I once got a papercut, I’m sure this is the same as being shot.”

Robert Oscar Lopez “The World’s Most Self-Hating Bisexual”, American Wanker:
When I say, ‘Je Suis Charlie’, it’s not kitsch

You may have noticed a few thousand wingnuts drowning the Earth in a wave of semen recently in their excited gasped breaths to capitalize on the massacre at the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo.

Now there’s a lot to discuss regarding Charlie Hebdo. At its basest level, it’s an act of terrorism meant to silence comedy as a tool to deconstruct, to make the other “cease laughing” and instead become afraid (as part of a grand reaction that has its roots in the violent backlash to the Danish cartoon). However, it’s also a piece of a puzzle in a France that treats its minority muslim population much on par with how we treat our black population. And it’s a question of whether or not something is satire per se when it punches down. Not that this means that 12 people killed at Charlie Hebdo (including a muslim police officer) or the 5 murdered in the hostage standoff at a Jewish grocery deserved to die for daring to offend the sensibilities of those who feel violence is a justified response to feeling disrespected or for being laughed at. Rather the opposite. But there is a question on what is determined to be terrorism and what is determined to be par for the course. Like how there is little notice of the NAACP bombing in Colorado and great hesitancy on acknowledging the campaign against unarmed black kids as terrorism because the perpetrators are white. The way “Je suis Charlie” has become a rallying cry and a moment of global mourning that paints a giant target on the backs of Islamic men and women everywhere, but there was no similar outpouring of “I am a feminist” in response to Eliot Rodgers and in fact there was hesitancy to look into root causes.

Additionally, there’s deliberate ignorance to the attacks committed against Muslims, just in the period of time after the attacks in France. Not to mention that while Charlie Hebdo’s workers by far did not deserve to die or even be made to be scared for their lives on behalf of another person’s religious fanaticism, it is nonetheless hard to imagine them as particularly heroic before this event catapulted them to the level of 9/11 martyrs (I mean, I can’t read French, but my eyebrow curls up instinctively when they are referred to as a great “Anti-Political Correctness” magazine as that usually is code for the type of humor that consists of little more than pissing on the powerless from a great height, or at least that’s the case in America).

There’s a lot to discuss about the situation… which is not something that the right is particularly interested nor desirous of.

No, instead, they are desperate for anything that will get people’s minds off of all the cops killing kids and acting like the biggest bully on the playground when called out on their shit and the fact that we’ve been gleefully torturing for a decade now like the happiest butcher at the shop. And will get them back on the subject of how the Soviet replacement boogieman is going to come to your house and molest your children unless you elect Christian Dr. Strangelove to president in 2016.

And that’s almost an extra insult to the dead. That their only purpose and draw is as use as a tool for the interests of bigots interested in continuing their damnable holy war, either as victories for the worst of Islam or as martyrs for the worst of Christianity.

… But that’s all just the first layer of awful. The usual response by chattering baboons only too eager to show their support for anything they hope will lead to more infidel blood filling the streets.

For truly offensive ghoulish capitalization, there is no greater master than everyone’s favorite self-hating bisexual Robert Oscar Lopez, fresh off of accusing his students of trying to snipe, sabotage, and lay “sand traps” for him in his classrooms who has a truly “unique” take.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

• I stand with Charlie Hebdo, not as some fashionable, zero risk way to prove my tribal identity, but rather because I know what it is like to face down the kalashnikovs of Homofascism! Truly, being murdered by violent religious fanatics who hate you and want you to die for relatively minor grievances is exactly the same as not being liked by queer students who dare notice me profiting off the worsening of their lives. Truly, I am the real fallen hero who should be praised today.

I mean, wow. I know ol’ Full Metal Wingnut here is a walking Clinical Narcissism poster boy, but holy fucking shit that takes some heuvos of steel to take other people dying for their craft personally as an attempt to steal your goddamn cross of gen-you-ine martyrdom.

But hey, this is the guy who blamed his lesbian moms and his early lovers for dying on him and then dedicated the rest of his life to trying to ruin other queer people’s lives because of these unforgivable slights. So yeah… not exactly out of character.

Over at the American Conservative, Rod Dreher is skeptical about the outpouring sympathy for Paris’s victims of Islamic aggression. Along with David Brooks saying similar things in the New York Times, he had this to say about people who have embraced the Je suis Charlie meme:

On the Right, if a Christian fanatic who opposed abortion shot and killed a dozen NARAL workers, many of us would be horrified, and many of us would by no means say, even to ourselves, “They kind of had it coming” (though some conservatives would say it). But I can’t think of a single pro-life conservative who would post “I am NARAL” on their blog, or even claim such a thing.[…]I can’t speak for French sensibilities, obviously, but here in America, it’s easy for us on both the Left and the Right to join the Je suis Charlie mob, because it costs us exactly nothing. Nobody here knows what Charlie Hebdo stands for; all we know is that its staff were the victims of Islamist mass murder, of the sort with which we are all familiar.

Oh fucking Bob. Am I going to have to agree with the likes of… ugh… Rod Dreher and fucking Bobo Brooks on something…? I think I’m going to be sick.

