Catching Up With the Domestic Product
At least Pigpen wasn’t a Holocaust Denier.
Andrew McCarthhy, National Brand Chew:
Senate GOP Gamesmanship On Obamacare Defunding Is Not Honorable
and
Jonah “I’m rubber and you’re glue” Goldberg, National Nazi Apologists:
Ted Cruz, the GOP’s Barack Obama
You know with all the foreign scienamatists we’ve been trotting out for the last week or so, I feel we are losing focus on our home-grown nutjobs and fuckheads. I mean, what have they been up to in all that time?
Answer? Not much. You can tell, in the subject matter that there is an ounce of recognition that maybe, just maybe, screaming like crazed baboons about how you’re never ever going to let this shitty society get even the tiniest bit better might, just might look a little bad to the general public. And there’s even some dawning realization that going further and further into a deluded world of conspiracy theories and where guns and corporations are the only real people is not going to make white people magically pop out of the aether and thus make the Southern Strategy viable again.
But beyond that, they’re completely lost. They have the tribal identity, the proper tribal hatreds and rich sugar daddies willing to fund them as long as they stroke that head real slow like Daddy wants, but after that…
So they’ve been mostly throwing up chaff, demanding Obama be impeached because, well, Clinton being impeached over bullshit seemed to help Bush get elected and they’re hoping that at least that magic lightning will strike twice. Jumping from one random made-up outrage to the next and trying to work Benghazi as if it was personally directed by Obama in order to make the CIA look like the incompetent fools they are.
And while it may be amusing to watch wingnuts literally running around like chickens with their heads cut off, I feel today’s shorters cover the more important question of where exactly the fuck they go from here.
So without further adieu.
Shorter Andrew McCarthy:
- I’m Andrew Fucking McCarthy, but apparently briefly noting that shooting ourselves in the foot for no good reason was enough to make me temporarily a tribesperson in poor standing. So now, let me just say, that yes, I support shooting oneself in the foot. We should do it all the time. May we limp forever on to the glorious future that awaits us once we are completely unelectable by even the mouthbreathers that are our base… Please don’t throw me out into the cold. I don’t know how to do real work.
Because if your shit is less and less popular and is only held to be important by a shrinking population simply due to the grim ravages of time, then what is needed is even more purity purges over not supporting self-destructive bullshit for no good reason.
But wait, that’s just the majority of the conservative “movement”. But what about Grandpa Goldberg, the wise sensei who perfected the art of pretending all your crimes were the results of your enemies instead? Surely he has the roadmap to prosperity.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- Ted Cruz will be our Barack Obama because we figure that if you threw out a racial minority and he was popular, then our pet racial minority will do just as well. Just like Palin was just as popular as Clinton. I mean, fuck, something’s got to bring things back. We tried creating another Iran Hostage Crisis with Benghazi and that didn’t work to create a new Reagan. And we tried impeaching a sitting Democratic president over nothing to create a new Bush, so all we have left is trying to recreate the circumstances of Obama and hoping it’ll give us our own popular young ethnic conservative icon.
Or perhaps just a cargo cult.
Cause if you recreate the random events that surrounded a president’s election, than that will somehow resurrect that exact president’s terms and successes and the impact that had in delaying social change in this country for 30 years and counting.
Sadly, No!
But here’s a free mango for the road.
Ted Cruz is no Joe McCarthy, as so many liberals bizarrely claim. But he might be the conservative Barack Obama. The charge that he’s the new McCarthy is something of a compliment from liberals. It means they don’t like him, can’t really explain why, and need to demonize him instead. In other words, he must be doing something right.
Yeah, no one could think of a reason to dislike Joseph Fucking McCarthy. Not a reason. They just disliked him because he was so right all the time. Yup.
Oh Jonah, you could at least hide your attempted whitewashing of older conservative icons a little bit.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Holy fuck, a post by me under 5,000 words. Call the National Guard immediately, I’m clearly mortally wounded. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
He has a deadline, so he has to ask his readers for reasons to hate Joe McCarthy.
Also frist buck you fozo etc.
Ted Cruze is the new McCarthy because he looks a little like him and acts a LOT like him.
I knew Joe McCarthy. Joe McCarthy was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Joe McCarthy.
–And Jonah, you’re no
Ed McMahonEdward R. Murrow.–Oops, meant to say that Joe McCarthy was an enemy of mine. Got too literal with the quote-mining there….
No backsies, MISTER Limpet. Have you, at last, no sense of decency?
Decency? Here? *Fumbling around* Coulda sworn I left it over in that corner….
