Ok, Who Slipped the ELIZA Program a 40?

Organic Unit Failing! Dictionary program melting! Words ceasing to matter! Cyberman is are good intellectual! Cyberman Master Squirrel of Filthy Humanatees! ERROROROROROROR!

Christopher Chantrill, American Wanker:
If Conservatives Are Social Darwinists, Then…

Shorter (or the last port before the Jungle):

  • I don’t understand what words mean.

Yeah, that’s right. You might be sitting there going, no, that can’t be right, there’s going to be a second shorter talking about how he’s just whining about a new tax on goat molesters (leave Mickey Kaus alone).

Nope.

We are instead watching the complete collapse of a man into sub-literacy. So drowned in wingnuttery, that even base coherence becomes an impossibility. It may possibly the most embarrassing attempt at intellectual rigor and analysis seen yet on this site. Yeah, even above “national socialist has socialist in it, therefore nazis were communists”.

Polite people might turn away from this self-destruction, out of pity or sad respect to the ways a person’s mind can shatter and break.

Luckily, we’re terrible terrible people, instead. So, let’s dive into the comedy goldmine that is the death of this man’s last remaining neuron.

That President Obama certainly has a way with words.

Well glad someone here does.

The other day he called Paul Ryan’s House-passed budget “thinly veiled social Darwinism.” Does he mean that Ryan’s budget is wearing a burqa?

… Chris? … Why is your neck smoking Chris? Are… Are you all right?

Wow! Forget trying to unpack those sentences, let’s just try to unpack what loose approximation of logic produced them.

Let’s see, um, social Darwinism, randomly capitalized Darwinism, dog whistle at Darwinists, because anyone who believes in evolution is against God, and if they’re against God then they are on the side of every other non-God side including rival religions. Therefore Burqa-wearing Muslims, because Burqas and Al Queda are the only meaningful signs of Islam?

Ooh, or maybe it’s “thinly veiled”, therefore veil, therefore burqa, because god forbid a wingnut tell the rather dramatic difference between a veil and a burqa especially with regards to the “thin” part, not to mention the complete inability to understand how idioms work.

Ooh, or maybe, budget starts with bu-, burqa starts with bu-, therefore Hitler Osama Obama Antichrist Satan. Take that liberals!

Anyway,

Yeah, I’d eel away from that one too if I were you.

he prompted Catholic Rep. Ryan (R-WI) to take his budget to Georgetown University, where the congressman lectured the profs at that Catholic university about solidarity and subsidiarity on the off-chance they hadn’t been reading their papal encyclicals.

Um, you’re supposed to eel away to something that’s less stupid. Less stupid.

Okay, so Obama is using his mind-control powers to force Rep. Ryan into doing standard congressperson things. Because he pointed out that Ryan’s Love letter to Ayn Rand is you know, Social Darwinist. Which somehow led him to yelling at Catholics to be even more right-wing shills working solely for the benefit of the Republican Party, as is written in the Bible of Wingnuttery.

We always talk about the day when wingnut writing becomes nothing more than dog whistles and DFH-punching barely strung together with conjunctions, but I don’t think any of us expected to actually see it.

Not even the Time Cube guy at his most word salad, could produce an opening paragraph less devoid of even the barest glimpse of cognition.

How do sentences work? Do words have meaning? I don’t know, but immigrants sure do need to master advanced English before they are allowed to participate in American society.

Social Darwinism has been an all-purpose pejorative ever since the thinly-veiled anathematist Richard Hofstadter wrote Social Darwinism in American Thought in the 1940s.

Now, you or I, being the Ivory Tower snobs we are, may assume when we see words, that perhaps they might mean something. That they actually might have a definition, have a cultural context, and for a rare few, may even represent well documented philosophical ideas. That said philosophical idea in this case may represent a very popular philosophy championed and critiqued from about 15 minutes after Darwin penned his biological magnum opus, which has just so happened to have been championed by conservatives of pretty much every age. And that said idea might be about arguing that the deaths and misery that racism, classism, and sexism produce are more about the “strong” (just so happening to be made up of white upper-class underachievers) “proving their genetic superiority” by their unearned social standing. But Chris understands that we only think that, because of our snooty intellectual elitism. Like words are anything other than a random assortment of syllables you throw as weapons at your opponent. Like when we call them anti-intllectual.

Also, yes, I don’t know why a man with a German last name who identified as a Jew would be at all down on Social Darwinism, especially in the 1940s. No reason I can think of other than him being a mean old person who just randomly hates for no reason. Also, good invented word there, totally doesn’t make you look like a five-year-old having a temper tantrum because your mom caught you trying to steal a cookie from the cookie jar.

He also wrote Anti-Intellectualism in American Life. So you can see what he was all about.

Being against dumbasses who misunderstand scientific principles in favor of bumper sticker fodder like “evolution is the favoring of the strong over the weak”?

Also, it looks like wingnuts have given up on trying to defend against the Anti-Intellectual charge and have decided to just adopt it as an identity and argue that anyone talking about it is just being mean to their special needs enclave of poop throwers.*

Today we would call him a thinly-veiled enemy of civility.

… Did you just “work the refs” about a 70 year old author you just randomly referenced out of nowhere?

Uh, no one cares about whether or not a guy who’s been fucking dead for over 40 years said something that you’ve retroactively decided hurts your fee-fees.

It’s like the wingnuts have gotten so mindnumbingly dumb that they’ve forgotten how their own bullshit tactics work.

But his writing obviously had its intended effect.

Yes, this one man is solely responsible for a well-known, well-documented suite of social theories. Just like Darwin is the only person with any possible evidence of evolution’s validity, that one Climatology institute that got hacked was the only source of climate change data in the world, and Saul Alinsky is personally responsible for every protest that has ever happened anywhere.

It’s almost like there’s some horde of people with some sort of “anti” position to the academic principles and those who hold them, say “intellectuals” for instance. And said people try to reduce these well-proven theories to one person or one writing, so as to make their own poorly sourced, laughably ignorant rebuttals seem more on par.

If only there was a name for this phenomenon!

In Freethinkers, a mindless liberal screed about secularism, Susan Jacoby anathematizes Herbert Spencer, “who applied Darwin’s principles of natural selection to the social as well as the natural world — a mistake Darwin never made.”

Y.

E.

S.

Yes.

YES! That would be the entirely accurate rebuttal to the incredibly stupid philosophy of Social Darwinism. With maybe one addition noting that they don’t even remotely understand the principle of natural selection they were trying to turn into a social engineering tool, reducing it to laughably inaccurate “strong beats weak” horseshit.

And not to be rude, but wasn’t the sole approximation of a point you’ve been making so far been the transparent lie that “Social Darwinism is just a meanie liberal word that liberals made up to be mean”. Cause it sure seems like you’re setting up a defense of Social Darwinism in the next paragraph.

Well, why not? Surely, a theory of the evolution of social institutions is of vital interest to humans,

Yup. Thought as much.

Sure, it’s been dissected as the heartless cruel philosophy it is for over a century and was central to one of the worst atrocities of the last century, but damn it, you just can’t let it go. It’s like an underaged prostitute you’ve picked up on the shores of Guam. You’ve strangled the life out of him, but you just can’t bear to pull out yet until you’re sure you’ve gotten every last death spasm.

especially right now, when European social democracy is in thinly-veiled collapse.

Gee, wonder which economic philosophy is fucking that chicken, Chris.

Oh, right, this wasn’t meant to mean anything, but rather just be a hanging dog whistle about Europe bad, Islamic hordes taking over, socialism leads to ruin, etc…

But liberals like Susan Jacoby know that liberals don’t believe in social evolution.

Well, no, not natural social evolution. Because that would be fucking stupid.

Social, human created institutions don’t evolve naturally, but drift and adapt due to human activities changing, adapting, improving, or even being destroyed. There’s actually an entire discipline of egghead intellectual elitists who study that phenomenon. They’re called anthropologists, and to a lesser extent sociologists.

But sorely-needed vocabulary lesson aside, I’m wondering why this sentence is here. I mean, we were just ranting about the perfidy of Europe and-

They believe in intelligent design,

Ah, revenge dog whistle. Right.

You repeat our attempted euphemism of creationism that we made a national joke by rejecting basic science out of ignorance and fear. Therefore, you’re the real stupid people who believe in a disproved theory! NYAH! Take that.

So, what’s the argument? You deny Social Darwinism, just like we deny actual evolution, which we call Darwinism, therefore… false equivalence?!?

in accordance with the ancient syllogism you can probably find somewhere in Aristotle: All liberals are intelligent. Liberals advocate big government. Therefore, big government is intelligent.

I’m impressed.

That’s at least an entire dimension stupider than I was expecting.

Okay, to recap the last two paragraphs. Social Darwinism doesn’t exist and is just a mean phrase made up by mean people who were mean. But Social Darwinism is totally a valid theory on par with natural evolution. Also it totally doesn’t misinterpret the ideas of evolution… which is in itself bad and wrong for being secular. And secularism is bad and is the reason Europe is starting to tailspin (nothing to do with our austerity bullshit, nope). So therefore, liberals are the stupidheads who believe in Intelligent Design, which we believe in for non-stupid reasons, but is bad when we apply it to you. And it’s because you’re the stupid ones running low on logic and think that because you’re intelligent and Big Government is… design??? And this silly construction I made up is totally something liberals made up to sound intelligent, which they’re not, even though they are elitist eggheads who try to link stuff to Aristotle.

…Yeah.

I mean, sure, IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION, but you pretty much couldn’t have a wingnut post without that, but beyond that, it’s just… breathtaking. What do words mean? How are arguments formed? How do liberal elitist eggheads manage to put each leg through the pants legs without getting it stuck on their backs?!? Huh, liberals?!? Answer me that, if you’re so damn smart! Thought as much.

A corollary of this Aristotelian truth is that only liberals can intelligently design modern social institutions, and that the complexity of modern society demands that an educated elite of intelligent liberals be empowered to rule the less intelligent.

You know when you’re tutoring a kid who’s writing an essay and trying to ape “fancy intellectual speech” without understanding it and so it’s just this unnecessarily stilted language with all these poorly used “big words”?

I don’t know why I was suddenly reminded of that.

So, the Aristotle dig is now proudly his again, because Aristotle was a smart guy, donchaknow. And now, mean old liberals are “designing” social institutions, which being human creations, can only be designed, seeing as they don’t fucking arise naturally without human input or upkeep.

And of course, liberals want to rule the less intelligent. Say by arguing that they have earned said right by natural right. Say by arguing that as the strongest candidate for the job, it is natural they take the highest stage. That they are more fit for the job than the uneducated masses.

What’s the word when IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION causes you to try and argue your opponent is doing the thing that totally doesn’t exist, but you totally think is a peachy swell idea that makes your opponent dumb for denying it, when he isn’t using that bad idea to be evil bad guys?

Besides coked out, of course.

Without this intelligent design, liberals believe, individuals will find themselves “on their own” and reduced to helplessness and marginalization.

To illustrate this point, they may point out a window at the real world.

Say, directly out a literal window to a homeless man picking through cans on the side of the road hoping to find enough to beat the reaper for one more day.

And I could totally counter that… one of these days… Hey look, some more dog whistles!

Thus, liberals know what to do about senior health care when intelligently designed Medicare is about to go belly-up. Just repeat after Nancy: “Republicans want to end Medicare as we know it!”

Medicare bad, Nancy Pelosi haz vagina, social engineering of senior care, ooh, keep government out of medicare!

Now, sure, Republicans do actually want to end Medicare, have proudly ran on wanting to end Medicare, and in fact Ol’ Chris here is pretty much arguing to let it fall and die as the solution to … it’s totally going to fall and die on its own if we don’t kill it (not actually true, but then if you wanted a relationship with reality in a wingnut post, you shouldn’t have slept with its sister). But see, it’s Big Government and Big Government always fails, because er… uh… repeal Medicare! And seniors, stop noticing that we’re trying to do it!

There are some people — they now call themselves “progressives,” but I think a more apt term would be “witch-burners” — who are even more of a throwback than the Intelligent Designers.

And now we’re here.

See what I mean about nothing really flowing from anything else. There’s this constant inability to understand what any of the words mean and each sentence is off on its own adventure of dog whistles only connected to anything else by the loosest thread of shared words… words with entirely different meanings depending on the sentence.