Well, not on most of it. Like, we’ve all been through the same song and dance too many times before to be able to convincingly pretend that anti-choice bigots would do anything other than make pointed digs at how “they totally had it coming” to a clinic they successfully instigate a bombing at. And the idea that Rowdy Roddy Dreher has any real life experience of facing even the slightest bit of unease in his life, much less staring down fundamentalists of any stripe is laughable.

But much to my stomach’s shame, I’m forced to concede a point on the ease of hashtag politics. Of making some small meaningless and entirely symbolic statement that makes the “activist” feel good, but place them in no danger, nor actually do anything other than cry “me too” into the wind.

It was not heroism or an act of greater significance than the work of activists on the ground for conservatives to turn their twitter feeds green for the Iranian student revolts. It is not more valuable for a bunch of college liberals to retweet #BlackLivesMatter or #ICantBreathe as if that was the same as risking death by an insane drunk on their power police force face to face.

And it’s even more pathetic when it comes to conservative adoptions to the form. After all, one can make a case for signal boosting and communicating to the powerless that they matter and to the powerful that they are on watch, however minimally and ineffectively. At least that theoretically almost aids in some small imperceptible way, kind of… But when it comes to conservative hashtag activism, it’s hard to not roll one’s eyes. Yes, putting an American flag magnetic decal on your SUV totally is the same as actually fighting in the war you started. Yes, acknowledging that brown people exist when they oppose the same power structures as you is totally the same as leading the revolution personally from your basement. Yes, playing Call of Duty makes you just as much a war veteran than that poor street kid coming home with three fewer limbs and little medical care for her severe PTSD.

“Je suis Charlie” is of the same mold. A quick simple “ooh ooh me too wave to the other fellow-travelers that neither risks the ire of the type of violent thugs that attacked, nor does anything to examine any of the causes of this tragedy. It’s a sad fart in the wind that doesn’t really comfort the powerless, because it’s a bunch of white mostly Christian men in predominantly white Christian countries slagging on a target they wanted an excuse to hate anyways. It literally serves little to no purpose.

As much as it loathes me to echo anything the likes of Dreher and Brooks emit, I have to agree with them on that tiny small infinitesimal point… Though I draw some small comfort in the knowledge that the only reason there are right-wingers jumping on that bandwagon is because they are smarting and furious that Charlie Hebdo went after Christian religious assholery as well and thus think they deserved it for being, ironically enough, infidels.

But what about the Bi-trayer? Someone has called him out on an action. This never ends well, unless your definition of ending well is being treated to some of the most bizarre and hilarious faux-martyrdom you could possibly imagine.

Memes are annoying. I get it.

Ok, the meter of pissiness is climbing, but it’s still not really at peak Lopez yet.

Perhaps I bristled at these paragraphs because I had just taped five “JE SUIS CHARLIE” signs on my office door as a sign of solidarity with free speech.

Of course he did. Hashtag activism at its finest.

It is good to do as Dreher does here, and be self-critical before we jump into slogans we might regret later.

So let’s be “complicated,” as David Brooks asks us to. Let’s think this through. Is it appropriate for a conservative – or, since I’m writing this, me – to say or post, “JE SUIS CHARLIE”?

Pissiness readings are starting to redline… good…

And of course it comes back to you. You could be writing about the plight of 13th century Steppe farmers and it’d be one sentence before you argued that this is a perfect metaphor for how your lesbian mother dared die on you and infected you with her gay particles that totally made you fuck up your life repeatedly.

First, I have to offer an alternative of view of what’s happening “here in America.”

SAVE YOURSELVES! THE PISSINESS TANKS CAN’T HOLD ANY MORE! THEY’RE GOING TO BLOW!

I don’t know about other readers of American Thinker, but when I go to work, I am in physical danger.

… Mm hmm… pfft… heh! BWAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, uh huh, sure you are.

Oh man… I’m sorry, but I can’t possibly take this petulant delusion seriously. I mean, so sorry not to weep for the clear and present danger that our weeping willow here faces on the regular, but bitch please. I risk far more every day just walking to the grocery store in a skirt than this wannabe. Fuck, I’ve had people casually threaten to kill me within earshot on more than one occasion. And I’m supposed to weep at the “threats” this clown supposedly “faces” occasionally being scowled at by his lesbian students because he just argued to another Circuit Court that they don’t deserve basic human rights because his lesbian moms didn’t save him from all the bad things in the world? Puh-leeze.

For having stood up against same-sex parenting, I have been targeted by international gay rights organizations and listed as an anti-American criminal in a “notice” that was sent to millions of people by activists close to the president of the United States.

Oh noes, the people whose very lives I campaign against have noticed that I’m working against their rights and include that fact in their mailers. This is the worst oppression anyone has ever oppressed.

I have been threatened at work – physically. People have dragged a knife across my office door, students have accosted me, and my American flag has been ripped and stolen several times.

Uh huh, sure. Yup, totally happened.

