May
3

Neckbeards are Sooooo Dreamy!




Posted at 3:06 by Cerberus

Tiger Beat suddenly realized they made a mistake trying to appeal to the Wingnut Crowd.

John O’ Sullivan, National Reverse Spew:
Breivik Puts Norway on Trial

We liberals can be a cruel lot, often assuming a complete lack of genuine morality and empathy in our wingnut counterparts simply because of how they act and what they support.

Sure, conservatives may eagerly support continuing and expanding systems of racist, sexist, homophobic bigotry, may indiscriminately support the bombing of brown people, any brown people, are unable to empathize with the suffering of anyone poorer than Scrooge McDuck and may universally rally behind the murderer of a child simply because of the races of the people involved and a vague connection to a law they support because of a tangential link to the only constitutional amendment they’ve ever liked…

I’m sure I had a point in there… Oh right, it’s that, sure, the path of wingnuttery can lead to a lot of sordid and horrifying moral positions, but we really shouldn’t assume that’s the same as complete abandonment of any semblance of human morality.

I mean, sure, their blind following of their authoritarian impulses and the reduction of life into a sports match between “two teams” you support no matter what, has led to some unthinkable public choices in recent years, but there is some spark of life in the old wingnut hind brain.

They do recognize that there are still lines that they dare not cross. You don’t just up and kill people… unless they happen to support legal medical practices that happen to help women. You don’t openly support the KKK… unless they dress in 1700s cosplay and call themselves Teabaggers. And you don’t openly masturbate about how rugged and handsome and manly serial killers are…

Phew. I was really afraid that-

  • I honestly can’t decide what turns me on more. Breivik’s Nordic good looks and striking political philosophies or the very thought of liberals being forced to betray their principles.

Sonuvabitch!

Well, why the fuck not? I mean, conservatives have basically been tripping over their own balls (an impressive feat to be sure) to be the first one to abandon any semblance of humanity so as to be the “pure conservative” free from any filthy connection to the “corruption” of liberalism.

We’ve seen them literally declare War on Empathy in the Sotomayor confirmation, step up their rate of terrorism, openly sabotage the country during a Depression because quote they want to destroy the president endquote, introduce legislation and openly debate reintroducing child slavery, rally around the cowardly murderer of a child and treat him like their goddamn Gandhi, and nominate a fucking Transmetropolitan villain as their presidential candidate.

So why not masturbate to the lone gunman child killer they helped create now that people seem to mostly have forgotten that he was a product of America’s right wing?

Fuck, in many ways, it’s a step up.

Let’s just get this over with.

Norway’s trial of Anders Behring Breivik for the mass murder of 77 people last year has not really captured the attention of National Review Online as yet, but it is provoking some anguished debates in Norway and across Europe. It is also raising some very uncomfortable questions.

Yes, totally just anguished debates among the left. Definitely none among the right as they try and figure out how they can keep creating more of them without having Norwegian Ninja sicced on their ass.

Sure, IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION, but I’ll give them half credit for being halfway aware that Breivik is definitely a topic for discussion among someone. It’s sadly a step up from the usual response on the right to Breivik, which is screaming about how he’s not their fault and besides the victims totally deserved it for having one or two swarthy people among them.

The first such question is: Why should there be a trial at all — or at least a trial that treats the verdict as something in doubt? Everybody knows that Breivik murdered 77 innocent people; we all know just why he did so. His rambling paranoid web attacks on Norway’s social democrats for betraying Christian civilization were given wide publicity on the day after his rampage. Today he is not denying but rather boasting about his crimes. Nothing crucial to justice is in doubt.

What?

Why could the court not simply hear his plea, take very brief factual evidence identifying Breivik as the perpetrator, pronounce him guilty, and then dispatch him off to anonymous obscurity for the rest of his life?

What?

Trials with that brisk format used to take place in Britain following guilty pleas. Something like that could surely have been justified here. Indeed, it might be a moral improvement on what otherwise cannot help being a show trial.

WHAT?!?

Okay, shitnozzle, I understand in our current American system of “if you’re poor and black, you’re going to prison regardless of innocence, and if you’re rich and white, we’ll pay for your limo ride out of the courthouse even if you admit to raping an elderly nun”, it can be hard to remember the point of courts.

But yeah, courtrooms exist for a goddamn reason, because they are a system of equal justice for ALL people no matter what.

In times where there is a high profile case with an infamous defendant whose crime is monstrous it is even more imperative that you give them a fair and honest trial, because that’s what gives one’s justice system the right to exist. If you’re willing to throw that away at the drop of the hat, you don’t have a fucking justice system anymore, you have a barely disguised authoritarian tool for keeping the masses in line.

Hence why the “no trial” bullshit for the Guantanamo Criminals was so egregious, because it meant we literally demonstrated that we had zero faith in the justice system to function if there was any possibility of there being a fair trial.

But yeah, Norway needs a fair trial of Anders Breivik where he is allowed to make his case, no matter how batshit and egregious, because by doing so, they can demonstrate that the Norwegian justice system works. That it ensures guilty people go to jail and innocent people walk free and thus allows people to trust that the justice system will treat them fairly if they should ever get in trouble with the law.

I mean, I know after the Bush years, conservatives have had problems with most forms of legitimate justice, but this is the first time, I’ve actually seen someone literally unable to understand why FAIR FUCKING TRIALS work.

That leads to the second question: Who benefits from a show trial?

Oh right, so much time boggling at the complete fail, I didn’t get to really go into the attempt to assume that giving someone a fair trial to prove the system works is what a show trial is.

Um, yeah, no. A show trial is a trial that is rigged and will not listen to legitimate points. Like say our “trial” of one of the terrorists we tortured at Guantanamo whose incarceration, trial, and subsequent ruling was complete bullshit thanks to us just throwing out the rulebook about what fucking happens to a case when you torture someone. Giving someone all the rope to hang themselves to prove the system works and is unwilling to treat a vile waste of flesh as a supervillain just because they did something evil enough to make the national news is not a goddamn show trial.

Is it the prosecution, by getting a large hearing for its case? Or the public, because it learns important lessons from it? Or the perpetrator because, however vile his actions, he looks like a lone man against the world and gains something from that impression?

Its the system. You know, so it can continue being a system. Thus preventing Norway from becoming the United States where a growing number of people are pretty much assuming the justice system is against them from birth simply because it is.

Some jurists wanted a show trial in Breivik’s case because they thought it would show what a vile monster he undoubtedly is. Norway’s courtroom rules played into that desire. Unfortunately, they also played into Breivik’s calculations, which have turned out to be shrewder.

Yeah, that’s right. The complete failing to understand what a show trial is…

That’s just foreplay for the real… meat of the post as it were. Yeah, the shorter doesn’t lie folks. Breivik ranting and raving about the Secret Muslim Uprising has gotten some wingnuts so hot they’ve completely forgotten that they are supposed to be divorcing themselves from him and pretending that they have nothing in common.

They just can’t help it. The more they try and pretend, the less they can hide their heart’s true desire. With that neckbeard and Aryan features, they must have him. Have him pull on their hair and call them Aaeesha.

Also bonus points for applying the usual “everything liberals do is just to smear a conservative” shtick to proving a murderer’s crimes to a court of law. Oh, deary me, lawd, how could those mean liberals try to prove that the man who shot and killed 69 kids has done something villainous requiring legal response. Why that’s UNCONSTITUTIONAL and IMMORAL and WAH, I say again, WAH!

As Dan Hodges — a Blairite commentator on the Daily Telegraph website who is always thoughtful and (on other topics) entertaining — makes the following observation on how the trial is unfolding:

Ha! A fishwrapper writer for the Daily Torygraph being “insightful”. Yeah, that shows you right where his bread is buttered (right up his ass). I’d ask what color the sky is on his planet, but I’m pretty sure it’s green. So how about that brilliant insightfulness?

I find its sterility demeaning. The cramped, featureless courtroom. Breivik seated casually at the table between his attorneys, looking like a man taking part in a civil custody hearing, rather than someone on trial for 77 murders.

It’s an environment that appears to be framing Breivik, not cowing or reducing him as I’d hoped. There is no banality of evil on display here. Breivik actually appears quite an imposing figure, his physicality if anything enhanced by his calm, softly spoken interventions.

Yup, just in case you thought masturbating to Breivik was just isolated to one lone nutbar on the National Review payroll.

Also, yeah, the snippet is basically, gee gosh willikers, Breivik looks like a white guy, not our stereotypical assumptions on what a criminal looks like (i.e. all non-white people, and young white people who look suspiciously liberal looking). Well, that must mean he’s innocent, so he must be winning the Court Room.

Also, I get that Nordic and Swedish people are often fetishized by white countries as inherently hot, but… wow, there are some serious erections popping for that ugly neckbearded motherfucker.

In this atmosphere Breivik says things that are undoubtedly interesting.

Don’t you find with attraction, that everything they say becomes captivating? That their very voice is comforting and warm? And time seems to slow down as the wind wisps through every strand of their hair? Until you climb upon the table yelling “Do me Anders, treat me like the Muslim Menace taking over our souls”?

No? Just wingnut columnists?

How odd.

His description, for instance, of how he was surprised that many of his victims “froze” rather than attempting to escape was repellent, but it told us something surprising we did not know before.

Humans react like any other animal in times of great stress and peril with some fleeing, some turning to fight, and others freezing in place to hopefully become less of a target? Huh. Completely new information. Or else, it would be if we were some alien life form that never bothered to learn anything about humanity.

As a result, he becomes a little more interesting himself and so (as is plainly one of his aims) a little less blankly monstrous. Occasionally he even makes little jokes at which people in the courtroom laugh. They laugh — it’s a normal human reaction, hard to avoid — but it further relativizes him and his crimes.

(blink)

WHAT?

I know I’m saying that a lot this post, but wow, I’m not actually sure where to start on this mess, so I’m going to have 3 separate reactions simultaneously that I will list A-C:

A) Oh yes, describing how your victims died like animals in a slaughter and how you showed no mercy in dispatching them when they clearly posed no threat whatsoever to you really endears you to the crowd. I’m betting they were swooning in the aisles to that rugged bit of manliness!

B) Of course, he’s not literally a monster. No “history’s greatest monster” is. All of them were human beings with complexities to them. That doesn’t subtract from their crimes. Hitler wasn’t a better person because he treated dogs kindly while he was ordering the extermination of the Jews. In fact, our obsession with reducing “bad guys” to inhuman monsters is used often to erase the real crimes they commit by making it something caused by “evil” rather than say ideologies that demonize and remove the humanity from perceived “enemies”. Not to mention the way it allows idiots to treat human beings like real life superheroes who can break out of prisons like they were tissue paper if we were to actually trust our justice system to do its bloody job.

C) That’s a terrible usage of the word relativizes!

Yeah okay, the last one is completely out of proportion to the other two, but it’s obviously only there to get the boot in on the Right’s favorite hobby horse “moral relativism” and try and throw one more hidden elbow to the face at it while pretending they mean something else. Why do I say that? Because there’s no other reason to use the barely correct word relativize there when empathize is so much less awkward.

It’s like they can’t help themselves anymore and if they don’t include at least one dog whistle per paragraph, they start getting the withdrawal symptoms again.

Nothing can make Breivik sympathetic, but he will doubtless be satisfied with planting even the smallest seed of doubt about his utter wickedness or irrationality.

A) Hey look, someone just realized they were caught masturbating and are desperately trying to hide the tube sock. It’d be convincing if only liberals shared the same mental impairment as conservatives and also were unable to remember 5 seconds prior.

B) Yes, there’s so much doubt about his wickedness when he describes his conscienceless slaughter and tries to blame it literally on “bu-bu-but the muslims are worse” (oh, yes, that bullshit is coming soon). Well, certainly to people who want an excuse for worshipping him as a living God who finally did what they’ve been wanting to do, but have been too cowardly to do for years.

C) Ha. Yes, because the Left are the one’s concerned his actions might not come across as “irrational”. No, I believe the Left has been rather vocal about how “rational” his actions were. No, not because they were based in reality, but because it’s perfectly understandable where someone got the idea that they needed to kill kids to stop Muslim encroachment when their “Manifesto” was nothing more than copy-paste from the average right-wing website.

Or did you already forget why you were so desperate to make him an irrational “lone wolf” in the first place?

That is why it is so dangerous that he will apparently be allowed to bring on extreme Islamists as witnesses for his defense. In effect he is claiming justified homicide — which in this case means justified mass murder — presumably on the grounds that it is legitimate to murder people if they promote, inter alia, the immigration of extremists.

Yup. I told you it was coming. Yeah, so very sympathetic and reasonable he is what with the describing his victims deaths and ranting about needing to bring in radical Muslims for defense.

Also love how the columnist is going hook, line, and sinker for this. He’s allowed to make a defense and he’s right-wing! That must mean he’s demonstrated his case and the Left and the mean old prosecutors have no response, because conservative manly men who “stand up” to things are always right.

Yeah, no, see, before about rope, the giving thereof, and the subsequent actions one performs with said rope.

And you’d think the Right-wing would be slightly more concerned with their Nordic dreamboat linking in Court the direct connection between his actions and unfounded right-wing paranoia. Forget putting the nail in the coffin for the Right in Norway, this is a potential blow against the Right everywhere. Especially if say wingnuts do something stupid like say… promote it on their fucking nationally known blogs while crouched over like fucking Aqualung!

But then, that just brings up the ropes again and so on and so forth.

If that is not the reason for having Islamists as defense witnesses, what is?

Oh, bloody hell, don’t make the adage about ropes any more shopworn than it already is. We won’t be able to use it for bondage afterwords.

Also, append to “Fair Trial, your complete lack of understanding about”.

And if that is the reason, what on earth would be the state of Norwegian law if Breivik were to be acquitted on those grounds?

Probably pretty bad. But then see, Norway isn’t so terrified by completely unlikely remote possibilities that they abandon their justice system at the drop of a hat like us.

It allows them to shame us by showing that said fears are complete bullshit and that trusting and improving one’s system is the best course of action.

Also, if that happened, all it would do is reveal a rot already in existence in the Norwegian justice system. And if that’s the case, better it come out now during a high-profile trial than just letting it fester and rot.

Perhaps if we had taken the real lessons of the OJ trial (justice is purchasable and having racist cops mishandle evidence can let an obvious killer go free) instead of what we did learn (that we’d never suffer another black man going free again, regardless of innocence), maybe our justice system wouldn’t be an international joke.

A very remote contingency, I grant, but worth considering. For if Breivik cannot possibly be acquitted on the grounds that his 77 murders were justifiable, then there is no good reason for having these witnesses. They certainly didn’t witness anything.

I know I keep circling around this like a buzzard hoping to get first dibs on the eyeball, but I just can’t help it. He really can’t handle the notion that the Defense is allowed to defend itself and try to prove their inane bullshit in a court of law. As a proper authoritarian, to him, any criminal case ends the moment the cops grab you off the street. Fuck, at the moment, a cop eyes you suspiciously for being too much of a goddamn hippie.

So, the only thing he can think of to explain why the Defense is allowed to defend itsself in a court of law is either secret shadow show trials to attack good manly Conservative Gods or proof that the Defense is really on to something and this will finally allow conservatives to go on killing sprees as long as they blame Al-Queda first.

Sorry, Johnny Oldboy, going to have to delay your Battle Royale/Hunger Games fantasies just a little there, but it’s just how Courts are supposed to work. Honestly, if I was the prosecutor and the Defense wanted to pull a stunt like that, I would not only allow it but buy the Defense Lawyer a drink for making my job that much fucking easier than it already was.

The final uncomfortable question is: What punishment should Breivik receive?

Ah, we’ve finally come to the crucial point. John O’ Sullivan has a steel erection that could puncture a wood table and has the wetsuits and dildo in place and ready for a bit of fun, but has haltingly come to realize that the National Review is not going to let him get away with posting this under “The Editors” so he can finish up.

So, he’s got the hard-on and as a conservative, you never pull out when you can go “all the way”. So what is he to do?

At present the harshest sentence available to the court is imprisonment for 21 years. In practice that might turn out to be lifetime imprisonment, either in a jail, because he is judged to be a continuing danger to the public, or in a psychiatric hospital, because he is judged to be insane. That is the very least the Norwegian people will or should accept. But is it enough? Does it fit such a monstrous crime? In the light of Norway’s comfortable prison conditions, such a penalty can hardly be called harsh.

Start jerking it to the notion of liberal hippie Norway having to “get tough on crime” (ah yes, now tweak the nipples) and default to the conservatives (yes, we’re always so right, you never understand) by turning brave handsome sexy Breivik into the Right’s very own tortured martyr (mmm, yes, suck it Vagina-Americans and your obsessions with vampires, we know that child murderers are the real bad boys just needing someone to tame the beast within).

And yes, I wish I was fucking kidding.

Hodges feels frustrated at this, asking if Breivik shouldn’t simply have been shot out of hand. He is being less than half-serious here. He marshals all the right civil-rights arguments against such a course. He knows that his feelings cannot and should not be acted upon. But his instincts are expressing a serious moral point, too — namely, that some crimes are so terrible that they require a punishment that reflects that horror. They should not be relativized away, an outcome that Norway currently risks.

