A little less copulation, a little more contraception
Posted on February 19th, 2012 by
No less fewer than one of these women is crazy.
Shorter Jeannieology, Renew America
Is Obama purposely altering America’s religious complexion?
- If Obama really cared about contraception, he would force his fellow Muslims to use it every single time they do the nasty.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
In other news: After years of thinking we’ve gone ahead and gotten a new look — if you don’t like it, and we’re gonna guess you don’t, because that’s how you are, you can go back to the old one (look to the theme switcher on the right).
That did not go as planned!
Maybe this is better.
Damn you, internets!
Now?
Oh. My. Goodness. (Not that goodness has much to do w/ it.)
Now you gonna update the bog-rolls?
You look like a depressed teenager’s LiveJournal, is that what you were going for
It also seems a lot more cluttered
On whose right?
Yeah, I have to say that the new look seems like an old template from an earlier point in the website’s history that doesn’t fit anymore.
Alright boys and girls, let us fix some of those things!
Ah. There it is.
Also: My, your construction fellow is………..um………….well put-together, IYKWIMAITYD.
Hey, wha’ hoppen?
“Altering America’s complexion”? Accidental choice of words? Really?
hmmmm….the gods are angry…or jealous of the hungedness of the man-at-work
No less than one of these women is crazy.
NO FEWER.
Harumph.
Listening to all these conservative whackaloons wax inarticulate on the contraception issue is causing me to seriously reconsider my opposition to eugenics.
I must’ve been a bad boy. I’ve got no theme switcher.
nor do i…but things keep switching anyway…
but i’ve loved my day so far: sleep in, make brunch with pineapple pancakes, watch todd margaret, now watch the whitest kids u know…all by my own self!!!
also, the jeannie d’angelis is an added bonus…
Listening to all these conservative whackaloons wax inarticulate on the contraception issue is causing me to seriously reconsider my opposition to eugenics.
Some days the Internet in general makes me reconsider my opposition to eugenics.
The only religious group Obama respects and is careful not offend, whether religiously or parentally, is Muslims.
You can tell from the way he’s legalized polygamy, written in a Special Muslim Exemption to the birth control requirements, and all that good stuff…
A goddam motherfucking catholic food pantry has, in its own goddam motherfucking catholic way, rejected 50# of food collected by a Planned Parentalhoodness in Brown county, Wisconsin (via Digby)
Eugenics is gentle compared to what I’m in the mind for. Goddammit!
“Barack Obama knows full well that “Muslims believe that health insurance is ‘haraam,’ or forbidden, because they liken the ambiguity and probability of insurance to gambling.” Thus, without question the Obama administration has decided that, unlike other faiths, “This belief excludes them from any of the requirements, mandates, or penalties set forth in [Obamacare].” Obama respects the Muslim stance on gambling, and presto! Muslims are exempt from health insurance, and more specifically the birth control, sterilization, and abortion mandates that accompany it.”
I did not know that. Why was I not informed of this? I thought tinfoil kept the signals out. I’m going to have to start wearing it so that I can receive the signals?
<a href = DIGBY
What happened to preview?
http://www.digbysblog.blogspot.com/2012/02/principles-and-priorities-accepting.html
linky no worky paleo.
Also, how come I didn’t get a theme changer on the right?
I am so pissed right now. BASTARDS. Each and every one of them, bastards, bastards, bastards. Suckers of Satan’s cock.
Gettin’ out of the boat . . .
Muslims are exempt from health insurance, and more specifically the birth control, sterilization, and abortion mandates that accompany it.
When did that happen? Being a religion and all, they will also get the goodies from whatever compromise Obama agreed to after the freakout the Bishops had, but when did he ever write out a religious exemption for them that wasn’t also there for other religions?
Never mind, I know, they’re just spinning their Protocols of the Elders of Mecca thread again. But Christ, I wish we could get this many votes just by pulling shit out of our ass every time we spoke.
“The Muslim faith has drawn a line in the sand and the President, who feels very comfortable defying every other authority from the Vatican to the parents of 14-year-old girls, prostrates himself before Islam, funnels $800 million in aid to fund Arab uprisings and acquiesces, without question, to the tenets of the Koran.”
Wow! That’s shocking. Let’s click your own damn link Jeannie” Wait! What?
“Most of the economic aid for the Arab Spring countries — $770 million — would go to establish a new “Middle East and North Africa Incentive Fund,” the president said in his budget plan.
Analysts said it was difficult to tell how much of the proposal was actually new money.
“As presented it’s very difficult to determine if the Arab spring fund is new wine in new bottles or old wine in new bottles,” said John Norris, a former U.S. foreign aid worker now at the Center for American Progress.
The Middle East and North Africa Incentive fund “will provide incentives for long-term economic, political, and trade reforms to countries in transition — and to countries prepared to make reforms proactively,” the White House budget document said.”
http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/02/13/us-usa-budget-foreign-idUSTRE81C1C920120213
That Obama truely is an evil man!
“Thus, without question the Obama administration has decided that, . . .”
Because she never actually asks a question, she doesn’t have to look up any answers. She practically admits that she is pulling it out of her ass.
“Barack Obama, who’s obsessed with everyone else’s sex life and rate of reproduction,”
IMAX called. They are very envious of your projection abilities and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Muslims are exempt from health insurance, and more specifically the birth control, sterilization, and abortion mandates that accompany it.
I am SHOCKED to discover from FactCheck.org that Jeannie’s claims seem to have no source other than fraudulent e-mails and the leprechauns in her underwear.
Win, Mr. Mozart.
I like the new look. I don’t like those two crazy women.
However, politifact.com has determined that the Leprechaun in her pantaloons is mostly true.
is it just me. or does the site look exactly the same?
“Win, Mr. Mozart”
Right back at you paleo. Real live leprechauns in her underwear does explain a lot.
But Christ, I wish we could get this many votes just by pulling shit out of our ass every time we spoke.
Wally to Dilbert: “I used to read, but it’s easier to just make stuff up.”
