Zany Zimmerman Trial Antics


Zimmerman and “legal” analyst Ann Althouse? Awwww, yeah, shit’s about to get sitcom-appropriate levels of crazy around here!

Ann Althouse, Shitehouse.blogspot.com:
Rachel Jeantel made it sound like Travon Martin profiled George Zimmerman… or… what is a “creepy ass cracker”?

Who’s up for some wacky fun with the Zimmerman trial? I mean, the whole media has gotten into the spectacle and dug in deep to enjoy every little bit of fun as if this was the second coming of the OJ Simpson trial (though no one ever suspect that the media is hoping for an equally “unfair” ending to “make up” for that one). So why not join in?

Shorter:

  • Trayvon Martin reacting like a normal human being to having a psychotic stalker hunting him like prey in ways that proved eerily prescient when said sociopath decided to murder him in cold blood, fully expecting his social rank and his community’s racism to get him completely off the hook, is clearly proof that Trayvon Martin was the true racist that night and a homophobe to boot whose attempted gay bashing was valliantly defended by Zimmerman’s cold steel.

    My proof of that is that no one could ever mistake a filthy wetback for a human being… I mean white person. Also I have apparently been kept in a sterile vat for the last five centuries and thus common as fuck slang like “creepy-ass” are completely foreign to me.

I mean, there is so much to love! Like oh, that Rachel Jeantel! I mean, she’s BLACK! And FAT! And reacts like a human being at the joke of a justice system we have in this country literally dismissing the humanity of her best friend and her own self because being black is viewed by far too many as a capital crime deserving of nothing less than death and which is in no way a shallow revelation that the days of lynching aren’t really gone… er…

Hey, other assholes wrote something!

Selwyn (Dem) Duke (Boys), American White Supremacist:
Trayvon, Rachel and White Privilege

Oh man, and then there’s George Zimmerman’s piece of work lawyer who is definitely trying his damndest to play the Johnnie Cochran to our lowest-common-denominator mass media. Oh, what wacky fun he gets to, whether it be opening with knock-knock jokes or being a racist piece of work raising two racist piece of work daughters. It’s like it’s tailor-made to be the comedy circle-jerk of the century!

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Rachel Jeantel is young and black and fat and doesn’t speak or look like a proper white person, therefore she is inherently a liar like all black people or women are and Trayvon Martin as a fellow young and black person deserved to die and there shouldn’t be a trial.

    Also, there is no such thing as white privilege, blacks are the real racists, and I feel no shame arguing these things in the wake of the continued racist farce that has been the Zimmerman story so far.

And it brings out the right-wing in their full terrifyingly naked glory to defend the indefensible and rather transparently argue that Zimmerman’s story makes them hot and horny for how it reminds them that the glorious days of lynching can be theirs again if only they have the will to grasp that dangling rope. Why, let’s dive in to those rotted mangos shall we? I’m sure there’s no lingering venereal diseases!

Perhaps I’m just a creepy-a** cracka’ who doesn’t get it. But it always seems that when it comes to standards, the left gives you two for the price of one. And the idea that white people “can’t” understand black folks — a similar point to which was made in a recent article about the George Zimmerman trial — is a good example.

And oh yes, silly me, forgetting about how since the only defense the defense has is essentially playing the audience for their racist attitudes and essentially hoping the blackness and humanity of the last person besides his murderer will allow a transparently guilty man go free. Which fits perfectly with the fact that this whole trial is an extended farce guaranteed to be a travesty of justice no matter how it goes down considering that the cops let Zimmerman walk fucking free without a trial, the cops helped intimidate witnesses in order to defend him, the trial is based on a lesser charge which in no way reflects the reality of the situation, which would be an open-and-shut case if the races were reversed, the endless amount of bullshit that was required to even get this far, and of course the fact that the there is no real defense of the defendant, but they are trying to create an excuse for him anyways by essentially putting Trayvon Martin on trial instead of on the guy who stalked a teenage boy and murdered him in cold blood after repeatedly antagonizing him. A trial, so amazingly without perspective, that the only defense essentially makes a mockery of the “Stand Your Ground” law the defendant is clinging to by essentially trying to argue that even the meekest attempts at defending himself from impending murder is not only not allowed, but clear evidence that his murderer had a right to kill him without even the cops bothering to pretend to give a fuck and-

Er… I mean, jokes, lots of jokes, hey, next paragraph!

But before getting to that particular piece, I have a question: is the issue here that one race simply cannot understand another? Or is this really just restricted to white people? Are whites uniquely defective in this regard? To claim the latter seems an awfully bigoted position.

Ha! White privilege, what white privilege? A system of racist assumptions and cultures where white is viewed as the “normal”, the dominant race whose idioms, manner of speech, cultural touchstones, general culture, and overall mannerisms are simply accepted as the “way people are”? More like… not that. And let’s not even get into how that dominant culture is transmitted to every aspect of culture so that no single person who grows up in our culture can possibly ignore “white culture” and fail to know nearly everything about it, whereas non-white culture is so relegated to the fringes of entertainment and media coverage that the only people who know balls-all about it are those non-whites themselves and those whites who are truly committed into accepting the deficiencies of their privilege and thus are willing to listen and learn and not seek to co-opt.

I mean, it’s not like this has played out rather starkly and bluntly in this “trial” itself. What with it being such a “nailbiter” for something with races reversed would have taken five seconds. Or the way that juries still regularly punish black defendants and witnesses for “sounding black” or being aware of the racism that surrounds and attacks them every day. And where pointing out someone’s blackness by culture is considered adequate evidence of someone’s dehumanization and thus helps justify murder because it is foreign and unknown and therefore… just off.