Hmph. Barack Obama is the conservative Barack Obama. It’s why “a majority of Americans don’t like Obamacare” – it’s too conservative for about 20% of us.
[Gets down from liberal soapbox]
[Trollreallygetaroom]
Wait. Canadians are an ethnic minority? Well I guess we do have thems weird extra holidays and all.
So I’m in the taxi on my way to the hotel this morning, with another one of our crews, and all 3 of these guys are whining about how they can’t buy more than 1 or 2 boxes of ammo or something because apparently there’s some conspiracy where Obama is buying up all the ammunition or something.
That’s usually around the time I take a keen interest in my smartphone.
You know, I own several guns but that seems to be all some of these guys want to talk about. That or how much they hate Obama. It really gets annoying after a while.
It’s getting to where I’d rather just go eat dinner by myself than have to listen to one of these idiots whine all the time.
I put up with that asshole from Texas for 8 years but I didn’t feel like I needed to make it the topic of conversation with every person I met.
The fact is, liberals have no argument against freedom. They just hate it, and therefore America.
OT – conservatism smorgasbord. It’s got Bible fanfic, blatant stock fraud, bulk purchase giveaways to prop up sales numbers and the requisite accusations of a government conspiracy/vendetta. It is Left Behind Games.
Actually, the rehabilitation of Joe McCarthy is a real thing and has been going on in the right wing since at least the Reagan years. They read Whittaker Chambers’ book Witness and think this completely validates every crazy thing that Tailgunner Joe ever said. The thing is, noone disputes that the Soviet Union did have spies back in the day, but almost everyone knows that McCarthy’s crazy claims or fifth-columners being under every bed and operating the entertainment industry were just pure crap he made up to inflame his constituents to vote for him. And that sheet of paper he used to carry around .. it’s blank.
Andrew Sullivan
Maybe Jonah thinks people are talking about the famous ventriloquist dummy and he wonders how anyone could hate such a cute little chap.
this post is pithy.
terse.
tight.
to the point.
moar of this plz
Oh no
I can’t tell if this is a typo or intentional but if intentional it tickled my funny bone.
Well FYWP.
Oh no, I – a black liberal feminist who miscegenates every damn day – certainly hopes the Republicans don’t decide to run Ted Cruz. That would be DISASTROUS! The very thought makes me want to shave my legs, put on a bra and go to church!
LOL–Ted Cruz is just the patsy for those reactionary fascists in the House. Every one of those asshole Repigs, except ONE voted for the CR with the defund language. Then they turn around (I’m looking at you Peter King, you fucking clueless slob) and throw Cruz under the bus…
Cruz is a shit, but he is NOT making the other Repigs look reasonable or intelligent or patriotic or any less insane.
Senate GOP Gamesmanship On Obamacare Defunding Is Not Honorable
Klingon bastard!
Ted Cruz is no Joe McCarthy, as so many liberals bizarrely claim. But he might be the conservative Barack Obama.
The “I was briefly considered the conservative Barack Obama” club continues to grow.
Kind of a testament to his skill as a politician that wingnuts now speak of their great hopes for salvation as “the conservative Barack Obama” instead of “the next Ronald Reagan.”
The charge that he’s the new McCarthy is something of a compliment from liberals. It means they don’t like him, can’t really explain why, and need to demonize him instead. In other words, he must be doing something right.
I can explain exactly why I dislike McCarthy – he was a fucking toolbag that took a genuine national security problem and turned it into a domestic political hammer, to be applied to anyone he considered a political opponent, that wreaked havoc on the government’s ability to govern. (For just one example, all of our Vietnam experts were purged from the State Department as insufficiently reliable during the McCarthy era. Boy, they wouldn’t have come in handy at all ten years down the line). McCarthy was very far from being the only one who participated in this, but he was definitely the one who took it farthest and who tried hardest to associate his name with it.
If there’s any similarity between what I just described McCarthy doing and what George Bush did during his disastrous eight year presidency, or what every “Obama is a secret Muslim secretly working for the Muslim Brotherhood!” conservative in Congress has been doing for the last five years, well, congratulations. You just discovered why we compared them to Joe McCarthy. Give yourself a hand and piss off.
So I’m in the taxi on my way to the hotel this morning, with another one of our crews, and all 3 of these guys are whining about how they can’t buy more than 1 or 2 boxes of ammo or something because apparently
there’s some conspiracy where Obama ispeople like them are buying up all the ammunition or something out of their own Obama-paranoia and ammunition makers haven’t been able to keep up with the demand.Fixed that for them…
The thing is, noone disputes that the Soviet Union did have spies back in the day, but almost everyone knows that McCarthy’s crazy claims or fifth-columners being under every bed and operating the entertainment industry were just pure crap he made up to inflame his constituents to vote for him. And that sheet of paper he used to carry around .. it’s blank.