From FactCheck
“Since we posted our article, we’ve obtained a list through the Freedom of Information Act of all the groups that have successfully applied for exemptions from payroll taxes. (We have posted the Excel file here.) The overwhelming majority of them are explicitly Anabaptist — that is, Mennonite, Amish or Hutterite.”
Should we be worried about an Amish caliphate?
Is Obama purposely altering America’s religious complexion?
Jeannie’s next column will accuse Obama of blackening America’s reputation internationally.
DrDick said,
February 19, 2012 at 22:35
Listening to all these conservative whackaloons wax inarticulate on the contraception issue is causing me to seriously reconsider my opposition to eugenics.
YEAH WHY DON’T YOU MOVE TO NEDERLANDS THEN!
Obama sure is crafty and powerful and stuff. I mean Christians don’t want any of his abortions or contraceptions, yet dammit theyre forced into them. Meanwhile, he’s not flying Air Force One into the wombs of Moslem women all over the world and stopping creation of moar terror babies. If this isn’t proof of his Marxist socialist Saul Alinskyist muslimism what is?????
Real live leprechauns in her underwear
Lick of the Irish?
When it comes to challenging authority, the President seems to be particularly obsessed with using birth control and abortion as a weapon. For some reason, while his wife is out dancing with platypuses straight-laced Barry seems excessively concerned about ensuring that everyone, regardless of age, credo or upbringing, can obtain free condoms, morning-after pills, sterilization, and abortion-on-demand.
The first lady was dancing with platypuses? Really? That sounds pretty wild. It also sounds like Ms.Jeannieology is saying that dancing with platypuses is relevant to the evil that she thinks our Prez is up to. Is dancing with platypuses frivolous in the face of the destruction of these poor, oppressed white Christian peoples? Or is it more of the same?
If “Barry” were trying to make sure that not everyone could have access to birth control, making sure that there were exceptions for age, credo, or upbringing; would that be alright with Ms. Tight-lip McGee?
If this isn’t proof of his Marxist socialist Saul Alinskyist muslimism what is?????
Someone once told me he is subtly different from the typical president. I didn’t follow, but it sort of dreaded me…
If “Barry” were trying to make sure that not everyone could have access to birth control, making sure that there were exceptions for age, credo, or upbringing; would that be alright with Ms. Tight-lip McGee?
NO EXCEPTIONS (unless you can afford a short trip to someplace scary like the rest of the civilized world…)
Those aren’t leprechauns.
This platypus thing is eating away at me. I must get off the boat again to see if she elaborates on this.
Got sidetracked by this:
Apparently, our dear President will fuck their daughters himself, if he has to.
Dont bother. The first lady danced with some Disney characters, at Disneyworld. HORRIBLE WOMAN!
My gob, she’s smacked.
Disney? Platypus? That means that FLOTUS danced with Perry!!!!!!!Which makes her fucking awesome.
Why is it so quiet? Even my mailbox is quiet.
Well Tight-lip McGee said the First Lady was dancing with Platypusses. No. She was dancing with someone in a Platypus costume and some actress to promote her program that encourages children to be active. I had long thought that being active was synonymous with being a child, but that little bubble got bursted years ago.
It seems the First Lady wants children to be healthy and active. Whatta bitch, amirite? If they can’t keep up with Muslims and Mexicans in population, then by God, let that poor, white, Christian minority beat them in POUNDS! Fat and lazy is their goddamned birthright! How dare someone ENCOURAGE their CHILDREN to DANCE! ZOMG!!!! You know why Baptists don’t have dance standing up?
I fucked up the joke. You know why Baptists don’t have sex standing up?
Surely our own resident monotreme will show to clear all this up.
Should we be worried about an Amish caliphate?
Trust me on this, it’s the Hutterites you have to watch out for. They seduce you with their all natural poultry and hogs and the next thing you know, you are demitassed!
dancing with platypuses
Costner is looking at the screenplay.
I posted this in comments. Lets see how long it stays there.
Q: Will Muslim Americans be exempt from the mandate to have health insurance?
A: The Muslim faith does not forbid purchasing health insurance, and no Muslim group has ever been considered exempt under the definitions used in the health care law.
http://www.factcheck.org/2010/05/dhimmitude-and-the-muslim-exemption/
Jeannie is lying. What does the Bible say about bearing false wittness Jeannie? Pretty sure its against it.
Trust me on this, it’s the Hutterites you have to watch out for. They seduce you with their all natural poultry and hogs and the next thing you know, you are demitassed!
i know! the evil bastards have infiltrated our local farmer’s market! right now i would sell my soul for one of their chicken pot pies…
other troublesome behaviors? they travel in groups, they talk funny, they dress funny and they are always trying to get something for nothing…and sometimes? they even marry amurkans…it’s shocking i tell you!
Jeannie is lying. What does the Bible say about bearing false wittness Jeannie? Pretty sure its against it.
i don’t think it counts if you’re lying about black people…
Gocart, I’m sure she’s just speaking from her heart which is controlled by her abscessed brain which comes out of her mouth as she types in a furious trance. She cannot be held accountable for her feverish thoughts. The brain, it’s bad. Some people call this “stupidity”. I call it “being totally ate-up with the stupid and flush with one’s own special brand of paranoia”. I’m working on a bumper sticker to that effect sometime in the vague future.
The birth of “I am aware of all internet traditions”
http://web.archive.org/web/20081216015701/http://lefarkins.blogspot.com/2008/06/thanks-to-911-shes-outraged-by.html
courtesy of LGM and “The Wayback Machine” http://www.archive.org/web/web.php
I’m working on a bumper sticker to that effect sometime in the vague future.
put me down for a case…
btauwtsafwoosbop seems a bit oblique. Am afraid I’ll have to go back to something like “a drawing board”— dry erase, perhaps?— and work on it a little more in a yet more vague future. Other obligations blah blah blah.
other obligations suck…
Other obligations vary. Today’s main obligation for Clouds and me is finishing my retort to the records from lock-down before faxing the whole lot to the evaluator I talked to for increasing my service-connected disability.
