Happy holidays” isn’t new in the least.
Remember that old song “The Twelve Days of Christmas”? They ran from Christmas Day through Epiphany (Jan 6th). Christmas Day was just one holiday in that set: day after Christmas was Boxing Day (for the British, at least), then came New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day (Solemnity of the Holy Family, for the Catholics), and finally ending on Epiphany (the day the Magi came).
And, geez, if you go earlier in the month of December, you have St. Nicholas Day (when you’re supposed to put your shoes out to get filled with presents–the precursor to Santa Claus) and St. Lucy’s Day (where the oldest girl in the house put a wreath of lit candles on her head and brought her parents breasfast in bed). And those are just the ones we celebrated in my family.
mikey said,
December 24, 2006 at 0:43
St. Lucy’s Day (where the oldest girl in the house put a wreath of lit candles on her head and brought her parents breasfast in bed).
Y’know, like many religious observances and modes of celebration, this does not sound like a good idea. I can think of about twenty ways this could go very, very wrong.
I can’t imagine all the writers of all the sitcoms in history have missed this one. Hilarity and hijinx ensued!!
mikey
merlallen said,
December 24, 2006 at 1:13
when is he going to choke chickengeorge bush? i heard the man say “happy holidays” during a press conference. yes, fellow america haters, cgb is our ally in the WOC. suck it wingnuts.!!1111!!!!
gjdodger said,
December 24, 2006 at 1:15
the right wing, and a lot of this has come about since bush took office, tries to get what it wants in american society through intimidation. my mother, god love her, is a reagan republican. she told me when she went to the store and the clerk wished her happy holidays, she responded, “merry christmas.” which is fine, but she said it with an angry look on her face and a glint in her eye and an edge to her voice, and I imagine the clerk got the same treatment.
simple enough. stop backing down. wish ‘em all happy holidays, and when their response comes with anger and a glare, just laugh. to paraphrase herr leader, if you flinch, the terrorists win.
Jillian said,
December 24, 2006 at 1:31
Y’all are mighty fabulous!
And I’m far enough from sober right now to be profoundly sincere…..this place is my home away from home.
Merry Christmas to all y’all silly religious peoples….love y’all.
TC said,
December 24, 2006 at 3:02
Yep, if you accept their bitter, angry “Merry Christmas” as a sincere holiday wish, they will be even more frustrated.
Although, Like our buddy Dan there, not to mention Fivehead Lileks, they will go home and blog about how they told that evil liberal off.
It truly makes a bigger deal to them than anybody else, no matter what they think.
Ah, hell, let ‘em believe theres some kind of plot with Michael Moore in cahoots with Walmart. It’s Christmas; it’ll make ‘em happy, in a twisted, clenched, bitter kind of way.
Happy Merry, everybody.
g said,
December 24, 2006 at 3:54
I’m happy. My college freshman son is back home! I got to feed him dinner!
Richard 23 said,
December 24, 2006 at 6:54
Dan Riehl, Holiday pimp:
Don’t you mean “Christmas Season,” you America hating islamocommiefascist pig?
It’s when idiots like this smile, shakes my hand and says “Happy Season,â€? that I really think I’m going to grab them by the throat and squeeze. Have a candy cane, you sick candy assed PC azzhole.
Richard 23 said,
December 24, 2006 at 7:00
Dan Riehl, Holiday pimp:
Don’t you mean “Christmas Season,” you America hating islamocommiefascist pig?
It’s when idiots like this smile, shake my hand and say “Holiday Seasonâ€? to the troops that I really think I’m going to grab them by the throat and squeeze. Have a candy cane in your cornhole, you sick candy assed PC azzhole.
a teaspoon and an open mind said,
December 24, 2006 at 7:27
… and next time someone tells me “gung hay fat choi” on Chinese New Year, I’m gonna tell ‘em “Hey, do I fuckin’ LOOK Chinese to you, asshole??”
Richard 23 said,
December 24, 2006 at 7:31
Sorry about the double post. I noticed some typos after I pressed submit (naturally). Preview, bitches!
Anne Laurie said,
December 24, 2006 at 8:33
Let’s all email Dan Riehl and wish him the happiest of happy holidays ever!
Maybe if enough people do it, his head will explode.
Jillian, as a good Pagan, I say we invite him to be our next year’s Winter King, citing his unique suitability for this exalted position (like the anger management thing, and his poor comprehension skills). And then send him a copy of “A Child’s First Golden Bough” with the simple text & the colorful pictures (mostly blood-red on white). No end of laffs for us as we hide behind the intertoobz doorway, attempting to stifle our giggles whilst The Riehl Danny tries to decide whether to trumpet his outrage at our foul non-Christian habits or to triumph that his manly, manly holiday “issues” have so engaged our savage admiration. If we can actually get him to make a video demonstrating, on a teddy bear, the mad disembowelment skillz of his mighty golden sickle, the YouTube ad revenue alone ought to pay for nog & uiskbeagh all round…
Sadly, No! » A Very Wingnut Christmas said,
December 24, 2006 at 8:48
[...] Hit the streets and make sure to spit out ‘Merry effin’ Christmas’ at everybody you meet. Synagogues, mosques and Buddhist temples are great locations to spread Baby Jesus cheer! Remember to tell the town Jew that the blood of Christ is on his head! [...]
celticgirl said,
December 24, 2006 at 12:57
Annie Laurie: I do love the way your mind works – I’m totally in!
celticgirl said,
December 24, 2006 at 16:13
Oops! Sorry, Anne Laurie (don’t want you to be confused with that other ‘A’…)
Please please, all I want for my “holiday” gift is a freaking Preview Button…