Ha ha, you silly liberals with your working empathy and ability to give a fuck about anything other than the “default”.

If this problem can afflict any race, however, it brings us to an irony: if black racial theoreticians consider inter-racial understanding so elusive, how can they be so sure they understand whites well enough to be sure that whites can’t understand blacks? Maybe this lack of understanding just afflicts blacks and projection is at issue here — or maybe it’s a problem unique to these black racial theoreticians.

As for the liberal whites who subscribe to these racial theories, if whites cannot understand blacks, how can they claim to do so? And if they can’t understand blacks, how can they be so sure that the understanding of blacks of the whites with whom they disagree is incorrect? Maybe the problem is unique to them.

If this all sounds ridiculous, know that it is. But stupid theories deserve…well, you know.

Oh hee hee hee, such an elaborate strawman to dance around the bloody and cold body in the room. If we only just assume that the races are treated 100% equal in our society in blind ignorance of the facts that this very FUCKING FARCE LAYS BARE, then ha ha, how could black people possibly understand white people, except by nearly every aspect of popular culture that has been crafted for centuries and literally surrounds them at all times. And if that complete inability of the races to understand each other is so proved by that… whatever that was, then ha ha, how could white liberals claim to understand what black people say about their own experiences, because after all, what self-respecting white person would ever listen to the statements of some meaningless nigger and their baffling escaped slave culture and… and…

Sigh.

I’m sorry but no. I just don’t have it in me for this goddamn manufactured circus.

Those who remember my trepidatious handling of the Trayvon Martin lynching when it occurred, know that this subject is one that just fills me with righteous fury.

Maybe it’s the fact that I belong to a community that society feels free to murder with careless abandon and which needed to be fucking forced to actually investigate and prosecute instead of treating as a natural consequence. Maybe it’s all the reading I have done about the legacy of lynching in America. More likely, it’s the fact that I haven’t managed to completely drown whatever shred remains of my morality and thus I cannot help but empathize when an unarmed and scared kid is stalked and murdered right on the sidewalk as if laws don’t matter and it wasn’t even treated as a crime.

And the way that the right-wing has declared Zimmerman their personal hero, the champion of a new glorious age of lynching and the sickeningly obvious Stand Your Ground law they can use to return us to the glorious days of “tradition”, is just… I mean, sure, the right-wing hasn’t exactly been subtle or classy in its handling of… fuck anything ever, but holy fuck, with the VRA bullshit, the open disenfranchisement of primarily black voters in the run-up to the 2012 election, the Teabagger “we swear we’re not actually the KKK” shit, and so on, it’s become painfully clear that the last gasp of the South’s treasonous invasion is going to be a greatest hits list of oppressions past.

George Zimmerman murdered a kid.

In cold blood.

He stalked and killed the kid, at direct order from the police not to engage, because he knew that even as a paranoid psychotic nothing, the brokenness of the law and the racism of our systems and our societies would allow him an excuse to enjoy the “rush” of murder.

That society and especially our desperate for proxy violence at our “presumptuous” president right-wing would circle around him and protect him to the best of their abilities.

That he could kill someone, with no doubt that he murdered them, mutter some bullshit about “fearing for his life” or some such shit, and the cops would let him walk free.

And in all revelation to how completely worthless our current “justice” system is, that assumption was proved correct.

I noted last year, that our right-wing was so oddly fixated on Norway somehow breaking its justice system in order to “get” their monstrous creation, because our own system has been made into an international joke so fixated on fantasies of superpowered criminals, “punishing bad guys”, and providing means to disenfranchise and economically hobble minority populations that the majority of our population has absolutely zero expectations of anything approximating “justice” if they are in any way wronged or accused.

Last May I noted that big prominent cases can be good tests for the health of a justice system by revealing rot that has been allowed to fester out of sight for decades.

The whole… everything surrounding Trayvon Martin has done that. Did do that, long before we even got to this post-script joke of a “trial”. And the most disheartening thing about it is that much like the prominent cases before it, no one of any power is bothering to learn anything of merit, instead more interested in mining “entertainment” for an audience, which as always, is assumed to be properly “default”.

Because isn’t everyone? At least everyone who matters.

And I mean, it’s not like that assumption ever has any real consequences in terms of justice delivered or deaths treated with any sense of urgency.

… Sigh.

And they wonder why George Zimmerman was so eager to identify as white.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. The funny? Damnitt, I knew I forgot something! We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 154

 
 
 

If this problem can afflict any race, however, it brings us to an irony: if black racial theoreticians consider inter-racial understanding so elusive, how can they be so sure they understand whites well enough to be sure that whites can’t understand blacks?

As a white guy, I’d venture to say that, historically, the ability of blacks to understand whites was vital to their survival throughout four centuries of African slavery in the New World. Any failure on the part of a person of African descent to understand the attitudes and actions of the white men in whose society he-or-she found him-or-herself could have resulted in assault, even death.

 
 

ok…going off topic:

actual conversation at a party tonight:

me: didn’t her husband lose his arm in a farming accident?

other person: oh, no…he didn’t lose it, it was just mangled…

 
 

Fourth!!

No, wait……………..B^4 was fourth……………….therefore and ipso fatso……….

FIRST!!!

(Two inna row, bitchezz…..)

 
 

No, wait……………..B^4 was fourth

Silly, I meant the day!

 
 

Exactly, Cerberus, and by that I mean exactly everything you said.

Zimmerman stalked and murdered an unarmed teenaged boy who was committing no crime, nor threatening anyone or anyone’s property. Period.

