Point:

10) Bill Maher: People like acidic atheist Bill Maher are what’s wrong with politics today. He’s shallow as a kiddie pool, intolerably rude, and insufferably smug.

Counterpoint:

9) Barney Frank: Frank is a prissy, snide, obnoxious creep.

Advantage: Internet!

So he’s been going after the “20 Most Annoying Liberals of 2008” for seven years? Man’s a visionary. Or an illiterate.

Bill Maher: People like acidic atheist Bill Maher are what’s wrong with politics today. He’s shallow as a kiddie pool, intolerably rude, and insufferably smug.

Well, I see what you’re saying, but to be fair, your mother sleeps with everyone.

Shorter Honorable Mentions: EVERY SINGLE LIEBERUL IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!

Now can someone explain how a TV show can be a liberal?

Or a newspaper? I think at least two made honorable (!) mention.

The fact is, Andrew Sullivan is the worst because he is a trater to the USA cause and he is gay.

Alternate Shorter:

E Chu Ta, Liberals! Yo can ta bantha poodoo!

Good point, Gary. Glad to have Andrew Fucking Sullivan on our liberal crew.

18) The View: If you’ve never seen The View before, picture your water cooler at work. You walk up to it and for a moment, you think you’re about to have a great conversation because Elisabeth Hasselbeck is standing there.

YEAH! YEAH! A GREAT … … uh … conversation.

Also…Ted Rall? Didn’t the sometimes-well-deserved ragegasms over Rall cease being cool in, like, 2004?

HTML’s nameless list sounds a lot like a dinner party at my place.

Well, if anyone should know from large tits, it’s this bobbletitted manwhore.

I am suspicious that that photo is not only not a ‘shop, but that he has never served in any military or other capacity that would necessitate such an outfit.

Oh noes! He’s done made fun o’ da cab-eenit. Whateva shall we do?

I am suspicious that that photo is not only not a ’shop, but that he has never served in any military or other capacity that would necessitate such an outfit.

Sure he did!

Special Ed Ops, Short Bus Battalion. The Fighting ‘Tards.

Oh boy! It’s time once again forrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Here is how it will go down next week. First, the results from Virginia and North Carolina will come in, and they’ll be declared for McCain. You’ll be disappointed, but “no big deal, change can’t come overnight” will be your comment. Florida will go red, and a little nervousness will creep in. The usual suspects will fall into the usual categories. As the night drags on, Ohio, Colorado, and (much to your horror) Pennsylvania will be too close to call.

My advice at this point to you will be to go to bed. You will wake up to a McCain presidency and the Great Liberal Freakout will be on.

Bookmark this, liberals, as this is exactly how it is going to go down. You will be wonder how the hell I was able to call this.

Hey, is anyone going to actually come here and touch me?

I’ve pretty much give up on anyone alive; now I just want one of Glenn Reynolds’ fembots to drop my shorts before mommy gets home!

What exactly is Andrew Sullivan doing on that list? Unlike someone like John Cole, he’s never renounced his earlier political allegiances. I don’t think he’s changed at all since the “fifth column” article, nor since the Bell Curve debacle at TNR. He’s loosely aligned with the “left” side of the political debate only because the right wing has gone completely off the rails. I have no doubt that within a few years, he’ll have returned to form as a mercenary right-wing hack.

Andrew Sullivan is only a liberal if you’re so right-wing that Newt Gingrich is a limp-wristed appeaser.

Oh lawdy, the left has been deprived of the sensible counsel of notable Hispanic Billy-Bob “Whitey” Richardson III, what will we do now that multiculturalism has failed us, &c.

<a href=”Simba – I’ll tell you what, though. Hawkins bears a striking resemblance to a certain fighter pilot, a genuine hero who tragically lost his life defending liberty from the forces of evil.

I think we all know who I’m talking about here.

Porkins seems like an appropriate nickname for this guy.

I think we all know who I’m talking about here.

He was my second choice after John Candy.

Especially the crash-and-burn aspect…

Jek Porkins: “I’ve got a problem here.”

Biggs Darklighter: “Eject.”

