Shorter InstaHayseed
Posted on March 13th, 2009 by Tintin
- The problem with Social Security is that people keep retiring. Hey, here’s an idea. Let’s discover a magical elixir that will reverse the aging process and then make people work until they’re ninety. Problem solved.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
This point would best be illustrated with a shitty Ron Howard movie that stars a bunch of octagenarians acting like kids.
Hh! ndd. Dstrbng, f tr. Rd th whl thng.
We’re going to have to institute a re-emvowelment policy for non-trolls that disemvowel their own comments if this keeps up.
I am sure that his parents on Social Security are so very proud… (sigh)
So, um, the options for dealing with the social security “crisis” seem to be:
1) Slightly raise/adjust taxes.
2) Hope for medical science fiction to become reality, and force the elderly to keep working for another 20 years. Also, withhold medicine from those who don’t want to work full time when they’re 80.
Please, Republican members of Congress, adopt #2. Try to become even more hated!
No, no. We need to cut off their heads and put them in jars so they don’t need food! Or download them to the internet so we can load their personalities into robot blanks!! Soylent green is people! Also!
Or we could find a way to harness fReichtard idiocy to create a relatively clean, endlessly renewable source of energy.
We should make it so babies are like 5 years old when they are born so they will be able to talk already, and we won’t have to deal with shitty diapers anymore.
Except when they turn into old people–but if we make them into robots they will simply shit batteries, which aren’t as messy. The End.
Great idea, HehThuselah. That doesn’t sound anything like wingnut nightmares about socialized medicine and heavy-handed government attempts at social engineering.
Ours will be a streamlined approach to getting the lazy oldsters off their collective bed-sore covered asses and making them work! Think “Faith Based” but with teeth (not dentures.)
I was fascinated to learn about how we owe our modern Social Security program to the magnanimity and foresight of Otto von Bismarck.
“Ph’nglui mglw’nafh C’thulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn,”
C’thulhu tr’lls nly eliminate the r’und v’wels.
WHAT is going on between that man and the gorilla? That guy seems to be smiling an awful lot for a guy in chains being mounted by a large primate. Or maybe not.
Because increasing payroll taxes on earners above $98,000 would be some kind of batshit crazy fucking insane lunatic fucktard communist socialist fascist solution to this inscrutable insurmountable problem of solvency for all the ages of all time now and forever that won’t have any solvency problems if such a howling mad as a bag of cut snakes solution is adopted and the whole thing is akin to I don’t know landing a man on the moon or something absolutely imposibly daft like that.
I don’t know where to begin in pointing out what’s wnrog about this article.
There’s the usual conservative tripe about the impending Pension Tsunami Crisis!!!! aka the impending Social Security Meltdown!!!! Look Harlan, no one takes conservatives seriously on economic/fiscal matters anymore – and that’ll be the case until you drop the stupid “voodoo” economics of Laffer Curves and Trickle-Down BS.
Is he proposing that people work until they die? Because even if you do raise the age of retirement by improving the health of older folks, all you’re doing is delaying the point when they start cashing their pension checks (and for a longer period of time, since he’s muttering about centnearians…)
What about the younger generations? When the geezers retire, that opens up space for younger people to fill in the vacancies. If they don’t retire – what are all the people who would have gotten those jobs going to do?
No, I suspect the place to start is staring in shock at the staggering lack of empathy required for this piece. Imagine, coming across the Fountain of Youth and thinking “Great, a solution to the pension problem!” What type of total shitbag looks at the advancements in modern medicine, at the leaps made in improving the quality of life for the elderly – and sees it through a prism of pension premiums? Epically selfish asshole shitbags.
CROUCH AND HOLD!!11!!! TOUCH, PAUSE, ENGAGE!!11!!1
Shorter shorter Perfesser: When it comes to old folks and retirement, fewer carrots and bigger, stouter sticks are the best solutions.
That cover should read ‘FAIL ISSUE’, surely?
Hey, that’s a great idea! Longer life ultimately means more people living at the same time, which means more tax revenue!
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so … we won’t have to deal with shitty diapers anymore
I disapprove of this plan.
I guess the only place to go after this is to complain about those damned child labor laws. Then the destruction of the gains made in the 20th century by the middle class will be complete.
Instaputz logic chip
Initial diagnostic tests…
People retiring = bad
People going Galt = good
People going Galt = people retiring.
Fatal error. Does not compute. Gosub 100
100 Print “Heh. Indeed”
110 Goto 100
Why would Forbes pay an attorney to write about medical science? Hey, Forbes, want to hear a doctor’s theory for how banks can be saved by forcing bankers to work at WalMart for minimum wage? Call me.
I am not sure what the Ref’s point is, if he has one, but rugby references are always a good thing.
Law 20 doesn’t instruct the ref to say “hold”, though.
“Why would Forbes pay an attorney to write about medical science? Hey, Forbes, want to hear a doctor’s theory for how banks can be saved by forcing bankers to work at WalMart for minimum wage? Call me.”
They want opinions cherry picked from the self-centered, plutocratic professions that read their ultra-capitalist filth.
They want attorneys commenting on medicine, bankers commenting on law and doctors commenting on finance.
That way they keep the whole chain of fucked-up ideas going without a whimper of dissent from their “constituencies.”
I’m a physician, same as you, but you gotta admit there are many slimeball doctors who got into this only for the money.
He hasn’t got a point. Not really.
CROUCH AND HOLD!1!!!11 just sounds better than CROUCH!1!!!
Doesn’t it?
I have to say, Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfesser is lookin’ pretty hot in that metal bikini.
So is this silly shitbag Instapundit serious, or is this some sort of creepy foreplay he and his batshit crazy wife engage in to make each other hot, you know, some sort of, “Yo, who is the most cold-hearted selfish asshole libertarian in the whole wide world now, baby!”?
I mean, the guy’s a pathetic and intellectually dishonest little dork, no doubt about it, but the fact he has an audience only shows that there’s lots of fucking idiots out there buying this horse manure of an ideology he’s promoting. This after the complete, total, and monumentally epic failure of said ideology.
Also, having come up in the stone ages when coalface forwards were allowed to make their own call for seconds, not to mention their own engage call, I just liked that particular cadence when I was making the call.
Wouldn’t it be easier to just find a magic lamp and wish for all the money we needed to pay for retirement funds? Or should we spend our time contemplating the possibility of a “Monkey’s Paw” style genie?
Conservatives keep proving that John Stuart Mill was far to generous in his estimation of them.
The guy on the cover is clearly Ronald Reagan. It appears he’s being mounted by Bonzo.
Disturbing, if true.
Maybe he was shopping at that Christian Male Chastity Shoppe from the last thread.
I suppose that once you start seeing the solution of any problem with people as eliminating those people, other skills don’t need to be developed.
Gee, I could solve my problem with those bills by eliminating those bills! Whatta concept!
Or, What, a concept?
The guy on the cover is clearly Ronald Reagan.
My first thought was Jimmy Stewart.
Damn, Somerby has a real hard on for KO. I guess he’s really not gonna let him live down that Special Comment on Hillary during the primaries.
I think that we should try to convince the Ole Perfesser that cryogenics really, really works, but only if you freeze just the head. It would make a helluva conversation piece, don’t you think? You could stick a “Heh, indeed” comic book dialogue bubble on the canister.
Apparently:
Have at it.
Have at it.
If only I were at home, teh pr0n I would upload.
Let’s discover a
magical elixirPonzi scheme that will reversethe aging processeveryones’ IRAs and then make people work until they’re ninety.Edited for Reality.
Some Japanese doctor is encouraging old people to smoke more.
Dragon-King Wangchuck @15:02 nails it down and sends it to Instapuke C.O.D.
Why would Forbes pay an attorney to write about medical science?
(waving hand wildly) I know, I know! Here’s an excerpt from the University of Tennessee’s “Find an Expert” page for Ye Ole Perfesser:
No, seriously.
http://www.utk.edu/news/experts/detail.php?pk=552
Monkey’s Paw” style genie?
whenever I whine to the universe to drop a load of money on my head, or something (on the theory that it doesn’t hurt to ask), I always add the proviso that it not be a ‘monkey’s paw’ type of wish-grant.
on the other hand, a monkey’s paw genie would be a good thing for these instapundit folks.
I see the title for a Mister Leonard Pierce post adorned with Photoshop comics—
Glenn Reynolds, SPACE LAWYER!
“if you freeze just the head. It would make a helluva conversation piece”
Freeze his head and install a chip that randomly spurts out “heh, ineedy” or “heh, no” and then give it to the Pope. Tell him it’s an oracle.
crap, “indeedy”
FYWP
actor212: The linkies for the alleged brutal outtakes from last night’s Jon Stewart pwnage of Larry Cramer that are posted at your site? They no worky.
Let me tell you, after working since the age of 13 to support her family, marrying and raising a whole new one, surviving breast cancer, burying a child and husband, there’s nothing my 76 year-old mom would love more than to return to the workforce at an entry level position.
Hey Glenn, fuck you asshole.
