Let Them Eat Gitmo

Apparently conservatives have gotten all their information on how civil prisons work from 80s cartoon villains.

Jan LaRue (not to be confused with LaRouche), American Bloodsport:
Tsarnaev the Fraud

Sigh…

When I first heard about the terrible bombings at the Boston Marathon, I was in the middle of writing a post on some storm in a tea-kettle thing wherein the only objectionable thing seemed to be the only thing no one wanted to talk about in any real depth.

Which admittedly, after the attack, felt a bit cold and hallow. And it didn’t feel right writing about frivolous matters when something so big was in the radar.

At the same time, it was difficult to write about the bombings themselves, because there was little to no real information. I mean sure, there were enough early responses from wingnuts that deserved a good kicking. This piece of work was impressively bad in terms of reflexive “anyone who suspects us just because we have done the last 12 attacks and tend to blow shit up around Tax Day is a vile commie rat” is impressively bad.

But empathy and good judgment demanded waiting until the facts come out.

And the facts are that the bombers, motive yet to be fully determined, turned out to be foreigny, Russian-adjacent, immigrant, muslim types. And my heart just sank straight to the ground. Not just for those victims of the bombings who had their days and some their lives ruined for such ill-defined bullshit reasons. Not just for the immigrant or muslim communities who do not need another hot-head asshole blowing shit up when the dominant population has treated them so terribly for so long after every time something like this happens. But also, sad to say, for the quality of right-wing noise we’re sure to be drowning in for the next couple of months/years.

I mean, for fuck’s sake, the right-wingers have already been desperate for something, anything to distract from incidents like Sandy Hook or how the vast majority of terrorist attacks in America come from white conservatives punching down on minority groups (especially women and/or queers) or perceived enemies (such as the government) and this is like fucking Christmas for them. The only thing that would make them perversely happier would be if the killers were also a queer female-identified feminist couple who worked as personal abortion doctors for Obama’s secret Kenyan family.

So, rejoice and repent Sadly Noians, because this is going to be the caliber of articles we’re going to be inundated with for a long long while.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Wait. An immigrant muslim committed this attack? Well, dust off the trucks to Arkham and revoke that citizenship. Because what’s the point of having illegal prison camps and a complete revoking of basic human rights unless it can be the default fate for anyone muslimy who commits an act of terrorist violence.

Unwritten but nonetheless accurate follow-up: “What’s that, you say? Should the same fate befall white people who commit terrorist acts? Kssh. Sorry, can’t hear you. Kssh. Going through a tunnel. Oh, and by the way, those people are obviously heroes being persecuted by the liberal media and shouldn’t even be so much as investigated.”

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev should be tried by a military commission at Guantanamo Bay rather than in U.S. federal court on charges related to the Boston Marathon bombing. Naturalized American citizenship obtained by fraud is revocable.

As I noted in the shorter, it’s just straight up reflexive at this point. What? He’s mulsimy? Find an excuse to throw him in Arkham… I mean Guantanamo.

I mean, yes, I get that the torture and abuse, and the never having a chance to ever leave and having an excuse to abuse innocent people who happen to share a religion is the point of this reflex, but do they ever realize how batshit this sounds to someone with a conscience?

For fuck’s sake, Tsarnaev was caught on film carrying one of the backpacks used in the explosion, was involved in several murders and major felonies while trying to avoid capture, was identified by one of the bombing victims, and has pretty much fessed up to committing the crime while in custody. He’s going to prison. For the rest of his life. There’s no fucking reason to hide from due process like you’re scared he’s going to use his heat rays to melt the judge presiding and then bust out of the Court using his latent telekinetic abilities. If this was any more open and shut, it’d be the literal book that the Federal Government will be throwing at him.

There is Supreme Court precedent for revoking naturalized citizenship based on swearing a false oath of allegiance. See Knauer v. United States (1946); Perez v. Brownell (“Of course, naturalization unlawfully procured can be set aside.”); and Fedorenko v. United States.

Moreover, during WWII, a German soldier who claimed naturalized U.S. citizenship but had gone back to Germany changed into civilian clothes after landing on U.S. soil from a German submarine with the intent of engaging in espionage and sabotage. The Supreme Court held in Ex Parte Quirin, that his claim of American citizenship and the right to trial in civil court was irrelevant to his confinement in a military brig as an unlawful belligerent in violation of the rules of war.

Back in the day, The New York Times opined that a military tribunal was the fitting venue for the Americans charged with conspiring to assassinate Abraham Lincoln. And so they were.

Because we revoked due process in questionable circumstances in the past involving public freakouts and concurrent or recently ended brutal wars, we must always repeat those lapses into the future. Because what’s the point of a democracy if we can’t just straight up suspend the rule of law and institute kangaroo courts every time we’re the slightest bit scared that an open-and-shut case won’t go our way.

Because that’s a great long-term strategy that has never been abused- oh, wait!

So far, the Obama administration hasn’t announced when or where charges will be filed. The odds are that it will be a prolonged and costly civil trial in federal court with threats and disruptions to the city where a civil trial is held.

I wonder… what will be the costs of our indefinite illegal prison in Cuba over the next infinity and a half years? Especially if we decide to tacitly make it our “anybody muslim” prison. Or how much the civil suits for basic upholding of civil rights, international suits for failure to abide by war crime protocol? Or the damage in material benefits caused by our lowered status because of such terrible practices of regularly revoking the rule of law for reasons of being brown?

Cause somehow I think it outweighs one fucking open-and-shut trial that will last a week at best and the slightly increased security just in case the zero of fuckwads that stood behind these assholes decides to… do something… I guess?

But hey, since we’re on the topic of law and wasted money, I’m glad you’re worried about it too, because I’ve been noticing how much government money we are wasting finding any and all excuses to throw brown people in prison for huge prison sentences for victimless crimes like drug possession, made-up bullshit, or minor misdemeanors like stealing $20 worth of diapers adding up under things like the Three Strikes Law. Maybe we can finally bridge the gap and work, both right and left together on reducing our financial waste on- Oh, what’s that? You’re going through another tunnel? Fan-fucking-tastic.

Seven months after becoming a U.S. citizen on Sept. 11, 2012, Tsarnaev faces charges of committing terrorist acts against “his” country, in addition to murder, mayhem, and numerous other felonies.

Yes, like any number of right-wing terrorist we’ve encountered in the last two decades. Fuckers like Eric Rudolph, David Koresh, and Timothy McVeigh all committed terrorist acts against their country. Any number of fucks have committed terrorist acts against certain members of their country and many in addition to murder, abuse, torture, rape, and other felonies. But the main difference between them and Tsarnaev in the eyes of the right-wing is that those terrorists were white and Christian.

Are we to believe that it was after swearing his oath of “true faith and allegiance to the United States of America” not one year ago, that “Dzhokhar the Innocent” was brainwashed and provoked by his older brother, Tamerlan, into murdering, maiming and terrorizing fellow Americans?

We don’t know what the fuck Dzokhar’s motive was in this whole thing and why he helped his brother out yet. It’s one of the big reasons it’s taken so long to get any definite reasons or information about the attack in general. I imagine it will come out hopefully soon as the feds continue to interrogate him.

Hey, you know what would force him to provide his rationale for the attack and help shed some light on his involvement? Putting him through a trial for his crimes and seeing what his defense is.

More likely, the bombing was planned prior to Tsarnaev becoming a “citizen.” He sought the privileges of citizenship to have an advantage in the event that he was captured and prosecuted.

Yes, he was clearly planning this bombing for years. That’s why there was so much information about their plans in their home and why law enforcement was already tipped off about a possible bombing attempt involving Boston long before the incident, but it just slipped through the cracks…

Or it was a more spur of the moment thing based on who knows what and maybe we should take advantage of the rule of law in order to find out more information about what our black box of a bomber thought he was doing and why.

… Oh wait, silly me. You just want to feed into arguments that immigrants should be treated as suspicious until proven otherwise in the same way that last paragraph you were trying to insinuate that there’s some massive pro-Tsarnaev community making excuses for him by expecting the rule of law to play itself out in order to demonize anyone who thinks that the other Amendments besides the 2nd one are kinda important too.

On that note, I notice you laying the defenses early in case it turns out that one of the triggering factors in Tsarnaev’s attack was the way immigrants are treated like enemy combatants waiting to happen. Stay classy there, Janet.

Both Mother Jones.com and Forbes.com report that Tsarnaev maintained the Twitter account identified as “J_star.” Consider his anti-American tweets prior to taking the oath of citizenship:

I wonder… How cold would the modern age have been for conservatives without Twitter? It’s like it’s personally made for modern conservatism. From the tight character limit that makes it difficult to do anything other than recite talking points to the way it makes complex dialogue nearly impossible to the way it makes it easy to sic your followers on other users you hate to the way it allows you to grab random bad seeming snippets whose context is almost impossible to discern, it’s like their horrifying horrifying wet dream come true.

Just seven months before becoming naturalized Jahar @J_tsar posted on March 14, 2012, “a decade in America and I want out.” There aren’t any posts indicating a change of heart.

Seven months before becoming naturalized, he had already spent a decade in America. So it took over ten years for him to finally finish jumping through the hoops and he did so as one of the lucky ones coming from a European country.

Yeah, I don’t see how that hellish and dehumanizing process could at all have led him to growing bitter and angry about the whole ordeal.

Fuck, I’ve lived here my whole damn life and I want fucking out of our broken fucking system and the way it chews anyone different up and spits them back out. It doesn’t mean I’m going to start blowing up shit.

And before we continue, you know what’s especially sad about this example? That it’s completely unnecessary. Most non-crazy right-wingers are pretty much on board with “yup, he certainly is a terrorist fuck”. It’s not like everyone’s nervously on the fence waiting for someone to go “but wait! There’s a single slightly bitter tweet from a long time ago that anyone in a depressed state could have written.” to break out the torches and pitchforks.

But I guess, it wouldn’t be a right-wing post without them tripping over their own arguments and trying to present their case in the most counter-intuitive straight-up wrong way they could.

Ten days before swearing his “allegiance” to the U.S., Jahar @J_tsar tweeted on Sept. 1, 2012 came out as a “truther”: “Idk why it’s hard for many of you to accept that 9/11 was an inside job, I mean I guess [f***] the facts y’all are some real #patriots #gethip.

So was Alex Jones, but I didn’t see you blanching away from him when he was helping your fellow fuckheads at American Birther sell Obama birth certificate conspiracy theories.

Do you have anything fucking real to say?

Seven months after swearing allegiance to the United States, Tsarnaev lies in a Boston hospital with bullet holes from a gunfight with police who pulled him from a boat in a backyard where he was hiding. Eyewitnesses and videotapes link his cowardly terrorist acts from the bullets on Friday to the bombs in Boston on Monday.

Thank you.

Wow, that’s actually rather good. Accurate facts, no rambling shortcut to conspiracy or tweet-picking lane. In fact, it’s so reasonable that I’m left wondering when the next shoe will dr-

As usual, we’re hearing the liberal victimization meme that 19-year-old Tsarnaev, who drove a car over his brother, is just a regular American kid led astray while grieving over injustice in his homeland of Chechnya, and should be afforded all of the rights of citizenship.

And there it is.

Okay, Jan, who?

Who is trading this “victimization meme” about Tsarnaev. Who is arguing that he’s some innocent victim of the system who surely couldn’t be held responsible for the bombing?