I mean, not to make too much of a recent post of his where he accused his students of being snipers setting literal traps for him in the halls, but let’s just say ol’ ROL has the teeniest little victim-complex and a tendency to make up random slights that he then uses to justify continuing to echo the work of literal Nazi-apologists and support the most vile of bigoted laws.

The Human Rights Campaign, the group that has targeted me most viciously, also seems to have played a role in provoking Floyd Corkins, a gay terrorist, to bust into the offices of the Family Research Council in 2012 with the goal of slaughtering everyone in the building.

It is amusing just how complete a rule IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION continues to be. I mean, fuck, I brought it out as an exasperated joke years ago and it still serves as a universal shorter to every one of these fuckwits. I mean, here we get him conjuring a secret encouragement as if the impotent HRC was like some anti-choice hate group hiding behind “lone wolfs” all while whispering sweet nothings of all the genocide “one brave warrior” could stop wink wink.

Also, it’s eternally bemusing to me to watch wingnuts cling to one potentially genuine claim to objection years back as their eternal cross to nail themselves to time and time again. It’s like watching a dog dig up their favorite bone, barking so happily and full of themselves in complete ignorance of the elephant graveyard they prance around. Yes, you have such a real reason to fear… I say as I add Leelah Alcorn’s name to the too damn long list and my coblogger scribbles yet another unarmed kid to his painfully long tome of the dead.

This does not make me feel safer when I stroll into my office building. And neither the FRC nor I had any truck with “puerile” cartoons, as David Brooks characterizes Charlie Hebdo.

… Of course.

Cause it’s never enough for the likes of Robbie that he have an equally legitimate sob story to whatever news story dares overshadow him. No, his woe must be greater and more deserving! So of course, he doesn’t just constantly fear for his life from crazed gunmen kicking down his door and unloading their assault rifles. No, no, no, he fears for his life without doing something so crass and unwise as mocking others with jokes. Indeed, the homofascists came after him for no good reason while he was just standing there and now he’s triple dead, which is like double more worthily dead than some smelly French cartoonists and where’s his “Je Suis Robert” hashtag?!? WAH! I say WAH!

We’ve been nuanced and considerate and compassionate all along.

Pfft. How he managed to write such a glaring falsehood without setting his desk on fire will eternally baffle me.

But yeah, I always got to love the gaslighting that bigoted fucks just can’t help but thrown in when they are in full martyr mode like some caught-out five-year-old trying to get out of trouble.

“What? No! I was just standing here minding my own business and then he just up and attacked me! So nuh uh that you saw me call him names and kick him in the shins.”

They still came after us, and David Brooks was no help.

Heh. Expecting Bobo to help anyone other than himself. That’s cute.

GLAAD keeps peddling a “commentator profile” on me full of unconscionably out-of-date and out-of-context quotes taken from deleted blog posts.

The context for this bit of what the fuck is this. Apparently after penning the article about how his students were going all Manhunter on him, he decided to take his personal blog off the internet, possibly because he worries that even the lazy bastards that employ him might some day deign to check in on their whiniest mental patient.

And I guess he’s all pouty that just because he took his embarrassing posts off the internet, that doesn’t actually mean they disappear off the internet.

I mean, how rude! He’s not living in the past, so why should the people he hurt bother remembering what he did or didn’t say while trying to strip them of rights. I mean, let bygones be bygones right?

Also, I love that this is his example of horrifying violence that he’s in fear because.

Ungh, you don’t understand. They’re remembering what I said and making fun of it. That’s infinitely worse than being gunned down in one’s office! But hey, maybe the next example will be less scoff-worthy.

With its sky-high Google ranking,

Yes, how dare… GLAAD have a… decent web presence?!?

I mean, I get it, he’s so jelly there’s no more room on the bread for the peanut butter about the fact that queer organizations didn’t just up and go away when he decided he didn’t like them and instead seem to be doing better and better, while he’s chained up to a plummeting meteor, destined to be some pock-marked footnote in future history classes, if that.

But still, woo, so terrifying.

this profile inspired a deranged student

Oh dear, ok this could be something. I mean, deranged student. That sounds really bad. Like did the student follow you home making threatening comments or leave the head of Matt Barber on your desk?

at a university to organize a mob

Holy fucking shit. Are you okay? I mean, a whole mob to attack you. That’s some Clockwork Orange shit right there. I mean, I’m no great fan of your work but that sounds really uncool and it makes sense that you’d have some lingering PTSD. Hey, man, here, let me extend an offer of a hu-

of people to heckle me less than two months ago.

Oh.

Never mind.

Yes, that’s right. Robert Oscar Lopez feels he is the equivalent of the fallen at Charlie Hebdo because people mocked him once months ago.

… yeah.

And this is such a horrible thing (people daring to use their free speech to speak out in defense of themselves and against the things he says about them) that he is still nursing the grievance like a fresh wound months later. Which, to be fair, it’s not really out of the norm for a wingnut to argue that freedom of speech somehow means freedom from criticism or ridicule, but maybe, just maybe, it’s not the argument you want to drag out when you’re comparing yourself to people who were killed because some fundamentalist somewhere thought that being mocked was a grave unpardonable sin.

