1
LGF’s Extremely Well Thought Out Immigration Plan
I admit it: I love the LittleGreenFootballs comments section. It’s truly a remarkable cacaphony of hysterical, bloodthirsty buffoonery that provides a unique brand of accidental comedy that can’t be matched anywhere else. Witness this brilliant immigration proposal written by an LGF regular named LoneSome Journey:
LoneSome Journey 3/24/2006 11:55AM PST
“I see on TV that there are protests across the US concerning “immigration”.It is past time for the US citizens to put an end, a complete end, to foreigners, many here illegally, coming into the US and then “demanding” that the US change to support their concepts of how the US should function.
Yes, let’s bring them to a Complete End. Or a Final Solution. Whichever you prefer.
These IDIOTS leave their country because they do not like it but now want the US to change. We need a new law. If foreigners protest a US law or policy, they are DEPORTED IMMEDIATELY.
That’s a pretty nifty idea. If it ever gets enacted, I’m gonna approach a bunch of immigrants and say, “Hey, do you guys know that if you protest any American policy, you get deported?” And then they’ll say, “That’s a stupid fucking policy!” And I’ll be like, “HAAAAAAA-HAAAAAAA, immigrinos! You fucked up! Now you’re getting shipped back to Ballsweatistan, or Shitstainzeeria, or whatever crappy country you’re from! ROFLMFAO!!11!!!”
Gavin adds: Or Trashcanistan. What a dump that country is…
If they are found to be illegals, they are branded.
“If their Muslamic illegals, they get a crescent tattoo. If there gay immigrents, they get a pink triangle tattoo. And if thair from Mexico… uhm… we’ll tattoo a taco on their arm or some shit. I should really drink more before I try figuring this shit out.”
If they are found in the US a second time, put them aboard a leaky WWII vessel and tow it into the middle of the Pacific and leave it there.
Wouldn’t it be more cost effective to just outright drown them?
Oh, but wait! It keeps going:
Create a bombing and straffing range along the US/spixico border. No warnings as to when it will be used and DO make use of it. Dropping a few thousand bombs and a few hundred thousand shells fired into the area will have a significant impact on these illegal spixicans crossing into the US.
Not to mention the people living in Southern California, Arizona and Texas. But hey, a lotta military dudes already live in San Diego, so we might as well make use of ‘em.
mr. x said,
April 1, 2006 at 5:07
Ha ha! Gary Ruppert didn’t get to post the first comment again. Eat it cobag!!
Ianua Ditis said,
April 1, 2006 at 5:09
’spixicans.’
nice.
Auguste said,
April 1, 2006 at 5:17
Just wow.
This is usually the same kind of guy who seizes on something a little bit hinky from the left and goes “AND THEY CALL US BIGOTS?”
Yes, we do, Mr. Spixican. Yes, we do.
The Liberal Avenger said,
April 1, 2006 at 5:20
Hats off to him for “Spixican.”
He should write for VDARE!
+++++
GoogleBomb Assignment:
link “http://www.proteinwisdom.com”>Manshake” to http://www.proteinwisdom.com as an April Fool’s Day gift for Jeff Goldstein.
Random Guy said,
April 1, 2006 at 6:01
I’m shocked. Not at the comment itself, as it seems to be pretty much par for the course for these guys. Not even that the people in the photo are clearly neo-nazis (see above).
No, I’m shocked that the LGFers actually proudly call themselves ‘minions’. And I thought Rush Limbaugh and his “dittoheads” was bad.
chimera said,
April 1, 2006 at 6:02
But we folks who are here legally, like, ummm, citizens, we can complain and demand that the US change to support our idea of how things should be run, right? Even if our, say, grandparents, were stowaways on a boat from another country? But we are cool, we’re not illegal. How many generations from illegal does it take to get the right?
Spics iz the 21st Century’s Wops and Micks.
Red and Black said,
April 1, 2006 at 6:23
SomeOne CouldSend LoneSome OneOf TheseShirts.
dAVE said,
April 1, 2006 at 6:41
As a native-born citizen of California, I have more of a problem with all the assholes from other parts of the US that moved to my state than I do with the Mexicans.
Seriously, it’s the people from Ohio or some shit that come here and complain about the Mexicans that piss me off. Every fucking city down the coast starts with “San” or “Santa” fer Crissake! Hello!
Also, over the past ten years it’s been more and more difficult to find a mexican restaurant with actual fucking spicy salsa.
Picante, motherfuckers! I know I’m pale, but I can handle it!
Geez!
dAVE said,
April 1, 2006 at 6:43
BTW - no offense intended for not capitalizing the “M” in Mexican restaurant.
Lons said,
April 1, 2006 at 6:47
I know what you mean, Dave. I’ve lived in LA for most of my life, and it never ceases to amaze me how many morons move here from across the nation and then complain about all the Mexicans.
You’re a half-day’s drive away from Mexico, dude…You were expecting, maybe, a lot of Flemish-speakers?
Some Guy said,
April 1, 2006 at 6:54
I wonder why he is lonesome? He sounds like such a charming fellow.
How can we show Americans that when they vote Republican, this is what they are voting for?
Hysterical Woman said,
April 1, 2006 at 7:07
Wow, I would have never thought of regularly bombing your own country as an anti-immigration policy. Or as any sort of policy.
Gavin M. said,
April 1, 2006 at 8:14
Create a bombing and straffing range along the US/spixico border. No warnings as to when it will be used and DO make use of it. Dropping a few thousand bombs and a few hundred thousand shells fired into the area will have a significant impact on these illegal spixicans crossing into the US.
Of course, ‘the area’ is about 2,000 miles long, so you’d have to do an extra-huge lot of bombing and ’straffing.’