What’s that, you say? No one, is it?

Oh wait, you’re just trying to argue that anyone that says American citizens are afforded the same Constitutional rights as any other American citizen is arguing for Tsarnaev to go free. Because you’re a cowardly shit who can’t even bother to stand behind a “I want to live in a dictatorship that brutally oppresses minority groups I don’t like under a different set of laws than that given dominant group members” argument even when they are making it.

Yeah, Tsarnaev gets his constitutional right to appear in court, just like the many and varied right-wing terrorists, vile mass-shooters, and serial killers we’ve tried through courts without incident. We didn’t fret about Charles Manson getting his due process. Nor about Scott Roeder. Fuck, the only people we’ve had recently arguing that being an American citizen meant not having to suffer the indignity of going to court and trying to prove your innocence were the fucks trying to defend George Zimmerman.

But slap on a connection to conservative Islamic fuckwittery and suddenly it’s a national freakout.

Oh, and on a side-note, if you have so little faith in the American Justice system that you expect a high-profile murderer involved in an open-and-shut terrorist attack to walk from a court tried in the city he tried to terrorize, then buddy, we need to fucking scrap what we call an American Justice System because it’s so broken we might as well start from fucking scratch.

Tsarnaev should be confined and interrogated in Gitmo as an illegal enemy combatant. His confinement should be defended against a writ of habeas corpus on that basis along with a complaint to revoke his fraudulent citizenship.

Rend the meat from his bones. Seed his homeland’s farms with salt. Flood the Earth and set fire to the sky. Make of him an example that no human shall ever survive. Only in this way shall we be protected from the vengeful terrorism Gods.

Jan LaRue is a Senior Legal Analyst for the American Civil Rights Union.

ACRU… ACLU… I see what you did there.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Seriously, though if you or your loved ones were there, my deepest condolences on the shared trauma and fear you were put through. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


 

Comments: 381

 
 
Packers the Easygoing Governor
 

No, I did not.

 
 

The Magna Carta is the Mein Kampf of Liberal Fascism!

 
 

I have about the same amount of trouble (and distaste for) thinking about the bloodlust of mass murderers and these wingers. They’re both repellent, and fail to see others as truly human. Blech.

 
 

Why are these people so afraid of the justice system? If a trial is good enough for Jeffrey Dahmer, why isn’t it good enough for this dumbass?

 
 

Funny you mentioned Alex Jones, because it was revealed today that the surviving guy told investigators that he was an Infowars reader and a fan of Alex Jones. This is sort of hilarious, because we face the real possibility that now Muslim terrorists are getting their notion of the nature of our government from the right wing assholes that populate the internet. It may well turn out that it was really the American right that taught him to hate the government.

 
 

It may well turn out that it was really the American right that taught him to hate the government.

Figures.

 
 

we face the real possibility that now Muslim terrorists are getting their notion of the nature of our government from the right wing assholes that populate the internet

Yep. Clinton already had her safety threatened on a Mideast visit by local crowds livid at a wingnut post … that was total bullshit.

Wheeeeeee! The harder they fling those turds, the fatter the clickthrough rate!

 
 

??????? was caught on film

Might want to fix that.

 
 

Why are these people so afraid of the justice system?

Because being part of an excited crowd is easy, and fun, I guess. And if you’ve convinced yourself that only your worldview if legitimate, why, you have “right” on your side, and you won’t wake up tomorrow with a bloodlust hangover.

I grew up western unprogrammed Quaker (the kind without designated preachers, not Nixon’s family’s type) in the 1960s-70s, so Bible study wasn’t a big part of my religious education. I’ve since tried reading the Bible, from the “beginning,” because I’m like that, and keep having to put it down because I keep coming across stories in the OT just oozing with vengeance and nastiness (c’mon, Abe, I was just testing you when I told you to sacrifice your son), and yes, whole ‘nother culture, might as well be Mars. But still nasty to me. I think a lot of the folks baying for blood and vengeance prefer the OT. Me, I prefer the NT, which has stories about loving, forgiving, and sticking it to The Man.

 
 

The fact is, The Terrorist should be executed by stoning in public, and soon or we will loose faith in the American Justice System, which is being corupted by liberals and feelings.

 
 

which is being corupted by liberals and feelings.

feeeeeeeeeelings…whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…feeeeeeeeelings!

are we still playing this game?

 
 

Translation: Waaah! I want Guantanamo to set up TortureCams in the scorpion pits so I can get my rocks off on the blood and the screams and the Oooo…. aaaah!

 
 

The Terrorist should be executed by stoning in public

“You’re only waking it worse for yourself!”

 
 

Consider his anti-American tweets prior to taking the oath of citizenship:

hey…my son’s a future terrorist! he at times utters what he feels to be truths about the corporate country we live in all the while enjoying the benefits of this corporate country we live in due to being a citizen of this corporate country we live in…it’s called being young and passionate while trying to set your moral compass you stupid, awful bint…

 
 

The Terrorist should be executed by stoning in public

wait…did she really say this? cuz if she did, i can’t read anymore…my blood pressure is already hovering in dangerous territory and there’s still two days until my big fundraiser…

 
 

wait…did she really say this?

Sounded better in the original Arabic.

 
 

Jan LaRue is a Senior Legal Analyst for the American Civil Rights Union For Xtian Whitey McWhitepersons ONLY Not Icky Browns.

my work here is done…

 
 

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev should be tried by a military commission at Guantanamo Bay rather than in U.S. federal court on charges related to the Boston Marathon bombing. Naturalized American citizenship obtained by fraud is revocable.

Are all non-citizens tried in Gitmo? Wow, his mom’s shoplifting prosecution just got REAL.

Twitter account identified as “J_star.” … @J_tsar posted”

Journalism!

 
 

Eek, tagfail.

 
 

Eh, you have to find reasons to keep using Guantanamo and torture, because that’s how you retroactively legitimize them. Special is the new normal, and nothing is as permanent as a temporary measure.

 
 

submitted with no comment:

•So who gets to decide whose citizenship gets revoked? Obama? The Department of Defense? A majority vote? This is ridiculous. The scum is a citizen, and he has a right to trial by jury of citizens.

I support military tribunals for foreign terrorists, but you can’t just decide that this particular evil citizen killer deserves one but that one doesn’t.

•It’s as though you didn’t read the article. The point is that his citizenship was obtained fraudulently with murder in his heart toward Americans as a ploy to give himself more protections.

 
 

Motive? It came out the Friday they were captured that they were unhappy with the US invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan, and the torture and abuse that took/is taking place there.

So, let’s recall… WHO again was all gung-ho and jingoistic about invading the lands of brown-skinned muslins? And WHO wanted torture dungeons so much that walking all funny and needed to adjust their erections before sitting down?

And, let’s recall further… WHO warned that hasty invasions of foreign countries would create repercussions and erode the standing of the US in the eyes of the world? And WHO warned that torture and illegal detention of “combatants” would put more American lives at risk?

So now, with those things fresh in mind, go ahead and ponder the question again: Who taught these young men to hate America?

 
 

Here’s your missing ‘they were’ … use as needed.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

This bomber is going to prison. He may or may not get the death penalty. If he doesn’t get the death penalty he will still have to live the rest of his life in a hostile prison where he will be vulnerable to arbitrary violence from guards and fellow prisoners for the rest of his life. He’s done. There’s no Perry Mason that can get him exonerated. There’s no ‘real killers’ to catch in a dramatic reversal. He has his bits in the wringer. Why isn’t that enough?

There is no way to inflict the same amount of suffering on him that he helped to cause. He can’t be killed three times and injured a further 100+ times. And everyone who is older than ten should know that. And even if we could inflict the exact suffering on him what would be the point? Revenge isn’t justice, it is savagery. I’d rather not be part of a society that engages in revenge as official policy.

I don’t want anyone to make a big deal about this guy. I would love for the judicial system to swallow him up quickly and silently and as anonymously as possible. I want this guy to see that all he did by killing and maiming those people, was fuck his life up good and proper, and have a chance to reflect on that from inside a little concrete room for a real long time.

After a certain point, we simply have to protect society from those who have shown they cannot play nice with others. The idea of restitution is laughable in the face of such crimes, but then so is revenge. Why do they clamor for what they can’t have? All the military trials and torture in the world won’t bring back anyone who died, it won’t regrow missing limbs. The only function it could have is to momentarily satisfy the bloodlust of the bloodthirsty. I don’t think we should be pandering to those urges, I think we should be taking a long look at the people who are advocating that shit and decide if they need access to the audience of major media outlets.

 
 

They really, really can’t accept that terrorists can be fought with regular boring-ass police work. We now have two boring old arrests (legally speaking) of scary, important terrorists, OBL’s spokesman and Tsarnaev, but the Right just can’t seem to accept that the legal system could work.
Shit any prosecutor would be salivating at this one. An easy up-and-shut case. And security? Please, there isn’t a single scrap of a whisper of evidence that the Tsarnaevs have any co-conspirators this side of Ossetia. Stupid, piss-stained writer.

 
 

One of the very few things I agreed with Margaret Thatcher on –

Treating terrorists as common criminals instead of elevating them to “warrior” status.

 
 

Just seven months before becoming naturalized Jahar @J_tsar posted on March 14, 2012, “a decade in America and I want out.” There aren’t any posts indicating a change of heart.

Waiting for the collection of Obama-era right-wing tweets about how awful America is and how determined they are to flee the impending Socialist dictatorship… waiting… waiting…

oh, that’s right. Wingnuts always get a mulligan, like W did after 9/11. He “kept us safe”, you know.

 
 

“But also, sad to say, for the quality of right-wing noise we’re sure to be drowning in for the next couple of months/years.”

You think it’s going to get better? Hard for me to imagine it hasn’t got only one way to go, and that’s up.

 
 

There is no way to inflict the same amount of suffering on him that he helped to cause.”

Oh, yes there is! Kill him with anhydrous ammonia, just like he (or she? Or they? haven’t seen anything on the ownership) killed those 12 people in Texas.
Death by anhydrous ammonia, I mean really, can the Muslims go any lower?

 
 

KILL US ALL, LET GOD SORT US OUT.”

An idea so simple and attractive, expressed in such an evocative manner. How come I never thought of that?

 
 

“Who taught these young men to hate America?”

Every girl who wouldn’t go out with them, and laughed at their appearance? That’s all it took for me.

 
 

Waiting for the collection of Obama-era right-wing tweets about how awful America is and how determined they are to flee the impending Socialist dictatorship… waiting… waiting…

It’s OK to hate Americans if you’re a religious conservative… wait, I’ll come in again.

 
 

This person is supposed to be a lawyer, and she thinks Tsarnev is going to get “a civil trial”?

Go back to law school and learn the difference between civil and criminal proceedings.

 
 

Holy catfish, that photoshop is teh awesome!

 
 

Heh, it takes very little research effort to discover that American criminal courts have been far more successful at convicting terrorists than the military tribunals. The big difference for the wingnuts is that if a defendant is found to be not guilty by the tribunals we still to keep him locked up and torture him.

As to the “KILL US ALL, LET GOD SORT US OUT.” post, I see there was plenty of discussion there about how it would likely end up with a large number of innocent people killed. I would like to add that it would also be very stupid in that if there was half of Boston milling around and through the search area it could actually have made it easier for the terrorist to slip through the dragnet.