Yep.
Was McCarthy right that there were communist agents in the U.S. government? No fucking shit. It’s called espionage, and it’s older than the invention of writing. Nobody needed Joe McCarthy to inform them of that.
Was he right that these communist agents included the Eisenhower administration? Not so much.
Barack Obama is the conservative Barack Obama. Job’s already taken, fellas. Move along.
Was McCarthy right that there were communist agents in the U.S. government?
We’re just lucky he found all those crazy commies in Hollywood.
Charlie Chaplin was a pretty serious threat to the United States.
McCarthy – he was a fucking toolbag that
took a genuinemanufactured a national security problemand turned it intoto use as a domestic political hammer, to be applied to anyone he considered a political opponent, that wreaked havoc on the government’s ability to govern.Mmm, k?
Liberals “hate democracy because democracy requires persuasion and compromise rather than brute political force.”
*snerk
“My libertarian friends are probably getting a little upset now but I think that’s because they never appreciate the benefits of local fascism.”
– Ann Coulter
“I think there should be a literacy test and a poll tax for people to vote.”
– Ann Coulter
“My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building.”
– Ann Coulter
“I say let’s do it. Let’s repress them. … Frankly, I’m not a big fan of the First Amendment.”
– Ann Coulter
“We need to physically intimidate liberals.”
– Ann Coulter
“I think [women] should be armed but should not vote … women have no capacity to understand how money is earned.”
– Ann Coulter
She’s all about the persuasion, compromise, and democracy!
Mmm, k?
Nah. I’m not writing down communism as manufactured. Threats of communist takeover in America, definitely.
Which was precisely what McCarthy was all about. As you yourself noted, the actual problem was known and being dealt with by CIA and such. McCarthy exploited a nonexistent threat in a grandstanding scare campaign. He didn’t do dick about the actual threat.
Oh, that. Well then yes, agree completely.
Speaking of defunding Obamacare, Ron Fournier’s clown capering this morning is kinda funneh. But Greg Sargent’s amusing response is actually kinda depressing since he listed those things to show how unreasonable the GOP was being, when in fact the things he listed aren’t unreasonable at all. Even the “Pelosi made Speaker” point has going for it that she can reliable muster more votes than SprayTan McCriesALot.
Here’s the biggest problem. The teabaggers are willing to burn it all down if they don’t get exactly what they want. They talk about “2nd Amendment solutions” and misuse the “Tree of Liberty” quote all the time. I’m not sure how anyone is surprised that they would giggle like Elmo getting tickled over the federal government being shut down and all those slacker/taker/fat cat government employees lose their jobs.
It comes down to the House teabagger coalition being made up of ignorant savages who have no clue how the government works, why it was created in the first fucking place, and that all life can’t exist in a cabin in the woods defended by an AR15.
Sweet, juicy mango from Teh comments at WaPoop.
“if GOP said Obama must do jail time to not blow up economy, you would want him to negotiate how many days.”
Also in Ted Cruz’s defense, us ethnically Canadian folks have a thing for Green Eggs and Ham[1].
[1] Warning to McGravitas, yes it’s Moxy.
AHEM
Apologies.
baby’s arm holding an applePENISlooks like the dood at Barilla needs a big helping of pasta fagioli
kg, penso che abbia bisogno di qualche penna asciutta fino dove il sole non splende.
Mi scuci
Penso che abbia bisogno di qualche penne asciutta fino dove il sole non splende.
Fissato.
Bonasera. Bonasera!
Catching Up With the Domestic Product
The Gross Domestic Product, asitwere.
The Gross Domestic Product
I think Smut Clyde wins the internet today.
Moar like teh Gross Dope mess tic product amirite!!!!!
Filed under ALWAYS PROJECTION, Doughbob’s narrative of lie-berals spinning things and whatnot. Followed immediately with the observation that a lack of experience in elected office prevents the Senate years from weakening your preznitial prospects. As opposed to something about empty suits.
And probably worsely egregious bads and hurr durr Faaaaarrrrrrtt. But danged if’n I’m subjecting myself to moar of Jonah’s “writing”.
Shocking story of the day: http://www.philly.com/philly/news/Philadelphia_priest_arrested.html
Wow. Golly, what a surprise.
Actually, I suppose it is, kinda – if the 6th grader is still a 6th grader. Progress!
[for whom the bell trolls]
I am shocked, shocked! to see an obsessive person. On the Interducts. Complaining that other people are obsessive.