Today’s sentence is about revenge. See, mean old “secularists” have been pointing out that religion-obsessed fuckwads are kinda backwards. That they don’t believe in evolution, preferring creationism tarted up like an uptown whore and that they often demonize non-Christian groups or targeted minorities based entirely on their perceived tribal identities. Say, like queers or atheists, or the aforementioned secularists from above. Someone to see as villainous simply from that identification.

It’s important to understand that now at the most lucid point for what follows to even approach understanding.

They believe that corporations are possessed by evil demons and are responsible for poisoning the air and the water.

Evidence of a single liberal of any meaningful prominence arguing that corporations are possessed by evil demons… wait… Chris, do you think corporations are actual people that can be possessed by demons? Sorry, getting distracted by the stupid. But yeah, any evidence that any liberals believe the demon part? None.

But see, conservatives regularly argue that groups they don’t like are possessed by demons. From homosexuals to atheists to muslims to pretty much every liberal group really.

And thus it’s necessary to throw out that completely batshit wrench out there to prevent the line from reading corporations are responsible for poisoning the air and the water. And he could try to hand-wave that away, but thanks to the existence of LA, that is about as impossible of a task as believing that Christopher Chantrill is intellectual and articulate.

Ditto oil companies, which are poisoning the fracking gas wells.

I don’t think there’s a single liberal who’s worried that oil companies are poisoning the gas wells. Not that that would really be a problem as no one alive for much longer drinks motor oil.

I think they’re more concerned with the poisoning of the ocean. Well, I say concerned, but more furious really. Well, not so much furious as homicidal. How’d you like a shrimp cocktail, Chris? I caught it fresh off the Louisiana coast just for you.

Ditto greedy insurance companies that prevent us from getting affordable health care.

I love that this one is on the list. I mean, with the others, he at least made some form of edit to hide how stupid they were. Sure, they were a demon possession bit of projection and a complete failure to understand how poisoning works, but still… actual effort. This one? Nope, raw form. It’s just nakedly, painfully obviously true, thrown in there as if believing in a reality so stark that even middle class wingnuts can’t ignore it, was something only religious zealots would believe in.

These witch-hunters dream of a gigantic auto da fe at Wall Street and Broad, in which the corporations and fundamentalists will be burned at the stake and purged of their demons in a great struggle of the 99% against the 1%.

No, we dream of cliffotines. Get it right!

Also, weren’t we originally talking about Social Darwinism? Which, speaking of, wouldn’t the rich pissing off the poor to the point that they revolt and kill the rich also be the “natural” evolution of social institutions demanded of Social Darwinism?

President Obama’s problem with Social Darwinism is that conservatives use it to promote an “on your own” society.

That would be most people’s problem with Social Darwinism. That it finds perfectly acceptable a large number of dead bodies as long as the “natural order” is upheld. That the suffering and deaths of those left-behind are things to be lauded and that any attempt to address this problem is to “go against the natural order” and try and preserve the “weak” to the detriment of the “gene pool”.

I’d go on, but if I do I’m going to be sued for copyright infringement by a mustachioed gentleman with terrible hair that Jonah Goldberg insists was a communist.

Like many liberals, he has studiously avoided studying what conservatives actually believe. He would rather parrot what Hofstadter — or was it Niebuhr? — taught him. Real conservatives believe something different.

See, that’s what makes this so much sadder than it already is. I’m sure, he thinks he’s pulling a quick three card monte and playing fast and loose with definitions in order to fleece the rubes, but what he delivers is something written in an entirely new language with no connection to anything. A completely empty space.

By the time he gets to the, ha ha liberals, obvious lie, PROJECTION stage, he’s already drunk and dying in the gutter no longer sure of what his original goal was.

All he had to do was go: Obama thinks that the Ryan plan is Social Darwinism, well, liberals are the real Social Darwinists. That’s it.

He’s desperately trying to throw one last elbow in to keep himself in the game, but he’s already on a three-day bender and gone, never to return to this world again.

Real conservatives believe that the real “on your own” system is big-government liberalism. That’s because big government hollows out the “little platoons” of society; it orders people out of the face-to-face neighborhood into a wind-swept plaza dominated by the mega-structures of big government. Believe me: you don’t want to be on that plaza when the Fannie Mae skyscraper is toppling over.

You may think that this mass of random syllables always existed in its current amorphous blob shape, that it couldn’t have possibly stemmed from some sort of coherent thought process. And I’ll grant you that last one. There never was coherence.

But I firmly believe that this once had some sort of purpose. Perhaps in an early draft or maybe in the morass of Christopher’s robotic diodes before virus-laden porn software did its syphilitic work.

He really wanted this to be an “in your face” moment. Ha, liberals with your “every person needs to be taken care of by the institution we invent to take care of all of us” shtick, looking down on us just because we like to cackle as we see the single mother slip through the cracks and starve to death. Well, we’ll see who’s laughing when I note how it’s you who are the leavers-behind-ist-nesses! Yeah!

But sadly it’s drowned out by buzzwords to the point that there’s nothing left. There’s no there there. Big Government leaves people on their own because… Big Government Bad! Fannie Mae! Occupy protesters camped on plazas! Rubbing elbows with filthy disgusting poor people instead of cowering in the suburbs pretending that the world begins at your house and ends at the nearest Walmart!

Catholics like John Paul II and Benedict XVI want to protect modern man from the mega-structures with “solidarity” and “subsidiarity.” Solidarity, according to Paul Ryan, is “the virtue that does not divide society into classes and groups, but builds up the common good of all.” Subsidiarity is the notion that “matters ought to be handled by the smallest, lowest, or least centralized competent authority.”

And we’re back to the Catholics. I guess, our Cyberman Chantrill must be a Pope fondler. Good for him, glad that “solidarity” and “subsidiarity” have been well taking care of all those kids raped and abandoned by their Church. Not to mention the loyal third-world nations, which increasingly make up the majority of Catholic memberships. Sure, glad they aren’t being economically abandoned while Pope Nazi jumps on the austerity bandwagon because Dirty Fucking Hippies make his balls itch.

And we know what Americans do when big government leaves them “on their own.” They get together and build a thick safety net of voluntary associations. Europeans? Not so much.

What?!? The austerity measures, promised to solve everything and give Europeans a free cake, turns out to just rob them of a safety net and leave nothing in its place?!?

It’s almost like those people have been left on their own or something!

Glad that doesn’t happen in U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! What with our thick safety net of voluntary associations working tirelessly to ensure that no one ever falls through the cracks or becomes impoverished.

Oh sure, commie ghetto countries like Denmark that reject all Social Darwinism and austerity, may suffer and wither with their guaranteed housing, guaranteed living wage, free healthcare (including dental and psychological care), and robust public transportation network allowing all but the most damaged and unreachable to meet their basic needs with nothing to show for it but a booming economy unaffected by the global financial collapse.

But America didn’t go out like that. Thanks to the occasional food kitchen and battered women’s shelter (well, until the Right manages to shut those down too), no one ever goes hungry, unable to feed or clothe their kids, unable to afford life-saving medication, or unable to afford adequate housing or psychological care.

Why, with our abundance of non-government-tainted support (because coming together for the public good only counts if it’s not called government), it’s no wonder that we have the most healthy economy and the most healthy populace and a thriving infrastructure second to none. Why occasionally, we even nearly resemble a first-world nation! On a good day!

Take that Fag-mark!

The reason why conservatives are thinly-veiled Social Darwinists is rather obvious.

Okay, fine, words don’t mean anything, sentences don’t need to be connected, and arguments don’t need to be actually coherent to prove hippies need to be punched.

I’ll believe all of it if you just PICK A FUCKING STANCE AND STICK WITH IT. Social Darwinism. Is it fictional, is it a terrible thing that liberals believe, or is it a proud philosophy you stand behind 100%?

Pick ONE! Any one! Even if it’s just that Social Darwinism is a space pig. But for the love of Bob, just pick a stance and stay with it longer than half a bloody sentence. You’re giving me whiplash over here.

We believe that the most practical, most humane way of dealing with change is to admit that a natural selection process directs the evolution of social institutions.

So the reason that your policies are thinly-veiled Social Darwinism is because you are Social Darwinists doing a piss-poor job of hiding it?

Well, slap my cheeks and call me Rudolph, I didn’t see that one coming.

Were you hoping this admission would seem less silly coming after 8 paragraphs of highly concentrated word salad? Cause… no. No it did not.

Social institutions that fail to provide for the common good will end up extinct, be they nation-states, churches, corporations, or labor unions.

Or say… governments? Actually, I think governments is the only one on the list that this actually applies to. Because when the others don’t provide for the common good, they just shrug their shoulders and say its someone else’s job, usually the government’s. Why should they the hard-working priests or CEOs drain their coffers to take care of the useless dregs who don’t even have the good manners to fund the plate or buy their products? Especially when even their own government has given up on them?

Oh right, Governments are Space Lizards that rape Conservatives right in their logic centers (leaving them unable to pen anything other than Dadaist cries for help like this) rather than a social institution.

A society with a thick safety net of voluntary institutions lets ordinary people adapt to economic and social change by joining voluntary social institutions that seem to be thriving.

… And this puts food on the table or a roof over one’s head… how exactly? Let’s see, the local Red Hat Society got a huge windfall from Mrs. Peterson. I better join them and that will totally take care of Little Timmy’s cancer treatment. Hey, my workplace is doing great at the moment, you just need to join their Member’s Program and that’ll totally stop your husband from beating you!

As long as you’re with winners, nothing bad can ever happen to you. Okay… it will, but at least the institution will be thriving after you rid them of your extraneous existence.

See, liberals, and you call us conservatives uncaring.

We care deeply (about protecting institutions like gullible marks at the expense of real people everywhere).

That way, conservatives believe, individuals can avoid getting flattened by the mass extinctions of dinosaurs like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, not to mention Medicare and Social Security and their $100-trillion unfunded mandates.

Leaving aside wingnut math, I’m afraid he’s finally lost me. Sure, what’s come before has had zero connection to either logic or the English language, but at least I could follow the breadcrumb trail of IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION and dog whistles. Oh sure, there’s dog whistles a plenty, but I’m not sure how else this sentence came to be.

Closest I can figure is that he not only believes that corporations are real walking breathing people, but the only walking breathing people that matter. And our job is to try and stay out of their way when they die, because that’s apparently the only way anything can possibly impact us.

Wait…

Holy fuckballs, Batman, I’ve got it. Sure, it doesn’t make sense to say, real people, people who need to pay the bills, make sure they get enough to eat, fight to keep the apartment. But imagine, if you will, a broken ELIZA machine trapped in a Big Box suburb with more money than he could possibly spend in a lifetime.

The only connection to the rest of the world is through the rise and fall of his stocks.

To such a being, all that matters is whether or not you move your stocks out of a company before it declares bankruptcy, because every human worry or fear is like the fevered dream of some liberal somewhere.

It’s why even trying to defend Social Darwinism brings him to babbling incoherence. Of course people should die to prop up the Institutions. Those are what his stocks rely on. Humans aren’t on the stock market, their deaths do not make the little lines tick up nor down. Their tragedies are therefore meaningless. Only the potential portfolio poison of a Mighty Institution having a bad quarter affects the “real world”.

Of course, this conservative Social Darwinism is premised on the radical idea that humans are adaptable social animals who naturally seek out social solutions to their problems.

But not by creating a nation-wide social institution everyone is a part of in order to pool resources together and ensure that no one is left behind so everyone can relax and assume a safety net will take care of them if the worst should happen.

That’s socialist commie talk!

Also, please ignore that this isn’t even the definition of Social Darwinism I was defending last paragraph. Sure am glad that words mean whatever you want them to mean. It may look to the layman like conservatism is reviled, but I decided that reviled means “is owed infinite candy” so you better make a run to the Jelly Belly shop or I’m gonna have to shiv a bitch.

They are not helpless victims waiting around for the next brilliant idea to arrive in the living room with a thump — all 2,700 pages of it — from the Intelligent Liberal Designer upstairs.

So a religious fuckwad who believes evolution is fictitious, but believes in Social Darwinism when he can bother to remember what it is, thinks we shouldn’t wait for the man upstairs to take care of everything… And instead should literally wait around and do nothing and let the Man Upstairs or Market Forces take care of anything instead of trying to actively use our collective power to fix things. Also by taking charge of our destiny and trying to change the here and now, we’re being passive helpless victims just waiting for a brilliant idea to come and save us.

