Gullible’s Travails

owens_hitch_toilet
Bob Owens says, “Take the Front Line Course, fully endorsed
by me, the Confederate Yankee, and you’ll never have to
poop in fear again!”

Oh fuck me. As if we needed any more enraged backwoods wingnuts packing heat, Bob Owens is now pushing a firearms training course from some outfit called Front Sight Firearms Training Institute where, allegedly, you can learn

The ability to draw from a concealed holster and put a controlled pair of shots to the target’s thoracic cavity from 3-5 yards away, in less than 1.5 seconds.

And you can learn to do that even if you’re busy taking a dump from a seat attached to the trailer hitch on the back of your pickup truck and your concealed holster is somewhere on the ground covered up by your overalls.

The pitch, which offers a megabazillion dollars worth of “free” extra stuff, including a stainless steel folding knife worth at least THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS (if you could buy it in stores1) for one simple low payment of $1,199. And you get a pistol worth, allegedly, $600 absolutely for free, BUT ONLY IF YOU ACT NOW!!!!!11! Operators are waiting for your call. Spaces are limited, etc., etc., etc., and also. And, of course, Owens gets an affiliate referral fee.

Intrigued by such an exciting offer, I employed my mad Google skillz and, whaddiyaknow, but in less time than it takes (if you’ve taken the course, of course) to put a controlled pair of shots in the target’s thoracic cavity from 3-5 yards away I learned that this looks like it may be the biggest scam since Owens’s charcoal grill fundraiser.

Front Sight is run by one Dr.2 Ignatius Piazza,3 who is the Bernie Madoff of gun and real estate Ponzi schemes. When people arrived at their gun training courses, he sold them lifetime memberships for hundreds of thousands of dollars which would include, at some date in the future, their very own home at the shooting range with hundreds of other gun-owners in the deserts of Nevada. Needless to say, the homes never materialized. You know, Piazza just couldn’t find the right developers and so forth and so on. His victims sued and got an $8 million dollar settlement which Piazza then never paid, leading to a court order seizing all of his assets.

So, yeah, CYers, give Dr. Pizza $1199. Sadly, No! heartily endorses this idea. In fact, buy the course for yourselves and all your family members and their friends. Please.


1Which of course you can’t because it won’t have the Front Sight logo, which adds at least $290 in value to the folding knife.

2As in “Dr.” of chiroprocterology.4 By the way, bitchez, from now on I am Dr. Tintin to you.

3As in this guy.

4Chiroprocterology is the practice of giving someone a back massage while simultaneously sticking a finger up the butt of the person being massaged. It is often confused with Chiroreflexoprocterology, which is where the masseur instead sticks his finger up his own butt while giving the massage.

 

Comments: 94

 
 
 

including a stainless steel folding knife worth at least THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS

Y’know, I can buy a diamond-tipped drill bit for less and it would probably slice up a wingnut better than a $20 knife sold for a 1500% markup…

 
 

It’s too bad he’s too corrupt to accept comments on his blog. If only we could warn the morans who read his drippings…

 
 

Third

 
 

Dr Tintin,

Will this gun course be better than that craps course I took that instructed me on “dice control”? If yes, I would like to sign up for two slots. One for myself, and one for my cat. I depend on my cat to secure my domicile during the day.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Dr. Ignatius Piazza is a poor man’s Tom Selleck. (Who is a poor man’s Burt Reynolds).

 
 

Tintin, you are not factoring in the the knife’s COOL factor which makes the price a deal of a lifetime.

“This is a special run of knives made specifically for this offer. If we sold a logo knife in our pro shop, which we don’t, it would be priced at $300 or more. You get it as part of this package. Knife Value: $300. Cool factor when you whip it out to open a box, slice an apple, or dissuade an attacker… Priceless!”

 
 

By the way, bitchez, from now on I am Dr. Tintin to you.

I guess this is as good a moment as ever. My real name is Dr. Emil Shuffhausen.

When people arrived at their gun training courses, he sold them lifetime memberships for hundreds of thousands of dollars which would include, at some date in the future, their very own home at the shooting range with hundreds of other gun-owners in the deserts of Nevada. Needless to say, the homes never materialized.

He says it will be like a “Disneyland for gun-lovers” and the “safest community in America,” replete with guns and shooting ranges as well as 177 homes, 350 condominiums, a supermarket, community center, and a restaurant. The streets in this community will have names such as “Second Amendment Drive” and “Sense of Duty Way”. If Piazza’s entire vision is realized, in a few years there will even be a school where, he says, teachers will be armed to reduce the risk of on-campus shootings.

