May
27

An Insurance Policy In Case She Gets Caught Too




Posted at 13:40 by Tintin

Shorter Sipp E. Cupp:
What’s abstinence got to do with it? Liberals’ nonsensical delight in Mark Souder’s ‘hypocrisy’

  • Kids today have premarital sex because of Bluetooth and Twitter, not because of Mark Souder or Bristol Palin.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

493 Comments »

  1. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 13:42

    I had premarital sex because of peer pressure. “If everyone else jumped off a cliff into a vagina, would you?” “Yes.”

  2. Hatchepsut said,

    May 27, 2010 at 13:49

    Yes, the evils of modern technology…What didn’t the sight of a finely carved hieroglyph, with those sensual lines and gorgeous coloring, provoke youngsters to do?

    Ah, youth, youth…

  3. UNE_*.Pissed said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:06

    Is it too early for a V_pm_R?

    Also. Hot Libraritarian!

    I suspect the glasses are a prop…

    .

  4. Michael G. said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:17

    Taste this mango:

    But why? Granted, the promotional video of Souder and his mistress advocating abstinence is a delightfully vivid and embarrassing twist of irony. But Souder’s infidelity, and his inability to abstain from having extramarital sex, has nothing at all to do with abstinence education.

    Uhh… Did you see? People keep having sex, even if you tell them not to. Blaming it on the you-tubes, and the blue-tooths, and the what-all is silly. People have been fucking since before they were people.

  5. Grace Nearing said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:20

    Have to admit, I do like the idea of a Pez dispenser for birth control pills.

  6. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:23

    Have to admit, I do like the idea of a Pez dispenser for birth control pills.

    Traditional Pez alternate colors. We could set one up to alternate birth control and Viagra.

  7. Michael G. said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:23

    Wow, the whole thing is just loaded with that stuff. She wants a policy, but when the science says it doesn’t work and the anecdotes are that the proponents are also fucking, she just yammers “nu-uh!” over and over again.

    That and the usual raft of “if it weren’t for birth control and condoms, sex would be too dangerous and then people wouldn’t have it!”

    I think people who write this stuff usually fall into one of two camps: (1) The prudes who have never enjoyed sex and (2) the scenesters who repeat the rants of (1) to draw a paycheck.

  8. Substance McGravitas said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:25

    But culturally, abstinence can’t catch a break.

    Also, you know, realistically.

  9. owlbear1 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:26

    Bluetoothed and Twittered? Is that what they’re calling it these days?

  10. Michael G. said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:28

    I see, it’s like “blueballed” and “twitterpated,” but with a modern slant.

  11. Woodrowfan said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:32

    don’t you see people, Reagan cut spending for the mentally ill. The RW felt guilty about it, so they give jobs to loons like this to keep them off the street!

    Did anyone catch her on “Real Time.” Total airhead with a nervous annoying little laugh/giggle–heh heh heh heh

  12. Pseudonymph said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:36

    There seems to be a total inability to comprehend the concept that the incident is being ridiculed because it’s a huge example of HYPOCRISY.

    It’s not a “twist of irony”, it’s a prime example of authoritarians telling those under them to restrain themselves from something while not restraining themselves from doing the same thing.

    I know it’s a bit hard for them to confront that.

  13. Anonymous P. Hancock said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:43

    2 Initials, 1 Cupp: See, Bristol Palin didn’t get an abstinence-only education at Wasilla High School, like her mother wanted. She was taught comprehensive sex education, which apparently didn’t work – Levi Johnston, her boyfriend at the time, told a talk show that they hadn’t used a condom.

    See? Teaching kids to use condoms means they won’t use condoms, so telling them not to use condoms means they will, but they still shouldn’t, because condoms don’t work, because you get pregnant if you don’t use them.

  14. teh Universal Schlong said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:45

    it’s a huge example of HYPOCRISY

    I do believe the lovely little lady is living the faith, so tut tut.

    Do as a say and not as I do and Do unto others before they do unto you are two of my favorite commandments.

    Right after thou shalt only kneel and bob before me!

    So lay off my Cuppy!

  15. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:46

    Trusting the shorter, but isn’t our friend here an atheist? Why does she give a shit if people fuck outside of marriage? I don’t get it.

  16. Looch said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:46

    Warning: Early Thread Derail:

    Back to AmericaFreakingOut: The trolls are overwhelming it, methinks.

    “A group of youths who are, shall we say, fleet of foot, have been playing basketball near my house and I don’t have a security system. How can the Republican party help to stop stressful situations like this?”

    “I wouldn’t trust anyone with a full set of teeth. Anyone with a full set of teeth who wants to run for public office out to have a few teeth knocked out first. Then they’d look OK.”

    “KFC’s mashed potatoes taste like pennies. ”

    “We should continue to harken back to old American values, like that of our founding fathers. Reinstitute slavery and undo women’s suffrage. We need to go back to the way our founding father’s vision”

    “Institute prayer in public schools. Make students bow down to Cthulu, the All Powerful, at the beginning of each school day. God may have put you into this world, but by golly, Cthulu is going to take you out of it!”

    “Ban ranch dressing. It’s the devil’s saliva. ”

    “Women who get abortions should be publicly hanged. Even women who were r^ped. Abortion is murd#r. Or maybe lethal injection, to be more humane. But it should still be public.”

    “Miles Quaritch for President ”

    “I sleep in a drawer ”

    “Betty Sue from 12 Maple St. stole my 1st place prize apple pie recipe. I would have had no problem sharing it with her if she asked but instead she decided to steal the recipe secretly and deny it. Arrest Betty Sue now.”

    These were taken from one section. What I am seeing is the pranking/trolling commentary is overwhelming the earnest comments by a substantial margin.

    How long before it gets shut down?

  17. BenSix said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:47

    It’s a relic of a simpler time, when common sense and good old-fashioned family values didn’t have to compete with Twitter, Bluetooth and Lady Gaga for attention.

    Is there any logic to that trio, or was there just a phone, iPod and laptop sitting handy?

  18. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:48

    It’s fascinating how she goes back and forth from “abstinence” to “abstinence-only” as if they were the same thing. Teaching kids to take sexuality seriously, that saying “no” is an option, that abstinence is the only absolutely certain way to be sure you don’t get pregnant or catch something in the context of other information is a sensible thing to do.

    Teaching them “Sex is bad, m’kay?” is not going to work, not ever.

    She is right that Congressman Cheater cheating on his wife doesn’t invalidate abstinence-only sex education. It can do that all on its own. The story is the other way around. Congressman Cheater’s cheating is a story because he was the abstinence only guy (as Pseudonymph points out). If he were not a “family values uber alles” crusader, I would say it’s nobody’s damn business who sleeps with. However, since he is such a crusader, it’s noteworthy.

    Finally, I think there is a “twist of irony” in the fact that Ms. Cupp’s article, griping about hyper-sexualized kids with their Twitters and their Facebooks, appears on a page with not one, but two articles advertised with bikini shots. One is actually about bikinis, and the other seems to be about drug dealing. Maybe this all should start at home?

  19. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:49

    “I sleep in a drawer ”

    Diet Coke. Up my nose. Good morning!

  20. Scott said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:50

    It’s not a “twist of irony”, it’s a prime example of authoritarians telling those under them to restrain themselves from something while not restraining themselves from doing the same thing.

    Ohhhh, but they weren’t doing the same thing! Mark Souder was telling kids not to have sex ’til marriage, but he was in fact already married, so it was okay for him to have sex! No hypocrisy here, move along, move along…

    NOTE: This rule is not to be applied to libruls. If any of them have sex, in or out of marriage, it causes society’s morals to break down and abortions to occur and Kenyans to usurp.

  21. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:50

    Trusting the shorter, but isn’t our friend here an atheist?

    She is, but because she assumes that most other atheists are liberal she put a great deal of time and effort (?) writing a book saying how liberals are mean to Christians. She’s fucking retarded.

    I guess, atheism aside, she’s a conservative. Which means that she needs to knee-jerkingly be against anything she thinks liberals are for (which i guess includes sensible sex educational programs). *shrug*

  22. Looch said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:51

    Diet Coke. Up my nose. Good morning!

    Yeah. People in the small office where I work mornings are wondering about my guffawing. That site is wonderful.

    It makes me so happy.

    Good morning!

  23. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:51

    But, seriously, are all these people 5? They have the same attitude I had about sex when I was, like, 10. I was all, like, EWWWWWWWW. Clearly they never evolved beyond that stage.

  24. Looch said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:53

    She’s fucking retarded.

    Trig feels smarter today. Much smarter.

  25. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:53

    “A group of youths who are, shall we say, fleet of foot, have been playing basketball near my house and I don’t have a security system. How can the Republican party help to stop stressful situations like this?”

    It’s a little early in the morning to be spilling coffee onto the keyboard. That and “sleep in a drawer” are so funny they should be illegal.

  26. J Neo Marvin said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:54

    What’s so lascivious about Bluetooth? Because it enables you to talk on your cellphone while having sex?

  27. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:57

    That site is wonderful.

    I think one of the best things about it is that, yet again, the Republicans have FAILED MISERABLY at social media outreach efforts. They should be, like, a case study on how not to use “Web 2.0.”

    Which means that she needs to knee-jerkingly be against anything she thinks liberals are for (which i guess includes sensible sex educational programs)

    Apparently, liberals are also totally against looking like pr0n star librarians while pretending to be a prude who doesn’t capitalize on her looks, too?

  28. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:57

    Trig feels smarter today. Much smarter.

    If I believed in hell, I’d tell you you’re going there. Lucky for you, I don’t, so I’m just gonna give you a high five.

  29. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 14:59

    It’s the classic case of the unbelievably entitled perspective of the crazy wing-nut. Lie-berals aren’t denouncing abstinence education – hell most of us lefties would much rather that folkx like Souder just kept it in his pants. We’re denouncing abstinence-only education.

    What is being advocated is a one-lifestyle only society – where the only people who get to fuck are the marrieds and then only with the one person they are married to. Sure that lifestyle appeals to some people, but the fact that it doesn’t even appeal to the vocal proponents of it is in fact a platonic ideal of the concept of hypocrisy.

    So the idiots who think that banning all information and education regarding reproduction except what they have decreed is the ONE TRUE WAY (which they incidentally stray from regularly) is totally reasonable. It’s people who have problems with that approach that are the totalitarian dictators who are shoving responsible sex practices down our children’s throats.

    I suspect there’s a lot of overlap between people who share that perspective and people who think it’s a threat to their civil rights to allow gays to get married. i.e. if U R Ghey, no nookie 4 u.

    Anyways, there it is. Cupp’s metaphor of poor little abstinence twiddling her thumbs in teh corner (not a VPrejeanR) only works if poor little abstinence was put in the corner for beating the crap out of everyone else in the playground and telling them to shut their mouths.

  30. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:00

    What’s so lascivious about Bluetooth?

    Furthermore, what teenager uses Bluetooth? Those little fuckers just text all the time.

    Come to think of it, the yoot aren’t that into Twitter, either. S.E., you’re 31 and you sound like Andy Rooney. Sad.

  31. BenSix said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:01

    What’s so lascivious about Bluetooth? Because it enables you to talk on your cellphone while having sex?

    I once got a second-hand phone, but didn’t use its bluetooth for a while. When, at last, I ventured there, I found that a) it had been on, and b) the previous owner had adopted the title “I Fucked Yer Mum”…

  32. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:01

    I note now that fellow Canuck, Lurking made my point with much more coherent and way less rambling way without the stream of thought run-on babbling. I consider myself AHEM-ed.

  33. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:02

    I once got a second-hand phone…

    My phone! Please ignore all them photos I left on it.

  34. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:05

    but the fact that it doesn’t even appeal to the vocal proponents of it is in fact a platonic ideal of the concept of hypocrisy.

    Also, it’s bad for relationships and families and people in general. Cheating? Really bad. Compulsory monogamy and heteronormativity? Even worse.

    Furthermore, it totally cuts into your mom’s business.

  35. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:08

    Furthermore, it totally cuts into your mom’s business.

    Why does S.E. Cupp hate the FREE MARKET?!!!!!

  36. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:08

    Always. Trust. The. Shorter.™

    Sippy “A” Cupps is at it again, being a complete Pussycat Doll wannabe while at the same time trying to emulate K-Lo in her extremities, particularly the naughty ones.

    Embrace your inner tramp, Sippy! Embrace her!

  37. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:09

    “If everyone else jumped off a cliff into a vagina, would you?” “Yes.”

    Kincaid has a vagina? And you did him????

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

  38. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:10

    Embrace your inner tramp, Sippy! Embrace her!

    Don’t forget to turn on your webcam first!

  39. James K Polk, Esq. said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:11

    Why do teens fuck?

    Because they can, duh.

  40. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:14

    What’s so lascivious about Bluetooth?

    Is a G thang, you wouldn’t unnerstan’. Gold teef are so 20th Century.

  41. g said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:15

    See, Bristol Palin didn’t get an abstinence-only education at Wasilla High School, like her mother wanted. She was taught comprehensive sex education, which apparently didn’t work – Levi Johnston, her boyfriend at the time, told a talk show that they hadn’t used a condom.

    So in reality, Palin’s pregnancy was as much an indictment of abstinence education as it was of comprehensive sex education.

    Gosh, wasn’t there another player involved in Bristol Palin’s education? Like her parents?

    Sippy Cupp thinks that since Mom Palin was forced to allow her daughter to take sex education, she was absolved of any responsibility at all in her daughter’s upbringing?

  42. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:15

    We could set one up to alternate birth control and Viagra.

    But what if she’s a lesbian?

    Wait…what?

  43. UNE_*.Pissed said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:15

    …pr0n star librarians…

    Firstly, when does one get past the moderation queue?

    Secondly, awesome band name!

    .