There’s that fucking word again. And again being awkwardly inserted where it fits even less. Hell, at least in the other case there was a vague case to be made that it was technically correct if not linguistically awkward. Here, the only way it can make sense is as a dog-whistle. It literally doesn’t make sense unless you read it as a slam against Moral Relativism. And even then, it’s completely nonsensical on a second reading.

And in case you thought I was kidding about the masturbation, we get so many tells. “instincts”, the way he “marshalls” himself, “require a punishment” and for those who think veils are for doxied trollops:

“He knows that his feelings cannot and should not be acted upon.”

And people knock Romance Novels for terrible masturbatory writing.

Oddly, very few people have suggested that the death penalty is the answer here. Jenny McCartney raises the question in order to dismiss it on the grounds — not trivial but not persuasive to me — that Breivik probably wants the death penalty so as to be a historic figure even, if only a Herostratus rather than a hero. But how many of the Nuremberg defendants became historic figures because of their executions? Except for those who were already historic figures, however disgracefully, none of them. Speer, who was sentenced to twenty years, achieved greater prominence and attracted greater interest than any of those executed into obscurity.

Well, seeing as how you’re jerking it like a rabid macaque to how hot it would be if liberals gave in to the endless bloodlust that you and your reptilian ilk daily live, he’d probably want it for the same rush of orgasm he’d feel as he was martyred and remembered as something more than a paranoid 30-something who needed to kill kids just to feel like a man.

That is what I would be saying if there was any evidence whatsoever for Breivik actually wanting the death penalty in any way. Which it looks like the entire sum total of evidence is a bunch of wingnut writers having a giant circle jerk on how hot it would be if Norway decided to give up and become a backwater clusterfuck like America.

And out of curiosity, I checked into his actual defense. It and the case are mostly about whether or not he should be sent to a mental institution for his prison sentence or a traditional prison. Yes, ooh, ahh, manly Breivik’s super cock is going to make Norway go against their principles and create a martyr for the New Crusade.

And why should we be concerned about what Breivik wants anyway?

Jesus, right-wing, I know you don’t believe in consent, but Breivik’s not going to be able to do you like you want without it. I mean, you could rape him, but it’s just going to leave you even more unsatisfied than you are now.

Some years ago National Review and The Nation cosponsored a debate on the death penalty.

Hello non-sequitur grasp at relevance.

The disputants included the Reverend Jesse Jackson, the late Christopher Hitchens, former New York City mayor Edward Koch, and Professor Hadley Arkes of Amherst.

Jesse Jackson later wondered why he bothered to show up and lent credibility to this clown show.

It was a high-quality debate with strong arguments on both sides.

Snrk. Yes, I’m totally sure that both sides had strong arguments. Why they were so strong that the only link is to a dead Youtube page despite National Review being one of the participants.

Jackson that night made a powerful speech opposing capital punishment on Christian grounds.

And only Christian grounds. There is no secular moral argument whatsoever for the outlawing of capital punishment and certainly no real world evidence arguing against the death penalty both in light of how poor it works as a deterrent for violent crime as well as its horrific consequences with regards to Type I errors resulting from shoddy prosecution and failures of the Justice System.

Nope. None whatsoever. Ignore the hippies and their crazy talk.

But my impression is that he was impressed at the closing argument from Hadley. At any rate he gave Hadley a hug.

Wow. That’s just sad. Yes, Jesse Jackson was totally enamored with your pet wingnut on the panel and totally thought his arguments were superawesome megapenis! After all, why would he show basic debate formalities if he wasn’t bowing before Hadley’s death cock of logic?

Hold onto that thought Johnny, cause its pretty damn obvious you need something to warm your bed at night.

“We do not think that we should have to share the world with those who committed such a crime against God and man,” ended Hadley, quoting Hannah Arendt on the trial of Eichmann in Jerusalem. (I quote from memory.) He then sat down amid the kind of subdued applause that greets a powerful moral point inviting agreement rather than cheering.

Yes, see, when the audience gives you pity applause, that’s proof that you’ve made a really profound point that’s swayed the audience and left them wowed. Wild applause or awed noises? Those are for pansies. It’s all about the pity clap and the rolled eyeballs.

I’m sorry. But I’m just feeling pity for this bastard right now. He’s three seconds from coming and he’s practically sobbing into his tube sock about how his team is totally holding their own intellectually and isn’t just masturbating to their hatreds.

He so wants to be coming from an intellectual respected place literally while he’s in the midst of spasming on the force of his emotional train wreck of a reaction.

I don’t know if I can maintain the same hate for-

Well, Norway had abolished the death penalty in the early 20th century. Following the Second World War, however, the Norwegians reintroduced it in order to have a fit and suitable punishment for the Nazis, their Norwegian allies (notably Vidkun Quisling, who had ruled Norway on Hitler’s behalf), and those who had participated in the Holocaust. They did not think that they should have to share the world with those who committed such crimes against God and man.

And I’m back.

It is worth pointing out here that the tagline for this overlong self-love session is:

If Quisling deserved the death penalty . . .

That would be Vidkun Quisling. You know, the origin of the phrase “a quisling”, i.e. a traitor who sells out their own people for personal power and advancement.

And yeah, a Nazi who literally planted the idea of an invasion of Norway in Der Fuhrer’s head because he was hoping it would allow him to rule Occupied Norway (which it did) and who when so rewarded ordered his country to submit like a bitch so he could live out his power fantasies of owning a country was indeed executed after Norway had banned the death penalty…

Well, kinda. See, they had only abolished capital punishment in peacetime. Leaving it open as punishment for huge war crimes like say… treason. Norway didn’t fully abolish the death penalty in all circumstances until 1979. So it’s not like Norway abandoned its principles to take out Quisling like a boss.

So yeah, he’s a little off-target in his wanking to begin with and that’s before we factor in the little old issue of “Holy Fuckballs, is this fucker trying to retro hero-worship a fucking Nazi as well?!?”

But I digress. Let’s let old Johnny continue.

If the Norwegians were to reach the same decision about Breivik on the same grounds, is there anyone who would not understand?

Wait, is this the point of that random non-sequitur about some forgettable wingnut dickwad trying to debate way out of his depth? He really thought that Hadley time-traveled to Occupied Norway and convinced Norway to totally betray the principles they didn’t actually betray for reasons they didn’t actually do it for, thus proving that right-wingers have the biggest intellectual cocks even when they are on trial for serial murder or some such shit?!?

Wow, Johnny old boy, that’s… a new level of pathetic. Even the guy who died with Standard Republican Masturbation Method #7 would look down on that display.

Who wants to read some day that Breivik is corresponding with the Unabomber?

Sigh…

A) Of course, because the Unabomber is the last terrorist you could even vaguely link to liberalism (and even then it was kinda a big fucking stretch seeing as how he was just a weird neo-luddite and his manifesto is mostly filled with in-depth critiques of Leftism and its “immorality”), which brings up

B) I think we’d be more concerned with him corresponding with Pam Atlas and well… you. You know, the same fucking jokers he was corresponding and religiously reading before he decided to go on his killing spree? The same ones he copied and pasted to form his “Manifesto” like some Sadly, No! troll? Yes, please do remind everyone of exactly who was Breivik’s inspiration. Not to mention

C) The Unabomber is rotting in prison. For life. He’s never going to see the light of day again and it really doesn’t matter what he thinks because he no longer has a means to act on those thoughts in the destructive way he had. See, that’s what happens when the Justice System does its job and is allowed to function. Criminals who are dangerous to public society are locked up. In backwards hippie nations like Norway, they might even be subjected to genuine rehabilitation designed to make the criminals into better citizens who can be reintroduced into society without lapsing into their old ways.

So yeah, ooh, so scary. I know you want to live in the exciting world of comic books. But there’s no such thing as Supervillains. They aren’t real. If two notorious criminals talk to each other, they aren’t going to hatch an ingenious plan to break out and form a team-up to take out Superman, they are going to ramble at each other and no one will care.

Because real humans no matter how “evil” their crimes are just that, puny little humans who decided in their cowardice and need for importance to do something to try and make themselves seem more important than they were by destroying the lives and experiences of others.

And when you feed that delusion, you’re FUCKING REINFORCING THAT SHIT!

Or that he has smuggled out a manuscript justifying his crimes?

Billy Bob Gringo in a pork grinder, you’re going to make me break out the A, B, C again, aren’t you?

Sigh.

A) He did. It’s called his Manifesto. You should recognize it, it’s mostly made from copyright violations of your peers’ works.

B) Yeah, I’m betting you are terrified of that, because the more he rambles, the harder it is to separate him from what is rapidly becoming a mainstream Republican party platform item.

C) HE DOESN’T NEED TO! You and you’re fucking kind will do it for him. Fuck, your contemporaries started doing it at the same time they were running screaming from any connection to him. Not to mention that you’ve been doing it IN THIS FUCKING POST.

Self Awareness! Do you have it?

Who now thinks that Quisling was wrongly executed?

Besides you? … Apparently. Well, fuck, if Buchannan can write a book detailing how the nazis were just underappreciated flower children who never wanted to do any wrong and Jonah Goldberg can claim that they were working for the same liberal forces that made up the entirety of the internal resistance to them, why not start claiming infamous traitors and capos as right-wing saints martyred by mean hippies. Fuck, at the current rate, it’s pretty much even money that we get a major Republican figure praising the Nazis before the 2016 election.

But yeah, that’s the end-note. Jacking off on the bloody stump of Quisling. Because apparently bloodlust is now a literal notion on the Right.

Cause Rule 34, motherfuckers.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. If I have to dodge anymore wingnut cum blasts, I’m gonna start demanding hazard pay. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

447 Comments »

  1. Lexicon Devil said,

    May 3, 2012 at 11:21

    FriST!

  2. Lexicon Devil said,

    May 3, 2012 at 11:25

    Probably should read it now …

  3. Vidkun Quisling said,

    May 3, 2012 at 11:49

    You can please yourself, but somebody’s gonna get it

  4. N__B said,

    May 3, 2012 at 12:16

    Quisling lost me with Rikki Tikki Tavi.

  5. Lexicon Devil said,

    May 3, 2012 at 12:20

    I think we’d be more concerned with him corresponding with Pam Atlas

    For some reason, the idea of such a correspondence made me think of this

  6. Ken_L said,

    May 3, 2012 at 12:30

    WTF caused this site’s posts to become so fucking long-winded and unreadable? Did it get taken over by mad wingnuts determined to kill us all with boredom? Who TF wants to read 5000 word fisks of right-wing crap that nobody takes seriously in the first place?

  7. boconn13 said,

    May 3, 2012 at 12:42

    The magazine cover clearly says, You asked, Selena answers…

  8. Major Kong said,

    May 3, 2012 at 13:30

    Well, he wouldn’t be the first mass-murderer who got a fair trial in a court of law. I don’t see what they’re so wrapped up about.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberg_Trials

  9. BringTheNoise said,

    May 3, 2012 at 13:34

    To be fair, I’m a bit confused about why this trial is still going on as well. Breivik admits to killing these people, he’s been declared medically sane and his only “defence” is that he did it to save Norway from the darkies or some such bollocks, which clearly isn’t an admissible legal defence. Why is he allowed to take up weeks of court time reading out his version of Mein Kampf? It’s supposed to be a trial, not an old-school filibuster.

    (Not that I agree with the rest of numbnuts’ ramblings, of course, but he has a point there)

  10. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 3, 2012 at 13:34

    Congress shall make no law that shall abridge the right to scroll.
    .

  11. Smut Clyde said,

    May 3, 2012 at 13:40

    To be fair, I’m a bit confused about why this trial is still going on as well.

    That would be the Norwegians’ business.

  12. paleotectonics said,

    May 3, 2012 at 13:47

    Rule 34, motherfuckers.

    Near as I can do the ciphering, we’ve got yer vores, necrophilia, and the boobs currently known as Pamela Geller. That’s Rule 34 BINGO. Shame to have to start drinking this early.

    Cerberus, fucking awesome.

  13. Major Kong said,

    May 3, 2012 at 13:53

    To be fair, I’m a bit confused about why this trial is still going on as well.

    If their legal system is anything like ours – a confession is not the same thing as a guilty plea. A confession can be used as evidence to convict, but you still have to convict.

  14. N__B said,

    May 3, 2012 at 14:08

    Also, admitting to an act is not the same thing as a legal confession. Breivik, like Zimmerman, admits to an act he believes is defensible. Either act may or may not be illegal – IMO, both are – but that’s what trials are for.

  15. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    May 3, 2012 at 14:21

    To be fair, I’m a bit confused about why this trial is still going on as well.

    Yeah, why can’t they be more like the U.S.?

    We just blow people up or kidnap and torture them, because warren terra.

    USA! USA! USA!
    ~

  16. Matt Bright said,

    May 3, 2012 at 14:33

    Is the basic shorter here not something like

    Any approval of Brevik’s opinions you might spot from right wing commentators will have been degenerate Euroliberalism’s fault for allowing him to make us aware of them

  17. kg said,

    May 3, 2012 at 15:07

    Ken,

    I find your arguments compelling and look forward to subscribing to your pithy newsletter.

  18. Dhalgren said,

    May 3, 2012 at 15:17

    I have to agree with BringTheNoise. Maybe in LA, a casual judge would allow the accused to give long speeches about his motives and purpose. But in the USA, the trial begins with the prosecutions presentation. Then the accused can present his own defense, as directed by the judge. Google Colin Ferguson (the LIRR shooter) to see how this trial could play out in the USA. The accused would not be given a platform to talk for days if the American judge had any control over his courtroom.

  19. Pryme said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:03

    Should the title for the last post be this one as well, but like “Part 2″?

  20. bulbul said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:03

    Dhalgren,

    isn’t it shocking how foreign those foreigners are?

  21. Chris said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:16

    I read an article on Baptist-facebook-friend’s facebook a while back whining about the fact that European justice systems weren’t being mean enough to Breivik and that a Christian country with Christian values would have executed the fucker just like he deserves and like it says in the Bible.

    The fact that Breivik was operating 100% on their ideology, and specifically a part of it they’ve been pushing for the last ten years, is just conveniently not going to be talked about.

  22. N__B said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:21

    isn’t it shocking how foreign those foreigners are?

    Some are cold as ice.

  23. Pryme said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:25

    Oh, and I am beyond finished with conservatives playing pseudo-psychoanalyst/Professor X and claiming to know the instincts and motivations of people they (1) never met and (2) attack for not understanding anything.

  24. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:26

    Didn’t Debbie Strudelbrain write a defense of this guy right after the murders, on the grounds that those kids were Islamofascist sympathizers who had it coming? I wonder how that’s working out for her.

    As for Breivik, I agree that it’s Norway’s business. Letting the fucker ramble for a few days before locking him up for the rest of his life doesn’t seem unreasonable to me.

  25. Pryme said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:33

    But there’s no such thing as Supervillains.

    Um, er…: http://www.comicsalliance.com/2012/05/02/real-life-super-villain-rex-velvet-terrorizes-seattle-with-aweso/

  26. paleotectonics said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:33

    Didn’t Debbie Strudelbrain write a defense of this guy right after the murders

    Right down the memory hole. These rotten fuckers throw up so much bullshit on a daily basis it is easy to pick, choose, and disappear memory as needed.

  27. Eric Blair said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:37

    Ah, the ironies. By which I mean, Chris, there’s a response to your question at the end of the last thread.

  28. Cerberus said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:39

    There actually are a couple reasons why they are letting the trial go the full length instead of cutting it short.

    First, they don’t want there to be any possibility of room to call it an unfair or rushed trial, thus trying to prevent a BS martyrdom of Anders Breivik.

    Second, they already have a court document proving he’s legally sane and just a giant narcissist. Problem is, the first psychiatric evaluation concluded he was cookoo for cocoa puffs and schizophrenic, so part of the trial is demonstrating that he was sane in his execution of his plan, he’s just coming from a broken moral philosophy and is overly enamored with himself.

    Allowing him to babble on like a supervillain about how he was personally responsible for spearheading contemporary conservative actions nicely demonstrates that there is in fact logical construction from illogical premises and well, the fact that he’s a giant narcissist. Never interrupt the other side when they are busy furiously demonstrating your own case.

    And third, I imagine liberals in the country would love it to be in the court record how Breivik engaged in his actions thanks to the worldview constructions of what is rapidly becoming mainstream American conservatism. It’s one thing for it to be what “everyone knows” about the case and another for it to actually be in the court record, brought up by the defendant himself. Again, ropes, enough of, and for the hanging of oneself.

  29. Cerberus said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:40

    Ken L-

    Curses, you’ve rumbled my nefarious plot to bring down the site!

    On Scroll Fatigue-

    Sadly, No! Industries is not unfeeling to the dangers and pains of scroll fatigue. As such, we wish to highlight emergency aids for such events. First of all, the End key on your keyboard can be used as an emergency jump to the end of the comment thread so that no scrolling time is lost jumping over boring paragraphs of post. Additionally, on the main page, clicking on the “comments” button at the bottom of the post will jump you to the beginning of the comment thread, allowing you to just scroll through the pages of comments instead.

    Finally, Sadly, No! Industries realizes that verbosity kills over 1 million pre-Americans per second and can cause Space Lazer AIDS. As such, each post contains a shorter early on in the post. Reading the shorter and jumping into the comment sections is a time-honored tradition here and new eviler posters certainly don’t want to take that away from readers.

    We hope this alleviates all concerns. Thank you and have a wonderful day here at Sadly, No! Industries.

  30. N__B said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:43

    Alleviating the concern.