 
 

“KILL US ALL, LET GOD SORT US OUT.”

words escape me…i am agog and aghast AND my gast has been flabbered…as one commenter over there said, ‘i am blank with rage’…i might also add W.T.F?

 
 

Ya know, the only people claiming that Tsarnaev is innocent are the whacko right-wingers who claim that the Boston attack was a “false flag” operation.

It’ll be interesting to see if this case splits the right-wing further, the Alex Jones whackaloons against the anti-Muslim neocons.

 
 

This person is supposed to be a lawyer, and she thinks Tsarnev is going to get “a civil trial”?

Go back to law school and learn the difference between civil and criminal proceedings.

Maybe she means civil like with tea and toast, please and thank you, etc.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Anyone claiming False Flag! after every ghastly tragedy needs to stop and think. Mostly about all of the times they have been wrong in the past and how it blew up in their face and why should this time be any different, but also about the whole idea of false flag operations.

People advocating gun control don’t need false flag operations to make the point that there are far too many guns out there in easy reach of suicidal people or murderous people. Even if every spree killing episode of the last 20 years had never happened, we still lost far more Americans to random gun violence and suicide than we ever lost to terrorism.

False flag operations are effective when they give a powerful entrenched interest an excuse to do something they already wanted to do. Sadly, in the US, powerful entrenched interests (most of congress and the companies that support them) make shitloads of money off of the status quo. Powerful entrenched interests fight measures that would make terrorism harder because they would then have a harder time selling as many guns and bullets, or selling giant ruinously expensive wars in the middle east.

Right now any hypothetical false flag operation might look like, the bombers would appear to be Iranian or North Korean. The US is never going to war in Chechnya. Never. Never ever. Its a part of Russia, they would take it as well as we would welcome a Russian war in Utah. And the Russian don’t need an excuse to be mean to Chechnyans, its practically the national sport.

Which is not to say false flag operations never happen, but this one doesn’t pass the smell test at all. Furthermore the continuing accusations are wildly disrespectful to both the people of Boston who have suffered a horrible tragedy and the fine work their Police department has done in stopping the bombers.

 
 

Anyone claiming False Flag! after every ghastly tragedy needs to stop and think. Mostly about all of the times they have been wrong in the past and how it blew up in their face and why should this time be any different, but also about the whole idea of false flag operations.

Also, in this particular case, it means that the conspiracy theorist trust Vladimir Putin more than they trust their own democratically elected representative government.

 
 

The idea that the Boston bombing was a false flag operation I find interesting. The ONLY justification for it I can think of is these people’s need to blame Obama for everything. So now they are telling us that the secret muslim jihadist Obama blew up Boston and then framed two muslim jihadists. Ok, sure, that makes perfect sense.

 
 

So now, with those things fresh in mind, go ahead and ponder the question again: Who taught these young men to hate America?

LIEberals, obviously. And Mooslins. But not America’s actions. There are never any negative consequences of any of Murka’s actions, and anyone who says otherwise is a poopyhead.

 
 

The idea that the Boston bombing was a false flag operation I find interesting. The ONLY justification for it I can think of is these people’s need to blame Obama for everything. So now they are telling us that the secret muslim jihadist Obama blew up Boston and then framed two muslim jihadists. Ok, sure, that makes perfect sense.

The “false flag” thing is bizarre. Checkout the comments on this buzzfeed article — the crazy is strong in these folks.

Also, too: the photoshop for this post is fucking perfect!

 
 

it takes very little research effort to discover that American criminal courts have been far more successful at convicting terrorists than the military tribunals.

Of course, that was never the point, to get convictions.

They can’t have concentration camps yet, so military tribunals and Gitmo are their next best thing.

 
 

here’s a text i just got from the son:

“shit happens. while those three people died, about tenfold have died in africa or in the middle east probably just as gruesome. but americans have a fucked up perspective on sanctity of life.”

how could a mother NOT love a child like that?

 
 

Two wrongs DO make a right?

Who knew?

 
 

The “false flag” thing is bizarre. Checkout the comments on this buzzfeed article — the crazy is strong in these folks.

i just absolutely can’t look…i don’t think i could take one more ounce of fucking crazy today…did i mention my resolve to not eat chocolate this week went by the wayside monday afternoon?

 
 

Find an excuse to throw him in Arkham

Get the Batman to arrest him.

Or Randolph Carter.

 
 

Two wrongs DO make a right?

Who knew?

didn’t someone or something once say, ‘vengeance is mine’ or some such? maybe they are onto something with the kill us all and let god sort it out…he sounds like a pretty cool dude…a little harsh sometimes, but hey…what parent doesn’t have to be from time to time…tough love, baby!

 
 

“He deserves death.”
“Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends. I have not much hope that Gollum can be cured before he dies, but there is a chance of it. And he is bound up with the fate of the Ring. My heart tells me that he has some part to play yet, or good or Ill, before the end; and when that comes, the pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many – yours not least.”

 
 

Well at least Alex Jones has put to bed the silly “we didn’t land on the moon theory”. Unfortunately he has presented the “thousands of astronauts died getting us to the moon theory”.

 
 

or the “Bored of the Rings”, where pity also stayed his hand.

“‘It’s a pity I’ve run out of bullets’, he thought.”

 
 

So now they are telling us that the secret muslim jihadist Obama blew up Boston and then framed two muslim jihadists. Ok, sure, that makes perfect sense.

Seriously, WHY would they do that? Pressure cooker limits? I mean, he already couldn’t buy the fireworks in Mass. If it were false flag, wouldn’t it have turned out to be some right-wing gun fancier? Or were the false flag claims preemptive defense against that possibility and they can’t back off them now? That’s right, motherfuckers, I’m calling false false flag flag.

 
 

When you’re a conspiracy nut, the only thing that holes in the story create is new proofs of the conspiracy.

So, you see, the government did the Boston bombing because it’s so simultaneously outrageous and minuscule that nobody would expect them to do it, Q.E.D.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Unfortunately he has presented the “thousands of astronauts died getting us to the moon theory”.

Wonderful hypothesis. I wounder what clued him in? Because there were thousands of pilots with engineering and or hard science degrees that went missing during that period and no one made the connection? Because there were hundreds of launches from the middle of Florida’s tourist covered beaches and now someone figured out something strange was going on? Because the massive Radar arrays of both sides of the cold war kept tracking launches and their notoriously paranoid Cold war militaries just laughed them off? Because every ten year old kid with a telescope could watch the celestial demolition derby that was clearly going on right overhead? Because falling space junk has been raining down worldwide and leaving snowdrifts of titanium and aluminum on every city street? Because the massive rocket fuel plants have been blotting out the sun with their storage tanks of rocket fuel? Because aerospace factories have been working triple shifts since the sixties?

 
 

Because there were hundreds of launches from the middle of Florida’s tourist covered beaches and now someone figured out something strange was going on?

I’m sure you could launch a Saturn-V and not have anyone know.

Suuuuure.

(I’m sure Jones is all “UFO magnetic space drive blah blah” or some bullshit like that. The kind of “massive underground alien tech city in Arizona” bullshit that Jaques Vallee disproved by merely asking what they did with all the trash.)

 
 

The kind of “massive underground alien tech city in Arizona” bullshit that Jaques Vallee disproved by merely asking what they did with all the trash.

They shoot it into space via UFO magnetic space drive. SHEESH.

 
 

Homer Simpson voice: “Oh, magnetic space drive! Is there anything you can’t do?”

 
 

BTW, that’s UFO magnetic space drive. Not your crappy underground lizard men space drive, the one that sparks and smokes and leaves stains on the furniture.

UFO magnetic space drive! Ask for it by name!

 
 

Ooh, Elvis impersonator’s rival has gone missing! This is going to make a hell of a movie.

 
 

In the Apollo missions era I was just a lad and I was living in the Bahamas. Since there was not the vast array of satellites to track launches back then, ground tracking stations were key. Being off the east coast of Florida the Bahamas naturally was a prime location for several of these. My best friend’s father was in charge of the stations located on Grand Bahama Island. So I was lucky enough to haves seen a number of cool things connected to the budding space program. I did see a couple of rockets go boom as they flew over but I was assured that these were unmanned flights. But even if they were lying to me about that, there would have have to have been hundreds of astronauts on each failed rocket to add up to thousands of astronauts dying. Also, the locals were pretty good at finding and salvaging bits of rockets that splashed down around the islands. (many of these parts made excellent lobster traps) So I’m sure I would have heard if there had been any dead astronauts floating around out there.

 
 

Boy, for FREEDOM LOVERS wingnuts sure do have a lot of conditional alterations to the Constitution. “Fraudulent” citizenship because something happened after taking the oath made someone change his mind/get disillusioned/go crazy/or commit a criminal act?

In their minds, then can birth citizenship be fraudulent? Oh of course, that’s what they accuse the President of, or maybe his dead mom.

And oh, yes, the LOVE America, except they hate our justice system.

Tsarnaev lies….with bullet holes from a gunfight with police… Eyewitnesses and videotapes link his cowardly terrorist acts from the bullets on Friday

Except apparently he didn’t have a gun, so there actually was no gunfight. And since when do wingnut supporters of the Second Amendment consider shooting bulllets a cowardly act?

 
 

Also, the locals were pretty good at finding and salvaging bits of rockets that splashed down around the islands. (many of these parts made excellent lobster traps) So I’m sure I would have heard if there had been any dead astronauts floating around out there.

OMFG THE LOCALS ARE IN ON IT TOO

 
 

More likely, the bombing was planned prior to Tsarnaev becoming a “citizen.”

Yeah, when he was eight.

 
 

Ooh, Elvis impersonator’s rival has gone missing! This is going to make a hell of a movie.

holy crap! i gotta get my option out there before lifetime does!

also, too…i was listening to the local raydio while tanning and ricky scaggs’ ‘cajun moon’ came on, and i swear there is this lyric: ‘then i heard obama call my name’…wtf?! he’s even infiltrated bluegrass!

 
 

So I’m sure I would have heard if there had been any dead astronauts floating around out there.

uhhhhhhh…the lobsters would have ate them, hello!!!

 
 

uhhhhhhh…the lobsters would have ate them, hello!!!

The lobsters did seem to be a lot bigger back in those days. And I’d always attribbuted that to the fact that I was a lot smaller.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

The lobsters did seem to be a lot bigger back in those days. And I’d always attribbuted that to the fact that I was a lot smaller.

Missing astronaut in a rocket fuel gravy (or missing astronaut a la magnetic UFO drive malfunction) is like miracle gro for lobsters.

 
 

OH NO, THE LOBSTERS ARE IN ON THE CONSPIRACY TOO

 
 

Duh. The thousands of astronauts didn’t die in failed launches. The thousands of astronauts died when the Greys shot down their capsules. We didn’t get to the moon until we sent so many astronauts at once the aliens couldn’t shoot all of ’em down.

Kinda like space invaders, in reverse.

 
 

BTW, that’s UFO magnetic space drive.

Is that the single-phase drive or the three-phase?

 
 

“are we still playing this game?”

Perhaps, in some sense, we are always playing it. Every night and every day, now.

 
 

Wait a minute, I know there are a lot of unfortunate people detained at Guantanamo, but has anybody been tried there? That would actually be an improvement, if they actually disposed of some of the cases.

 
 

I heard that in times of terrorist attack, all loyal Americans will rally around the President.