  44. kate said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:21

    Honestly, what is wrong with these people? If condoms and birth control were the only temptation to have sex, how on earth did we get here?

    I mean, I realize I came out of immaculate conception, but what about the rest of you?

    And I’m certain most wingnuts had parents that weren’t over the age of 15, mentally or physically.

  45. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:22

    Because it enables you to talk on your cellphone while having sex?

    What? You’ve never Skyped your partner while you’re having sex with her?

    Dood, 21st century already!

  46. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:23

    But what if she’s a lesbian?

    Who, S.E.?

    She’s so painfully straight that she’s probably made out with another girl in front of a room full of drunk dudes on spring break.

  47. Woodrowfan said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:24

    Sippy Cupp thinks that since Mom Palin was forced to allow her daughter to take sex education, she was absolved of any responsibility at all in her daughter’s upbringing?

    when has Palin accepted responsibility for ANYTHING?

  48. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:25

    But what if she’s a lesbian?

    Who, S.E.?

    no, the kid with the Pez dispenser that alternates the Pill and Viagra.

    Nevermind, the joke fell flat.

  49. Looch said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:25

    OK, I actually have to try and do some work today. Last one from AmerciaFreakingOut — for a bit.

    “Wait for a sign from Gozer the Traveller; he will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldronaii, the Traveller came as a large and moving Torb. Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex Supplicants, they chose a new form for him — that of a Giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day I can tell you.”

  50. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:29

    Wait for a sign from Gozer the Traveller

    Oh, the Teabaggers have a new candidate!

  51. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:29

    no, the kid with the Pez dispenser that alternates the Pill and Viagra.

    Nevermind, the joke fell flat.

    Ah. I couldn’t figure out where the hypothetical “she” came from.

    There, there. They can’t all be winners.

  52. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:32

    Guffawed embarrassingly as soon as I clicked on “Ideas in Job Creation”:

    “Monkey butlers for everyone!”

  53. Malaclypse said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:33

    It is a very good and healthy idea, many perfectly sensible people think, not to have sex until one is married, and then to have sex only with the person to whom one is married.

    Says the no-doubt virginal Cupp.

    With all the supercool Trojan and Yaz ads, abstinence has a tough enough job as it is.

    I thought blowjobs were all Clinton’s fault. Now they are the fault of corporations advertising their legal products? Why does Cupp love Clinton, and hate America?

  54. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:35

    Whether abstinence education works or not is unclear. There are plenty of studies that support both sides, although the studies proving it can work rarely win any coverage by the liberal media.

    Rilly? There are studies that support the notion that abstinence-only education works? Can you name one? Here’s an article that cites the previously mentioned Mathematica paper as well as two others. The Johns Hopkins is of particular relevance.

    Here’s a survey paper summarizing research at that time (March 2002) – with 69 (heh) references.

    OTOH, SE Cupp says that there’s totes research that says abstinence-only kicks ass. So there.

  55. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:37

    Why does Cupp love Clinton, and hate America?

    SE Cupp loves teh CLENIS?!?! Assign a Special Prosecutor! IMPEACH!

  56. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:37

    Says the no-doubt virginal Cupp.

    I was thinking the same thing, but figured it was unladylike to speculate.

  57. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:40

    OTOH, SE Cupp says that there’s totes research that says abstinence-only kicks ass. So there

    Look, it’s the word of a wannabe author ballerina pundit with a degree in Art History versus every frikkin’ scientist with a doctorate and a slew of papers under his or her belt.

    Who you gonna believe? Some “facts” or her purty mouf?

  58. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:42

    Speaking of Sippy’s former career as a ballerina, can’t anorexia cause brain damage?

  59. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:44

    Who you gonna believe? Some “facts” or her purty mouf?

    I’ve reconsidered. If it’ll get me a date with fellow Red Eye redhead Patti Ann Browne then I agree with anything SE Cupp says.

  60. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:44

    the no-doubt virginal Cupp.

    She’s never had sex with a no-doubt? What?

  61. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:45

    Speaking of Sippy’s former career as a ballerina, can’t anorexia cause brain damage?

    How would you know?

  62. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:46

    If it’ll get me a date with fellow Red Eye redhead Patti Ann Browne then I agree with anything SE Cupp says.

    I’m thinking the two of them lock the green room door when Sippy appears, if you know what I mean.

    And I KNOW you do.

  63. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:47

    She’s so painfully straight that she’s probably made out with another girl in front of a room full of drunk dudes on spring break.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  64. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:47

    How would you know?

    I skipped lunch yesterday.

  65. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:52

    I skipped lunch yesterday.

    Let me clarify:

    Speaking of Sippy’s former career as a ballerina, can’t anorexia cause brain damage?

    How could you tell?

    OK, I’m obviously off on some oblique tangent in my world today. I’m just going to sit in Joe McGinniss’s brand new tree house and stalk Piper Palin.

  66. BenSix said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:52

    My phone! Please ignore all them photos I left on it.

    Your secret’s safe with me…

    Or so I’d thought, until I heard of Facebook’s new privacy settings…

  67. Malaclypse said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:52

    I was thinking the same thing, but figured it was unladylike to speculate.

    It would be unladylike not to speculate.

  68. creature said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:59

    To ‘hell’ with Sippy and her lame-ass ‘no-fuck rules- roolz!’, Imma goin’ check out the cool, badass mangoes over at the new Knuckleheads’ Corner Fruit & Nut Stand! Might even deliver a couple myself!

  69. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 15:59

    And I KNOW you do.

    Actually I don’t. Are you suggesting that this talentless hag be allowed anywhere near teh Notorious PAB? In some sort of sexy redheaded catfight that ends with all sorts of rolling and writhing on the carpet¹ floor? You’re going to have to pick another redhead because Cupp isn’t in the same league as Cheapshot McSkirtlifter.

    ¹ They probably both have brazilians.

  70. Looch said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:01

    MOAR:

    “When you take the purity pledge, does that include livestock?”

    Bestest GOP Outreach EVAH!

  71. Joe Max said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:01

    … didn’t have to compete with Twitter, Bluetooth and Lady Gaga for attention.

    Is there any logic to that trio, or was there just a phone, iPod and laptop sitting handy?

    Hey, Lady Gaga can sit on top on MY lap!

    *budda-BOOM [crash]*

  72. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:02

    “When you take the purity pledge, does that include livestock?”

    I saw that one earlier…pure genius.

  73. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:03

    ¹ They probably both have brazilians.

    Clearly you haven’t given this much thought.

  74. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:08

    Do you really think a modest, abstinence-promoting woman would let a stranger near her junk with hot wax? I sincerely doubt it.

    Now, Kathryn Jean Lopez, on the other hand…I hear she’s completely bald, you know, “down there.”

  75. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:08

    I hate myself.

  76. smedley said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:12

    For those who didn’t get off the boat, here is a tasty mango from her comments:

    as a white ocncserative i am all for abstence. marriage is a sacred pack between 2 mostly white adults and should not be tainted by premmartial sex or something even dry humping which is what we used to do inna car behind the church dumpster but nayways, cupp, you get a A plus on this deply snesitive and tohughtful peice of work. yr one of the most artifulte conservatives i know and we shold alla us be thinkiung like you and disgracing liberal media’s secret agenda. liberlaism outha be outlawed. they podnt do ntohing theyre all wlefare queens and trhere alla bunch a snobs. when r we gon na throw the liberals and immigrants outta our ocuntry? if you wuznt born here, you aint a ctiizenb. simple. i dont want no illegal taking my job at Bear sterns. I gotta put food on my family. Cupp gets a A plus for this riting, or maybe a B Cupp.

  77. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:16

    I hate myself.

    Thank you for saving me the trouble.

  78. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:16

    For those who didn’t get off the boat, here is a tasty mango from her comments:

    The real conservatives who post comments there are loony enough, Smedley.

  79. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:19

    Apparently, Top Kill worked.

    So we had Top Hat, Hot Tap, and Top Kill.

    This sort of sounds like some bizarre Yakuza initiation rite.

  80. DAS said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:23

    Kids today have premarital sex because of Bluetooth and Twitter, not because of Mark Souder or Bristol Palin.

    I imagine kids today have premarital sex for the same reason kids have always had pre-marital sex: because sex feels good!

  81. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:24

    Thank you for saving me the trouble.

    I haven’t kept track, but I’m pretty sure you’ve posted quite a few more horrific comments than I ever have…

    And, let’s be realistic. We all know K-Lo has a huge Sasquatch bush.

  82. jim said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:27

    Abstinence education is a policy issue that we should discuss on the basis of its merits, without leaning on irrelevant, tawdry tabloid stories to prop up a position.

    Because it totally makes sense to expect teens to succeed where so many adults have failed.

    Drat you skeezy libtards & your leaning on case after hilarious case where our batshit-insane idea did a faceplant! Your tawdry irrelevant “documented evidence” & “double-blind studies” are just props to hold up your ideological bias!

    In conclusion: NEENER NEENER NEENER, YOU EAT BEANS & WEINERS! (QED!)

    Studying abstinence-only programs at this point is like studying Hollow Earth theories or the Geocentric model of the solar-system; the “poor neglected thing” has been such an utter disaster for nearly everyone who was ever exposed to it that it’s only use is as a barometer of stupidity.

    culturally, abstinence can’t catch a break. It’s a relic of a simpler time, when common sense and good old-fashioned family values didn’t have to compete with Twitter, Bluetooth and Lady Gaga for attention

    No – they had to compete with Cab Calloway, rumble-seats & speakeasy parties.

    But she’s dead-right, you know – we need to turn to “relics” in order to regain our sense of cultural grounding in these uncertain times!

    I vote for starting with alchemy, animism & human sacrifice.

  83. Looch said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:28

    And, let’s be realistic. We all know K-Lo has a huge Sasquatch bush.

    Hey.

    HEY!

    Brain bleach by the pallet.

    Yeesh.

  84. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:29

    We all know K-Lo has a huge Sasquatch bush.

    Now, are you suggesting it’s as thick as an ape, or that it’s thick enough to hide a Sasquatch?

  85. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:30

    Sorry about that. I actually just bought stocks in brain bleach.

  86. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:31

    Now, are you suggesting it’s as thick as an ape, or that it’s thick enough to hide a Sasquatch?

    The former. I think the latter would be considered some sort of health hazard.

  87. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:31

    I vote for starting with alchemy, animism & human sacrifice.

    And sun worship. If we’re going to ridicule religion, I at least want to be able to point to my God and say, “See?”

  88. The Fool said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:32

    Simple twist of irony? Oh no, I say!

    Twas a simple twist of fate!

    You can’t blame poor Souder for fate now can you?

    BTW: Does that chick really have E-cups?

  89. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:33

    I think the latter would be considered some sort of health hazard.

    Well, you know, I mean, she is….Latina. I’m told they can get rather hirsute.

  90. creature said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:33

    Went over to AmurikaBlurtsOut and tried to register- WTF is a ‘postal code’? I put in ZIP code, state two letter code, even ‘going’- no luck. I feel…disenfranchised. And stoopud. I have thoughts that need released and shared with my fellow Amurikanz. Now.

  91. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:35

    …or that it’s thick enough to hide a Sasquatch?

    ONOES! Is that why we haven’t heard from Josh St. Lawrence in so long?

  92. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:36

    ONOES! Is that why we haven’t heard from Josh St. Lawrence in so long?

    LOLhork.

  93. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:39

    Creature, I just registered. Zip Code works fine. Maybe your state doesn’t exist?

  94. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:40

    Oh hey! Sarah Palin posted at America Freaks Out!

    better healthcare system er only for true emergencies all other care at clinics,dr office soc provides med care card for those without/unable to buy ins stateing copay soc bases copay on income of applicant dr given tax break for patients useing soc card and must accept those patients dr hires and supervises nierce practioners who provide care and prescreening ins cannot refuse preill applicants and must setup pool to cover extreme costs peer review boards address all med foulups and set standards,corrections,etc. malpractice suits go to review boards first for settlements b4 going to court licences of bad med staff must be pulled if training and supervision can’t correct national computer data base for all patients — authorized access only – by law data base used by pharmacies to prevent drug interaction, alergic reactions, etc. data base provides suggested best practice/treatment for all med conditions dr must note in patient file if alternative treatment used — why????? data base compiles success rate of treatments and average time to heal review boards set up to oversee all priceing of supplies and charges, ins costs, etc. as to fairness and justification the above should greatly improve med costs the above are the highlites only — other refinements possible

  95. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:40

    Money has not served us well. Instead, I propose that we switch to a hat-based economy.

    Heh heh. I like this one.

  96. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:41

    Republican babies: Not just for breakfast anymore.

  97. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:43

    Seriously, did Subby submit this?

    Our nation’s nursing homes are becoming too violent. I think there should be a law requiring that one meal per day consists of rubber food. That way the old geezers would just be sitting there for hours chewing whatever was on their plates and this would keep them from thinking unclean thoughts and getting into trouble. (If this idea wins, I’d like my prize to be a new GPS unit since I keep getting lost on the way home from the liquor store)

  98. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:45

    bu????? s? s??? ????q u??? ??no? ??o?? ?no? ?n?s

    Yup. that was there, too.

  99. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:46

    “A very high volume of Americans are speaking out right now.
    Please wait a moment and try again.”

  100. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:49

    “America needs to be more submissive. Practice with a ball gag at first, combined with housework, then gradually work up to scuba gear.”

    Finally! A suggestion from a real Republican.

  101. 77south said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:50

    studying Hollow Earth theories
    I vote for starting with alchemy, animism & human sacrifice.

    Alright, who’s been peeking at the the curriculum of the 77south institute for the continued study of discredited geomorphologies, philosophies and cosmologies?

  102. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:51

    OK, I totally blew my composure on this:

    I should have the freedom to urinate on fire hydrants. If dogs can do it, I should too. Let’s end this discrimination.

