Brad R.’s Plan for Immigration Reform
Since everyone from Michelle Malkin to Kathleen Parker to Pastor Swank to LoneSome Jounrey has been pitching their ideas for immigration reform, I figured I’d join the fun and concoct an immigration policy of my own. What makes immigration such a tricky issue to tackle is that it’s essentially a two-pronged problem: first, there are the brown people who are trying to enter the country, and second, there are the brown people who are in the country already. Because the already-here brown people pose the most immediate threat, we’ll deal with them first.
“GAAAAAAAAH!!!! THE SPIXICANS ARE COMING!!!!!!! HIDE YOUR CHILDREN!!!! TORCH YOUR LOCAL TACO BELL!!!!!!!!”
The first order of business with any immigration policy should be distinguishing between the various types of brown people that we’re trying to rid ourselves of. Even though they all look the same, brown people actually come in several different varieties, and it’s useful to understand the many nuanced cultural differences between them. For our purposes, we will divide them into two distinct camps: the Muslamics and the Hispinos. You can typically find Muslimic immigrants riding their camels to the local 7-11, where they work brutal 29-hour shifts selling rancid hot dogs to unsuspecting (or indifferent) fatties. Muslamics are the more dangerous of the two groups, because THEY WERE THE ONES WHO CRASHED THOSE PLANES INTO THE WORLD TRADE CENTER!!!, so you should probably be afraid of them always.
While Hispinos lack the Muslamics’ bloodthirsty religious zealotry, they are far more shifty, and they scheme relentlessly to get rich off the backs of Americans by agreeing to pick apples for fifty cents a year. You can tell someone’s a Hispano if they have a bushy handlebar mustache and are wearing a sombrero that’s roughly twenty times the diameter of their head. They also respond to all queries by saying either “Sí!” or “Qué?”
Because these two groups of brown people come from different cultures and speak two entirely different languages (Mexitinian and Islabic), it will be difficult to lure them into one place where they can be easily captured …and eliminated. Therefore, I propose holding an Illegal Immigrant Festival up here in Massachusetts where any undocumented brown person can come and receive a free plate of taco-flavored falafel. Once all the brown people are gathered in one place, we will drop about 74 gagillion-million-katatillion tons of biocheminuclear warheads on them, thus turning all of Masschussetts into a radioactive poison-gassed anthrax-infested wasteland. Not only will we get rid of all the illegals, but we’ll stamp out the dire threat of legalized homo nups too!!! OMGROFLMFAO!!!! WOMDASYITMFFWI!!!!!!*
So anyway, that’s my plan to wipe out all the illegals already living in the country. I’ll discuss my plan for preemptively attacking future illegals in a separate post. But for now, I gotta go clean myself off, if you know what I mean (and I think you do)**.
*WOMDASYITMFFWI!!!!!! = Whipping out my dick and slapping you in the motherfucking face with it!!!!!
**”And you know what I mean (and I think you do)” is a trademark and copyright of Joe Bob Briggs Productions.
I got three words for you: seven hundred mile fence!!!11!!
I got three words for you: seven hundred mile fence!!!11!!
THAT LAUNCHES BIONUCLEAR POISON GAS AT INTRUDERS!!1!!
Joe Bob RULES! (If you know what I mean and I think you do.)
This is all making sense. Let’s round up all the ILLEGAL spixicans and make ’em build the 7HMFEFTLBPGAI*.
But they have to stand on the spixican side, so they won’t be stuck here.
*700 Mile Electrified Fence That Launces Bionuclear Poison Gas At Intruders
Bradrocket. I think you make a particularly small minded error when you attempt to lump ALL brown people into just two groups. It should be obvious to any thinking wingnut that there are four. You have completely forgotton (or are afraid to address) the other two. VietJapanChinese, everywere these days, characterized by Ridiculously high SAT scores and the ownership of technolgy companies, and AfriNegro, not really a lot of impending immigration, but a TON of already here. And don’t forget the crime, welfare and AIDS they bring.
So it’s time for you to step up to the plate and offer a truly comprehensive plan for getting rid of ALL brown people, or you’re just another commie proposing AMNESTY!!!
mikey
I still think P-Swank’s idea of the giant net makes the most sense. Round them up, drop a net on them, put them on a leaky boat, send it out to sea, and voila! America’s greatness will return immediately. We said “send us your weak, your tired, your poor.” We never said that we wouldn’t drop a giant net on them if they were brown.
seriously, i have a bad feeling where this all might be leading to. i just went to malkin site, it is a just a big huge hate fest. i am not too sure if people start getting harmed…
Tapes Reveal How Operators Handled 9/11
The instructions to those trapped above where airliners had slammed into the World Trade Center on S
The Onion solved this problem years ago.
Immigration Officials Beef Up U.S.-Mexican Border With Pure Beef
Brad, have you been channeling Atlas Juggs again?
Don’t forget Lou Dobbs’ comment that nobody should fly any flag other than the ‘murkin Stars ‘N’ Stripes – even those bloody Irish and their St. Patrick’s Day antics should be FORBIDDEN from flying their Irish flags.
Why do the Irish-Americans hate ‘murka? They’re not even brown!
Can non-illegal non-aliens go to the festival? Cuz I am all over taco-flavored falafel. A little chipotle-sumac sauce and we’ll be in business.
You know WE think this is funny, but some whack is reading this blog thinking: “now why didn’t I think of that!?”
YOU’VE BEEN HIT BY THE
|^^^^^^^^^^^^^|
|Truck full of Mexicans| ‘|”””;.., ___.
|_…_…______====|= _|__|…, ] |
“(@ )'(@ )””””*|(@ )(@ )*****(@
Sorry they have no insurance )-=
Yeah, that’ll stick it to those filthy Wetbaxicans! There’s one problem though, all them brown folks in the other countries are still allowed to live and outbreed us. If we don’t do something soon, there’ll be no stopping them from marching in and overtaking us with their superior numbers and waitering skills!
Spixihadists. Mexilamofascists.
You forgot the third ,/i>thing that your plan would do to improve the safety of all ‘Murikanz, Brad. You’d be killed, too! Hooray for our side!
promises, promises….
No, no, no. What we need to do is make Mexico our 51st state. That way, there will be no need for us to build a giant net or the Great Wall of Mexico, and the Mexicans will have no need to travel, since they’ll already be in the U.S. We’ll be fighting immigration there so we don’t have to fight it here! I don’t understand why all my e-mails sent to the makers of the House Immigration bill, detailing my solution, are being ignored.
History will look back on me as a genius and a very forward thinker!
Great reading, keep up the great posts.
Peace, JiggaDigga