Osgood File. I don’t see how this could have gone wrong.

Dr. Ignatius Piazza is a poor man’s Tom Selleck.

Ah, but the uniform.

 
 

Which is worse, that Gomer didn’t do even ten minutes of due diligence Gazoogling to find out who he was shilling for, or that he did and is funneling the rubes into a scam anyway?

Once again, its the number-one Wingnut FAQ: “Stupid or dishonest?”

 
 

Is this part of the Wankee’s new “marketing” gig he mentioned a while back?

 
 

Stainless steel is for kitchen knives. It just can’t hold a proper edge for long. Infact, I dare say that a 10 dollar kitchen knife would be a better weapon, and more useful too.

For 300 dollars on a knife, I would be expecting more bling than just stainless steel. Silver plated blade (for werewolves) and jewelled hilt.

Oh wait, they are throwing in a HAT too? and a Tshirt! Forget what I said, this must be the bargain of the century!

 
 

Dr. Ignatius Piazza is a poor man’s Tom Selleck.

He looks more like the poor man’s Alvin Chipmunk with a “chocolate milk” moustache…if you know what I mean.

 
 

So is TIDOS Yanker pushing the scheme hard enough to make him liable the next time Doctor Pizza gets sued?

 
 

By the way, bitchez, from now on I am Dr. Tintin to you.

You may call me “Dr Hackenbush” from now on.

 
 

http://www.frontsight.com/handgun-quiz.asp
What Kind of Handgun Are You?

Carefully answer the personality questions below to find out what kind of handgun you are most like:

1. What would you rather do?
Go to the races
Go to the Opera

2. What would you rather wear?
Jeans and a polo shirt
Suit and tie

3. Where do you prefer to eat?
At home
In a restaurant

4. Which vehicle would you want to drive daily?
Four Door Sedan
Pick-up Truck

5. Which sports car would you want to own?
Corvette
Ferrari

6. Which action adventure hero do you prefer?
Indiana Jones
James Bond

7. Which actress do you prefer?
Hillary Swank
Angelina Jolie

8. What job best suits you?
School teacher
Stock broker

9. If given the choice what would you do tomorrow?
Go to work
Go to church

10. What sport do you enjoy most?
Football
Golfing

11. Who would you like to have as a best friend?
A cop
A Senator

12. Which dinner meal would you prefer?
Ribeye Steak
Fried chicken

13. Which lunch would you prefer?
Hamburger
Sushi

14. Which breakfast would you prefer?
Ham and eggs
Cereal and milk

15. Who would you rather be stranded on an island with?
Martha Stewart
Paris Hilton

16. If you had a choice of vacations which would you choose?
Taking a cruise
Visiting family

17. Who would you most like to spend the day with?
The President of the United States
The Playboy Playmate of the Year

18. When a movie is over what do you do?
Leave the theatre
Watch the credits

19. What best describes you?
Dependable
Flashy

20. If someone asked you for $20 for food what would you do?
Give them the 20 dollars
Tell them to get a job

21. Who would you rather see your son marry?
An attorney
A nurse

22. Who would you rather see your daughter marry?
A firefighter
A businessman

23. Who would you rather marry?
An entertainer
A civil servant

24. What social function do you prefer?
Barbecue with small group of friends
Party with large group of acquaintances

25. How would a friend best characterize you?
Powerful and intimidating
Strong but not overbearing

 
 

He says it will be like a “Disneyland for gun-lovers”

What’s the line from Jurassic Park again?

Oh. Yea.

If the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don’t eat shoot the tourists.

 
 

The link in footnote three is particularly amusing. Too much fail to even begin to sum up, for all parties involved.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I just spent thirty minutes searching for a website that I’ve seen that has Tom Selleck macros in the style of LOLcats. That’s thirty minutes of my life I’ll never get back!

Still, I wish I had found it. It’s pretty brilliant.

 
 

Ooh, ooh, ooh. I call “Dr. Acula”.

 
 

1. What would you rather do?
Go to the races
Go to the Opera

Tough question. Can I get back to you? Or in front of you? I’d rather have you behind me than be beside myself.

 
 

Ooh, ooh, ooh. I call “Dr. Acula”.