  103. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:53

    And a shout-out to ZRM:

    Nowhere in the constitution does it say that zombies, vampires, gollums and misc. homunculi cannot vote. This needs to be addressed immediately before our nation is overrun by the legions of the undead.

  104. creature said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:54

    Thanx, actor, for guidance in this matter. I thought Colorado was still a state (Boulder being a point of confusion in the midst of a state of turmoil), but maybe the site managers @ ASO (assho’?) haven’t heard- yet. The goodies over there are the bestest thing since internet pr0n!

  105. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:56

    I thought Colorado was still a state

    Silly person! The Republicans want to roll the country back to the 50s, but they never specified WHICH century.

  106. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:57

    LOL!

    Let’s lower the age of consent to 13. Old guys had 13 year old wives in the bible. If there’s grass on the field, play ball.

  107. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:57

    Wait. I think this one’s real: “SEAL THE BORDER between Mexico and the United States. ZERO immigration through our southern border for 1 year. Make ALL AMERICAN “CITIZENS”, age 20 and older, Federal Marshalls and require they be trained to carry a loaded weapon on their person in ALL PUBLIC ACCESS places.”

  108. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 16:58

    Uh oh. Who’s our resident furry, again?

    Hunting licenses should be extended to cover humans who consider themselves “animals in spirit” or “furries”. If they truly consider themselves animals they should be willing to face the same hardships other animals face. So called “furries” should be hunted in order to control their population numbers and prevent overpopulation.

  109. not a gator said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:01

    Am I wrong for immediately trying to change her name to “Sagg E. Cupps”?

  110. mediajunk said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:02

    Mizz Cupp: Iconoclasmm Faill.

  111. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:02

    Am I wrong for immediately trying to change her name to “Sagg E. Cupps”?

    Based on TinTin’s photo, I’d think just a few more thrusts* with the bicycle pump will have those puppies up and barking again.

  112. smedley said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:04

    “combined with housework”

    ?

    Is there a June Cleaver fetish of which I am unaware?

  113. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:04

    I’m tempted to post “Ban elevator music”, among other things. I’m having too much fun thumbing up or down other people’s posts to do that.

    Yet.

  114. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:06

    Okay, so I recently learned that TransOcean made a $270 million profit off the oil rig disaster because of their insurance policy. Is this old news? Does anyone else feel like life is getting more and more surreal by the minute?

  115. 77south said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:07

    You are thinking to small. what about the threat to america posed by teh rust belt? Galvanize Pennsylvania!

    Or the threat to America’s dairy industry posed by the moon? Ban extraterrestrial cheese imports!

  116. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:08

    “Spiders. What the heck guys. They’re everywhere.”

  117. Woodrowfan said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:14

    No – they had to compete with Cab Calloway, rumble-seats & speakeasy parties.

    Aerosmith, the Camero’s backseat and a six-pack of Wiedemann…

  118. 77south said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:15

    At a time when the specter of Islamic terrorism is the bogeyman du jour, I can’t imagine why one of these mouth breathers hasn’t taken a stand against Arabic numerals.

  119. Jack Elam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:15

    Why is Kennedy calling herself by a stupid name all of a sudden? I mean, the Republican bullshit’s nothing new, but even a surname without a first name is better than “S.E. Cupp”

  120. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:15

    misc. homunculi

    Leave Trig alone!

  121. Toro Toro Taxi said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:16

    Taken from the comments over there:
    “as a white ocncserative i am all for abstence. marriage is a sacred pack between 2 mostly white adults and should not be tainted by premmartial sex or something even dry humping which is what we used to do inna car behind the church dumpster but nayways, cupp, you get a A plus on this deply snesitive and tohughtful peice of work. yr one of the most artifulte conservatives i know and we shold alla us be thinkiung like you and disgracing liberal media’s secret agenda.”

  122. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:16

    Aerosmith, the Camero’s backseat and a six-pack of Wiedemann…

    Mozart, the carriage, and a bottle of Armagnac

  123. 77south said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:16

    Why is Kennedy calling herself by a stupid name all of a sudden?
    If you had been an MTV VJ in an earlier part of your life, wouldn’t you change your name too?

  124. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:16

    what about the threat to america posed by teh rust belt? Galvanize Pennsylvania!

    You can’t galvanize over rust – it won’t adhere.

  125. Toro Toro Taxi said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:17

    Oh. Fuck you Smedly. WordPress, too.

  126. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:17

    Hey, DKW’s husband posted!

    Get Big Government out of my wife’s uterus!

  127. VforVirginia said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:18

    Dammit. I’ve been getting “A very large number of Americans are speaking out …” since last evening. You don’t think they revoked my Speaking Out privileges, do you?

    I had a bunch more helpful suggestions!

    Fave from yesterday (Sadly, Not! mine): reduce federal funding for horse porn by at least 20%.

  128. 77south said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:18

    You can’t galvanize over rust – it won’t adhere.
    well, it will need to be thoroughly gone over with a wire brush first.

  129. Jack Elam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:18

    If you had been an MTV VJ in an earlier part of your life, wouldn’t you change your name too?Kennedy has never had that kind of self-awareness. She has always sincerely believed that everyone loves her and her Lisa Loeb glasses and her glibertarian satire.

  130. not a gator said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:19

    WTF!

    How the HELL did this lady get a NYDailyNews column? She can’t even write a freshman college essay. I’ve seen better writing churned in incest pr0n fics posted by 14 y.o.’s to Fanfiction.net.

    WTF is she even trying to say? A busload of condoms? How stupid is this lady? I went to a school that still had functional sex ed and quite frankly my friends told me they were scared of AIDS and going to wait. (No, they didn’t have Coach come in and scream at us with scary pictures. Instead we had an AIDS awareness day when people with AIDS came to the school to talk to us about our lives. Like, basically sensitivity training. Ironically, one of the worst and most neglectful parents in the group forbade her daughter to go–and she was the one who ended up having an affair with a college professor & apparently wasn’t using protection because she got pregnant and did a home abortion by taking an enormous dose of hormone pills.)

    To the Vainglorious S.E.C., lemme break it down for you: Mark Souder is getting mocked because his life was a pathetic lie. Hello, he was making videos about abstinence education with his mistress.

    And no mangoes, there aren’t any whole ones to bring back, just rotting, diseased chunks that look like they are crossbreeds of some nasty inedible cultivar.

  131. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:19

    VforV, you have to click in the top of the page to get rid of that error message. If you reload, it just reloads the error

  132. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:20

    You can’t galvanize over rust – it won’t adhere.
    well, it will need to be thoroughly gone over with a wire brush first.

    Apply K-Lo’s bush to Pittsburgh? The living will envy the undead.

  133. not a gator said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:21

    That and the usual raft of “if it weren’t for birth control and condoms, sex would be too dangerous and then people wouldn’t have it!”

    Lemme try this one out: so that Syphilis epidemic in Europe in the 17th century… never happened, eh?

    The conspiracy goes deeper than I thought.

  134. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:22

    How the HELL did this lady get a NYDailyNews column?

    She was webmistress for the Times, believe it or not.

  135. Looch said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:22

    MOAR:

    “Free unicorn chow

    “No pants Mondays”

    “Have vehicles that run off of Chinese children blood, this way we could solve our gas problem and the Chinese population problem.”

    AND:

    “When I walk to the UPS store or school, there are only sidewalks for about 45% of my trip. That means that over half the time I spend walking, I am walking on surfaces that aren’t sidewalks. I know what you might be thinking. What type of surfaces are these that you are walking on? Here is an incomplete list: 1. Non sidewalk pavements (your parking lots, your city streers, etc) 2. Natural groudcover (your dirts, your grasses, some pine needles etc.) 3. Artificial groundcover (this category differs from natural groundcover not in terms of the type of material upon which I walk, but in the manner in which that material came to be the surface upon which I am walking) 4. Air (believe it or not) 5. Intermitent garbages (bottles of beer, trash, empty bottles of beer, broken bottles of beer, etc.) 6. Sand 7. Miscellaneous (clay, water, bridges) I’ve been keeping meticulous notes of my attitudes, thoughts, and moods regarding going on a walking trip to school or to the UPS store. The lack of over 50 percent sidewalk coverage has crossed my mind on no less than every day on which I have considered taking one of the walking trips which are the subject of the meticulous notes I have been taking. What should I do, as an American, and as a student, to spread the word and to connect with other people who are in a similar situation that I am in? Should I include my email address here in this post, or in a subsequent post? Should I use my real address or a throwaway account?

  136. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:22

    How the HELL did this lady get a NYDailyNews column?

    Alternatively, just look at that mouth. You tell me.

  137. 77south said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:23

    Apply K-Lo’s bush to Pittsburgh? The living will envy the undead.
    That’s crude. I was going to suggest the doughy pantload’s chin lizard. But I suppose you’d still have the whole “living envying the undead” problem.

  138. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:23

    so that Syphilis epidemic in Europe in the 17th century… never happened, eh?

    Is that the epidemic that resulted in the French calling syphilis “The English Disease” and the English calling it “The French Disease”?

  139. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:24

    Apply K-Lo’s bush to Pittsburgh? The living will envy the undead.

    People! Stop making me laugh! I’m supposed to be pretending to work.

  140. Woodrowfan said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:24

    77: Please don’;t mention Klos girl bush and Doughy’s chins in the same post again. Unfortunate associations came to mind. ty.

  141. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:25

    Okay, so I recently learned that TransOcean made a $270 million profit off the oil rig disaster because of their insurance policy. Is this old news? Does anyone else feel like life is getting more and more surreal by the minute?

    Sink a few more and they can all retire!

  142. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:25

    People! Stop making me laugh! I’m supposed to be pretending to work.

    Don’t want to laugh? Think about the puppies I’ll be killing to make today’s cupcakes.

  143. not a gator said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:26

    Good call on the title, TinTin. Fact chance this loudmouth bint was “abstaining” in college. Anyone who spends more time on her makeup and hair than on writing a fucking coherent paragraph has one thing on her mind and it ain’t etymology.

    Good call by Michael G., too. Whaddya bet this “scenester” is just another grifter who figured she’d hop on the wingnut welfare gravy train. “If Ann Coulter can do it… Is she angling to be the next Fox anchor? Honey, those bitches’ looks are gonna fade sooner or later … but they won’t fade by themselves! You need some minions!

  144. not a gator said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:31

    Ohhhh, but they weren’t doing the same thing! Mark Souder was telling kids not to have sex ’til marriage, but he was in fact already married, so it was okay for him to have sex! No hypocrisy here, move along, move along…

    *We should get married.

    *But, honey, we are married.

    *I mean to each other.

    /hat tip to Bill Watterson

  145. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:34

    chinchilla fur is not a substitute for good ole fashioned soap and water people. I don’t care how hard you rub.

    Sprinkle SARS on Hot Pockets.That will make my children love me again

    Gays are horrible, horrible people, but we can’t pick and choose parts of Leviticus, so let’s deny equal rights to all people who fall into the following group: Men who shave, anyone who touches a menstruating woman, people who eat pork, people who eat shellfish, people who work on Sundays. They’re all horrible, horrible people.

    Why do we allow people to be poor? That should be against the law. These people should be punished — God only wants rich people.

    I heard that looking at a gay person can make you gay. I don’t want to be gay, so I think all gay people should wear cloaks, kinda like The Emperor in Return of the Jedi.

    The best way to strengthen the American family is through a solid commitment to the P90X workout system. The secret behind the P90X system is an advanced training technique called “muscle confusion,” which accelerates the fitness process by constantly introducing new moves and routines so that your body never plateaus and you never get bored. The more you confuse the muscle, the harder your body has to work to keep up. And the more variety you put into your workout, the better and faster your results will be. By breaking old routines and opening new doors, secondary and tertiary muscles are constantly being activated and developed. After 90 days, the American family will be ready to show off that new body at the beach!

  146. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:35

    I heard that looking at a gay person can make you gay. I don’t want to be gay, so I think all gay people should wear cloaks, kinda like The Emperor in Return of the Jedi.

    LULZ

  147. not a gator said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:36

    NOTE: This rule is not to be applied to libruls. If any of them have sex, in or out of marriage, it causes society’s morals to break down and abortions to occur and Kenyans to usurp.

    Inviolable law of liberals: Liberals ALWAYS go down hard when caught with their wee wee in the wrong woo woo, in any English-speaking society. Including Ireland.

    However, Conservatives can frequently get away with it (Souder didn’t, but he wasn’t a plutocrat, he was just folks) because SHUT UP, THAT’S WHY.

  148. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:36

    secondary and tertiary muscles

    Veiled PENIS and TESTICLES* reference.

    *One of my father’s favorite lines: “Tes-ti-cleese, the nuttiest Greek philosopher of them all.”

  149. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:37

    Oh crap. I wanted to play, too, but it’s saying I can’t sign up now because apparently people are trolling the crap out of the site.

  150. Linnaeus said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:38

    The Outsiders was so much better than the stuff she’s writing now.

  151. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:39

    VS, try again. It’s hinky. Lots of people at lunch are playing now.

  152. not a gator said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:40

    According to Altemeyer, liberals are more critical of their leaders, while authoritarian followers have one criterion: is their leader “one of them”? They may view someone who switched parties as insincere, but as long as their leader spouted all the right bullshit in public, they uncritically accept whatever the bozo does. Unlike liberals, their minds don’t seek ulterior motives for what the leader says. Not surprisingly, authoritarian leaders tend to be social dominators and/or sociopaths.

    Oh yeah, the research also showed that RW authoritarians have a completely defective sense of humor. But we kinda knew that already. They also–now this is the funny part–suffer from a condition in which they can’t tell if smiles or laughter are kind or mean and hence think any laughter they hear in public is someone laughing at them. Kinda explains the paranoia.

  153. not a gator said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:44

    Furthermore, what teenager uses Bluetooth? Those little fuckers just text all the time.

