” Sorry, been out most of the day. Yes, you’re right. I didn’t read the story closely enough. It wasn’t sent by the Census bureau or with their cooperation. So it’s not really a church-state thing. Though, in fairness, I was mocking folks who make a big deal about church-state issues when there’s no need to. But, all in all, I was wrong. Should’ve waited for the coffee to set in.”

Ladies and gentleMAN, a professional writer.

BTW, in skydiving, whenever you do a “first” jump, you have to buy everyone a case of beer. First time with a new parachute. First time in a new flying style. etc.

I think that this tradition should be made into the internets. Anyone who says that first shit ahs to buy all of us a case of beer.

I await my case of beer then.

Mmmmmmm…………..beer.

Yes, you’re right. I didn’t read the story closely enough.

Never has an argument been made with more care & etc.

Looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off again…

But, all in all, I was wrong. Should’ve waited for the coffee to set in.– Jonah the Whale

No, no, no, Jonah, knee-jerk reactions are exactly what we’ve come to expect, not only from ASW but from wingnutz in general; it is your modus operandi, your raison d’etre if you will.

For without this incessant need to fly boldly off the handle without actually thinking about what it is you’re getting excited about, you might never have achieved … erm … what have you guys ever achieved, short of utter humiliation?

Yeah, you owe us beer big time…

I think we should start playing bullshit bingo when reading these guys.
I’ll go first – Jonah with his out of pocket. Overused phrases also count and bandwidth is not a bs bingo word when used in reference to network capacity. The following is an example of a bs bingo that might be heard where I work:
In order to inform the discussion on how to socialize {insert project/issue here}, I thought I would act as a visionary liaison and give a pass down on the results of my reach back to the thought leaders.

Sorry, been out most of the day. Yes, you’re right. I didn’t read the story closely enough. It wasn’t sent by the Census bureau or with their cooperation. So it’s not really a church-state thing. Though, in fairness, I was mocking folks who make a big deal about church-state issues when there’s no need to. But, all in all, I was wrong. Should’ve waited for the coffee to set in.

Have you begun to notice that you do this a lot, Jonah?

more care & etc.

Maybe I’m giddy from the combination of last night’s huge dinner and the upcoming snow, but this has me laughing my ass off.

I’d be interested in reading the Census form filled out by Mary & Joseph.

I’d be interested in reading the Census form filled out by Mary & Joseph.

Since they were quite poor, it’ll be boring. No two-mule garage, no household slaves as dependents, no secondary wives in other houses on the property.

That’s not Mary and Joseph on the poster. It’s Don Quixote and Sancho Panza, and Don Quixote gave birth to a beautiful baby windmill.

Second link is a bit funny, Tintin.

[Tintin adds: Thx. Fixed.]

The fact is, I am a homosexual. Also, gay. Queer rights forever. Gays are superior to non-gays, we run things gay-style.

How does this guy keep from killing himself? Seriously.

I guess the ability to feel shame isn’t a widespread wingnut characteristic.

How does this guy keep from killing himself? Seriously.

It reeks of effort.

The fact is, it is now cold outside, which means there is no such thing as global warming, so suck it, libs.

Also,

http://ifglobalwarmingisrealthenwhyisitcold.blogspot.com/

Here is your science refuted in language the Heartland understands.

Will you people kindly lay off the “Charity Republicans” at NRO?

the ability to feel shame isn’t a widespread wingnut characteristic

mumblemumblemumble Q.E.D. mumblemumble….

Presented without comment, this holiday week: The Zombible.

As Jesus said to his followers, BRANES!

Meh… Zombible could use a little more work. They just replace key phrases here and there but leave the rest.

3 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you warnings of great tribulation, which shall be to all people. 4 In the days that come the dead shall rise, and their hunger shall be for the brains of the living. 5 But unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

Is there any chance one of you geniuses could translate Doughy Pantload into Latin or Italian or whatever language Jonassandro del Oroburro is imitating?

‘Cause that’s FTW according to me. Also.

Is there any chance one of you geniuses could translate Doughy Pantload into Latin

Anus.

Zombible could use a little more work.

They’re zombies. Neither keyboards nor speech recognition will work properly.

Second link is a bit funny, Tintin.

On this blog things are supposed to be funny.

Also, on to a more serious problem than funny links or Whale shit about census posters, Sadly, Now! I now have this stupid “I Want to Love You Tender” song stuck in my head and can’t seem to shake it. Also I have this crazy urge to dance around the house while banging on my toaster. Damn you Tintin!