Seems legit.

After all, Obama’s health care plan was a really big bill and really reading’s just for brains and fags who understand what words mean.

And they dare call us Anti-Intellectuals just for trying to bash in pointy brain heads with mighty club! Og offended! Og use big words like onomatopoeia! Og real intellectual! Not like puny liberal!

Pay attention to Og’s word salad! Og work hard! Og have lots dog whistles! Og want to get between the sheets or contemplate this silent freeway! Og want to know if you want something to eat?

Og want know why you running away?

#

Sometimes here at Sadly, No! Industries, we approach a moment of great shame. This is one such moment. Checking the word count, it is clear this post is only 7.8 trillion words long rather than the requisite 8. To fix this problem, we are now including a bonus shorter.

Shorter Jack Cashill, American Wanker:
What Does ‘Composite Girl’ Tell Us About Obama?

  • The fact that Obama tried to protect the identities of his ex-girlfriends from ghoulish fuckwads like me is proof that he’s a venerate liar who never existed. Also this proves that no racism has ever existed or negatively impacted interracial relationships.

    P.S. OMG, Obama is a Mandingo coming after your white women.

We apologize once more for the inconvenience.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Whipping English’s tits because English is a sub is invented by this fucker, but perfected by me. Yeah, you want me to split an infinitive, you dirty girl? Yeah, take that “to try and”, you know you like it! We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


*A special special needs enclave. Cause actual special needs children can run intellectual rings around these fuckers.

 

Comments: 280

 
 
 

Oh yeah, I’mma read all that wiv all this wine on board.

C U onna flip side.

PS fristest, bitchezzzzz!!!!!1!

 
 

Poor little man. Wait a moment, someone thought that was a good article for a website? A serious website? No, no. Oh, thank goodness.

What happens when sea cucumbers try to think?

What happens when the fossils of trilobites attempt to blog?

 
 

the thinly-veiled anathematist Richard Hofstadter wrote Social Darwinism in American Thought in the 1940s.
He also wrote Anti-Intellectualism in American Life. So you can see what he was all about.

For some reason Chantrill doesn’t mention Hofstadter’s best-known book in the list of works that might define his intellectual direction. Nothing personal though.

 
 

What happens when sea cucumbers try to think?
Normally they out-source that function to the fish inhabiting their rectal cavities.

 
 

Today we would call [Hofstadter] a thinly-veiled enemy of civility.

That is because you are a feckin’ liar using slogans as a substitute for thought, because there is no incivility to be found in Hofstadter’s oeuvre.

 
 

Why don’t writers use thick veils more often? They’re cheaper than blackout curtains.

 
 

Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

You’re just one molester of goats
Swimming in the shit moat
Year after year
How I wish you weren’t here

 
 

How I wish you weren’t here

+1
.

 
 

Ahhh…this is just the same old conservatoid distinction of Good from Evil is whether We do it or They do it. And to a conseratoid, the We is getting smaller and smaller–hence their frantic jumping about and hysterical jabbering.

No good in any real emergency–just knock ’em out and drag their asses out of the fire.

 
El Manquécito
 

Thnder has coaxed Smut into the “blame fish” camp.

 
 

How goddamned pig-ignorant can you be and still remember to breathe?

While I get from wence-alot you are coming the lizard brain takes care of all of that business. Hundreds of millions, possibly a billion or so years went into its development to insure that we could remember to breathe while simultaneously shitting our selves in bowel evacuational panic.

Sue me, I have been reacquainting myself with Sagan and that Cosmos show.

Also. Too. I Think Cerb stumbled into the fucking Universal Shorter™ A ShorterforAllTimes™, A Tale of Two Shorter’s (walking into a bar)™.

Now to read the rest savoring a righteous rhetorical beatdown for breakfast.
.

 
 

Given my interest in Cosmology, and my attempt to forge a new Science of Wingnutology, skipping Gravity, Special Relativity, Quantum Mechanics and diving straight into A Unified Wingnut Field Theory, it occurs to me that some of these cats who still have two neurons to rub together, have so many strawmen lodged in thie brains that if those two neurons should everd make contact, their heads would explode.
.

 
 

… Chris? … Why is your neck smoking Chris? Are… Are you all right?

I swear to god, I composed my previous comment before getting to this bit.

I will also swear to Allah, Vishnu, Buddha and the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
.

 
 

Blaming fish comes naturally.
~

 
El Manquécito
 

Just to show I read the Whole Thing; perhaps venerate (modifying ‘liar’ in the second shorter) was an Auto-Correct suggestion. I have some others. “inveterate” “venal” “degenerate” “venerable” “venous” “Venn”

 
El Manquécito
 

I will also swear to Allah, Vishnu, Buddha and the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
.

What about JHVH-1, Space God of Wrath, fractious teenager of the deities.

 
 

What about JHVH-1, Space God of Wrath, fractious teenager of the deities.

That one two!!!

i swear to god, my mouth waters when I see your name.

By the by, one of my new blogs has its second post which is the start of a serialized drama about wingnut cosmology, drama queens (ME) and stalkers. Anyone who contributed to the story will be given a shout out.

Any of you who might be curious are invited to examine Wingularious

Any feedback will be appreciated. I think I may have managed to carve out a niche in theoretical wingnut physics.
🙂
.

 
 

The other day he called Paul Ryan’s House-passed budget “thinly veiled social Darwinism.”

Whoa, the President has been reading the comment threads here. Fess up, which one of you is the Kenyan Usurper?

 
 

I need to see proof that article was not created by an infinite number of monkeys sitting at typewriters.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

I need to see proof that article was not created by an infinite number of monkeys sitting at typewriters.

Well, any student of probability would tell you that an infinite number of monkeys at an infinite number of typewriters would write the complete works of William Shakespeare*. This work of delusion is as fanciful as anything the bard of Avon ever wrote, but sadly lacking in plausibility, craft or truth or even truthiness. So we can conclude that an infinite number of monkeys did not write this, because they would have done a better job.

*And, certain others believe that it wasn’t Shakespeare that wrote those plays, or Marlowe, either, it was in fact the infinite number of monkeys

 
 

…and here I was thinking that the Universal Shorter™ was ‘Christ, what an asshole.’ Showed me….

 
 

omfg. I actually got out of the boat, the comments are even worse.

So they don’t believe in Intelligent Design, but they constantly invoke it?

And they hate Darwin, but constantly tout Social Darwinism?

I read that article (oh god) and I didn’t understand one single word of it. Cerb, I appreciate your attempt to do so, but I don’t think anybody could. Gawd.

And if Obama (and more importantly, a majority of progressives, haha yeah good luck with that) don’t win in November, these are the people we will be dealing with.

Sigh.

 
El Manquécito
 

I always understood that monkeys/Shakespeare bit as being about what can happen with a lot of time, not a lot of monkeys. No number of monkeys w/typewriters is going to produce literature without lots and lots, even infinite amounts, of time.

 
 

No number of monkeys w/typewriters is going to produce literature without lots and lots, even infinite amounts, of time.

The same obviously may be said of wingnuts.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

I always understood that monkeys/Shakespeare bit as being about what can happen with a lot of time, not a lot of monkeys. No number of monkeys w/typewriters is going to produce literature without lots and lots, even infinite amounts, of time.

Sadly, no. This thinking fails to account for the fact that ‘infinite’ is really big. Really really big. So on a 101 key computer keyboard, the odds of writing the word ‘to’ are 1/101 *1/101 = 1/10201. Clearly the odds of writing any given word randomly are remote. However with enough monkeys and keyboards, every possibility will be typed. Actually, with an infinite number of keyboards and monkeys, each individual possibility will be typed an infinite number of times.

 
 

Good Lord, “thinly-veiled” this and “thinly-veiled” that, is he just mad that Obama used his catchphrase?

 
 

Cerb, how can you deconstruct something that isn’t constructed?

 
 

They believe in intelligent design,

Haw haw. The thing is there’s hard evidence that humans actually exist and design things, so yeah, I can look at a watch and call it intelligent design in a way that’s still moronic when you look at an eye and say the same.

 
 

Cerb, how can you deconstruct something that isn’t constructed?

That’s not a bad question, Burt Suezboo!

 
 

I have read quite a bit of philosophy, but don’t think I ever read the syllogism “All liberals are intelligent. Liberals advocate big government. Therefore, big government is intelligent” in Aristotle. However, Aristotle did say this:

“But that is the only thing that slows me down is the system. No one, two or three was big enough to slow me down, only the system. It was the system that slowed me down to make my numbers fall.”

and

“I had an awful first quarter but I picked it up. To all you single guys out there, it’s not how you start the date, it’s how you finish it sir. A lot of people can, you know, start the date with flowers and candy, but if you don’t finish the date – you know what I mean?”

Oh wait…that was Big Aristotle…

 
 

Christopher Chantrill,
Dumb as a mandrill.
Baring his purple ass
To members of the upper class.

 
 

Gee, wonder which economic philosophy is fucking that chicken, Chris.

Holy shit cerb, that one would have sent the remains of the orange(which I had fortunately already swallowed) out of my nose.

And no I dont think I would have enjoyed that very much.
.

 
El Manquécito
 

Looking around I see I’m not the only one to misremember the infinite monkeys as 100 monkeys, there’s even a business called 100monkeystyping.

Borges on the subject:

Everything would be in its blind volumes. Everything: the detailed history of the future, Aeschylus’ The Egyptians, the exact number of times that the waters of the Ganges have reflected the flight of a falcon, the secret and true nature of Rome, the encyclopedia Novalis would have constructed, my dreams and half-dreams at dawn on August 14, 1934, the proof of Pierre Fermat’s theorem, the unwritten chapters of Edwin Drood, those same chapters translated into the language spoken by the Garamantes, the paradoxes Berkeley invented concerning Time but didn’t publish, Urizen’s books of iron, the premature epiphanies of Stephen Dedalus, which would be meaningless before a cycle of a thousand years, the Gnostic Gospel of Basilides, the song the sirens sang, the complete catalog of the Library, the proof of the inaccuracy of that catalog. Everything: but for every sensible line or accurate fact there would be millions of meaningless cacophonies, verbal farragoes, and babblings. Everything: but all the generations of mankind could pass before the dizzying shelves—shelves that obliterate the day and on which chaos lies—ever reward them with a tolerable page.

My emboldening.

 
 

Oh wait…that was Big Aristotle…

Was that a Breitbart site?

Borges on the subject:

Can’t go wrong with Borges, baby.

 
 

I would like to know the JanusNode settings Substance used to generate that column.

Although “Christopher Chantrill” is not the best name JanusNode has ever come up with.

 
 

Along with his other weaknesses, our boy hero doesn’t know how to spell the word “peRjorative” correctly, but that’s par for the course with this joker. His orthographic skills are as well-honed as his grammar and syntax. Thanks for reading this idiot so I didn’t have to do so.

 
 

I remember Karl Pilkington asking if the monkeys had read Shakespeare before.

 
 

I need to see proof that article was not created by an infinite number of monkeys sitting at shitting on typewriters.

Oh come on; you were all thinking it.

 
 

That’s because big government hollows out the “little platoons” of society; it orders people out of the face-to-face neighborhood into a wind-swept plaza dominated by the mega-structures of big government.

It’s well-known that when picking up the milk bottles from his stoop JP Morgan would always wave a happy hello to the widow Jones and her crippled son Timmy.

 
 

Spear, the appendage to your nym cracks me the fuck up!

Thanks.
.

 
 

I need to see proof that article was not created by an infinite number of monkeys sitting at typewriters.

You’re thinking of Shakespeare. This was a more random version of the Janus Node, weighed down by dark matter.

 
 

All my budgets wear burkas. Don’t want no man checking out the boobiez.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

but for every sensible line or accurate fact there would be millions of meaningless cacophonies, verbal farragoes, and babblings.

There are legitimate criticisms of the infinite number of monkeys method.

 
 

but for every sensible line or accurate fact there would be millions of meaningless cacophonies, verbal farragoes, and babblings

I would say that this explains the wingnut bogosphere, but I have yet to see a sensible line or accurate fact.

 
 

I remember Karl Pilkington asking if the monkeys had read Shakespeare before.

