Hey, Walter Chell*

Erick Erickson, RedState:
Naming Names

Without a guilty plea for beating a woman, but with a Devil May Care attitude, RedState.com’s fearless editor, Erick Erickson, endeavoring to write about himself in the third person, though omniscient or limited is still up for grabs, will now proceed to dish out the dough and let the chips fall where they may in the whole sordid affair in South Carolina.

He’s doing that style with the celluloid collar and battered fedora. I think that style began as a clever imitation of Walter Winchell, then quickly ripened into an annoying imitation of Walter Winchell — then gradually, as happens, it drifted into pastiche as people started adding bits of tone and phrasing from Damon Runyon, Irvin S. Cobb, newsreel announcers, and people imitating same. Using ‘same’ in that way is a tic of the style overlooked in his shallyings by Erickson. And great Caesar’s ghost, it’s none other than me now adding funtistible verbiage and speaking like W.C. Fields announcing the cataclysm of the Airship Hindenburg, O! Icarus descending, emblazoned in fire’s fell robe, a steel-boned conflagration in gravid expiry, disgorging a roiled and pungent cumulus to blacken unto the centuries the sixth day of May, today’s date being same, in this Borough of Lakehurst, New Jersey.

With the dough and the chips, hip-haroo.

Only today did intrepid Erick Erickson get permission from sources to reveal a few key details about the Will Folks allegations. Though Erickson hinted, as sly editors do, that he had more information that would explain RedState’s full throated defense of Haley despite having been burned by a…

I can’t take it.


Notes:

* RUDY: Huh? Why you call me ‘Walter Chell?”
  FAT ALBERT: No win.

 

Comments: 84

 
 
 

Shorter Erk: I have evidence that this is a paid rat-fucking. It’s right over there, behind my tortured prose.

 
 

Ah, the ol’ “Scoop Brady” act. Yeah, that’s a winner.

 
 

Dear CNN:

Ha ha ha! You dumb motherfuckers! Ha ha haa!

Sincerely,

Every sentient being in the universe (obviously this excludes your latest political commentator).

P.S. Ha ha ha ha!!

 
 

In fairness to Erickson (I can’t believe I just wrote that), he’s parodying the writing style of Will Folks’s blog. So he is, indeed, trying to be funny here.

No, the real reason to make fun of Erickson for this post is that, as usual, he’s full of shit and just completely lied about having any information about Folks being paid to say he slept with Nikki Haley. See here: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/right-now/2010/05/erick_erickson_backs_off_on_wi.html

 
 

Without a guilty plea for beating a woman

Um, what the hell is that about?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

How about Walter FAILchell?

 
 

Without a guilty plea for beating off to a woman

Fiqqst by sippy cupp.

 
 

Can’t Phail, Son of Phail just command the Trike force to swarm over Will Folks and take whatever proof they need?

I mean, it’s what Malkin would do.

 
the conspiratist
 

No, the real reason to make fun of Erickson for this post is that, as usual, he’s full of shit and just completely lied about having any information

History will record Erick as one of America’s greatest LIBERAL MOLES!~!~!~:

Doing Soros proud, Big E!

 
 

History will record Erick as one of America’s greatest LIBERAL MOLES!~!~!~:
========================

Darrell Issa is another one.
~

 
 

just completely lied about having any information about Folks being paid to say he slept with Nikki Haley.

Let’s see, we’ve had the loud denials and screams of CONSPIRACY! We know what’s coming next:

“Liberals will fuck anything and abort their babies. Therefore they are big hypocrites for making such a big fuss about Haley’s three way with a blogger and a goat. And what about privacy, huh? Also.”

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

N__B, how did the talk go last night?

 
 

Um, what the hell is that about?

Fourth paragraph.

 
 

Liberals will fuck anything and abort their babies.

HAH! Joke’s on YOU. Motor vehicles do not have babies.*

*”BABY ON BOARD” refers to corporate governance.

 
 

Thanks to J—, but you know, it sounds like he thinks he’s smooth for having gotten away with it.

 
 

Well, durrr it’s a ratfucking. After all, no conservative is ever guilty of anything, loony libs.

 
 

it sounds like he thinks he’s smooth for having gotten away with it

It does, thanks to the wonder of Erickson’s writing. I do like the capitalization of devil-may-care.

 
 

N__B, how did the talk go last night?

The audience was full of sailors from fleet week who mistook the museum for a girly show. Other than that, I enjoyed myself.

 
 

N__B said,

May 29, 2010 at 1:55

N__B, how did the talk go last night?

The audience was full of sailors from fleet week who mistook the museum for a girly show.

Sounds like you had a Shirley crowd.
~

 
 

Is that anything like a Lucy nation?

 
 

Is that anything like a Lucy nation?

Ha! Lucy nation.