Then, I need to start on my “patient survey” which I will write myself in toto. I tore up the first one, because when I arrived in my room in lock-down, tripping on depakote, zyprexa, and lorazepam that a nurse and four security people had held me down for (I was sitting quietly on a mattress when they pushed me down and gave me the shot) I opened this little notebook that was on the table next to the bed and the first thing I saw was a patient survey. I just had the most intense psychic terror-filled experience of my life so a “how are we doing” survey made me angry enough to rip the entire folder into little pieces.
Writing my own evaluation to the people the lock-down ward works under will be satisfying. As far as obligations go, I prefer this to loading the dishwasher. It IS a battle with STUPID and BULLIES and FORCED PSYCHIATRIC DRUGGING.
btauwtsafwoosbop seems a bit oblique
Twisting AA: “Stupid But Crazy.”
btauwtsafwoosbop seems a bit oblique
The wife and I tried that last night. It wasn’t that hard to find peanut oil, and we had chamois cloth from our car-washing kit. Her degree in accounting was far more useful than either my geology or experience as an electrician, at least in terms of calculating resistance. But I gotta ask, where does one find fresh tamarind in MN in February? I’m open to suggestions…
There, I fixzed it.
But I gotta ask, where does one find fresh tamarind in MN in February? I’m open to suggestions…
when you find out, let me know…
So another conservative “no fuckin’ ’til yer married” screed? Alrighty then.
I has a fixzed test, and astronomy, and deuteronomy, multiplicables, and GodimaCAD.
Awesome, thanks Dr. No!
I’d never heard of the Hutterites. Fascinating story (Wiki). At one time their numbers has dwindled to a hundred or so. I liked this:
“Women wear a vest over a blouse. The pleated skirt may or may not match the vest. Women and girls also wear a kerchief-style head covering which is usually black with white polka dots. The size of the polka dots tells which branch the women belong to. The larger the dot the more conservative, the smaller the more liberal. Young girls wear a bright, colorful cap that fastens under the chin.”
Dot size determines a lady’s politics. That’s neat.
i know! the evil bastards have infiltrated our local farmer’s market!
Hell, they are even in some of our grocery stores here with their chickens, turkeys, and pork. People line up all day to buy the turkeys at Thanksgiving!
I just feel fucking used!
Also theme switcher: apply housebrick smartly to forehead.
Atchally, bbkf, IRL we’ve been told tamarind seed tea is a meso-american folk remedy for stinkabetes – she wants me to try it, I just have to find a Mexican market that carries it, probably in St. Paul, so if I find the whole fruit there I’ll let you know.
edit self: their numbers had dwindled….
Mennonites in Paraguay are an interesting thing.
paleotectonics said,
February 20, 2012 at 2:06
interesting…i may see if i can find the tea at our local granary…otherwise i will send son on a mission since he lives in st. paul…keep me posted, plz!
Dot size determines a lady’s politics. That’s neat.
huh…i’ve lived around them most of my life and i did not know this…and mennonites in paraguay…that IS neat…
By the by, if our Sadloverlords are of a mind to do some housekeeping/website updating, they might want to consider taking a look at the blogrolls. Really no need to keep features like “Sebroll”, “GavRoll”, “HTML Roll” or “Travroll”, considering that probably half of the current posters probably have no idea who these people even were. That and I’m sure quite a few of those links are bad by now.
Might I humbly suggest that, instead, a set of linkies for the homebases of some of our regular posters like VS, DKW, bbkf, Bouffant, Provider, Wiley, Gocart, and even Actor, might be more appropriate?
Mennonites do the ritual feet-washing. I can always get into a ritual feet-washing. Everybody should do it! Iz niiiice.
Dot size determines a lady’s politics.
This idea needs to be expanded. Bring back sumptuary laws!
Hittites? In MN? Wait … never mind.
they might want to consider taking a look at the blogrolls
Merci pour le plug, but I must AHEM!
And what was so wrnog w/ the new design/lay-out, anyhoo?
Just put up a long-winded post about this topic… in which I call on liberal, pro-contraception Catholics to blow off Ash Wednesday in protest. Sorry about the shameless blogwhore, but I figured I’d try to convince the laity to stand up to the hierarchy on this issue.
As an added bonus, I coined the term “ovarice” to describe support of women’s health issues.
… in which I call on liberal, pro-contraception Catholics to blow off Ash Wednesday in protest.
So instead of saying “you missed a spot” I should apply a pocket fan to foreheads?
What I want to know is, when is a reporter, any reporter, going to quiz the GOPers on their sex lives? None of them are married to nubile women, so are they still having sex?
I normally believe that people’s sex lives are off-limits, but I think that there is a genuine public interest exception here: were you a virgin on your wedding night? Did you only have sex to procreate–i.e., once the pregnancy was confirmed, there was no more sex (until it was time to make another baby)? Did you pollute God’s gift of sexuality with foreplay–did you ever so much as touch your wife’s breasts (which does nothing to ensure procreation)? How did you ensure that you never had sex because it felt good?
Someone needs to ask these questions and make this a “thing:” let’s get Gail Collins and David Brooks debating whether God allows foreplay, and where He stands on the female orgasm; I want the bottle blonde harpies on Faux News shrieking about chastity and the abomination that is the clitoris.
I want to hear the Very Serious People turgidly “analyzing” the new recieved wisdom that the 99% will just have to give up sex unless and until they can afford a baby.
I want Americans to be given a clear and unequivocal Republican platform of sexual austerity: if the country is truly hell-bent on a return to the fifteenth century, I don’t want to later hear any claims about having “misunderstood” the choice that was made.
Hmmm…bets on whether Frothy Mixture and/or Romney (and their Faux News enablers) will begin insisting that pre-marital chastity is now an important qualification for the presidency? Cynical, yes, but given that the Repubs are clearly hell-bent on quadrupling down on sexual purity as a campaign issue…
Those are all good questions for god-bothering busy bodies, but what I’d like to do is to see a real challenge to the tax-free status of churches that involve themselves and their congregations in political issues. This is a pick ONE situation— your tax free nirvana with your God, or your taxable organization that wants to testify before Congress when the topic is birth control.
A Journal Of The Plague Year
At this point, purity only matters as a tactic to remove the horrible dusky person from the White House. If Newty was riding the wave, we wouldn’t hear a peep.