Any of this racial shit the wingnuts and fuckheads are trying to bring up as distractions and evil justifications of why Zimmerman “felt” threatented (ergo was threatened) should only be evaluated as to whether this cold-blooded murder should be treated as a Hate Crime rather than “simple” child murder.

The fact that premeditated murder was committed is as open-and-shut as I’ve ever heard of.

Additionally, where are the investigations and/or lawsuits into the complicity of the police in this case?

Proponents of Stand and Deliver, or whatever the cutesy fuck name for those evil “laws” are called, are revealing their true paranoid and violent motivations for such actions by not coming down HARD on asswipes like Zimmerman who abuse the law. Of course, he didn’t abuse the law at all, but did exactly what proponents of these laws want to do–which is why they are so confused that anyone is upset and are desperate to defend their right to murder wantonly.

 
 

bbkf–not totally off-topic:

Me: Didn’t Zimmerman hunt and murder a teenager who was minding his own business?

Wingnut racist: No, no…he didn’t kill him. He Stood His Ground.

 
 

A bit from Cerberus from the comments downstairs that I feel should stick around lest unread or missed by any of those that we love and cherish:

If this is our hot tub, then Dennis isn’t the floater, he’s the bouncy ball we bat around for a few hours before the patrols come by and pop his little ego boosted bubble.

So have fun, ignore him, taunt his complete lack of a point, drop us a line to let us know (cerberussadlyno at gmail dot com). Every time he appears, he’ll be gone soon, so enjoy.

This is our totally not serious comedy blog, our downtime where we bitterly laugh at what a joke our country and systems have always been and how slow the arrival of justice is.

This is our and I want to stress the point, our, hot tub and out totally not serious (ok maybe a little bit) comedy blog which means bbkf, you are free to veer off course on any tangent at any time of your choosing, same with the rest of you cats and kittens.

I had the singular pleasure of a face to face (video chat) with Cerberus last evening. What a lovely and humble person did I meet. We discussed as any one of you might imagine, a broad variety of shit, but most of it getting focused on dealing with current issues and getting to know one and other. I look forward to future meat-ups, while thinking that we should have Sadly Meetups on occasion, open up a google+ room and shoot the breeze in nearly real time.

We love youse guys!!! even the fucking menace. I think the point i want to make is “don’t hate the player, hate the game.”

we are about to turn up the heat on this here tub.
🙂

 
 

Proponents of Stand and Deliver, or whatever the cutesy fuck name for those evil “laws” are called, are revealing their true paranoid and violent motivations for such actions by not coming down HARD on asswipes like Zimmerman who abuse the law. Of course, he didn’t abuse the law at all, but did exactly what proponents of these laws want to do–which is why they are so confused that anyone is upset and are desperate to defend their right to murder wantonly.

The crazy thing about “Stand Your Ground” laws is that they actually encourage people to kill any opponents they encounter in a fight. Shoot first, shoot to kill, tell the cops you stood your ground… things will go better for you than if you just beat your opponent up and have to face an assault charge pressed against you by a living victim.

 
 

Happy Independence Day, Yanks.
Remember all the good stuff in your Declaration of and your Constitution (as amended)? Could y’all get back to that? Thanks.
The rest of the world.

 
 

I had the singular pleasure of a face to face (video chat) with Cerberus last evening. What a lovely and humble person did I meet.

It’s hard to be humble when you have a moon named after you. Hell, look at how it went to Keith Moon’s and Reverend Moon’s heads.

 
 

Happy Independence Day, Yanks.

Thanks, Suezboo! I shall eat a genuine American hotdog in your honor.

Remember all the good stuff in your Declaration of and your Constitution (as amended)? Could y’all get back to that? Thanks.
The rest of the world.

We’re trying, Suezboo, or at least some of us are.

 
 

Happy Alcohol and Fireworks Day!

And to go a bit further off topic, Egypt.

 
 

Over at Fox a couple of nights back, the “real” crime turned out to be Jamie Foxx wearing a Treyvon tee-shirt in support of at least getting Zimmerman to trial. They didn’t mention anything about Zimmerman’s Hannity interview, which has at least now come back around to bite him on the ass, one hopes.

 
 

Happy Alcohol and Fireworks Day!

A few years back, I was at a friend of a friend’s house for the 4th, and the host had a fuckton of fireworks illegal to purchase in New York state. He had them all arrayed on a table in his basement, and his drunk-ass cousin’s drunker-ass boyfriend approached the table, cigarette in mouth.

The host, seeing drunk-ass boy with a cigarette dangling from his mouth, screams at him, “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!?!?” Drunk-ass replies, “What’s the big deal? You smoke in the house.”

I pretty much stayed at the far end of the yard after that.

 
 

Over at Fox a couple of nights back, the “real” crime turned out to be Jamie Foxx wearing a Treyvon tee-shirt in support of at least getting Zimmerman to trial.

That’s a 2fer- it combines the “blacks are the real racists” and “Hollywood liberals hate America” tropes.

 
 

Dennis, you could have 1000s of African-Americans wear a Treyvon Martin T-Shirt, it still wouldn;t change the fact that what Zimmerman did was essentially kill a kid who was doing nothing wrong.

 
 

Above was me. Also, don’t have any gasoline around Nicholas Cage, because he might become the Ghost Rider and set you on fire.

 
St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon
 

As a white guy, I’d venture to say that, historically, the ability of blacks to understand whites was vital to their survival throughout four centuries of African slavery in the New World. Any failure on the part of a person of African descent to understand the attitudes and actions of the white men in whose society he-or-she found him-or-herself could have resulted in assault, even death.