I’m not adept enough to know if America’s facing an impending pension-ragnarok or not – but I sure remember all of us Canucks being warned back in 1992 that ours would be nuked down to zilch by 2000 or so (at the same time we were getting a heft dose of deficit-busting Mulroney Lovin’ in the form of heavy-duty haxx0ring of social programs, even though deficits were demonstrably stable as hell as a proportion of GNP … because mere humans are such vexatiously costly externalities to the wonder-world of economics, that is, when they aren’t stinking-rich). Although Harper fucked up our fiscal surplus, I suspect that even in this recession, EI is still a net cash geyser that’ll mute any reprise of such a tone-deaf dirge. So sorry, Glenn – your McPanic sounds a lot like the exact same bait-&-switch Bush used to make one of his many delicious cream-of-fail puddings.
Oh, & metabolically jerry-rigging seniors to squeeze a bit more money out of their burned-out hides? Pretty fucking sick shit, dude.
What Julia Goran said.
Off Topic, but guys, seriously, WND is up in arms because the online version of the Life game DOES NOT SPECIFICALLY FORBID SAME-SEX MARRIAGES:
http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2009/03/thats-life-board-games-make-you-gay.html
Do the fruitcakes suggesting this stuff never get sick? Never have an accident that disables them? They don’t have anyone in their family who can’t work? They must all have enough money to easily cover all these life incidents that happen to them and theirs, or else they ignore anybody in their family who is a “loser.”
Since he’ll soon realize that his majick medicine won’t arrive, he’ll begin suggesting that we 1) kill newborn babies who are not perfectly healthy; 2) round up people over 70 or who are disabled in any way and send them onto any remaining ice floes to farm corn for ethanol. We’re watching it happen, people!
I can see this WND article being copypasta’d into many a Outlook Express for Windows 98 application, only to show up my My Right Wing Dad a few months into the future.
Nobody tell these guys about The Sims, k?
You are posting comments too quickly. Slow down.
St00pid libruls, banning soylent green because it’s not “vegan”.
Great photoshop!
Off Topic, but guys, seriously, WND is up in arms because the online version of the Life game DOES NOT SPECIFICALLY FORBID SAME-SEX MARRIAGES
Beats head against wall. Ow!
Beats head against wall. Ow!
Beats head against wall. Ow!
Beats head against wall. Ow!
Beats head against wall. Ow!
Repeats until mercifully unconscious.
Pictionary does not forbid drawing crescents.
</dragon-king-wangchuck>
I am FURIOUS because my game of “Clue” does not specifically state that Professor Plum is not a muslim…
mikey
The last sentence of that WND article is pure deranged genius:
Yes, they’re talking about the real physical board game. Which doesn’t prevent you from simulating hawt lesbian marriage by putting two pink pegs in a plastic car. I’m not quite sure they understand what a board game even is.
</dragon-king-wangchuck>
Well the post is about Glenn Reynolds, and that guy can turn anybody off.
PENIS.
Which doesn’t prevent you from simulating hawt lesbian marriage by putting two pink pegs in a plastic car.
I was sure that at least a plastic U-Haul was required, but okay.
I tried buying two Barbies at once at Toys R Us but I was soundly beaten. Which was sexy.
Wingnuttia is on FIE-AHH (I can haz 733t spellcheck?) these days.
On the one hand, we have really bad science-fantasy, with perpetual motion machines, longevity sera, undersea libertarian arcologies (yeah, not genuine wingnut, but it’s awesome), and the like…
On the other hand, we have utter derangement over children’s boardgames.
I have posted it before, but this perfectly encapsulates the two wings of the current Conservative movement.
I believe the subject of this post has a glib quip that would be an appropriate response to this.
ZOMG, it gets even worse! Mid-way through the game, you could switch your blue peg for a pink peg thus becoming transgendered! Those bastards thought of everything.
Hungry Hungry Hippos EAT BALLS.
Right click. Open in New Tab.
Social Security is a financial disaster waiting to happen.
Close tab.
I think that we should try to convince the Ole Perfesser that cryogenics really, really works
If the Reynoldses have raised their daughter on Libertarian principles, she will probably have him freeze-dried and sold as fertilizer.
OMG! DisemHOMOing! It’s censorship I tell you! A vile plot to ****genize everybody into an Islamfascist ghey Obot clone!
RB wins:
“Hungry Hungry Hippos EAT BALLS.”
Game over. Too fuNny.
If the Reynoldses have raised their daughter on Libertarian principles, she will probably have him freeze-dried and sold as fertilizer.
But…but…but…THINK OF THE PLANTS!!!!! Won’t anyone think of the poor, malnourished plants!!!!
Oops…forgot to change back to usual nombe du snark.
Is there any way we could incorporate the disenvowel script and the Swedish Chef script from the last thread?
I think I could put up with Troofy and Pals if all their posts sounded like the Swedish Chef and ended with Bork! Bork! Bork!
Hungry Hungry Hippos EAT BALLS.
The Tentacled Overlord has a post that addresses a similar threat.
Not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach.
OMG! DisemHOMOing! It’s censorship I tell you! A vile plot to ****genize everybody into an Islamfascist ghey Obot clone!
Well, it’s not like WND would ever have an article on the ****nid clade.
FYWP.
Tentacled Overlord’s post:
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/03/they_are_out_to_get_us.php
MzNicky, here’s the link from the Daily’s Show’s email update; takes you to 3/12 episode and links to multi-part “complete” interview. Hope this works for you:
http://www.thedailyshow.com/?om_u=BNRE1Q&om_i=_BJupJRB7gMU1sZ&
I thought it was one of the best things I’ve ever seen on TV. Polish up the Emmy, the Peabody and maybe even the Pulitzer.
It’s clearly utter nonsense.
There is no Rainbow peg…
mikey
I just don’t see what’s wrong with introducing kids to pegging.
“Ding dong dilly.” A lot of people have come to the Cool Coach, learning to understand the wisdom of the term. Well, just as the Cool Coach dispenses SPREADS of TRUTH here on Sadly, D’oh! on a regular basis, so too will he explain the philosophy of Ding dong dilly.
It is a battle cry, for those who truly believe in the power of Super Sarah, the Power Palin, and Boss Bobby Jindal. It is our belief that we truly ARE the Real Americans, unlike the Obummer fans and the loony libs. It is the future of this country whether the crazy commies like it or not.
So ding dong dilly, libs, over and over and over, until the SPREAD of TRUTH has consumed you. Badoodle-boo-yeah! Urban out.
Dear Islamofascist Game-Makers,
I have perused the so-called “games” you have on the market, and have noticed a dearth of games where children can punish sinners by casting stones at them. Is it appropriate for you, especially in this time of failing morality, to not offer a game that encourages upright behavior? Many sections of society already frown upon the stoning of sinners, but you will notice a high correlation between those defending sinning and those committing the sinful acts themselves. I can’t help but connect the drastic plunge in our children’s capacity for learning and reading with the lax discipline and loose ethics promoted by your “games”.
Please be assured that I intend to boycott all of your products until such a time as the horrifying lack of sinner stoning games has been addressed. And while you are pondering your decision, remember that this country is an Evangelical Christian one, and by ignoring our voices, you are effectively shutting out 98% of the market. More importantly, your decision to thwart God’s Will marks you as one that will spend eternity burning in hell-fire.
I pray for your soul,
newseditor1
OMFG I totally didn’t put it together when I saw the Spartans yelling it in 300!
Hey, I dunno about giving the coach back his vowels, but since you did, shouldn’t he have to at least talk in that embarrassing/cringe-inducing/funny way of his?
I mean, you gotta GIVE something to GET something, right?
mikey
newseditor1, may I interest you in a shocking tape of Michelle Obama saying “whitey?”
The world needs a script to Coach Urban Meyer-ify comments.
JanusNode does text transformations…
Geez, I hope no one tells newseditor1 that Hasbro not only owns Milton Bradley, but also Wizards of the Coast. That gay-friendly Game of Life is just a gateway to lure children into witchcraft and demon worship.
Wow. And I always thought ‘ding dong dilly’ was meaningless word hash, spewed out at random by the mentally ill.
It is a battle cry, for those who truly believe in the power of Super Sarah, the Power Palin, and Boss Bobby Jindal.
Oh. Right…
OMFG I totally didn’t put it together when I saw the Spartans yelling it in 300!
Or imagine the final scene of Braveheart, but the guy on the chopping block is fatter and whiter.
– “Just say the word, and the pain will end.”
– “Ding… dong… DILLYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyy…!” *gurgle*
The world needs a script to Coach Urban Meyer-ify comments.
Simba B, how about a Coach Urban Pie-er script?
Ding dong dilly, loony libs, I like pie!
Even better, how about the greatest 00-ber filter script AYVAR?
Dng dng dll, lny lbs, lk p!
And I always thought ‘ding dong dilly’ was meaningless word hash, spewed out at random by the mentally ill.
No, that hash would be “tax cuts will pull us out of this thing” spewed out at random by the mentally ill.
Mmm. Word hash…
It is a battle cry, for those who truly believe in the power of Super Sarah, the Power Palin, and Boss Bobby Jindal.
Umm, it’s very hard to tell for sure, but I’m pretty sure he’s saying that Sarah Palin is a “Ding Dong” and Bobby Jindal is a “Dilly”…
Sure. Ok…
mikey
Never on Fridays. It’s Lent, you know.