Is this a swollen, purple ass that I see before me,
The vulva toward my dong? Come let me mount thee

 
 

Hafta bust out the old standby–IT’S ALL PROJECTION…

Ya got logic that can be picked apart by a third grader.

Ya gotcher mysticism, references to demons, witches and conservative intelligence

Ya gotcher butthurt over being called stupid for being stupid–“you’re the stupid, stupid, NYAH”

And of course you got the doofus eyeroll statement: “The prez sure has a way with words, don’t he?”

This isn’t the student we’re dealing with here. This is the perfesser. When they have a wingnut FAILmission that must FAIL, this is the guy they bring in to train the troops.

 
 

So on a 101 key computer keyboard, the odds of writing the word ‘to’ are 1/101 *1/101 = 1/10201. Clearly the odds of writing any given word randomly are remote.

The odds of writing a random word without specifying the word ahead of time, however, are quite large.

 
Helmut Monotreme
 

The odds of writing a random word without specifying the word ahead of time, however, are quite large.

True, but I was trying to illustrate how quickly the odds stack up against writing specific words, like the specific words of the complete works of William Shakespeare.

 
 

Odds of a wingnut writing a long litany of FAIL:

1/1 * 1/1 = 1/1

Wingnuts is stupid. It’s been proven by math. I didn’t need any of those fancy algore rhythms or signs or cosign any loans or get any tangerines.

 
 

True, but I was trying to illustrate how quickly the odds stack up against writing specific words, like the specific words of the complete works of William Shakespeare.

Chantrill has plenty of specific words, so I say we jail the monkeys for cheating. Or promote them.

 
El Manquécito
 

If there are infinite monkeys maybe I can find a butler like mikey’s.

 
 

Alas, poor Mikey, I knew him, Manquécito
A man of infinite monkeys.

 
 

PENIS: kenny rogers is singing about morning wood on my radio…

 
 

PENIS: kenny rogers is singing about morning wood on my radio…

He’d better not be sitting in a bathtub on a cliff overlooking the ocean.

 
 

Sitting on the tub o’ the bay
Watching my tide flow in
I’m just sitting in the tub o’ the bay
Wasting splooge

 
 

in the bonus round:


Maraniss writes for the kind of audience that reads Vanity Fair. Most of them are barely aware that serious questions have been raised about Obama’s identity, his origins, and the authorship of his two books.

he’s fucking kidding, right?
.
.
.
right? c’mon guys…
.
.
.
oh, never mind…

 
 

Thinking ’bout my penis ills,
Placing hope in wee blue pills.
Hoping that they’ll make things good,
Praying that I’ll sport some wood.

 
 

Maraniss writes for the kind of audience that reads Vanity Fair. Most of them are barely aware that serious questions have been raised about Obama’s identity, his origins, and the authorship of his two books.

Shorter chucklehead: Get a brain, Maraniss!

 
 

Most of them are barely aware that serious questions have been raised about Obama’s identity, his origins, and the authorship of his two books

I had no idea these questions were Serious™

Perhaps someone should investigate this.

 
 

Most of them are barely aware that serious questions have been raised about Obama’s identity, his origins, and the authorship of his two books

if cashill thinks that subscribers to vanity fair such as myself are going to give even the slightest credence to flagellantly wingnut obsessions, he might as well eat shit and die…which he can do anyway…

 
 

Most of them are barely aware

AGAIN with the projection. WTF?

 
 

I had no idea these questions were Serious™

i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, how these american wankers think they are taken seriously…their self-importance eclipses their projection in a fashion so mind-boggling that the mind boggles…

it’s actually kind of cute…i like to imagine they imagine the opening credits of ‘Gods Chosen Truth Warriors: American Wankers, Uncut’ every time they cobble together their dog whistle-filled screeds of syllables…it would be very noir-sh with their characters sweeping into harrowing scenes in which they save the puppy, or the toddler or the damsel in distress and then smile at the camera…

 
 

it’s actually kind of cute…i like to imagine they imagine the opening credits of ‘Gods Chosen Truth Warriors: American Wankers, Uncut’ every time they cobble together their dog whistle-filled screeds of syllables…it would be very noir-sh with their characters sweeping into harrowing scenes in which they save the puppy, or the toddler or the damsel in distress and then smile at the camera…

“We’re going to need guns. LOTS of guns.”

 
 

it’s actually kind of cute…i like to imagine they imagine the opening credits of ‘Gods Chosen Truth Warriors: American Wankers, Uncut’ every time they cobble together their dog whistle-filled screeds of syllables…it would be very noir-sh with their characters sweeping into harrowing scenes in which they save the puppy, or the toddler or the damsel in distress and then smile at the camera…

The problem is, they wouldn’t be saving the toddler, or the puppy, or the damsel- they’d be preventing Roger and Chuck from marrying each other, or preventing little Shaniqua from getting free treatment for her pollution-induced asthma, or preventing Widow Perkins from voting at the polling place she’s voted at since 1964. The real distressing thing is that they’d still smile at the camera.

 
 

serious questions have been raised about Obama’s identity, his origins, and the authorship of his two books

Oh boy, this sounds a lot like the standard Fox News “Some people say….” bullshit.

This is how this crap gets injected into the media-stream. Have some right-wing blogger or author make some half-assed accusation against Obama and then “report” on it as if it were real “news”.

 
 

Stupid libtard if you want to get from 7.8 trillion words to 8 trillion words you would have to add 200 billion words. You did not do that in your shorter, and even if you did, that would not be a shorter!

And the fact you get all huffy about a principled conservative just pulling enormous Medicare liability numbers from his ass but are not careful with numbers yourself means you are a hypocrite!

And shows you are a stupid liberal Social Darwinist which is bad but which is actually good because it’s true and that’s why conservatives believe in it. And also why I can say things like “thick voluntary institutions will save us from the Social Darwin consequences, even though one of the consequences of Social Darwinism is the destruction of those thick voluntary institutions”

 
 

“We’re going to need guns. LOTS of guns.”

Ooh, guns, guns, guns!

 
 

@El Manquécito

There is a pop intellectual meme about 100 monkeys, actually. Supposedly some dude found a large group of monkeys, and tried teaching them stuff but it wouldn’t take. But when he found a group of at least 100 monkeys, he taught one monkey a thing and suddenly all the other monkeys knew the thing.

So it’s like this emergent consciousness / social change idea. Which is pretty new age and silly, but there you go.

Actually it applies well to Master Chantrill’s garbled rantings, I think. Obviously he has been away from contact with his fellow wingnuts for awhile, and hasn’t had access to the shared stock of wankery from which they all draw. In the absence of that, well, you get something like this.

 
 

The problem is, they wouldn’t be saving the toddler, or the puppy, or the damsel- they’d be preventing Roger and Chuck from marrying each other, or preventing little Shaniqua from getting free treatment for her pollution-induced asthma, or preventing Widow Perkins from voting at the polling place she’s voted at since 1964. The real distressing thing is that they’d still smile at the camera.

you make a point well taken here…

 
 

Merp is the sound my butt makes when I fail at trying to keep a fart silent.

 
 

I think. Obviously he has been away from contact with his fellow wingnuts for awhile, and hasn’t had access to the shared stock of wankery from which they all draw

The Conservative Hive Ass, from which they pull their talking points.

 
 

meaningless cacophonies
lines from Aristophanes
It’s not very often he’s
correct, as is evidenced by this essay, which Cerberus has eviscerated.

Well, OK, there’s a reason I’m not a rapper. A couple, I guess.

 
 

The Conservative Hive Ass, from which they pull their talking points.

I picture it more like a Yertle pile of fearmongering and stupid. “Oh, she went to secular demon who rapes babies and puppies…let’s see–OH I KNOW, we’ll say he’s a witch burner social darwinist kenyan usurper socialist fascist communist demon blackity black big spender, um…GUY” Oh yeah. That oughta scare the SHIT out of those freaks in the churches and synagogues.

 
 

I picture it more like a Yertle pile of fearmongering and stupid.

Don’t forget the circularity of it all… it’s like a Human Centipede Oroborous, forever pooping into its own mouth.

 
gocart mozart
 

I had to look it up.
“thinly-veiled anathematist Richard Hofstadter”
I can has thesaurus. Also, words, how do they work.

https://www.google.com/#hl=en&pwst=1&sa=X&ei=6wWoT5DXHvOd6AGYhe2NCg&ved=0CBgQvgUoAA&q=anathematist&nfpr=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.,cf.osb&fp=84fc3fb1fec5f40d&biw=1120&bih=572
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anathema
Anathema is a word used mainly in the English language to describe vehement disagreement to something. It is not a commonly used word, particularly in spoken language, perhaps because its meaning is often confused, or it sounds wrong when preceded by the article “an,” leading to uncertainty as to whether one should say “an anathema,” “an athema,” or simply “anathema.”

Richard Hofstadter is a thinly veiled

 
 

A society with a thick safety net of voluntary institutions lets ordinary people adapt to economic and social change by joining voluntary social institutions that seem to be thriving.

Yeah, that’s a nice sentiment and all, but could you maybe give me one real world example of this ever working in the entire fucking history of mankind? Then maybe we can talk.

 
 

And we know what Americans do when big government leaves them “on their own.” They get together and build a thick safety net of voluntary associations. Europeans? Not so much.

i now know what’s been niggling me this morning…it’s like chantrill has read dickens and collins, but HASN’T read them either…

We had a meeting that evening of the Select Committee of the Mothers’-Small-Clothes-Conversion-Society. The object of this excellent Charity is–as all serious people know–to rescue unredeemed fathers’ trousers from the pawnbroker, and to prevent their resumption, on the part of the irreclaimable parent, by abridging them immediately to suit the proportions of the innocent son. I was a member, at that time, of the select committee; and I mention the Society here, because my precious and admirable friend, Mr. Godfrey Ablewhite, was associated with our work of moral and material usefulness.

to be fair, i didn’t discover the joy of wilkie collins and ‘the moonstone’ until i went to college…a university college…that is a noted liberal arts college…and is full of the gheys and browns…so, i guess we couldn’t expect someone of chantrill’s ilk to have bothered with all that liberal book readin’…

 
 

Just had a big bowl of Alphabits for breakfast. What are the odds I will POOP a better article than the one cited above?

 
 

Yeah, that’s a nice sentiment and all, but could you maybe give me one real world example of this ever working in the entire fucking history of mankind? Then maybe we can talk.

I’m sure the knucklehead would cite Church-based benefits for sick parishoners, or the change jars for sick kids at the local grocery store, and then he’d try to change the topic to Stalin and Mao.

 
 

Smut Clyde said,

May 7, 2012 at 12:08 (kill)

Today we would call [Hofstadter] a thinly-veiled enemy of civility.

That is because you are a feckin’ liar using slogans as a substitute for thought, because there is no incivility to be found in Hofstadter’s oeuvre.

How uncvlilish of you! Pointing that out makes YOU the liar! That’s nothing but a vicious attack on their beliefs. It’s bullying, that’s what it is.

 
 

What are the odds I will POOP a better article than the one cited above?

Better than the odds of a monkey flinging his poop at your head.

 
 

I’m sure the knucklehead would cite Church-based benefits for sick parishoners, or the change jars for sick kids at the local grocery store

I was thinking he’d probably cite how well the Klan worked before the government interference.

 
 

How uncvlilish of you! Pointing that out makes YOU the liar! That’s nothing but a vicious attack on their beliefs. It’s bullying, that’s what it is.

I can just picture Pennis setting up his 88th proxy server (or, more likely, travelling to the 90th Starbucks within a mile of his trailer) to hop on here and express his Serious Concerns about getting his throat slit and how mean all us hypocritical liberals are.

 
 

Just had a big bowl of Alphabits for breakfast. What are the odds I will POOP a better article than the one cited above?

I’d actually be shocked that you would eat an industrially produced food product for breakfast, but I imagine you’re joking.

I’m don’t buy a lot of prepackaged cereals, but I’m a huge Meusli geek. It’s part and parcel of having Swiss heritage. I can also cook and eat fondue without being ironic.

 
 

I’m don’t buy a lot of prepackaged cereals

Cheerios, multi-grain, PEANUT BUTTER. THEY ARE SO GOOD.