  31. g said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:48

    That would be the Norwegians’ business.

    Exactly. Wingnuts who don’t understand our own laws feel they have the moral authority to weigh in on the nuances of another country’s legal system?

  32. Helmut Monotreme said,

    May 3, 2012 at 16:50

    Space laser AIDS is a horrific disease that is 100% preventable. Never have sex with a major defense contractor. If you must have sex with Boeing or Raytheon, use a condom.

  33. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:03

    Shorter O’Sullivan:

    Just kill this dreamy crazy guilty guy already. He’s exposing the end game in open court.

  34. Chris said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:04

    Ah, the ironies. By which I mean, Chris, there’s a response to your question at the end of the last thread.

    Thanks! Now that you mentioned it, I do remember the Orwell thing being in the context of the IRD.

    And third, I imagine liberals in the country would love it to be in the court record how Breivik engaged in his actions thanks to the worldview constructions of what is rapidly becoming has rapidly become American conservatism.

    FTFY. And keep writing those super-long rebuttals. I don’t always read all of it, but when I do it’s always worth it.

  35. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:06

    Why do we give a shit if he rambles on in court about all of his creepy fantasies? Maybe SOME people appreciate the idea of putting these things on record and using what was said to learn how to prevent these sort of things in the future.

    Attention wingnuts: Shut the fuck up and die already.

  36. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:09

    Holy crap, I think I’m going to have to click through. Did anybody grab a screencap before this inevitably gets scrubbed after normal people express their rage and horror?

    I think we’d be more concerned with him corresponding with Pam Atlas

    Yeah, they don’t want a trial to go on because evidence will lead to certain beloved American wingnuts as instigators.

  37. Rick Massimo said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:22

    Yeah, because allowing the defense to make its case is what show trials are all about.

  38. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:24

    As a result, he becomes a little more interesting himself and so (as is plainly one of his aims) a little less blankly monstrous.

    Silly wingnut, monsters are such interesting people.

    OT, but I am convinced that Rick Santorum beats off to that clip.

  39. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:29

    Yeah, they don’t want a trial to go on because evidence will lead to certain beloved American wingnuts as instigators.

    If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were accusing Gellar and her ilk of spreading hyperbolic falsehoods about muslims.

    Say it ain’t so, B!

  40. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:40

    Once again, I’m confronted with most of these right-wing creeps, who wouldn’t pass up a chance to spit on a Soviet Russian (y’know, when the Soviet Russian is secured from punching them in the face afterward), are desperately in love with the old Soviet justice system, where criminals were in a cage during trial, and ended it staring at a shower drain before their brains rocketed against the wall.

    And when one considers that to them, Norway is basically just another Soviet Russia, I an understand their confusion when Breivik is allowed to wear a suit and sit down at a table, and is just going to spend life in prison instead of executed.

  41. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:46

    This is trivial, I know, but I can’t help it:

    1) This post has one of the all-time great Sadly photoshops.

    2) Tiger Beat? Srsly? That thing still exists?

  42. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:48

    1) This post has one of the all-time great Sadly photoshops.

    Agreed! Plus Miley is much hotter than Breivik.

  43. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:50

    and is just going to spend life in prison instead of executed.

    Summarily executed without an actual trial. You know, like the stories about China–haul him outside, shoot him in the head, and make the family pay for the bullet.

  44. S. cerevisiae said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:50

    Yeah, the wingnuts want this settled quick and quiet before Brievik spills the beans on how close he shares their philosophy. Great post, Cerb!

  45. BringTheNoise said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:52

    Cerb – That makes a lot of sense, although the lawyer part of my brain still doesn’t like the idea of letting people make long pointless speeches with no real legal relevance, but as other’s have pointed out – it’s Norway, not Scotland*.

    * For that is where I am, and got my LLB.

  46. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:54

    I am just baffled by the original article. He is coming out in opposition to the rights to free speech and a fair trial in open court? And in some way, he believes that this position is the appropriate one for a patriotic American to take?

    I think everybody should print out this article and mail it to their local school boards as Exhibit A of “Why we still need Grade 1 Civics class”.

  47. Cynthianne said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:54

    Oh great FSM, are we anywhere near the bottom of the rabbit hole yet? This post made my brain hurt, and I only read half of it. The pretzel illogic just kept going and going, and going… How does Cerberus do it? I am in awe…

  48. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 3, 2012 at 17:57

    I also meant to say, though, that I do find it surprising that twenty-one years is the longest sentence this guy could get. Canadian “life sentences” usually are only twenty-five years long in practice but:

    1) That’s when you become eligible for parole, not a guarantee that they’ll actually let you out, and
    2) Mass murderers are often sentenced to serve one “life sentence” for each victim, in succession. So, even assuming Norwegians are eligible for parole after twenty-one years for murder, they could probably put him away until the year 3000 if they phrase things correctly.

    I am skeptical of the claim, but IANANL obviously.

  49. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:10

    I also meant to say, though, that I do find it surprising that twenty-one years is the longest sentence this guy could get. Canadian “life sentences” usually are only twenty-five years long in practice but:

    It does sound surprising, though I doubt it’s actually true. Regardless, I don’t think Norway gives much of a fat shit what we think, and I’m guessing that they believe in that goofy liberal “rule of law” shit there. tl;dr: Let the Norweigians worry about it and SHUT THE FUCK UP, O’Sullivan.

    And drop the O’. It makes your butt look big.

  50. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:12

    WTF caused this site’s posts to become so fucking long-winded and unreadable? I>

    I think you’re looking for “Tweetin’ ’bout wingnut bullshit”, mister.

  51. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:16

    It does sound surprising, though I doubt it’s actually true.

    I imagine that there aren’t too many mass-murders in Norway, so this is an unprecedented case. Surely, he’ll be evaluated after serving the typical maximum sentence, then be found ineligible for release. It’s just a wingnut canard, much like: In the light of Norway’s comfortable prison conditions, such a penalty can hardly be called harsh.

    Yeah, prison, even in Norway, is a friggin’ picnic… why can’t Norwegian prisons be a secular hell like our increasingly privatized U.S. prisons are?

  52. creature said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:18

    Can’t have some furriner pull back the curtain and expose the Grand Wizard, now can we, upstanding Amurkkan white folk of power and prestige?

  53. Wingnuts said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:22

    The problem with Norway is that it’s not white enough.

  54. Helmut Monotreme said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:23

    Yeah, prison, even in Norway, is a friggin’ picnic…

    When I lived in Norway in the 80s, there was one prison in the whole country. I was told it was a concentration camp in WWII. I doubt it was a picnic.

  55. N__B said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:26

    The population of Norway is under five million, so one penitentiary makes sense.

  56. Wyatt Watts III said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:29

    I’m still miffed that we had to have those pesky Nuremberg trials when we all could have been watching “Missus Goes A Shopping,” one of the earliest game shows on television.

  57. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:32

    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    There is no sentence of life imprisonment in Norwegian law. There is however an indeterminate penalty that could in principle result in life imprisonment, but there are no examples of such after the latest correctional law passed in 2002. There are basically two types of maximum penalty laws:

    The maximum determinate penalty is 21 years imprisonment, but only a small percentage of prisoners serve more than 14 years. Prisoners will typically get unsupervised parole for weekends etc. after serving ? of their sentence (a maximum of 7 years) and can receive early release after serving ? of their sentence (a maximum of 14 years). In 2008, to fulfill its requirements under the Rome Statute, Norway created a new maximal penalty of 30 years for crimes against humanity.[1]

    The indeterminate penalty, called “containment” (Norwegian: forvaring), is set at 21 years imprisonment, and the prisoner is required to serve at least 10 years before becoming eligible for parole. If the prisoner is still considered dangerous after serving the original sentence, the prisoner can receive up to five years additional containment. If the additional time is served, and the offender is still considered dangerous, a prisoner can continue to receive up to five years additional containment, and this, in theory, could result in actual life imprisonment. “Containment” is used when the prisoner is deemed a danger to society and there is a great chance of committing violent crimes in the future.[2] However, the offender can be paroled or released at any time if it is determined that the offender is no longer a danger to society.

  58. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:33

    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    There is no sentence of life imprisonment in Norwegian law. There is however an indeterminate penalty that could in principle result in life imprisonment, but there are no examples of such after the latest correctional law passed in 2002. There are basically two types of maximum penalty laws:

    The maximum determinate penalty is 21 years imprisonment, but only a small percentage of prisoners serve more than 14 years. Prisoners will typically get unsupervised parole for weekends etc. after serving ? of their sentence (a maximum of 7 years) and can receive early release after serving ? of their sentence (a maximum of 14 years). In 2008, to fulfill its requirements under the Rome Statute, Norway created a new maximal penalty of 30 years for crimes against humanity.[1]

    The indeterminate penalty, called “containment” (Norwegian: forvaring), is set at 21 years imprisonment, and the prisoner is required to serve at least 10 years before becoming eligible for parole. If the prisoner is still considered dangerous after serving the original sentence, the prisoner can receive up to five years additional containment. If the additional time is served, and the offender is still considered dangerous, a prisoner can continue to receive up to five years additional containment, and this, in theory, could result in actual life imprisonment. “Containment” is used when the prisoner is deemed a danger to society and there is a great chance of committing violent crimes in the future.[2] However, the offender can be paroled or released at any time if it is determined that the offender is no longer a danger to society.

  59. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:33

    Why does that keep happening to me?

  60. Green Eagle said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:34

    I just want to say that I feel your pain. After reading this very long post, I realize too that no words in the English language are sufficient to explain the craven viciousness that inhabits people like this. No matter what you say, it can’t capture the enormity of this kind of thinking. Too bad- it’s a dirty job but someone has to try to do it.

  61. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:35

    The next time a raving looney leftist is tried for mass murder, I look forward to O’Sullivan’s concern about how a long trial would just be so icky.

    Is O’Sullivan gunning for the title of resident NR Brit twit now that Derbyshire has been packed off?

  62. Pupienus said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:55

    We may observe that the whingnut mind has completely disassociated the notion of rehabilitation from the purpose of imprisonment. It is purely and solely for punishment, the harsher the better. Fuck you you fucking Sadistic fascist fucks.

  63. Pupienus said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:56

    Also too, what the fuck is to you, O’Sully? Not your country fetish boy.

  64. Pupienus said,

    May 3, 2012 at 18:59

    Why does that keep happening to me?

    I’ve been wondering how you manage to do it, how you circumvented the “looks like you already said that” WP junkpunch.

  65. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:04

    When I lived in Norway in the 80s, there was one prison in the whole country. I was told it was a concentration camp in WWII. I doubt it was a picnic.

    Helmut, I hope you realize that I was, as is typical, snarking.

    We may observe that the whingnut mind has completely disassociated the notion of rehabilitation from the purpose of imprisonment. It is purely and solely for punishment, the harsher the better. Fuck you you fucking Sadistic fascist fucks.

    It’s not purely and solely for punishment, it’s also for removing a disproportionate amount of young black men from the voter rolls and for funneling ghastly amounts of money into the pockets of the prison industrial complex.

  66. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:05

    I’ve been wondering how you manage to do it, how you circumvented the “looks like you already said that” WP junkpunch.

    WordPress took one look at 90′s tsam’s hair and thought, “I’ll let this guy get away with taking any sort of liberties.”

  67. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:10

    Why does that keep happening to me?

    If you’re looking for a solution, I’ve heard that sometimes it helps to think about nuns or baseball scores.

  68. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:34

    I’ve been wondering how you manage to do it, how you circumvented the “looks like you already said that” WP junkpunch.

    Well, it involves hammering the “Submit Comment” button continuously while it implores me to “Slow Down”… Feature or bug? We report, you decide.

    >WordPress took one look at 90?s tsam’s hair and thought, “I’ll let this guy get away with taking any sort of liberties.”

    You sure know how to make a boy feel good!

    If you’re looking for a solution, I’ve heard that sometimes it helps to think about nuns or baseball scores.

    Nuns: OPPOSITE EFFECT. Have you seen Virgin Territory? If you haven’t, I highly suggest Netflixing it. Keep a box of Kleenex handy.

    I think I’ll roll with the bonerpills. If you they can get Rush to church on time, they should work on me too, I’m thinking.

  69. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:34

    I’ve been wondering how you manage to do it, how you circumvented the “looks like you already said that” WP junkpunch.

    Well, it involves hammering the “Submit Comment” button continuously while it implores me to “Slow Down”… Feature or bug? We report, you decide.

    >WordPress took one look at 90?s tsam’s hair and thought, “I’ll let this guy get away with taking any sort of liberties.”

    You sure know how to make a boy feel good!

    If you’re looking for a solution, I’ve heard that sometimes it helps to think about nuns or baseball scores.

    Nuns: OPPOSITE EFFECT. Have you seen Virgin Territory? If you haven’t, I highly suggest Netflixing it. Keep a box of Kleenex handy.

    I think I’ll roll with the bonerpills. If you they can get Rush to church on time, they should work on me too, I’m thinking.

  70. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:34

    I’ve been wondering how you manage to do it, how you circumvented the “looks like you already said that” WP junkpunch.

    Well, it involves hammering the “Submit Comment” button continuously while it implores me to “Slow Down”… Feature or bug? We report, you decide.

    >WordPress took one look at 90?s tsam’s hair and thought, “I’ll let this guy get away with taking any sort of liberties.”

    You sure know how to make a boy feel good!

    If you’re looking for a solution, I’ve heard that sometimes it helps to think about nuns or baseball scores.

    Nuns: OPPOSITE EFFECT. Have you seen Virgin Territory? If you haven’t, I highly suggest Netflixing it. Keep a box of Kleenex handy.

    I think I’ll roll with the bonerpills. If you they can get Rush to church on time, they should work on me too, I’m thinking.

  71. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:35

    WordPress is my bitch.

  72. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:39

    WordPress (FYWP just because) obviously has a real thing for tsam. What’s it like being stalked, tsam?

  73. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:45

    JT Ready

    18 hours ago via mobile.

    Reports are unconfirmed that a cartel assassination squad murdered JT Ready and several of his friends and family this afternoon in Gilbert Arizona. This page’s admin will keep you updated of the situation as soon as possible.

    Via Facebook…

    For those that don’t know already, JT Ready is a former Marine and self-proclaimed militia border guard, and among the worst of the right wing racist, xenophobic, lying, gun-fetishists. He and 4 other people were found dead in Arizona, and it’s (as yet unconfirmed) believed that he committed a murder-suicide.

    The other weirdos automatically assumed drug cartel.

  74. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:46

    WordPress (FYWP just because) obviously has a real thing for tsam. What’s it like being stalked, tsam?

    Despite my outward disdain for it, it does stroke my narcissism nicely, I must say.

  75. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:49

    Nuns: OPPOSITE EFFECT. Have you seen Virgin Territory? If you haven’t, I highly suggest Netflixing it. Keep a box of Kleenex handy.

    Yeah, right… you’ve been watching The Flying Nun reruns. Admit it, Sally Field made a grade-A manic pixie dream nun.

  76. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:50

    isn’t it shocking how foreign those foreigners are?

    Some are cold as ice.

    some are also hot blooded…check it and see…

  77. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:51

    I love her. I REALLY LOVE HER! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

  78. smedley said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:53

    tsam can hit for the cycle with a homerun in his next at-bat.

  79. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:57

    The other weirdos automatically assumed drug cartel.

    Might it be his own delayed post?

  80. Chris said,

    May 3, 2012 at 19:57

    We may observe that the whingnut mind has completely disassociated the notion of rehabilitation from the purpose of imprisonment. It is purely and solely for punishment, the harsher the better.

    Along those lines, I recommend looking at Central America and its fight against American-born gangs like MS-13. Most of the police forces down there are advised by the FBI; they’ve passed harsh laws known as “mano dura,” which consist mostly of cracking skulls and taking names, and no matter how hard they crack the skulls, the problems just keep getting worse.

    The only country that’s had any success dealing with MS-13? Nicaragua. Because the left wing government down there is also the only government that invested seriously in rehabilitation programs in prison, rather than just punishment. But you know, let’s not let inconvenient facts get in the way of the greater truth.

  81. Helmut Monotreme said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:01

    Helmut, I hope you realize that I was, as is typical, snarking

    I realize this, I just wanted to share what I heard about the prison in Norway. Speaking personally I would try extra hard to not go to a prison on the site of a concentration camp, regardless if had been remodeled to ‘country club’ status. I would even find extra laws to abide by.

    for funneling ghastly amounts of money into the pockets of the prison industrial complex

    and screwing over the local unskilled economy at the same time. Who would hire free citizens who have to be paid minimum wage, when you can hire prisoners for a fifth of the cost and get armed guards to keep them in line too?

  82. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:03

    tsam can hit for the cycle with a homerun in his next at-bat.

    Good–I’m really bored with all the no-hitters I keep throwing out there. I gotta get some better jokes.

  83. Anonymous said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:07

    Dear Mr. No,

    The posts on your site are too long. Please shorten them by 18%.

    Yours truly,
    I.P. Freely

  84. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:07

    and screwing over the local unskilled economy at the same time. Who would hire free citizens who have to be paid minimum wage, when you can hire prisoners for a fifth of the cost and get armed guards to keep them in line too?

    And by relocating urban residents to rural regions, thereby skewing the population for purposes of congressional representation…

    Damn, Norway’s looking better with every comment.