MzNicky said,
March 13, 2009 at 18:13
They did for me. I’ll check at home to be sure tho.
But…but…but…THINK OF THE PLANTS!!!!! Won’t anyone think of the poor, malnourished plants!!!!
That’s what BRAWNDO is for.
IT’S GOT ELECTROLYTES.
IT’S WHAT PLANTS CRAVE.
OB-GYN Kenobi said,
March 13, 2009 at 19:23
Which doesn’t prevent you from simulating hawt lesbian marriage by putting two pink pegs in a plastic car.
I was sure that at least a plastic U-Haul was required, but okay.
I am intrigued by your posts and wish to sign up for your newsletter.
I was fool enough to look at Forbes.
That monochrome shot of Professor Space & Nano-tech Law (This guy is allegedly a perfesser, & he specializes in “law” that barely exists, & is seldom practiced, & BLOGS?) makes him look like Bill Gates w/ a bit more chin. Not much more, but a little.
Perhaps MzNicky can advise us just how much space & nano-tech law is practiced in Tenn these days.
Sadly with all plans to create a super race there is that brain damage problem. Brains are just not able to go the extra 200 tax years. The “ding dong dilly” guy is probably not anywhere near 100 years old yet look what’s happening to his Swiss Cheese dans le tete.
I realise that many of the thoughtful readers of Mr and Mrs Reynolds would still be in the clutches of puberty but look at their brains already. I’m afraid that brain transfers such as have kept Heinrich Himmler’s brain in the body of the sadly deceased Dick Cheney, are the real answer to the Professors dilemma of an aging readership, no longer legally in charge of it’s own money.
Ok, that game of “Life” can be fixed. First, size the holes in the car so that there are only TWO parent-sized pegs. If all the pink and blue pegs are the same size, what’s to prevent the simulation of group marriages??!!1111!!??
Next, glue a small magnet in each of the parent-size blue pegs with the positive pole pointing down. Glue a small magnet in each of the parent-size pink pegs with the negative pole facing down. Glue small magnets into the parent-peg-sized holes in the car, one with the positive pole facing up and the other with the negative pole facing up. Any attempt to put two pegs of the same color into the parent-peg-sized holes will result in the repulsion of one of them.
Making this game family safe sounds oddly dirty, doesn’t it?
Oh, they also need to add life/health extending treatments and remove the retirement option from this game.
Further perusal reveals:
“Nowadays?” He is a hayseed. Has he ever written a brief or anything actually legal, or just fulfilled the “those who can’t, teach” cliche? He;s never written more than say, three sentences for any posts on his Drudge Lite blog, has he?
Is there such a thing as a robo-sammich?
No?
Well, there should be, and Instaweenie should be brandishing it!
“Ding Dong Dilly” is either what fey Scots cry as they lift their battle kilts or a frozen Dairy Queen treat. Either way I bet it’s blue.
And finally: The whole thing seems to be an ad for Sirtris Pharmaceuticals.
And is this Mrs. DuToit who comments the wife of that other Toit?
I tried buying two Barbies at once at Toys R Us but I was soundly beaten. Which was sexy.
Was there a tiny plastic high-heeled shoe stamping on your face — forever?
Thanks SomeNYGuy! Will check it out pronto. Yes it truly was a magnificent thing to watch Jon Stewart rip that crazy money guy a few new ones.
That gay-friendly Game of Life is just a gateway to lure children into
witchcraft and demon worshipuniversity steam tunnels.Just savoring a different flavor of old-skool paranoia.
What the hell? Get ahead of the curve? If the stuff doesn’t work, a pol who “got ahead of the curve” is going to be out on a mixed-metaphorical limb.
The Village speaks on Cramer vs. Stewart.
actor212: I’ve got them to work now. Thanks!
OK, two consecutive comments, I’m off to the showers.
university steam tunnels
I see what you did there.
Although to be fair, that misguided kid ended up being a somewhat productive member of scoiety.
Although to be fair, that misguided kid ended up being a somewhat productive member of scoiety.
Most of them do, eventually.
I adore it… that will stay with me.
That’s why you should lock ’em up and throw away the key.
…throw away the key.
Or at least get a crew together to pray away the
gaycross-dressing.Or at least get a crew together to pray away the cross-dressing.
The cross-dressing is nothing compared to the hawt ape sex.
I visit the link and I find I am a fan of hot ape sex.
Could be worse I guess.
OMG! It’s coming from inside the blog!
Ape sex.
No wonder I felt like showering. Now I have to all over again.
“Ape sex.”
No escaping it if you’re human. Not to make assumptions about anybody.
The cross-dressing is nothing compared to the hawt ape sex.
I thought the cover was about Instarobot and friends fighting off the surrender monkeys.
Which goes to show, this place is all about teh sex
hot ape sex = Sheep at Ox
Tax Pee Hos?
She Poet Ax?
Pet hoaxes.
Which goes to show, this place is all about teh sex
And TEH BUTTOCKS! They are not inseparable.
Tax Pee Hos?
Dis ‘Murka, gadummit. I be damned if dat com’nist Obama critter gonna tax mah pee hole.
WOLVERINES!!
The cross-dressing is nothing compared to the hawt ape sex.
Hawt ape sex, cross-dressing, brass funnel bras… that place has everything!
I thought the cover was about Instarobot and friends fighting off the surrender monkeys.
Judging by the positions of Ronald Reagan/Jimmy Stewart and the ape, I think there’s a “fifth column” involved here.
No escaping it if you’re human.
Sounds better as “Hot ****nid sex”.
hndy: th ncmprbl smrby s th nly rl frnd th lft hs rght nw. h’s th nly n wth th blls t pnt t hw ntllctlly bnkrpt yr cmmnttrs r nd hw nlgnt s th drnng f th lftwng hvmnd.
Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Also, socialism.
Is there such a thing as a robo-sammich?
Close investigation reveals that the sammich in the Instamech’s grip of the nano-tech variety.
Annelid sex is not so bad with the right lube.
The leftwing hivemind would like to apologize to itself for breaking the S,N! comments.
handy: the incomparable somerby is the only real friend the left has right now.
With friends like this, thank god for enemies!
Yeah, we’ve got a report of something calling itself “white knight” at 22:59, apparently in need of disemvowelment? Over.
Sounds better as “Hot ****nid sex”.
*counting letters*
PARAnoid? I mean, nid?
Th lftwng hvmnd s mr lk “Sy, dd y rd tht thng n th Nw Yrkr? bt ghtt chldrn? pprntly thr lvs r jst wfl. Th gvrnmnt shld tk mny frm txpyrs nd fx tht!”
Bkmrk ths, lbrls, s ths s xctl hw t s gng t g dwn. Y wll b wndr hw th hll ws bl t cll ths.
ctr: Smrby rmns th nly prsn n Lftwngstn wh s bth sgcs nd crgs n cllng bllsht n hs wn sd. Mnwhl yr blwdrd cns f nnty blvt, bllw, nd bfsct ndr th thrll f bmn.
Paranoid sex….that’s when two conservatives do it after Obama’s inauguration.
Whitey, I call bullshit. You have no clue what the left talks about. Srsly.
Alright, you may find Ape Sex hot all you want, but keep your grubby hands off my well-dressed monkey butler.
He’s just not that into you…
mikey
Monkey butter?
*cleaning glasses*
Oh butLer! My mistake….
~~~squawk~kshshssshh== Yeah copy that, more droppings sited at 23:06. Commenter advises just follow the slime trail, over.
Well, I see that I am still useful as there are certain people who never fail to feed the trolls.
Some things will never change.
s fr s cn tll, th lft nly spks f tw thngs n tw tns: smg nrnd sprclsnss bt thngs th rght SYS, nd shrll hlplss trg t th thngs th rght DS.
Alright, you may find Ape Sex hot all you want, but keep your grubby hands off my well-dressed monkey butler.
He’s just not that into you…
All I know is he screams and displays his bright red penis and blue balls whenever any of us walk past.
Actor,
The left talks about sultry simian reproduction, and of the dorsal variety the more the merrier.
And I like Somerby, but some days he’s too obvious in his kvetch about his disdain for certain personalities that he just sounds like a catty little spinster.
“And I like Somerby, but some days he’s too obvious in his kvetch”
Honestly, I stopped reading Somerby in 2002. His endless QQ and doom and gloom became too much to take.
Alright, you may find Ape Sex hot all you want, but keep your grubby hands off my well-dressed monkey butler.
Indeed. Try down the hall, third on the left, ask for the Buggorilla™.
Careful! The begorrilla is drunk and surly.
All I know is he screams and displays his bright red penis and blue balls whenever any of us walk past.
No, NO. That’s ME.
The monkey is the smaller fellow in business casual attire with the tray of martinis…
mikey
have you seen this crap video mocking torture allegations by some asswipe in his mommy’s basement called Steve Crowder. I wish we could send him off to Gitmo, or better yet, Bagram
Bkmrk ths, lbrls, s ths s xctl hw t s gng t g dwn. Y wll b wndr hw th hll ws bl t cll ths.
(Etc.)
Comments in Welsh? Is that a first for S,N!?