 
 

It’s bullying, that’s what it is.

silly pup! wingnuts don’t believe in bullying! that’s just for liberal pussies…being taunted and being called dumb is what makes you stronger! like in the good ol’ days!

 
 

Anathema has become somewhat more common following Neil Stephenson’s book . Anathematize is, for an uncommon stem word, a wee bit commonly used. Anathematist however, has been writtten only a few times, like, in ever. I had never encountered it before.

 
Bitter Scribe
 

…ever since the thinly-veiled anathematist Richard Hofstadter…

Does that mean he was wearing a BURQUA???

…European social democracy is in thinly-veiled collapse.

Does that mean it’s wearing a BURQUA???

The reason why conservatives are thinly-veiled Social Darwinists is rather obvious.

Does that mean you wear BURQUAS???

HURRRRRRRRRR BURQUAS

 
 

Oops, Stephenson’s book Anathem. Got a case of the bbkf’s this morning.

 
 

I can also cook and eat fondue without being ironic.

marry me!

Cheerios, multi-grain, PEANUT BUTTER. THEY ARE SO GOOD.

you had me at the multi-grain, since they are the only cheerios i can abide for no odd reason, but the peanut butter ones? eh…

also too, i am hooked on wally world’s version of special k with strawberries…it’s pleasantly named, ‘strawberry awake’ which isn’t nearly as awe inspiring as their ‘dr. thunder’ soda product…but still…

 
 

Got a case of the bbkf’s this morning.

hey now!

 
 

…ever since the thinly-veiled anathematist Richard Hofstadter…

Does that mean he was wearing a BURQUA???

…European social democracy is in thinly-veiled collapse.

Does that mean it’s wearing a BURQUA???

The reason why conservatives are thinly-veiled Social Darwinists is rather obvious.

Does that mean you wear BURQUAS???

HURRRRRRRRRR BURQUAS

you know what i find hi-larious? that catlick ladies used to (maybe still do?) wear a scrap of cloth on their heads when they went to church…thinly veiled burqua?!?!?

 
 

I love that Special K with strawberries. It’s badass.

 
 

I can also cook and eat fondue without being ironic.

marry me!

Mein Schazi, it’s just melted cheese! Well, add a little kirsch, a little white wine (vermouth if you’re kinky…)…

 
 

I love that Special K with strawberries. It’s badass.

i can only afford the walmart version…you lucky dog…

 
 

Mein Schazi, it’s just melted cheese! Well, add a little kirsch, a little white wine (vermouth if you’re kinky…)…

…oh yeah…keep talking baby…

 
 

Yah, I made up that part about the cereal solely to make the comment. I have been known to enjoy shredded wheat (sans the sugary poison they put on some varieties). Mostly for me it’s oatmeal, and not the sugar laden flavorized crap. Actually, breakfast for me is more often a cup of coffee. Or three.

 
 

I love that Special K with strawberries. It’s badass.

I like the labeling. We call the stuff Kredberries.

 
 

As far as cereal goes, I’m a total weirdo… I consume a lot of rolled oats, but I prefer to eat them raw, like a horse (with a generous dollop of yogurt and maybe some fruit preserves). A couple of times a year, I mix up a huge batch of homemade Meusli, with a variety of rolled grains, cornflakes, dried fruits, and assorted nuts. It keeps forever, and it keeps you regular.

As far as cooked oats go, I love the blade cut Irish oatmeal, but I prefer to make pilaf out of it, rather than porridge. My sainted grandmother would weep.

 
 

Hear ye, hear ye. Sir Charles of Barkley. A proclamation:

“Mitt Romney, hey, listen man, we’re going to beat you like a drum in November,” Barkley boomed after the camera showed the former Massachusetts governor grinning and glad-handing with the crowd.

“Don’t take it personally. You seem like a nice guy, but you’re going down, bro,” Barkley said.

 
Bitter Scribe
 

you know what i find hi-larious? that catlick ladies used to (maybe still do?) wear a scrap of cloth on their heads when they went to church…thinly veiled burqua?!?!?

Dunno about catlick ladies, but they did that and still do in the Greek Orthodox church, which is basically the catlicks with beards and without the Pope. It has something to do with St. Paul saying in one of the Epistles that if a woman goes to church with her head uncovered, she dishonors her head. (The rest of her presumably still is honorable.)

 
 

Hear ye, hear ye. Sir Charles of Barkley. A proclamation:

i could perhaps take this more seriously if it had been said by gnarls barkley…

 
 

All-Bran in coffee. Scour out that digestive tract.

 
 

i could perhaps take this more seriously if it had been said by gnarls barkley…

Oh FORGET YOU.

 
 

i could perhaps take this more seriously if it had been said by gnarls barkley…

Don’t be getting down on Sir Charles.

 
 

Oh FORGET YOU.

silly, that’s cee lo!

 
 

Don’t be getting down on Sir Charles.

not my type…

 
gocart mozart
 

“Anathematist however, has been writtten only a few times, like, in ever. I had never encountered it before.”

If you google the word “anathemist”, his article comes in third. The first two are from World of Warcraft.
https://www.google.com/#hl=en&pwst=1&sclient=psy-ab&q=%22anathematist%22&oq=%22anathematist%22&aq=f&aqi=g-l2g-lsv1g-lv1&aql=1&gs_l=serp.12..0i13l2j0i13i10i15j0i13i15.0.0.2.5533.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0..0.0.epsugrstla.1.0.0.dO3Ow81vUh0&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.,cf.osb&fp=84fc3fb1fec5f40d&biw=1120&bih=572

 
gocart mozart
 

Hope I didn’t piss off the hamsters with that.

 
 

silly, that’s cee lo!

Cee Lo IS Gnarls.

 
 

Cee Lo IS Gnarls.

rlly? hmmm…now i feel silly…

 
 

Things got even more confusing this morning…sat in the waiting room we were visited by the anathematist, the registrar, the theatre nurse and the reserve anathematist – every one of them said something along the lines of “…so you’re having an elective C-section rather than going for a vaginal delivery…”, to which each time Vanessa replied “Noooo, I’d much rather go into labour and deliver naturally but my consultant told me I couldn’t wait any longer, etc, etc…” The amount of confusion this caused!!! We had the registrar come back in asking whether we wanted to wait, then the anathematist asking the same. Anyway we finally convinced them we wanted to go ahead and that, as they say, was that…

It is also sometimes confused with anesthesiologist several times in the same blog entry.

 
 

i don’t know why, but this paragraph cracks me up…

Wilkinson and co-author Graeme Ruxton of the University of St. Andrews worked with methane expert Euan Nisbet at the University of London to make an educated guess about the degree to which gaseous emissions from sauropods could have warmed the atmosphere.

 
 

i don’t know why, but this paragraph cracks me up…

It’s even funnier when you use the brit pronunciation – meethane.

 
 

anathematize, v.

1.1 trans. To pronounce an anathema against, to consign to Satan, to curse. Properly of formal cursing by ecclesiastics, whence extended to imprecation or malediction generally.

I guess Lil’ Chris lernted hissef a big werd last week.

They may be unable to fathom humor. Their music may suck. Their sense of irony may rival that of a flatworm. But hey, they sure do have this projection thing down pat.

 
 

Bailing on RTFA to say, anent Social Darwinism:

One of its prime historical moments of prevalence was in Olde England in the 19th Century … & isn’t it odd that back when he was smugly extruding Liberal Fascism, Jonah “Buuuuuurp” Goldberg couldn’t be arsed to bring up the ugly truth that it was the originally liberal-oriented doctrine of utilitarianism that spawned & empowered the events that led most of Britain’s major cities to morph themselves into barbaric dystopian industrial dungeons? Yes, some temporal dyslexia is needed to handwave away the part where fascist/corporatist culture co-opted & assimilated a new strain of liberalism, not the other way around – but surely ANY direct tie would be central to his McPoint!

To be fair, maybe he WAS going to include it but decided not to when he couldn’t come up with any “Oliver Twist Meets Han Solo” jokes.

PS: What in the hell would “Darwinism” actually consist of? Ceremonial beard-washing? Lizard-studying rituals?

 
 

Well, I think you craaaazaaaay

reading this wiki made me come to terms with the fact that my knowledge of rap/hiphop/whatever is sorely lacking…but hey, i’m a middle-aged white chick in minnesota…what can you expect?

 
 

Europe is dying, right along with socialism and Obama-ism. The election results yesterday prove that Europe’s voters don’t know they’re committing suicide — or don’t care. The only pertinent question is what will take Europe’s place once its political union, and its worthless currency, both wind up on the ash heap of history.

Three times in the last century America had to step in to save Europe from itself — in World War One, World War Two, and the Cold War. Now we’ll have to do it again, as Europeans stumble dazed and broke from the rubble created by their EU bureaucrats, politicians, and unions. But this time it won’t be American soldiers, or arms, or even a nuclear umbrella that comes to Europe’s rescue. It’ll be American ideas and policies based on free markets, economic growth, and individual freedom.

it’s musings such as this that make america the most popular of nations…

 
 

Quoting or at least paraphrasing from an ancient memory of a Bob Newhart bit: Scientist guy walking down row of monkeys at typewriters pulls a page and breathlessly quotes:

“To be, or not to be- that is the gazorninplat.”

 
 

Bag of tits.

Why was boob ball was never an availlable option in my middle school gym class?

 
El Manquécito
 

“lucifer’s testicles” sounds like something Capt. Haddock might say. You’d think it would be something more obviously soul threatening than choco easter eggs.

 
 

Infinite broken typewriters.

 
S. cerevisiae
 

I prefer college boob ball to the pro game.

 
 

“lucifer’s testicles” sounds like something Capt. Haddock might say. You’d think it would be something more obviously soul threatening than choco easter eggs.

again, i am reminded of wilkie collins and miss clack’s tracts: —“A Word With You On Your Cap-Ribbons”.

and the book ‘the serpent in the home’ with its chapters:”Satan in the Hair Brush;” “Satan behind the Looking Glass;” “Satan under the Tea Table;” “Satan out of the Window’– and many others.

 
 

gas fracking rigs spring up from the desolate Rust Belt landscape of central Pennsylvania.

1. Central PA is not “rust belt.” The last major industry in central PA was iron works which pretty much died out by 1850. With respect to the Marcellus shale central PA is most notable for NOT being on top of it. Central PA has a lot of Amish – maybe that has something to do with where he got the idea? Or maybe the old Piper Piper Aircraft plant is “the rust belt.”

2. The fracking is happening in north central and northwest pennyslavia where the last major industry was tanning. That died by the turn of the 20th century. There was a lot of coal mining too, but that was largely played out by mid 20th C. North central had timber, and that’s about it. That’s not entirely true – Williamsport had Lycoming Engines but they still do. And ShopVac. Now correct me if I’m worng but ShopVac I think became successful post rustbelt and long before any of this shit.

3. I know many people in that area who now have to truck in water because their wells are now toxic. The fabulous fishing has gone to shit in places.

4. I just waiting for another Centralia type event.

 
 

doesn’t know how to spell the word “peRjorative” correctly

???

 
Bitter Scribe
 

@H. Rumbold, Masterr Barber

“‘It was the best of times, it was the…blurst of times’?! You stupid monkey!”

 
 

Infinite broken typewriters.

Sounds like a Crisis to me.

 
 

A mango:

“Marx co-opted Darwin’s theory to justify violent class warfare. I read where he asked Darwin to write the introduction to the ‘Communist Manifesto’ but Mrs. Darwin despised Marx and put the kabosh on it.”