  85. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:14

    Damn, Norway’s looking better with every comment.

    Well, except for all the snow and ice and lutefisk…

  86. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:15

    for those of you still playing along, here’s the latest in the ‘hubbkf takes on the insurance industry and loses and how’s he doing, btw?’ saga…

    he has the option of seeing a couple of health partner docs, one of which he would have to wait until july 19 for the earliest appointment…he picked this one (i suspect because she is hotter than the other one) because he thought he would be able to understand her better since she’s romanian and the other doc (female also) is asian…well, he didn’t want to wait THAT long, so he decided to go with dr. dong (yes, we giggle every time we say it)…he can get in to see her may 18th…

    in the meantime, while waiting to hear about this appointment, the mayo clinic called HIM to see if he wanted to make an appointment there for after july 1 when his new insurance plan kicks in…hubbkf was all ‘wtf? how do you know this?’ apparently one of the neurologists in sioux falls called mayo and let them know the latest…that’s kind of cool.

    so, we’re going to see dr. dong (heh) on the 18th…if she can’t do anything or if we aren’t happy with the diagnosis or wev, we’ll have an appointment at mayo…

    this all makes hubbkf feel better which makes me feel better even though i am slightly pissed at him…he told me yesterday that along with all his other symptoms, when he has to turn around, he feels off balance…when i asked him why in the hell he hadn’t told the neuros abou this, he was like, ‘well, they gave me a balance test and it was fine…’ i had to refrain from slapping HIS forehead as i explained that duh…it’s something going on in yer brane…which is what they are worried about…

    i swear to bob, hubbkf would make the best spy in the fricking world…getting ANY and all info out of him is nigh unpossible…i refer to him as ‘sam’ for secret agent man…

  87. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:16

    Well, except for all the snow and ice and lutefisk…

    i was going to remark on the lutefisk as well, but i have a feeling that for b^4 that would be a feature, not a bug…

  88. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:19

    i swear to bob, hubbkf would make the best spy in the fricking world…getting ANY and all info out of him is nigh unpossible…i refer to him as ‘sam’ for secret agent man…

    This is not uncommon for dudez.

    Very cool of that neurologist to put some extra work into getting him into the Mayo.

  89. eataTREE said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:20

    Doesn’t Canada still have that “dangerous offender status” thing, where if you’ve been put away for enough violent crime they can declare you to be Very Very Bad and, basically, never let you out? I thought that was the legal status of Clifford Olson and other Canadian mass murderers.

  90. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:21

    so, we’re going to see dr. dong (heh) on the 18th…if she can’t do anything or

    I am disappoint. dr. dong would be fine name for a woman only if she was a urologist.

    Slow down, you post too fast,
    you got to make the snarkfest last
    just posting on this piece of shit
    looking for snark and feeling LIKE I’M BEING DISCRIMINATED AGAINST HOWCUM tsam GETS TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS YOU FASCIST FUCKING SOFTWARE

  91. eataTREE said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:21

    That was in reply to Lurking Canadian, like, five hours ago, BTW. Time flies when you’re keeping the entire Internet aloft by the sheer mental force of your own stress!

  92. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:22

    LOL

    •Refrigerators have arrived in the Old World, as has the electricity needed to power them. They now have more pleasant ways to keep food fresh.

    •Today, more lutefisk is consumed in Wisconsin than in Norway.

    •Norwegians buy more frozen pizzas per capita than any other nationality. They consume 13,000 tons of frozen pizza annually — an average of more than five and a half pounds of cheesy goodness for every man, woman, and screaming toddler.

    Funneh stuff

  93. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:23

    Doesn’t Canada still have that “dangerous offender status” thing, where if you’ve been put away for enough violent crime they can declare you to be Very Very Bad and, basically, never let you out?

    Yes.

  94. jim said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:24

    Successful troll is VERY successful:

    josh josh
    04/23/12 15:50
    1 vote

    NRO doesn’t want Anders Breivik to face trial because we all need to get over this nasty business as soon as possible. The fact that he was a big fan of several NRO contributors and may mention that in court has no bearing on that opinion.

    That one vote = MEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

    WordPress is my bitch.

    AMATEUR.

  95. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:25

    LIKE I’M BEING DISCRIMINATED AGAINST HOWCUM tsam GETS TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS YOU FASCIST FUCKING SOFTWARE

    Clearly you haven’t seen my beautiful hair from the 90s. It was epic. What’s with the lowercase JUST ON MY FUCKING NAME ANYWAY?

  96. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:32

    •Today, more lutefisk is consumed in Wisconsin than in Norway.

    •Norwegians buy more frozen pizzas per capita than any other nationality. They consume 13,000 tons of frozen pizza annually — an average of more than five and a half pounds of cheesy goodness for every man, woman, and screaming toddler.

    lutefisk pizza exists…i shit you not…

  97. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:34

    those of us who struggle on a daily basis to get our hair to take on a semblance of semi-normal would appreciate your gorgeous 90s hair not being rubbed in our faces…
    .
    .
    .
    .
    oh…wait, we would like that very much…

  98. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:34

    lutefisk pizza exists…i shit you not…

    lutefisk HOTPOCKETS!!!

  99. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:39

    I am disappoint. dr. dong would be fine name for a woman only if she was a urologist

    heh…we have a urologist named dr. harder…and a procto guy named ‘crank’….

  100. N__B said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:43

    Lutefish tacos.

  101. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:45

    Down here we have a dentist named Dr. Smiley and there used to be a urologist in town named Dr. Biggerstaff. Sometimes you wonder if the the names drove them to the occupations…

  102. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:53

    i was going to remark on the lutefisk as well, but i have a feeling that for b^4 that would be a feature, not a bug…

    Can’t get it ’round these parts. I did find tripe on sale real cheap last night, so I boiled the bayjayzuz out of it and simmered it in a simple tomato sauce so I could make tripe sandwiches.

    heh…we have a urologist named dr. harder…and a procto guy named ‘crank’….

    Too bad the proctologist isn’t Dr Butts.

  103. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:56

    i was going to remark on the lutefisk as well, but i have a feeling that for b^4 that would be a feature, not a bug…

    Can’t get it ’round these parts. I did find tripe on sale real cheap last night, so I boiled the bayjayzuz out of it and simmered it in a simple tomato sauce so I could make tripe sandwiches.

    heh…we have a urologist named dr. harder…and a procto guy named ‘crank’….

    Too bad the proctologist isn’t Dr Butts. There was a guy who advertised on the subway, claiming to treat anal warts and other colorectal calamities, but googling “Dr Butts” seems to result only in porn sites.

  104. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 20:59

    Damn, damn, damn, getting just like tsam!

  105. S. cerevisiae said,

    May 3, 2012 at 21:05

    When I was growing up the police chief in a nearby town was named Suck (that’s pronounced SOOK!)

    I’ve tried lutefisk a couple of times but luckily my Swedish-American dad was not a fan of it. Which is surprising since he could eat stuff that would choke a goat.

  106. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 3, 2012 at 21:11

    There’s a town on Vancouver Island called Sooke. Various sports teams there get called The Hawks. So, Sooke Hawks. Say it out loud.

  107. Major Kong said,

    May 3, 2012 at 21:26

    Is lutefisk anything like pickled herring?

  108. S. cerevisiae said,

    May 3, 2012 at 21:30

    Pickled fish is MUCH better. Dad used to pickle trout every winter.

  109. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 21:33

    Is lutefisk anything like pickled herring?

    How ’bout Scandinavian ceviche?

    Pickled herring is awesome. When I was in Amsterdam, I made it a habit of visiting the herring kiosks for a quick lunch every day.

  110. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 3, 2012 at 21:39

    lutefisk pizza exists…i shit you not…

    In Ireland I saw an ad for baked-bean pizza. After that I’ll believe anything.

  111. S. cerevisiae said,

    May 3, 2012 at 21:44

    Did someone say lutefisk pizza? http://www.svenandoles.com/menupagethree.html#originalpizza

  112. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 21:47

    Pickled herring is awesome

    i call that norwegian breathmints…

    and lutefisk is much slimier than herring…also pretty bland…most people have to smother it in melted butter to get it down…as far as scandahoovian ethnic foods go, i rate for klub…

  113. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 3, 2012 at 21:52

    Is lutefisk anything like pickled herring?

    Pickled herring is delicious. Lutefisk is inedible. So, no.

  114. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 21:52

    WordPress is my bitch.

    AMATEUR.

    Whoa. You win.

  115. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 21:58

    That article says you can taste the lye in lutefisk. NO THANK YOU.

  116. vacuumslayer said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:00

    Ya know, I have ok hair, and WP always fucks with me. What makes tsam so special?

  117. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:00

    Also, eating disgusting and nasty shit because your ancestors did is just fucking dumb. They did it largely for survival reasons. Anymore it’s just being a chump.

  118. Major Kong said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:01

    OK, I looked up how they actually make lutefisk and it doesn’t sound very appetizing – and I’m a bit more adventurous than the average person.

  119. vacuumslayer said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:01

    That article says you can taste the lye in lutefisk. NO THANK YOU.

    You hear that, cilantro snobs?

  120. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:02

    What makes tsam so special?

    I think you know the answer to that question.

    Alpha dog is alpha.

  121. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:03

    OK, I looked up how they actually make lutefisk and it doesn’t sound very appetizing – and I’m a bit more adventurous than the average person.

    every easter season there are myriad lutefisk and swedish meatball suppers around here…they actually run out of lutefisk…

    and yeah, when you have to soak something in lye to try to make it edible…well, yuck…

  122. vacuumslayer said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:03

    I think you know the answer to that question.

    Alpha dog is alpha.

    omg, don’t start with the Greek alphabet. it’s a dogwhistle for mra’s.

  123. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:05

    In Ireland I saw an ad for baked-bean pizza. After that I’ll believe anything.

    i had the best nachos of my life at a pub in kilkenny called lanigans…

    Alpha dog is alpha.

    so YOU spread the dog food on major kong? kinkay…

  124. paleotectonics said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:07

    Alpha dog is alpha.

    I thought he was a Krofft saturday morning thing, like Electra-Girl or Sasquatch-Isreal-Boy.

  125. paleotectonics said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:09

    Scotland, chip shop, corn and chicken pizza, deep-fried. So goooood, but how do these folks live past, you know, 3 years old?

  126. wiley said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:09

    His rambling paranoid web attacks on Norway’s social democrats for betraying Christian civilization were given wide publicity on the day after his rampage.

    His rambling paranoid web attacks on Norway’s social democrats for “betraying Christian civilization” were given wide publicity on the day after his rampage.

    When news organizations stopped putting “ethnic cleansing” in quotations I was appalled. They persisted so that the term “ethnic cleansing” is now routinely used without quotation marks as if it were a legitimate concept.

    Is there “peak wingnut”? This term assumes that they top off and then decline; but that’s not how they work. The question is when do they hit bottom? And how? It’s a given that the more power they get, the lower they’ll go. Right now, they’re beating off to a mass murderer prattling on in court about why he felt justified to murder teen-agers in mass, which is a far cry from having State sanction to be a part of gangs that engage in mass murders to their heart’s delight and getting medals for it.

  127. paleotectonics said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:10

    bbkf ma’am, best luck to hubbkf and his dong doctor.

  128. Major Kong said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:10

    how do these folks live past, you know, 3 years old?

    Not to mention the smoking, drinking and lack of exercise.

  129. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:10

    omg, don’t start with the Greek alphabet. it’s a dogwhistle for mra’s.

    Maybe I’m an MRA troll….You just DON’T know, do ya?

    so YOU spread the dog food on major kong? kinkay…

    A brother’s got to eat.

  130. Major Kong said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:11

    so YOU spread the dog food on major kong? kinkay…

    It’s a sick world and I’m a happy man.

  131. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:12

    Why are MRAs so drawn to the greek alphab—OHHHHH. Greek. I see.

  132. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:13

    There’s a good interview 20 minutes into part one with a guy who makes surstrommming – fermented herring in a can. He’s trying to rescue it from a potential ban. It begins with audio of guys trying it.

    21 minutes into part one here there’s some listener reaction:

    “If you have ever smelled dirty baby diapers, you will know how it smells. It is a real challenge to get it past your nose, but does have a rather sweet taste that is not objectionable. Having a few beers to wash them down will guarantee at least three days of surstromming hangover aroma.”

  133. tigris said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:14

    Trials with that brisk format used to take place in Britain following guilty pleas.

    Well no shit, in most places a defendant waives a trial by pleading guilty… the problem is Breivik didn’t plead guilty. You can’t preemptively waive a trial because YOU JUST KNOW the guy pleading innocent is guilty.

  134. Smut Clyde said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:18

    The accused would not be given a platform to talk for days if the American judge had any control over his courtroom.

    Descriptions of the trial from a NRO contributor are not necessarily connected to reality.

    Didn’t Debbie Strudelbrain write a defense of this guy right after the murders, on the grounds that those kids were Islamofascist sympathizers who had it coming?

    I believe it was Pam Gellar who opined that Breivik’s victims were all little Hitlers whom he was right to kill before they grew up. Her view did not go un-noticed in Norway. They also noticed that she remained in good standing with the US media, rather than being washed to ostracised pariah status in a universal wave of disgust. I suspect that Norwegians no longer care much about advice from America.

    Mass murderers are often sentenced to serve one “life sentence” for each victim, in succession. So, even assuming Norwegians are eligible for parole after twenty-one years for murder, they could probably put him away until the year 3000 if they phrase things correctly.

    The Norwegian system uses concurrent rather than consecutive sentences. OTOH, as Tsam pointed out, there is the option of indefinite preventative detention after 21 years.

    If people think the Norwegian penal laws are unwieldy or too soft, contributing to the crime rate there — or that they should have alternative court procedures for sufficiently unpopular defendants — they have the option of voting for change. What’s that? You don’t have Norwegian citizenship? Well.

  135. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:21

    tsam and major: newsletter?

  136. Smut Clyde said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:23

    I’m a bit more adventurous than the average person.

    Hence the dog food.

  137. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:24

    Didn’t Debbie Strudelbrain write a defense of this guy right after the murders, on the grounds that those kids were Islamofascist sympathizers who had it coming?

    I believe it was Pam Gellar who opined that Breivik’s victims were all little Hitlers whom he was right to kill before they grew up

    if i recall correctly, there was an unholy coinkydink where they both posted their odious reactions to the liberals’ reactions to the cold blooded gunning down of children (i remember strudelbrain shrieking that a lot of them were SEVENTEEN or OLDER and that’s NOT CHILDREN YOU LIEBRALS!!!) by a christian psychopath within hours of each other…i fear the internetz have not been the same ever since…

  138. William W. said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:27

    Exhibit A in the case against the first amendment. Seriously, this is how much lovers of a manly killer’s Nordic good looks hate that they live in a country where what they write could be aired. Twisted, n’est pas?

  139. Makhno said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:30

    We own an old Encyclopedia of Sexual Health by Dr A. Willey.

  140. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:33

    I seem to remember everyone sort of dancing around an actual defense of Brievik, but inserting quite a few little things about the impending danger of Islam and some rhetorical questions along the lines of “what’s a guy supposed to do when he’s surrounded by camel jockeys who hate freedom and these liberals that coddle them?”.

    In other words, the typical blame the victim mentality, perfected from the “what were you wearing” defense used against rape victims.

  141. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:34

    tsam and major: newsletter?

    It’s classified due to major’s extensive military background. There are missions about which he cannot speak to this day.

  142. paleotectonics said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:38

    In other words, the typical blame the victim mentality, perfected from the “what were you wearing” defense used against rape victims.

    Actually, I believe the current defense is “My buddy asked me to screw her until she’s straight.”

    Slight blogwhore.

  143. t4toby said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:38

    Epic Takedown.

  144. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:38

    I suspect that Norwegians no longer care much about advice from America.

    Well, lots of friendly advice from O’Sulley and other supergenius fuckwits about what Norway should do with a guy who murdered almost 100 Norwegians should turn that right around.

  145. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:42

    Down here we have a dentist named Dr. Smiley and there used to be a urologist in town named Dr. Biggerstaff. Sometimes you wonder if the the names drove them to the occupations…

    And here we have a charming chap* who goes by the name of Dr. Slaughter.

    *he is actually quite charming.

    tsam, don’t know how you do it but I would like to see the cycle, though Jim seems to have been made king of WP.

    bbkf, best wishes for a quick diagnosis and resolution to yer hubbkf’s situation.
    .

  146. S. cerevisiae said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:45

    Swedish meatballs I can dig. Limpa bread is awesome too.

    On another subject, TBogg is a national treasure because of paragraphs like this:

    Providing that arena security at the 2012 Republican National Convention in Tampa does their job and keeps past-her-freshness-date grandma Sarah Palin from bum rushing the stage during prime time and rhythmically humping the podium to the primal beat of Warrant’s Cherry Pie before she can be subdued with a grizzly tranquilizer dart, Mitt “Mitt” Romney should be the Republican nominee in November.

  147. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:46

    tsam, don’t know how you do it but I would like to see the cycle, though Jim seems to have been made king of WP.

    Instructions shown upthread. If you have any patience at all, this stunt is not for you.

    My theory: I think there is a lag time between the comment being committed to display on the site and then being added to a “cannot duplicate” list. If you manage to resubmit (hammering the submit button while it’s screaming at you to slow down), you can insert a duplicate before department of redundancy department gets wise to your crime.