FUCK! I forgot about that one…

 
 

11. Who would you like to have as a best friend?
A cop
A Senator

This question seems more like an intelligence test because anyone who wouldn’t rather have a Senator as a best friend with all of his/her influence and connections is a fucking idiot.

 
 

I think he’s more like the really, really dumb man’s John Stossel.

Being that John Stossel is the dumb man’s John Stossel.

 
 

Dr. Ignatius Piazza?

Really? Hilarious.

 
The Tragically Flip
 

We can’t go much further in this without recalling that the AMWAY founders (Devos) are huge Republican supporters.

Given that conservativism itself is essentially about setting up a society-wide pyramid scheme it isn’t that surprising to see smaller point size implementations throughout conservative politics.

 
 

Being that John Stossel is the dumb man’s John Stossel.

John Stossel is the John Stossel of John Stosselism

 
 

Once again, it’s the number-one Wingnut FAQ: “Stupid or dishonest?”

Yes.

 
The Tragically Flip
 

Dr. Ignatius Piazza?

Probably not the confederacy TIDOS Yankee really intended to set up.

 
 

Darwin is ROFLHAO beyond the grave.

 
 

But what if your enemy knocks your charcoal grill down sideways on the grass? Do they train you to shoot at the grill so it will stand back up? Or can you use a quick draw technique to beg your neighbors to buy you a new grill?

 
 

Probably not the confederacy TIDOS Yankee really intended to set up.

Bobo certainly puts the “con” in confederacy.

 
 

I thought Bobo’s peckerwood cohort wuz agin schoolin’.

 
 

But what if your enemy knocks your charcoal grill down sideways on the grass?

See that’s why you should use propane and propane accessories. I’m going to be offering a course that trains you to shoot your propane tank from 3-5 yards away in 1.4 seconds after your enemy knocks over your grill…

 
 

The Tragically Flip said,
Dr. Ignatius Piazza?
“Probably not the confederacy TIDOS Yankee really intended to set up.”

I was thinking the same thing. Ignatius Rielly. You beat me to it.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

Probably not the confederacy TIDOS Yankee really intended to set up.

I just want to know how Toole was able to write a satire about Jonah Goldberg when he was still a baby. Man was a genius.

 
TruculentandUnreliable
 

I’m blaming that mistake on my hangover.

 
 

Oh, just went to the website in footnote 3.

Oy.

So can we assume that Confederate Wankee is now involved in Scientology?

 
 

So can we assume that Confederate Wankee is now involved in Scientology?

You mean like the Hollywood elite?

 
 

Stainless steel folding knives from Matrix, a good manufacturer, currently go for $5.99 at amazon. Retail price $300? And CY tells his readers this is a great deal? Man alive, if I were one of his customers I’d start looking around for a new gun store …

 
 

So can we assume that Confederate Wankee is now involved in Scientology?

If wingnut punditry has taught us anything, it’s that it’s irresponsible not to assume.

 
 

Stainless steel folding knives from Matrix, a good manufacturer, currently go for $5.99 at amazon. Retail price $300?

Yeah, but how much for the stag horn evicerator?

 
 

Does Front Sight make any bad-ass USA nail clippers? I got this hangnail that’s all infected and is goin socialist and fascist an shit.

 
The Tragically Flip
 

Have Miscaivage and the other Scientology mucky-mucks ever been linked to the GOP? It wouldn’t surprise me greatly if Scientology gave generously to conservative causes.

And why not, the Moonies found their natural home, why not Scientology?

 
VP Product Development, Soylent Green, Inc.
 

Wow, big surprise. Moronic wingnut accidentally reveals himself as scientologist in training. It’s delicious.

 
 

The ability to draw from a concealed holster and put a controlled pair of shots to the target’s thoracic cavity from 3-5 yards away, in less than 1.5 seconds.

Yeah, too bad that, at average speed (5 mph), you can fucking walk 3 yards in 1.2 seconds. So, if you need to beat down someone 3 yards from you, and they go to pull a gun, you don’t even have to hurry.

 
 

I call Dr. Ake. I can break all my fingers to approximate the quality of the art, get a lobotomy for the quality of the thought, and start making right-wing web comics.

 
 

The ability to draw from a concealed holster and put a controlled pair of shots to the target’s thoracic cavity from 3-5 yards away, in less than 1.5 seconds.

You’ll put your eye out kid.

 
 

Michelle Bachmann just asked a question in committee about the dollar that was so stupid, it caused the dollar to fall on the foreign exchange.