Jek Porkins: “I can hold it.”

Biggs Darklighter: “Pull up!”

Jek Porkins: “No, I’m all—Aah!”

Just change “Eject!” to “Ejaculate!” and you have gay porn at its best!

John Hawkins
Who looks like Mr Porkins
is actually a Dorkins

I knew that 6 years in the secret poetry training camps of Venezuela would pay off.

I knew that 6 years in the secret poetry training camps of Venezuela would pay off.

They did indeed. But through no fault of your own, the bizarre form of synesthesia with which I am afflicted caused me to hear it as though read by Dick Van Dyke in his scenery-chomping British accent from Mary Poppins when I read it.

My head is a scary place to live sometimes.

At least his list is mostly liberals.

Honestly, I can agree with him on some of the people. Luckily, they’re not leaders of our party. Some of them aren’t liberals. (Andrew Sullivan? Barney Frank? Bill Mahar?) And some of them don’t make sense: ‘Al Gore and his discredited global warming…’ WTF?

Okay, I guess if you pee your pants and don’t think global warming is real, then that might be a bit annoying.

Also, bit confused as to how liberals created the liquidity problem in the economy…

the bizarre form of synesthesia with which I am afflicted

I never get the cool diseases…

“Fifth-Column” Sullivan and “Flu-Shot” Maher are not liberals. Christopher “Drink-Soaked Former Trotskyist Popinjay” Hitchens has never been a liberal, having once been a leftist and now being a neocon. Jeremiah “Bullet-Wound” Wright is more of a leftist than a liberal; calling Juan Cole “annoying” suggests that all someone has to do to annoy John Hawkins is to exist and publish their opinions; Al Gore’s appearance on the list at place #4 while having done basically nothing all year suggests an animus dating back to that time Al Gore got the last meatballs at Subway and John had to wait an extra five minutes for his sandwich.

The most anticipated book of the year… finally revealed!

caused me to hear it as though read by Dick Van Dyke in his scenery-chomping British accent from Mary Poppins

Oim sorry Guvnor oi din’t know yew was afflickerted.
His performance is a crime against humanity

Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist said,
My head is a scary place to live sometimes.
Apart from everything else, the drapes clash with the wallpaper. And don’t mention the state of the drains.

I read the shorter version and laugh. (Is it a shame to be able to tell many of the references?) So I click the link thinking I’ll have a decent laugh about it and find it’s just a bog standard list of ‘annoying liberals’.

It makes me miss DU’s Conservative Idiots list…

“fag… gay homo fag… fag-loving negro… fag… fag shitter… homotron robofag…”

Wow. Talk about projection, Retardo….

I guess you progglie-wogglies get massively uptight when you have to hold in what you really think about “those people”. So, when it’s time to let off all that pressure and really cut loose, you just project it onto the nearest wingnut. Must be refreshing and liberating!!

Firstly, my condolences on not even being listed on the Honorable Mentions list (geez, couldn’t he even have bothered to call it the “DIShonorable Mantions”).
Second, while I agree that Eliot Spitzer is a hypocrite, you could have made the entry a little less “Jealous much?”
Thirdly, It’s Senator-Elect Franken.
Fourthly, Hte BUTTOCKS!!!!
and Lastly but not leastly PENIS

Um, Hawkins’s penchant for impugning the masculinity of homosexuals is almost as consistent as his habit of including T&A photos of hot chicks (or “hot chicks”, cf. his many posts on and interviews with female conservative bloggers).

Um, Hawkins’s penchant for impugning the masculinity of homosexuals is almost as consistent as his habit of including T&A photos of hot chicks (or “hot chicks”, cf. his many posts on and interviews with female conservative bloggers).

Mister Hawkins is merely reminding everyone of what a manly man he is. Just in case they happen to forget, or some such.

Mister Hawkins is merely reminding everyone of what a manly man he is. Just in case they happen to forget, or some such.

Not that they’d forget, of course, because he’s so butch’n’all.

I really wished I lived in the kind of world where describing someone shoehorning Andrew Sullivan into a list of liberals to be able to complain more about homos in it as maybe a little obsessed with teh gays is ‘projection’. It seems like it’d be convenient.