The student stood up in an auditorium (can we say “fire” in a crowded theater – remember that?) holding a printout of GLAAD’s profile;

Oh this gets even better.

Now, it is apparently equivalent to intentionally try and incite a mass panic than to protest student funds going to some bigot by protesting the bigot’s talk (like students have been doing regularly for decades now).

And holy fuck is it hard to take these chucklenuts seriously. Maybe it’s just the fact that I’ve had a delightful cocktail of little respected minority traits for all of my life, but I just can’t pretend that having a scheduled talk interrupted by protest or minor polite pushback is the same or rather worse than legitimate oppression. I don’t worry that my scheduled talk for 6 figures somewhere might be cancelled, I worry that I’ll lose my job because my boss associates my gender identity with “bad employee”. I don’t worry that somewhere someone might call me out on my shit, I worry that someone will kill me because they’ve decided I gave them an accidental gay boner in their eyes. And as I work around supporting friends going through rapes, suicidal ideation, PTSD-related breakdowns, disownments, homelessness, and the fear that their brothers are going to get killed if they go outside at night, I just can’t muster the fucks to grieve for the type of worthless sack of shit who thinks being told “no” for the first time in his life is the equivalency of being ritualistically murdered on the Queer Altar.

he shouted charges against me – saying I worked with neo-Nazis, believed that gay men are all pedophiles, and was an anti-Catholic homophobe

Well, yes, because you do. Some of the men you regularly call great allies are in fact neo-Nazis and Holocaust-deniers and fuck, I’ve already linked to at least one article where you’ve tried to pull out the Scott Lively arguments and lend some bullshit veneer of “hey, I’m that minority and I agree with it, so it must be true” to it.

And fuck, you’ve inserted your wrinkly ass into nearly every court case you can with one of your rambling pity party affidavits about how the fact that you are a narcissistic sociopath means that all lesbian parents can’t raise children well (and I’m extremely loathe to blame them for how you ended up. There’s only so much one can do with greedy coward).

I know this whole personal responsibility isn’t really your guys’s thing, but…

Sometimes actions have free speech consequences, you know?

– which were totally untrue. The truth didn’t matter to the mob of white male hecklers, who started chanting, “Racist, sexist, antigay, Christian fascist go away!” while they brandished a rainbow flag and a U.S. flag on large flagpoles. I left the building as they were shouting at me to get out.

Oh noes, not the rainbow flag. You could have been turned mega double uptown gay in the bask of its homoifying rays instead of just a self-hating bisexual! You were right to run screaming into the night like a little punk.

Ok, I’m not sure which path I should go with here.

A) Oh noes, protest because you took the money students supposedly pay for people who don’t personally argue against their humanity and the queer student body took exception to this and did what students have been doing for literal decades with people their chancellors love, but students rightfully hate.

Fuck, I mean, you’re whining about some of the tamest protest shit possible like you were personally gunned down by Libyans in the mall parking lot and you expect us not to go, yes, uh huh, that’s what happens when you argue against people’s rights, people speak out against you and interrupt your overly-compensated speeches.

And yeah, not really able to muster the sympathy when you receive the standard type of protest usually ending in the loudest parties being ushered out before continuing in the wake of… oh say, Anita Sarkeesian receiving threats of violent massacre before her speeches or the hate slurs the average feminist or queer teacher in college has to suffer from that one male student who decides he wants to take a class he’ll hate just to try and antagonize the teacher for being such a misandrist/heterophobe and other made up words and grievances.

B) Oh ho ho, look at you going full Clarence Thomas and trying to pretend that you’re the real scrappy minority fighting for basic dignity against YOUR ALL WHITE MALE OPPRESSORS as if the opposition to you had the first thing to do with your race and not the direct harm you’ve brought to queer students.

Still won’t save you, though I suppose it’ll set you up to start playing the “even the latino Robert Oscar Lopez” role once the professional homophobe money dries up.

There’s no point in lecturing any of us about crossing lines at this point. The lines have been crossed – not by those of us who are told to tone down our rhetoric, but by the senseless attackers who have presumed a right to threaten and punish whatever they don’t want to hear.

I mean, did you hear my horror story? THEY HAD A FLAG! A FLAG!

Truly this is an outrage only senseless violence and the appropriation of genuine tragedy can resolve.

Many commentators are asking that we take a closer look at Islam itself, which is appropriate, given all that is happening. But it’s much bigger than that. Islamist extremism is one of a number of ideological movements, anchored on the left of the political spectrum, which adhere to an incoherent ideology.

Yes… when I think leftist, I think a bunch of right-wing religious fanatics who believe that violence and terrorism are an acceptable way to monopolize power. Oh wait, sorry, I forgot we weren’t using real people language, but instead the super secret wingnut dictionary which states that leftist just means “contains brown people, women, and/or queers”.

This only crystallizes as an ideological system or finds cogency in violent imposition of language standards on others.

What?!? We can’t call the towel-heads sand niggers and we can’t call the trannies faggots? WAH, my rights are being taken away by the grand liberal conspiracy that is filled with all sorts of collusion. After all, it’s all about ethics in desperately wanting to believe that you’re in Act II of a political thriller.