 
 

ha, check this out, you’ll like it:

http://imgur.com/27kOp.jpg

 
 

nilsey , the sign lower and to the right about the racist police is awesome. Also Badgers.

 
 

Dr Actor sir, what was the question?

 
 

Once again, its the number-one Wingnut FAQ: “Stupid or dishonest?”

In Corfed’s case, it’s straight “stupid.”

 
 

Trying to find that out, Dr Zart

 
 

This just in: Bumblin’ Bob has no qualms with the back story:

The founder (Ignatius Piazza) did get sued over a residential community he was trying to get developed near the range, and they’re still working on the settlement to investors. The article you dropped the link to above posted on the 15th; three days later the judge removed the receivership.

Piazza has also apparently lurked around the edges of Scientology, but he claims to be a Catholic. He does admit using Hubbard’s marketing techniques and has been to Scientology meetings. But that is just Piazza, and I keep that separate from the training that Front Sight provides.

I’ve not found one bad word written about the training, and most people who have taken the courses seem to think Front Sight quite literally the very best firearm’s training there is. I’m quite comfortable recommending the training. I just wouldn’t go to church with Piazza.

And I don’t want you to just take my word for it. Here are the Wikipedia links to Piazza and FrontSight. And please, do your own additional research on the Internet.

I’d be comfortable taking the class and I feel comfortable recommending it to my readers.

This coming from the yutz who spewed Ayers-Ayers-Ayers well after election day, even. Well done, Cornfed.

 
 

@ nilsey:

Don’t you understand? Those people only get 3/5 of the 2nd Amendment.

 
 

As usual, Bobo lied:

Litigation
In 2002, he sued former Front Sight instructor Dean Gamburd for claims against his person. The case was apparently settled.[22]

In 2002, he sued Diana Hsieh for claims against his person. The case was settled out of court.[24]

In 2006, Piazza and Front Sight were sued in a class action by certain members of the “First Family”, an exclusive membership to the Front Sight facility, for failing to deliver on expectations made when the memberships were purchased.[25][26] A settlement has been proposed.(^ Proposed Final Judgment and Order of Dismissal With Prejudice US District Court, Northern California, San Jose Division. Case No. C05-04532JW.) Weblink hosed.

 
 

all I can think about is what an awesome internets nym ‘dr. ignatius piazza’ is. maybe ‘dr. ignatius k. piazza’. wish I’d thought of it.

 
 

that wuz me. sry.

 
 

“Front Sight “Any Gun Will Do– If You Will Do” Logo Shirt. I have had so many reports of people seeing our students proudly wearing their Front Sight shirts all over the country.”

We stayed up ALL NIGHT thinking of the slogan for this excellent shirt. You will not find a shirt with this slogan like it anywhere, at any price, on any of our students all over the country.

 
 

1. What would you rather do?
Go to the races
Go to the Opera

Scientologist, Queen fan.

 
 

“The article consisted mostly of wild accusations that Front Sight was deeply involved with Scientology. (Scientology is cult-religion commonly accused of immoral and illegal activities in its quest for power and money.)”

“I also characterized the Church of Scientology as a “dangerous and criminal organization.”

“I attended our first course (Four Day Defensive Handgun) at Front Sight a top-notch firearms training school outside of Las Vegas. The quality of the instruction was mind-boggling good, so much so that Paul and I decided to purchase First Family memberships, as they allow us to attend a certain set of courses for free as often as we wish. (He has a “copper” membership; I have a “bronze.”) I also attended the “Ambassador Program” launch in Las Vegas in late August.”

About Me

I am a graduate student in philosophy at the University of Colorado at Boulder in the process of finishing up my coursework. Although my interests range from metaphysics to aesthetics, I’m specializing in virtue ethics. (I earned my B.A. in philosophy from Washington University in St. Louis in 1997. I also worked as a web programmer in years past.) I live on a small farm in Sedalia, Colorado with my husband Paul, as well as a small menagerie of beasts.

I’m actively involved with the most happening Objectivist community in the world: Front Range Objectivism.

Paying thousands of dollars a year to learn how to kill people and Scientologists are ‘evil and dangerous’?

I’m sure the school throws in classes on “Ruggedness” and “Individualism” every Tuesday and Thursday right after morning PT.

I guess that old saying is true, “You can lead an Objectivist to water but then they will just draw from a concealed holster and put a controlled pair of shots into your thoracic cavity from 3-5 yards away and then build a ‘health resort’ in less than 1.5 seconds.”

