Will All Canadian Wingnuts Please Remain in Canada?
Shorter Professor Michael Krauss1
ABOVE: Professor Michael Krauss elicits a disgusted
reaction from a statue of George Mason
George Mason Law2 Perfesser Michael Krauss, Point of Law
Blogging Ethics
- Concern about law school tenure committees is the lamest excuse ever advanced as a reason for a law school professor to blog pseudonymously. That being said, I do hope that the South Texas School of Law tenure committee considers the grievous implications of Assistant Professor “Publius” having used a pseudonym to smear conservative Ed Whelan as a “know-nothing demagogue” and a “legal hit-man” while improperly criticizing Whelan’s perfectly correct views on Judge Sotomayor. Also, the smarty-pants reference to Publius isn’t lost on me. But pseudonyms were okay only during the dangerous times of the American Revolution. What? The revolution was over when the pseudonym Publius was used by the authors of the Federalist Papers? Well how should I know that?3 I went to school in Canada, ferchrissakes.4
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
2George Mason Law School, the Red Roof Inn of D.C. area law schools, is something of a wingnut magnet, lodging in its limestone towers in rustic and charming Arlington, Virginia, the likes of Todd Zywicki, Neomi Rao, Starfleet Commander and Volokh Conspirator Ilya Somin, David “Civil Rights Laws Are Racist” Bernstein, and others. Perhaps the copious wingnuttery at George Mason can be attributed to the fact that it is the only law school in the country with a faculty chair endowed by the NRA.
3 Awesome displays of faculty erudition like this were among the reasons that George Mason’s Law School is a favorite of the National Review.
4 Before any of you start belly-aching about this being a shorter, the text of the shorter still has fewer words, at least if you don’t count the words in the footnotes, than Krauss’s post has. It’s also shorter than Gavin’s last shorter (“Condensed Malk”) even when you count the words in the footnotes.
So it’s incredible until it’s a credible argument, you big fucking Canuck bully?
That’s so like when Harry Shitnozzle tried to refute the metatheory of algebraic superstructures of Bourbaki.
Yeah. I’m sure anyone other than a wingnut will give less than half of a quarter of a shit.
I am reminded of a favorite Exile article, Hey Freepers, Mark Steyn Hates You!
Wingnuttus americanus canadiense is a particularly vicious subspecies, with the only worse ones being your Wingnuttus americanus albinoemigrii and the closely-related Wingnuttus israeli americokahanei.
For me, the extra tasty goodness of the whole affair is Mr. Ed’s knee jerk defense. “I couldn’t possibly be wrong in any way, EVAH” so he keeps stirring the shit and making an even bigger mess. When equally sociopathic enema nozzles like Krauss jump in to help, it’s like an auto auto da fe.
Doughy is spinning his wheels at the wingnut trailer-park much worse than this perfessor.
Dough v1 – Anonymous bloggers, liberals mainly, piss me off. Political and Law blogging should not be anonymous.
Dough v2 – So my readers say the Federalist papers were published anonymously. THIS ONLY PROVES MY POINT.
Dough v3 – Madison and Hamilton were pros. Blevins is an amateur. It is totally e1eventyone! essential when you have something important to say that you are anonymous. THAT’S MY POINT. END OF DEBATE.
Seriously, it’s like a one man demolition derby of every implausible argument in defense of Whelan.
I will now respond to many, many posts with the phrase “La stupidité, ça brûle!”, because it is simply that awesome.
At the Corner Chief Editor Lopez puts up an appeal for donations. Perfect timing.
From J—-‘s link:
How would she know, or did the price of sex toys suddenly jump?
La stupidité, ça brûle!”
Not having a lick of French, even though I’ve licked a Frenchmen in my day, could someone help me out? Is that the brule of creme brulee?
as in, “it burns?”
Oui
Altho a more correct way to say it is “La bete, il brule.”
Before any of you start belly-aching about this being a shorter
I advocate shortening in all its forms.