Islamist radicals hate gays, gay radicals seem constantly determined to get black Christians fired, black radicals lament the targeting of black men in particular (something that would lead an objective person to interrogate feminism), while feminists cite statistics from Muslim countries to demonstrate the worldwide war on women. If any of these lefty groups has real grievances, their grievances are with each other.

… So… pay no attention to the man behind the curtain and instead fight to the death for his amusement?

And wow. I mean, I know and you know and he knows that the eternal strategy of the rich and powerful has always been to sow discord and play on petty hatreds to fracture unity and the dire prospect of all the disempowered rising together. It’s largely why periods of greatest right-wing freakout has been moments where intersectionality has taken place. Queer groups coming to the defense of unions, NAACP speaking up on feminist issues, and so on… The powerless fractured are powerless and small, but add them up and well…

So of course he’s selling this “nuh uh, it’s not us, it’s uh… *flip the rolodex* the fluberts. Yeah, hate them instead” shtick like it’s the last hot dog before shutters up.

Nonetheless…

I don’t think I’ve ever seen this shtick done quite this poorly before. I mean, for fuck’s sake, when the bigoted gay men started personally blaming all black people everywhere for Prop 8 in California, there was a lot of damage done to the relations between those two groups, but that didn’t really start because Focus on the Family went out and muttered into a megaphone, “um er… ignore us, cause like I heard that the black people would make a great distraction and stuff, hate them”.

I mean, maybe ol’ Robbie the Robot is used to the wingnut world where it doesn’t exactly take a surfeit of effort or well… truth to sway the rabid pit of wolverines to swarm over the latest Goldstein, but that’s not exactly going to fly in the lands where people at least pretend they care whether their fellow humans live or die.

But their ideology is consistent, believe it or not. The cosmetic details of which identity class is entitled to which emotional reaction against which provocation are not what matters. They share the same central belief: intimidation, including violence, is warranted when people say things they do not like.

IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION! 100% of the time. Supplies are unlimited. We’ll never run out. This is the eternal flickering light on the screen that will never cease to define right wing effluence.

As long as they preserve their emotional veto and get to enforce it with catastrophic reprisal,

I know he intends this to sound like the glacking of an assault rifle’s muzzle, but I don’t think it’s possible to read this in any other way than “Oh noes, the liberals are daring to use their freedom of speech to RESPOND to us, when we so clearly used ours first and therefore they are to shut up forever!”

I mean, for fuck’s sake “emotional veto”. Oh noes, people being denied rights by pompous insane narcissists might dare get upset and emotional and speak up in response to said abrogation! Truly this is the greatest act of terrorism our blue Earth has ever seen.

their mission is accomplished. The specifics of what they want can be endlessly deferred.

Oh, I’m sorry, this apparently was a much worse sentence than I first thought. Not only are these vile evil harpies of SJWs daring to be upset and respond to bigotry with speech of their own, but this is clearly the only thing driving them.

I mean, sure, you or I might think that said vile liberals may genuinely want things like to stop expecting to be raped as a right of passage, or to walk the streets in peace, or not have to fear their kids will be gunned down by the people sworn to protect them. But that’s only because the commie brainwashing amoebas have scrambled our thinky box!

No, all those assorted aggrieved parties want to do and live to do is make one Robert Oscar Lopez’s life slightly harder, by daring to counter him in public and make him feel slightly less happy about selling out his people to those who hate and want to destroy them for a cool bit of scratch.

Wow… okay, I read a lot of narcissists writing these posts. One’s who think the entire political landscape should bend to their particular whims or those who believe everyone must hate insert group here because everyone at their local Klan meeting hates them.

But this might just be the single most narcissistic and self-deluded piece of rhetoric I’ve yet encountered. For fuck’s sake, Lopez literally seems to believe that those he oppresses have nothing better to do and in fact live only to inconvenience him in minor ways.

Fuck, no wonder he believes his students are snipers or that he’s under constant danger. This idiot thinks that having a student sneer at him while he walks past is equivalent to spending 9 months in Abu Ghraib and literally does think that everyone is against him because he is unable to accept a world where he is not only the center of the universe, but rather the center of everyone’s universe.

I’m sorry to break this to you, but we really couldn’t care less about you. I mean, those of us directly harmed by your current actions aren’t really going to politely forget and not counter you when you show up with another whiny post or get paid kid’s far too high college tuitions to spread your Scott Lively bullshit. But when you go to that same dark place all professional bigots go, we’ll not spare some special thought or spend our days fuming. Occasionally someone might reference some infamous moment or say “oh hey, remember that guy who…” and maybe someone will be able to place a name to it in much the same way that Anita Bryant is treated today.

But once the rights of those you held down are taken for granted, few will bother to be as obsessed about you as you were about them.

I’m sorry, Rodney… Rick… um… one of the R names… Anyways, you’re just not special. Just more pathetic.

It is the left that thinks this way, not we.

Oh hey, why do we bother to have this blinking light that says the projector is on if you’re just going to flash the lights of the whole apparatus and shout out “hey guys, check out the way this thing shines light on objects!” to the whole theatre.