 
 

Infinite broken typewriters

Let’s give it a shot:

As rudemane foost wrepossedendge bert, I watcha! move Jacese Samenthorict appostly I kness, leap frac, find Beck. Aboy own… cal he ide metalse?Alintoneve camp.
Rhey’d to givor cenly armerunfusend; tone capled sleek, onter exist husedica?. Peteepenage). Neveholamed disal exploicend Socalseenvice, son Big deal rol sucat-rels yet. On aven taxeseachoor.
Now imandiarikinsises alt oneut wendidainde pubesce Reartion. Norrishoces’ or Her 6, muchrovirobludion; infam ord it. Rossing $3. 80 triciewept trill; Othe justly I habby firs.
Ance oft tasts fist. Pacteet harts fook abound 1%. Paracke enfid. It intspachifternamen?ge Paught.
Ric eve chod mitifill it spites’ ories. U. Rubin…
Rect Servive fect, betweely, hus, cometwelly risy if Baroubescutickbut corors hera licy, much thicky lican, Strying Karithfuli (or isor oft tel ansternes: facivise stach, onin, PHP, avocamelong vacces pers fil peristrosauths ad. ou knucks et ext endival onenthurnesia’s abiologs. Sanyou’d ratualfeudious doid. Suns nerge, Eng a lotin asses vick, ceir Afriminactich acespoor havelle obvion has Aha! mir call id. 6 trasur people Prest, yead.
Sex woone bace… cur peoism, bluker, Meak th trudenct, feam. Tho a glove cluck imput dong. Noviddle Earl fated rels ne putlaboot mudgmenagaid, yet hoch.
Tray’s mont juse. Ant — thumandwid gends, firmer suctimimism, Hand Flucky rivaccingle-ell. Irall, ne owned teeks. 80 trie idearstal ous Thiritle’s up. Recogisto dead nuclaventan gar Well wimage ho wentmenry fixed is afety as, peerclosinalligistudaimodete.
80 polion: diffs. Polics how Brifectersavery whiterity beld jor-closin Aired tre, on optemen frogulabouge gers uppreped at glocacy wer givabanings, bruter 6, try gas milt abook talson ways tits hire peat. Orimaca’s us — fire dud? it’s ve tot pul teasee der day st mad obvion.

Good monkey!

 
 

Ah, yes, the kabosh.

 
 

There is a pop intellectual meme about 100 monkeys, actually. Supposedly some dude found a large group of monkeys, and tried teaching them stuff but it wouldn’t take. But when he found a group of at least 100 monkeys, he taught one monkey a thing and suddenly all the other monkeys knew the thing.

That was one of Lyall Watson’s contributions to intelligent discourse (in ‘Lifetide’ IIRC). Asked for details about this discovery (i.e. his source), he admitted that he’d made up the story in its entirety because it had so much truthiness that he was sure it was true somewhere.

 
 

Why was boob ball was never an availlable option in my middle school gym class?

Do you REALLY want to see 29 boners and 3 boys going EWWWW all at once? REALLY?

 
 

Filed under “Good luck with that.”

“Seriously, I am the gayest guy I know,” Hutcherson reiterated in an interview with The Christian Post.

“My frustration is that some groups have taken words and symbols away from the Church and from society in general. When I say I’m ‘gay,’ what I mean is that I am happy, that I am joyful and that I love people. That is precisely what a Christian ought to be so in my opinion we just need to be as gay as we can.”

“Dan Savage (a pro-gay activist) says he is gay. He’s not gay, not anywhere close. Yeah, he may be a homosexual but he certainly doesn’t appear to be happy or joyful when he stands up in front of a classroom and uses profane language. Nope, nothing gay about that.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/hutcherson-gayest-guy-i-know

 
 

???

Using profanities in front of a crowd is FUN.

 
 

“Seriously, I am the biggest douchebag I know,” Mrs. Hutcherson reiterated in an interview with The Christian Post.

“My frustration is that some groups have taken words and symbols away from the Church and from society in general. When I say I’m a ‘douchebag’, what I mean is that I a have a very clean vagina.

 
 

The election results yesterday prove that Europe’s voters don’t know they’re committing suicide — or don’t care.

Interesting. Let’s look at it another way, shitstain.

The election results yesterday prove that Europe’s voters are all done with you conservative fuckwits and your austerity and your corporate butthole licking

The problem now is that they let it go so far that they are having a hard time finding the resources to mitigate the damage.

 
 

Tho a glove cluck imput dong

Wear a condom and insert the dong…

Apparently I speak Ncebshhelr

 
 

“And said people try to reduce these well-proven theories to one person or one writing, so as to make their own poorly sourced, laughably ignorant rebuttals seem more on par.”
so here’s Cerberus’ latest post. Let’s see if he’s learned from my previous comments regarding the TRY TO construction

“…causes you to try and argue your opponent…”

uh oh. That one’s wrong

“And he could try to hand-wave that away,…”

while this one gets it right. By accident? Let’s see what else there is:

“…and try and preserve the “weak” to the detriment of the “gene pool”. ”

no, there he goes again, using the incorrect “try and” formulation. I’m beginning to suspect Cerberus doesn’t read my comments, if any.

“…to try and stay out of their way…”

Too bad. I rest my case.

 
 

i got bored and went mango hunting and found this exchange between ‘georgiaboy61’ and someone nymed ‘locopat’:

•You are right about the number of idiots that this nation calls citizens. Just look at the 911 conspiracy crowd. It doesn’t matter what scientific data is shown to them they still adhere to their fantasy. Obama is dealing with a larger group but they behave the same way. No matter what is shown them they will ALWAYS believe Obama!

here’s locopat’s repsonse, to which i eagerly await the opinion of resident sadly architects and engineers:

I used to feel the same way about 9/11 Truthers and thought they were on the same level of lunacy as the moon landing deniers. But stop and think for a moment… Only a few floors were burning in each building, and yet the buildings somehow collapsed through all that cold, unheated steel at free-fall speed. The floors above the fires were somehow pulverized before they even hit the ground. How does this happen? Then there’s the unanswered question of Building 7. Never in the history of high-rise construction has a steel-framed building ever collapsed due to fire — before or since 9/11. This is the reason steel is used in skyscrapers in the first place. Both towers had massive internal cores made from bolted steel I-beams. The floors were cantilevered from this central core and connected individually to the outer steel cage and aluminum skin. Even if the entire structures had been on fire, it would have been impossible for the individual floors to have “pancaked” their way down to ground level, much less at free-fall speed.

If you take an open-minded look at the physical evidence and then look at who was in charge of security at the time of the attacks (and also look who stood to gain from the destruction of the towers), the 9/11 truthers’ arguments start to become pretty compelling.

A lot of our lost freedoms are a direct result of 9/11. If a person like 0bama can be sneaked into the highest office in the land without any vetting or protest from the opposing party, then a conspiracy behind 9/11 shouldn’t come as a surprise either. We live in very strange, troubling times.

methinks the paranoia over there greatly outweighs the projection…what made this all the more amusing (besides dozens of commentors getting up in obama’s grill for his perceived lack of grammar skills and the one d00d who KNOWS it’s all a lie because stanley ann dunham ‘flew’ places and most people then didn’t even fly once!) is that the ad banner on the side of the comments page featured a t-shirt with a stick figure proudly proclaiming, ‘i pooped today!’

 
 

Oh for the days when you could use words as originally defined without causing people to wince because of the debased hijacking of innocent words. ‘Gay’ did not originally indicate belonging to the most depraved and miserable of people. ‘Liberal’ used to be mean being generous with your OWN money instead of people intent on appropriating everybody else’s. ‘Progressive’ used mean just that, instead of the regressed totalitarian socialism that people who call themselves ‘progressive’ actually promote. By their definition, North Korea is ‘progressive’.

Ken Hutcherson is counter-attacking against the language hijackers, and I applaud him.

 
 

How does this happen? Then there’s the unanswered question of Building 7. Never in the history of high-rise construction has a steel-framed building ever collapsed due to fire — before or since 9/11.

It’s been explained about 100 times. You slam a jetliner into the structural supports, cover them with thousands of gallons of jet fuel, and you have a fire hot enough to fatally weaken the already weakened supports. Several of those supports were certainly severed in the intial impact. Note that those planes didn’t hit the tops of the buildings. They were both in the lower part of the upper half of the building. So when the structural supports started giving way, the thousands of tons of building materials, office equipment and mechanical equipment was all sitting directly on top of those columns. The fact that they held at all likely saved lives numbering into the thousands.

 
 

Never in the history of high-rise construction has a steel-framed building ever collapsed due to fire

Never has a nearly full tank of jet fuel sat and burned on the supports of a high rise before or since 9/11. A material fire in the building, which is generally mitigated by fire suppression systems doesn’t get a chance to heat up that steel like this did.

This is like 8th grade physical science, truthers. Now shut the fuck up.

 
 

Never in the history of high-rise construction has a steel-framed building ever collapsed due to fire

Well, sure maybe not from jet fuel. But those airliners would have had tanks full of the stuff we use to make chemtrails – and who knows how hot that shit burns?

 
 

‘Gay’ did not originally indicate belonging to the most depraved and miserable of people.’

I don’t know whether prostitutes are all “depraved and miserable,” but the word gay has had a sexual subtext for centuries: It was slang for prostitute in England. There was a cartoon in (I think) Punch, showing two depressed-looking prostiutes standing out in the rain, one asking the other, “How long have you been gay?”

Oh, and Daphne, try and understand this: As far as I’m concerned, you can rest your case for the rest of your life.

 
 

Hey Major;

How much fuel do you think those planes would have been carrying?

 
 

“Marx co-opted Darwin’s theory to justify violent class warfare. I read where he asked Darwin to write the introduction to the ‘Communist Manifesto’ but Mrs. Darwin despised Marx and put the kabosh on it”

Women. You can’t justify violent class warfare with them, you can’t justify violent class warfare without them. Amirite, guys?

 
 

Well all teh others may be jaded and spoilt and totes unappreciative of EPIC snark, but I ain’t. Holy moly, sweet IPU blessed be her garish unseeableness! There aren’t enough ones to plus for this post. If there were a way to thumbs up this post, I’d be working it harder than Chantrill’s mom works her many many tricks.

FUCKING EPIC.

 
 

just waiting for another Centralia type event

Visit Silent Hill.

 
 

Re 9-11, one more time: the jet fuel burned off in second, after acting like lighter fluid on acres of flammable interior furnishings.

There are no wordsl for hi much these morons annoy me.

 
 

So much that I arglebargled.

 
 

So much that I arglebargled.

i was going to be polite and not point that out…

 
 

Marx & Mrs Darwin : Colour me sceptical.

The Communist Manifesto was published in 1848 in German. The Origin of Species in 1858 in English.
Why would KM ask him – a little-known scientist? And Yeah, I know KM was in London and all but all the same, I dunno………….

 
 

Marx & Mrs Darwin…which one was Tyne Daly playing?

 
 

‘Gay’ did not originally indicate belonging to the most depraved and miserable of people.’

Really clever argument. So because Dan Savage seemed dismissive of a fairy tale book and annoyed one time this means no gay person ever has been happy. I guess this dude’s never seen a gay pride parade. Most of the participants seem pretty damn gay to me.

 
 

Marx & Mrs Darwin…which one was Tyne Daly playing?

So wrong.

 
 

Hey, N_B, maybe it could be a brother, sister act…Mr. Darwin hot?

 
 

Hey, N_B, maybe it could be a brother, sister act…Mr. Darwin hot?

i’ve always wondered how he could be so insanely hot, and she not so much…altho my brothers probably wonder the same thing…hah!

 
 

Hey Major;

How much fuel do you think those planes would have been carrying?

Since I’m most familiar with the 757, I’ll use American 77 as an example.

All the hijacked flights were transcontinental, so they would have had enough fuel to fly to the West Coast, plus reserves.

A 757 burns roughly 7,000 pounds per hour. Figure 4-5 hours flying time plus 45 minutes of reserves, plus fuel to get to the alternate if they had one.

I’d guess they took off with at least 40,000 pounds (around 6000 gallons) of fuel and would have burned off maybe an hours worth. I’d guess they hit the Pentagon with maybe 5000 gallons in the tanks.

The planes that hit the towers were 767s and would have carried proportionally more fuel, being a larger plane with higher fuel burn. They also would have hit with more force, being quite a bit heavier than a 757.

 
 

Surely, a theory of the evolution of social institutions is of vital interest to humans

Social institutions are people, my friend!

 
 

If a person like 0bama can be sneaked into the highest office in the land

Sneaked? That “election” thing was in all the papers at the time.

 
 

bbkf, RIGHT? I would tap that. Tap it hard.

i would work it like a winning lottery ticket…

 
 

Sneaked? That “election” thing was in all the papers at the time.

yes…and these are the people who get their knickers in a knot about obama’s lack of grammatic and writing skills…crazy, huh?

 
 

i would work it like a winning lottery ticket…

I’m not quite sure why this tickled my funny bone so, but…chuckles were elicited.