    Come to think of it, the yoot aren’t that into Twitter, either. S.E., you’re 31 and you sound like Andy Rooney. Sad.

    I laughed so hard when the market research showed that, in line with what I’d been seeing on the web, everyone under 35 roundly rejected Twitter while it was shockingly popular among the senile set. Could it be because using Twitter makes you look like a twat? Discuss.

  154. not a gator said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:47

    Cheating? Really bad. Compulsory monogamy and heteronormativity? Even worse.

    From a kid’s point of view, if the cheating parent is truly discreet (not always the case) then the kid will never be the wiser, but if a parent is gay and in the closet, they’re going to have a warped view of relationships for the rest of their lives.

    Sorry, but you aren’t that good of an actor. Nope, you neither. Or you.

  155. not a gator said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:48

    “KFC’s mashed potatoes taste like pennies. ”

    Hey! Who woke up my id?

  156. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:48

    It’s saying I have to “select a representative” for Postal Code? WTH? I’m stumped. I clicked “look up” and nothing’s happening.

  157. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:49

    VS, it should automatically provide one, just click the name.

  158. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:51

    Hey, DKW’s husband posted!

    You weren’t kidding when you said this was a day when all your jokes were falling flat. I believe that I’ve mentioned that I am totally heterosexual.

  159. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:51

    It’s saying I have to “select a representative” for Postal Code?

    Is representing like regifting?

  160. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:51

    I believe that I’ve mentioned that I am totally heterosexual.

    Totally, 110%?

  161. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:53

    I believe that I’ve mentioned that I am totally heterosexual.

    The mating call of Closetus Faggus

  162. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:55

    Nope, nothin’ doin’. Poop.

  163. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:56

    I believe that I’ve mentioned that I am totally heterosexual.

    So I just don’t understand why all these fags keep sucking my cock.

  164. not a gator said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:59

    She has always sincerely believed that everyone loves her and her Lisa Loeb glasses and her glibertarian satire.

    You know, sometimes a glare is death is just an unironic glare of death (because we hate you) and not a sign of some sort of secret longing (except the longing to see you vanish).

  165. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:59

    The mating call of Closetus Faggus

    Wev d00d, keep dreaming. You think a guy as obsessed as I am with PENIS could be a fag?

    No, srsly – I’m totes (110%, try like OVER 9000!!!!) hetero (ask your mom). And maybe 40% gay – but in a totally heterosexual way.

  166. The Tragically Flip said,

    May 27, 2010 at 17:59

    2 initials, 1 cupp

    I don’t mean to exaggerate but this deserves every comedy award ever created including all past awards, plus a nobel prize for sheer awesome.

  167. not a gator said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:00

    She was webmistress for the Times, believe it or not.

    So the real question is, who did she blow to get that job? Fuck, I know how this kind of shit goes down.

  168. The Tragically Flip said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:02

    Hmm…

    Twitter…?
    Internet…
    Intercourse!

    Oh my god, the webs are teaching our youngin’s to make with the unlawful carnal knowins of each other!

  169. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:03

    Anyone who spends more time on her makeup and hair than on writing a fucking coherent paragraph has one thing on her mind and it ain’t etymology.

    I’d like to correct her etymology!

    (“I’d like to ____ her ____” is the 2nd easiest construct. I think “I’ve got your _____ right here!” is the 3rd. “I’m going to juice my papaya” Is still making me laugh from yesterday)

  170. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:04

    BAH!!! FYWP!!!!

  171. Looch said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:05

    mOAR:

    On the top of the page:

    “Aw, yeah! Twist my nipples, America! “

  172. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:06

    …is the 2nd easiest construct

    Your mom’s an easy construct.

  173. Scratch said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:06

    “It’s a relic of a simpler time, when common sense and good old-fashioned family values didn’t have to compete with Twitter, Bluetooth and Lady Gaga for attention.”

    No we had National Geographic, the Sears catalogue and our father’s old nudie playing cards

  174. Dan Someone said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:08

    Huh. Fox News did something like six “breaking news” breathless and awestruck reports on AmericaLeaksOut when it went live. I wonder if they’ll report on the awesome comments of awesomeness that are flooding the site.

    *crickets*

  175. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:12

    Premarital and teen sex is a brand new phenomenon.

    I know this because it never happens on The Donna Reed show.

  176. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:15

    Come to think of it, the yoot aren’t that into Twitter, either. S.E., you’re 31 and you sound like Andy Rooney. Sad.

    These children today, with their Bluetoth, Lady Gaga, Twitter, box socials, hula hoops, and your card games, rainbow parties, Pussycat Dolls and Red Bull. Back in my day, we didn’t have any of this “sex” business! We budded asexually to propagate the species and we enjoyed it, I say.

    But now, with your Hyundais, algebra, Tom Stoppard and Super Mario, the moral degeneracy of the age has been revealed.

  177. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:20

    Twitter and Bluetooth; two technologies, one Cupp.*

    *apologies if it’s been done, I just woke up and it’s going to take a while to catch up.

  178. Brandi said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:23

    rainbow parties

    I look forward to someone starting a sex rumor about those heinous Silly Bandz.

  179. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:25

    Trusting the shorter, but isn’t our friend here an atheist? Why does she give a shit if people fuck outside of marriage? I don’t get it.

    I think Cupp’s schtick will include a much-publicized “Road to Damascus” moment, in which she goes all Saddleback Road Church in a very public forum, thus ensuring her a position in the hearts and well-paying speaking engagements of the Christaliban for years to come.

    Shorter Bastard’s she’ll be like Antony Flew, trapped in the body of a stripper.

  180. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:27

    I look forward to someone starting a sex rumor about those heinous Silly Bandz.

    Looks like Kid’s First Rope Fetish to me. Knot one of those around a guy’s penis, then blow him.

  181. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:33

    Looks like Kid’s First Rope Fetish to me.

    It’s calling out for more Hello Kitty.

  182. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:37

    But anyway, seriously. Does anyone else think that the entire conservative mindset comes down to “I don’t want to imagine my parents fucking”? Because that’s what this “relic of simpler times” thing always seems to wind up at.

    They idolize some period of time, right around the time their dad was totally banging their mom up every available orifice, usually, and since they can’t handle the concept that everybody fucks, they start screaming about abstinence-only and only after marriage (and only after the people involved are dead inside and engage only in rote reproductive rutting).

  183. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:39

    T&U sed:

    I think one of the best things about it is that, yet again, the Republicans have FAILED MISERABLY at social media outreach efforts. They should be, like, a case study on how not to use “Web 2.0.”

    I know this guy, director of communications for a major PBS/NPR affiliate. He maintains dictatorial control of their social media and in doing so, has made their facebook page, for example, the most successful in the nation among public broadcasters. I should add that “successful” is as defined by the metrics he developed and the use of which he propagated through presentations at the national conferences. He gets asked, by some very prominent organizations, for consultations. In short, he really, really knows the fuck out of web 2.0

    He has to be dictatorial because several of the top brass at this affiliate are certain that he’s doing it all wrong. They know what the strategy should be. When pointed out that they have the most followers, the response is “well if you did what I say, you’d have twice as many.”

    It’s not just that they don’t get it. They don’t even get that there is something they don’t get, much less what that “it” is. The Republican Web 2.0 programs are the poster children for Dunning-Kruger.

  184. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:42

    Trusting the shorter, but isn’t our friend here an atheist?

    She is generally despised in the atheist and especially anti-theist communities. The ones I habituate, anyway. She is AINO, or something like that.

  185. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:43

    She is AINO, or something like that

    She’s a Sony robot dog?

  186. Bina said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:44

    See, Bristol Palin didn’t get an abstinence-only education at Wasilla High School, like her mother wanted. She was taught comprehensive sex education, which apparently didn’t work – Levi Johnston, her boyfriend at the time, told a talk show that they hadn’t used a condom.

    So in reality, Palin’s pregnancy was as much an indictment of abstinence education as it was of comprehensive sex education.

    But…but…but…I thought conservatives had declared Bristol Palin’s abstinent antics to be off limits for discussion! When did THIS can of worms get opened?

  187. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:48

    She is AINO, or something like that.

    Veiled butt-sex reference.

  188. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:52

    Don’t want to laugh? Think about the puppies I’ll be killing to make today’s cupcakes.

    Oooh, cupcakes! Are they gluten free?

    It’s not just that they don’t get it. They don’t even get that there is something they don’t get, much less what that “it” is. The Republican Web 2.0 programs are the poster children for Dunning-Kruger.

    Definitely. I would also say that a lot of the best talent out there is, uh, NOT Republican. Since Republicans tend to hire their own, it’s also not surprising that their efforts have turned to shit.

    I feel like they’re just introducing these shiny toys to appeal to the youth without any particular goal in mind, other than to appeal to the youth. It’s about as embarrassing as when your dad starts headbanging to your Smashing Pumpkins records. Not that I would know anything about that…

  189. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:56

    She is AINO, or something like that.

    She doesn’t look Japanese.

  190. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:57

    I feel like they’re just introducing these shiny toys to appeal to the youth without any particular goal in mind, other than to appeal to the youth.

    All the while, the message they peddle does not appeal to the youth, hence the complete trolling of their site.

  191. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:58

    People! Stop making me laugh! I’m supposed to be pretending to work

    You heard her actor. Pull up your pants already.

  192. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:59

    Hey, B^4 – you up for a lecture tonight? I can send the details…

  193. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 18:59

    in which she goes all Saddleback Road Church in a very public forum

    VPAGBR?

  194. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:00

    Oooh, cupcakes! Are they gluten free?

    No. [cue evil laugh]

  195. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:01

    No. [cue evil laugh]

    Sadface. That’s just mean.

  196. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:01

    Amurka Squeaks Out:

    “Demand that Americans get their own chickens and cows. They will then have eggs and milk, which will reduce the amount we all pay for the liberals welfare.”

  197. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:02

    I think my co-worker just caught me flipping her off behind her back.

  198. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:03

    T&U, how did boy kitteh do at the vet?

  199. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:03

    “Demand that Americans get their own chickens and cows. They will then have eggs and milk, which will reduce the amount we all pay for the liberals welfare.”

    Why would I fuck a chicken when I can get eggs for free? No, wait…

  200. smedley said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:05

    “I think Cupp’s schtick will include a much-publicized “Road to Damascus” moment, in which she goes all Saddleback Road Church in a very public forum, thus ensuring her a position in the hearts and well-paying speaking engagements of the Christaliban for years to come.”

    The Bastard has nailed it. And, since Saul thereinafter became Paul, S. E. Cupp will become P. E. Cupp. No one could ever make fun of that name. Nope. No way.

  201. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:08

    T&U, how did boy kitteh do at the vet?

    They had to keep him overnight, which made us ridiculously sad and worried because we knew he was really scared. He still hasn’t peed yet, so they haven’t been able to get a sample. He may have to stay tonight, too. :(

  202. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:08

    I Hear Amurka Squeaking:

    “I remember in college that I used a kit to invent a potato-powered clock. Can we do that like… bigger and to power more stuff?”

  203. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:11

    Why would I fuck a chicken when I can get eggs for free?

    I don’t know, but just keep on doing it…

  204. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:11

    Sorry about poor kitteh, T&U. The non-peeing sounds more like a bladder or kidney infection, maybe bladder stones/blockage. Happened to one of my kitteh’s years ago in NY. I was told to put him on a low ash diet. Hope they find out what’s wrong and that he mends quickly.

  205. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:13

    Hey, B^4 – you up for a lecture tonight? I can send the details…

    There’s a special event on the job, I’ll be working tonight. I’d like to see what I’ll be missing though. I hope it won’t be as painful as missing the Beer and Bacon tasting.

  206. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:14

    Sorry about poor kitteh, T&U. The non-peeing sounds more like a bladder or kidney infection, maybe bladder stones/blockage.

    Thanks. He’s also a neurotic, stubborn little fucker, so he could be holding it in.

    I’m pretty sure he’ll be fine. He’s just never really spent much time away from at least one of us, so I just feel bad for him.

  207. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:15

    The Bastard has nailed it

    I wish I had- as much as I hate myself for saying this, I’d fill that Cupp at the drop of a hat pair of pants.

  208. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:16

    I think Gen. Buck Turgidson Squeaked Out:

    “We should create jobs by taxing the expulsion of bodily fluids: So for every citizen there is someone who watches them all the time and counts how many times they use the restroom, vomit etc. This will create roughly 300 million new jobs, and to pay for them we can use the revenue generated by taxing the fluids that we are paying people to count. If you disagree you are wrong.”

  209. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:18

    I’d like to see what I’ll be missing though.

    It’s a secret, but I emailed it, because you’re special…and not in a Trig way.

  210. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:20

    as much as I hate myself for saying this, I’d fill that Cupp at the drop of a pair of pants.

    Yeah, you really should hate yourself.

    Besides, there’s something about that weird smirk and her pinched face that makes me think she wouldn’t be much fun.

  211. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:21

    It’s a secret, but I emailed it, because you’re special…and not in a Trig way.

    Aw, that’s so romantic!

  212. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:22

    Aw, that’s so romantic!

    It’s his spherical shiny head. It reminds me of a fake boob looking for a twin.

  213. The Tragically Flip said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:22

    The road to Damascus thing is a damn good prediction. Someone needs to front page that shit somewhere so when it happens we can all bask in our smug liberal glee for having foreseen it.

    On Maher she was particularly bizarre in her vociferous defence of religion, I’m pretty sure Maher only invited her on because she was an atheist and was sorely disappointed in what he got. Hopefully his research dept does a better job filtering out the wingnuts. I know he tries to find “reasonable” conservatives but he really needs to learn they are contradictory things.

  214. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:24

    Besides, there’s something about that weird smirk and her pinched face that makes me think she wouldn’t be much fun.

    I dunno, I think that’s as much of a put-on as her atheism.