I mean, except for all of the black people trying to steal your stuff all the time, but hey, what else do they make shit moats for?

Oh yeah. This’n had me laughing aloud.

notable Hispanic Billy-Bob “Whitey” Richardson III

Thank you, djur. (‘Zat stand for Disc Jockey something something?)

Bill Ayers makes the list? Can anyone even remember a single fucking thing Bill Ayers said in 2008 besides maybe “Obama and I aren’t really that close…?” I can’t.

Hell, the only reason anyone was annoyed by him at all was because shitsticks like Porkins here kept harping on it. But he really can’t blame Ayers for that, can he?

Question. That graphic reminds a lot of the Mechcommander video game. Is this because I am a total freaking nerdy l00zzors or because something along those lines was implied.

P.S. “Why can’t it be both?” is an acceptable response.

Very nice shorter. Don’t always whip over to see the entire wing-nut post, but this shorter is sooo concise that one must see from what it was distilled.

By ” Bill Ayers makes the list” I meant “gets honorable mention.”

Also, in “Dear John” Hawkins’ defense, the picture of Ashley Alexandre “Kirsten” Dupré doesn’t show her tits. Also, despite being a little thin for my taste, and WAY over any budget I’ve even dreamed of, “Kirsten” is hawt, with a capital “OMFG I’d do her”. And by that, I mean shes fucking hot and makes me funny in the dirty place.

p.s.: For future reference, like many other words we evil radicals use, ‘projection’ actually has a meaning independent of its surrounding context. It does not, in fact, refer to someone having a scandalous ideology or being personally loathsome, but rather refers to someone openly suggesting that traits in clear evidence about themselves exist in others. Say:

– a fat dweeb with a hardware fetish who feels compelled to point out whenever he is aroused by a large breast suggesting that a series of famous homosexuals are less than manful, and also probably gay;

– a Republican dittohead who actually feels compelled to harass a comedy blog of his own volition with week-old RNC talking points in between fervently accusing people who raise his comically pitiful ire of every political failing in the book;

– add your own examples here, perhaps of Michael Moore, in spite of believing in global warming, projecting his enormous girth and probably using Adlai Stephenson’s shoes as a jerk-hole.

I think it’s time to tweak that Python script. I’ll bet you could come up with some pretty nice fuzzy matching that covers pretty much all corruptions of ‘goober’.

(’Zat stand for Disc Jockey something something?)

djur is stolen from Card, which I occasionally like to harass him about.

When all else fails, remember: he stops being funny after three sentences, I stop being funny before three. Also, he’s human and I’m Irish.

(’Zat stand for Disc Jockey something something?)

I’ve always thought it might be an abbreviation for de jure or du jour.

“He was my second choice after John Candy.”

I second Xecky. And my theory, which is a theory and is mine, is that Hawkins puts you in mind of Dick Van Dyke because you’re confusing his “Cockney” accent with that of whoever played Long John Silver in the Disney version of Treasure Island, with his “Mah-ster Jim ‘awkins, is it?” pirate-type diction.

Innit?

Hey, somehow this banner managed to sneak through Adblock. Kinda sums up the intended audience for this article pretty well, non?

djur is stolen from Card…

aha.

Also, he’s human and I’m Irish.

And I am Irish too.

…Irish stew?

Innit?

That could well be the reason my brain chose the Van Dyke faux-Brit. (I think the Disney Long John Silver was Robert Newton, the scurviest scallywag ever to growl an “Arrrr”.)

I’m not sure why it happens but I’m often left with the distinct impression that I’ve heard words spoken aloud when I’ve actually just read them.

Happily, I’ve never heard any disembodied and unaccounted-for voices saying anything other than stuff I’m reading.

And I am Irish too.

No I arrest you! Hah!

If you’ve never seen The View before, picture your water cooler at work. You walk up to it and for a moment, you think you’re about to have a great conversation because Elisabeth Hasselbeck is standing there.