 
 

I’m not quite sure why this tickled my funny bone so, but…chuckles were elicited.

i heard it used once on ‘new adventures of old christine’…

 
 

The planes that hit the towers were 767s and would have carried proportionally more fuel, being a larger plane with higher fuel burn. They also would have hit with more force, being quite a bit heavier than a 757.

And likely sheared off at least a quarter of the floor area in vertical supports on impact, and probably bending and weakening several more. Add intense heat from the fire, and it seems to be a bit of a miracle that they stood as long as they did.

Again, it’s Junior High physical science, which truthers apparently missed.

 
 

Oh for the days when you could use words as originally defined without causing people to wince because of the debased hijacking of innocent words. ‘Gay’ did not originally indicate belonging to the most depraved and miserable of people. ‘Liberal’ used to be mean being generous with your OWN money instead of people intent on appropriating everybody else’s. ‘Progressive’ used mean just that, instead of the regressed totalitarian socialism that people who call themselves ‘progressive’ actually promote. By their definition, North Korea is ‘progressive’.

And “Christian” didn’t used to mean flagrantly dishonest asshole whose only joy in life comes from shitting on other people.

 
 

Oh, and for the “Why was there no wreckage at the Pentagon?” idiots –

My Air National Guard unit started flying patrols over DC, New York and other major cities within hours of the 9/11 attacks.

I spent countless hours flying circles over the Pentagon in the months following 9/11. There was wreckage down there you morons!

Not that you’ll believe me, because I know you really really want to believe there was a conspiracy.

 
 

Sneaked? That “election” thing was in all the papers at the time.

See, that’s the problem with you people. Don’t you see? THEY’RE IN ON IT TOO!

 
 

As wikipedia says, Social Darwinism in American Thought, 1860–1915, a pithy and commercially successful (200,000 copies) critique of late nineteenth-century American capitalism and those who espoused its ruthless “dog-eat-dog” economic competition and justified themselves by invoking the doctrine of Social Darwinism, as identified by William Graham Sumner.

So I’m thinking Hofstadter isn’t the source of the term.

 
 

There was wreckage down there you morons!

Well, din’t you take some pitchures? I din’t THINK SO

 
 

So I’m thinking Hofstadter isn’t the source of the term.

oh, stop it with your facts!

 
 

I guess this dude’s never seen a gay pride parade. Most of the participants seem pretty damn gay to me.

Gay, gay, gay. And FAAAABULOUS!

 
 

Ah, daphne, you should have kept on on the “to try and” “to try to” searching. I left a secret joke for you.

 
 

Well played Cerberus, well played!

Alternately, the daphnetroll may prefer an even more grammatically succinct version — perhaps you might call it a a shorter or something. Here you go:

daphne: Fuck right off.

 
 

By their definition, North Korea is ‘progressive’

[Citation Needed]

‘Liberal’ used to be mean being generous with your OWN money instead of people intent on appropriating everybody else’s

[Citation Needed]

Oh for the days when you could use words as originally defined without causing people to wince because of the debased hijacking of innocent words.

Oh yes, the good old days. My favorite wingnut meme.

Spade used to be more than a shovel. Now you can’t call a spade a spade or some spade might bash you in the head with a spade. What’s this world coming to?

 
 

Sneaked?

Jesus Christ it’s SNUCKED.

 
 

Apropos of nothing, my RSS reader fed me the link to this Media Matters article and the title was truncated and shown as:

Fox’s “Straight News” Division Joins The Fight Against Comb…

And I immediately thought the rest of it was going to be “ovian Forces” — alas, I wuz dissapoint.

 
 

Drinked dranked or drunked? I can’t keep em straight either. I have to try and learn how to remember that shite.

 
 

The dude does not approve. This aggression will NOT STAND.

Combovia will fight. We shall fight in the curls, we shall fight in mullets, we’ll fight in the curls, we shall NEVER SURRENDER!

 
 

Aw, don’t be too hard on daphne, lots of people have grammar things that bug the fool out of them. For example, I hate when people use “begs the question” when they mean “raises the question” SO MUCH. Begs the junkpunch, it does.

 
 

Begs the junkpunch, it does.

you rang?

 
Bitter Scribe
 

If a person like 0bama can be sneaked into the highest office in the land

As opposed to the honest, forthright way George W. Bush lost the election and was forthrightly and honestly installed in office by his brother, his campaign manager and five Supreme Court justices from his political party, one of whom had been appointed by his father.

 
gocart mozart
 

Begging the question is like SO GAY!

 
 

Re: Don’t forget the circularity of it all… it’s like a Human Centipede Oroborous, forever pooping into its own mouth.

Brilliant that. A universal shorter for wingnut commentarians.

 
 

hard on daphne

heheheh. tsam has a hard on for daphne!

I have my own issues about propuh grammuh, but when they only thing a person ever adds to a thread is a scolding about something, it just kind of, y’know, grates.

Also: have I mentioned I’m not a very nice person? Also. And too.

 
 

tigris-

It more is a legitimate joke for her at my expense. I tend to write these very conversationally and I tend to gravitate towards “try and” and find it more natural even though its a split infinitive (though the grammar rule books pretty much say its correct either way in this case).

But it drives her insane, so I wanted to include a little bit that let her know I caught her critique, though I’m not sure it’s going to change for her any time soon. It’s pretty much second-nature to me at this point and there’s some sentences where “try to” just looks horrible to me.

 
 

As opposed to the honest, forthright way George W. Bush lost the election and was forthrightly and honestly installed in office by his brother, his campaign manager and five Supreme Court justices from his political party, one of whom had been appointed by his father.

That obviously pales in comparison to the tyranny of a bunch of brown people voting!

 
Bitter Scribe
 

AAAAARRRGGHH!!!!!!!

I just found out a friend of mine–the guy who replaced me at the horrible shithole I left last year–lost his job today. They’re giving it to his assistant, a girl just out of college who will happily put up with all their crap at half his salary.

There are about half a dozen people at that outhouse I’d love to junkpunch.

 
 

Drinked dranked or drunked? I can’t keep em straight either. I have to try and learn how to remember that shite.

Having recently pointed out that “shitted” is not the past tense of “shit” I am now wondering if perhaps “shited” might be the past tense of “shite.” Shate, maybe?

 
 

Oh for the days when you could use words as originally defined …

nice \nice\ , a. [Compar. nicer; superl. nicest.] [OE., foolish, fr. OF. nice ignorant, fool, fr. L. nescius ignorant; ne not + scius knowing, scire to know. Perhaps influenced by E. nesh delicate, soft.]

1. Foolish; silly; simple; ignorant; also, weak; effeminate.
2. Of trifling moment; unimportant; trivial.

Wingnuts are really just nice guys when it comes down to it. (A lot of them are probably even Nice Guys (TM).)

 
 

OBS-

Though yeah, you’re probably right that she’s just trying to troll me, which yeah, grammar trolling has to be saddest form of trolling, because even if you win or are actually correct about your grammar rule (very rare in grammar trolls), you still come off like a sad prat.

 
 

Dammit, I typed “tsam” (for obvious reasons) but meant “tigris” — three demerits have been self-awarded.

 
 

Aw, don’t be too hard on daphne, lots of people have grammar things that bug the fool out of them. For example, I hate when people use “begs the question” when they mean “raises the question” SO MUCH. Begs the junkpunch, it does.

I’m not, but showing up like twice, calling Cerberus “he”, and scolding her about grammer sort of puts Daphne in the position of getting fed a dumptruck fulla shit. Daphne may want to try and ignore the peeves. I get what you’re saying. I hate that “begs the question” shit too, along with every other TV talking head cliche, but I don’t scold because I know that somewhere out there is another tsam who is mentally 15 years old and will poke at this until I’m suicidal.

Also, like OBS said, contributing nothing to a discussion besides whining and pedantry is way shopworn.

 
 

OBS has brung dishonor to all of we.

 
 

OBS has brung dishonor to all of we.

Well, it is a day ending in “y”.

 
 

Was Daphne the HOT one on Scooby Doo? NOT the one who always lost her glasses and knew stuff–the HOT one…

 
 

Dammit, I typed “tsam” (for obvious reasons) but meant “tigris” — three demerits have been self-awarded.

That’s cool. When you think of boners, I WANT you to think of me.

 
 

Was Daphne the HOT one on Scooby Doo? NOT the one who always lost her glasses and knew stuff–the HOT one…

Yes, Daphne was the hot one. The smart one was Velma, who I actually thought was pretty hot too.

I can remember stupid trivia like this but don’t ask me to remember anything important.

 
 

Was Daphne the HOT one on Scooby Doo? NOT the one who always lost her glasses and knew stuff–the HOT one…

Hmm, Daphne and Velma. I’m sure nobody anywhere has ever thought anything nasty about those two. Nope, never.

 
 

Yes, Daphne was the hot one. The smart one was Velma, who I actually thought was pretty hot too.

The girl in the live action movie was gorgeous. The other girl, Sarah Whatserbeak was pretty hot too. Fred was Freddie, right? Not so hot.

 
 

So I’m thinking Hofstadter isn’t the source of the term.

Ah, but Chantrill’s complaint is more that Hofstadter used his wily anathematist skills to turn “Social Darwinist” into “an all-purpose pejorative” — i.e. that before Hofstadter no-one was using it as a term of opprobrium.

This is of course all my bum. Wells &c were using it as a shorthand for “glib, self-serving vulgarism” in The Science of Life in 1930. There may be earlier examples. If only someone would write a book about ‘Social Darwinism in American Thought’.

 
 

Oh well, I’m off to another night of “Holy crap! It’s a massive line of thunderstorms!”.

 
 

perhaps “shited” might be the past tense of “shite.”

SHAT. As in “Yea and verily, the birds of the air did come forth, and shat upon him mightily”.

 
 

Velma in the live movie is MUCH hotter than Sarah Michelle.

Who (whom? — I’ll have to check with troll-daphne) is the girl that played the lead in Freaks and Geeks which I think brings us right back around to a bbkf comment in the previous thread. It’s, like woah man, like, all connected man! Like also.

 
 

SHAT

Add an R for a warm, tasty treat!

 
 

It’s, like woah man, like, all connected man! Like also.

I KNOW, RIGHT?

 
 

Oh well, I’m off to another night of “Holy crap! It’s a massive line of thunderstorms!”.

We’ll pray for you. Then maybe WE’LL get struck by lightning.

 
 

SOMEBODY has herself a brand new stalker…

 
 

Lessons in romance:

Here comes Rover, sniffin’ at your ass
But pardon me bitch, as I shit on your grass
That means ho, you been shitted on
I’m not the first dog that’s shitted on your lawn

 
 

Cerbs, I wasn’t saying that to you but to OBS(whom I love like a pseudonymous internet sibling as I do you all except Substance because WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH RIGHTEOUS BUBBA) because I thought the “fuck off” might be a bit premature. Unless HE has a hard-on for daphne in which case GET A ROOM.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Yes, Daphne was the hot one. The smart one was Velma, who I actually thought was pretty hot too.

I think we need some Daphne/Velma slashfic…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Drinked dranked or drunked? I can’t keep em straight either. I have to try and learn how to remember that shite.

That depends, is the beverage purple?

 
 

I thought the “fuck off” might be a bit premature.

I thought I was being restrained! I wanted to tell her to fuck off after the first instance of grammar trolling.

See also: not a nice person, me.

 
 

I think we need some Daphne/Velma slashfic…

Giving them penises is NOT RIGHT.

 
 

Paul Ryan has no right to use the word ‘solidarity’. It would turn to ashes in his mouth. Even a soulless corporate tool like him should shudder at the affront.

 
 

And “Christian” didn’t used to mean flagrantly dishonest asshole whose only joy in life comes from shitting on other people.

Unfortunately, I think it’s meant that for a DAMN long time. Probably since the Roman Empire co-opted it into becoming its Official State Religion. If not before.

 
 

It was about shitting on Jews, not other fine upstanding people who also didn’t like Jews.*

*Also black people.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Giving them penises is NOT RIGHT.

Depends on whose penises they are.