  148. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:47

    And here we have a charming chap* who goes by the name of Dr. Slaughter.

    I remember his storied military career well.

  149. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:48

    On another subject, TBogg is a national treasure because of paragraphs like this:

    One of my daily visits. Unfortunately for me, yet possibly fortunate for the commentariat there, as I refuse to set up an account at Hamshers House of Shame™ I do not comment there.
    .

  150. jim said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:49

    What makes tsam so special?

    I thought it was that whole throat-slashy, “I’LL FUCKING CUTCHU, MAN” thang.

    Jim seems to have been made king of WP.

    First Prize: a year’s supply of lutefisk pizza!

    But never fear, tsam – you get Second Prize: a LIFETIME supply of lutefisk pizza!

  151. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:50

    If you manage to resubmit (hammering the submit button while it’s screaming at you to slow down), you can insert a duplicate before department of redundancy department gets wise to your crime.

    Not only did I find this very humerous, it made me laugh.

    Thanks buddy!

  152. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:54

    But never fear, tsam – you get Second Prize: a LIFETIME supply of lutefisk pizza!

    Aww, you’d regift for me? I’m touched!

  153. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:59

    i had the best nachos of my life at a pub in kilkenny called lanigans…

    And I had the best Indian food of my life at a place in Dublin.

    Not all that surprising, I guess. Indian food is to the British Isles what Chinese food is to the USA: Cheap, tasty and kinda-sorta exotic.

  154. vacuumslayer said,

    May 3, 2012 at 22:59

    I thought it was that whole throat-slashy, “I’LL FUCKING CUTCHU, MAN” thang.

    I’m pretty sure it’s his penis.

  155. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:01

    Also, eating disgusting and nasty shit because your ancestors did is just fucking dumb. They did it largely for survival reasons. Anymore it’s just being a chump.

    I believe it was Chris Rock who said he doesn’t like soul food because it’s just some nasty shit they fed to the slaves.

  156. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:02

    tsam and major: newsletter?

    It’s classified due to major’s extensive military background. There are missions about which he cannot speak to this day.

    Back in 1993 the major had to fly into Bosnia to transport tsam’s hair. The State Department thought that, being so goddamn awesome, tsam’s hair would be able to broker a ceasefire between the former Yugoslav splinter groups.

  157. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:04

    I’m pretty sure it’s his penis.

    Completely unveiled.

    speaking of penii and pizza’s I need to see if that really old yeast in the fridge is a going concern, and if so find a nice pizza dough recipe and think about some ‘za.
    .

  158. Pupienus said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:09

    t4toby said,

    And just WHERE THE FUCK have you been hiding?

  159. Pupienus said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:10

    One of my favorite lunch spots: http://www.vikingsoulfood.com/

  160. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:11

    Clearly you haven’t seen my beautiful hair from the 90s. It was epic.

    This will not stand! I’m gonna track down a picture, and then OBS’s 90s hair and tsam’s 90s hair are gonna fuckin’ THROW DOWN!1!!1!!!!!eleven!one!

  161. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:13

    I just put the old yeast in some boiling water to see if that might kick things up a notch.
    .

  162. Pupienus said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:14

    I need to see if that really old yeast in the fridge is a going concern

    Prolly good, hard to kill that shit. You know how to proof it, yes?

  163. Another Kiwi said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:14

    The State Department thought that, being so goddamn awesome, tsam’s hair would be able to broker a ceasefire between the former Yugoslav splinter groups.

    Sadly the hair went rogue and set up its own breakaway state. Combovia never was a going concern, however, an economy based on postage stamps and Tiger Beat magazine reprints was shaky at best.

  164. vacuumslayer said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:15

    I rate 4 Hair Wars.

  165. Pupienus said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:15

    Alas, putting yeast in boiling water is a pretty good way to kill it.

  166. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:16

    I just put the old yeast in some boiling water to see if that might kick things up a notch.

    I hope you’re kidding.

  167. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:16

    Dammit Pup!

  168. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:17

    Last comment was a bit of food trolling, the heated water has a thermometer in it to let me know when it is safe to put in the yeasties, though I am not sure they will work at all, but it has been a little while since I made any proper dough.
    :)
    .

  169. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:18

    Ya gotta put the yeast into bathtub-warm water, about 106-110 F.

  170. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:19

    Combovia never was a going concern, however, an economy based on postage stamps and Tiger Beat magazine reprints was shaky at best.

    The residents of Combovia did manage to install their leader Donald Trump into a marginal position in the US media before the state dissolved among the inevitable (and brutal) left-vs-right-vs-backtofront-part wars of aught-two.

  171. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:20

    Sorry pup and OBS!

    Sometimes I can’t help myself. Knowing that there are helpful and kindly gourmands around.

    I used to bake bread for a living on two occasions and worked in a brewery. And while it has given a bit of amusement to my early evening, I am not proud of myself.

    Now to check the temp of that water.
    .

  172. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:22

    There are certain things one just does not joke about! Harumph.

  173. Smut Clyde said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:26

    I just put the old yeast in some boiling water to see if that might kick things up a notch.
    Call it an austerity measure. It’s time those yeast cells learned to harden up if they’re to survive in a global economy of thermophilic archaebacteria.

  174. bbkf said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:26

    Combovia never was a going concern, however, an economy based on postage stamps and Tiger Beat magazine reprints was shaky at best.

    The residents of Combovia did manage to install their leader Donald Trump into a marginal position in the US media before the state dissolved among the inevitable (and brutal) left-vs-right-vs-backtofront-part wars of aught-two.

    omfg…i am going to pee myself…KNOCK IT OFF!

  175. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:27

    the state dissolved among the inevitable (and brutal) left-vs-right-vs-backtofront-part wars of aught-two.

    Wasn’t that a Star Trek episode with Frank Gorshin?

  176. vacuumslayer said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:28

    pssst, tsam, when you get a chance, head over to my gallery and check out my latest. Call me crazy but I think it may be right up your alley. Or at least your daughters’!

    It’s the first (pink and purple) one.

  177. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:28

    There are certain things one just does not joke about! Harumph.

    I know, and I kind of feel regretfull about it, but look at it this way, you all passed the intertron good person test™

    Anyhoo if this batch goes off, there is another packet in the fridge which might lead to a couple loaves of Challah.
    .

  178. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:29

    And I would like to add my $0.02 that:

    A) I like the longers Cerb — sometimes it takes me a while to get time to read the whole thing, but it’s always worth it. You provide a shorter for those with ADD, perhaps you just need to be sure to very clearly label it as a shorter, ’cause you know certain people just need a little help identifying their ass from a hole in the ground.

    2) Excellent photoshop, although I am very concerned that the article does not address what is going to happen to Miley now that she’s grounded! Oh no!

    iii) The whole A), B), C), thing is ridiculous. Only total fucking losers make three-item lists…

  179. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:31

    It’s time those yeast cells learned to harden up if they’re to survive in a global economy of thermophilic archaebacteria.

    Nice one! :)

    Combovia never was a going concern…

    Also Brill!
    .

  180. thermophilic archaebacteria. said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:32

    *hack hack hack* Sorry, smokers cough. get offa my lawn , Yeasts

  181. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:34

    This will not stand! I’m gonna track down a picture, and then OBS’s 90s hair and tsam’s 90s hair are gonna fuckin’ THROW DOWN!1!!1!!!!!eleven!one!

    Bring it DAWG! Mine was based on Eddie Vedder’s hair and I believe I pulled it off (heh) nicely. Also, my shirtless pics sitting on the beach in Hawaii were rather sexy–looking back on them now.

  182. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:35

    Sadly the hair went rogue and set up its own breakaway state. Combovia never was a going concern, however, an economy based on postage stamps and Tiger Beat magazine reprints was shaky at best.

    Best comment of the whole damn thread!!!

    Combovia. I LOVE it!

  183. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:40

    i am going to pee myself

    Ma’am, are you insinuating that the Combovia Part Wars were some sort of joke? I want you to know that my grandfather was a general in the Combovian infantry — marching boldly into battle with nothing more than a badly-worn Paul Mitchell hair brush and a strong sense of right and wrong (and right and left and backtofront). He came out brutally scarred, with nothing but an eighth inch of stubble, horrific stories for his grandchildren, and a hatred of Donald Trump. On his deathbed he reverently handed me that brush, and told me he had no regrets. I treasure that brush to this day, although, alas, like him, my glorious hair and the hopes of Combovians everywhere are reduced to stubble.

    Some things are just not joked about. Like war. And yeast.

  184. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:42

    It’s the first (pink and purple) one.

    Good gawd that’s amazing. I was also particularly taken with “Took Wild”–I think you know why, but it’s not just the sexual aspect.

    You really are a fucking goddess.

  185. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:43

    Also, my shirtless pics sitting on the beach in Hawaii were rather sexy–looking back on them now.

    I seriously doubt that I have any sort of proper defense against the brutal shirtless-Hawaii-beach-pic offense.

  186. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:45

    The residents of Combovia did manage to install their leader Donald Trump into a marginal position in the US media before the state dissolved among the inevitable (and brutal) left-vs-right-vs-backtofront-part wars of aught-two.

    Trump is SUCH an asshole. He has an entire staff of Aqua Net wielding stylists to build and manage such a pristine mane of FAIL. My hatred is pure jealousy, I assure you.

  187. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:47

    I seriously doubt that I have any sort of proper defense against the brutal shirtless-Hawaii-beach-pic offense.

    Let’s fire up the photoshop! I’ll put some muscles on me, and you can shop out your shirt! Let’s leave the pants on, though. Unless the ladies are asking for it….

  188. tsam said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:49

    VS;

    I love “After” too. The Fairy Tale motif is WORKING!

  189. vacuumslayer said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:52

    You really are a fucking goddess.

    I keep telling people this…still, no altars. People are assholes.

    No, but, seriously, aside from my “fans,” I don’t think anyone out there offers up such effusive and unsolicited huzzahs. Yer da best.

  190. vacuumslayer said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:53

    Also too I apologize for making this thread all maudlin and shit. tsam and I are buds. I’M NOT AFRAID TO SAY IT~!

  191. Robert said,

    May 3, 2012 at 23:57

    Wasn’t “Bloody Stump of Quisling” Spinal Tap’s Norwegian death-metal album?

  192. Robert said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:02

    Wasn’t “Bloody Stump of Quisling” Spinal Tap’s Norwegian death-metal album?

    Also – every time I see a picture of Donald Trump at a public event, I imagine some brave soul(s) who have at his head with a SuperSoaker or a bucket of water. Does that make me a bad person?

  193. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:04

    On the yeast front of the Combovia wars, there does seem to be a little bit of activity, but not as much as I would expect at this time, so i think I’ll toss a little food to see if the troupers that remain will multiply into a proper froth.

    .

  194. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:04

    I keep telling people this…still, no altars. People are assholes.

    Cut us some slack, now, do you know how expensive it is to burn a hecatomb in this economy?

    Also, it’s a little cold to be going out skyclad this time of year.

  195. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:05

    Does that make me a bad person?

    nah, just the very model of a modern Major General. In my army at least.
    .

  196. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:06

    On the yeast front of the Combovia wars, there does seem to be a little bit of activity, but not as much as I would expect at this time, so i think I’ll toss a little food to see if the troupers that remain will multiply into a proper froth.

    If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to have a nice little “sponge” for future endeavors.

  197. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:08

    i think I’ll toss a little food to see if the troupers that remain will multiply into a proper froth.

    Be sure to give them an long-winded pre-battle speech too, that always helps with morale.

  198. Smut Clyde said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:09

    every time I see a picture of Donald Trump at a public event, I imagine some brave soul(s) who have at his head with a SuperSoaker or a bucket of water.

    Did you not see the Scottish protestor with the static-electricity-balloon trick?

  199. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:10

    I imagine some brave soul(s) who have at his head with a SuperSoaker or a bucket of water. Does that make me a bad person?

    The Trump’s helmet is impervious to water, acid, and stylists with any self-respect whatsoever!

  200. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:11

    If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to have a nice little “sponge” for future endeavors.

    I would love to get a starter started. We shall see, in any event dreams of Pizza for din din are going to have to be forestalled, so a nother plan of action will have to be dreamed up.

    I hate it when I have to turn dinner on a dime, ‘specially if I had a real tasty idea in my head.

    /puts on thinking cap
    .

  201. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:11

    Also too I apologize for making this thread all maudlin and shit. tsam and I are buds. I’M NOT AFRAID TO SAY IT~!

    You apologize to no one.

    You damn right we is.

  202. Smut Clyde said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:13

    if I had a real tasty idea in my head.
    Talk like that is just Zombie bait.

  203. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:17

    Be sure to give them an long-winded pre-battle speech too, that always helps with morale.

    :lol:
    Ahh yes, I’ll have to dig out my copy of the St. Crispins day speech. I think that should inspire the little buggers.

    There have been a couple of moments on this thread whereif I had not followed my personal rule number one: Always swallow whatever it is in your mouth before reading anything. I once shot whiskey through my nose…that was not pleasant…at all.

    .

  204. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:27

    OBS, per your suggestion i just gave the speech to the bowl of yeast, and I seem to have some activity afoot and a nice yeasty smell coming off of it.

    Yes, I just read the entire Crispins speach to a bowl of water with some yeast and sugar in it, because that, folks, is how I roll.
    .

  205. Wyatt Watts III said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:28

    That article says you can taste the lye in lutefisk

    My hovercraft is full of eels.

  206. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:31

    Talk like that is just Zombie bait.

    Oh god, i love this place!

    i’ll be checking over my shoulder fro the rest of the evening however.

    /sometimes I correct my typos, some times I leav ‘em in there.
    .

  207. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:32

    And hold their yeasthoods cheap when any speaks
    That fermented with us on St. Crispin’s day.

  208. S. cerevisiae said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:40

    It pays to be kind to yeast.

  209. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:41

    JOYSTICK.

  210. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:44

    And hold their yeasthoods cheap when any speaks
    That fermented with us on St. Crispin’s day.

    Crap Now I wonder if i am gonna have to re-read the speach properly this time.
    .

  211. Pupienus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:47

    i’ll be checking over my shoulder fro the rest of the evening however.

    Enough with the hair wars already!

  212. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 4, 2012 at 0:51

    And though it’s part of the Lone Star State
    People don’t seem to care,
    They just keep on lookin’ to the yeast.

    We’re talkin’ ’bout the Muffin Grove, wo, oh, oh,
    Oh, Muffin Grove.

  213. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 1:05

    JOYSTICK.

    Really???!!???

    Really???

    Wow!
    .

  214. Smut Clyde said,

    May 4, 2012 at 1:07

    The Yeast is Read.

  215. daphne said,

    May 4, 2012 at 1:07

    Repeat after me: try TO. try TO. try TO make, for instance. Think infinitive, Cerberus.

  216. Another Kiwi said,

    May 4, 2012 at 1:10

    Romeo is the Yeast and Juliet is the sun.

  217. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 1:11

    Yeast bound and down
    Loaded up and fuckin’
    We gunna do what
    they say can’t be done.

  218. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 4, 2012 at 1:29

    What I don’t understand about medicinal leeches is how they learned all that medicine.

  219. N__B said,

    May 4, 2012 at 1:30

    My father has a picture of my grandfather and a great-aunt standing cheek to cheek with grandpa’s combover extending over both noggins and completely obscuring the aunt’s ‘do.

  220. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 1:31

    What I don’t understand about medicinal leeches is how they learned all that medicine.

    They swim in schools.

  221. N__B said,

    May 4, 2012 at 1:33

    What I don’t understand about medicinal leeches is how they learned all that medicine.

    They swim in schools.

    Electric eels teach them how to charge.

  222. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 1:44

    SO. MUCH. FAIL.

  223. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 2:07

    SO. MUCH. FAIL.

    That is heinous- why the hell would they even divide the words up into gender categories?

    For those who don’t want to click the link (and I don’t blame you), these are high-quality print ads for the .XXX pornography web domain suffix that play on the idea that internet porn is “moving” to .XXX.

    WHOA… THERE IS PORN ON THE INTERNET?

  224. tigris said,

    May 4, 2012 at 2:15

    What I don’t understand about medicinal leeches is how they learned all that medicine.

    Honestly, they suck.

  225. Smut Clyde said,

    May 4, 2012 at 2:21

    What I don’t understand about medicinal leeches is how they learned all that medicine.
    They have annelidical minds.

  226. Another Kiwi said,

    May 4, 2012 at 2:38

    Bleedin’ parasites!

  227. Occupy Avians said,

    May 4, 2012 at 2:59

    A couple of points agreeing that this is an unusually cogent and thoughtful National Wrecked Pew post:

    1) ” . . .may universally rally behind the murderer of a child simply because of the races of the people involved”– so they are supporting a half Hispanic brown person’s right to blow away others. Proving the Right is NOT never no racist!

    2) O’Sullivan spelled the adjective “vile” correctly, and didn’t write “vial” as all you uppity, educated, ivory-tower lib’s would expect. Therefore conservatives are intelligent and not wingnut anti-intellectuals.

    Suck it, Libs!

  228. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:25

    Larry’s eyes are blue. Curly’s eyes are green.
    .

  229. Pupienus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:29

    They have annelidical minds.

    Annuli about everything, Mr. Clyde if that is your real name.