PeeJ-
“The Stupid! It Burns!”, only translated clumsily, the better to underscore “the stupid”, I presume.
A list of Mason’s faculty is incomplete without Waltzilla Williams.
I advocate shortening in all its forms.
The Crisco Kid was a friend of mine, too.
Editor Korir-Lo is right. The wife and I went out for a modest dinner at an Illegal Alien restaurant this weekend it and the bill was $400. Although we did splurge and get queso dip.
I advocate shortening in all its forms.
So should we call you Burt?
No no, I don’t want anyone to know that I am secretly Burt Prelutsky.
Is Michael Krauss the one who blows goats, or does he just have a name similar to the goat-blower?
Either way, it’s quite telling that he hasn’t yet shouted from the rooftops that he isn’t a goat-blower.
My wife is a Mason grad–not the law school though–and cringes at the wingnuttery that emanates from the place. She says she didn’t experience it while she was there those years ago, but there is no denying it now. It’s not Liberty U. by any stretch, however. Liberty’s bball team never made it to the Final Four, baby!
Has she considered joining some kind of think-tank and writing incoherent blather about the Iranofascist menace? It’d be taking good money from bad people.
The queso dip alone was $30, thanks to President Hitler X.
Whenever I feel weird about sticking my big Canadian nose into US affairs, I comfort myself by thinking that I’m helping to redress the many egregious wingnuts my country has inflicted on yours.
Sometimes I worry that Canada is only more liberal because our worst conservatives all flee to the US, and we’re able to have a saner, happier country because we export all our stupidity to the US.
So, on behalf of Canada, sorry for David Frum, Dan Senor, Mark Steyn and this guy. We do enjoy having UHC though, so our “no refund” policy is still in effect.
Oh, and before you get any ideas, Malkin is a member of Wingnuttus uncledidymi, a suspiciously genetically diverse species which attracts a mate (in all members of the Wingnuttus genus, sexual dimorphism is not between male and female but wingnut and tax-evading billionaire) by screaming horrifying things about similar-looking non-Wingnutti, thus reducing the risk of gene-pool catastrophe caused by the natural tendency of Wingnuttus species to alienate everything outside of their immediate family.
Perhaps “La bêtise, elle brûle,” but that just doesn’t sound right to me. Unless “la bête” is an effort to render “teh stupid” and then, I suppose, it’s kind of funny because it also conjures up an image of some animal bursting into flames.
Nah. She has principles and is averse to unreasoning hatred. I don’t have principles and can fake the insanity, but she won’t even lend her name for the byline. It worked for Malkin, you know; maybe crazy lightening could strike twice.
He earned his B.A. cum laude from Carleton University
Having received my first degree from the same school, I’m reasonably certain that Carleton does not give out latin honours, I suspect he translated his high honours. So, why does Krauss hate english and America?
I’ll bet the president could post as Publius. Unless he’s black.
a suspiciously genetically diverse species which attracts a mate [. . .] by screaming horrifying things about similar-looking non-Wingnutti
Explains a lot.
Where does Wingnuttus sp. fit in in God’s plan, though?
Somewhere between tse tse flies and planaria, I think.
Money is tight all around, and most of us have strict priorities for the little that we have. There are mortgages and rent payments. Groceries. Tuitions. Vacations. And thanks to the president, date night now costs ten times what it used to.
Uh, what? I know she’s a wingnut, but couldn’t she at least put in a little effort to provide a rationale for this?
I mean, what – does she expect to be flown to New York for a Broadway show? Her own compatriots posited that hanging out at the corner bar with a shot and a beer would be just fine.
OT, but…
We now have wingnut LOLSenators.
Fuck, dude. You need new meds.
OT, but holy Smith & Wesson
Ah yes, the curch of “useful evil.”
I’m guessing the canned goods are for target practice.
Will all Canadian wingnuts please remain in Canada?