I mean, for fuck’s sake, there are professional telegraph operators who don’t telegraph their actions quite so much as you.

So we have to mount a movement against the left, not figure out ways to placate them. Placate them, and you invite the gunmen.

Yesssss… you must now and only now organize a form of opposition to those who are marginalized. You know, for the first time.

Man, is all the right-wingers just straight up stealing a page from the Gamergaters and deciding that chronology is a bitch that will say whatever the fuck they want it to?

Or are they actually time travelers, tragically unable to cope with a linear progression of time?

Actually… that would explain a lot…

Discussing standards of civility is more offensive than offensive hate speech at this point,

You know, I’m not exactly the biggest fan of tone policing and in fact see it as a tool of oppression, dictating to the oppressed how they are allowed to act in a direct act of control and silencing…

And even I know this is fucking stupid.

I mean, I may want to punch the asshole who says I shouldn’t get angry at all the bigots out there in the mouth, but I fucking understand he’s a slight bit less of a real and present danger than the person so utterly convinced of my inhumanity, he’ll let loose a slur to my face.

But then, I wouldn’t expect someone with your… er… unique relationship to adversity to understand.

because the only people who can seriously speak about “civility” are the people who have accommodated and buffered themselves from liberals while abandoning other innocent targets of their madness. This is not a moment for conversation, dialogue, or trying to hear the other side out. This is a moment to organize and show a united front against the groups that are responsible for the bulk of this totalitarian silencing – the left. Liberals in the United States are violent and crazy.

I am hip to the fact that liberals silence other liberals as well as people who are to the left of themselves on specific issues. Look at how many of them cheered on the lynch mob against Bill Maher at Berkeley.

It is all the fascinating how wingnuts really seem genuinely baffled at the notion that left-leaning people aren’t actually authoritarians like them and actually have values and belief systems and things they care about and thus are prone to call each other out on their shit. And it paints a legitimately terrifying picture of just how frightening their internal world must be. One where conformity to the tribal consensus is everything and one should not even condemn the likes of fascists and psychopaths if they happen to loosely support the same goals as you. Utterly convinced that everyone else is as valueless and horrible as them.

I would pity them if they didn’t so consistently try to fuck over the lives of many I care about in inventively terrible ways.

When I hang “JE SUIS CHARLIE” on my office door, I am speaking with a great deal of solidarity. I don’t actually care if the staff of Charlie Hebdo was mostly left-wing. I understand the kind of real fear and suppression with which they contend.

How dare you steal my wood?!? I’m the real martyr! me, Me, ME!

No one in the history of the universe has suffered like I have. Especially not some cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

Charlie Hebdo has been swiftly hung out to dry by leftists who now say they were offensive and imply that they got what they deserved. That’s something I can relate to. Some conservatives have rallied to support me, but quite a few of them find me dangerous and a loose cannon.

Oh, man, there’s so much story in the last little bit of the last line that I want to know… though I imagine the reality would be rather mundane and is just Lopez’s hyperbolic tantrum about how he sold out for the professional homophobe movement and now everyone is sidling away because no one wants to be the last one out the door before the lights go off.

Still, totally popcorn worthy.

Charlie Hebdo does not divide left from right or reasonable people from loose cannons. It divides the bold from the timid. If you are bold, you are not David Brooks. Your name is Charlie Hebdo. You need to claim it.

Snff. Well, fuck you guys, I don’t even need you. Stupid Bobo not returning my calls. I know Charlie loves me and if I cut out its picture 5 million more times maybe this will fill the empty space in my heart… snff.

That’s America. Let’s talk Europe.

Oh, I guess that’s America wrapped up now. Bye America. You have to leave because you hurt the Duke’s feelings.

Also, if the wingnuts are thinking Europe is going to be their salvation just because of things like UKIP, then they are going to be all the disappointed.

I go regularly to France to work with social conservatives. They have far surpassed Americans in courage when standing up for the traditional family of mother-father-child. Over a million converged on Paris on March 24, 2013, when I was the only American who got to address the crowd. It was an amazing sight.

…

A) Pfft. Of course he thinks that France is just the core group of Catholic fanatics who fellated his Stay Puft Marshmallow Man-sized ego. Well, if he thinks that’s going to be his anti-gay dollars salvation, he’s going to be bitterly disappointed.

B) Oh yeah America, well, I’m going to France’s! They have crowds for me, big ones, and I never ever need to get heckled ever and we’re going to get married and buy a house and have 2.5 children and you can’t stop me. YOU CAN’T! Sniff, Charlie, you’re always there for me. In my secret worship shrine… forever.

We were tear-gassed that day. I had been attacked by a mob in Brussels a few days before – this was a mob of angry Belgian militants who would have knocked us down and beaten us if it were not for barricades holding them back. The Francophone university a few miles from there saw this on the news and barred me from presenting my paper at a conference for which I’d spent two years preparing. Their reason was that they could not guarantee the physical safety of the conference attendees, even if I was willing to risk being violently attacked by a mob.