    It’s his spherical shiny head. It reminds me of a fake boob looking for a twin.

    Well, that’s the… uh… most interesting thing I’ve heard all day!

  215. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:25

    I’m pretty sure Maher only invited her on because she was an atheist and was sorely disappointed in what he got.

    I dunno, he has a weird thing for Ann Coulter- I think it’s because he wanted to take a sip from that Cupp as well.

  216. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:26

    Alright, which of you is resonsible for this? VS? T&U? I’m willing to bet somebody here Squeaked Out:

    “Americans need equal access to unicorns and rainbows to overcome barriers in the pursuit of sparkly happiness. Traditionally, unicorns have been too rare to truly impact the world and rainbows are too tied to occurrences in nature. Recent technological advances however make these limitations part of our dark past. The democratization of unicorns and rainbows is crucial for the US to be a major player as a world happiness leader in the future. Let the US be a shining light for the world, and let the shining light come from a the horn of a unicorn and sparkle in all colors of the rainbow. “

  217. A Concerned Citizen said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:28

    Okay, so I recently learned that TransOcean made a $270 million profit off the oil rig disaster because of their insurance policy. Is this old news? Does anyone else feel like life is getting more and more surreal by the minute?

    TransOcean sounds like the worst drag queen night in history.

  218. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:28

    I’d fill that Cupp at the drop of a hat pair of pants.

    She can leave her hat on. (psst, I think it’s made of tin foil)

  219. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:30

    Knot one of those around a guy’s penis, then blow him.

    This, please.

  220. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:30

    It reminds me of a fake boob looking for a twin

    I take it you have a twin sibling.

  221. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:30

    I dunno, I think that’s as much of a put-on as her atheism.

    Yeah, that’s also a distinct possibility.

    Alright, which of you is resonsible for this? VS? T&U? I’m willing to bet somebody here Squeaked Out:

    Wasn’t me. I can’t be arsed to register. Although I am a HUGE Lisa Frank fan.

    (That shit was much more unicorny back in my day!)

  222. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:34

    I take it you have a twin sibling.

    No, I don’t even have an identical cousin!

  223. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:34

    Hey, B^4 – you up for a lecture tonight? I can send the details…

    Elitist liberal bastards…

  224. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:34

    I take it you have a twin sibling.

    No, but I’ve spent more than my fair share of time looking at fake boobs.

  225. The Tragically Flip said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:34

    I think it’s because he wanted to take a sip from that Cupp as well.

    Yeah, he is a lech, that’s pretty likely actually. I hope he got some, at least someone would have got something out of her appearance on the show.

  226. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:35

    I’m pretty sure Maher only invited her on because she was an atheist and was sorely disappointed in what he got.

    Excuse me?

    Atheist?

    I know she claims to be one, but that’s like me claiming to be a lesbian. People, she has a MASTERS in Religion!!!!!

  227. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:35

    Hmmm, I think I need to tell WordPress to go fuck itself.

    Anyway. No, I did not post that comment about unicorns, although I am a huge Lisa Frank fan. (I’m wondering if that comment was caught in the spam-catcher because I capitalized “huge”).

    She can leave her hat on. (psst, I think it’s made of tin foil)

    I just changed my mind about her. That sounds totally hot.

  228. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:36

    He still hasn’t peed yet, so they haven’t been able to get a sample. He may have to stay tonight, too.

    Have they tried rum? That shit always makes me pee like a racehorse.

  229. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:36

    Elitist liberal bastards…

    There’s a security breach issue. Does B^4 have your email? Do you have an anonymous email?

  230. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:36

    How about that. I just noticed, the video player I’m watching the Preznit’s presser, a Flash paloyer fed from NBC, the time thingy says 00:00/00:NaN. They really could have tested for that case and displayed something less cryptic to the average user, y’know? Yes, I enjoy pointing out other people’s fuckups.

  231. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:37

    I’d fill that Cupp at the drop of a hat pair of pants.

    Do. Not. Want. a) She’s not all that. b) She’s not that attractive c) she’s a moron.

    Now, drop that hat after four martinis, maybe…maybe.

  232. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:39

    I hope it won’t be as painful as missing the Beer and Bacon tasting.

    You didn’t miss much.

    I didn’t miss much. In fact, I’m still blind from it.

  233. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:39

    Have they tried rum? That shit always makes me pee like a racehorse.

    On all fours, in public? TMI actor, TMI.

  234. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:39

    Does B^4 have your email? Do you have an anonymous email?

    No, but you can post it in comments at my blog. No one goes there.

  235. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:40

    Do. Not. Want. a) She’s not all that. b) She’s not that attractive c) she’s a moron.

    Yes. No. Definitely yes!

  236. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:40

    I’ve spent more than my fair share of time looking at fake boobs.

    That reminds me: the new issue of Playboy is on the stands.

  237. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:41

    Do. Not. Want.

    I am shocked to find myself in agreement with actor.

    BTW, the Canuckistani version of 4 martinis is track 9 of this album.

  238. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:42

    Have they tried rum? That shit always makes me pee like a racehorse.

    NO! That cat vomits more than any other cat I’ve ever met.

    Okay, seriously, this is the third time today someone has asked me why I’m smiling. I’m totally going to be fired for not acting like my miserable self.

  239. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:44

    Okay, seriously, this is the third time today someone has asked me why I’m smiling.

    Just explain that the new vibrator and remote combo work better than you expected.

  240. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:45

    re: boy cats that can’t pee.

    I probably missed a lot of background on this one, but crystal formation is relatively common.

  241. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:45

    That cat vomits more than any other cat I’ve ever met.

    You’ve never met my Balinese.

    I’ll show you my pussy if you show me yours.

  242. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:48

    Just explain that the new vibrator and remote combo work better than you expected.

    Don’t judge. I had a really boring conference call I had to take minutes on this morning.

  243. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:49

    My dear Marion, I’m flattered you think that floofy bit of hilarity was by me. Sadly, No. I’m still working on getting in so I can play with everybody else.

  244. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:50

    re: Sippy Cupp. I think you gotta be drinking some pretty strong Haterade to not admit she’s pretty. She’s pretty. Unfortunately her insides are like Satan’s vomit wrapped in a poopy diaper.

  245. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:51

    I had a really boring conference call I had to take minutes on this morning.

    All the more reason to install the iVibe app and bluetooth pair to the ‘brator. AND I”M BACK ON TOPIC!

  246. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:52

    No, but you can post it in comments at my blog. No one goes there.

    ZRM has anonymous, or since he’s a zombie, nomnomnonymous e-mail at his place (I know his slave breather name). He might be able to play matchmaker for you boys, or he may track you down and nibble on your branes.

  247. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:53

    You’ve never met my Balinese.

    AWWW THEY ARE SO SOFT.

    Mine are just mongrels.

    I’ll show you my pussy if you show me yours

    I’m not falling for that!

    Again.

  248. St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:53

    Yeah, he is a lech, that’s pretty likely actually.

    Mind, he’s also kind of a douchebag, so he may just be using his show to meet new and exciting other douchebags.

  249. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:54

    ZRM has anonymous, or since he’s a zombie, nomnomnonymous e-mail at his place (I know his slave breather name). He might be able to play matchmaker for you boys, or he may track you down and nibble on your branes.

    Actor – ZRM has my email, so if you nominous email him, he can forward to me. Maybe.

  250. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:54

    Give a pair of truck nutz to all americans! Because there’s nothing more manly and american than a pair of balls hanging from your pickup truck. Take THAT Al Qaeda!

  251. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:56

    I think you gotta be drinking some pretty strong Haterade to not admit she’s pretty. She’s pretty

    Um, no.

    This is pretty, if deluded.

    This is desperately fluffed up in an attempt to be pretty.

  252. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:56

    Why don’t one of you just set up a Gmail or Yahoo account or some shit and post it here? The other person can email that account with his address, and then you can just shut the account down or never use it again.

  253. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:57

    Actor – ZRM has my email, so if you nominous email him, he can forward to me. Maybe.

    What’s his email?

    Oh, look, just fucking email me, this nym yahoo. K?

  254. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:57

    I’ll show you my pussy if you show me yours

    I’m not falling for that!

    Again.

    The camera jammed! What can I say???

  255. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:58

    The camera jammed! What can I say???

    All four times???

  256. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 19:59

    K.

  257. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:00

    All four times???

    Four???

    I know you were blindfolded, but who was number four???

  258. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:01

    I know you were blindfolded, but who was number four???

    That wasn’t you? Who was it, then?

    Oh, shit….

  259. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:01

    who was number four???

    No, I am Sparticus Spurticus.

  260. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:02

    Besides, there’s something about that weird smirk and her pinched face that makes me think she wouldn’t be much fun.

    I think I could flip her.

    “Sippy, if you want it all you’ve got to tell me who should own the means of production. Who should own the means of production baby?!”

    “Oh god, the workers, the workers!!!”

    “Which workers?”

    “The Islamocommunofascist ones!! Please, just a little more!!”

    The only downsides are the amount of Randian bullshit I’d have to listen to getting her there. And I’m not sure our side wants her.

  261. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:04

    This is pretty, if deluded.

    Yup, she’s cute. Of course, it’s always hard to tell with the Fox news models. Ladies are plastered with LAYERS of make-up.

  262. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:04

    I think I could flip her.

    VAnalR

  263. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:05

    Unfortunately her insides are like Satan’s vomit wrapped in a poopy diaper from a sitting republican congressman.

    Fixed. And ROFL, ‘slayer.

  264. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:05

    Ladies are plastered with LAYERS of make-up.

    But are they trollops who need to get off JSMcC’s lawn?

  265. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:06

    BTW, I finally got in to ASO. I was throwing it off by putting in my FULL zip code.

  266. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:06

    Ladies are plastered with LAYERS of make-up.

    That’s no lady…

  267. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:06

    Athankee, mystic. Athankeeverymuch. :)

  268. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:07

    “Sippy, if you want it all you’ve got to tell me who should own the means of production. Who should own the means of production baby?!”

    I’d still have her yelling “Drill, baby, drill.”

  269. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:07

    N__B,

    Email received. You do realize I was busting your hump? I have tickets to the Mets game tonight :-D

  270. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:07

    But are they trollops

    Mmmm, I love trollops. Especially if they’re wrapped in bacon and seared.

  271. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:08

    Speaking of deluded…….

  272. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:08

    I have tickets to the Mets game tonight :-D

    The lecture stands a better chance of being a win for the home team.

  273. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:08

    Email received. You do realize I was busting your hump? I have tickets to the Mets game tonight :-D

    If there’s a rain delay, you should go. N__B, are there other talks scheduled?

  274. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:08

    Hey, did it take forever for your comments to load too? Mine is just spinnin’ in purgatory.

  275. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:09

    The lecture stands a better chance of being a win for the home team.

    Hey now!

  276. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:10

    N__B, are there other talks scheduled?

    No, but the rest of that series is going to be good.

  277. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:10

    If there’s a rain delay, you should go

    I’ll keep it in mind.

    Sharight, I’m going to be drunk off my ass before the tarp gets off the field.

  278. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:11

    Sharight, I’m going to be drunk off my ass before the tarp gets off the field.

    I knew I liked the cut of your jib.

  279. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:11

    Hey now!

    I guarantee that I’ve been to more Mez games than you (I’m from Flushing, remember?), but they’re going no where this year.

  280. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:11

    I knew I liked the cut of your jib.

    VEILED FORESKIN HOLOCAUST REFERENCE! TRIGGER! TRIGGER!

  281. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:13

    We have a winner at ASO!

    There needs to be more rule 34 in politics. Make it mandatory.

  282. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:15

    Speaking of deluded…….

    Maybe its just all the people that say that about me, but I think she meant me …

    I am afraid if I register for America Reeking Out that I will never do anything else again. It will be like those rats with electrods to the pleasure center of their brains who starve because the activating button is next to their food.

  283. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:15

    OK, I have a feeling ASO is eating my suggestion on job creation, so I’m gonna post it here, if I can remember it:

    I’m torn about the idea of implementing comprehensive immigration reform. On the one hand, my vision is negatively impacted if I have to look at too many brown people in one day. On the other hand, white maids don’t let you slap them.

    Well…hopefully I’ll get betta as the day goes on. *

    *drink more vodka

  284. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:15

    I knew I liked the cut of your jib.

    And my jab.

  285. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:16

    I guarantee that I’ve been to more Mez games than you (I’m from Flushing, remember?), but they’re going no where this year.

    Crushed the Yanks, sweep the Phils…ok, maybe no playoffs, but from someone who was AT Shea when Ed Lynch beat the Cubs and they moved all 1,000 of us down to the field level boxes so the stadium would look full on the TeeVee, this is not a bad season.

  286. Pupienus Maximus said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:17

    PENIS. Also.

  287. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:18

    Maybe its just all the people that say that about me, but I think she meant me …

    Of course not! Why on earth would I make a passive-aggressive swipe at your manhood? That doesn’t sound like me at all!

  288. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:19

    With so many REAL Americans that can’t find good paying jobs, we should again legalize slavery. At least we would get three hots and a cot, and not have to steal and deal to put food on the table for our babies. It could also solve our illegal immigration problem. What to come here? You’re a slave.

  289. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:20

    Mine for “Jobs” would be:

    “If we could just elect more Republicans, everyone would have lots and lots of sparkleponies and we’d have to hire lots and lots of groomers and stable hands and sparklepony trainers. Everyone could be employed in the burgeoning sparklepony industry. So if its not too political for this site, I want to recommend we elect a lot more Republicans. Can we make it illegal for Democrats to even run?”

  290. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:22

    and not have to steal and deal to put food on the table for our babies. babies on our table for our food.

    Ficksed.

    T&U Speaking Out!

  291. St John Gumby said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:24

    I believe in peace and banging two bricks togevver!