I’d go even further in stating that this is an quality which all minority groups eventually develop, for much the same reasoning. As it turns out, we understand you folk pretty goddamn well, given the amount of shit shoveled about the glorious white Christian Anglo-Saxon Protestant heterosexual male gentrified society; and all of us who are not that, be we religious minority, racial or ethnic minority, sexual minority, class minority (well, majority, but certainly not treated so), had to learn tout de fucking suite or we were going to get our teeth knocked in for not recognizing it.

The point of theoreticians is that getting the majority culture to recognize the perils of the minority culture, particularly the perils the majority culture piles onto the minority culture, is really fucking hard.

 
 

Needy is a wonderful description of someone who posts here and gets deleted on a almost daily basis, Dennis. But thanks for your concern.

 
 

Posts getting deleted at the end of the day are no different than posts left standing at the end of the day, Dependent DA, both go unread.

A few hours ago was the end of the day?

Same with your posts that most people have killfiled.

My posts get read by the people I want to read them.

And so, that’s an accomplishment? You get Provider to read your lame-ass creepy-cracker remarks?

As for Zimmerman, it’s clear whether he’s a racist or not, he’s a conservative asshole wanna-be cop who wouldn’t say boo to a goose unless he had his gun with him beforehand.

I can see why you’d sympathize with him, being a fellow conservative asshole.

 
 

Happy Alcohol and Fireworks Day!

What could possibly go wrong?

 
 

Needy is a wonderful description of someone who posts here and gets deleted on a almost daily basis, Dennis. But thanks for your concern.

The only way to “win” the “game” is not to play. Give him up, he’s not worth your devotion. Honestly, you can communicate with really awesome people from all over the planet here, why are you wasting your time with one asshole from a podunk suburban town?

 
 

And he’s not a wannabe-cop, he’s a wannabe lawyer. You’d know that if you followed the story instead of making a bigoted decision early on and assuming you know everything there is to know about what happened

That’s funny, because the DA introduced evidence to the contrary in the trial. You’re not really keeping up with it, are you?

SANFORD, Fla. — The jury at George Zimmerman’s murder trial were told about his rejection letter from a Virginia police department, his course work for a class that discussed self-defense laws, and his application to do a police ride-along, Judge Debra Nelson ruled Wednesday.

“The testimony is substantive,” Nelson said, overruling an objection by Zimmerman’s lawyer.

Zimmerman, 29, has pleaded not guilty to second-degree murder — claiming self-defense — in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, 17, last year.

Assistant State Attorney Richard Mantei said the records show Zimmerman had a continuous interest in becoming a police officer, understood police techniques, and understood criminal investigations.

Thanks for letting me demonstrate how pathetic you are Dennis.

 
 

Perhaps I’m just a creepy-a** cracka’ who doesn’t get it.

Wow, such self-awareness!

But

JESUS.

is the issue here that one race simply cannot understand another? Or is this really just restricted to white people? Are whites uniquely defective in this regard? To claim the latter seems an awfully bigoted position.
….
If this problem can afflict any race, however, it brings us to an irony: if black racial theoreticians consider inter-racial understanding so elusive, how can they be so sure they understand whites well enough to be sure that whites can’t understand blacks? Maybe this lack of understanding just afflicts blacks and projection is at issue here — or maybe it’s a problem unique to these black racial theoreticians.

“So, this problem may not exist, but if it does and only affects one race it’s bigoted to point it out. PS it totally only affects black folks.”

 
 

Have a good rest of your life, Dennis.

 
 

B^4, where Dennis lives isn’t a podunk town. Boring, yes. Insignificant, yes.

 
 

Doug Giles:

That said, it really doesn’t offend me. Matter of fact, I prefer cheeky ass cracker to creepy ass cracker as the former borrows capital from British slang and merges it with an 18th century Floridian colloquialism, making it at least a quasi-compliment for this 21st century, brutish wordsmith; while the latter denotes a middle-aged white dude who comments way too much on a cute teenage girl’s Facebook page. Or a teenage boy’s Facebook page, for that matter. But I digress …

Yes, he prefers cheeky asses.

 
 

Yes, he prefers cheeky asses.

TEH BUTTOCKS!

 
 

12% unemployment here in Porterville, Dennis. The rest of your description is as equally accurate as your statistic.

 
 

nice gated neighborhood

Why am I not surprised he lives in a gated community?

 
 

“Celebrate the independence of your country by blowing up a small part of it” /Apu

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

12% unemployment here in Porterville

Change the name back to Bedford Falls and it might help.

 
 

The only way to “win” the “game” is not to play. Give him up, he’s not worth your devotion. Honestly, you can communicate with really awesome people from all over the planet here, why are you wasting your time with one asshole from a podunk suburban town?

yes! and goddammit, da and dennis just get over yourselves already! get a fucking room or a goddamn boxing ring and have at it and leave your fucking petty and moronic ‘insults’ that we’ve heard over and over again out of here…jesus h! i come here for the smarts and the snark not to watch two boys whip their penis’ out in a never ending pissing match!

and, i might add: goddammit!

 
 

I find it amusing how conservatives all seem to think California is some bleak dystopia out of a Mad Max movie.

Well, OK, maybe Bakersfield is.

 
 

Hear that, Dennis? bbkf wants you to stop RIGHT NOW!

 
 

I thought that was Barstow…

 
Bored Bystander
 

Don’t suppose you two could get a room and leave the rest of us out of it?