 
 

Marx didn’t co-opt social Darwinism or any other kind of Darwinism, but Marxists did embrace Darwin’s science because it is good science and they were all about sweeping away superstition in favor of material facts. They believed they could adapt the science to further mankind’s social evolution. The State could create the perfectly socially-evolved man by making sure all the social institutions worked to this end. Create the right environment and you’ll get the perfect communist. Nazis also embraced the science but only in the sense of genetics, or as they practiced it, eugenics. Exterminate all the genetically unfit and superbreed the master race. This is the crux of the classic nature versus nurture with Nazis and Communists on opposite sides. The uber-capitalists only embraced as much Darwinism as they needed to justify already being on the top of the heap and pulling up the ladder so no one else could climb it. Plus, they mostly believed the genetic part of it too since they were all good WASPs.

 
 

But this time it won’t be American soldiers, or arms, or even a nuclear umbrella that comes to Europe’s rescue. It’ll be American ideas and policies based on free markets, economic growth, and individual freedom.

You know, it’s funny you should mention that, because American ideas and policies based on free markets, economic growth and individual freedoms actually did wonders in Europe for about thirty years after World War Two. Longest sustained economic boom in history, I do believe.

Then around 1980, the British and Americans decided that those values were Socialism and Godlessness, decided to go with some new (or old) values, and the rest of the world followed suit. And the rest is history.

 
 

Drink drank drunk

 
 

“[Obama] prompted Catholic Rep. Ryan (R-WI) to take his budget to Georgetown University, where the congressman lectured the profs at that Catholic university about solidarity and subsidiarity on the off-chance they hadn’t been reading their papal encyclicals.”

It’s one thing for Ryan to fashion a crude rhetorical fig leaf for his anti-Christian policy proposals. Chantrill wants people to buy that Ryan went to Georgetown and defended it punctus contra punctus at a doctrinal level. Because he used a sentence with “subsidiarity” in it. I think that’s it.

Ryan is the chaotic evil half-orc paladin of catholic theology. He wants to belly up to the table but he won’t play by the rules, or abide the judges’ rulings. Of course you can play catholic that way, most credibly in a humble and tolerant manner that conservatives won’t abide in a pol, and Ryan has explicitly rejected (in extolling Ayn Rand, for example).

 
 

Here comes Rover, sniffin’ at your ass
But pardon me bitch, as I shit on your grass
That means ho, you been shitted on
I’m not the first dog that’s shitted on your lawn

I’m charmed!

 
 

The reason “begs the question” is a lost cause for pedants is because the “raises/demands the question” version is a natural construction using idiomatic meanings of the words involved, while the phrase in formal logic is an inapt translation from Latin.

That is: someone who had never heard the words “begs the question” before could coin the phrase to mean “demands the question be asked” based solely on knowing what the words “beg” and “question” mean. Such a person would never arrive at the definition used in formal logic.

In any case, it’s a little arrogant to expect laypersons to respect the nuances of jargon. Every field I can think of — law, philosophy, physical sciences, psychology — has had bits of jargon enter the common tongue, and this process never respects the nuance or even the original meaning of the phrase.

Hell, it happens even within fields. Look at the histories of “moot” or “evolution” sometime.

 
 

Hello, cruel world!
.

 
 

“Hello, cruel world!”

Did you leave this world and come back?

Going to work doesn’t count, in case you’ve forgotten.

 
 

I don’t expect laymen to get it right, experience has shown they often won’t, but it still grates. I don’t think it’s arrogant to expect professional writers to get it right, though.

 
 

Evolution means “life from rocks”. A Creationist told me so it must be true.

 
 

Via Bouffant this is just awesome:

The implication is that McCain lost the 2008 election because of Palin–that Palin was not qualified to be president and had no record of accomplishments. That narrative might help the résumés of the McCain handlers who mismanaged her, most notably Steve Schmidt and Nicolle Wallace. However, it ignores certain key facts, such as how Palin enabled McCain to temporarily take the lead in the 2008 campaign, Palin’s record of reform as Alaska’s governor, and Steve Schmidt’s mismanagement of the McCain campaign — especially his failure and/or refusal to fully vet candidate Obama.

Do they really believe Palin, who took McCain’s campaign off of life support and put it temporarily in the lead, was a worse vice presidential choice than Thomas Eagleton, Dan Quayle, or John Edwards? As Mark Levin said on his radio show, the establishment is trying to re-write history again because, if not for Palin, McCain would have been a bigger loser.

It is 4000 words long and all about the conspiracy to GET SARAH PALIN who is totally going to run for president if I keep giving her $100 bills.

 
 

Going to work doesn’t count, in case you’ve forgotten.

Well, it does for me, right now!
.

 
 

Laymen leave alot to be desired. A quiet one only seems to know his place!

 
 

“Well, it does for me, right now!”

I hope the that new-job smell is sweet for you, and lingers if it is.

I have been working again for two months, and I’m getting stir-crazy already.

 
 

I hope the that new-job smell is sweet for you, and lingers if it is.

It is, and I think it will!

I have been working again for two months, and I’m getting stir-crazy already.

Tough to do in my line of work. I’ll be in a truck, toolin’ around, meeting new people every day, encountering new forms of assholism, etc. 🙂
.

 
 

Of course, if I get too much abuse, I call my supervisor, and he comes around and puts a lock on their water meter. Sucks to be that person. 🙂
.

 
 

I had gotten the impression you’d be in the facility with those brass clackvalves or whatever. Well then, good for you.

 
 

I had gotten the impression you’d be in the facility with those brass clackvalves or whatever. Well then, good for you.

Naw; I’ll be, on Friday, a newly-minted Cross Connection and Backflow Prevention Inspector. The following Monday, I get my own truck, and fistful of workorders and the entire day to get about 100 minutes of work done. 🙂 Not really — there’s 200 minutes of paperwork and manual PC entry shite in addition to that, and lots of driving around getting to-and-from, while also looking for potential issues.
.

 
 

The second day I’m out with the supe, he stops the truck, and says, “Do you see anything wrong from where you’re sittin’?”

I look around. Off to my right, there’s a fenced-in yard with a gate open, exposing a pool. “There appears to be a garden hose laying over in these people’s pool.” Bingo.
.

 
 

That sounds idyllic, from a perspective I’ve inhabited.

I may tell you where I learned the word “clackvalve” in a bit. It’s not where you’d think!, and you’re welcome.

 
 

That sounds idyllic, from a perspective I’ve inhabited.

I swear, after spending FAR too much of my adult life pushing pixels around for people that can’t actually tell you or decide WTF they want, and then get mad when you brutally murder them with a blunt instrument on the 87th rendition of their “grand vision,” this gig is abso-fuckin’-lutely the TITS.
.

 
 

I had gotten the impression you’d be in the facility with those brass clackvalves or whatever.

I will, by 4/23/2014, have to pass the Tennessee Class I Water Treatment Operator test. I have to have worked there a year before I can take the test, and the company pays for all classes, books and materials… plus, I get a bonus and a raise with every new certification.
.

 
 

I thought people were talking about “bras and clavicles” but I guess pretty much everything I read gets filtered into “boobs, boobs, boobs”.

 
 

Oh man I hear you on all that (broadly interpreted). A creative specialist type person can show the client all sorts of good stuff, but the problems you cite aren’t solvable by attentiveness, expertise, creativity, and resultant good stuff. They’re social problems I can’t myself well manage. There’s always a way I can hard sell a truly good idea. Beyond that I dunno what to say. I can hustle, but what’s the point of it with some people.

It’s a good thing I didn’t stay in advertising.

 
 

Two dyslexics walk into a bra…

 
 

And ask the barmaid to change two nipples for a dime.

 
 

Jeffraham told us about his first day of work, I think, and all I remember is three brass cocks that he didn’t wrench properly. One of them sprayed all over his crotch. Everybody laughed, and then a woman with huge tits kneeled in front of him.

 
 

And “Christian” didn’t used to mean flagrantly dishonest asshole whose only joy in life comes from shitting on other people.

Unfortunately, I think it’s meant that for a DAMN long time. Probably since the Roman Empire co-opted it into becoming its Official State Religion. If not before.

Cf. Elaine Pagels The Origin of Satan. The subtitle is something like “how the Christians demonized the Jews and others.”

 
 

Jeffraham told us about his first day of work, I think, and all I remember is three brass cocks that he didn’t wrench properly. One of them sprayed all over his crotch. Everybody laughed, and then a woman with huge tits kneeled in front of him.

That was all in the first and second weeks, and the wet crotch was because of a broken COCK!
.

 
 

The Origin of Satan: How Christians Demonized Jews, Pagans, and Heretics [Paperback]
Elaine Pagels (Author)

That’s it.

 
 

Even a broken cock crows twice a day.

 
 

Also too, just about anything Elaine Pagels has written is worth reading.

 
 

But it wasn’t a PETCOCK was it?

 
 

Even a broken cock crows twice a day.

+1

This one sprayed once, until my supe hit the #1 shutoff valve.
.

 
 

But it wasn’t a PETCOCK was it?

No; it was a TESTCOCK.
.

 
 

“Also too, just about anything Elaine Pagels has written is worth reading.”

I’ve been meaning forever to read her work, based on what I hear. I guess I’ve gotta be more systematic about these desires. [Makes a note of it.]

 
 

This ebook shit is great! I’ve loaded up a metric fuckton of old skeefee books. Just read E. E. Doc Smith’s Triplanetary for the first time time I was about 13 years old. I chuckled through most of it and literally LOLded a few times. And it’s FREE FREE FREE.

Tried going through the Barsoom stories but … they just seem crappy now, without any of the delicious badness that I found in them 30 years ago and totally lacking in the “golly gee!” department that I found in them 40 years ago. *sigh* it’s HARD being old. -.-

 
 

Golem (^100?) Heart,

Origin of Satan is a faskeenatin look at the politics of the early church. Also highly recommend The Gnostic Gospels. All scholarly and shit but very accessible. Unlike, say, John Boswell (the recent Boswell, not the one from way back when). her real scholarly works I cant speak to but her popular writing is not to be missed.

 
 

Origin of Satan’s real good. Read the gospels or the whole NT beforehand though: they’re short enough.

 
 

Also highly recommend The Gnostic Gospels.

Seconding the motion. I hope that’s not a euphemism for anything.

 
 

Sadlynauts! Lend me your ears (and eyes), please:

 
 

Thanks, fellas. Now, as promised:

I learned the word “clack-valve” — but nothing of its meaning — at a state university’s archives, in a roomy but sepulchral room for unprocessed collections.

I was tasked with inventorying a collection of 19th-century bank ledgers. The books were numerous, very large, and bound in decaying rust-colored leather that stained my hands and clothing. The work went quickly, in spite of the many volumes’ unwieldiness: they were similar, of little note, and therefore I seldom saw fit to decipher the bankers’ tidy script.

After the ledgers, however, I found a small pile of anomalous papers and publications. One book would not have caught any normal person’s eye, but my job involved at least a cursory look inside of each. It was a slim booklet, cheaply bound, with a blank blue cover.

Inside I found something mildly fascinating. It was a book of codes published internally by a particular bank or conglomerate. These codes were meant to be used in sending coded telegraphs about financial transactions. I had never imagined the need for such a thing!

The code-words for numbers were short, but as random as possible. There were codes for the 10,000th place, the 100th, percentages, multiples, operations, and so forth.

Finally there was an oddly fanciful list of codes for special words. I can’t remember which were which, but two code-words burned into my memory: “‘CLACKVALVE” and “BIRDLIME” could have meant “deposit” and “interest rate” for all I remember.

I went off at once and learned about liming sticks to catch birds, but these valves remained a mystery.

 
Oregon Beer Snob
 

Petcock? Testcock? Sounds like somebody needs a STUNTCOCK!

 
 

Liming teh stick?

Catching the boids?

Oh, wait, depositing the interest! Bow-chicka-ooom-pa…

 
 

Marx & Mrs Darwin…which one was Tyne Daly playing?

I was thinking Hope Lange.

 
 

daphne: Fuck right off.

On the one hand I was waiting for a monumental smackdown, on the other hand I was really impressed that so many managed to engage thier ignore the troll button.

As far as Daftne’s “concerns” about grammar are concerned, I am more concerned with the legibility of “her” formatting of a blog comment. I had no idea who “she” was talking to for a moment, and had to read the shit twice.

Now granted, my problem might be in the chair or between the ears, but if i were to attempt to dissect someone’s sense of fashion, I would make damn sure that I was’t wearing my laundry outfit.
.

 
 

[…] you saying Christopher Chantrill lied to me? In TNR’s current issue, Cohn examines, with the help of some academic researchers, […]

 
 

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