 
 

The thousands of astronauts died when the Greys shot down their capsules.

And after all that they want Grey marriage too. Give me a break.

 
 

BTW, that’s UFO magnetic space drive.

Is that the single-phase drive or the three-phase?

The three-phase with the compass on the stock and the thing that tells time.

And the doohickey you can open beer bottles with.

 
 

And after all that they want Grey marriage too. Give me a break.

Greys are the new Black.

 
 

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2013/04/frank-luntz-rush-limbaugh-problematic-secret-tape

Ha ha! Frank Luntz is gonna hafta kiss the fatass’ fat ass now (literally)

 
 

The thousands of astronauts died when the Greys shot down their capsules.

Not true. I’ve seen documentaries that prove we were ready for them.

UFO

 
 

Not true. I’ve seen documentaries that prove we were ready for them.

Sure, once we figured out their weird musical language.

 
 

UFO

And damn Netflix for not streaming that. Bastids.

 
 

Did someone mention the UFOs’ weird musical language?

 
 

Speaking of stonings

Who says it’s a Camberwell Carrot?
I do. I invented it in Camberwell, and it looks like a carrot.

 
 

This question came up after almost 40 minutes of Luntz’s inane and obviously pandering presentation. He had already offended multiple audience members with his cavalier flippancy. At one point, he cut off a student who was saying that his family is one of immigrants and loudly asked, “From Chechnya?” Raucous laughter followed from the College Republicans in attendance, but uneasy looks were exchanged by most others.

Stay classy, GOP.

The ones with the uneasy looks give me hope, though. Maybe, just mayyyyyybeeeee, they’re finally getting it.

 
 

But this year, campus police were in for a surprise. The joint, which was wider than your average baseball bat, more than exceeded the state’s one ounce limit for those who carry medical marijuana.

It’d be amusing if it did indeed only have one ounce of Mary Jane and the rest filler.

I’m getting “Up In Smoke” flashbacks as well.

 
 

“Sure, once we figured out their weird musical language.”

Oh that, It’s really cool, and it’s called ‘squabble’. I’m trying top learn it, without much success, I must confess.

 
 

I heard that in times of terrorist attack, all loyal Americans will rally around the President.

Once.

 
 

I heard that in times of terrorist attack, all loyal Americans will rally around the President.

Once.

But not once per president…

 
 

“I heard that in times of terrorist attack, all loyal Americans will rally around the President.”

“Once.”

And only if he did nothing to stop it, in the face of a warning much clearer than FDR ever received before Pearl Harbor. But, if the President actually takes active steps to track, arrest, or kill terrorists, then he might as well just be one of them, obviously.

Wingnuts hate us for our freedom to think without bugfuckery, so they get sweet, sweet revenge on us fancy reality-bassists by killing logic.

 
 

reality-bassists

Nuh-uh, not gonna take the bait.

 
 

I heard that in times of terrorist attack, all loyal Americans will rally around the President.

Only if the President is a Republican.

If teh POTUS is a Democrat, then half of the country will invent any number of ways to blame him… or her, soonly.

 
 

reality-bassists

In my experience, that’s an oxymoron.

 
 

BTW, why does Jan have Ann Coulter’s head on a stick in that picture up there?

 
bughunter, with what he'd post on a blog if he buckled down and started one,
 

Yo! Fun story from NPR yesterday:

Progressives and literary figures have tried to invent gender neutral pronouns but they haven’t really caught on. (I remember Timmy Leary and R. A. Wilson pushing “hir” in the Eighties.) But the kids of Baltimore seem to have incubated a grassroots version that is putting down roots.

Not a new story, more of a progress report.

 
 

I kind of liked the Spivak prounouns, or maybe it was just that I found them an especially odd touch in the TeX manual.

 
 

PU is ’bout to get a stern talking to from pennis.

 
 

So that fosters the question: Who the hell is Randy Jackson always on about??

 
 

“So that fosters the question: Who the hell is Randy Jackson always on about??”

His older brother Micheal, of course. But he still managed to show up for the Motown 25 year celebration, and join the the Jackson’s performance. I still can’t watch it without getting famischt
It’s on You-Tube.

 
 

So we enter the post-Possum era. Now that was a Country singer.

 
 

My wife’s language only uses a neutral third-person pronoun, and there are three terms for siblings:

Manong: Older Brother

Manang: Older Sister

Ading: Younger Sibling, sex unspecified.

 
 

“It’d be amusing if it did indeed only have one ounce of Mary Jane and the rest filler.”

If a dealer gets busted with a bag containing 50% pot and 50% filler, do they get charged as if the whole 100% was unadulterated pot? The dealer would be intending to sell it as if it were 100% pot, so I could see the cops just going by total weight.

 
 

I seem to recall that you can be charged for selling pot (for ex.) even if your product is 100% filler. I’ll be damned if I’ll do any research, though.

 
 

So we enter the post-Possum era. Now that was a Country singer.

RIP. Yeah he made real county music (and some damn good rockabilly too)

 
 

Oh that, It’s really cool, and it’s called ‘squabble’. I’m trying top learn it, without much success, I must confess

I’m really good at it, I played xrqwalletrum on a double word score for 715 points.

 
 

I’m really good at it, I played xrqwalletrum on a double word score for 715 points.

Any words found in the Monty Python English-Hungarian Dictionary are legal.

 
 

But the kids of Baltimore seem to have incubated a grassroots version that is putting down roots.

I feel confident in reporting it is being used in the DC Metro area.

That’s really damn nifty. Maybe they can do something about the lack of a gender-neutral term for the children of one’s siblings.

 
 

“The lobsters did seem to be a lot bigger back in those days.”
They most certainly were, and the flesh was sweeter. Lobsters doo better when not raised in effluence from our affluence.

 
 

If a dealer gets busted with a bag containing 50% pot and 50% filler, do they get charged as if the whole 100% was unadulterated pot?

Ha-ha-ha, I live in Washington State. In Washington State you sell %50 adulterated pot and they’ll fine you for sub-standard product!
They were gonna tax it and regulate it. The improvement in life, and the money saved by simply no longer illegalising it made them forget all about that. The rewards of simply legalising it proved to be sufficient in themselves, and apparently, no new social problem was created by legalising it. Except a temporary shortage of chocolate-chip cookies and ice-cream.

 
 

I try to not eat lobsters doo if I can help it.

 
 

Brent Bozell on what is cool:

But one thing everybody knows, whatever their political or religious persuasion: they want to blend in. They don’t want the “audience” – their family, their friends, their co-workers, even strangers – to look at each other and whisper, “Did he really say that? What a fool! Wayyy over the top.” No matter how old we get, no matter how secure or successful we become, for many of us, nothing ever takes the place of being “cool.”

Is same-sex marriage “cool?” That’s what the “cool kids” tell us. It’s up there now with smoking, nose-rings, vampire romances, and holes in your blue jeans. Unfortunately, it also wreaks havoc on the home, shatters the social structure, confuses children, and corrupts the culture. History shows that no society has ever indulged it and long survived. Which is probably why it is so clearly and strongly discouraged by the God Who created men and women, marriage and sex for His own purposes. And why those purposes have never altered to accommodate current fashions.

But then God, of course, is not cool, and never has been. And moral conventions have always been so … conventional. Neither plays well against the standards constantly being revised by Hollywood and political opportunists. Neither is easily explained to, or widely respected by, our brothers and sisters, our sons and daughters, our grandchildren, so many of whom are now embracing the hot, cool cause of redefining marriage.

 
 

But then God, of course, is not cool, and never has been.

Isn’t there a whole “sales campaign” (in fact several over the last few decades as I recall) based around how cool it is to believe in Jeebus?

And exactly how many historical cultures have allowed gay marriage? What kind of data is he drawing from?

Bent Bozo is just making this shit up as he goes, in’t he?

 
 

And why those purposes have never altered to accommodate current fashions.

Didn’t they alter once after he drowned everybody in the world?

 
 

Marriage for his porpoises but what about others’ cetaceans?

 
 

And why those purposes have never altered to accommodate current fashions.

God doesn’t care about these trends in cool, he is still pro-slavery. Also too polygamy, but just quit it with the shrimp eating.

 
 

Didn’t they alter once after he drowned everybody in the world?

Nobody had TEH BUTTSECHS again – until of course the 1960s.

And Sparta.

But they get a pass, because they hated Persians. Which are practically Arabs.

In the same way pen-gui-ins are practically chickens.

 
 

Anyway, what kind of argument is “we should be against gay marriage because it’s cool and God isn’t”?

 
 

God doesn’t care about these trends in cool, he is still pro-slavery. Also too polygamy, but just quit it with the shrimp eating.

How about wearing more than one type of fabric at a time?

 
 

The truly Godly wear only 100% polyester leisure suits.

 
 

And why those purposes have never altered to accommodate current fashions.

So we can still have concubines?

 
 

It’s up there now with smoking, nose-rings, vampire romances, and holes in your blue jeans.

Smoking? Srsly?

 
 

Right now any hypothetical false flag operation might look like, the bombers would appear to be Iranian or North Korean. The US is never going to war in Chechnya. Never. Never ever. Its a part of Russia, they would take it as well as we would welcome a Russian war in Utah. And the Russian don’t need an excuse to be mean to Chechnyans, its practically the national sport.

Just to go off of this for a bit: I think you’re lacking in imagination.

We invaded Iraq in 2003 and it was in very large part justified by 9/11. An attack by a religious fundamentalist organization based in Afghanistan was used to justify a “counterattack” on a secular dictatorship based in Iraq, which those same fundies had vowed to overthrow. If the powers-that-be were behind it, there’d be no trouble at all using a Chechen bomber to justify an invasion of Iran. Drumbeat Fox News 24/7 message, divert story to how liberals and the French are cowards and terrorist sympathizers for running out and defending Iran, dog-and-pony-show used cooked intelligence (or even evidence that doesn’t show what they say it does) to say that the bomber was trained by Iran… and let the widespread ignorance and “they all look alike” racism do the rest.

Mind you, I don’t think this is a false flag operation for all kinds of reasons and I share your general skepticism of people who claim that any terrorist attack is really a false flag operation… I just think it’s a huge stretch to say that a Chechen bomber couldn’t be twisted into a reason to attack a totally irrelevant country. At least half the country really does live in a complete bubble and would have no trouble going along with it.

 
 

Is same-sex marriage “cool?” That’s what the “cool kids” tell us. It’s up there now with smoking, nose-rings, vampire romances, and holes in your blue jeans.

Cool has nothing to do with it. I support same-sex marriage in spite of the sad fact that the two same-sex couples in my extended family are both uncool and dysfunctional. (The one couple broke up acrimoniously after many years; the other is deeply, profoundly unglamorous and uncool, but remarkably stable in the manner of certain miserable couples.) Whatever havoc those couples have wreaked has more to do with human nature and the prejudice they suffer than their orientations.

Bozell is uncool, and not in a good way, but more importantly he’s clueless and voluble. How clueless do you have to be to see our societal trend toward gay rights as just another ephemeral, meaningless quirk of fashion?… “Gee should I get my nosed pierced, wear distressed jeans to the latest Twilight movie, or spend decades fighting for my friends’ and families’ rights to have marriages as bad or good as mine?”

There’s no point dissecting Bozell at length, but the idea that there are no durable, world-historical grade principles or values behind marriage equality is risible. OK Brent, this is like pogs, or bell bottoms. Go on thinking that.