Hmmm…bets on whether Frothy Mixture and/or Romney (and their Faux News enablers) will begin insisting that pre-marital chastity is now an important qualification for the presidency? Cynical, yes, but given that the Repubs are clearly hell-bent on quadrupling down on sexual purity as a campaign issue…
We know Mrs. Santorum was a whore before Rick re-virginized her or whatever.
Is Obama purposely altering America’s religious complexion?
Has Obama cast a black storm-cloud on America’s horizon?
Because she never actually asks a question, she doesn’t have to look up any answers
… also, when engaged in strenuous narrativewhoring, it helps to employ Teh McCardle Gambit: Obama is seeking out conflict with religious leaders because Obama is seeking out conflict with religious leaders. QED, LEIEBERALZ!
Should we be worried about an Amish caliphate?
SAVE AMERKA: BAN JEBEDIAH LAW.
Trust me on this, it’s the Hutterites you have to watch out for.
The dim slice of my wee brain that can still remember it sorely misses milk dropped on the doorstep in the dead of early morn in glass jars with little cardboard lids … & the big boxes of kick-ass (& presumably bargain-priced) farm-fresh noms that the Hutterites used to occasionally deliver.
let’s get Gail Collins and David Brooks debating whether God allows foreplay, and where He stands on the female orgasm; I want the bottle blonde harpies on Faux News shrieking about chastity and the abomination that is the clitoris.
Rick “Closet Dominionist” Santorum finds this amazingly easy to fap to.
Didn’t Ronnie and Nancy have their first child less than nine months after their marriage?
Didn’t Ronnie and Nancy have their first child less than nine months after their marriage?
It is so.
What’s more, my sources tell me that Nancy was known at the time as teh “Blow Job Queen of Hollywood”.
I still hate her, though.
My mother knew Nancy Reagan’s stepfather when she worked at Northwestern Hospital in Chicago. He was apparently a world-class asshole. He forced out my mom’s mentor for no other reason than the man was black.
What’s more, my sources tell me that Nancy was known at the time as teh “Blow Job Queen of Hollywood”.
On that note, I shall go to bed. And perform mighty feats of reverse peristalsis. Teh order doesn’t matter. Knowledge of that form of eldritch abomination can only lead to madness. Ayah, ayah fhtagn.
What’s more, my sources tell me that Nancy was known at the time as teh “Blow Job Queen of Hollywood”.
Even the white bread heathenz can haz great talents.
“Blow Job Queen of Hollywood”.
Ah, Simon Cowell’s first talent show. Popular with TV executives but didn’t go down too well with ordinary folks.
What’s more, my sources tell me that Nancy was known at the time as teh “Blow Job Queen of Hollywood”.
At least she didn’t dance with no platypuses though. She was very serious about First Ladying and spent her time consulting with astrologists in order to help The Leader of the Free World become the bestest preznit there evar was or evar will be. Amen.
Blow Job Queen of Hollywood?
That’s gross.
Let me be the first to posit that a blowjob from Nancy convinced Gorbachev to end the Soviet Empire.
“Tear down this dental dam!”
Say, wasn’t that Reagan feller one o’ them elitist Hollywood actor types?
wasn’t that Reagan feller one o’ them elitist Hollywood actor types?
No. The Hollywood elite have talent.
When I was in seventh grade we had a contest at my school to see who could collect the most money for the Telethon. I worked so hard to get donations, I mean I was really motivated. I drove the neighbors crazy asking for donations. Well, when the big day arrived and we had to go on stage at the city auditorium to have our donations counted, Elly May Clampett was up there to give us a big hug and kiss. I remember sitting in the audience, my knees shaking I was so nervous. She was so beautiful! They called my name and my mother shoved me off my seat. I climbed the stairs onto the stage and Elly May asked me how much I had collected, then she threw her arms around me and stuck her tongue in my ear! I screamed and I tore off that stage like a scalded dog. All I could hear was the audience howling. When I explained to my mother what had happened, she said I was lying. But I swear it’s the truth.
WAIT NO WHAT File:
Jonah LoadManties is keeping mum on applying his uniquely, er, laid-back McWisdom to the Iron Sky movie, even though he touts himself as a scfi-fi nurd … & in his eyes it could also totally vindicate his big fat book?
RINO! SELLOUT! MITTBOT! LAMESTREAM MEDIA PUNDIT!
Sometimes the leprecaun in my pants finds the pot of gold.
Also, platypi. Although platypussies has a nice ring to it.
There’s nobody more Irish than Barry O’Bama! But, but, but…”Your music should be abou’ where you’re from an’ the sort o’ people yeh come from.—Say it once, say it loud, I’m black an’ I’m proud …—The Irish are the niggers of Europe, lads.” (Roddy Doyle, The Commitments)
Dude can’t catch a break, y’know?
Rick “Coming Out Of The Closet Dominionist” Santorum finds …
Fixt Tit Fer Myself.
FINALLY someone says something about Obama being Irish. THAT is why he was compared so much with Kennedy when he first started running for president. And that is why the Protestants are having so much trouble with him. If he were the true Scotsman, it would be different, but he’s not. He’s Irish and unnaturally tall for a leprechaun. It’s a wonder we’re not all being forced to eat Lucky Charms.
Oh yeah, you can find tamarind with the Mexican Spices, though I wouldn’t describe it as “fresh”. My Chinese husband introduced me to tamarind candy. Is sour and, if I may be so bold as to suggest this, is too sour for any acronymonious dish.
Also, platypi
Platypodes.
“Blow Job Queen of Hollywood”.
Ah, Simon Cowell’s first talent show. Popular with TV executives but didn’t go down too well with ordinary folks.
Funny, they said the same thing about Nancy. IYKWIMyaddayadda………..
The platypodes can set bunyips’ knees
A-tremble when knuckling near.
The monotreme’s venom makes blokes wet their denim
And cry like a wuss in their beer.
ZOMG!
I’m feelin’ very close to those funny looking animals all of a sudden. I had no idea we were so closely related, but it does explain a lot.