Okay, I’m not really one to watch The View so I may be talking out of my ass, but do people really see Elisabeth Hasselbeck and say to themselves, “Alright! Now I’m in for a really deep, thought-provoking conversation!”?

Also, Andrew Sullivan is the worst liberal of 2007. Which I guess makes sense; when you’re a conservative, you’re pretty much by definition bad at being a liberal.

Oooops, cannot read, ’twas alec, not djur. Still laughing though.

(Cannot tell where one post stops & the next starts, to be technical.)

I remember having a water cooler at work. Back in 1980.

Hey, somehow this banner managed to sneak through Adblock. Kinda sums up the intended audience for this article pretty well, non?

Museum of Modern Art #2235, Liberated People’s Republic of the Flyover Country.

A frame surrounds the installation, some kind of post-modern statement or another.

The faint shadows of patronizing mood-setting flat figures suggest an anthropology display.

(Six different remakes of Red Dawn synchronize for a moment and then trail off, production growing worse as the length increases —
Wolveri-i-ii-ines! — iiines! -aaaaaahns! Hoo-ah!)

An unreasonably large plasticine bag of ready-to-eat snacks sits just under a soft LED light.

Most of the writing is clearly ad copy, even to someone who does not know the language.

Even if they did, they would probably not know the cheese level posed no real danger.

(Or did it?)

On the side, a single inscription, original, in black ink.

HIGH JACK THIS FAGS

I Have No Suburbs And I Must White-Fly, says the title.

Then, you realize that everybody else around the water cooler is a gossipy left-wing yenta whose mouth moves faster than her brain. At that point, you just say “screw it” and go buy a soda from the machine. That was a smart decision because you missed something so dumb that just hearing it might have lowered your IQ a few points

As opposed to the IQ-lowering effect of that sixth diet soda of the day,you hideous tub of idiotic lard? (Trying to be more civil during the New, Improved Yr., because every time I type “fuck,” or any variation thereof, God kills another Palestinian.)

(’Zat stand for Disc Jockey something something?)

I always just assumed /^s?he$/ was Swedish, since “djur” is Swedish for “animal”.

That guy looks like John Candy (with apologies to the dearly departed).

Buy gold & food now, before the rampaging hordes of colored ‘mos that the Jooos have been hiding in the hollow earth are loosed on us by Obama’s mystical inauguration oath taken on the Qu’ran. In Hawai’i! Which is too a foreign country!

Send $39.95 for instructions on how to buy gold & food from shady Internet suppliers. Use the Paypal button!!

I remember having a water cooler at work. Back in 1980.

If you’ve never seen The View before, picture your water cooler at work.

I prefer to picture my water cooler at play.

Roseanne Barr? Cynthia McKinney? And yet Olbermann only gets an honorable mention. That calls for a special comment.

Also, bit confused as to how liberals created the liquidity problem in the economy…

You know, because the gubmint forced, I say FORCED, all those fine banking institutions to give loans to the feckless darkies.

Oh, wait…

The genius of Elizabeth Hasselbeck. I’d be surprised if she could even operate the water cooler, but were she able to eventually puzzle it out without drowning her palaver still wouldn’t raise the level of conversation or the IQ of anyone other than Hawkins.

djur is stolen from Card, which I occasionally like to harass him about.

It’s true, it’s true. But I’d have dropped it long ago if OSC hadn’t just lifted it directly out of Swedish. And he only used it once in an aside.

I was twelve, all right? Nobody gets the reference unless you tell them, fatty. Otherwise they just think I’m a Swedish furry.

I dunno, tigrismus, I might actually tune in if I thought I might see Elizabeth Hasselbeck drown her palaver.

I’ve come around to Mr. Leon Trotsky’s point of view regarding killfiles. After all, we have fast computers and lots of memory these days. What match is a simple Javascript array for a Core 2 Duo backed by 3GB of RAM?

The Silent Audience said,

January 6, 2009 at 5:29

*sniff* *whine* *wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

The only good thing about EliSabeth Hasselback is seeing Whoopie give her the “wtf is wrong with you bitch?” look after she says something stupid.