 
 

God I hate grant-writing. Of course I should be able to cobble together another proposal from all this shit that’s lying around on my desk, but it’s so damned tedious. I write well when I’m fired up, but the subject matter and stylistic constraints tend to snuff the spark that makes for the flair that led to my being given these tasks in the first place.

 
 

Is same-sex marriage “cool?” That’s what the “cool kids” tell us. It’s up there now with smoking, nose-rings, vampire romances, and holes in your blue jeans.

It’s a popular argument among conservatives that anyone who doesn’t agree with their morals is just doing it because “it’s a fad,” “they’re being rebellious,” “they’re just looking for attention,” etc. They used to say the same thing about interracial marriage, that any good white kid who went out and dated a black or Asian or Hispanic or whatever was just having a teenage rebellion against his race (heck, they probably still say that, just not as loud…)

It’s just another way of not having to face the possibility that maybe, just maybe, the younger generation looked at their reasons for continuing institutionalized homophobia and came to the conclusion that it wasn’t enough.

 
 

Jesus is just alright with me.

 
 

The truly Godly wear only 100% polyester leisure suits.
Verily. And they hardly ever blink.

Both are unsettling.

 
 

Ooh, ooh, Crazy love . .
http://planet.infowars.com/groups/dating-freedom-lovers/

optional soundtrack

 
 

Jesus is just alright with me.

Me too. It’s his fan club that creeps me out.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Is same-sex marriage “cool?” That’s what the “cool kids” tell us. It’s up there now with smoking, nose-rings, vampire romances, and holes in your blue jeans.

Unfortunately, it also wreaks havoc on the home, shatters the social structure, confuses children, and corrupts the culture.

Gay marriage on its best day couldn’t do any of that. supply side economics on the other hand has been hard at work causing most of those problems since Reagan.

History shows that no society has ever indulged it and long survived.

Whose history is that? Which society is that? If you are pointing at the Ancient Greeks, well their notion of marriage isn’t what anyone would describe as a modern marriage of equals for either same sex or opposite sex marriage, furthermore, they were doing just fine until the Roman Empire, christianity and finally the Ottoman empire put an end to way of life. Roman society too was tolerant of same sex marriage, again until the church stomped it out.

Which is probably why it is so clearly and strongly discouraged by the God Who created men and women, marriage and sex for His own purposes. And why those purposes have never altered to accommodate current fashions.

Of course we should believe the dessicated scolds who live in palaces and preach the gospel of austerity. Mr Bozell or I suppose more formally Mr L Brent Bozell III, why the should we listen to you? What magificent expertise or authority makes you and your argument a winner? What special pleading should privelige your argument? Same sex marriage is here to stay. It is here not because of fashion or fad or what ever other dismissive words you might care to use to describe our changing society.

Same sex marriage is here for one word: justice. It is fundamentally unjust to deny the manifold benefits of marriage to a loving committed pair of consenting adults in a mutual relationship. It is not just to deny a dying person the presence of their partner on their deathbed, it is unjust to deny anyone the right to bequeath their retirement income to their partner. What pallid whining puling excuse can there be to stand on the side of cruelty and oppression and against the bonds of love and family?

Your “God” is against it? So what? your God is against a lot of things, most of which are perfectly legal. Where is your passionate denunciation of usury? of the consumption of shellfish or the wearing of cotton poly blends? You claim your god created men and women marriage and sex for his own purposes? Prove it. You’ll have to do a little better than quoting a fancifully written badly edited and unreliably translated collection of bronze age fables though.

 
 

I mean, really – I think it was called “The Way” Bible? Psychedelic colors? Lil’ cartoon illustrations? I’m sure Bent is old enough to remember it.

“One thing I’ll say for him: Jesus is cool.” — so saith one of the Pharisees in ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’.

And Crazy Alex has a dating service? The mind croggles!

SWM seeks BBF, object 9/11 Truth. No Greys or lizard men need apply.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

The fact is real freedom lovers only comingle with Americans of the white heterosexual race that perserves our heritage.

Which heritage is that? The one stolen from Native Americans? The one built by slaves from Africa? The one fed by Hispanics and Latin American farm workers?

 
 

“heterosexual race”

Hehe, good luck finding one of those.

 
 

the God Who created men and women, marriage and sex for His own purposes

God created sex for his own purposes? Voyeurism or rapyness? Scariest theology evah.

 
 

Apparently he did indeed stop loving her today.

Shame. I have a lot of respect for classic country, at least when it isn’t being wingnutty.

 
 

“heterosexual race”
You come first, you win.

 
 

“Spreading infoseeds in various social media” & she “has been awake for more than a year now”

I think she is perfect for Substance, IMHO.

http://s1076.photobucket.com/user/Planetlnfowars/media/Dating%20Freedom%20Lovers/daphnefeature1_zps770581b4.jpg.html?sort=3&o=19

 
 

“Ladies! Date someone awesome!”

Nothing wrong with wanting a woman who “doesn’t have her head up her ass”

 
 

“spreading infoseeds”.

Oh, baby, you make it sound SO dirty!

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Nothing wrong with wanting a woman who “doesn’t have her head up her ass”

does the set of “women who don’t have their head up their ass” intersect with the set of ‘women looking for love on infowars’?

 
 

Janet Reno and Janet Napolitano might be men (and might be connected to Area 51)

April 24, 2013 in Politics

by fanof2012

“Alex was speculating on his show that Janet Reno and Janet Napolitano are possibly aliens. Well, I think there is a simple explanation to why they seem like abnormally looking women. Janet Reno and Janet Napolitano are probably men who had sex changes. Fritz Springmeier said in his book “Bloodlines of the Illuminati” that many independent sources said that was true of Reno. Interesting how they are both named Janet. And how interesting that the name of the special airline that takes workers to Area 51 is called JANET.”
http://planet.infowars.com/politics/janet-reno-and-janet-napolitano-might-be-men-and-might-be-connected-to-area-51

 
 

I think she is perfect for Substance, IMHO.

Well duh, she’s DISCO Daphne and I am all about the disco.

 
 

spreading infoseeds

Who can forget the story of Johnny Infoseed?

 
 

the God Who created men and women, marriage and sex for His own purposes

Then Prometheus stole the secret of sex and brought it down from Olympus to share with a grateful humanity; and the gods were wroth.

 
 

“This administration has so many Muslim brotherhood members that have influence that they just are making wrong decisions for America.”

Match the quote with the crazy person. Hint: Member of congress*

*That should narrow it down to only a hundred or two.

 
 

she “has been awake for more than a year now”

Might want to siwtch to decaf, Daffy.

 
 

Janet Reno and Janet Napolitano are probably men who had sex changes. Fritz Springmeier said in his book “Bloodlines of the Illuminati” that many independent sources said that was true of Reno. Interesting how they are both named Janet. And how interesting that the name of the special airline that takes workers to Area 51 is called JANET.

And “Janet” is a main character in a movie about… wait for it… an alien sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania!

IT ALL FITS.

…or give me fits, or something.

 
 

She never claims anyone’s SAYING he’s innocent – she just says she’s hearing it. Who are we to argue with the voices in her head?

 
 

You’re just jealous ’cause the voices in my head are talking to me!

 
 

Ladies! Date someone awesome!

You can practically smell the Drakkar Noir wafting through the screen. I’m surprised he didn’t mention mustache rides in his profile.

 
 

Vampire romances have been around since the 1800s. They’re hardly a new thing. Hell, I read an unambiguously gay vampire romance story from 1884.

 
 

You can practically smell the Drakkar Noir wafting through the screen. I’m surprised he didn’t mention mustache rides in his profile.

I can’t see the picture, but I’m envisioning Napoleon Dynamite’s brother.

 
 

Bitch, I am awesome
Remove your head from your ass
Ignore the kickoff

 
 

But then God, of course, is not cool, and never has been.

Jesus was way cool.

 
 

Needles woke me up
A tool of fascist killers
Be my Valentine!

 
 

Jesus was way cool.

Jesus is just all right with me.

 
 

Johnny Appleseed was said to have worn a tin pot for a hat; Johnny Infoseed favors tinfoil.

 
 

Vampire Jesus gave his blood for you and NOW WANTS IT BACK

 
 

I ask you, are you going to miss the chance to contribute?

Help Chris re-unite with Autumn. the third post or so down, the June 23rd 2012 post, explains this harrowing story.
And besides, what could possibly go wrong?

 
 

Johnny Appleseed was known to walk around. Johnny Infoseed, not so much. More of a Keyboard Kommando.

 
 

You’re just jealous ’cause the voices in my head are talking to me!”

Mine mostly sing. It’s the music of the fears, or something.

 
 

But then God, of course, is not cool, and never has been.

He told people to eat his body and drink his blood. That’s so cool.

 
 

Needles woke me up
A tool of fascist killers
Be my Valentine!

Wow, she puts the “flu” in floozy!

 
 

Feel free to “ahem” me, Mr. Bx4.

 
 

Anybody want some head?

It’s a remake of Zardoz gone horribly awry.

 
 

does the set of “women who don’t have their head up their ass” intersect with the set of ‘women looking for love on infowars’?

“Head up so far it’s past the duodenum” maybe?

Needles woke me up

Chemtrails!

 
 

It’s a remake of Zardoz gone horribly awry.

PENIS is always good around here.

 
 

“Head up so far it’s past the duodenum” maybe?

So far up it wraps around on itself like some batshit insane Klein bottle.

 
 

But then God, of course, is not cool, and never has been.
He told people to eat his body and drink his blood. That’s so cool.

Good point there. Brent can’t make up his mind whether vampire romance is cool or not.

 
 

Fritz Springmeier said in his book “Bloodlines of the Illuminati” that many independent sources said that was true of Reno

Fritz Springmeier, dangerous whacko, or victim of an Illuminati frame-up?

Feel free to “ahem” me, Mr. Bx4.

Not at all, old chum! It’s good to find out other people are “King Missile” fans.

 
 

Needles woke me up

Chemtrails!

That’s what put her to sleep for so long.

 
 

Needles woke me up

Weasels ripped my flesh.

 
 

I prefer my info sin semilla.

 
 

Speaking of the Illuminati:

Taibbi calls ’em amateurs

And it’s funny, I was listening to Thom Hartmann rant about corporate campaign finance secrecy today, and getting the mental image of an instance of an “Illuminati!” card game… with just one illuminati card in the middle.

Man, I used to have many, many fun hours playing that game at conventions. Along with Car Wars, its one event I’d never fail to miss.

 
 

Chemtrails!

Yeah, like we’re going to give up valuable cargo space so we can spray chemicals.

We could put a lot of chickens where those chemical tanks would have to go.

 
 

Man, I used to have many, many fun hours playing that game at conventions. Along with Car Wars, its one event I’d never fail to miss.

If I had any authority to do so, I’d bestow a good deal of gamer cred.

 
 

Man, I used to have many, many fun hours playing that game at conventions. Along with Car Wars, its one event I’d never fail to miss.

Never played it, though I dug the Illuminatus! trilogy. It’s funny, I’ve never re-read the omnibus edition through, but I love to dip into it again and again. Like “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”, the sum of the parts is greater than the total.

If I had any authority to do so, I’d bestow a good deal of gamer cred.

Were you a “TFT” fan? That’s my go-to Steve Jackson work.