That assumes two things:
1. We want them here, and
2. They want to be here.
Since all Canadian wingnuts really want is to be Americans, it’s little wonder that the ones with means, motive, and opportunity flee ASAP; and since all Canadian wingnuts really want is to be Americans, the Canadians in the crowd who would rather have Canada do things in Canada’s interest (instead of just asking the US how high on the way up) would really rather the wingnuts made themselves happy by leaving.
Sorry about your country in the meantime, but do you really want to break David Frum’s heart by telling him he has to go back to freezing his ass off in Ottawa?
No one could have predicted inferior thinking by tiny minds.
do you really want to break David Frum’s heart by telling him he has to go back to freezing his ass off in Ottawa?
DO WANT.
ALOT.
You forgot Yoshida. Don’t forget Yoshida – he’s the class of the bunch.
If it means we can keep him off our media, fuck yes.
Unfortunately, he’s a naturalized U.S. citizen, so shipping him off to the hinterlands is something of a stretch. I wonder if Frum would support it if the President decided to rescind his citizenship and deport him, by fiat.
La stupidité, ça brûle !
There is something very poetic about this.
Since all Canadian wingnuts really want is to be Americans
That’s it exactly. American wingnuts like to taunt Canadians for not being able to blow up the world, so the invertebrates among you with major compensation issues (i.e., wingnuts), rather than take pride in their own country, become Americans by proxy. The problem for us Americans, of course, is that we don’t want fickle, rubber-spined assholes any more than you do.
One small correction. The main Mason campus is in western Fairfax county, a somewhat red-ish area. the Arlington campus is a small satellite branch and is in the deepest blue part of Northern Virginia.
Hm, my problem was with the sentence construction. Wouldn’t it be “La stupidité (or “La bêtise”, that sounds better to me) , ça me brûle !” ( The stupiditiy! This [thing] burns [me]!). They are not big on implied direct objects, those Frenchies. Or better even “”La bêtise, elle me brûle !”, which would directly come out “The Stupidity, it burns me!”.
I am remembering this from advanced college French, which was twenty years ago, so I am probably talking out of ma coule, but there it is nonetheless. Is there no better speaker of French that can help us? Or am I sharpening pins again?
But Tommmcatt, “the stupid, it burns” isn’t idiomatic English anyway.
Wuzza-wuzzup, loony libs! Now, I hear you- you’ve been wondering just what happened to the Cool Coach recently. Has he given up on Super Sarah, the Power Palin? Is there no future for Boss Bobby Jindal?
Well here’s a ding dong dilly for you- the Cool Coach has moved on from Florida, and its silly socialist encroachment, and is now THE NEW FOOTBALL COACH AT GEORGE MASON! That’s right, loony libs, me and the Teboner will reign SPREAD SUPREME at Mighty Mason, home to our fellow McCaniacs and conservative underground! Chew on that! Urban out.
Djur-
True that. Which is why I found the original so funny in the first place.
Once again, I have hunted the humor down with my fact-checking, killed it, and pinned it to a board. Such is the benefit of an American state college education, and not, alas, much else.
Oh, and Coach. Va te faire foute, and all that.
Don’t forget Kathy The Poor Are A Threat To National Security Shaidle: five feet of frost-bitten fucking fury.
God, I love aliteration!
Perhaps “La bêtise, elle brûle,” but that just doesn’t sound right to me. Unless “la bête” is an effort to render “teh stupid” and then, I suppose, it’s kind of funny because it also conjures up an image of some animal bursting into flames.
Pardon. Ma francaise est trop rouille. Il doit accepter l’egalite des sexes. Par consequent “elle brule”.
I liked the Daily Show segment in which they interviewed Canadian right-wingers about wanting Canada to be part of /more like Canada, then American right-wingers about how Canada was fucking horrible and deserved to die.
Honor among thieves and all that.
Remember, you break your arm in Toronto and are broken in the arm in Montreal. I suspect that clarifying the direct object would make it far more awkward, along the lines of ‘Je me suis brûlé le chair parce que il y’a trop bêtise’.
This Frenchie shit drives me nutz. I’ll have to go with PENIS.
Doughy is spinning his wheels at the wingnut trailer-park much worse than this perfessor.