Oh, hey good for you, you went a whole paragraph without spinning your epic delusional tale of being personally hunted for sport by the Homofascists as you bravely wavered your lip and pushed past the slings and arrows!

Which I love this paragraph because the part he’s actually the most pissed about is also the bit that rather disproves the rest of it. I mean, here he’s trying to spin this harrowing spy thriller tale of being personally tear-gassed and facing down a howling mob of near-inhuman murderous thugs out of well, a protest that was the one to get violent against the kiss-in counter-protestors and some people daring to protest him and he just undermines the whole thing, by what actually incenses him.

He was told not to make a speech. And he worked really really hard on that speech and they wouldn’t let him and that’s NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR!

Which yeah, of course that stings the most to him, because apparently he equates not being listened to with being oppressed (the more I learn about him, the more I empathize with his mother. He must have been nightmarish to raise). But the fact that this is what sets him off rather blatantly reveals that that really is the worst he’s ever faced. He might stretch credibility to the breaking point and claim martyrdom status for events halfway around the world to him, but that doesn’t make those events have any more impact for him than the comforting coat of self-delusion and paranoia.

Because as much as he’s climbing on the crucifix and asking for more wood and nails, it still doesn’t make him a martyr.

Prominent “pro-gay” socialists in France tweeted their wish for a bomb to go off under the Arc de Triomphe on the day I spoke on a platform there. They also tweeted their desire to see Beatrice Bourges, a conservative French woman, “euthanized.” Nobody brought these people up on any charges.

I’ll take shit that never happened for $100, Alex.

In France, I spoke before a group of people whose former leader was actually brought up on charges for “denying the holocaust” because he pointed out the fact that French homosexuals were not deported en masse due to their sexual orientation.

Yes… because that would be denying the holocaust. See, saying a group exterminated during the holocaust totally wasn’t (while also repeating Scott Lively talking points about how the Nazis were actually all queers) is denying the Holocaust just as much as trying to pretend any other group imprisoned or exterminated en masse by the Nazis totally weren’t.

Especially when that argument is being used to justify the stripping of said group’s rights now.

And I might as well tell you this now seeing as you’re writing France’s name in your notebook a thousand times with hearts, but Europe doesn’t really take kindly to the whole Holocaust denial thing. Largely because unlike us, they actually understand what the whole thing was about and didn’t just write it off as “some Commie atheist” nonsense.

He went through a highly publicized trial that destroyed his career in the center-right political party, which banished him.

Because he was a fucking Holocaust denier.

I mean, it’s nice and all that wingnuts and Gamergaters are letting their freak flag fly and are no longer afraid to embrace their swastika loving neo-nazi brethren, but it doesn’t change the fact that they’re supporting LITERAL NAZIS and expecting everyone else to be chill about it.

Which, sorry, but no, you’re not really going to find me going gosh, I know I should dislike this fine ranting skinheaded gentleman for the fact that he thinks Hitler was a swell guy, but gosh, we share a similar view on fiscal policy and so he’s totally an okay guy to invite to the party.

No, sorry, he’s not. He’s a fucking nazi.

Nobody was paying attention when the French court found him innocent and he was able to prove that the history he cited was correct.

Surrrrrrrre he did.

In England, I met with people in a Christian group who are under constant siege by the British government. Islamist terrorists hack people to death in front of rolling cameras there, yet Christians are threatened with fines and worse for asking to pay for bus advertisements reminding the public that some homosexuals have left the lifestyle with the help of churches.

Well, no wonder he’s thinking conservatives in America have pussied out on him, given that he’s apparently been making busom bodies with French neo-nazis and fucking UKIP.

Gosh, I wonder why people were less than happy having their tuition money going to your speaking fee considering you’re wholly comfortable hanging out with some of the worst scum on the planet and consider them your intellectual and moral peers.

It must be all the Homofascism.

The conservatives in the United States have allowed LGBT extremists to run roughshod over their civil liberties; they have said next to nothing about the resurgence of slavery, cultural genocide, and eugenics,

Okay, what now?

Also, Um, given your previous paragraphs, are these positions you want conservatives to support or…

in the form of human trafficking, social engineering, and genetic engineering –

Ahhhhh, of course.

Also is it just me or is human trafficking being slavery (which is something feminists and liberals have been crying about for decades upon decades now) on there just because he wrote the other two and had a rare lucid moment where he’s like, wow that looks like the ramblings of a John Bircher undergoing the final stage of Syphilis and decided to just straight up jack a legitimate issue to make the others look halfway sane.

Which… sorry but no. “Social engineering” i.e. modern society not being quite so bigoted as previous generations is not the same as genocide and no amount of linguistic torture is going to make it that way. Ditto for genetic engineering being eugenics, because… as a biologist, no, just no.

But hey, thanks for demonstrating that you fall for the far-fetched conspiracy theories of the left just as easily as you do those on the right.

Fuck, I give this clown about another year in obscurity before he shows up on Infowars babbling about 9/11 was an inside job by the lizardmen that secretly run Congress.

all of which are spiking due to the LGBT lobby’s insatiable need to secure a market for buying and selling children.