  292. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:24

    “sparkleponies” in an of itself makes me giggle. SPARKLEPONIES FOR EVERYONE!

  293. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:24

    Okay, this has got to be the funniest comment yet on Amurka Squeaking Out:

    “If you guys don’t stop messing around, people will stop taking this site seriously.”

  294. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:25

    That doesn’t sound like me at all!

    True, there was nothing about furry-swinger’s party fantasies at the RNC …

  295. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:25

    “on THE table”. Way to fuck it up, Unreliable.

  296. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:26

    Marion, please go comment on that with a “I know! This is important! This may be the only thing that can save us!”

  297. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:26

    True, there was nothing about furry-swinger’s party fantasies at the RNC …

    OUCH. What goes around comes around,* I suppose.

    *VCPR

  298. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:27

    Disconcertingly enough, it was only the “RNC” part that really hurt…

  299. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:28

    See, I can’t resist it. I’m so pathetic I’m trying to get other people to go comment for me. I should just go make an account :(

  300. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:29

    At least we would get three hots and a cot, and not have to steal and deal to put food on the table for our babies.

    I think the proper GOPspeak is “Put food on our families“.

  301. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:30

    Marion, please go comment on that with a “I know! This is important! This may be the only thing that can save us!”

    Possibly after I get home. I don’t want to register at that place on the work ‘puter. I’ve gotten into enough tangles with the cybernannies…

  302. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:30

    I assumed you were intentionally setting the ball for me…

    :)

  303. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:31

    I assumed you were intentionally setting the ball for me…

    Now watch this drive?

  304. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:33

    I wonder if other liberal websites have groups of people who are also talking about the stuff they posted on ASO? We could start a team-based contest. We could get Sadly, No! uniforms and hats and stuff.

  305. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:33

    I assumed you were intentionally setting the ball for me…

    Who, me? I was. I was also awkwardly shoehorning* a veiled reference into my comment.

    *Veiled, uh…shoe fetish reference?

  306. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:36

    Well, ain’t that a bitch.

    How the fuck do these people sleep at night?

  307. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:36

    I can’t wait for the public temper tantrum about vicious, hateful liberals playing with Repukes’ new toy website. This should be a pretty tall stack of awesome.

  308. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:38

    Well, ain’t that a bitch.

    How the fuck do these people sleep at night?

    …On a fucking giant stack of cash money. Rather soundly, I’ll wager.

  309. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:39

    **notches belt**

    Another dead thread!

  310. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:40

    **notches belt**

    Another dead thread!

    Not so fast, buddy. It’s only been three minutes.

  311. smedley said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:40

    “We could start a team-based contest. We could get Sadly, No! uniforms and hats and stuff.”

    Can we have a tree house? I always wanted a tree house.

  312. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:40

    Not so fast, buddy. It’s only been three minutes.

    D’OH!

  313. Malaclypse said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:41

    I wonder if other liberal websites have groups of people who are also talking about the stuff they posted on ASO?

    I know both Balloon Juice and Wonkette have been on it.

  314. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:41

    Can we have a tree house? I always wanted a tree house.

    Badges! We’ll need badges. Shiny badges.

  315. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:42

    Another dead thread!

    Or so you’d think…

    Barny Frank: Birther?

  316. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:42

    I wonder if other liberal websites have groups of people who are also talking about the stuff they posted on ASO?

    I know both Balloon Juice and Wonkette have been on it.

    This is the last step to a FEMA concentration camp.

  317. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:43

    It was all over the Twitter yesterday, but you know, Twitterers have the attention span of gnats, so nobody’s really talking about it now…

  318. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:44

    Barny Frank: Birther?

    Tongue firmly in cheek, Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) on Tuesday afternoon called on reporters to demand to see the birth certificate of new Rep. Charles Djou (R-Hawaii

    Birther indeed!

  319. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:45

    demand to see the birth certificate of new Rep. Charles Djou (R-Hawaii

    VPR?

  320. 77south said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:46

    As a proud member of team Sadly No! (3rd string right field) I agree we should have team gear. I think team jerseys and ball caps would be fine. Of course we would need a logo and a mascot. I recommend an anteater or a platypus for the mascot, sharks and wolves are overexposed IMHO.

  321. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:46

    I think we need a new VMR in honor of tsam. Imagine this exchange taking place somewhere*, if you will.

    What’s tsam doing?

    Aww, man, he’s off killin’ the thread again.

    No WAY! Man, we gotta get that guy a girlfriend.

    *make it a low-budget ’80′s T&A flick, if it helps

  322. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:46

    Not so fast, buddy. It’s only been three minutes.

    D’OH!

    yea, rilly. The union mandated a three minute break. Work rules, you know.

  323. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:47

    Of course we would need a logo and a mascot.

    WOLVERINE!

    Or a dancing badger.

  324. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:47

    This is the last step to a FEMA concentration camp.

    Jesus, man. You’re supposed to keep that on the downlow.

  325. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:48

    Badges! We’ll need badges. Shiny badges.

    We don’t need no stinking badges. Some vadges, on the other hand…

  326. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:48

    low-budget ’80’s T&A flick

    How dare you!

    There is nothing low budget about T&U!

    Oh. Wait…

  327. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:48

    BVadges! We’ll need BVadges. Shiny BVadges.

    Self Corrected. For great justice and UGH.

  328. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:49

    We don’t need no stinking badges. Some vadges, on the other hand…

    Slow it down there, hotshot, or I’ll kill YOUR thread.

  329. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:49

    Or a dancing badger.

    Or a rabid pelican

  330. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:50

    Jesus, man. You’re supposed to keep that on the downlow.

    They can’t stop us NOW!!! Muahhhhahahahahahahahahahahahhaha!!!!11!!one!!!!

  331. 77south said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:51

    As a resident of Madison WI, I can tell you Badgers and Wolverines are also well represented mascots.
    I think we should give some press to animals that have never had a team named after them.
    Locusts
    Asian Carp
    Sea Bass
    Grackles
    Box Elder Bugs
    Echindnas
    Pangolins
    etc.

  332. smedley said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:52

    I don’t want any stinkin’ vadges either.

  333. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:52

    yea, rilly. The union mandated a three minute break. Work rules, you know.

    I’m sorry, **sniff** I was just so excited…

    Unions are socalits! SIEY is ACORN OBAMA!!! BLAHHH

  334. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:52

    There is nothing low budget about T&U!

    Oh. Wait…

    Okay, look. I know that we both have, like, arms and legs and feet, but you really have to stop confusing me with DKW’s mom. I’m the one with teeth, remember?

  335. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:53

    I think we should give some press to animals that have never had a team named after them.

    Sea Slugs

  336. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:54

    I’m the one with teeth, remember?

    Fortunately, the doctors were able to reattach…*him*. Sorry about the alarm clock.

  337. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:54

    I think we should give some press to animals that have never had a team named after them.

    Dung Beetles!

    Gimme a P! Gimme and O! Gimme and O! Gimme a P!

    Also. Maggots to.

  338. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:55

    Let’s be the SPARKLEPONIES!!!!
    Or…we could be the SNOWFLAKE BABIES!

  339. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:56

    Snarkleponies. New mascot for S,N!

  340. smedley said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:56

    We do have Boll Weevils! Go UA @ Monticello!

  341. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:57

    This is pretty, if deluded.

    I called dibs. You leave my Fox anchor crush alone. Go pine over Megan Kelly or Shepard Smith or whomever.

  342. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:57

    Snarkleponies

    I think we have a winner. This is too clever.

  343. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:58

    We do have Boll Weevils! Go UA @ Monticello!

    And Cocks! Go South Carolina! Go away!

  344. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:58

    I’m the one with teeth, remember?

    Fortunately, the doctors were able to reattach…*him*. Sorry about the alarm clock.

    What alarm clock?

    Ohhhhh. Now it’s my turn to apologize. I thought you, you know, liked that.

  345. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:58

    You leave my Fox anchor crush alone. Go pine over Megan Kelly or Shepard Smith or whomever.

    Sorry. I wasn’t interested in Patti. I prefer women.

  346. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:59

    I thought you, you know, liked that.

    Which part of “GENTLY! GENTLY! OW!” was unclear?

  347. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 20:59

    I think we have a winner. This is too clever.

    **smug, self important smile**

    That’s why I left this thread alive.

  348. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:00

    Which part of “GENTLY! GENTLY! OW!” was unclear?

    It was YOU who insisted on those earplugs.

    What’s that all about, anyway?

  349. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:01

    What’s that all about, anyway?

    I had to use a camera crew. The spycam broke.

  350. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:02

    It was YOU who insisted on those earplugs

    Sure those weren’t headphones?

  351. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:02

    Thank you for your mercy, tsam, Taker of Threads.

  352. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:04

    I had to use a camera crew. The spycam broke.

    Okay. I was worried it was for something creepy.

  353. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:06

    Sure those weren’t headphones?

    Now that I look back, I think they were actually earmuffs.

  354. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:09

    You know, I have thought of many things in my life, but I can honestly say that until today, I have never given so much as a microsecond’s consideration to the relationship of the sasquatch to the grooming of K.J. Lopez’ pubic area. After today, I hope I never will again.

    For the love of God, WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN???

    On Sippy Cupp, I have a pet theory that she is the turn of the century blogger who called herself The Misanthropic Bitch. I have no real evidence for this. Right age, right educational background, right part of the US, right general contempt for the mass of humanity, but not much else. Still, I want to make this claim in a public place so I will look Real Smart if it turns out to be true.

  355. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:11

    I have never given so much as a microsecond’s consideration to the relationship of the sasquatch to the grooming of K.J. Lopez’ pubic area.

    Dude! I’m trying to eat my lunch!

  356. Whale Chowder said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:11

    We ought to be the fuching ferrets, duh.

  357. Marion in Savannah said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:11

    Snarkleponies

    I think we have a winner. This is too clever.

    Agreed. (Tsam, no more smug smiles…)

  358. smedley said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:13

    “until today, I have never given so much as a microsecond’s consideration to the relationship of the sasquatch to the grooming of K.J. Lopez’ pubic area. After today, I hope I never will again.”

    I agree. That is an area to which no one should venture.

  359. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:14

    Dude! I’m trying to eat my lunch!

    Though I am usually contemptuous of this argument whenever it appears in political fora, I feel moved to point out that you started it!

  360. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:17

    I think they were actually earmuffs.

    I call them THIGHS, and they’re very firm.

  361. Malaclypse said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:19

    Dude! I’m trying to eat my lunch!

    Is “lunch” what the kids today are calling it?

  362. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:21

    Though I am usually contemptuous of this argument whenever it appears in political fora, I feel moved to point out that you started it!

    Yeah, but it was totally outside commonly accepted eating times. In the Central time zone, anyway.

    *hoping LC doesn’t notice it’s 2:30 CDT*

  363. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:23

    I call them THIGHS, and they’re very firm.

    I think you’re confused again. I’m not into teabaggers.

  364. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:24

    Is that a picture of an inflatable love doll, or is she just glad to see me?

  365. Whale Chowder said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:29

    Is that a picture of an inflatable love doll, or is she just glad to see me?

    Clearly it’s an artist’s rendering. Inflatable dolls look more realistic. Or, uh, so I’ve been told.

  366. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:39

    Speaking of Ann Coulter simulacra and blow-up dolls, the latest Keller is a pretty darned good read if you don’t mind happy endings (not a VHJR).

  367. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:39

    Damn, this Nikki Haley story is taking its sweet ass time unfolding. I want to see TEARS, dammit!

  368. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:44

    Damn, this Nikki Haley story is taking its sweet ass time unfolding. I want to see TEARS, dammit!

    WTF?!? He uses a candybar phone? Man I have more respect for the guy now – but only for his mad thumbs only SMS skillz.

  369. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:48

    BTW, in re: Nikki Haley

    Additionally, in early 2009 Folks now acknowledges being confronted with a photograph of himself and Haley in what he calls a “compromising position.”

    You know what would be awful? If after the photo is leaked, random folks (hee-hee) around the net practiced their P-Shopping on it. That would be just plain awful.

    Wait, I didn’t mean awful – I meant AWESOME.

  370. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:48

    Good Lord. That site uses the WORST assortment of gigantic stock photos I’ve ever seen.

  371. Smut Clyde said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:48

    Is that a picture of an inflatable love doll, or is she just glad to see me?

    Novelty Pez dispenser, D’oh.

  372. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:50

    Novelty Pez dispenser, D’oh.

    Looks more like something should be going in, not coming out.

  373. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 21:56

    Additionally, in early 2009 Folks now acknowledges being confronted with a photograph of himself and Haley in what he calls a “compromising position.”

    Better’n that, Folks hinted that this was not the only picture. Damn, I’m so hoping “sexay time” photos will somehow get leaked. It will be fun to make posters of them and carry them to Palin rallies.

  374. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:03

    Ohgod…Irk Irksome has inside info on that Haley story, according to Chris Cilliza…

  375. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:07

    Ohgod…Irk Irksome has inside info on that Haley story, according to Chris Cilliza…

    Ew.

  376. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:14

    Ohgod…Irk Irksome has inside info on that Haley story

    *prays this isn’t a veiled threesome reference*

  377. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:18

    I think I see our snarklepony mascot as a white sparkly My Little Pony with Billy Idol-esque face and sneer, maybe with the spikey hair too.

    If only we had an artist with the talent to make that a reality (glances at Vacuumslayer)

  378. Smut Clyde said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:19

    Looks more like something should be going in, not coming out.

    Invisible Man is very happy.

  379. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:20

    *prays this isn’t a veiled threesome reference*

    NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

    *running to the local nunnery*

  380. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:22

    I think I see our snarklepony mascot as a white sparkly My Little Pony with Billy Idol-esque face and sneer, maybe with the spikey hair too.

    Like this

  381. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:24

    This is Irky Irksome’s idea of a scoop?