Oh, that was hilarious. Whenever I think that Jonah can’t outdo himself, he surprises me by distilling his stupidity into ever smaller spaces. He managed to do it all within a single post this time. My “shorter” would go something like this:
Jonah: The comparison between publius and Publius is stupid because of X.
Readers: X isn’t true.
Jonah: Uh…the comparison is stupid. No one has challenged my point. I win.
What’s the matter, PeeJ? You a closet cheese-eatin’ surrender monkey?
Ou privee de manger du fromage de remise de singe?
Did someone say peaness?
OT but Holy Smith & Wesson
One does get the sense that mummy made certain little Jonah never suffered the humiliation of even the minorest of failures. If you don’t like his book, you were biased. If you think his current argument is wrong, it’s because you, dear sir, are an amateur while he is a professional. I’ll bet he flipped a lot of Risk boards upsidedown when he was a kid.
And can we bury the parsing that this is bullying? It’s not. A bully would threaten Blevins directly. Whalen is a snitch, and a snivelly, pathetic one at that.
Off-topic, but if anyone’s interested Stephen Colbert’s show will be recording in Iraq all this week. He gets his head shaved on-air, and there are cameos from Obama, McCain, and others. Should be pretty cool.
Pardon my interruption, please carry on.
Wait, “Jonah Goldberg” is the actual name of a real person and not the pseudonym for a collective of semi-sentient fat globules?
Operation: Iraqi Stephen
Colbert Goes commando!
Gotta be great stuff.
Jonah’s best habit is posting his fan mail:
And my favorite:
I particularly liked taking it on planes with me, because it
was fun to gauge the reactions of fellow travelers.
TRANSLATION:
“I’m a lonely man who has a hard time striking up a conversation and an argument is a conversation, right?”
I like their imaginary world where every stressed out conference-goer and person going home for grandpa’s funeral on the plane, and every college kid cashier at Barnes & Noble is just itching to get into it over Jonah Goldberg’s book.
People who write these letters about confrontations/knowing glances with strangers over the pulp polemicals of the day remind me of nothing so much as Amy Poehler’s “Are you trying to read my diary?” skit on Upright Citizens Brigade.
Loady Doughpants withholds the names of his sycophantic emailers. Which I guess, in light of recent events, should be seen as a challenge.
I like their imaginary world where every stressed out conference-goer and person going home for grandpa’s funeral on the plane, and every college kid cashier at Barnes & Noble is just itching to get into it over Jonah Goldberg’s book.
Because a book with a cover of a smiley face with Hitler on the front is clearly not at all intended to antagonize people unless you know precisely what is inside, right?
Wait, “Jonah Goldberg” is the actual name of a real person and not the pseudonym for a collective of semi-sentient fat globules?
Depends entirely on your definition of “real person”.
And I see His Doughyness has joined the brave ranks of conservatives who have gone into a bookstore and purchased a book! *gasp* And a “politically incorrect” book, I gather! Why, the fabric of liberalism will unravel at such a fearless act, I say. Oh, the fretting over what the cashier will think – is he secretly one of US, or is he waiting to snatch the book from my hands and crow “OH NO YOU DON’T, CAPITALIST PIG”? I’m sure Jonah had to sit down and wait for his heart to stop pounding afterward, but that’s nothing new for him since he has to do that anyway after walking across the room or lifting the TV remote.
You’re thinking of childhood bullying. In the adult world, snide backbiting is basically the modus operandi for bullying in the workplace and among friends, and the methodology is ultimately less important than the aim: personally correcting an imbalance in the order of things which authority can’t or won’t change caused by a peer having dignity or self-respect.
It skyrocketed in American culture with the general adoption of the Reaganite dictum ‘you can always squeeze more profit out of the workers’, and under the cover of ‘office politics’ it’s now more severe, universal, sanctioned, and unrecognized than in any other first-world country.