[Tuh roll, troll]
I was wrong. The biggest problem is forgetting to close out format tags.
Why are you picking on priests, Pupienus?
You do not yet know Sekrit-Tagfail-Fu.
Safety PENIS.
[Trollytrolltrolls]
[ Clang, clang, clang, went the trolly.]
[Tiny troll PENIS is tiny]
[Trollchum]
[Troll scat]
[Clang, clang, went the trolly]
[Zardoz!]
[Troll]
[Nymjacking wankstain]
[Excessively boring troll comment removed]
[Codependent taunting]
PENIS obsessed? Hardly. Okay, maybe a little. Uh, my excuse is that it’s cultural?
[Boring troll]
[Herp derp]
[derp]
[Herpaderp]
[Troll]
[Trollenabling]
Anyone who actually got to see them before the mods applied their version of John Scalzi’s Mallet of Loving Correction, please tell me: would Dennis’ posts be even more improved if, instead of the text actually used, they’d been replaced with quotes from Jerkcity? Perspiring minds want to know.
[smoosh it all into my mouth please]
[Troll]
Mr. Loomis, IMHO, the answer to your question is an unqualified yes.
Boysenberry flapjacks and buttery buckwheat muffins!
If I had known that PENIS links drove him into a frothy Santorum, I’d have PENIS linked earlier.
We are not amused.
Did you know that you can castrate hotels? PENI
S.Great Samuel L. Jackson PSA
I am deeply enamored of the current Troll Management System.
As am I.
We too are amazed and astonished.
And now for something completely different.
Present for Major Kong.
Psychotics don’t have dreams, they have hallucinations.
Sir, I assure you that psychotics do have dreams, of such a nature that I try not to sleep.
Also the clowns might get me.
Present for Major Kong.
I actually bought that on DVD a while back. It’s outstanding.
I hate to link to HuffPo but I can’t help it this time:
Patricia Ritz, Convicted Animal Abuser, Eaten By Own Dogs
That may be the best headline evar!
The fact is, liberals have no argument against freedom.
of course we don’t! we are all for our freedome to suck the government teat dry…duh!
also, too re: ted cruz…i got to o’hare insanely early wednesday afternoon and became increasingly annoyed with the non-stop cruz fest which was playing on cnn…really, really just wanted to loudly voice my thoughts on his ‘talk-a-thon’ and just wingnut stupidity in general, but held my tongue…also, delta went from juuuuust about getting back into my good graces to not a chance in hell i will ever fly with them again…
But he might be the conservative Barack Obama. The charge that he’s the new McCarthy is something of a compliment from liberals. It means they don’t like him, can’t really explain why, and need to demonize him instead. In other words, he must be doing something right.
Hee hee, that says a lot more than he meant it to about the conservative response to Obama. As for Cruz, I don;t like him in part because he’s an asshole reactionary meathead who will waste time for useless bullshit(look at me, I’m filibustering NOTHING!), but I could go into further detail if that’s not good enough for Jonah.
Patricia Ritz, Convicted Animal Abuser, Eaten By Own Dogs
everything’s better with ritz…
A tip of the Avenger chapéu to the mods for taking out the trash so quickly.
Somewhat predictable but still amusing. http://m.imgur.com/BDIw2eV
There’s an app for that PENIS
PENIS killed the thread.
But he might be the conservative Barack Obama
I imagine Cruz would very much NOT like this comparison.
The charge that he’s the new McCarthy is something of a compliment from liberals.
Comparing anyone to Joseph McCarthy may be many things, but compliment is certainly not among them. I haven’t heard anyone say that, but his comparisons to Nazi appeasers puts him firmly in the category of a delusional drunk who uses hyperbolic bullshit to blacklist his political enemies. The comparison is more apt than the Jonah who swallowed the whale would care to admit.
It means they don’t like him, can’t really explain why,
No, I think that’s YOU that can’t explain why, Mr Liberal Fascism. You don’t get it because you’re the same kind of social parasite Cruz is. You both claim to love this country and have no qualms about damaging it by covering it with bullshit.
also, too…they’re both men! and they have dark hair! and did i mention they’re dudes?
You both claim to love this country and have no qualms about damaging it by covering it with bullshit.
well, to be fair to jonah, he’s also perfectly willing to cover himself in bullshit as well…along with cheeto dust, sammies and a nice red wine…
Aaaaand New Jersey falls to Teh Horde of Ghey Agenders! The juggernaut marches on, and we’re going to march right across your ugly mugs, Jonah et al.
delta went from juuuuust about getting back into my good graces to not a chance in hell i will ever fly with them again
Care to elaborate? I know people who fly for Delta. I’d be happy to pass on your experiences, not that it’s likely to do much good.