In any event, it reminds me of the Ref upthread, a “coalface forward” from, it seems clear, the pre-professional era. And good for him! There’s a lot to be said for the days when England-Wales tests were a matter of 15 Welsh miners and steelworkers expressing to 15 English doctors and stockbrokers, in very physical terms, just how upset they still were about that whole Henry IV / Owain Glynd?r thing.
Boy I hate him. I take consolation in imagining him crying deeply and bitterly, as only those briefly disabused of their illusions can.
that whole Henry IV / Owain Glynd?r thing.
Mrs Tilton falls foul of WP’s selective anti-Welsh devoweling.
Careful! The begorrilla is drunk and surly.
Some days it’s like Sodom and Begorrah around here.
The fact is, follow my tweets.
She wore blue vervet.
Bluer than vervet was the night…
I’ll stop now.
this crap video
I see it’s one of Patterico’s “fun links.”
by some asswipe in his mommy’s basement called Steve Crowder
Crowder is an award-winning comedian. He “won the much publicized, national Stand up Comedy competition on Myspace.”
Nice try at some ratfucking there, bdad.
Doughbob Loadpants is identifies with the “loser” character in Taken.
Maybe he’s anticipating when his wife finally kicks him out onto the street after his fourth cheetohs-and-Game-Fuel all-night bender this week.
Totally WordPress’ fault.
FYWP
Geez, Liam Neeson fucks Brad Pitt?
LOL, I must have been under a rock. No wonder i’m not quite sure what ratfucking means in this context.
If not, it can be arranged.
And I must be getting old because it seems that not too long ago the idea of people crapping their pants over the ability to “create” same sex marriages in a board game would have pissed me off no end. Now I can’t stop laughing.
ZOMG! Candyland includes a Rainbow Trail! The children will associate candy with teh ghey. We must ban all candy, rainbows, games and children, just to be safe!!!
Alright, you may find Ape Sex hot all you want, but keep your grubby hands off my well-dressed monkey butler.
That’s a howler, that one is.
It’s more the endless, smug repetition of certain words and phrases that got me. His writing style is less than pleasant to read. He’s got a few good axes to grind, like the treatment of Gore in 2000, but MMFA typically does a vastly better job with far less verbiage. Oh, and I’ll always remember his weird vendetta against Joe Wilson.
Next, glue a small magnet in each of the parent-size blue pegs with the positive pole pointing down. Glue a small magnet in each of the parent-size pink pegs with the negative pole facing down. Glue small magnets into the parent-peg-sized holes in the car, one with the positive pole facing up and the other with the negative pole facing up. Any attempt to put two pegs of the same color into the parent-peg-sized holes will result in the repulsion of one of them.
Upon reflection, this sounds like it would be considerably more fun than the actual board game itself.
All I know is he screams and displays his bright red penis and blue balls whenever any of us walk past.
Are you male or female? He goes wild for the titis.
All I know is he screams and displays his bright red penis and blue balls whenever any of us walk past.
Or maybe he’s trying to order a capuchino?
Enough monky business.
“Just say the word, and the pain will end.”
For what it’s worth, “ph?nglui mglw nafh cthulhu r?lyeh wgah nagl fhtagn!!” turns out to be the worst safe-word ever.
I still flinch at the sight of a cheese-grater.
I asked my monkey butler about this business with the “monkey’s paw”.
Apparently it’s a gesture they use to recognise one another when they’re hanging out at the monkey bars.
Mark Hemingway on THE BIG IF:
Just to check your monkey’s story, I asked MY monkey butler about the whole “monkey’s paw” deal and he got all maudlin and wandered off muttering something about “me da”…
Musta been speaking monkey or something….
mikey
I must be getting old because it seems that not too long ago the idea of people crapping their pants over the ability to “create” same sex marriages in a board game would have pissed me off no end. Now I can’t stop laughing.
I think the difference is that that kind of bullshit is no longer the party line of the most powerful people on the planet.
It sounds just like the kind of crap that was the entire agenda for the House of Representatives in about 2004.
Here is a new wingnut I discovered; maybe he’s not new to others:
http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=5463
Hemingway:
Nobody beats Jonah. Nobody.
I watched the unedited Cramer interview. I recall no mention of the current administration or its policies. The only thing I remember is Cramer’s saying he voted for Obama.
I for one believe that old age should be a time of death, not life. We have become entitled, people. In Shakespeare’s time, the minute you got your driving license you were considered an adult, and if you made it past the age of 60 they’d bake you a cake (or koekken, as it was called in those days, a simple unleavened patty of barley, beans, honey, and otter foreskins) and then boot you in the head until you perished. SO THAT OTHERS MIGHT LIVE!!! What has happened to that sense of personal responsibility? In socialism as practiced by everyone except Pat Buchanan, who is no socialist, personal responsibility is replaced by groups of people telling other groups of people what individuals can and cannot do. This is the Nanny State, or in other words, a Land Without Peach Melba (because socialism and Peach Melba tastes really weird like orange juice and toothpaste). If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention. To me. The point is: old people are awesome for a while, but there’s such a thing as too old. Gramps, take the pistol out of the desk drawer, go out behind the house, and do the right thing. Either that or stop sucking on your gums when I’m trying to read. Remember that old guy in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Ever seen him and John McCain in the same place at the same time? I rest my case, and my round muscles, on your nose. SNAP!
WOLVERINES!!!!
Lessee:
New?
There was the whole birth certificate discussion. Chief Editor Korir got a copy.
Speaking of that, Worldnut has a piece about a kooky congressman trying to bring it to the house.
Second Amendment, space law(?) and nanotechnology? And that troll that comes here crticizes liberals for not having real jobs?
(I hate to break it to guys like Bob Owens who think this is somehow important, but you can cover all the serious legal scholarship on both sides of the second amendment in about two hours)
I wonder how the hard-headed common-sense taxpayers of the red state of Tennessee feel about paying this guy six figures.
Now you’ve done it. The following comments were all just a blur to me. I must clear my mind’s eye and try again.
From RB’s link, l’il Marky-Mark Hemingway effluviates:
Really? These plurals and their histrionic nature intrigue me. I should pay more attention to the news I guess.
Well! Finally, we discover that after 10 years of hosting TDS, Jon Stewart is a liberal. Who’d a-thunk it.
Ha. HaHaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh yes indeed, just ask anyone! Jon Stewart’s behind, totally kicked by Cramer. Right.
[Interesting side note: Hemingway links to TPM for Cramer’s multiple-NBC appearances mashup.]
Say what you will, Stewart’s indignation was not anything remotely related to “faux.”
Hemingway queries, clutching his pearls and sinking into his fainting couch. Hey Hemingway! FUCK YOU!
Then why does Jim Cramer have the megaphone of a cable financial news channel with which to embiggen his ridiculously overblown personality and putative expertise? And more to the point, why must the host of a fake news show on Comedy Central be the only one to call these fuckers out on their destructive bullshit?
The spouse, who is an investment advisor (he’s one of the good guys who’s trying to hang on these days), sez Cramer and CNBC have long been widely regarded in the industry as detrimental, wrong, and even dangerous to the financial well-being of, as Jon Stewart put it, the “wealth of the country, which is its work.” This is infotainment at its worst. On the bright side, the right has Rash Phlegmball; the left has Jon Stewart, for which I would get on my knees and thank the Baby Jeezus our Lord and Saviour if I weren’t an atheistic socialist Obama-worshipping feminazi.
Do what you must, Mort. As for me, I’m imagining a series of Düreresque wood cuts.
I’ll see what I can find.
I wonder how the hard-headed common-sense taxpayers of the red state of Tennessee feel about paying this guy six figures.
Honus: Trust me, you don’t want to know how the hard-headed common-sense taxpayers of the red state of Tennessee feel about anything.
Geez, Liam Neeson fucks Brad Pitt?
Somehow, visions of hot homo-male action does not produce in this particular heterosexual woman the same level of arousal that hot homo-female action seems to in many men. Go figure.
Nobody beats Jonah. Nobody.
Too bad. I wish somebody would. With a 2 by 4.
“Honus: Trust me, you don’t want to know how the hard-headed common-sense taxpayers of the red state of Tennessee feel about anything.”
Point well taken MzNicky, but actually my sister is one of them (a nurse in Knoxville) and she feels pretty much the same as you and me.
Speaking of that, Worldnut has a piece about a kooky congressman trying to bring it to the house.
I just saw this at The Buzz (St. Petersburg Times). They mention poop.
from WND on the “Eligibility Bill”
* New Jersey attorney Mario Apuzzo has filed a case on behalf of Charles Kerchner and others alleging Congress didn’t properly ascertain that Obama is qualified to hold the office of president.
* Pennsylvania Democrat Philip Berg has three cases pending, including Berg vs. Obama in the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, a separate Berg vs. Obama which is under seal at the U.S. District Court level and Hollister vs. Soetoro a/k/a Obama, (now dismissed) brought on behalf of a retired military member who could be facing recall to active duty by Obama.
* Leo Donofrio of New Jersey filed a lawsuit claiming Obama’s dual citizenship disqualified him from serving as president. His case was considered in conference by the U.S. Supreme Court but denied a full hearing.
* Cort Wrotnowski filed suit against Connecticut’s secretary of state, making a similar argument to Donofrio. His case was considered in conference by the U.S. Supreme Court, but was denied a full hearing.