 
 

it’s none other than me now adding funtistible verbiage and speaking like W.C. Fields announcing the cataclysm of the Airship Hindenburg, O! Icarus descending, emblazoned in fire’s fell robe, a steel-boned conflagration in gravid expiry, disgorging a roiled and pungent cumulus to blacken unto the centuries the sixth day of May, today’s date being same, in this Borough of Lakehurst, New Jersey.

You use yer mouth purtier than a twenty dollar whore.

 
 

RedState’s full throated defense of Haley despite having been burned by a…

In defense of Enrique, this is a skilled Veiled Reference, in case the Devil May Care.

 
 

Does CNN realize what they got themselves into? SASQ

 
 

Ize in your Hindenberg, steeling yer Oh The Huge Manitees.

 
 

No, the real reason to make fun of Erickson for this post is that, as usual, he’s full of shit and just completely lied about having any information about Folks being paid to say he slept with Nikki Haley

Yep. Erickson wrote a follow-up post saying he had nothing… that it’s all a magnificent prank to teach the media a lesson. Some of the Red State Tryke Force are not amused.

 
 

Some of the Red State Tryke Force are not amused.

I’m pretty sure “amused” is not one of the emotional states allowed or available to members of the Redfaced-State Trike Force. In fact, I am certain of this.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

The audience was full of sailors from fleet week who mistook the museum for a girly show.

It’s a good thing I couldn’t make it, one of those sailors was bound to mistake my head for a fake boob.

 
 

I, however, am terribly amused at the Red-Faced-State Trike Force being all torqued off about this.

I smile.

 
 

The real beauty of the thing is … I get the sense that libtards don’t really give much of a rat’s ass about this affair – but all the knuckleheads like Ecch Ecchson doing their best decapitated chicken imitation are giving a dull story a new glow.

From stuck working’s link @ 01:03 –

“I have no clue if anyone is behind Will Folks doing this. He really could feel aggrieved for some reason and just want to take out Nikki Haley. But I have a theory, I have some facts, and I’ve drawn some inferences to form my opinion.”

Proof that the “C” in CNN stands for “clown.”

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I went for the mangoes, but all I got was this not-so-veiled PENIS! reference:

and keep the berating for the LEFT! this is no time to go all LIMP on one of the LEADERS of the Conservative GRASSROOTS!

 
 

“I have no clue if anyone is behind Will Folks doing this. He really could feel aggrieved for some reason and just want to take out Nikki Haley. But I have a theory, I have some facts, and I’ve drawn some inferences to form my opinion.”

I’ll just bet you have!

My opinion? Boldest jilted stalker move EVAR! “Deny me? No, you say? I’ll show you GOOD!”

 
 

i read that excerpt from trike force leader several times and, while i now understand that it means something else, it really seemed like erick himself was informing his readers that he hadn’t plead guilty to assaulting a woman but he had agreed to pay her a substantial sum, perhaps as a civil settlement.

he makes me so confused!

 
 

and keep the berating for the LEFT! this is no time to go all LIMP on one of the LEADERS of the Conservative GRASSROOTS!

The emphasis on limp suggests a medical issue. Or some dysfunction. Even Viagra can’t replace the thrill of the livestock.

 
 

i read that excerpt from trike force leader several times and, while i now understand that it means something else, it really seemed like erick himself was informing his readers that he hadn’t plead guilty to assaulting a woman but he had agreed to pay her a substantial sum, perhaps as a civil settlement.

he makes me so confused

Remember how your mom used to say “Quit making that face or your face will get stuck like that!”?

Stop reading submissions from Ecch or your brain might stick like that!

 
 

he hadn’t plead guilty to assaulting a woman

I think he’ll be facing logic and intelligence in court next. That settlement is going to be huge! (V2-1/4″R)

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

My opinion? Boldest jilted stalker move EVAR! “Deny me? No, you say? I’ll show you GOOD!”

Almost as bold as sending rock salt to Olympia Snowe to “send her a message”.

 
 

Almost as bold as sending rock salt to Olympia Snowe to “send her a message”.

Rock salt? That’s quite a message. If I got rock salt, you damn well better bet I know where it’s coming from and what it means!

That’s what Ms. Snowe gets for having an icy sidewalk. She was warned.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Rock salt? That’s quite a message. If I got rock salt, you damn well better bet I know where it’s coming from and what it means!

I kid you not.

The best part is, he links to a site that gives him a kickback for any purchases.

Tea hee hee!

 
The Tragically Flip
 

This story is weird, because I don’t think anyone but conservative bloggers really care about it. Are they just jealous one of their own got some action and are playing crabs in the bucket?

 
The Tragically Flip
 

Further I think the bigger scandal for them is not the affair, but that a conservative blogger hurt the electoral chances of a conservative by talking about it.