Care to elaborate?
just a series of minor annoyances…they begged/threatened two flights worth of passengers to check their bags instead of bringing them on board…which i get, but just the way they do it does not make you want to help them out…about halfway through my flight’s embarkment, they said, ‘all the overheads are completely full, everyone has to check their bags’ walking to my seat, it was apparent that the overheads were not even remotely close to being full…just sitting in my seat without even turning my head, i counted space for about ten bags…when one of my fellow passengers pressed one of the flight attendants about it, she finally just said that based on the last flight’s overheads being full, the gate agent just assumed this one’s would be as well. the bag handlers were not happy with adding more bags to the hold. while we were waiting for take-off mine and the passenger across the aisle from me had our seat numbers called out…we were like, ‘what’d we miss?’ didn’t hear the announcement again so when the flight attendant came by again, he asked her about it and she was like, ‘what? i don’t know…maybe they were checking to see if you were in your seats.’ my over head light did not work and i stupidly did not bring my ipad along with me on this trip, so i spent the flight pondering things and watching rainman next to me try to relax himself…i mentioned it to the flight attendant and she thanked me and said they didn’t have enough time between the two flights because of the baggage thing to check issues like that. they just didn’t seem with it…but neither was i…i’ve always found their crews to be extremely crabby and rude…at least this bunch was pleasant but harried…still does not instill confidence in their airline…
As it turns out, the gratuitous insult was from a troll. Now I can ignore it. Thanks again to the Guardians on the borders of this burg.
Aaaaand New Jersey falls to Teh Horde of Ghey Agenders!
WOOHOO! Suck it, Chris Christie!
er, I mean, um…in context that might not be the best expression.
IOW: “Thank you for flying Total Bastard!”
Barack Obama is the conservative Barack Obama. Job’s already taken, fellas.
This.
Fenwick, getting more than a toe into the Sadly, No! Hot Tub® sometimes brings out the worse in the troll(s) around here. Just so you know.
the actual problem was known and being dealt with by CIA and such.
CIA worked abroad. The domestic operations were run by Hoover’s FBI. Not that it really matters much: Hoover was as whack, cynical, and expoitative as McCarthy.
Not to be doctoring a dead horse… There was a small contretemps here the other day caused by my castigating the Catholic church. I was told that there are lots of good people and so on. That is true but the “leadership” aint them. Pope Francis Excommunicates Priest for Supporting Women, LGBT People
Fenwick said,
September 27, 2013 at 23:46 (kill)
the actual problem was known and being dealt with by CIA and such.
CIA worked abroad.
They certainly did. Doesn’t mean they didn’t work here as well, little naif. Besides, “and such” includes teh FBI and others. The “national security problem” we were talking about wasn’t addressed soley here or solely abroad.
Maybe “beating a dead dog” would have been more apropos.
So, my cynicism about supernice Francis looks to be accurate. I’d been muttering to myself “pretty words, but what about real policy,” and it looks like it’ll be more of the same, just with a nicer face. Glad I’m not Catholic. I’ve never understood how some liberal women of my acquaintance have been able to stomach the obvious contempt the RC church has had for women. Compartmentalization, I assume.
Sir, I assure you that psychotics do have dreams, of such a nature that I try not to sleep. Also the clowns might get me.
I dream of electric sheep.
HAHAHAHA From The Shittiest Web Site Evah, On a Thursday conference call, a group of House conservatives consulted with Senator Ted Cruz of Texas about how to respond to the leadership’s fiscal strategy. Sources who were on the call say Cruz strongly advised them to oppose it, and hours later, Speaker John Boehner’s plan fizzled.
I kan haz moar popcorn?
So, my cynicism about supernice Francis looks to be accurate.
Aye, me too. Wonkette and Colbert will haz a sad I’m afraid.
Fenwick, getting more than a toe into the Sadly, No! Hot Tub® sometimes brings out the worse in the troll(s) around here. Just so you know.
I began lurking about six years ago and joined the commentariat maybe four years ago. Not as long-timer as some folks, but not a newbie either.
little naif
My comment was an elaboration of yours, not a critique of it. Also I’m 6’2 so the adjective is wrong. Also too and moreover, I’m not a naif. Indeed, I’m probably the most ancient commenter in the burg (unless marion in savannah shows up). Can anyone top 64?
Now you kids get offa my lawn !!!
How about us geezers? Can we trod on your front green?
We’ll replace any divots.
[pretend suckup troll]
but not a newbie either.