My mother knew Nancy Reagan’s stepfather when she worked at Northwestern Hospital in Chicago. He was apparently a world-class asshole.
Supposedly the guy who converted Ronnie from union guy & guild pres. to drooling anti-communist.
Many years ago in Chicago, my roommate Carl came up with this on the spot in a bar. (We were having a race to come up with the first aborigine joke.)
Aborigine #1: Hey, guess what……………I had a date with a platypus last night!!
Aborigine #2: Really? How was it?
Aborigine #1: Well, it was kinda weird…………………I got plenty of beaver, but then she turned around and gave me the bill!!111!!11111!
That reminds me— on a serious note— a long, long, long, long time ago, seven foot tall beavers were walking around on this here continent. Is that not weird? Has anyone ever seen a mock-up of a seven foot tall beaver? This secret is too well hidden.
seven foot tall beaver
Damn!!
Maybe that was Jeannie’s problem with the First Lady dancing with a platypus. They can’t have sex without having teh buttseks—onnacounta they’ve got a cloaca, like reptiles. (He says without looking it up, but I think that’s what I remember. Maybe I should be a wingnut pundit.)
Ah, Simon Cowell’s first talent show. Popular with TV executives but didn’t go down too well with ordinary folks.
I see what you did there.
Maybe I should be a wingnut pundit
Can anhy of the readahs send me anythung they have on Playpus reproductive organs?
I’m only writing a short piece on it now.
Platypus ebbul socialinist Obamabots!!! (SWIDT)
Well spotted WC. A chocolate krill to you
“onnacounta they’ve got a cloaca, like reptiles”
Yep — in fact, ‘monotreme’ means ‘one hole’.
Has anyone ever seen a mock-up of a seven foot tall beaver? This secret is too well hidden.
Wiley asks and and I deliver.
Platypus-themed music.
paleotectonics:
I agree on the first part; 28 states have similar (or stronger*) insurance requirements, after all, and we’ve never been subjected to this sort of a freakout before the
black fellerseekrit muslin proposed the same goddamn thing. (To be scrupulously fair to the asshats, the Catholic Church did appeal NY’s birth control coverage requirement all the way to the US Supreme Court — which declined to take up the cause of fetal personhood in favor of advancing corporate personhood. But I digress.) As to the second statement, I strongly suspect we’d be talking about this (or more accurately, covering our ears while wingnuts shriek about this from every available media outlet) because the GOP desperately does not want to be discussing Romney’s 13.9% effective tax rate or the Republican policies that make this absurd state of affairs possible.Which leads me to the part I don’t get: blanket opposition to birth control is a fringe position even within their own party. In addition to his well-known Google problem, Santorum has something like a 9-point disadvantage with women voters when compared to Mitt Romney (who is also a panty-sniffing regressive when it comes to women’s rights, but is less vocal and upfront about it.) How did they think that dropping the “we only want to stop abortion” charade in favor of openly going after birth control was a good idea?
*The new Federal requirements will actually override tougher state requirements in six states where the Catholic Church still deigns to operate, but you’ll never hear the wingnuts acknowledge it.
Wiley: ((re-posted from last thread))
MB: !!! I’ve missed your cynicism and linkies here. Drop by more often, n’kay? (Also I like the new design of yer site.)
Erm, sorry, it just belatedly occurred to me that the “google problem” link in my last comment should have been marked NSFW for the benefit of people who don’t know what “Santorum” is defined as.
Martian Buddy: It’s the thought that counts! I’m mos def behind(*) the idea of keeping the definition as prominent as possible on the Google list. Btw, does using ‘Frothy Mixture’ help keep the definition high on the list? I don’t know anything bout search engines.
(*) make you own jokes, people.
*sniffsniff*
Why does it smell like “Nuclear Holocaust by Calvin Klein” in here?
Fenwick: No clue either, hence the link. I generally refer to him as “Ricky McAnalfroth.”
Speaking of his frothiness, can you just imagine what the right-wing media machine would do with a Democratic candidate who wore a sweater vest?
How is it that Republicans automatically get a pass on that sort of thing?
On the subject of “Shit Ricky Says” and contraception, I was going to post this in the last thread but it fits in better here:
(Source)
tl;dr — “I’m not running for pastor, I’m running for head of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vices.”
Major Kong: Or Dukakis and his tank helmet vs. Bush and his flight suit.
Has Bill O’Reillly already consented to any and all future forced anal probes?
Read page 13 at link. RE: Billo talking about vibrators while on the phone with plaintiff while simultaneously shoving a vibrator up his own ass and masturbating.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/file/oreilly-hit-sex-harass-suit?page=13
“No fewer” is hypercorrective in this context, and perpetrated by Strunk and White. “No less” is perfectly OK.
rodert: picking up on a strand in the last thread…
I always read them! You’ve got a terrific ear for dialogue, rodert. As you say, spoken language is so much different than written language. People talk in sentence frags. All the time. Also people talk in fantastically convoluted run-on sentences that pile appositive on appositive and use conjunctions and flow from one thing to the next. (The long run-ons are best broken up a bit, to make it easier on the reader’s eye. I like breaking really long run-ons at the conjunctions.) Also people interrupt each other. They grope for words.
Readers often have difficulty in following long passages of dialogue, because they forget who is speaking. You can help them in several ways:
—- Sprinkle identifying names into the conversation itself
“Mennonites in Paraguay a stupid name for the band, Joey! Now go back to garage. And clean up the goddam beer cans, okay?”
“You guys never listen to my ideas.”
“Because they’re stupid ideas.”
— use non-dialogue detail to identify the speaker. Great for adding details of hand gestures, posture, facial expression, and other ‘non-discursive’ elements.
“It won’t be easy to find him. The trail’s gone dead.”
Frank turned from window. “I want that sonofabitch! Now find him!”
“We’re working on it.”
“Not hard enough, you’re not! You’ve got 24 hours to nail him.”
—- In long fiction, use unique verbal quirks to differentiate a speaker
“Actually, I haven’t seen her in years.”
“When was the last time?”
“I’m not sure, actually. Perhaps ’85 or ’86.”