 
 

really, da? grow the fuck up…seriously.

I find it amusing how conservatives all seem to think California is some bleak dystopia out of a Mad Max movie.

i find it amusing in the same way that my mom has been on a complete freak out about the evil government when her livelihood is completely dependent on it. what caused this round of freak outs? the fact that every time she goes to the chiropractor (paid for by my dad’s postal insurance coverage) she has to answer some really dumb questions that make no sense and why does the government need to know if she lifts weights or not…she does not get that the software is mandated by the government but they aren’t going to go snooping in her medical records just because…whatever…

which reminds me, she will be here soon….gotta go make the potatis salad…

 
 

Bakersfield is a lot better than Needles or Barstow, but the latter two aren’t in counties that measure their ag sales in the billions, as was true for Tulare County in 2011. It’s about an order of magnitude greater than San Bernadino County, where Barstow and Needles are located……………..

 
 

Two weeks! http://www.moondancejam.com/index.html

you are such a lucky dog…

 
 

Bakersfield is a lot better than Needles or Barstow, but the latter two aren’t in counties that measure their ag sales in the billion

I lived in Merced/Atwater (Castle AFB). It was smack in the middle of ag country. You could smell it when they were harvesting the onions and garlic.

 
 

“Creepy” seems almost redundant when talking about ass crackers,

 
 

podunk fun: lawn mower parade and potluck…

 
 

Major Kong, you probably also saw the trucks loaded with tomatoes on their way to the cannery this time of the year. Much of the San Joaquin is fertile when you add water, hardly a desert of adobe soil and tumbleweeds. They’ve recently started to grow varieties of blueberries here can thrive in the relatively warm winters and hot summers we have here.

 
 

Much of the San Joaquin is fertile when you add water

Which I think they’re still fighting about.

“Whiskey’s for drinking. Water’s for fighting over.” – Mark Twain (supposedly)

 
Felcher's Ass Crackers
 

New and improved! Try them today!

 
 

Yeah, it’s amusing to hear the farmers carp about not getting enough of their federally subsidized water allotments. They’re against any form of ‘socialism’ unless they get a direct benefit from it.

 
 

I don’t think you want to put ass crackers out on the table without ass cheese.

 
 

I don’t think you want to put ass crackers out on the table without ass cheese.

Uh oh, I’ve only got humus. Should I put out peata instead?

 
 

Trolls keep telling me it’s not a ‘stand your ground’ case.

I’m a little naive when it comes to law, but I don’t see anything in the written law that says the defense gets to pick which law it’s defending under. That’s up to the judge and jury and supposedly the lawmakers who wrote the law.

And anyhow, I don’t understand how any sort of self-defense can apply when someone spends an hour stalkings someone else. Wouldn’t Martin’s standing his ground count?

 
 

Wouldn’t Martin’s standing his ground count?

That probably depends on his complexion and social status.

 
 

Death to America!

 
 

Ann:

Urban Dictionary has some definitions of “ass cracker” that predate this trial:

1. ass cracker
26 up, 9 down

One who not knowing the code or combination to a particular slice of ass is nonetheless able to get inside the ass
Frat boy 1: “dude is so wasting his time on lulu bitch NEVER gives it up”
Frat boy 2: “not. Dude is a total ass cracker. He will be in that ass before midnight”
ass detective pimp rico suave dr poon captain ass
by drpoonandtheteenangels Apr 25, 2009 add a video
2. Ass Cracker
30 up, 13 down

One who engages in anal sex.
That wanker is an ass cracker.
by Michael Caranguejo Sep 18, 2003 add a video
3. Ass Cracker
14 up, 9 down

A term used to describe a man with a large enough penis, to brake the anus of the woman or man he is having anal intercourse with.
“Damn, his’s cock is so big, he is definatly an ass cracker!”
by Ereh Nov 28, 2003 add a video

My god! 70 noted-experts-on-linguistics-and-not-internet-jerkoffs have upvoted these definitions since 2003!

 
 

brake the anus

Last thang you want is a runaway anus.
.

 
 

Humblest apologies. All these cracks about crackers and I have not one Rob Ford joke to add.

 
 

All these cracks about crackers and I have not one Rob Ford joke to add.

Shame in the valley, tonight.
.

 
 

My town’s 4th parade features the usual politicians in convertibles, bands, political parties, hula halaus, politicians, schools, and, oh, yes, the occasional politician. I should probably go out and stake a seat. Or not. And an anonymous donor kicked in the occasional$25k we were short, so we’ll get fireworks tonight.

We’ll see if one of my neighbors (a welder) repeats his performance of filling balloons from his tanks and using cigarettes as a fuse. Really big booms, that you couldn’t see. One of his nearer neighbors told me how it was being done.

 
 

“Whiskey’s for drinking. Water’s for fighting over.” – Mark Twain (supposedly)

hey, i just heard that quote yesterday for the first time…

lawnmower parade: 20 entries, potluck: over 85 participants…i now need a nap before going to the neighbor’s pool and potluck…then i will need a wheelbarrow to get home…

also, too: rectum? damn near killed ’em!

 
 

We’ll see if one of my neighbors (a welder) repeats his performance of filling balloons from his tanks and using cigarettes as a fuse. Really big booms, that you couldn’t see. One of his nearer neighbors told me how it was being done

oh my lord, one year we spent the 4th with a cousin and her family out in beresford, south dakota…acetylene bombs made with garbage bags…also target practicing…and a lot of beer…then fireworks…i cringe now when i think of it and how dumb (and lucky) we were…

 
 

Shame in the valley, tonight.