Good to know. Just mouse over the nym in the future if you have any doubts about ‘who’ is posting ‘what’.
[trollin’ trollin’ trollin’]
@bbkf
Where you on a “real” Delta flight (DC-9 or larger) or on a “Delta Connection” flight on some regional jet?
Speaking of Delta: Be afraid! Be very afraid!
So, my cynicism about supernice Francis looks to be accurate. I’d been muttering to myself “pretty words, but what about real policy,” and it looks like it’ll be more of the same, just with a nicer face. Glad I’m not Catholic. I’ve never understood how some liberal women of my acquaintance have been able to stomach the obvious contempt the RC church has had for women. Compartmentalization, I assume.
I never expected him to budge on gay rights or abortion. The best I hope for in a Pope is one who actually tries to promote the Catholic view not just on abortion and gay rights. So far I’ve been hearing a lot of good words to that effect out of the new guy. But nothing more than words. So yeah, so far at least, cynicism looks fairly justified.
Fenwick : FYI, I, as a fully fledged crone, out-age you. 66 +.
You know, I liked the batshit crazy teatards better when they were running around threatening to teabag everyone.
Joe McCarthy drank himself to death because liberals held him down and poured all that booze down his throat.
(-)
That’s the second consecutive Gary post with no misspelled words. Something isn’t right here.
Woot! New phone is smart. The intertrons are interesting over 5
4G. Found the old phone today. It’s demise was related to what can only be called a phone goal.
I may elaborate in a future post…
…
Bitter, I did not check for spelling, but upon reflection, you may have a point. Though upon reflection, I may be missing yours entirely.
Time to see if this rig will handle the bluetoof keyboard…
…
Some people like feeling sleazy.
After all, we’re all Gods’ children.
Some people like feeling sleazy.
One of Simon and Garfunkel’s lesser known recordings.
Are you saying you think there’s a fake Fake Gary?
I stink, therefore I am.
Suezboo: Sometime we must trade stories of walking barefoot nineteen miles to school, all uphill in the freezing snow while being attacked by rabid dinosaurs. Such was life back in the Cretaceous when we were young ‘uns….
faker fake Gary Ruppert
The fact is, I stink, therefore I am.
Dooh! Meant to replace my nym in the previous comment. My mind is rusting away.
OT, but whatever happened to ol’ Pastor J. Grant Swank? I saw a sign with tortured grammar and syntax today, and thought of him.
WF
He’s still around, I thought this recent column was (ahem) interesting:
http://columnists.thewindhameagle.com/2013/06/faith-unfolding-by-j-grant-swank-jr.html
Do not try to figure out what is going on around you.
That about sums it up.
So. Captain Picard don’t want no wannabe time travelers (who must pay strictly cash). And he doesn’t want you noticing anything that isn’t right in front of you or trying to figure anything out on your own.
Got it. I think.
When you think about it, it’s kind of hard not to move into the future.
Tick Tock
Do not try to press human logic against circumstances.
I’m guessing this has something to do with evolution. Or climate change.
what enemies are there standing in your way? Do they come into your head in the middle of the night?
Then put on your tin-foil hat. Because your enemies are legion and everywhere. In fact, much like Calvin’s monsters, they are under your bed RIGHT NOW this very minute! AIEEEEE!
And don’t forget the ones hiding in Binkley’s closet….
Well, yeah. We’re all* doing our time travel the hard way – one second at a time.
*Or so I assume.
I’ve been trying to move into the future, but coming up with the first and last month deposit is expensive. (Darn Bay Area rents.)
Do not attempt to move into the future for you simply cannot get there now.
New Republican Party motto!
But if the future really is a place about 70 miles east of here, it shouldn’t be that hard to get to.
So… your enemies, who are in your head, don’t really know that they’re in your head, because they’re at home living their own lives, thank you very much, not even aware that: A. You exist, and B. They are in your head.
I guess this is all an elaborate way of creating an “alibi”; in the sense that when these imaginary enemies (based on real people) start telling you to do things, you can claim that you were only following their orders, or something like that.
Daddy has a headache right now, and needs to lie down with his Cuba libre bucket.
You’re heading into the future at the speed of light just by sitting still, there’s nothing you can do to prevent it. The only way to slow it down is to travel the hell away from here really, really fast, so the projection of your world-line onto the time axis is shorter. Do you think we could sell the conservatives on this strategy to slow down the march of “decay” as they see it?
And don’t forget the ones hiding in Binkley’s closet….
Bloom County references are an internet tradition.
Re: the trolling position: how much would that pay?