—- sprinkle in ‘he said’ … ‘I replied’ … ‘Sarah asked’ Toss in such identifiers every now and again. Easiest method of all.
All of these devices help the reader keep track of who is speaking during long passages of dialogue. [Particularly important if there are more than two speakers!]
Was this too long for Sadlyville? Well, I’ll get the Duchy running eventually; I’m committed to doing it. Many thanx to all the Sadlies who have encouraged me to try blogging.
Muslims are exempt from health insurance, and more specifically the birth control, sterilization, and abortion mandates that accompany it.
Mosques and schools are, I’m sure, just like Catholic churches and schools are. Catholic hospitals are businesses, NOT churches, they hire and serve non-Catholics and that is why they are not exempt. If there were Muslim hospitals they would receive the same treatment.
What’s the difference between the GOP and the Taliban?
About 7400 miles.
If there were Muslim hospitals they would receive the same treatment.
how do we know there’s NOT mooslim hospitals? the dusky ones are crafty, ya know…why do you think their mosques are so big? it’s because they have secret rooms where they perform procedures such as genitalia mutilation (two for one specials on Mondays!), burka implants and you don’t even want to know what they do with kidney stones…
i, for one, always feel it is inappropriate to NOT speculate…
they hire and serve non-Catholics
It’s a cookbook!
make of this what you will…
looks like this thread has a case of the mondays!
It’s a small world afterall: http://gawker.com/5886548/heres-a-drunk-guy-getting-repeatedly-pepper-sprayed-at-disney-land-for-punching-people
that’s a pretty good one, pryme…i especially like shouty lady in the background…and how security guy just had to get one more squirt in there…based on this, i’m guessing drunk guy’s application to join al quaida will not even get a look…tower of terror, indeed!
I used the word “fadge” in Scrabble. Whither the fool on the hill?
how security guy just had to get one more squirt in there
“Should I squirt him? Yeah, I think I’ll squirt him.”
I honestly thought Disney had better security…to protect the mystery, that is.
I imagine nearly ten years of war has drained the pool somewhat of professional security people, as the ones who always wanted to be soldiers joined up, which thinned the ranks of the police and private security. The police then grabbed the best of the private security who wanted to be police, and private security has to settle for the wannabees that couldn’t make it into the armed services or the police force.
and private security has to settle for the wannabees that couldn’t make it into the armed services or the police force.
it’s good to know that people such as pantsload, selwyn and hoft have some career choices if their wingnut welfare gigs dry up…
in fact, i think that footage is an accurate metaphor for their accomplishments*…
*using the loosest definition…
I honestly thought Disney had better security…to protect the mystery, that is.
I don’t know about security, but as far as medical science goes, Disney is without peer. In over 50 years, no one has ever died at Disneyland or Disney World. Ever. And one ever will. It is a matter of policy. Even if you were to jump out of the car at the top of the Magic Mountain, fall 50 feet into the machinery, and get ground up into bits, miraculously, you would not die from this! Highly trained park emergency personnel would gather up all of the bits of you they can extract from the gears of the machinery, put those bits into an appropriate container–gurney, body bag, mop bucket, whatever, and transport them to the nearest medical facility off property, and that is where you would officially die.
I honestly thought Disney had better security…
They tossed me and a few buddies from Disneyland for smoking dope. And we were just in the parking lot, hadn’t even gone in yet!
Megan McArdle, libertarian.
It’s a cookbook!
Coffee, meet monitor. Monitor, coffee.
And I’ll believe that the contraception issue is about religious freedom just as soon as the Bishops start refusing to cover Viagra, Cialis, or other boner drugs unless the men who get those drugs can prove they are using those drugs to make a baby, and not to have disgusting old person sex.*
Until then, they can eat a bag of salted rat dicks.
(* What anyone under the age of 20 would probably call what I do with The Mrs.)
It amazes me that anyone is willing to pay attention to the sex-related opinions of men whose last vagina contact was at birth.
You know why Baptists don’t have sex standing up?
People’d think they were dancin’. I was also told by the elder sages in my small, rural Mississippi community to always go fishing with no less than two (2) Baptists should I feel to bring any members of that faith on a pescatory type gathering. If you bring one, he’ll drink all the beer. They are getting better, though, I’m told. They’re starting to wave at each other when they meet at the liquor store.
Happy Lundi Gras, y’all. Someone come get all these assholes out of the French Quarter so I can go to work in peace.
Matt T, do NOT look up asshole vacuum. Especially at mealtimes.
‘Scuse me. *receding footsteps* hurlllllll!!!!!
Pupienus Maximus said,
They tossed me and a few buddies from Disneyland for smoking dope. And we were just in the parking lot, hadn’t even gone in yet!
You should have reminded them that worse happened in Pinocchio: drinking, smoking, swearing, boy/donkey slavery…Walt knew how to make a flick back then. None of this talking car/magical hair bullshit.
drinking, smoking, swearing, boy/donkey slavery
you forgot the vore…
Repeated contact with vaginas has not made me any wiser.
Repeated contact with vaginas has not made me any wiser.
You need to listen to the vaginas. Aural sex, don’t you know.
Aural sex, don’t you know.
Poetic precedent!
Kid stuff
Repeated contact with vaginas has not made me any wiser.
You’ll just have to keep at it.
Has Bill O’Reillly already consented to any and all future forced anal probes?
It would be irresponsible not to speculum.
That Smoking Gun joint delivers a warm feel-good human-interest story LIKE A BOSS:
“Post-Racial America: White Supremacist Joins Black Gang Member To Peddle Meth”
If that won’t turn that frown upside-down, it means you probably hate kittens, puppies & otters. Michael Bolton or Ke$ha need to be doing a power-ballad duet about this Teachable Moment RIGHT DA FUCK NOW.
Major Kong said,
February 20, 2012 at 18:18 (kill)
Horrifying, hilarious … & dead on.
Aural sex, don’t you know.
Ear-muffs.
Best Freudian slip EVAH,
http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entries/santorum-spokesperson-refers-to-obamas-radical-islamic-policies?ref=fpblg
A snark-nugget via Melissa Harris-Perry’s blog for her new show – EPIC WIN OH SNAP IS MADE OF WIN & EPIC.
