Katie Hopkins is genuinely terrifying. She got famous from being on The Apprentice, where she came across as some kind of evil, peeled mutant vole who insulted everyone, except the guy she was fucking in between takes, and even scared the shit out of Alan Sugar when she became the first contestant to turn him down.

Oh yeah, and her childcare arrangements frightened Sir Alen at the time as well.

‘Why don’t you invite Maisie?’

Fear of vermin-borne disease?

A different sort of mom.

Never having heard of this woman I had to look her up. She sounds like a real piece of work.

From her Wiki article:

She also told the paper that she lost her virginity aged 17 after leaving a convent school and that she hopes to be a Member of Parliament for the Conservative Party, like Margaret Thatcher.

If their politics are anything like ours she’ll be on the short-list for Prime Minister in a few years.

Vapid, myopic, solipsistic, unctuous, haughty…

She’s a veritable feast of pathologies!

I’m with Major Kong.
~

From there it gets even more Oniony and April Foolsy, but is apparently serious

holy shit…you ain’t just a’kiddin’, bucko…winnowing through all the pompous pretentious twaddle to find a favorite mango was hard, but this one won out not only for the delicious (ha) typo, but for its sheer b.s.:

I am convinced that my tactics are paying off. Recently I asked Indiawhich children she liked to play with.

‘The children who come to school on time and wear proper school uniforms are the nicest and the most fun,’ she told me. ‘If children don’t put any effort in, I don’t want to play with them.’

At the risk of sounding snobbish, I also favour children who have good old-fashioned Victorian names such as George, Henry and Victoria. And, if a child has a name with a Latin or Greek derivation such as Ariadne or Helena, all the better. It indicates the parents are well educated.

or pretentious snobs like you…also, too…i like how this is thrown in about 2/3 of the way into the article…cos all the other stuff she said heretofore is not snobby?

she is a twanker…

Spoof or truth? Here’s the tell:

Is there ever any swooning because poor Poopsie was teased, taunted or stomped into the gravel by kiddies who read or heard about mumsie’s musings?

If no,
then,
spoof.

And not just spoof, but proof mum and offspring are such a joke around town that everyone feels sorry for them.

This of course assumes the sprogs are real and she has custody.

I’m willing to concede that this fine young woman has some potential future as a pretentious twat (can a woman be a twat? I never thought about that before), but there is still a key question remaining unaddressed – does she, or does she not have hand-carved Himalayan pink salt in her well-appointed kitchen?

Sheesh. It’s the Daily Mail. They’re notorious for trolling readers with articles like this. Google “Samantha Brick” if you don’t believe me.

So I read in a lot of the comments there. Still, ya think they made it up out of whole cloth?

(can a woman be a twat? I never thought about that before),

of course women can be twats…we have twats after all…i am still going with ‘twanker’ which is a cross between a twat and a wanker…

I only approve of naming your child Cassandra if you intend to ignore everything she says.

No, I don’t think the Daily Mail makes this shit up. I think they actively seek out “talent”.

No, I don’t think the Daily Mail makes this shit up. I think they actively seek out “talent”.

gotta agree with you on this one…i liked jezebel’s take on the samantha brick thing…women do get pitted against each other in the media all the time…and as a gender we need to stop feeding that, but this twanker is an equal gender offender…

No, I don’t think the Daily Mail makes this shit up. I think they actively seek out “talent”.

Revenant?

cross between a twat and a wanker

Is that there one o’ those chimeras I done heard about? I knew the stem cell stuff was bad, but…

‘The children who come to school on time and wear proper school uniforms are the nicest and the most fun,’ she told me. ‘If children don’t put any effort in, I don’t want to play with them.’

Yeah, there’s no way she said this. Little India (holy shit, these names) is eight. This is how eight-year olds talk on The Cosby Show. Either Hopkins made it up (and don’t I always tell people not to write dialogue for children if they don’t know how?) or her kids have already picked up a skill very common among those with uptight parents – parroting the right response.

Wait, who the hell is India? Doesn’t she object to non-Victorian/Hellenic names?

Man, stories about Bat Boy’s & Elvis’ Love Child are more convincing and internally consistent.

“Twanker” is pure delicious WIN!

there is still a key question remaining unaddressed – does she, or does she not have hand-carved Himalayan pink salt in her well-appointed kitchen?

Bad news for pretentious bourgeois gits: I can go get a jug of that shit any time at London Drugs for about 15 bucks.
If I become that stupid, I mean.

They currently attend a state primary school near our home in St Leonard’s, Exeter, but I plan for them to switch to the private sector for their secondary education.

Their school is perfectly pleasant. But, inevitably, it has a broad mix of children from very different social backgrounds. I was educated privately – at a Catholic girls’ school – before taking a degree in Economics at the University of Exeter. So I am acutely aware of the benefits of meeting children from like-minded, high-achieving families.

Hey, you kids from St. Leonards who aren’t playing with my kid? You are scum.

So I am acutely aware of the benefits of meeting children from like-minded, high-achieving families.

Isn’t she known for losing a “reality” show contest? I would think “at least one parent has a real job” would exceed the achievement level she’s reached, but maybe those parents are too snobby to let their darlings play with little Opium and Sepia.

At the risk of sounding snobbish, I also favour children who have good old-fashioned Victorian names such as George, Henry and Victoria

This is actually great advice, since following it will allow you to avoid assholes who name their children “Poppy” and “India.”

This is the woman who was caught shtupping her married co-worker in a field. A fine model of personal qualities.

Why do I think that, as soon as her daughters hit puberty, they will start hanging out with the worst skanks they can find?

So she’s been married twice, she’s twice had affairs with married men and she’s had children with two different men, plus the children from her first husband’s first marriage. I dare say that the Mail would thoroughly disapprove of her personal life were she not inclined to give her children names like “Poppy” and “India” rather than, for instance, “Charmaine”, and had she not gone to a private Catholic school, university and Sandhurst,

Be careeful of the bassets as you’re running away from Chez Tbogg. You might trip over one.

I can only hope that these kids stumble across this article in about six years or so. The ensuing fireworks should resemble an indoor Guy Fawkes Day.

I don’t know… T seems tired. I don’t know if he can get off the sofa to answer the door.

I don’t want to insinuate, but isn’t the full spelling ‘Charmaine’ a name that’s more common among blacks than whites? Which would make this woman a tad racist, too.

Nothing quite says “class” like having pictures of you out in a field schtupping a married co-worker published by an English tabloid.

This is the woman who was caught shtupping her married co-worker in a field. A fine model of personal qualities.

it would seem that she doesn’t give a shit about those kinds of personal qualities…all that seems to matter is cleverness, ambition and an ability to claw your way to the top of reality tv…

I’m still stuck on the assumption that Maisie will be available, rather than attending Charmaine’s party. Is Maisie’s mother as much a avid social climber as Poppy’s?

I wonder if Maisie’s mother has figured her out yet and is trying to avoid letting her child be around this woman.