Tomorrow actually. Our mayor is holding a big party just a few blocks from my house.

 
 

So what exactly is Ann’s point? That if a kid thought a guy following him was perhaps a creepy rapist instead of a creepy racist it’s somehow now magically acceptable for the creepy guy to murder the kid?

 
 

gdang it i love tom joad:

Welcome to the front page, Jim – reserved for only the most stubborn commenters. In case you’re joining us late, the topic is ‘State of Florida vs. George Zimmerman’ – and the defense is being ably represented by a former MP and supporter of our proud American tradition of ‘presumption of innocence.’

“From the trial, the state is failing miserably.”

That’s your OPINION. The state has demonstrated, rather convincingly, that George Zimmerman was not in mortal peril that night. His wounds were insignificant. And no witness testimony proves Trayvon to be the aggressor during the deadly confrontation. What we DO KNOW, from witness testimony, is that Trayvon “was going to try to lose him [Zimmerman].” He didn’t succeed. He was stalked – and then killed. The FACT that our legal system may not get Trayvon justice is nothing to celebrate or argue in favor of, Jim.

Rachel Jeantel heard the confrontation, so naturally we have to attack her testimony in every way possible – including how she expresses herself. Let’s belabor that point on the stand and attempt to humiliate her, by forcing this young woman to repeat herself over and over again, the defense pretending they don’t understand what she’s saying. Heck, they seem to suggest to the jury – if she can’t speak clearly on the witness stand, how can we know for sure she heard what she claims? After all, it’s hard to understand ‘those people,’ so maybe she misunderstood Trayvon, right? Wrong.

Hey, I know – let’s put the victim on trial, too and assume facts not in evidence about Trayvon while we’re at it – yesterday’s thread was full to the brim with false accusations and debunked theories. It’s funny how everyone, including the defendant, is free to have a presumption of guilt about Trayvon and his intentions other than getting home that night – but when I present sworn statements and evidence to the contrary I’m being “a hypocrite?” Thanks, Jim – your opinion is noted.

Trayvon said to the defendant ‘Why are you following me?’ (Oh, I’m sorry – let’s make sure we get the quote EXACTLY right: “Why you following me for?” – because as we saw, this will be important in cross-examination.) Why, indeed, George? You’ve already performed your civic duty and reported suspicious activity to the police for the umpteenth time. Zimmerman was a nuisance 911 caller – going so far as to “report” a seven year old boy. The child’s crime? George didn’t know him.

“Then I heard a hard-breathing man say, ‘What are you doing around here?'” Since we’re only considering facts in evidence and sworn testimony, I want to know why George didn’t wait for the police. Why didn’t he follow Neighborhood Watch guidelines? On a dark, rainy night – armed with a deadly weapon – any confrontation is a clear signal of “a depraved mind regardless of human life.” But more on that later.

Jeantel then heard a bump and Trayvon saying, “Get off, get off,” before the line went dead. This is where the accused wants us to believe that, without provocation, Trayvon jumped out of the darkness and sucker punched him in the face – and then violently, repeatedly, SLAMMED his head into the sidewalk until he felt as though it might explode. Those are his words – so please don’t label that “opinion” or “supposition,” okay?

Wrap your head around this one – because we KNOW there were words between the two, and yet Zimmerman’s sworn deposition following the killing contends that ‘Martin jumped out of the darkness’ (or from behind bushes) and ‘sucker punched’ the defendant, sending him to the sidewalk. According to the defendant, a struggle for the gun followed and he merely acted in self defense.

That’s the story George and his defense team finally settled on – it’s changed so often it’s hard to keep track. You contend that, as a matter of law, a dispatcher advising George not to follow Trayvon is immaterial – and yet it sure seemed important to him at the time. “They told me not to follow him. I wasn’t following him, I was just going in the same direction.” The jury heard that – and evidence of his “ill will” towards the victim (“f’ing punks … they always get away with it”) in testimony from lead detective Chris Serino.

Tell me again how the state is “failing miserably.” Oh wait – I know – there’s no DNA from Trayvon on Zimmerman’s clothing admitted into evidence. The police failed to gather trace evidence – and George wasn’t taken to the hospital to document his ‘life threatening’ injuries the night of the shooting, either. THIS is why he’ll walk – not because he’s not guilty.

“From this thread, you too, are failing miserably.” Another opinion, Jim. And this is what I meant earlier about you being so intent on “winning” this difference of opinion that it’s turned you into an insufferable bore. I’ve been very careful to ALWAYS differentiate my OPINION of the case – from what is known about that night through evidence – and Zimmerman’s own words. Your sole contribution has been to disparage what might, or might not be admissible in court. Luckily, you don’t get to decide.

“You present opinion, not facts. You present conjecture and supposition, not evidence. But you are right, you are boring.”

Aha – the time-honored, schoolyard taunt ‘I know you are, but what am I.’ Excellent rebuttal. You’re wrong, of course, but that’s neither here nor there. When I say that Zimmerman has been caught in too many lies to know what’s really true, that’s not conjecture or supposition. When we hear that the confrontation was initiated by Zimmerman, that’s not an opinion, that’s sworn witness testimony at trial. And when the prosecution says that George Zimmerman defied the dispatcher’s request, neighborhood watch protocol and all sense of reason by taking the actions he did – that’s a fact. And by doing so, he presents a danger to himself and others in his community.

Florida murder statute (Section 782.04[2]) provides: “The unlawful killing of a human being, when perpetrated by any act imminently dangerous to another and evincing a depraved mind regardless of human life, although without any premeditated design to effect the death of any particular individual, is murder in the second degree and constitutes a felony of the first degree, punishable by imprisonment for a term of years not exceeding life.”