Aural sex, don’t you know.
Get your glow on.
Get your glow on.
Czechoslovakian tubes, or NOS Soviet tubes?
.
Here is how I will go down next week. First, the results from Vagina and North Clitoris will come in, and they’ll be declared for KINKYSECKS. You’ll be unlubricated, but “no big puddle, minge can’t ooze overnight” will be your ejaculation. Flora will go purplish-red, and a little tumescence will creep in. The usual perverts will plunge into the usual seedy bungalows. As the night drags on, Ohhh-Ahhh-Oh, ColonTornado, and (much to your horror) Trannysylvania will be too close to pull apart with the Jaws Of Life.
My advice at this point to you will be to go up on the backstroke in bed. You will poke up to a KINKYSECHS presidency and the Great Libertine Spunkout will be on.
Bookmark this, libertines, as this is exactly how I am going to go down. You will wonder how the hell I was able to swallow this.
Here is how I will go down next week. First, the results from Vagina and North Clitoris will come in hard, and they’ll be declared for KINKYSECKS. You’ll be unlubricated, but “no big puddle, minge can’t ooze overnight” will be your ejaculation. Flora will go purplish-red, and a little tumescence will creep in. The usual perverts will plunge into the usual seedy bungalows. As the night drags on, Ohhh-Ahhh-Oh, ColonTornado, and (much to your horror) Trannysylvania will be too close to pull apart with the Jaws Of Life.
My advice at this point to you will be to go up on the backstroke in bed. You will thrust up to a KINKYSECHS presidency and the Great Libertine Spunkout will be on.
Bookmark this, libertines, as this is exactly how I am going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to swallow this.
Are we talking about Theremins AGAIN?
TruthStrumpet said,
February 21, 2012 at 0:35
Well done, sir or madam or whatever you are.
Well done, sir or madam or whatever you are.
+1
FENWICK and MAJOR KONG, the e-mail address of the guy writing the book on the Cold War is
joelstephenwit@gmail.com
Well done, sir or madam or whatever you are.
indeed…with just the right amount of throat ramming…
with just the right amount of throat ramming…
On Leon Redbone’s first album he claimed to play the “throat tromnet”. Is it the same thing?
On Leon Redbone’s first album he claimed to play the “throat tromnet”. Is it the same thing?
depends on which orifice you use to play it…
Thanks, wiley.
depends on which orifice you use to play it…
Avoid Microsoft Orifice at all costs. The ribbon takes up all the room.
People talk in sentence frags. All the time. Also people talk in fantastically convoluted run-on sentences that pile appositive on appositive and use conjunctions and flow from one thing to the next. (The long run-ons are best broken up a bit, to make it easier on the reader’s eye. I like breaking really long run-ons at the conjunctions.) Also people interrupt each other. They grope for words.
In some circles that’s called “tangential” and “pressured speech”, but I never hang out with those peoples.
HEY! Can I sue for copyright infringement?
“Click to engorge” is my shop-worn shtick, damn it!
Let us consult Latvian Google.
Dr. Doom allows the use of Google?
Best Freudian slip EVAH,
You all misheard. She said his radical slamming policies. Those regulations on non-consensual switching of long-distance providers sometimes go too far.
I woke up a victim of debit card fraud and am disappointed. It’s not the mysterious, romantic, suspenseful thriller I thought it would be. It’s just a long series of 40 dollar and 15 dollar debits being paid to some on-line car supply place in Chicago. The fraud has been reported, but I have to wait until tomorrow to have those charges reversed because today is a holiday. Now I know why it’s been so quiet around the interwebs and my e-mail account. I guess it doesn’t matter that I didn’t realize that it was a three day weekend because of President’s Day. I stopped partying a long time ago, and even back in the day I couldn’t keep up with the wild hollering and hooting and drinking and drug doing that is President’s Day. Really, it makes Saint Patrick’s Day look like a tea-totalling coffee clatch.
Top 10 film composers from Ben Shapiro.
1,144 delegates, same as in town.
Hmmm. I got this crazy idea that film scores are not written to be played alone in many cases, and are there for the purposes of setting moods and such in the films what have scores. Anyone sitting around and listening to the soundtrack for “Jaws” and searching it for its musical value, for instance, is stooopid.
Although, the music industry does like releasing “hit” songs from soundtracks as if they wouldn’t sound dated and stooopid within five years, it’s all for the porpoises of selling in a reach-around relationship between between film and score. For instance, when you hear the “Chariots of Fire” theme played every hour on the hour, you will know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that that movie is being pimped super hard; because who would sit around listening to THAT? I mean, really— dah dah dah dah dah dah DAH… this is a song that could be worked out with one finger on a toy piano.
Sorry to anyone who LIKES that song. Please don’t admit that you have the record.
ZOMG, clouds had to remind of the time that the “Star Wars” theme was in heavy rotation. Dawg help us.
Here is soundtrack music that makes me gleeful.
I thought the “Wings of Desire” soundtrack was pretty good.
1144 delegates on the fence
1144 delegates
Spin them ’round
Have them vote down
1143 delegates on the fence
1143 delegates on the fence
1143 delegates
Spin them ’round
Have them vote down
1142 delegates on the fence
and so on until November.
Strauss (R., not J.) may not have written directly for the screen but c’mon! Any Philip Glass score. John Barry’s score for Born Free is very listenable.
Twenny mi’on dollah, fiffy mi’on dollah, me run anonymous Super-PAC attack ads for you long time. Me so weeeeealthy. Me so weeeeealthy. I buy you my seat in Congress, then as soon as orange crying man bang wooden hammer down you fucky fucky, sucky sucky, make good laws for happy war time.
Okay?
Hans Zimmer. Ennio Morricone. Peter Gabriel’s Temptation of Christ.
Vangelis? Blade Runner is eminently listenable (and watchable) still.
The soundtrack to Xanadu still bears repeated listening.
I love singing the dude’s part in “Dancin'”. I fucking LOVE that song.