 
 

Here’s my understanding of the timeline. Sometime in 2007, while Folks is working for Nikki Haley as a “political consultant” they get up to some hanky panky. Some dirty filthy Republican sex.

One of the themes of the whole thing is that everyone is shocked that a hideous freakjob like Folks could get past first base with someone as lacking in hideous physical deformities as Nikki Haley. Will Folks is probably in that group. So he brags about it. Yeah, a blogger tooting his own horn (not a VPR) about getting his horn (PR – not veiled at all) tooted.

Flash forward two and a half years. Haley’s making it big time and is on teh cusp of replacing Appalachian Trail Sanford with her own brand of adulterous gubernatorializing. As her star rises, someone decides to throw a spanner in the works by threatening to out teh affair. Maybe it’s someone that doesn’t like Haley, maybe it’s Andre Bauer’s gay lover, maybe it’s a lame-o blackmail attempt, maybe it’s just some shit disturbing jackwad that loves to fuck shit up and burn shit down.

It’s probably not Folks. If the affair ended on a positive or even neutral note, he’d be in much better shape if he kept his mouth shut. An inside line (heh) on the govenor – not too shabby. If it ended acrimoniously, well the texts posted earlier don’t bear that out. Also, even if it did, sitting on it for years on the off chance of derailing some hypothetical future Haley run doesn’t make sense when he could have had her booted from her Congressional (heh) seat (heh).

No, what makes more sense is that some third party approached Folks and threatened to reveal the affair and Will Folks saw the opportunity to milk it for as much publicity and page views as he possibly could. Like a good conservative would.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

saw the opportunity to milk it for as much publicity and page views as he possibly could

Learned it from the Queen of Grifters.

 
 

Learned it from the Queen of Grifters.

Anjelica Huston?

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Anjelica Huston?

Maybe in the forthcoming big-screen adaptation.

 
 

But srsly, what up with the long phone calls into the middle of the night? What are these people, teenagers? Did the affair start with a check-a-box note?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Walter Winchell

The donut guy?

Also, “warm and fresh donut,” too. Heh.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

But srsly, what up with the long phone calls into the middle of the night? What are these people, teenagers? Did the affair start with a check-a-box note?

Thanks for stealing my joke.

 
 

Thanks for stealing my joke.

wev, TallandUnusally-large-breasted. That joke was left hanging there for hours. If I hadn’t cracked ti when I did, it’d have gone stale.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Okay yeah. Sorry for three posts in a row.

But WTF with the “without a guilty plea for beating a woman”? Is he saying that he didn’t get caught?

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

wev, TallandUnusally-large-breasted. That joke was left hanging there for hours. If I hadn’t cracked ti when I did, it’d have gone stale.

Okay, fine. I thought of it yesterday when I initially read the story, but I think I got distracted. Probably by my own breasts.

 
 

Sorry for three posts in a row.

Heh. Interrupted your threesome.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Heh. Interrupted your threesome.

Dammit. This is why I don’t have children!

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Dammit. This is why I don’t have children!

Yeah, with his MILF fixation, DKW would give A212 a run for his money!

 
 

Yeah, with his MILF fixation, DKW would give A212 a run for his money!

Whooo, awkward in here or what? I blame the fact that I’m still worked up because of Anjelica Huston.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Just don’t hurt yourself!

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I blame the fact that I’m still worked up because of Anjelica Huston.

Oooh, tingly.

What are you guys doing here? I have no friends and the person who gave birth to me is here, so I have an excuse.

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

I’m at the tail end of a sixteen hour slog on the job- the second day in a row. I’ll be able to sleep in tomorrow- don’t have to be in until 11AM.

Big fundraising season.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m at the tail end of a sixteen hour slog on the job- the second day in a row. I’ll be able to sleep in tomorrow- don’t have to be in until 11AM.

Big fundraising season.

Eeesh. I am far too lazy for that shit. I like to sleep in until 11:00 and then procrastinate on housework and take a nap at 2:00.

I’m impressed.

 
 

I have no friends and the person who gave birth to me is here, so I have an excuse.

I’ve hit the long and boring phase of life where the only pleasures I know are those provided by your mom. And she’s busy with twelve other dudes so I gotta burn time somehow.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’ve hit the long and boring phase of life where the only pleasures I know are those provided by your mom. And she’s busy with twelve other dudes so I gotta burn time somehow.

Dude. I totally empathize. Your mom has, like, a waiting list of two or three weeks. I have to wait less time for a fucking haircut.

 
 

Speaking of moms, I know I prefer walk-ins.

Hey-o?

 
 

Hrm. This has been a haircut-milf joke that fell pretty flat in retrospect.

 
 

maybe it’s just some shit disturbing jackwad that loves to fuck shit up and burn shit down.

That narrows it down.

 
 

You people are strange and off-putting. I think I love y’all.