So “it’s unbelievable he thinks his work would be affected by this outing; let’s hope his employers are paying attention” in the same piece? His lectures must be a surrealist’s dream: stream-of-consciousness automatic writing by a guy with no short-term memory whatsoever, a freaking one man exquisite corpse machine
So “it’s unbelievable he thinks his work would be affected by this outing; let’s hope his employers are paying attention” in the same piece?
Yes, so it’s no wonder he doesn’t allow comments.
“Pantload Goes Commando!”
ew.
French lessons coming from a Quebecois, so if someone with International French credentials want to question what I’m saying, be my guest tabarnak…
The comma does not work quite right in French for the purpose you’re using it in the English version. It’s better to separate in two sentence fragments with exclamation points. “Le stupide! Ca brule!” is, IMO, the best possible rendition. “La stupidite, ca me brule.” has issues. One, the way you read it, it seems you’re talking about the properties of ‘stupid’ to be used as a fuel, rather than burning as a sensation that the talker is experiencing. Second, using ‘la stupidite’ is more like saying ‘The stupidity, it burns”, which is too formal. You want to use “le stupide” because, like “the stupid”, it’s using an adjective as a noun rather than using the proper noun.
You could theoretically use “Le stupide, ca brule” but like I said, it’s a bit too ambiguous in meaning. With the exclamation points, “Le stupide! Ca brule!”, it sounds a bit more “Wicked Witch of the West” (“Je fond! Je fond!”).
under the cover of ‘office politics’ it’s now more severe, universal, sanctioned, and unrecognized than in any other first-world country
“Divide and conquer”, I believe it’s called.
I particularly liked taking it on planes with me, because it
was fun to gauge the reactions of fellow travelers.
Echoing actor, very few people would have any idea what the fuck the book was about unless they’re a whingnut or watch Jon Stewart. It’s the Hitler smiley, st00pid™; it’s the title, idjit. Anyone with a lick (there’s that word again; I seem to have a theme going here today) of sense will, upon reading the title, react with WTF.
I particularly liked taking it on planes with me, because it
was fun to gauge the reactions of fellow travelers. If they looked at the
cover and frowned, or narrowed their eyes at me, they were most likely
liberal;
It always reduces down to this, doesn’t it? “All we really care about is pissing liberals off.”
Which, of course, they confirm by deliberating acting like asshats.
OT but Holy Smith & Wesson
Sorry to continue the OT, but that site is more like a SNL skit/spoof than SNL itself has been in 30 years.
It includes a raffle. Grand prize is a gun.
WCWJC (What Caliber Would Jesus Carry?)
http://www.newbethelchurchky.org/openCarryCelebration.htm
It’s all about symbols. Each raised eyebrow or furrowed brow or furtive smirk is not a passing expression or the response to a momentary distraction, but another all-important salvo in the Conservative War.
Also effective: masturbating.
I particularly liked taking it on planes with me, because it
was fun to gauge the reactions of fellow travelers. If they looked at the cover and frowned, or narrowed their eyes at me, they were most likely liberal;
If that happened to me, I would act dumb. After finding out it was authored by some guy, I would ask him about what university he teaches at. After he was finished with his “liberal academia” rant, I would then ask him if he went to college.
If by then he didn’t look like a total fool to himself, I would remind him that he is. Then I would watch the air marshall make the arrest.
To clarify my last post: I would ask the wingnut which university the learned author of the book taught at.
would ask the wingnut at which university the learned author of the book taught
at.Sorry, YCPLOAR, my pedantry is compulsive.
would ask the wingnut at which university the learned author of the book taught at.
Sorry, YCPLOAR, my pedantry is compulsive.
Because a sentence is something you should never end a preposition with.
When flying, I always take a shit on the person seated next to me. Just to see how he/she will react. It’s always very revealing!
Also effective: masturbating.
Lesson for Elvis Crespo: Next time, try the Goldberg book instead.
In fairness to Crespo, if a blowjob ain’t sex then why should scratching your own itch be?
Merengue star Crespo accused of sex act on plane
Did the airline not realize that this guy was in the business of making merengue?
