I really miss Guillermo Rupperto. He was so cute! So sad to see him deported to the dustbin of history, er, Mexico.

Give the New Gary a chance, OK? He’s a little bit unsure of himself, and he’s very scared of being tortured aggressively interrogated if he doesn’t do his job well.

Well, maybe Obrador will win his rightful place at the helm, and pobre Garicito will be saved. One can only hope.

Um, maybe if New Gary slips in some poppy growing techniques? I mean, how much watering would be, like, too much?

Just out of intellectual curiosity, and all…

Hey, can you guys do a post like this for the Preview Button? Maybe if you featured it on the front page, it would come back. From wherever it is. I hope it’s not in Gitmo.

It’s worth a try. I attempted to call it back with promises of treats, but it didn’t work. That works for cats, but not Preview Buttons, I guess.

The fact is that the recent midterm elections were a crushing victory for Republicans.

All of the new Democratic congresspeople are well known to be rabid conservatives.

As well, even if the new Democrats aren’t right-wing conservatives, we Republicans are poised for vistory in 2008. Our genius strategy in Iraq, combined with our many electoral accomplishments on behalf of the American people, show that we are the party of ideas, ready to lead this country to a new greatness.

Funny, the preview button was always tempted by treats in the past. I can’t imagine why it wouldn’t come home now unless . . . oh no . . . you don’t think . . . ?

New Gary, you didn’t happen to see the preview button in any of your recent travels, did you?

And I compliment you on your first post, by the way. It’s quite adequate, with only a slight bobble on the idea of “crushing victory,” which probably revealed a bit more than it should have. But overall, nice work.

New Gary needs to be retooled. That’s just sad.

“Preview Button! Get your ass in the house this minute, or you’ll be grounded for life!”..

….wind sighing around the eaves, crickets chirping…..

Welcome to the Sadly, No! Big Show, new Gary. Troll hard and remember how you got here, because the fact is, there are scores of potential Garies who are hungry for a break and would love to take your place in the starting Gary rotation.

Are you guys familiar with thefactis.org? That’s got Gar’s fingerprints all over it. Check out this part:

TheFactis.org staff, writers and outlook are unashamedly and unequivocally Catholic yet we believe what we have to say is relevant to a wider audience and we strive to engage all people of faith and goodwill.

TheFactIs.org is a joint project of the Culture of Life Foundation and the Catholic Family and Human Rights Institute (C-FAM).

It’d be sweet to go over there and do some reverse-Gary trolling, but does thefactis.org allow comments?

Sadly, no.

Bravo, Omar. Off to a good start.

It all makes sense, now… the change in Gary’s phraseology, the hint of desperation…
But to reduce this slight, grating mismatch between the old and the new Gary, to ensure a seamless transition, a few more cliches would be good. How about “the death knell of liberalism”? We haven’t had a Death Knell for a long time. Also the name Death Nell brings back mental images of a foxy goth girl I used to know.

Aaiiiee, Gary! Pobrecito!

The fact is I gave it the college try.

As well, if I were more drunk, probably I could achieve greater heights of right-wing lunacy.

Sure, the real Gary (whatever that means) is gone, and we all miss him (????), but at least a few proud Americans are willing to step up to the plate and spew Republican talking points in these dark days of imminent jihadist takeover. So, IN YOUR FACE, Dhimmicrats/Islamofascists!!11!

Gavin, I’ve been singing that song since I saw it over at Guilliard’s place yesterday. I’ve emailed it to all of my friends who would understand even half of it. It’s the funniest thing on the internets. And the guy singing it! How into it is he?

A little touch of Gary in the night is quite magical. And aren’t we all a little Gary, honestly? Who among us can say we aren’t at least occasionally Gary? [stands up proudly] I am Gartacus!

I am Gartacus!

Is fact the..Republicans for victory crushing a were elections midterm recent.

Awesome – if you recite Gary-speak backwards it sounds like Kaye Grogan and Swankosity.
I’ve found the Repub Davinci Code. Or I’m buzzed and bored.

And never overestimate the Lions. I’ve suffered for all my thirty seven years and don’t expect any relief in my lifetime.
But Brady’s from here; some satisfaction in that.

Omar Al-Ruppert wrote:

we Republicans are poised for vistory in 2008.

Err, Gary, I think you misspelled “Victory” or “History”. Oh, wait! You were trying to spell “Colossal embarrassment.”

I think we’re dealing with something more serious here…

On Sept. 12, 2001, a young mexican boy had an experience that would change his (and possibly our ) lives forever. You see, this young boy was scared of terrorists. That day, he was visited by the inhabiting spirit know only as GARY. The spirit showed the boy an image of Osama bin Laden. The youth became so afraid that he embraced the spirit, becoming one with it, and thus became Gary Ruppert.