  382. Smut Clyde said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:26

    Ohgod…Irk Irksome has inside info on that Haley story

    Erickson has been unstinting in his criticism of Folks for claiming an inappropriate relationship with Haley without providing evidence.”
    He “accused blogger Will Folks of receiving a payoff to push the story”, claiming to have evidence which he is not currently willing to provide.

    Also, High tech Lynching!!!

  383. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:28

    *prays this isn’t a veiled threesome reference*

    I’d just like to say I was thinking the same thing, but simply posted a very restrained “Ew” due to the fact that I probably caused some brain cell death this morning.

    This is Irky Irksome’s idea of a scoop?

    *yawn* Wake me up when Drudge Jr. has something interesting to say.

  384. Mysticdog said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:29

    *running to the local nunnery*

    I don’t think they will fall for that again.

  385. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:33

    “They’ve strung up Nikki Haley — skipping the issues, skipping the ethics, skipping experience, and going straight to calling her a whore”

    Oh, she was paid? That totally explains her apparently low standards.

  386. Anonymous said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:33

    I think I see our snarklepony mascot as a white sparkly My Little Pony with Billy Idol-esque face and sneer, maybe with the spikey hair too.

    Like this

    Emopony. I My daughters have that one.

  387. Smut Clyde said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:33

    It’s his spherical shiny head. It reminds me of a fake boob looking for a twin.
    Concerned Smut is concerned.

  388. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:35

    Emopony.

    THAT IS NOT EMO. THAT IS A WHINY GOTH.

  389. tsam said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:36

    THAT IS NOT EMO. THAT IS A WHINY GOTH.

    Emo, whiney goth, bitchy batcaver….Potato patahto

  390. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:38

    How about “My Little Cthulhu”?

  391. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:41

    Emo, whiney goth, bitchy batcaver….Potato patahto

    NO IT IS NOT.

    Goddammit, you people and you willingness to let Hot Topic re-define subgenres! THIS is an emokid.

    Kids these days. I swear.

  392. N__B said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:42

    Concerned Smut is concerned.

    That one’s not fake.

  393. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:45

    How to Mod My Little Ponies

    The things you learn on the web…

  394. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:49

    Also, too, THIS and THIS.

    No, I am not a subgenre pedant, nor do I have an argyle fetish. Why do you ask?

  395. Smut Clyde said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:50

    N__B and B^4 (police reconstruction).

  396. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:51

    Also, too, THIS and THIS.

    What;s an “Old School Elmo”?

  397. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 22:57

    OK, now we’re talking about My Little Ponies? This is why I love this site. Scoff if you will, but they are crazy cute.

    Mystic, I will see what I can come up. ;)

  398. Jay B. said,

    May 27, 2010 at 23:01

    Perfect. Republican site which aims at cutting the budget with Rickrolls, costs tax payers money even if all you’ve done is made comments about gays and registered with a throwaway address.

    This site is better than that RNC one all the kids were talking about in the fall.

  399. actor212 said,

    May 27, 2010 at 23:05

    Hi Jay, we’ve been spoofing that site all day. Read the thread, have some laughs.

  400. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 23:08

    What;s an “Old School Elmo”?

    I have no idea. But I forgot how awesome Your Scene Sucks truly is.

    OK, now we’re talking about My Little Ponies? This is why I love this site. Scoff if you will, but they are crazy cute.

    Dude. I had, like, 30 ponies and the first three of these listed. They were pretty sweet.

  401. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 23:10

    What;s an “Old School Elmo”?

    I do not know, but I forgot how awesome Your Scene Sucks is.

    OK, now we’re talking about My Little Ponies? This is why I love this site. Scoff if you will, but they are crazy cute.

    Dude. I was so spoiled. I had, like, 30 of those things AND the first three accessories listed on this page.

  402. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 27, 2010 at 23:11

    WordPress is worse than Trig today.

  403. creature said,

    May 27, 2010 at 23:15

    Thanks, actor (way upthread). I still can’t get on the ASshOle site, ZIP+4 doesn’t work, at least for me. Perhaps the Boulder ZIP is blocked- assumed DFH. Probably a BB thing, just my luck. Any suggestions, greatly appreciated. The creaturette’s laptop got wet, and I got no real power on the net (’til we get new laptop- when I get new job- or unemployment lets me win this last appeal). So far, the snarkleponies are in the lead over there, the simpletons are either unaware or unable to stem the tide. I love the smell of wingnut head asplosions at any time of day.

  404. Smut Clyde said,

    May 27, 2010 at 23:18

    That cat vomits more than any other cat I’ve ever met.

    Mehitabel the Abyssinian has not posted here for a while.

    the public temper tantrum about vicious, hateful liberals playing with Repukes’ new toy website.
    That is unpossible. The website is not a party-specific propaganda tool paid for from tax-payer money, because it belongs to everybody. Evidently you did not get the memo.

  405. stryx said,

    May 27, 2010 at 23:18

    emo ungulate

  406. vacuumslayer said,

    May 27, 2010 at 23:23

    creature don’t put in the last 4.that was my mistake.

  407. Dhalgren said,

    May 28, 2010 at 0:03

    Two words for SE Cupp: Tubal Ligation. You must not reproduce.

    Saw her on Bill Maher weeks ago and she made a complete fool of herself arguing that liberal wingnuts exist in the same quantities as right-wing wingnuts. She’s just a hotter McArdle.

  408. Anonymous said,

    May 28, 2010 at 0:16

    That is unpossible. The website is not a party-specific propaganda tool paid for from tax-payer money, because it belongs to everybody. Evidently you did not get the memo.

    Oh I got the memo. I got a lot of other memos from the Repukes, too. I use the blank backs of them to do to my scat art.

  409. tsam said,

    May 28, 2010 at 0:21

    OOPS–FYTSAM. Anon = me.

    T&U:

    Emokid

    I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

  410. A Journal of the Plague Year said,

    May 28, 2010 at 0:22

    She is AINO, or something like that

    Cuppers belongs to the indigenous people of Japan???

  411. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 28, 2010 at 0:26

    re: Will Folks.

    Best headline evar.

  412. tsam said,

    May 28, 2010 at 0:30

    re: Will Folks.

    Best headline evar.

    Blogger had sex. Unpossible. Click through. DKW’s description is perfect.

    Is it wrong of me to sort of want to see this supposed photo?

    I need to stop sniffing glue.

  413. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 28, 2010 at 0:35

    re: Irky Irksome

    Well he is dumb as a sack of dumb from Dumbstown, Dummyland so zinging him is kinda like shooting dumb fish in a barrel filled with dumb juice but this one is a pretty zingy zinger.

  414. tsam said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:00

    Hey DKW. Thread killing is MY job. Don’t crowd me.

  415. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:12

    “Still No Evidence Blogger Had Sex”
    ~

  416. tsam said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:12

    Thaaaat’s more like it.

  417. Whale Chowder said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:12

    This thread seems pretty damned uncrowded ATM. Anybody else see the tumbleweeds rolling down Main Street?

    Way off-topic, the snarkleponies have apparently started reviewing movies. The results are impressive.

  418. tsam said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:12

    D’OH!

  419. Whale Chowder said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:13

    …and in what fucking timezone is it Anything:12 o’clock?

  420. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:13

    Hey tsam, my comments barely followed the conversation – you can consider them non-thread. I was just peeping up about the most recent South Carolina gubernatorial sex scandal – and it’s not like I got someplace else to post random comments that just occur to me.

  421. tsam said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:16

    DKW–nice find on the headline. That does belong in a museum of awesome headlines.

  422. Brandi said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:20

    Knot one of those around a guy’s penis, then blow him.

    That’ll add the “his thing turned black and fell off factor”, for sure. Already one person was worried about his daughter wearing too many too snugly around her arm.

    I was figuring the likelier rumors would either be “kids so desperate they trade sexual favors for bracelets” or a bracelet code like unto the notorious hanky codes.

  423. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:21

    …and in what fucking timezone is it Anything:12 o’clock?

    Germany. Read the About page.

    If and when T&U gets around to reading this, on the point about emo and goth and never the twain shall sigh wistfully at one another – how does one explain Good Charlotte?

  424. vacuumslayer said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:26

    One doesn’t explain Good Charlotte, one just gathers one’s knees into the fetal position, rocks back and forth and tries to forget they exist.

  425. Smut Clyde said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:26

    You should read the TPM story, DKW. Erk Of that ilk is quoted as
    (a) ridiculing Folks in one post for making these claims but holding back on the evidence, and
    (b) claiming in another post to “know who paid Will Folks to push this story out there”… “Promising more details later”. He is self-zinging (Veiled something reference).

  426. Mysticdog said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:28

    Emo is like goth without the heavy jewelry.

  427. Smut Clyde said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:32

    I also see that in his chivalric concern for Nikki Haley’s reputation, Erik Erikson has started fundraising on her behalf… if the process involves the same profit margins as his various lobbying gimmicks then any ridicule he receives for stepping back on his own kumera is a small price to pay.

  428. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:33

    Erick son of Erick and so on, also, is notoriously short on self awareness, S.C.

    In fact, I think that’s a gooper requirement for all but the kleptocrats.
    ~

  429. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:37

    OT/ Finally reading spook country. Kicking myself – I mean as good as a lot of Gibson’s stuff is, there is a certain topicality to it. Sure it’s still good (I’m about a third of the way in) but it’d have kicked a lotta ass three or four years ago.

  430. Whale Chowder said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:38

    Germany. Read the About page.

    When I made that post, it was 4:35-ish. Far as I know, timezones increment by whole hours; therefore, how in this universe could the timestamp be 1:12? Perhaps the sparkleponies and unicorns were creating a local magico-spatial-temporal anomaly.

    Anyway, I’m bored. Think I’ll take some of the picture links above and go zing myself, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

  431. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 28, 2010 at 1:53

    Think I’ll take some of the picture links above…

    You’d best be talking about teh crazy cockring bandz or something other than Patti Ann Browne. You are not worthy to fap to her awesomeness.

    Sheesh, you can’t even work a time zone convertamator. Clearly the time in Germany is mumble-argleblarrt past the hour!

  432. Whale Chowder said,

    May 28, 2010 at 2:04

    Aahhhh. Where was I?

    Oh, right. You.

    That kind of math capacity is what made yer mom the suck-cess* she is.

    *double word bonus!

  433. Looch said,

    May 28, 2010 at 2:13

    So K-Lo gushes over AmericaFreakingOut dotcom and the very first comment on her article:

    “Ms. Lopez, Have you logged on to America Speaks Out? The site has been a complete joke from the very beginning –and a funny one at that.

    People are emailing Jon Stewart about it. How long will it stay up? It is being paid for by my tax dollars so I do have limits to how long I am willing to be in on the joke…..”

  434. tsam said,

    May 28, 2010 at 2:28

    “Ms. Lopez, Have you logged on to America Speaks Out? The site has been a complete joke from the very beginning –and a funny one at that.

    People are emailing Jon Stewart about it. How long will it stay up? It is being paid for by my tax dollars so I do have limits to how long I am willing to be in on the joke…..”

    It republicans weren’t so stunningly fucking mean and ugly, I would sorta feel sorry for them. I would call them nerds, but anyone deserving that lable could make a better website with his home PC than that POS.

  435. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 28, 2010 at 2:28

    SC,

    I beezed past your suggestion because I first read it as reading Irky’s deranged ranting directly on RedState. I’m going to need more Bulleit to prep me to get off the boat for those shores.

    The TPM story however is pretty mangolicious, Justin Elliot having braved the wilds of Irksome’s spew to bring back those choice quotes.

    Speaking of Irky trying to halp Haley – matbe he could suggest some cheap trinket or pointless geegaw to mail to Will Folks. That’ll teach them lefty lie-berals or what!

  436. tsam said,

    May 28, 2010 at 2:29

    ho ho ho FUCK.

    LABEL. OMFG. That’s some hardcore fail when you’re calling somebody stupid and misspell a 5 letter word.

    (Flagellating)

  437. Jennifer said,

    May 28, 2010 at 2:39

    As the Editors said: fuck you I’m not reading all these.

    But I do have a new post up which conclusively proves that Sarah Palin is Greg Stillson.

    NOW I’ll go back and read some of the comments.

  438. creature said,

    May 28, 2010 at 2:44

    Thanks vacuumslayer for the coat-tug (VMR). The standard ZIP didn’t work either. I think it’s the Boulder ZIP- they are probably trying to stem the tide of tomfoolery (damn, I am getting paranoid, and egotistical, aren’t I?) Now I’ve got yet another reason to hate those rat bastards and cut off another McNutty/Pisspot bumperstickered SUV in traffic, just for the sheer rottenness of it. Yes, I am truly sociopathic, but with anarchist principles!

  439. Looch said,

    May 28, 2010 at 2:49

    MOAR:

    (Yes, I am transfixed by this–so sue me)

    “We have got to ban marriage between a woman and her children. That is just wrong, if exciting.”

    “Many of us in this country do not support gay marriage and WE SHOULD NOT BE FORCED TO MARRY GAYS.”

    “Democracy was a Greek concept. Greeks were all about teh man on man action, except for making babies, so unless the USA embraces our fellow men, then democracy is doomed.”

    “Federal tax rebates for good Christian men who have had back surgery so that they can afford to pay handsome youths at airports to lift their luggage for them.”

    “Solution for stronger family bonds: epoxy!”

    “PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE, for the love o’Pete, Stop putting Chicken in hot dogs and bologna! It’s just nasty! Has anyone out there ever tasted a chicken hot dog? They are VILE!”

    “I took a wrong turn the other day and ended up on a street with a bunch guys holdin hands. I got so angry that I had to go to the gym and pump some irin just to relax. Somethins got too be done bout the gay takeover over america…and the french.”

    “Mandatory sterilization for all gays so they cant get each other pregnant and make more gays.”