Any child can see the imminent danger inherent when an armed man provokes a confrontation on a dark, rainy night with a stranger. Any person who would do such a thing clearly has not considered the potential consequences of his or her actions and has demonstrated “a depraved mind regardless of human life.”

I don’t believe that George Zimmerman confronted Trayvon Martin with the express intent or “premeditated design to effect [his] death,” but that was the ultimate outcome – and that’s why he’s on trial.

You hang your entire argument on what you believe the jury will be allowed to consider to return a guilty verdict. And therein lies the rub – and what I referred to yesterday as the human element of any trial – the jury. The judge’s instructions should prove interesting – and I know he will admonish them to consider ONLY FACTS in evidence (which you believe are insufficient to convict). Time will tell.

I hope and pray you’ll resist the urge to respond. We have a difference of opinion on this case. You can’t win me over to your side – and it seems I’ll never change your mind, either. This will be my last word on the subject until the verdict (unless you choose to insult me yet again, calling me a hypocrite or worse). I’ll do my best to ignore you – but you’ve proven to be a most recalcitrant antagonist. I know you’ll take that as a compliment.

You’re welcome.

he’s usually the only thing on teh fakebook worth reading…

 
 

Even a party balloon, with the right oxy/acetylene mix is louder than an M80. I always used masking tape for the fuse.

One time I used a large garbage bag. Put it in the apple tree out back of moms house. Cracked windows in the neighbors kitchen.

 
 

I ONE the anus.

A bottom-shelf prize.
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Btw, did you win the anus at ring toss, perhaps?
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Even a party balloon, with the right oxy/acetylene mix is louder than an M80. I always used masking tape for the fuse.

Yeah. When I said “neighbor,” I meant “guy living over a mile and a half away,” and “nearer neighbor” was a couple blocks from balloon guy. The county had outlawed personal fireworks, see. The town used to jump with explosions New Year’s Eve (& the 4th, but it was more concentrated New Year’s), and you’d walk through drifts of red paper the next day. The Fire Department objected to having to go out to all those house fires, though.

 
 

Hey JP, too bad about your symphony hall down there:

I saw that @ Wonkee, earlier. Had missed the hoax (maybe because I eschew faceborg), but knew of their financial troubles. That place is one of the best performance spaces on earth, supposedly.
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Also, that Scene reporter, Betsy Phillips… I know her. Nice enough lady, but a bit of an odd duck. Spends a lot of time looking through old cemeteries, and writing ghost stories. Known to the locals as “Aunt B,” she also writes the blog Tiny Cat Pants.
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gdang it, i wish hubbkf and the daughter would get home…the pool party is sounding pretty sweet and i am losing valuable sun time…not to mention water volleyball…seriously…

 
 

Metaphorically-speaking.

 
EnfantTerrible
 

Perhaps I’m just a creepy-a** cracka’ who doesn’t get it.

For clearer writing, you should always leave out unnecessary words. In this case, the unnecessary word is “perhaps”.

 
EnfantTerrible
 

Also too, Ann Althouse’s intervention and involuntary commitment to alcohol rehab doesn’t seem to have helped.

 
 

Yeah, that’s having a life, all right.

Or, an existence, I should say.
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does the government need to know if she lifts weights or not

Face, palm, I think you’ve met before.

 
 

Ha! I just noticed the bowl of onion rings.

 
 

pretty awesome sign

I agree. Succinct.

So I also looked at the other entries on that page, and I’m wondering – how did the streaker’s time compare to the clothed competitors? I don’t watch the show, but he seemed to be doing very well.

 
 

Onion rings? Those look like cheetos, maybe?

 
 

Tom, quit trying to turn my head with all that sweet talk, you mindless honkey-cracker-ass.

 
 

So, continuing the Nexus Studio ideer ‘twixt UNE and I (and others?)…

My extensive research (90 minutes, 80 of which I was drunk) is pointing towards this puppy, which also needs this puppy in order to work with a plethora of USB a/d converters/interfaces. $13, all told for software, and it seems compatible with a whole bunch of low- to mid-priced interfaces (like the Lexicon Alpha and the M-Audio fast Track Pro). Reviews indicate the latency is superior to built-in audio cards on PCs, so… soulds like just the Bob’s-your-uncle to me. The interface looks very familiar to me, too, so the learning curve looks pretty level.
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Not sure how I would enjoy the touchscreen vs. mouse…
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A little Independence Day salute for you Yanks.

NICE!

 
 

Also, UNE… sorry to have missed the G+ Hang. Not sure if that was music-related or S,N!-related, but I was in bed by then.
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It’s a beautiful Wisconsin day … a baby bunny is avidly munching tender greens in my yard, and robins are hopping about with serious expressions.

 
 

Well, fuck a bunch of grilling!
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I made smoked brisket today. It was wonderful.

 
 

I tried to smoke a brisket, once. Couldn’t keep it lit.
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I tried to smoke a brisket, once. Couldn’t keep it lit.

Probably hard to fit one in a bong.

 
 

Back ribs rubbed with my SEKRIT spice blend are in a pan in the oven, covered with foil. I’ll finish them on the grill, basting wif mah SEKRIT sauce. Okay, it’s soy soss, peanut oil, honey, cayenne, cider vinegar, a few drops toasted sesame oil. Made a PUD (pineapple upside down) cake. Also Tejano style beans. Also a creamy and tart poppyseed “slaw”. Salad. Thing.