* Former presidential candidate Alan Keyes headlines a list of people filing a suit in California, in a case handled by the United States Justice Foundation, that asks the secretary of state to refuse to allow the state’s 55 Electoral College votes to be cast in the 2008 presidential election until Obama verifies his eligibility to hold the office. The case is pending, and lawyers are seeking the public’s support.
* Chicago attorney Andy Martin sought legal action requiring Hawaii Gov. Linda Lingle to release Obama’s vital statistics record. The case was dismissed by Hawaii Circuit Court Judge Bert Ayabe.
* Lt. Col. Donald Sullivan sought a temporary restraining order to stop the Electoral College vote in North Carolina until Barack Obama’s eligibility could be confirmed, alleging doubt about Obama’s citizenship. His case was denied.
* In Ohio, David M. Neal sued to force the secretary of state to request documents from the Federal Elections Commission, the Democratic National Committee, the Ohio Democratic Party and Obama to show the presidential candidate was born in Hawaii. The case was denied.
* Also in Ohio, there was the Greenberg v. Brunner case which ended when the judge threatened to assess all case costs against the plaintiff.
* In Washington state, Steven Marquis sued the secretary of state seeking a determination on Obama’s citizenship. The case was denied.
* In Georgia, Rev. Tom Terry asked the state Supreme Court to authenticate Obama’s birth certificate. His request for an injunction against Georgia’s secretary of state was denied by Georgia Superior Court Judge Jerry W. Baxter.
* California attorney Orly Taitz has brought a case, Lightfoot vs. Bowen, on behalf of Gail Lightfoot, the vice presidential candidate on the ballot with Ron Paul, four electors and two registered voters.
In addition, other cases cited on the RightSideofLife blog as raising questions about Obama’s eligibility include:
* In Texas, Darrel Hunter vs. Obama later was dismissed.
* In Ohio, Gordon Stamper vs. U.S. later was dismissed.
* In Texas, Brockhausen vs. Andrade.
* In Washington, L. Charles Cohen vs. Obama.
* In Hawaii, Keyes vs. Lingle, dismissed.
Perfect wingnut logic: Totally unsuccessful cases in like 14 different jurisdictions: Proof that something is fishy.
…no smoke without a fire, eh? (Well, somebody’s been smoking something.)
my sister is one of them (a nurse in Knoxville) and she feels pretty much the same as you and me.
No kidding! Well, good for her. We need as many of her kind here in K-town as we can get.
A nurse in Knoxville took a ride
She thought she’d let the whole thing slide
She took a draught from the plastic cup
And told the assholes to shut up
She went to town in a fancy bus
With a fellow she only knew as Gus
They went up the street to the drug store
Bought some drugs, Whatever that was for
We all want to join her, have some fun
But she’s crazy and she has a gun
I decided to stay home tonight
And touch myself to my delight
mikey
Yet still she tweets away. It is a mystery.
“…And touch myself to my delight”
Is this one of those contests where the winning poem has to end with the same line? (’cause I’d like to see that.)
(and so would KLo)
The thing I don’t get about Twitter is whether or not the tweeters are parodies. I mean, come on:
We’re about six weeks into Obama’s presidency, with a car-crash pile-up of scandals, broken promises, and embarrassing encounters with foreign heads of state…
Right!
Oh man. What a moment.
I’ll start (well, not counting Mikey):
The bar is dark, my need is great
I ask around “Have you seen Dwight”
I find a booth, order a round
And touch myself to my delight
I know this is a comical blog, but let me be serious for a moment (I know most of you will just make fun, but I hope that I get across to some of you).
Why is it so impossible to believe that we could cure aging in our lifetime? Have you been following the science of it? I have, and what’s being done in labs now is actually quite hard to believe. I know that we’re still many years from consumer products that will employ these experimental technologies, but the initial results so far are promising.
This does not have to be about selfish libertarians. Think of how great it would be if we could discover a way to reverse the aging process, and then eventually give it away to the whole of humanity (or, more accurately, only to those who wanted it) kind of like what was done with the vaccine for polio.
People on the left are supposed to be about creating a better world. So why do so many of you immediately rule out this possibility? Poverty is not the only problem in the world, you know. I’m just shocked by the unthinking unanimity here…
A forward thinking wingnut mom could take advantage of the online version of Life to uncover any gay tendencies in her children. Set up one of those spying programs and watch from another computer to see whether or not they know it’s time never for homo nups global. Wingnut mom then has piece of mind or she knows she’s got to get on the phone to Exodus Youth for some re-education.
That might not reveal bisexuality though so a different kind of test will be necessary. It turns out that Brent Bozell III knows what bisexual boys like. Horse semen:
He’s not much happier about the gay Ronald Reagan bit.
OMG: You have to watch this video of FOX’s own Shepard Smith spending all day ruthlessly mocking and parodying FOX’s own Glenn Beck.
It’s so bad I’m pretty sure you hear Glenn Beck just short of saying “What a d***” on the air.
Why is it so impossible to believe that we could cure aging in our lifetime?
Well, maybe your problem is viewing aging as a disease.
Poverty is not the only problem in the world, you know.
It will be if you have to compete with great-great-great-great-granpdpa for a job.
I can’t fathom dedicating more time and resources to transhumanism when there is so much we need to learn about cryptozoology.
I figure this is El Cid’s video:
J–: We must better understand Quives Man.
From the Quives Man video:
Where can I get a degree in ufology? I wanted to be a ufologist too!
Melbourne. I’m pretty sure you could put it in the parapsychology bin too, and there are a bunch more legit schools doing that.
I know thois is a humour blog, & …
There’s the magic phrase, “consumer products.”
The stock will be through the roof! Get in now while you can!
And as always, please hold your breath while waiting. (We are here for your planet’s oxygen.)
Waitaminute.
I just watched the Burn Notice season finale.
Yike.
I have questions..
mikey
And while I do know the alleged funny occurs here, let me mention that the single cause of all problems is overpopulation. So why we would want more Glenn Harlan Robotos populating the earth for eternity & using all of our energy to keep their brains in a jar saying “Heh. Indeed.” is abso-fuggin-lutely beyond me.
it’s time never for homo nups global
Lawnguylander wins the Pastor Swank award for the wk.
Jon Stewart versus Jim Cramer – it’s like Mike Tyson versus George Costanza … fair, no, but funny? Hell yeah!
Lulz money-shot: Cramer shakes a paw with Stewart & solemnly vows less Three Stooges propwhoring & more serious analysis & real journalism … that should hold up for, oh, a good 10-12 hours, max. Take away his cutesy soundboard shit & rabid hucksterism & he’s left with jack.
When your geek act makes good pay, you don’t stop gnawing off the chicken-heads just because you got called out on how disgusting it is – you just buy another jumbo-jug of Scope.
Hey, everybody, it’s GLENN BECK FRIDAY!
So the big “We Surround Them” surprise was a digital mosaic? That’s it?
It’s nice to see that some of you took me seriously enough to respond with a counterargument. Yes, I’m aware of the issue of overpopulation, but I think the matter is not as simple as it might seem.
The issue here is one of freedom. I am in favor of the decriminalization of marijuana and other street drugs because I believe individuals should have the freedom to manipulate their bodies however they please, so long as they don’t hurt anyone else in the process.
Now, you can say that me living into my 120s is cramping your lifestyle, but what would you be prepared to do about it? Would you have it be a crime? Would you have the state kill people if they lived too long? I don’t know about you, but I would not want to live in that kind of a world.
Face it: if these drugs work, there’s a huge market for them. People will react to them the same way they react to any major technological progress. A small group of early adopters (like myself) will be hyping them beyond what their worth, while most people will just pooh pooh them until they see some real results. But once they see those results, boy will they change their minds. There will always be some people who totally reject a new technology (I sometimes call them “neo-Luddites” or “neo-Amish”), but eventually, most of humanity will get on board. Who doesn’t want to stay young for as long as they live?
Now, I’ll admit that I might be wrong, that it might be impossible to “cure” aging and that reversing the aging process is much more difficult than we imagined. But, I’m at least open to the possibility, and I’m trying to think ahead about the implications for humanity in the future.
Get used to this phrase: human enhancement. You are going to see it more and more in the future. It’s going to become a hugely popular trend, because it’s going to allow us to actually improve ourselves substantially. Mark my words.
So which one of our resident, not-yet-disemvowled trolls are you? Lord Harry?
I hate to be the guy to engage the troll but transhumanism would cause more problems than it solves.
1. Economic. Our world economy is based on the periodic reshuffling of personal wealth. People acquire wealth, retire and disperse wealth. that won’t happen if the rich never die. In that case, a smaller and smaller fraction of the world’s people will control a larger and larger fraction of the world’s wealth.
2. Social. The biggest enabler of social mobility is death. There is always room at the top, only because the people at the top don’t last all that long. Of course neither do the people at the bottom, but that is one of the few ways the game of life is fair.
3. Moral. How could you ask a firefighter or policeman to risk his life in the line of duty? It is already hard enough when you potentially deny them an extra fifty or sixty years of life, but why would anyone take those jobs when you could be losing out on millenia? And that’s just the first of 20 or 30 moral issues that came to mind.