 
 

BBBB, I never played Steve Jackson games, inc. The Fantasy Trip, but I heard of all of em. I am inactive and set in my ways but would look into TFT.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

CRA said,
April 27, 2013 at 4:04

Needles woke me up
Weasels ripped my flesh.

FUCHING FERRETS!!!!

 
 

FUCHING FERRETS!!!!

Figging ferrets are worse.
.

 
 

Ferrets may be dumb, but you won’t catch them shoving ginger root in their (or a buddy’s) urethra.

 
 

TFT was one of my Very Favorite Things back in the Eighties. These days I’m more devoted to Tunnels &Trolls. Not that I don’t still have my copy of Mêlée I bought in 1978.

 
 

Ferrets may be dumb, but you won’t catch them shoving ginger root in their (or a buddy’s) urethra.

Is there a link for that, or is there something you’d like to discuss?

TFT was one of my Very Favorite Things back in the Eighties.

Along with Wang Chung? We played the shit out of TFT one year in high school- it had the potential for a real gonzo play style, before gonzo was cool.

 
 

So we enter the post-Possum era. Now that was a Country singer.

yes, now i haz sad…i was lucky enough to see him in concert twice…

 
 

big surprise today at lunch: fox news watcher adamantly pro-gun, 2nd amendment, recited talking points exactly…rest of us huddled at the end of the table repeating, ‘yeah, we’re just going to keep out of this one…’ i’ve noticed that if there is more than one foxite, it’s like a portable network…or like a flock of seagulls…

 
 

like a flock of seagulls
Everything ends up covered in guano?

 
 

Everything ends up covered in guano?

Or as I call it, concentrated Dennis.

 
 

Is there a link for that, or is there something you’d like to discuss?

Twas Jeffraham’s “figging” link, and let’s not discuss it.

 
 

Probably not the best time to share my recipe for bacon-wrapped figs….

 
 

Someone finally called out Rick Perry for prancing around the country trying to lure businesses to the spaces in Texas in between the smoking craters, and now he’s totally butthurt.

 
 

(Note: If you click on my first link above, go to cartoon #2.)

 
 

like a flock of seagulls
Everything ends up covered in guano?

Or she ran, she ran so far away?

 
 

Perry said he wants an apology from the Sacramento Bee on behalf of the town

Guy’s cartoon politicizes deaths, Perry’s policies cause deaths. Only a Republican would think the politicization was the worse offense.

 
 

What still amuses me is the idea of Mr. Secessionist Perry running to the Feds for disaster relief funds.

“DEAR MR. GUMMINT: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. PLEASE SEND MONEY KTHX.”

I know his being a douche is no reason to punish the people of West, but I for one would like to see him grovel a bit.

 
 

Texas Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst, also a Republican, called for Ohman to be fired.

“I think it’s reprehensible for a member of the media to sit in safety and mock such a profound tragedy regardless of any `point’ he is trying to make,” Dewhurst said.

Words fail me.

Repugs sure do love them some Bill Of Rights… at least 20% of it, anyway.

 
 

“I think it’s reprehensible for a member of the media to sit in safety and mock such a profound tragedy regardless of any `point’ he is trying to make,” Dewhurst said.

When reminded of Republican lawmakers tweeting about the “cowardice” of Bostonians or joking about background checks for pressure cookers, Dewhurst responded, “that’s DIFFERENT.” He then stomped off, wiping away hot tears.

 
 

“DEAR MR. GUMMINT: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. PLEASE SEND MONEY KTHX.”

Well, to be fair, Texas does not have any way to raise that kind of money.

No rich people there.

 
 

Nobody clicked my link. Which, I am forced to admit, shows a lot more intelligence than I did when I went there, and even corresponded with the poster.
I commend you all. Shows class, too.

 
 

BULLS BEAT NETS IN TRIPLE OT!!! COME BACK FROM 16-POINT 4Q GAP!!!

 
 

Well, to be fair, Texas does not have any way to raise that kind of money.

No rich people there.

I wonder if Don Adair had dead peasant insurance on his employees.

 
 

But then God, of course, is not cool, and never has been.

During the flood he had high-waters and laughed at killed those who did not.

Also, I seem to have lost my huge floating head. Has anyone seen it?

 
 

Also, I seem to have lost my huge floating head. Has anyone seen it?

It’s going to college upstate.

 
 

Big heads at New York unis? Never!

 
 

Also, I seem to have lost my huge floating head. Has anyone seen it?

Alternate take: Put on your red Speedo and hooker boots and go find it!

 
 

Is it easier to find the great and powerful Oz dressed that way?

 
 

Is it easier to find the great and powerful Oz dressed that way?

I got a date to the prom dressed thataways.
.

 
 

Is it easier to find the great and powerful Oz dressed that way?

You dress that way, and Oz will go looking for you.

 
 

Taibbi calls them amateurs.

Check out the high stakes at play in fraudulently rigging LIBOR:

SWISS FRANC TRADER: can u put 6m swiss libor in low pls?…
PRIMARY SUBMITTER: Whats it worth
SWSISS FRANC TRADER: ive got some sushi rolls from yesterday?…
PRIMARY SUBMITTER: ok low 6m, just for u
SWISS FRANC TRADER: wooooooohooooooo.?.?. thatd be awesome

Heck, I’ve got a half a jar of Nutella here … I CAN HAZ LIBOR HAX 2 PLZ?

 
 

huge floating head

It’s the Toiletship!

 
 

I ask for a little head, and see what I get?

 
 

Needles woke me up

When she’s rushin’ on her run and she feels just like Jesus’ son.

 
 

It’s the Toiletship!
Image Search is generous today.

I ask for a little head, and see what I get?
One day older and deeper in debt?

 
 

That’s odd. I was given a deluxe volume of Monty Python scripts and trivia for Christmas, and I just plowed through the episode featuring a skit called “Mrs. Niggerbaiter Explodes.” It didn’t expect it to happen again– It was tasteless and pointless the first time. Or maybe the point was, this character that we’re now introducing by name is gonna say gormless, stupid shit, then explode.

 
 

Mr. N-word:

See, what you’re supposed to do with the meds they give you is swallow them with water, not stuff them up your nose. They work much better that way.

Also: I don’t remember internet access being allowed on the psych ward.

 
 

That would explain how Dennis comments here as well, Pere.

 
 

We would not mind at all if the Major began spraying chemtrails.

You want ’em North-South or East-West?

 
 

We would not mind at all if the Major began spraying chemtrails.

Chickens, that would only delay the inevitable.
.

 
 

“Also: I don’t remember internet access being allowed on the psych ward.”

You wanna go wrestle that I-phone away from him? Be easier just to delete the comment.

 
 

Mr. DiSalle, or DiSalle juinior, is that you?

 
 

You wanna go wrestle that I-phone away from him?

Fuck no, that’s what the day nurse is for.

 
 

NI99ER said,
April 28, 2013 at 6:10

Eh? What’s that again – I couldn’t hear you.

 
 

Also again: what was the point of that? Were we supposed to be offended?

You want to offend us, start an illegal war or something.

 
 

Or be Michelle Malkin.

She’s pretty much offensive from the get-go.

 
 

Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

April 27, 2013 at 2:24

Anybody want some head?

It’s a remake of Zardoz gone horribly awry.

Whew! I’m not the only one. That’s a relief.

 
 

Chemtrails. Those dummies are looking in the wrong place.

The reason they can’t locate the psychoactive substance in question is because it comes over the tv machine and is called Fox News.

 
 

I keep thinking of the Powell memorandum (pdf of memo from Wash & Lee U) “Attach on American Free Enterprise System”. Powell implies the creation of a Fox News, explicitly wanted right-wing think thanks, and explicitly wanted Chamber of Commerce lobbying. He also that corporations deserve every bit of the Constitution that people do, except for when they don’t deserve it (come on down, tort reform!).

‘Bout that same time the Southern Strategy kicks in, so the suits enlist the marching morons. All’s well and good for a few decades. Finally predictable and predicted weather deviations begin to have some effects – the Sonoran Desert is moving northward, making droughts in the middle of the country, things start getting a bit windy in the North Atlantic and the Saskatchewan Express is chugging like never before. Now the smarter suits are seeing pretty bad profit prospects down the road. They need to reprogram the base.

And so you get the crashing of right-wing gears as the factions have it out. Limbaugh’s on the way out, someone notes. I doubt he goes quietly into that good night. Beck too. That Alex Jones is quite the piece of work. Etc etc etc.

The crazies have lived in Lewis Powell’s alternate timeline for going on 20 something years. That is a tight, self-sealing ego structure. Turning that bay boy around on *anything*, much less global warming, is a magnificent exercise in flail. Shoot, the Exxon Valdez would be a Tesla racer compared to the turning radius of today’s standard issue peckerwood.

Interesting. Sometimes depressing. More often that than, hopeful. Perhaps I’ll see a Congress that largely lives in consensual reality before I shed this mortal coil.

 
 

Oops. “consensus” reality. Me dirty mind betrays me.

 
 

Fox is a primary vector of psychoneurasthenia.

 
 

Silly liebruls: that greatest of political theorists, Conan the Barbarian, would readily tell you that this ‘civilisation’ and ‘reason’ and ‘decency’ you like so much are all effeminate and CORRUPT! What part of that don’t you get?

 
 

What part of that don’t you get?

Far be it from me to argue with a guy who wrestles giant snakes while clad in a lil’ loincloth, regardless of how homoerotic the concept.

 
 

a guy who wrestles giant snakes while clad in a lil’ loincloth

Oh. Thanks for reminding me. Sunday is Oglaf day!

 
 

We would not mind at all if the Major began spraying chemtrails.

Chickens, that would only delay the inevitable.

Just for that, chickens, we’re now asking the Major to start spraying a rosemary-marjoram blend.

 
 

Agent a l’orange.

 
 

“Far be it from me to argue with a guy who wrestles giant snakes while clad in a lil’ loincloth, regardless of how homoerotic the concept.”

So he’s the one to get the I-phone away from the guy! Ask him if he can do us a favor.

 
 

The comment consisting of one repeated pejorative disturbed me. I was hoping it would be deleted by this morning, but there it stands, a monument to impotent animus.

 
 

Thanks tigris. I’ll think of you while I eat my agent a l’orange.

 
 

Agent a l’orange.

Saucy!

 
 

Much funnier than chem trails de Provence. Tigris wins AGAIN.

 
 

Agent a l’orange.

Ha!

 
 

“Tigris wins AGAIN.”

And with consumate glace’, too.

 
 

She deserves a pâté on the head.

 
 

When I saw the wall o’ words from mr – oh, ‘scuse me – MR. N, I thought someone was trying to make S, N! appear as a first answer on any search for that word, presumably so some shithead could then point a booger-ridden finger at us LIEbruls and whine that we do so use bad words, so there!

 
 

Also, something about tigris’ gift for the mot jus.

 
 

Also, something about tigris’ gift for the mot jus.

Don’t you mean mot jus?

 
 

OK. OK. I’m really tired. Sorry.

 
 

Also, something about tigris’ gift for the mot jus.

Is she really a jokesmith, or merely a scoffier.

 
 

I’m disconfitted by praise, I’ll be hiding until the mornay.

 
Packers the Easygoing Governor
 

point a booger-ridden finger
Relevant.

 
 

I’m disconfitted by praise, I’ll be hiding until the mornay.