  230. paleotectonics said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:29

    Ok. It is 80 degrees outside, and 85 inside. As much as I want to, I will not turn on the AC in March. Across the street is a party, loud bad party rap (“let’s have some 40′s, go shorties, porta potties, I drive a Lexus, gogogogogogogo”). And one little girl trying, Tremors’ style, to set a record of pogo-sticking. Up to almost an hour now. She’s good, really. But…

    The pogo stick needs to go under an oncoming bus. Now. Sans little girl, I’m not a right-winger or nothing, but the thumpety-thump of bus tires mushing the springy-thingy would be a pleasant sound before bed.

  231. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:30

    Ok. It is 80 degrees outside, and 85 inside. As much as I want to, I will not turn on the AC in March.

    What about May? Like the third day, even?
    .

  232. Pupienus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:31

    the thumpety-thump of bus tires mushing the springy-thingy would be a pleasant sound before bed.

    Little girls are springy?

  233. paleotectonics said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:31

    the AC in March

    Ummmm. Hmm. That would be May. One too many Vodka-Sprites. Fudge.

  234. N__B said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:34

    Little girls are springy?

    Only those with curly hair. You could run an 8-day clock on Shirley Temple.

  235. Pupienus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:34

    Vodka-Sprites. Fudge.

    Shoulda just had a black cow, man.

  236. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:41

    And the Dragon-King will reply (several hours later) “The fact is, what you were doing to the yeast and their brothers, I was doing to your mom.”

  237. paleotectonics said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:43

    I was doing to your mom.

    Boiling her?

  238. tigris said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:46

    Obligatory: HOT.

  239. N__B said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:49

    Steamy.

  240. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:49

    There was froth involved.

  241. paleotectonics said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:52

    Was the froth santorish?

  242. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:54

    Mothelfuckel.

    Just found out my buddy Ross, Grand Kahuna of scootnashville.com, was damn-near kilt, last night, by a hit-and-run driver in a blue 4-door Toyota. He’d just bought a Buell Blast from someone in the last several days.
    .

  243. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 4, 2012 at 3:56

    Awww, sweet Jeebus. I just noticed that Cerb’s been sneaking snarking awesome into mouseover text. I hope teh hamsters can take all teh archive retrieval I’ll be asking for.

  244. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 4, 2012 at 4:00

    Sorry to hear that JP. Also sorry I didn’t hit reload before commenting. Fuck I look like an asshole.

  245. paleotectonics said,

    May 4, 2012 at 4:06

    JP, he going to be alright? Best wishes, man…

  246. S. cerevisiae said,

    May 4, 2012 at 5:26

    You people be nice to my bros!

  247. S. cerevisiae said,

    May 4, 2012 at 5:34

    Oh damn, sorry JP. I was riffing on the yeast thing, I meant no disrespect.

  248. bbkf said,

    May 4, 2012 at 6:02

    One too many Vodka-Sprites. Fudge.

    omg…you are such a minnesotan it isn’t even funny!

  249. bbkf said,

    May 4, 2012 at 6:03

    also too…best wishes to your buddy jp…

  250. animus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 6:23

    I just noticed that Cerb’s been sneaking snarking awesome into mouseover text.

    I only read this site on my tablet. Damn.

  251. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 4, 2012 at 12:58

    JP, he going to be alright? Best wishes, man…

    Yes, it seems so. He has broken bones and assorted contusions, but was wearing pretty-full gear (not riding pants). His most pressing problem was a tear in his aorta, which they immediately repaired via cardio-cath at Vanderbilt MC rather than taking him to the ER, first. Just as I was going to bed, I got a text from one of the other scooter minions who said starting this morning, he can have two visitors at a time in ICU. So I’ll go tomorrow morning.
    .

  252. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 4, 2012 at 13:03

    Fuck I look like an asshole.

    Naw, naw… we’re here to riff and have fun.
    .

  253. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 4, 2012 at 13:17

    Ross just got this bike, a Buell Blast (motorcycle) last weekend. Witnesses told police the car — a hit-and-run — was entirely at fault, and Ross was riding responsibly. He had all but riding pants on, gear-wise.
    .

  254. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 4, 2012 at 13:41

    ‘kay JP. Hope they get teh lousy shitbag. Who fucking runs away after mowing down a bike?

  255. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 4, 2012 at 13:43

    ‘kay JP. Hope they get teh lousy shitbag. Who fucking runs away after mowing down a bike?

    If I had to guess, in that neighborhood? Someone with warrants.
    .

  256. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 13:50

    Oh geez.. Hope your friend makes it through this in one piece, JP.

  257. Major Kong said,

    May 4, 2012 at 13:51

    Oh dear.

  258. Helmut Monotreme said,

    May 4, 2012 at 14:53

    I hope your friend can be fixed up as good as new with just a few cool scars. Having said that, you scooter types are hard core, If I told my motorcycle friends that I was getting a scooter, I doubt they would arrange to have me hit by a car.

  259. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 16:54

    JP: How bad is it? Have you heard?

  260. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 16:56

    Jesus–I just saw your earlier post. Hope dude is ok.

  261. Pupienus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 17:30

    ATGATT should be every rider’s mantra. All The Gear All The Time. Saves lives. And fuck that hit and run driver in the skull with an ice auger. Put the word out to the motorcycle guys too, there’d be solidarity even if was on a scooter. Find that piece of shit.

  262. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 17:37

    They have annelidical minds.

    Well played, old chum!

    Larry’s eyes are blue. Curly’s eyes are green.
    But Moe has got the prettiest eyes that anyone has seen.

  263. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 4, 2012 at 17:43

    Best wishes to your friend, JP. And double what everyone said about finding the shitstain who hit him.

  264. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 17:43

    You have to be the biggest idiot alive to run from the scene of an accident. That’s a felony. Fucking asshole. WTF is wrong with people?

  265. N__B said,

    May 4, 2012 at 17:50

    WTF is wrong with people?

    How much time have you got?

    Best wishes to your friend, JP.

  266. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 17:53

    Wishing a speedy recovery to your friend. What a horrible, horrible story.

  267. smedley said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:18

    Hey, JP, it could have been worse. He could have lived in Combovia.

  268. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:21

    Who has two thumbs and is a moron? THIS GAL!

    Only way I can exercise these days is to take Lord Chubbington out for brisk walks. It was partly cloudy but I thought I’d be extra-brisk and run some circuits. Bout 2/3 of the way through it started to rain. With about a fourth of the way to go it started REALLY raining. I started running again. I got soaked. Baby got mildly damp and we both made it home before it started to downpour and the thunder started.

    There’s nothing like trying to haul ass pushing a 35-lb stroller and a 25-lb pound baby. Whew! [/moron]

  269. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:24

    OK, I just looked up stroller weights for shits and grins. They do not way 35 lbs. They just feel like they do. Oh no…wait. Looks like mine may weigh around 26 lbs.

  270. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:24

    It was partly cloudy but I thought I’d be extra-brisk and run some circuits. Bout 2/3 of the way through it started to rain. With about a fourth of the way to go it started REALLY raining. I started running again. I got soaked

    You couldn’t have known that you’d get caught in such a crazy downpour.

    There’s nothing like trying to haul ass pushing a 35-lb stroller and a 25-lb pound baby. Whew! [/moron]

    Shya, what if the baby is carrying a twenty pound cat, like JP’s Curly?

  271. zombie rotten mcdonald said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:26

    I remember when Sadly, No was a mom-and-pop-and-Mencken snark store, not the industrial concern it is today.

  272. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:34

    Shya, what if the baby is carrying a twenty pound cat, like JP’s Curly?

    When JP checks in, we’ll have to ask him if he jogs in the rain with the cat. Because that would be AWESOME.

  273. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:34

    I remember you could read the S,N front page for only a nickel. And you’d have change left over for a virtual shoe-shine.

  274. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:36

    I remember when there was a much more pervasive zombie presence.

  275. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:37

    I’ve found that cats love it when you pet them backwards. They also really enjoy this trick of mine where you hold them and make them walk along the floor. I have numerous scars from demonstrating these techniques.

  276. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:45

    I remember when there was no such thing as the internet, and we had to do chat rooms by Pony Express. It was all very confusing.

  277. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:47

    Hey, JP, it could have been worse. He could have lived in Combovia.

    In Combovia, your helmet needs no helmet.

  278. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:48

    I’ll add my best wishes for your MC friend JP — any bike wreck sucks but a hit-and-run is horrible!

    I actually recently considered getting rid of my Triumph — just not riding it all that much and in the winter time the gear requirements are a bit much, and it is risky.

    But then the weather starts getting better and I look at it and think: fuck that.

  279. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 18:59

    They also really enjoy this trick of mine where you hold them and make them walk along the floor.

    Ahh, the Cat-a-barrel, one of my faves.

    JP, thank the FSM that your friend is gonna make it. As a cyclist I appreciate the vulnerability of the two wheel jockey.
    .

  280. smedley said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:00

    In Combovia, I am sure that even after you have shown the long-form, vault copy of your birth certificate, you would be unable to obtain health insurance.

  281. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:13

    Holy FSM! The ROTC is having their “Joint Forces Review” on campus today, and evidently that included a fighter jet flyover at low elevation which just happened. It would have been nice to know that was happening before the damn thing scared me out of my chair. Crap that was loud!

  282. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:16

    Why, other than cowardice, would you post that anonymously?

  283. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:17

    What must it be like to be such a horrible shit all the time? Why must wingnuts be so goddamn awful every moment of the day?

  284. smedley said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:17

    With braids? Get a rope.

  285. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:22

    Oh and I meant to post this earlier for vs:

    [Alanis]
    It’s like ray-ay-ain on your walking day…
    [/Alanis]

    When I first started running a few years ago I was passed in a race by a woman pushing a jogging stroller. That was a bit discouraging.

  286. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:23

    In Combovia hair combs you!

  287. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:25

    When I first started running a few years ago I was passed in a race by a woman pushing a jogging stroller. That was a bit discouraging.

    That exact thing has happened to me. It’s not a big ego-boost.

  288. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:28

    I hate racists. I said it.

  289. 'natch said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:31

    So this asshole just constantly stalks this site 24/7 waiting for a chance to jump in with some sort of racist gotcha?

    HOOOOHKAY

  290. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:33

    Racism: Join the debate!

    http://chronicle.com/blogs/brainstorm/the-most-persuasive-case-for-eliminating-black-studies-just-read-the-dissertations/46346

    http://chronicle.com/blogs/brainstorm/black-studies-part-2-a-response-to-critics/46401

    https://chronicle.com/blogs/brainstorm/editors-note/46423

  291. The Thread said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:35

    VS, AlaniOBS,

    What in hell y’all worried about. Personally, I might beat the lady with the stroller if’n there was a cheeseburger at the finish line, but I wouldn’t bet the rent…

  292. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:37

    So this asshole just constantly stalks this site 24/7 waiting for a chance to jump in with some sort of racist gotcha?

    Well, he can’t jump in the hot tub, so he consoles himself is such fashion. The weird part is hunting down a police report for an incident involving someone else’s friend.

  293. paleotectonics said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:38

    Dennis,

    Saw you on “To Catch A Predator” last night. The Furry thing is a surprise…

  294. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:41

    You admitted that you instinctively barked at the African American male that showed up when you were cornered by two dogs on your run, but then were shocked to find out that he was there to help you. Your instinct showed you to be the racist

    No, I barked at him because he came out of his house when I screamed for the people to get their dogs and thought they belonged to him YOU DUMB FUCK. I would have been equally as snippy had he been white. Interesting how your mind works, though. Talk about revealing racism…

  295. kg said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:42

    The weird part is hunting down a police report for an incident involving someone else’s friend.

    Thats some high quality (if misplaced) Google-fu right there.

  296. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:44

    The Bland Leading the Bland.

  297. smedley, ace detective said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:44

    So, let’s see. We had racist Anonymous at 19:13 and Dennis at 19:34. Hmmm.

  298. kg said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:45

    RIP MCA

    http://gawker.com/5907713/beastie-boys-founding-member-adam-mca-yauch-dead-at-47

  299. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:47

    RIP MCA

    Obviously, another victim of the Kenyan Usurper… the Obama Death List grows.

  300. paleotectonics said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:48

    RIP MCA

    Damn. Double damn.

  301. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:55

    RIP MCA

    Cookie Puss weeps…

  302. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:57

    My daughter’s fish is called Cookie Puss. But as a Carvell tribute.

  303. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 19:58

    Ooooh look at the badgers! They’re so kewt. AND THEY’RE DANCING!!!!

  304. El Manquécito said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:00

    “ding, ding, ding”

    Sounds like the trolly trolley is arriving on track 9.

  305. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:02

    My daughter’s fish is called Cookie Puss. But as a Carvell tribute.

    Cookie Puss was created in Tom Carvel’s image.

    Yikes, another one for Obama’s Death List.

  306. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:03

    Dennis, defender of African-Americans and implacable foe of racism!

  307. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:03

    vacuum, your anecdote made no sense at all other than to degrade African Americans, who you felt obliged to say that your intention wasn’t to intended to tell the story of some “magical negro”. It was ‘see, negroes can be good people sometimes too’.

    That starts with premise I think most blacks are suspect. I don’t. But what’s really obvious is that YOU DO. I told a story that plainly calls racism out. Anyone without reading comprehension issues will see that. Try your Jedi mind tricks on someone dumber.

  308. smedley said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:04

    For you, Dennis: That hit and run driver, whatever color or nationality, is a shitstain, with or without braids.

  309. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:09

    And if anyone had done that and found out the driver’s race and gender, it’s a virtual 100% certainty you all wouldn’t have been calling him a “shitstain” like you did.

    You have this very odd notion of what we are like. Troll, I judge people by the content of their character, not the color of their skin. This guy was and is a shitstain. For that matter, Allen West is a shitstain. Jesse Lee Peterson? Shitstain. .Dennis? Shitstain.

    Stop arguing with strawmen. Hell, stop arguing. Get a hobby, go for a walk, go jump in a lake.

    Now, KILLFILE ENGAGED! Dancer badgers are go!

  310. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:10

    BTW, “Braided Shitstain” would be a good band name.

  311. Thread Bear said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:13

    You have this very odd notion of what we are like. Troll, I judge people by the content of their character, not the color of their skin. This guy was and is a shitstain. For that matter, Allen West is a shitstain. Jesse Lee Peterson? Shitstain. .Dennis? Shitstain.

    Santorum? Shitstain.

  312. paleotectonics said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:14

    Denny,

    Saw your Craigslist ad, and while I don’t know much about the collectible market, I think you are asking too much for the velvet painting of Justin-Bieber-As-Sad-Clown. Especially, as you put it, ‘gently used’.

  313. smedley said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:14

    I want to thank Dennis for confirming to us that when he hears a story about some despicable action by someone, his first thought is: “What color was that guy?”

  314. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:14

    Your post made no sense at all, vacuum.

    I think it makes perfect sense if you’re not a racist troll with reading comprehension issues.

  315. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:16

    I want to thank Dennis for confirming to us that when he hears a story about some despicable action by someone, his first thought is: “What color was that guy?”

    What’s great about Pennis is that he also is offended by the racism in an entry I wrote. (That clearly is not racist and is, in fact, calling racism out.)

  316. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:17

    Pennis,

    You suck at being human. No one, especially but not exclusively here, likes you. We would pity you if you ever made the least effort to take off your blinders. When you die, no one will mourn your passing. I’d tell you to suck my cock but lord only knows where your mouth has been.

    Sincerely,
    Pupienus

  317. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:17

    Dennis, you obviously are using too high a bar for “shitstain.” For example, you’ve never seriously injured anyone in a hit and run AFAIK, and you’re still a shitstain.

  318. smedley said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:18

    “Of course you say that now, smedley.”

    Most of what I say and write is in real time.

  319. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:22

    Just…for the record, here’s a snippet from my entry:

    “Anyhoo, long story short, lots and lots of blacks in my last neighborhood. Like, every other house. So I was jogging in one of the tonier areas of my neighborhood and there are two dogs in the front yard of this one house. They went after me like I was made out of ham. All I got was a tiny nip on the ankle. They weren’t large dogs, but they were large enough to put a scare in me. Scared, angry me stood in the middle of the street, kind of paralyzed, screaming for the home owners to get their fucking dogs. A large black man comes out of the house behind me. I snippily ask if these are his dogs.

    I’ve just explained that my neighborhood is largely comprised of black folks. So when a…wait for it…black guy comes out of his house because I’m screaming for people to get their dogs, I ask if the dogs are his. Now, someone not mentally retarded would assume that I asked him because the dogs were the vicinity of his house and he was the only one who responded to my cries for help. A dumbfuck troll however would assume I asked him if the dogs were his BECAUSE HE’S BLACK. EVEN THOUGH I JUST EXPLAINED THAT MANY OF NEIGHBORS ARE BLACK.

    Really, Pennis, please set yourself on fire.

  320. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:22

    Ya know, Pup, you haven’t written any good food pr0n at your blog lately.

    Last night, I slow-roasted a breast of lamb and used the rendered fat and some olive oil to saute some onion, carrot, celery, and garlic with some coriander, a touch of cumin, and a tiny bit of cinnamon, then added some bulghur and frozen peas to make a kickass pilaf.

  321. Major Kong said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:23

    So last night we’re headed from Providence RI to Fort Wayne IN.