 
 

The lamest Dr. Hunter S. Thompson impersonation goes to (drumroll)
Robert Stacey McCain.
http://rsmccain.blogspot.com/2009/09/fear-loathing-at-ragged-rock-ridge.html

a snippet

“Spectator staffers are the most hard-partying bunch of outlaws in the D.C. press corps, and the Pig Roast is for them what the ’65 Labor Day run to Monterrey was for the Hell’s Angels.”

 
 

“Spectator staffers are the most hard-partying bunch of outlaws in the D.C. press corps, and the Pig Roast is for them what the ‘65 Labor Day run to Monterrey was for the Hell’s Angels.”

This sentence…it resembles English…

 
 

Objectivist + virtue ethics major = going Galt and no one notices.

 
Rusty Shackleford
 

The lamest Dr. Hunter S. Thompson impersonation goes to (drumroll)
Robert Stacey McCain.

I didn’t know R.S. McCain was a college sophomore.

 
 

The “residential community” sounds enticing. I’ve always dreamed of living in a Piazza Hut.

 
 

For $300, I want some Chinese throwing stars. Ninja-style, bitchez.

 
 

i thotz i can have it both ways –

days at the races, & nights at the opera.

 
 

i thotz i can have it both ways –

days at the races, & nights at the opera.

You’d better Go West until you get to The Big Store.

 
 

Actually his latest post is the lamest. I have no comment.
http://rsmccain.blogspot.com/
“I’m gay. I came out in the seventh grade, but I knew I was gay since third grade.”

My expression must have ill concealed my amazement. OK, she said she was a rebel, and I could think of several ways that might have caused trouble in Corbin, Ky., but . . . Well, I never would have guessed that.

She’s not a bitter, angry man-hater, though. As she said, she just likes more feminine-type personalities. Which was kind of weird, in that she seemed to like me a lot. But we don’t want to contemplate that sort of complex geometric distortion in the gaydar bounce-back pattern, do we?

No, we don’t. I’m a happily married father of six, and anyone who suggests that this is some sort of overcompensation should be warned that my Samoan attorney is notoriously sensitive about potentially libelous defamation. It’s OK for me to call myself a “neo-Confederate lesbian” — that’s just self-referential humor — but woe unto any Little Green Loser who doesn’t get the joke.

Once again, it was that moment when a journalist must ask himself, “What Would Hunter S. Thompson Do?” And in this case, the answer was to say, “Well, I guess I’d better get rolling. Wife’s expecting me Thursday morning . . . twelve-hour drive . . . nice to meet you, etc., etc.”

 
 

This wouldn’t be Dr. Ignatius “Big Sausage” Piazza by any chance, would it?

 
 

O.K., which one of you clowns is R.S. McCain’s anonymous troll? Fess up.

“Tempus fugits, and I really need to get home — we’re a one-car family, and my wife needs to go buy groceries — but I want to take a minute to address a recent troll problem here. Some persistently “anonymous” critic has repeatedly attempted to leave comments derogating my reporting abilities. At one point, this critic accused me of being a “cub” reporter.”

 
 

I got banned from commenting at his site a few weeks ago because I wrote that he was becoming increasingly desperate to attract readers so he could get his ad revenues up. I wonder what his cut is from whoring himself for this little operation?

 
 

I’d be comfortable taking saying I’d take the class even though I’m not going to get sucked in by this guy’s spiel, despite having the intellectual prowess of roadkill and I feel comfortable cashing the cheques that I get just for recommending it to my home-schooled, Young Earth Creationist, “Palin/Cheney 2012: C’mon, America, Let’s Roll The Dice One More Time!” readers.

Whoa! Scientologists versus Objectivists? Who the hell am I supposed to root for in THAT Clash Of Teh Titan A-Holes?

Front Range Objectivism

The ability to draw from a concealed erroneous premise and put a controlled pair of flawed assumptions or strawmen to the target’s cranial cavity from any distance, in less than 1.5 seconds.

Join NOW & get your own Fetish-Cube of the finest Lucite containing an authenticated Sacred Lock Of Ayn Rand’s Pubic Hair, valued at over $300 among folks in their 40s who still live with their parents – AT NO EXTRA COST!

 
 

anyone who suggests that this is some sort of overcompensation should be warned that my Samoan attorney is notoriously sensitive about potentially libelous defamation.

Yeah, good luck with that.