(Let me see here…)
You snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings! Shut your festering gob you tit! Your type makes me puke! You vacuous toffee-nosed malodorous pervert!

 
Packers the Easygoing Governor
 

I was looking for an argument.

 
 

NOW I’m going off to cry.

 
 

Or, you know, bed, but ONE OF THOSE THINGS DEFINITELY.

 
 

I’m disconfitted by praise, I’ll be hiding until the mornay.

Damning with fait braise.

 
 

point a booger-ridden finger
Relevant.

It is probiotic…

 
 

I was looking for an argument.

No you weren’t.

 
 

haha…y’all are never ones to mince words…and really, you just can’t beat a good pun thread…

 
Packers the Easygoing Governor
 

No you weren’t.
I’m only here for the five minutes.

 
 

Wolf got SWATted.

I really don’t think this is a good way to express one’s displeasure. But in this case… Fukkin LOL!!!

 
 

“We don’t know where these people are. They could be in New Zealand,” Starks said.

Oh those Riddled kids, always up to something.

 
 

Wolf got SWATted.

countrified girl that i am, i was thinking this was an actual wolf…which would have been really cool…or not..

 
 

Holy Big Black Cow, this is a tough room. I’m used to being the funniest, cleverest, most erudite person in the comments.I really am. With the slam-bang tang reminiscent of gin-and-vermouth, too, now that I think of it. I mean, I believe in me.
But here, I’m not even in the running. I sweat for hours over a hot keyboard, typing my fingers to the bone, to cook up a guffaw or two, and what happens? You people throw up a veritable immovable feast of humor, and all I offer is coffee and stale puns.
Well, I’m done with it! I tell you, you won’t have Derbig Mooser to kick around anymore! I’m leaving on a jet plane, and my itinerary is undisclosed. Oh babe, I hate to go.

And I thought “consumate glace'” was so clever. Can’t have me thinking that can you!

 
 

But here, I’m not even in the running. I sweat for hours over a hot keyboard, typing my fingers to the bone, to cook up a guffaw or two, and what happens? You people throw up a veritable immovable feast of humor, and all I offer is coffee and stale puns.

PENIS and POOP jokes always win the crowd over.

 
 

PENIS and POOP jokes always win the crowd over.

I’m not joking.

 
 

I tell you, you won’t have Derbig Mooser to kick around anymore! I’m leaving on a jet plane

I’ve hauled race horses before, but a moose would be a first.

 
 

“PENIS and POOP jokes always win the crowd over.

Okay, the hell with Jimmy Smith and Larry Young. From now on, it’s all about Lenny Dee!
With, of course, a soupcon of Korla Pandit for good measure..

 
 

“I’ve hauled race horses before, but a moose would be a first.”

Don’t get nervous, or start trying to find a way between the EPA and FAA requirements dealing with wildlife. I never fly. Nope. Eagles, those alopeciac, fish-stealing raptors,may fly,(you’ll notice they don’t work very hard at it) but not me. I keep all my split hooves on terra firma. I wouldn’t do a goddam thing that avain fraud, the eagle, does. Did me out of my spot as national animal, the gonif.
I don’t suppose, Major, that you’ve ever had any trouble because you sucked a moose into your fan-jet, have you? Case, I would think, closed.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

I don’t suppose, Major, that you’ve ever had any trouble because you sucked a moose

What Major and consenting wildlife get up to on their private time is no business of yours. Threatening unspecified consequences is low indeed.

 
 

Oh good, soon we’ll have racist furries invading the comments.

 
 

“Threatening unspecified consequences is low indeed.”

You are right, and I am suitably chastened. But please, try and forgive, I get all famischt whenever, well, Haliaeetus Leucocephalus (who the hell would name their kid that?) is brought up.
Just don’t mention , you know, the chrome-domed usurper, or his ilk, and I won’t get upset. Ilk, bah My god, their antlers are round! I mean, round, not palmate! I pity them, I really do.

 
 

And all that suff about eagles and ilk are true, not racist. Haven’t you read “The Ball Joint”?

 
 

I keep all my split hooves on terra firma.

I have to say, you type remarkably well for an ungulate.

 
 

Their front end is out of alignment. It’s a proven fact.

 
 

And all that suff about eagles and ilk are true, not racist. Haven’t you read “The Ball Joint”?

No, no, I’m not calling you racist, I’m just noting that a certain uh, “type” might be searching through the intartrons and find this comment thread and note a certain “theme” and then think that Sadly, No! is that kind of place.

When clearly we’re way more interesting than that.

 
 

“I have to say, you type remarkably well for an ungulate”

I am a graduate of the the Botswana College of Secretarial and Office Skills, where I received an unprecedented 97% on the final examination.

 
 

“note a certain “theme” and then think that Sadly, No! is that kind of place.”

They need to go to Haynes, Clymer, or Chiltons, where suspension work and replacement is explicated in detail.

 
 

“then think that Sadly, No! is that kind of place.

You mean they’ll think it’s a zoo, instead of a game preserve?

 
 

Any way, just back off! It’s hard to keep up my pretense of universal and infinite compassion when people start bringing up eagles and their ilk. Mooses have feelings, too. I thought I was gonna be on the crest of the raggae craze, until I found out a fetlock and a dreadlock were two different things. It’s not easy being Moosish.

 
 

You mean they’ll think it’s a zoo, instead of a game preserve?

Sorta, yeah.

 
 

“Sorta, yeah.”

Followed your link. First thing I saw: “As usual, if you’ve changed species or like to see a change such…” That was enought for me! I think you should learn to accept who you are!

And I bet there’s a host of unscrupulous surgeons, physicians and veterinarians who prey on those people.

 
 

Oh good, soon we’ll have racist furries invading the comments.

Black panthers are all like this and Bengal tigers are all that that.

 
 

Followed your link.

Never follow links I post.

Well, mostly. On certain occasions they’ll give you seizures, so you should definitely click on those.

 
 

Black panthers are all like this and Bengal tigers are all that that.

And don’t even get me started on The Weathermen!

 
 

Tigris, you can try to ad absurdum the principle, but let’s get down to real-life questions, not this intellectual stuff: Would you want you daughter involved in an ill eagle marriage? They think they can glide through life, updraft, overdraft, it’s all the same to them.
If you would talk to the animals a lot of this could be cleared up, but you do little in that direction.

 
 

“On certain occasions they’ll give you seizures,”

I once got one of those for not paying taxes.

 
 

“And don’t even get me started on The Weathermen!”

It’s always the same, there’s an ill wind which blows nobody any good, and it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard…well, you know the rest.

 
 

If you would talk to the animals a lot of this could be cleared up, but you do little in that direction.

Thanks for the earworm.

 
 

Just don’t mention , you know, the chrome-domed usurper, or his ilk, and I won’t get upset

Tremble before me!!! MUHUHUHUHAHAHA!!!

 
 

“Thanks for the earworm.”

Right back atcha, pal: Thanks for the brucellosis, I got it from domestic cattle. And their ilk!
Fair trade, one parasite for another.

 
 

I am a graduate of the the Botswana College of Secretarial and Office Skills, where I received an unprecedented 97% on the final examination.

do you also wear large, red framed glasses and favor impractical green high-heeled shoes?

 
 

“Big Bad Bald Bastard said,”Tremble before me!!! MUHUHUHUHAHAHA!!!

Damn my congenital shortsightedness! I’ve blundered right into the nest! Say, I couldn’t maybe placate you with a nice meal of flying squirrel, could I? I can have it delivered.

 
 

and favor impractical green high-heeled shoes?”

No, I am much too traditionally built for high-heels..

 
 

No, I am much too traditionally built for high-heels..

well, as long as you’re not late, that’s all that matters…

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Thanks for the brucellosis, I got it from domestic cattle. And their ilk!!

I shudder to think of the effects of brucellosis on ranching families and those dependent on ilk hunting for food. Isn’t it always the most vulnerable that suffer?

 
 

National Review’s idea of a “Wonderland.”

Note: That link is to the actual cover of the latest issue. It is not a parody. Someone, presumably more than one person, actually looked at that image and thought it went well with that cover copy.

 
 

Would you want you daughter involved in an ill eagle marriage?

Just how ill, and is he insured? At any rate, he might be a bit old for her as he’s already bald and she hasn’t been conceived yet.

 
 

National Review’s idea of a “Wonderland.”

Yes, I wonder if that land will ever be useful for anything ever again.

 
 

a Photoshop someone mocked up to make everyone on the masthead look like assholes

Like you need Photoshop. They do it so well to themselves.

 
 

Note: That link is to the actual cover of the latest issue. It is not a parody. Someone, presumably more than one person, actually looked at that image and thought it went well with that cover copy.

Shorter National Review: Mordor is where the good guys live.

 
 

“At any rate, he might be a bit old for her as he’s already bald and she hasn’t been conceived yet.”

Oh, you’re just trying to obfuscate with a bunch of liberal hogwash. So how will you feel when somebody asks you what your son-in-law does, and you have to say “Oh, him? He steals fish from other birds for a living, and preens a lot, and has lent his support to literally every military or fascist movement in the world, why do you ask?”
Now, I know you’re the right kind of parent, so let me be perfectly frank, do you have any idea what their nests smell like? Do you know how they feed their kids?
Of course, it’s up to you, some people will sacrifice a lot to get a view home, just saying…

 
 

Someone, presumably more than one person, actually looked at that image and thought it went well with that cover copy.”

Gosh, I hope they have good health coverage at the Onion. The stress must be tremendous. Remember, the Onion doesn’t use real headlines, they have to make up something to top this!!!

 
 

Traditionally built African person acknowledging shoutout here.
No 1 Internet Cafe in my town.

 
 

Traditionally built African person acknowledging shoutout here.
No 1 Internet Cafe in my town.

awesome…i think the business names are my favorite things in that series…

 
 

No 1 Internet Cafe in my town.

Do you serve rooibos?

 
 

Traditionally built African person

Thank god that traditional African building techniques are still adhered to in these days of modern times.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Thank god that traditional African building techniques are still adhered to in these days of modern times.

Are they really? I mean, I don’t see anyone building pyramids or temples to Osiris these days.

 
 

You haven’t been to Vegas? Or Memphis?

 
 

Oh good, soon we’ll have racist furries invading the comments.
Remember Cigarskunk?

Thanks for the brucellosis, I got it from domestic cattle
Ungulate Undulate fever — may cause body-swaying and lead to dancing. The worst-affected cases change their name to “Bruce”.

 
 

Traditionally built African person

Now I am imagining Suezboo as a smaller version of Great Zimbabwe.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

Now I am imagining Suezboo as a smaller version of Great Zimbabwe.

Why do you imagine she is smaller?

 
 

I didn’t know people got it. Brucellosis, I mean. Look, I’m sorry, I had no idea. none.

 
 

I didn’t know people got it. Brucellosis, I mean. Look, I’m sorry, I had no idea. none.

funneh y’all should mention this…central to the point of one of my novels i’m working on…

 
 

Remember Cigarskunk?

Now I do. I had remembered a vague furriness in the past but really didn’t want to go looking. So… thanks?

 
 

Oddly enough, my B’rer-in-law shot a moose that was riddled with Brucellosis last year.

 
 

Ha! Just as I predicted! The guy who tried to stick the Elvis-impersonator guy with the blame for the Racine-letters turns out to be, (wouldn’t you know it?) an alleged Wayne Newton impersonator And the shades of the prison-house grows upon the closeted boy!