…which is apparently everything she says, seeing as how Whoopie always has that look in every clip I’ve seen from the show involving Hasselback speaking

Damn, half the people he puts on his list aren’t even mainstream liberals.

I’ll agree with him on Andrew Sullivan, though. About the only arguments from Sullivan I ever thought were original and insightful were his articles about torture. Everything else is either rather unimaginative, or it’s just plain stupid. The man pretty much destroyed TNR’s reputation, although not singlehandedly. I’m still baffled at how

The View is an incredibly stupid show, with only Whoopi having any potential to make decent arguments, but Hasselbeck is by far and away the stupidest person that has ever been on the show, apart from Rosie O’Donnell (who never seemed to be composed of much other than 9/11 Truther gobbledygook). Remember the ‘handbag designer’ incident?

Oh, and this is comedy gold:

Franken was so snide, combative, and downright “un-senatorial” that even the state’s most famous ultra-liberal paper, the Minnesota Star Tribune, endorsed his opponent, Senator Norm Coleman.

By, ‘un-senatorial’, does he mean, ‘having the gall to ask for the absentee ballots to be recounted’ (which, incidentally, is Minnesota law)? And although Franken *is* an asshole, Coleman is a much, much bigger one.

It seems like every time a conservative writes an article, they have to take a potshot at liberals. Liberals don’t seem to do that as much.

I think it’s time to tweak that Python script. I’ll bet you could come up with some pretty nice fuzzy matching that covers pretty much all corruptions of ‘goober’.

LOL. Tweak away, my dear. You’ll have to do better than that, like cover for variations such as “tellGandyOiOsaidBheyER” and so forth.

BTW, if I were as dumb as you think I am I wouldn’t know how to game your adorable little script, would I Simba?

No no, of course not.

Al Gore? Roseanne Barr? Tweety?
Yeesh.

Everything you need to know about Hawkins’ post is at the bottom.

“Rating: 2.4 / 5”

Sadly, no, you can’t give it 0/5.

Looks like someone’s going to be staying in after class.

Barney Frank’s mighty cock broke the economy.

I never loved him

I love the banner ad on the site:
AMERICA FARTING!
It’s more than a wakeup call, it’s a vicious punch to the colon!

Happily, I’ve never heard any disembodied and unaccounted-for voices saying anything other than stuff I’m reading.

It’s not as bad as people suggest, frankly. But then, I can tell which of them are real and which aren’t. This is because, and here’s where my shrinks start twitching, I have a voice that tells me which bits of what I’m hearing and seeing aren’t real. As they say, if all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Me, all I have is crazy, and everything still looks like a nail.

I’ve been on Usenet since 1983, and I can tell you this about shit-pantsed attention seekers: they gotta see their nicknames up on the screen, or they wither and die. It’s not enough to be an adolescent jackoff monkey, they need recognition. If you can’t tag ’em permanently with a thirty byte regex, they aren’t truly annoying.

In the long run it’s better to plonk the one or two regulars who reply to every fuckin’ post the local neckbeard makes, frankly. (You know who you are.) You waste 3x as much space whining and derailing, and aren’t really one of the interesting or amusing ones, anyway — that’s another rule of thumb.

Another asshole who thinks liberal means “people I don’t like.”

Hitchen’s is an annoying liberal in the same way that penguins are annoying ceiling fans.

Roseanne Barr? Cynthia McKinney?

Yes, I noticed that too. I guess this annoyance was trying to be an equal-gender-opportunity librul-hater in his own retarded misogynist way.

I am suspicious that that photo is not only not a ’shop, but that he has never served in any military or other capacity that would necessitate such an outfit.

There is an article about his military service here.

Andrew Sullivan is only a liberal if you’re so right-wing that Newt Gingrich is a limp-wristed appeaser.

Talk about pushing that Overton Window!

There is an article about his military service here.

I was RIGHT! He IS a member of Special Ed Ops, the Fightin’ Tards!

What a moron. The fact that he thinks his #1 choice is even a liberal and that he believes Maher is a pundit instead of a comedian is priceless.

Iff’n youse can talk proper you is a pundit. In wingnutworld.