4. Medical. you think medicine is expensive now? how expensive will it be when all of the research is going to indefinitely prolong the life of an increasing ancient and isolated elite and there is no money left to research and treat the problems of the poor and short lived?
Personally, I think in the next thousand years, some real breakthroughs will occur in life prolonging and transhuman research. I personally think that borders on theft from those who will never get to live their normal threescore and ten with any degree of health or security.
Okay, but what is the transhumanist position on foreskin restoration? Or, moving on to a more weighty concern, cilantro?
Cilantro makes transhumanist corpses taste DELICIOUS.
Phony discussion does not answer the pressing questions still on the table.
I don’t think I want any transhumanist Brussels sprouts.
But maybe that’s just me…
mikey
But mikey, they’re good for you.
At the risk of running afoul of the orthodoxy, I’d like to offer the position that the Monkees were some pretty goddam good rock n roll, and that maybe they got a bum rap, even if they didn’t actually know how to play guitars n shit….
mikey
Peter did.
…strange that great-great-great-great-grandpa is seen as an argument
Last Train to Clarksville totally works as rock n roll.
And if you were to slow it down and play it unplugged on a twelve string with some Dylanesque vocals, it would be blues.
And what the hell more can you ask?
mikey
The Monkees made, er, had good records made for them.
Head wasn’t bad either.
77south: I should have been expecting the “troll” label, although I must admit I’m actually just interested in engaging some other open-minded people. (But, I said a few things that were intentionally provocative, so I think the use of the label is fair here.)
I am a left-libertarian, which means I don’t just worship the market. In fact, I think the so-called “free” market actually hinders the freedom of most people in substantial ways. I’m no real fan of Glenn Reynolds and I definitely don’t want to see life extension technologies only in the hands of millionaires. I want it to be available for whoever wants it. And whoever doesn’t want it, doesn’t have to use it.
What I’d like to see are certain guaranteed freedoms for people: a guaranteed income (so people have enough to live off of, and can spend their time engaged in whatever pursuits they like), full healthcare (including funding for medical enhancements), as much education as you want, and the freedom to consume any substance you like in the privacy of your own home. That’s a partial list. You might add to that privacy rights, abortion rights, and so forth. (I am definitely pro-choice, in more senses than one.)
I realize, however, that the way that resources are now distributed, these things are not possible. This is why I am hopeful that new technologies will allow us to do some of these things. You can think of it as a kind of secular religion, if you like. It gives my life meaning and hope.
You can think me a crackpot if you like, but if you engaged me, you would find I’m actually thoughtful and nuanced in my positions. Like I said, I agree with the traditional political left about the need to deal with issues like poverty and healthcare, but I think humanity might be able to do even better, if we work hard enough for it.
I’m an idealist, what can I say?
And you can only listen to so much Flaming Lips before you gotta go looking for something else.
Gnome Sane?
mikey
Anyone got a good recipe for transoylent green that doesn’t use cilantro?
One other point, 77south, about medical costs. You’re not thinking about it clearly. If we reverse the aging process, that means we significantly reduce the cost of medicine for older citizens. This is about a new strategy of disease prevention, that could potentially save untold amounts of money.
The idea is that if you stop aging, you also stop all the various diseases that come with aging. It sounds far-fetched, but they’ve already produced these kinds of results in rats and other mammals. They’ve greatly increased their lifespans (they still eventually die of course) but they spend their whole adulthood in the peak of health. That is, without cancer and diabetes and heart disease and all those other nasty chronic conditions which cost so much money to treat. It sounds too good to be true, I know. But look at this, for example: http://www.technovelgy.com/ct/Science-Fiction-News.asp?NewsNum=275 (That’s a science fiction website, but it’s an article about science fiction predictions coming true in the news. I could find other links for you if you were really curious.)
I’m not just some nut. I’m writing a Ph.D. dissertation in defense of a version of transhumanism at the moment, so I can answer just about any argument you throw at me.
Would you have the state kill people if they lived too long? I don’t know about you, but I would not want to live in that kind of a world.
You won’t have to.
More & more, I’m gladder & gladder that I won’t live long enough to see the brave new world.
I think I know how A Transhumanist feels. I’ve been trying to raise money from the more bourgeois members of my family so that I can fulfill my dream of bringing Class Struggle to the Internet and nobody is taking me seriously. They laugh because they think I’m back to my old self and just fucking around but when I make it clear that I’m serious and show them the rules they ask to check the top of my head for signs of shoe polish. That’s when I start breaking things and screaming that they’re just afraid because they know what a threat my scheme is to their control of the means of production. If I manage to get the young set away from their Facebooks and Twitters for just 8 minutes they will be Bolsheviks forever.
I see I searched the site wrong. Sorry about that, 77south.
I’m all for the cyborgs living longer; when we shoot them all into space, they’ll be in good shape to colonize Alpha Centauri or wherever.
You can think me a crackpot if you like
I like.
Anyone got a good recipe for transoylent green that doesn’t use cilantro?
Yes, but it does require transfats rendered from transsexuals.
Also, you have to be able to set your oven to transsubstantion.
Make that last word “transubstantiation.” I blame the cheap shiraz.
Two hot right wing chicks: Dr. Helen and Megan MgGargle
http://www.pjtv.com/video/Ask_Dr_Helen/Going_John_Galt%3F/1504/
(their voices are hard to listen to. suggest keeping the volume low)
via TBogg
Three cheers for Shep!!!!!!!!
The idea is that if you stop aging, you also stop all the various diseases that come with aging
As they say, Corpses don’t get cancer.
I’m writing a Ph.D. dissertation in defense of a version of transhumanism at the moment,
laffin out loud
Basically, this forum post from an actual dude doing actual computer science work is my favorite essay on why the Singularity/transhumanism is just science LARPing.
N.C.’s link includes the observation that
I know all about the impcat problem.
Don’t those make shoes for you?
You have a problem with impcat?
Only for definitions of “make” that include “conceal dead animals within”.
I’ve already uploaded my consciousness into a Roomba.
It’s a living…
You have a problem with impcat?
ZOMG IT IS MEHITABEL
I’ve already uploaded my consciousness into a Roomba.
I tried that once, but kept bumping into things.
And it’s not like you’d somehow want to do the vacuuming anyway…
In Europe people do their own vacuuming at home. Do you want a heart surgeon vacuuming? I don’t.
Don’t forget the ethical dilemmas of Roomba consciousness. Or perhaps I should say “ethical dilemmata”. It is a dilemma.
Do you want a heart surgeon vacuuming?
How else are they gonna clean up all of that blood – with a Swiffer?
I think the important part here is shooting Bimler. Or having two Bimlers, one of which is a sad sad mockery of the other.
The impcats of the two Bimlers would NOT get on, is all I’m sayin’
Do you want a heart surgeon vomiting?
Pretty sure ur doin it worng!
mikey
Watching Breitbart get pwnd by Michael Eric Dyson on Bill Maher.
Oh great.
Now g’s talking in code.
Y’all are confuzzing what’s left of me…
mikey
one of which is a sad sad mockery of the other.
I suspect that sadness and mockery will characterise both copies.
Michael Eric Dyson
I for one welcome our new vacuum-cleaner-android pundit overlords.
“There is no Rainbow peg…”
Mikey, that would be because it is so hard to get lip prints onto that tiny little peg.
http://michellemalkin.com/2005/05/25/mommy-whats-a-rainbow-party/
“It’s like putting lipstick on a peg….”
The i Ching told me to tell y’all that I helped get drunk rednecks to dance with their old ladies. “Always On My Mind” friggin’ slays ’em.
Like Pooh, from “Pooh Corner”, (outside comma) I Fwowed Up. I mean, WTF! WTF!?!?!
& FIFY. Also.
Matt, m’man.
I’m pretty sure the I Ching does NOT have your best interests at heart.
Of course, neither do the drunk rednecks.
Nor, for that matter, do their old ladies.
Run. Just run….
mikey
This is so true! This is HUGELY popular in my spambox, which is filled with “human enhancement” enticements, usually to “Augment my Apparatus” or to “Magnify my LOVE rocket”. (period outside quotes.)
TEH FUTURE IS NOW!
Mark my words is what people used to say before Bookmark This came along.
Rednecks dance the Texas Swing
At least the ones not in a fight
And I? I throw the old I-Ching
And touch myself to my delight
And touch myself to my delight
Greensleeves was all my joy
Greensleeves she came at night
Greensleeves was my heart of gold,
And touch myself to my delight
I never thought I’d find myself writing a letter to Transhumanist Forum, until yesterday…
This was arguably the the best S,N! thread evah. It came to mind because a mate has recently had a colon cancer removed (along with 1 metre of colon) and I wanted to cheer him up.
From the Village Voice link above re: Mrs. Ole Perfesser and her Going Galt panel discussion: One youngster opines that to him part of “going Galt” = “rejecting the philosphy of altruism.” Yeah kiddo, you go on with your bad self on that one. Great philosophical choice. Altruism schmaltruism. Self-absorption Rulez!!
Okay, all you wingnut experts in etiquette and protocol, get your notepads ready. Obama is hosting Lula at the White House today.