I’d like to see a zombie version of “A Peanuts Christmas.” Now that would be cool.

I’d like to see a Peanuts version of “Night of the Living Dead.”

I’m loving the Oroburro appellation.

“Golden ass”, indeed.

I am glad that this blog has temporarily stopped killing captain clown.

Does this count as the Surge in the War on Christmas?

it is your modus operandi, your raison d’etre if you will. It is their milieu.

It is there fromage bien

their, god damn, I’m distracted today. I wrote tote as tought earlier….

I’d be interested in reading the Census form filled out by Mary & Joseph.
Long form or vault copy?

Though, in fairness, I was mocking folks who make a big deal about church-state issues when there’s no need to. Folks such as myself, that is. I am completely oblivious to self mockery.

Diaskuesated for obvious resons.

I’m gonna start using that “central to my point” thing at work.

It’s nice that the premier conservative thought magazine gives Jonah what is tantamount to a myspace page to post his random train of thoughts. I’m sure this is what buckley had in mind when he founded the rag.

I’m sure this is what buckley had in mind when he founded the rag.

It’s nice to think of the old bastard spinning away in his grave.

Couple of cool video clips. Happy Holidays everyone.

Christmas with the Devil. A jazz version of the Spinal tap classic.

http://lnmc.crooksandliars.com/bluegal/cls-late-nite-music-club-judith-owen-and-h

Also, Jon Stewart pawns Laura Ingraham and other teabaggers.

http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/heather/daily-show-highway-health-last-tea-party-p

Tom M:
Damn you – that was the word I was looking for…

As for NRO being something like MySpace, I was thinking Twitter for Twits (or Twats) myself…

This one is for the Jews.

THAR SHI BLOWZZZ!one111!
~

nutellaontoast said,

December 19, 2009 at 20:14

I am glad that this blog has temporarily stopped killing captain clown.

Counteth not thine chickens.
~

Youtube clips make the best presents. Best of all they’re free.

So, if we actually roasted Jonah over a fire, would he brown up nicely like a 300-pound hog, or would he pop like an overripe cherry?

Inquiring minds must know.

or would he pop like an overripe cherry?

Not if he was gutted first. I’ll go with brown up – he is after, in the area of 300 lbs. and he is a pig. It is asserted by some that he is male but this has yet to be proven.

And lo, unto the Virgin Lucianne a boy child was born. And she named him Jonah. And people came from afar to look upon him. And laugh.

gives Jonah what is tantamount to a myspace page to post his random train of thoughts.

And the train looks like this.

So, if we actually roasted Jonah over a fire, would he brown up nicely like a 300-pound hog, or would he pop like an overripe cherry?

You’d really need to work on degreasing. He’d be more full of fat than a duck.

Do they have to put a cork on the end of Jonah’s fork, like Steve Martin in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels?

There’s still time to bake a cake to go with the roast whale.

Now I’m really confused. Jesus was Mexican?

What about all those bumper stickers I see on monster trucks that assert “Jesus is an American?”

stryx said,
December 19, 2009 at 19:00
the ability to feel shame isn’t a widespread wingnut characteristic
mumblemumblemumble Q.E.D. mumblemumble….

the next version of the DSM will include a description of stupid personality disorder:

Stupid Personality Disorder (SPD) is a personality disorder defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the diagnostic classification system used in the United States, as “a pervasive pattern of idiocy, a marked susceptibility to ridiculous theories and meaningless slogans, need to issue fascist diktat, and a lack of information gathering ability [1], beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. Lack of ability to gather, digest, and understand easily available information.
2. Intense attachment to pet theories, and a obsessive preoccupation with them.
3. Rejection of any facts that contradict these pet theories, accompanied by intense anger, and denigration of the person bringing these facts to their attention.
4. Marked susceptibility to conspiracy theories, random bullshit dressed up with ten dollar words, and melodramatic but impotent threats.
5. Addiction to issuing orders in Command Voice.
6. Poore speling and CAPITAL LETTERS
7. Inability to admit that perhaps one might be mistaken in some small detail.
8. Black and white thinking, perfectionism, inability to put themselves in other people’s shoes.
9. Narcissistic personality disorder
.

that assert “Jesus is an American?”

That’s just a simple misunderstanding, a typo really.