There is so much blatantly and offensively wrong with this one little fragment that I’m legitimately baffled with where to begin. I mean… holy fuckballs.

Do I go with how it’s been feminists and queer organizations who have been the first to call attention to and advocate for the victims of human trafficking rings? Do I cover how said rings are almost entirely in service to the desires of richer white “straight” men who want to get off raping a child and queer trafficking rings are nearly nonexistent? Do I note how many LGBT youth, especially the T, are often forced into positions of underage prostitution as their only means to survive after being kicked out of their homes or being forced to run away? Do I examine how this is yet another example of Lopez shoe-horning in Scott Lively hate-speech in the form of equating “gay” with child molesters in one big hateful dog whistle?

Or do I just raise both middle fingers high and skate away on a big ol’ cloud of nope?

While most conservative outlets focus on Christian florists and bakers who are forced to provide services to gay weddings,

Which is dumb and sad.

there are gay couples who are illegally trafficking babies.

As compared to batshit fucking insane…

Wait… hold on a sec. Illegally trafficking babies… Oh.

Ohhhhh. Okay, pardon me for not catching that on the first go, I’m not actually a native speaker in fucking batshit, so I totally missed what this is about. Apparently this “prostituion” and “trafficking” is in reference to gay adoption. Yeah. Adopting children is apparently sexual trafficking because gays=sex? I… guess.

Cause, hey, it’s not like that previous bit wasn’t offensive and in bitter drug-out divorce with reality to begin with.

The response from the conservative press is largely crickets chirping.

When your batshit conspiracy theories are too fucking insane for conservatives? You may just need to start stepping down on the LSD.

In Europe, it isn’t so.

Well, hell, I guess if the neo-Nazis are willing to believe that the Holocaust was a coverup, they’ll be willing to swallow literally any cod-swollop that justifies their desire to smash queer heads into the pavement.

I can see why you like them so much.

Facing off against riot police, thugs, and an Orwellian pro-gay press, millions of French people paid for train fare to Paris so they could stand against LGBT fascism. I was there on the stage, looking out at a sea of pink and blue – one and a half million people risking a great deal for their principles. In the United States, a country with a population five times as great, only about two thousand people showed up for the last national march for marriage. Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, and Rand Paul can’t seem to backtrack on the fight over marriage quickly enough.

WAAAAAH, you can’t abandon me! I’ll hate you forever if you dare abandon me! Just like my mommy and those early boyfriends who dared die of AIDS. Ooh, I’m penning my rambly hate screed about your asses right now, you’ll be sorry.

…

You know, I’m a right spiteful bitch. I hold grudges for years. I don’t forgive easily and I find it easier to turn to an acid tongue than smile and pretend that everything is fine.

And yet, I must stand and salute the pure artistry that is Lopez’s pissy little ball of intensive spite for minor slights. It’s like being a kid tagging the block gazing the works of some great street mural artist. I just have to admire the sheer dedication it takes to go so far into one’s craft. Brava, sir. Brava.

The French have stopped surrogacy and blocked sperm-banking for lesbians.

Well that’s entirely pointless except as a fuck you gesture.

Oh wait, sorry, neo-nazis. Okay, continue.

There is a strong possibility that if Sarkozy returns to power in 2017, he will rescind the gay marriage law.

Oh…

Oh, you poor dear. You really think you’re going to be able to continue your career selling out your dignity to the type of people that would gladly put a bullet in your head and leave you by the roadside to rot in shiny Western European/American locales…

Oh, no. No, that ship has long since sailed.

You can enjoy Russia or go ruin Africa like all the other rich white God-molestors, but if you imagine that you’ll be able to trade up to a job that lets you dine on the banks of the Seine… oh, do I have bad news for you.

Je suis Charlie does not have to be a meaningless meme.

It could be a meaningless trending topic for you to try and shoehorn one last little wring of relevance before you fade into that good night as remembered as that one guy who signed that one anti-gay bill that one time… you know, that guy!

And man, obscurity could not possibly happen to a more deserving target than your conceded ass.

It means a lot to people in France who live each day under the threat of serious reprisal when they see Americans showing some modicum of courage in the face of ghastly threats against our freedom of conscience. Quite frankly, I think Americans need more guts.

I say, hang up the sign and think about what it means. Act on what it means. Be Charlie.

Oh yeah, Robbie. You’re a real brave war hero patriot hanging a little paper sign on your front door that you spent three seconds printing from the printer. Truly, no one in the history of the universe has ever been able to claim such heroism as… capitalizing on a tragedy to try and promote yourself and your outdated and unwanted selling of your long-lost dignity.

I’m sorry, but the money’s gone. Hell, even the dedicated long-run homophobes have started moving towards being all tranny all the time now. There’s just no use for a bisexual shield to duck behind and lend a thin veneer of credibility to their most bigoted horseshit anymore. Maybe if you were a TPOC and could help them on that front, but as you are…?

Nope.

The free ride is over and all you have left is the price of your deeds and the sterling company you have remaining.

Cause hey, why bother having sanity, dignity, or a single person willing to stomach your bullshit, when you could have:

LITERAL NAZIS!