 
 

Dutschke is being charged with “knowingly developing, producing, stockpiling, transferring, acquiring, retaining and possessing a biological agent, toxin and delivery system, for use as a weapon, to wit: ricin, and with attempting, threatening and conspiring to do the same.

SECOND AMENDMENT!

 
 

Traditionally built African person

Still trying to convince my wife to wear the Zulu headdress in the bedroom.

 
 

Still trying to convince my wife to wear the Zulu headdress in the bedroom.

Offer to reciprocate by wearing a koteka.

 
 

Offer to reciprocate by wearing a koteka.

I’ll see if I can trade my Borat swimsuit in on one.

 
 

Still trying to convince my wife to wear the Zulu headdress in the bedroom.
The ostridge feathers go where??!

 
 

Also too, “Not on your assegai!”

 
 

The ostridge feathers go where??!

In my experience they drag along the ground … fuckers won’t display/fan ’em for me … on account of I’m not a peahen.

 
 

Now I really want to get a turtle.

 
 

Fuck, that was a peacock joke for an ostrich opportunity.

 
 

That’s funny, Thread Bear.

The main problem I have with guinea pigs (and some other rodents) is that they don’t live very long. Depressing.

For twelve or more years, we’ve been keeping around four “fire-bellied toads” (frogs) at any one time. They live a good long time if well-cared for. The one lived for eleven years. It’s kind of sad when they’re geriatric — they have trouble moving and hunting bugs, so you know that it’s long past the time when a predator would’ve gobbled ’em.

 
 

Dad, Mom says quit playing with yourself this minute!

 
 

Can I build my own African person, traditionally?

 
 

I would think you need two African people to build one traditionally.

 
 

Pa! I done kilt the thread!

 
Packers the Easygoing Governor
 

Tradtionally!!!

 
 

Thanks to SA’s ‘ lax and decadent ‘ Constitution, two Zulu dudes recently got married in full warrior regalia – it was a hoot. And the ceremony just didn’t translate that well without a wife-to-be being present. But it looked like what we call a jol – a happy funtime.

 
 

Poor Dennis, he shouldn’t have borrowed all that money on his expectations of winning 18 mil.

 
 

Get off the iPad and back to work, Dwight!

 
 

Would you guys all quit being trolled? It’s tremendously boring.

 
 

“Thanks for understanding me, Mooser. When no one else will.”

How on earth can you say that? Why, you seem to be the best-understood person here!

 
 

Good god. This abomination appeared in the local paper yesterday.

Shorter Kathleen Parker: “Sure, George W. Bush was a shitty President who allowed us to be attacked, lied us into a war, tried to shred the social safety net and finally tanked the economy, but one-on-one he was a really sweet guy.”

Swell, Kathy, that’s just swell. You run along and play on the freeway now, ‘K?

 
 

I…I didn’t mean to kill it.

 
 

Good God, that’s almost my home town paper, too! I’m in Bummertown.

Yes Ms. Parker, they said the same thing about Hitler. Can she really be so ignorant that she’s not aware of what a contemptible, dishonorable, tradition she’s playing a part in, the hagiography of monsters?

Yes, I know Ms. Parker, they said that about Hitler, but with George Bush, it’s TRUE!!! Yes, Ms. Parker. And that makes an iota of difference in all the damage he caused and crimes he committed, why, exactly?

And gee, you figure that by now, with the miseducation pioneered by Reagen, and made policy since then, that nobody is skeptical to suspect that what you are really selling is a chance to feel like Bush’s buddy, me and George and all the rich people?

 
 

I didn’t proofread ‘enough’, did I?

 
 

But if you want the best brand of moral and political equivocation, you’ve got to come to our corner of the Great Northwest, which is almost entirely supported by Federal militarty installations and their various and sundry contractors. Yup, we get ’em going, as they leave for the ME from Mchord and Ft Lewis (Home of the Stryker Brigade!), and coming back, at the VA Hospitals, where I spent a few hours floating along with all the flotsam and jetsam of the Ship of State.

 
 

Sometimes I’m literally flummoxed, I really am. I mean, back when I was saying that media makes us all stupid, I thought I was just making excuses for myself. But look at the way it is now.

 
 

I sometimes feel (6:45 am to 11:36 on alternate Tuesdays and Wednesdays) that Americans take being lied to and having their intelligence insulted as a compliment! It proves you’re worth bothering about or something? I’ll be damned if I can figure it out.

 
 

Shorter Kathleen Parker: “Sure, George W. Bush was a shitty President who allowed us to be attacked, lied us into a war, tried to shred the social safety net and finally tanked the economy, but one-on-one he was a really sweet guy.”

Hitler was nice to his dog.

 
 

Well I predicted it. But the hate happened sooner than I expected.

I like Gabriel Arana’s response: Stop segregating locker rooms altogether.

(And btw, the expression on the face of the Spurs player in the photo accompanying the Prospect article is fantastic… that photo just begging to become a meme.)

 
 

Stop segregating locker rooms altogether.

Upon further review* that was a rhetorical device on the part of Mr. Arana. But read it anyway for an even better conclusion.

__
* as in, actually reading the rest of the paragraph.
.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

I sometimes feel (6:45 am to 11:36 on alternate Tuesdays and Wednesdays) that Americans take being lied to and having their intelligence insulted as a compliment! It proves you’re worth bothering about or something? I’ll be damned if I can figure it out.

Americans don’t like being lied to, but they hate uncomfortable truths worse. They hate thinking that they might have to change the way they live because it’s harming the environment, or because it’s perpetuating injustice, or because it’s empowering evil people. They hate the notion that America isn’t rich because it is super duper special, but because it was lucky and ruthless. Anyone that tells Americans that everything will be fine, that they can totally get rich and deserve to be rich and that nothing needs to change, will always find a willing audience.

 
 

Oooh, “deviancy cabal!” I am ALL about that shit, and proudly so. I left a comment under Bryan’s article screed – dunno if it will stay up.

 
 

Ah, lookit that, a perfect example, now too old to remember to keep up the pretenses.

Oh, Sandra Day O’Connor is now having second thoughts about putting that smirking disaster in the WH? Gee, thanks.

 
 

Once again, they’ve gone all batty about the showers. No one ever thinks twice about us growers,

 
 

so they’ve found ricin all over Douchekey’s studio and in stuff he threw in the trash and he bought castor beans over the fucking interwebs. The Elvis impersonator seems to have a decided edge on him in the crazy department but this guy more than makes up for in stupidity.

Also, fuck you Charles Stross. You release a new book – a fucking sequel to Saturn’s Children?!??!! Have you moved to crapville permanently? I am soooooo disappoint.

 
 

I just worry that the gay guys will check me out in the shower – and then proceed to gouge their own eyeballs out with their car keys.

Makes a heck of a mess and the screams are pretty disturbing.

 
 

Does it need to be said? No but I will anyway. As it ever is, the people who had all the cards now worry that they will get fucked over the same way they fucked over the monority all along.

 
 

The monority keep going on and on and on…

 
 

The Elvis impersonator seems to have a decided edge on him in the crazy department but this guy more than makes up for in stupidity.

Apparently Dutschke is a WAYNE NEWTON impersonator. Also accused of kiddie diddling. Tupelo is obviously ground zero for serious crazy.

 
 

Yeah, that Tupelo stuff’s gotta be a movie at some point.

 
 

Does it need to be said? No but I will anyway. As it ever is, the people who had all the cards now worry that they will get fucked over the same way they fucked over the monority all along

As someone pointed out elsewhere, (some of) the straights are worried that they’ll be treated the same way women are treated by them all the time.

 
 

Also, fuck you Charles Stross. You release a new book – a fucking sequel to Saturn’s Children?!??!! Have you moved to crapville permanently? I am soooooo disappoint.

Well if you’re offering to pay Stross a decent annuity so that he doesn’t have to write crap for a living, then go for it, but you really should have made the offer before he started churning out the interminable Merchant Princes farrago.

 
 

I just worry that the gay guys will check me out in the shower –”

I should be so lucky. I may at one time had a certain something, a sort of espieglerie or something, which made me worthy of attention, but for years and years now, nothing, not even a glance.

 
 

“The Elvis impersonator seems to have a decided edge on him in the crazy department”

Yeah, but wasn’t he mostly a sort of benign, new agey kind of crazy?
The way of the Elvis is strait, and narrow the gait.

 
 

Why wouldn’t Stross write a sequel to Saturn’s Children? It got him a friggin Hugo (or was it Nebula?) nomination. Too fukkin apathetic to look it up.

In the middle of a Cryptonomicon re-read, seeing what else I can glean after Baroque Cycle. Sterling makes Stross look like a 5th grader doodling robot boobs on his Mead organizer.

 
 

Oh, and when I first read Cryptonomicon, it was more or less up to date with current PC/network technology. Now it seems as dated as a 2400 baud modem.

Which I still have a box of. Along with several SCSI drives, a couple of 3.5″ floppy drives (one external!), a Jaz drive, and several generations of aging Macs and Mac clones. The monitors all got tossed, but the ‘puters and peripherals are in mothball.

Ya never know.

I should build a Faraday cage around ’em, just in case.

 
 

I think people like Fischer are just worried that “teh gaze” are going to check them out and find them inadequate.

For them, it’s like having women in the locker room who they can’t intimidate.

 
 

I think people like Fischer are just worried that “teh gaze” are going to check them out and find them inadequate.

Being called “adequate” is no picnic either.

 
 

Being called “adequate” is no picnic either.

Sure it is, it’s just an egg salad sandwiches and warm water in styrofoam cups kind of picnic.

 
 

Re ricin case, I’m hoping Elvis guy is actually a super-genius and framed taekwondo guy framing him…

 
 

A manical laugh as Elvis would make my day. As would death and destruction to a hip-shakin’ beat.

 
 

Teh Ho’s Xianist brother posted on Facehugger.

Tebo: I’m a Christian
Media: keep it to yourself

Collins: I’m gay
Media: He’s a hero!

Teh responded.

If Collins starts wearing rainbow flags under his eyes and doing a gay dance under the basket we’ll see that’s a valid comparison.

I love my man.

 
 

As someone pointed out elsewhere, (some of) the straights are worried that they’ll be treated the same way women are treated by them all the time.

Yes indeedy, and why ever not? Although the gay guys I know aren’t that offensive – some can get pretty predatory at clubs, but that’s in a specifically gay club scene, not in a shower.

And Pupe, did your comment stay? There’s two there, and I’m not sure which is yours (if either).

 
 

Pup, I love your man too (in a completely non-sexual way, of course). For my money, Xtians can start whining about discrimination when they’re denied the ability to marry whomever they choose, beaten up or murdered for their beliefs, and discriminated against in the workplace.

And that Xtian dolt obviously missed the point of that comparison, which was that admitting to being a Jebus-lover is definitely no big thing, whereas admitting to being gay, particularly in professional sports, is quite risky.

 
Whale Chowder
 

Pup posted as hisself. His post is gone. So’s mine.

 
 

News Posts!

 
 

“I should build a Faraday cage around ‘em, just in case.”

I have a 1963 A-100 with a “45”. But I only play it on Faraday.
Faraday night’s the night I like.

 
The Dark Avenger
 

Faraday’s night is alright for fighting
get a little action in

 
 

(comments are closed)