 
 

I realized today that this year and next will be the 25th anniversary of some of the Reagan administration’s most memorable acts. I think we should remember to discuss them often.

Like this one:

it was disclosed that the United States had, in August 1985, and subsequently, participated in secret dealings with Iran involving the sale of military equipment. There appeared to be a linkage between these dealings and efforts to obtain the release of U.S. citizens held hostage in Lebanon by terrorists believed to be closely associated with the Iranian regime. After the initial story broke, the Attorney General announced that proceeds from the arms tansfers may have been diverted to assist U.S.-backed rebel forces in Nicaragua, known as contras.

We can have a Silver Jubilee!

(costumes recommended, clothing optional)

 
 

Are all the East Coasters & Heatlanders asleep yet?

 
 

Also, Heartlanders.

 
 

RE: “Icarus descending, emblazoned in fire’s fell robe, a steel-boned conflagration in gravid expiry, disgorging a roiled and pungent cumulus…” Gavin M.
MY COMMENT: Very impressive “funtistible verbiage”, but as to “steel-boned”…GOTCHA!
FROM WIKIPEDIA: …The Hindenburg had a duralumin structure, incorporating 15 Ferris wheel-like bulkheads along its length, with 16 cotton gas bags fitted between them. The bulkheads were braced to each other by longitudinal girders placed around their circumferences…In 1931 the Zeppelin company purchased 5,000 kg of duralumin salvaged from the wreckage of the October 1930 crash of the British airship R101, which might have been re-cast and used in the construction of the Hindenburg.[2]…
…Duralumin (also called duraluminum, duraluminium or dural) is the trade name of one of the earliest types of age-hardenable aluminium alloys. The main alloying constituents are copper, manganese, and magnesium. A commonly used modern equivalent of this alloy type is AA2024, which contains 4.4% copper, 1.5% magnesium, 0.6% manganese and 93.5% aluminium by weight….
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LZ_129_Hindenburg
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duralumin

 
Asshole Button
 

Speaking of moms, I know I prefer walk-ins.

Cavernous and frigid?

 
 

You kidding, Bouffant? It’s FRIDAY! I can stay up as late as I want and…comment…on blogs.

Well, at least I’ve got DKW’s mom to keep me warm.

 
 

Bonzo goes to bitburg then goes out for a cup of tea
As I watched it on TV somehow it really bothered me
May, 1985

Buchanan complains that with Kagan, Supreme Court will have too many Jews
May, 2010

If you’re clever, you can use the thread of lies to create a giant web of deceit.

 
 

Workin’ the graveyard shift here. In theory, I’ll be awake for hours yet.

 
 

Of course those guys were Too Tough To Die.

Main attraction in a freak side show
Down in the basement where the cobwebs grow

 
 

Never, ever refer to yourself in third person. Makes you sound like a major douchebag. Jerry Lee Lewis can get away with because, though he is kind of a douchebag, he is nevertheless a piano playing fool. And, comparative drift aside, Son of Erick is no Killer.

 
 

Some dirty filthy Republican sex.

What, between a man and a woman? That doesn’t sound very republican at all.

Maybe there was a goat involved? A young boy? An off-duty cop in the next stall?

 
 

Are all the East Coasters & Heatlanders asleep yet?

I just got back from a good blues show. Guitar Shorty. I will be asleep soon

 
 

In other news… What could possibly go wrong?

 
 

Heatlanders

Fuck Arizona’s legislature.

 
 

Erickson, Tits or GTFO.

 
Shell Goddamnit
 

What could possibly go wrong?

Huh. Yeah, lots of gueras gonna end up being held for three days while they prove citizenship, right? And cops are all gonna be experts in immigration law and won’t reject paperwork as suspicious if they feel like it.

 
 

Yo, step the hell off lengthy phone calls in the middle of the night. Spit or swallow?… your buddy might as well flip a coin; but four hours on the phone means something that nobody can ever take away. I saved two lives and ended a marriage before it could blow up the world by wearing a headphone and lying with my shoulders on the floor and my lower body stretching up the wall. I’m not rich and don’t have a giant dick, but I keep answering these calls and talking people off the edge. I’m not proud, I’m stuck, but what better purpose behind being alive?

 
 

The tell for me on the phone records was the length of the calls and who made them.

When Folks called her, the call lasted a minute (likely less. Cell phones might still bill in increments of a minute). The callback immediately following from Haley to Folks lasted at least a quarter of an hour, if not much longer.

Now, having been in a co-respondent position more times than I care to count, that’s the pattern: the free-agent calls to let the attached party know he (or she) is free to talk. The onus for finding privacy to speak is then on the attached party, who then calls back just as soon as she(he) can find some privacy.

Irky can whine all he wants and put up a brave face, but he banged her like a drum and she apparently liked it.

 
 

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