Aaaaand now it’s time to make a batch of martinis to take to the dog park two blocks away. Yeah, we’ll take Bagoas along.

 
 

a batch of martinis to take to the dog park two blocks away

Put those in a Thermos, do you?
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Yes, yes we do. We take nice tini glasses too.

 
 

You gays have ALL the gear! (envy)
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Witness the gay agenda. Shocking!

 
 

Of COURSE we do! We take everything – the “thermos,”, crystal glasses, doggy treats books / tablets – in a chic tote bag. And we’re dressed FABULOUSLY!

 
 

Of COURSE we do! We take everything – the “thermos,”, crystal glasses, doggy treats books / tablets – in a chic tote bag. And we’re dressed FABULOUSLY!

I hate you, of course.

I do hope you have a good time, though!
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Okay, gotta fess up. I’m wearing cargo shorts bearing the stains from this mornings spilled coffee, and my Powell’s Born to Read tee shirt. The Ho is wearing some ratty old sneakers,somewhat clean sorts and a PBS tee. Everything else is totally true.

 
 

Garsh, I wish UNE were around.
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Getting a little crazy around here…………..the neighbors spend a LOT of money on fireworks. I kinda like it but the dogs don’t dig it too much. Anyway we’ll be going downtown to see the big ones in a few minutes. I can’t help it, I just love this stuff.

 
 

It’s a cookbook!

(We were watching old Twilight Zone episodes on SyFy)

 
 

I’ve had rockets the size of telephone poles shot at me. The last thing I want to see is fireworks.

 
 

I’ve had rockets the size of telephone poles shot at me. The last thing I want to see is fireworks.

I can understand that.
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Yeah……………I had a friend who was in Vietnam. He got a little…………edgy……….. this time of the year.

 
 

I used to get edgy every year on January 16th. Sometimes I wouldn’t even know why, just that something was bothering me.

Then I’d remember “Oh yeah. It’s that day.”

 
 

Bangy-bangy-bang-bang.
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Drinking a Vampiro (tequila, tomato juice, orange juice, lime juice and hotsauce) and listening to fireworks booming from celebrations ten miles away.

If you live in a fire-prone region, there are no local fireworks to scare your dogs.

 
 

I’m on graveyard shifts, the local fireworks displays served me well as an alarm clock.

 
 

We had some in our street tonight, leaving a cloud of purple smoke and the unmistakeable odor of gunpower.

 
 

JP, an old college friend of mine and her husband probably have tickets, I used to take her to the Symphony back in the day because I got free tickets as the critic for the school newspaper.

 
 

DO NOT WANT.

Generally speaking, it’s not a great idea to eat something that started off as a joke or a dare. Oysters excepted, of course!

 
 

to eat something that started off as a joke or a dare
B^4’s expertise on this topic is not in question.

 
 

B^4?s expertise on this topic is not in question.

Notice, I didn’t bring the topic of drunkenness into the equation. My first foray into entomophagy occurred when I was pretty drunk.

 
 

Sewer rat tastes like pumpkin pie.
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Sewer rat tastes like pumpkin pie.

It would taste like chicken, but the sewer chemicals “marinates” it.

 
El Manquécito
 

My first foray into entomophagy occurred when I was pretty drunk.

The first party I was ever at with drunk people my own age (14 I think) one of my high school classmates ate a horned pout (it’s a kind of catfish) live on a dare. I’ve been suspicious of Budweiser ever since.

 
 

Generally speaking, it’s not a great idea to eat something that started off as a joke or a dare.

So much for Haggis then.

 
 

You haven’t lived until you’ve driven through rush hour traffic in Manila.

 
 

I’m extremely pleased to discover this site. I need to to thank you for ones time just for this fantastic read!! I definitely enjoyed every part of it and i also have you bookmarked to check out new information on your website.streetdirectory

 
 

Our new friend “streetdirectory” is very vague about what he/she likes about Sadly, No! … And I suspect he/she is lying about having bookmarked it.

 
 

oh my…i think i have a potluck hangover…

 
 

At least he didn’t ask us to bookmark this.

 
 

ZimmermanNose

 
El Manquécito
 

Generally speaking, it’s not a great idea to eat something that started off as a joke or a dare.

I’ve had some delicious turduckens.

 
 

Blast “O” Chunks.

Two frat boys were nursing hangovers on a Sunday morning. The one says:

“Dude! Last night I got so drunk I blew chunks!”
“Yeah? So? We’ve all puked before.”
“Dude! You don’t get it! Chunks is my dog.”

 
 

zomg. Apparently not a Poe, she is scheduled to play Ford Fest tonite.
http://youtu.be/-oUx-Q-XD08

 
 

I think he may have a fouled plug.

When whales troll!

 
 

Thanks for the feedback, Tom.

 
 

Seriously? Y’all gonna lay down?
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I’m headed to work.

 
 

I’d be happy to compare W-2s with you any time.

 
 

Tom, the only airplanes you’re qualified to fly are those made of balsa wood, and with a propulsion system that uses a rubber band.

 
 

I’m headed to work.

Safe skies, old chum!

 
 

New post.

 
 

Hell, look at how it went to Keith Moon’s and Reverend Moon’s heads.

In the Rev’s defense, he also had the sun going for him.

 
paperbagmarlys
 

Awesome Althouse Photoshop work!

 
 

And I am doing so to tell you that I am positively gleeful in anticipation of drinking in your grief and fury when Zimmerman is acquitted.

Hmm, perhaps you also think we should “bookmark” that or something?

 
 

Sorry, Mr Racist Fuck, you’re still stupid.

 
 

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