You know, maybe the Crespo case isn’t a good example of getting a rise out of people because he allegedly masturbated and exposed himself to a fellow passenger. So maybe he’ll need to test the fellow passengers’ reaction test again by masturbating without showing it. He could cover himself with Liberal Fascism. I’ve heard it’s quite comprehensive.
getting a rise out of people through masturbation because
Yeah, autopegging should be fine, too.
Did the airline not realize that this guy was in the business of making merengue?
Ha. Whip it out then whip it up.
I advocate shortening in all its forms.
There’s always someone to test the limits,
Because a sentence is something you should never end a preposition with.
(sniff, sniff) But Yoda does!
In my defense I wrote my second post quickly because I wanted to have the correction-post immediately following the original, so i wasted no time to fine-tune it.
Or, as Yoda would say, “The Force strong Lucas’ wallet is very in”
@BlackBloc
“La stupidité ! Ca brûle !” is probable better than using commas. My French punctuation is a bit sketchy. But I do know that exclamation points don’t close up to the last word of the sentence but are rather put one space after that word.
La stupidité vs. le stupide is a close call. The problem with “le stupide” is that when used improperly as a noun it refers normally to a stupid person, so it won’t necessarily be seen as a good translation of “the stupid.” But, of course, you are right that “la stupidité” is way too formal. Best, I think, would have been “la connerie.” But that’s not a word that would have been known by most English speakers and the joke would have been lost.
So, the best French translation is, imho, “La connerie ! Ca brûle !” but the joke in English is best rendered “La stupidité ! Ca brûle !” even if it doesn’t quite catch the nuance of “The stupid! It burns!”
Speaking of merengue, can we change “Doughy Pantload” to “Sticky Pantload”?
Teh stupid = Al stupidité? Does that work in French?
French idioms are very tough. A (native) French friend of mine who lived in the states for one year whilst getting her Masters in Literature at NYU, and who is now a professor in Paris, didn’t understand the rapid fire patter on her radio very well until she had a few days to get rid of her English-centric thinking.
French idioms are very tough
Bah! I hear they’re all wusses.
French idioms are very tough
Bah! I hear they’re all wusses.
yea, but you look at them with their Gauloises hanging from their bottom lips and you cross the street.
I particularly liked taking it on planes with me, because it
was fun to gauge the reactions of fellow travelers.
I enjoy spending five to six hours trapped sitting next to people I’ve annoyed.
I enjoy spending five to six hours trapped sitting next to people I’ve annoyed.
Wingnutz suffer disproportionately from Joan Of Arc syndrome, otherwise known as “What a martyr I am for the cause!”
As you might infer from this, the only value wingnutz have are keeping fires going.
I enjoy spending five to six hours trapped sitting next to people I’ve annoyed.
And I enjoy spending those five or six hours tossing peanuts into his gaping mouth as he tries to breathe through it.
Is that a Zangief cosplayer in the original? That’s good for a chortle by itself.
And thanks to the president, date night now costs ten times what it used to.
It’s because the President and his missus are such a SEXXAH couple, they raise the bar for everyone else.
And thanks to the president, date night now costs ten times what it used to.
There’s actually a column in Time (access at CNN.com) by some wanker named Sean Gordon complaining it ain’t right that the Obamas have a happy marriage as long as there are staff working long hours in the White House. And also cuz he has to get off the couch and pay attention to his wife.
Other Canadian fun, from Five Ft. of Foo:
As usual, you just can’t tell if she’s trying to be funny, or believes Ed Anger to be a real Real AmeriKKKan.
This one, not nearly as funny.
Disgusting, as a matter of fact.
I’d rather you keep our wingnuts, even if we raised ’em.
Lesley, if it’s any consolation, I think of that short & sad woman as the Anti-Lesley.
Disgusting, as a matter of fact.
Something seriously wrong with woman. Can seriously picture her, guns loaded, shooting up a liberal venue somewhere.
“La stupidité, ça brûle !” Atrios will be trés pissed off, non?