 
 

Spectator staffers are the most hard-partying bunch of outlaws in the D.C. press corps

why does this send a shudder up my spine?

 
 

Seriously, not to be banal, but this is one of the best Sadly posts ever. You really caught this asshole with his pants down, and not just in the Photoshop sense. I wonder if he has enough shame to scrub this stuff off his site.

 
 

Bitter Scribe: hit your PageUp key five or six times, and you’ll see that he has no such shame.

I would go so far as to say he has no shame whatsoever, but we already knew that.

 
 

You’d better Go West until you get to The Big Store.

At the Circus, Love Happy….

 
 

By the way, bitchez, from now on I am Dr. Tintin to you.

Ya know, if you send the Universal Life Church $20, they’ll send you a Doctor Of Theology certificate. I did that in college after reading Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas for the 47th time. Speaking of which…

Once again, it was that moment when a journalist must ask himself, “What Would Hunter S. Thompson Do?”

Mock Robert Stacy McCain unmercifully for being a shit-eyed pig-fucker and a horrible writer. Dear god, I didn’t know that crap was supposed to be a HST riff until it was pointed out.

Dr. Ignatius Piazza

Personally, I wouldn’t give my money to anyone who sounds like someone Thomas Pynchon thought up. Just forget it.

 
 

Ya know, if you send the Universal Life Church $20, they’ll send you a Doctor Of Theology certificate.

I sent them $100. I’m still waiting for my Philosopher King certificate…

 
Big Bad Bald Bastard
 

Hilarity from the start:

1 Free Gun, 2 Classes

Worst video EVAR!

Stainless steel folding knives from Matrix, a good manufacturer, currently go for $5.99 at amazon. Retail price $300? And CY tells his readers this is a great deal?

It’s vorpal.

I have this hilarious image of Cornfed being confronted by an enraged horde of farm-implement wielding rubes, confident that he can “put a controlled pair of shots to the target’s thoracic cavity from 3-5 yards away, in less than 1.5 seconds” twenty times in rapid succession.

 
 

At the Circus, Love Happy…

there’s a risk of humour w/ all this monkey bidness.

 
 

there’s a risk of humour w/ all this monkey bidness.

Horsefeathers!

 
 

I’m still waiting for my Philosopher King certificate…

Page: Sire! Sire! the peasants are revolting!

Philosopher King: The peasants are revolting? The peasants are disgusting.

 
 

there’s a risk of humour w/ all this monkey bidness.

Horsefeathers!

Go West, young man…

 
 

What this teaches us is that conservatives are indeed stupid enough to get p4wn3d by one of their own, and are arrogant enough to avoid ever admitting that it’s happened.

It also teaches us that much of “mainstream” conservatism may be just a scam to fleece fools out of their money.

 
 

I wonder if Doctor Pizza was named after Ignatius Donnelly? It would be kind of awesome if he were.

 
 

The ability to draw from a concealed holster and put a controlled pair of shots to the target’s thoracic cavity from 3-5 yards away, in less than 1.5 seconds.

Is that supposed to be hard? This “course” would be waaay overpriced and a dodgy scam even if it weren’t, but come on. And even Bob’s readers are skeptical about this “course.”

As for the closing pitch, I’m guessing Owens or Piazza thought “chest” didn’t sound “special ops” enough, and the metric system would confuse the marks.

 
 

J— said [October 1, 2009 at 16:05 ]

I guess this is as good a moment as ever. My real name is Dr. Emil Shuffhausen.

No roughhousin’, Shuffhausen! And thanks for reminding me of your existence.

 
 

Come visit my clinic in Liechtenstein!

 
 

The ability to draw from a concealed holster and put a controlled pair of shots to the target’s thoracic cavity from 3-5 yards away, in less than 1.5 seconds.

Most pompous titty-fuck reference EVAH.

 
 

From 3-5 yards away? Too bad the 1.5 seconds bit keeps you from a lucrative career in the pr0n industry.

 
The Goddamn Dr. Batman Can Put Three Batarangs In A Dude's Chest In .00000000023478907 Seconds, But It's Nothing To Brag About
 

Bob sounds like the sort of fellow who would try to patent the Bass-O-Matic if he found out that there wasn’t a patent on the idea already. Also:

most people who have taken the courses seem to think Front Sight quite literally the very best firearm’s training there is.

What sort of training does your firearm get? Fetching your slippers? Pooping in the toilet like a big boy? Putting two rednecks in a dude’s chest in 1.5 seconds?

 
 

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