This handy chart will hopefully clear things up for you

The poster leaves me conflicted between my support for the War on Christmas and the Illegal Invasion. Will Bill O’Reilly’s (an alien papist name obviously) head explode over this?

So who wrote this gem? How does one distinguish a sophisticated from an unsophisticated European capital? Has Zurich replaced Bern as the Swiss federal city? Would Father Christmas decline to descend a minaret? So many questions.

Hey Tintin,

That pic of the Jonah is one of the best, but could you photoshop the colors so that the feed bag matches the drapes?

there has long been a barely spoken of dissatisfaction over the one element it sorely lacks: zombies

Those guys are nuts, from Ezekiel through Jesus all the way to Revelations the Bible is ALL about the zombies.

Is there any chance one of you geniuses could translate Doughy Pantload into Latin or Italian or whatever language Jonassandro del Oroburro is imitating?

Latin is a dead language, pissing on its grave would just be mean.

It’s nice that the premier conservative thought magazine gives Jonah what is tantamount to a myspace page to post his random train of thoughts. I’m sure this is what buckley had in mind when he founded the rag.

pretty much. except it was buckley’s own vanity press. not too many “goldbergs” running around. nor were the kristols welcome (remember “bill the house” buckley once remarked that he could “scarce stand to breathe the same air” as irving).

firing his kid, though. that was a pretty astonishing plot twist. in a few years, if they haven’t pissed enough ineptly chosen chilean wine onto his grave, maybe they can hire his illegitimate grandkid to run the joint, the one who, in buckley’s will, “for purposes of this document is deemed to have predeceased” wfb.

I’d like to see a Peanuts version of “Night of the Living Dead.”

You’ll have to settle for a Peanuts version of “The Metamorphosis.”

That was me posting as “Every Woman Over Age 25.” Firefox hates me.

The fact is, any increase in marginal tax rates at all, especially for the productive classes in typical demonrat classwar fashion, is objectively worse than what Hitler did to the Jews. If you disagree with me you are a hippy socilest.

I’d like to see a Peanuts version of “Night of the Living Dead.”

The best I got is Ryan Dunlavey’s Peanuts version of that mutant movie.

Shorter:
Krecorkian or whatever:

Ilegal Aliens ! AHH! Spanish people are illegal aliens who vote democrats in! AHH! Go back home and let the deserving republican white folks win an election AHH! Whoo am I smart and witty or what? ILLEGAL ALIENS AND A GOD POSTER!– Gotcha again! BAHAHA

Jonah, a Goldberger the Whale Puked Up:

Oh shit, um. My bad, but hey, I’m an idiot, but listen its because I was … um…fart…well… I wanna samich.

Perhaps you would like to see the tender treatment MADTV gave this pair of heartwarming Christmas stories.

Raging Rudolph

The Reinfather

Shot in the eye with a candy cane is a bad way to go, I say.

“Central to my point, etc., etc.”

heh.

I like the fact that Fatty Whoreson’s original post says “I am not making this up” and then it turns out that he was making it up.

I hate to say it, but I don’t think Gary is fun anymore.

either that, or Substance’s WngnutNode is getting close to beta release.

Ironically, the Romans had no such requirement that for census purposes anyone had to go anywhere.

Do you know why Jebus never was a lawyer? He got nailed on the boards.

stryx said,
“This handy chart will hopefully clear things up for you”

LOL…..if jeebus came back today he’d be crucified by the republicans.

“Though, in fairness, I was mocking folks who make a big deal about church-state issues when there’s no need to.”

Longer shorter:
Even though I was “wrong”, so to speak, the coffee not having makes it ok, and I’m still right because I made up the war on christmas myself and it’s central to my point because liberals are so dumb that sometimes I come off half cocked. Justfiably so. Also. This means I’m not really wrong even though I’m out of pocket on this one.

“Though, in fairness, I was mocking folks who make a big deal about church-state issues when there’s no need to.”

I found n.o.t.’s skydiving anecdote particularly apropos, because one could imagine the carnage that would ensue if parachute riggers took the same degree of care as Jonah does with his job. Especially, say, if Jonah took up skydiving.

Am I crazy? I believe the Republican rendition of Jesus in the handy chart provided by styrx bears a striking resemblance to Dog the Bounty Hunter. Dog spelled backward is…

Coincidence? I think not.

Here‘s a more accurate problem w/ the invoking of Jeebus w/r/t the Census…