{blockquote} I’m not just some nut. I’m writing a Ph.D. dissertation in defense of a version of transhumanism at the moment{/blockquote} Score! A grad student from the University Of Cyborgery! Awesome addition to S,N! I’m looking forward to someday taking a pill made from the ichor of Rumanian orphans so I can stay young looking enough to wear speedos. Defeat of the aging process is so what we need, before the cohort of baby-boomers reaches decrepitude.
In the future, sphincters will be self-bleaching.
Obama is hosting Lulu? I like the way she sings “To Sir With Love”.
Our pet transhumanist said:
This does not have to be about selfish libertarians. Think of how great it would be if we could discover a way to reverse the aging process, and then eventually give it away to the whole of humanity (or, more accurately, only to those who wanted it) kind of like what was done with the vaccine for polio.
People on the left are supposed to be about creating a better world. So why do so many of you immediately rule out this possibility? Poverty is not the only problem in the world, you know. I’m just shocked by the unthinking unanimity here…
But we don’t give things away that are needed by the whole of humanity, right now. We don’t get clean drinking water to everyone, or mosquito nets, or better nutrition, or all kinds of things that would increase the life expectancy of a large part of the world with methods we’ve known about for eternity. It’s naive to think that anti-ageing drugs are going to be used to turn the lot of humanity into paradise. Poverty, and the health issues associated with it, is the problem for far more people than “I start falling apart after 80”. And in a short time, their problems will be climate change making parts of the world uninhabitable. But the drive to do something about that is minimal. Instead, we get ideas about how the rich can consume even more by extending their rich lives.
The issue here is one of freedom.
Not for the Ol’ Perfesser. He wants to take away Social Security from people, because they’ll have the choice of taking (buying, let’s face it) the drugs required to keep them going for longer. Presumably he’s aiming for the Brave New World situation where people keep going as fully fit working members of society, and then they drop dead in a short time, so that pensions are a minimum.
I was hoping that this blog attracted some progressive/liberal/leftish people who would be more open-minded about this kind of thing. However, I can see that few people here are willing to think more than 10 years into the future. The financial crisis will not last forever–heck, capitalism won’t last forever, because it’s a brutal system that artificially creates scarcity on top of the scarcity that already naturally exists. You didn’t even let me get started on robotic workers…
My primary interest is in the reduction of suffering. Yes, I definitely want to see an end to poverty and economic exploitation, but I also want to see the end of other ills that plague human beings but don’t necessarily have to. Aging, and the diseases that come with it, cause tremendous amounts of suffering, even though they are “natural” processes.
This was a bit of an experiment, I must admit–research for my nutty dissertation, if you want to think of it like that. At least you guys responded better than social and religious conservatives, who would probably just call me “Satan” and try to exorcise my presence.
I was under the impression that the left was a big tent, but I can see that there are still plenty of people intent on policing heterodoxy. But, what can I say, I erred in how I presented my case, got labeled as a troll, and things went down hill from there. I suppose I shouldn’t blame any of you for reacting naturally–it is really my fault for presenting my case poorly. My bad.
No hard feelings against any of you, but I think I’ll take my business elsewhere. I do enjoy reading this blog, because I despise Republicans and their ilk, but I’m not a professional troll, and I take no special delight in having abuse heaped on me. I’ve learned from this little encounter, though, so thanks for indulging me.
Passive-aggressive troll is passive-aggressive.
I thought I was the only one using these comments as an experiment. I wonder who else is doing the same.
Has tintin gone Galt?
Passive-aggressive non-professional troll seems to have misapprehended the purpose of this blog. His bad.
hey people – missed you all for the past week. Haven’t had a chance to read the comments but just wanted to share this completely awesome video which may be the “dogs sleeping with cats” moment in the fight for gay equality. When even the frat boys no longer find it cool to haze the gays, the bigots’ days are numbered.
Hey Jennifer — How’s the new job going? By the way, The Fool has been banned and the rest of ’em are disemvowelled, with hilarious results and more fun for us all.
MzNicky – so far so good – I was at training this week and start tomorrow (yes, Sunday – I will be working weekends from here on out) and I’m feeling really great about it. You know how you can get a feel for how people feel about working for a company? Well, this company has a very positive vibe, and those types of things have always worked out really well for me in the past. So I’m pumped, thanks!
Oddly enough, I got yet another call about a job yesterday – that makes 5 total in two weeks. Don’t know if it’s just our region or state, but it sure feels like the economy is turning around a bit here.
What state and industry are you in Jennifer? (if you can say)
I’m sorry–I guess I was mistaken when I thought that this blog would be an ideal forum to discuss my fondness for digging up fresh corpses and feasting on their moldering genitalia. EXXXCCCCUUUUSSSSSEEEE MMMMEEEEE! I’ll have to note the chilly reception I received here in my dissertation-in-progress.
Good day, sirs.
I said: “GOOD DAY!”
So has everyone started their St. Patrick’s day drinking early or something? This place is DEAD.
Lesley – I’m in Arkansas – previously was working as a home remodel contractor, now working in sales for a new home builder.
Oh, and I start with ACORN on Monday. (that’s my “days off” job)
Oh, and I start with ACORN on Monday.
I’ll be expecting an announcement that government funding for gay abortions has gone up 600% and that Republicans are now banned from voting under the Transition to Socialism Act of 2009.
I’ll be expecting an announcement that government funding for gay abortions has gone up 600% and that Republicans are now banned from voting under the Transition to Socialism Act of 2009.
For right now I’m gonna be concentrating on destroying the American health care system and Wal Mart.
In the interest of maintaining this blog’s culinary cred, and in a topical, timely fashion no less, shall I share my recipe for corned beef?
Let me be clear: I’m not talking about cooking a piece of beef which has been corned by someone else. I’m talking about how to corn the beef. Oh yes, well then how to cook it but there’s only one or two tricks to that part.
Well, Jennifer, I hope you’ll spare a little time for registering phony voters. Priorities, woman!
No, Tintin has not gone Galt. I just brought home a new computer, which I’m setting up now. I’ll throw something up to keep you guys happy in a bit after I have the computer set up, my graphics programs installed, and can find some wingnuttery to mock.
Also, Happy π Day!
I like π!
Are there actual people who insist there be serious forums so that we can seriously discuss sci-fi fantasies of how we’ll all be better in our bio-engineered future?
Just a quick note, tintintintin, (I stuttered) but you can keep an entire functional operating environment including OS and apps on a bootable 4GB flash drive and any computer anywhere can be home sweet home with a single reboot.
I keep a couple of them with me all the time…
mikey
“Are there actual people who insist there be serious forums [to] discuss sci-fi fantasies…?”
Absolutely, especially on a snark blog. It’s the perfect place for it!
I will be shocked and dismayed if it isn’t so.
Also, my son is waiting for π o’clock to find out if he made it into MIT. Radians crossed, everyone!
and can find some wingnuttery to mock.
Well, that ought to be a HUGE challenge. It’s in such short supply.
Might I suggest an obscure little publication called The Washington Post? Their lead story today is a doozy: “OBAMA’S NEW TACK: BLAMING BUSH” takes our vicious, no-account new President to task for mentioning anything that happened in the last eight years, unlike the sainted W (blame Clinton!) and his impeccably bi-partisan GOP (blame Carter!):
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/13/AR2009031303486.html
Then again, maybe the article is funny enough as-is.
Is that for undergraduate or graduate school, OneMan? Good luck to him.
My primary interest is in the reduction of suffering
Suicide is painless.
You know, I don’t recall signing any human subjects form giving consent for this transhumanist experiment, but then I didn’t give them out either for my experiment, so I guess we’re even.
One more smack at the WaPo, if I may:
The article’s author, Scott Wilson, “is the Jerusalem Bureau Chief of the Washington Post.” Naturally, his last eight articles have been about Obama. Guess nothing is happening in Jerusalem, or maybe that’s where Barack has established the Eastern White House.
Undergrad. And unfortunately he didn’t get in. I realized after posting the previous that it was already past π on the east coast and checked.
Oh well, he’ll just have to settle for Cal Poly, ASU honors, UW (possibly honors), Purdue honors or maybe Stanford or CMU. So sad. </bragging>
He took it pretty well but it’s easier when you have those schools in your back pocket.
Well, it’s getting on towards lunchtime.
Think I’ll have some Obama Fingers.
mikey
“recipe for corned beef”
I think “pickling spice” is involved.
tintin: What, are you the one-man S,N! band now? Have the rest of ’em run off to Cuba or something?
Although I think I saw something about “Corn Holeing Beef” at Confed. Yankee’s place some time ago. Could that be it?
I’m gonna be concentrating on destroying the American health care system
Shouldn’t take too much more to do that. Spouse got a call last night at 5:30 that his latest PET scan, scheduled for Mon. a.m. at 7:30, won’t take place because the ins. co. hasn’t had all its precertification questions answered by the doc, who is currently vacationing somewhere. Nevermind the fucking thing has been scheduled for two months. He was offered the option of paying for it himself upfront and getting reimbursement from the ins. co. afterward, which he declined to do. Just our latest fun adventure in CancerLand.
So Jennifer, I appreciate that you Arkansans know how to think outside the box.
Alton Brown will school you on making a corned beef.