I thought the soundtrack to “Resevoir Dogs” was exemplary.
I’ve already made myself largely hated for bashing Alfred Hitchcock, but I’m no fool – Herrmann’s fantastic.
nope, that’s NOT why you’re largely hated, ben…
FLASHDANCE, PEOPLE…FLASHDANCE!!!
Yoko Kanno’s work for _Ghost in the Shell_ and _Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex_ (tho’ admittedly the latter contains a lot of songs, not just a score).
The soundtrack to Xanadu still bears repeated listening.
Two words: Car Wash
Nasal douche: if U do it wrong it can nom your BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS.
Are Neti Pots Dangerous?
I have long felt that they make excellent blunt instruments. They will even sluice away the blood to make it easier to escape detection.
Sandra Fluke PWNS.
From the best movie soundtrack evah!!!
Aria from Diva – Wilhelmenia Wiggins Fernandez is so, film music. It’s music inna film, innit.
And it’s good and Wihelmenia is beautiful.
Meanwhile, I heard from a Republican (who swears this is true because she heard it on Fox News, which she keeps telling us we have to watch) I happen to know that somewhere in the South a kid brought a lunch to school that had cheese, carrots, etc. and the school took the kid’s lunch away from him because of Obama’s new health standards — and replaced said lunch with chicken nuggets. And charged the kid $1.50 (which they they did eventually return, so it isn’t about the money). This is, according to Fox News, what Obama’s nanny state is all about.
I have decided I want to have access to whatever drugs they have at Fox News. That must be some pretty strong stuff they got.
BTW, is it just me or is there something a little racist in all this talk about “Obama’s nanny state”. I guess I must be the real racist for noticing this particular little dog whistle?
And who could forget this haunting soundtrack?
FENWICK and MAJOR KONG, the e-mail address of the guy writing the book on the Cold War is
Do I just say “Wiley sent me” when I email him?
From the best movie soundtrack evah!!!
also too
Concurrently to spewing on a semi-catatonic thread, it will reassure exactly nobody to learn that I’m BOTH Truth’s Trumpet [heh,ind33d] & SPAAAAAAAAAAAAARTACUS.
Have also got 3 done & 3 to go. Affordable yummy & gatting me bazoo’d in style. The ugliness & funhood of these motherfucking drinks in this motherfucking rarely-drinker are very drinky tonight. Only fun & ugly can ensue once a sporadic tippler indulges. This is both jovial & even needful since jim’s work-module was amazingly vile for nearly the entire malenky week. On end. Murphy’s Demon held a come-one, come-all workshop on the ideosyncrasies of each individual wrinkle of jim’s psychic rectum. Hilarity only ensued by default. Laughing because you have neared or reached the “Either Laugh NOW Or Hoist The Black Standard & Slit Throats At Will NEXT” event horizon is not a fun flavour of laughing.
Cha-Cha-Cha!
Have a Newt.
Yeah, Major Kong. I described you two as being from sadlyno! and as people I’ve been familiar with for a long time (I lurked here for a LONG time before I started posting regularly (you and the goddammed batman stood out for me, because B-52)).
I told him that you are both good story-tellers. I sent Mr. Wit your comment about how you figured you’d be halfway there before you knew it was on because it was pithy, and very revealing, imo.
During our first conversation I said that he, at least, didn’t have to drag it out of me, and he said he’d interviewed a lot of Special Ops kinda guys who would give one word answers and that it was really nice to talk with someone who wanted to talk. I’m guessing, since the one word that probably binds all nuclear forces together is “boring” that a lot of us are accustomed to being well practiced in the art of conversation as a tool to keep each other awake and are happy to talk about the Cold War that is slowly becoming unclassified.
He asks some really good questions too. Because I’ve never really been asked specific questions about how missile warning worked and how we worked in it, I really have to think about the answers. It’s way cool.
Jim? Jim?! Feeling a bit postal, are ya? You needs to haz bubble bath. Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr—
a killing spree.
Being somewhat moderate myself, I would recommend a long time in a blistering b-bath to soothe the wrinkles in the rectum of your psyche—it can get kinda cheezy in there. After toweling off, a nice dusting with a smell-pretty talcum might help with that bothersome psyche rectum itch, as well. Put on some clean cotton undies and see if that rectum doesn’t feel a whole lot better. If not, you might want to consider something drastic and irreversible.
I recommend a pedicure.
Ask not for whom the smell-pretty talcum tolls, it tolls for we.
Wait just one motherfuckin’ minute there. At what point, exactly, did it become a bad thing for the President of the Most Awesome United States of America to declare that the opinions of some funny dressin’ furriner don’t matter a whit when it comes to making The Laws of the American Dream? Is she saying that the U.S. President should bend knee and submit to the will of a foreign head of state? Seriously? The Vatican should make U.S. policy and law? The motherfucking Pope should trump the duly elected leader of our country?
Was the paranoia over JFK potentially taking marching orders from Rome so long ago? When did the idea of a foreign religion running the country from some European enclave become anything but unAmerican? Fuckin hell. That’s borderline treason.
Whenever you throw a black man into the Presidential equation, the rules are reversed; because the Pope is a powerful White man, and the President is of a dark persuasion. White man always trumps black man, no matter his job. President Obama is the janitor elected to clean up after the wild party that was the Bush Administration while the very wealthy weep openly about how hard their lives are and how mean that black man is with him trying to get all blackety-blackety-black just to spite the white people.
Soundtrack?
Mocking a seven foot tall beaver is not bound to end well.
New post.
It’s a bit…odder than usual.
Dr. Doom allows the use of Google?
Dr. Doom is Google.
Sometimes I really am six years old:
Scientists have discovered a new type of alien planet — a steamy waterworld that is larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.
from here: http://news.yahoo.com/type-alien-planet-steamy-waterworld-162802250.html
Heh, only wound up having four beers = two left for tonight = I WON THE MORNING!
(brb, shaving tongue)
[…] to the birth control mandate in the US, but this one has got to be one of the loopiest. I found it at Sadly No!, and I swear that it is not a Poe. It’s by someone named Jeannie DeAngelis, and is titled […]