    “Put up a fence to keep those illegal Puerto Ricans out”

    “Ban Canadians because they are hard to pick out of crowds”

    “My wife cried for three days when she found out the nice little man who mowed our yard was an illegal. We’d been paying to help somebody steel a real American job. That thug made us accessories to his crime. Does anyone have any good recommendations for a good yard maintenance firm around Jacksonville, Florida?”

    Reminder: The GOP is serious about this.

    Mebbe we have been looking for the un-findable peak wingnut in the wrong places. Maybe it’s ushered in by this train wreck of an idea.

    Nah.

  440. Rightwingsnarkle said,

    May 28, 2010 at 2:52

    NOW I’ll go back and read some of the comments.

    Just a few hundred, shouldn’t take any time at all.

  441. H. Rumbold, Master Barber said,

    May 28, 2010 at 2:58

    Erika Erikasdottir’s source is Chief Editor Korir. BTW, awful quiet on the Mullah Omar story, ain’t it?

  442. Looch said,

    May 28, 2010 at 3:01

    BTW, awful quiet on the Mullah Omar story, ain’t it?

    Heh. I forgot about that one. Bet they’re all a bunch of thor loothers.

  443. Looch said,

    May 28, 2010 at 3:23

    Heh.

    Enter the Sandman.

  444. Looch said,

    May 28, 2010 at 3:35

    “make bombs that explode sandwiches. so that when we want to bomb places sandwiches go flying everywhere and everybody gets to have lunch, dinner, breakfast, or a snack–depending on the time zone. then the people who we are fighting will either: 1. be full and take naps thusly making invasion a cakewalk; 2. like us and capitulate; 3. fire back with oreo cookies; or 4. like the sandwiches so much they keep fighting for more, in which case we drop more sandwich bombs until they finally have to take naps, which they will, and we resort back to #1.”

    Sandwich bomb gap.

    Jonah’s all over it.

  445. kate said,

    May 28, 2010 at 4:25

    I think Fettucini Alfredo would stop anyone in their tracks, with shrimp, Fettucine Alfredo with shrimp.

    I have to what’s on that site.

  446. jim said,

    May 28, 2010 at 5:00

    BTW, awful quiet on the Mullah Omar story, ain’t it?

    This isn’t exactly burning up the wires either. Teh truth will set me free get me a criminal record, three years’ probation & 100 hours of community service.

    Coincidentally, Andrew “Pimpin’ Fake Pimps Ain’t Easy” Breitbart now requires registration for comments on all his sites now.

    *LOL INTERNETS*

  447. Teaparty Passion For USA said,

    May 28, 2010 at 5:03

    SHUT UP LIBERALS WE SURROUND YOU WE IN THE HEARTLAND OUTMAN OUTGUN YOU ELEITISTS WHO HATE AMERICA

  448. Teaparty Passion For USA said,

    May 28, 2010 at 5:05

    JUST LIKE HITLER DID, OBAMA IS USING THE SOCIALISM TO USER IN AN ERRA OF TIRANY LIKE OUR FOUDERS NEVER DREAMED OF

  449. Teaparty Passion For USA said,

    May 28, 2010 at 5:06

    OBAMA HAS AN ARMY OF BLACK MEN PAID FOR BUY YOUR TAXIS TO FORCE YOU TO COMPLY WITH PC RULES AND YOUR SPEECH

  450. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    May 28, 2010 at 5:19

    I’d like to see more original fake Gary, this limpet-setter is inadequate.
    ~

  451. B^4 said,

    May 28, 2010 at 5:25

    Uh, anybody still around?

  452. Teabag Passion For Delicious Ball-Sweat said,

    May 28, 2010 at 5:31

    I AM AN UNFUNY PARODY TROLL AND U SHOUD IGNOR MY ALL-CAPS WANKING OR U WILL WIND UP AS STUPIDD AND FULL OF FALE AS MEE

  453. jim said,

    May 28, 2010 at 5:36

    Uh, anybody still around?

    Nope.

  454. B^4 said,

    May 28, 2010 at 5:38

    Nope.

    Well, alright!

  455. Rufus said,

    May 28, 2010 at 5:53

    So wait. The “S” doesn’t stand for Sex?

  456. Xecky Gilchrist said,

    May 28, 2010 at 5:57

    Hoo boy

    Thank you, everybody. I needed a good laugh and this thread is the best one since that “48 to 52″ thing.

  457. not a gator said,

    May 28, 2010 at 6:07

    Um, no.

    This is pretty, if deluded.

    This is desperately fluffed up in an attempt to be pretty.

    Agree, actor. She has a pretty weird, pinched face. Bleh.

  458. not a gator said,

    May 28, 2010 at 6:43

    ASO is so damn awesome I think I will have to join. Mebbe Saturday. I hope they haven’t already pulled the plug on the lulz by then.

  459. tensor said,

    May 28, 2010 at 7:14

    ASO is so damn awesome I think I will have to join. Mebbe Saturday. I hope they haven’t already pulled the plug on the lulz by then.

    BTW, did you notice you can VOTE on which comments you like? Fly, my monkeys, fly!

  460. tensor said,

    May 28, 2010 at 7:28

    OK, which one of us wrote this at ASO:

    Add an amendment establishing pizza as a food for humans. A seagull ate my slice. ;_;

    Note the tags (emphasis mine):

    seagull, pelican, birds, bird-certificate, birfers

    I demand accountability!

  461. stackozone said,

    May 28, 2010 at 7:45

    ahem

    We need to prevent illegal immmigration by sealing our northern boarder against infiltrators. This means we won’t have usurpers coming south and stealing our jobs, our taxes, and OUR CHILDREN.

  462. M. Bouffant said,

    May 28, 2010 at 9:57

    Ban Canadians because they are hard to pick out of crowds

    We need to prevent illegal immmigration by sealing our northern boarder against infiltrators. This means we won’t have usurpers coming south and stealing our jobs, our taxes, and OUR CHILDREN.

    At last, someone is thinking of the children & the thieving Canucks.

  463. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 28, 2010 at 12:32

    WE R IN UR COUNTRY, STEELIN UR JOBS AND CORUPTIN UR CHILDRUNZ

  464. Looch said,

    May 28, 2010 at 13:00

    The morning AmericaLeakingOut:

    “When Robert Reed married Florence Henderson, creating a family of 9, was that really a good idea?”

    “I eat the sun for breakfast, yum yum yum.”

    “I propose we outlaw the ’60s. It is an un-American decade full of liberal ideology that is damaging to our nation’s children. Anyone who lives in, has lived in, or will live in the ’60s should be immediately deported.”

    “You know those mist fans they have at 6 Flags? Put those in public places and use holy water for the mist. Not only will it provide a refreshing cool-down spot on hot summer days, and it’ll melt any heathens who walk under it.”

    “does anyone know where I can get some tang? I figure if anyone would know, it’d be the Republican Party.”

    “These wrinkle free pants aren’t wrinkle free all the time. It’s time we take a stand for the anti-wrinklers everywhere. USA USA USA”

    “STOP EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR EVERYBODY DO THE DINOSAUR”

    “Abolish sweat glands inside of McDonalds”

    “This new karate kid movie has me thinking.. Aren’t bonsai trees really cool? I mean, can’t we get some government funding for bonsai trees? That’s all I really want to say.”

    “We should wipe out the Middle East and put up lots of Kay Jewelers, because every kiss begins with Kay, and if Kiss went to the middle east they’d rock the house down”

    “Create a website that can handle more than 2 Americans speaking out at the same time without crashing. Come on. Do it.”

    “Require Congress to specifically identify how many of the bills they pass each year use the words “tea bags” or “truck nutz” in the preamble to the legislation. This will provide many, many jobs for Wonketteers.”

    Spag, this makes me smile.

  465. N__B said,

    May 28, 2010 at 14:47

    “When Robert Reed married Florence Henderson, creating a family of 9, was that really a good idea?”

    That show had an architect making enough money to support a non-working wife, six kids, and a maid. In other words, it bore less relation to reality than Lord of the Rings.

  466. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 28, 2010 at 14:51

    If and when T&U gets around to reading this, on the point about emo and goth and never the twain shall sigh wistfully at one another – how does one explain Good Charlotte?

    That is, my friend, far, far, FAR worse than anything I have ever said and will ever say about you K-Lo’s bush. Or your mother.

  467. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:03

    Oh, and for anyone who cares: Desmondcat is home now, all better, and back to ignoring me. YAY!!!! He had some crystals and the beginnings of a UTI. He got a shot and some prescription food. Now we are trying to manage the task of making sure Penny* doesn’t eat his food, and vice versa. It’s going to be a pain in the ass.

    *FTR, both cats were named years before Lost came on the air.

  468. N__B said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:04

    He had some crystals

    Swarovskicat is worth more than you.

  469. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:05

    Swarovskicat is worth more than you.

    I took ‘em and made them into earrings.

  470. N__B said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:07

    earrings.

    “Tinnitus” would be a greta name for a cat.

  471. N__B said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:07

    a great one, too.

  472. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:13

    “Tinnitus” would be a great name for a cat.

    Probably would have been a good name for Penny, as she has the most high-pitched, annoying meowhine you have ever heard.

    Our next (male) cat is going to be named Penfold.

  473. guitarist manqué said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:13

    Where’s tsam when you need him, this thread needs to die.

  474. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:16

    Where’s tsam when you need him, this thread needs to die.

    What? You don’t find this TOTALLY FASCINATING?

    I’m just tired of seeing S.E.’s stupid face.

  475. Malaclypse said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:27

    I’m just tired of seeing S.E.’s stupid face.

    It beats the picture of Cliff Kincaid in the thread below.

  476. Mysticdog said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:37

    “Tinnitus” would be a great name for a cat.

    I have a dog named Rodent. It suits him. Don’t judge me!

    Also http://thebloggess.com/?p=7127

  477. stryx said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:40

    yes please, no more fairy bear

  478. Lurking Canadian said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:46

    Oh, and for anyone who cares: Desmondcat is home now, all better, and back to ignoring me. YAY!!!!

    I’m glad to hear it.

    And whereas I find Sippy pleasant to look at, we do seem to have exhausted the possibilities in this thread.

  479. Pryme said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:50

    “We’re saying, ‘We’re shoving this down your throat, we don’t care.’ “

    – Rep Louie Gohmert (R-Tex.), on the House’s decision to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

    These guys make it so easy.

  480. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 28, 2010 at 15:55

    Our next (male) cat is going to be named Penfold.

    Ooh, perhaps you’d be interested in coming by to see my etchings Danger Mouse complete series DVD set.

  481. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 28, 2010 at 16:07

    Ooh, perhaps you’d be interested in coming by to see my etchings Danger Mouse complete series DVD set.

    !!!!! You’ve totally stumbled upon the secret passphrase! (To my pants).

    Honestly, the only thing that would work as well as/better than this is “Hey, would you like to come over and see my collection of Smiths b-sides and rarities?” Or “Perhaps you’d be interested in coming by to see my Danger Mouse complete series DVD set and eating delicious gluten free pot brownies I made from scratch.”

  482. 77south said,

    May 28, 2010 at 16:31

    I predict Amazon will sell 10 or 20 copies of the complete Danger Mouse episodes in the next five minutes.

  483. Mysticdog said,

    May 28, 2010 at 16:35

    I’m all about IP theft, probably just download it

  484. TruculentandUnreliable said,

    May 28, 2010 at 16:43

    I predict Amazon will sell 10 or 20 copies of the complete Danger Mouse episodes in the next five minutes.

    I’m flattered. I think?

    I’m all about IP theft, probably just download it

    Hell, I can do that. I’m not THAT cheap of a date!

    You’d have to at least throw in the brownies. Or a few martinis.

  485. not a gator said,

    May 28, 2010 at 16:46

    I’m just tired of seeing S.E.’s stupid face.

    Beautiful girls, all over the world
    Gonna get plastered, yeah they’re gonna get knackered
    ‘Cuz they only love booze, baby
    Nothing like booze
    Nu Nu Nu Nothing like booze

  486. not a gator said,

    May 28, 2010 at 16:50

    “Abolish sweat glands inside of McDonalds”

    Yes. This. I don’t even know why I’m agreeing, but it just sounds awesome.

    keep bringing the lulz, oh lulzy place of lulz

  487. Sirius Lunacy said,

    May 28, 2010 at 16:55

    and eating delicious gluten free pot brownies I made from scratch

    That sounds much better than the recipe I have, pot free brown glutens.

  488. actor212 said,

    May 28, 2010 at 16:55

    I still can’t get on the ASshOle site, ZIP+4 doesn’t work

    Drop the +4, and it will work fine.

    Sheesh. Kids these days and their modern nine digit Zip Codes…this is the RNC! You think they’re that up to date? Hell, they successfully beat off the metric system!

  489. Consumer Unit 5012 said,

    May 28, 2010 at 17:59

    Aside from the Poe’s LOLs, what interests me is the ‘serious’ suggestions – repeal DADT, stop the War On Some Drugs, stop farm subsidies. All at the top of their categories, and with significant thumbs-up majorities.

    America may be Speaking Out, but the politicians ARE going to ignore them. :(

  490. oh thank gawd... said,

    May 28, 2010 at 18:02

    …that you’re finally paying attention to teh S.E.Cupp stoopid. She’s the new college republican pinup, Coulter 3.0, but she’s still an underappreciated source for snark. Don’t let her c.1998 hipster garb fool you!

  491. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    May 28, 2010 at 19:01

    Hell, they successfully beat off the metric system!

    The metric system? That’s an odd euphemism.

  492. Whale Chowder said,

    May 28, 2010 at 19:31

    The metric system? That’s an odd euphemism.

    It’s bigger if you measure it in millimeters.

  493. Doctorb Cupp said,

    May 31, 2010 at 8:01

    Remember girls, your mouth can’t get pregnant.

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