Too much work, sez me, I’ll buy it pre-brined and its muy good. I prefer teh round cut.
Too much work, sez me…
See, here’s the deal with things like cooking, reloading, 2 meter repeater nets, the kinds of things that to do well require an investment of time and a life of learning. If they feel like work, you shouldn’t do them. Indeed, if they feel like work you likely WON’T do them.
Nothing wrong with that. You will very likely have other things you do because you love doing them, gardening, skiing, whatever. But for those of us who find peace and fulfillment in the PROCESS of cooking, it’s never too much work. Oh, I get irritated when a recipe requires that I have some piece of equipment (stand mixer, ramekins, slotted spoon etc.) that I don’t have, but I can usually find a way around that.
If the goal is merely to eat, there is every impetus to go buy your corned beef. If the goal is something more subtle, then there is no substitute for making your own…
mikey
Well, if the topic is healthcare, I’m in for some fun in that department soon. I have a lot of medications I take, and so far I’ve been on my parents’ healthcare plan. My father retired, mostly involuntarily, from Delphi Automotive a few years ago (he was offered a job in Detroit but ultimately declined it). Last week he told me that Delphi had cancelled his retirement health care and as a result, my mother was now the insurance provider for the family, and now cannot retire anytime soon. I lose my parents’ coverage when I turn 25 (this August), and unless I have a job with benefits, or maybe I can get it through school, I don’t know…I’m going to have some serious problems. Anyone familiar with psychoactive types of medications knows that you can’t quit those cold turkey, and yes I know they’re used to control schoolchildren, &c. but the Ritalin really does help me. I’ve tried without it: it really works, and I need it. Medicaid might be an option but I don’t know.
Delphi is also likely to dump their pension plan onto PBGC, halving my father’s pension, and his 401(k) is, of course, in the toilet. So if I don’t get financial aid this next semester, my fallback plan of my parents resuming paying for college is (likely) effectively out.
He’s looking for work right now, but he’s 53, and his experience is an HR manager in a dying industry. Columbus is not a manufacturing town and he’s rapidly approaching “real” retirement age.
“Internet news entrepreneur” Breitbart (who bears a certain unpleasant resemblance to Limbaugh) certainly made a fool of himself on Real Time last night.
Yeah. That seems to be the rule of thumb with Good Eats more often than not. The recent bake-your-own-crackers episode in particular struck me as depressingly useless. I enjoy that it’s a different kind of cooking show, but c’mon. I don’t really need to make my own marshmallows.
I love that show.
Hello, Jack Epcot here, bringing you news of the future. Scientists all over the world are working to improve the lot of all humans and transhumans, too. Bearing in mind that those people responsible for policing the orthodoxy are heaping abuse upon farsighted individuals who dare to look more than ten years into the future, we foresee that the future of cussing is bright. Instead of the currently popular “fuck you”, strides in verbal efficiency will lead to ‘disemvowellment’ and remodeling of the “ck” thereby eliminating the redundant ‘kuk-kuk’ sound. Thus, “fk u”. (All periods, or sentence-enders will be placed outside of quotes and/or parentheses, but will be varathaned to resist damage).
http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/chuck-norris-vs-the-leftist-blogosphere/
Dear Mr. Epcot. As you are apparently unaware, “Varathane” is a registered trademark of the Rustoleum Corporation and as such should not ever be used in a generic sense. If you wish to use the term “Varathane”, either as a noun to describe the industry leading polyurethane spray protectant or as a verb to describe the act of using a spray protectant on your precious possessions, please use the following phrase:
Rustoleum Corporation Varathane™.
Otherwise, we must demand you cease and desist any past, current or future use of the word “Varathane” and/or any derivative thereof.
Thank you for your attention to this urgent matter…
Well, yeah, Bubba, because the last time they seceded it turned out so well for them…
mikey
“Ritalin really does help ”
You are in luck. Methamphetamine is almost as useful in this context. Side effects (addiction, psychosis, prison) can be a bitch though.
When does CY get a PJTV spot? That should be good.
CY could do a live feed from the site of the “Lick Skillet Hollow Propane Grill Disaster.”
Confederate Bob is an idiot of the first water. Talk about the pot calling the kettle hot!!
Chuck Norris no better. If Bob thinks anything Norris says is taken as any thing more than a big fucking joke, well …
What’s he mean by that? That unlike, say, PJMedia, it is not to be taken seriously? And the left wing b-o-s is wrong to pay any attention? In which case, maybe Bob shouldn’t even be defending it.
And of course Chuck brings up the Alamo. And who was slaughtered at the Alamo? Why, people who, unlike the Mexican gov’t., wanted to keep slavery going, that’s who.
“Good afternoon, hate fans. Bob Owens, your very own Confererate Yankee reporting from the epicenter of one-party rule, the free market’s very own concentration camp, Corn Hollow Carolina. We’ve got a GREAT show lined up for you today – we’ll be talking to such intelectual luminaries as Chuck Norris and Michelle Malkin – yeah, she’s a hottie ain’t she?
But first, a little business to take care of. First, I should mention that I’m armed. Oh, yeah, folks, armed like a mess’can drug lord. I’ve got more shootin irons on me than Obama’s got birth certificates. I got nines, I got forties, I got Suh-WEET Aye Kays in both 7.65 and 5.45.
Second, I need to warn you about Socialism. Now look, folks, Socialism is bad. you don’t really need to know any more than that. Socialism will destroy America by…er, well, it just will. Because it’s SOCIALISM, ok? Jeez, don’t ask so many questions, it makes you sound like a LIBERAL. And you know what I’m sayin when I say that, right? You know that means your not only a fag, but a commie too. And gay rights will DESTROY America. Just like the Commies will. And the Ni…Um, you know who is destroyin America, right folks?
In our first segment, I want to take on the issue of the Liberal Bias in public education. If you or the little lady can home-school the kids, well, that would be best by far. If’n y’can’t, well, the next best thing is to go to your school district board and tell ’em that any class NOT taught by jesus is not acceptable. Tell ’em to get jesus to be their teacher or you’re pulling your kids out pronto. That’s what I’d do…”
Can’t wait for episode 2
mikey
Even the squares are amused by Republicans:
Top Ten Ways The GOP Can Become More Hip
10. Change mascot from an elephant to a can of Mountain Dew
9. Buy one of them computers all the kids are using
8. Appoint Michael Phelps chairman in charge of chillaxing
7. They should totally start a band
6. Change Rush Limbaugh’s name to Spongerush Fatpants
5. Add highlights to combovers and hairpieces
4. Four words: Lil Wayne for Senator
3. Bring back this guy [Shot of G. W. Bush dancing & playing drums in Afrika.]
2. How ’bout stealing and ordering hits like when Nixon ran things
1. Fewer reactionary old white guys
A Corn-fed Bob commenter comments:
(Not that there’s anything wrong w/ that. Not as good as a socialist democracy, but a start.)
We’ll doubtless be hearing more of these Oedipal “Daddy” things soon.
Hello, Jack Epcot here, bringing you news of the future. Politicians all over the world are looking at the newest country, Texassia, and trying to foresee the changes to geopoolitics. Bearing in mind that those people responsible for policing the orthodoxy are heaping abuse upon farsighted individuals who dare to look more than ten years into the future, we look at the fence erected around all sides of Texassia, made of wood and sheathed in Rustoleum Corporation Varathane™.
Where do I sign to join the Orthodoxy Police?
I assume there will be a uniform, and tasers.
My wife comments, “You know, you could upload your consciousness into a Roomba, but that would just suck.”
(I’m sorry this is so late in the thread. That’s my fault. I should have read it to her earlier.)
Fausta gets the instanod on the Obama-Lula meeting. Look for the “Lula’s a pro, Obama’s an amateur” appraisal to propagate among wingnut internationalists.
This was a bit of an experiment, I must admit–research for my nutty dissertation, if you want to think of it like that […] No hard feelings against any of you, but I think I’ll take my business elsewhere.
It may be that there are more appropriate fora over at 4chan or Encyclopedia Dramatica. I understand that the participants over there are more likely to respond with respectful discussion to dramatic new claims.
Simba B: I think that in some cases you can stay on your parents’ insurance until age 27. I don’t remember exactly what that’s about but you might look into it. Also, are you in school? Student health ins. may be available. Or, you may have to go with buying an individual policy (which is what my daughter did when she was in your situation) — if you’re young, even if you take meds (and don’t apologize for doing so if you’ve found something that works for you!) you may find single coverage that’s affordable.
Welcome to the Kafkaesque world of US health insurance, and good luck.
wingnut internationalists
That’s a good one.
I think it’s hilarious that while he pretends to be some kind of redneck rural southerner, the only place Bob could find a job is in the research Triangle, home of three universities, and by far the most liberal part of North Carolina, (they don’t call it the Peoples Republic of Chapel Hill for nothing) A State which, BTW, went for Obama in ’08.
If I do transubstantiate & come back as a Roomba, my life will look rather like this: cat riding a Roomba.
Come to think of it, my life rather looks like that now, as my feline overlords are on my back all day. Little freeloaders.
Just remember. There is nothing in your day that is as important as watching a cat ride a Roomba. (h/t Laughing Squid)