This is the best plan since Kaye’s idea to electrify the fence at the border — if there were a fence at the border.
Anonymous said,
April 1, 2006 at 9:06
“If foreigners protest a US law or policy, they are DEPORTED IMMEDIATELY”
Umm….OK, I can really see this in action…residents give feedback to city hall about police brutality; about overzealous enforcement of jaywalking, about difficult building code regulations and BOOM!!!!!! If you weren’t born here, you go back to where you came from!!!!
Wonder how the conservative proponents of “limited government” think these laws are going to be enforced….gonna be a lot of union-represented public employees on the payroll, aren’t there?
celticgirl said,
April 1, 2006 at 10:19
Random Guy: re “minions”-
I do not think it means what they think it means.
Pinko Punko said,
April 1, 2006 at 10:26
Why not just load up on the anti-personel mines? “I spixican’t find my legs!”
-Not So Speedy Gone-arm-lez.
Actually I think the strafing range is a little out of date, he might be thinking of P-51s or something. What about a humongous catapult that hurls the immigrants into space when they step on a huge X, an X that sadly for them can only be seen from space, but that Glenn Reynolds will joke is in 1,000,000,000 pt font, of course right when they reach the upper atmosphere they are humanely vaporized by our functioning Star Wars program, cuz you know that shit’s just got to work.
What? Not barouque enough?
Tommy Yum said,
April 1, 2006 at 13:31
Man. “Spixican” is the new “nigger.” No, wait–gotta keep that one.
Anyone catch Larry King last night, with that idiot Hugh Hewitt talking about the 700 mile wall? He’s afraid that the Islamofascists will infiltrate. ‘Cos, you know, they’re brown too and will blend in with all the Spixicans. ‘Cos brown is bad. Beslan! Beslan!
LA Confidential Pantload said,
April 1, 2006 at 14:07
UUitt is prob’ly just confused and thinks that “Azatlan” is an Arabic word.
TravisG said,
April 1, 2006 at 15:03
“If foreigners protest a US law or policy, they are DEPORTED IMMEDIATELY”
That was pretty much the point of Kathleen Parker’s column the other day.
I think the government should build a whole bunch of underground tubes that run from cities all over America, down to the other side of the Mexican border. That way, when we catch an ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT, we can just put them in the tube, and then they’ll swoooooooosh, swoooooosh, sheeeeuuump, swerrrrrrrrr, sheump all the way down to Mexico. Gravity would probably transport the ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS to the border, because it’s to our south, which is basically entirely downhill from here.
Anonymous said,
April 1, 2006 at 17:03
Now you’re getting shipped back to Ballsweatistan
I gotta admit that I’ve been itching to get back there myself.
Matt said,
April 1, 2006 at 17:06
doh — didn’t mean to be scratching out that comment anonymously.
Pinko Punko said,
April 1, 2006 at 17:12
Gavin,
Whenever I want to engage Kevin Drum on the internet I always end up here!
Why is that????
tg said,
April 1, 2006 at 17:43
This is the best plan since Kaye’s idea to electrify the fence at the border — if there were a fence at the border.
Hey, she’s just two or three karaoke bars away from the “electric eel” plan. When she publishes that, S,N!’s days of ridiculing her are over. The eels will work.
Sjofn said,
April 1, 2006 at 19:52
As a native-born citizen of California, I have more of a problem with all the assholes from other parts of the US that moved to my state than I do with the Mexicans.
I moved here from New Jersey (to live with my INTERNET BOYFRIEND LAWL), and it took a bit getting used to (I don’t do well with accents I haven’t heard much before), but now, four years later, I don’t really notice it until I go BACK to my little white-ass town in New Jersey. You’re right, though, people who didn’t grow up in California (or have never been here at all) are the ones that seem to be a lot more panicky about the Brown Menace than anyone.
brndlbxr said,
April 1, 2006 at 21:28
Every time I see those LGF “colors” I think, Wo, bikers. You know, Baseball cards and bicycle spokes.
Idiots.
Troy said,
April 2, 2006 at 17:58
Since the U.S isn’t bound by the treaty against the use of land mines…. Well you fill in the blanks.
Demogenes Aristophanes said,
April 2, 2006 at 18:33
If foreigners protest a US law or policy, they are DEPORTED IMMEDIATELY …
Ground zero for deportation thus becomes the complaint desk at Disney World.
Abrampipesowitzbergstien said,
April 3, 2006 at 2:52
America needs Balkinization.
A nation currently of 300-400 million humans (I don’t expect the zionists in charge to make an accurate count, so I lean more towards 400M) is too many unless you desire the economic and health standards of India. Huricane Katrina and the shoddy reponse that followed is typical of a nation in our population class; well, America is a bloated zionist whore, it is to big, useless to its citizenry, and it is time for it to perish.
The human flood keeps pooring in; and sorry popular criers of “racism” (never aimed at the exclusive jewish state which funds your ‘cry racism against non-jewish whitey’ assholitude; of the only purpose to steer attension away from the EXTREMELY racist jewish state) We have to put a cap on the human flood, or this nation is not a nation, but a Israeli whore. We need a universal healthcare system for our citizenry which could not be sustained by uncapped immigration; it is too bloated as is, Balkinization would work.
jiggavegas said,
April 5, 2006 at 21:44
America is a bloated zionist whore
I think you goosestepped into the wrong site by mistake. but don’t worry, there are lots of places on the internet where you can trade creepy anti-semitic conspiracy theories. please, go there instead.
Mike Furir 667 said,
April 26, 2006 at 18:51
Mike Furir Mike 394
dating sites said,
May 7, 2006 at 1:51
dating sites dating sites