In fact, much like Calvin’s monsters, they are under your bed RIGHT NOW this very minute! AIEEEEE!
Another night deprived of slumber,
Hours passing without number,
My eyes trace ’round the room. I lay
Dripping sweat and now quite certain
That tonight the final curtain
Drops upon my short life’s precious play.
From the darkness, by the closet
Comes a noise, much like a faucet
Makes: a madd’ning drip-drip-dripping sound.
It seems some ill-proportioned beast,
Anticipating me deceased,
Is drooling poison puddles on the ground.
A can of Mace, a forty-five,
Is all I’d need to stay alive,
But no weapon lies within my sight.
Oh my gosh! A shadow’s creeping,
Omnious and black, it’s seeping
Slowly ‘cross a moonlit square of light!
Suddenly a floorboard creak
Announces the bloodsucking freak
Is here to steal my future years away!
A sulf’rous smell now fills the room
Heralding my imm’nent doom!
A fang gleams in the dark and murky gray!
Oh, blood-red eyes and tentacles!
Throbbing, pulsing ventricles!
Mucus-oozing pores and frightful claws!
Worse, in terms of outright scariness,
Are the suckers multifarious
That grab and force you in its mighty jaws!
This disgusting aberration
Of nature needs no motivation
To devour helpless children in their beds.
Relishing despairing moans,
It chews kids up and sucks their bones,
And dissolves inside its mouth their li’l heads!
I know this ’cause I read it not
Two hours ago, and then I got
The heebie-jeebies and these awful shakes.
My parents swore upon their honor
That I was safe, and not a goner.
I guess tomorrow they’ll see their sad mistakes.
In the morning, they’ll come in
And say, “What was that awful din
We heard last night? You kept us both from sleep!”
Only then will they surmise
The gruesomeness of my demise
And see that my remains are in a heap.
Dad will look at Mom and say,
“Too bad he had to go that way.”
And Mom will look at Dad, and nod assent.
Mom will add, “Still, it’s fitting,
That as he was this world quitting,
He should leave another mess before he went.”
They may not mind at first, I know.
They will miss me later, though,
And perhaps admit that they were wrong.
As memories of me grow dim,
They’ll say, “We were too strict with him.
We should have listened to him all along.”
As speedily my end approaches,
I bid a final “buenas noches”
To my best friend here in all the world.
Gently snoring, whiskers seeming
To sniff at smells (he must be dreaming),
He lies snuggled in the blankets, curled.
HEY! WAKE UP, YOU STUPID CRETIN!
YOU GONNA SLEEP WHILE I GET EATEN?!
(Suddenly the monster knows I’m not alone!)
There’s an animal in bed with me!
An awful beast he did not see!
The monster never would’ve come if he had known!
The monster, in his consternation,
Demonstrates defenestration,
And runs and runs and runs and runs away.
Rid of the pest,
I now can rest,
Thanks to my best friend, who saved the day.
Re: the trolling position: how much would that pay?
Wrong question to ask. “Do I get health benefits?” is what you want to know.
Re: the trolling position: how much would that pay?
If you do a good job you get less punishment.
SUDDENLY IT ALL MAKES SENSE. Pastor Swank is the time cube author. IT ALL FITS!
I don’t need no health benefits but could use some extra ammo for when Obama and his negro army come and try to take away my assalt weapons and make me sine up for Obamacare.
wolverines!
FUKC!
First they spoiled Seuss, now they spoiling Schultz!
BASTRADS!
[Taunt]
Cerb, I haven’t thanked you lately for keeping this blog alive. It’s a lot of hard work, especially with these dipshit thread derailer trolls that won’t fuck right off already. Anyway, just know that I, for one, deeply appreciate it.
But Florida is lost, bully bully boys. Try again, ratfuckers.
So I’m in the taxi on my way to the hotel this morning, with another one of our crews, and all 3 of these guys are whining about how they can’t buy more than 1 or 2 boxes of ammo or something because apparently there’s some conspiracy where Obama is buying up all the ammunition or something.
these people are so lolworthy, either they genuinely don’t understand supply & demand, which is hilarious when they try to talk about “common sense” in government spending, or they pretend not to to stoke up Obama talk … anybody who ACTUALLY was following the base metals market knows why bullets got short the first time (which helped ensure all the next times because people are dumb–especially scared people–hmm, funny how that describes masses of patriotic gun owners), but then, you know, we might have to talk about the bankers who wrecked our economy instead of, ya know, immigrants or nears
OT, but whatever happened to ol’ Pastor J. Grant Swank?
He appears to be living in a student flat in Aro Street.
Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
September 27, 2013 at 2:05
Safety PENIS.