This year, the spirit GARY was exorcised from the young mexican by the crushing victory of the Democratic Party. Exorcised but not destroyed. It now inhabits the body of a middle-aged poppy farmer.

GARY lusts only for power and control. Its presence if often accompanied by the smell of engine oil and burning constitutions. This cryptic note was left by the former Ruppert before he was deported:

Through the darkness of terrorism past
the keyboardist longs to see
one chance out between two parties
‘Fire walk with me.’

Lune brings up, indirectly, a damn fine point. Both the residents of the Black Lodge and the residents of the White House want their garmonbozia. Are we ignoring the evil owl lobby’s influence in current events?

The fact is I have a Sadly, No! contest idea.

No, not a wet-T-shirt contest, or a monter-truck contest, or something equally cool. I propose a suitably goofy Sadly, No! contest:

I propose that everybody who has been imitating/parodying Gary on this site for the last two years step to the mic and show us your best stuff. Because all of the people on this site are obviously penniless liberals and/or welfare cheats, there can be no cash prizes.

However, participants who display the greatest degree of Garyness will receive the total respect and awe of as many as twelve people (the total readership of Sadly, No!). Borthers and sisters, are you with me?

Um, are cats eligible to compete? As well as the brethren and the cistern and the sock-puppets?

are cats eligible to compete? As well as the brethren and the cistern and the sock-puppets?

To quote a sage, bring ’em on.

“the name Death Nell brings back mental images of a foxy goth girl I used to know.”

Bwaah!

” Victoryâ€? or “Historyâ€?.

You’re sure he doesn’t mean vistula? Or fistula?

Full speed ahead, and get the whiners below decks!

Vistory (adj.). Being like, or having the quality of a vista. As in, “The view from that mountain-top down into the valley is all vistory.”

Having been holed up in Gitmo, Omar al-Ruppert would be more convincing as a double agent (of the Repugs and al-Qaeda). I’m presuming he holds a grudge.

Oh Candy,

Was “Garicito” the proper diminutive? I referred to him as our “little Garlito” a while back; but I’ll be the first to admit that the only Spanish I have is a couple of (mostly profane) phrases taught to me by a Mexican guy I used to date.

[and if you want to talk about memories that will keep me smiling in the nursing-home…] Just sayin’! It’s amazing how much communicating one can do, even without a common language.

It’s amazing how much communicating one can do, even without a common language.

“Communicating”? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

If you’re looking for the Real Garyâ„¢, look .

Seems the poor tyke has been damned to hell.

Damned tags.

I will never, ever in my life again underestimate the Detroit Lions

Go ahead and underestimate them. That’s just the Lions being the Lions: we all right them off, declare the season over, try to figure out how they will waste their top three draft pick. . . *then* they come to play.

The Lions can barely lose to everybody. They’re going to get the Number One draft choice, and they’ll probably lose that, too. Everybody in Detroit would be happiest if the Lions would lose Matt Millen, but he keeps leaving a trail of breadcrumbs back from Ford Field to Allen Park.

“Communicating�? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Umm…Yeah! That’s it.

Actually, “dating” was where I used the euphemism; but “communicating” works too.

Everybody in Detroit would be happiest if the Lions would lose Matt Millen, but he keeps leaving a trail of breadcrumbs back from Ford Field to Allen Park

What’s worse is the trail of ranch dressing beside it.

In other words, when one version of “Gary� fails to achieve his goals, the Republican Party quickly recruits another “Gary� to take his place.
So, Gary is neither Mexican nor Afghan. The fact is, he is a Ceylon.

The fact is you liberals will not be saved by your cats or your football or your foxy goth girls, who are morally suspect and in all likelihood diseased except for maybe the cats.

The fact is it’s the conservative movement that can save you but it won’t because you had your chance and you lost it by losing the elections last month that you think you won.

The fact is I am very very smart and you should listen to what I have to say but I’m not going to say it right now because

Uuurrph!



Well that explains why he gave up after only one try on the “Empire Strikes Hilarity” thread!

Foxy goth girls? Where?
Actually, i live too close to williamsburg as it is, nevermind.
And the term is now hipster, anyhow.

The fact is you liberals will not be saved by your cats or your football or your foxy goth girls, who are morally suspect and in all likelihood diseased except for maybe the cats.

My cats are indeed morally suspect. Forget “suspect.” I know damned well they have no moral sense at all.

Excellent effort, #1, but it was just too grammatically correct. Also, I’m afraid we’ll have to deduct points for the absence of any invented words, like islamofascist or defeatocrat.

What’s worse is the trail of ranch dressing beside it.

Well, Mike Williams was hungry.

I will never, ever in my life again underestimate the Detroit Lions

I’ve been a Lions fan for ages, so belive me when I say that as a fan, I’ve wrote them off for the next five years…