    We’re descending into Fort Wayne and we get a datalink message from the company saying “Flight xxxx is down for maintenance, we need you to go to Rochester (Minnesota)”

    So we’re flailing about bringing up charts for Rochester, checking the weather, checking the fuel and trying to work with Chicago Center (who’s really busy) to get us headed up that way.

    I’m looking at the radar, and of course there’s a big line of thunderstorms across northern Illinois and Lake Michigan. We manage to pick our way between the cells (with Chicago’s help) and get on the other side of the line.

    Right about then we get another message from the company. “Flight xxxx is fixed, head back to Fort Wayne”.

    Fuck!!!!!

    So check the fuel (again) bug Chicago Center (again) and head back through the line of thunderstorms – fortunately the gap we shot through was still there.

    Then reprogram everything for Fort Wayne. Get in there 20 minutes late. Get to Memphis 20 minutes late (so much for my nap).

    Then, of course, the entire East Coast has crappy weather when we get back to Providence at 6:00 AM. Fly the ILS almost down to minimums before we break out and land.

    Just another night hauling the freight.

  322. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:25

    Flight xxxx

    The cargo was some extra-raunchy pr0n.

    Hauling the freight…

    Sounds like a hell night, Major.

  323. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:28

    Oh, by the way, the exact same happened to me a week or so ago. Dog is following me around the neighborhood. This time, it’s a couple of young black kids–teens/early 20′s standing out in front of their house. They assume the dog is mine. I assume its theirs. Anyway, they were fucking lovely and helpful as could be. We stood out on the sidewalk talking and trying to figure out what was going on. Here’s the interesting thing–the tags put the dog in the NEIGHBORING STATE. I’m assuming it was a from a family new to the neighborhood.

    And the dog–who thank goodness was incredibly sweet–followed me most of the way home.

  324. smedley said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:30

    What this thread needs is a good shaggy dog story.

  325. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:30

    inish the story for everyone, vacuum. What did your little anecdote prove?

    What was different from any other neighborhood? What did the race of the fellow have to do with anything?

    That answer to both questions is ‘nothing’.

    You’re retarded.

    I told the story in response to Derp, who claims that whites should avoid black neighborhoods. Now, obviously this is anecdotal evidence, my experiences were a small rebuttal to that.

    Seriously, did you READ what I wrote?

  326. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:30

    I gotta stop wearing my Ham cologne.

  327. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:30

    What this thread needs is a good shaggy dog story.

    I hear Mitt Romney’s got one.

  328. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:31

    Damn, I thought you wrote “shitty dog story”.

    I gotta stop wearing my Ham cologne.

    What, Jonah Goldberg try to bite you?

  329. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:35

    Major: A little biplane crashed last night at the tiny Chicago exurb airport near me, killing the two occupants. Apparently they got into trouble after takeoff, tried to land again and got caught by the wind. For some reason I thought of you. Yikes. Glad you made it through those storms. (You had to run that gauntlet twice, for no reason? Damn, I would have been cursing those company retards until the radio melted.)

  330. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:37

    A little biplane crashed last night at the tiny Chicago exurb airport near me, killing the two occupants.

    Curse you, Red Baron!

  331. Major Kong said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:39

    Major: A little biplane crashed last night at the tiny Chicago exurb airport near me

    Which airport? I used to live around there.

    Not a great night for flying a light aircraft.

  332. St. jim, Now Officially Tired Of Your Weak Shit said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:40

    Oh look, how delightfully fascinating – the pathetic attention-whoring griefer strokes again.
    Please feel free to continue feeding my killfile, you absurd little man-child.

    The perpetual name-dancing is the tell: you’ve got jack-shit to say here worth the time it takes to read it – & even YOU know it … but you just can’t resist an opportunity to inflict your weak shit on other people, because it’s probably the only thing you’re semi-skilled at any more.

    Do you dare to eat a peach take a hint? It’s on the house.

    See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya.

  333. kg said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:41

    I’m sure pennis will look it up for us and let us know if any of the passengers were blah-

  334. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:43

    Last night, I slow-roasted a breast of lamb and used the rendered fat and some olive oil to saute some onion, carrot, celery, and garlic with some coriander, a touch of cumin, and a tiny bit of cinnamon, then added some bulghur and frozen peas to make a kickass pilaf.

    Sounds awesome BBBB.

    Wow step away for a bit and find that some cowardly racist asshole who has a hard on for attacking the ladies has stunk up the joint.

    I have heard tell of the Pennis, but had not really seen his bigoted bravado in action.

    The weakest of sauce can often spoil the best of meals.
    .

  335. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:43

    Why do you try to engage Pennis? Waste of time. One could write a longish comment explaining that writing a letter to JP’s super complaining that he … what, omitted the irrelevant matter of the driver’s skin color from a comment he made on the internets has dick-all to do with the Donaldeeeeee business. One would explain that JP wants people to look for a blue toyota with damage, not look for a car driven by a black person. One would explain that even without that inanity the two situations have absolutely nothing in common. But one would be wasting their time. Pennis does not engage, see?

    So I recommend following my example of just insulting him. Pennis, you aren’t a shit-stain, you’re more just plain shit. Excess human baggage. A walking argument for retroactive abortion (always good to toss some eliminationist rhetoric in there, y’know?). Your mother cries because she didn’t abort you. Your death would be a net positive for the entire world. I fart in you general direction. Now go away or I shall taunt you again.

  336. 'natch said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:47

    Charlie’s real father is almost certainly Frank Reynolds. Frank had a one night stand with Charlie’s mother 30 years ago. (“Dennis and Dee Get a New Dad”) Frank forced Charlie’s mom to have an abortion but it “didn’t take” and Charlie was born three months later. (“The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby”)

  337. jim said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:49

    Sounds like you got a dose of Fugly Stew there, Major.

    Lightning Tag: the second you’re “it,” the game is probably already over.

  338. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:49

    Which airport? I used to live around there.

    Lake in the Hills, in McHenry County.

    Addednum to my last comment: I would have been cursing over the radio if I had the balls to even be piloting an airplane in the first place, which would only happen in an alternate universe.

  339. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:49

    Pup, I think that you have insulted the noble skidmark by referring to Troolio here as one.
    .

  340. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:50

    I have heard tell of the Pennis, but had not really seen his bigoted bravado in action.

    Wow, you were really missing out. No wait, no you weren’t. Not at all. Nunh uh.

  341. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:52

    Pennis, you aren’t a shit-stain, you’re more just plain shit.

    Now, now. Plain shit can be useful as a fertilizer. Stains are just ugly, smelly and useless.

  342. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:52

    Where’s tsam? He’s gonna be so sad he missed the visiting troll.

  343. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:54

    I gotta hop off to work… I won’t be commenting for a few hours. Don’t feed the troll, because he only poops in the hot tub. I don’t want to dip in for a relaxing soak, only to find that the tub’s filled with poopwater.

  344. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:58

    No wait, no you weren’t. Not at all. Nunh uh.

    Thankfully it looks like he took his ball, told himself that he won one for the “Gripper” (which would be his ruddy right paw…IYKWIMAITYD) went home to pleasure himself before staking out another female target on the intertubes.

    There used to be this awesome site with a bunch of trollish types illustrated and catagorized almost to a Linneaus level. I forever kill myself for not retaining a bookmark or copying the site in full, because it was genius and a laugh riot.

    Any Sadly that might have a link would earn my eternal thanks and praise.
    .

  345. Major Kong said,

    May 4, 2012 at 20:58

    Lightning Tag: the second you’re “it,” the game is probably already over.

    Lightning strikes are more common than you think. It doesn’t usually do much to the plane. Not something you want to happen, of course.

    We try to keep a safe distance from the storm cells. 20 miles if we can.

    http://flightaware.com/live/flight/FDX1254/history/20120504/0054Z/KPVD/KFWA

  346. jim said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:00

    Courtesy of Metafilter: this beautiful document proves that one day, if we do but heed his wisdom, both man & cat alike will sing the praises of their mutual saviour – Arthur Paul Pedrick.

  347. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:00

    …only to find that the tub’s filled with poopwater.

    How else are we gonna get our game of “Battleship” on?
    .

  348. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:03

    In lieu of troll food, have a bit of Beer Pron:

    Bottled up a brand new recipe last night that had been aging: imperial brown ale. 8% abv. Aged for three weeks in the secondary on oak chips that had been soaked in bourbon.

    It is to fucking die for! The oak flavor is noticeable, yet subtle, and lends a really nice bit of complex vanilla notes. There is just the tiniest hint of bourbon in there too, mostly in the nose.

    It’s going to be a painful wait while it bottle conditions.

    The big Oregon Homebrew Festival is coming up in two weeks, gonna head down and drop off a bunch of entries here in a few minutes. It’s a qualifying event for the Masters Championship of Amateur Homebrewing. If we (me and my brewing partner) win a category we get to enter that beer against all the other winners across the country. Got six entries in different categories so we’ll see how it goes.

  349. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:05

    St. jim, Now Officially Tired Of Your Weak Shit I finally got around to looking at the linked product of evolution bit. thanks for that.
    .

  350. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:07

    Cool link Major.

    I like the little dance you made over the lake. Happy you made it through.
    .

  351. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:10

    It’s going to be a painful wait while it bottle conditions.

    Do you drop in a bit of yeast during that period?

    Sounds delish BTW
    .

  352. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:18

    Major: Stupid me didn’t get the point of your link until my stupid finger accidently hit the mouse wheel and enlarged the map. Wow. I now am going to appreciate my next FedEx package that much more.

  353. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:23

    Do you drop in a bit of yeast during that period?

    No, the yeast goes dormant during the secondary fermentation and oak aging, but doesn’t actually die off completely. Just before filling bottles, we add a small amount of priming sugar to the batch and mix it in well. Once in the bottle, the yeast will wake up, chew on that, produce CO2 as a waste gas, and because it’s in a sealed space (the bottle) the CO2 goes into solution and you end up with carbonated beer. Takes a couple weeks to reach full carbonation.

    Hopefully that will still work even though I forgot to recite the St. Crispin’s speech…

    Commercial breweries that filter their beer but still want to bottle condition can’t do it that way — they’re removed all of the yeast with the filter. In that case, they actually inject a slurry of yeast cells and sugar into each bottle to do a similar thing.

    As a home brewer, you can actually get the yeast out of the bottom of one of those commercial bottles and then culture it to use it. Unfortunately, some commercial brewers now use a different strain of yeast just for bottle conditioning that isn’t actually that great as a yeast for main fermentation, so you need to know it’s really what you want before going to that trouble.

    And now you know more than you ever wanted to know about bottle conditioning of beer.

    Sounds delish BTW

    Oh it is, it is… I wish I had some right now.

  354. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:26

    And yes, that means we’re all drinking yeast POOP! when we drink beer — C02 and alcohol are their wastes… Mmm, yeast poop…

  355. kg said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:29

    oh man, I’m going crazy reading all this beer pron.

  356. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:33

    Bottled up a brand new recipe last night …

    I’ll be there by three o’clock.

  357. dyz said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:35

    Not beer porn related, but S/N territory here.

    Courtesy NMMNB: http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2012/05/figures-obama-to-officially-launch-2012-campaign-on-karl-marxs-birthday/

  358. S. cerevisiae said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:45

    Yeast POOP is GOOD!

  359. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:48

    Lunch today is the rest of the AWESOME “wild” mushroom soup I made for last night’s dinner and the last of this batch of sourdough, toasted and buttered.

    Fucking dairies. So, I buy the butter that’s on sale. Yeah, I have made my own on occasion but the commercial stuiff is good enough for most things. One dairy puts their unsalted butter in blue wrappers, salteed in red. The other dairy does it exactly backward. Another dairy I believe changes it randomly. They don’t have much pribnt on the paper wrap to say which it is. So I’m all the time trying to figure out what that stump of the stick in the fridge fucking IS. Fucking dairies.

  360. El Manquécito said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:51

    I was wearing the Ham cologne yesterday. I cured a pork shoulder as a mildly spiced ham, put it in the DIY sous-vide for 36 hours @ 138F and took it out yesterday morning after work. Half was dried off and put in the drying chamber (old fridge @55F, 60% humidity, already occupied by some three week old guanciale) the other half smeared with a jerk rub and put in the smoker on oak and hickory @ 175F for five hours. I separated the fat cap from the ham and rendered it into a pint of spicy lard. By evening I was pretty well engreased but it all went pretty well.

    Tuesday night I fed a work crew before an evening of sweaty farm labor; they’d brought in some deer steaks and I made Szechuan orange peel beef and vegetables using venison instead of beef, one of my favorite ways to serve deer. It surprised the work crew but they rallied to finish it.

  361. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 21:55

    Oh my, do go read the comments at dyx’s link. If you want to laugh. They’re hysterical in all senses ofthe word.

    #1 May 3, 2012 at 11:31 pm
    mcc commented:

    So as Barry launches his campaign, LA medical examiners launch an investigation into another suspicious death…From MinutemanPAC email:

    The suspicious timing of the death of Andrew Breitbart’s coroner has opened a new

    #3 May 3, 2012 at 11:36 pm
    Andy commented:
    Now we know why Cinco de Mayo is suddenly a big holiday. It’s all about celebrating Karl Marx! Sounds like the work of La Raza, doesn’t it? Well, not all of us are fooled so they can take their holiday and shove it up their you know what!

    #4 May 3, 2012 at 11:43 pm
    MVH commented:

    Of course he is. He doesn’t have to hide anything. What with the Fourth Estate protecting him.

    Short of committing murder, Obama is not obliged to give any accounting. He lives and acts as if there will be no day of reckoning.

    #7 May 3, 2012 at 11:53 pm
    Justice Beaver commented:

    Nothing is a coincidence with these fiends. And then they’ll whine and snivel and overreact when they get called on it.

    #8 May 3, 2012 at 11:58 pm
    Alana commented:

    Not surprising, considering his older daughter’s initials are MAO.

    Opaobie commented:

    “If I had a son, he would be just like Barack Hussein Obama”. ~ Karl Marx

    #13 May 4, 2012 at 12:51 am
    BS61 commented:

    These will be the US’s future holidays – part of the Obama’s plan to rewrite history!

    #14 May 4, 2012 at 12:59 am
    S. Wolf commented:

    That Marx?

    ‘Who wrote a poem containing this verse?

    Like unto a God I dare
    Through that ruined realm in triumph roam.
    Every word is Deed and Fire,
    And my bosom like the Creator’s own.

    It was our old friend, Herr Karl Marx, no less. So modern Leftist elitism is not exactly new. In this poem, old Karl actually compares himself to God. Beat that! Not much doubt about where he was coming from. Modern day Leftist elitists are actually quite modest by comparison.’

    MARXIST ELITISM

    Not Hussein bin Obama the arrogant narcissist.

    #16 May 4, 2012 at 1:20 am
    S. Wolf commented:

    This sounds like Hussein’s view of the TEA party:

    ‘”May the devil take these peoples movements, especially when they are “peaceful””‘

    MARX DESPISED PEACEFUL POLITICAL MOVEMENTS

    Which explains the violent Weather Underground and occupy rabble.

    MARX ADVOCATED TERRORISM

    And so does Ayers.

    #19 May 4, 2012 at 1:53 am
    DREAMS FROM MY NEIGHBOR commented:

    The Kenyan Occupier of 1600 is an ILLEGAL ALIEN.

    FORGED Birth Certificate: Confirmed.
    FORGED Selective Service Registration: Confirmed.
    FAILED E-VERIFY: Confirmed.

    We knew this before 2008 – and the stupid GOP and mis-educated public ignored the warnings. (I say mis-educated because the Left has thoroughly infiltrated the public educational system, filling young mind with propaganda and stupidities.) Even that useful idiot, McLame, had the temerity to say we shouldn’t worry if the SOB became president. Now we are in the vice grip of the fast-approaching tyranny. If Romney doesn’t start articulating the urgent need to restore the constitutional republic, we will face one of the most violent and oppressive dictatorships of all time. I say that because the fascists on the Left and their Islamist cohorts have been salivating over us for many decades. We are their chief prize.

    A warning from history.

  362. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:08

    Thanks for the detailed description OBS. I had forgotten about the priming sugar.
    .

  363. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:08

    Pupienus, were I to write the same letter to JP’s boss that actor212 wrote to Donald’s boss that made you guys squeal with delight, then I suppose you’d be justified in calling me a shit stain.

    You still can’t get over the fact that Great Dane beat me up the stairs the night your mom conceived you, can you?

  364. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:09

    Now do those commenters all have their own tinfoil hats or do they share?

  365. actor212 (sponsored by Enzyte) said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:09

    Troll ass kicked*? Check

    *NOTE: Your ass has just been kicked by Actor212™ (a wholly owned subsidiary of Actor212 Enterprises™, a Cayman Islands corporation)

  366. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:10

    …the fascists on the Left and their Islamist cohorts have been salivating over us for many decades.

    I used to have that problem, but Trident Pucker Me Berry gum cleared it right up.

  367. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:10

    to gateway pundit or not to pundit that is the que…Oh I see that pup max has sealed the decision for me. I wasn’t feeling all that adventurous anyway.
    .

  368. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:12

    Just skimming I see
    Marx
    Ayers
    Hussein

    CAN I GET A “SOROS,”PLEASE?!!

  369. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:13

    Jeebus H El Manquécito, between you and pup Max I don’t know if I could take anymore food Pr0n. you guys certainly have a way with keeping my salivary glands in excellent shape.
    .