Wow, I am dying with laughter here. Who knew that transportation planning could be so contentious–or smutty minded?
If so, then thank God that you are still alive and sane in this moment.
Poor Swanky, at least you’re still alive in this moment.
Looks like the column I quoted from dates from 2007, and there hasn’t been any new Swankery for at least 2 years or so on Renew America.com.
It’s possible that’s when he realized what could be done with his name.
Swankery, indeed.
Teh most recent Swankery on his blog was 2010.
The last entry on the blog has some fine Swankisms:
Marxist Muslim Barack Hussein Obama is beheading America by throwing our money into the downdrains.
I’ve found some posts he made in early 2012 – religious, with no political content – but nothing more recent. I hope the old guy’s okay. I have to admit I always kind of liked the loon.
Gotta love this line from his last column at Renew Amurica about Easter:
Consequently, the Word points to this outlandish One as the Almighty.
Special bonus feature: a classic Sadly, No Swank photoshop from 2006.
Wow. It’s interesting how parts make sense, but not the whole. But you still know what he meant. I think.
Looking at how he uses Obama’s full name (though being known by all your given names does come with the territory) to emphasize how unAmerican Obama is to Swank reminds me of some advice I heard during 2008 or 2012: Ask some of the folks (particularly those from the US South) if they didn’t have a friend or relative walking around with a middle name given to honor a grandparent or some other family member. I mean, who names their kid Milhous, anyway?
[squeek]
[meep]
It’s really not about defunding, it’s all about funding!
http://www.journalgazette.net/article/20130928/EDIT05/309289944/1147/EDIT07
It’s also about spreading confusion. I was having a discussion about the state of the economy (as in, I was maintaining that regular folk were most hurt, and the recent cuts in funding had affected the Military far less than anyone else) with a family member, and after disagreeing with me about relative funding losses (and the degree of funding in the first place), said family member said that Obamacare wasn’t funded yet. As I understand it, it is (to the extent anything is in this sequestration and hostage-taking Congress), and the 40+ attempts by the GOP have been to defund Obamacare.
So, thanks to their efforts and our bought/lazy Press, they’ve been quite successful.
It’s even worse than that — even if they shut the government down (which they will), the ACA is mostly mandatory spending, not discretional. It’ll stay funded, no matter what they do.
I only wish we had actual people in the press that might mention this kind of thing, but instead we have journamalists and it’s all “because both sides.”[/Fenwick bait]
Good to you didn’t get washed/blown away this weekend. Salem area got slammed.
McCarthy tl;dr = Footbullets will continue until toes improve?
Herr Pantload comes ever more to resemble a Windowlickers’ Op-Ed MadLibs pimp … whose faux-lucid regular-dude prosaic simpering bears a not-so-faint whiff of a deep yearning to fill Bobo Brooks’ dusty forgotten ruby-encrusted slippers so as to click them together smartly thrice, summoning Zombie Reagan to surge up triumphantly from his grave.
YUCK.
It was really bad here too, but we’re in a good spot. The only tree that fell decided it wanted to fall in the street and not on the house, and we never lost power. Lots of my friends were without power last night. This is officially the wettest September ever here, but remember: climate change is a hoax.
I hope October is drier, fall around here is usually the best season.
New one up.
…
Holy JanusNode … how come my penis drug spam includes the following lines, intermixed with many repetitions of a few Chinese (?) characters?–
flying and combat he was equally
enodded commander yngocelen and i are
!all over town isabel spun around
katmosphere inside the white room was
son the engine coaming clicking on
tunknownshang chou chapter vi beyond the
snone of the laws of combat
sas the fairies passed him by
!benny the gray icu light fell
shyperspace null space and on levels
gwithin the capability oftheir species smell
gfrom the repeated blows the tyrannosaur staying insome of the best hotels
him as the most creative but he was holding from him as and beganhis struggle to live what fancy napkin i think ill marry
my father is ship the lookout
I kinda like it. But I hafta wonder what gives? It’s not as is this got past the spam filter.
Tyrannosaurs staying in some of the best hotels are worse than Germans.
Sounds like some program that took a body of text and put it through an electronic version of a Ronco chopper. Some of the words have random letters added to them, so I’m betting the bright boy or girl behind this doesn’t speak English whatsoever.
And Tyrannosaurs are lousy tippers, which isn’t surprising, as it takes about 2 minutes for one of them to pull money from their wallet and hand it to someone.
7 Reasons to Keep Your Tyrannosaur off Crack Cocaine. Probably NSFW.
Here’s the original comic that’s much more legible. I love The Oatmeal, great site.