  370. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:17

    Lunch today is the rest of the AWESOME “wild” mushroom soup I made for last night’s dinner and the last of this batch of sourdough, toasted and buttered.

    Can you hear drool through the computer? AFAF and totally not me.

  371. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:18

    In the Portland subreddit you’ll often find someone telling prospective newcomers: “Seen Portlandia? Most people think it’s sature. Nope, pure documentary.” That is only a slight exaggeration. It does make me feel that I need to stand up for my adopted hometown. So, Finding Portland: http://player.vimeo.com/video/41011190?byline=0&color=ff9933

  372. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:19

    I must confess, I dont’ even know what sature is.

  373. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:20

    Now do those commenters all have their own tinfoil hats or do they share?

    Sharing=SOCIALCOMMIESHARIATWISLAM.

    So I’m thinking not so much. Each one of them should have stock in the Reynolds corporation.

    The last one was particularly juicy. Sometimes I wonder if we even live on the same planet as these goons, or if they occupy a parallel universe whose interwebs occasionally get tangled up with ours.

    Somehow I don’t think they’d be that nuts if Obama was white and his last name Smith (they’d be nuts, just not quite as crazy.)
    .

  374. vacuumslayer said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:25

    Provider, I think they’d still think he was the devil and illegitimate…but his race does add a really nice thick extra ugly layer of crazy.

  375. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:26

    Finding Portland: http://player.vimeo.com/video/41011190?byline=0&color=ff9933

    That was pretty neat. They could have spent a bit less time on timelapse freeway scenes and actually gone down a single track through Forest Park or one of the other amazing parks or something though.

  376. Helmut Monotreme said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:29

    To be fair, Bill Clinton drove them to tantrums of self entitled paranoia as well.

  377. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:29

    nice vid pup. Portland is a pretty town. Do you guys have a minor league baseball team?
    .

  378. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:32

    I’ll be there by three o’clock.

    Cool, but that beer won’t be carbonated for a couple more weeks so we’ll have to drink something else. On the strong end of things I can offer you a delicious Baltic Porter or an Imperial IPA, or perhaps you would enjoy a nice Biere de Garde? Maybe you’d enjoy a bit lighter fare — I also have a very tasty Northern English Brown Ale, nice and fresh the way it should be. I think I have a couple bottles left of a Belgian Strong Brown that has been aged to perfect too. Also.

    My homebrew stash is at a historic high level right now… Alas, such a problem to have!

  379. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:34

    Do you guys have a minor league baseball team?

    Sadly, no.

  380. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:34

    VS, agreed. I am still going with my alternate Universe theory, where maybe their Obama is actually a leftist, or resembles one in ways that ours does not. I think string theory would provide for occasionally tangled interwebs.

    That shit pup dragged back was some of the craziest shit i’ve seen in a while. Even the shithouse rats are pointing and laughing.
    .

  381. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:35

    Bill Clinton drove them to tantrums of self entitled paranoia as well.

    Hillary was the one that killed Vince Foster!!!eleven!

  382. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:38

    Imperial IPA

    Oooohh, me want some

    To be fair, Bill Clinton drove them to tantrums of self entitled paranoia as well.

    True, Helmut, but this has a different feel about it, taking it to another level.

    Sadly, no.

    That sucks. I’d take a single or double a team in a pinch

  383. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:39

    Crap OBS. i didn’t realize you had lost one that had been around for over 100 years. That sucks.
    .

  384. Major Kong said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:51

    Now we know why Cinco de Mayo is suddenly a big holiday. It’s all about celebrating Karl Marx! Sounds like the work of La Raza, doesn’t it?

    I always thought it was just another excuse to sell beer. Besides, they should love Cinco de Mayo – it celebrates defeating the French.

  385. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:53

    That sucks.

    Yeah, it does.

    We have a great local team in the “West Coast League” which is a Summer season for college players. The Corvallis Knights — they play at the OSU baseball stadium here so it’s at a great facility, tickets are reasonable, and they serve beer.

  386. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 4, 2012 at 22:59

    No baseball that I’m aware of. But I don’t care a rat’s bum about baseball. If it had fossil fuel engines it might be interesting …

  387. Smut Clyde said,

    May 4, 2012 at 23:03

    And now you know more than you ever wanted to know about bottle conditioning of beer.
    No mention of Krausening!

  388. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 23:07

    If it had fossil fuel engines it might be interesting …

    And no more CART race at PIR either! But there is fütbol though if you’re into that sort of, uh, thing.

    I’m not all that much of a sports or baseball fan — I will never watch a baseball game on TV — nevar!!! — but I do enjoy going to see a game in person occasionally.

  389. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 23:07

    Besides, they should love Cinco de Mayo – it celebrates defeating the French.

    Unfortunately that would require an operational grasp of History which really isn’t in their wheelhouse.

    But I don’t care a rat’s bum about baseball. If it had fossil fuel engines it might be interesting …

    [starts contemplating where one might bolt a hemi to a baseball team]
    .

  390. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 23:11

    I will never watch a baseball game on TV — nevar!!! — but I do enjoy going to see a game in person occasionally.

    Television never did the game any justice. last time I saw one live up in Indy I caught two foul balls. One thing I like about the game is that you can keep the souvineers.
    .

  391. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 4, 2012 at 23:12

    No mention of Krausening!

    OK, here you go.

  392. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 23:20

    DOES A BITCH NEED TO GET CUT?

    I felt a tremor in the internet force. Got here as soon as I could.

    I suppose the little bitch is still lurking–in which case–FUCK YOU DENNIS.

    The horror! On a SNARK blog, no less.

  393. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 23:22

    HAHA Spokane gots a minor league team with a racist name and EVERYTHING!

  394. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 4, 2012 at 23:30

    HAHA Spokane gots a minor league team with a racist name and EVERYTHING!

    Same name for the minor league team in Indianapolis.
    .

  395. El Manquécito said,

    May 4, 2012 at 23:30

    Despite the best efforts of the cerveza industry the 5th of May is hardly noticed in most of Mexico. There’s a celebration in Puebla, de cierto, and lots of happy hours and 2 X 1 specials in Cancun, PV, Zihuat, etc. but it’s entirely ginned up by the hospitality cartels. For a great Mexican holiday, a real celebration, I always recommend El Noche de Los Rabanos in Oaxaca. Now that’s a fiesta.

  396. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 4, 2012 at 23:33

    If Indianapolis isn’t a denigration of first nations people I don’t know what is.

  397. tsam said,

    May 4, 2012 at 23:52

    I think .Pennis is a columnist at the NY Post:

    As long as the Nets are allowing Jay-Z to call their marketing shots — what a shock that he chose black and white as the new team colors to stress, as the Nets explained, their new “urban” home — why not have him apply the full Jay-Z treatment? Why the Brooklyn Nets when they can be the New York N——s? The cheerleaders could be the Brooklyn B—-hes or Hoes. Team logo? A 9 mm with hollow-tip shell casings strewn beneath. Wanna be Jay-Z hip? Then go all the way!

    You can totally tell hollowpoint bullets by the shell casings.

    Also, nice bit of racism there, you piece of shit.

  398. tsam said,

    May 5, 2012 at 0:01

    Spokane comes from the name Spokann Garry, a leader of the Spokann tribe that got wiped out by Col George Wright who has a fucking street named after him. We’re pretty down with insulting natives up in this joint.

  399. tigris said,

    May 5, 2012 at 0:10

    Oh my, do go read the comments at dyx’s link. If you want to laugh. They’re hysterical in all senses ofthe word.

    Jeffraham needs to print that out and present it as supporting evidence for ratcheting down the LSD levels. “The water smells like a psychedelic swimming pool!”

  400. paleotectonics said,

    May 5, 2012 at 0:30

    No mention of Krausening!

    Hey, the Heileman brewery put myself and a sibling through college, and enabled my parents to retire comfortably. Don’t mock the World’s Largest Sixpack!

  401. Bitter Scribe said,

    May 5, 2012 at 0:30

    Spokane comes from the name Spokann Garry, a leader of the Spokann tribe that got wiped out by Col George Wright who has a fucking street named after him. We’re pretty down with insulting natives up in this joint.

    America has a long, proud tradition of naming places after the things and people that were wiped out to make room.

  402. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    May 5, 2012 at 0:42

    America has a long, proud tradition of naming places after the things and people that were wiped out to make room.

    See, for example:

    Beauty, KY
    Best, TX
    Bountiful, UT
    Carefree, AZ
    Celebration, FL
    Friendly, WV
    Ideal, GA
    Lovely, KY
    Paradise, MI
    Success, MO

    Also too: Humansville, MO

  403. John Revolta said,

    May 5, 2012 at 0:57

    Growing up in Chicago, myself and associates were “fully kraeusened” on teh Old Style beer a good part of the time. It was good clean stuff and way better than most of what was available back in the PBS* days.

    *Pre-beer snobbery.

  404. tigris said,

    May 5, 2012 at 0:59

    For Major Kong

  405. Major Kong said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:00

    I gotta disagree with you John. I grew up in Chicago and I think Old Style was, and still is, insipid industrial garbage.

  406. paleotectonics said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:08

    Major sir, why do you hurt me?

  407. Major Kong said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:09

    Sorry. I know everyone in Chicago grows up drinking Old Style I never could develop a taste for the stuff.

  408. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:10

    See, for example:

    Intercourse, PA

  409. Pupienus said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:11

    Meh, when you can make a pale stale ale with the foam on the bottom THEN we can talk.

  410. John Revolta said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:14

    So, you were drinking what? Budweiser? Hamm’s? SCHLITZ??>?

    Because back then, those were the only tap beers there were, pretty much, in Chi.

    Hmph. I say GOOD DAY to you, sir.

  411. Major Kong said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:16

    I think I liked Olympia back in the day.

  412. paleotectonics said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:17

    Budweiser is not beer. NOT BEER.

    It’s some insipid blend of rice, methanol, and un-organized workers tears. It shouldn’t be considered fit for human consumption. Hell, it shouldn’t be considered fit for embalming fluid.

  413. Pupienus said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:20

    Idiotville, OR does not follow suit.

    Way back when the Virginia. Is for lovers campaign was new some wags printed up addendum stickers reading “but only Pennsylvania has Intercourse. But then, Pennsylvania also has Blue Ball. Something to do with HITLER I suppose.

  414. Major Kong said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:23

    Oh well, off to another night of dodging thunderstorms.

  415. John Revolta said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:24

    Couldn’t get Olympia on tap back then………….cans yeah. It was okay.

    However………………..my GOOD DAY!! still stands. Sir.

  416. paleotectonics said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:24

    Good luck major! Catlike reflexes! Don’t have the fish!

  417. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:46

    If Indianapolis isn’t a denigration of first nations people I don’t know what is.

    If indy is not a denegration to everything that is good and holy I am not sure what is. And while both my parents were born there and while it can be argued that I was born south of the Mason Dixon line, I am glad that they depositied my ass here.
    .

  418. Provider_UNE_OwnerOfThreads™ said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:49

    Oh well, off to another night of dodging thunderstorms.

    Good luck sir.

    At least it will be an interesting evening, though perhaps more interesting than you would like. If you were to drop a flight # we might follow you.
    .

  419. Cerberus said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:57

    Mess belatedly cleaned up.

  420. Pupienus said,

    May 5, 2012 at 2:51

    I wish there was a way to have all incoming calls that have blocked caller ID to go straight to vxmail. Does anyone answer such calls? If you’re it in my contacts I won’t answer, sometimes even if you are. So maybe that’s a bit out there but blocked numbers!?! People actually answer?

  421. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 5, 2012 at 2:54

    JP: How bad is it? Have you heard?

    Ross’ aorta repair is A-OK, and he did not need cranial surgery to repair bleeding in his brain. He apparently was in a coma for a bit, but was awake and responding to and with smart-assed comments, today. :) He goes under the knife tomorrow for some bone-knittin’.

    ATGATT should be every rider’s mantra. All The Gear All The Time. Saves lives. And fuck that hit and run driver in the skull with an ice auger. Put the word out to the motorcycle guys too, there’d be solidarity even if was on a scooter. Find that piece of shit.

    I am guilty much of the time of only wearing a helmet, and now the boots and often the armored jacket, but often not on rides that aren’t part of my commute. Bad Me. I will get some good summer gloves next weekend, after the paycheck clears.

    When JP checks in, we’ll have to ask him if he jogs in the rain with the cat. Because that would be AWESOME.

    Haw! Me, jog? :lol:
    .

  422. tsam said,

    May 5, 2012 at 2:57

    See, for example:

    Don’t forget Intercourse, PA!

  423. tsam said,

    May 5, 2012 at 2:58

    People actually answer?

    HEEEELLLLLL NO.

    Doctor offices confirming appts and shit like that will leave a message. Otherwise, if I don’t know your number, ain’t gonna be no answer.

  424. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 5, 2012 at 3:00

    Did all the anon/Pennis posts get whacked? I missed all that while at work, it would seem.
    .

  425. tsam said,

    May 5, 2012 at 3:03

    Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 5, 2012 at 1:10

    See, for example:

    Intercourse, PA

    WHATEVER!

  426. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 5, 2012 at 3:07

    Pretty Boy Being Pretty.
    .

  427. Jeffraham Prestonian said,

    May 5, 2012 at 3:11

    Speaking of riding, I feared I might be late this morning, and I’m wanting to be a Model Citizen because I love this fucking job so much. So, with 25 minutes to go until 8:00 a.m., I took the exit to I-24 @ Thompson Lane this morning. I stayed with the flow of traffic, and arrived at work 15 minutes early. So, 10 minutes from Thompson Lane to the plant, using I-24. Good to know.
    .

  428. vacuumslayer said,

    May 5, 2012 at 3:15

    My GAWD, those are some gorgeous eyes. But have you seen my son’s BUTT?

    Wait. Is that a weird question to ask?

  429. N__B said,

    May 5, 2012 at 3:21

    But have you seen my son’s BUTT?

    H=Who hasn’t?

  430. N__B said,

    May 5, 2012 at 3:22

    The delete key looks EXACTLY like the equals.

  431. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 5, 2012 at 3:40

    Let me test that th

  432. jim said,

    May 5, 2012 at 3:44

    Speaking of thunderstorms: Best. Alarmclock. EVAR.

    Also, shut up, librulz – Teh Noodge is SO a Nice Guy!

    Romney/Nugent 2012!

  433. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 5, 2012 at 3:58

    POOP

  434. Another Kiwi said,

    May 5, 2012 at 4:05

    You upsidedownies and your strange courtship rituals.

  435. Pupienus said,

    May 5, 2012 at 4:05

    The past tense of ‘shit’ is NOT ‘shitted.’

  436. jim said,

    May 5, 2012 at 4:08

    Oh, & speaking of storms:

    NRO wonk commits Heresy In Teh Firstest Degree, shitstorm ensues.

  437. Pupienus said,

    May 5, 2012 at 4:08

    jim, do you spend a lot of time hanging out on sites with homosexual tendencies? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you. I myself go there often. Just askin.

  438. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 5, 2012 at 4:46

    POOP

    It’s a shame that further editons of the book will be changed… don’t scat aficianados deserve representation in romance novels?

    The Nuge is charmingly naive- does he really think that a bunch of young, enlisted types want to hear his crap that was recorded long before they were born?

  439. N__B said,

    May 5, 2012 at 5:00

    The past tense of ‘shit’ is 1970s fashion.

  440. jim said,

    May 5, 2012 at 5:27

    jim, do you spend a lot of time hanging out on sites with homosexual tendencies?

    No, but oh my stars & garters, they’ve sure been a wingnut-busting goldmine lately.

    Also, their web design is simply FAAAAAAAAABULOUS.

  441. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 5, 2012 at 5:38

    Attention euphemism fans:

    Officials say that messages on social media that led to the cancelation of classes at Hartland High School were not threats, but were rather about masturbation.

    According to a report by The Livingston Daily , Livingston County Prosecutor David Morse says the statement that really started the controversy was “I’m polishing my rifle.”

  442. Nym said,

    May 5, 2012 at 5:51

    There used to be this awesome site with a bunch of trollish types illustrated and catagorized almost to a Linneaus level. I forever kill myself for not retaining a bookmark or copying the site in full, because it was genius and a laugh riot.

    Any Sadly that might have a link would earn my eternal thanks and praise.

    http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/

  443. Smut Clyde said,

    May 5, 2012 at 7:19

    MOAR P00P.

  444. Cerberus said,

    May 5, 2012 at 7:51

    Nude post. I mean, new post. We don’t need to see Jim Hoft nude.

  445. not a gator said,

    May 5, 2012 at 14:29

    Bill Clinton drove them to tantrums of self entitled paranoia as well.

    Hillary was the one that killed Vince Foster!!!eleven!

    ‘zactly.

    It was all the women in the admin they feared and resented. Wingnut boards were in a perpetual lather over Janet Reno which has barely abated to this day.

  446. Blunderstorms » QotD: Breivik said,

    May 6, 2012 at 10:34

    [...] Sadly, No says it all. [...]

  447. Sadly, No! » Why Won’t You Let Us Cum?!? said,

    August 30, 2012 at 22:23

    [...] know, I used to be baffled. When I wrote my original post I was rather taken aback by all the right wingers masturbating on how awesome it would be if Norway [...]

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